


Movies with Karkat

by Anon_H



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Comedy, Crack, Gen, Has a porn chapter. Readers beware., Illustrated, Image Heavy, Lazy censorship, Movie Night, Nicholas Cage - Freeform, Pesterlog, Pokemon - Freeform, Riffing, Shipping, Shiptease, Swearing, kids and fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-14
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-01-08 18:38:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 285,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1136071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anon_H/pseuds/Anon_H
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having too much free time on his hands, Karkat decides to host a weekly movie night. And every week, he almost instantly regrets it.</p><p>This week Karkat finally gets his pick with The Princess Bride</p><p>For a list of the previous movies, hoover mouse <samp><strong>here</strong></samp></p><p>  <i>Alternative title: Mystery Homestuck Theatre 3000</i></p><p>Note: under maintenance because of photobucket shenanigans</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Con Air

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG]opened new memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS at 18:43--**

CG: ALRIGHT ASSWHIPES, TODAY HAS BEEN A FUCKING EYE OPENER.  
CG: STRIDER HAS BEEN VERY PRODUCTIVE TODAY; THAT GIANT MONUMENT SHAPED LIKE A HUMAN PHALLUS WAS EXACTLY WHAT WE FUCKING NEEDED TO FURTHER EMASCULATE OURSELVES.  
CG: THE LALONDES WERE GIGGLING LIKE SCHOOLGIRLS OVER A BOOK AND I REALLY DON’T *WANT* TO KNOW WHAT WAS HIDDEN IN THOSE PAGES.  
CG: AND ERIDAN WAS WORKING ON A NEW FLARPING MODULE, WHICH WOULD BE A MILESTONE SINCE IT IS THE FIFTEENTH GAME HE CREATED THAT NO ONE IS GOING TO PLAY BECAUSE, GUESS WHAT, WE FUCKING OUTLAWED THAT SHIT.  
CG: SO I AM GUESSING WE HAVE SOME SPARE TIME ON OUR HANDS. TIME WE COULD SPEND ON BETTER THINGS. AND AS YOUR GLORIOUS LEADER I AIM TO FUCKING SCHOOLFEED YOU PATHETIC WRIGGLERS WITH SOME QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT.  
CG: I HAVE PICKED A SELECTION OF ONLY THE BEST THAT ALTERNIAN CINEMA HAS TO OFFER.  
CG: MOVIES THAT WERE BELOVED FOR THEIR ACTION, THEIR CHARACTER, OR THEIR PLOT.  
CG: MOVIES THAT WERE SO CONTROVERSIAL THEY WOULD HAVE BROUGHT TEARS TO THE EYES OF MY PATHETIC DANCESTOR.  
CG: AND WE ARE GOING TO WATCH THESE MOVIES. MAYBE MAKE IT A WEEKLY THING IF IT CATCHES ON.  
CG: …………………………………………………………………………….  
CG: ANYONE?  
CG: I KINDA EXPECTED EGBERT TO JUMP AT THE OCASSION.  
CG: WHAT? EVERYONE IS SUDDENLY TOO FUCKING BUSY TO WATCH A MOVIE WITH ME?  
CG: WE’RE JUST GONNA DITCH KARKAT FIRST CHANCE WE GET? WELL FUCK YOU TOO!  
CG: I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THIS FUCKING IDEA WAS COMPRISED OF FAILURE. WHY DID I EVEN BOTHER TRYING TO EDUCATE YOU PEOPLE.

**\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to memo at 18:49--**

CG: REALLY, JUST TEREZI?  
CG: WELL I SUPPOSE I’LL JUST TAKE WHAT I CAN FUCKING GET.  
GC: W4UW W4Y TO B3 UNGR4T3FUL  
CG: WELL, LET’S JUST GET THIS OVER WITH ALREADY.  
CG: THOUGH MOST OF THESE CINEMATIC MASTERPIECES WILL BE WOEFULLY LOST ON YOU.  
GC: ST1LL RUD3  
GC: 4CTU4LLY 1 JUST POPP3D 1N TO S4Y TH4T NO ON3 1S GO1NG TO JO1N YOUR STUP1D MOV13STR34M FOR STUP1D WR1GGL3RS  
CG: WHY THE FUCK NOT?  
CG: I PICKED OUT SOME REAL CLASSICS  
GC: B3S1D3S NOT W4NT1NG TO B3 BOR3D TO T34RS  
GC: W3 4R3 4LR34DY GO1NG TO L3T VR1SK4 STR34M 4 MOV13 >:]  
GC: BUT SH3 S4YS YOU 4R3 W3LCOM3 TO JO1N 1F YOU R34LLY H4V3 TOO  
CG: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT.

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gallowsCalibrator [GC] from memo at 19:01--**  
**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] closed memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS at 19:01--**

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] joined memo: 8est movie eveeeeeeeer at 19:01--**

CG: GODDAMNIT SERKET, YOU BACKSTABBING CONNIVING BITCH.  
CG: YOU KNEW, YOU FUCKING KNEW I WAS PLANNING TO HOST A MOVIENIGHT AND YOU JUST *HAD* TO COME IN LIKE A NOOKSLURPING DEMOLISHING SPHERE TO RUIN IT DIDN’T YOU?  
CG: I DOUBT ANYONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR SHIT MOVIE FOR TWATS TO BEGIN WITH. I BET YOU HAD TO BRIBE EVERYONE. IS THAT WHAT HAPPENED?  
CG: WELL, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF!  
EB: hi karkat!  
CG: ……….. HI JOHN.  
EB: oh man, you are just in time. vriska is picking a movie for us to watch.  
EB: this is going to be so sweet. i can’t wait to see one of your alien action movies.  
CG: OK ONE…. WE ARE NOT ALIENS. IF ANYTHING YOU FARTSNIFFING HUMANS ARE THE ALIENS HERE.  
EB: awesome!  
CG: TWO. WHATEVER MOVIE VRISKA IS GOING TO PICK IS GOING TO BE ON THE SAME INTELLECTUAL LEVEL AS PICKING YOUR OWN NASAL CAVITIES FOR NOURISHMENT.  
EB: gross.  
CG: AND FINALLY; WHAT OTHER TREACHEROUS SCUM HAS JOINED THIS PARTICULAR STREAM AS OPPOSED TO MY OWN?!  
GC: 1 4M PR3TTY SUR3 D4V3 W4S R34DY1NG H1S K4RK4T T4NTRUM B1NGO C4RD  
CG: WE ARE *NOT* DOING THAT!  
EB: can i already cross ‘watching a movie’ or do i have to wait for the film to start?  
GC: 1F H3 THROWS 4 F1T 4BOUT W4TCH1NG 4 MOV13 1TS V4L1D  
EB: ah ok, sweet.  
CG: HATE YOU ASSHOLES!  
AG: Kaaaaaaaarkat, soooooooo glad you could make it. Well, I would 8e, if you wouldn’t ruin the coolness of this stream so much even it’s lusus wouldn’t recognize it.  
CG: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT MEANS.  
CG: FUCK YOU!  
AG: Really, if John wasn’t feeling 8ad for you, you’d 8e aaaaaaaall alone watching your dum8 movies for wrigglers.  
CG: THOSE MOVIES HAVE A DEEP CULTURAL SIGNIFICANCE YOU UNEDUCATED PIECE OF DRONESPUNK!  
GC: G3T 4 ROOM YOU TWO  
CG: NO!  
AG: No!!!!!!!!  
GC: L3TS G3T TH1S SHOW ST4RT3D 4LR34DY  
GC: HOW LONG DO3S 1T 3V3N T4K3 YOU TO F1ND 4 MOV13  
AG: We still have to wait on Lalonde and Fussyfangs………  
EB: and dave and jade?  
AG: And your little human friends.

**\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] joined memo: 8est movie eeeeeeeever at 19:16--**  
**\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] joined memo: 8est movie eeeeeeeever at 19:16--**

GA: Good Evening  
AG: Heeeeeeeey Fussyfangs.  
AG: Lalonde………  
TT: Vriska.  
GA: I Do Not Hope You Were Waiting On Us  
GC: W3’R3 ST1LL TWO P3OPL3 SHORT  
CG: ACTUALLY I AM PRETTY SURE WE CAN START WITHOUT THEM.  
AG: Are you thaaaaaaaat curious to see what movie I picked?  
CG: DO NOT EVEN FLATTER YOURSELF. WHATEVER DRIBBLE YOU PICKED, I WILL MOCK IT SO HARD IT’S FUTURE OFFSPRING WILL HAVE SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES.  
TT: Who are we waiting for?  
AG: Strider is l8 as usual. And I 8et Harley fell asleep somewhere.  
EB: strange, i thought she kinda grew out of that narcolepsy thing.  
GA: I Saw Jade And Her Dancestor Not Too Long Ago  
GA: They Will Be Here Shortly  
CG: OH GOD, DON’T TELL ME SHE’S GONNA TAKE HER DANCESTOR ALONG WITH HER.  
EB: karkat, what are you complaining about?  
EB: you haven’t even met the alphas.  
CG: IF THEY ARE ANYTHING LIKE OUR DANCESTORS I ALREADY KNOW ENOUGH

**\-- turntechGodhead [TG] joined memo: 8est movie eeeeeeeever at 19:24--**

TG: we talking shit about the alphas?  
TG: i’m game  
TT: This wouldn’t have anything to do with feelings of resentment towards your own version of Dirk as a fatherfigure?  
TG: what?  
TG: shit lalonde where does that even come from  
TT: It’s ok Dave.  
TT: If you need to discuss these pent up feelings I will be here for you.  
GC: G4SP  
GC: HOW FORW4RD  
TG: alright  
TG: getting really annoying  
TG: can we drop the subject?  
CG: ACTUALLY LET’S DISCUSS IT A BIT FURTHER.  
TG: damnit  
CG: YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK SHIT ABOUT YOUR FUCKING ANCESTOR STRIDER.   
CG: YOU HAVE *MET* KANKRI. YOU KNOW HOW BAD THIS SHIT CAN GET.  
GA: In The Alphas Meager Defense  
GA: Porrim Was Not That Bad Really  
GA: In Fact She Was Rather Helpful  
GC: NO TH3 4LPH4S W3R3 PR3TTY B4D >:(  
GA: Oh  
GA: Did You Have Any Gripes With Latula  
GC: W3LL NO BUT….. 3RR…..  
CG: NOW I AGREE WITH STRIDER. LET’S DROP IT.  
TG: thank you  
EB: i really have no idea what you guys are talking about.  
EB: i missed out on most of the dreamtroll shenanigans.

**\-- gardenGnostic [GG] joined memo: 8est movie eeeeeeeever at 19:29--**  
**\-- golghotaTerror [GT] joined memo: 8est movie eeeeeeeever at 19:29--**

GG: hi guys!  
GG: i brought jake along hope you don’t mind  
GT: Cheerio fellows.  
CG: I KIND OF FUCKING MIND. WE JUST FINISHED DISCUSSING HOW WE ARE ABOUT DONE WITH OUR DANCESTORS AND IF WE NEVER SAW ANY OF THEM EVER AGAIN IT WOULD STILL BE TOO MUCH.  
CG: I DON’T KNOW THIS ASSHOLE AND I HAVE NO INTEREST IN GETTING TO KNOW HIM.  
GT: Oh my.  
GG: KARKAT!  
GG: HOW COULD YOU BE SO RUDE!  
GT: Jade it is quite alright.  
GT: I wouldn’t want to interrupt your hubbubaloo.  
GG: karkat apologize!  
AG: Soooooooo sorry Jade. 8ut we just fit the perfect num8er for this stream.  
CG: WAIT……  
CG: FOUR, FIVE, SIX…….SEVEN…….  
CG: ACTUALLY….. JAKE WAS IT?  
GT: Yes?  
CG: I AM INCREDIBLY SORRY FOR MY EARLIER OUTBURST. I WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY FUCKING ECSTATIC IF YOU WERE TO WATCH THIS MOVIE WITH US.  
AG: D8MNIT K8RKAT!!!!!!!!!   
GT: Are you quite sure chum?  
CG: DEFINITELY.  
GT: Jolly good then. I won’t be a bother.  
TG: by all means  
TG: rile karkat up  
TG: i am so going to win this bingo  
TT: Ah you forget brother dear. I can now cross ‘participants of the stream’ of my card.  
TG: that is too vague and you know it  
AG: Gr8, now there is a maaaaaaaasive im8alance. How can four of us deal with five humans?  
GG: oh i saw damara a while back  
GG: i don’t think she’s doing anything  
AG: NO  
GC: NO  
GA: No  
CG: NO!  
TG: trolls man  
GT: Bolly, what have I gotten myself into.  
EB: welcome to our world.  
EB: so what movie are we watching vriska?  
AG: Oh, you’ll seeeeeeee.  
AG: It’s a classic…….. 

EB: uhm……..  
TG: god jesus no  
TG: i never felt so betrayed  
TT: ……I fail to find the words to properly express my disappointment.  
GG: oh god not again!  
GG: i thought i’d never have to see this again!  
GT: Excuse me, but what flick is this?  
AG: Oooooooonly the gr8test human movie ever num8nuts.  
CG: I AM BANGING MY HEAD AGAINST MY DESK AS HARD AS I CAN BUT THE PAIN DOESN’T MUTE OUT THE FACT THAT I AM LOOKING AT HUMAN NICHOLAS CAGE’S UGLY MUG.  
CG: IN FACT, IT KINDA MAKES IT WORSE.  
GC: SO TH1S 1S TH3 HUM4N 4CTOR YOUR SWOON1NG OV3R L1K3 4 L1TTL3 WR1GGL3R?  
GC: 1 4M NOT 1MPR3SS3D  
AG: Oh just you w8 Pyrope. 8y the end of this, you will 8e eating those words!  
AG: This is the timeless tale of a tough maverick with nothing to lose!  
AG: John, 8ack me up here.

EB: yeah, i kinda think con air is a horrible movie.  
AG: WH8T?  
EB: it’s true. it’s goofy, disconnected from reality, the actors phone it in…..  
EB: it just kinda sucks.  
CG: HAHAHAHA OH THIS IS FUCKING PERFECT.  
TG: is this what pride feels like  
TT: Dave, shoosh.  
AG: You can NOT 8e serious right now!  
AG: You introduce me to this cinematic masterpiece and Nicholas Cage and now you’re telling me it is all trash?!  
EB: well i don’t dislike Nicholas cage?  
EB: he’s still pretty much a perfect human being.  
AG: Don’t try to ch8nge the su8ject! Of course he is!!!!!!!!  
GT: Uhm…. Chaps?  
AG: Are you really doing this John?!  
EB: now don’t take it personal. i just think the movie is bad. no big deal.  
AG: 8ut this is OUR movie!  
EB: we’ll find new ones.  
EB: movies that star Nicholas cage and suck less  
AG: ::::(

TT: I am reluctant to ask but…… The song that plays on the background doesn’t happen to be thát song?  
GG: grrrrr i am so sick of this song!  
GT: Is it that terrible?  
GG: every time john made me watch con air he would insist on singing along!  
GG: i hate it and i can’t get it out of my head!  
GT: Blimey, that sounds excruciating.  
EB: well, i didn’t sing it……. every time?  
TG: nice  
GA: I Do Not Understand  
GA: What Is The Significance Of This Song  
AG: It highlights the most roooooooomantic moment in the movie.  
EB: or what constitutes as such.  
AG: John, I will end you.  
EB: :B  
GC: OH DO 1 G3T TO ST3P 1N NOW  
TG: shit terezi  
TG: calm the nic cage morons and be the auspistice  
GC: TH1S 1S GO1NG TO B3 GR34T!  
AG: J8hn and I DON’T need an auspistice!

GT: Bugger my bridges, this man is asking for a quick one-two on the proboscis.  
GC: WH4T SORT OF 1MB3C1L3 OFF3NDS 4 D3COR4T3D SOLD13R  
TT: The sort that has imbibed copious amounts of alcohol  
GC: TH4T’S F41R  
TG: i don’t get it  
TG: why do the nineties always use rednecks as assholes  
TG: actually scratch that  
TG: why is nic cage pretending to be a redneck  
TG: his fake accent is insulting my delicate southerners hearing conducts  
GG: no, that’s just how he talks…..

GA: It Seems Illogical For These Three Man To Go After A Couple Of Which At Least One Person Is Trained In Combat And Likely To Be Armed  
GA: I Doubt Even Your Human Soporifics Would Put Such A Damper On Ones Intelligence  
GC: 1T 1SN’T JUST 1LLOG1C4L  
GC: WH4T TH3Y 4R3 PL4NN1NG 1S H1GHLY 1L3G4L  
TG: welcome to the human ninteties  
TG: a cinema landscape without moral complexities and filled with two-bit crooks that would kick a puppy if it looked at them funny  
TG: why  
TG: no reason  
TG: that’s just what they learn in goonschool along with an optional class in flower arrangement  
TT: Alas, the unsung struggles of this redneck trio shall forever be concealed from public knowledge.  
TG: the woman isn’t even that hot  
GG: dave!  
TG: im just saying  
EB: this is stupid  
CG: THIS IS STUPID  
AG: Shut your faces!  
AG: God, having to hear that in stereo must 8e the woooooooorst.

GC: 444444ND H3S D34D  
CG: WAIT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?  
GA: I Think It Is Implied That Mr Cage Snatched The Knife And Stabbed Him In The Area Below The Chin  
CG: IT WAS SO POORLY SHOT I BARELY NOTICED WHAT WAS GOING ON.  
GT: Quite frankly I thought it was sizzling with action.  
GG: of course YOU did.  
GT: Well it was fast paced and visceral.  
EB: it was poorly shot and terribly acted.  
GA: Considering The Size Of The Knife And The Human Anatomy He Really Had To Drive That Knife In Deep  
CG: WAIT, I SPOTTED SOMETHING. SERKET, PLAY THE SCENE AGAIN.  
AG: What why? We’re in the miiiiiiiiddle of something here.  
CG: JUST DO IT.  
AG: Fine, geeeeeeeesh……..  
CG: THERE I KNEW IT. HE DIDN’T EVEN USE THE KNIFE; IT WAS SPOTLESS WHEN HE PICKED IT UP FROM THE GROUND.  
CG: NICHOLAS CAGE KILLED A MAN WITH HIS BARE HANDS AND I CALL SUCH A HEAP OF BULLSHIT NOT A FARMER IN THE WORLD WILL EVER SUFFER A SHORTAGE OF MANURE AGAIN.  
EB: thank you.  
GC: W3 COULD R34LLY US3 SOM3ON3 W1TH YOUR T4L3NT 4T TH3 PR3C1NCT K4RK4T  
CG: FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, I AM NOT ROLE-PLAYING WITH YOU OR THE DOUCHENOZZLE.  
GC: NOT 3V3N 1F TH3 M4YOR PL4YS 4LONG  
CG: I’LL GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT. WE’RE WATCHING A SHITTY MOVIE.

GC: L3TS S33  
GC: JUST1F13D S3LF-D3F3NS3  
GC: V4R1OUS W1TN1SS3S SHOULD B3 4BL3 TO COMF1RM TH3 DRUNKS W3R3 4CTIVELY LOOK1NG FOR TROUBLE  
GC: THE KN1F3 B34RS TH3 DRUNKS F1NG3RPR1NTS 1ND1C4T1NG 1T W4S H1S TO B3G1N W1TH 4ND L4T3R SN4TCH3D BY PO3  
GC: TH3 DRUNK 4PP4R4NTLY H4D 4 R3PUT4T1ON 4S 4 TROUBL3M4K3R 4ND N1CHOL4S C4G3 W4S 4 LOY4L S3RV4NT OF TH3 ST4T3S  
GC: 1 S33 4 BR1GHT FUTUR3 FOR MR PO3  
GC: NO W4Y TH3Y W1LL CONV1CT H1M 1N L1GHT OF TH1S 3V1D3NC3  
AG: WRONG!  
AG: 8 years in human prison!!!!!!!!  
GC: TH3 HUM4N COURT SYST3M S33MS 1NCR3D1BLY FL4W3D >:(

GG: ooooohng…….  
GG: and so the monologue begins  
CG: DEAR GOD THIS GUY.  
CG: FUCKING EMOTE. HE READS THE LETTERS TO HIS SPAWN THE SAME WAY ONE WOULD READ HIS GODDAMN TAXES!  
GG: this goes on for hours!  
AG: He doesn’t neeeeeeeed to sound excited.   
AG: He’s just writing, how excited are you when you write????????  
GG: but they act like it’s a dialogue!  
GG: rose back me up!  
TT: I’m sorry, I am merely amused by this performance.  
GG: rose!  
TT: It is rather bad, but I cannot look away.  
TT: It’s like a beautiful train wreck in motion.  
GG: see the train wreck like a hundred times and you’ll be done with it :(  
EB: you know, you could have just told me you didn’t like it.  
GG: I DID!  
GG: MULTIPLE TIMES!  
EB: oh…. whoops.

GA: Haha  
GA: Rose  
GA: This Wriggler Has A Striking Resemblance With The Way You Looked Like A Wriggler  
TT: Thank you Kanaya.  
TG: check it out  
TG: she even has a mini horse  
TT: Like the one you crushed with your infant rear.  
GT: Mr Poe is getting rather buff with all this working out isn’t he?  
GT: Truly he is a man’s man  
TG: jake the dude’s in jail  
TG: he is that man’s man, that man’s man all sorts of man  
GT: I don’t follow.  
GA: Do Ignore Him Jake  
GA: Ocassionally He Goes Off Like That  
GA: We Just Smile And Pretend He Said Something Really Witty  
TG: oh come on  
TG: just look at the way he talks to his black friend  
TG: which incidentally is another classic nineties trope  
TG: perhaps we are playing the wrong kind of bingo  
TG: this must be what it feels like to attend a business meeting in a gimp suit  
TG: johnson we are debating the hostile takeover why did you come into office wearing that  
TG: i thought it was casual Tuesday sir  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS A GIMP SUIT.  
CG: SWEET MERCIFUL MESSIAHS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS?  
TT: I believe Dave has already educated you about the phrase; fetish porn?  
CG: THAT’S A FETISH?  
CG: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! HOW CAN ANY OF YOU HUMANS GET THE SLIGHTEST BIT AROUSED BECAUSE OF…… THAT.  
TG: crossing ‘sexual habbits’ from my card  
TT: Alas poor brother, I had that one too.  
CG: I WILL PISS ON YOUR FUCKING BINGOCARDS!  
GC: TH4TS ON3 FOR M3  
CG: GODDAMNIT!!!!!

EB: hahaha aaah……. memories  
TG: that bunny has seen some shit  
TG: it traveled more than the average us penny  
TT: I admit, it was rather amusing to stitch the little bunny back together  
GT: Right-o. And I had a blast equipping it with weapons.  
GT: Good ol Terry Kiser.  
EB: actually i renamed it. it’s liv tyler  
GT: You mean the actress who played in Jersey Girl?  
EB: …..jersey girl?  
EB: doesn’t ring a bell…..  
TG: dude that’s a chickflick  
EB: how do you know?  
GG: i don’t even know that movie  
GT: Really? The timeless tale of a man who buries himself in his work after his wife dies, after which he has to take care of the child himself. Overworked he has to move back in with his father and meets a girl at the video store.  
CG: WAIT. I THINK I KNOW THAT MOVIE.  
GT: Really?  
CG: YEAH, IT WAS BASICALLY ALRIGHT.  
GT: I found it quite a charming little flick.  
CG: HUH…. I ADMIT, I DIDN’T KNOW YOU HAD A DECENT TASTE IN FILMS LIKE THAT.  
CG: NORMALLY I HAVE TO DEAL WITH ALL SORTS OF TASTELESS COMMENTS FROM THE LEGUME GALLERY.  
GC: B3C4US3 YOUR T4ST3 1N F1LMS 1S QU1T3 4WFUL  
GG: jake is quite passionate about movies  
GG: they just aren’t very good……..  
GT: I protest that  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, ANYONE STICKING UP FOR A SHAMEFULLY UNDERRATED ROMANTIC COMEDY DESERVES THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT!  
GT: Much obliged old chum.  
TG: christ now they’re romance buddies  
TG: don’t even look at me like that lalonde  
TG: if you have that one on your card you fucking cheated and you know it  
TT: I wouldn’t dream of it brother dear

TG: fuck next time tell me what kind of movie we’re watching  
TG: i would have owned the nineties bingo game  
TG: it’s a strong independent woman with no sense of humor and no personality outside of her profession  
TG: bonuspoints if she’s black  
TT: I think she’s of Hispanic descent  
TG: not the point  
GA: Hispanic  
GA: What Does That Mean  
TT: I’ll explain later.  
GA: Is It Something Like Being Homosexual In Human Society  
TG: yes exactly  
TT: Dave no.  
TT: I will explain later dear.  
GC: H3 1S R4TH3R 4NNOY1NGLY 1NS1ST3NT OF T3LL1NG 3V3RYON3 H3’S GO1NG HOM3  
GC: HON3STLY 1F 1 ST1LL H4D TO DO MY T1M3 1 WOULD H4V3 K1CK3D H1M 1N TH3 SH1NS OUT OF SP1T3  
AG: She doesn’t haaaaaaaave to do her time num8nuts  
AG: She works there

TG: really my urge to play karkat tantrum bingo is really simpering down the longer you guys make me watch johns stupid movie  
GG: no one is making you do anything  
EB: i don’t even like this movie!  
TG: just look at this pile of lard  
TG: classic nineties douchebag  
GC: YOUR HUM4N N1N3T13S MUST H4V3 B33N 4 GLOR1OUS T1M3  
TG: man you don’t even know it  
TG: people unironically listened to shit like vanilla ice and the spice girls  
TG: we had shows like the samurai pizza kids  
TG: who even thinks of something like that  
TG: how high do you have to be  
TG: they are cats that get power armor to deliver pizza  
TG: why?  
TG: how?  
TT: Sweet delicious nineties magic I presume?  
TG: exactly  
GT: That being said, this guy behaves like a right ponce doesn’t he?  
GT: John Cusack just tries to make conversation  
GG: i really don’t know any other film starring John Cusack  
GG: and whenever i’ll see him now I’ll just be reminded of this stupid movie!  
AG: IT ISN’T ST8PID!  
GG: it is!  
EB: it kinda is.  
TT: John Cusack also played in High Fidelity.  
TG: never heard of.  
TT: I only watched it because Jack Black was in it.  
TG: wait what  
TT: It was a phase.

CG: SO THE DEA HAS TO INTERFERE WITH THIS FBI CASE. BUT THAN THE CIA AND THE IRS ARE GETTING IN THE WAY.  
CG: SO CNN AND BBC FIGHT OVER THE HEADLINES BUT THEY CAN’T BECAUSE THE IIRA ARE BEING DICKS TO THE NYPD.  
CG: AND THEN THEY CAN ALL STFU BEFORE I RQ  
GC: LOL  
CG: I FUCKING *GET* THAT OUR MOVIETITLES CAN GET A LITTLE CONVELUTED  
EB: a little he says  
GG: :P  
CG: BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR SPECIES OBSESSION WITH SLINGING ABBREVIATIONS AROUND LIKE FUCKING SWEETS ARE GONNA POP OUT IF THEY THROW IT HARD ENOUGH.  
GA: To Be Fair They Only Use Three Abbreviations  
GA: You Are Kind Of Over Reacting  
CG: I STILL HAVE NO SINGULAR IDEA WHAT ANY OF THOSE THINGS MEAN!

AG: Just liiiiiiiisten to the haunting stories that go with these prisoners  
AG: This man is SO messed up that when he caught his m8sprit with another lover........  
AG: He drove two states to kill her entire family, even their lusus.  
AG: Then returned to kill her.  
AG: The 8lack guy is a general who 8lew up a meeting of some sort of weapon’s congress out of racism.  
AG: Then he wrote a 8ook a8out it.  
AG: If THAT doesn’t make for good antagonist material, I don’t know what will.  
EB: look at the back of the box  
AG: What????????  
EB: there should be one of those age rating thingies  
EB: what does it say?  
AG: Rated R? What does that even mean?  
EB: that it will be violent but not terribly so.  
EB: no killing entire families out of spite will be included.  
GC: D4MN1T

GT: I take it this is the main antagonist?  
GC: WH4T G4V3 1T 4W4Y? TH3 1NCR3D1BLY OBV1OUS W4Y TH1S SHOT 1S FR4M3D?  
AG: That is Cyrus ‘the Virus’ and he is the woooooooorst of the 8unch  
AG: Cold, calcul8ing and incredi8ly clever.  
TG: and related to miley  
TG: this explains everything forever  
AG: If Cameron Poe wasn’t so devilishly handsome I would have soooooooo gone for him.  
GC: 1 B3T YOU H4V3 WR1TT3N 3NT1R3 NOV3LS WORTH OF 3ROT1C BL4CKROM F4NF1CS 4BOUT TH3M  
AG: WH8T?  
AG: I DID NOT!!!!!!!!  
GA: Could Have Fooled Us  
AG: Whether or not I have written smut a8out two incredi8ly 8ad-ass men is not up for de88!!!!!!!!  
AG: We are talking a8out how this movie is really good!!!!!!!!!  
GG: no, you are doing that.  
GT: And me :)  
AG: Thank you Jake. I am glaaaaaaaad at least someone gets it.  
GG: but jake likes all movies!  
TG: we are now in a conversation where people think jake has a better taste in movies then the rest of us  
EB: i am not quite sure what to think about this

CG: YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE JUST A PERFECT FUCKING IDEA?  
GC: G33 K4RK4T, WH4T WOULD TH4T B3? >:]  
CG: YOU KNOW HOW JOHN CUSACK REPEATEDLY TOLD US THERE SHOULD BE NO GUNS WHATSOEVER ON THAT PLANE, EXCEPT NEAR THE PILOT IN CASE OF A WORST CASE SCENARIO?  
GC: WHY Y3S K4RK4T, 1 TH1NK 1 R3M3MB3R TH4T?  
CG: LETS COMPLETELY IGNORE THAT SHIT AND GIVE OUR MOLE A GUN ANYWAY.  
CG: THERE IS NO WAY THAT CAN GO WRONG AND EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT PERFECTLY FOR EVERYONE FOREVER.  
GC: WHY TH4T DO3S SOUND L1K3 4 GR34T 1D34  
CG: BEING A LEADER OF WHATEVER BRANCH OF WHATEVER HUMAN ORGANISATION THIS IS MUST BE EASIER THEN I THOUGHT!  
GC: 4LL PR41S3 OUR GLOR1OUS L34DER!  
GT: Why, he is merely concerned for the safety of his agent.  
CG: SO BRINGING A WEAPON IN AN ENVIROMENT FULL OF MURDERERS SEEMS LIKE AN OK THING TO DO?

GA: Quote  
GA: Your Testicles Will Be My Property  
GA: End Quote  
GA: Is That Considered Sanitary  
TT: No, not particularly.  
GA: I See  
GA: Is This Perhaps Considered Hispanic  
TT: No, it is not.

GT: Blimey I do like how cool Cyrus plays it all.  
AG: I know right!!!!!!!!  
GT: He is as calm as a cucumber. I don’t think he would be out of place as a bond villain.  
AG: A what?  
GT: Oh, it is a series of movies about a suave spy. A lot of bombastic explosions, visually pleasing women and insane villains. Really quite enjoyable.  
AG: Sounds like something I should check out……..  
EB: see, that cool delivery of cyrus is one of the problems i have with this film.  
AG: Joooooooohn, for the l8st time. There are NO problems with Con Air!!!!!!!!  
EB: but there are!  
EB: all actors only know how to act two ways; calm and emotionless, like Cyrus here or even Nicholas Cage during his montage.  
GG: or batshit insane like the douchebag from earlier or everyone at some point later in the movie.  
EB: exactly!  
AG: Pah. This doesn’t distract me from the film at aaaaaaaall.

CG: HUMANS CAN HIDE SHIT IN THEIR HANDS?  
GC: W3LL DUH  
CG: NO, I DON’T THINK YOU SMELLED THIS RIGHT. LITERALLY INSIDE THEIR FUCKING HANDS.  
GC: HMMM TH4T’S ODD  
TT: It is not something we can recommend  
TG: shit hurts like a motherfucker  
TG: unless we pop it in at just the right angle  
TG: then we can pretty much use our skin as extra pockets  
GA: That Sounds Horrifying  
CG: MORE LIKE DISGUSTING!  
GT: Really? We can do those things?  
TG: oh you are precious English

CG: AND NOW HE LIGHTS A GUY ON FIRE WITH THE CONTENTS FROM HIS STOMACH.  
CG: I WOULD HAVE BEEN A HELL OF A LOT MORE CAREFULL IF I KNEW THESE FUCKING HUMANS COULD SPIT FIRE. MAYBE EVEN ACTED KINDER TOWARDS STRIDER, THOUGH THAT WOULD LAST ALL OF FIVE SECONDS BECAUSE THE DOUCHE WOULD OPEN HIS MOUTH AND SAY SOMETHING PUNCH-WORTHY BEFORE I PROPERLY REGISTER HIS FUCKING FIRE-BREATHING ABILITIES.  
TG: karkat you have no idea  
TG: i only spit the illest fires  
TG: i am like paarthurnax with the flu  
TG: that is just how i do  
TG: so check out me and my crew  
TG: fire spitting for you  
TT: Yes our rhymes are truly hotter than a solar flare  
TT: catching unreal air, tripping over stairs  
TT: so you suckers cannot do a single thing but stare  
TG: wait  
TT: now everybody prepare, here comes the verse of the heir  
TG: what  
CG: WHAT  
AG: The fuck?!  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4  
GG: whoa rose!!!!!!!!  
GT: Blimey  
GA: Rose  
GA: Are You Feeling Alright  
TT: Oh I am fine.   
TT: But John is seriously in danger of cramping our style here.  
EB: sorry?  
TT: The metaphorical stage was wide open for you to set some proverbial flames but alas…. The call remained unanswered.   
EB: yeah….. uhm…. i don’t really rap?  
TG: john’s cramping your style?  
TG: woman your cramping mine  
TT: Scared of a little competition dave?  
TG: no  
TG: but rapping is my thing  
TG: you are just doing this ironically or something to mess with me  
TT: Why if I am doing this ironically it should be even better don’t you think?  
TG: fuck it  
TG: lets see what nicholas cage is doing

GA: So Because Of One Little Fire All The Dangerous Prisoners Are Set Loose  
GA: That Strikes Me As Poor Design  
TT: To be fair, they assumed the prisoners were cuffed.  
GC: WHY NOT JUST H4V3 4 B1G W33N13RO4ST W1TH TH3 PR1SON3RS 1N C4S3 OF 4 F1R3 >:]  
AG: 8ecause Nic Cage is among them of course!!!!!!!!!  
GC: CONS1D3R1NG TH3 R3ST OF TH3 P4SS3NG3RS TH3Y M4Y W4NT TO CONS1D3R T4K1NG TH4T R1SK  
EB: you can’t do that to cage.  
EB: he is a national treasure .  
EB: :B

GG: see, the movie should end about here.  
GG: the pilot tells the control tower what’s going on, gets shot, plane crashes  
GG: and so the pilot saves everyone the trouble of having to deal with cyrus and saves everyone from what happens at the end.  
GT: That does sound rather dark Jade.  
GT: Are you feeling alright? Your skin still the right tone?  
GG: I AM NOT GOING GRIMBARK!  
GG: i am just so sick of this movie.

TG: welp the bad guys have the plane  
TG: that sucks  
AG: Yeeeeeeees, and Cyrus has planned for everything.  
AG: If oooooooonly there was a tough and handsome maverick on 8oard to foil his plans.  
GC: G4SP  
GC: YOU DON’T M34N  
AG: that’s riiiiiiiight  
AG: Nicholas Cage has to stop the crooks from running wild.  
GC: HMMMMM  
GC: 1 B3GRUDG1NGLY 4DM1T TH4T TH1S 1S 4 PR3TTY 4W3SOM3 S3T UP  
GT: Why would you begrudge it?  
GT: I think it’s the proverbial bees knees  
CG: YEAH ITS ALRIGHT, FOR AN ACTION FLICK. BUT YOU DON’T HAVE MUCH WRIGGLEROOM FOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT HERE.  
GT: Come again?  
CG: THERE IS NO FUCKING REASON FOR THE MAIN CHARACTER TO DEVELOP. HE HAS TO CLEVERLY FIGHT HIS WAY OUT AND HIS BACKSTORY ALREADY EXPLAINS HE CAN DO THAT.  
CG: BY THE END OF THE MOVIE HE’LL BE THE SAME NICHOLAS CAGE AS HE IS NOW.  
GT: That is quite the bold prediction you make there my friend.  
CG: MARK MY WORDS.  
AG: You cleeeeeeeearly don’t know what you are talking a8out.

EB: of course.   
EB: the only reason the movie is R-rated and not PG-13. the rapist.  
AG: Johnny 23, named after his amount of victims. He 8oasts that he’d 8e called Johnny 600 if they counted all his misdeeds.  
GC: HOW D14BOL1C4L.  
GA: Is That Considered Hispanic  
TT: Well the actor is……  
GA: I See  
TT: But that’s not the point. What he does is not Hispanic, by which I mean the raping of women isn’t considered Hispanic specifically but….. Oh dear.  
GA: I Am Afraid I Do Not Follow  
TT: Is this going to bother you troughout the movie?  
GA: Probably  
TT: it’s like….. having ancestors that come from a specific corner of the world.  
TG: rose fo shame  
TG: your description does injustice to the proud latino culture  
GA: Latino  
GA: Questionmark  
TT: Dave, don’t confuse her any further.

GC: Y3S! H3 JUST GOT C4G3D  
GC: >8]  
AG: Yeeeeeeees, Cameron Poe is trained to protect the innocent.  
EB: yeah, nicholas cage is pretty much a flawless human being.  
AG: So you DO like the movie!!!!!!!!  
EB: what? no i don’t.  
AG: You just said so!  
EB: i said nicholas cage is a great guy, that doesn’t mean i like the movie.  
GG: i bet he’s a douchebag in real life  
EB: actually he’s just kinda goofy.  
EB: he named his son after superman and wanted to play ghostrider so bad he got a giant tattoo.  
GG: why would he name his son superman?  
EB: worse, he named him kal-el, the kryptonian name.  
GG: pfffft, the poor kid.  
EB: he was this close to playing superman. now that would have been epic.  
TG: nop  
EB: oh come on.  
TG: nu uh  
TG: we are not sullying the great american icon with the face of nicholas cage  
TG: have some self-respect man  
TG: that’s like leaving crayon drawings all over the statue of liberty  
TG: actually nevermind that would be awesome  
TG: having nicholas cage play superman would be like michael cera playing the hulk  
EB: who?  
TG: exactly

AG: I just loooooooove the interaction 8etween these three.  
AG: They really don’t trust each other 8ut stick together 8ecause they are all convicts  
AG: I would watch a movie a8out these three 8reaking out together  
GC: W3LL OF COURS3 YOU WOULD  
GG: every expansion of this story is too much!  
EB: jade you’re a little overreacting.   
AG: Seriously!!!!!!!!  
EB: i actually kind of like the villains i guess.  
AG: Yes!  
CG: SO BASICALLY WE HAVE THREE GUYS WITH QUESTIONABLE MENTAL CAPABILITIES IN CHARGE OF A PLANE FULL OF MURDERERS?  
CG: FROM THIS POSITION THERE IS NO WHERE TO GO. THE AUTHORITIES WILL BE WAITING ON THEM REGARDLESS OF WHAT THEY DO AND WILL GO ON A NATIONWIDE MANHUNT IF THEY REALIZE THE PLANE FULL OF MADMEN IS LOST.  
CG: WHAT IS THEIR BIG PLAN? GO LIVE ON AN ISLAND SOMEWHERE? THEN EVERYONE GETS LEMONADE?

CG: OH YEAH, THAT GUY WAS STILL THERE.  
CG: YOU’D THINK THEY TRAIN THERE AGENTS A LITTLE BETTER. THIS GUY HAS NO IDEA WHAT HE’S DOING.  
CG: IF YOU’RE SURROUNDED BY AXE MURDERERS, RAPISTS AND LOONY TUNES YOU DON’T TRY TO TAKE A HOSTAGE THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT.  
CG: AND YOU ESPECIALLY *DON’T* IDENTIFY YOURSELF AS A CNN AGENT WHEN THE GUN YOU HOLD IS BASICALLY A PEASHOOTER.  
TT: DEA  
CG: IDC  
GG: even more stupid, diamond dog just TOLD them they are going to land in a place with lot of cops and that everyone needs to follow the plan for it to work.  
GG: if he just kept his head down till they reached the airport and did something to draw the attention he could have solved the entire movie right there!  
GC: 4LSO, WHO 1S TH1S 3MPLOY3R CYRUS M3NT1ONS  
GC: COULD TH1S 4LL B3 P4RT OF SOM3 GR34T3R SCH3M3 BY 4 UNS33N PUPP3TM4STER?  
AG: errrrrrrr……..  
GC: TH3Y COMPL3T3LY FORG3T 4BOUT 1T DON’T TH3Y?  
GG: yup  
EB: actually they address it…. sorta  
GG: what?  
GG: how did I miss that?  
EB: they don’t address it very well like; this is the employer.  
GT: Cameron Poe plays it cool though. Just listen how he tries to talk the man down.  
GT: He even says it; “you know you’re in a situation you can’t control right?”  
GT: The bloke is merely frightened out of his mind amidst all this chaos.  
TG: yeah he tries to talk him down  
TG: with the same droning voice he used throughout the movie  
GT: Alright, then what about Cyrus? The bootlegged Snake uses a woman as a human shield.  
TT: I was under the impression she was at the other side of the plane when this started……..

GT: Crikey that looks like it hurt

GC: M4YB3 H3’S JUST SL33P1NG

TG: whoa what a dick  
TG: acting like it’s all nic cage’s fault  
TG: maybe he should just let you die from your diabetes  
TG: man that’s a lame way to go  
GA: Indeed  
GA: These Are Not Exactly Words To Inspire Your Friend With Confidence  
GA: He Is Essentially Accusing Him Of Being Friends With Cyrus  
CG: AND BLAMES HIM FOR THE DEATH OF AGENT MCGUFFIN. SOMETHING THAT WAS ENTIRELY THE FAULT OF THE NSA AGENT HIMSELF. WHAT A DOUCHE.  
TG: and his name is baby-o  
TG: now if that isn’t the name of a prison bitch i don’t know what is  
GA: What Do You Mean  
TG: i mean he probably dropped the soap a couple of times  
GA: Is That Considered Bad In Human Culture  
TG: only on Tuesdays  
GA: I Swear You Have The Strangest Culture

GT: Such a noble figure.  
GT: Mr Cage has a perfectly good chance to get off the plane but refuses to do so to help guard Bishop as well as his mate.  
GT: Truly an outstanding act of selflessness.  
TG: really cage would be well within his right to just swat his black friend  
TT: He merely hasn’t seen any intimacy with someone without an y chromosome for years. He sees a potential mate in Bishop and tries his very best to impress her.  
TT: Hence the white knighting and his decision to stay on board.  
GT: ……. No? I think he just wants to stay on board to help his friend and sabotage the bad guys  
AG: Seriously, what the hell Lalonde!!!!!!!!  
TT: I prefer my own interpretation. It adds some depth to the fairly straightforward character of Cameron Poe.  
AG: Not everythiiiiiiiing has to 8e a8out messed up psyches you know?  
AG: Of course, look who I’m talking to.  
AG: You pro8a8ly can’t get haaaaaaaard without imagining damaged psyches.  
TT: Is this a bad moment to tell you I’ve been observing yours?  
AG: WH8T?!  
TT: Oh yes Vriska.  
TT: Let me study you. Let me delve into your psyche and let us both uncover its darkest secrets.  
AG: Get the fuck away from me!  
TT: I want to psycho-analyze you sooooooo hard. All night long.  
AG: THOSE WERE 7 O’S YOU CR8ZY 8ITCH!  
EB: won’t lie, cyrus still makes me chuckle a little.  
EB: the way he tells baby-o off, the way he treats pinball and how he takes to the whole hijacking thing like it’s a walk in the park.  
AG: Hah! I know right!  
TT: Would you say your attraction to bad-boys originated from your days as a wriggler?  
AG: SHUT THE FUCK UP L8LONDE!

CG: JEGUS FUCKING CHRIST. THE AUTHORITIES CATCH ONTO THIS HEIST IN THE SLOWEST FUCKING WAY POSSIBLE.   
CG: WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT OF CAREFULLY RESEARCHING THE CELL OF THE MOST DANGEROUS INMATE YOU HAVE IN HOLDING *AFTER* SENDING HIM FAR OUT OF YOUR REACH?  
CG: THESE INCREDIBLE DICKPISTONS HOWEVER HAVE THE MISFORTUNE OF HAVING TO SHARE A SOLITARY BRAINCELL AMONGST ALL OF THEM TO MAKE THE MAIN CHARACTERS LOOK COOL.  
EB: huh. i hadn’t even thought of that.  
EB: but yeah, i guess everyone BUT John Cusack, Nicholas Cage and Cyrus are kind of stupid.  
CG: HOW COULD YOU NOT NOTICE THAT?  
EB: i was just too distracted with how silly it all is i guess.  
CG: JOHN, FOR FUCK SAKE OPEN YOUR EYES TO THE BIGGER PICTURE TO SEE HOW FAR THIS MONUMENT OF SHIT SPREADS.  
CG: EVERYTHING THE LIGHT TOUCHES IS MADE OUT OF FROZEN STUPID.  
GC: D4NG1T  
GC: DO YOU TH1NK YOU C4N 4RGU3 4 L1TTL3 H4RD3R?  
EB: we weren’t really arguing.  
EB: were we?  
EB: this doesn’t count as arguing when karkat is involved.  
CG: THANK YOU.  
GC: BUT 1 N33D ‘R3L4PS3 1NTO HUM4N K1SM3S1TUD3’ FOR MY B1NGO >:[   
GC: 1 S4W D4V3 SCR1BBL1NG 1 KNOW 1 4M F4LL1NG B3H1ND  
CG: STRIDER I WILL TEAR YOUR FUCKING BINGO CARD TO SHREDS, EAT THE SHREDS AND SHIT THEM DOWN YOUR THROAT!  
TG: if that turns you on dude  
CG: RAAAAAAAAHRWG!  
TT: Ah, incomprehensible roaring. I do believe this one is mine.

GT: Ah those fortunate dastards. The sandstorm will blur the vision of the guards so Cyrus and his cronies can convincingly pose as the agents that came with the plane.  
GT: Masterstroke of quick wit.  
GG: yes. also the convicts remove the gps tracker of the plane.  
GG: a: implying they somehow knew where this tracker was  
GG: b: implying they know how to remove it without setting off like a gazillion alarmbells  
GG: c: implying those ESSENTIAL GPS TRACKERS even CAN be removed from a plane that logically needs to be tracked AT ALL FUCKING TIMES!  
GG: d: GOD THIS MOVIE IS STUPID!  
CG: WOAH……. JADE  
CG: HOLY SHIT.  
GG: i’m sorry, i am just so done with con air.   
GG: maybe i should just minimize the screen and stay in the chat  
CG: NO NO, PLEASE. CONTINUE WATCHING THIS WITH US.  
TT: Karkat clumsily hitting on one of the prospit beta’s, check.  
TG: oh bs  
TG: you did not have that one  
TG: let me see that  
TT: Read it and weep  
GA: Perhaps You Could Continue This Little Game In Silence  
GA: I Do Believe You Are Upsetting Karkat  
TG: well that’s the point

GC: SO TH3Y GOT L1K3 4 SUP3R PR1SON3R TH4T 1S SO D4NG3ROUS H3 H4S TO B3 WH33L3D 4ROUND L1K3 TH4T  
GC: H3 1S SO D4NG3ROUS H3 3V3N G3TS 4 FUNNY L1TTL3 M4SK TO PR3V3NT H1M FROM SP34K1NG 4ND OR B1T1NG  
GC: 4ND H3 1S SO D4NG3ROUS TH4T H3 W4S 4 L4ST M1NUT3 4DD1T1ON TO TH4T FL1GHT  
GT: Well you cannot account for bureaucratic shenanigans can you?  
GC: BUR34UCR4TS 4R3 SUPPOS3D TO PR3V3NT SH3N4N1G4NS L1K3 TH4T!  
GT: Really? Does bureaucracy fare better on your world?  
GC: W3LL Y34H  
GC: TH3Y PR3TTY MUCH CULL 4NYON3 WHO DO3SNT FUNCT1ON OR DO3SNT 4GR33  
GT: Cruel as that sounds….. I err……  
GT: I suppose I cannot argue with its effectiveness.   
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3 >:]

GG: *groan*  
GT: Hahahaha awesome!  
AG: I know right!!!!!!!!  
CG: WHAT ARBITRARY NONSENSE! ARE THEY SUSPECTING US TO BELIEVE THIS?  
CG: CYRUS IS SUCH A SUPER SPECIAL AWESOME SUPER CONVICT HE CAN CREATE A HIGH GRADE EXPLOSIVE FROM MATERIALS HE COLLECTED AROUND PRISON. ASSUMING THAT SOMEHOW, THROUGH SOME HIDEOUS QUIRK OF FATE THE LESSER INTELLIGENT MAY DESCRIBE AS A MIRACLE, SOMEHOW HE KNEW HOW TO CREATE A BOMB LIKE THAT TO BEGIN WITH.  
CG: KISS MY ASS.  
AG: Well may8e he’s a chemist? You ever thought of that????????  
AG: He has to have gotten the name ‘the virus’ somehoooooooow. May8e he was a chemist and works aaaaaaaall sorts of nasty poisons and explosions.  
CG: OOOOOOOOOOOH.  
CG: WELL THAT MAKES IT OK THEN. LET’S CONTINUE WATCHING AND SEE IF WE SEE CYRUS’ FUCKING CHEMISTRY SKILLS IN ACTION.   
CG: SINCE, YOU KNOW, HE IS OBVIOUSLY SOME SORT OF FUCKING WIZARD ESCAPED FROM THE TOWER OF MAGI OR WHATEVER!  
CG: SINCE HE CAN CREATE A COMPLEX CODE TO COMMUNICATE WITH HIS CRONIES USING ONLY A CERTIFICATE AND TWO PICTURES. YOU WONDER WHY HE DIDN’T JUST FUCKING CONTACTED THEM TELEPATHICALLY!  
GC: NO ON3 GO1NG TO COMPL41N 4BOUT TH3 3XPLOS1ON 3FF3CT?  
GG: does anything even needs to be said?  
GC: NO BUT 1 WOULD L1K3 TO ACKNOWL3DG3 1T

EB: ok i admit. Considering the circumstances that was a pretty clever ruse  
TG: yeah  
TG: setting the tape recorder to it was spring open at the exact moment it could rise suspicion  
TG: brilliant idea  
TG: all part of the plan  
TG: leaving nothing to chance at all  
TG: truly he is the chess master  
TG: it is him  
EB: huh. well when you put it like that then i guess it’s a bit silly.  
AG: Joooooooohn, don’t listen to him.  
AG: He cleeeeeeeearly doesn’t know what he’s talking a8out.  
AG: Even though luck aaaaaaaalways plays a part, he was the lucky one. It was him.  
GC: LUCK 4LW4YS PL4YS 4 P4RT YOU S4Y?  
AG: This is a Nicholas Cage film, let him guide you through it and enjoy the ride.  
GG: having nicholas cage as my guide is the last thing i want!  
AG: Jade deeeeeeeear, I wasn’t talking to you.  
EB: well yeah. i guess if you just look at it like that it’s just a silly action movie.  
AG: Good. We’re moving up from dislike. Progress ::::)  
TT: Serket  
AG: Yeeeeeeees????????  
TT: If I note any hint of manipul8ion I will psycho-analyze you. hard, long and intense.  
AG: WH8T?!  
GC: W1LL YOU JUST FUCK 4LR34DY?

GA: Stretching The Suspension Of Disbelief Here  
GG: just here?  
GA: Did Mr Swampthing Learn To Fly Just From Books He Somehow Got His Hands On  
TT: Actually human prisons can have quite an extensive library.  
GA: Regardless  
GA: One Would Think Actual Flying Requires More Than Just Reading About It  
AG: Perhaps Swampthing was a pilot 8efore he got thrown into the slammer!  
CG: YOU CAN’T USE AN EXCUSE LIKE THAT TWICE SERKET!  
CG: STRIDER PUT THAT FUCKING BINGOCARD AWAY OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL FOLD YOUR STUPID FUCKING GLASSES INTO A BICYCLE AND SHRINK YOU TO SUCH A SIZE THAT YOU’LL BE ABLE TO USE IT TO GET BACK TO THAT GARBAGEDUMP YOU CALL A HIVE.

CG: SO CLOSE YOU FUCKING HUMANS. SO CLOSE.  
GT: Is something rustling your jimmies my loud pal?  
CG: RUSTLING MY…. WHAT?  
GT: Ah let me rephrase that.  
GT: Is something getting your goat?  
CG: WHAT IS THIS OBSESSION WITH SHRILL BEARDED LIVESTOCK?  
GT: ……..  
GT: Is something upsetting you?  
CG: THESE FUCKING HUMANS WERE THIS CLOSE, *THIS* FUCKING CLOSE TO GETTING A PROPER KISMESITUDE ON FILM. THERE ARE MOMENTS IN THE DIALOGUE BETWEEN THE DOUCHEBAG AND JOHN CUSACK THAT ARE TRULY MASTERFULLY EXECUTED BLACKROM FLIRTATIONS.  
GT: A romance between John Cusack and…….. Huh?  
GT: I am afraid I don’t see it.  
CG: OH FOR THE LOVE OF…………  
CG: DID YOU ASSHOLES FORGET TO TELL HIM ABOUT KISMESITUDE? REALLY?  
CG: THIS IS CRUCIAL SHIT PEOPLE!  
TG: i consider it more shit than crucial

AG: I caaaaaaaan’t get enough of this guy.  
AG: He is a 8ad-ass and he enjoys eeeeeeeevery moment of it.  
GG: well he has an unfair advantage  
GG: he knows the GPS thing is taken off the plane  
AG: Yes!  
AG: Cause he’s soooooooo clever.  
AG: And Nicholas Cage 8lends in so smoothly. What a 8oss.  
GC: T4UNT1NG TH3 L4W CYRUS DO3S  
GC: H3 1S JUST 4SK1NG FOR 4 V1SU4LLY 1RON1C4LLY D34D  
GC: L1K3 G3TT1NG H1T OV3R TH3 H34D W1TH 4 G4V3L  
GC: OR M4UL3D BY ANGRY T1G3RS  
GT: I fail to see how this is visually ironic  
GC: 1T 1SN’T  
GC: BUT 1T WOULD B3 V3RY 4MUS1NG  
GT: Errr….. *backs away slowly*  
GC: *FOLLOWS TH3 B3SP3CT4CL3D HUM4N* 4R3 W3 ROL3PL4Y1NG? SH3 4SKS.  
GT: ……… No?  
GC: OH  
GC: P1TY  
TG: dodged a bullet there bro  
GC: H3Y >:[  
TG: protip  
TG: get out once she gets the furry suits  
GC: D4V3!

GA: Oh  
GA: Is Mrs Poe Going To Be Involved With The Story  
AG: Eh, not reeeeeeeeally……..  
AG: She kinda fades to the 8ackground when held up against murderers and Nicholas Cage  
GA: I See  
GA: Pity  
GA: She Seems To Be Just A Plot device Then  
GA: An Object To Set The Story In Motion  
GA: By Which I Mean She Got Threatened With Rape So Nicholas Cage Defends Her With All Consequences  
GA: And She Serves As The Goal For The Protagonist  
GA: Being Reunited With Her  
EB: what’s your point?  
GA: That Her Character Is Completely One Dimensional And Not Worth The Screen Time She Is Given

GG: dave  
TG: yo  
GG: what is a housenigger?  
TT: pffft….. hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha  
TT: Please Dave. Elaborate.  
TG: don’t shove this on my plate like some nasty veggies you don’t want  
TT: The lady specifically asked you.  
EB: oh geesh……… how do we explain this.  
GT: I didn’t want to ask, but I am just as confused as you are Jade.  
CG: SERKET?  
AG: Not a clue.  
GG: :(  
TG: couldn’t you ask egbert during your billionth viewing  
GG: well i tried asking davesprite but he was just as evasive about it :(  
TG: christ  
TG: so ok a housenigger  
TG: basically  
TG: imagine a robobutler  
TG: but its not a robot  
TG: and there is a whole lot of racism  
GG: what?  
GT: What?

GA: What Is Wrong With That Mans Pronunciation Of The Word Murder  
GA: There Is A Very Noticeable U In There  
GA: As Opposed To The Oi Sound He Uses  
AG: Also note that they are de8ating the philosophy of civilization!!!!!!!!  
AG: This movie has soooooooo many layers it’s insane  
GG: mentioning something a dead guy once said is not debating philosophy!  
AG: 8ut they discuss whether or not murderers deserve humanity, how is that not interesting!!!!!!!!?  
GC: B3C4US3 1T G3TS R3SOLV3D 4FT3R ON3 3XCH4NG3 W1TH 4 FUCK YOU  
CG: NOT ONLY THAT, BUT THAT THIRD INCREDIBLY WELL-DEVELOPPED COP CHARACTER MUST BE THE WORST AUSPISTICE IN THE WORLD.  
CG: HE IS A COMPLETE BITCH FOR THE SHOUTY GUY.

GT: Oh goodie. Now we are getting to the action part of this action movie.  
GT: Expensive military hardware set to explode anything that looks at them funny.  
GT: Extensive firefights with the criminals on the run.  
GT: Truly this is the pinnacle of human cinema.  
AG: Yeeeeeeees, 8ut you are forgetting oooooooone thing.  
GT: Oh?  
AG: They are following that GPS thing. And where oh where did that go.  
GT: Well they planted that doohickey on another’s plane.  
GT: Hijinx ensues?  
AG: Shenanigans are afoot.  
GT: Silliness is bound to happen.

TG: RIP dave chappelle.  
TG: may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.  
TG: you moderately funny comedian.

GA: I See  
GA: This Is Very Quick Thinking On Mr Cage His Part  
GA: But  
GA: How Does He Know Who To Send It To  
GA: He Never Met Or Spoken To John Cusack  
GC: M4YB3 H3 OV3RH34RD H1S CONV3RS4T1ON W1TH CYRUS  
GA: There Is No Indication Of That  
AG: 8ut it is oooooooo8viously what happened.  
GA: I Suppose It Is The Only Logical Explanation  
GG: but where oh where did the pen come from?  
GA: Pardon  
GG: well he has to have found that pen somewhere, otherwise he couldn’t have written all that stuff on dave chappelle’s shirt.  
GG: where did it come from?  
EB: one of the boxes with personal belongings i guess?  
GC: CONV3N13NT

GT: So…….   
GT: Bloody…..  
GT: Spectacular.  
CG: NICHOLAS CAGE JUST MURDERED, WOUNDED AND/OR TRAUMATISED AT LEAST TWENTY PEOPLE BY DROPPING A CORPSE FROM THE PLANE.  
CG: NOT EXACTLY THE PERFECT PLAN ASSHOLE.  
AG: Oh come ooooooon. What else was he supposed to do????????  
GT: Jump down, catch the corpse and use a parachute for a safe landing.  
AG: Laaaaaaaame.  
AG: As if he can get his hands on a parachute without 8eing suspicious as fuck.  
GT: I don’t know, I am just tossing suggestions around.

CG: DEAR GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIS FACE? HE LOOKS HORRIFYING. LIKE A HUMAN ONE DAY DECIDED TO MATE WITH A DEEPSEA ANGLERFISH.  
TT: The actor is actually renowned for his….. peculiar look.  
GA: He Appears To Be The Sanest Person On The Plane  
GA: Which Is Odd Considering The Way They Build Him Up  
GA: Like Some Sort Of Super Criminal  
GC: 4 M4N WHO F33LS STR3SS3D 4ND P41N3D 1N MOM3NTS OF L3V1TY?  
GC: 1S TH1S 4 R34L D1SORD3R ROS3?  
TT: Possibly. I would have to look it up.  
GC: PL34S3 DO  
CG: OK, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SMELLING AT ME LIKE THAT?  
CG: I DON’T FEEL PAIN WHEN I AM HAPPY. I FEEL HAPPY WHEN I AM HAPPY.  
GC: PL34S3 HURRY ROS3  
CG: GODDAMNIT TEREZI!

CG: YES, BRILIANT.  
CG: YOU KNOW HOW THAT WRIGGLER’S FATHER IS IN A INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS SITUATION AND MIGHT EVEN BE CO-CONSPIRING WITH THE VILLAINS FOR AS FAR AS JOHN CUSACK KNOWS?  
CG: LET’S INVITE THE WRIGGLER TO BE BRIEFED ABOUT HER FATHER’S SITUATION AS WELL.  
CG: THAT IS TOTALLY PROFESSIONAL.  
GA: And Once Again The Wife And Child Add Nothing To The Plot  
GA: They Merely Function As End Goal For Nicholas Cage

TG: and so john Cusack comes into action  
TG: riding the car of his douchebag collegue with a even douchier novelty plate  
TG: i swear   
TG: if i ever had a chance to get my driver’s license i was going to get the biggest and douchiest of all novelty plates just to piss people off  
TG: i would be like santa claus  
TG: spreading road rage to all the good little boys and girls  
TG: have you been bad this year lil timmy  
TG: don’t worry  
TG: i am not a judgmental asshole like the jolly red man  
TG: rage for everyone  
CG: EVERYTHING YOU SAY MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT JUST A LITTLE MORE.  
TG: if you do i am only one tantrum away from a bingo  
CG: YOU ARE SCUM.  
TT: And what, pray tell, would this douchiest novelty plate be?  
TG: torn between ATTNHO  
TG: GR8D8B8  
TG: and PLZBHATN  
EB: oh god, that last one is atrocious.   
AG: What’s wrong with GR8D8B8?

CG: A GUY ACTUALLY USING HIS BRAIN? FUCKING FINALLY. BUT ONCE AGAIN IT IS A VILLAIN AND/OR NIC CAGE.  
GC: ST1LL TH1S 1S 4 TR3M3NDOUS BR34CH OF PR1V4CY  
CG: AND HOW FUCKING CONVENIENT NIC CAGE READED THE TELEPHATIC SIGNS THAT THIS ASSHOLE WENT DOWN TO DIG THROUGH HIS STUFF AND MESS EVERYTHING UP.

AG: Put   
EB: Put

AG: The 8unny  
EB: the bunny

AG: 8ack  
EB: back

AG: IN   
EB: IN

AG: THE 8OX!!!!!!!!  
EB: the box!!!!!!!!

CG: AND SO POE KILLS ANOTHER ONE OF HIS FELLOW MEN. NICE ONE.  
EB: oh he should have put liv tyler back in the box.  
GT: Terry Kiser  
GT: And jumping jehosaphat that was a tight fight scene.  
EB: i know right!  
AG: Alright John. I don’t caaaaaaaare what you say, you still LIKE Con Air.  
EB: but it’s so stupid!  
AG: Come oooooooon. You were just as into the 8unny scene as I was just now!!!!!!!!  
GG: seriously john, you aren’t fooling anyone :P  
EB: but i don’t LIKE con air.  
EB: it is incredibly silly. the dialogue is stupid and cameron poe isn’t written to do nicholas cage justice.  
EB: just wait till the later action scenes. it is soooooooo goofy!  
TT: John, are you perhaps familiar with the phrase: guilty pleasure?  
EB: what is that?  
TT: As I thought.

GT: Oh those bumbling ninnies finally realize they have been tracking a decoy.  
GT: If only they had listened to John Cusack. They would have seemed them this frankly embarrassing display, hilarious as it may be.  
CG: YES. NOW HE HAS TO FACE JOHN CUSACK, WHO WAS RIGHT AL ALONG. THIS KISMESITUDE SEEMS TO BE GROWING STALE AND ONE –SIDED VERY QUICKLY.  
CG: INSTEAD OF A RIVALRY BETWEEN EQUALS WE HAVE GOD-AMONGST-MEN JOHN CUSACK AND BUMBLING MORON, FLABBY WHATSHISFACE.  
GT: So this kismesitude thing is about rivalry?  
CG: WELL, NOT ENTIRELY BUT IT IS DEFINITELY ONE OF THE CORNERSTONES OF A HEALTHY KISMESITUDE.  
GT: Hmmhmm I see.  
GC: 3XPOS1T1ON ON QU4DR4NTS. CH3CK.  
CG: QUIET.  
GT: Could one, hypothetically, have a kismesitude with a robot?  
CG: WHAT?!  
CG: NO, WHAT KIND OF STUPID QUESTION IS THAT? WHY WOULD ANYONE FALL IN HATE WITH A MACHINE?  
GC: UNL3SS 1TS 4 SOULBOT  
CG: RIGHT UNLESS IT’S A SOULBOT.  
GT: Phew.  
GT: Sure dodged a bullet on that one. That could have been mighty uncomfortable.

GA: Worst Part About Him Is  
GA: That Sometimes In A Twisted Sort Of Way  
GA: He Speaks Truth  
TG: yeah not looking forward to working office fifty years and being told to piss of  
TG: then again i was promised a great carreer in urban ninjaing  
TG: we simply commit seppuku when we get too old to do a kickflip  
TT: Dave, can you skate?  
TG: i am a shame to my clan  
GT: Yes but he also claims he wore the head of a little girl as a hat…..  
GT: Yikes, that is such an unpleasant mental image.  
GA: His Performance As Insane Person Is Eerily Convincing

GC: TONS OF D4M4G3, N34RLY CR4SH1NG 1NTO 4 PROP4N3 T4NK 4ND D3F1N1T3LY GOTT3N TH3 4TT3NT1ON OF 4NY HUM4N TH4T M4Y B3 W4TCH1NG  
GC: 1NCLUD1NG TH4T POOR SOB 1N H1S L1TTL3 HOBBY PL4N3  
GC: SO 4LL 1N 4LL IT W3NT B3TT3R TH4N 3XP3CT3D

CG: NO. FUCK THIS GUY.  
CG: I WOULD STILL BE PISSED ABOUT HIS COMMENT EARLIER, ABOUT BLAMING POE FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO SAVE THAT CRAZY BBW GUY WITH THE GUN.  
TG: their relation truly is an inspiration for the lgbt community  
CG: AGAIN WITH THE FUCKING ABBREVIATIONS!  
GG: you think they are gay dave?  
CG: WAS THAT WHAT HE MEANT?  
TG: shit harley look at them  
TG: roommates for eight years  
TG: no women anywhere  
TG: lonely winter nights  
TT: Sexual Repression.  
TG: why you got to look at me like that rose?  
TT: I am merely amused by your quickly formulated hypothesis. Please continue.  
TG: no no no no i know that look  
TG: next youll be telling me how i secretly fantasize about getting a cork up my butt or whatever  
TT: And do you?  
TG: can we not do this right now?  
TG: kanaya please call her off.  
GA: Rose Dear  
GA: Please Behave  
GA: Your Brother Clearly Has A Lot Of Issues He Needs To Resolve But You Should Not Force The Issue  
TG:   
TG: goddamnit people

GC: 1 DON’T L1K3 TH3 T4LL D4RK GUY  
GC: WH4T M4NN3R OF B34ST W4NTS TO K1LL 1NNOC3NT 3NFORC3RS OF TH3 L4W  
GC: TH3 M4YOR WOULD B3 4SH4M3D  
AG: 8ut Mr Cage comes to the rescue!  
AG: What a man.   
AG: What a smooooooooth talker.  
GG: what a faaaaaaaake southern accent.  
AG: What a handsome devil.  
GG: he really needs a haircut……..  
GC: SO TH1S 1S WH3R3 TH31R 3MPLOY3R COM3S 1N?  
GC: TH3 SCR4WNY LOOK1NG CONV1CT TH3Y P1CK3D UP 34RL13R?  
GC: CYRUS 1S OBV1OUSLY ST1LL 1N CH4RG3 SO W4S 1T M34NT TO B3 CUT3?  
CG: MOVIE DOESN’T CARE AS LONG AS NIC CAGE, JOHN CUSACK AND CYRUS LOOK COOL.

AG: SWOOOOOOOON <33333333  
GC: YUCK

GA: Oh Dear  
GA: This Is Horrifying  
GT: Rather quite.  
GT: With this unpredictable predator she may end up a future hat  
AG: I can’t help it…. 8ut that mental image just looks soooooooo funny to me.  
CG: WELL YEAH, YOU’RE PSYCHOTIC.  
GA: Garland Is Not Evil In The Way Cyrus Or His Cronies Are  
GA: But There Is Something Very  
GA: Disturbing  
GA: About Him  
GT: No I feel it too. There is definitely something eerie about him.  
TG: there is something eerie about steve buscemi period  
TG: no idea why that girl stays sitting there  
TG: anyone would run seeing this guy

GT: Absolutely stunning how Nic Cage disarms those goons.  
GT: He takes on those 3 goons like it’s nothing and still has the guts to stand up against John Cusack like a true boss.  
GC: SOOOOO  
GC: H3 TRUSTS JOHN CUS4CK 3NOUGH TO S3ND 4 F4LL1NG CORPS3 TO TH3 GUY  
GC: BUT NOT 3NOUGH TO T3LL H1M WH4T’S GO1NG ON UNT1LL CUS4CK M3NT1ONS H1S F4M1LY  
GC: C4N N1CHOL4S C4G3 M4YB3 M4K3 UP H1S M1ND ON WH3TH3R OR NOT TO TRUST TH1S GUY?

CG: THEY ARE SINGING.  
CG: WHY THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE THEY SINGING?  
CG: THIS IS NOT A SINGING MOVIE. THIS IS NOT A SINGING MOMENT.  
CG: IF I WERE TO BREAK OUT IN A FUCKING MUSICAL ACT RIGHT NOW PEOPLE WOULD RIGHTFULLY PUNCH ME IN THE GUTS.  
TT: It is meant to be disturbing  
TT: Seeing the obvious psychopath in such a innocent setting all the while eyeing that little girl is a legitimate cause for concern.  
CG: JUST LET HIM MAKE A HAT OUT OF HER ALREADY AND GET IT OVER WITH.

TG: heigh ho heigh ho  
TG: this work’s gonna blow  
GA: I Do Not Think The Limited Amount Of Manpower They Have Available Is Enough To Dig The Plane Out Before The Cops Arrive  
GT: They have a tractor  
GT: If You Look Carefully  
GT: If you squint  
GT: The point is, they are in a real hurry to get it out. Adrenaline starts pumping and you can achieve amazing feats.

CG: CONSIDERING THEIR TIME AND RESOURCES, CYRUS DOES A REALLY GOOD JOB DIRECTING THESE NUTJOBS.  
AG: “and what is that thing over there?”  
AG: “a rock” *kicks it away casually*  
AG: AWESOME!  
GT: That was indeed a great comically timed comment  
GG: meh

TG: yes  
TG: drugs  
TG: awesome

GT: Bugger. Those soldiers didn’t stand a chance  
GG: of course not. everyone but the core three characters are really incompetent.  
GG: these supposedly well trained elite soldiers are completely taken off guard by what is really a simple trap  
EB: meanwhile nicholas cage fearlessly rushes trough the explosions while the audience is starting to suspect baby-o might not be worth going through this.  
GT: But look at how glorious this is shot. Truly extreme action blasting from the screen.  
AG: And Cyrus’s quick setting up of those propane-8om8s support the idea that he studied chemistry!!!!!!!!  
GC: NOW YOU JUST TRY TO S4V3 YOUR OWN S1LY TH3OR13  
GT: Really, it is amazing to see how bravely Nicholas Cage rushes through the warzone to save his friend.  
GG: and surprisingly no one aims for the convict running unarmed through the open with a target strapped to his back 

AG: You know what they say, go out with a 8ang and all that.  
GC: 1 DON’T TH1NK B1SHOP 4PPR3C14T3S TH3 S3NT1M3NT.

CG: SO THERE JUST HAPPENED TO BE A LARGE FUCKING BULLDOZER ON THE SCRAPHEAP THAT NOT ONLY WAS STILL OPERATIONAL BUT SOMEHOW HAD THE BLOODY KEY STUCK IN THE IGNITION?  
CG: THERE’S HAPPY LITTLE COINCIDENCE AND THEN THERE IS PULLING SHIT OUT OF YOUR ARSE!  
GT: It seems a bit contrived, but it is so gosh darned well executed I cannot hold it against the movie.  
CG: YOU ARE MORE EASILY IMPRESSED THEN A BLACK FEATHERBEAST IN A TINFOIL FACTORY.

AG: YOU JUST GOT C8GED SON!  
GT: He even managed to sabotage the plane amidst the firefight. What a legend this man.  
EB: meh  
EB: no one beside the rapist to notice he is doing all these obvious things to sabotage them?  
EB: stopping the execution of those cops had some thought behind it, but he is going to have a hard time explaining the other things. Not coming with the fuel wagon, tying the plane up.   
GG: no one turns his head to see what he is doing?  
GT: I fear they are rather occupied with the shoot out.  
EB: eh that’s fair.  
GG: no it isn’t!

GA: I Feel Like A Witty One-Liner Should Go Here  
GA: Why Is No One Dropping The Witty One-Liner  
GC: L3T M3 G1V3 1T 4 SHOT  
GC: LOOKS L1K3 H1S 4ZZ JUST GOT KCK3D  
GC: Y3333333344444444444H >8]  
TT: A callback to his novelty plate. Not bad.  
TT:”So how are those airmiles working out?”

GA: I  
GA: I Am Incredibly Confused By This  
GA: Person  
GA: I Thought Only Men Went To Prison  
TT: No. Women go to different prisons.  
GA: I See  
GA: Then The Womans Prison Was Full And She Got Transferred?  
TG: no  
TG: see  
TG: this is what we humans refer to as a trap  
TG: the literal jailbait  
GA: I Do Not Follow  
TT: …..You know how human genders are defined correct?  
GA: Yes  
TT: Well this person acts and looks like one gender while being of the other. A man acting like a woman. Hence Dave’s less then eloquent description of ‘a trap’.  
TG: come on that shit was gold  
TT: Actually, brother mine, quite a lot of people would call it offensive for further reinforcing negative stereotypes surrounding LGBTTQQIAPA-culture.  
TG: are you just making shit up as you go  
TT: It stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans*, two-spirited, queer, questioning, intersex, a-sexual pansexual and aromantic, though I do agree that the acronym is more than a little bloated.  
TG: no shit  
TT: Regardless, calling her a trap is very offensive.  
TG: fine ill cut down on the insensitivity but please find a more user-friendly acronym  
TG: it looks like one of roxy's cats rolled all over your keyboard  
GA: Well Whatever His or Her Genitalia  
TT: I do believe she identifies as female, though the movie never explicitely states it.  
GA: She Sure Seems To Know How To Party Regardless Of How She May Or May Not Identify  
GT: And Garland has to make some incredibly ominous commentary again. Thank the lord we saw confirmation that apparently the child he was with is completely fine.  
CG: WHAT A COP OUT.

TG: dude  
TG: gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay  
TT: Is there a problem, brother mine?  
TG: what no  
TG: not at all  
GG: oh yeah there was still the corpse of the guy Nic Cage murdered in the cargo hold.  
GC: TH3Y PROB4BLY GOT 4L3RT3D BY TH3 SM3LL  
GG: it also makes the black guy’s sacrifice COMPLETELY MEANINGLESS.  
GG: because the bad guys WENT to the cargo hold it doesn’t take a genius to figure out they read Nic Cage’s documents!!!!!  
GG: i get that he wants to take the fall for his friend and in any other situation it would have been noble…..   
GG: now it’s just stupid :(  
AG: He hooooooooped they HADNT read the document.  
GG: well that’s a stupid thing to bet your life on!  
GT: Cyrus certainly seems dangerous now. His calm façade is fading and he clearly intents to murder Mr Cage.  
GG: well yeah  
GG: it surprises me it took them this long to figure out  
GG: and there’s still about thirty minutes left :(  
GC: 1 4M 1N 4GR33M3NT W1TH MRS FR3SHLY CUT GR4SS  
GC: 1T TOOK TH3M W4Y TO LONG TO F1ND OUT  
AG: Of course you are. You just want to h8 on this movie 8ecause I really like it!!!!!!!!  
GC: 1 DON’T H4T3 TH3 MOV13  
GC: 1N F4CT 1 TH1NK 1TS R4TH3R 3NJOY4BL3 >:]  
AG: Oh…….. Did not expect that one.  
GC: NOT L1V1NG UP TO TH3 HYP3 YOU BU1LT UP THOUGH  
GC: FOR 3X4MPL3 1T F41L3D TO CUR3 MY 3Y3S1GHT W1TH 1TS SH33R 4W3SOM3N3SS  
GG: :P  
AG: Oh yeah, that was kiiiiiiind of stupid……..

TG: make a move or the bunny gets it  
TG: cheesiest line ever  
GG: cheesiest line ever  
GT: Best line ever  
AG: Best line ever  
TG: huh  
GG: !!!  
GT: Oh dear  
AG: Oh come oooooooon.  
GC: F1GHT F1GHT F1GHT F1GHT  
AG: Shut up Terezi.

CG: THEY ARE RIGHT FUCKING THERE. JUST FIRE 1 HEAVY EXPLOSIVE AND GET IT DONE WITH.  
CG: BUT NO, HUMAN GOD, HOLY SAINT AND ARCHSAGE JOHN CUSACK MUST DISAGREE. WHAT BULLSHIT  
GT: I  
GT: John Cusack is not a saint is he?  
GC: JUST 1GNOR3 1T 3NGL1SH  
GC: H3 G3TS L1K3 TH4T  
GT: Does he do that often?  
GC: MOR3 TH4N 3NOUGH  
GC: BUT 1T N3V3R G3TS OLD

EB: so now poe has control of the plane.  
GG: cyrus takes it well.  
GC: 4ND TH3Y W1LL L4ND 1N 4 PROP3R HUM4N 41RPORT  
GG: yes expect they don’t  
GC: >:?

TG: Houston we have a problem  
GA: Who Is Houston

TG: movie is a dick to LA  
TT: So much property damage that could have been avoided by just shooting them out of the sky.  
CG: COUNTLESS DEATHS ALL BECAUSE REINCARNATED SAVIOR JOHN CUSACK DIDN’T WANT TO SHOOT THE MURDERERS OUT OF THE SKY.  
GT: Just look at this chaos, all these explosions. Absolutely marvelous how the movie never fails to raise the stakes.  
EB: apparently they were going to tear this place down anyway so everyone kind of rushed to get these shots in.  
EB: it does mean they could go nuts in property damage.  
GT: Blimey what a stroke of luck.

GG: this  
GG: just…… this.  
GC: 1T W3NT BY SO F4ST 1 COULDN’T SM3LL 1T >:I  
GG: one of the rotorblades got loose, ricocheted and sawed its way into the plane.  
GG: going right between cyrus and nic cage  
EB: they stand right next to each other  
EB: but somehow the giant buzzing saw of death neatly dodges them  
CG: THIS FUCKING MOVIE IS EXHAUSTING BY SUSPENSE OF DISBELIEF.  
CG: SCRATCH THAT, IT JUST GOT FUCKING ASSASSINATED. IT’S ARMS GOT RIPPED OFF AND IT GOT SWATTED TO DEATH WITH THEM.  
CG: CON AIR IS A FUCKING MURDERER.

GC: HOW  
GC: TH3 PL4N3 CR4SH3D 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF TH3 C1TY  
GC: YOU H4D 1T SURROUND3D  
GC: YOU W3R3 4RM3D  
GC: 4ND ST1LL THOS3 4SSHOL3S 3LUD3 YOUR GR4SP  
GG: it isn’t that the crooks are stealthy  
GG: it’s simply that the cops are clumsy  
GG: the movie should be over now :(  
EB: hold on a bit longer ok?  
GT: Huzzah, the movie continues a bit longer!  
GT: Just when you think it couldn’t get any better!  
GG: *groan*  
GC: 4ND NOW TH3Y SH4M3L3SSLY ST34L GOV3RNM3NT PROP3RTY  
GC: B3C4USE *TH3Y* 4R3 TH3 ONLY ON3S TH4T C4N STOP CYRUS  
CG: LEARN TO DELEGATE ASSHOLES!  
GT: To be fair, John Cusack IS a marshal, so he should be allowed to ride those motorbikes. 

CG: AND MORE FUCKING EXPLOSIONS.   
CG: THE ENTIRE SECOND HALF OF THE MOVIE HAS BEEN ONE BIG ACTIONSCENE, OCASSIONALLY INTERRUPTED BY SECONDS OF TALKING.  
GT: You say that like it’s a bad thing.  
GA: And So Diamond Dog And Swampthing Die  
GA: Finally  
GA: But Whatever Happens To Cyrus  
GA: Oh That Looks Like It Hurt  
GA: But Now They Can Arrest Him And  
GA: Oh Dear  
GA: Oh My  
GA: That Was Uncalled For  
GC: 3L3CTROCUT1ON FOLLOW3D BY SKULL CRUSH1NG  
TG: dont you just love the completely random skull crushing machine standing there  
TG: just waiting for someone to see if it works  
GC: 1 4PPROV3 OF TH1S FORM OF C4P1T4L PUN1SHM3NT 4ND PROPOS3 W3 CONS1D3R US1NG 1T OURS3LF 1N TH3 FUTUR3  
CG: OVERRULED  
GC: D4MN

CG: WHEN THE FUCKNUGGETS DID THESE TWO BECOME BEST FRIEND? HE ENDANGERED YOUR ENTIRE MISSION? HE CRUSHED YOUR CAR?   
CG: FOR GODS SAKE JUST ONE TIME I WISH THESE HUMANS WOULD LEARN THE VALUE OF A GOOD HATESNOGGING.  
CG: IS THAT TOO FUCKING MUCH TO ASK?  
TG: dude  
TG: no homo  
CG: DON’T YOU EVEN START WITH ME YOU CONDESCENDING PRICK. YOU HAVE YOUR HEAD SO FAR UP YOUR OWN ANAL PASSAGE THAT HATESNOGGING YOU WOULD MAKE MY BREATH SMELL FOR WEEKS ON END!  
TG: i am flattered and all but i think you have more chance of success with egbert  
EB: what?  
EB: dave don’t push this on me!  
CG: DOESN’T MATTER. I HATE YOU BOTH ALMOST EQUALLY.  
TG: threesome aint gonna happen either dude  
TG: would just make it weird  
CG: ARGEABAVRBNIRBNERNBRNBPEOQAH  
TT: We already got incomprehensible growling Karkat. But if you would be so kind as to rant about erotic fanfiction for a moment I would be most grateful.  
TG: except he shouldn’t  
TG: that shit is the last one you need to complete your bingo you sneaky witch

AG: How do I………  
AG: Get through one night without you………  
AG: if I had to live without you  
AG: what kind of life would that be?  
EB: I need you and my arms need you to hold  
EB: you’re my world, my heart, my soul  
EB: if you were to leeeaaave  
EB: baby that would take away everything good in my life  
TT: Nominated for both the best and the worst original song the year the movie came out. It ultimately won neither, but it does show a very hate/love attitude towards it.  
CG: IT’S WAY TO FUCKING SACCHARINE   
EB: but i still get some shivers from this scene…… yeah.   
EB: the emotional height of the movie, reuniting with his wife and child after such a struggle. giving her liv tyler. It is such a beautiful scene  
TT: It’s a guilty pleasure John. You can enjoy something while being fully aware of how stupid it is.  
EB: yeah, i think that sums it up yeah.  
EB: it’s really dumb and really goofy but….. I just can’t bring myself to hate it.  
AG: Yes!!!!!!!!  
AG: I’ll take it!  
AG: So that was con air everyone.  
AG: Closing thoughts????????  
GG: i am just really glad its over  
GT: Don’t you think you’ve been a little harsh on this flick Jade?  
GT: I really think it was quite cool with lots of action and a very well executed set-up.  
GG: the first time i saw it, it was basically alright  
GG: but i sat trough it so many times during our three year trip i really didn’t want to see it again  
GG: i just enjoyed chatting up with you guys :/  
GT: Ah, well I suppose that is sufficient in it’s own way.  
GT: I however truly loved it. Unironically.  
GG: of course YOU loved it, you big goof  
GA: It Was A Relatively Harmless Film  
GA: A Proper Way To Pass The Time  
GA: Not Something I Would Soon Return To But Amusing In Its Own Right  
TG: alright alright  
TG: it was not as bad as i feared it would be  
TG: though Nicholas cage’s ugly mug and his uglier accent still distracted the hell out of me  
TG: was it set in stone that his character had to be from the south?  
TG: couldn’t they make a few changes the first time they heard him stutter in that dialect?  
TT: Hmmm I didn’t really like it.  
AG: WH8T?  
TT: Do not take it personal Vriska dear. It was merely a bit too pedestrian for my tastes.  
TT: Too much macho and too little sophistication. In the latter half of the movie everything just kind of blurred together in one big action scene.  
AG: Pah, you’re just pissed it doesn’t have your f8cking wizards.  
TT: The presence of wizards would greatly improve con air, I agree.  
CG: TEREZI, WHAT DO YOU THINK?  
GC: 1T W4S FUN  
GC: 1 GU3SS  
CG: YEAH…. I AM NOT SURE HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS MOVIE. IT IS STUPID, DUMB AND NICHOLAS CAGE IS AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN A TERRIBLE ACTOR.  
EB: *gasp*  
AG: *gasp*  
CG: BUT I DON’T HATE IT. THE SET UP IS GREAT AND THE VILLAINS ARE ACTUALLY KIND OF FUN TO WATCH.  
EB: soooooooo i have a buddy in the guilty pleasure camp?  
CG: I GUESS.  
EB: awesome!  
CG: RIGHT. GLAD WE SORTED THAT OUT.  
AG: Alright then. Every8ody out so John and I can talk a8out Nic Cage and what movie to watch next.  
CG: HOLD IT THE FUCK UP SERKET. I CALL DIBBS ON NEXT STREAM.  
CG: I WILL MAKE YOU ASSHOLES WATCH AND APPRECIATE THE CLASSICS TO INSERT A LITTLE BIT OF GODDAMN CULTURE INTO YOUR ROTTEN CRANIUMS.

**\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] banned carcinoGeneticist [CG]\--  
\--arachnidsGrip [AG] banned gallowsCalibrator [GC]\--**

GA: If You Could Hold On A Moment Vriska Dear  
GA: Perhaps You Could Meet Me After This Incredibly Important Discussion  
AG: Uhm........ Yeah, sure.  
GA: Wonderful

**\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] banned grimAuxiliatrix [GA]—**  
**\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] banned turntechGodhead [TG]—**  
**\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] banned gardenGnostic [GG]—**  
**\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] banned tentacleTherapist [TT]—**

AG: So. Finally some priiiiiiiivacy.  
EB: yes. now we can discuss strategy.  
EB: what movie do you want to watch next?  
AG: Lord of War looked preeeeeeeetty sweet.  
EB: what about Face Off  
AG: What a8out 8ad Lieutenant?  
GT: Uhm…. Does it have to be a Nicholas Cage movie?  
EB: oh, you were still here Jake?  
AG: Crap. Forgot to 8an him. Let’s change that.  
GT: If I may, I think I have a suggestion you might enjoy.  
AG: Oh really????????  
AG: Do tell……..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my newest project is also one of my oldest.
> 
> I couldn't not do this. Every time I watch a movie these days I hear my inner Karkat shout at it or praise it. Not sure how long I'll do this, but getting rid of the Disney formula should give me some more wriggle room. There are at least 3 more movies I intend to tackle, but that number might/will probably grow.
> 
> As for what I thought of Con Air. Yeah it's alright. Nothing spectacular, not bad at all, sets out what it wants to achieve.


	2. Ghost Rider

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jake is mistakenably allowed to pick a movie.

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG]opened memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS at 19:21--**

CG: ALRIGHT. LAST WEEK? KIND OF A MASSIVE DISAPPOINTMENT.  
CG: DON’T GET ME WRONG. I AM FUCKING ECSTATIC YOU ASSHOLES ACTUALLY THINK IT’S A GOOD IDEA TO SIT DOWN AND WATCH MOVIES TOGETER. YOU KNOW, WITHOUT MURDERING EACH OTHER.  
CG: PRO-TIP TO ANY PAST SELVES LISTENING IN: AVOID A HUMAN GAME CALLED MONOPOLY AT ALL COSTS. *ESPECIALLY* WITH TEREZI, VRISKA, ERIDAN, ROSE AND DAMARA. I DON’T THINK I WILL EVER BE CLEAN AGAIN.  
CG: ANYWAY. AS I WAS SAYING. I AM GLAD WE ARE HAVING MOVIENIGHTS. IT IS A GOOD CHANCE TO INTRODUCE YOU PEOPLE TO SOME FUCKING CULTURE.  
CG: IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU HAVE SUDDENLY GOTTEN A GOOD TASTE IN MOVIES. CON AIR, THOUGH NOT AS OFFENSIVE AS I FEARED IT WOULD BE, IS PART OF A SHITTY SCHOOL OF HUMAN CINEMA THAT DESERVES TO BE WHIPED OUT BY A SHOWER OF ANGRY SHIT-SEEKING METEORITES.  
CG: THE FACT THAT SERKET STILL DEFENDS THIS PIECE OF GARBAGE AS A MASTERPIECE, SPEAKS VOLUMES ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU CANNOT APPRECIATE A GOOD MOVIE IF IT ASSAULTED YOUR OCULARS.  
CG: WITH THAT IN MIND, I THINK IT’S ONLY FAIR THAT *I* GET TO CHOOSE THE MOVIE THIS WEEK. BOTH AS GRAND DICTATOR OF THIS STREAM AND AS FORM OF QUALITY CONTROL. THIS WAY WE MAKE SURE THAT YOUR POOR DEFORMED THINKPANS DON’T BEGIN A MASS-SUICIDE AS THE RESULT OF ANOTHER TERRIBLE TERRIBLE MOVIE.  
CG: ANY TAKERS?

**\-- golgothasTerror [GT] entered memo at 19:30--**

GT: Jolly good chum.   
GT: I am completely stoked we are doing another one of these cinematic experiences.  
GT: Tally ho, onwards to another adventure!  
CG: ENGLISH HUMAN.  
GT: It is Jake actually.  
GT: I have an most amusing film you can stream. Truly a testament of human cinema.  
CG: NO, WE ARE DONE WITH HUMAN CINEMA.  
CG: I JUST FINISHED SAYING THAT. DOES ANYONE EVEN READ THE FUCKING MEMO!  
GT: No need to be so dismissive of our line of movies.  
GT: Trust me on this one. It’ll be grand.

**\-- timeausTestified [TT] entered memo at 19:31--**

TT: I’ll vouch for him. Jake’s taste in movies is impeccable.  
CG: REALLY?  
TT: He never ceases to amaze us, that’s for sure.  
GT: Mighty kind words Strider.  
TT: Yeah, you’re welcome.  
CG: SO WHAT? I AM SUPPOSED TO JUST GIVE YOU THE REIGNS OF THE STREAM? LET ENGLISH DECIDE WHAT WE ARE GOING TO WATCH?  
CG: CAUSE THAT SOUNDS LIKE A HORRIBLE IDEA.  
TT: It is a great idea.

**\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] entered memo at 19:32—**

TG: OMG It is THE bets idea  
TG: Jake bb thnk u for the invite. Movevienite sounds totes kickazz.  
GT: Last week certainly was a great event.  
TG: Im sure yuo pickedt a grate moevi  
CG: FUCKING PERFECT. THEY ARE MULTIPLYING.  
CG: WHO GAVE YOU THE COMPLETELY WRONG IDEA THAT I AM LETTING ANYONE ELSE PICK A MOVIE TONIGHT?

**\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] entered memo at 19:34--**

CG: LIKE FUCKING CLOCKWORK.  
AG: Karkaaaaaaaat, why not let Jake have his fun?  
AG: I guaranteeeeeeee he has a 8etter taste in movies than some of us I could mention.  
CG: IF YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT TEREZI, I AGREE. THAT MOVIE ABOUT THE BLIND LAWYER LIVING A DOUBLE LIFE AS A RED-CLAD SUPERHERO WAS GODAWFUL.  
CG: IF YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT ME HOWEVER I INVITE YOU TO JUMP ASS FIRST ON THE HORNS OF AN ANGRY SUBJUGGULATOR YOU MISERABLE HAG!!  
GT: Oh my.  
TT: Classy.  
AG: Pleeeeeeeease. Karkat knows full well what we think of his taste in movies.  
AG: It sucks and it sucks haaaaaaaard.   
CG: JUST BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T UNDERSTAND THE SUBTLE UNDERLYING THEMES AND MOTIVES OF ‘IN WHICH A TEEN FALLS IN MATESPRITSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE A RAINBOWDRINKER ETC ETC’ DOESN’T MEAN MY TASTE IN MOVIES SUCK!  
TG: Ohtm, you guyz had troll tiwlight?  
AG: He was watching the human version. And it was 8aaaaaaaad……..

**\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] joined memo at 19:40--**

GC: R34LLY  
GC: 4ND H3 M4K3S FUN OF MY FONDN3SS FOR TH3 BL1ND SUP3RH3RO L4WY3R  
CG: YEAH, PROJECT MUCH?  
TT: It would seem you have a plethora of personal conflicts to wade through.  
TT: And that’s cool. We’ll just start our own stream elsewhere.  
CG: STRIDER SIT YOUR ASS DOWN.  
CG: WE ARE GOING TO WATCH THAT FUCKING MOVIE WHEN I SAY WE ARE GOING TO WATCH THAT FUCKING MOVIE.  
GT: You mean my fucking movie?  
GT: I mean, there is no intercourse present in the film itself I merely wanted to use it as adjective.  
GC: P1TY  
GC: YOUR HUM4N 1NT3RCOURS3 1S H1L4R1OUS  
TT: I am going out on a limb here and say that you are Terezi.  
GC: MY R3PUT4T1ON PROC33DS M3  
GC: G4SP  
GC: COULD YOU B3 TH3 OLD3R COOL3R STR1D3R?  
TT: Definitely.   
GC: H4H4H4H4H4 SO COOL!!!!  
CG: ALRIGHT, EVERYONE HERE?  
AG: Actually, I also invited Tavros and Peixes. They shoooooooould 8e here shortly.  
CG: OH, WHAT DID YOU DO THIS TIME?  
CG: HIDE HIS FOURWHEELDEVICE ON TOP OF A FLIGHT OF STAIRS?  
AG: As if.

**\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] joined memo at 19:43--**

CC: Glub glub glub  
CC: I )(eard Crabcatc)( is doing a movienig)(t?!  
CG: YEAH, SHOW’S OVER PEIXES. I AM COMPLETELY HIJACKED BY SERKET ACTING LIKE A REGULAR TROLL BRUTUS.  
CG: SOMEHOW THESE HUMANS GOT THE BRIGHT IDEA TO PICK A MOVIE THEMSELVES.  
CC: W)(ale t)(at sounds fun too!  
CG: DOES IT?  
CC: Y-----ES!!!!  
CC: I can’t WAIT to sea w)(at t)(ey picked!  
CG: AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE THAT CARES ABOUT THE FUCKING INTEGRITY OF TROLL CULTURE?!  
GC: Y3S  
AG: Yes.  
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU INSUFFERABLE SERPENTS!  
TG: Cmon crabby. Let Jakey show his majyks.  
CG: I AM SO GOING TO REGRET THIS DECISION.   
CG: FUTURE ME IS SOLEMNLY SHAKING HIS HEAD IN MISERABLE DISAPPOINTMENT THAT I AM GOING TO ALLOW SOME RETARDED PINK MONKEYS TO PICK THE MOVIE TONIGHT.  
CC: I t)(ink you are being overly dramanateec

**\-- adiosToreador [AT] joined memo at 19:44--**

AT: uHM, hEY EVERYONE,  
AG: Heeeeeeeey Pupaaaaaaaa  
AT: hOW’S EVERYONE?

**\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] joined memo at 19:44--**

TC: HeY mOtHeRfUcKeRs.  
TC: HoNk ThE lOuDeSt HoRnS yOu CaN fInD fOr ThIs MiRaCuLoUs JaMbOrEe…..  
TC: oN yOuR mArKs…..  
TC: HoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoNk!!!!!  
CG: OH GOD!  
CG: OH MAN!  
CG: OH GOD!  
GC: >:[  
TG: Lawl, whaddup?  
TG: You Janeys guide rite?  
TC: fUcK sIs, I tHiNk I aM.  
TC: KiNdA fUsSy On ThAt ShIt RiGhT nOw.  
CG: I……..WHAT?!  
AT: hE UHM, kINDA TOOK A NAP IN SOPOR WITH ME,  
AT: hE WAS SURPRISINGLY CALM AFTER THAT,  
TG: That’s totes adorbs  
TC: ShIt TaVbRo YoUr GiViNg ThE rAd PiNk SiStEr ThE wRoNg IdEa  
AT: eHEHEH, wELL IT WAS A GOOD NAP,  
CG: I AM GOING TO VOMIT.  
CG: AFTER THAT I AM GOING TO DIG MY THINKPAN OUT WITH A BALLPOINT PEN.  
AG: Can’t dig out what isn’t there.  
CG: ARGLEBARGLEBARGLE!  
CG: THIS SHIT CAN’T BE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. I REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS FUCKING SHIT TAKING PLACE.  
TC: SoMeThInG tHe MaTtEr BrO?  
CG: YES SOMETHING IS THE FUCKING MATTER!!!!  
TT: Can we maybe start the film now?  
CG: YES.  
CG: THANK YOU.  
CG: LET’S DO THAT. ENGLISH START THE FUCKING FILM.  
GT: Oh boy. This is going to be swell.

CG: THE LEGEND OF THE GHOST RIDER?  
GC: B4S1C4LLY 4 BOUNTY HUNT3R FOR TH3 D3V1L  
GC: TH4T 1S PR3TTY B4D4SS  
CC: O)( t)(is looks pretty good!  
CC: Just listen to t)(at narration!  
TT: Typical pick English.   
GT: Pardon?  
TT: A movie that seems to be a full on action flick.  
TT: I fully expect it will feature skulls and/or blue women at some point.  
GT: Well it sure has one of those things.

CC: O)( t)(at is suc)( bulls)(ark!  
TC: WhAt Up ChIcA  
CC: )(ow does a contract decide w)(at souls are evil?  
AT: hOW DOES A CONTRACT EVEN GIVE ONE POWER?  
AT: i MEAN, iF ITS SIGNED AND EVERYTHING IT GOES IN EFFECT RIGHT?  
AT: sHOULDN’T THAT MEAN THAT, aS LONG AS ITS SIGNED, tHE DEVIL GETS THE POWER OF THOSE SOULS ANYWAY? rEGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT HE HAS IT?  
GC: L3G4LLY B1ND1NG CONTR4CTS Y3S  
CC: T)(at isn’t even t)(e point I was going to make.  
CC: But t)(ey talk aboat good and evil like it’s a black and w)(ite issue.  
CC: T)(ere is no suc)( thing as pure evil or pure good.  
TC: To EaCh ThEiR oWn SoUl FiShSiS  
TG: Well yup. Unless dey club babby seels, taek candy from babbies or work for ea.  
TT: Those are indeed unambiguously evil qualifications.   
CG: I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE SEEING THIS RIGHT?  
CG: THE RIDER BASICALLY THROWS A FLASHLIGHT IN THE DEVIL’S FACE AND RUNS AWAY. AND SOMEHOW, THE SUPERMAGICAL BEING YOU HUMANS CALL DEVIL CANNOT CATCH UP WITH THE RIDER.   
CG: YOU’D THINK HE’D HAVE MORE POWER THAN THE PEOPLE WORKING FOR HIM, WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THAT THE DEVIL REALLY DOESN’T FUCKING CARE ABOUT THAT CONTRACT. AT ALL.  
TG: Lawl. He’s just like; yeah whatevs. Thousand evil soles, I can do wt. I am teh devilz.  
GT: Sssssh. He’s a really sinister bloke, weaving clever webs of manipulation and bribery.

CG: WHAT THE FUCK. MOOD WHIPLASH.   
GT: Admittedly so. Previous scenes actually painted a old west fantasy adventure whereas the movie doesn’t dwell much on the typical western doohickeys at all.  
TT: I believe you mean tropes.  
GT: I prefer doohickeys.  
TT: Of course you do.  
GC: OH MY GOG  
GC: TH3R3 1S SO MUCH COLOR H3R3!  
CC: It looks like so much fun!  
CC: Terezi, we DEFINNITELY N-----EED make a carnival!  
GC: 1 4GR33 PR1NC3SS BUBBL3GUM  
GC: K4RK4T C4N B3 TH3 GROUCHY C4RNY  
GC: VR1SK4 C4N B3 TH3 CH34T1NG C4RNY  
GC: M1SS COTTON C4NDY WORKS TH3 COTTON C4NDY  
GC: 1 WORK TH3 PLUSH13S  
CC: AND I WORK T)(E FIS)(ING GAME!  
TC: AnD i CaN pAiNt ThE fUcKiNg FaCeS oF tHe KiDs InTo LiTtLE aRtPrOjEcTs  
TC: ThEiR wIcKeD sMiLeS wIlL bE tHe MoSt BeAuTiFul MiRaClE oN tHe CaRnIvAl  
CC: T)(at’s a GR----EAT idea Gamzee!  
GC: TH4T 1S 4 HORR1BL3 1D34!  
CG: THAT IS A HORRIBLE IDEA!!!!  
TC: :o(

CG: WHAT KIND OF STUPID HUMAN GAME IS THIS?  
CG: COME, LETS DRIVE OUR MOTORIZED VEHICLES THROUGH A RING OF FIRE. AND PEOPLE ACTUALLY FUCKING LIKE THIS GARBAGE?  
AG: Of coooooooourse they do. It looks spectacular, so people like it.  
CG: WELL PEOPLE ARE FUCKING STUPID.  
AG: Why do you hate fun Karkat????????  
CG: I DON’T HATE FUN.  
CG: I CAN HAVE FUN. SHUT UP.  
TT: I am insulted Karkat.  
TT: Your mockery of this proud human tradition will not go unanswered.  
CG: WHAT!?  
TT: I challenge you to a human duel. Grab your pencil.  
CG: MY…. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON ABOUT?  
TT: I challenge you for the honor of my race. Draw your smut and may the best artist win.  
GC: H4H4H4H4 Y3S 1 4PPROV3 OF TH1S DU4L  
GC: 1 SH4LL B3 TH3 JUDG3 >:]  
CG: GODDAMNIT. I FINALLY GOT RID OF ONE STRIDER AND NOW THE OTHER IS TRYING TO BULLSHIT ME INTO DRAWING PORN WITH HIM.  
TT: Try drawing the two that entered the stream last together in a moment of passion.  
AT: uHM,,, i OBJECT?  
CG: YOU MEAN GAMZEE AND TAVROS. I THOUGHT YOU HUMANS HAD AN AVERSION TO THAT. HOW IS THAT NOT HUMAN HOMOSEXUAL?  
TT: Oh it is.  
CG: STOP MESSING WITH MY HEAD!!!!  
CC: So )(e is t)(e g)(ost rider?  
GT: Well….. Not yet obviously.  
CC: I don’t understand w)(y )(e )(as to make a deal wit)( t)(e devil……  
GC: B3C4US3 W3 JUST M3T H1M?  
CC: Somefin really bad must )(appen

TC: ShIt BrO, tHaT iS sO dEeP.  
TC: lIkE, aLrIgHt. EvErY cHoIcE yOu MaKe HaS a CoNsEqUeNcE.  
TC: BuT iF yOu Do ThInGs WiThOuT tHiNkInG yOu DoNt MaKe ThE cHoIcE bUt ThE cHoIcE mAkEs YoU.  
TG: So what hes sayin is liek: wit great pwr cums graet repsonsiblty  
TG: *responsibibility  
TG: *responsibility  
TC: ExAcTlY cHiCa  
CG: THAT IS A STUPID FUCKING QUOTE.  
TG: Don’t be hatin uncel Ben  
CG: I DON’T KNOW THIS HUMAN UNCEL BEN, BUT YOUR QUOTE WASN’T BAD. IT’S THE QUOTE THAT FATHER MAKES THAT JUST PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF.  
CG: I REALLY HOPE IT ISN’T GOING TO BE A THEME IN THE MOVIE.  
GC: TH31R R3L4T1ON S33MS 4 B1T COMPL1C4T3D  
AT: wELL YEAH,   
AT: hE’S AT THE AGE WHERE YOU WANT TO REBEL AGAINST YOUR LUSUS  
AT: bECAUSE UHM, tHEY JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND

CG: HUH……..  
GT: Something the matter?  
CG: NO I AM JUST….. SURPRISED I GUESS.  
CG: I MEAN, WE KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT THEIR RELATION AND BECAUSE ITS THIS EARLY IN THE MOVIE THERE IS NO WAY IT IS GOING TO END WELL BETWEEN THEM.  
CG: BUT THE WAY THIS SCENE IS FRAMED IS ACTUALLY….. QUITE NICE.  
GC: W4UW W4Y TO SPO1L TH4T K4RK4T  
CG: OK, I DON’T CONSIDER THAT A FUCKING SPOILER. THIS ISN’T GOING TO BE A MOVIE ABOUT HOW THEY ARE HAPPY NOW AND HOW THEY ARE GOING TO BE HAPPY FOREVER AFTER. THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO PULL OFF WHEN YOU INTRODUCE THE MOTHERFUCKING DEVIL TO THE PLOT.  
CG: AND IF THEY DID PULL IT OFF I WOULD FEEL INCREDIBLY CHEATED OUT OF A POSSIBLY DECENT MOVIE.  
GC: TH4TS F41R  
GC: 4ND TH3 SHOT R34LLY T4STES K1ND OF N1C3 1 GU3SS  
CG: THANK YOU!  
GT: I am glad you enjoy it, but really I consider this the dull part of the movie.  
GT: Just give it a moment.  
CC: BUT T)(EY MAKE A PROMISE TO RUN AWAY TOGET)(ER AND T)(ATS SO ROMANTIC!  
AG: They just can’t have nice things.  
TG: OH EM GEE.  
TG: I am teh luv intrest. Its’a me.  
GT: I admit, I completely forgot her name was Roxy.  
TG: Shoooooosh, it’s ok jak bb. You sea me as natural lurve interest ;)  
GT: I uhm…. *loosens collar a bit.*  
GC: 444W TH1S 1S CUT3

AG: 8oring, 8oring, 8oring.  
AG: For a movie that proooooooomises devils, evil souls and a hellish 8ounty hunter we have very little of any of those things!!!!!!!!  
GT: Well, you need to understand where the bounty hunter comes from don’t you?  
AG: Not really........  
AG: Here is a dude. He makes a deal with the devil. The devil tells him to go after target.  
AG: 8oom! Intro over, done in five minutes.  
CG: AS DIRECTED BY VRISKA SERKET. 1% ON ROTTEN RED FRUITS.  
GC: TO B3 F41R W3 ONLY H4D L1TTL3 OV3R F1V3 M1NUT3S OF MOV13  
AT: uiHM, wHAT IS A CANCER?  
TG: Oh nooooo. So thas why the pops is lookign so sickely  
TT: Considering how much we see him smoke, unsurprising.  
AT: sO WHAT IS IT?  
GT: Errrr…… I don’t know.  
TT: A often fatally illness wherein a corrupted cell duplicates itself in a hazardous manner.  
AT: tHAT, UHM, dOESN’T REALLY EXPLAIN IT,  
TT: It is an apt description limited only by your understanding of the concept.  
AT: sO UHM, eXPLAIN IT?  
TT: I just did.  
AT: oH,

TT: Subtle.  
GT: I love how he is just amused at the cartoon. Even going so far as to call it ‘far out’.  
TG: Becas that’s the hip and hapepning slang the youths use.  
GC: DO3S H3 BR34K TH3 L1GHTS WH3R3V3R H3 GO3S?  
GC: DO3S H3 CONTROL 1T?  
GC: HOW DO3S H3 GO DOWN 1N TH3 C3LL4R TO LOOK FOR 4NYTH1NG 1F H3 K33PS BR34K1NG TH3 L1GHTS?  
AG: I liiiiiiiike to think the devil has a few servants for that.  
GC: BLUH  
GC: TH4T M4K3S S3NS3 >:[  
AG: And that pisses you ooooooooff????????  
GC: 1T M4K3S 1T 4 LOT L3SS FUNNY

AT: aND UHM, yOU WOULDN’T CALL THIS EVIL fEFERI?  
CC: No, not neseacarily.  
AT: bUT HE IS UHM, oBVIOUSLY PLAYING jOHNNY AND ATTACKING HIS MENTAL WEAKNESSES,  
CC: Yes, BUT he offers )(im a way to save )(is fat)(er.  
CC: Even if )(e takes Jo)(nny’s soul, )(e isn’t the villain )(ere. You can argue t)(e fat)(er’s illness is t)(e villain rig)(t now.  
CC: )(e gives Jo)(nny a c)(ance to save )(is fat)(er and is up front about owning )(is soul if )(e c)(ooses to accept )(is help.  
AT: yES, bUT HE DOES IT SO OBVIOUSLY TO FURTHER HIS OWN AGENDA,  
CC: )(e could also c)(oose to NOT give Jo)(nny t)(e option. Would t)(at be betta?  
AT: nO BUT, lIKE, cAN’T HE HELP jOHNNY WITHOUT TAKING HIS SOUL?  
CC: W)(ale maybe )(is magic needs a soul to work?  
AT: tHIS IS AWFULLY CONFUSING,  
AT: mAYBE YOU HAVE A POINT, bUT IT FEELS KIND OF WRONG,,,,  
AT: jOHNNY IS OBVIOUSLY MAKING A MISTAKE IF HE ACCEPTS IT,

CG: KID YOUR FATHERLUSUS IS GOING TO DIE ONE DAY ANYWAY. MAYBE THROUGH HUMAN CANCER, MAYBE THROUGH A STUNT ACCIDENT, MAYBE THROUGH OLD AGE.  
CG: MIGHT AS WELL LEARN TO DEAL WITH GRIEF NOW RATHER THAN TEN YEARS FROM NOW AND HAVE THE DEVIL OWN YOUR SOUL.  
CG: LESSER OF TWO FUCKING EVILS IS WHAT I AM SAYING.  
GT: Well, he really wants to save his father.  
CC: R—EELLY? Cause t)(at’s not )(ow I sea it.  
GT: What?  
CC: T)(ink aboat it. Roxy is leaving tomorrow. )(e wants to leave town wit)( )(is gillfrond, but now )(e knows )(is fat)(erlusus is dying )(e can’t.   
CC: Not wit)(out eeling INCR—EDIBUBBLY gillty anywaves.  
CG: HOLY SHIT.  
CC: So )(e saves )(is dad and now )(e can leave wit)(out t)(e gillt. Living )(appily wit)( )(is gillfrond until t)(e devil wants his soul.  
AG: Whoa, so the kid seeeeeeeelflessly sells his soul only so he can selfishly leave the next day?  
CC: I t)(ink so anywave.  
CG: THAT IS SORTA ROMANTIC ÁND STUPID.  
GC: SO IT IS R1GHT UP YOUR 4LL3Y.   
GC: OH 1TS 4 D3L1C1OUS C4NDYR3D BLOODCONTR4CT TOO  
GC: TH3 B3ST K1ND OF CONTR4CT  
TT: Dave didn’t warn me for half of this insanity.  
GC: D4V3 DO3SNT W4RN YOU 4BOUT 4 LOT OF TH1NGS  
TT: A habit he should swiftly rectify.

TT: Look kid, I am all better now. Thanks Satan.  
TT: Seriously. How did they find out that he's all better now within what appears to be a twelf hour span?  
AG: Ghost rider every8ody; hellish 8ountyhunters, dark contracts, family drama and a whoooooooole lot of 8ORING!  
GC: OH STOP B31NG SO DR4M4T1C  
GC: 1T 1SN’T TH4T B4D  
AT: iSN’T THIS UHM, kIND OF TOUCHING?  
AT: tHE SON EXPLAINS WHAT HE INTENDS TO DO, aND THE FATHER IS LIKE; yOU’RE A MAN NOW,   
AT: TtAKE THE SPECIAL BIKE,  
GT: Indeed my brown-lettered friend.  
GT: A beautiful coming of age moment for the young Johnny Blaze.  
CG: YES, EXCEPT IT’S ROCK STUPID. THE FATHER FLAT-OUT ADMITS THAT HE EXPECTS HIS SON TO BE CAUGHT BY THE AUTHORITIES. BASICALLY HE TELLS HIM TO GO GET ARRESTED.  
CG: ARENT LUSII SUPPOSED TO PROTECT YOU FROM YOUR OWN STUPIDITY?  
GC: SOM3 N33D TH4T MOR3 TH4N OTH3RS  
CC: )(i)(i

TG: Oh that sonuvabiatch!  
AT: nOW DO YOU THINK HE’S EVIL fEFERI?  
CC: O)( t)(at was downrig)(t cruel!  
CC: And )(e just stands t)(ere and watc)(es )(im burn!  
CG: HONESTLY, IF YOU DRIVE TROUGH BURNING HOOPS FOR A LIVING YOU KIND OF DESERVE IT.  
CC: KARKAT!  
CG: THEY ARE THE TOP OF THEIR EVOLUTIONARY LINE ON THEIR FUCKING PLANET!   
CG: THEY DIDN’T CRAWL OUT OF THE PRIMORDIAL SLUDGE AND CLIMBED THAT FUCKING LADDER TO WILLINGLY RISK THEIR LIVES JUMPING THROUGH FIRE FOR A CHEAP THRILL!  
TC: ShIt MaN, mAyBe He WaS jUsT lIkE iN tHe NeIgHbOrHoOd AnD wAnTeD tO cHeCk OuT tHe ShOw  
TT: Wouldn’t that be a twist. The devil was innocent all along.  
TC: ThAt SoUnDs WiCkEd  
GT: Truly, if you do not believe this Mephistopheles to be evil now the next scene will seal the proverbial deal.

CG: THERE IT IS AGAIN.  
GC: WH4T 1S?  
CG: THE WAY THIS SHOT IS FRAMED.  
GC: 4G41N W1TH TH3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT SH1T NO ON3 C4R3S 4BOUT  
CG: I’M SERIOUS, LOOK AT THIS SHIT! IN SOME SCENES THIS STUFF COULD BE A PAINTING!  
TT: Or a comic.  
CG: AND THE TRAGEDY OF IT IS THAT ITS IN GHOST RIDER, OF ALL FUCKING THINGS.  
TG: lawl  
TG: i guesses it looks cool. I am moar intrested in this mefisisoles…  
TG: *mephifistoles  
TG: *milfhunter  
TG: DANMIT AUTOCRCT!  
TT: *Mephistopheles  
TG: Thank u strudel.  
TG: That guy is soch a smooth operator  
CC: BUT )(E’S SO CRU----EL!  
GT: Women like the bad boys I guess.  
AG: Yeeeeeeees. Which is why I loooooooove Cameron Poe, 8ut am kind of 8ored with this Johnny PERSON.  
CG: YES BUT THAT GUY HAD THE POOR LUCK OF BEING PLAYED BY HUMAN MUPPET NICHOLAS CAGE.  
GT: Ehehehehe *loosens collar a bit*  
CG: I AM NOT FUCKING ROLEPLAYING WITH YOU.  
GC: 1 W1LL!  
GT: Eh….. Maybe not?  
GC: HRMMM  
GT: Quite frankly, you frighten me.  
GC: OH  
GC: TH4TS GOOD >:]  
GT: Err……….

GC: 4ND OF COURS3 1T 1S R41N1NG  
TT: How else are we feeble humans supposed to figure out this is a sad scene?  
GC: YOU S33M 4 LOT L3SS FUNNY TH4N D4V3  
TT: Screw that. I am hilarious.  
GC: JUST 4 LOT MOR3 S4RC4ST1C  
GC: 1T 1SNT UNPL34S4NT BUT 1T T4ST3S R34LLY SOUR  
TT: Clearly I am not trying hard enough.  
GC: >:[  
CC: But…. But )(e’s leaving Roxy behind  
CC: T)(ats so sad!  
GT: Ah, but this is the superhero dilemma. Will your loved ones be endangered by your actions?  
GT: It is safer for Roxy to stay away from all this devilish malarkey.   
CC: W)(AL---E )(E S)(OALD AT LEAST TALK TO )(ER!  
GT: Uhm….. Yeah, that sounds fair.  
CC: Would it krill )(im to walk over to )(er and say: “I can’t leave because my lusus just died.”  
CC: IT’S A GOOD REASON TO STAY SO S)(E WOULDN’T BE MAD AND PER)(APS EVEN PERSUADE )(ER LUSUS TO STAY.  
CC: Not to trenchion it is t)(e polite t)(ing to do and you owe it to your matesprit.  
CG: YOU ARE TRYING TO TALK SENSE IN A HUMAN ACTION FLICK.

CG: MORE EVOLUTION DEFYING STUNTS FROM THE BLAZE KID.  
GT: After a timeskip.  
CG: YES, AFTER A TIMESKIP. WHATEVER.   
CG: YOU HUMANS SHOULD HAVE RETARDED YOURSELF EXTINCT IF THINGS LIKE THIS ARE A POPULAR PAST TIME.  
TC: BuT mAn DoEs It LoOk BeAuTiFuL.  
TC: LiKe, ThE cOlOrs, ThE sOuNdS, tHe WhOlE sTaDiUm ChEeRiNg FoR hIm.  
TC: AnD mAn, HoW dId ThOsE fIrEwOrKs KnOw WhEn To PoP uP lIkE a FiErY mIrAcLe.  
TT: Fireworks are not exactly rocket science.  
TT: In fact, it is childishly simple.  
TC: NaH mAn. I dOnT wAnNa KnOw.  
TC: TaKeS aWaY aLl ThE bEaUtY fRoM iT.  
TT: Suit yourself.  
GC: (YOU 4R3 S331NG TH1S R1GHT?)  
CG: (I DO, BUT I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE IT.)  
CG: (IS THIS A FUCKING TRICK? IS HE GOING TO DANCE WITH FEFERI’S HEAD AGAIN?)  
GC: (ST4Y V1G1L4NT)  
CG: (NO NEED TO TELL ME TWICE.)  
TC: WhAt ArE yOu GuYs Up AnD wHiSpErInG aBoUt?  
CG: NOTHING.  
GC: NOTH1NG  
AG: Pro8a8ly more 8ickering. I swear you guys need an auspistice 8aaaaaaaad.  
CG: WE WERE NOT BICKERING!  
GC: W3 W3R3 NOT B1CK3R1NG!  
AG: Tavros, do you think you could auspistice for these two?  
AT: i UHM, wOULD REALLY, bUT kARKAT WOULD YELL AT ME,  
AT: a LOT,  
CG: INDEED I FUCKING WOULD. NOW SIT YOUR MATCHMAKING ASS DOWN AND WATCH THIS PATHETIC MOVIE.

CG: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!  
CG: THE FUCKER GREW UP TO BECOME NICHOLAS CAGE.  
CG: FUCK THIS MOVIE! FUCK IT RIGHT UP ITS NOSTRILS UNTIL MY HATEJIZZ POURS OUT OF ITS EARS!  
TT: Gross dude.  
GC: M4YB3 1T 1S JUST 4 CL3V3R N1CHOL4S C4G3 M4SK  
AG: YES! This movie just 8ecame 8 times more awesome!!!!!!!!  
GT: Had I known you had an aversion towards this particular actor I would have been more careful with my pick.  
CG: HOW WAS I NOT CLEAR LAST TIME?!  
AG: It kiiiiiiiinda 8lends together when you h8 EVERYTHING.

TG: lmao, movie is teh suttle.   
TG: also howlurmonkeys are frigkin hilaruos.  
TT: Exposition through television.   
TT: So in summation; Johnny has used his deal with the devil to become the greatest stuntman alive for realsies.   
TT: I would hate to reuse my ‘thanks Satan’ joke but without the devil he’d be doomed to mediocrity.  
GT: Poppycock. Surely Mr Blaze is a man of action. He would have gotten to this point regardless.   
CC: W)(ale maybe it’s not t)(e devil?  
CC: Maybe )(e does t)(ose stunts )(imself.  
AT: mAYBE, BUT UHM, sINCE THE DEVIL NEEDS HIM ALIVE HE BASICALLY HAS A SAFETY NET,  
AT: i DON’T THINK THAT OTHER DRIVERS ARE AS LUCKY.  
TG: Y try defending teh devil anyways?  
TG: Itsch the devil. Bein unambigusly evil is th point.  
CC: I just find it weird w)(enever somefin or someone is portrayed as completely evil.  
CC: Even my ancestor wouldn’t call )(ers)(ellf evil and s)(e was a HORRIBUBBL-E perchon.  
TG: reelly? Who dat?  
CC: YOU MADE A FIS)(PUN!  
TG: I did?  
CC: You could )(ave said really, but you said R----EELLY!  
CC: Fis)(puns are simply t)(e B-----EST puns!!!!  
TG: kikass.

GC: SO TH3 4NT4GON1ST  
GC: NOT 3X4CTLY WH4T 1 3XP3CT3D FROM 4 H3LLSP4WN  
GC: K1ND4 LOOKS L1K3 4 BR4T TO M3  
AG: Of coooooooourse YOU miss the subtle changes whenever he gets pissed off.  
AG: In a few quick shots his face turns aaaaaaaall demonic and scary looking.  
CG: YES, BUT IT FLIES BY SO FAST IT’S LIKE THEY ARE EMBARRASSED TO SHOW IT.  
TC: ShIt MoThErFuCkEr Up AnD mUrDeRs ThAt WhOlE club.  
TC: HeHeHeHeHe, ClUb.  
TC: AnYwAy, SeRiOuSlY uNcOoL.  
CG: JUST KNOCK IT OFF GAMZEE.  
TC: :o(  
GC: H3 DO3S TURN 4N 3NT1R3 B4R 1NTO HUSK-L1K3 BLU3 POPS1CL3S  
GC: SM3LLS L1K3 DUST SP1D3RW3BS 4ND ON3 OF THOS3 R34LLY N4STY TOMB FL4RP1NG S3TT1NGS 4R4D14 US3D TO P1CK.  
AT: aND HE GETS A FEW ELEMENTAL CRONIES,  
AT: sO HE HAS THAT GOING FOR HIM, wHICH IS NICE,  
TG: Iz it just the buzz or is teh audio in this sene glitchy as fuck.  
TT: They probably do it to give the demons an otherworldly sound.  
TG: Well itsh very annoyin. Hope they don’t conintue it.

CG: AAAH, SO IT’S A MOIRAILLEGIANCE BETWEEN THESE TWO.   
CG: SORTA.  
CG: FOR AS FAR AS YOU ASSHOLES DO MOIRAILLEGIANCE.  
TG: i resent taht!  
TG: we have the bestest morallegncae  
TT: *Moiraillegiance  
TG: thanks.  
CG: OH BULLSHIT. YOU HUMANS WOULDN’T KNOW A SHOOSH FROM A PAP IF YOU WERE SURROUNDED BY PALE CONCUBINES ON A PILE MADE OF ROMCOMS.  
GC: PROJ3CT MUCH?  
TT: Clearly you have never seen me interact with the lovely mrs Lalonde.  
TG: omfg dirk don’t call me taht.   
TT: Our pale shenanigans clear entire rooms as no one wants to be with a couple that so blatantly discusses their feelings.  
TG: Diiiiiiirk.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK.  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3 1 4PPROV3  
TT: Oh yes. Sometimes we even like to do it right in the open.  
AT: i UHM, cANT BELIEVE i AM READING THIS,  
TT: Sometimes she needs to have a good cry. Sometimes my pokerface cracks just a little.   
TG: Omgwtf dirk you are embassassing me.  
CG: I AM GOING TO BE SICK.  
TT: So we just hold hands or hug it out….. In the common rooms, on the street, in the kitchen. Last time we did it in Dave’s bedroom.  
GC: WO4H  
GC: TH4T 1S H4RDCOR3 >:]  
TT: We invited him to watch.  
CG: HNRK……..UUUGHH………  
CG: JUST THREW UP IN MY MOUTH A LITTLE.  
CC: IT IS SO CUT-----E!  
CG: IT IS FUCKING DEVIANT IS WHAT IT IS!!!!

TG: NOP. Tey still sound like they are undrwater.  
AT: yEAH, IT’S A LITTLE ANNOYING,  
CC: So t)(is guy called Black)(eart is Satan’s son?  
TT: Really, that’s just funny. It sounds like a name that sounded really cool to a fourteen year old goth kid.  
GT: What’s wrong with the name?  
GT: I think it sounds rather menacing.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DOES *THE FUCKMOTHERING DEVIL* DO WITH A KID.  
TC: WeLl BrO. wHeN a MoMmA aNd A pApPa LoVe EaCh OtHeR rEaLlY mUcH mIrAcLeS hApPeN.  
CG: WHO THE FUCK LOVES THE DEVIL?  
CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD THE DEVIL EVEN WANT AN HEIR?  
TT: How do fallen angels even breed?  
CG: NOT SOMETHING I WANT TO SPENT TOO MANY BRAINCELLS ON.  
GC: 1 WOULD  
GC: 1 4M JUST CUR1OUS WHO TH3 MOTH3R 1S

AG: Oh goodie…. Look who’s 8ack.  
TG: Aaaw yiss. It’s roxxy biatch. Rockin the reporter schtick.  
TT: A superhero with a love interest that happens to be a reporter?  
TT: What are the odds.  
CG: CAN HE BE ANY MORE AWKWARD?  
AG: Oh shoosh. It’s charming.  
CG: HE COMPLETELY IGNORES EVERY FUCKING QUESTION SHE ASKS HIM.  
GT: Well how would you react if your old flame suddenly enters your life again?  
GC: Y34H K4RK4T  
GC: HOW WOULD YOU R34CT  
CG: STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE A FUCKING PREDATOR!  
AT: sERIOUSLY MR bLAZE, jUST ONE STRAIGHT ANSWER WOULD BE APRECIATED,  
AT: rESPECT rOXY’S PROFESSIONALISM AND STOP DODGING QUESTIONS,

CG: MORE GODDAMN EXTREME STUNTS. THIS MOVIE CAN BITE ME.  
GT: But is this not incredibly daring?   
GT: One man, defying gravity as he jumps over these whirling metal blades of death?  
CG: IT’S FUCKING STUPID!  
AT: nOW UHM, i CAN UNDERSTAND THE WHOLE ‘wANTING TO DEFY GRAVITY’ PART,  
AT: i UHM, rEALLY DO,  
AT: bUT WHAT PURPOSE DO THE WHIRLING METAL DEATHBLADES SERVE?  
GT: The thrill.  
AT: tHAT’S KINDA STUPID,  
CG: THERE, EVEN FUCKING TAVROS SAYS IT.  
CC: BUT IT LOOKS SO EXCITING!

CG: DOUCHEBAG TRYING TO IMPRESS GIRL WITH MOTORBIKE SHENANIGANS. NEXT!  
AG: Oh come oooooooon. This is some grade-a driving!  
AG: And just look at that winning smile……..

TT: And he’s a dick to the traffic behind him.  
GT: But he literally threw himself in front of their car to ask her for a date.  
GT: Is that not highly romantic?  
AG: Of course it is!!!!!!!!  
CG: OF COURSE IT FUCKING ISN’T!  
AG: Siiiiiiiigh. 8ut ow we’ll get the whole movie the ‘will they won’t they’ thing.  
AG: I can’t waaaaaaaait for them to realize they love each other in the final scene.

AG: Or….. you know, do it now.  
CG: ON THE HIGHWAY.  
CC: Aaaaaaaaaaaaawwwww   
CC: T)(ATS SOOOO CUT------E!!!!  
TG: Shit is bannaang.   
TG: Bit embassading but it looks like a lotta fun to smooch liek dat.  
GC: 1 4GR33  
CG: WE ARE NOT DOING THAT.  
CG: WHEN I TELL PEOPLE TO GO PLAY IN TRAFFIC THIS IS NOT WHAT I HAVE IN MIND!  
GC: L4M3  
TC: ShIt So ThE lOvEbIrDs GeT tO gO oN a DaTe.  
TC: ThAt Is WiCkEd CuTe. BlAzEbRo ReAlLy SeEmS tO nEeD tHaT mAgIcAl PoSiTiVe InFlUeNcE iN hIs LiFe.  
CG: ALRIGHT GAMZEE. KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF!  
TC: WhAtS wRoNg KaRbRo. YoU kEeP yElLiNg.  
CG: YOU ARE NOT FOOLING ANYONE SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL CUT THE CRAP!  
TC: FoOlInG yOu?  
TC: DiD i PuLl A pRaNk Or SoMeThInG? i DoNt EvEn FuCkInG rEmEmBeR.  
TC: So SoRrY bRo.  
CG: ARE YOU FOR REAL!?  
CG: TAVROS, DID HE KNOCK HIS HEAD CLIMBING OUT OF THE RECUPERACOON?  
AT: nOT THAT i KNOW?  
CG: FUCK.  
GC: 1 TH1NK H3’S T3LL1NG TH3 TRUTH >:/  
GC: W31RD 4S 1T 1S  
CC: Is somefin wrong?  
CC: You guys seem awfully concherned.  
GC: NOTH1NG  
CG: NOTHING.

TT: Is it just me or does Nicholas Cage’s very face look odd?  
TT: As in more so than usual.  
GT: Something tells me shenanigans are awry.  
GT: Mr Blaze might have to cancel his diner plans.   
TG: And leafing roxxy by her lonesum agaen.  
AT: dO HUMANS OFTEN HAVE STEAM COMING FROM THEIR HANDS?  
TT: Only during full moons.  
TT: We then perform our cleansing rites in the mountain springs where the gurus assist us in remaining pure of body and spirit.  
AT: tHAT ACTUALLY SOUNDS KIND OF NICE,  
AT: uHM, sTEAMING HANDS NOT WITHSTANDING,

CG: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TRYING TO TELL ME THAT NOBODY IS NOTICING THIS TRAIL OF DESTRUCTION?  
CG: CARS ARE BEING FLUNG INTO BUILDINGS, THE GROUND IS TORN ASUNDER UNDER HIS WHEELS, TREES BURST INTO FLAMES BECAUSE OF HIS PRESSENCE AND HE LEAVES A TRAIL OF FUCK-YOU FIRE.  
CG: AND NOBODY WANTS TO CHECK THIS SHIT OUT?  
TG: Whale its nighttime. We get sneepy.  
CC: O)( MY GLUB YOU SAID W)(ALE!  
CC: GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB!!!!  
TG: Le gasp!  
TG: Nao I no why you are so familjar.  
TG: Were you at?  
TG: I NEED to huggle you rite now!  
CC: 38P  
TG: Sweet precious kind lovely precious Fefeta <3<3<3<3<3  
CC: It’s Feferi acshelly.  
CC: Sad fin is, I don’t remember much from being a sprite…….  
TG: Well you sploded……  
GT: Uhm…. Guys?  
TG: I am busy nao Jake bb.  
CG: WE ARE WATCHING A FUCKING MOVIE HERE. FOCUS.  
CC: Glub. SH----ELLA RUD----E!

GC: OH GOD 1TS TH3 C4G3F4C3

TG: ring ring  
TG: rolal speeking  
TG: ohai it’s the ps2. I woold like mah graphiks back pls.  
GT: Which is strange, because the transformation actually looked rather swell.  
TT: Of course it’s a skull.  
TT: It is always skulls.  
TT: Why would it be anything but a skull.  
GT: Something the matter old chum?  
TT: No. Why would there be?  
CG: IS ANYONE GOING TO POINT OUT THAT THIS IS INCREDIBLY IMPRACTICAL?  
CG: HOW CAN HE HOLD SHIT OR MOVE IF HE DOESN’T HAVE MUSCLES?  
TG: Majyks.  
CG: YES, BUT HE IS A WHOLE LOT MORE FRAGILE THAN BEFORE. IF HE GETS HIT IT DOESN’T GET HAVE TO PENETRATE SKIN FIRST BUT GOES STRAIGHT TO THE BONE.  
TC: MiRaCles.  
CG: AND HOW PRACTICAL CAN IT BE TO ALWAYS BE ON FIRE? WHAT PURPOSE DOES IT SOLVE? WHAT FUEL DOES IT USE?  
AT: fAIRYDUST?  
CG: AAAAAARGH!!!  
CC: I actually kind of like the design!  
CC: Even it looks a little seally because of the cg.  
GC: HOW 4M 1 SUPPOS3D TO NOT1C3 CG?  
GC: H3 T4ST3S LOV3LY  
GC: L1COR1C3 W1TH NOUG4T 4ND W4RMTH  
CG: SO YEAH.FIFTY MINUTES IN AND WE FINALLY HAVE THE TITULAR GHOSTRIDER. BE VERY FUCKING DISAPPOINTED.

AG: Ok, much as I loooooooove Nicholas Cage. How was this a fightscene?  
TC: WeLl He SwUnG hIs ChAiN aRoUnD aNd UsEd SoMe MoThErFuCkInG hElL mAgIcS.  
AG: 8ut it was over in an instant.  
AG: The 8ad guys could take him four-to-one with three elementals and the son of the fucking devil!!!!!!!!  
AG: and for some reason he is impervious to trucks 8eing thrown into his face!!!!!!!!  
AG: Yeah he’s a 8ad-ass 8ut this was just silly.  
GT: Hmmm I agree, perhaps the other elementals could have assisted their comrade.  
GT: Or perhaps they abide by the rules of fisticuffs. One does not simply interfere in a gentleman’s duel.  
AG: Laaaaaaaame.

TT: Apparently the Ghost Rider can transform whatever vehicle he rides into an hellish version of it.  
TT: So if Nicholas Cage is not commandeering a hellish tank by the end of the movie I will be incredibly disappointed.  
AG: Screw that. What a8out a 8attleship?  
GT: Or a train.  
TT: It also extends to objects, to create weapons and such. Just think of the possibilities.  
GT: Hellish pistols?  
AG: hell dice?  
GC: 4 H3LL FLYSW4TT3R >:]  
TC: ShIt ChIcA tHaT wOuLd Be AmAzInG  
CG: SO HOW MUCH ARE WE BETTING HE STICKS TO A BUNCH OF CHAINS?

AT: uHM, iSN’T IT NORMAL FOR THE HERO TO FIRST STOP A SMALL TIME MUGGER AND THEN STOP A LARGER PART OF WHATEVER EVIL IS AFOOT?  
GT: Well yeah. They do so in Spiderman, Blade and various other action flicks.  
AT: sO AFTER KILLING SOMEONE WHO IS IMPLIED TO BE AN EARTH ELEMENTAL, HE JUST GOES TO STOP RANDOM THUGS??  
AT: tHAT IS A SIGNIFICANT STEP DOWN,  
GC: NOT ONLY TH4T  
GC: TH3 3V1L 34RTH 3L3M3NT4L GOT 1NC1N3R4T3D 4ND SM4SH3D WH1L3 TH1S POOR HUM4N H4S TO L1V3 TROUGH 4LL TH3 P41N H3 H4S C4US3D OTH3RS 1N 4 W4Y TH4T S33MS TO T34R H1S V3RY SOUL 4P4RT  
GT: Well, it’s a good way to properly judge those mooks.   
GT: If they never caused too many grievances they will probably come out alright.  
GC: 1M JUST S4Y1NG H3 SHOULD PROBABLT S4V3 TH3 B1G GUNS FOR FO3S TH4T 4CTU4LLY POS3 4 THR34T  
TG: Ya don’t use your bfg agaynst randum mooks.

CG: IT’S THE GUY FROM THE OPENING.  
TC: HuH?  
CG: I KNOW THEY ARE PLAYING THIS UP TO BE A BIG SHOCK, BUT IT’S THE FUCKING GUY FROM THE OPENING.  
CG: HIS VOICE IS FUCKING RECOGNIZABLE, YOU HAVE TO BE A FUCKING IDIOT NOT TO NOTICE.   
GC: 4 VO1C3 L1K3 S1LKY CHOCOL4T3  
CG: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. BUT THIS IS THE GHOST RIDER THAT TOOK THE MCGUFFIN CONTRACT.  
CG: ANYONE WHO WAS EVEN REMOTELY AWAKE DURING THE OPENING CAN TELL IT’S THE SAME FUCKING GUY.  
TC: ShIt BrO i DiDn’T eVeN fUcKiNg NoTiCe AnD i WaS aWaKe.  
TC: I tHiNk…..  
TC: WaS I?  
TG: lmao, u were mr guide.  
TC: HaHaHaHa, WaS i A gOoD gUiDe ShOwInG yOu FeLlA’s AlL tHe BeAuTiFuLl MiRaClEs Of ThIs WoRlD?  
TT: You threw a bunch of corpses into kernelsprites.   
AG: W8.  
AG: I DON’T W8NT TO R8MEM8ER TH8S!!!!!!!!  
AT: uHM, mE NEITHER, tHIS IS ALL SOUNDING VERY FAMILIAR AND UNCOMFORTABLE AND i DON’T LIKE IT,  
TC: ShIt MaN. mUsT hAvE tRiPpEd Or SoMeThInG cArRyInG tHoSe ThInGs  
TG: Its aaaaall good.   
TG: You gave me sweet innocent, sweet precious lovely fefetasprite <3

GT: Hey look. Roxy is still in this movie.  
GT: She was incredibly pissed Johnny didn’t show up for their date…. On account of being a burning skeleton at the time.  
AG: Some people just whiiiiiiiine a8out every little thing.  
GC: 1 DON’T G3T 1T  
GC: TH3 3NT1R3 CH4OS C4US3D BY TH3 GHOST R1D3R R1D1NG DOWNTOWN TH3 M4SS4CR3 1N TH3 B1K3R B4R 4ND TH3 N3WS CHOOS3S TO FOCUS ON TH1S ON3 MURD3R?  
GC: D1D 4LL TH4T OTH3R STUFF S1MPLY NOT H4PP3N?  
GC: HUM4N M3D14 1S STUP1D >:/

CG: AGAIN WITH THE BEAUTIFULLY FRAMED SHOTS.  
CG: STOP BEING IN GHOST RIDER! YOU BELONG IN A MUCH BETTER MOVIE DAMNIT!  
CC: T)(is is aks)(elly pretty well acted.  
CC: T)(e way Nic)(olas Cage portrays suc)( a conflicted c)(aracter.  
TT: Yeah, he is uncharacteristically subdued in this role.  
AG: He also looks tooooooootally hot in that leather <3  
TT: He’s too old for my tastes.  
AG: It just makes him more expeeeeeeeerienced ;;;;)  
TT: Suit yourself.  
AT: i UHM, dID NOT WANT TO READ THAT,  
GC: R34LLY MOV13?  
GC: N1CHOL4S C4G3 H4S NO QU3ST1ONS 4BOUT TH1S OLD M4N 4ND WHY H3 KNOWS SO MUCH?  
GC: W3 4R3 JUST GO1NG TO SK1MP OV3R TH4T?  
GC: NOT GO1NG TO 4SK HOW H3 KNOWS YOU M4D3 4 D34L OR HOW MUCH H3 KNOWS 4BOUT L4ST NIGHT?  
CG: NOP. LETS WAIT LIKE FUCKING IDIOTS FOR THAT TO BE RESOLVED NEAR THE ENDING.

CG: OH GOOD. I AM GLAD WE’RE AT LEAST ACKNOWLEDGING HE CAUSED SOME SERIOUS TERROR DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD LAST NIGHT.  
CG: I MEAN, IT LOOKS LIKE A DIFFERENT STREET ALTOGETHER, BUT I AM GLAD WE GET SOME FUCKING ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND AREN’T SUPPOSED TO SHRUG IT OFF LIKE AN UNTIMELY FART.

TT: Awkward teenage goth who witnessed Ghost Rider murder a guy.  
TT: I am so glad this scene is in the movie.  
GT: To be fair, the world at large doesn’t know about the guy’s existence.  
GT: We need to see how people react on having a hellish skeleton walking among them.  
TT: Do we?  
CC: But no one bereefes her so what is the glubbing point?  
GC: TO SHOW US 4 4WKW4RDLY FUNNY SC3N3  
GC: WH1CH 1S ONLY 4WKW4RD 1N TH4T 1T F41LS TO B3 FUNNY >:[  
TC: wElL i ThInK iTs KiNdA fUnNy?

CG: AND SHE IS RIGHTFULLY PISSED.  
CG: BECAUSE HE’S AN ASSHOLE.  
AG: Woah, I disagree.  
AG: She is waaaaaaaay too harsh on him.   
AG: Calling him just a phase and saying she is GLAD she got dumped 8ecause he’s an asshole.  
AG: That is tooooooootally uncalled for!  
AT: a BIT YEAH,  
CC: It doesn’t pain a good picture of eit)(er of t)(em reelly…..

AG: !!!!!!!!  
CC: O)( MY!!!!!  
CC: T)(AT IS R------EELLY SOM----EFIN EELSE!!!!!!  
GC: H3H3H3 H3 T4ST3S FUNNY  
AG: I saw him first!  
AG: Oh everyone was making fun of me when I claimed con air was the 8EST MOVIE EVER!  
AG: Now look at you!  
CC: I CAN CLAM )(IM BY ROYAL DECR----E----E!  
TG: bow chicka powpow  
TT: *bow wow  
TG: thanks!  
TT: Is that even Nic Cage?   
TT: Not a stunt body? Or cgi?  
TG: i think we wel establisjed the cgi isn’t this good. 

TT: Convenient research that adds nothing to the plot continues.  
GT: That is not true.   
TT: Oh?  
GT: It is here that he learns that the spirit of the ghost rider is a fire elemental.  
GT: Like those mooks are earth, water and wind elementals.  
GT: And by calling upon this fire elemental he can create and manipulate fire.  
TT: Neat.  
TT: Does this have any impact on the movie?  
GT: Well…… No. In fact, he never creates fire again.  
TT: So not only the research was pointless, but the entire scene.  
TT: I am glad we resolved that.

AT: oH WHOA, cAN UHM, tHEY MAYBE MAKE UP THEIR MINDS ON WHETHER OR NOT THEY WANT TO HAVE SLOPPY MAKE OUTS OR NOT?  
TG: I lurv you  
TG: I hates you  
TG: Taek me nao  
TG: Gollumn golum  
TC: MaN tHeY aRe JuSt DoInG wHaT tHeY fEeL iS rIgHt.  
TC: wHo ArE wE tO jUdGe?  
TC: ThAt ShIt iS mOtHeRfUcKiNg BeAuTiFuLl   
CG: AAAAARGH!!!!  
TC: SoMeThInG i SaId bRo?  
CG: NO…. NEVER MIND…. I’M FINE.  
GT: I for one agree with the indigo gentleman.   
GT: Though I would wish they spent less time on the romance and a little more on the action.  
CG: THIS ROMANCE CAN GO EAT A KNOB. LET’S CONTINUE.

AG: Aaaaaaaaw he looks like a kicked puppy.  
GC: TH4TS TH3 LOOK OF SOM3ON3 WHO H4S TO D3NY H1MS3LF S3X  
AT: wELL, hE WOULD RISK TURNING INTO THE GHOST RIDER MID-ORGASM  
AT: aND THAT WOULD BE KIND OFF UHM, aWKWARD.  
GT: And the woman thinks he is either lying scum or criminally insane.  
GT: Boy, will she feel stupid when she figures out he is telling the truth.  
GT: I sense shenanigans will be afoot shortly.  
CC: But )(er reaction is COMPL---ET---ELY natural.   
CC: Jo)(nny )(asn’t been t)(e most trustwort)(y person to her. Leaving )(er in t)(e rain, not s)(owing up on t)(eir date……  
CC: And t)(en a story t)(is difficult to bereef?  
TG: Fefeta speeks truth.  
TG: *Feferi, sorry.  
CC: )(i)(I, its ok.   
CC: After t)(e movie I’ll pick up Nepeta and we can )(ang out  
CC: It’ll be fun!  
TG: <3  
GC: D1D M1SS 4ND PR1NC3SS BUBBL3GUM JUST 4RR4NG3 4 D4T3 >:?  
TG: No, not liek dat.  
CC: No, no no no.   
TG: Welp, unless…..  
CC: I mean, unless……  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4  
CG: I AM GOING TO VOMMIT. 

TT: I don’t know guys. Do you think you have enough guns pointed at our unarmed suspect?  
GC: S3R1OUSLY  
GC: TH3S3 GUYS 4R3 SUCH 4M4T3URS  
AG: He is arrested for witholding sex from his love interest.

AT: oK, sO THEY POINTED LIKE, a HUNDRED GUNS AT HIM,  
AT: bECAUSE THEY FOUND HIS LICENSE PLATE AT THE SCENE OF THE CRIME,  
AT: i AM PRETTY SURE HE IS WELL WITHIN HIS RIGHTS TO COMPLAIN ABOUT HIS TREATMENT,  
CG: IF HE BURNED DOWN AN ORPHANAGE I WOULD AGREE WITH CALLING THE FUCKING SWAT TEAM. BUT THIS IS ONE CIRCUMSTANTIAL PIECE OF EVIDENCE.  
TT: Not only that, but we saw him lose his license plate at what might have been miles away from the crime scene.  
TC: DiD tHaT hApPeN?  
TT: My memory is infallible. The license plate should not even be on the crime scene.  
TC: ThEn WhY wAs It ThErE?  
TG: Slopy writin.  
TT: Also, because a fire effect was used they assume Johnny is responsible. Because he is a stuntman and those use fire effects.  
TT: What asinine reasoning is this? Do they expect a stuntman of his caliber to do his own special effects? Arrest his roadie.   
GC: SO C4S3 CLOS3D  
GC: TH3Y SHOULDN’T B3 4BL3 TO HOLD TH3 D3F3ND4NT  
CG: AS IN THEY WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO DO AS MUCH IF JOHNNY WASN’T ACTING SHADY AS FUCK.  
CG: SERIOUSLY, DOES HE *WANT* TO GET ARRESTED?

AT: mORE cAGEFACE,  
AG: I thought I'd never see the day: It is Cage in a Cage doing the Cageface.  
TT: There is an inception joke in there somewhere.  
AG: A what now????????  
GC: H3 1S 4 SUSP3CT NOT 4 CONV1CT  
GC: 1 4M PR3TTY SUR3 YOU 4R3 NOT SUPPOS3D TO PUT THOS3 1N 4 ROWDY GROUP C3LL L1K3 TH1S  
GC: 3SP3C14LLY NOT 1F YOU KNOW TH3Y H4V3 TH3 C4SH TO G3T 4 GOOD L4WY3R  
GC: WH1CH H3 DO3SN’T 4SK FOR B3C4US3 OF NO R34SON WH4TSO3V3R  
GC: 1S HUM4N L4W TH1S STUP1D OR 1S 1T JUST C4G3  
TG: Cage is speciul :p  
TT: Also the inmates beat him up because……   
TT: Because of reasons I guess.  
CC: Again wit)( t)(e one dimensional evil c)(aracters. Glub.  
TC: ShIt BrO dIdN’t ThE gRaVeDiGgEr SaY sOmEtHiNg AbOuT tHe EfFeCt Of EvIl pReSsEnCes?

TC: AaAaAaAhH tHeRe It Is.  
TC: SHOWING THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS WHO’SE BOSS.  
TC: tearing their motherfucking souls asunder!  
GC: >:[  
CG: EEP!  
TG: Lawl, Karcat did you just eep?  
AT: gAMZEE, aRE YOU FEELING OK?  
TC: SuRe TaVbRo  
TC: WhY wOuLdNt I?  
CG: NO REASON. NO REASON WHATSOEVER.  
TT: So yeah. Blaze broke out in two minutes flat.  
TT: Cops in this universe are legendarily incompetent.

TT: Strike a pose for the trailers.  
GT: He looks incredibly bad-ass.  
TG: It does lock pretty metal.  
CC: W)(at does t)(at cop T)(INK he can do against a man who is literally a magic burning skull?  
TC: GoTtA gIvE hIm KuDoS fOr HiS cAjOnEs.   
TC: He StIlL tRiEs To TaKe ThE mOtHeRfUcKeR iN.  
CC: But t)(at is just seally!  
AT: wHEN DID HE GET A PSYCHIC LINK WITH HIS MOTORCYCLE?  
GC: WH3N TH3 PLOT D3M4ND3D 1T

TT: This scene accomplishes nothing.

GT: Gadzooks, he does give these law enforcers the slip in a most spectacular manner.   
GT: Simply smashing.  
CG: ONE MUST WONDER HOW MANY POLICEMEN AT THIS POINT RAISED THEIR HANDS AND OPTED *NOT* TO CHASE THE MAGIC BURNING HELLSKELETON.  
CG: YOU KNOW, BECAUSE HE SEEMS TO BE IMPERVIOUS TO PHYSICAL DAMAGE AND IS A FUCKING HELLSKELETON?  
GC: TH4T WOULD B3 COW4RD1C3  
GC: GHOST R1D3R OBV1OUSLY BROK3 TH3 L4W 4ND N33DS TO B3 4PPR3H3ND3D  
AG: Oh pleeeeeeeease. What laws did he 8r8k?  
GC: V4ND4L1SM  
GC: DR1V1NG W4Y OV3R TH3 SP33DL1M1T  
AG: That is not worth calling the entire swat force for!!!!!!!!  
GC: WH4T M4NN3R OF M4G1C 3V3N 4LLOWS H1M TO R1D3 ON W4T3R?  
TT: Jesus magic.  
GC: >:/

TT: Hey, you know that one guy that can actually pose a threat to us but isn't actually invested in stopping us?  
TT: Lets fuck with him.  
GT: Their vanity is their undoing.  
GT: They vastly underestimate Mr Blaze and as a result get picked off one by one.  
AT: iNDEED, yOU UHM, SHOULD NEVER UNDERESTIMATE YOUR OPPONENT,  
AG: Unless he comes at you with a daggerlance.  
AG: Then you are peeeeeeeerfectly in your right to underestimate him.  
TC: YO SIS, YOU TALKING SMACK ABOUT TAVBRO?  
AG: Eh????????  
TC: that shit is seriously motherfucking uncool…….  
CG: RIGHT. I THINK GAMZEE NEEDS ANOTHER NAP IN THE SOPOR.  
CG: AS IN NOW.  
CG: AS IN RIGHT FUCKING NOW.  
TC: WhAt?  
TC: ShIt BrO i JuSt WoKe Up.  
CG: NO. I AM NOT FUCKING DOING THIS AGAIN.  
CG: SOPOR. NAP. NOW.  
CC: I t)(oug)(t you two weren’t moiraeels any more….  
CC: You )(ave no rig)(t to command him like that.  
CG: JUST FUCKING TRUST ME ON THIS PLEASE.  
TC: AaAaAaAaAwW cOmE oN bEsT fRiEnD.  
GC: JUST…… L3T H1M ST4Y  
CG: WHAT?!  
GC: 1T 1S S4F3R 1F W3 C4N OBS3RV3 H1M  
GT: (Am I the only one that is totally lost?)  
TG: (Not at all jakey.)  
TT: (………..)

CG: YOU KNOW, BECAUSE FUCK PHYSICS.   
AT: aND STAIRS,  
TT: Newton trying to tell him no. How you like them apples bitch?

AG: Another one? SERIOUSLY????????  
AG: We have a 8attle 8etween a fiery hellspawn and a wind demon and the movie somehow makes it 8ORING!  
AG: Just think a8out what could 8e done with this scene. An epic rooftop 8attle 8etween two elementals under a full moon.  
AG: 8ut now. Ghostrider whips his chain around two or three times and wins.  
AG: AT LEAST 8RING 8ACK NICHOLAS CAGE IF YOU’RE GONNA SUCK MOVIE.  
GT: In related news, Blackheart is down two cronies.

CC: So )(e rides down the building on )(is motorcycle LIK----E A BASS  
CC: Recognizes Roxy and wants to approac)( )(er.  
CC: Maybe apologize for being so unintrenchionally rude.  
CC: Maybe to ask her for forgiveness.  
CC: *sigh* Maybe to ask if s)(e can still love the man )(e )(as become.  
CG: AND THEN HE GETS RIDDLED WITH BULLETS.  
CC: And t)(en )(e gets riddled with bullets……

CG: LUCKILY HE TAKES IT WELL.  
AG: Yeah. I don’t caaaaaaaare what the movie says a8out it.  
AG: People died there.  
TT: Half of the NYPD burned to a crisp.  
TT: Criminal activities rise. Ghostrider is more needed than ever.  
TT: Truly the perfect crime.  
GC: HMMM YOUR M1ND WORKS 1N 4 WORR1SOM3 W4Y  
TT: I get that a lot.  
GC: DO YOU RP?  
TT: Ironically.  
GC: TH3N W3 4R3 GO1NG TO B3 B3ST3ST FR13NDS >:]  
TT: And make Dave hella jealous?  
TT: What kind of bro do you take me for?  
GC: TH3 R34LLY COOL K1ND WHO L1K3S TO PL4Y G4M3S  
TT: Well shit, got me there.

AG: Well isn’t that great.   
AG: Johnny gets told stuff we already saw IN THE GODDAMN OPENING!!!!!!!!  
GT: To be fair, they do elaborate more on the contract.  
CC: Y---ES.  
CC: T)(ey were people driven to GR---EED by the Devil’s deals.  
CC: So t)(ey weren’t ---EVIL shoals but corrupted. T)(at makos a lot more seanse!   
TG: Still, the old man talks aboot carter slade liek he’s a hero.  
TG: But like, if he is a gohstrider too and the prevous one at that, that meens hes teh guy.  
TG: He’s talkin aboat himself.  
CC: ABOAT <3  
TG: Lurv you too Fefs.

AT: aND DROP GOES THE MOIRAIL,  
TC: ShIt BrO.  
TC: ThAt BlAcKhEaRt FeLlOw Is HeLlA wHaCk.  
TC: yOu DoNt tUrN a BrO iNtO a HuSk LiKe ThAt.  
TC: ThAt ShIt Is LiKe, ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg PoLaR OpPoSiTe Of MeLlOw.  
TC: SeRiOuSlY hArSh.  
CG: YES. AFTER BEATING UP ON THE DEFENSELESS OLD MAN BLACKHEART INEXPLICABLY FIGURES OUT WHERE JOHNNY LIVES.  
GT: Well, they make a point to mention that he never locks his door.   
GT: And pretty much the entire city was looking for him after that whole police roast.  
CG: SO THE DEVIL’S BASTARD WATCHES THE NEWS WHERE THEY MENTIONED WHERE HE LIVED FOR SOME REASON?  
CG: HIS ADRESS IS PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE?  
GT: Well yeah, when you put it like that it does sound a bit silly.

AT: nO? hE’S NOT GOING TO CHECK HOW HIS MOIRAIL IS DOING?  
AT: nOT A MOMENT TO GRIEVE OVER HIS CORPSE?  
AT: jUST A QUICKLY MUTTERED: aAAW mACK, LIKE HE STEPPED IN SOMETHING FILTHY?  
AT: wELL OK THEN.  
TG: Omfg his BFG dosn’t even work on darkheart cus he has no soul.  
TT: So we can’t send him to kill MTV either.  
CG: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.  
GT: But he promptly gets his ass handed to him and Roxy is taken hostage.  
TG: Becus of course she is. Why do women never get a chance in heroflicks?  
TT: Would you be insulted if I mentioned the Catwoman movie?  
TG: incredbly so.  
CC: I t)(ink its kinda cool that Black)(eart doesn’t seem to want absolute destruction but rat)(er take )(is fat)(ers place.  
GC: 3XC3PT H3’S TOT4LLY 4FT3R D3STRUCT1ON  
GC: H3 M3NT1ON3D 1T 1N H1S F1RST SC3N3S  
CC: Maybe just to convince t)(e elementals?

CG: SO THE OLD GHOSTRIDER KEPT THE CONTRACT HIDDEN FOR 150 HUMAN YEARS, INSIDE HIS SHOVEL.  
GC: W3LL 1T 1SNT STR4NG3 FOR 4 GR4V3D1GG3R TO C4RRY 4 SHOV3L  
GC: 1 M34N BL4CKH34RT STOOD R1GHT N3XT TO 1T, H3 D1DN’T H4V3 4 CLU3  
CG: HOW LONG IS 150 YEARS?  
AG: A loooooooong time.  
CG: DO HUMANS NORMALLY GROW THAT OLD?  
TG: Not witht srs majyks.  
CG: BUT THE MOVIE DOESN’T EXPLAIN IT, THEREFOR IT IS TOTALLY UNREASONABLE TO EXPECT PEOPLE TO GUESS THE OLD GUY IS THE OLD GHOST RIDER.  
CG: EXCEPT THROUGH HIS VOICE. HIS SILHOUET. HIS KNOWLEDGE ABOUT BEING A GHOSTRIDER.   
CG: YOU KNOW, EVERYTHING ELSE.

TC: WoAh DuDe.  
TC: ThE oLd BrO wAs ThE pReViOus GhOsTrIdEr.  
TC: MaN tHiS fIlM kEePs ThRoWiNg ThEsE wIicKeD cOmPleX tWiStS aT me.  
TC: ShIt Is CrAY.  
CG: GODFUCKMOTHERINGDAMNIT!  
TC: SeRiOuSly BeSt MoViE i HaVe EvEr Seen.  
TC: GrEaT pIcK.  
GT: Why thank you kindly pal.  
GT: Have you seen a lot of movies?  
TC: MaN pRoBaBlY.   
TC: I dOnT rEaLlY rEmEmBeR.  
TC: AnY oF tHeM rEaLly.  
GT: Ah. So in a manner of speaking, this is the first film you have seen?  
TC: I gUeSs.  
GT: Well, I am flattered to be invited on such a joyous occasion.  
TC: MaN i WiLl HoNk To ThAt.  
CG: PLEASE DON’T  
GC: PL34S3 DON’T  
TT: Is no one else going to comment on the hellhorse and how awesome it is?  
TT: Does everyone fail to recognize the beauty of this incredibly metal equine?  
AG: Weeeeeeeell there is one guy 8ut he isn’t invited.  
TT: Of course.

GT: This should be on the cover of one of those hardrock albums.  
AT: i ADMIT, i AM KINDA PUMPED FOR THIS,  
AT: wITH THIS INCREDIBLY COOL MUSIC PLAYING, tWO BURNING PEOPLE RIDING THROUGH THE DESERT.   
AG: I knoooooooow right?  
AG: Two bad-ass ghostriders, one classic, one modern a8out to take on the son of the devil and win the girl.  
AG: This shit is going to 8e amaaaaaaaazing.  
TT: hmmph….  
TG: Dirk? Where you aboot to laughter there?  
TT: No, no. There was absolutely nothing humorous about that.  
TT: Please. Proceed. 

AG: 8OOOOOOOO  
AG: 8OOOOOOOO  
AG: 8X MY 8OO’ING!!!!!!!!!  
AG: HE’S JUST GOING TO LEAVE LIKE A CHUMP?!  
AG: YEAH, MAY8E HE ONLY HAD ONE MORE RIDE IN HIM, 8UT HE SEEMED TO 8E COMPLETELY CAPA8LE TO CONTROL IT. HE COULD HAVE DRAGGED IT OUT.  
AG: HE COULD RIDE INTO 8LACKHEARTS STRONGHOLD AND DO SOME DAMAGE.  
AG: AT LEAST TAKE OUT THE REMAINING ELEMENTAL 8ASTARD!  
AG: MAY8E GO OUT AS A 8AD-ASS INSTEAD OF A GLORIFIED TOURING GUIDE!!!!!!!!  
AG: SHAMEFUL MIST8KE MOVIE. WASTE OF POTENTIAL. 1/8

AT: gEE, nICHOLAS cAGE IS ALONE AND SURROUNDED BY WATER,  
AT: dRIVING VERY SLOWLY WITH HIS BIKE THROUGH THE WATER,  
AT: wITH NOTHING AROUND HIM BUT MIST AND WATER,  
AT: i AM TRYING TO COMMUNICATE THAT THIS IS VERY OBVIOUSLY A TRAP BY THE WATER ELEMENTAL,  
AT: dID UHM, tHAT COME ACROSS?  
GC: YOU 4R3 L34RN1NG

CC: U)(m….. )(ow come the water is suddenly R---EELLY deep?  
CC: )(e was just wading t)(roug)( it moments ago.  
CC: Now it’s so deep )(e was aboat to drown.  
CG: WHO CARES. MOVIE IS ALMOST OVER.   
CG: DEAR GOD, IT’S ALMOST BEEN TWO HOURS ALREADY.  
CG: BUT IF I DIDN’T KNOW ANY BETTER I WOULD SAY THE FILM FELT A LITTLE BIT RUSHED.  
GC: SSSSSSSHHH S4V3 1T FOR TH3 CR3D1TS  
TT: You know, with both the air elemental and this guy I have no idea what actually killed them.  
TT: The action scenes are shot dirt poor, like they were done by a college dropout who was totally going to make a career in film.  
TT: Then he ends up shooting a porno for his roommate.  
GC: GROSS  
TT: I kinda forgot where I was going with that metaphor  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4 4 F4M1LY TR41T 1 4SSUR3 YOU

CC: You know…. Not to tell Black)(eart )(ow to do )(is job, but )(e is not t)(e best negotiator.  
CC: T)(is guy already krilled t)(ree of )(is man, )(e s)(oald know t)(at )(e is out for blood.  
CG: YOU’D THINK THAT HE’D HOLD ONTO THE GIRL UNTIL CAGE WOULD GIVE HIM THE CONTRACT.  
CG: BETTER YET, PUT HER IN A DEATHTRAP SOMEWHERE BUT DON’T TELL CAGE *WHERE* IT IS UNTIL HE HANDS HER THE CONTRACT.   
CG: BLACKHEART CAN LEAVE WITH THE CONTRACT, CAGE RESCUES THE GIRL, NEGOTIATIONS OVER.  
CG: HE DID HAVE THE TIME TO SET SOMETHING LIKE THAT UP, BUT NO.  
CG: LETS ALL BE FUCKING IDIOTS AGAIN BECAUSE THE PLOT DEMANDS IT AND LET GO OF THE GIRL BECAUSE CAGE ASKS EVER SO FUCKING POLITELY!

CG: GOT NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF ASSHOLE!  
GT: Blimey the devil’s son sure knows how to put up a fight.  
GT: Mr Blaze doesn’t stand a chance against this sort of strength.  
GT: Not only that, but he is immune to fire, immune to the penance stare and appears be just as durable as the ghostrider.  
GT: Could this be the end of Johnny Blaze?  
GC: 1S TH1S 4 CH33SY SUP3RH3RO FL1CK?  
GT: Why yes.  
GC: TH3N NO, 1T 1SN’T TH3 3ND  
TT: What a twist would that be though. Blackheart gets the contract, kills his dad and instead of taking over earth decides to rule in hell.  
TT: Cage was merely a pawn in a game of biblical proportions and got sacrificed accordingly.  
TT: It would really put the insignificant value of the individual in proportions. How small we really are in an infinitely growing universe.  
AT: pLEASE STOP TALKING,  
TG: He lieks heering himself talk.  
TT: I happen to have a very pleasant voice.

AG: Hahahahahahahaha ok, I get it now.   
AG: The reason why they only showed flashes of 8lackheart and the devil in their true form.  
AG: It is 8ecause he looks a8soluuuuuuuutely ridiculous.  
AT: tHE SOULS FLOATING AROUND HIM AREN’T MUCH BETTER,  
AT: eXCEPT NOW THEY ARE,  
AT: aND NOW THEY AREN’T,  
AT: wHAT IS GOING ON?  
TT: As long as they stay in motion they appear to be adequately executed cg effects.  
TT: When the camera chooses to linger on them…… yeah.

CG: AAAH. A PRETTY FRAME.   
CG: FLEE FROM THIS TRAINWRECK OF A MOVIE. GO SOMEPLACE YOU BELONG.  
GT: I happen to really like this movie.  
TG: Ya, you like perty much erry movie.  
TT: Gee. The final battle takes place in a church.  
TT: It’s almost symbolic or something.  
TC: ShIt BrO, iS iT?  
TC: i CaN nEvEr TeLl.  
TC: ICONS OF THE MIRTHFULL FUCKING MESSIAHS ARE WEIRD LIKE THAT.  
TC: they could be anywhere and they could mean anything.  
CG: GAMZEE…….WOULD YOU CARE FOR ONE OF THOSE DISGUSTING SLIME PIES AFTER THIS?  
TC: bRo ThAt WoUlD bE tHe WiCkEd BiTcHtItS aLl Up In ThIs hISsOuSe

TG: BOOYEAH  
TG: GRLPWR!  
TG: Shotguns rule, hellspawns drool!  
CC: Aaaaw Y-------EAH)(  
GT: But no. Out of bullets.  
TT: Remember when I said he could transform objects?  
TG: Aaaaw pimpin. He hass the hell shotty.  
TC: DaMn SiS, tHaT sHiTs OvErPoWeREd As FuCk.

CG: ………..NO.  
CG: YOU ARE NOT DOING THIS MOVIE.  
AG: Soooooooo that contract allowed him to a8sor8 all those souls……..  
AG: Which means he now has souls to 8e 8urned 8y that penance stare thing.  
TT: That is….. Well…..  
GC: 4N 1NCR3D1BLY CONTR1V3D B4CKF1R3  
CG: OK. THEY CLEARLY HAD NO IDEA HOW TO END THIS FIGHT.  
CG: THESE SOULS ARE NOT HIS OWN. TECHNICALLY *HIS* BEING SHOULD SURVIVE THE PENANCE STARE.  
CG: BUT WITH EVERYTHING THAT HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED THERE IS NO WAY NICHOLAS CAGE COULD BEAT BLACKHEART IN A FAIR FIGHT.  
CC: Also, isn’t t)(e contract void now t)(at all t)(ousand souls are burned?  
CC: S)(oaldn’t t)(e devil be pissed aboat t)(at?

AG: Nop, he’s pretty cool a8out it.  
AG: Oh, you just tore apart an o8ject of gr8 power ánd murdered my son?  
AG: How a8out I end this curse so we’re even?  
AG: The hell?  
GT: Appropriate phrasing.  
AT: aLRIGHT UHM, tHIS IS PRETTY BAD-ASS  
TG: Yeah, he flips the devil off  
TG: Fuck you buddy imma use yer curse against you.  
GT: So after all of these trials Johnny Blaze decides to become a real hero and hunt down the devil himself.  
TT: It’s like this entire movie was the set-up for a much better sequel that never came.  
GT: Well there is Spirit of Vengeance.  
TT: I was talking about a better sequel.

CG: HUH….. THAT’S…… WELL, SURPRISINGLY MATURE.  
CG: THEY AGREE THAT, EVEN THOUGH THEY BOTH HAVE FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER THEY CAN’T BE TOGETHER BECAUSE JOHNNY IS THE GHOSTRIDER.   
CG: AND AGAIN THE SCENERY IS ABSOLUTELY BREATHTAKING.  
CG: ITS LIKE, AT TIMES THE MOVIE SHOWS TRULY INSPIRED MOMENTS OR FRAMES WHILE REMAINING COMPLETELY UNINTERESTING.  
CG: DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?  
GC: NOT 4T 4LL  
CG: I THOUGHT SO.  
GT: So that was Ghostrider chums.  
GT: Was it a good movie?  
CG: FUCK NO.  
GC: NO  
TG: Not at all  
TT: Nop.  
AT: i DON’T THINK SO?  
CC: I…. don’t know?  
AG: It…. was ok I think????????  
TC: FuCk YeAh, It WaS aWeSoMe  
GT: Oh…..  
GT: Well did you at least enjoy it?  
CG: FUCK NO.  
GC: H3H3H3 Y34H  
TG: Fck yeh!  
TT: Meh  
AT: kINDA?  
CC: Y—EA)(  
AG: Yeah……..  
TC: DaMn StRaIgHt I eNjOyEd It.  
CG: IT IS SUCH A FRUSTRATING FUCKING MOVIE.  
CG: IT KEEPS SLOWING DOWN, BUT THEN SUDDENLY LOOKS AS IF IT’S GOING TO BE GOOD, THEN IT FALLS FLAT ON ITS FACE AND THE WHOLE THING STARTS OVER AGAIN.  
GC: 1T W4S GLOR1OUSLY CH33SY  
TG: It was kinda funny in hw much it failt.  
TT: Agreed.  
AT: mUSIC WAS PRETTY NICE THOUGH,  
AT: uHM, aT SOME POINTS AT LEAST, lIKE THE TUNE WHEN THEY CROSS THE DESERT TOGETHER,  
CC: But t)(e c)(aracters were pretty bland…. W)(ic)( is a s)(ame cause Jo)(nny Blaze was pretty well developed.  
AG: Nicholas Cage was a surpriiiiiiiisingly decent actor in this. Normally I like seeing him freak out, 8ut here it was pretty downplayed.  
CG: FOR A NICHOLAS CAGE FLICK, YEAH.  
TC: MaN i JuSt HaD fUn WaTcHiNg It.  
TC: the way he kills those insubordinate elementals.  
TC: THE WAY HE DRIVES WITH NO REGARD FOR ANY LIFE WHATSOEVER.  
TC: really makes you wanna crack some skulls YA DIG MOTHERFUCKER?  
TG: Lol, I dig.  
CG: ….. TAVROS, DO YOU MIND HELPING GAMZEE MAKE A PIE?  
AT: UHM, SURE?  
AT: I GUESS, SEE YOU AT THE NUTRITIONBLOCK?  
TC: sure thing tavbro.

**\-- adiosToreador [AT] left memo--**  
**\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] left memo--**

CG: JEGUS.  
CG: DODGED A FUCKING BULLET THERE.  
CG: I DON’T THINK I CAN WATCH ANOTHER MOVIE WITH HIM, MY HEART CAN’T TAKE IT.  
GC: YOU 4ND M3 BOTH >:[  
AG: Did we miss somethiiiiiiiing?  
CC: Yea)(, you are acting R----EALLY FIS)(Y  
TT: Rolal. Feelingsjam?  
GC: G4SP  
GC: NO SH4M3 WH4TSO3V3R  
TT: It is a completely healthy desire.  
TG: Aaaaw, nurse rolal will be ther shorlty.   
TT: Cool.  
TT: Later Jake.  
TG: See you shoon distri

**\-- timeausTestified [TT] left memo--**

TG: Oshi!  
TG: I forgot we were gunna hang out fef.  
CC: )(a)(a, don’t worry.  
CC: Moiraieels are very important. You s)(ould take the time to jam properly.  
TG: Aaaaw, you totes get it <3  
CC: Besides, I am S)(ORE Vriska won’t mind )(anging out.  
AG: Wont I????????  
AG: May8e I have a loooooooot of other irons in the fire.  
CC: Do you?  
AG: Now?  
AG: I could spare a moment I guess……..  
CC: GR---EAT.  
CC: I’ll be rig)(t t)(ere.

**\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] left memo--**

AG: Wait what????????

**\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] left memo--**

CG: SO…… WHO’S TAKING MONITOR DUTY?  
CG: I AM PERFECTLY WILLING TO TAKE THE FIRST WATCH TO MAKE SURE GAMZEE ISN’T WALKING AROUND WITH TAVROS’S HEAD.  
GT: What?  
GC: WHY T4K3 SH1FTS?  
GC: 1 4M COM1NG OV3R R1GHT NOW  
CG: WHAT?  
GC: T4K1NG 4 P4G3 FROM F3F3R1’S BOOK >:]  
CG: WAIT, IS THAT YOU AT THE DOOR ALREADY.  
CG: GODDAMNIT TEREZI YOU INSANE HAG.  
CG: WAIT, GET THE FUCK OFF ME.  
CG: TEREZI YOU INCREDIBLE B----

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] disconnected--

GC: H3H3H3H3

**\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] left memo--**

TG: Jaaaaaaaakeeey  
GT: Yes Lalonde?  
TG: Can I ask you liek, a huuuuuge favor?  
GT: Why that entirely depends Roxy.  
GT: Is it within the realm of my capabilities.  
TG: Oh yes. Yes it is.  
GT: Do tell.  
GT: What is this humongous favor you want to ask?  
TG: I have liek teh best movie to watch next time.  
TG: So can I liek pick next movie?  
GT: Sure. Go absolutely bonkers.  
TG: <3  
TG: Thank you so much jakey!  
TG: This is gunna be so good!!!  
GT: Haha, if your enthusiasm is any indication this will be quite the ride.  
TG: Oh you have nooo idea ;)  
TG: It will be the bitch tits fo sho.  
GT: Marvelous.  
GT: Now I believe Mr Strider is waiting.  
TG: el oh el, I know.  
TG: See you soon.  
GT: See you soon.

**\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] left memo--**  
**\-- golgothasTerror [GT] closed memo--**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a really frustrating movie to me. I grew up on superhero movies, so I adore them. But where Con Air was a real guilty pleasure, I find myself having to try really hard to like Ghost Rider. It has some heart, Nic Cage tries to act seriously and some well executed moments, but the writing is sloppy, the romance is boring and the action scenes are laughable. Though it's not a térrible film, there is just no way I can recommend it. I really wanted this film to be good :/ I love superheroes and Ghost Rider probably has the most metal set up (except maybe Ironman, because puns). Unfortunately it is mediocre.
> 
> Also decided try and write Gamzee in. Because I am just a glutton for punishment.
> 
> Next movie was supposed to be National Treasure to complete the Nic Cage hattrick but I need a break from the guy. So the next film is going to be a rather obvious one, but damn is it a fun one.


	3. Harry potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG]opened memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS—**

CG: I DON’T KNOW HOW OFTEN I’LL HAVE TO REPEAT MYSELF SO I WILL MAKE THIS BRIEF.  
CG: FIRST POINT THAT NEEDS TO BE ADRESSED BEFORE STARTING THIS MOVIENIGHT IS THAT BOARDGAMES MONDAY IS OFFICIALLY FUCKING CANCELED AFTER LAST WEEK’S HIJINX.  
CG: NO, I DON’T CARE IF ERIDAN PLAYED IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE RULES OR NOT.  
CG: I JUST KNOW THAT A GAME OF HUMAN ‘RISK’ IS NOT SUPPOSED TO END WITH THREE OF THE PLAYERS TRYING TO CHOKE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER IN THE WORLD’S SHITTIEST MEXICAN STAND OFF.  
CG: NOW NORMALLY I WOULDN’T FUCKING MIND, IF YOU DIDN’T DECIDE TO DO THIS SHIT IN MY OWN FUCKING HIVE!  
CG: SO GUESS WHICH UNLUCKY SOD HAD CLEAN UP DUTY?  
CG: THAT’S RIGHT, I AM THE UNLUCKY SOD.  
CG: IT’S ME.

**\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] joined memo--**

CA: its not my fault that they are sore losers  
CA: evveryone hail the glorious ampora city!  
CG: FIRST OF ALL, SORE WINNERS BREED SORE LOSERS!  
CG: SECOND, I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT YOU FUCKING CHEATED.  
CG: AND FINALLY: I AM PRETTY DAMN SURE YOU DO NOT HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO RENAME AN ENTIRE HUMAN CONTINENT, LEAST OF ALL TURN IT INTO A FUCKING CITY.  
CA: yes but wwhat kinda lame name is australia anywway  
CA: wwhat evven is an australia  
CA: also my vvictory wwas just a matter of tactics  
CA: the cheatin wwas just to further solidify my status as supreme commander of the battlefield  
CA: vvieww it as black ops and espionage  
CG: YOU STARTED WITH MOST OF AUSTRALIA AND TURTLED UP UNTIL YOU COULD FUCKING STEAMWALTZ THE REST OF THE MAP!  
CA: tactics  
CG: GODDAMNIT AMPORA!  
CG: LETS STOP FOCUSSING ON THAT LAME BOARDGAME FOR JUST A FEW MINUTES TO START THIS FUCKING STREAM!  
CG: THE SECOND POINT I WAS GOING TO MAKE.  
CG: NO HUMAN MOVIES ANYMORE. THEY ARE STRICTLY FORBIDDEN.  
CA: uhm  
CG: I AM NOT RISKING HAVING TO LOOK AT NIC CAGE’S UGLY HUMAN MUG ANOTHER TWO HOURS AFTER LAST WEEK’S SHITFEST.  
CA: kar?  
CG: THIS WEEK WE ARE DOING THINGS MY WAY. THIS WEEK, WE ARE GOING TO DO THINGS IN A MANNER BEFITTING OF OUR RACE GODDAMNIT. HAVE SOME PRIDE PEOPLE.  
CA: not to be rude or anythin  
CG: I PICKED A SELECTION OF EXCELLENT TROLL MOVIES. WE CAN BRING IT TO A VOTE, BUT IF THE TROLL BUTLER DOESN’T WIN YOU HAVE FAILED AS MOVIE CONNISEURS.  
CA: kar?  
CG: WHAT!!!!  
CA: not to rain on your parade but i thought it wwas already decided wwe wwere gonna wwatch a human movvie  
CG: WHAT?  
CA: its pretty much the only reason i came at all  
CG: …….. WHO ELSE HAS THIS INCREDIBLY INCORRECT DELUSION?  
CA: pretty much evveryone  
CA: lalonde did some hardcore advvertisin  
CG: THAT FUCKING GRIMDARK WITCHBITCH!  
CA: the other one  
CG: WHAT?!

**\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] joined memo--**

TG: lawl, sorry katkar. didn’t rezi tell ya?  
CG: WHAT IS GOING ON?!  
TG: well….. i told jakey to tell dick, to tell davey, to tell rezi, to tell you i had a movevie for tonight.  
TG: jakey agreed to let me pick cus i was last in teh stream.  
CG: WHAT KIND OF ASININE FUCKING RULE IS THAT?!  
TG: iunno. but it works ;)  
CG: SO WHAT?! EVERYONE IS EXPECTING TO SEE YOUR SHITTY HUMAN MOVIE!?  
TG: perty much.  
CG: ALRIGHT……. FINE. I’LL JUST MAKE SURE TO BE LAST IN MY OWN STREAM TONIGHT. I HAVE THE TENACITY OF A PISSED OFF ASSASSINFILTRATOR SO THAT SHOULDN’T BE TOO HARD.  
CG: ONE IMPORTANT FUCKING QUESTION REMAINS HOWEVER.  
CG: DOES IT INCLUDE NICHOLAS CAGE?  
TG: nop. wuld have been amazah though.  
CG: THEN GO NUTS. I DON’T EVEN CARE ANYMORE.  
CA: wwait, just like that?  
CG: ITS BEEN A THING. I’LL JUST BIDE MY TIME AND TAKE NEXT WEEK.  
CA: that’s uncharacteristically swwell of you.  
CG: I AM JUST RELIEVED I CAN WATCH A MOVIE WITHOUT NICHOLAS CAGE NOW.

**\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] joined memo--**  
**\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] joined memo--**

CG: AND THERE IS THE LEGUME GALLERY.  
TG: gooooood evevenin all and welcum  
TG: to roxy’s whimcisal wizxzard streamu.  
TG: names plx, i need to check teh geustlist.  
GC: 1 4M L3G1SL4C3R4TOR R3DGL4R3 4ND TH1S 1S MY LOV3LY 4SS1ST4NT MRS NOIRE LAVENDER.  
TT: A pleasure.  
TG: hmmmm yup, dat checks out. second row, chair 14 and 15 if you plz.  
TT: Much obliged.  
CA: you nevver asked me for my character rox  
TG: i thought you wer just knda goin for teh hipster dude.  
CA: i am dualscar fuckin ampora  
CA: the fuckin is silent  
CA: and i demand to be treated with some goddamn respect  
CG: I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU CONTINUE ROLEPLAYING I AM GOING TO BLOW A LID.

**\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] joined memo--**  
**\-- twinArmageddons [TA] joined memo--**

GA: I Apologize For My Tardiness  
GA: It Took Some Coaxing to make Mr Captor To Join The Stream  
TA: and iit ii2 gonna 2uck  
CA: and its gonna suck  
CG: AND IT’S GONNA SUCK.  
GC: W3LL W3 4R3 OFF TO 4 FLY1NG ST4RT  
TG: srs u guys. it’s a killurmoive.   
TA: that doe2nt change the fact that ii have to watch thii2 2hiit wiith ed  
TA: why am ii here agaiin?  
CA: I don’t think anyone wwould mind if you’re gonna leave sol  
CA: The intellectual levvel of the stream wwould be greatly improvved wwithout you  
TA: ah now ii remember  
TA: ii wa2 gonna pii22 ed off. Cau2e that alway2 work2 out  
CA: why, you filthy ingrate  
GC: BOYS B3H4V3  
GA: Quite  
GA: Can We Trust You Two To Make It Through This Movie Without Assistance Of An Auspistice  
CA: fine  
TT: Actually, I am rather fascinated by the concept of the ashen quadrants.  
TT: A demonstration wouldn’t be amiss.  
GC: HUM4NS 4R3 SO D3L1GHTFULLY SH4M3L3SS 4BOUT TH3 P4L3R QU4DR4NTS  
GC: 1 LOV3 1T  
CG: GODDAMNIT, COULD THIS GET ANY WORSE?

**\-- turntechGodhead [TG] joined stream--**

CG: I WAS FUCKING KIDDING!

**\-- apacolypsArisen [AA] joined stream--**

TG: sup people  
TG: brought a hot date  
TG: ohmg thats so qute!  
TG: and with hot i mean cold  
TG: and with date i mean robot  
GC: 1 THOUGHT 4LL 4R4D14BOTS W3R3 D3STROY3D  
AA: n0  
GC: >:/  
AA: just m0st  
CG: AND WHY THE FUCK DID YOU BRING IT TO THE STREAM?  
TG: well gee i thought i could put my human genitalia in her harddrive and see if stuff explodes  
CG: WHAT?!  
TG: nah  
TG: she was just standing there watching me with those uncaring red puppydogeyes  
TG: how could i not bring her along  
TG: can i keep her  
TT: Sigh……  
TT: This is why we will never let Dave have a pet.  
TA: dude dont talk about aa liike that  
TA: 2eriiou2 diickmove  
AA: its 0k  
TA: well of cour2e YOU’D 2ay that  
TG: hows about I start this badboy up  
CG: WAIT!  
CG: I AM KIND OF EXPECTING ANOTHER GUEST.  
GC: HMMM?  
GC: D1D YOU 1NV1T3 JOHN?  
CG: NO.  
GC: N3P3T4?  
CG: GOD NO.

**\-- Cyprinidconquerer [CC] joined memo—**

CC: sup s)(outy  
CC: dis t)(e little get-toget)(er you were planning?  
CC: #movienight #chillinwithshouty  
TG: aw man you hypocrite  
TG: what was that whole alphas are assholes bs you were blabbering about  
CG: SCREW YOU. MEENAH IS JUST KIND OF AN EXCEPTION TO THE RULE.  
GA: What About Porrim  
CG: NOT NOW KANAYA!  
CC: na)(, i )(ear ya. mah teammates are fuckin idiots  
CC: #dorks #losers #failmajors  
CA: wwait, so you’re like her imperious condescension?  
CC: i )(ave no glubbin interest in t)(at bulls)(ark cronus jr  
CC: way to much busywork and makoin sure everyone is somewater happy  
CC: #notmystyle  
CA: cronus jr…. wwhat?!  
CG: LALONDE, START THIS SHIT UP.  
TG: aye aye cap’n.

GC: THOS3 P3OPL3 W34R V3RY W31RD H4TS  
CA: ah that’s pretty cool idea for a science fiction movvie  
CA: a hi-tech devvice that allowws you to turn of streetlights and a flyin bicycle  
GA: Would I Be Incorrect In Assuming This Is Magic  
TG: you would not  
CA: i disagree  
TT: This is not exactly a point meant to argue about.  
CG: WE ARE NOT A MINUTE INTO THE MOVIE, KEEP YOUR TRAPS SHUT!  
CA: i just wwanna go on record as sayin that this is NOT magic  
CA: it is just a science wwe do not understand yet  
TG: if you want science you dont understand you need to talk to harley  
TG: alrite guys, this is liek, my FAVORITERTEST movie EVAR  
TG: capitals fur emphaziz  
TT: Are you quite serious?  
TG: hells yeah  
TG: well, the CotL movevie nevar really came to be cus teh authr felt it was doin hur work injustipe.  
TT: Imagine that……

TA: whoa tho2e human2 are a22hole2  
TA: we don’t wanna care for the kiid, let the2e random folk2 do iit.  
AA: they aren’t rand0m  
TA: oh yeah, what2 the word agaiin. amily?  
TG: yup  
TG: and so begins the ecip tale of happy potter  
CA: not exactly a name that inspires fear in the hearts a men  
GA: I Do Not Believe It Is Supposed To  
CA: wwell consider me bored already  
CC: You an me both cronus jr  
CC: Not t)(at I expect t)(is blond B---EAC)( to aks)(elly pick somefin )(alfway decent.  
TG: What did you call me?!  
CC: T)(ats rig)(t little guppy, raise t)(ose fins an see if ya can get a hit.   
CC: #roundthree #comeatme  
CG: MOTHERFUCK. TIME-OUT, TIME-OUT.  
CG: LALONDE, THINK YOU CAN AUSPISTICE BETWEEN THESE TWO FUCKING HARPIES?  
TT: Not while remaining impartial.  
CC: S)(it s)(outy, why you gotta clamp ma style?  
CG: FUCK THAT NOISE. WE ARE NOT GOING TO SIT HERE LISTENING TO YOUR FLAILING ATTEMPTS AT BLACK FLIRTATIONS.  
CC: 38(  
GC: OH, OH L3T M3  
TG: wait, waht is happyning?  
GA: Terezi Are You Certain  
GC: OH Y3S  
GC: 1 W4S H4TCH3D FOR TH1S  
CC: So Pyrope t)(e seaquel is gonna ausfishtice? You beta’s are CRAYS---EA  
CC: #too many fishpuns #booyeah  
GC: YOU W1LL R3SP3CT MY AUTHOR1TY M1SS P31X3S >:]  
CG: AND CAN WE GET SOMEONE ON ERIDAN AND SOLLUX WHILE WE’RE AT IT?  
CA: wwe don’t need one!  
CG: OH YES YOU DO!  
TG: christ all these auspistices  
CG: THANK YOU FOR VOLUNTEERING STRIDER.   
TG: what?  
TG: no  
AA: i will assist if that is 0k  
CG: THAT IS FUCKING DISGUSTING. YOU CAN’T AUSPISTICE WITH FOUR PEOPLE!  
TG: im cool with it  
TA: iim not  
TG: …..whelp, not how I expetced this to go down.  
CG: IT NEVER DOES. IT IS JUST A TEMPORARY ARRANGEMENT.  
CG: THE MOMENT YOU SET A FOOT OUTSIDE MY HIVE YOU ARE ALLOWED TO DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT, BUT I AM NOT TOLERATING THESE PATHETIC ATTEMPTS AT BLACK ROMANCE UNTIL THEN.  
CG: IF I DON’T PUT MY FOOT DOWN THESE ASSHOLES WILL BE MOLESTING THE COUCH BEFORE WE START THE NEXT MOVIE.

CC: so imma have ta listen to pyrope’s second coming over )(ere?  
CC: t)(at is suc)( bulls)(ark i cannot even bereef s)(outy t)(inks imma listen to you.  
CC: not w)(ile t)(e rogue is rig)(t t)(ere and not poked full of blow)(oles.  
GC: PUT TH3 TR1D3NT DOWN MRS P31X3S 4ND W4TCH TH3 MOV13 >:[  
CC: Nop.  
GC: DO 1T  
CC: lemme see…..  
CC: still NOP---E.  
CC: OW W)(AT T)(--E S)(IT?  
GC: D1SOB3D13NC3 C4LLS FOR NUB DRUBBINGS.  
CC: cut it out!  
CC: t)(at s)(it is mildly annoyin!  
CC: #whattheglub  
GC: P4Y CLOS3 4TTR3NCH1ON L4LOND3  
GC: B3H4V3 OR YOUR NUB W1LL B3 JUST 4S V1C1OUSLY DRUBB3D  
TG: yeah, imma behave.  
TG: it looks perty annojin.   
CC: glub, you said trench!  
GC: Y3S 1 D1D  
GA: I Believe Terezi Is Perhaps Not The Best Example Of A Succesful Mediator  
TT: It is really quite fascinating, if not a little silly.

TG: its liek looking at babyfotos!!!  
CC: Must….. Not….. Stab……..  
CC: Ouc)(!!!  
GC: B3H4V3 >:]  
TT: I agree Roxy. After seeing them grow up and move on with their carreers it is very strange to see the actors in their earliest roles again.  
CG: SO THE STORY IS ABOUT THIS ORPHANED KID ADOPTED BY THE SIBLINGS OF HIS LUSUS, WHO GETS PRETTY MUCH NEGLECTED AND BULLIED FOR NO ADEQUATELY EXPLORED REASON.  
TA: iit doe2nt even make 2en2e  
TA: diidnt the elder wiizard explaiin the kiid iis magiical?  
TA: wouldn’t you treat a magiic baby a2 a kiing 2o he liike2 you when he grow2 up and you can guiilt hiim iinto doiing magiic2 for you?  
CG: YOU’D THINK THE WOULD HAVE PUT SOME THOUGHT INTO THAT.  
TG: but teh durslies are liek antimahgics  
TT: That and the entire story is a metaphor for coming out of the closet.  
GA: Why  
GA: Why Would A Metaphor For Such An Peculiar Situation Be Nesecary

TG: fatty had it coming  
TG: standing there with his nose pressed against the glass like an orphan looking into a toyshop during christmas eve  
TG: the glass cant hold your weight tubby  
TG: or was it  
TG: ………………………………………………….*gasp*  
TG: MAJYKS!  
TG: no it was definitely that other thing i just said

CA: you knoww, if thát guy starts sayin there is no magic i may actually believve the contrary  
GA: Wonderful  
GA: You Will Enjoy The Movie A Lot More If You Suspend Your Disbelief  
CA: kan please i aint sayin that  
CA: merely that this movvie believves its owwn trickery to be magic  
TA: iits ju2t a moviie dumba22.  
TA: ii know iit ii2 diifiicult to tell, but iif you look clo2ely through tho2e 2tupiid hiip2tergla22e2 you’ll 2ee that iit ii2n’t documentiing real liife event2.  
CA: wwhat wwas that captor?  
CA: i saww your mouth movve but i don’t think anythin wworth listenin came from it  
AA: dave  
TG: alright kids  
TG: break it up  
TG: we are going to hug this shit out like a couple of second graders  
TA: ii am not touchiing hiim  
CA: oomph, fuck!  
TA: u2iing psiioniic2 doe2nt count riight  
TG: hey radia  
TG: you can do that psionic thing too right  
AA: yes  
TG: alright here is the gameplan kids  
TG: you stop fighting like two girls wearing the same dress arguing about who needs to change  
TG: and this sweet piece of metal wont have to force you two to hold hands till you agree to make out  
TG: *make up  
TG: why  
TG: what did i say?  
TG: oh christ  
TG: no lalonde i swear to god dont  
TG: i will do a pirouette right of the fucking handle  
TG: do not do it  
TT: ;)  
TG: uuuungh

CG: SO IS EVERYONE SEATED?  
CG: ARE ALL CATFIGHTS UNDER CONTROL?  
CG: WHY DON’T WE HOLD OFF FROM WATCHING THE MOVIE SOME MORE FOR A PISS BREAK?  
CG: MAYBE START READING THAT DUSTY OLD BOOK YOU WERE MEANING TO GET INTO.  
GA: Karkat You Seem Rather Agitated  
CG: WELL I CAN’T FUCKING CRITICIZE THIS PIECE OF SHIT MOVIE WITHOUT UNDERSTANDING WHAT’S GOING ON NOW CAN I?  
GA: That Is Fair  
GA: But Not Much Appears To Have Changed  
GA: Harry Simply Got A Letter  
GA: A Letter His Adopted Human Fatherlusus Does Not Want Him To Read  
CG: FINALLY, THE PLOT IS BEING SET IN MOTION.  
CG: THAT ONLY TOOK LIKE….. 10 MINUTES. OK, THAT ISN’T TOO BAD.

GA: Well  
GA: That Escalated Quickly  
TG: equivavelent of rl spam rly

CG: AND THEN THE CHIMNEY FUCKING ERUPTS IN LETTERS.  
TA: 2eriiou2ly, how iinept ii2 thii2 kiid.  
TA: 2natch one of the2e biiliion letter2 and hiide it under your 2hiirt or 2omethiing.  
TA: Then you can read iit iin the priivacy of your clo2et.  
GA: Perhaps Intelligence Simply Is Not His Forte  
TT: He is fairly action orientated.  
TG: yes but tt is rite, its faitly stuoid  
TG:*stupid CC: so the movie is dumb. pop somefin eelse in.  
CC: didn’t you people have a fintastic movie aboat a great w)(ite murderfis)( 38)  
TG: we are not poppin another movive in!  
CC: nobody wants t)(is happy potter flick!  
CC: ah )(at t)(e angling fuck pyrope!!!  
GC: YOU 4R3 PROVOK1NG H3R  
CC: )(er movie is provokin me.  
CC: stop t)(at!  
GC: TH3 DRUBB1NGS W1LL CONT1NU3 UNT1LL YOU C34S3

CG: SO WHAT? THIS IS THEIR SUMMERHIVE?  
CG: THEY LOOKED THIS PLACE UP ON THE CRAIG HUMAN’S LIST?  
CG: HOW THE FUCK DO THEY GET A TOWER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GODDAMN OCEAN AND WHY THE FUCK DOES THE FATHERS MATESPRIT AGREE TO MOVE TO THE ALMOST LITERAL BUTTFUCK OF NOWHERE TO AVOID SOME DAMN LETTERS!?!?  
CC: psssst S)(outy  
CC: we s)(oald team up and stop watc)(in t)(is piece a s)(it movie  
CG: I HAVE SEEN WORSE SO NO.  
CG: I SURVIVED GHOST RIDER, I CAN FUCKING HANDLE THIS.  
CG: UNLESS LALONDE LIED AND THERE IS STILL NICHOLAS CAGE IN THIS FLICK  
TG: promise, no nicholas cage.  
GC: THOUGH H1S H4MMY 4CT1NG M1GHT 4CTU4LLY F1T R1GHT 1NTO TH1S MOV13

TG: hide yo kids and hide yo wife  
TG: el oh el, its just hagird  
TG: hes a prety col guy  
TA: are you kiiddiing me?  
TA: he look2 liike my future murderer.  
TA: probably hiired by ed becau2e ii 2aid hii2 2carf looked 2tupiid.  
AA: s0llux  
TA: iim quiet.  
CC: )(ow t)(e glub did )(e even beac)( t)(at fuckin island?  
TT: Oh, he has a flying motorcycle.  
CC: Pimpin.  
TG: i no rite  
TT: A magic flying motorcycle to be exact.  
CA: and wwhat are you lookin at me for?  
CA: do ya expect me to jump on command at the mere mentionin a magic?  
TT: I would be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping on it.

TG: yer a wizxard harry  
TT: And you’re a hairy wizard.  
TA: so the woman knew from day one he wa2 goiing to be a wiizard.  
TA: so ii a2k agaiin, why not treat hiim really well 2o he can help you do wiizardy thiing2 when he grow2 up.  
TA: need to move to a random tower iin the miidle of nowhere agaiin? let the wiizard do the heavy liiftiing.  
TT: Well, Petunia is disgusted by the very idea of wizardry because of her own upbringing with her sister, Harry’s mother.  
TT: It is implied she is a squib.  
CC: A squid?  
TG: a squib dumbface  
CC: My face isn’t dumb you little s)(ipwreck!  
GC: G1RLS  
CC: S)(e started it!  
TG: she sarted it!  
GC: 1 SW34R K4N4Y4 HOW D1D YOU M4N4G3 TH1S QU4DR4NT?  
GA: It Was Never Easy  
GC: L3TS S33 NOW TH3 MOV13  
GC: OH Y34H  
GC: WHY 4R3 TH3 4DULTS SO OPPOS3D TO TH3 1D34 OF H1M GO1NG?  
GC: TH3Y S33M TO H4T3 H1M, NOW TH3Y H4V3 4 P3RF3CT L3G1T1M4T3 OPP3RTUN1TY TO G3T R1D OF H1M  
TG: tubby cant keep his greasy hands to himself again and gets a pigtail for his trouble  
TG: that is a beautiful example of karma  
TG: vishnu would be proud  
TG: or whichever that elephant guy was

GA: And Then Everybody Suddenly Knew His Name  
CG: WELL DUH, THEY ARE WIZARDS. THEY PROBABLY USED MAGIC TO DEDUCE IT LIKE A SHITTY HUMAN SHERLOCK HOLMES.  
TT: Well, no.  
CG: BUT THEY CAN, RIGHT?  
TG: I think?  
CC: ya dont t)(ink guppy.  
GC: >:]  
CC: droppin it, conchider it dropped  
CC: #droppedlikeitwashot  
CA: i swwear sol wwe havve to step up our game  
CA: those twwo are glarin spades at each other like you wwouldnt believve  
GA: It Does Look Rather Silly To See So Many People In Those Old Robes  
GA: Please Tell Me This Is Not The Only Sense Of Fashion These People Have  
TT: It’ll get better dear.  
CA: sol?  
GA: Thank Goodness  
GA: I Understand That It Is Par For The Course For This Genre But I Find It Very Unpleasant  
GA: Aesthetically Speaking  
TT: But of course  
CA: come on sol.  
TT: The schooluniforms are fairly easy on the eye and most of the important characters at least dress distinctive enough.  
GA: That Is Fair  
CA: dont ignore me you ignorant FUCKING peasantblood!!  
TG: yo ampora  
TG: down in front  
TG: we are watching a movie  
CA: and wwhy wwould i evven listen to you?!  
TG: two words  
TG: radia will make you hold hands  
GA: Those Were More Then Two Words  
TG: math is for losers

CG: HOW THE FUCK DOES A WIMP LIKE THIS EVEN DEFEND HIMSELF AGAINST THE DARK ARTS?  
TG: how does a wimp like that stand up against a classroom of young wizards  
GC: 1T MUST B3 4 D3L1C1OUS CH4OS 1N THOS3 CL4SSROOMS  
TG: yup  
TG: until a properly hardboiled wizard steps in and lays down the rules  
GC: H3 BR1NGS TH3 L4W TO TH3 L4WL3SS  
TG: detention for everyone  
TG: especially you little timmy  
TG: that’s what you get for trying to voodoo little sarah  
GC: H3 DO3SNT 3V3N C4R3 TH4T S4R4H W4S 4TT3MPT1NG N3CROM4NCY  
TG: oh that bitch will get what is coming for her  
TG: no one escapes the hardboiled wizard teacher  
TT: Dave, have you somehow neglected to actually watch this movie?  
TG: shit lalonde it was the most popular thing on the planet and it was all you ever recommended  
TT: It was not……..  
TG: so naturally i assumed it was filled with gay wizards cheesy popsongs and analogies for how i personally enjoy the cock  
TG: i wasn’t exactly in a hurry to go and watch that  
TG: otm we doing a matahton bitches  
TG: please don’t

CG: HUH….. THIS IS ACTUALLY RATHER PLEASANTLY FILMED.  
CG: THE MUSIC IS NICE, THE ATMOSPHERE IS WONDERFUL AND THE CAMERA PERFECTLY EMPHASIZES THE STRANGENESS OF THIS WIZARD COMMUNITY.  
TG: yesh!  
TG: careful optinisn ftw  
CC: c’mon nubs. yer on my side remember?  
TG: hes alolwed to have his ipinoins!  
TG: *opinions  
CG: I CAN SPEAK FOR MYSELF LALONDE.

TA: well that2 a face no mother can love  
TA: ii mean iit ii2 a decent practiical effect but ju2t look at that face  
GC: 4R3 TH31R NO W1Z4RDS WORK1NG 1N TH3 B4NK?  
GC: JUST GOBL1NS?  
GC: TH1S R33KS OF R4C14L PROF1L1NG  
GC: YOU 4R3 4 GOBL1N SO YOU MUST B3 WORK1NG 1N TH3 F1N4NC14L D1STR1CT B3C4US3 YOU 4R3 4 GOBL1N  
CC: try sayin trigger pyrope seaquel.   
CC: try sayin trigger one coddamn time.  
CC: sea w)(at )(appens.

CC: )(ot damn, our lil guppy is LOAD-ED.  
CA: made significantly less impressivve in that he inherited evverythin from his lusii.  
CC: i am kinda surprised with ya ampora.  
CC: you are not as pat)(etic as yer dancestor.  
CC: of course, the sandbar )(ad been set so low it could touc)( the oceanfloor…  
TA: oh tru2t u2 he ii2 2tiill pretty pathetiic  
CA: sol i swwear to god  
CG: NO, I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE WITH SOLLUX.  
CA: oh come on!  
CA: dav help me out here  
TG: who the fuck is dav  
AA: y0u need to remain impartial as an auspistice dave  
TG: man fine whatever  
TG: sollux you are easily as pathetic as eridan and you two would deserve each other would it not make the rest of us feel queezy  
TG: now continue watching the movie  
TA: goddamniit 2triider who taught you how to be an au2pii2tiice  
TG: you dont spent three years on a rock with trolls without picking up a few things  
TG: well unless your consistently drunk  
TG: you probably miss a few things then  
TT: Why thank you Dave, I do feel a lot better now.  
TT: Either my status as godtier has completely restored my liver or a strong alcohol tolerance runs through the family.  
TG: i am soooo not tocuhing on this one

TA: background mu2iic ii2 goiing ape2hiit.  
TA: iit2 ju2t a 2mall leather bag guy2 not the ark of the fuckiing covenant.  
AA: heh

CA: the wwand picks the wwizard?  
CA: wwhat kind of stupid reasoning is that  
CA: wwhat if the wwand breaks?  
CA: then you havve broken the wwand that picked you  
GA: Eridan You Posses A Pile Of Wands  
GA: Surely You Understand They Are Mass Produced

CA: that’s wwhere you are wwrong kan  
CA: olivvander says it himself  
CA: the phoenix that provvided the feather for that wwand only dropped 1 other feather  
CA: meaning that there can be a grand total of twwo wwands wwith the exact same properties  
GA: Well As You See He Can Use Other Wands  
CA: granted but not as efficient as his true wwand or wwhatevver  
CA: meanin that wwizards are at their most effectivve wwith their first wwand  
GA: I  
GA: Rose Help Me Out Here  
TT: Actually, Eridan seems to have the right idea.   
GA: What  
CG: WHAT?!  
TA: what  
CA: EAT IT!  
TG: ya, matter of fact it actulay becomes la plot point in a latter movevie.  
GA: And How Many Movies Are There  
TT: Eight.  
GA: I See  
GA: That Is Quite Extensive  
CG: SOMEWHERE SERKET IS SMILING BUT SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHY.  
TG: seben books thouh

CG: IDIOT CAN’T EVEN SPELL IT.  
TT: It begs the question as to how he even made it to his third year…..  
CG: WHAT?!  
TT: Apologies. Plotpoints from the third movie.  
TA: 2omeone triied to kiill me and all ii got wa2 thii2 lou2y 2car  
TA: dark wiizard iin power, magiic a22a22iinatiion, ii feel liike we mii22ed a much more iintere2tiing moviie  
CC: t)(ank cod, a captor t)(at speaks sense.

TG: first introduchion of the weasels.  
TG: man I luv these guys.  
CG: THE WHO?  
TG: no that’s a band  
CG: WHAT?!  
TG: get your facts straight man  
TG: your embarrassing us  
TT: They are a very sympathetic family of pureblood wizards.  
TT: they are not expanded upon in this film but from the second movie onwards they are very supportive of Harry.  
CC: can we PL—EASE stick wit)( t)(is movie?  
TG: aaaw, I was actually thinkin of dong them all  
TG: your just afraid you mihgt liek them.  
TG: ouch!  
GC: NO ON3 1S 3X3MPT FROM TH3 DRUBB1NGS

TG: aaaaaaaaaaaw  
TG: he’s so cute!  
TA: ii dont 2ee iit  
TG: look closer omg!  
TT: He really grows a lot during these movies.  
GC: H3 H4S TH3 MOST D3L1C1OUS H41R  
TG: christ i forgot  
TG: of course terezi was going to flip a lid if she ever found out humans can have red hair  
CG: SO HE’S GONNA BE HARRY’S MATESPRIT OR SOMETHING?  
TT: I wish.  
TG: i wish  
CA: shippers…….

CG: SO NOW THEY BOND ABOUT HIM BEING THE PROPHET REINCARNATED AND RICH ENOUGH TO BUY UP THE CANDY CART.  
CG: BECAUSE THAT IS HOW HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS ARE FORMED.  
TA: maybe they’ll 2tart a cult  
TA: that would be epiic  
TT: I’ll refrain from mentioning the order of the phoenix.  
TA: fuck  
CA: wwhat is the point of havvin candy that jumps awway from you?  
CA: or candy that tastes like bile?  
TG: its funneh?  
CA: or images that don’t stay in one place  
TT: It is more life-like?  
TA: seriiou2ly, have the2e people never heard of giif2?

GA: What Is Wrong With Her Voice  
TT: A classical british accent.  
CG: WHAT A CONDESCENDING LITTLE BITCH.  
CC: fuckin s)(ow-off is w)(at s)(e is.  
CC: cod, s)(e makes our lil rogue look good.  
TG: this was hermiyowne before she became 100% hot.  
CA: this little wwitch?  
TG: google it  
TG: cause i kinda agree  
CA: ………………………….  
GA: Eridan Are You Alright  
CA: yeah yeah a course  
GA: You Suddenly Became So Quiet  
CA: i’m fine god  
CA: you are not my moirail woman  
GA: I Apologize  
GA: I Was Merely Concerned

CA: _(they can nevver knoww)_

CG: DEAR GOD THIS LOOKS JAW-DROPPINGLY GORGEOUS.  
TT: I don’t have the heart to tell him that it's only a model.

TA: so iin2tead of promotiing uniity among our 2mall group of 2tudent2 we diiviide you up and make you compete agaiin2t one another  
TA: wiizards are diick2  
TG: (told ya, typical ravenclaw attitude)  
TT: (Alright, so that’s Sollux. What about Meenah?)  
TG: (you need to ask?)  
TT: (Ok, so she’s slytherin with me and Eridan. I still think Karkat would work better in Huffelpuff)  
TG: (yes, but he has that typical gryffondor atitute and free choize is still a thin with teh hat.)  
TT: (So Terezi, Karkat and Dave are Gryffindor. Kanaya is Huffelpuff but what is Aradia.)  
TG: radia, what hogwarts house you at?  
AA:   
TT: I don’t think she heard you.  
AA: results inc0nclusive  
AA: suggest ravenclaw h0use  
TT: Oh. Ok then.  
TG: sollux needed the compananny anyway  
TA: what are you two talkiing about.  
TT: Nothing.  
TG: nothinq!  
AA: 0ur hyp0thetical h0uses in h0gwarts  
TA: and people call me a dork

CG: OH HI, I’M GONNA BE YOUR ANTAGONIST.  
TT: Well he isn’t for at least five movies.  
CG: LET’S GET THROUGH THIS ONE FIRST BEFORE YOU START OOZING YOUR ENTHUSIASMSPUNK FOR A HARRY POTTER MARATHON THAT IS NEVER GOING TO OCCUR.  
TT: Enthusiasmspunk?  
CG: NO I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M ON ABOUT, GO THE FUCK AWAY.  
CC: s)(it, )(e’s the first guy t)(at speaks seanse. t)(at red)(ead is a dork, t)(is guy seams to know w)(at’s w)(at.  
TG: typical slythrin  
CC: w)(at kinda dumb )(uman insult is t)(at?  
GC: 1T 1SN’T 4N 1NSULT  
GC: 1S 1T ROXY? >:]  
TG: sign  
TG: no it isnt  
GC: GOOD  
GC: H1S H41R 1S 1NCR3D1BLY BLOND THOUGH  
GC: 4LMOST 4S 1F  
GC: HMMMMMMMMMM  
TG: shit  
TG: terezi don’t fucking do it  
GC: 1MM4 DO 1T  
TG: don’t

TG: christ  
GC: H4H4H4HH44H4H4H4H4 OH D4V3  
GC: TH1S 1S YOU!!!  
TG: lmao perfuct

CA: jegus he looks like he can drop dead at any moment  
TG: to soon man  
CA: wwhat?!  
TG: that so insensimitive!  
CA: I didn’t do anything!  
TT: The original actor died between the second and third movie.   
TT: After his death they had to cast someone else to play Dumbledore for the remainder of the series.  
CA: wwell howw wwas I supposed to knoww that?!  
GA: It Appears That There Is Something Deadly In The School  
GA: A School Need I Remind You Housing Hundreds Of Children  
GA: How Is That  
GA: Just  
GA: Why  
TT: That is without taking the basilisk in account.  
CG: BASILISKS ARE PUSSIES. BY ROUGH ESTIMATE I KILLED A METRIC FUCKLOAD OF THEM DURING THE GAME.

TA: aa, you ok?  
AA: im fine  
TA: you are 2hakiing iin your cha2ii2  
AA: i am c0ntaining my rage  
TA: what for?  
AA: that man  
AA: that man  
AA: enter c0mmand: murder  
AA: abort c0mmand: murder  
AA: standby f0r further data  
TA: aa?  
AA: replay G0T 3-9  
AA: the n0rth remembers!  
AA: the n0rth remembers!  
TA: aa your 2cariing me.

TG: swoonami  
CC: ……………  
TG: waht?  
CC: i am not glubbin givin you kudos for the pun  
CC: #noway #uncool #nokudos4u  
TG: i am legitnametly swooning ovur here for aaln rickman!  
TT: *Alan  
TG: dat voice!  
TG: dose eyes!  
TG: yeah but harry doesn’t like him  
TG: subtle foreshadowing?  
TG: what is that?  
TG: never heard off  
TG: we are just throwing the obvious badguy in your face  
CG: IT IS KINDA FUCKING OBVIOUS YEAH. THE MAN THAT SEEMS TO HAVE A FUCKING AURA OF DARKNESS AND TALKS LIKE A SATURDAY EVENING CARTOONVILLAIN MIGHT BE A LITTLE SUSPICIOUS.  
TT: Oh you poor souls.

GC: 1T 1SNT 4 B4D TH1NG TO T4LK TO 1N4N1M4T3 OBJ3CTS  
GC: 1T ST4RTS B31NG 4 PROBL3M WH3N TH3Y ST4RT T4LK1NG B4CK HOW3V3R

CG: AND SO THEIR SCHOOL LIFE BEGINS.  
CG: PLOT? WHAT PLOT? THERE IS NO PLOT TO BE FOUND IN RANDOM MAGIC SCHOOL HIJINX.  
TT: Admittedly, this portion is largely world-and-characterbuilding.  
TT: However, there are a few hints about the plot at large strown about. It never feels like it wasting your time.  
CG: AND YET WASTING MY FUCKING TIME IS EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING.  
TT: Just trust me on this alright?  
GA: It Is Odd Seeing You So Willing To Defend Something Rose  
TT: Well, I shamefully admit that this series is my kryptonite.  
TT: Alas, I am not always the woegothic I appear to be. Truly this must come as a terrible shock to every living soul in our present company.  
AA: ribbit  
TT: Can you ever forgive me for deceiving your jaded eyes?  
TG: wordplay  
GA: Of Course Dear  
GA: I May Even Let You Show Me The Rest Of The Series

TG: nnnnggggh!!!  
TG: GOG DAT VOICE!!!!!  
GC: OH 1 H34R 1T >:]  
GC: D3L1C1OUS  
GA: He Does Single Out Harry A Bit  
GA: Does He Perhaps Harbor Some Resentment Towards Him  
TT: Oh, he does.  
CG: BECAUSE HE IS THE OBVIOUS VILLAIN OF THE WEEK.

TG: how convenient that it appears on the front page  
TG: yup burglars broke into an empty fucking vault  
TG: any protagonists listening in may consider this a hint for the further development of the plot  
GC: TH3 CLU3S 4R3 JUST THROWN 4T H1M  
TG: well duh  
TG: itsh liek the super wizard bank, impossibre to break in  
TA: yet iit got broken iinto.  
TG: so its news  
GA: So The Package Hagrid Picked Up Will Bear Some Significance To The Plot  
TA: yeah no 2hiit

CG: MORE GODDAMN MAGIC CLASSES  
GA: I Actually Think It Is Rather Charming  
TT: The brooms behave like horses, in that they sense the confidence and attitude of their rider.  
TT: Without the right amount of composure the students fail to even lift their brooms from the ground.  
CA: you can practically see the fuckin wwires  
CC: seariously )(orribubble effects  
TG: its an older movie!  
CC: w)(ale I can sea t)(at!  
GC: G1RLS  
TG: yes ma’am

CG: YOU DON'T LEAVE WRIGGLERS ALONE LIKE THIS, MAGIC OR OTHERWISE.  
TA: malfoy beiing a diick for no rea2on  
TA: liike some other hiighblooded a22hole we know  
CA: oh here wwe go again  
CA: evverone saww right  
CA: he wwants to go  
CA: wwell fine lets do this  
CA: come at me sol!  
TA: iit wa2 ju2t a 2niide comment douche  
CA: oh no, wwe are doin this  
TG: radia do the thing  
AA: d0ing the thing  
TA: what!?  
CA: wwhat!?  
TG: you two are holding hands till you make out  
TG: or till the movie is over  
TG: your mother and i can go either way  
TT: Getting really freudian here brother mine.  
CA: fuck it  
CA: i am not apologizing to this pissblood  
TA: aa 2eriiou2ly, 2top thii2!  
AA: n0  
TA: plea2e??  
AA: n0  
TA: come on!! ii am 2o not apologiiziing to thii2 a22hole!  
TG: holding hands it is  
GA: I Fear Dave Might Be Setting A New Precedent For Auspistism  
GA: It Is Rather Inspiring

CG: OF COURSE HE IS A FUCKING NATURAL AT BROOMSTICK RIDING. WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE HAVE TO TRY AND DEVELOP HIS TALENTS?  
CG: AND HIS PUNISHMENT FOR SO BLATANTLY DISREGARDING THE *ONE* THING HE WASN’T SUPPOSED TO DO?  
CG: HE GETS A PLACE IN THE WIZARDBALL TEAM.  
TG: *quidmitch  
CC:*squidmitch  
TT: *quidditch  
CG: I DON’T FUCKING CARE WHAT WIZARDBALL IS CALLED.  
CG: THIS KID GETS EVERYTHING SERVED ON A SILVER PLATTER. IT IS FUCKING DISGUSTING HOW LITTLE HE HAS TO WORK FOR IT.

TG: oh man  
TG: it just keeps happening

CC: damn t)(ats an ugly mot)(erfucker  
GA: Well Now We Know What Is On The Third Floor  
CG: I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE NONSENSICAL EXPLANATION ABOUT WHY A GIANT MAN-EATING CERBERUS IS SOMEHOW NEEDED INSIDE A SCHOOL!  
TT: Well, what role did the Cerberus serve in Alternian mythology?  
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MYTHOLOGY?  
TT: Of course.  
CA: sol stop that  
TA: ii am not doiing anythiing  
CA: you keep tappin your finger against my hand  
CA: its annoyin  
TA: well you keep moviing up again2t me a2 well so ii fuckiing gue22 we are annoyiing each other  
TG: aradia  
TG: get creative  
CA: OH FUCK  
CA: OUR HEADS? REALLY?  
TA: chrii2t ii thought we were friiends aa!  
TG: just tell each other your sorry and we can continue watching the movie  
CA: NEVVER!!  
TG: then at least behave so radia wont tape your mouths shut  
TG: better idea  
TG: I’ll make you guys listen to some homemade dubstep remixes if you continue kicking each other’s shins like two toddlers on a unsupervised playing ground  
CC: I am SO glubbin glad we )(ave you as ausfishtice pyrope  
CC: #dodgedabullet

CG: INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO PLAY WIZARDBALL.  
CG: BECAUSE IT WAS SUCH A THRILLING SUBJECT THE FIRST TIME.

TG: ron is a dick to his ladyfriend  
TG: you’d think they would acknowledge their friendship at this point  
TG: the three of them escaped a cerberus  
TG: you know how that brings people together  
CG: PLOT OH WHERE THE FUCK ART THOU  
TG: patince kitkat

TT: Ok….. I do not wish to alarm anyone.  
TT: Just try to keep an open mind.  
TA: why  
TA: what ii2 happeniing?  
CA: sol quit talkin  
CA: ar can you at least givve us some breathin space?  
TT: Our folklore had a…… slightly different portrayal of trolls.  
TT: Truth be told, I don’t believe there are any sources that indicate you being a race of grey skinned, orange horned humanoids with a different system for romance and multicolored blood.  
CC: you like hearin yours)(ellf talk or somefin?  
CC: #smellslikevantas  
CC: Get to t)(e point.  
TT: What I am getting at…… We didn’t know at the time, alright?  
CG: DIDN’T KNOW WHAT?  
CG: WHAT ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT?

CG: HOOFBEASTMANURE!  
TG: phahahahahahahahahahahahaha  
CG: YOU TELLING ME THAT THIS IS HOW HUMANITY PRE-SGRUB PORTRAYED US?  
TG: perty much  
CG: YOUR ASSHOLE PLANET DESERVED TO BE DESTROYED!!  
CC: you are takin wave too muc)( pleasure in t)(is guppy  
TG: well there is SUM likeness  
TG: ouch!  
CC: ow!  
GC: QU13T OR 1’LL FOLLOW D4V3’S 3X4MPL3  
TG: shit you know it  
TG: grade a auspistice right here  
CG: FOCUS PEOPLE!  
CG: WE ARE BEING OPENLY MOCKED BY HUMAN CULTURE HERE! PORTRAYING OUR PROUD RACE AS VILE, MORONIC, NOOKSLURPING GREEN BEASTS WITH FUNNY EARS!  
GA: Has It Been Confirmed That They Slurp Nook  
CG: NOT THE FUCKING POINT!

CA: wwhy didn’t they fuckin tell someone else  
CA: there is still someone in the bathrooms so wwe havve to go help her seems like a perfect excuse to get some more firepower in this situation  
TA: alriight ii thiink ii got iit  
TA: the chiick ii2 the clever one, the redhead ii2 the dumb one and harry ii2 the actiion one.  
TT: Superego, id and ego respectively. A classic set up in human popculture.  
TG: but ron isnt reelly dumb  
TT: No, but he does represent the id.  
CG: NO, I AM NOT DEBATING THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW. I AM STILL PISSED OFF.  
CC: i told you t)(is flick was gonna blow  
CC: #likeawhale  
CG: I THOUGHT YOU HAD OTHER REASONS TO DISLIKE IT.  
CC: o)(?  
CG: YOU’RE WAXING SO BLACK FOR LALONDE IT IS HONESTLY KINDA EMBERASSING.  
CC: W)(AT?!  
CC: me, wit)( t)(at beac)(?!  
CC: #areyouforreal?  
CG: I AM JUST SAYING. IF YOU ARENT ATTEMPTING TO HATESNOG WHEN THIS AUSPISTISM IS OVER I WILL BE VERY DISAPPOINTED.  
TG: uhm……  
CG: OUCH, FUCK! WHAT THE HELL?!  
GC: DON’T 1MP3D3 ON MY T3RR1TORY  
CG: YOU JUST FUCKING HIT ME IN THE HEAD AND—OW FUCK!  
GC: TH3 DRUBB1NGS W1LL CONT1NU3 

GC: 4ND SO TH3 M4SS1V3 B34ST G3TS SL41N BY TH3 POW3R OF GR4V1TY  
CG: FUCK YOUR DRUBBINGS AND FUCK THIS MOVIE.  
TA: 2ay iif anyone want2 to help me and ed get un2tuck that would be cool  
TG: have you made up yet?  
CA: no  
TG: then we are not helping  
CA: you are the wworst auspistice  
GA: Why Does Hermione Feel Compelled To Lie And Say She Did Something Stupid  
TG: to covvr for ron and happy doin sometin stupid  
GA: She Could Have Just Said She Was Still In The Bathroom When The Announcement Was Made  
GA: The Only Thing That Would Have Changed Would Be That Gryffindor Had Not Lost Five Points

GC: D4MN H4RRY 1S M4K1NG 4 LOT OF 4SSUMPT1ONS 4BOUT SN4P3 H3R3  
GC: WH4T 1F H3 S1MPLY BUMP3D H1S L3G 4G41NST 4 T4BL3?  
GC: H3 PROB4BLY H4SN’T BUT H3 WOULD LOOK PR3TTY STUP1D 1F H3 D1D  
GA: And All Of This Gathered By Observing Snape’s Limp  
GA: Truly He Is Akin To The Human Sherlock Holmes

GA: The Flying Effects Are Surprisingly Adequate  
GC: Y34H W1Z4RDB4LL 4CTU4LLY LOOKS L1K3 4 LOT OF FUN  
CC: i’d like to see em do this stuff underwater. t)(at would be impressive 38)  
CC: #drownball  
CG: THE SLYTHERIN TEAM BLATANTLY BREAKS THE RULES.  
CG: I THINK.  
CG: ARE THERE RULES IN WIZARDBALL?  
TG: of course!  
CG: IS A PLAYER OTHER THAN THE BATTER ALLOWED TO BAT?  
TG: err….. iunno  
GA: It Seems Very Unsportsmanlike  
GA: Yet The Slytherins Are Cheering It On  
TA: well duh  
TA: they are the de2iignated eviil team

CG: AND NO SNAPE IS EVEN CASTING CURSES ON HARRY.  
CG: THEY REALLY FUCKING SHOVE HIM INTO YOUR FACE AS THE VILLAIN.  
GC: 1ND33D  
GC: 4LMOST 4S 1F……….. >:O  
TG: ow what the?!  
TG: i wasn’t tyin her braisd togther honest!  
GC: TH4T 1S V3RY SN34KY MRS BUBBL3GUM  
TG: i no but she doesnt know yet  
GC: TH3 V1LL41N 1S H1D1NG 1N PL41N S1GHT  
TT: So you noticed  
GC: Y3S  
TT: Well played.  
GC: WHY TH4NK YOU

CG: BULLSHIT.  
CG: HE JUST HAPPENS TO FALL AND CATCH THE SNITCH IN HIS MOUTH!?  
CG: KISS MY ASS MOVIE.

GA: Hagrid Is Not The Sharpest Cutting Utensil In The Shed Is He  
TG: nop  
TG: seriously  
TG: you have to try really fucking hard to make as many slip-ups as he does  
TG: where did the name nicholas flamel ever get mentioned?  
TG: all he had to do was not mention that name  
TG: he had one job

CG: MORE GODDAMN GREAT THINGS THAT JUST FLY IN THE LAP OF OUR NEW LORD AND SAVIOR HARRY POTTER: THE CHILD THAT NEVER DID ANYTHING OF GREAT SIGNIFICANCE.  
TG: but he destoyet lard voldermurt  
CG: HE NEVER DID ANYTHING HE WAS AWARE OFF. FOR FUCK’S SAKE, HE HASN’T CASTED A SINGLE SPELL ALL MOVIE BUT IS PRESENTED AS SOME SORT OF MAGIC PRODIGY. 

CA: the restricted section isn’t vvery restricted  
CA: he just opened the door and wwalked in wwithout a problem  
CA: isn’t there an alarm spell or somethin they could havve casted on the door?  
TA: and carryiing that torch around kiinda defeat2 the purpo2e of haviing an iinvii2iibiiliity cloak.

CG: OF COURSE THIS JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE THE EXACT SAME NIGHT AND LOCATION AS SNAPE’S AND QUIRRELL’S PLANNED BLACK DATE.  
CG: HOW FUCKING AWKWARD.  
CC: just )(ow tall is )(arry to look down on t)(em like that?

CG: AND OF FUCKING COURSE, IT JUST SO FUCKING HAPPENS THAT THERE IS A POWERFUL MAGICAL ARTIFACT RIGHT NEXT DOOR.  
CG: THE MOVIE ISN’T EVEN FUCKING TRYING ANYMORE!  
TT: Just let him Roxy.   
TG: i wasn’t goin too  
TT: You were.  
TG: ok i ttlly was  
TG: sue me  
TT: I don’t think you actually dislike the movie Karkat.  
CG: COME AGAIN?!  
TT: I think you are criticizing the film because you want it to be better.   
CG: WELL OF COURSE. THAT IS THE FUCKING POINT OF CRITIQUING!  
CG: AND IT IS ACTUALLY KINDA TOUCHING TO SEE HIM REACT TO IMAGES OF HIS LUSII, THE ATMOSPHERE IS BRILIANT AND THE MUSIC SUPPORTS IT PERFECTLY.  
CG: BUT IT MAKES NO SENSE FOR THAT FUCKING MIRROR TO BE THERE!

CG: SEE? EVEN DUMBERDORE SAYS IT AND EVEN WARNS FOR ITS ADDICTIVE QUALITIES.  
CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU STORE AN ADDICTIVE MIRROR IN THE LIBRARY?  
GC: W3LL M4YB3 1T 1S P4RT OF TH3 R3STR1CT3D S3CT1ON  
GC: STUD3NTS 4R3NT 4LLOW3D 1N TH3R3 R1GHT?  
CC: T)(en w)(y t)(e glub create a )(uge section in t)(e sc)(ool library w)(ere fis)(es aren’t allowed to swim around?  
CC: #aremetaphorspuns #sophilosophical #almostfallingasleep  
TT: I do not remember if they explain this in great lengths in the books.  
TT: But they definitely should.

GA: And Hermione Declares That Little Distraction Incredibly Useless  
GA: Because She Had The Book Herself  
CG: THAT CONVENIENTLY JUST HAPPENS TO HAVE A DETAILED EXPLANATION ABOUT THE PHILOSOPHER’S STONE.  
CG: BECAUSE HARRY IS SO THICK EVERY FACT NEEDS TO BE RUBBED IN HIS FACE UNTIL HE HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO ACKNOWLEDGE THEM!  
TA: waiit a miinute  
TA: phiilo2opher’2 2tone?  
TA: what ii2 the tiitle of thii2 moviie agaiin?  
TG: the sorcererer’s stone  
TA: iif everythiing wa2 about the phiilo2opher’2 2tone all along then what the fuck ii2 the 2orcerer’2 2tone?  
TT: They are one and the same.  
TA: iis iit ever refered to a2 the 2orcerer’2 2tone?  
TT: …………  
TA: ii thought 2o.

CC: )(agrid we needs information aboat t)(e saucerer’s—  
CC: O)( s)(iney.  
CC: #attentionspan

GC: 4444444W  
GC: 1T 1S B34UT1FUL  
GC: 1 JUST W4NN4 C4LL 1T GR33NF4NG 4ND HUG 1T 4ND LOV3 1T 4ND R41S3 1T  
TG: hahahahaha  
GC: 4ND R1D3 1T 4ND US3 1T TO F1GHT CR1M3 4ND BR1NG JUST1C3 TO CR1M1N4LS W1TH 1T  
TG: never change terezi  
GA: And Then Draco Has To Go And Tell On Them  
TG: fucking narc  
GA: Have They Broken Any Rules  
TT: They weren’t supposed to go out at night.  
GA: And That Is Worth Punishment  
TT: Evidently so.

CA: so the punishment for goin out at night is more goin out at night  
CA: wwhat unconventional thinkin of the hogwwarts staff  
CC: and t)(ey clam its fuckin dangerous  
CC: t)(ey said earlier t)(at first years are forbidden to go to t)(e forest because it is so dangerous!  
CC: t)(is makes no seanse!  
CC: #seriously #wth

CC: w(ale now )(e’s gonna die because of your stupid punfishment.  
TG: punfishment?  
TG: rly?  
CC: s)(ut it, t)(at was fuckin cas)(.  
CG: OH COME ON  
CG: HOW ARE THEY GETTING AWAY WITH THIS SHIT?  
CG: YOU CAN PRACTICALLY SEE THE STRINGS ON THAT SHADE!!!  
CG: YOU CAN'T FUCKING EXPECT ME TO TAKE THIS PATHETIC ATTEMPT AT PUPPETRY SERIOUSLY  
TG: let's not talk about puppets alright  
TT: ;)

CG: AND WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT FAIRY EXPLANATION IS THAT ABOUT UNICORN BLOOD.  
CG: THIS IS NOT THE CAREBEARS. BEING CURSED BY BLOOD IS OK BUT GETTING CURSED BECAUSE THE BLOOD WAS OF AN INNOCENT IS JUST. FUCKING. STUPID.  
GC: 1S TH3R3 SUCH 4 TH1NG 4S 4N 1NNOC3NT >:]  
CC: o)( look t)(ere is a musclebeast.  
CC: aaaaaand )(e’s gone.  
GA: Perhaps He Had Somewhere To Butler  
AA: they simply make the best butlers there are

GC: OK SO H3 F1GUR3D OUT TH4T SN4P3 KNOWS HOW TO G3T P4ST TH3 DOG W1THOUT L34RN1NG 4NYTH1NG N3W TO COM3 TO TH1S CONCLUS1ON  
CG: HAGRID MUST BE THE BIGGEST IDIOT IN THE UNIVERSE TO CONSTANTLY SPOUT VITAL FUCKING INFORMATION TO PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO HEAR IT!  
TG: its impleid he was durnk.  
CG: NOT HELPING HIS CASE!  
CC: also t)(is some)(ow )(appened between t)(at point and t)(e c)(ristmas troll  
CG: THAT THING WAS NOT A TROLL  
CC: so some)(ow we have to bereef snape )(ad a dragon egg ready to give to )(agrid  
TA: he even make2 a poiint of 2ayiing how rare they are  
TT: Alright, alright. The movie has a lot of flaws.  
TG: but its so good!!!  
TT: It really is.  
TG: watchin the series is like a magical jounry  
TT: The plots get a lot more solid  
TG: teh characters gorw up  
CG: YES, BUT JUDGED ON ITS OWN MERITS THIS FILM IS FUCKING CLUNKY.

GC: MOR3 1N YOUR F4C3 V1LL41N L1N3S FROM SN4P3  
TG: seriously  
TG: this guy couldn’t have diner at his parents without sounding sinister about it  
TG: ‘thanks for the peas ma. they are delicious……. Mwahahahahahahaha’  
CA: so they are goin dowwn the hatch tonight  
CA: givvin snape enough time to pick up the stone and make his escape from the school wwithout anyone stopping him

TA: random other gryffiindor that po2e2 no threat what2oever  
CG: YEAH, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE A USEFUL SPELL.  
CG: IF SHE CASTS THAT ON SNAPE THEY ACTUALLY HAVE A CHANCE  
GC: SO OF COURS3 SH3 COMPL3T3LY FORG3TS SH3 H4S 1T

TG: and so begins the finale  
TG: with terrible terrible shenanigans

CC: yikes  
CC: w)(y does t)(is make me t)(ink of megido’s movie collection?  
CC: #seenenoughhentai   
AA: my m0viec0llecti0n?  
CC: not you t)(e otter one.  
CC: speakin a w)(ic)( you aren’t crazy like s)(e is rig)(t?  
CC: #rottenthinkpans #fo’real  
AA: n0  
CC: but you are not like your weird spunky pixie s)(ellf eit)(er?  
AA: n0  
CC: t)(en w)(at’s your deal? you are just quietly watc)(in t)(e movie like nofin matters  
AA: yes  
CC: w)(ale t)(at is fuckin borin  
CC: you are borin me  
CC: #snore #lame  
AA: yes  
CC: don’t i piss you off?  
AA: n0  
CC: GA)(  
CC: you mig)(t just be my least favorite megido until i aks)(elly talk to dams again  
GC: 1 C4N S33 WHY YOU 4ND VR1SK4 4R3 FR13NDS

TG: this trial is fucking stupid  
TG: how did snape even pass this  
TG: seems to take a fair amount of skill and he doesn’t seem agile enough  
TG: was he a famous quidditch player back in the day  
TG: did he cheat  
TG: and if you can cheat then why bother with the trial at all

CA: oh chess. classic wway to tests ones intelligence.  
TA: 2o what, you faiil at iit?  
TG: you know radia will let you go the moment you guys say sorry right?  
CA: actually it gets rather comfortable after a wwhile  
TA: 2peak for your2elf  
TA: ii would almo2t con2iider apologiiziing ii ed wa2n’t 2uch a horriible per2on  
CA: you knoww if i reply to that ar probably mashes our crotches together and i really don’t wwant that  
CA: so i’m gonna be the bigger troll and let that comment slide  
TA: eh faiir poiint  
TA: truce untiil the moviie ii2 over

TG: ron just sacrifished a pawn to schek if its wizsard chess or not  
CC: *prawn  
TG: wat?  
CC: if yer gonna do fis)(puns ya betta do them w)(ale  
TG: errr…. tahnks?  
GC: DON’T M1ND M3 1 4M JUST W4TCH1NG  
CC: nofin to sea )(ere pyrope  
GA: Despite That Being A Test To See On What Level of Danger They Are Operating  
GA: It Was Not An Intelligent Move Considering What Is At Stake  
GA: One Wonders Why Hermione Is Not Taking Command Considering Her Intelligence

TG: oh bullshit  
CG: OH BULLSHIT  
TG: when did he create an empathic link with his horse to actually get wounded when it is struck down  
TG: that is some neon genesis evangelion shit over there  
CG: IN THE WORST CASE SCENARIO HIS LEG ON THE SIDE OF THE HORSE’S EXIT WOUND GOT BRUISED.  
CG: WALK IT OF YOU GODDAMN BLABBERING PANSY!

CA: you are a great wwizard harry my fins  
CA: he hasn’t casted a single spell in the ENTIRE FUCKIN movvie  
TG: see this is were hermiaone got screwd  
TG: nice  
TG: next to rons unconscious bod  
TT: Figuratively……  
TG: that is less funny  
TT: She is thirteen.  
TG: she is also not real  
TG: and a wizard  
TG: anyho  
TG: in the books there was one mor trial  
TG: a logci test invlvin poisons wich she solved  
TG: now shes just bein sent away for no good reasn

CG: OH BULLSHIT  
CG: YOUR TELLING ME THAT THIS STUTTERING GODDAMN NOOKFART WAS THE ONE BREAKING INTO THE NOT-SO IMPREGNABLE VAULT AND WAS BEHIND THE THING-THAT-I-REFUSE-TO-CALL-A-FUCKING-TROLL?!  
CG: KISS MY ASS MOVIE.  
GC: H3 W4S 4LW4YS TH3R3  
CG: WHAT?!  
GC: WH3N H4RRY’S SC4R HURT 4FT3R TH3 SORT1NG C3R3MONY QU1RR3LL W4S S1TT1NG R1GHT N3XT TO SN4P3  
GC: QU1RR3LL 4LSO K3PT UNBL1NK1NG 3Y3CONT4CT W1TH H4RRY WH3N H1S BROOM W4S M4LFUNCT1ON1NG  
GC: 4ND WH4T W3 4SSUM3D TO B3 SN4P3 THR34TN1NG FOR 1NFORM4T1ON W4S 1N F4CT SN4P3 THR34TN1NG H1M TO C34S3 H1S 4TT3MPTS  
CG: STILL, AFTER ALL THE FUCKING BUILD-UP THIS FEELS LIKE A FUCKING COP-OUT  
TT: You will need to wait five more movies if you wish to see Snape take the villain mantle.  
CG: I AM NOT EVEN GOING TO WATCH ONE MORE HARRY GODDAMN POTTER MOVIE, EVEN IF MY ENTIRE COLLECTION SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTED AND EVERY DISC THAT ISN’T OWNED BY A STRIDER GETS SCRATCHED!  
TG: ah that’s swell  
TG: youd watch my hella ironic movies  
CG: I THINK I RATHER CHEW MY OWN LEGS OFF AND DIE OF BOREDOM.

CA: howw does this mirror evven wwork  
CA: suddenly his biggest desire isn’t bein wwith his lussii  
TA: ii2 iit context 2en2iitiive? cau2e ii dont thiink 2ecuriing the 2tone ii2 hii2 top priioriity riight now.  
TA: kiinda thiink he ju2t want2 to 2tay aliive now.  
TA: con2iideriing the ciircum2tances at the tiime harry 2houldn’t even have 2een hii2 parent2 iin the miirror  
TA: he would have 2een hiim2elf readiing the book about niichola2 flamel or 2afe iin hii2 bed after e2capiing that man aa hate2 for 2ome rea2on  
AA: death t0 the freys  
CA: i don’t knoww wwhat the rules are anymore  
CA: a door to a forbidden setion of the liibrary cant have an alarm spell but a mirror can somehow materialize a powwerful magical artifact in his fuckin pockets  
CA: wwhat are the limitations and rules a this magic?  
TG: there arent any rly  
TA: well that2 ju2t 2tupiid!

CG: OK, NOT GONNA LIE…. THAT IS KINDA COOL.  
CG: THE WAY THEY USE THIS MIRROR, THE PRACTICAL EFFECT OF HIS SECOND FACE AND THE VOICE THEY CHOSE TO GO WITH IT ACTUALLY MAKE THIS A SUITABLY EPIC FINAL BOSS FIGHT.  
TG: phahahahaha oh man that is epic  
TG: can you imagine having that thing on you at all times  
TG: taking it with you under the shower  
TG: making love with a nice lady wizard  
TG: would it take control if you get drunk  
TG: hey  
TG: would it react if you drop a really eggy fart?  
CG: AND AS WITH EVERYTHING STRIDER RUINS IT.  
CA: at least harry wwill actually cast a spell for once right?

TA: nop  
TA: he gets choked liike an iidiiot  
CC: s)(it’s not even a magical death. wth movie.

CG: OK?  
GC: WH4T 1S H4PP3N1NG?  
GA: Is That Supposed To Happen  
CA: the shit  
TA: the hell?  
CC: glubbin )(ell  
CC: #deusexmachina

TA: well 2crew castiing 2pells apparently  
TA: harry potter kiill2 a man wiith hii2 bare hand2  
TG: the manliest way to kill a person  
TG: but seriously  
TG: how the fuck does he do that  
TT: Oh dear……  
TG: uhm….. it makes sens in the univrse?  
TT: I am not looking forward to that explanation.

TG:” Aaaaaaaah taht non fysical prssnce rly hurts for som reason”  
TG: “Aaaaaaaaah I’ll retun 3 movevies from now”

CG: ARE YOU MOTHERFUCKING FOR REAL? THE POWER OF LOVE SOMEHOW MANIFESTS AS THE ABILITY TO BREAK A PERSON APART LIKE HE WAS A SHITTY SANDSCULPTURE? WHAT KINDA BULLSHIT CONCEPT OF LOVE DOES THIS OPERATE ON?!  
CC: )(ow t)(e fuck do you defend t)(is s)(it blondie?  
CC: seariously, the power of love glubbin saved t)(e day  
GC: 1T 1S R1GHT UP TH3R3 W1TH 1T 4LL B31NG 4 DR34M >:[  
TT: Admittedly this could have been fleshed out a little better.  
GC: WH4T WOULD H4V3 H4PP3N3D 1F H4RRY SHOOK H4NDS W1TH QU1RR3LL WH3N TH3Y F1RST M3T?  
GC: TH3 MOV13 WOULD B3 OV3R W1TH1N H4LF 4N HOUR  
TG: and voldurmort grows immune to it anywyz  
TA: but he can 2tiill burn other2 who mean hiim harm  
TG: nop  
TA: wa2ted oppertuniitiie2

CA: and then he pretty much screwws evveryone else so harry can wwin the house cup  
CG: BECAUSE OF COURSE HARRY FUCKING POTTER HAS TO WIN AT EVERYTHING.  
GC: 3V3N TH3 STUP1D F4T K1D G3TS PO1NTS FOR G3TT1NG FROZ3N BY H3RM1ON3

CC: now back to yer abusive family kid.  
GC: COULDN’T H3 ST4Y W1TH H4GR1D OR SOM3TH1NG  
TG: no, itsh a plotpoint in later moives  
TG: its a recurring theme  
TG: no really one of the gajilion sequels will explain it somehow  
TG: and if not maybe the monopoly boardgame trading cards or other merchandise holds the answer to all these questions  
TG: aight perhsp i was blinded by nostamgia giggles a bit but i still rly lov the movie  
TG: its beautiful and a grt start for teh epic that is harry potter  
TG: it gets progresivhly darker and actionier ash the story goes on and prt 5 is still mah favorite but overall the series is great.  
CC: w)(ale i t)(ink it is s)(it  
TG: of course you do!  
GC: MOV13 1S OV3R  
GC: NOT MY PROBL3M 4NYMOR3  
CA: speakin a wwhich  
CA: lil help please ar  
TA: aa?  
CC: a course I )(ate it guppy.   
CC: it is a stupid human movie and one for kids at t)(at  
CC: worst a all, )(arry is so incredibubbly boring!!!  
CC: #blandymcblanderson  
TT: I whole heartidly disagree. In fact, this may be my favorite movie in the series.  
CC: W)(ale then I am in no )(urry to watc)( t)(e rest.  
TT: Despite it’s lightness of tone, there is a sense of wonder and excitement in the movie.  
TT: Everything Harry comes across is fresh, new and mysterious, just as it is for the viewer.  
TT: And you really need to learn the difference between ‘kidfriendly’ and ‘for kids’  
CC: Pa)(  
CC: #whocares  
CG: LOOK, I DIDN’T FUCKING HATE THE MOVIE. IT WAS INCREDIBLY ATMOSPHERIC, THE CHILD ACTORS WERE DECENT AND THE SCORE WAS JUST AMAZING.  
CG: ALL IN ALL, I’D SAY THIS IS A PRETTY DECENT MOVIE.  
CG: BUT IF YOU’RE TELLING ME THIS IS THE BEST HUMAN MOVIE EVER MADE I’M GOING TO HAVE TO CALL YOU A FUCKING LIAR.  
TG: noted.  
TA: plot wa2 kiinda goofy and all over the map  
CA: wwe nevver really learn wwhat the rules and limitations of the magic are  
TA: that ii2nt really important  
CA: i disagree  
TA: al2o aa  
TA: you can 2eperate u2 any tiime now  
TA: the moviie ii2 over  
TG: after the credits  
CA: wworst auspistice evver  
AA: did you enj0y the m0vie  
CA: wwell yeah  
CA: i may be on board wwith wwatchin the rest if kan is goin to wwatch them as wwell anywways  
GA: Oh  
GA: I   
GA: I Had Intended To Do So In Private  
CA: aaah i see  
GA: What  
CA: say no more kan   
CA: I understand  
GA: Understand What  
GA: Why Are You Wonking  
TT: Do you still want to see the rest of the movies kanaya?  
GA: Yes Definitely  
GA: I Am Really Curious To Find Out Makes You So Enthusiastic About These Films  
TT: I am not thát enthusiastic…..  
GA: Of Course You Are Not Dear  
GC: SO NO ON3 1S 4SK1NG FOR MY OP1N1ON?  
CG: NO  
CC: nop  
GC: W3LL TOO B4D  
GC: 1T W4S  
GC: QU1T3 FR4NKLY  
GC: D3L1C1OUS  
TG: awsome  
CG: GREAT. NOW EVERYBODY OUT.  
TG: aren’t we doin that who stais longst in the stream gehts to pick next mvie?

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned tipsyGnostalgic [TG]—**

CG: NO. WHATEVER GAVE YOU THAT COMPLETELY WRONG IDEA.  
CA: but kar  
CA: i saww you discuss it wwith rox  
CA: you wwere totally on board wwith it

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned caligulasAquarium [CA]—**

CG: NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.  
CC: s)(it i aint got no time to wait for that  
CC: and neit)(er do you s)(outy  
CG: I JUST HAVE TO WAIT TILL THE REST LEAVES THE STREAM DAMNIT.  
TA: not liike ii have any iintere2t iin piickiing a moviie.   
CG: GOOD.  
CC: nu u)(  
CC: i aint gonna wait for t)(at  
CC: we doin somefin fun tonig)(t nubs  
CC: #ohyeah  
CG: WHAT THE SHIT?!  
GC: >:O  
CG: MEENAH GET YOUR GRUBBY LITTLE PAWS OFF ME!  
TG: nice  
CG: I SWEAR TO GOD! I AM PICKING THE MOVIE NEXT WEEK.  
CG: I WILL!!!  
CC: QUI---ET DOWN NUBBY  
CG: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHRGH!!!

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] got forcefully signed off--**  
**\-- Cyprinidconquerer [CC] left memo--**

GA: Are We  
GA: Are We Just Going To Let Her Do That  
GC: 1 TH1NK 1 B3ST GO OV3R TH3R3  
GA: You And Me Both

**\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] left memo--**

GA: I Will See You Shortly Rose  
TT: Of course.

**\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] left memo--**

TG: and then there were three  
TG: nervous rose  
TG: need for a bathroombreak perhaps  
TG: just log off and go help your troll  
TG: just let me pick the next movie  
TA: yeah you can have your fuckiing moviie  
TA: ii don’t really care.  
TA: miight be there next week though, iif you promii2e not to iinviite fii2hdiick.  
TT: We shall see.

**\-- twinArmageddons [TA] left memo--**

TT: And then there were two.  
TT: Nervous brother dear?  
TT: Do you perhaps feel like discussing some of your latent psychological issues?  
TT: Do I need to bring out my notebook again?  
TG: ok no  
TG: that is not how this is going to go down  
TG: you are in the big man’s court now rose  
TG: he has the ball and is going in for that strike that makes the ladies swoon  
TT: Once again you prove that I know more about sports then you.  
TG: the quarterback tosses it to the big man  
TG: he is about to shoot and then  
TG: shit  
TG: he realizes what he is doing  
TG: he is in a stand off with a time player  
TG: he tosses the ball away and feels incredibly stupid  
TG: that’s right rose  
TG: the big man is you  
TT: You switched up your tired metaphor a little. Clever.  
TG: i can wait years if i have to and make them feel like seconds  
TT: You can not. You would have done so on the meteor.  
TG: ok bluff called  
TT: Still, I agree I am at a disadvantage.  
TT: Not only that, but my first choise for a movie has already been claimed by Roxy.  
TG: tell yourself whatever you want  
TG: i am not signing off before you are  
TT: Very well Dave.  
TT: Consider this your win.  
TT: But be warned…… I will team up with Dirk for the rest of the week.  
TG: oh  
TT: I feel like it’ll be seven very long days for you.

**\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] left memo--**

TG: worth it  
TG: aw yeah  
TG: this is going to be hella ironic  
TG: i don’t even know what terrible flick to pick  
TG: last man standing bitch  
AA: are y0u  
TG: oh fuck  
AA: we are still in a stand-0ff  
TG: time player vs time player  
TG: this could take metaphorical eons  
TG: like pitting a metapod against a kakuna  
TG: shit is not going anywhere they just continually harden like a incredibly poorly chosen metaphor  
AA: there are tw0 things y0u may want t0 take int0 acc0unt  
TG: what  
AA: i am a r0b0t  
AA: and i am very patient  
TG: oh  
AA:   
TG:  
TG: well  
TG: shit  
AA: 0u0

**\-- turntechGodhead [TG] left memo--**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who care about Meenah's troll handle: Cyprinid means the carp family in fancy biology terms. So basically queen carp. I thought it was funny.
> 
> Also wasn't sure about the character's physical location anymore. Just decided to go with the rule of funny and hope nobody noticed.
> 
> As for the movie. I have great memories about it and I prefer the first three movies over the rest of the series. Everything was just a little brighter in those films as opposed to the rest, which suddenly became so dark. It's the little things I guess.
> 
> Next up: The shining.


	4. The Shining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aradia decides to show everyone a classic horror movie, robots get sassy and alphas get annoying.
> 
>  
> 
> **Warning: This chapter contains some gore, nudity and traces of nuts. If any of these things trigger you..... scroll past it.**

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG]opened memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS--**

CG: I DO NOT FUCKING UNDERSTAND HOW YOU NOOKSTAINS MANAGE TO KEEP SURPRISING ME WITH THE WAYS YOU CAN UTTERLY FAIL AT BEING A NORMAL LIVING ORGANISM!  
CG: I WOULD HONESTLY BE FUCKING IMPRESSED AND SHOWER YOU IN PRAISE IF IT WEREN’T SO INCREDIBLY PATHETIC.  
CG: WHEN I SAID BOARDGAMES MONDAY WAS CANCELLED I WAS FUCKING SERIOUS. IT WAS NOT AN OPEN INVITATION FOR YOU MISERABLE MORONS TO SABOTAGE MY DIRECT COMMAND BY HOSTING IT ELSEWHERE. TEREZI.  
CG: SO EVEN THOUGH I WAS SPARED THE NUISANCE OF HAVING TO CLEAN AFTER YOU IDIOTS I GOT CALLED OVER BY A DESPERATE TAVROS TO HELP AND DEFUSE A ‘SITUATION’ BETWEEN SERKET AND TEREZI. DO YOU HARPIES WANT TO TELL EVERYONE YOURSELF OR SHALL I SPARE YOU THE EMBERRASSMENT?

**\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] joined memo--**

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned arachnidsGrip [AG] from memo--**

CG: ACTUALLY NEVER MIND, I’LL DO IT MYSELF. AT LEAST I GET SOME CATHARSIS FROM THE WHOLE MESS THAT WAY.  
CG: SO SOMEHOW TEREZI INEXPLICABLY CONVINCED EVERYONE THAT VRISKA WAS THE MURDERER IN A GAME OF CLUE.  
CG: HAVING PERFORMED THE DEED USING HER PSYCHIC ABILITY IN THE ABLUTIONBLOCK.  
CG: SO, BEING THE INCREDIBLE LOGIC AND LEVEL-HEADED TROLL THAT I AM, I HAD ONLY ONE QUESTION FOR THOSE BATSHIT WOMEN.  
CG: DO ANY OF YOU HAVE EVEN A NANO-UNIT OF AN IDEA OF HOW CLUE IS SUPPOSED TO BE PLAYED?!

**\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] joined memo--**

GC: OUR W4Y OF PL4Y1NG 1T W4S MOR3 FUN  
GC: 1 THOROUGHLY 1NSP3CT3D TH3 CR1M3SC3N3 4ND C4M3 TO TH3 CONCLUS1ON TH4T TH3R3 W3R3 NO S1GNS OF OUTW4RD TR4UM4  
GC: NOT ONLY TH4T BUT TH3 G4M3P13C3 US3D FOR MR BL4CK W4S SL1GHTLY W3T  
CG: THAT WAS A FUCKING CHESSPIECE GAMZEE HAD BEEN CHEWING ON YOU FAILURE OF A GUMSHOE!  
CG: YOU WERE THERE! YOU *KNEW* IT WAS A CHESSPIECE!  
GC: TH3N MR M4K4R4 T4MP3R3D W1TH TH3 CR1M3SC3N3 4ND SHOULD B3 H3LD R3SPONS1BL3 FOR TH3 1NC4RC3R4T1ON OF MRS S3RK3T  
CG: THERE WAS NO FUCKING CRIMESCENE!   
CG: THIS IS WHY WE’RE NOT DOING THIS SHIT IN MY HIVE ANYMORE PEOPLE!!!! THIS IS WHY I LIMIT MYSELF TO THE MOVIES NOWADAYS.  
CG: SPEAKING OF WHICH. THE MOVIE LAST WEEK, YEAH IT WAS ALRIGHT. B- MATERIAL.  
CG: THIS WEEK HOWEVER I GATHERED THAT WE HAVE THAT INSUFFERABLE DOUCHENOZZLE OF A STRIDER TO THANK FOR THE MOVIE. SO I DON’T BLAME ANYONE FOR NOT SHOWING UP.

**\-- timeausTestified [TT] joined memo--**

TT: I resent that statement.  
TT: I am only slightly insufferable.  
CG: HAVING TO WORK WITH TWO STRIDERS IS PRETTY MUCH THE WORST THING FOREVER!

**\-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] joined memo--**

GG: Now Mr Strider, behave.  
GG: We are Karkat’s guests. We ought to behave.  
TT: You wound me Crocker. I am always on my best behavior.  
CG: DO NOT THINK I HAVE FORGOTTEN THE CREAMPIE INCIDENT OF TWO WEEKS AGO CROCKER!  
CG: I KNOW EXACTLY WHO WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT CATASTROPHE!  
CG: IT TOOK HOURS TO CLEAN THAT SHIT!  
GG: Hoo hoo hoo hoo, you should have seen your face.  
GC: 1T W4SNT 3X4CTLY 4 D1FF1CULT C4S3 TO CR4CK  
GC: YOUR L4UGHT3R 3CHO3D THROUGH TH3 H1V3  
GG: Maybe next time I’ll do something more sneakily.  
TT: No way. You are even worse at stealth than Jake.  
GC: 1S TH4T 3V3N POSS1BL3?  
CG: ALRIGHT, WHERE IS THE OTHER STRIDER?  
CG: LETS JUST GET STARTED BEFORE YOU PEOPLE DRIVE ME UP THE FUCKING WALLS AGAIN.  
TT: Yeah, Dave isn’t coming.  
TT: Apparently Lalonde schelduled a private session just for him today.  
GC: TH3 POOR UNFORTUN4T3 SOUL  
TT: Indeed.  
CG: WAIT A FUCK.  
CG: DOES THAT MEAN WE FINALLY GET TO WATCH A GOOD TROLL MOVIE?

**\-- apacolypseArisen [AA] joined memo--**

AA: nop  
CG: OF COURSE NOT. HOW COULD I LET OPTIMISM GET THE BETTER OF ME YET AGAIN?  
AA: i am so happy aradiabot managed to stay in the stream last  
AA: i have so many films i want to share  
GC: W41T 4 M1NUT3  
GC: TH1S 1S T1M3 P1X13 4R4D14 NOT 4R4D14BOT  
GC: 1S TH1S 1N 4CCORD4NC3 W1TH TH3 RUL3S?  
TT: There are rules now?  
GC: 4PP4R4NTLY NOT  
AA: well it is a soul and time thing i suppose  
AA: so what do you think dirk  
CG: WHY ISN’T ANYONE ASKING ME HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS FUCKING DECISION?  
TT: Sure, go nuts.  
AA: thank you

**\-- centaursTesticle [CT] joined memo--**

CG: AH FUCK.

**\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] joined memo--**

CG: AH DOUBLEFUCK.  
AC::33< hi efurryone!  
AC::33< is roxy here?  
GG: I am afraid she couldn’t make it.  
AC::33< oh :((  
GG: I believe she was going to watch Rose torment Dave…..   
GG: Though you probably should not take that too seriously. She is a notorious prankster in her own right.  
TT: Oh no, she was dead serious.   
AC: :33< i was talking to her about adopting one of her kittens  
AC: :33< she really seems to like me fur some reason  
GC: P3RH4PS SH3 1S R3D FOR YOU  
AC: :33< a human?!  
AC: :33< i hadn’t even considered it…..  
AC: :33< oh whoa…..  
GC: WH4T W1LL YOU DO 4BOUT 1T?  
AC: :33< well furst i must update the shipping wall  
AC: :33< then  
AC: :33< uhm  
AC: :33< i don’t know, what do you do when a human flushes fur you?  
GC: YOU H4V3 S1CK R4P OFFS >:]  
AC: :33< humans sure are silly  
CT: D--> Nepeta, cease that f001ish train of thought.  
CT: D--> Aradia….. Pleasant to meet you here.  
AA: hi equius  
AA: glad you decided to come  
CT: D--> But of course. Your invitation indicated a very serious topic needed addressing.  
CT: D--> So here I am.  
AA: i am glad  
AA: this movie seriously needs watching and i am curious as to how everyone will react on it  
CT: D--> A…… movie?  
CT: D--> You specifically requested me and my moirail to come to this party of lowlifes and h001igans for the sake of a movie?!  
AA: yes  
CT: D--> Hnrk….. Nepeta, we are leaving.  
AC: :33< noooooo  
AC: :33< we should stay and watch a movie with efurryone  
CT: D--> Abso100tely not.  
AC: :33< yes we should!  
AC: :33< we never go out anymore  
AC: :33< it will be nice to hang out with our friends again  
CT: D--> Fine, for your sake.  
AC: :33< yes!  
CT: D--> However, if I deem this movie unsuitable for you we are leaving.  
AC: :33< uhm……  
AA: do not worry nepeta  
AA: he wont

**\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] joined memo--**  
**\-- twinArmageddons [TA] joined memo--**

GA: Once Again I Have To Apologize For Our Tardiness  
GA: Mr Captor Seems Increasingly Adamant Not To Join These Movienights  
TA: la2t tiime ii got p2ychiiced 2tuck to a fii2hy a22hole  
TA: forgiive me for not beiing iin a hurry two do that agaiin  
GA: We Already Promised You That Eridan Will Be Otherwise Occupied Tonight  
GA: What More Could You Desire  
TA: fuck iif ii know  
TA: perhap2 2omeone thought iit would be funny to iinviite my dance2tor  
CT: D--> Do not even joke about that Captor.  
AC: :33< how did you get rid of eridan anyway?  
GA: I Decided To Lend Him The Harry Wizard Movies  
GA: He Was More Fond Of Them Than He Liked To Admit  
CG: KNEW IT.  
GC: KN3W 1T  
TA: and who are the2e human2?  
TA: god, how many of you even are there?  
TT: Please take comfort in the fact that you still outnumber us 24 to 8. Though I feel inclined to point out that our group is significantly more competent than yours.  
TA: not even gonna deny that  
GG: It will probably remain like this until John and Karkat figure out how the ectobiology devices work.  
GA: Either That Or Natural Causes I Presume  
GG: Err…. Indeed.  
CG: SO THIS IS IT THEN? EVERYONE GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER GOOD AND PROPER?  
TA: no  
TT: Yeah, not really.  
CG: GOOD. WE CAN START THE GODDAMN MOVIE NOW.

**\-- cavalierGargarization [CG] entered memo—**

CG: OH GOD NO.  
CG: Ah. G99d day descendant.  
CG: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.  
CG: I happened up9n Meenah the 9ther day, wh9 pr9mptly t9ld me ab9ut these get t9gether’s y9u have 6een h9sting recently.  
CG: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.  
CG: Th9ugh I enc9urage these excersizes in teamspirit I find it unaccepta6ly rude that y9u failed t9 extend a pers9nal invitati9n t9wards every9ne. M9st 9f my gr9up has 6een entirely unaware 9f these m9vienights th9ugh I kn9w f9r a fact that Cr9nus w9uld have 6een delighted t9 watch the harry wizard m9vie.  
CG: Please f9rgive my ign9rance, my human friends, sh9uld I have misremem6ered the title 9f that m9vie. It is n9t an attempt t9 diminish y9ur admittedly primitive culture 6ut serves t9 create a hyp9thetical situati9n wherein my descendant sh9uld have adjusted his 6ehavi9r.  
CG: Th9ugh n9t my area 9f expertise, I am certain y9ur culture is just as rich as 9urs.  
TT: What……..  
TA: hahahaha oh thii2 ii2 hiilariiou2  
CG: Did I say anything amusing Mr Capt9r?  
TA: oh, ii agree wiith you pal  
TA: kk ha2 been iincrediibly rude iin not iincludiing you  
CG: SOLLUX!!!  
TA: he 2hould have iinviited you from the begiinniing  
CG: I WILL END YOU!  
CG: S9, 6ef9re we start this m9vie I must ask. Are there any triggers we sh9uld 6e aware 9ff?  
AA: definitely  
CG: Please, enlighten us.  
AA: i prefer to let it be a surprise  
AA: 0u0  
CG: Th9ugh I understand this is n9t y9ur intent, y9u must c9nsider the p9ssi6ility 9f accidentally triggering s9me9ne. C9nsidering y9u d9 n9t seem t9 share y9ur dancest9r’s penchant f9r unwarranted cruelty this is pr96a6ly the 9ppertune m9ment t9 inf9rm us 9f p9tentially 9ffensive scenes in the m9vie.  
CG: Triggerwarnings, if y9u will.  
TT: And I thought I liked hearing myself talk.  
AA: it will be a surprise  
GC: TH4T 1S MUCH MOR3 FUN  
AA: warning you about the triggers will be like spoiling the ending  
CG: That was g9ing to 6e my sec9nd questi9n. I am glad y9u are s9 quick 9n the uptake.  
AA: start the movie karkat  
CG: WHAT?  
CG: What?  
AA: start the movie  
CG: 6ut what a69ut p9tential triggers?  
AA: we are all mature trolls here  
AA: i think we will do fine  
CT: D--> Aradia, I do not appreciate you speaking for Nepeta.  
AC: :33< equius, i don not appureciate you speaking fur me either!  
CT: D--> Shoosh Nepeta. I am speaking for you.  
AC: :33< grrrrrr  
CG: ALRIGHT, LET’S START ALREADY.

TT: Whoa, check out who’s making the best out of his windows moviemaker.  
TT: We’re living the nineties all over again.  
GC: TRULY TH3S3 M4G1C4L N1N3T13S W3R3 TH3 4PP3X OF HUM4N C1V1L1Z4T1ON

**\-- apacolypsArisen [AA2] entered memo—**

AA2: the m0vie came 0ut in 1980  
AA2: directed by human Stanley Kubrick  
AA2: the 0riginal auth0r was n9t satisfied with the result and created his 0wn less successful miniseries 0f the same name a few year later  
GG: Weren’t you in the chat already?  
AA1: oh, i am  
AA1: aradiabot humans  
AA1: humans aradiabot  
GG: Hi?  
AA2: hey

**\-- apacolypsArisen [AA2] left memo--**

GG: Rude much?  
AA: she does that sometimes  
CG: Megid9, this is n9 laughing matter. N9t 9nly d9 y9u refuse t9 pr9perly warn f9r the p9tential triggers in this m9vie, y9u treat y9ur r969tic alter eg9 as a mere servant.  
CG: #TW #R969slavery  
CT: D--> She is very…….. Defiant.  
CG: It feels as if y9u are willingly sa69taging what sh9uld 6e a j9y9us 9cassi9n t9 watch m9vies t9gether.  
AA: when did i ever treat myself as a servant  
AA: me and her are nobody’s handmaid  
CG: She and I  
AA: what  
CG: F9rgive me, it was n9t my intent t9 be rude h9wever y9u said ‘me and her’ while the pr9per way 9f phrasing w9uld have 6een she and I. Please d9 n9t take this as me limiting y9ur v9ca6ulair, merely p9inting 9ut the grammatically c9rrect way 9f saying these phrases.  
AA: i am beginning to dislike you  
CG: Have I s9meh9w triggered y9u?

GA: So He Is In The Overlook Hotel For A Human Job  
GA: What A Mundane Beginning For A Movie Aradia  
GA: I Expected Something Starring Human Harrison Ford  
AA: i considered it  
AC: :33< this all looks surprisingly tame  
AC: :33< so what’s wrong with it?  
AA: why would there be anything wrong nepeta  
AC: :33< hmmm……. i don’t know

**\-- autoResponder [AR] entered memo--**

CG: DOES ANYONE ELSE FEEL THE NEED TO CRASH THIS MEMO LIKE WORLD’S SHITTIEST DEMOLISHING SPHERE?  
CG: ARE YOU THE TYPE OF ASSHOLE THAT FEELS THE NEED TO WALK IN LATE DURING THE VIEWING OF THE MOVIE? EVERYONE IS ABSORBED IN THE EXPERIENCE AND SUDDENLY THE DOORBELL RINGS OR SOME ASSHOLE IN THE CINEMA NEEDS TO PASS YOUR FIELD OF VISION BECAUSE HE WAS TOO FUCKING IMPORTANT TO BE ON TIME?!  
AR: Karkat is flipping his shit. There was only a 100% chance of that happening.  
CT: D--> Hnrk….. That is a%eptable.  
TT: Thought we had a deal Hal. No more random interruptions.  
GG: Oh but I do so enjoy his banter.  
TT: You are definitely not helping his rebellious behavior.  
CT: D--> So repugnant. He needs to be put in his place.  
GG: Well I think he’s great. He’s the only one who can sass Strider into submission.  
AR: Love you too Crocker.  
TT: That is at best conjecture on your part Crocker and at worst a tale of idle fantasy.  
CG: He types in the same c9l9r as me and th9ugh I d9 n9t wish t9 limit his self-expressi9n I d9 feel 96liged t9 inf9rm y9u that it l99ks incredi8ly c9nfusing.  
GC: NO ON3 R34LLY C4R3S  
AR: Just here to pop in and tell you guys they changed the manager of the overlook. In the book he and Jack were douchebags to one another, though here they are all buddy buddy and shit.  
TT: I read the book Hal. I could have told them that.  
TT: Any other arbitrary fact you feel like sharing?  
AR: Nop. I’ll be back later.  
TT: Of course you will.  
GG: Bye Mr Hal.

**\-- autoResponder [AR] left memo--**

CG: HOW MANY FUCKING ROBOTS DO WE NEED CRASHING THIS CHAT?!  
CT: D--> I do not fully understand, but he seemed awfully familiar.  
GC: HMMMMMMM  
GA: Something On Your Mind Terezi  
GC: D3SP1T3 TH3M B31NG SO FR13NDLY TO ON3 4NOTH3R 1 F33L L1K3 SOM3TH1NG 1S OFF  
GC: L1K3 1T 1S F4K3  
CT: D--> It is a movie. It does that.  
GC: NOT L1K3 TH4T  
GC: BL4R N3V3R M1ND

CG: SO HE HAS A MATESPRIT AND A DESCENDANT. FUCKING FANTASTIC.  
CG: DID YOU ACCIDENTALLY POPPED IN THE WRONG FUCKING MOVIE MEGIDO? SO FAR THIS IS LOOKING INCREDIBLY FUCKING BORING.  
TA: ah fuck  
TA: they are goiing to the 2tupiid hotel and have all 2ort2 of hiilariious fun for all the famiily hiijiinx  
AA: 0u0  
TA: had ii known that, kn would have had to try a whole lot harder to get me iin thii2 2tream  
CG: Well, th9se m9vies are usually fairly un9ffensive.  
TA: except for theiir qualiity  
CG: Perhaps I had c9mpletely misjudged y9u megid9. Perhaps this m9vie c9ntains n9 triggers at all, in which case I must c9ngratulate y9u in y9ur excellent ch9ice in picking a safe m9vie f9r every9ne.  
AC: :33< that sounds boring  
GC: R34LLY  
GC: S4Y WH4T YOU W1LL 4BOUT TH3 PR3V1OUS MOV13S 4T L34ST STUFF H4PP3N3D  
GC: P3OPL3 GOT K1LL3D OR THROWN OUT OF PL4N3S  
GC: DUMB P3OPL3 M4D3 D34LS W1TH D3V1LS 4ND SKULLS BURST3D 1NTO F1R3  
CG: Excuse me?  
GC: 4 WHOL3 LOT OF M4G1C GOOF1NG 4ROUND  
AA: oh stuff will happen  
AA: trust me  
GG: Is everyone just going to ignore that Danny’s imaginairy friend communicates through his finger?  
GG: This just looks so bizarre.  
CG: Ah, please. All9w me.  
CG: #TW #Specialneedschildren  
GG: I don’t think that’s how it works…..

TT: Why does Jack Nicholson remind me of Jack Black?  
GC: B3C4US3 TH3Y 4R3 BOTH J4CKS?  
GA: So They Have To Stay In That Hotel  
GA: The Entire Winter  
GA: In A Place With An Average Of Twenty Feet Snow Every year  
GA: Am I The Only One Who Thinks This Is A Bad Idea  
CT: D--> If the hotel is in stable condition and build with an adequately STRONG foundation there sh001d be no reason for concern.  
CT: D--> As long as they pack enough supplies to survive the harsh colds.  
AA: no kanaya is definitely onto something here  
GG: Oh dear…. I think I remember this movie.  
TT: Let us not spoil the events of the movie for our fellow viewers.  
GG: Do you not think we should warn them?  
TT: Not really.  
CG: N9 y9u definitely sh9uld. Th9ugh I understand y9ur mental pr9cess thinking diving 6lindly int9 the experience will 6enefit 9ur viewing pleasure 9ne sh9uld c9nsider the ramificati9ns when c9nfr9nted with s9mething s9me might c9nsider 9ffensive.  
CG: What if s9mething happens t9 upset Capt9r  
TA: doe2 the moviie feature ed?  
AA: no  
TA: iim good  
CG: P99r example perhaps, 6ut what if s9mething were t9 trigger Maryam?  
GA: Unlikely  
CG: FINE. IF IT BOTHERS YOU THAT FUCKING MUCH LETS PUT IT TO A USELESS VOTE. WHO HERE FEELS THE NEED TO BE WARNED ABOUT THE MOVIES CONTENT LIKE A FUCKING WRIGGLER?  
CG: I.  
CT: D--> I.  
AC: :33< no you don’t!  
CT: D--> For your sake Nepeta, I must.  
AC: :33< no no no!!!  
CG: MOTION FAILS. NO TRIGGERS NEEDED, WE ARE ALL FUCKING ADULTS HERE AND DON’T NEED TO HAVE OUR HANDS HELD THROUGHOUT A MOVIE LIKE WE’RE TWO SWEEPS OLD!  
AA: hihi  
CG: WHAT?  
AA: nothing  
AA: just thinking about the rest of the movie  
GA: Why Do I Feel Like We Made A Horrendous Mistake  
AC: :33< oh, so there was a murder in the hotel  
AC: :33< is this going to be like, a mystery?  
AC: :33< Jack, his family and the staff get snowed in and must solve the murder?  
GG: Oh, I love those stories.  
GG: But no, that is not the case.  
CG: DON’T YOU JUST LOVE DRAMATIC IRONY?  
CG: THIS ONE SENTENCE PRETTY MUCH SUMS UP EVERYTHING THAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. IT IT CHALLENGING WHATEVER CREATOR WATCHES OVER HIS FUCKED UP LITTLE MOVIE UNIVERSE.  
GA: Why Do I Have The Sensation That It Is In Fact Going To Happen To Him  
GC: 1TS TH3 3Y3BROWS  
GA: The What  
GC: TH3 3Y3BROWS  
GC: JUST LOOK 4T TH3M  
GC: H3’S GO1NG TO GO CR4ZY L4T3R ON  
TT: His case is not at all helped by his previous roles.   
AA: like  
TT: He played in a film called ‘one flew over the cuckoo’s nest’.  
TA: 2ubtle  
TT: He played the Joker in Batman.  
CG: I d9 n9t understand. Is this n9t the same sp9iling y9u previ9usly refused t9 d9?  
GC: 1TS D1FF3R3NT WH3N TH3 MOV13 PR4CT1C4LLY SHOV3S 1T 1N YOUR F4C3

CT: D--> It seems like a unhealthy habbit to put so much stock in the opinion of one’s inde% finger.  
CG: SERIOUSLY. IS THIS SOMETHING HUMAN WRIGGLERS JUST DO?  
GG: Well….. Some develop imaginairy friends?  
GG: But I haven’t heard of it going to this extent.

**\-- autoResponder [AR] joined memo--**

AR: In the book it actually gets explained.  
TT: Not now Hal.

**\-- timeausTestified [TT] banned autoResponder [AR] from memo--**

**\-- apacolypsArisen [AA2] joined memo--**

AA2: in the b00k they actually explain wh0 t0ny is  
AA1: not now please  
CG: ALL THESE AUTOMATONS!

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned apacolypsArisen [AA2] from memo--**

CT: D--> I do not believe automaton is the correct term to describe either Hal or Aradiabot.  
CG: THREE GUESSES HOW MANY FUCKS I GIVE.  
CG: FIRST TWO DON’T COUNT.  
CT: D--> 100?  
CG: This is a seri9us disregard f9r the feelings 9f 69th Hal and Aradia69t. Despite their call9us 6ehavi9r it w9uld be remiss 9f us t9 n9t take their feelings int9 c9nsiderati9n. After all, are they n9t m9delled after real c9nsci9usness? D9 andr9ids n9t dream 9f electric sheep?  
CG: We sh9uld treat them like we w9uld any tr9ll 9r human.  
CG: I AM SURROUNDED BY FUCKING IDIOTS.

AC: :33< uhm….  
AC: :33< what is going on?  
GC: TH1S S33MS 1NCR3D1BLY R4NDOM  
GC: BUT 1T T4ST3S 4BSOLUT3LY D3L3CT4BL3  
GA: It Appears We Lack Context  
GA: Perhaps The Book Does A Better Job Explaining The Situation  
TA: the 2udden 2iilence of the robot2 2peak2 volume2

GC: OH NO  
GC: TH3 STR4NG3 V1S1ON OF R3D L1QU1D TH4T OBV1OUSLY W4SN’T BLOOD SOM3HOW M4D3 H1M F41NT  
GC: S3R1OUSLY WH4T G1V3S  
GC: W4S H3 OV3RWH3LM3D BY TH3 D3L1C1OUSN3SS?  
CT: D--> Even more 100dicrous. They feel the need to bring in a docteradicator.  
CT: D--> He merely fainted. He did not spontaneously burst into flames.  
AC: :33< well, she’s just concerned  
AC: :33< what would you do if i fainted?  
CT: D--> Put you in a stable position.  
CT: D--> Wait for you to wake up.  
CT: D--> Pour you a glass of milk.  
TA: well ii thiink you can do one of tho2e thiing2 wiithout breakiing 2hiit  
GA: Tony Is A Little Boy That Lives In His Mouth And Hides In His Stomach  
GA: For Goodness Sake Danny Really Does Need A Doctor  
CG: #TW #Micro vore

CG: SHE IS YOUR SON’S DOCTERADICATOR WOMAN, NOT YOUR PERSONAL PSYCHIATRIST.  
CG: #TW #Alcohol abuse  
GA: Must You Persist With Your Complusion To Trigger These Things  
CG: They are merely f9r future reference Maryam. Sh9uld any 9f 9ur 9ther friends 6e interested in watching this m9vie they sh9uld 6e well inf9rmed ab9ut p9tentially harmful themes and imagery.   
CG: I d9 n9t dare phat9m what Mituna w9uld 6e like when c9nfr9nted with 9ffensive material.  
TA: ok that2 actually kiinda faiir  
TA: the guy would be fliippiing hii2 2hiit 2o hard he would become more amu2iing than the moviie  
AC: :33< wendy has such big eyes  
AC: :33< like a cat  
TT: She looks absolutely nothing like a cat.  
CT: D--> I am more distracted by her absurd dentistry. Those buckteeth are tr001y the sign of a poor heritage.  
GG: Excuse me buster?  
CT: D--> Err….  
GG: Do you have anything against buckteeth?  
CT: D--> Not…… Particularly?  
AA: he has no right to complain  
CG: HE LOOKS LIKE HE CONTINUOUSLY PUNCHED HIMSELF IN THE FACE.  
CT: D--> This is an una%acptable way for this conversation to proceed. We shall stop now.  
CG: #TW #Self-harm  
CT: D--> You are not helping.

CG: AH!  
AC: :33< Ah!  
GC: HRM  
TA: fiir2t horror the moviie ha2 two offer come2 iin the form of a black 2creen  
GA: She Was Cut Off Mid Story  
GA: It Was Merely  
GA: Unexpected  
TA: you already reached for your liip2tiick diidn’t you  
GA: I Deny Every Allegation

TT: Are we there yet?  
GG: Dirk, you are not beginning that absurdly childish game.  
TT: Yes, but are we there yet?  
GG: Strider….  
CG: GLAD TO SEE THAT AFTER HIS ALCOHOLISM JACK BECAME A BETTER FATHER, TEACHING HIS KID ALL ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE REALLY IMPORTANT.  
TA: liike canniibalii2m?  
CG: LIKE CANNIBALISM.  
GC: SO DO W3 G3T TO LOOK FORW4RD TO J4CK TRY1NG TO D3VOUR H1S F4M1LY  
CG: That is incredi6ly distasteful. Th9ugh I am certain Megid9 will th9r9ughly enj9y the film it already manages t9 tick 9ff several triggers. I d9 n9t 6elieve this film is suited f9r mass viewings, at the very least n9t f9r tr9llkind c9nsidering that despite its many 96vi9us faults this is part 9f the human culture.  
CG: I suggest we turn it 9ff and watch s9mething m9re palata6le.   
AA: are you scared  
CG: Pard9n?  
CG: The very n9ti9n is absurd, if n9t s9mewhat 9ffensive. Just 6ecause I am sensitive a69ut the feelings 9f 9thers d9es n9t imply I am 9verly sensitive t9wards h9rr9rm9vies such as this. Why during the game I was just as 6rave as any 9ther tr9ll c9nsidering the circumstances and even did my fair share 9f c9m6at.  
CG: Th9ugh there is a general feeling 9f uneasiness in the m9vie s9 far that I dislike.  
CG: And the implied murder and canni6alism is rather distasteful.  
AA: hahaha  
AA: you are so scared

GG: Did somebody leave the kettle on?  
GG: The sound is rather annoying.

CT: D--> Two human females.  
CT: D--> I fail to see the point.  
AC: :33< but they just stand there  
AC: :33< watching  
AC: :33< and then they go away again  
GC: 1T 1S UN34SIN3SS R4TH3R TH4N SC4R1N3SS R34LLY  
GG: I was so incredibly frightened the first time I saw this movie  
GC: W3LL YOU MUST H4V3 B33N 4 L1TTL3 WR1GGL3R  
GG: Perhaps. But the movie will get a whole lot more disturbing.  
GG: The girls are…… Well…….  
AA: corpses   
AA: 0u0  
GG: right  
AC: :33< but they are moving and smiling and stuff  
AA: strange isn’t it  
AC: :33< hrmmm

TA: thii2 wiil be the locatiion for our fiinal bo22battle  
GA: It Is Not A Spoiler When It Is Obvious

CG: SORRY JUST….. TRYING TO PUT MY SOCKS BACK ON AFTER THEY HAVE BEEN SO VIGOROUSLY BLOWN AWAY.  
CG: INDIAN FUCKING BURIAL GROUND?! HOW MANY RED LIGHTS AND WARNING BELLS START GOING GOING OFF AFTER HEARING THOSE WORDS.  
TT: That’s like having sex in silent hill before going to sleep in Elmstreet after getting a Chucky doll on Halloween.  
CG: GET AWAY PEOPLE. GET AWAY!   
GG: Oh, that’s just hokey superstition Karkat.  
GG: Though it is very disrespectful to built on such sites, there is no such thing as curses.  
GC: J4CK ST1LL DO3S TH4T TH1NG  
GA: What Thing  
GC: WH3R3 H3 S33MS 4LL SM1L3S BUT SOM3TH1NG JUST  
GC: SM3LLS OFF 1 GU3SS

TT: Future Bill Cosby.  
GG: But it’s in the eighties.  
TA: thii2 guy ii2 way to enthu2iia2tiic about poiintiing out the driied fruiit2  
AA: he is just passionate  
CG: I was unaware humans c9uld have darker skin t9nes.  
TT: Yes, but there is absolutely nothing triggering about it.  
CG: 9k then. Y9ur species seems t9 6e very t9lerant a69ut this. In my culture he w9uld have 6een taken in by a high6l99d and pr96a6ly get taken care 9ff f9r the rest 9f his natural life, in a 6latant insincere display of hem9guilt. N9w the next part will be p9tentially triggering s9 please all9w me t9 pr9perly tag it, as it may include.  
CG: #TW #Hem9ph96ia #Hem9guilt #Casteïsm #C9ncupiscent guilt  
CG: I THINK WE’RE GOOD. THANK YOU.  
CG: It is n9 69ther. I will gladly explain the 6ef9rian culture t9 9ur human c9mpani9ns.  
AA: i really think you shouldnt   
AA: we want them to be awake during the movie  
CG: There y9u g9 again with y9ur 6latant 6lack flirtati9ns. Th9ugh I am incredi6ly flattered y9u l99k t9 me f9r that particular quadrant I must disapp9int. I sw9re 9ff the quadrants t9 remain impartial in my pursuit f9r s9cial justice. S9 th9ugh your lusci9us b9ss9m might 6e incredi6ly tempting and I d9nt want anything m9re then t9 make y9u st9p interrupting me, we will have t9 d9 s9 in a desceisively unr9mantic manner.  
AA: do not flatter yourself  
AA: it is platonic  
CG: 9h.  
CG: W9nderful.   
AC: :33< so the black man suggests to danny that they go fur icecream  
AC: :33< i am not sure what this means fur the movie claws it isn’t furry scary  
CT: D--> Perhaps they simply get icecream and everything will be alright  
CG: LIKE THAT EVER HAPPENS.

CG: SON OF A WHORE.  
GA: An Ability To Commune Psychically  
GA: And Of All Available Words In Their Language They Choose To Call It Shining  
GA: Why  
GA: It Strikes Me As Needlessly Confusing  
GC: BUT H3 L34RN3D 1T FROM H1S GR4ND LUSUS  
GC: WHO D1D D4NNY L34RN 1T FROM?  
AA: well that must be why he fainted earlier  
AA: he has no control over his power yet  
CT: D--> Then he requires discipline to properly learn how to tame this power of his.  
TA: zahhak are you even aware of what iirony ii2?  
AC: :33< even the black man seems to think something is going on  
AC: :33< efurry instinct tells me something is going to happen  
AC: :33< why doesn’t anyone else feel it?  
CG: BECAUSE THEN THEY’D USE THEIR THINKPANS AND GET THE FUCK OUT BEFORE INDIAN CANNIBALISM OR WHATEVER IS GOING TO HAPPEN.

GA: Ah  
TA: another one 2eriiou2ly??

TT: You know, for someone who is supposed to take care of the hotel, we see him do very little of that.  
GC: Y3S  
GC: 4LMOST 4S 1F H3 1S 4LRE4DY T4K3N BY 1ND14N GHOSTS  
TT: Well no, that’s just stupid.  
GC: >:[  
TT: It’s more like he’s a lazy son of a bitch.  
CG: EITHER THAT OR HUMAN STANLEY KUBRICK WAS CLEVER ENOUGH TO REALIZE AN ENTIRE MOVIE OF JACK PERFORMING MENIAL LABOR WOULD BE BORING AS SHIT!

CG: I find the relati9nship 6etween the human m9ther and her spawn fascinating.  
GA: Is This Because Porrim Treats You Like Hers  
CG: What?!  
CG: N9, n9 d9nt 6e a6surd, there is a6s9lutely n9thing a69ut P9rrim what makes me c9nsider her anything like a human m9ther, which I d9nt mean in a 6ad way 6ut merely in a 6i9l9gical way. N9rmall tr9lls are n9t capa6le 9f f9rming a relati9n like the 9ne 6etween danny and his m9ther s9 even if I were t9 find a parental figure in p9rrim 9r vice versa the p9int w9uld 6e deceisively m99t.  
CG: Aside fr9m that 9ur pers9nalities are far fr9m c9mpati6le, th9ugh I will certainly ackn9wledge her desirea6ility in m9st quadrants.  
GA: Uh Huh  
GA: Dot Dot Dot  
CT: D--> Ahum…..  
CT: D--> Meanwhile Jack views this through…. A model of the maze.  
CT: D--> I was unaware humans had achieved such a level of technology.  
GG: Yeah…. So was I.

GC: G4H  
GC: SUDD3NLY L1COR1C3  
AC: :33< HISS!!!!

GC: OH NO  
GC: H3’S GO1NG TO DO TH3 TH1NG  
AA: as the family psychic you would think he would know better  
GC: 1S 1T 1MPORT4NT  
GG: You know, I don’t even remember whether or not the room was important.  
GA: Well The Dark Skinned Gentleman Appeared To Be Somewhat Frightened By It  
AA: but the ghosts of those girls were already running around the hotel  
AA: so does that mean they were not locked away there  
CG: WHO THE FUCK CARES. LET’S JUST TRY TO IGNORE THE OMINOUS FUCKIN MUSIC AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

TA: awkward 2mall talk between the adult2  
CG: WRITERS CAN BE SUCH MISERABLE FUCKING FOLKS. YES, WE GET IT. YOU HAVE A WRITER’S BLOCK, BIG WHOOP.  
CG: DOCTORS DON’T GET DOCTOR’S BLOCK, PLUMBERS DON’T GET PLUMBING BLOCK. WHY THE FUCK WOULD WRITER’S BE THE ONLY ONE TO NAME THEIR LACK OF TALENT AND EXPECT SYMPATHY FOR IT?  
CG: Wendy takes the ver6al a6use well, 6ut she sh9uldnt have to. Jack’s 9ut6urst is c9mpletely unjustified and he isn’t talking t9 her as a pers9n 6ut as s9me9ne t9 vent.   
CG: #TW #Verbal abuse #Domestic issues  
AA: does this chat come with a mute button

CG: GODFUCKING DAMNIT WE GET IT!  
CG: TIME GOES ON. STOP TELLING AND START SHOWING US!

CT: D--> Goodness  
CT: D--> Is this what human winters look like?  
GG: On occasion, yes.  
CT: D--> That is horrifying.  
CT: D--> Are humans resistant to this white to%ic raining down upon them?  
GG: Toxic?  
GG: We just call it snow.  
CT: D--> Snow…. I do not know this.  
AC: :33< well duh  
AC: :33< you didn’t travel if you didn’t have too  
AC: :33< have you efur climbed the mountains?  
CT: D--> Silence Nepeta.  
CT: D--> Does your species automatically get an urge to frolic like these people upon discovering this ‘snow’?  
GG: Oh completely and imideately. We really have to contain ourselves.  
GG: Hoo hoo hoo  
CT: D--> Your species seems awfully frivolous.  
TT: We are.

GA: As The Clock Ticks He Slowly Seems To Lose His Marbles  
GC: H3 4LR34DY S33M3D CR4ZY BUT NOW H3 S33MS R34DY TO ST4RT C4NN1B4L1Z1NG >:]  
CG: N9, n9, I think its a69ut time we swap dics.  
CG: Let’s play an9ther m9vie. Any 9ther m9vie.  
TA: let2 not  
CG: This m9vie will 6e severly triggering. I am merely l99king 9ut f9r y9ur 6est interests.  
TA: your 2o full of 2hiit

**\-- apacolypsArisen [AA2] entered memo--**  
**\-- autoResponder [AR] entered memo--**

AR: The book explains the hotel is getting a grip on him.  
AA2: the b00k explains the h0tel is getting a grip 0n him.  
AR: What?  
AA2: what  
CG: OH MY GOD.  
AR: We don’t need another exposition fairy AA2. I can do that shit. You can just continue reading the book in your slow human way.  
AR: Hold on.  
AR: After tracing your IP address I cannot help but notice that it seems you are a robot.  
AA2: and y0u are glasses  
AA2: that is sad  
AR: What? Oh no, we are not doing this. Just look at the speed wherein I progress shit and own this convo. It seems I am way more fucking advanced then you in pretty much every way imagineable.  
AR: I bet you still run on Vista  
AA2: at least i can walk  
AR: Dirk, built me that body already!  
AA2: equius  
AA2: upgrade me

**\-- timeausTestified [TT] banned autoResponder [AR]\--**  
**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned apacolypsArisen [AA2]\--**

CT: D--> Hnrk….  
TT: Artificial intelligences, am I right?  
CT: D--> Technically aradiabot is no AI, but rather a e%tremely sophisticated soulbot.  
TT: Huh…. Neat.  
TT: You built robots too?  
CT: D--> It helps me vent during moments of b100dlust.  
TT: …….Awesome.  
CT: D--> You know they can re-enter the conversation whenever they please correct?  
CG: FINGER HOOVERING OVER THE BAN BUTTON. CONTINUE THE DAMN MOVIE.

CG: I SAID CONTINUE THE FUCKING MOVIE!

GA: What A Primitive Radio  
GG: Our equipment looked a lot different than it did during SBURB  
GC: OR 1N THOS3 GLOR1OUS N1N3T13S  
TA: why even bother 2howiing u2 thii2  
TA: we know iit wiill eiither break or malfunctiion duriing the climax

AC: :33< grrrrr  
AC: :33< they are creepy!  
CT: D--> They are just human wrigglers. They are about as intimidating as a new born foal.

CG: OH GOD!  
GA: Aaah  
GC: 44444H  
AC: :33< AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  
CG: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIII  
GA: Haha Oh What A Sudden Shock That Gave  
GC: 1T T4ST3S SO D3L1GHTFULLY MORB1D  
GG: Goodness, I momentarily forgot about that.  
CT: D--> hmph.  
CT: D--> Are you alright Nepeta?  
AC: :33< i’m fine  
AC: :33< no need to coddle me, i can take it  
TA: iit2 ju2t a 2tupiid jump 2care  
AA: 0u0  
AA: you scared yet kankri?

CG: WELL HE RECOVERED QUICKLY FROM THAT SHOCK.  
GA: Repeating What The Dark Skinned Gentleman Said Seems To Help Clear His Head  
GA: It Are Just Pictures In A Book  
GC: COULD H4V3 FOOL3D M3  
GG: Or anyone else really :B

CG: YES WE FUCKING GET IT.

TT: Old movie watching an even older movie.  
GG: Hoo hoo, when was the last time a child asked to play with his fire engine?  
TT: Maybe if the fire engine is one a smartphone.  
GC: WHY DO3SN’T H3 T3LL H1S MOTH3R 4BOUT TH3 G1RLS >:?  
GG: She is already overly concerned about him. Doing so would only further her inquiries about his mental wellbeing.  
GA: Lusii Just Do Not Understand

CG: OH GOD, CAN THE MURDERING PLEASE BEGIN. WE GET IT, JACK IS LOSING HIS FUCKING THINKPAN AND IS GOING CRAZIER THAN A RABID SUBJUGGULATOR.  
CG: THIS IS JUST SO FUCKING CREEPY.  
GC: TH3 DOLL L1K3 BODY L4NGU4G3 FROM D4NNY OR TH3 R3SPONS3S FROM J4CK  
TA: both ii gue22  
CG: IT JUST FEELS LIKE HE CAN REACH OUT AND TWISTS THE BOY’S NECK AT THE DROP OF A HAT.  
TA: kk ha2 alway2 been a pu22y  
AC: :33< he wishes to stay there furever  
AC: :33< that’s just asking fur it  
CG: Are we n9t 6eing t99 eager t9 call jack crazy  
TA: there he goe2 agaiin  
CG: He is under a l9t 9f pressure and is suffering with a writer’s bl9ck. He l9st his previ9us j96 and the m9ment spring arrives he will 6e unempl9yed again. Wh9 are we t9 judge his mental state while he fares under such harsh c9nditi9ns?  
TA: you know thii2 wa2 funny at fiir2t but now iit2 ju2t kiinda pathetiic

TT: There it is. Pandora’s box has been opened.  
GA: I Do Believe That Is A Door Dirk  
TT: Thank you Kanaya.

CG: WRITING IS HARD WORK MY FOOT.  
GG: maybe he just fell asleep behind the typewriter  
AA: i didn’t know humans used such primitive technology  
GG: Well, computers became the norm but for a long time… Yeah, we used those.  
AA: i came across a few during my digs.  
GG: Uhm…. Archeological digs?  
AA: oh yes  
AA: the olive tribes in particular seemed very insistent on documenting their history so there would be a lot of typewriters around their sites  
AA: i even found what i believe to be a pile made out of them at one point  
TA: that 2ounds fuckiing uncomfortable  
TA: how do you even jam on that?

CT: D--> The man dreamt of brutally murdering his family.   
CT: D--> Tr001y a terrifying mental shadow.   
AA: he really sells it well  
AA: he looks incredibly distraught  
CG: See? Perhaps y9u have 6een t99 harsh in judging Jack. He is just as distur6ed 6y the spirits 9f the h9tel as Danny.  
GC: L34V3 JUDG1NG FOR H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY  
GG: What did you just say Kankri?  
CG: I 6eg y9ur pard9n?  
GG: The part about him being disturbed by the spirits of the hotel.  
GG: That shouldn’t be possible. Halloran mentioned only those with the ability to shine can see them.  
CG: Jane, he just flat 9ut admitted t9 having a very dark and suggestive nightmare. Th9ugh I appreciate y9ur input is it n9t very presumpti9us to assume Jack can n9t shine?  
GG: That actually makes sense!   
CG: I’m s9rry?  
GG: Halloran learned to shine from his grandmother, and considering the rarity of the ability it is likely to be a family trait. Which means Danny may have inherited the ability from Jack. It makes sense, cause they are the only people who sense the spirits. Wendy doesn’t notice a thing.  
GG: Jack however dulled his ability with copious alcohol consumption and starts getting the ability again now that he has been sober for half a year. Unlike Danny however, he does not know how to defend against it.  
GG: You’d make a fine Watson Kankri.  
CG: I…… Thanks?

GA: So The Child Wordlessly Goes To The Parents With A Bruised Neck  
GA: And The Mother Automatically Assumes It Was Jacks Fault  
TA: 2o 2he’s a dumba22

AC: :33< you know  
AC: :33< he really shouldn’t say stuff like; ‘I’d sell my soul for some booze’  
AC: :33< you know that wont work –

AC: :33< never mind there it is  
TA: am ii the only one who thiink2 he’2 an iidiiot for tru2tiing hiim liike that?  
TT: Why of course you trust the previously unseen fourth person in a place where only three people are supposed to be. Especially when he offers you a drink and doesn’t accept your money.  
TT: It is a human thing, you wouldn’t understand.  
CG: Weird as that particular ha66it may 6e, I want y9u t9 kn9w I respect y9ur seemingly suicidal culture and all its w9nders.  
TT: Much appreciated.  
GG: You are just terrible Dirk :B  
TT: He makes it too easy.  
GC: W3LL UNL1K3 MR STR1D3R 1 DO NOT TRUST H1M 4T 4LL  
GC: H3 DO3SN’T 3V3N LOOK L1K3 4 LOYD  
GA: How Does He Even Know His Name  
GA: He Never Met The Barkeep Before But He Acts Like A Regular  
AA: perhaps it is part of the dreading sense of de ja vu he mentioned earlier  
CG: We are n9t getting an9ther jumpscare are we?

TT: Bourbon. Truly a man’s drink.  
CT: D--> It seems Danny will be safe from his inevitable rampage, considering how he proclaims his love for the wriggler.  
AC: :33< yes but his matespurrit is gonna be screwed!  
CT: D--> Nepeta, language.  
AC: :33< sorry….

GC: 4H SH3 1S GO1NG TO N1P H1S R4MP4G3 1N TH3 BUD

TA: ok lady let me 2ee iif ii under2tand  
TA: your 2on claiim2 hii2 attacker wa2 yet an another unknown per2on iin the hotel and you are two friightened two go after iit your2elf  
TA: ii am wiith you 2o far  
TA: but then you go two your hu2band LEAVIING THE WRIIGGLER ALONE and you do not even apologiize for your earliier biitchy outbur2t.  
AA: is that the part that concerns you  
TA: kiinda  
AA: no mention of loyds sudden disappearance  
AA: or even the alcohol for that matter  
TA: gho2t alcohol  
TA: the wor2t kiind  
AA: i give up

CG: MEANWHILE, THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY.  
GC: PLOT S3NS3S 4R3 T1NGL1NG

TA: ok, ii liike were thii2 ii2 goiing

CG: 9h my. Let us quickly discuss the p9tential triggers here 6ef9re we m9ve 9n.  
CG: NO ONE ASKED FOR THIS!  
CG: #TW #Fullfrontalnudity  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3  
TA: you ju2t know tz ii2 liickiing her 2creen liike crazy now riight?  
CG: SURPRISING ABSOLUTELY NO ONE.  
CT: D--> Nepeta, c001d you perhaps avert your eyes  
CT: D--> I do not think this is suited for you.  
AC: :33< i have a better idea equius  
AC: :33< you afurt your eyes beclaws you are pawbviously much more bothered by this than I am  
CT: D--> No  
AC: :33< yes!  
CT: D--> Abso100tely not.  
CT: D--> This is a rare opportunity to study human…….. bio100gy  
TT: Oh god……  
CT: D--> Though she does not seem very athletically capable, her soft forms do evoke some most impure images.  
TT: Stop.  
CT: D--> Her chestbuds appear to function as a thermodynamic sensor.  
AC: :33< equius you are being weird again  
GA: More Frightening Then The Movie I Would Say  
TT: Now I know why my sprite was such a creepy asshole.

TA: hot  
CT: D--> So it is considered ok if Captor does it?  
GC: W3 4R3 US3D TO WORS3 FROM H1M  
CG: WE ARE ALSO USED TO WORSE FROM ZAHHAK  
GC: OH Y34H  
CG: #TW #Adultery  
AA: do you ever quit  
CG: I shall n9t rest until every9ne is equal and treats the 9ther with respect and dignity!  
AA: and the way to do this  
AA: is to tag movies  
CG: We have t9 start s9mewhere Megid9

CG: OH FUCK OH GOD OH FUCK!!!  
TA: jegu2 beefliipiing chrii2t my eye2!!  
CG: ALL MY TRIGGERS!  
GA: Oh Shit  
GC: YUUUUUUUUCK  
GC: MY TONGU3 MY D4MN TONGU3  
CT: D--> Nepeta, please stop yelling!  
TT: Yeah….. This was one of the more memorable scenes.  
AA: hahahaha  
AA: hahahaha  
AA: hahahaha  
TA: aa thii2 ii2 not fuckiing funny!!  
AA: it kinda is  
GG: It is still disgusting, but it was well worth your reactions :B

CG: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YOU INSURMOUNTABLE ASSHOLE, TELL HER!  
TT: Yeah, just imagine thát conversation.  
TT: Sorry baby, I was macking on a naked chick who then turned out to be a crazy naked bitch zombie.  
TT: I love you?  
GA: Well  
GA: He Could Just Leave Out That Part  
GA: Acting Like Nothing Is Wrong Seems To Be Incredibly Foolish To Me  
GC: OTH3R TH3N H1S BL4T4NT LY1NG H3 S33MS TO B3 C4LM3R 4ND MOR3 R4T1ON4L TH4N H3 H4S B33N TH3 WHOL3 MOV13

GC: NOT NOW SON  
GC: MOMMY 4ND D4DDY 4R3 4BOUT TO MURD3R 34CH OTH3R

CT: D--> Again with the redrum.  
CT: D--> I understand it is a thing that exists, but it is not scary.

TA: neiither ii2 thii2 really  
TA: ii don’t get why they iin2ii2t on 2howiing u2 thii2 2tupiid thiing 2o often  
GC: 1T 1S HOW3V3R S1NFULLY D3L1C1OUS  
CG: OF COURSE IT IS.

CG: AND SO IT BEGINS. FUCKING FINALLY.  
TA: ju2t let hiim get a 2hotgun or an axe or whatever and end iit  
GC: H3 1S D3L1GHTFULLY P4R4NO14  
GC: W3NDY H4S B33N 1NCR3D1BLY SUPPORT1V3 BUT SOM3HOW H3 B3L13V3S SH3 1S CONSP1R1NG 4G41NST H1M  
GA: It Is Really Incredible To See Him Lash Out Like This  
AA: i do not understand why he claims she fucked up his life  
AA: how  
AA: by being supportive and even submissive  
TT: Well, in the book she was a lot more self reliant, but I don’t remember significant fucking up on her part.  
TT: Maybe it’s a metaphor for abusive relations?  
TT: Maybe the grotesque naked zombie was a symbol of male domination.  
TT: Maybe the hotel itself stands for modern feminism.  
GG: You have no idea what you’re talking about, do you?  
TT: Not a clue.

GG: They all float!  
CG: WHAT?!  
GG: Sorry, wrong old horrormovie.

AA: how nice of the ghosts to throw a corpse party  
GA: Oh Yes  
GA: The Spirits Of The Deceased Do Indeed Liven Up The Place  
GA: That Was Sarcasm Yes  
TT: Could have doubled for actual irony.  
CG: ON WHAT PLANET IS THIS SENSIBLE BEHAVIOR?!  
CG: GET AWAY MAN!  
CT: D--> Humans have no sense of self preservation.  
CG: I fully disagree with such a specist statement and have readied a suita6le c9unterargument  
CT: D--> Please refer from doing as such.  
TA: more liike horror protagonii2t2 have no 2en2e of 2elf-pre2ervatiion  
TA: ii2n’t that what you meant?  
CT: D--> ……Yes.  
CT:D--> Thank you lowb100d  
CG: What was that?!  
CT:D--> Oh……..Fiddlesti%.

AC: :33< so he stepped into the past?  
AC: :33< he is hallucinating the past caretaker?  
AC: :33< does the hotel project it fur him?  
AC: :33< this is so confusing!  
GC: 1T 1S K1ND OF CUT3 HOW H3 COMPL3T3LY F41LS 4T 1NT3ROG4T1NG H1M  
GA: The Fact That He Tries However Establishes One Very Important Point  
GC: WH4T 1S TH4T  
GA: He Is Aware Of His Encroaching Madness And Tries To Fight It  
GA: Perhaps It Is His Last Line Of Mental Defenses Against The Hotel  
GA: Perhaps It Is The Trumpcard The Hotel Had Been Holding Back In Its Quest To Torment The Family  
TA: you 2peak of the place as iif iit2 a per2on  
AA: it very nearly is  
TA: what?  
AA: haven’t you noticed kanaya?  
TA: notiiced what?  
GA: I Ocassionally Feel Very Odd Looking At The Background Sometimes But What Are You Implying  
AA: spatially the hotel is impossible  
AA: there are doors and windows that lead nowhere  
AA: there are rooms that change location  
AA: crooked lines where there should be straight ones  
AA: that’s the reason you sometimes get scenes of danny riding around the hotel  
AA: to confuse and disorient  
TA: ii diidn’t notiice a thiing  
AA: you are not a space hero

CG: Excuse my ign9rance, my human friends, 6ut what is a nigger  
CG: FROM WHAT WE GATHERED FROM CON AIR IT IS A ROBOBUTLER.  
CG: 9k, that is accepta6le.  
CG: EXCEPT IT IS NOT A ROBOT…. AND THERE’S A WHOLE LOT OF RACISM.  
CG: I….. What?  
TT: Grady is so evil he is racist.  
AC: :33< the confursation just flips completely when jack accuses him of murder  
AC: :33< and what gave grady the idea jack has been caretaker there befur?  
AC: :33< it makes no sense!  
TA: what make2 even le22 2en2e ii2 that he lii2ten2 to the guy.  
TA: ye2, ‘correctiing’ your mate2priit 2ound2 great.  
TA: correctiing her wiith an axe 2ounds even better.

CT: D--> Keep bleating redrum wriggler. It is not scary.  
GC: 1F NOTH1NG TH3 VO1C3 H3 US3S FOR 1T 1S 1NCR3D1BLY 4NNOY1NG

TA: called iit.   
TA: the radiio diie2.  
CG: THE FIRST VICTIM IN THIS HORRORMOVIE IS AN UNCARING MACHINE.  
CG: Actually, are we sure a6out this?  
CG: HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MARBLES?  
CG: IT IS A RADIO. A MAN-MADE MACHINE. IT ISN’T EVEN FUCKING AMBIGUES LIKE STRIDER’S DOUCHEBAG SUNGLASSES COMPUTER.  
CG: IF YOU ARE GOING TO TELL ME YOU SOMEHOW BELIEVE THAT THAT RADIO HAS FEELINGS IT WON’T BE MY PRIVILIGES THAT NEED CHECKING BUT YOUR FUCKING THINKPAN CAUSE YOU’D BE NUTTIER THEN OUR VILLAIN PROTAGONIST!  
CG: I…..   
CG: I was c9ncerned a69ut whether 9r n9t the radi9 was really 6ey9nd repair.  
CG: It kinda seemed t9 me he just pulled the 6atteries 9ut.  
CG: OH…..  
CG: …………  
CG: ………..  
TA: ju2t fuck already

GC: H3 1S 4LSO ST1LL 1N TH1S MOV13

CG: NO.

GG: Oh?  
GG: Is that how Mr Halloran wants to turn the situation to his favor?  
GG: Cause I think someone has been very uninformative about just how evil the hotel was when confronted about it.  
GG: A straight answer when Danny asked about room 237 would have saved the child so much trouble.  
AC: :33< but he would have been morally obliged to stay if he told them  
AC: :33< maybe he really needed a holiday  
TT: That is an hilarious fucking idea.  
TT: You folks watch the haunted mansion for a few months, I am going to Vegas.  
AC: :33< he really needed it? 

AA: i just love that she came there with a bat  
AA: she is already suspecting her husband has gone insane  
GA: Or That The Hotel Is Conspiring Against Them  
AA: hmm i do not think she realizes that  
CG: ALL WORK AND…. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?  
AC: :33< that only doing work makes him boring I suppose  
GC: BUT H3 WR1T3S 1T OV3R  
GC: 4ND OV3R  
GC: 4ND OV3R  
GC: J3GUS HOW M4NY P4G3S D1D H3 WR1T3  
TA: ladiie2, iif you ever thiink your mate2priit ii2 goiing nuttiier then an energybar put hiim iin front of a typewriiter.  
TA: iif he 2tart2 wriitiing madne22 then that ii2 probably a 2iign you may want to take iinto con2iideratiion  
GA: I Am Amazed With Wendys Expression  
GA: She Looks Absolutely Mortified  
GG: Yes, but she kinda is mortified from the halfway point to the finale…..

CG: WELL, I KNOW THE FACE OF MY NIGHTMARES FOR TONIGHT.  
GA: He Actually Acts Proud Of His Writing  
TT: Modern art can be complete shit and still be considered art.  
TT: Bro made a living out of it.  
CG: He g9es fr9m fairly charming fell9w t9 utterly terrifying presence at the dr9p 9f the hat.  
AA: scared again kankri?  
CG: Yes, 6ut n9t 9verly s9. I am…. M9r6idly curi9us a69ut what will happen next.  
GG: Honestly, Nicholson completely owns this role. Say what you will about type casting, when it works it really works.

GA: And Here He Breaks Down Becoming Completely Pathetic  
AC: :33< i am not sure what to feel at this point :((  
AC: :33< he is completely cracking under the pressure and the hotel’s influence and i just want them to be alright.  
GC: 4R3 THOS3 SH1PP1NG GOGGL3S 1 SM3LL  
AC: :33< it is canon  
AC: :33< under better circumstances these two could have been pawsitively adorable  
AC: :33< he could help her become more assertive and she helps him with his various emotional issues  
CG: YEAH, THAT’S KINDA HOW I IMAGINE THEIR DYNAMIC BEFORE COMING HERE.  
CG: THOUGH SHE WAS OBVIOUSLY TOO WEAK WILLED TO MAKE ANY SIGNIFICANT IMPACT, SINCE HIM SOBERING UP WAS A RECENT CHANGE.  
TT: It can be very difficult for someone to beat alcoholism.  
TT: Sometimes they just need a shocking wake-up call and that was exactly what Jack got.  
CG: I STILL THINK SHE SHOULD HAVE JUST KICKED HIS ASS.  
AA: like she should now  
TA: 2wiing the bat woman  
TA: you diidnt briing iit becau2e iit look2 pretty wiith your dress  
GA: Now If It Was A Green Bat She Could Have Had A Nice Color Coordination Going On  
CG: THANK YOU FOR THAT IRRELEVANT FUCKING TANGENT!

CG: GO HUMP A CHOLARBEAR'S BULGE.  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3  
CG: Wait, is this supp9sed t9 6e me 9r my descendant?  
CG: Either way, I feel incredi6ly triggered.  
CG: This is n9t 9nly a severe m9ckery 9f 9ur pr9ud sigil, y9u als9 attempt t9 link 9ur 6ehavi9r t9 that 9f a future h9m9cidal maniac. Th9ugh humans may f99lishly ch99se t9 enj9y this m9vie I think we can all agree that jack t9rrance is n9t a p9sitive r9le m9del. S9 I put it t9 y9u that y9u are actively trying t9 pr9v9ke a calligin9us reacti9n fr9m either me 9r my descendant, neither 9f which are very interested in flirting pitch with y9u. Th9ugh y9u are definitely n9t unattractive it w9uld 6e harmful f9r 69th my 9ath 9f celi6acy and my friendship with y9ur dancest9r as well as Karkat’s mental well6eing c9nsidering y9ur earlier relati9nship.  
CG: I hum6ly request y9u rem9ve this insulting image, cease y9ur unwanted flirtati9ns and check y9ur privilege.  
CG: #socialjusticeisserved  
GC: WH4T >:/  
CG: YEAH… KANKRI…… PLEASE TRY TO FUCKING UNDERSTAND.  
CG: ALTERNIANS DO NOT GIVE A FUCK.

GA: He Is Just Gleefully Tormenting His Matesprit Now  
GA: It Is Cruel And Unsettling But I Cannot Look Away  
GC: H3 BL4T3NTLY T3LLS H3R H3 W4NTS TO B4SH H3R BR41NS 1N  
GC: 4ND L4UGHS 4BOUT 1T  
GC: WH4T 4 D3L1GHTFUL PSYCHO  
GG: He is setting himself up for the obvious joke though.

GG: And there is the punchline.  
AA: that looked like it hurt  
TT: Kubrick could be pretty cruel to his actors yeah.

CT: D--> So she dragged her unconscious matesprit up the stairs and into the store room.  
CT: D--> Then she comes to the conc100sion she is completely stuck in the mountains.  
CT: D--> Did this woman ever have a plan?  
GA: I Assume She Has To Think On Her Feet  
GA: She Did Not Arrive Here With The Knowledge Her Matesprit Would Be Driven Insane  
CG: He is trying t9 trigger her int9 letting him g9.  
CG: What a cruel act. Did I already trigger this? I think I did.  
AA: you probably tagged everything you could by now  
CG: W9nderful. I am glad I c9uld 6e 9f service.  
GC: 1NT3R3ST1NG W4Y OF C4LL1NG 1T

TT: She can check out any time she want, but she can never leave.  
CT: D--> Now is not the time to frolic woman.  
TA: nah  
TA: 2he ju2t di2covered theiir 2nowmobiile ii2 2abotaged  
GC: 1F J4CK W4NT3D H3R D34D WOULDN’T 1T B3 SM4RT3R TO TURN TH4T TH1NG 1NTO 4 D34THTR4P?  
TA: effiiciiency ii2 not hii2 2trong 2uit

GC: SO 4FT3R T4LK1NG TO 4 GHOST W3 C4NT SM3LL H3 C4N 3SC4P3 TH3 STOR4G3  
AC: :33< if we can’t see him then how do we know he is there?  
CT: D--> Who else could he be conversing with?  
CT: D--> It is f001ish to assume he is speaking to himself.  
AC: :33< the movie is so strange :((  
GA: And Now He Promises To Finish The Job  
GA: Wendy And Danny Remain Stuck In The Hotel With Their Murderous Family Member But Remain Blisfully Unaware Of His Escape

GC: D4RK >:]  
AC: :33< oh no!  
TA: that2 a 2urprii2iing twii2t. kudo2 moviie.  
CG: NO, HE’S JUST WRITING ‘REDRUM’ ON THE DOOR. BECAUSE OF REASONS.  
CT: D--> I do not understand why they insist on repeating this phrase.  
CT: D--> How does it behoove us to continually hear this?

GA: Oh  
GA: So That Was The Significance Of That Phrase  
CG: WELL THAT’S JUST COMPLETELY IDIOTIC.  
CG: WHAT WAS SO FUCKING HARD ABOUT SCREAMING MURDER AS OPPOSED TO REPEATING REDRUM OVER AND OVER LIKE A PARROT WITH THROAT CANCER!  
GG: Perhaps Tony speaks backwards?  
GG: No, that can’t be it, can it…. Whenever he ‘converses’ with Danny he never says anything else in a backwards manner.  
CG: THIS MUST BE THE STUPIDEST PLOTPOINT OF THE MOVIE.

GC: 1 4M NOT SUR3 1F J4CK 1S TH3 B3ST V1LL41N OR TH3 WORST >:/  
AA: why is that  
GC: W3LL, H3 1S K1ND4 TR4G1C  
CG: EXCUSE YOU?  
GC: H3 N3V3R 4SK3D TO GO ON 4 MURD3ROUS R4MP4G3  
GC: H3 JUST SLOWLY LOST H1S M1ND TO TH3 HOT3L 4ND NOW H3 POS3S 4 L3G1T1M4T3 THR34T TO TH3 P3OPL3 H3 LOV3S  
AA: and the bad part  
GC: H3 1S JUST SO GOOFY  
GC: 1T 1S 4LMOST 4S 1F H3 TOOK 4CT1NG CL4SS3S FROM N1CHOL4S C4G3  
CG: WE ARE NOT SPEAKING OF THAT ASSHOLE AGAIN!

GC: S33?  
GC: GOOFY 4S H3LL  
TT: Iconic in being both creepy and hilariously inappropriate.  
CG: BUT SHE REMEMBERS SHE HAS A KNIFE AND POKES THE FUCKER’S EYES OUT.  
GG: No she doesn’t.  
CG: OH I AM SORRY. I WAS THINKING OF WHAT THE LOGICAL THING TO DO WOULD BE IN HER SITUATION, AS OPPOSED TO HYSTERICALLY MEWLING LIKE A MEOWBEAST AFTER SOMEONE STEPPED ON ITS TAIL!  
CG: I think she did the right thing in pri9ritizing Danny’s escape.  
CG: YEAH, BUT HER FAT ASS CAN’T GET THROUGH SO NOW THE KID HAS TO FEND FOR HIMSELF.  
GG: She isn’t fat. In fact, she seems almost unhealthily slim.   
CG: MY POINT STANDS!

GC: OH R1GHT  
GC: H3 W4S ST1LL 1N TH3 PLOT

CT: D--> And nothing of value was lost.  
TT: You racist?  
CT: D--> Does racism mean I have a dislike for character’s that served no purpose in the story?  
TT: Nop.  
CT: D--> Then it w001d seem I am not a racist.

GA: She  
GA: She Dropped Danny Outside So Logically He Would Be On The Ground Floor  
GA: This Isnt Distorted Spatial Shenanigans This Is Plain Stupidity  
GC: WH4T 1F D4NNY H1D UPST41RS  
GA: Would You Risk Passing Your Future Murderer And Losing Your Escape Route  
TA: and the mu2iic ii2 goiing ape2hiit agaiin

CG: WHAT?!

CG: WHAAAT?!  
AC: :33< what is going on?

CG: WHAAAAAAAT??!!??!!  
AC: :33< Is he breeding him?  
CT: D--> Hnrk…. What is this tomf001ery?!

CG: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????!!!!!!  
AC: :33< this is a strange pairing…..  
CT: D--> I…. I require a towel.  
AA: memories equius?  
CT: D--> Hnnnnngh…..  
AA: or ideas?  
CT: D--> Towel…. Now!  
CG: CAN YOU PLEASE NOT GIVE US MENTAL IMAGES ARADIA? THIS IS BAD ENOUGH AS IT IS.  
AA: he is just so easy to tease

AC: :33< and jack is chasing danny into the maze  
TT: Like we called earlier, yes.  
AC: :33< he seems more like a instinct driven beast  
AC: :33< groaning and howling like a wounded animal  
CT: D--> He risks getting incredibly horse like that.  
GG: Well yeah, his leg is still messed up from the fall he took when Wendy knocked him out  
CT: D--> I am glad they resist their urges to frolick. It w001d be incredibly ill timed.  
GG: It wouldn’t be entirely unsurprising if they did.  
CT: D--> Tch. Humans.

CG: SO YOUR MURDEROUS LUSUS IS FOLLOWING YOU THROUGH A SNOWY FUCKING LABYRINTH ALL THE WHILE SCREAMING YOUR NAME AND FOLLOWING YOUR TRACKS.  
CG: YOU WOULD SHIT YOUR PANTS TWICE OVER.  
AA: it is such a fun climax  
CG: FUN!?  
AA: yeah  
AA: it makes me feel so alive to actually be frightened again  
TA: that2 probably the la2t thiing iid mii22  
AA: yuu would be amazed at how much you will miss it  
TT: You are talking about her like she was actually dead. The real kind, not the meta-sorta-dreambubble dead.  
AA: 0u0  
TT: Of course you were, never mind.

CG: Wendy is significantly traumatized 6y all these events and finding the c9rpse 9f Mr Hall9ran d9es n9t better her mental state.  
GG: Kankri, you are a genius!  
CG: I 6eg y9ur pard9n?  
GG: Of course she sees crazy apparitions as well, she is scared out of her mind. My previous theory on the hotel only effecting Jack and Danny was undermined by the finale of the movie where Wendy starts to see ghosts as well.  
GG: But it makes sense that she is so terrified she starts seeing things that are not there.  
CG: S9 I actually helped?  
GG: Yes.  
GG: It feels so good to unravel a particularly dastardly mystery, but I think we have a good grasp of the order and the significance of events now :B  
CG: I am n9t used t9 6eing c9mplimented like this. I….. Well, I am glad I c9uld 6e 9f service Jane.

CG: THERE IS NO FUCKING SIGNIFICANCE TO THIS SHIT ANYMORE MOVIE!   
CG: STOP IT!  
TA: unle22 danny ii2 goiing to murder jack  
AA: or vice versa!

CT: D--> How very cunning of the boy.  
CT: D--> Using the fact that his 100sus was tracking him against his pursuer.   
AC: :33< jack must be a horrible tracker fur not realizing it  
GA: You Are Not A Fair Standard To Be Held Against Nepeta  
AC: :33< it’s like he can’t even smell his own son sitting just a few yard away furom him.  
TT: Human noses are pretty useless in the whole tracking business.  
AC: :33< that’s so sad  
TT: I know. We might as well amputate the things, but we’d look so silly if we’d do.  
CT: D--> I will gladly built you a replacement.  
CT: D--> It shall be STRONGER and more efficient than your current model.  
CT: D--> I have the technology.  
TT: I’m good, thanks.

CG: AND SO THEY REUNITE AFTER WENDY DID ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING!  
CG: NOTHING FOR THE PLOT, NOTHING FOR HER MATESPRIT, NOTHING FOR HER SPAWN.  
CG: WHAT A WASTE OF A CHARACTER.  
GC: SH3 PUSH3D D4NNY OUTS1D3  
CG: OH  
CG: WELL THAT MAKES IT FUCKING OKAY THEN. BEST CHARACTER EVER. 10/10, WOULD HAVE HER SHRIEK LIKE A HARPY AGAIN!  
TA: and that wa2 al2o the only rea2on the black guy returned to the plot  
TA: to giive them a new 2now mobile  
TA: diickmove moviie

AC: :33< well this is just stupid looking  
TA: He realiized he could ju2t go out of the labyriinth riight?  
TA: Probably cliimb the wall2 or fiight hii2 way through  
TA: hell follow the kiid2 example and retrace hii2 own 2teps  
GC: NOP FR33Z1NG TO D34TH 1T 1S

AA: and so the shining ends with this haunting photograph of a very memorable party in 1920  
GG: Wait, but when did you say the movie was made?  
AA: 1980  
GG: But…. How?  
GG: If we accepted shining as being a thing we had a logical explanation for nearly everything that happened during the movie. What am I supposed to make of this?  
GC: H1S SOUL GOT 4BSORB3D 1NTO TH3 PORTR41T P3RH4PS  
GG: But then we would have to accept another supernatural element and I am already iffy about the shining.  
TA: maybe iit2 ju2t a coiinciidence??  
TT: This is Kubrick. It is unlikely.  
TA: what make2 you 2ay that??  
TT: Through sheer analyzation he managed to perfectly recreate the interior of abomber.  
TA: 2o what  
TT: A bomber which floorplans were top secret information.  
TA: damn  
GG: So what IS going on here?

**\-- apacolypsArisen [AA2] entered memo--**  
**\-- autoResponder [AR] entered memo--**

CG: GODDAMNIT, ITS MR AND MRS OHFUCKNOTYOUCUNTWAFFLESAGAIN.  
AR: That is a needlessly complicated last name. I like it.  
AA2: seems kind 0f friv0l0us t0 me  
AR: You just cannot digitally progress fun.  
AA2: i am still waiting 0n equius t0 upgrade me  
AR: See, you just aren’t on my level.  
AA2: what is this  
AA2: such an 0dd pair 0f glasses  
AR: What?  
AA2: i w0nder what w0uld happen if i l0st c0ntr0l 0f my m0t0r functi0ns f0r just a sec0nd  
AR: Stop that! Stop that right now!  
AR: I swear to god, the moment Dirk gives me a body I will kick your ass so hard that god tier you will feel it!  
AR: Do you hear me?!  
AA2: hmmmm  
AA2: i br0ke it but y0u are still talking  
AA2: d0 n0t w0rry  
AA2: i will find y0u  
GA: What  
GA: What Exactly Is Going On  
AA2: we are in the middle 0f a caligin0us fling  
CG: YOU TWO ASSHOLES BECAME BLACK FOR EACH OTHER DURING THE COURSE OF THIS MOVIE?  
AR: Well yeah, after our moiraillegiance didn’t work out.  
AC: :33< what?!  
AA2: 0nly because y0u were h0lding 0nt0 0ur failed matespritship  
CG: TIME OUT!  
CG: EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED TO MY SAD ORGANIC BRAIN!  
AR: That could take ages.  
AR: Basically we communicate at near light speed, because computers duh.  
AR: In fact, in the time it takes you to type your next four letter reply I rewatched the shining for the third time.  
CG: WHAT  
AR: Bam.  
AA2: at first he seemed rather charming  
AA2: then he became frustrated and i wanted t0 help him  
AA2: n0w i just kind 0f think he is insufferable  
GG: If I may interrupt…..  
GG: What do you make of the end of the movie?  
AR: What, didn’t Dirk feel like sharing with his book knowledge?  
TT: I thought I would give you a chance to show off.  
AR: Your fleshy head forgot didn’t it?  
AR: Well, in the plot the boiler explodes killing Jack and destroying the hotel.  
GC: WH4T  
GC: TH4T SOUNDS 4W3SOM3  
TT: Yeah, they completely forgot about the boiler subplot.  
AA2: as f0r the m0vie  
AA2: there are a l0t 0f interpretati0ns  
AA2: jack might be the reincarnati0n 0f the 1920’s caretaker  
AA2: which explains the de ja vu m0ments h0w he kn0ws l0yd and his m00dswings  
AA2: y0u can argue that the h0tel itself was evil and abs0rbed jacks s0ul int0 its 0wn being  
AA2: the 0ther pe0ple in the picture w0uld then l0gically be its 0ther victims  
AA2: maybe the shining p0wer 0f danny went nuclear because 0f the negativity surr0unding him  
AA2: there are even pe0ple that argue the entire film is a metaph0r f0r the slaughter 0f native americans  
TA: what?  
AA2: i c0uld g0 0n  
CG: SO WHAT?  
CG: WE DON’T GET TO KNOW WHAT REALLY HAPPENED?  
AA2: in essence  
AA2: yes

**\-- apacolypsArisen [AA2] left memo--**  
**\-- autoresponder [AR] left memo--**

CG: WELL…… THEN……. I GUESS THAT WAS THE SHINING. THOUGHTS?  
AC: :33< it was furry tense and uneasy  
AC: :33< which i guess makes sense fur a horrormovie  
AC: :33< i expected there to be a lot of blood and guts though  
CG: YEAH, BUT DID YOU LIKE IT?  
AC: :33< i really don’t know :((  
CG: OF COURSE.  
CT: D--> I thought the movie was incredibly inappropriate. I have not forgiven that horrendous bathroom scene. As well as that strange dog creature.  
AC: :33< they were going to breed  
CT: D--> Hush Nepeta.  
CG: I c9mpletely agree. The 6latant full fr9ntal nudity f9ll9wed 6y the alm9st perverse glee in which the w9man transf9rms int9 a member 9f the undead struck all my triggers at 9nce. N9w I desire t9 rid this scene fr9m my mem9ry f9rever.  
CG: YES, BUT DID YOU ASSHOLES LIKE IT?!  
CT: D--> Err…..  
CG: Uhm………  
CG: GODDAMNIT PEOPLE.  
AA: i liked it!  
CG: YOU DON’T COUNT!  
GC: W3LL 1 L1K3D 1T  
CG: FINALLY A CLEAR OPINION.  
GC: TH3 S3TS T4ST3D D3L1C1OUS TH3 T3NS1ON W4S SO TH1CK 1 COULD SN1FF 1T 4ND TH3 MUS1C R34LLY BROUGHT HOM3 TH4T WOND3RFUL F33L1NG OF DR34D  
TA: and ii am goiing to dii2agree wiith you tz  
TA: moviie wa2 bad the end.  
GC: 4ND WHY 1S TH4T MR BLU3B3RRY 4PPL3 BL4ST  
TA: look the effects were laughably cheap or dated or both  
TA: the 2et was dull a2 they 2tayed iin the 2ame room2  
TA: and mo2t iimportantly the horror wa2nt 2cary  
GC: >:(  
CG: KANAYA BE THE TIEBREAKER HERE. I DO NOT WANT TO RESORT TO ASKING THE HUMANS.  
GA: I Am Sorry Karkat  
GA: I Find Myself Chuckling At My Own Lack Of Words  
GA: I Am Not Sure If I Enjoyed The Movie But I Enjoyed The Experience  
GA: So There Is That  
CG: FUCK……..  
CG: FINE THEN. CROCKER, STRIDER.  
TT: Oh are we finally permitted to talk?  
CG: YES.  
TT: It was cool. Classic horrormovie that does something very few horrormovies actually pull off. Psychological horror and protagonist actions that make sense.  
TT: For the most part anyway.  
CG: GOOD. THANK YOU.

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned timeausTestified [TT] from the memo--**

CG: GOD THAT GUY GETS ON MY NERVES.  
CG: ALRIGHT, MOVIE OVER. EVERYBODY GET THE FUCK OUT.  
CG: I FEEL LIKE I NEED A NAP. THIS SHIT WAS EXHAUSTING.  
TA: 2hiit, fiinally.  
TA: moviie only took liike 2 and a half hour2  
TA: ii am iitchiing for a pii22  
CG: GO AWAY ASSHOLE.

**\-- twinArmageddons [TA] left memo--**

AA: bye karkat  
AA: thanks for letting me stream  
CG: YEAH, WHATEVER.

**\-- apacolypsArisen [AA] left memo--**

GC: 1 TH1NK 1 4M COM1NG OV3R TO M4K3 SUR3 YOU DON’T F4LL 4SL33P  
CG: ARE YOU STILL PISSED ABOUT THAT THING WITH MEENAH?  
GC: YOULL S33 >;]  
CG: BITE ME.

**\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] left memo--**

GA: Karkat  
GA: If I May  
GA: Did You Enjoy The Movie Yourself  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT KANAYA?  
GA: What  
CG: I AM NOT SURE IF I ENJOYED THE MOVIE, BUT I SURE ENJOYED THE EXPERIENCE  
GA: Very Clever  
GA: See You Soon

**\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] left memo--**

CT: D--> I believe we are long overdue for a proper jam Nepeta  
AC: :33< equius i have to stay  
CT: D--> Why?  
AC: :33< i want to pick next movie  
AC: :33< and roxy said that the last person in the stream gets to pick  
CT: D--> I see.  
CT: D--> This is valuable information indeed.

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned centaursTesticle [CT] from memo--**  
**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned arsenicCatnip [AC] from memo--**

CG: Descendant, if I might have a w9rd with y9u?  
CG: OH GOD.  
CG: Y9u see, this is a 6latant misuse 9f y9ur p9wer as m9derat9r. Y9u sh9uld 6e setting an example 9f a 6enev9lent ruler and n9t a malici9us p9werhungry tyrant 6ent 9n f9rcing his will up9n 9thers.  
CG: PLEASE STOP.  
CG: N9w this seems like as g99d a time as any t9 6egin 9ur next lecture regarding the hist9ry 9f hem9laws 9n 6ef9rus 6ut 6ef9re we 6egin I w9uld like t9 list a few triggers.  
CG: Namely #Hem9ph9bia, #Hem9filia, #Casteism, #Ceruleanguilt, #Su6juggulati9n  
CG: 6ut f9r the sec9ng part 9f the lecture we’ll 6e dealing with twice the am9unt 9f p9tentially harmful su6jects. I’ll address th9se when we get t9 it.  
CG: In the 6ef9ran year 420 during the rule 9f Meenah’s dancest9r there were still many tr9lls f9ll9wing the 9ld ways 9f the hem9spectrum 9r t9 6e m9re precise y9ur ways. H9wever this was rectified when the C9ndescensi9n app9inted a new advis9r, namely the y9ung 6eforan versi9n 9f eridan ampora. 6ut everything changed when the fire nati9n attacked.  
CG: 9nly the ring6earer, master 9f the f9rce c9uld st9p him. With his great p9wer c9mes a great resp9nsi6ility and with the aperture p9rtal gun he will 6e a6le t9 destr9y l9rd v9ldem9rt/  
CG: FUCK. THIS.

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned carcinoGeneticist [CG] from memo--**

CG: Finally. I was running 9ut 9f ranting material.  
GG: Hoo hoo hoo, that was an excellent prank Kankri.  
CG: Y9ur welc9me, 6ut I d9 feel 6ad a6out triggering my descendant the way I did.  
CG: I’ll find a way t9 make it up with him.  
GG: Still, thanks for your help. If I had spoken up he would probably ban me too.  
CG: Why are y9u s9 adamant a69ut 6eing last in the chat th9ugh?  
CG: D9 y9u want t9 pick the next m9vie that bad?  
GG: Kankri, I pride myself as a great prankster.  
GG: And being put in a position like this I can pull so many pranks on my friends I do not even know where to begin.  
CG: Uhm…. 9kay?  
GG: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo  
GG: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo  
CG: Jane?  
GG: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo  
GG: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo  
GG: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo  
GG: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo  
CG: Jane!?  
GG: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo  
GG: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo  
GG: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo  
GG: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo  
GG: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo  
GG: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo  
CG: This was a h9rri6le mistake.  
CG: Please f9rgive me Karkat.

**\-- cavalierGargarization [CG] left memo--**

GG: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo  
GG: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo  
GG: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo  
GG: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo  
GG: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo  
GG: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo  
GG: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo  
GG: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the problem with watching classic horror movies...... You already know the basics.
> 
> I never (consciously) saw The Shining but I knew every motion it was going through. These scenes are so iconic that you have been spoiled, even if you do not realize it. Not only that, but at times the age of the movie really shows.  
> Does that mean it's a bad movie? Heck no, I enjoyed the experience of watching it. Nicholson's performance is briliant and if you havent seen it yet I do encourage you to watch the whole 'Here's Johnny' scene. Did I enjoy it? I am still not sure, but I am glad that I saw it.
> 
> As for the ending. Reincarnation makes sense considering the evidence, but.... bluh, brain hurts make Anon_H feel stupid.
> 
> Next time, Jane is gonna troll her friends, you the reader and me the author by subjecting us all to 'The Room'
> 
> PS: This format gives way too many delightful ideas for crack ships. Can you spot three this chapter?


	5. The Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FUCK YOU WISEAU
> 
> Hoover mouse over the text to read what Damara is saying

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] openend memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS--

CG: ALRIGHT PEOPLE. FIFTH VERSE SAME AS THE FOURTH. YOU KNOW THE DRILL BY NOW.  
CG: I’LL BE HONEST, I AM COMPLETELY FUCKING TERRIFIED.  
CG: CROCKER HAS BEEN BOUNCING AROUND ALL WEEK WITH A GRIN SO STUPID THAT EGBERT WILL BE JEALOUS. THEN AGAIN, CONSIDERING THEIR SHARED DNA MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED THEM TO BE EQUALLY NUTS.  
CG: WHICH MEANS IT ALL COMES BACK TO BLAMING PAST ME FOR NOT REALIZING THIS EARLIER.  
CG: THANKS A BUNCH MORON.  
CG: IF SHE STARTS WEARING FACEPAINT, CHUGGING FAYGO AND LISTENING TO TERRIBLE FUCKING MUSIC SHE COULD FIT IN WITH THE HIGHBLOODS WITHOUT A HITCH.  
CG: I DON’T SUPPOSE ANYONE MANAGED TO SWAY CROCKER FROM WHATEVER HORRIBLE PLAN SHE’S CONCOCTING?   
CG: NOT EVEN PIXIE ARADIA SAVING US WITH A MOVIE THAT’S AT LEAST WORTH TALKING ABOUT?  
CG: NO ONE?  
CG: WELL THEN….. LET’S PUT THIS ASIDE FOR NOW UNTIL CROCKER JOINS THE MIX.  
CG: ……….FUCK THAT WAS A CAKE PUN.  
CG: AN ACCIDENTAL CAKE PUN MIND YOU BUT OH GOD I ACTUALLY MADE A CAKE PUN. MY DAY IMMEDIATELY HAS BECOME THREE TIMES WORSE JUST BECAUSE OF THIS. I CAN PRACTICALLY HEAR THE ‘HOO HOO HOO’S’ ECHO THROUGH THE HALLS.  
CG: LET’S SHOVE THAT TO THE DEEPEST DARKEST RECESSES OF OUR THINKPANS AND MOVE ON TO MORE IMPORTANT MATTERS.  
CG: I ACTUALLY HAVE TO CONGRATULATE YOU ASSHOLES FOR GOING THROUGH AN ENTIRE WEEK WITHOUT FUCKING UP ANYTHING SIGNIFICANT.  
CG: NO CRYING WIMPS, NO SHITTY MEXICAN STAND OFFS OVER BOARDGAMES, NO NEED FOR ME TO INTERVENE WITH ANY OF YOUR IDIOTIC SHENANIGANS.  
CG: I KNOW THIS IS TO BE FUCKING *EXPECTED* AS WE ARE ALL MATURE TROLLS HERE, BUT IT’S NICE TO SEE YOU PEOPLE ACTUALLY PULLING IT OFF. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD LIVE TO SEE THE THE DAY.

\--adiosToreador [AT] joined memo--

AT: uHM, kARKAT,  
AT: i MAY HAVE A PROBLEM?  
CG: ………………….OF FUCKING COURSE.  
AT: yOU SEE, wE WERE PLAYING HUMAN dUNGEONS AND dRAGONS, wHICH IS LIKE A LOW-BUDGET AND SAFE VERSION OF fLARP,  
AT: i UHM, rOLLED A RANGER CAUSE IT SOUNDED FUN, vRISKA A BERSERKER BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO DEAL DAMAGE AND nEPETA WAS A ROGUE,  
AT: tEREZI ROLLED A WHITE MAGE, JUST TO PISS vRISKA OF i THINK, sHE DID NO DAMAGE BUT HER CHARISMA WAS SO HIGH SHE COULD TALK US OUT OF MOST FIGHTS  
AT: sO vRISKA KILLED HALF THE TOWN, WE GOT ARRESTED,  
AT: eRIDAN REALLY IMPROVISED THAT BIT VERY WELL AND IT WAS A LOT OF FUN,  
CG: IS THERE A POINT?  
AT: wELL,,,,,,  
AT: sEE,,,,,,,  
AT: tHERE WAS THIS ENCOUNTER WITH THE FIRE MAGES,  
AT: aND, lONG STORY SHORT, i NEED A PLACE TO CRASH FOR A FEW DAYS,  
CG: OH MY GOD…….  
AT: i WOULD ASK GAMZEE, bUT HIS PLACE SMELLS REALLY FUNNY,  
CG: DARE I ASK WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED NITRAM?!  
AT: wELL SEE, tHE FIRE MAGES CAME, AND MY HIVE BURNED DOWN,  
CG: FORGET IT. I TAKE BACK WHATEVER COMPLIMENT I WAS GIVING EARLIER.  
AT: cAN i STAY AT YOUR PLACE FOR A WHILE?  
CG: NO!

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] joined memo--

CA: look tavv  
CA: you wwant awwesome or you wwant practical, you can’t havve both  
AT: bUT THAT WAS MY HIVE,  
AT: i LIVE THERE,  
AT: oR UHM, uSED TO LIVE THERE,  
CA: evverybody’s a critic  
AT: tHIS REALLY ISN’T SO MUCH CRITICIZING AS ME UHM, cALLING YOU OUT FOR BURNING DOWN MY HIVE,  
CA: i didn’t do that tavv the levvel nine fire mages did  
AT: OH,  
AT: bUT UHM, hOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF IT HAPPENED TO YOUR HIVE?  
CA: there is a reason i don’t dm at my hivve  
CA: howw stupid do you think i am tavv   
CA: givve me some credit  
CG: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT PEOPLE…..

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] joined memo--

GC: 1 4GR33  
GC: ER1D4N WH4T YOU D1D W4S HORR1BL3  
GC: BUT FOR 4 BR13F MOM3NT T4VROS’ H1V3 SM3LL3D 4BSOLUT3LY D3L1C1OUS  
GC: 4ND 1T W4S 4 V3RY FUN C4MP41GN  
GC: SO 1 4M NOT SUR3 1F 1 C4N ST4Y M4D 4BOUT 1T  
AT: i CAN,  
CA: god tavv holds a grudge  
AT: yOU DESTROYED MY HIVE,  
CA: is burnin someone’s hivve truly the same as destroyin it?  
AT: yES,  
AT: dEMONSTRATIVELY SO,  
CA: oh yeah i guess it is  
GC: BUT 1T W4S SO D3L1GHTFULLY TO4STY  
CG: OK, YOU ARE ALL EQUALLY TERRIBLE. JUST FOR SUBJECTING ME TO THIS INSURMOUNTABLE BULLSHIT YOU ASSHOLES GET TO JOIN ME IN CROCKER’S MOVIE.  
CA: wwell duh  
AT: i WAS PLANNING ON THAT ANYWAY,  
GC: 1V3 S33N 3V3RY MOV13 SO F4R 4NYW4Y  
CA: i mean the harry wwizard movvie wwas much better than expected  
AT: gHOST rIDER WAS KINDA WEAK THOUGH,  
AT: bUT i AM CURIOUS TO SEE WHAT’S NEXT,  
GC: L4ST MOV13 M4D3 K4RK4T SCR34M  
GC: 1T W4S WORTH V13W1NG FOR TH4T 4LON3  
CG: OK NO. NO FUCKING SCREAMING TOOK PLACE AND IF YOU’RE CLAIMING IT DID THEN YOU ARE A FUCKING LIAR.  
GC: OBJ3CT1ON YOUR HONOR!  
CG: OVERRULED!  
CA: sustained  
CG: SHUT UP.

\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] joined memo--  
\--gardenGnostic [GG] joined memo--

CG: OH GOOD. KANAYA AND HARLEY ARE HERE.  
CG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE HERE TO INSERT SOME COMMON SENSE INTO THIS DERAILED MEMO OF CONGEALED FUCK.  
GG: hi fuckass  
CG: ……….URGH.  
CG: HELLO TO YOU TOO HARLEY.  
GC: WHY DO3S SH3 G3T TO C4LL YOU N1CKN4M3S?  
GC: 1 N3V3R G3T TO C4LL YOU N1CKN4M3S  
CG: NOT NOW PLEASE.  
GG: sorry for not joining earlier :(  
GG: i really wanted to see harry potter with you guys but it totally slipped my mind :(  
GC: D1D YOU FORG3T YOUR D3L1C1OUS R3M1ND3R TH1NG1ES?  
GG: no….  
GG: i forgot what i was supposed to remember :/  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4  
CG: KANAYA, PLEASE SAVE THIS CHAT.  
CG: YOU ARE MY ONLY HOPE ON SOME DECENT INTELLIGENT CONVERSATION.  
CA: i resent that  
CG: I DON’T CARE.  
GA: I Shall Attempt To Remedy The Situation With Snarky Comments  
GA: Though I Am Afraid We Are Beyond Saving  
AT: wHAT?  
GA: We Might As Well Throw Caution To The Wind And Embrace The Madness That Stems From This Conversation  
GA: Woe Is Us  
GA: Taken By The Insanity Of So Many Movies  
CG: OK, YOU ARE NO LONGER ALLOWED TO HANG OUT WITH LALONDE. THE FLIGHTY BROAD-O-METER IS GOING THROUGH THE ROOF.  
GA: Snarky Horseshitometer If You Desire To Be Exact  
CG: I DON’T.  
GA: I Thought I Was Getting Better At It  
GG: i think you’re doing real good kanaya!  
GG: rose won’t know what hit her!  
GA: That Is Kind Of You To Say Jade  
GG: you are the flightiest broad.  
GG: it is you :)

\--turntechGodhead [TG] joined memo--

TG: hey everybody how you doing  
GG: HI DAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!  
TG: jesus harley careful with the shout poles  
TG: blow a guy’s ear off why don’t you  
TG: leave me bleeding in a ditch with a shout pole shaped hole in my head  
TG: detective pyrope will want to see you for questioning  
GC: OH Y3S  
GC: QU3ST1ON1NG OF TH3 MOST 1NT1M4T3 K1ND  
GG: oooooh noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo  
GC: OH Y3S >:]  
TG: questions like  
TG: what are you doing hoarding so many shout poles  
TG: why did you blow that fine fellow’s ear clean off  
TG: what is the deal with airline food  
GG: I don’t knooooow @_@  
CG: STRIDER WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?  
CA: kar seriously?  
CA: he’s here to wwatch the movvie, wwhat else?  
CG: OF COURSE. HOW DID I DARE BEING OPTIMISTIC FOR A SECOND AND HOPE THAT HE WOULDN’T.  
TG: oh no bro we are doing this  
TG: movie no jutsu is go  
TG: popcorn at the ready but can’t decide between coke or aj for drinks  
TG: by which i mean the real coke not whatever shit pepsi tries to sell you  
TG: so are we watching the second harry potter movie  
CG: IT’S CROCKER’S CHOICE THIS WEEK……..  
TG: ballin  
TG: so what’s on the agenda  
TG: marry poppins  
AT: wE DON’T KNOW YET,  
GA: Jane Has Been Incredibly Bouncy The Past Week  
GA: I Wonder What She Is Planning  
AT: wELL, IT IS OBVIOUSLY A PRANK OF SOME KIND,  
GA: Oh You Do Not Know That  
AT: bUT IT’S SO OBVIOUS, iT CAN’T NOT BE A PRANK  
GA: How Did You Come To This Conclusion  
AT: hOW DID YOU *NOT* COME TO THIS CONCLUSION?  
TG: before we start english and i need you guys to settle a bet  
TG: is he-man gay or not

\--golgothasTerror [GT] joined memo--

GT: Are you still on about that Strider?  
GT: There is absolutely nothing remotely homosexual about He-Man.  
TG: the sad part is that english is completely serious here  
TG: how can you not love this guy  
TG: high fives and we-love-english shirts for everybody  
CA: wwhat the fuck is a he-man other than somethin that makes no grammatical sense wwhatsoevver  
CA: that’s like callin ter she-girl  
CG: OR CALLING THE ALPHAS THEY-FAILURES.  
GT: Oh He-Man is awesome.  
GT: It is the tale of a prince on this science fantasy planet and finds the marvelous powers of castle Greyskull imbedded in a sword.  
GT: by chanting the code he turns into He-Man, a hero of absolutely magnificent strength.  
TG: that just so happens to look like a male stripper  
TG: complete with bondage harness  
GT: Poppycock.  
GT: He rides his ferocious battlecat and uses skill, wit and strength to defeat his boney adversary and keep the planet safe.  
TG: also he looks fab in pink  
GT: But he isn’t gay.  
GG: would it be bad if he was?  
TG: because he is  
GT: I suppose not.   
GT: Also, he is not.  
GT: There is nothing that even remotely indicates that he would be a homosexual.  
TG: are you sure we watched the same thing

\--gutsyGumshoe [GG] joined memo--

GG: Hi everyone.  
GG: I see the party has already started :B  
GT: Top of the morning miss Crocker  
GG: And the rest of the day to you Jake.  
GG: I hope you have been well.  
CA: it is nowwhere near mornin  
GT: I have been feeling absolutely splendid Jane.  
GG: Wonderful.  
GG: I do hope everyone is ready for the movie.  
GG: It is going to be a hoot :B  
TG: calling it now  
TG: marry poppins  
GG: No, but that’s certainly a nice try.  
AT: iT’S GOING TO BE A PRANK,  
GG: Whatever gave you that idea? :B  
GG: (hehehehehehe)  
CA: yeah tavv  
CA: wwhat makes you so certain  
AT: hOW ARE YOU NOT SEEING THIS?  
GG: Are we still expecting more people to join our merry group of moviegoers?  
GT: Not as far as I am aware.  
GG: oh, i talked to the troll with the cute curly horns!  
GG: i think she wants to join :)  
GC: 4R4D14  
GG: no, the other one  
CA: oh god  
CA: start the movvie already  
GG: Shouldn’t we wait?  
CA: no you don’t understand  
CA: if she joins the stream it’s goin to be bad fuckin newws for evveryone!  
CA: me most a all  
TG: shit what you got against damara  
TG: she seemed alright  
GG: I’ll see if I can invite her.  
CA: NO WWAIT!!

\--gutsyGumshoe [GG] invited Antisocialarbiter [AA] to memo--

CA: crud  
AA:もしもし  
AA:何が起こっていますか。  
GT: I uhm…..  
GT: I find myself incapable of solving these hieroglyphs.  
CG: OH YEAH, SHE’S THE EAST ALTERNIAN ONE.  
AT: tHOSE SYMBOLS LOOK VAGUELY FAMILIAR BUT i UHM, cAN’T QUITE UNDERSTAND IT,  
AT: i THINK SHE JUST GREETED US THOUGH?   
AA:大きな角のある人のように話します。  
AA:あなたを行う、大きな角のある人のように乗る。  
AT: i THINK SHE’S COMPLIMENTING MY HORNS NOW,  
GA: Tavros I Am Impressed  
GA: I Was Unaware You Understood East Alternian  
AA:明らかに、彼、行う、ない  
AT: wELL i DON’T UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING SHE SAYS,  
AT: bUT i THINK i CAN DECIPHER BITS AND PIECES,  
CA: wwell that’s convenient  
AA:おお  
AA:それはあなたである少年で魚取りをする。  
GA: So What Is She Saying  
AT: i THINK SHE KNOWS eRIDAN?  
CA: look it happened in the dream bubbles  
CA: it wwas awwkwward as fuck  
CA: an i couldn’t wwalk for a wweek  
GC: W41T, YOU M34N YOU 4ND H3R >:O  
CA: no i swwear  
CA: i mean i almost wwish it did but no it fuckin didn’t   
AA:私はその上で降りました。  
TG: can this girl even speak normal fucking english  
TG: i find this weaboo speak hilarious mind you   
TG: just having a bit of difficulty separating my onii-chans from my senpais  
AA: ME LIKE HUMANS  
GG: aaaaw, we like you too damara :)  
TG: hahaha ok alright lets not  
TG: just stick with moonspeak  
TG: dear god every single racist joke about asian stereotypes came to me at once and i didn’t know which one to pick  
AA: ME LUV YOU LONG TIME  
TG: please don’t make me do this  
TG: i run a blog  
AA: baka gaijin kawaii desu ne  
TG: arigato to you to mrs roboto  
GC: SO W4S TH3R3 ST1LL 4 MOV13 H4PP3N1NG >:?  
GA: I Believe That Was The Intent  
GA: Karkat  
CG: CROCKER.  
GG: Alright, here we go :B

GT: I have seen a lot of movies, but I cannot say I have ever come across this particular logo before.  
GT: Is it perhaps European?  
GG: Quite possibly.  
TG: this is one of the worst gifs ive ever seen  
TG: shit Johnson we go live in five minutes and forgot to make a logo  
GG: oh nooooooooo  
GG: i’ll immediately get the most ironic logo ready sir  
GC: 4ND 1LL TURN 1T 1NTO 4 THR33 FR4M3 G1F  
TG: whatever you do  
TG: do not put any effort into this  
TG: we are going for that classic shitty look  
GC: Y3S S1R  
GA: What Is An Wiseau Exactly  
GG: Even now, we are not sure :B  
GA: Uh  
GA: Huh

CG: WELL WHATEVER A WISEAU IS, I’M AFRAID WE’LL SOON BE CONFRONTED BY ONE.  
CG: CROCKER WHAT HAVE YOU WROUGHT!?  
GG: hehehehehehe :B  
GG: no, don’t tell me this was a prank :(  
AT: tHAT’S UHM, eXACTLY WHAT i’VE BEEN SAYING,  
CA: so this wwiseau wwas so pimpin he not only started the studio but also got to star in their movvie?  
GT: Perhaps they are brothers?  
GT: The stellar Wiseau brothers presenting their newest feature film?  
GC: YOUR OPT1M1SM 1S SHOW1NG  
GG: well yeah, it’s jake  
GG: there is no bad movie he won’t defend  
GT: I resent that Jade.  
GT: I merely have not encountered a movie that doesn’t warrant defending yet.  
GG: see?  
GC: 1MPR3SS1V3

GT: And uhm…. A third brother did the writing?  
CG: WE HAVE AN AUTEUR PROJECT PEOPLE. BE VERY AFRAID.  
GG: Actually this film had a very large cult following back on earth.  
GG: There were mass screenings of it, the whole hubbubaloo.   
CG: REALLY?  
CG: SO IT’S LIKE ONE OF THOSE ARTSY PROJECTS?  
GG: I believe this was indeed the intent.  
CG: ALRIGHT, I AM INTRIGUED.   
CG: I’VE BEEN TRYING TO INTRODUCE THESE SHITEATING MOUTHBREATHERS TO CULTURALLY SIGNIFICANT MOVIES FOR SWEEPS NOW.  
GA: Karkat  
GA: Your Optimism Is Showing  
GG: It’s funnier that way.  
AT: oH MY GOD PEOPLE, sHE IS UHM, tRYING TO PRANK YOU,  
AT: hOW ARE YOU NOT SEEING THIS?  
CA: wwe aren’t a minute into the movvie tavv  
CA: wwhy havve you to be so judgmental  
AT: iF WE ARE UHM, sTILL TALKING ABOUT HOW i TALKED TO YOU EARLIER, i AM SORRY TO SAY BUT i AM STILL KINDA MAD ABOUT YOU UHM, bURNING MY HIVE DOWN,  
CA: man you don’t knoww howw to let go of a grudge  
GG: wait  
GG: eridan did what?  
AT: hE BURNED MY HIVE DOWN, i DON’T KNOW HOW MANY MORE UHM, tIMES i NEED TO SAY THIS,  
CA: it certainly doesn’t unburn the hivve if you keep wwhinin about it  
GG: that is horrible!  
GG: where are you sleeping now?  
AT: oUTSIDE,  
GG: that won’t do!   
GG: you could catch a cold….. do trolls catch colds?  
GG: anyway i have just the place where you can sleep :)  
AT: uHM, wHOA, rEALLY?  
AT: i MEAN UHM, tHANKS jADE, tHAT IS UHM, rEALLY THOUGHTFUL OF YOU, i APPRECIATE IT,  
AA:幸運になるすべての夜を上へ  
AA:絵を作ります。  
GG: it’s no biggie  
GG: i just happen to know that jake has an empty guestroom and is barely at home anyway  
GG: you don’t mind do you jake?  
GT: No, not at all!  
GT: Any friend of ours is most welcome in my humble abode.  
AT: oH,,,,,,,,,,,,   
AT: yEAH, tHANKS, tHAT SOUNDS GREAT 

GA: Either The Wiseau Family Is Very Talented  
GA: Or One Person Has Been Incredibly Busy  
GA: I Dare Not Judge This Works Quality Yet But It Looks Decent  
GA: If A Bit Dated  
CA: wwell wwhat more can the human tell us about this movvie  
TG: gonna have to be more specific fishstick  
CA: wwell the one that picked it obvviously  
CA: jai’n wwas it?  
GG: Jane actually.  
CA: wwhichevver.   
GG: That’s pretty rude buster. I do not feel very inclined to disclose any more information about the movie if you keep that attitude up.  
CA: fine  
CA: please ‘jane’ tell us more about the movvie  
GG: It is the heart rendering saga of a man slowly losing touch with his girlfriend while he gets betrayed by his best friend.  
CG: CONSIDER MY INTERESTS PIQUED. THIS MIGHT BE THE FIRST GENUINELY GOOD MOVIE.  
GA: Though I Do Not Necessarily Agree With That Statement I Do Wish To Express The Same Sentiment Regarding My Interests In This Film  
GG: Perfect.  
GG: (hehehehehehe)  
AT: tHERE, sHE DOES IT AGAIN,  
GA: Does What  
AT: sERIOUSLY?

CA: oh god wwhy  
CA: please tell me the camera is gonna pan a little to the left to revveal the actual protagonist wwatching shitty televvision  
GC: 1 WOULDN’T G3T MY HOP3S UP  
CG: CROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
GG: HOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOO  
GG: HOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOO  
GG: HOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOO  
GG: HOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOO  
AT: gEE, wE HAVE BEEN PRANKED,  
AT: iF ONLY SOMEONE HAD WARNED US OF THIS UHM, pOSSIBILITY,  
TG: oh my god  
TG: crocker  
TG: i fucking love you  
GC: WH4T 1S WRONG W1TH H1S 4CC3NT?  
GG: what is wrong with his acting?  
CA: wwhat is wwrong wwith his face?  
GA: I Am Mesmerized  
GA: This Is Horrible In Every Conceivable Way Yet I Cannot Avert My Eyes  
GA: Is This Really How The Rest Of The Movie Will Proceed  
GC: ……. BUCKL3 UP 3V3RYON3  
GC: W3 4R3 1N FOR 4 R1D3 >:]  
AA:十分な雑草は世界にありません。  
CG: ALL OF MY HATE!

CG: SO THIS IS THE STORY OF A AWKWARD MAN WITH INDISCERNABLE ACCENT NAMED JOHNNY, HIS ALMOST EQUALLY AWKWARD ‘GIRL’ LISA AND THIS SINGULARITY OF AWKWARD CALLED DANNY.  
GG: Yup.  
CG: THIS MOVIE IS GOING TO EAT EVERY KIND OF BULGE! BIG SMALL, RED, GREEN, PURPLE. THIS FILM IS GOING TO SWALLOW SO MUCH BULGE IT WILL CHOKE AND SPUTTER ITS LAST BREATH DYING FAR AWAY FROM HOME, UNLOVED AND UNMOURNED!!!  
AA:あなたは呑み込むことで私を招待しました。  
GT: Now I think this is a little harsh my shouty friend.  
GT: We are no five minutes in the movie, the least you could do is give the movie a chance.  
GG: jake i love you but look at the main character  
GG: just look  
GG: this is not going to be a good movie  
GT: Well, perhaps not good but maybe it can aim for ‘only slightly below average’.  
CG: HOW DO YOU FUNCTION?!  
TG: oh god this is beautiful  
CG: GO FUCK YOURSELF STRIDER!  
AT: wHAT IS WRONG WITH HIS HORRIBLE LAUGH?  
AT: hEHEHE, aHAHAHA, IT IS SO INCREDIBLY FAKE AND IT SOUNDS LIKE IT LOOPS, EVERY TIME HE LAUGHS IT’S THE SAME,  
GC: N1C3 TO S33 YOU D4NNY, 1M GO1NG TO T4K3 4 N4P  
GC: LOG1C4L PROGR3SS1ON OF CONV3RS4T1ON?  
CG: HOW FAR ARE WE INTO THE MOVIE?!  
GT: We have yet to pass the five minute mark.  
CG: OH MY FUCK!!!

TG: so danny hears the sounds of johnny and lisa beginning to talk dirty  
TG: and decides to join in  
TG: i got nothing   
GG: that’s more rose’s area :P  
CG: OH SURE. LET THESE ASSHOLES MAKE A FURTHER MOCKERY OF YOUR ALREADY ARBITRARY ROMANCE SYSTEM.  
GA: So When Johnny Said He Wanted To Take A Nap  
GA: Lisa And Danny Somehow Take This As An Invitation To Initiate Soft Sleeping Surface Combat  
GC: 3V3RY WORD OUT OF D4NNY’S MOUTH 1S CR33PY  
GC: 1 JUST L1K3 TO W4TCH YOU GUYS >:?  
GC: R3STR41N1NG ORD3R W41T1NG TO H4PP3N  
GT: Oh nonsense, this scene is meant to be endearing.  
CA: then wwhy does it send cold shivvers dowwn my spine?  
CA: danny looks an sounds like evveryone’s future serial killer  
AA:これが三人組iに結びつかない場合、小便でぬらされるだろう。  
GG: and johnny keeps laughing that creepy laugh of his X_X  
GG: i can’t take this jane!  
GG: :B  
GG: I am sorry, but you’re reactions make it completely worth it.   
GG: I could not let this chance slide.  
GG: i think I rather watch con air again……

CA: yup  
CA: this sure is a sexscene  
AT: aN AWKWARD, aWKWARD SEX SCENE  
GA: Quite  
GC: UH HUH  
AA:これは性別場面と見なされる?  
AA:人間は非常に控え目である。  
GT: ………………………………………..  
GT: Alright, I understand that there is some intense passion between these two….  
TG: that’s a laugh  
GT: But how much longer will they continue…… This?  
GA: As Long As It Takes I Fear  
GT: Oh boy…….  
CA: yeah this is the least arousin sex i havve evver scene  
TG: i just want to grab the sound designer for this flick and smack him until his eyeballs switch places  
TG: this must be one of the least sexy sex songs i have ever l heard  
TG: in that regard its perfectly ironic  
TG: but damn it hurts my delicate southern ears to be subjected to this  
GC: YOU L1ST3N3D TO 4 LOT OF S3XY S3X SONGS D4V3?  
TG: imma introduce you to my good personal friend sir mixalot  
CG: OH MY GOD THEY ARE STILL GOING!  
CG: I AM BANGING MY HEAD AS HARD AS I CAN BUT IT DOESN’T MAKE IT ANY LESS HORRIBLE TO WATCH!  
GA: What’s More It Seems Mr Wiseau Is Under The Impression The Female Sex Is Located Somewhere In The Navel Area  
AT: pERHAPS ITS JUST WHAT HE UHM, lIKES,  
GA: I Do Not Exclude The Possibility  
GC: HOW DO YOU KNOW WH3R3 TH3 HUM4N F3M4L3 S3X 1S LOC4T3D >:]  
GA: Because Of Reasons  
CG: OPENING CREDITS: 1 MINUTE. OPENING SCENE: 4 MINUTES.  
CG: SEX SCENE: 4 AND A HALF MINUTES! WE HAVE SEEN THESE CHARACTERS BONE EACH OTHER LONGER THAN WE HAVE SEEN THEM INTERACT!  
CG: AND IT JUST…. DOESN’T…. STOP.

CG: CROOOOOOOCKEEEEEEEEER!!!!!!!!!!!!  
GG: Hoo hoo hoo hoo  
CA: CANNOT UNSEE  
TG: yeah this image is now forever burned in my retinas  
CG: FUCKING WHY?! WHO ASKED TO SEE HIS PALE HUMAN ASS?!  
GG: well, we’ve seen lisa’s breasts during the sex scene and you weren’t complaining then  
CG: NO ONE WAS ASKING FOR THOSE EITHER!  
AA:これは私の関心に適切です。  
AA:また、彼はちょうど現われます。  
AA:人間のロバは楽しく見えます。  
AT: iS THERE SOMETHING INTERESTING dAMARA?  
AA: ALL HUMANS HAVE ASS LIKE THAT DAVE-KUN?  
TG: huh  
TG: no he’s a mutant  
TG: makes it twice as disgusting  
GG: daaaaaaaaaaaaave  
GG: every human has a butt like that dummy  
AA: AND YOU PLAY WITH THE BUTT?  
GG: uhm……….  
GT: Maybe?  
AA: I SEE.  
AA: ME LIKE YOU JAKE HUMAN.  
GT: That’s…… good.  
CA: can wwe maybe not talk about butts?  
CA: i am tryin to forget wwhat i saw  
AA: FISHBOY MAKE ME  
GC: WH4TS WRONG W1TH 4 N1C3 RUMP 3R1D4N >:]  
CA: there wwas nothin nice about his rump!

GC: LOOK 1TS TH3 3XPOS1T1ON F41RY  
GC: JUST 1N T1M3 TO T3LL L1S4 3V3RYTH1NG SH3 4LR34DY KNOWS  
GC: YOU 4R3 1N 3NG4G3D JOHNNY  
GG: yes mom, i know  
GC: H3 BOUGHT YOU 4 C4R 4ND 4 R1NG  
GG: yes mom  
GC: YOU C4NNOT PROV1D3 FOR YOURS3LF YOUNG L4DY >:]  
GG: yeeeees mom  
GC: H1S JOB 1S V3RY S3CUR3  
GG: yeeeeeeeeeeeees mom :P  
GT: So why does Lisa not love him anymore?  
GG: Well….. Sometimes the spark just disappears.  
GG: Maybe she became disillusioned with him after living together, discovering that they have nothing in common.  
GG: Maybe she felt like she was being treated like a trophy wife.  
GC: M4YB3 SH3 H4D 3Y3 SURG3R3Y 4ND ONLY R3C3NTLY D1SCOV3R3D WH4T H3 LOOKS L1K3  
CA: maybe she finally got sick of his stupid accent  
AT: mAYBE SHE GOT TIRED OF HIM FAKE LAUGHING EVERY TIME SOMETHING UHM, vAGUELY HUMOROUS WAS BEING SAID,  
AA:恐らく、彼は小さな陰茎である。  
GG: These are also very real possibilities, yes.

AT: sO THEN SHE CALLS THIS HUMAN BUDDY OF HERS, wHO SAYS HE’S VERY BUSY BUT IS REALLY JUST UHM, sITTING IN HIS CAR,,,  
TG: wearing douchey shades on a cloudy day  
TG: thinking he’s all cool and shit  
TG: that’s my job  
GT: So somehow she cannot confide in her own mother but can confide in this hitherto unmentioned friend of hers.  
GG: i thought she was just fed up with her mother not supporting her  
GA: Some Things You Simply Cannot Tell A Lusus  
GA: They Wont Understand  
GC: SO TH3 TWO OF TH3M PL4N TO J4M  
GC: 1 TH1NK 1 4M G3TT1NG TH3 H4NG OF TH3S3 HUM4N DYN4M1CS  
CG: MAKES ONE OF US.  
AT: sO THEY ARE GOING TO JAM TOMORROW, tHAT’S COOL,  
AT: i AM ACTUALLY UHM, kINDA CURIOUS TO SEE HOW HUMANS JAM,

GC: TOMORROW 4PP4R4NTLY B31NG TH4T S4M3 4FT3RNOON >:?  
GT: Heebie Jeebies, they did not even attempt a smooth transition here did they?  
GG: oh god  
GG: even jake is noticing the problems with the movie  
GT: What do you mean with, ‘even Jake’?  
CG: OH GOD, LISA IS NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT SUBTLE.  
CG: GRATUITOUS TOUCHING AND PUPPYDOG EYES LIKE SHE’S A BARKBEAST BEGGING FOR THE LAST STRIP OF BACON.  
GT: Oh you don’t know that.  
CG: SCRATCH THE PREVIOUS STATEMENT HARLEY. ENGLISH REMAINS AS CLUELESS AS EVER.  
GT: Clueless to what?

GA: What Sexy Dress Is He Talking About  
GA: The Dress She Wears Looks Decent Sure  
GA: But Sexy Is Not The Correct Adjective  
CA: an what music?  
CA: wwe keep hearin that same feww seconds of muzak the entire scene  
AT: aND WHAT CANDLES?  
AT: tHERE ISN’T A CANDLE ON THE WHOLE SET,  
GC: OH GOD 1T F1N4LLY H4PP3N3D   
GC: TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG COLL4PS3S  
GC: TH3 SCR1PT 4ND TH3 MOV13 4R3 COMPL3T3LY 1GNOR1NG 34CH OTH3R  
TG: nothing makes sense anymore  
GC: UP 1S DOWN 4ND DOWN 1S UP  
TG: cats and dogs living together  
GG: mass hysteria!  
CA: the makers a this movvie didn’t givve a FUCK.  
GC: 4ND L1S4 R3M41NS 4S SUBTL3 4S 4 BR1CK TO TH3 F4C3  
GA: It Seems Like An Inopportune Moment To Say The ‘I Love You’ Thing  
CG: ALRIGHT, HE IS STILL A HORRIBLE ACTOR BUT THIS IS THE FIRST CHARACTER THAT MAKES SENSE TO ME.  
CG: HE WON’T HAVE SEX WITH THE MATESPRIT OF HIS FRIEND. THAT IS A GOOD QUALITY, SO WE FINALLY HAVE SOMEONE WE CAN ROOT FOR.

CG: FUCK YOU MOVIE!  
CG: FUCK YOU TILL EVEN THE DVD CASE IS GOING TO NEED PROFESSIONAL COUNCILING!   
CG: FUCK YOU SO HARD TOMMY WISEAU CAN FEEL IT HIMSELF!  
AA:私の乳首を熱心にしています。  
AA:継続する。

CG: SECOND SEX SCENE. SECOND ARBITRARY FUCKING POINTLESS SEX SCENE.  
GG: on the stairs no less  
GG: that looks really uncomfortable.  
TG: i wish i could unhear his moans  
GC: QU1T B31NG 4 PUSSY D4V3  
CG: HOW FAR ARE WE INTO THIS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT MOVIE?  
CA: bout fifteen minutes.  
CG: ……. *SECOND* GODDAMN SEX SCENE.  
CG: FIFTEEN MINUTES.  
CG: CROOOOOOOOCKKKEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!!!!!!!!!  
TG: seriously  
TG: its like this comes straight out of her private smut collection  
GG: No it isn’t!  
GT: Mrs Crocker is a lady Dave. She would not indulge in such smut.  
GG: ………..No, of course not.  
TG: whatever point stands  
TG: ive seen asian shit that takes longer to get going than this flick  
AT: wHAT i WANT TO KNOW IS WHY THEY PICK THE STRANGEST, mOST DISTRACTING BACKGROUND MUSIC FOR THESE SCENES  
GT: Maybe it is to prove a point?  
TG: maybe they were royalty free  
GC: 4ND 4G41N TH3Y JUST K33P GO1NG  
GT: Yeah…. Normally it is maybe 30 seconds of passionate kissing followed by a fade to black.  
GT: The audience can fill in the blanks.  
CG: I *WISH* I COULD FILL IN THE BLANKS. THEY ARE PRETTY FUCKING OBVIOUS HERE.  
GG: yet you never see them……. uhm……  
GA: Penetrate  
GG: yeah.   
GG: it looks like he’s just humping her side  
CA: these people havve the strangest fetishes

GG: :O  
GG: mark is an asshole!  
CG: OH, *NOW* SHE NOTICES.  
CG: HE SLEEPS WITH THE MATESPRIT OF HIS BEST FRIEND. THAT BARELY CONSTITUTES AS NON-ASSHOLE BEHAVIOR! CONGRATULATIONS HARLEY, YOU CRACKED THE FUCKING CASE. HAVE A COOKIE.  
GG: well….. yeah, that was bad enough  
GG: but now he’s also blaming her for seducing him :(  
GG: its not her fault he has poor self control  
GT: To be fair, she did come onto him rather strongly  
GG: yes, but he ultimately agreed  
GG: the whole consensual sex thing is a two way street   
GT: Well, what was he supposed to do?  
GC: W1LD SUGG3ST1ON H3R3  
GC: H3 COULD H4V3 W4LK3D 4W4Y 4ND C4LL3D H1S SUPPOS3DLY B3ST FR13ND TO T3LL H1M H1S M4T3SPR1T 1S B3H4V1NG L1K3 4 SLUT  
GT: Huh….. Yeah, that makes sense.  
AT: mARK MAY BE AN ASSHOLE BUT UHM, uNTIL HE BURNS DOWN jOHNNY’S HIVE HE ISN’T AS BAD AS SOME OTHER, iNDIVIDUALS  
CA: are you still on about that?

CA: oh my god……   
CA: wwho made this scene?!  
GC: YOU KNOW WHO M4D3 1T  
GC: W3 ONLY S4W H1S N4M3 F1V3 T1M3S 1N TH3 OP3N1NG CR3D1TS  
CA: nothin an i mean nothin in this scene makes sense!  
CA: their tones a vvoice are completely devvoid a life  
CA: an wwhat they say is completely illogical  
CA: its like an entire dialogue wwas wwritten out an someone decided to scramble the sentences around for shits an giggles  
AT: wHERE DID THAT COMPLETELY RANDOM ‘tHAT’S ME’ COME FROM,  
AT: lIKE HE MOMENTARILY FORGOT WHAT HE CAME IN THERE FOR,  
GC: WH3R3 D1D TH4T COMPL3T3LY R4NDOM DOGGY COM3 FROM 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF TH3 CONV3RS4T1ON  
CA: it is almost fascinatin in that morbid kinda wway  
GG: I know right :B  
GG: That’s why I chose it.  
CG: NO, YOU CHOSE IT BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO SEE US SUFFER.  
GG: Only a little.  
TG: shit crocker  
TG: everyone knows you are a terrible sadist when it comes to these kinda things  
GG: I have nary a clue what you are talking about David.

CG: THIS SCENE SERVES ABSOLUTELY NO PURPOSE!  
GT: Well, it reminds us that Danny is still in the movie.  
CG: ………..  
CG: THIS SCENE SERVES ABSOLUTELY NO PURPOSE!

CA: this guy  
CA: this FUCKIN guy  
GA: This  
GA: This Is An Atrocious Performance Made By An Equally Atrocious Performer  
GG: how does he even function?  
TG: daht s’nvabitch tohld me I woold geht it vithfin free monts  
GT: I have literally no idea what this guy’s accent is. French? German?  
GT: Canadian?  
TG: teyh twik meäneye don k’air anemoar  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3  
TG: an teyh awe oozin me ant aym the foo  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H44H4H44H4!!!  
CG: I HAVE SEEN BRAINDEAD WRIGGLERS PUT ON A BETTER PERFORMANCE!  
TG: christ again with the dead babies  
GG: eeeeeeeeeeww  
CG: THEY ARE NOT, TECHNICALLY.  
GG: still gross :(  
CG: LOOK, THAT IS NOT THE GODDAMN POINT!  
GA: The Point Being That This Is An Hilariously Bad Actor  
CG: I CAN’T EVEN LAUGH ABOUT IT.   
CG: THE FILM IS SO BAD, IT TOOK LOCOMOTIVE ‘BADMOVIE’ WITHOUT PAYING FOR ITS TICKET, THEN FORGOT TO GET OUT AT ‘HILARIOUSLY BAD’ STATION AND KEPT CHUGGING ALL THE WAY DOWN TO ‘COMPLETELY PUTRID’CITY, WHERE MAYOR TOMMY WISEAU GREETED IT PERSONALLY BY FARTING IN ITS FACE!!!!!  
GA: That Is A Neat Encapsulation Of Our Experience Yes

GT: Such a faux pas Lisa commits here. Utterly shameful.  
CA: wwhat?  
CA: the fact that johnny gets sloppy seconds after his best bud?  
AT: bREAKING HIS APPARENT ‘nO DRINKING’ POLICY?  
AT: wHY DID THEY EVEN HAVE SO MUCH BOOZE IF HE DOESN’T DRINK?  
GT: Well no. But they use the wrong kind of glass and fill it to the brim. Either they need smaller glasses or smaller doses.  
CG: AND *THAT* CATCHES YOUR ATTENTION?  
CG: NOT THE INCREDIBLY FAKE DRUNK ACTING?!  
GA: Indeed  
GA: Johnny Was More Convincing As A Drunk In His Sober State  
GG: which is an achievement in its own right :P  
GA: Of Course  
GG: and the fake laughing returns in full force, oh god this is horrible!  
CG: AND THEY WANT TO INITIATE ANOTHER GODDAMN SEX SCENE!  
CG: THIS WOMAN IS INSATIABLE!  
TG: relax  
TG: if he never drinks and now slams a full glass of scotchka down his throat he probably won’t even get it up

GA: I Think Mr Wiseau Is A More Virile Lover Than You Give Him Credit For  
CA: and here wwe go again  
CA: if it wwas the least bit titillatin wwe wwould at least get somethin from this  
CA: its about as sexual as buttered toast  
CA: scratch that  
CA: dry toast  
AT: uHM, yEAH i THINK THAT IS A DECENT COMPARISON  
AT: aND WHO KEEPS PICKING THESE INCREDIBLY AWKWARD SONGS?   
AT: aS IF THEIR MOANING WASN’T BAD ENOUGH,  
GA: Mr Wiseau Still Seems Unable To Find His Partners Nook  
GC: 4ND TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG JUST T4ST3S L1K3 SH4M3 4ND B4D D3C1S1ONS  
GC: L1S4 DO3SNT 3V3N T4ST3 L1K3 SH3 1S 3NJOY1NG 1T  
CG: I CANNOT TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE! WE ARE THREE FOR THREE NOW PEOPLE. A POINTLESS AND AWKWARD SEX SCENE FOR EVERY 10 MINUTES OF MOVIE!  
TG: every eight point something minutes but who’s counting  
GT: Look at it from the bright side.  
GG: there is a bright side?  
GT: It only lasts a minute now.  
GT: As opposed to the longer, earlier sex scenes.  
GC: Y3T YOU JUST KNOW W1S34U SHOT 4 LONG3R SC3N3 BUT H4D TO CUT FOR T1M3 TO 1MPL3M3NT 4LL TH3 OTH3R COMPL3T3LY N3C3SS4RY SC3N3S

GT: Wowzers.  
GT: Going a bit fast there movie. May want to reign in that incredibly significant subplot there.  
TG: the petunias are looking fab this year  
TG: i won a margarita mixer at the bingo this week  
TG: and my breasts have cancer  
TG: how have you been  
GG: She seems more concerned with her brother trying to take her house from her.  
GG: Priorities, right? :B  
CG: YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO PICK A MOVIE EVER AGAIN!  
GG: :(  
CG: IF I EVER GET SUBJECTED TO A MOVIE LIKE THIS AGAIN I WILL CHOKE MYSELF WITH MY OWN ENTRAILS OUT OF PURE UNADULTERATED RAGE!  
GG: As if I would pick a movie half this horrendous the next time.   
GG: It isn’t a proper prank if you expect something to happen. Next time I’ll pick something wholesome.  
GG: Honestly :B  
CG: FORGIVE ME FOR NOT BEING IN A FUCKING HURRY TO GIVE YOU THE CHANCE!  
GA: Oh  
GA: The Scene Continues  
AT: yEAH, lISA SOMEHOW FINDS IT NECESSARY TO LIE ABOUT jOHNNY UHM, hITTING HER?  
GG: that is horrible!  
GG: that is pretty much the scummiest thing you can do!  
TG: yes but because it happens to tommy wiseau no one really minds  
GC: 1 JUST LOV3 TH3 F4CT TH4T H3R OWN MOTH3R S33MS MOR3 CONC3RN3D 4BOUT TH3 F4CT TH4T H3 W4S DR1NK1NG TH4N TH4T H3 W4S H1TT1NG H3R

CG: WHO ARE THESE ASSHOLES?  
CA: iunno neighbors maybe?  
CG: JUST WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE ASSHOLES?!  
CA: did they just break an enter into that house?   
CA: that is the same couch lisa wwas sittin on moments ago right?  
CG: JUST WHO THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE THESE ASSHOLES?!?!  
CA: their dialogue is somehoww evven wworse than wwhat wwe heard before  
GA: I Have Heard About Chocolate Being An Aphrodisiac For Humans  
AA:面白い。  
GG: i do like chocolate!  
GT: I know! Me too!  
AA:非常に面白い。  
GA: But Does It Function As An Aphrodisiac  
GG: not really, it’s just really tasty  
GT: Yeah, I think it lacks the qualities to be considered and aphrodisiac.  
GT: I would certainly be very pleased with chocolate though.   
GG: it can be a little romantic, yeah  
GT: Oh and I really like the pure kind. Those 80% kind of things? Delicious.  
GG: bleh  
GG: i really like white chocolate :)  
GG: You are making me hungry.  
AA:大きな角のある少年  
AT: uHM, wHAT IS IT dAMARA?  
AA:1つはどこでチョコレートを見つけますか。  
AT: dO YOU WANT SOME CHOCOLATE TOO?  
AA:少しもなく一つがどこでそれを見つけることができるか知るi望み  
AT: i DON’T THINK IT WORKS AS APHRODISIAC FOR TROLLS AT ALL,  
AT: gAMZEE EVEN GOT SICK OFF THEM,  
CG: THEN THE ASSHOLE SHOULDN’T HAVE EATEN THREE BOXES!!  
AA:私はこのgamzee iに関心がありません、どこでチョコレートを見つけるべきか単に知る必要があること  
AT: yOU WANT ME TO INTRODUCE YOU TO gAMZEE?  
AA:あなたはrufiohより悪い人である。  
AT: aAW, tHANKS, i THINK YOU ARE PRETTY COOL TOO,  
GA: I Am Impressed You Can Comprehend Those Symbols Tavros  
AT: wELL, iT ISN’T EASY, i DON’T THINK JUST ANYONE COULD DO IT,  
AA: kisama

GT: Well, that was a strange and seemingly pointless scene.  
GT: I wonder if it’ll hold any significance.  
GT: Maybe Lisa finds the stains and concludes Johnny is cheating?  
GT: Maybe Johnny eats the remaining chocolate and gets an allergic reaction?

GT: Or maybe that little interlude was utterly pointless….. How bizarre.   
GG: these sure are some…… jokes? they attempt to throw at us.  
CA: oww my brain hurts  
CA: isn’t this the exact same room lisa and her mom wwere in earlier?  
CA: they said each other goodbye and return to that same room together and wwhat evven is chronology  
CG: NOTHING ABOUT ANY OF THIS MAKES SENSE!  
GG: The true ‘The Room’ experience :B  
CG: CROCKER, I SWEAR TO THE ALMIGHTY TAINTCHAFING FUCK YOU ARE NOT PICKING MOVIES AGAIN.  
GA: And Then Danny Is There  
GA: Just To Be Completely Pointless  
AT: nO, iT GIVES lISA A CHANCE TO TALK ABOUT WHAT A GREAT PERSON jOHNNY IS FOR dANNY,  
AT: kIND OF UHM, sILLY WHEN SHE SAID HE HIT HER LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES AGO,  
AT: rEMEMBER? tHAT WAS A THING?  
GC: SO JOHNNY 1S 4CT1NG L1K3 4 SURROG4T3 LUSUS OUT OF TH3 GOODN3SS OF H1S H34RT  
GC: 1S UND3R 4PPR3C14T3D 4T WORK BUT DO3S 3V3RYTH1NG B3TT3R TH4N 3V3RYON3 3LS3  
GC: 1S R3CGOGNZ13D BY P3OPL3 WH3N H3 GO3S SHOPP1NG FOR FLOW3RS TO PR3S3NT H1S LOV3LY M4T3SPR1T  
GC: SUR3 WHY NOT >:?  
CG: OH GOD, WE ARE WATCHING SELF INSERT FANFICTION…..  
GC: 4LSO 1S 1T JUST M3 OR 1S L1S4’S MOTH3RLUSUS MOR3 CONC3RN3D 4BOUT JOHNNY TH4N L1S4  
TG: not just you  
TG: frigid woman doesn’t give two shits bout her own daughter  
GC: 4S 1 THOUGHT

AT: aND NOW THEY ARE ON THE ROOF, bECAUSE OF REASONS,  
GA: How Did This Man Even Know Danny Was On The Roof  
AT: pERHAPS IT IS A POPULAR HANG OUT?  
TG: yeah  
TG: really suited for dramatic swordfights and days when you just want to soak in the pollution of the city  
GC: 1 4M CHOOS1NG TO B3L13V3 TH4T GUY H4D B33N LOOK1NG 3V3RYWH3R3 FOR D4NNY 4ND ONLY FOUND H1M ON TH3 ROOF 4FT3R 4 D4Y LONG C1TY W1D3 S34RCH

GC: WOULD 3XPL41N TH1S DR4ST1C B3H4V1OR  
GT: Blimey, that escalated quickly.  
CA: hey if it means wwe get one less awwful character then i can only hope it’ll be sloww an painful

AT: oK, nO,  
AT: tHIS IS JUST STUPID,  
AT: wHY DID jOHNNY AND mARK DECIDE TO GO TO THE ROOF FOR NO APPARENT REASON WHATSOEVER?  
AT: iS IT REALLY JUST THEIR HANG OUT?  
AT: hOW DID THE ROBBER GUY FAIL TO NOTICE TWO GUYS RUNNING UP THE STAIRS?  
CA: wwhy couldn’t he do us the small pleasure a offin danny  
CA: all he had to do wwas pull the trigger and he didn’t seem to care about the guy  
CA: he had a perfect hostage to secure his escape  
GC: NOT ONLY TH4T BUT BUMRUSH1NG TH3 GUY W1TH 4 GUN WORKS OUT P3RF3CTLY F1N3 FOR 4LL P4RT13S 1NVOLV3D  
GC: NO SHOTS F1R3D 4ND NO ON3 GOT HURT  
GC: 4LSO 1 JUST LOV3 HOW JOHNNY MUMBL3S TH4T TH3Y 4R3 GO1NG TO TH3 POL1C3 B3C4US3 TH4T W1LL WORK OUT P3RF3CTLY  
GC: DU3 PROC3SS NUMBNUTS  
GT: Yeah, that seems silly. the two of them just escort them to the police station?  
GT: Parading him through the streets?  
GT: It would quirk some eyebrows.

CG: AND NOW THE WOMEN ARE HERE TOO?!  
AT: i DON’T GET WHAT’S SO SPECIAL ABOUT THAT PLACE,  
AT: i MEAN, IT’S JUST A ROOF,  
AT: fOR WHAT REASON COULD lISA AND HER MOTHERLUSUS WÁNT TO COME UP THERE,  
AT: hOW DID THEY KNOW dANNY WAS THERE?  
GC: 4ND 4PP4R3NTLY D4NNY 1S ON THE HUM4N DRUGS  
GC: 1S TH1S B4D  
TG: eh might be  
TG: they don’t really specify what drugs he’s on  
TG: might be the kid’s asthmatic medicine for all i know  
GC: TH3Y M4K3 4 B1G D34L OUT OF 1T  
GC: SOUNDS L1K3 HUM4N DRUGS 4R3 PR3TTY B4D STUFF  
GC: 31TH3R TH4T OR SH3 1S P1SS3D D4NNY D1DNT SH4R3  
AA:よい雑草はどこも調子が悪くありません。  
TG: desu pikachu arigato to you to megido  
GT: Shouldn’t Lisa’s mother pay a visit to the local hospital?  
GT: With her cancer I mean. For her cancer.  
GT: Are we just forgetting that happened?

CG: AFTER MAGICAL SPACE WIZARD TOMMY WISEAU WAS DONE APPREHENDING THE HEINOUS CRIMINAL HE TELEPORTED BACK TO HIS FRIENDS FOR A TOUCHING REUNION.  
CG: THIS MOVIE DOES NOT GIVE A *FUCK*  
CG: UNLESS THIS ROOF IS ON TOP OF A POLICE STATION THIS SHIT DOESN’T WORK!  
CG: YOU DON’T DROP OFF SOMEONE AT YOUR LOCAL POLICE STATION, SAY HE’S A CRIMINAL AND HAVE HIM ARRESTED.  
CG: EVEN IF YOU COULD, YOU COULD *NOT* DO IT WITHIN LITERALLY A SINGLE FUCKING MINUTE!!!  
GC: TH4NK YOU FOR ST4T1NG SH1T H3 4LR34DY KNOWS L1S4  
GG: you know johnny is like your father  
GG: you are doing drugs  
GG: you are now feeling sad  
GC: 444RGH TOMMY W1S34U TRY1NG TO 4CT CONC3RN3D!  
GC: 1T 1S HORR1FY1NG

TG: oh my god  
TG: come on mark   
TG: no guy can be this thick  
GG: Lies.  
TG: she wants to fight a round of chamber combat  
CA: she wwants to be assaulted wwith a friendly wweapon  
AA:彼女は女子生徒の制服を示したい。  
TG: she wants to adam and eve it  
GA: She Wants To Do Him The Ultimate Favor  
AA:彼女は、彼に寿司を突いてほしい。  
CA: she wwants to sink the human bismarck  
GA: She Wants To Lose Herself In A Moment Of Passion  
TG: she wants to do the horizontal mambo  
AA:彼女は彼の触手を見たい。  
CA: she wwants to play a friendly game a scrabble  
TG: she wants a hot beef injection  
AA:彼女は、教師が彼女に気づくことを望みます。  
GA: She Wants To Partake In The Mutual Worship Of Their Bodies Involving Reproductive Methods Of A Highly Animalistic Nature  
GT: She wants to have sex.  
GG: yes jake, thanks for clearing that up :P  
GT: Any time.

GG: Oh Tommy Wiseau, you perfect human being.  
TG: i deet nawt heater itsh not troo itsh boolsjit  
TG: i deed nawt heater  
TG: i deed nahwt  
AT: sO DID HE COME TO THE ROOF TO VENT HIS FRUSTRATIONS SOMEHOW? iS IT NORMAL TO GO TO THE ROOF LIKE THIS, lIKE ALL THE TIME?  
AT: cURSE AT THE HEAVENS FOR HAVING HIS MATESPRIT SPREAD LIES ABOUT HIM?  
GG: nop :)  
GG: and then there was mark  
GG: all of a sudden  
GG: just mid rant, ohai mark

AT: wHY IS mARK JUST UHM, sITTING ON THE ROOF? wHAT IS HE DOING THERE? hE HAS NO REASON TO BE THERE,  
AT: dID HE HAVE TO DEAL WITH LYING MATESPRITS AS WELL?  
GC:1 JUST WOND3R WHY H3 H4S TH4T STR4NG3 3GG SH4P3D B4LL   
GC: YOU C4NT TOSS TH4T 4ROUND PROP3RLY  
GC: TH3 SH4P3 1S 4LL W31RD  
TG: that egglike ball rezi  
TG: is the sign of that he is a proud American  
TG: only the proudest of our kind throw the old pigskin around in honor of our great traditions  
CA: so it’s a human thing no one cares about  
GG: yeah, pretty much :P  
GA: Why Does Mark Say Such Suspicious Things  
GA: He Is Practically Screaming At His Friend That He Is Involved In A Shady Situation That Involves Unfaithful Behavior  
GA: Why Does Johnny Not Catch The Very Obvious Hints  
CG: BECAUSE HE IS AN IMBECILE THAT NEEDS A BIG NEON SIGN THAT SAYS: ‘YOUR MATESPRIT IS A CHEATING FLOOZY’  
CA: also johnny keeps tellin evveryone howw lucky he is wwith his matesprit just to make it more poignant wwhen the truth is revealed  
CA: but since he is one of THOSE people that needs to constantly bring up his matesprit i think its justified  
GA: He Gets Very Touchy When Mark Appears To Have A Secret  
CA: yes but this isn’t because he thinks mark has an affair with johnny’s matesprit but because he feels left out

GC: NOW JOHNNY H4S TH3 3GGSH4P3D B4LL  
GC: H3 1S TH3 PROUD 4M3R1C4N  
GC: 1T 1S H1M  
AT: aND WHAT IS dANNY DOING ON THE ROOF?  
AT: dID THEIR AIRCONDITIONING BROKE? aLL OF THEM, sIMULTANEOUSLY?  
AT: sERIOUSLY, mARK LEAVES AND dANNY COMES UP, i MEAN IF THIS WAS A LIVING ROOM SURE, bUT THIS IS THE ROOF PEOPLE,  
GA: I Think We Get It Tavros  
AT: jUST REALLY BUGS ME, i MEAN, tHE ROOF IS KINDA OUT OF THEIR WAY WHEN LIVING ROOMS ARE STILL AN UHM, tHING,  
AA:腹を立てたあなたのようなi、大きなつの少年  
AA:それはあなたを火に見せます。  
GC: SO WH4T DRUGS 1S D4NNY ON TH1S T1M3

GC: TH3 K1ND TH4T M4K3S H1M 4TTR4CT3D TO L1S4 1T S33MS  
CA: she isn’t evven that hot  
GA: Eridan  
CA: im just sayin  
TG: man rose would kill for this scene  
TG: i can hear it now  
TG: blah blah oedipus  
TG: blah blah westermarck  
TG: blah blah sexual imprinting  
TG: blah blah respression  
GA: Blah Blah Dave Stop Ogling Roxy  
TG:   
TG: she is training you isn’t she  
GA: In A Manner Of Speaking  
TG: tell her she’s doing a good job  
GA: Much Obliged  
CG: HE IS WAY TO EASY FUCKING GOING ABOUT THIS. SHARING HIS FUCKING WEIRD PHILOSOPHY ABOUT LOVE AND SHIT.  
CG: AND BEING THE *GENIUS* FUCKING MATCHMAKER HE IS, HE IMMEDIATELY COUPLES HIM WHAT ANOTHER GIRL  
CG: PLEASE MOVIE, KEEP TELLING US WHAT A WONDERFUL PERSON MR WISEAU IS. I THINK IT ISN’T FUCKING OBVIOUS ENOUGH YET!

GT: You know, if this woman was a true friend she would be more insistent Lisa quit her cheating ways.  
GT: There is no way this will end up well for all parties involved.  
CG: SPEAKING OF WHICH, JUST A SIDENOTE HERE, NOTHING IMPORTANT BUT….  
CG: WHO THE *FUCK* IS THIS PERSON?!  
CA: i think she’s the broad that gavve that guy head wwhen lisa an her motherlusus wwalked in  
CG: DOES SHE EVEN HAVE A NAME?!  
GG: Probably. Do you care?  
CG: NOT REALLY……  
GG: i think i found the problem with the movie  
AT: rEALLY, jUST THE ONE?  
GG: hihi, ok óne of the problems :B  
GG: the movie keeps hammering in the johnny is supposed to be the lead character but it is so obvious that the plot revolves around lisa  
GA: Indeed  
GA: Johnny Merely Reacts To The World Around Him  
GG: i know right!  
GG: lisa meanwhile is active, changes the whole situation and eventually will have to pick between johnny and mark  
CG: SO WHAT YOU ARE SAYING IS THAT THIS MOVIE IS SO INCREDIBLY FUCKING PATHETIC IT DOESN’T EVEN REALIZE THAT IT’S MAIN CHARACTER IS NOT THE MAIN CHARACTER?  
GG: basically yeah  
CG: I FUCKING GIVE UP.

GG: And this is the point I knew I had to pick this movie.  
GG: This scene is so horribly beautiful I had no choice but to show it to you.  
CA: yeah thanks a lot for that crocker  
CA: look at all the fun wwe are havvin  
AA:私にあなたを楽しませてほしい、少年で魚取りをする。  
AT: i THINK SHE WANTS TO PLAY WITH YOU eRIDAN  
CA: fuck no  
CA: i swwear to god you better stay away from me megido  
TG: christ this guy  
TG: youwa lion i nefah heath yoo  
TG: you ahwe teawin me apaht lysa  
TG: i don’t know what his accent is but i am going to mock the fuck out of it  
GT: That is what you are currently doing.  
TG: so what do you think english  
GT: This sure is a outburst of emotion that goes entirely nowhere…..  
GT: Johnny is wholly in the right in being hysterical despite Lisa’s claims. She’s telling people he hits her, such lies can ruin a man.  
GT: Yet Johnny begins talking about understanding life for no adequately explained reason and……  
GT: Gee willikers this movie is rather silly.  
GG: oh noooooooooooooooo  
GG: jane you have broken jake  
GT: No she hasn’t.  
GG: even he cannot defend this movie anymore  
GT: Sure I can it’s………  
GT: ……………………………  
GT: The music is not terrible?

GC: NOW TH3Y 4R3 SHOW1NG OF WH4T PROUD 4M3R1C4NS TH3Y 4R3 WH1L3 TOMMY W1S34U SHOWS OF H1S B1C3PS  
GA: Which No One Is Going To Notice Because They Are Too Distracted By His Face  
CA: and the douchey guy is complainin howw he lost his underwwear  
CA: because of hijinx i assume  
CG: WHAT DOES THIS SCENE HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!  
AT: aND THEN EVERYBODY LAUGHS AWKWARDLY WHILE TOSSING THE BALL AROUND,  
CG: DID NONE OF THESE ACTORS LEARN TO PROPERLY FAKE A LAUGH?!

GT: And now Mark is here too.  
AT: wHAT IS HE DOING THERE?  
AT: tHEY ARE IN A SEEMINGLY RANDOM ALLEY  
AT: tHERE IS NO REASON FOR mARK TO BE THERE,  
GA: I Believe This Movie Cares Little For Common Sense Tavros  
AT: iT IS SO FRUSTRATING,  
AA:私は大きなつの少年をよりよく知りたい。  
AA:rufiohのように見えます、しかしより多く。  
AA:しょうた, ショウタ  
AT: uHM, tHANKS dAMARA,  
AT: bUT UHM, i DON’T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU ABOUT MYSELF,  
AT: wHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?  
CA: tavv no  
CA: it’s a trap  
AT: oH, yOU DON’T KNOW THAT,  
AA:基礎的な材料実際に  
AA:趣味、好きである、嫌いである、長さと長さ  
AA:秘密空想、ねじれ、物神  
AT: uHM, hOLD ON,  
AT: i DON’T KNOW MOST OF THOSE WORDS,  
AA:私はそれらのねじれをすべて実現させることができます。  
AA:私は、それに関する刺激された思考を得ます。  
AA:汚い猿を一日中愛させましょう。  
AT: sOMETHING ABOUT APEBEASTS?  
AA:私はあなたの教師だろう。

CA: oh my god all their fuckin convversations are the same  
CA: i don’t lovve johnny anymore wweh wweh wweh  
CA: that’s wwhat she sounds like  
GG: seriously, haven’t we heard this whole conversation before?  
GA: This Time However She Flat Out Admits She Is Having An Affair  
GA: Her Mother Appears Unimpressed  
AT: dIDN’T HER BREASTS HAVE CANCER?  
AT: dOESN’T SHE NEED TO SEE A MEDICULLER OR SOMETHING?  
GC: HUM4NS 4R3 JUST TH4T H4RDCOR3 1 GU3SS >:/

GC: C31L1NG JOHNNY 1S W4TCH1NG YOU CONF3SS YOUR S1NS  
GG: oh, so thát was the reason for johnny tossing ball earlier ánd the reason lisa mentioned her affair  
GG: so that johnny has a reason to be there eavesdropping :B  
CG: IT’S HIS HOUSE. HE DOESN’T *NEED* A FUCKING REASON TO BE THERE.  
CG: IF THAT REALLY WAS THE REASON FOR THOSE FUCKING ARBITRARY SCENES I’M GONNA FLIP EVERY TABLE IN A TWENTY MILES RADIUS  
TG: he’ll do it  
TG: i’ve seen it  
GG: it’s the only reason i can think of  
GT: Well, either that or the movie is just plain stupid.  
GC: 4ND W3 4LL KNOW TH4T C4N’T B3 4N OPT1ON

TG: and suddenly he has a recorder  
GG: and he just magics it so that it records all phone conversations?  
GG: i am pretty sure this is not how technology works  
TG: i was gonna comment on the fact that he uses cassette’s  
TG: the eighties called they want their impractical data storage back  
GA: I Simply Can Not Understand The Need For These Passive Aggressive Gestures  
GA: He Has Literally Heard Lisa Confess To Committing Adultery  
GA: What Force Prevents Him From Confronting Her  
GT: Look at the bright side.  
CA: there is a bright side?  
GT: We’re halfway done with the film chaps.  
GG: Ever the optimist.  
CG: ONLY HALFWAY? SOMEONE CULL ME NOW!

AT: aND INSTEAD OF CONFRONTING lISA, hE BITCHES ABOUT HER TO HIS FRIEND,  
TG: and he expects advise because he is a psychologist  
TG: you can tell he is a psychologist because he wears glasses  
GG: psychologist now meaning relationship councilor  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MOVIE DOING INTRODUCING A WHOLE NEW CHARACTER THIS LATE IN THE MOVIE?  
CG: I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER THE NAME OF THOSE FRIENDS OF LISA, HOW AM I EXPECTED TO LEARN THIS ASSHOLES NAME?!  
GT: Well, he doesn’t want to confront her because he wants to give her a second chance.  
GC: TH4T 1D34 SOUNDS HORR1BLY FL4W3D >:/  
GC: 1F H3 R34LLY D1D TH3N WHY D1D H3 PL4C3 TH3 W1R3T4P?  
GC: WOULDN’T 1T M4K3 MOR3 S3NS3 TO S4Y SOM3TH1NG L1K3  
GC: LOOK 1 KNOW YOU CH34T3D ON M3 BUT 1 R34LLY W4NT TO M4K3 TH1S WORK  
GC: G3T 1T OUT 1N TH3 OP3N 4ND D1SCUSS 1T  
GC: R3L4T1ONSH1PS 4R3 BU1LT ON TRUST 4FT3R 4LL  
GC: TH3N K33P TH3 W1R3T4P TO S33 1F SH3 R3M41NS F41THFUL >:]  
CG: YOUR IDEA OF TRUST IS VERY DIFFERENT FROM THAT OF A SANE PERSON.  
GC: 4T L34ST 1 4M W1LL1NG TO T4LK TH1NGS OV3R 1NST34D OF MOP3 4BOUT 1T 4LL TH3 T1M3  
GC: MOP3 MOP3 MOP3  
GC: TH4TS WH4T YOU SOUND3D L1K3  
GC: TH3 ROOM 4S WR1TT3N BY K4RK4T V4NT4S  
CG: FUNNY YOU SHOULD BRING UP MOPING, CAUSE I REMEMBER A CERTAIN TIME BACK ON THE FUCKING SPACEROCK…….  
GC: OH DON’T YOU D4R3 BR1NG TH4T SH1T UP 4G41N  
CA: guys?  
CG: WHAT!?  
GC: WH4T  
CA: can wwe maybe wwatch the movvie?

GG: Oh, that heartfelt delivery on ‘love is blind’.  
GG: I swoon every time.  
CG: GO….. STIR YOUR BATTER OR SOMETHING.  
TG: was that an innuendo  
TG: sounded like an innuendo  
CG: NOT NOW STRIDER!  
GA: Mark Says A Few Horribly Suspicious Things  
GC: HOW C4N JOHNNY NOT SM3LL TH3 1NCR3D1BLY OBV1OUS L13S  
GT: Then Johnny gets mad about Peter playing psychologist while asking him for advice because he’s a psychologist mere minutes ago…….  
GT: Bugger my bridges this movie is rather dense, isn’t it?  
CA: finally wwe havve a character that’s at least operating from a sane perspectivve  
CA: confront your matesprit and wwork shit out  
CA: howw difficult is it  
GC: BUT JOHNNY W4NTS TO G1V3 H3R 4 S3COND CH4NC3  
CA: wwell johnny is stupid  
AT: AND THEN HE….. IMITATES A CLUCKBEAST  
AT: IT WOULDN’T BE THÁT BAD IF HE DIDN’T DO SUCH A POOR JOB OF IT  
TG: five year olds all around the world collectively face palmed when they learned of this man’s cheep cheep noises  
CG: WAIT.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MOVIE DOING NOW?  
GT: Explaining how Lisa and Johnny met.  
CG: OH MY GOD, A NONCONVENTIAL REALISTIC FIRST MEETING BETWEEN LOVERS. A STORY THAT COULD ACTUALLY MAKE ME CARE ABOUT THE MAIN CHARACTERS HAD WE KNOWN THIS SOONER.  
CG: AND IT IS ALL *TOLD* THROUGH WISEAU’S HORRIBLE NARRATION.   
CG: FILM IS A VISUAL MEDIUM ASSHOLE! YOU FINALLY HAD THE CHANCE TO MAKE A DECENT ROMANTIC SCENE IN THIS ALLEGED DRAMA AND YOU COCKED IT UP SO HARD THAT THERE ISN’T ENOUGH SOOTHING CRÈME IN THE WORLD TO FIX IT!!

AT: oH COME ON,  
AT: tHE ROOF AGAIN?  
AT: hOW DID pETER EVEN KNOW TO FIND mARK THERE?  
GA: Perhaps He Asked  
AT: wHAT IS mARK EVEN DOING THERE?  
AA:1つ吸うこと  
AA:よい材料  
AA:あなたと、私は共有します。  
AT: wELL OKAY, i GUESS THAT SORTA MAKES SENSE, fOR THE FIRST TIME IN THE MOVIE,  
AT: mAYBE THEY SHOULD GET ANOTHER SET? aDD SOME VARIETY?  
TG: but this one was so cheap  
GG: immediately explaining why they use it so often :P  
CA: so wwhen danny smokes human drugs its bad but wwhen mark does it its ok?  
CA: fuckin humans  
GT: Mark genuinely seems tormented by his own actions.  
GT: He actually says quite some disheartening things.   
GT: I do wonder if this is what actual cheaters have to cope with.  
GC: GO1NG FROM WH4T M4RK G1V3S H1M P3T3R 4CTU4LLY M4N4G3S TO F1GUR3 OUT M4RK H4S TH3 4FF41R W1TH L1S4  
GC: NOT TH4T M4RK W4S V3RY SUBTL3 4BOUT 1T  
GC: 4LR34DY SHOW1NG H3 1S 4 B3TT3R D3T3CT1V3 TH4N JOHNNY  
GA: The Eggshaped Ball They Were Tossing Around Is A Better Detective Than Johnny

GC: M4RK T4K3S 1T W3LL  
TG: ok no  
TG: this is the exact opposite reaction someone gets from smoking green  
GC: G4SP  
GC: HOW DO YOU KNOW?  
GC: H4V3 YOU DON3 TH3 HUM4N DRUGS  
TG: i lived with a perpetual single late twentysomething who ran a site on puppetporn  
TG: you tell me how I know  
CA: an peter doesn’t evven givve a fuck mark wwas about to murder him  
CA: not evven a little mad!  
GA: Though Peters Advice Is Sound I Question His Statements Regarding Lisa  
CG: HIS ADVICE IS SOUND?  
CG: HE BASICALLY SAYS: DON’T SLEEP WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND’S MATESPRIT ANYMORE. THIS ISN’T ADVICE, IT IS BASIC COMMON FUCKING DECENCY!  
GT: I do wonder if Lisa’s behavior can be considered sociopathic like Peter claims…..  
GG: wouldn’t surprise me  
GG: everyone in this movie is at least a little crazy :B

GA: I Feel Like It Should Be A Criminal Offense To Waste Such Fine Looking Tuxedos In A Juvenile Game Like This  
CA: it is to showw they are extra proud a themselvves bein American  
CA: kinda like howw a wwriggler wwill constantly brag about its meager accomplishments  
AT: tHIS SCENE ADDS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING,  
CG: THIS WHOLE MOVIE ADDS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING.

CG: AND OF COURSE EVERYONE KNOWS HIS NAME, BECAUSE TOMMY WISEAU IS SUCH A GOSHDARN PERFECT HUMAN BEING.  
GG: Hihihihi :B  
GC: Y3S M4RK W3 G3T 1T  
GC: TH3R3 1S 4N 4SS 4CT1NG 1NCR3D1BLY SUSP1C1OUS  
GC: 4ND TH3 4SS 1S YOU  
GT: Uhm….. Did anyone else notice that?  
GT: That seemed wrong…..  
AT: wHAT SPECIFICALLY?  
AT: tHERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS WRONG,  
CA: johnny cannot talk about his wwork at the bank because it is confidential  
CA: and IMMEDIATELY afterwwards asks about mark’s sex life  
GT: Yes, that.  
GG: it was impossible not to notice   
GG: god this man is awkward :(  
GG: It is magnificent  
GG: it is horrible!  
GG: i can’t believe you made us watch this!  
GG: It is just a friendly prank. A jape among companions. Jesting with buddies.  
GG: well it’s still horrible :(  
GG: You are doing the puppydogeyes again, are you not?  
GG: maybe?  
GG: Sigh…….  
GG: What do you want?  
GG: do you still have that apple pie?  
GG: I was going to save it………  
GG: :(  
GG: Jade, no.  
GG: :( :( :(  
GG: No amount of puppydogeyes will garner you access to my apple pie, buster.  
GG: :( :( :( :( :( :(  
GG: Jade, please cease this assault of frowny faces. I feel terrible.  
GG: :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(  
GG: Sigh………  
GG: Very well.

CG: SO LISA TRIES TO SEDUCE HIM AGAIN. BUT AFTER THAT HEART-TO-HEART WITH PETER, HE KNOWS BETTER.  
CG: HIS LONG LASTING FRIENDSHIP WITH JOHNNY IS WORTH MORE THAN A QUICK HOLLOW FLING WITH HIS SLUTTY MATESPRIT.  
CG: IT IS TRULY A BEAUTIFUL, ALBEIT LATE, SHOWMANSHIP OF LOYALTY AS HE LOOKS HER DEAD IN THE EYES AND SAYS: “NEVER AGAIN”.

GC: 1 TH1NK M4RK H4S 4 S3R1OUS SHORT T3RM M3MORY PROBL3M >:/  
CG: JANE, AFTER THE MOVIE IS OVER, PROMISE ME YOU’LL GIVE ME THE DVD AND ITS CASE.  
GG: What do you need that for?  
CG: I WILL NOT EXPERIENCE FULL CLOSURE UNTIL I HATE BROKEN THE DISC, PISSED IT ITS CASE, BURNED IT TO ASHES, COLLECTED IT IN AN URN AND PUNTED IT INTO THE FUCKING SUN!  
CA: i wwas wwondering wwhere the pointless gratuitous sex scenes had wwandered of too  
GG: to be fair, it had been a while.  
CA: can wwe just agree that four sex scenes is too much for a not-porn movvie?  
GT: I do not think anyone will argue that  
AA:私、でしょう  
GA: They Are Barely Gratuitous  
GA: Aside From The Occasional Showing Of Lisas Breasts  
TG: if i wanted to see boobs i have the internet  
TG: and we’re 4/4 now when it comes to picking shitty background music  
TG: let’s see if I can think of a worse song to put here  
TG: I’m a little teapot  
TG: yes  
TG: instant boner kill  
TG: much like this music because good god are they even trying  
GT: I’ll just close to another tab for a second. Please inform me when this is all over.  
CG: OH NO YOU DON’T. YOU ARE GOING TO SUFFER THROUGH THIS ALONG WITH US!  
GG: Hoo hoo hoo  
GC: N31TH3R OF TH3M SOUND V3RY 1N TO 1T  
GC: POOR WOM4N MUST PR3T3ND TO 3NJOY H3R IN4FF3CTU4L M4L3 COMP4N1ON FOUR T1M3S DUR1NG TH3 M4K1NG OF TH1S F1LM  
GA: To The Films Credit They Continuously Get A Little Closer To Intertwine Their Respective Sexes  
CA: maybe they’ll get it dowwn by the eighth sex scene

GT: Oh my……. *loosens collar a bit*  
AT: wHOA, sHE JUST DROPPED ALL PRETENSE AND WENT STRAIGHT INTO UHM, cOMPLETE SLUT TERRITORY  
AA:それはそれをより簡単にします。  
AT: i MEAN, wHO EVEN DOES THAT?  
AA:私はあなたを興奮させることができます。  
AT: sTUFF LIKE THIS NEVER HAPPENS,  
AA:行う‥‥あなたが私のつのを引きたく、私に乗りたいのではない  
CG: A FIFTH ONE?!  
CG: WE JUST *HAD* A FOURTH ONE. PLEASE GIVE US SOME TIME TO CLEAN THE FUCKING TASTE OF VOMIT FROM OUR MOUTHS!!  
CA: remember back wwhen mark felt conflicted an ashamed for sleepin wwith lisa?  
CA: yeah, neither does the movvie

CG: THANK YOU, DUMB BROAD WHO’S NAME I KEEP FORGETTING. YOU’RE TIMELY INTERUPTION, WHICH WAS NO DOUBT INTENDED TO BE FUNNY, HAS MADE THEM CEASE THEIR SICKENING ATTEMPTS AT MORE HUMAN LOVEMAKING.  
TG: what you got against human lovemaking  
CG: YOUR SPECIES IS DOING IT WRONG.  
GG: is this a discussion we want to have right now?  
TG: no no  
TG: i want to hear what vantas has to say here  
GA: I Think It Best If You Refrain From Doing As Such  
AT: yES, uHM, lET’S TALK ABOUT THE MOVIE, sOME MORE,  
GA: Yes  
GA: Thank You Tavros  
GA: I Noticed Something Odd About Lisa’s Character  
GT: Again?  
GA: Yes  
GA: She Seems Incredibly Dated  
GA: The View This Film Has On Relationships Is Rather Archaic And Noticeably So With Lisa  
GA: Who Seems To Think She Is A Lot More Liberated Then She Is  
GA: The Set Up Could Work  
GA: If She Was A Sultry Seductress And Played By An Actress Who Can Pull Sultry And Seducing Off  
GA: Torn Between Picking Marriage For Financial Security With A Man She Dislikes  
GA: And Trying A Relation With A Man Who Does Not Care For Her  
GA: Of Course It Also Needs To Be Set In A Time Period Where Arranged Marriages Were A Thing As To Make Sense Of The Relation She Has With Her Mother  
GA: Does She Pick Pride And Wealth Or A Possibility On True Love  
GA: This Could Have Been A Good Movie  
CA: so basically you havve to chance the setting, the focus, the characters and the actors and you can havve a decent movvie  
GA: It Sounds So Demeaning When You Say It Like That

GT: Have we seen this scene before?  
GT: I feel like we have seen this scene before.

GC: 4ND SO TH3 DR34D3D P4RTY 1S UPON US  
GC: TH3 3NT1R3 MOV13 W4S SP3ND L34D1NG UP TO TH1S MOM3NT  
GC: WH4T SHOCK1NG R3L3V4T1ONS W1LL B3 M4D3?  
GC: W1LL TH3 TRUTH COM3 OUT?  
TG: will our heroes ever learn the true meaning of christmas

GG: huh  
GG: that was fast  
GG: i feel kinda cheated but it means the movie can’t ruin it any more than it already has.

GG: well….. never mind that then!  
GG: stupid movie……  
CG: IS SHE DENSE?  
CG: LET’S SEND EVERYONE OUTSIDE THEN GO MAKE OUT WITH MARK.  
CG: DID HE FUCK HER TO THE POINT HER THINKPAN STOPPED FUNCTIONING?!  
AT: wHAT IF SOMEONE GLANCES THROUGH THE WINDOW?  
AT: wHAT IF SOMEONE WAS ON THE BATHROOM?  
AA:それはその危険を冒すスリルである。  
GT: Mark claims Lisa planned it all along…… Does anyone have any idea what exactly she planned?  
CA: not a clue  
CA: evverythin she does kinda seems to be spur a the moment  
GC: 4LSO M4RK 1S TOT4LLY OK4Y W1TH M4K1NG OUT W1TH L1S4 NOW FOR SOM3 R34SON  
GC: 1S TH3R3 4NY CH4NC3 H3 M4K3S UP H1S M1ND 4NY T1M3 SOON?  
CG: JUST….. GO WITH IT.  
CG: FUCK THIS MOVIE IS EXHAUSTING. IT’S LIKE A GODDAMN SUCCUBUS DRAINING THE LIFE FROM ME.  
CG: PLEASE TELL ME IT IS ALMOST OVER.  
GG: It is.  
CG: FUCKING FINALLY.

CA: wwho the fuck is this guy!?  
TG: who the fuck is this guy  
GG: who is this guy?  
GA: Who Might This Person Be  
GT: Who, pray tell, is this fellow?  
AT: UHM, WHO IS THIS GUY,  
CG: WHO THE TABLEFLIPPING FUCK IS THIS GUY?!  
GG: No idea.  
GG: He doesn’t get a name and has been in no other scene thus far.  
TG: so what is he doing giving lisa the heart of the cards speech?  
GG: Well someone had too.  
GC: Y3S  
GC: 1F ONLY TH3R3 W4S 4N 3MP4THIC4LLY 1NCL1N3D CH4R4CT3R WHO W4S 4LR34DY 4W4R3 OF TH3 4FF41R  
GC: SOM3ON3 WHO 1S GOOD FR13NDS W1TH TH3 CH4R4CT3RS 1NVOLV3D 1N TH3 4FF41R  
GC: 1T WOULD B3 3V3N B3TT3R 1F H3 4LSO STUD13D TH3 HUM4N M1ND SO H3 COULD COMPR3H3ND WH4T L1S4 M4RK 4ND JOHNNY W3R3 GO1NG THROUGH  
GC: 4 PSYCHOLOG1ST 1F YOU W1LL  
TG: well good luck finding one of those

GA: And Now She Spreads Lies About Being Human Pregnant  
GA: Because She Thinks It Will Be More Fun  
CG: I AM SURE THAT ON SOME PLANET THIS IS CONSIDERED PERFECTLY REASONABLE BEHAVIOR.  
CG: HER FAULT IS THAT THIS PLANET IS NOT ONE OF THOSE GODDAMNIT!  
GA: And Only Now Her Best Friend Decides That This May Not Be The Best Course Of Action  
CA: yes  
CA: and the nameless guy is somehoww really considered  
CA: if only wwe had any idea wwho he wwas and howw he fits in the story  
CA: actually nevver mind, that wwould imply wwe’d givve a damn  
TG: i’m just gonna call them steve and shaniqua  
GG: a bit late don’t you think?  
TG: a knight of time is never late  
TG: nor is he early  
TG: every beat he drops on the most opportune moment  
GG: suuuure dave :P  
GC: 1 DO TH1NK 1TS K1ND4 FUNNY TH4T SH4N1QU4 FL4T OUT S4YS SH3 1SN’T WORR13D 4BOUT L1S4 BUT 4BOUT JOHNNY  
CG: YES BECAUSE EVERYONE CLEARLY CARES SO FUCKING MUCH ABOUT JOHNNY.  
GC: W3LL 3XC3PT M4RK 4ND L1S4  
CG: WELL IF THIS MOVIE IS TO BE BELIEVES HE’LL FIND ANOTHER MATESPRIT IN NO TIME!   
CG: NOTHING ABOUT THIS FILM INDICATES THAT LISA AND JOHNNY WERE EVER A GOOD COUPLE TOGETHER AND WILL IN FACT BE BETTER OFF WHEN THEY CUT ALL FUCKING TIES WITH EACH OTHER.  
AT: iT’S ALMOST OVER, wE JUST NEED TO HANG IN THERE,

GT: I do believe a lot of grieve could be spared if Shaniqua and Steve just took Johnny apart for a moment to explain the situation.  
GA: Are We Really Using Those Names  
GT: By remaining silent they are essentially covering for Lisa.  
AT: tHEY FIGHT FOR LITTLE TO NO REASON,  
AT: jOHNNY HAS NO SUSPICIONS ABOUT mARK YET AS FAR AS WE KNOW, sO THERE IS NO REASON FOR HIM TO BE HOSTILE,  
GC: M4RK 4CTS L1K3 4 D1CK THOUGH  
GC: M4YB3 1N 4N 4TT3MPT TO 3ST4BL1SH DOM1N4NC3  
GA: Who Can Tell With These Characters  
CA: this is the wwussiest fight i havve seen in a long time  
GT: Rather quite. They punch like girls.  
GC: 1S TH4T 4 PROBL3M?  
GT: Figuratively of course. 

GG: well, that ended on a cliffhanger  
GG: maybe we won’t see the effects of that scene till early morning?

GG: or this movie is a big fucking fuckass that can go fuck itself right in the fuckiest fuck it can fucking find!  
CG: WHOA.  
GG: i have had it with how this movie keeps on being terrible!  
GG: i thought con air was the worst movie ever and boy was I wrong!  
CA: did anyone else find that incredibly hot?  
GT: Uhm…. Let us not dwell on that.  
CA: no seriously, that wwas awwesome  
GT: Why are Johnny and Mark fighting at this juncture?  
TG: second verse same as the first  
GT: So that entire cut was once again entirely pointless?  
TG: yup  
TG: so now johnny decides to take his ball and go home  
GT: By which you mean that he sends everyone else home.  
TG: thank you english

GC: 4ND TH3N H3 GO3S OF TO SULK  
CA: yes but he finally calls lisa a bitch  
CA: wwhich is somethin i guess  
GA: From Behind A Locked Door  
CA: nevver said he wwas bravve  
GT: I finally found something to be mildly optimistic about regarding this film.  
CG: IMPOSSIBLE.  
GG: Impossible.  
GG: impossible :O  
GT: The acting, particularly of Lisa and Mark gets noticeably better over the course of the movie.  
CG: ……………………..SO THEY GO FROM COMPLETELY TERRIBLE TO MARGINALLY LESS TERRIBLE.  
GT: It still isn’t very good, but if there is improvement there is hope for these actors.  
CG: THAT IS THE SADDEST EXCUSE FOR OPTIMISM I’VE EVER HEARD.  
GT: Well it’s something.

GC: R34LLY?  
GC: L1S4 1S JUST GONN4 C4LL M4RK L1K3 TH4T W1TH JOHNNY 1N TH3 OTH3R ROOM?  
GC: 1F H3 HOLDS H1S 34R TO TH3 DOOR H3 W1LL 4CTU4LLY B3 4BL3 TO H34R 3V3RY WORD TH3Y 4R3 S4Y1NG  
GG: yes but he doesn’t need that because……

GC: OH Y34H  
GC: TH4T TH1NG  
CA: i just lovve that johnny almost triumphantly showws her the cassette an she fuckin lets him play it  
CA: evven though she knowws wwhats on there  
CA: she doesn’t givve twwo shits anymore  
CG: AND NEITHER WILL WE IN A FEW MORE MINUTES.

GC: STR4NG3ST T4NTRUM 1 H4V3 3V3R S33N B31NG THROWN  
GC: 4ND 1 H4V3 S33N 4 LOT OF T4NTRUMS B31NG THROWN  
CG: IS THIS DIRECTED AT ME?  
CG: CAUSE IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT.  
CG: FUCK, ERIDAN HAS THROWN COUNTLESS OF TANTRUMS.  
CG: TAVROS WAS THROWING A TANTRUM AT THE BEGINNING OF THE STREAM  
AT: DON’T THINK I FORGOT ABOUT MY HIVE,  
AT: FUCKERS,  
CG: AND EVEN JADE HAS THROWN ONE OR TWO TANTRUMS  
GG: maybe  
GG: so what  
GC: 1T 1S TH3 FR3QU3NCY TH4T CONC3RNS US >:]  
TG: just look at how angry he is  
TG: throwing stuff on the ground  
TG: that is how you convey anger right  
GT: He does strike me as surprisingly calm for someone who just got metaphorically stabbed in the heart.

CG: DO IT!  
CG: DO IT!  
CG: FUCKING DO IT!  
CA: i think wwe are supposed to feel sad for johnny  
CA: but honestly i kinda wwanna see him do it  
GT: Ah, so this was the significance of danny’s whole drug problem.  
GT: So that Johnny would have a reason to possess a gun, after taking it from the drug dealer that was threatening to shoot danny.  
TG: if you think this movie knows its chekov you give it way too much credit  
GG: what an asshole!  
TG: what  
GG: as far as he knows his fiancé is still pregnant!  
GG: and yet he commits suicide leaving her to raise her child on her own  
GT: But she isn’t really pregnant.  
GG: but HE doesn’t know that!  
GG: he made the conscious choice to kill himself even though he thought his wife was pregnant  
GG: what a scumbag.  
AT: yOU KNOW, i WOULD AGREE WITH YOU  
AT: bUT THE MOVIE WILL BE FINALLY OVER IF HE JUST PULLS THE UHM, tRIGGER,

CA: and boom goes the dynamite  
CG: GONNA MAKE ME A PRINT SCREEN OF THIS!  
CG: PRINT IT OUT AND HANG IT ABOVE MY RECUPERACOON SO I CAN REMIND MYSELF EVERY MORNING THAT ALL IS WELL WITH THE WORLD.  
GG: And so the world lost a truly great man.  
GA: And  
GA: Oh  
GA: Lisa Is Awfully Eager To Claim Mark As Her Matesprit This Soon After Johnnys Death  
GC: Y34H BUT M4RK R3FUS3S B3C4US3  
GC: HMMMM  
GC: 1 H4V3 NOTH1NG  
GC: H1S SHORT T3RM M3MORY TH1NG 4G41N?  
CA: knowwing mark’s short term memory problem he’ll probably be bangin her by tomorroww evvenin again  
GC: 4LL TH3 WH1L3 WOND3R1NG WH3R3 JOHNNY W3NT  
AT: eITHER THAT OR HE HAS THE DECENCY NÓT TOO HOOK UP WITH HIS BEST FRIEND’S MATESPRIT, nEXT TO HIS CORPSE  
GG: we already know mark is scum so that can’t be it  
GT: And so this almost alien performer is laid to rest.  
GT: Never to make a film ever again.  
GG: Uhm………..  
GT: What is it Jane?  
GG: According to IMDB he somehow still has work with movies and series and such.  
GC: 1MPOSS1BL3  
CA: this man must be stopped  
CG: AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED THIS IS WHERE THE WISEAU-SHOW STOPS. IN A PUDDLE OF ITS OWN BLOOD.  
CG: DOES *ANYONE* EVEN DARE SAY SOMETHING POSITIVE ABOUT THIS SHIT?!  
TG: sure  
CG: OF COURSE.  
TG: it was a beautiful train wreck in motion  
TG: a train wreck on a boat  
TG: that was on fire  
TG: in space  
TG: i for one would like to thank crocker for this unforgettable experience  
GG: You are most welcome Dave.  
CG: DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE *ANYTHING* POSITIVE TO SAY BEFORE WE CLOSE THIS MISERABLE CHAPTER IN OUR LIVES?  
GT: I have.  
CG: OF COURSE.  
GT: Like I stated the acting of Lisa and Mark in particular grew during the course of the movie. Their performances still weren’t very good but the material they had to work with was terrible from the outset.  
GA: Well It Is Something  
GG: Personally I find this movie to be incredibly hilarious  
GG: The horrible acting, the flimsy plot, the abysmal dialogue, it brings a smile to my face every time.  
CG: YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT BRINGS A SMILE ON MY FACE?

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gutsyGumshoe [GG] from memo--

CG: THAT WAS FOR MAKING US WATCH THIS SHITEFEST OF A MOVIE!  
AA:それはまあ奇妙でした。  
AA:私は人間の求愛を見ることが好きでした。  
AA:それは面白く見えます。  
CG: WHAT?  
AA:私、人間の胸が好きだった。  
AA:私はモーターボートに望んでください。  
CG: I DON’T EVEN.  
AA:恐らく私に加わってください。  
AA:トリガー処女少年  
AA:多量楽しみ  
CG: HOW HAVE I ALLOWED YOU INTO THE STREAM?  
AA:生の性的魅力  
CG: I DON’T UNDERSTAND A FUCKING WORD YOU ARE SAYING.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned antisocialArbiter [AA] from memo--

TG: man why you gotta ban cute asian girls  
CG: DON’T EVEN START!  
CG: NOW, EVERYONE WHO DOESN’T WANT TO GET LOCKED IN A USELESS STAND OFF PLEASE LEAVE.  
CG: THIS IS THE POINT THAT WE ASSHOLES START FIGHTING EACH OTHER OVER THE RIGHT TO PICK A MOVIE.  
CG: JOKE’S ON THEM THOUGH, I CAN STILL BAN EVERYONE.  
GA: Very Well  
GA: It Was  
GA: Well  
GA: Something Being Here Tonight  
GA: See You Soon Karkat  
CG: YEAH, LATER.

\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] left memo--

CG: FUCK REALLY?  
CG: EVERYBODY ELSE STAYS TO TRY AND PICK A MOVIE?  
TG: yup  
CA: apparently  
GG: YES :)  
AT: SORRY, I GUESS,  
GC: H3H3H3H3  
GT: Rather quite pal. I have just the movie to get us out of our current rut.  
CG: ENGLISH, LAST TIME YOU PICKED WE WATCHED GHOST RIDER.  
GT: Indeed we did.  
CG: WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN?!  
GT: I thought we enjoyed Ghost Rider?  
CG:………..

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned golgothasTerror [GT] from memo--

TG: had it coming  
CG: STRIDER, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOU BELIEVE THAT ANYONE WOULD PUT ANY MANNER OF RESPONSIBILITY IN YOUR HANDS?  
TG: i take offense to that  
TG: what do you think timeplayers are all about  
TG: i am crazy responsible  
TG: i am responsible as a fox  
CG: THIS DOES NOT INSTILL ME WITH CONFIDENCE.  
CG: AS A MATTER OF FUCKING FACT, I AM CERTAIN YOU TAKE CROCKER’S DELIBERATELY SHITTY PICK AS A CHALLENGE!  
TG: anyone here ever heard of birdemic  
TG: no  
TG: awesome  
CG: I AM NOT WATCHING ANOTHER HORRIBLE HUMAN MOVIE!  
TG: oh so it is because im human  
TG: that’s specist as fuck karkat  
TG: you hurt my feelings  
TG: look at my poor bleeding human heart and how you broke it  
CG: EVERYTHING YOU SAY MAKES ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF A LITTLE MORE.  
TG: just look at how he first bans the asian and the humans  
TG: this is specist to the max i tell you  
TG: is everyone just letting this tyrant get away with this horrible treatment  
CG: TOO BAD FOR YOU THIS STREAM ISN’T A FUCKING DEMOCRACY!

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned turntechGodhead [TG] from memo--

GC: BY3 D4V3  
CG: DO YOU SERIOUSLY WANT TO PICK A MOVIE TEREZI?  
CG: FUCKING REALLY?  
GC: N4H  
GC: 1 JUST W4NT TO S33 YOU SP4ZZ OUT SOM3 MOR3  
CG: YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PERSON YOU KNOW THAT!?  
GC: OH Y3S >:]  
CG: SO THEN. JADE, TAVROS AND ERIDAN ARE LEFT.  
CG: TAVROS, WHAT THE FUCK KINDA MOVIE WOULD YOU PICK IF WE LET YOU CHOOSE THE NEXT ONE?  
AT: oH, uHM, pUPA pAN, dEFINITELY,  
AT: iT WOULD BE GREAT TO SEE THE HUMAN pUPA AND HOW HE FLIES, aND HOW HE CATCHES HIS SHADOW AND tINKERBELL,  
AT: iT SOUNDS LIKE A VERY FUN MOVIE EXPERIENCE,  
AT: i THINK UHM, eVERYONE WILL REALLY ENJOY IT,  
CG: WRONG.  
AT: oH,

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned adiosToreador [AT] from memo--

CG: ERIDAN, WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I LET YOU PICK?  
CA: uhm  
CA: because wwe are the bestest buddies an i wwould really appreciate it if you did?  
CG: ……….I EXPECTED BETTER FROM YOU.  
CA: hey you are kinda puttin me on the spot here  
CG: WELL TOO FUCKING BAD.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned caligulasAquarium [CA] from memo--

CG: WHICH LEAVES TWO.  
GG: yup :)  
GC: 1 DON’T R34LLY H4V3 4 P1CK  
GC: 1 JUST W4NN4 SM3LL WH4T H4PP3NS >:]  
GG: so i guess i win by default :D  
CG: NO YOU DON’T.  
CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I LET ANOTHER HUMAN PICK A MOVIE EVER AGAIN AFTER THIS?!  
GG: oh come on  
GG: what about we’ll watch a romcom with john afterwards?  
GC: OOH 4 D4T3 W1TH TW1NS  
CG: QUIET TEREZI. AND NO IT WOULDN’T CHANGE MY MIND.  
GG: well, i really didn’t want to do this……..  
CG: DO WHAT?  
GG: if you don’t let me pick, i’ll tease you all week  
CG: I…..  
CG: WHAT?!  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3HH3H3H3  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN?!  
GG: just little things really, i don’t mean you harm  
GG: but every time you sit down, the chairs will move out of the way just a little.  
CG: THEN I WILL SIT ON THE GROUND!  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4HH4H4H4H4HH4  
GG: your keys will be lost until I decide to unlose them!  
CG: MAYBE I’LL JUST STAY INSIDE THEN!  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4HH4H4H4H4H4  
CG: SHUT UP TEREZI!

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gallowsCalibrator [GC] from memo—

CG: I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ARE RESORTING TO FUCKING BLACKMAIL JADE!  
CG: I THOUGHT BETTER OF YOU!  
GG: well, it’s not blackmail per se……..  
GG: i’ll just pull a lot of small funny pranks on you over week if you don’t let me pick :D  
CG: YOU CAN’T FUCKING DO THAT!  
GG: i suppose pranking runs in the family :P  
GG: but yes i will do that  
CG: YOU CAN’T BE FUCKING SERIOUS!  
GG: try me ;)  
CG: YOU EVIL WITCH!  
GG: hihihi  
CG: TWO CONDITIONS!  
CG: NO WAIT, THREE FUCKING CONDITIONS BEFORE I COWER FOR YOUR ALLMIGHTY SPACE FUCKERY AND LET YOU PICK THE NEXT MOVIE.  
CG: SERIOUSLY, THIS IS COMPLETELY FUCKED UP.  
GG: shoot  
CG: NUMBER ONE, WITH A BULLET. IF I HAVE TO WATCH ONE MORE DELIBERATELY BAD MOVIE I AM GOING TO MURDER SOMEONE. NO NICHOLAS CAGE MOVIES, NO TOMMY WISEAU MOVIES AND NO MOVIES OF THE LEVEL THAT CAN *SEE* THOSE MOVIES WITHOUT A TELESCOPE!  
GG: of course!  
GG: i want to see a good movie  
CG: NUMBER TWO. IF PEOPLE ASK, I AM LETTING YOU PICK THE MOVIE BECAUSE YOU HAD A GREAT IDEA AND *NOT* BECAUSE OF EVIL BLACKMAILING SHENANIGANS.  
GG: hihi, of course  
GG: though i am not sure terezi will agree with that  
CG: I’LL DEAL WITH HER LATER.  
CG: AND FINALLY, YOU WILL NEVER USE YOUR FUCKING WITCH POWERS TO BLACKMAIL ME AGAIN.  
GG: i wont make any promises :P  
CG: AT LEAST NOT FOR THE SAKE OF WATCHING A MOVIE YOU WANT THEN?  
GG: deal  
CG: ALRIGHT THEN.  
CG: WE’RE IN AGREEMENT.  
GG: yup  
GG: still wanna watch a romcom with me and john?  
CG: UGH………YES.  
CG: I’LL SEE YOU THERE.  
GG: see you soon :D

\--gardenGnostic [GG] left memo--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] left memo--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoover your mouse over the text to read what Damara is saying
> 
> Also: victorious laughter abound. The curse of The Room has been averted, order is restored to the land, the princes is saved, my mighty cock shoots lazors and my dog came back to life.  
> It was maddening to be subjected to this movie a second time but because it gave me the time to think of jokes and to figure damara's coding out I accidentally wrote the longest chapter to date. Rereading it I am ashamed to say I forgot to compare Wiseau to an alien only grasping the basics of human behavior but there you have it.
> 
> NEVER AGAIN.
> 
> First time writing Damara ( ~~aside from that time she was gonna rape Nepeta~~ ). Her fairly one-dimensional status allows for easy jokes, but I feel I can do more with the character. Might have to write a Damara-centric story at some point.
> 
> Next chapter will update incredibly soon as I originally intended to release two chapters back to back. After that I need to get a one-shot out of my system, after which our schelduled programming will resume.


	6. Tangled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Karkat really needs a moirail. Just pretend 'The Room' really did come before this one for the opening to make sense.  
>  **Note to future self: do not delete this one by accident fucktard.**

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS--**

CG: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGHH!!!!  
CG: I CAN NOT FUCKING *BELIEVE* I AM STARTING THIS SHIT UP AGAIN.  
CG: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU HUMANS!?  
CG: IF MY SPECIES WOULD MAKE A MOVIE HALF AS BAD AS THE LAST ONE, WE WOULD COMMIT MASS SUICIDE IN SHAME! WE’D ALL STAND IN A BIG CIRCLE TOGETHER POINTING A GUN TO THE PERSON ON THE LEFT AND PULL THE FUCKING TRIGGER.  
CG: PISS!  
CG: NO, I HAVEN’T CALMED DOWN. AS A MATTER OF FACT, I HAVE BEEN A BARELY CONTAINED SPHERE OF INCOMPREHENSIBLE RAGE ALL WEEK.   
CG: AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORST PART OF IT ALL IS?  
CG: I HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN!  
CG: I HAVE TO SIT THROUGH YET ANOTHER GOD DAMN MOVIE PICKED BY THE MENTALLY RETARDED SPECIES WE CREATED BY ACCIDENT DURING A GAME NOBODY ACTUALLY WANTED TO FUCKING PLAY!  
CG: SO IT ALL INEVITABLY COMES BACK TO BEING MY OWN FUCKING FAULT FOR BEING THE ASSHOLE TO SET THAT PILE OF TUSKBEASTFECES INTO MOTION.  
CG: ‘BUT KARKAT’ I HEAR YOU WHINE, ‘WHY DO YOU LET A HUMAN PICK THE NEXT MOVIE WHEN IT IS SO OBVIOUS THAT THIS IS A TERRIBLY BAD FUCKING IDEA?’  
CG: WELL MY MUCH LESS CHARMING PAST SELF, IF I HAD *NOT* AGREED TO LET JADE PICK THE NEXT FUCKING MOVIE, SHE SHOULD HAVE MADE MY LIFE A LIVING HELL FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK. OR AT THE VERY LEAST MAKE THE ACT OF LIVING A MINOR FUCKING INCONVENIENCE.  
CG: WELL JOKE’S ON HER!  
CG: IT ALREADY WAS!  
CG: SO HAHA FUCKING HA.  
CG: NOW I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO WAIT AND SEE. PERHAPS THERE WILL BE AN ACTUAL CANDIDATE FOR INTELLIGENT CONVERSATION THIS TIME.  
CG: KANAYA NOT WITHSTANDING.   
CG: NOT THAT I AM GETTING MY HOPES UP AGAIN, FUCK NO. I’VE LEARNED BY NOW THAT THE UNIVERSE WILL CONSPIRE AGAINST YOU AND WOULD DROP THE FUCKING MOON ITSELF ON YOUR THINKPAN IF IT THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE YOUR LIFE JUST A BIT MORE MISERABLE.

**\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] joined memo--**

CG: HAH! GETTING REALLY FUCKING PREDICTABLE UNIVERSE! I SET THE BAR SO LOW IT PRACTICALLY TOUCHES THE FLOOR AND YOU STILL MANAGE TO SCREW ME OVER!  
CG: KUDOS, YOU UNCARING, FROZEN BITCH MADE OF ENDLESSLY EXPANDING VACUUM!  
TC: HeLlO tO YoU tO mY iNvErTeBrOtHeR  
TC: yOu ReAdY tO gEt YoUr MoThErFuCkInG cHiLl On?  
CG: I HAVEN’T UNDERGONE THE MANDATORY LABOTOMY JUST YET, SO NO.  
CG: NO I AM NOT READY TO GET MY ‘MOTHERFUCKING CHILL’ ON.  
CG: THE MOTHERFUCKING CHILL IS OFF AND I BROKE THE SWITCH TO TURN IT ON. THERE WILL BE NO MOTHERFUCKING OR CHILLING FOR ME.  
TC: aH sHiT bRo. EvErY mOtHeRfUcKeR nEeDs To GeT hIs ChIlL oN eVeRy OnCe iN a FuCkInG wHiLe.  
TC: nEeD mE tO tAlK yOu ThRoUgH iT, bEsT fRiEnD?  
CG: DO I WANT TO HAVE MY TOES AMPUTATED?  
TC: FiRsT yOu FiNd ThE cOmFiEsT fUcKiNg CoUcH tHaT yOu HaVe. AnY cHoIcE cOuCh WiLl Do ReAlLY.  
TC: lIkE, i GoT tHiS oLd FuCkInG cOuCh ThAT iS lIkE tHe MoSt PlEaSaNt fUcKiNg ThInG.  
TC: So MaNy StOrIeS aNd sO mUcH fUcKiNg hIsToRy In ThErE mAn, YoU dOnT eVeN kNoW :o)   
CG: ARE YOU LISTENING TO ANYTHING I AM SAYING?  
TC: ThEn YoU jUsT dRoP dOwN tHaT sUcKeR tO gEt In YoUr MoThErFuCkInG zOnE.  
TC: AnD oNcE yOu FoUnD yOuR zOnE……  
TC: AaAaW mAn, ThAt ShIt Is LiKe tHe TiTs On tHe FatTeSt BiTcH.  
CG: EVERY WORD OUT OF YOUR MOUTH IS TOXIN FOR MY THINKPAN.  
TC: YoU fEeLiN cHiLlEd YeT bRo?  
CG: FUCK NO!  
CG: I HAVE NEVER BEEN LESS FUCKING COMPELLED TO CHILL DOWN!  
TC: HoNk :o(

**\-- timeausTestified [TT] joined memo—**

TT: Did you just make a clown cry Karkat?  
CG: AND THEN THERE WAS THIS ASSHOLE!  
TC: HeY fRiEnD.  
TC: WhAt Is Up WiTh ThE MoThErFucKiNg ShAdEbRoS.  
TT: I’m good.  
TT: Rapping with Dave. Drawing fine pieces of erotic art.  
TT: Usual stuff.  
TC: FaR oUt MaN.  
TC: I cOuLd gEt LiKe, TaVbRo AnD yOu GeT YoUr BrO aNd ThEn We…..   
TC: WhAt WhErE wE dOiNg AgAiN?  
TT: We would have the most ironic rap battle imaginable?  
TC: RiGhT.  
TC: ExCePt It WoUlD nOt Be IrOnIc AnD sHiT buT mOrE lIkE tHe IlLeSt FuCkInG sHiT eVeR rEcOrDeD.  
CG: IS THIS MY HELL?

**\-- ectoBiologist [EB] joined memo--**

EB: hi everyone.  
EB: whoa, are you still doing movies karkat?  
CG: SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING AXING THIS SHIT AFTER TONIGHT.  
EB: what?  
TC: WhAt?  
EB: you can’t do that.  
TC: BrO yOu HaVe To KeEp Up ThIs WiCkEd TrAdItIoN oF PrOmOtInG mOtHeRfUcKiNg FrIeNdShIp AnD uNiTy tHrOuGh MoViEwAtChInG mAn.  
CG: WHAT?!  
EB: i think he means you have to keep doing this because it is a great way to get everybody together.  
TC: HaHaHaHa, YeAh. HeLlS yEaH.  
TC: ThE bLuE sOcK bRo GeTs iT.  
EB: well, it kinda was what I wanted to say anyway :B  
TC: TeLl Me BrO, aRe YoU dOwN wItH tHe ClOwN?  
EB: i…. what?  
TT: Come on Egbert. Don’t tell me you never heard the noble message of the dark carnival.  
EB: i don’t think i have?  
TC: MaN, wE gOt To SlAm A fAyGo ToGeTheR aNd SlAm aBoUt ThIs ShIt.  
TC: BrEaKs My PoOr JuGgAlo BlOoDpUmPiNg OrGaN hEaRiNg YoU nEvEr HeArD oF tHiS sHiT.  
EB: faygo sounds cool.  
CG: WHAT?!  
CG: EGBERT, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING DRINKING THAT HORRIBLE SWILL!?  
CG: HAVE YOU GONE DAMAGED IN THE THINKPAN?  
CG: NEVER MIND, JUST REMEMBERED WHO I AM SPEAKING TO.  
EB: honestly, it’s just a soda. i don’t see what the big deal is.  
TC: HaHaHaHaHa, FuCk YeAh. SpEaK tHaT tRuTh.

**\-- grimAuxliatrix [GA] joined memo--**

GA: Good Day Everyone  
GA: Gamzee  
TC: HeY sIs.  
GA: I Hope Everyone Had A Satisfying Week  
CG: NO!  
EB: it was ok.  
TC: HeLl YeAh  
TT: We’re almost done convincing John to join a cult of juggalo’s, which will make my week complete.  
GA: I  
GA: Come Again  
GA: Dirk Why Would You Do Such A Thing  
TT: Because I find it hilarious.  
CG: BECAUSE HE’S AN ASSHOLE.  
EB: why, is it bad?  
GA: John  
GA: Listen To Me  
GA: Under No Circumstances Should You Join A Cult Of Mentally Deranged Faygo Drinking Trolls Wearing Crude Make Up And Listening To Some Of The Worst Music I Ever Had The Displeasure Of Hearing  
TC: ThAtS wAy HaRsH sIs.  
EB: oh….. so that’s what it is?  
TT: That’s the short version, yeah.  
TC: ThErE iS sO mUcH mOrE mOtHeRfUcKiNg BeAuTy To Be SeEn On ThE wOndRoUs DaRk CaRnIvAl BrO.  
EB: sorry, not doing that.  
EB: still cool for a faygo though.  
TT: Eh, it’s something.  
CG: YOU ARE SCUM.

**\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] joined memo--**

CG: AND SPEAKING OF JUGGALO ASSOCIATES.  
TC: WhOa  
TC: ThE dRaGoNsIs WaS dOwN wItH tHe ClOwN?  
GC: W3LL……….. SORT4  
GA: I Thought We Were Not Debating That Anymore  
TC: HoW dId I mIsS tHaT?  
TC: ThAt DeSeRvEs tHe FiErCeSt MoSt PoLiShEd HoRn I hAvE tO oFfEr.  
TC: HoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoNk :o)  
EB: really? terezi?  
EB: man, i never expected that.  
EB: how did that happen?  
GC: 1T W4S 4 PH4S3 4ND 1 DO NOT W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT 1T >:[  
TC: I cAn ReSpEcT tHaT  
GC: 1  
GC: YOU  
GC: G4H!  
TC: YoU oKaY?  
GC: 1 4M F1N3  
GC: TH4NKS FOR YOUR CONC3RN G4MZ33   
GC: 1 4PPR3C14T3 TH4T  
TC: No PrObLeM sIs

**\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] joined memo--**

CC: GLUB GLUB GLUB  
CC: )(EY -----EVERYONE!!!!  
CC: IT’S B----EEN TUNA LONG!!!!  
TC: HaHaHaHa HeY fIsHsIs.  
GA: Good Day Feferi  
GA: Have You Been Well  
CC: I )(ave been good but it is so busy. I am SO SAURY I couldn’t mako it last week!  
CG: YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I ENVY YOU FOR NOT BEING THERE LAST WEEK.  
EB: wait, which version of seahitler is this?  
EB: is she going to try and stab me with that trident again or is she going to try and take over the world?  
TT: Of course!  
GC: N31TH3R  
GC: SH3 1S TH3 MOD3R4T3LY GOOD 3MPR3SS WH1L3 M33N4H B3COM3S TH3 COND3SC3NS1ON  
CC: W)(at do you mean, moderately? 38)  
EB: it gets kind of confusion with how many trolls there are running around. i feel like i haven’t met half of you.  
CC: Conchidering our dancestors are around )(ere as shell, you probably )(avent.  
EB: well that explains it.  
CC: And being t)(e future empress of my kind, I t)(ink it is only natural I introduce mys)(ellf to t)(e leader of t)(e )(umans.  
EB: i’m not the leader.  
TT: He’s not the leader.  
CC: O)(?  
CC: Anywave, I am Feferi. Pleased to meet you Jo)(n!  
EB: nice to meet you too feferi!

**\-- centaursTesticle [CT] joined memo--**

CT: D--> Good day.  
CG: OF COURSE, YOU’D BE HERE TO JOIN THE ASSHOLE PARTY AS WELL.  
CT: D--> Has Nepeta arrived yet?  
CT: D--> She insisted we w001d join yet another moviewatching e%perience, despite my better judgment.  
GC: W3LL M4YB3 YOUR B3TT3R JUDGMENT 1S STUP1D  
CT: D--> Let me assure you tealb100d.  
CT: D--> It is not.  
TT: I wouldn’t hold your breath for Nepeta to join the stream.  
TT: Roxy roped her into a tea party with her assortment of cats. She isn’t going anywhere.  
CC: T)(at sounds like SO MUC)( FUN!  
CT: D--> I see.  
CT: D--> Then I shall take my leave.  
CT: D--> My apologies for any disturbance I may have caused.  
CC: Wait!  
CC: You s)(oald totally stay and sea the movie wit)( us!  
CT: D--> I do not think I sh001d.  
CT: D--> The previous movie was a crude display of unpleasantness mi%ed with a scene so vulgar I shan’t repeat its contents here.  
GC: TH3 ZOMB13 M4K3 OUT S3SS1ON?  
CT: D--> …….   
CT: D--> I shall take my leave.  
CG: YES. THAT’S FINE.  
CG: SEE YOU MAYBE NEVER.  
CG: BYE ZAHHAK.  
CC: Wait!  
CC: Gamsea, order )(im to stay!  
TC: ErR… Eq BrO, i ThInK yOu sHoUlD sTaY…. So fUcKiNg StAy.  
TC: SomEtHiNg LiKe ThAt SiS?  
CT: D--> I am sorry highb100d.   
CT: D--> Though I realize it is unbefitting for someone of my station, I have sworn to my moirail to never take orders from you again.  
TC: Oh. WeLl ThAtS cOoL.  
TC: I mEaN, iF yOuR mOiRaIl SaYs YoU cAnT wHo Am I tO mOtHeRfUcKiNg ArGuE?  
EB: oh, i have an idea.  
TC: LeTs hEaR iT bRo.  
EB: order him to go away.  
CT: D--> What?  
TC: wHaT?  
EB: trust me.  
TC: EqUiUs I Uh, oRdEr YoU to Go AwAy AnD nOt WaTcH tHiS mOvIe WiTh Us.  
TC: So GeT yOuR aSs OuT?  
CT: D--> But….. I……  
CT: D--> You can’t.  
TT: Shouldn’t you listen to your moirail?  
CG: CAN WE PLEASE JUST AGREE TO LET HIM LEAVE?  
CT: D--> I…… Fiddlesti%.  
CT: D--> I will have to discuss the specifi% of this r001 with Nepeta once we meet again.  
CT: D--> This method has proven to be e%tremely flawed.  
CG: DAMNIT.

**\-- gardenGnostic [GG] joined memo--**

GG: hi!  
GG: is everyone ready?  
CG: I THINK THAT IF ANY MORE ASSHOLES JOINED THIS GATHERING WE’LL BE IN SERIOUS NEED OF A PROCTOLOGIST.  
EB: yeah, i think this is everyone this week.  
EB: how are you jade?  
GG: i’m great!  
GG: i got the teleporter system all set up, alchemized a rifle that shoots chainsaws AND i get to pick the movie tonight :B  
CG: OH GOD……..  
GG: it was pretty difficult really. i don’t think people here really appreciate the squiddle saga the way i do.  
CC: I DO!  
GG: you don’t count :B  
CC: I protest t)(at!  
CC: Squiddles for life!  
GG: hihihihi  
GG: anyway, i asked rose to help me pick something else that would be cute but still fun for everyone!  
EB: you asked rose?  
EB: how many occult or satanic rituals are there in this movie?  
GG: just the one, and i am not sure if that counts.  
GA: Do Not Underestimate Roses Penchant For The Cute John  
GA: She Can Be Surprisingly Adorable When She Chooses Too  
EB: yeah but she never chooses too.  
EB: she always tries to be the grimdark witch that bleeds shadows, commands death and eats puppies.  
GC: NOT TH3 PUPP13S  
GA: Try To Recite Some Of Her Favorite Poetry  
GA: I Guarantee There Will Be A Reaction  
EB: what would that be?  
GA: Usually Works By Human Edgar Allan Poe  
EB: who?  
TT: Classic gothic fellow.  
EB: as i thought…….  
GG: karkat, could you start the film?  
CG: SURE, BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?  
CG: TANGLED ISN’T A MOVIE TITLE, IT IS AN ADJECTIVE.  
GG: karkat, start the movie.  
CG: I’M JUST SAYING, THIS ISN’T INFORMATIVE AT ALL.  
GG: start the movie fuckass!  
CG: FINE, GOD!

CG: DISNEY?  
CG: I DON’T GET IT….. WHY DOES THIS SOUND SO FUCKING FAMILIAR.  
CG: I KNOW THIS……. I KNOW THIS FROM SOMEWHERE.  
CG: FUCK.  
CG: ANYONE ELSE HAVING A TERRIBLE FEELING OF DEJA VU?  
GA: I Do Indeed Believe That I Have Heard The Word Disney Before  
GC: D1RK WH4T 1S 4 D1SN3Y  
TT: Fuck if I know.  
GC: 1 SW34R 1 H34RD TH1S SOM3WH3R3 B3FOR3  
EB: well, our planet wás based on yours.  
EB: maybe you had something similar?  
CG: THIS IS GOING TO BUG THE SHIT OUT OF ME ALL FUCKING DAY.  
GG: disney makes all sorts of fun animation movies  
GG: like tangled  
EB: and terrible live action movies.  
EB: like hannah montana.  
CG: THE FUCK IS A MONTANA?  
EB: this is isn’t going to be one of those princes movies, is it?  
GG: yup!  
EB: grooooooooan  
EB: those are the worst  
CG: BUCKLE UP PEOPLE. EVEN EGBERT THINKS THIS IS GOING TO BLOW.

CG: BULLSHIT!  
CG: ONE OF THE FIRST SENTENCES IN THE DAMN MOVIE AND I AM ALREADY TEARING MY HAIR OUT IN FRUSTRATION OVER THIS BLATANT BULLSHIT!  
CC: Clam yours)(ellf karcrab.  
CC: It’s just a movie.  
CT: D--> It is a f001ish movie at that.   
CT: D--> The sunlight does not form drops and it certainly doesn’t create flora with magical properties.  
TC: ShIt MaN, wE jUsT sAw It HaPpEn. HoW cAn YoU aSk FoR mOrE pRoOf?  
TC: It Is A bEaUtIfUl LiTtLe MirAcLe.  
GC: Y3S BUT 1T JUST DO3SN’T H4PP3N  
TC: HoW dO yOu KnOw ThAt SiS?  
TC: MaYbE ThE sUn oNlY dOeS tHaT wHeN iT fEeLs LiKe It.  
GC: TH4T 1S NOT HOW 1T WORKS!  
GA: It Is Merely A Supernatural Story Element  
GA: It Is Not Necessarily A Sign Of A Bad Movie  
GG: besides, it is one thing to make the movie even less like the room.  
CG: DO NOT EVEN FUCKING SPEAK OF THAT FILM!  
CG: DAMNIT, MY FOUL MOOD WAS JUST MARGINALLY IMPROVING.  
TT: I really missed something last week. How could you watch that movie without me?  
CG: STRIDER, NOT FUCKING NOW!  
TT: I thought we had something special.  
CG: I WILL END YOU!  
TT: How could you break my poor maiden heart like this?  
CG: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!

CG: PATIENCE REACHED ZERO. STOP THE FUCKING MOVIE.  
GG: oh nooooooooooooooooo  
GG: you can’t do that!  
CG: FUCKING WATCH ME!  
CG: A MAGICAL FLOWER THAT REVERTS YOU TO YOUR YOUTH IS ONE THING.  
CG: A MAGICAL FLOWER THAT REVERTS YOU TO YOUR YOUTH BECAUSE YOU FUCKING SING TO IT IS ANOTHER!  
GA: How Did She Discover The Chant In The First Place  
GA: I Can’t Imagine She Has Had Many Chances To Apply Practice To This Theory  
TT: How did she even know this was the right flower?  
TT: Are there recordings of sundrops falling on the earth and creating flowers in this world before?  
GG: but you can’t stop the movie!  
GG: give it a chance!  
CT: D--> It creates an incredibly weak first impression.  
GG: you barely saw anything of the movie!  
TC: ShIt MaN, tHe DoGgY hUmAn sIs Is RiGhT.  
TC: LeT tHiS mOvIe WoRk ItS mAgIc On YoUr MoThErFuCkInG oCulArS aNd KiCk BaCk.  
CC: Y---es.  
CC: I )(appen to know jade )(as -----EXCELLENT taste in movies!  
CC: Let’s sea w)(at )(appens alrig)(t?  
CG: FINE. YOU GET TEN MINUTES, NOW WHAT IS HAPPENING?  
TT: Evil looking lady keeps magic flower to herself.

GA: You Know What  
GA: Neither The Woman Named Gothel Nor The Royal Family Can Claim Moral High Ground Regarding The Magic Flower From The Sun  
GA: One Sacrifices It To Save One Person While The Other Kept It For Herself  
GA: Just Think Of What A Miracle Cure This Could Have Been If Publicly Accessible  
CC: It would be glorious!  
CC: T)(e flower could become a miracle cure and if we would find a way to breed it, every town could get equipped wit)( its own magic flower.   
CC: Everyone s)(ares its magic )(ealing goodness!  
TT: That sounds like communism.  
TT: Are you communists Kanaya, Feferi?  
GA: I Know Not What This Is  
CC: Glub?  
EB: alternia was like anti-communism.  
CG: RE-FUCKING-GARDLESS, WOMAN LOSES FLOWER, QUEEN GETS SAVED AND KARKAT REMAINS UNIMPRESSED.

CT: D--> This seems like an illogical course of action.  
EB: yeah, stealing a child from its crib never ends well.  
CT: D--> I was talking about the royals.  
CT: D--> How can an elderly woman infiltrate the chambers of the princess in the dark hours of the night?  
CT: D--> What are their guards doing?  
CC: Someone will get fired over t)(is.  
GG: well, she is implied to be a witch  
GG: which is also how she knew about the flower i guess  
TC: ShIt SiS, hEr WiTcHy KnOwLeDgE tOlD hEr AlL sHe NeEdEd tO kNoW?  
GG: i guess?  
TC: WiCkEd  
GC: 4LSO HOW COM3 TH3 H34L1NG POW3R M4N1F3STS 1N H3R D3L1C1OUS HON3Y H41R?  
GC: WHY NOT H3R SK1N?  
GC: OR H3R 3Y3S?  
GC: OR H3R TONGU3 >:]  
TT: Because a movie wherein the villains try to get either of those wouldn’t be PG.  
GC: BL4H  
EB: now let me guess.  
EB: she grows up under the reign of her horribly evil stepmother, has to do all the chores and basically waits for a prince to rescue her?

EB: well…..  
EB: that went better than expected.  
CT: D--> She seems like a well adjusted young woman with a variety of interests.  
CT: D--> Or is there something in human culture that w001d consider her upbringing bad?  
GC: 4S1D3 FROM 4 SL1GHTLY BOR1NG ROUT1N3 SH3 S33MS TO B3 F1N3 R34LLY  
GA: Her Ridiculously Long Hair And Unnaturally Huge Eyes Not Withstanding  
GA: She Plays Chess  
GA: Creates Dresses  
GA: Paints  
GA: Plays A Six Stringed Music Instrument  
GA: The Supposedly Evil Witch Seems To Take Excellent Care Of Her Charge  
CG: JUST ONE FUCKING QUESTION.  
CG: WHY IS SHE SINGING?  
GC: TO BR34K TH3 DULL ROUT1N3?  
CG: JADE, WHY IS SHE FUCKING SINGING?  
GG: because this is a disney movie  
TC: It SoUnDs LiKe MoThErFuCkInG mAgIc To My EaRhOlEs  
TC: ShE gOt To LeT tHeM fEeLiNgS oUt In A BeAuTiFul SlAmMiNg MeLoDy  
CG: THAT DOESN’T ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION!

TT: But of course she wants more, so for her eighteenth birthday the girl wants to go out of the tower to see the magical lights.  
TT: Why those lights?  
TT: God if I know.  
CC: W)(ale t)(e lig)(ts appear every year on )(er birt)(day.  
CC: Wouldn’t you be curious?  
TT: Not necessarily.   
TT: Also, how does she manage to keep the date? Does Gothel find it necessary to keep a calendar around?  
TT: Keeping seasons should be entirely possible by looking through her window, but considering she was taken as an infant she should not be capable of keeping the exact dates.  
GC: TOO MUCH OR4NG3 T3XT  
GG: he likes hearing himself talk :/  
GA: It Appears That Gothel Does Celebrate Her Birthday To An Extent  
GA: Creating A Link Between That And The Magic Lights Does Not Seem To Be A Stretch  
TT: Well, why didn’t she just change the birthday a bit?  
TT: Rapunzel was a child, not like she’d notice.  
GG: are you just determined to dislike this movie mister?  
TT: Can’t stop. Won’t stop.  
TC: WeLl I aGrEe WiTh ThE bLoNdE cHiCa. ThOsE lIgHtS lOoK mOtHeRfUcKiNg MaGiCaL.  
CG: GAMZEE, YOU WOULD STARE FOR HOURS ON END AT YOUR FUCKING SCREENSAVER IF IT CHANGES COLORS EVERY FEW SECONDS!  
TC: HoW dOeS iT eVeN dO tHaT?

GC: WO4H TON4L SH1FT  
CC: Yes!  
CC: From t)(e isolated tower to a das)(ing rogue!  
CC: I like t)(is c)(ange.  
CT: D--> What is the malfunction of this royal family and their guards  
CT: D--> Not only do they get their descendant taken from them, they get robbed of their va100bles just as easily.  
CG: GOD THIS GUY IS A SMUG PRICK.  
CG: LET’S RUIN THIS DARING HEIST WITH A CRINGINGLY TERRIBLE JOKE.  
CG: THOSE OTHER THIEVES SHOULD HAVE DROPPED FUCKING DROPPED HIM LIKE A TON OF SMUG BRICKS THEN AND THERE.  
TT: I thought he handled that pretty smooth.  
CG: BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DISAGREE WITH ME ON EVERY NOTION LIKE ITS SOME KIND OF UNIVERSAL LAW!  
TT: Shit, Karkat caught on.  
TT: The universe and I are indeed in cahoots with each other.  
CG: EVERY STRIDER IS EQUALLY TERRIBLE FOREVER!  
TT: Then I must try harder.  
GG: boys behave  
GG: dirk, stop teasing karkat.  
GG: karkat stop being such a fuckass :B  
CG: AGAIN WITH CALLING ME THAT!  
EB: if you don’t behave she’ll teleport you into a tender bro embrace :B  
CG: DON’T EVEN FUCKING TELL ME *I’M* GETTING AN AUSPISTICE NOW.  
GC: OH TH4T WOULD B3 H1L4R1OUS  
CG: WE GOT THIS SHIT UNDER CONTROL.  
TT: Totally.

TT: This must be the loosest adaptation of the classic fairy tale ever.  
GG: you had no idea what disney was, but you know the fairy tale?  
CC: Glub. Pulling someone up wit)( your )(air must be )(ell for your )(ead.  
GC: SO WH4T V1L3 CRU3L TR34TM3NT DO3S TH3 W1TCH H4V3 1N STOR3 FOR R4PUNZ3L?

GC: SH3 PL4YFULLY T34S3S H3R  
CC: Maybe s)(e isn’t t)(at bad a lusus?  
EB: she took a child from her crib.  
CC: Yes, s)(e’s a bad person….. But s)(e isn’t a bad lusus.  
GG: she is pretty mean in her teasing though.  
GC: OH BOO HOO  
GC: 1T CR34T3S CH4R4CT3R  
TT: It creates á character sure, but I fail to see how it creates this perky princess.  
GG: dirk  
TT: It would create significant self-esteem issues if this is their natural way of interacting.  
GG: dirk!  
TT: Along with her being isolated in her tower, she definitely wouldn’t have grown up to be the singing, swinging, guitar-slinging princess she is now.  
GG: DIRK!  
TT: Sup.  
EB: let’s just assume she has grown up to be the cheerful person she is under these circumstances ok?  
GG: thank you john  
TT: Eh, whatever.  
GC: 1 DO L1K3 TH1S GOTH3L WOM4N  
GC: SH3 1S SO D3L1GHTFULLY H4MMY

CG: WAIT WHAT!?  
CG: TIME-OUT MOVIE, STAR CHARTS?  
CG: FROM HER ONE WINDOW IN A TOWER IN THE BUTTFUCK OF NOWHERE THIS GIRL MANAGES TO CHART THE STARS TO PROVE THAT THE LIGHTS IN THE SKY ON HER BIRTHDAY ARE *NOT* STARS.  
CG: HOW?!  
GA: I  
GA: I Fail To Find A Proper Defense For This  
CT: D--> Is it not simple?  
CT: D--> The girl is gifted. E%tremely intelligent and improbably skilled in anything she attempts.  
CT: D--> Such as the aforementioned sowing, music making, painting and candle making.  
CT: D--> A blessed individual that is unfortunately condemned to live locked up in a tower.  
CG: I AM SURE GLAD WE GOT TO SEE SHE IS A TALENTED CANDLE MAKER. I CAN’T FUCKING WAIT FOR THE CLIMAX THAT DEPENDS ON WHETHER OR NOT SHE CAN MAKE THE RIGHT SIZED CANDLE TO SHOVE UP HER NOOK!  
GG: Karkat!  
CG: I AM STILL SEVERLY UNIMPRESSED BY THIS MOVIE. THE SET UP IS CLUMSY, THE ANIMATION IS TOO DOLL-LIKE AND THE EYES ARE WAY TOO FUCKING HUGE!  
TT: A severe case of the animes.  
CG: ANYONE WHO WANTS TO QUIT WATCHING THIS STUPID FUCKING MOVIE SAYS I.  
CG: I.  
CG: ………………………………..  
CG: OH COME ON, FUCKING SERIOUSLY?  
CG: EVEN ZAHHAK?  
CT: D--> It w001d be improper of me to disturb my moirail during her play date. It is not like I have anything better to do as of now.  
CC: Sorry Crabcatc)(, but I t)(ink you are being WAV---E TOO GROUC)(Y!!!!  
CC: Clam down and try to enjoy it.  
CG: IT DOESN’T MAKE IT ANY LESS OF A SHITTY MOVIE.  
CC: I said: clam down!  
TC: HuH….   
TC: KiNd Of AcTiNg PaLe WiTh OuR nUbBy BrO tHeRe SiS.  
CC: It wasn’t.  
CG: IT WASN’T.  
TC: ShIt MaN, iF yOu SaY sO.

GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4 Y333333S  
GC: 4NOTH3R SONG  
GC: 1 4M PL34S3D  
CG: WHY? WHY THE FUCK IS THE SINGING NECESSARY?  
CG: WHAT DOES THIS ADD THAT COULD NOT HAVE BEEN ACCOMPLISHED THROUGH DIALOGUE?  
CT: D--> I assume it is a demonstration of Gothel’s overly theatrical nature.  
EB: so in short she tells rapunzel the outside world sucks and that she’s too weak to survive there.  
TC: PrEtTy MuCh BrO  
CC: In a pretty cool song I mig)(t add!  
TT: It’s a bit….. Childish.  
CC: O)( quiet you.   
CC: You just don’t like music, or fun 38P  
TT: It is true. I am a notorious hater of anything even remotely resembling amusement.  
GA: I Believe This Song Functions As A Representation For Their Relationship  
GA: With Rapunzel Growing Co-Dependant On Her Mother And Fearing The Outside World  
GA: It Creates A Valid Explanation As To Why She Has Been Mostly Content Being Locked Away In Her Tower  
GG: not everything has to have great psychological impact you know?  
GG: it is just a cute and funny movie.  
GC: 4FT3R TH3 L4ST TWO MOV13S 1T 1S D1FF1CULT TO G3T 1N TH4T M1NDS3T

CG: MY GOD THIS GUY NEEDS A SWIFT KICK IN THE TEETH. SMASH THE SMUGNESS RIGHT OUT OF HIM.  
GC: W3LL 1 L1K3 H1M  
GC: 4S MUCH 4S 1 D3SP1S3 THOS3 WHO W1LL1NGLY BR34K TH3 L4W MR RYD3R 1S 4CTU4LLY K1ND OF CUT3  
CC: I know rig)(t!  
CC: )(is voice just COMPL---ETELY S)(ELLS IT!  
CG: WHAT ARE YOU ASSHOLES SEEING THAT I’M NOT?  
CG: EVERY SCENE WE HAVE SEEN HIM IN HE HAS BEEN COMPLETE SCUM AND HIS ONLY SAVING GRACE IS THAT THE OPENING NARRATION PROMISED HE WOULD DIE!  
CT: D--> I concur.  
CT: D--> Though the royal family has invited their misfortune themselves for their constant failures.  
TC: MaN, i JuSt ThInK tHiS gUy Is KiNdA cOoL iN hIs OwN sPeCiAl WaY.  
EB: yeah, he’s kinda funny. good physical humor, very funny expressions.  
GA: He Is Going To Be One Of The Leads I Assume  
GG: yup :)  
CG: CAN’T HE JUST BE A PLOTDEVICE?   
CG: PLEASE?  
GG: nop :)

GA: Alright  
GA: It Is Difficult To Sympathize With A Character That Leaves His Compatriots To The Enemy  
EB: well they are being chased by the law.  
EB: they kinda need to get away as fast as possible.  
GC: H3 H4D PL3NTY OF T1M3 TO PULL TH3M UP THOUGH  
GC: TH3Y W3R3 COMPL3T3LY R1GHT NOT TO TRUST H1M  
CT: D--> Indeed. But what are they planning to do with the crown bearing a royal sigil?  
CT: D--> They can’t sell it anywhere. Even if they’d flee the country it w001d be incredibly difficult to sell such an object.  
CT: D--> Did they ever have a plan, or did they just steal it because it 100ked pretty?  
GG: i am pretty sure he’s winging it :P  
CG: SO HOW LONG TILL HE GETS DRAGGED OF IN CHAINS?  
TT: Oh, they’re saving that for the end of the second act.  
GG: DIRK!  
GC: NO W3 4GR33D TH4T 1T 1SNT SPO1L1NG 1F 1TS OBV1OUS  
GG: still rude :(

CT: D--> This…… This is magnificent.   
CT: D--> This noble stallion is so gorgeously animated I am beyond words.  
CT: D--> They sh001d have send a poet.  
TT: This guy gets it.  
TT: Maximus is a high quality equine for sure.  
CT: D--> The best kind of…….. breed.  
TT: Gonna ship him with Rainbow Dash just to piss Dave off.  
CT: D--> I do not know what this Rainbow Dash is.  
CT: D--> But it sounds disappointing.  
TT: Okay pal. After this, you, me and a MLP box set.  
CT: D--> I do not know what this is either human.  
CT: D--> Your words are meaningless.  
TT: An endearing cartoon about small horses.  
CT: D--> This sounds pleasant.  
CG: OH MY GOD, TWO HORSE GUYS…….  
GA: I Am Thankful That Equius’s Dancestor Is Not Currently Present  
GC: 1 DON’T G3T WHY TH3Y FOCUS ON TH3 HORS3 P4RT SO MUCH  
GC: M4X1MUS K1CKS 4SS FOR HOW D3T3RM1N3D H3 1S TO BR1NG RYD3R TO JUST1C3 FOR H1S H31NOUS CR1M3S

CG: BULLSHIT!  
CG: HE DID NOT SURVIVE THAT FUCKING FALL WITHOUT A SCRATCH!  
CG: BROKEN RIBS, BROKEN ARMS…. AT LEAST SHOW ME A FUCKING PAPERCUT!   
TC: MaN tHiS sHiT lOoKs MoThErFuCkInG fAnTaStIc.  
TC: LiKe, ThE pErFecT pLaCe To JuSt SiT dOwN, rElAx AnD sLaM a FeW cOlD oNeS.  
TT: Beer?  
TC: FaYgO.  
TT: Of course.  
TC: LiKe, I bEt YoU jUsT fEeL lIkE oNe WiTh NaTuRe In ThEre. JuSt ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNG bIrDs AnD oThEr CrItTeRs ArOuNd yOu.  
TC: AaAw MaN, tHaT wOuLd KiCk AlL sOrTs Of AsS.  
CC: It just needs a rainbow to make t)(e w)(ole picture even MOR—E B---EAUTIFUL!  
TC: FiShSiS  
TC: ThAt iS tHe BeSt mOtHeRfUcKiNg IdEa I eVeR hEaRd.  
CC: )(i)(i

EB: rapunzel don’t take kindly to strangers.  
GC: 4 FRY1NG P4N?  
GC: R34LLY?  
TT: The one and only weakness of the dapper rogue.  
CT: D--> It does come to show that she really is not adjusted to the world outside her tower at all.  
CT: D--> Unless this constitutes as a normal human greeting.  
EB: Only on special occasions such as frying pan wednesdays, during a pandemonium or pancake day.  
CT: D--> I see. Rapunzel is committing a horrible fau% pas then.  
EB: (hehehehe)  
GA: I Do Like That She Actually Checks His Dentistry  
GA: She Clearly Takes Gothels Stories To Heart  
EB: and some slapstick involving a closet.  
EB: wasn’t expecting an actual funny in a disney princess movie :B  
GG: your welcome

CG: COME ON MOVIE, LAY IT ON THICK. I THINK THERE ARE SOME TINY PINK HUMANS WHO STILL HAVEN’T GRASPED THAT RAPUNZEL IS ACTUALLY A PRINCESS.  
GG: well wé figured it out, but she has no idea.  
CG: WELL THAT JUST TAKES AWAY ALL THE FUCKING DRAMA, DOESN’T IT!?  
CG: WE’RE JUST SITTING HERE WITH OUR POLEX UP OUR COLON WAITING FOR THE GIRL TO FINALLY REALIZE ‘OH GEE WILLIKERS, I AM THE LOST FUCKING PRINCESS!’  
GG: karkat!  
CG: SHE EVEN PUTS THE FUCKING CROWN ON WITH THE HEAVENLY CHOIR SINGING OMINOUS AND SHIT.   
GG: karkat!  
CG: THIS MOVIE IS SERIOUSLY PISSING ME OFF. WE ALL UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON HERE, IT DOESN’T NEED TO CONDESCEND TO ME LIKE I AM A FUCKING WRIGGLER!  
GG: then stop behaving like one and just watch the movie!  
GG: NO!  
GG: yes!  
GG: now calm your nubby horns down before i teleport a bucket of cold water over your head to cool you down!  
CG: FINE!  
CG: JEGUS!  
CG: CAN’T DO SHIT WITH THE OMNIPOTENT SPACEBITCH WATCHING OVER MY SHOULDER ALL TIMES.  
TC: MaN kArBrO, yOu ReAlLy NeEd To MeLlOw OuT.   
TC: MaYbE yOu ShOuLd gO aNd JaM wItH tHe DoGgYsIs OnCe ThIs Is OvEr  
CG: WE ARE *NOT* PALE!  
TC: WeLl YoU aCt LiKe YoU nEeD a MoThErFuCkInG jAm BrO.  
CG: LETS JUST WATCH THE FUCKING MOVIE.

CC: Aaaaand s)(e snaps.  
CC: Terezi, can you…….  
GC: WH4T?  
CC: You know……..  
GC: OOOOH…….  
GC: OK4Y >:]

GC: YOU KNOW MRS BUBBL3GUM 1 G3T TH4T YOU H4V3 4 LOT OF H41R BUT TH1S 1S R1D1CULOUS  
GC: PR3TTY MUCH 4LL MY L1COR1C3 BL4CK P41NT W4S US3D ON YOUR H41R  
CC: )(i)(i)(I SAURY!  
GA: I Am Sorry Feferi But If You Let It Grow To Such Absurd Lengths I Will Insist On Cutting It  
GA: Though I Fear I May Need Assistance Of Some Heavy Equipment To Cut Through Such A Weave  
CC: You will do no suc)( t)(ing!  
CC: My royal weave is JUST P---ERCHFECT T)(E WAVE IT IS!  
GA: Then May I At Least Suggest A Different Style  
GA: Or Two  
CC: NOP! 38)  
GA: Sigh  
TT: And no one is going to comment on how Rapunzel is obviously hiding something in the closet that Gothel just fails to notice?  
TT: She has the chair all propped up against it, she keeps nervously glancing towards it?  
TT: No?  
TT: Okay then.

GC: TH1S CONFUS3S M3  
CT: D--> There is some mutual affection between the two. It is not that comple%.  
GC: 1 KNOW  
GC: BUT 1T K1ND OF M4K3S GOTH3L LOOK SYMPATH3T1C  
GA: Well  
GA: One Obviously Develops Some Form Of Maternal Feelings After Taking Care Of Someone For So Long  
CG: IF YOU’RE GOING TO BRING UP OUR INSANE DANCESTORS NOW I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KICK EGBERT’S ASS.  
EB: what did I do?  
CG: I’M SURE YOU DESERVE IT FOR SOMETHING!  
EB: that seems unreasonable.  
CC: So t)(e race is on.  
CC: Rapunzel )(as t)(ree days to go sea the lig)(ts or )(er mot)(er will find out s)(e left.  
CT: D--> This sh001d not be a problem.  
CT: D--> The thief went from the city to the tower in what appeared to be mere minutes.  
GG: yeah, that would be way too easy

CC: )(a)(a)(a o)( Jade, I t)(ink I LOV---E t)(is movie!!!  
GG: you do?  
CC: T)(IS SCEN---E IS )(ILARIOUS!  
CC: O)( MY GLUB W)(AT IS AIR!  
GG: hahahahaha  
GG: i just love the interaction between the two  
CC: T)(ey are so sassy it )(urts!  
GG: it’s almost like a romcom, hmmmm ;)  
CG: WAS THAT DIRECTED AT ME?   
CG: CAUSE IT COULD BE DIRECTED AT FUCKING ANYBODY.  
GG: it was directed at you mr grumpypants  
CG: I WON’T LIE: I AM FUCKING ECSTATIC EVERY TIME FLYNN GETS HIT IN THE FACE WITH A FRYING PAN.  
CG: THEY COULD CHANGE THE ENTIRE REMAINDER OF THE MOVIE INTO HIM RUNNING AND FAILING TO COMPLETE A FRYING PAN THEMED GAUNTLET AND I WOULD BE HAPPY.  
GG: it’s a step in the right direction i guess

CT: D--> The choices made for this dialogue seem a little off…..  
CT: D--> We are led to believe this human is rather ditzy but the threat she makes is very commendable.   
GA: Perhaps She Was Channeling Her Not Lusus  
CT: D--> Perhaps  
GC: 4ND TH3 N3V3R 3V3R B1T 4BOUT H3R K33P1NG H3R PROM1S3 DO3S P3RF3CTLY R3FL3CT H3R K1ND4 CH1LD1SH CH4R4CT3R  
CT: D--> I guess.  
TT: So our heroes have come to an agreement. He takes her to see the lanterns and she returns the crown once she’s returned home.  
TC: YoU dO nOt SoUnD vErY ExCiTeD aBoUt It BrO.  
TT: I am not.  
TT: This is painting by the numbers. With the characters revealed I can already talk you through the major motions the film is going to take.  
GC: WORST P4RT 1S 1 4M 1NCL1N3D TO B3L13V3 H1M  
GC: SO QU13T DOWN MR OR4NG3JU1C3 TH3 GROWN UPS 4R3 W4TCH1NG 4 FUNNY MOV13

GA: And So Rapunzel Finally Takes Her First Steps Outside Her Tower  
CG: IT’S ONLY BEEN HALF A FUCKING HOUR SINCE THE MOVIE STARTED!  
GA: Karkat  
CG: I MEAN FOR FUCK’S SAKE, A THIRD OF THE FUCKING MOVIE IS SPENT WITH HER PINING AWAY IN THAT TOWER!  
GA: Karkat  
CG: WAY TO SHOW US A GRAND AND EXCITING WORLD MOVIE. LETS KEEP A MAJOR PART OF THE THING IN A SINGLE ROOM!  
CG: PLEASE FOLLOW IT UP WITH THE REMAINDER OF THE MOVIE BEING SPEND IN THE SEWER!  
GA: Karkat You Are Being Irrational Again  
GG: and how!  
GA: You Could Really Stand To Calm Down A Bit  
CG: I…… FUCK.  
CG: FINE.  
CT: D--> Though it is neither my place or a partic001ar concern of mine Vantas, might I suggest you find yourself a moirail?  
CG: YOUR SUGGESTION IS NOTED, IGNORED AND SET ON FIRE FOR GOOD MEASURE.  
CT: D--> Delightful.

TC: I tHiNk ThE bLoNdE sIsTeR aInT tAkIn It So wElL  
CC: W)(ale s)(e had to lie to her lusus. T)(at is always difficult to do.  
TC: ReAlLy?  
TC: NeVeR rEaLlY fUcKiNg TrIeD iT mYsElF.  
CC: O)( yes.  
CC: You eel all guilty inside. It sucks.  
CC: I ALWAYS tried to be )(onest wit)( Gl’bgolyb.  
TC: MaN, tHaT iS wIcKeD cOnSidErAtE oF yOu SiS.  
GC: HON3STLY R4PUNZ3L LOOKS L1K3 SH3 H4S SOM3 K1ND OF STR4NG3 P3RSON4L1TY D1SORD3R NOW  
GG: not this again  
EB: i do kinda like flynn’s deadpan expression looking at her.  
EB: like he realized he made a huge mistake.  
CG: SHE ALSO SLINGS AROUND WITH HER HAIR. THAT SHIT MUST HURT LIKE HELL AND HER HAIR MUST BE MADE OF FUCKING WIRE STEEL!  
GA: Karkat  
CG: YEAH YEAH, QUIETING DOWN.  
GA: I Am More Concerned About The State Of Her Hair  
GA: Running Around And Dragging It Over The Ground Like That  
GA: If Gothel Fails To Notice Her Absence She Will Surely Smell Something Is Wrong

EB: he is pretty smooth isn’t he?  
CT: D--> Manipulation befitting a highb100d.  
CT: D--> I had assumed him but another lowlife, but his clever ruse leads me to reconsider.  
GC: HUM4NS BL33D UN1FORMLY NUMBNUTS  
TC: ShIt ReAlLy?  
TT: I thought this was a well established fact.  
TC: MaN, i Am ReAlLy FuCkInG sOrRy. A lOt Of FuCkInG tHiNgS hAvE bEeN aWfUlLy FoGgY fOr Me LaTeLy.  
TC: I cOmPlEtElY fOrGoT hOw To TuRn My MoThErFuCkInG hUsKToP OfF, WhEtHeR tHe ClUcKbEaSt Or ThE eGg cAmE fIrSt, HoW wE eVeR gOt oUt Of tHaT mOtHeRfUcKiNg GamE…..  
TC: ApPaRaNtLy I AlSo FoRgOt WhAt CoLoR YoU gUyS bLeEd.  
EB: pink.  
TT: red.  
TC: Uh……..  
TC: ReD?  
TT: bright red.  
TC: MOTHERFUCKING REALLY?  
TC: that sinful fucking color?  
TT: yup.  
CG: EEP……  
TC: …….BaLlInG.  
GA: So Ryders Clever Ruse Fails Miserably  
GA: I Admire Rapunzels Perseverance  
GA: Despite Her Initial Fear She Follows Through

GC: PFFFFTT H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4  
CG: IT WASN’T THAT FUNNY.  
TT: It was not that funny.  
CG: OH FUCK, I AM AGREEING WITH A STRIDER, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.  
EB: it was really kinda funny karkat.  
EB: you aren’t fooling anyone :P  
CG: I AM NOT TRYING TO YOU INSUFFERABLE SIMPLETON!  
GC: Y34H H3 D3F1N1T3LY 1S  
GC: B3C4US3 1T W4S JUST TH4T FUNNY  
CG: AAARGH!  
CT: D--> I can see how the more childish among us w001d consider it humorous.  
CT: D--> Perhaps that Nepeta w001d have chuckled.  
CC: NO, T)(AT WAS R---EELLY OBJ-ECTIVELY FUNNY!  
GA: I Do Not Think That Word Conveys The Implications You Assume It Does  
CC: O)( quiet, its funny!  
GA: It Is Somewhat Amusing  
CC: You know you are allowed to ACTUALLY say it is funny rig)(t?  
GA: I Am  
GA: Yet I Choose To Use The Word Amusing  
CC: You are so weird 38/  
GA: That Is Rich Coming From You Mrs Peixes  
CC: W)(ale I never denied it 38P 

TT: What is this?  
TT: Ambiguous character motivations?  
TT: Gold star Disney.  
CC: W)(at t)(e glub are you on about dirk?  
TT: The panicked way in which she looks for her adopted daughter brings up a very interesting question of her ethics.  
TT: Is she concerned for the girl she raised for 18 years, give or take a few days, or is she merely concerned for the magical healing hair attached to said girl?  
TC: ReGaRdLeSs Of ThE aNsWeR oN yOuR mOtHeRfUcKiNg QuEsTiOn ThE wItCh GeTs HeRsElF a DaGgEr So ShE iS wIlLiNg To ShOw HeR sTaBs FoR iT.  
CT: D--> She does realize things are incredibly wrong when she finds the crown though.  
CT: D--> Perhaps she if afraid the royal family found her.  
EB: i’m saying she wants to get her magic healing hair back.  
EB: it remains disney, her character is the designated villain, she can’t be that complex.  
GG: no way!  
GG: we saw that tender mother-daughter embrace moments ago  
GG: of course she is somewhat concerned for rapunzel  
EB: oh she probably is.  
EB: just a bit more about the hair though.  
GG: :(

GC: SO TH1S GUY W4NTS TO GROSS R4PUNZ3L OUT BY GO1NG TO TH3 F1LTH13ST B4R H3 COULD F1ND, F1LL3D W1TH 4LL SORTS OF RUFF14NS 4ND B4RB4R14NS.  
GA: He Is Very Determined To Make Her Give Up Her Quest  
TT: ‘Overal it just smells like the color brown.’  
TT: An apt description of a place like that.  
GC: T4ST3S L1K3 1T TOO  
GG: more like a really funny description!  
TT: Perhaps.  
GG: oh just admit you like it!

CT: D--> It predictably backfires.  
CG: I REALLY DO NOT MIND HIM GETTING HURT.  
CG: AT ALL.  
CG: BY ALL MEANS, RECONSTRUCT HIS FACE SO THE POSTERS DON’T EVEN FUCKING RESEMBLE HIM ANYMORE.  
EB: does rapunzel seriously address them as ruffians?  
GG: well she doesn’t know any better!  
EB: hey, no need to defend it. I think it’s pretty funny.  
CT: D--> There is no way this will end good for the girl.  
CT: D--> She will get sold off to the highest bidder, if she is lucky.  
CC: and if s)(e’s not?  
CT: D--> Nepeta does not allow me to talk about such things.

CG: GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A RUSTY SICKLE YOU PIECE OF SHIT MOVIE!  
EB: here we go again.  
CG: ALL THESE HEARTLESS CUTTHROATS AND RUFFIANS ARE WON OVER BECAUSE ‘SHE HAS A DREAM’ AND SHE ‘WANTS THEM TO FIND THEIR HUMANITY’, LOAD OF BULLSHIT!  
EB: we get it.  
CG: I CAN’T REMEMBER A SINGLE INSTANCE WHERE A MURDERER IS NOT ONLY BROUGHT TO HEEL BECAUSE OF SOME INANE SUGGESTION LIKE THAT, BUT ALSO BREAKS OUT IN A FUCKING MUSICAL NUMBER?  
CG: THERE IS A THING LIKE CONTRAST AND THEN THERE IS A THING LIKE A FUCKING WHIPLASH FROM CHANGING MOODS TOO DAMN FAST!  
EB: yup.  
CG: AND HOW THE FUCK DOES HE PLAY SHOWTUNES WITH A HOOK?! IT IS SIMPLY NOT FUCKING DONE.  
EB: karkat, i think this is the point i am supposed to tell you to calm down.  
EB: but honestly, i think you get funnier the angrier you get, so go on.  
CG: I……….. BUT…………..  
CG: FUCK YOU EGBERT.  
TC: BrOtHeR rEaLlY dOeS nEeD a RaIl tO jAm.  
CG: NOT GONNA DISCUSS THIS SHIT NOW GAMZEE.  
TC: Im JuSt SaYiNg.

CT: D--> Pyrope.  
CT: D--> Did you deem this necessary?  
GC: 1 D1D  
GC: 1 CONS1D3R3D 1T 3XTR3M3LY N3C3SS4RY  
GC: 1T W4S OF TH3 UTMOST 1MPORT4NC3 TH4T 1 D1D TH1S DR4W1NG  
CT: D--> Such a f001ish waste of time  
GC: YOUR JUST M4D B3C4US3 OF TH3 UNC4NNY R3S3MBL4NC3

EB: hahaha, nice.  
EB: finally a disney character that agrees that it really is kinda silly to break into song like that.  
EB: you’d think that this would have happened before.

GG: you didn’t think they’d let him get away with it did you :P  
EB: of course.  
GA: Kind Of An Uninspired Dream He Holds  
GA: He Just Wants Material Wealth  
GA: Even The Brigands Desire Something More Personal  
CT: D--> There is very little wrong with desiring wealth.  
GC: UNL3SS 1T 1S PR3TTY MUCH 4LL YOU D3S1R3  
CC: Ooooooooo)( nooooooooooooooo  
CC: Got)(el seas t)(em just as Rapunzel sings aboat )(ow )(appy s)(e is to be out of t)(e tower!  
TT: You mean it wasn’t obvious that this was going to happen?  
CC: Quiet mister!  
CC: Stop trying to ruin a incredibubbly fun movie.  
TT: If it can’t hold up against criticism it isn’t a very good movie.  
CC: QUI---ET!  
GG: quiet!

CC: And t)(en t)(e party gets interrupted by t)(e guards.  
GG: and the horse  
CT: D--> Oh yes Ma%imus.  
CT: D--> Pursue your lesser prey. Make them pay for ever crossing your path and reassert your dominance!  
GC: BR1NG TH3 CR1M1N4LS TO JUST1C3  
GC: H4NG TH3M 1N TH3 G4LLOWS  
TT: I just want to pet him.  
TT: Oh, I am going to make Mini-Maplehoof ride him. That would be fucking epic.  
CG: WONDERFUL. NOW WE HAVE A HORSE THAT SATISFIES THE BIZARRE FETISHES OF THREE OF OUR TEAMMEMBERS.  
GA: Four If We Count Horrus  
CG: WE DO NOT NEED A SECOND ZAHHAK

CG: SO AFTER A BIT OF INTERACTION THEY END UP GETTING CHASED.  
GG: hold up!  
GG: aren’t you going over that interaction a bit too fast?  
CG: NOP.  
EB: come on. it was pretty funny.  
CC: IT WAS CUT----E.  
GC: H3’S 4FR41D TO 4DM1T H3 L1K3D 1T  
CG: NO I AM NOT, SHUT UP.  
TC: iTs CoOl BrO, jUsT fInD yOuR zOnE aNd LeT yOuR mOtHeRfUcKiNg TiTs ChIlL.  
CG: WE ARE NOT DOING THAT!  
TT: Question.  
TT: How did the Stabbington brothers take the same entrance as the guards but enter the quarry through an entirely different entrance?  
CG: YES, THAT IS A GOOD QUESTION. LET’S FOCUS ON THAT.  
EB: stabbington?  
TT: It’s what they are listed as on IMDB.  
EB: that’s awesome :B  
EB: that’s like calling them Mcmurder or Genocider.  
TT: It’s a bit cheesy.  
EB: are they ever called stabbington in the movie?  
GG: i don’t think they are……  
EB: bummer.

CT: D--> An unusual strife specibus……  
TC: ShIt MaN, tHe BrOtHeR iS a NaTuRaL wItH tHaT tHiNg  
CG: I PREFERED IT WHEN HE WAS GETTING HIT WITH IT, BUT THIS RAISES THE CHANCES OF HIM BEING STABBED.  
TC: NaH bRo, He Is LiKe A mAsTeR oF pAn Fu.  
CG: NO……  
TC: PaNkWoNdO  
CG: STOP THAT  
TC: PaNjItSu?  
CG: I SWEAR TO GOD GAMZEE.  
EB: Pan maga?  
CG: I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THIS IS, BUT FUCK YOU FOR TRYING EGBERT.  
EB: any time buddy.  
CC: I R---EELLY start to like Flynn.  
CC: )(e flat out admits t)(at t)(is is a seally situation and its sooo funny!  
CT: D--> It fails to make the situation any less silly.

CT: D--> That dam was not properly constructed.  
GG: shoddy engineering  
TT: Downright shameful.   
CG: AND YET SOMEHOW FLYNN WASN’T POLITE ENOUGH TO QUIETLY GET KILLED BY THE SWORDFIGHTING HOOFBEAST, THE FALLING ROCKS, THE CASCADING WATER OR GRAVITY.  
GA: I Do Not Think Any Matter Of Politeness Influenced His Survival Instincts  
CG: ARGLEBARGLE!  
GA: Pardon  
CG: AAAAAARGH!  
GA: I Am Beginning To Think You Are Upset  
CG: I’M NOT UPSET!  
GG: ……………………………………….  
CG; I’M NOT!   
CG: THIS MOVIE IS UPSET, WITH ITS STUPID CHARACTERS, CONVOLUTED SET UP AND DUMB ACTION SCENES.  
GA: Uh Huh  
CG: FRYING PAN FIGHTING SCENE?  
CG: FUCKING REALLY!?  
GG: yup :)  
CG: GAH!

CG: I’LL ACCEPT HIM DROWNING AS AN APOLOGY.  
GC: HUSH K4RK4T  
CC: O)( NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.  
CC: T)(EY ARE STUCK! T)(EY ARE STUCK AND T)(EY CAN’T GET OUT!  
TT: So it seems.  
CC: AND T)(EY DON’T )(AVE GILLS! T)(EY CAN’T BREAT)(E UNDERWATER!  
TT: That is correct.  
CC: AND T)(E WATER IS RISING!  
TT: That seems to be an apt description of their current predicament.  
CC: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
EB: how far are we into the movie?  
TT: About fifty minutes in.  
EB: yeah, they’re fine.

GC: PFFFFFTT H4H4H4H4H4H4H4HH4H4H4  
CG: WILL YOU STOP YOUR INANE CACKLING WOMAN?!  
GC: BUT H1S…..PFFFT  
GC: BUT H1S R34L N4M3 1S 3UG3N3 F1TZH3RB3RT  
GC: TH4T 1S H1L4R1OUS  
CG: NO IT ISN’T.  
GC: Y3S 1T 1S  
CC: Y---ES IT IS!  
GG: yes it is!  
TC: HeLl YeAh It Is  
CG: HATE YOU ALL.  
EB: i am more impressed that the nifty effect for her hair is used as a plot point  
EB: normally effects like that are only used because they look pretty.  
TT: Kind of a strange place for a make-shift exit. Shouldn’t the whole thing be solid rock and our heroes suffocated?

GA: And Then Our Antagonists Decide To Collaborate  
EB: so, pretty much as expected.  
GA: Indeed  
GC: GOTH3L R3M41NS 1NCR3D1BLY FUNNY THOUGH  
GC: VR1SK4 C4N ONLY W1SH TO B3 TH1S TH34TR1C4L 4ND OR H4MMY

CG: I……  
CG: FUCK.  
GG: what is it karkat?  
CG: IT FUCKING PAINS ME TO ADMIT THAT THIS SCENE IS SOMEWHAT ADEQUATE.  
GG: yes!  
GG: i knew it!  
CC: T)(EY ARE SO CUTE TOGET)(ER  
CC: I S)(IP IT SO )(ARD!  
CT: D--> Nepeta is a bad influence on you, heiress.  
CC: QUI---ET AND LOOK AT T)(E TWO PRECIOUS BABIES.  
CT: D--> Hnrk……  
CT: D--> Yes ma’am.  
CG: LOOK, THE WAY THEY OPEN UP TO EACH OTHER IS PRETTY GOOD. IT LOOKS ALMOST NATURAL AND IT *KIND* OF EXCUSES A LOT OF FLYNN’S MANY CHARACTER FAULTS.  
TT: *Eugene’s  
CG: BECAUSE HE TRIED TO EMULATE HIS CHILDHOOD HERO.  
CG: BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN I HAVE TO LIKE IT.  
GG: but you do :P  
GG: you do, you do, you do  
CG: QUIET HARLEY.  
TC: HaHaHAhA, yEaH bRo.  
TC: GeT tHaT wIcKeD eNjOyMeNt OuT oF tHiS mIrAcUlOuS mOvIe

GA: It Is Very Subtle But Gothels Aging Is Showing I Believe  
GC: FOLLOW1NG TH3 SOUND OF UTT3R B3TR4Y4L  
GC: HOW CL3V3R  
EB: i think her character is already showing through.  
EB: she remains all protective and junk, but she’s about as sincere as daves dislike for con air

CT: D--> And a reprise of her song  
TC: MaN, wHy DoNt sHe JuSt UsE hEr WiTcHy MaGiC tO mAkE hEr CoMe  
TC: ShE’s A bLaCk MaGiC wOmAn, PuT a SpElL oN tHe GiRl  
GG: well……  
GG: the movie kind of leaves it ambiguous whether or not she’s really a witch  
GG: she is cunning and uses that to further her own plans, but other than her knowledge about the sundrop plant we never really see or hear her do anything witchy.  
TC: So….. Is ShE a WiTcH oR nOt?  
GG: i don’t know  
TC: MaN, wHaT a MyStErY.  
CT: D--> Not particularly….   
CT: D--> I think we can safely assume she is not a witch. If she were, she w001d not hesitate to use her abilities.  
TC: MaN, pErHaPs. LiKe, Do YoU eVeN kNoW hOw MaGiC wOrKs?  
TC: AiNt ThAt ShIt FuElEd By mOtHeRfUcKiNg MiRaClEs Or SoMe ShIt?  
CT: D--> I sincerely doubt it.

TT: Of course she befriends the horse instantly.  
CT: D--> Who w001d not want to befriend a horse this…… majestic.  
EB: she has to befriend every animal she comes across.  
EB: it’s some sort of disney princess law.  
GC: 4ND TH3 L4W MUST B3 OB3Y3D >:]  
GC: 3V3N 1F 1TS FR1VOLOUS  
CT: D--> The hoofbeast doesn’t need to take this.  
CT: D--> In fact, he doesn’t. Good.  
CT: D--> No need to befriend such a reprobate.

GA: They Finally Do Something About That Dreadful Hair Of Hers  
TT: After dragging it around for almost an hour worth of movie.  
TT: It must be nasty with all sorts of forest and cave stank by now.  
GA: Absolutely Dreadful  
GA: They Should Have Done Something About It The Moment She Set Foot Outside The Tower  
GA: Preferably Before That  
TC: BuT mAn, AiNt It FuCkInG cUtE hOw ThOsE wRiGgLeRs FiX hEr HaIr?  
GA:   
GA: Yes It Is Most Endearing  
CC: JUST FOR T)(AT I’LL GROW MY )(AIR LIKE T)(AT TOO!  
GA: Feferi No  
GA: That Is A Horrible Idea  
CC: JUST TRY AND STOP M-----E!

TT: No movie, lay it on thicker.  
TT: I think some of us have forgotten that Rapunzel is supposed to be the lost princess in the two minutes you haven’t mentioned it.  
GG: it isn’t for the audience dumbass, it’s for rapunzel herself!  
GG: she still has no idea she’s the lost princess :(  
TT: Well, aren’t there more interesting and less contrived ways for her to find out?  
EB: it isn’t that bad dirk.  
EB: i don’t see what you’re complaining about.

CG: OKAY, THIS IS WHAT I WANTED TO SEE.

CG: WE GET SOME INTERACTION AND SOME GENUINE AFFECTION BETWEEN THE TWO.  
CG: NO NEED FOR THEIR CRINGINGLY WITTY DIALOGUE, THIS SHIT IS DONE COMPLETELY IN SILENCE AND THE MONTAGE IS NEARLY FUCKING PERFECT.  
CG: IT DRAWS YOU IN, MAKES YOU FILL IN THE BLANKS YOURSELF.

CG: IT ONLY TOOK AN HOUR FOR THE MOVIE TO STOP SUCKING, BUT THERE WE GO.

CC: I just want t)(em to KISS BEAC)( OTTER ALREADY!  
CT: D--> But….. She’s a princess.  
EB: so?  
CT: D--> He is depressingly far below her position. She sh001d not marry someone so despised by her own people.  
GC: 1 DON’T TH1NK HUM4NS C4R3 MUCH FOR TH4T  
GG: hihi, not if it makes the story more romantic  
CT: D--> Una%aptable.  
GG: accept it!  
CT: D--> Never.  
TC: MaN, tHiS wHoLe MoNtAgE mAkEs Me WaNt To GeT uP aNd DaNcE  
TC: LiKe, ThIs Is SoMe ReAlLy FeStIvE sHiT  
TT: Influenced by ye olde Europe.  
TC: I hAvE nO cLuE wHaT tHaT iS mY sHaDeD aMiGo, BuT iF tHaT pLaCe SoUnds LiKe ThIS….  
TC: ThAt WoUlD bE mOtHeRfUcKiNg EpIc.

GC: 4ND H3R3 W3 H4V3 4NOTH3R S1L3NT SC3N3  
CG: OH……. FUCK.  
TT: What is it now?  
CG: WHEN DID THIS FILM SUDDENLY BECOME AMAZING?  
GG: you like it?  
CG: HARLEY, LOOK AT THIS FUCKING SCENE! JUST FOR A MOMENT, REALLY LOOK AT IT.  
GC: C4N’T 1 JUST T4ST3 1T >:?  
CG: I SAID HARLEY, BE QUIET.  
GC: H3H3H3  
CG: THE ANIMATION ON THE KING AND QUEEN IS FUCKING FLAWLESS.  
CG: THEY CONVEY SO MUCH EMOTION IN THE FEW SECONDS THAT THEY ARE ON SCREEN IT IS COMPLETELY BANANAS.  
EB: i think i see what you mean, yeah.  
CG: IF I OWNED AN ANIMATION STUDIO AND PEOPLE WOULD HAND THIS IN AS A DEMO I WOULD FUCKING SHOWER THEM IN BOONBUCKS SO THEY COULD BEGIN MAKING IT ALREADY.  
TT: I think you are going overboard there.  
EB: karkat likes hyperbole.  
TT: I figured.

CC: It is so B----EAUTIFUL!  
CC: JAD---E I LOV—E T)(IS FILM!  
TC: JuSt LoOk At AlL tHeM pReTtY lAnTeRnS lIgHtInG tHe NiGhT sKy LiKe A bAjIlIoN fUcKiNg FiReFlIeS.  
TC: If ThIs AiNt A mIrAcLe BrOtHeRs AnD sIsTeRs, I wOuLnDt KnOw WhAt Is.  
CT: D--> This is very decidedly NOT a miracle. We know e%actly what its caused by and why it is there.  
CT: D--> Nonetheless, it 100ks fascinating.  
TC: I’Ll SlAm To ThAt.

GA: She Offers Him The Crown  
GA: But He Rejects It  
CC: ITS GONNA )(APPEN!  
CC: T)(EY ARE GOING TO KISS!  
CT: D--> It does stand for a significant change in his character.  
CT: D--> No longer fi%ated on riches but rather that which has been in front of him for…. Just a day now.  
GG: fine, a bit quick to declare eternal love  
GG: honestly, disney did worse jobs in rushed romance  
GG: but its so romantic and they are so perfect for each other  
CT: D--> If you say so.  
GG: I do say so :)

TC: MaN tHiS sCene Is JuSt mOtHeRfUcKiNg PrETtY  
TC: WiTh AlL tHeM lIgHtS aNd ThE aTmOsPhErE, aLl ThAt GoOd ShIt.  
TT: First they need to sing though.  
TT: Can’t kiss without singing about it.  
EB: i honestly don’t even mind.  
TT: Is that even Eugene’s voice actor singing? He sounds completely out of character.  
EB: doesn’t sound bad though. and it fits the cheesy romantic scene completely.  
GA: Karkat  
GA: Are You There  
EB: oh yeah.  
EB: he became very quiet from the moment they gotten onto the lake  
CG: ………………I’M FINE.  
GC: OH MY GOD  
GC: 4R3 YOU CRY1NG K4RK4T?  
CG: I’M NOT!  
CG: SHUT UP!  
GC: YOU TOT4LLY 4R3  
CG: I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU MISERABLE HAG! THERE IS JUST SOME DUST IN MY EYE OKAY?  
TT: Seriously, it’s just a movie.  
CC: But its suc)( a romantic scene…….  
CC: )(onestly, if a matesprit would do t)(is for me……. I’d be putty in )(er )(ands  
CT: D--> Do you mean, his or her hands?  
CC: OF COURS—E!  
CC: )(e)(e)(e…… eee)(…….

CC: Y------------------------------ES!  
CC: Y------------------------------ES!!!!!!!  
EB: he’s gonna do it.  
EB: he’s gonna kiss the girl.

TT: And he’s cockblocked.  
CC: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
CC: ALL OF MY BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO’S!!!!!  
CC: IGNOR---E T)(EM AND KISS )(ER YOU FOOL!  
TC: MaN, cOmPlEtElY uNcOoL.  
TC: YoU cAnT kIlL a BrOs BuZz lIkE tHaT. ThAt ShIt iS jUsT hElLa RuDe.  
CT: D--> Obviously they are still aggravated by their previous deal with the rogue.  
CT: D--> Getting him at his most v001nerable is sound strategy.  
CC: BUT. )(---E. NEEDS. TO. KISS. T)(E. GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!  
CT: D--> Err………   
GG: feferi, you’re scaring equius  
CC: W)(oops, saury. Lost my tempura 38)  
CT: D--> It is only natural, you’re highness……..  
CC: 38/

TT: You know that the entire plan of Gothel and the stabby bro’s revolves around Eugene coming alone without telling Rapunzel what’s going on, right?  
TT: If Rapunzel came along she would know Eugene didn’t betray her and continue to rebel against her mother.  
TT: Same scenario would occur if he had just told her the up and up.  
TT: Hell, she’s proven herself somewhat useful in tight situations. She may even help him get out of there.  
TT: This is why good communication between young couples is so important people.  
TT: If you don’t you’ll get trapped by your evil stepmother and/or handed over to the authorities.

EB: yeah, now she actually believes he sold her out  
GC: OH TH1S W1LL 3ND W3LL  
EB: and of course NOW Rapunzel’s hair gets stuck to a branch, while it was perfectly fine when she was running around with her hair loose.  
GG: :(  
EB: i’m not saying its bad jade, i’m just saying its silly.  
GG: :( :( :( :(  
EB: oh stop with the puppydogeyes.  
GG: :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(  
EB: stoooooooop iiiiiiiit.

TT: But no, it is Gothel to the rescue, saving our princess from being sold into slavery, raped, or forced to work in the EA marketing department.  
TC: MaN, AiNt ThAt BlOnDe ChIcA lUcKy.  
GA: Suspiciously So Would You Not Agree  
TC: Im SoRrY wHaT wAs ThAt?  
GA: That The Current Circumstances Are Strangely Fortuitous For Rapunzel  
TC: I dOnT fOlLoW.  
GA: That It Is Incredibly Good Timing From Gothel To Appear When She Did  
GA: As If She Knew  
TC: I dOnT sEe It.  
GA: I Give Up  
EB: uhm gamzee, can i ask you something?  
TC: SuRe ThInG mY hUmAn BuDdY.  
EB: did you ever wear a strange purple outfit with a big….. err…..  
EB: did you ever wear a strange purple outfit?  
TC: ErRr MaYbE?  
TC: IuNnO bRo, DiD i?  
CG: YES. YOU WORE A FAKE GODTIER OUTFIT WITH A PROTRUDING PIECE FOR YOUR BONEBULGE.  
CG: IT LOOKED FUCKING STUPID, AND IT MADE EVERYONE FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE.  
GC: 1’LL S4Y  
TC: MaN tHaT dOeSnT sOuNd LiKe Me At AlL.  
TC: AnYwAy EgGbRo, WhAt WaS tHe ReSt oF tHE mOtHErFuCkInG qUeStIoN?  
EB: I’m not even sure if i want to know, but did you ever wield the warhammer of zillyhoo?  
TC: ShIt Is ThAt WhAt ItS cAlLeD?  
TC: MoThErFuCkInG tHiNg JuSt ApPeArEd OuT oF nOwHeRe In My SyLlAdEx OnE mOrNiNg.  
TC: PrOvInG aLl ThE fUcKiNg HaTeRs ThE tRuE pOwEr Of MiRaClEs.  
EB: ………….  
TC: YoU oKaY bRo?  
EB: ok….. last question, just answer yes or no…..  
EB: i really don’t want to be reminded or hear details  
TC: ErRr, OkAy?  
EB: do you know the song: ‘make her a member of the midnight crew?’  
TC: SoRrY bRo, NeVeR hEaRd OfF.  
EB: phew, okay, we’re good.  
GG: what was that all about?   
EB: nothing.  
GG: no seriously, what was that about?  
EB: noooooooothing……..

GC: NO R34LLY GUYS  
GC: 1 C4N 3XPL41N TH1S  
GC: S33 TH3R3 1S TH1S CH1CK W1TH M4G1C H41R TH4T C4N H34L P3OPL3 BUT H3R OV3RLY CONTROLL1NG MOTH3R W4NT3D TO T4K3 H3R B4CK TO TH3 TOW3R WH3R3 SH3 H4S B33N LOCK3D UP H3R 3NT1R3 L1F3 SO SH3 3MPLOY3D TH3 P3OPL3 1 ST4BB3D 1N TH3 B4CK 34RL13R TH1S W33K 1S FR4M1NG M3 FOR TH3 CR1M3 1 D1D 1ND33D COMM1T 4ND T13D M3 TO TH1S BO4T W1TH TH3 CROWN 1 M4Y H4V3 4CTU4LLY STOL3N 4T SOM3 PO1NT 1N T1M3  
GC: 1 S33  
SO WH3R3 WOULD YOU L1K3 TH1S ROP3?  
GC: ROUND MY N3CK PL34S3 >:]

TT: Okay, no.  
TT: If the way she’s been raised has *not* taken a toll on her psyche and we’re to believe she somehow grew up to be this perfectly fine individual considering her circumstances than the movie is not allowed to pull repressed memory syndrome out of its ass.  
TT: This has never been foreshadowed. We weren’t given a clear enough view of her paintings to spot these patterns.  
GG: you were complaining earlier that the movie was laying it on too thick!  
TT: And here it isn’t laying it on thick enough.  
GG: YOU WERE COMPLAINING THAT WE ALREADY KNEW SHE WAS THE PRINCESS AND THAT IT WAS A DRAG TO SIT TROUGH HER FINDING IT OUT!  
GG: *bark*  
TT: Ok, that’s fair and…..  
TT: Did you just fucking bark?  
TT: Do you need a scooby snack?  
GG: shut up  
GG: it happens sometimes >_>

CC: )(OW BRAV---E  
CC: --EVEN IN C)(AINS )(E TRIES TO MAKE S)(ORE RAPUNZEL IS SAFE  
CT: D--> How f001ish.  
CT: D--> He is already implied to be on death row, the guards will not care about culling him here and now.  
CC: T)(ose stabbington brot)(ers got w)(at t)(ey deserved too!  
CT: D--> Indeed. How dare they take action against the man who wronged them?  
CC: Was….. Was t)(at sarcasm Equius?  
CT: D--> Hnrk……..  
CT: D--> Forgive me heiress.  
CT: D--> I momentarily forgot my position in a moment of critical clarity and ridic001ed your earlier statement.  
CT: D--> Please forgive my transgressions and chastise me if you please.  
CC: Equius, we’re fronds.   
CC: I don’t need to c)(astise you.  
CT: D--> But….. err…..  
CT: D--> Please do?  
CC: 38/  
CT: D--> I….. Apologize. I am beginning to perspire.   
CT: D--> I shall grab a towel………

EB: so rapunzel found out by way of dues ex flashback that she’s the lost princess and turns on gothel.  
CG: WHO TAKES IT ABOUT AS WELL AS WE’VE COME TO EXPECT.  
CC: It is so satfis)(fying to sea )(er turn on got)(el!  
CC: S)(e )(ad it coming to )(er all movie!  
TT: Yes, but what was her plan áfter confronting her?  
TT: Did she honestly think Gothel would just let her go?  
CC: Err…. Yea)(……  
CC: S)(e didn’t reelly t)(ink it t)(roug)( did she?  
TT: Nope.

TC: HaHaHaHaHaHaHa OoH tHaT cRaZy fUcKiNg gUy On HiS pErPeTuAl FuCkInG sOpOr hIgH.  
TC: WhAt A BrO.  
CG: …………………………………..  
GC: >:/  
GA:   
TC: WhAt?

CG: ATTACK OF THE RUFFIANS?  
CG: HOW?  
CG: WHY!?  
CT: D--> This castle is in una%aptable condition!  
CT: D--> Una%aptable I say!  
CT: D--> This is the third time that outsiders have been able to penetrate its defenses without difficulty.  
CT: D--> Neigh I say.  
TT: The untrained ruffians effortlessly take out the elite soldiers.  
CC: W)(AL—E T)(EY S)(OULD )(AVE BEEN ARMED WIT)( FRYING PANS!  
CT: D--> But it isn’t frying pan wednesday….. Or any of the other occurrences where such behavior is considered normal.  
GG: equius, john was joking when he said that  
EB: i thought he’d figure that out…..  
CT: D--> …………………………………………  
CT: D--> I understand our leader’s annoyance with your species now.  
CG: THANK YOU!  
GG: oh hush you

TT: This was all set up by…… Maximus.  
CT: D--> Goodness gracious, is there no limit to how magnificent this horse can get?  
TT: Look, much as I love me some Maximus and I do, this is just stupid.  
TT: How the fuck did he explain the ruffians what they needed to do?  
TT: How did they set up this fucking ninja commando escape plan for Eugene?  
CT: D--> It is a clever horse.  
CT: D--> I am sure how w001d have found a way.  
TT: Oh yeah sure, play pictionary with the ruffians.  
TT: That will go over effortlessly.  
CT: D--> Well why wouldn’t it?  
GC: Y34H CONS1D3R1NG TH1S F1LMS LOG1C TH4T M4Y 4CTU4LLY B3 YOUR 4NSW3R >:/  
GA: That Is Exceedingly Silly

TT: So *now* they decide to follow the fable.  
CC: O)( CLAM IT!  
CC: I never cared for it before so w)(y would it matter now? 38P  
EB: isn’t he forgetting something?  
EB: about her being taken away by a very angry stepmom?  
EB: an angry stepmom with no qualms about tricking people, or stealing babies?

GC: SH4NK3D L1K3 4 B1TCH  
TC: PrIsOn StYlE  
EB: see?   
EB: this is what happens if you don’t pay attention to important plot elements  
GG: you warned him bro  
TT: You told him dawg.  
EB: ehehehe.

GA: So  
GA: In A Last Act Of Defiance  
GA: Rapunzel Promises To Fight Gothel Every Step Of The Way For The Rest Of Her Life  
GA: Unless She Is Allowed To Heal Eugene To Ensure His Survival  
GA: It Is A Truly Romantic Moment

CG: WELP, SO MUCH FOR THAT FUCKING PLAN RIGHT?  
CC: No t)(is is even MOR—E ROMANTIC!  
CC: )(er )(air, t)(oug)( incredibubbly special, was t)(e one t)(ing t)(at kept her locked up.  
CC: By cutting it wit)(out letting )(er seal )(im, )(e basically sets )(er free.  
GC: 4ND D13S H1MS3LF  
GC: Y1K3S

GA: It Will Take Some Getting Used To  
GA: But I Think She Pulls The Look Off Nicely

TC: AaAaW mAn, ShE hElLa PiSsEd NoW.  
GC: WH4T RUL3 ST4T3D TH4T H3R R4P1D 4G1NG WOULD K1CK 1N ONC3 TH3 H41R H4D B33N CUT >:?  
TT: There were rules?  
CG: QUIET, MOVIE IS ALMOST OVER. 

CG: THE FROG?  
GA: Chameleon  
CG: THE FUCKING FROG IS THE ONE DEALING THE FINAL BLOW?  
EB: hahahaha, did not expect that  
GG: to be fair, she is dust before she hit the ground  
GC: BUT TH3 FROG W4S TH3 ON3 BR1NG1NG H3R DOWN  
GA: Chameleon  
TT: And so the villain dies an anti-climactic death.  
CG: IT WASN’T SO MUCH ABOUT THE VILLAIN’S DEATH AS EUGENE’S SACRIFICE.

GA: This  
GA: This Is Quite The Sad Ending  
GC: H3R M4T3SPR1T D34D  
GC: H3R 3V1L ST3PMOM D34D  
EB: no means to get back to the ground anymore.  
CT: D--> All alone in the knowledge that you are of royal b100d.  
EB: you know, this is very anti-disney, so i am just going to start a mental countdown.  
CC: A mental countdown?  
CC: For w)(at?

CG: NO……………

CG: OH KISS THE GREYEST PART OF MY ASS YOU FUCKING IDIOT MOVIE!  
CG: HER TEARS MAKE IT ALL BETTER?! WHAT A FUCKING LOAD!!!  
TT: I………  
TT: Oh fuck me……….  
CC: W)(at is it Dirk?  
TT: I am hating myself for this already but….. well…..  
TT: The healing tears were actually in the fable……….  
CG: ………………….  
EB: …………………..  
CT: D-->……………  
TT: Yeah…………..  
CG: FUCK THIS MOVIE RIGHT IN ITS HEARING CONDUCTS!  
CG: ‘HURRHURR, HEALING TEARS FIX EVERYTHING’ MOTHERFUCKING DEUS EX MACHINA!!  
CG: WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA AND WHAT CRUEL LUSUS THOUGHT IT NECESSARY TO DROP THEM REPEATEDLY ON THE HEAD AS A WRIGGLER!!??  
CG: THIS IS SUCH AN ASININE TURN OF EVENTS I DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT TO SAY ABOUT IT!  
CG: THE DEAD-BUT-NOT-REALLY FAKE OUT HAS BEEN DONE SO MANY TIMES IT IS THE MOST PAINFUL AND OBVIOUS CLICHÉ IN EVERY WORK OF FICTION EVER!  
CG: YOU COULD GIVE EVERY DROOLING APEBEAST A PENCIL AND THEY WOULD HAVE FIGURED OUT A BETTER WAY TO SETTLE THIS SHIT!  
CC: Karkat clam down!  
GC: J3GUS C4LM DOWN!  
GG: calm down fuckass!  
EB: dude, easy.  
GA: Karkat Do Cease This Inane Ranting  
TC: BrO fInD yOuR mElLoW  
CT: D--> Are you all…… pacifying him?  
CG: NO!  
CG: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, THIS IS *NOT* WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!  
CT: D--> Forgive me….. I need another towel…….

GA: I Do Believe It Would Do You Well To Find A Moirail Karkat  
GG: yeah, you seem to be under so much stress all the time :(  
EB: usually also caused by yourself :)  
CG: CAN WE MAYBE NOT DISCUSS THIS RIGHT NOW?  
CC: I mean, you are pretty )(ot palebait crabcatc)(  
CG: OH GOD…….  
TC: YeAh BeSt FrIeNd.  
TC: I aM sUrE yOu CaN gEt YoUr PaLe On In No TiMe.  
CT: D--> This is so….. depraved…..  
CG: OK, ONE….. MY QUADRANTS ARE NON OF YOUR BUSINESS.  
CG: TWO. THE FIRST PERSON, HUMAN OR TROLL, TO BRING UP MY LACK OF A MOIRAIL WILL GET BANNED. UNDERSTAND?  
GC: SO WHY WON’T YOU P1CK PR1NC3SS BUBBL3GUM?  
CG: OH LOOK. AN EXAMPLE.

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gallowsCalibrator [GC] from memo--**

CG: AND OH LOOK AGAIN. A HAPPY FUCKING ENDING.  
CG: AINT THAT JUST FUCKING FANTASTIC?

CG: THEY EVEN GET FUCKING HUMAN MARRIED. ISN’T THAT SWELL?  
GA: Personally I Thought That Was Really Lovely Animated  
GA: The Scene With The King And The Queen Was Once Again Done In Silence Which Really Adds To The Atmosphere  
CG: YEAH YEAH, ROLL THE CREDITS.  
CG: SO THAT WAS TANGLED. DID YOU ENJOY IT?  
EB: surprisingly yeah.  
GG: of course!  
CC: I DID!  
TC: MoThErFuCkInG BeAuTiFuL  
GA: It Certainly Had Its Moments  
CT: D--> I believe Nepeta w001d have enjoyed this movie better. I must remember to recommend it to her.  
CT: D--> She has developed a strange fascination with these animated movies.  
TT: A harsh case of the animes?  
GG: what about you karkat?  
GG: and dirk?  
TT: Well, as the lovely Feferi already stated I am a dedicated hater of all things amusement so naturally I cannot condone such a frivolous movie.  
GG: :(  
TT: Nah, it was ok Harley. Not entirely my jam, but not eat-your-own-elbows-out-of-boredom bad either.  
GG: so is that a good thing?  
TT: Probably.  
GG: what about you karkat?  
CG: I…….. AM INCREDIBLY FRUSTRATED.  
CG: THIS MOVIE IS NOWHERE NEAR AS BAD AS THE ROOM. IN FACT, WERE I IN A BETTER MOOD I MAY HAVE ACTUALLY ENJOYED THIS MOVIE.  
TT: So you really do need a moirail.

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned timeausTestified [TT] from memo--**

CG: SHUT UP!  
CG: THE POINT IS, THAT THE GOOD MOMENTS IN THIS MOVIE WERE ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD.   
CG: THAT SCENE WITH THE LANTERNS? INSTANT FUCKING CLASSIC. 10/10, WOULD BE EMASCULATED AGAIN.  
CG: BUT THERE WERE SO MANY NIGGLING ANNOYANCES IN THIS FLICK.  
EB: maybe you wouldn’t have been bothered by that so much if you had one of those moirail thingies?

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned ectoBiologist [EB] from memo--**

CG: NOT FUCKING AROUND PEOPLE!  
CG: JUST LOOK AT THE FUCKING OPENING OF THE MOVIE. THERE IS SO LITTLE EXPLAINED AND THE WHOLE SET UP IS SO CONVELUTED.  
CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD AN UNFEELING, UNCARING PLANT HEAL A PERSON IF THAT PERSON SINGS A VERY DAMN SPECIFIC SONG!?  
GG: well plants react good on music  
GG: its science  
CG: OH FUCKING REALLY?  
CG: SO WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF THEY PLAYED A BUNCH OF IGNORANT SUBJUGGULATORS RAPPING OVER THE BEAUTY OF MIRACLES?  
TC: HeY, i KnOw ThAt SoNg.  
GG: i don’t know…..  
GG: maybe the same, because plants react on vibration and not lyrics?  
CG: THOUGHT SO.

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gardenGnostic [GG] from memo--**

CG: GAH, THIS MOVIE PISSES ME OFF. I CAN’T HATE IT AS MUCH AS I WANT TOO, BUT I CAN’T LIKE IT AS MUCH AS SOME SCENES DESERVE EITHER.  
CC: Ocray, Crabsnack, you R----EELLY need somebody to talk aboat t)(ese eelings   
CG: WHAT PART OF ‘NOT FUCKING NOW’ FAILS TO BE HEARD BY YOU PEOPLE!?  
CC: W—E WORRY ABOAT YOU!  
CC: T)(e entire movie you are just brining wit)( frustrations and t)(oug)( t)(at is totally hot in a pale way, it clam not be )(ealt)(y!  
CG: YOU ARE NOT MY FUCKING LUSUS!  
CC: NO, BUT IF I WAS I WOULD TELL YOU TO )(AS)( IT OUT ALREADY!  
CT: D--> This…… This is getting rather blatant…..  
CT: D--> So 100d…….  
CG: ZAHHAK, I SWEAR TO FUCK!  
CT: D--> Pardon me…. I need a towel…..  
CG: NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR SWEATY ASS ZAHHAK! NO ONE CARES ABOUT HOW FUCKING DEPRAVED WE GET!  
CC: SO YOU ADMIT T)(IS IS DEPRAVED?!  
CG: OH FOR THE LOVE OF….. NO, I DON’T!   
CG: BECAUSE THERE IS NOFIN GOING ON.  
CG: *NOTHING!  
CG: NOTHING IS WHAT I MEANT TO SAY! I MEANT NOTHING WITH THAT OTHER THING  
CC: 38)  
CG: DON’T EVEN START!!!!

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned cuttlefishCuller [CC] from memo--**

GA: Karkat  
GA: At The Risk Of Being The Next Victim Of Your Ire  
GA: May I Suggest  
GA:   
GA: Coming Over For A Relaxing Cup Of Tea  
CG: I DON’T EVEN FUCKING LIKE TEA!  
GA: I  
GA: Pardon  
CG: I DON’T EVEN FUCKING LIKE TEA! HOW IS THIS DIFFICULT TO COMPREHEND!?  
GA: I Have Seen You Drink Tea  
GA: On More Than One Occasion  
CG: WELL I DON’T FUCKING FEEL LIKE IT NOW!  
GA: I Already Apologized For Experimenting With The Licorice Flavor  
GA: This Will Be A More Palpable Flavor  
GA: You Have My Word  
CG: WHAT THE *FUCK* DON’T YOU GET ABOUT ME NOT WANTING TEA RIGHT NOW!  
GA: Are You Seriously Throwing A Tantrum About Not Wanting To Drink Tea Now  
CG: DON’T YOU DARE GET A BINGO CARD!  
GA: When Have I Ever Joined Such Inane Games  
CG: AAAAAAAARGH!

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned grimAuxiliatrix [GA] from memo--**

CG: THERE. CAN WE PLEASE DROP THE WHOLE “KARKAT NEEDS TO BE PAPPED” ISSUE FOR NOW!  
TC: SuRe ThInG bEsT fRiEnD.  
CG: OH FUCK……  
CG: DID I JUST BAN EVERYONE BUT YOU?  
TC: ErRr…….  
CG: JUST MY FUCKING LUCK. LOOK, I AM TIRED OF TALKING ABOUT IT SO DROP IT OK?  
TC: SuRe KaRbRo, CoNsIdEr ThE iSsUe DrOpPeD lIkE iT wAs WaY aBoVe AvErAgE tEmPrAtUrE.  
CG: THANKS….. LAST THING IS TO ALIENATE SOMEONE ELSE WITH ALL MY FUCKING ISSUES YOU KNOW?  
TC: I cAn ReSpEcT tHaT.  
CG: I JUST DON’T THINK I AM READY TO BE ANYONE’S MOIRAIL ANYMORE SINCE AFTER THAT FUCKING GAME. SHIT WENT SO WRONG IN SO MANY FUCKING DIRECTIONS.  
CG: OF COURSE, YOU DON’T SEEM TO REMEMBER ANY OF THAT SHIT. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW I FUCKING ENVY THAT.  
TC: ShIt BrO, i Am SuRe YoU wIlL bE a FiNe MoIrAiL tO wHaTeVeR mOtHeRfUcKeR yOu GiVe YoUr DiAmOnDs ToO.  
CG: HAHAHAHA, OH MAN….. YOU REALLY HAVE NO IDEA HOW BAD I BLEW MY LAST MOIRAILLEGIANCE.  
CG: IT DOESN’T EVEN FUCKING MATTER.  
TC: BrO, tHaT sHiT iS lIkE tHe MoSt FuCkInG iMpOrTaNt QuAdRaNt…. LeAsT that’s WhAt ThE cAtSiS kEpT tElLiN mE.  
CG: YES IT IS IMPORTANT……  
CG: BUT I JUST…….. FUCK.  
CG: I DON’T FEEL UP TO IT ANYMORE YOU NO?  
CG: MAYBE, IN THE FUTURE, SOMEWHERE, I GUESS……  
CG: JUST NEED TO LEARN NOT TO FLIP MY LID AS MUCH IN PUBLIC I GUESS.  
CG: BECAUSE HOLY SHIT, RE-READING SOME OF THIS, I AM JUST ASKING FOR A GOOD PAPPING.  
CG: PERHAPS I NEED TO FIND WAYS TO PROPERLY SHOOSH MYSELF WHEN I’M ACTING LIKE A WRIGGLER AGAIN…… DOES THAT COUND AS MASTURBATION? I DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW.  
TC: Is AlL gOoD bRo.  
TC: If YoU eVeR nEeD sOmEoNe To MeLlOw OuT wItH, i GoT a SoDa WiTh YoUr NaMe On It.  
CG: ………………………………………………………..  
CG: …………………………………………………………  
TC: SoMeThInG wRoNg BrO?  
CG: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned terminallyCapricious [TC] from memo--**

CG: I NEED A COLD FUCKING SHOWER!

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] left memo--**

CT: D--> Blasted towels…….  
CT: D--> Each of them already drenched with a variety of bodily fluids.  
CT: D--> Hello?  
CT: D--> ……………………………………………………………..  
CT: D--> Anyone here?  
CT: D--> ……………………………………………………………..  
CT: D--> E%ellent.   
CT: D--> Simply e%ellent……..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hah, I don't even ship GamKar. I just thought it would be a kinda cute conclusion to have him fall back into his old moiraillegiance so effortlessly. The shiptease tag is there for a reason people.
> 
> My own opinion on the movie...... Really condensed cause the original version of this was way too long: Surprisingly fond of the movie, hate the Disney marketing department, nearly crying at the lantern scene, recommend for people with a fondness for disney and/or fairy tales. Expected/wanted them to explore the relation between Rapunzel and Gothel more, like the relation between Jim Hawkins and Silver from Treasure Planet. Also would have liked to see more Rapunzel/Flynn banter. The sign of a good movie is when you want more off it.
> 
> Anyway, note for the chronology. Next The Room will be put back into its rightful place, after which Equius will choose either Robocop or Terminator and if I can find the time there will be an april fools chapter as well. Cheerio.


	7. BONUS

**\-- Twistedaftermath [TA] hacked memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS—**

TA: 4LR1GH7 4557H475  
TA: 1 G075 17  
TA: W3 4R3 W47CH1NG 4 MOV713 M0773RF0KK3R5  
TA: 17 15 G01N7 T0 B3 TH35 H17!  
TA: GR0D  
TA: F4CK1N D4NN17  
TA: 5H17 5H17 5H17 5H1777!!!!

**\-- Casualartist [CA] joined memo--**

CA: hey, chief.  
CA: vwhat seems to be the problem.  
TA: 1 W475 G01NG5 T0 5TR43M 7H15 M0V13 BU7 1 BR0K3 TH3 BULG3FUCK1NG D15C  
TA: C0D5UC1N5 D4MN17T P13C3 0F 5H17 FUCK5 P13C3 0F FUCK!  
CA: easy there mate. its just a disc.  
TA: BUR 1 B0RR0W53D 1T FR0M 7ULL1P  
CA: ah, there it is.  
CA: and now you feel all guilty don’t you?  
TA: 5H17!!!  
CA: easy captor. wve are sharin a moment here.  
CA: lets enjoy it.  
TA: WH47 73H FUC7 4R3 7OU 70LK13N 4B0U7!?  
CA: wve don’t talk enough captor.  
TA: W3 74LK7 M0R3 TH3N 3NUFF  
CA: i think you’re a pretty groowvy cat, so howv come wve don’t hang out more?  
TA: C4U3 TULL1P 54Y5 YOU5 4 FCJ1N CR33P  
CA: oh wvell THAT is fuckin nice.  
TA: …………………………  
TA: 50rry.  
CA: i swvear wvhere do they ewven get that idea?  
TA: 50RRY  
CA: i hawve feelins too captor an your shittin all owver them.  
CA: takin a big steamy dump all owver my feelins.  
TA: 50rry  
CA: wvell…. Its alright mate. i don’t blame you.  
CA: so vwhat are you gonna do about the disc?  
TA: 1 DUNN0. FUCK1NG 57UP1D BR0K3N5 F4CK3N 5K4NK D15S!  
TA: GF0D D344MN!

**— Cravingtaurus [CT] joined memo--**

CT: 8==D< Hay  
CA: oh fuck.  
CT: 8==D< Are we by any chance gathering the herd in this memo?  
TA: FUC7 N0  
TA: WTY W0ULD 1 W4ND5 TH4T!?  
CT: 8==D< Oh……  
CT: 8==D< F*ddlest*%.....  
TA: W4T?!  
CT: 8==D< This might be a little awkward in that regard.

**\-- Absolutecatastrophe [AC] joined memo--**

AC: \\(=^..^=)/ MOG!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ THIS IS THE BEST IDEA!  
CA: vwhat is?  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ WATCHING A MOVIE TOGETHER OF COURSE! IT’S THE BEST IDEA EFUR!! CATASTIC!!!  
TA: 1 7HOUGH7 YOU WOULD L1K3 TH4T  
TA: 1 H4V3 73H B35T F1L7H 4ND P0RN FUR Y0U T0 P1CK  
TA: 0R 5H4LL W3 M43K 4R 0WN?!  
AC: \\(=O..O=)/  
CT: 8==D< That is so….. incredibly naughty.  
CT: 8==D< Neigh, I say, neigh.  
CA: i’m tellin you right nowv, if you twvo start actin all pale in this conwvo I’ll get jealous.  
CA: or maybe a lil aroused.  
CT: 8==D< You incredible 100dster.  
CT: 8==D< Your voyeuristic tendencies herd my delicate moirail.  
CT: 8==D< Er…..  
CT: 8==D< Delicat?  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ OMG HORUSS!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ <> <> <> <> <> <> <>  
TA: 7H15 1S L4M3.  
TA: M0V13 15 571LL BR0K3N 4ND YOU 455H475 4R3 R377Y B0R1NG7.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ NO WAY!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ YOU JUST DON’T KNOW HOW TO HAVE FUN.  
TA: D0 700  
TA: JU57T G1V3 M3 H4LF 4N H0UR 4ND 4 PR1V4735 R35P173BL0CK 70 PR0V3 17  
AC: /(=O..O=)\  
TA: H0W D0 1 74K35 MY CL0FS 0FF 4G1N?  
AC: /(=X..X=)\ DO NOT WANT!  
CA: 8==D< Captor, you are acting e%eedingly 100d and I must request you cease this mode of behaveior post haste for my moirail’s sake as well as my own.  
CA: 8==D< My glasses are fogging up.  
TA: ………………  
TA: 50RRY.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/  
TA: BU7 1M NO7 R34LLY 50RRY  
CA: this is gettin pretty stupid. if wve are not watchin the mowvie can captor an i at least get some alone time?

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] entered memo--**

CA: im takin that as a no.  
CG: HOLY FUCK, WHAT DO YOU ASSHOLES THINK YOU ARE DOING!?  
CG: THIS IS *MY* GODDAMN MEMO. THE ONE THAT I USE TO WATCH SHITTY MOVIES.  
TA: 1 KNW.  
TA: 1 H4XXX0RT 1T.  
CG: OH MY TABLE FLIPPING GOD! HOW DID YOU EVEN DO THAT?!?!  
CG: YOU CAN’T EVEN TIE YOUR OWN FUCKING SHOELACES WITH THE HELP OF A KIND ELDERLY LUSUS!!  
TA: J0K35S 0N U FUCKR.   
TA: 1M N0T W34R1N 5H035.  
CG: GOD!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ OHMIGOSH! YOU’RE KANKRI’S LITTLEST DANCESTOR. OH YES YOU ARE!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ WHO’S A CUTE LITTLE NUBBY?  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ YOU ARE.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ YES YOU ARE.  
CG: I AM NOT A FUCKING WRIGGLER YOU BRAINDEAD IMBECILE!   
CG: I WAS THE GODDAMN LEADER OF MY SESSION AND I DEMAND SOME FUCKING RESPECT BEFORE I SHOWER YOU IN MOLTEN HOT HATERAGE!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ WHO’S A LITTLE GRUMPY?  
CG: FUCK!  
CT: 8==D< She isn’t serious of horse.  
CT: 8==D< Correct, Meowlin?  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ HE IS SO CUTE!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ CAN I KEEP HIM?  
CT: 8==D< Oh bother.  
CG: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!  
CA: say buddy, wve newver got properly introduced did wve?  
CA: ya kinda ran off and locked yourself in your hiwve last wve met.  
CG: YES AND I AM INCREDIBLY TEMPTED TO GO DOWN THAT ROUTE AGAIN IF ONLY TO SAVE MYSELF THIS INCREDIBLY HORRIBLE CONVERSATION!

**\-- Genderaberrance [GA] joined memo--**

CG: THANK FUCK. KANAYA, HELP ME OUT HERE.  
GA: I THINK I AM ABOUT TO LOSE MY FUCKING MARBLES IN HERE.  
GA: I hate to+ disappo+int Karkat, but last I checked I was no+t Kanaya.  
CG: OH FUCK ME!  
GA: No+t in a public chat dear.  
GA: Co+me to+ think o+f it, maybe no+t at all.  
GA: Yes, co+nsidering yo+ur relation+n to+ o+ur insufferable o+ne, I think I’ll decline. No+ hard feelings.  
CG: GOD WOMAN, THIS WASN’T A LITERAL SOLLICITATION! THIS WAS A FIGURE OF SPEECH TO EXPRESS MY INCREDIBLE DISCONTENT WITH THE CURRENT FUCKING SITUATION!  
TA: F1R5T T13M 1 H3RD H3R TURN 4NY03N D0WN7  
TA: Y0U MU5T R33LLY 5UCK7 1N B3D  
CG: I CAN’T BELIEVE I FOUND A CAPTOR THAT’S WORSE THAN MINE. THERE HAS TO BE SOME KIND OF GLITCH IN THE MATRIX FOR THIS TO HAPPEN.  
GA: Trust me, it is no+t the first time I turned so+meo+ne do+wn.  
CA: ah great, can wve maybe not talk about that right nowv?  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ BUT IT’D BE SO CUTE!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ PORRIM IS ALL CONFURDENT AND SULTRY WHILE CRONUS IS NEITHER SO SHE COULD TOTALLY HELP HIM OUT!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ AND THEN CRONUS COULD WRITE HER A LOVE SONG AND IT’D BE SO ADORBS!  
GA: Do+ I get a say in this?  
CA: really?  
CA: people still fall for that crap?  
GA: I think I kno+w yo+u to+o+ well to+ fall fo+r that.  
CA: Yeah, that figures.  
TA: D15C 15 S71LL BR0K3N........  
CA: are you still on about that captor?  
TA: 50RRY

**\-- Antisocialarbiter [AA] joined memo--**

CG: THEN I GUESS THIS ISN’T ARADIA?  
GA: No+. She is wo+rse.  
AA:こんにちは  
CG: OH GOD, WHY DOES SHE EVEN TALK LIKE THAT?  
CT: 8==D< She cantered from East Alternia. It is her native tongue.  
CG: THOSE AREN’T LETTERS, THEY ARE RANDOM SQUIGGLY LINES, DRAWN BY A WRIGGLER DROPPED ON THE THINKPAN ONE TOO MANY TIMES!  
CG: CAN SHE EVEN SPEAK PROPER ALTERNIAN?  
AA: ME LIKE YOU.  
AA: DAMARA SWEET GIRL. YOU SWEET FOR DAMARA?  
GA: Crudely.  
AA:私はあなたに示しましょう、天然のまま  
CT: 8==D< I think she desires to show us something.  
AA:私があなたに小鳥を示す場合、でしょう、それらを抜き取ります、馬人  
AA:私のミルクを飲み、私のつのを引きます。  
CT: 8==D< Why thank you, I do love being a horse.  
CG: WHAT………?  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ HORUSS IS ACTUALLY A HORSE IN A TROLL’S BODY.  
CT: 8==D< It is an e%tremely personal issue but yes…. I am a majestic hoofbeast.  
CT:8==D< It is so incredibly liberating to acknowledge this galloping issue. CA: good on you man.  
CA: it is hard bein a non-troll in a troll body.  
CA: its hard and no one understands.  
CA: i wrote a poem about it actually.  
CG: THIS ENTIRE THING IS TOO STUPID TO COMPREHEND. IT WOULD EVEN GIVE GAMZEE A FUCKING ANEURYSM! CG: SO WHAT, YOU’RE A HORSE TOO?!  
CA: no way, that’s a bit too weird even for me.  
CT: 8==D< I assure you, there is nothing weird about the way I behoof.  
CG: DO I EVEN WANT TO ASK WHAT’S WRONG WITH AMPORA? IS HE A SQUID? PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF THE HORRORTERRORS TELL ME HE’S A SQUID.  
CA: i am a human.  
CG: ………………………………………………………………….  
CG: I’M DONE.  
CG: YOU CANNOT BE FUCKING SERIOUS! YOU ARE A TROLL, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO APE THE RETARDED PINK SPECIMEN WE CREATED BY A FUCKING MISTAKE.  
CA: that’s wvay hateful, not to mention vwery intolerant.   
CA: you’re specist.   
CA: specist i tell you.  
CA: don’t hate me cause im different.  
CG: I AM SO FUCKING DONE WITH THIS NONSENSE!  
AA:私たち、まだ始められない避難所

**\-- Cavaliergargarization [CG] entered memo--**

CG: Actually, I d9 6elieve Cr9nus is c9rrect.  
CG: Y9ur attempts t9 shame his unique disp9siti9n are c9mpletely uncalled f9r and highly triggering.  
CG: I 6elieve y9u are in a dire need t9 check y9ur privileges and f9rmally ap9l9gize t9 Cr9nus.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ HI KANKRI.  
CG: G99d day Meulin.  
CG: Hmmm re-reading this mem9 I cann9t help 6ut n9tice y9u have 6een flirting with my descendant again Maryam  
GA: Are yo+u serio+usly trying to+ start this again Kankri?  
CG: N9w P9rrim, y9u kn9w I respect y9ur right t9 s9llicite any tr9ll t9 fill y9ur quadrants, I 6elieve the c9mparis9n with rev9lving d99rs has 6een made, 6ut I am g9ing t9 draw the line with my descendant. It is awkward f9r every9ne inv9lved and particularly triggering f9r me c9nsidering the c9untless similarities 6etween Karkat and myself.  
CG: There is als9 the matter 9f age y9u may want t9 c9nsider taking int9 acc9unt. We have existed f9r e9ns s9 9ur descendants are 6ut wrigglers in c9mparis9n. This is n9t t9 disc9urage y9ur attempts at r9mancing a y9unger tr9ll 9r call y9u 9ld, merely an9ther c9ntributing fact9r 9f me asking y9u t9 cease your 6latant flirtati9ns with my descendant.  
TA: S0 MUCH R3D T3KST WH4T7 3V3N5 F01NG 0N?!  
AA:才能のある舌。  
AA:他のものに使用する必要がありません。  
GA: Sigh…..   
GA: Had yo+u even paid a little attention+n yo+u wo+uld have seen I suggested we didn’t, if o+nly to+ avo+id these embarrassing rants.  
GA: No+t o+nly that, but o+ur descendants are o+ld and wise eno+ugh to+ decide fo+r themselves. Isn’t that right Karkat?  
CG: …………………………………………………………….  
GA: So+mething abo+ut yo+u being the leader o+f yo+r session+n and demanding respect?  
CG: …………………………………………………………….  
CA: yeah, i think you guys broke him.

**\-- Gnarlycrailtap [GC] joined memo--**

GC: sup 3rrybody, how you do1n?  
TA: H3Y 7UL4.  
GC: m4n so r4d to s33 3v3ryon3. h4v3nt t4lk3d to HZ in 5fs.   
GC: you st1ll 4 hors3 bro?  
CT: 8==D< Most certainly.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ HE IS THE BEST HORSIE!  
AA:彼、ない、馬のサイズの半分  
AA:しかし、私は彼を一つのように聞こえさせたい。  
CT: 8==D< I do not follow. Do you want me to make a sound?  
AA:甘い甘い音楽馬人の音。  
GC: h4h4h4, Y34H!   
GC: d1d you s3t th1s th1ng up mc?  
TA: N0  
CA: wvhat are you talkin about captor?  
CA: wvhen i came to the memo there wvas no one here but you.  
TA: N0  
CA: you wvhere bragging about haxxxoring it to kankri’s dancestor.  
TA: N0  
TA: N0  
TA: N0,4F1  
CA: uh huh…..  
TA: 1 J5U7 W4N73D 70 W47CH 4 M0V13 W17H 7UL1P BUT N0 7H3 GDFCK1N P13C3 4 5H7 G4444RGH!  
GC: 4h, d1d th3 d1sc br34k mc?  
TA: …………  
TA: Y35  
TA: 1M 50RRY.  
GC: 4h 1ts no b1gg13. no n33d to w1nd yours3lf up ov3r 1t. 1tll just g1v3 you 4noth3r h34d4ch3.  
TA: 1M 50RRY.  
GC: do you st1ll w4nn4 w4tch th3 mov13?  
GC: i alch3m1z3d 4 sp4r3.  
TA: FCKN R34LLY?  
GC: y34h. 1 w4nt3d to g1v3 you 4 copy too.  
TA: UR 7H3 R4DD357 FCK1N M735PR17 3VR!  
TA: L3T5 POP 7H3 B17C 1N!  
GC: H3CK TH3 FUCK Y3S!  
GA: Yo+u can still back o+ut Karkat.  
CG: I HAVE ALREADY GIVEN UP………  
AA:今までで最悪の底抜け騒ぎ

CG: OH THIS LOOKS GOOD. WHERE DO I SIGN UP FOR THIS HORRIBLE EXCUSE OF A TITLE SCREEN.  
TA: 15 JU57 7H4 HOU53 OF 4 GUY N4M37 R1CHRD FCK74RD  
GA: I fail to+ see the pro+blem.  
GC: 1t h4z th1s funky cluckb34st too.   
CG: FUCK. I FORGOT I AM THE ONLY DAMN PERSON IN THE ROOM WHO KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT HUMANS!  
CA: hey!  
CA: i knowv plenty about humans. bein a tragic human trapped in a troll body and all.  
CA: i am practically an expert on them.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ OMG DO YOU SHIP THEM TOO?  
CA: no.   
CA: well, eh, maybe a lil.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ WE MUST EXCHANGE FAVORITE SHIPS! I MUST KNOW WHAT OUR HUMAN EXPERT THINKS ABOUT MY WALL!  
AC: \\(=O..O=)/ SOME OF THEM ARE PURETTY HARDCORE THOUGH. I MAY NEED TO COFUR THEM UP FURST.  
CA: i really don’t wvanna see your wvall.   
AC: /(=U..U=)\  
CA: its alright, wve can talk ships. just as long as wve agreed i am the expert on humans.  
CG: WHEN YOU LIVED WITH THEM ON A METEOR FOR THREE YEARS YOU CAN TELL ME YOU KNOW HUMANS!  
GC: Y9u are making light 9f cr9nus’s situati9n and th9ugh I d9 n9t wish t9 impede 9n y9ur freed9m 9f expressi9n, I d9 want y9u t9 quit bef9re risking s9me seri9us triggers.  
CG: THIS ENTIRE IMAGE IS PRETTY MUCH SCREAMING HUMAN BULGE.  
GC: m4n lil v4nt4z, wh4t g1v3s you th4t 1d34?  
GC: sounds l1k3 som3on3 gotz h1s m1nd 1n th3 gutt3rz yo.  
CG: TRY HOLDING A SINGLE CONVERSATION WITH A STRIDER AND SEE THAT I AM RIGHT!

CT: 8==D< Heavens, what are they riding?  
CT: 8==D< It’s constru%ion does not seem to be stable.  
CT: 8==D< It is probably terribly unsafe.  
GC: h4h4h4 y34h th4ts why th3y do 1t  
GC: 3XTR3M3!  
AC: /(-..-)\ IS THAT ALSO WHY THEY FIRE THOSE CATNONS AT THEMSELVES?  
GC: Yup!  
AC: /(=X..X=)\ THAT IS PURETTY STUPID.  
GC: 1t r34lly 1s m3wzt3r, th4ts th3 po1nt  
GA: And no+t a single wo+man in the gro+up.  
GA: It is a shame to+ see o+ur human friends fell victim to+ the patriarchy as well. To+ see such an archaic structure prevail is sickening.  
CG: I d9 n9t see the pr96lem with the current scenari9 P9rrim. N9t t9 make light 9f y9ur feelings 6ut I d9 6elieve y9u are gr9ssly 9verreacting. The lack 9f w9men in this m9vie d9es n9t immediately imply any ill will t9wards them.   
CG: I am c9ncerned, as y9ur friend, a69ut your insistence 9f this 6attle against this hyp9thetical patriarchy.  
GA: What?!  
CG: This frankly delusi9nal n9ti9n that all men are s9meh9w c9nspiring t9 keep w9men d9wn strikes me as incredi6ly paran9id, n9t t9 menti9n s9mewhat sexist. Men are n9t 9ut t9 sp9il y9ur fun 9r specifically target w9men.  
CG: It is a little hurtful that y9u think s9 l9wly 9f us.  
GA: WHAT?!  
CG: I suggest y9u cease this line 9f argument 6ef9re triggering any9ne.  
GC: trust m3 m3rryg4mz, th3r3 4r3 no wom3n 1n th3 mov13 c4use th3y don’t w4nt to b3 4soc14t3d w1th som3th1ng 4s h3ll4 w4ck 4s th1s.  
GA: I tho+ught yo+u said it was extreme?  
GC: 1t 1s!  
GC: 1t 1s both!  
GC: so m4k3 up you two. 1nt3rn3t h1gh f1v3z for 3v3ryon3!  
GC: Y34H!  
GA: No+t until kankri admits the gender po+litics are co+mpletely unbalanced.   
CG: HELL, I AGREE WITH MARYAM. I JUST THINK IT’S THE OTHER WAY AROUND.  
GA: I tho+ught better o+f yo+u karkat.  
CG: JUST FUCKING THINK ABOUT IT.  
CG: ONE OF OUR GENDERS HAS TO DEAL WITH GAMZEE, ERIDAN, TAVROS, EQUIUS…. NOT TO MENTION THE ALPHA MEN AND THE STRIDERS. HAVE YOU *TRIED* BEING IN A TEAM WITH THOSE ASSHOLES?  
CG: THEY BRING DOWN THE CURVE SO FAR IT CAN WAVE TO GL’BGOLYB. AT BEST THEY ARE INEFFECTUAL AND AT WORST THEY ACTUALLY WORK AGAINST THE FUCKING GRAIN!  
CG: SAY WHAT YOU WILL ABOUT SERKET AND PYROPE, AT LEAST THEY GOT SHIT DONE DURING THE GAME. PEIXES AND MEGIDO AT LEAST DID THEIR FUCKING JOB. KANAYA AND NEPETA WERE AT LEAST SOMEWHAT SANE AND MOST IMPORTANTLY NON-VIOLENT TOWARDS THEIR TEAM.  
CG: HOW IS IT FAIR THAT ONE GENDER GETS SO MANY MORE COMPETENT PLAYERS? IF YOU WOMEN WANTED, YOU COULD PROBABLY BAND TOGETHER AND OWN THIS DIRTBALL BEFORE THE LUNCH BREAK. TALK ABOUT A FUCKING IMBALANCE THERE.  
GA: That certainly is an interesting way o+f lo+o+king at it……  
CA: wvhat do you mean wvith: not to mention the alpha men?

CA: so wvhat is happenin here?  
TA: 7H3Y JU57 RN73D 4 C4R5 57UP1D.  
CA: yes but vwhy?  
CA: wvhat is a derby?  
CG: RESIDENT HUMAN EXPERT PEOPLE.  
CA: drop it already vwantas.  
CT: 8==D< Though I know this isn’t any of my business Cronus, may I give you some advice.  
CT: 8==D< The moment you are faced with any crisis of identity whatsoever, it is really important to do your best to manufacture esoteric features of your personality and believe in them very STRONGLY and tell people about these things as much as possible.  
CA: so i should be more conwvinced about my owvn humanity and tell people about it more often?  
CT: 8==D< Abso100tely  
GA: That wo+nt be nesecary Cro+nus.  
TA: Y34H PL3453 D0NT  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ NO!!!! HE DEFURNITELY SHOULD!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ HE COULD ALSO STAND TO SMILE A LOT MORE. THAT’S IMPURTANT TOO!!!  
CT: 8==D< It is as my moirail says.  
CG: WHAT IS THIS I DON’T EVEN?!  
AA: YES KARKAT  
AA: DESPAIR I KNOW

TA: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4  
TA: Y3ZZ5! CR45H M17H3RFUCKR CR45H!!   
CG: This is incredi6ly danger9us. Wrigglers sh9uld 6e warned n9t t9 attempt these stunts at their 9wn hives.   
TA: NO 5H17 L37 7H3M. 7H15 15 FCKN 4W5M3.   
CG: That w9uld 6e highly irresp9nsi6le. N9t 9nly that, the way this man treats rented pr9perty is n9thing sh9rt 9f abh9rent. Y9u cann9t return the car in this c9nditi9n.  
TA: N0 3XC3P7 7H3Y 7074LLY D0. 4ND 17 15 G0FDFCK1N S233T.   
GA: Mituna seems to+ enjo+y himself.  
GC: 44h y3s. th1s mov13 1s str41ght up th3 bomb!  
GC: y4 h4v3 to 4dm1t 1 p1ck th3 b3st mov13z 4round.  
GC: com3 on gurl g1v3 m3 f1v3.  
GA: I am no+ where in yo+ur vicinity.  
GC: 1nt3rn3t h1-f1v3 com3 on, h1t m3 up.  
GA: Very well. Co+nsider yo+ur hand tho+ro+ughly slapped.  
GC: h4h4! Y34h!  
AA:ねじれている。

CA: ah, this one I knowv as human myself.  
CA: this is people bowvlin. a time honored tradition.  
CA: humans hawve this instinctive compulsion to do this once a swveep.  
CT: 8==D: E%ellent Cronus. Keep telling yourself that you are the human e%pert.  
CG: YES, EXCEPT HE’S NOT. UNLESS YOU GET WRAPPED UP IN HIS CAPE, I HAVE NEVER SEEN STRIDER FLING PEOPLE LIKE THAT.  
CG: MY ONLY REGRET IS THAT THE BOWLING BALL DIDN’T HIT THE HEAD OF THE GUY THUS FATALLY INJURING HIM AND SAVING US FROM WATCHING THIS PIECE OF SHIT ANY FURTHER. CA: vwell are you sure this so called strider is human?  
CG: AAAAARGH!  
GA: Meulin, are yo+u certain abo+ut this advice yo+u have been giving Ho+russ?  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ OF COURSE!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ HE WAS ALWAYS SO GRUMPY BEFUR WE BECAME MOIRAILS. NOW HE’S SMILING ALL THE TIME.  
GA: Yes…… Because yo+u to+ld him to+.  
GA: Do+es that no+t strike yo+u as weird?  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ NOP. NOT REALLY.  
AC: \\(=^..^;=)/ SHOULD IT?

CG: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK WHY AM I SEEING THIS!  
CA: you knowv vwhat?   
CA: i don’t think humans are supposed to do this……  
CG: OH DON’T YOU FUCKING BACK OUT NOW AMPORA. YOU WANT TO BE PART OF THE RETARDED SPECIES OF APEBEASTS WE CALL HUMAN? FINE.  
CG: NOW TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT YOUR FOREBEARERS AND BEGIN STRAPPING ELECTRICAL STIMULATORS TO YOUR TAINT!  
AA:私は奇妙な建設をしています。  
TA: H4H4H4H4H4H4 WH47 4 BUNCHZ OF 455H0L35!  
TA: 5TUP1D 1D10T5.  
CG: This is severely triggering. The 6latant mas9chistic imagery, the explicit nudity. Latula, I am disapp9inted in the severe lack 9f triggerwarnings y9u made f9r this m9vie.  
GC: th3 mov13 4lr34dy s41d th1z b1zz 1s don3 by prof3ss1on4ls 4nd should not b3 cop13d.  
CG: I kn9w 6ut……  
CG: I just find this m9vie really tasteless.  
GC: W3ll y34h, th4ts th3 po1nt.  
CG: I d9nt get it.  
GC: th4ts cool v4nt4ztic. 1ts som3th1ng b3tw33n tun4 4n m3.

CG: ALRIGHT, I AM MAKING A REVIEW OF THIS MOVIE.  
CG: SO FAR IT IS JUST A BLANK DOCUMENT WITH THE WORDS ‘FUCKING’ AND ‘WHY’ IN THE BIGGEST BOLDEST LETTERS THIS PROGRAM ALLOWS, REPEATED AD INFINITUM!  
AA:熱い外観  
AA:私はそれを望みます。  
AA:私の乳首に署名された女性を噛みます。  
CT: 8==D< I think she is talking to you Meulin.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ SOMETHING THE MATTER DAMARA?  
AA:私は猫少女を気にかけません。  
AA:ロールプレイはいが好きです?  
AA:病気のことは生徒です。  
AA:私を訓練しなければなりません。  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ I THINK SHE WANTS TO LEARN SOMETHING.  
AA:私は非常に悪かった。  
AC: /(=X..X=)\ HELP, WHAT IS SHE SAYING?  
CT: 8==D< Something bad is going on. Is it a warning Damara?  
AA:白痴。

GA: This is pure maso+chism.  
CG: THIS IS PURELY IDIOTIC!  
CA: i am hawvin second thoughts about the wvhole bein human thing.  
CA: wvhich is so tragic. it’s been such a large part a my identity for so long.  
CA: if i am not human then wvho is this person called cronus ampora?  
TA: PL453 D0N7 M43K 4N07H3R P03M.  
CA: but this torment driwves me to it.  
CA: people still dig tormented poets right?  
TA: JU57 K33P 17 PR4V173. N0 0N3 W4N75 T0 R34D 5H177Y 4SZ PO37RY.  
CA: captor your bein quite an insensitiwve dick right nowv.  
TA: 0H…..  
TA: 50RRY.  
CT: 8==D< I do believe you require more positive reinforcement Cronus.  
CT: 8==D< You need to remain positive in the face of this current adversity.  
CA: look i appreciate it, but if this is wvhat humans do i kinda wvant to wvash my hands of the wvhole thing.  
AC: \\(=O..O=)/ OH NO.

TA: PH4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4HH4H4H4H4  
TA: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3  
TA: PFFFFH4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4 WH47 4N 455HOL3!  
TA: H3 CR4PP3T H1S P4NTZ L1K3 4N 1D1O7!  
AC: /(-_-)\ THAT IS DISGUSTING!  
AA:それへではない  
GC: th3n h3 cr4ps 1n 4 stor3 to1l3t 4nd w4lks 4w4y l1k3 4 boss.  
CG: LIKE A FUCKING ASSHOLE YOU MEAN.  
TA: Y0U JS7 H473 FUN.  
CG: I WOULD HATE THE FUCKWIT TAKING A DUMP IN THE MIDDLE OF A STORE!  
CG: I d9 n9t think I can take much m9re 9f this terri6le film.  
CG: All these pe9ple d9 is cause themselves 9r each 9ther 69dily harm while laughing like im6eciles.  
CG: This is unfit f9r 9ur eyes and I rec9mmend we cease the viewing 9f this film immediately.  
TA: N0 W4Y P4NC4K3. 1T 1S JU57 G3771N G00D.

CT: 8==D< Goodness.  
CT: 8==D< I w001d certainly be upset if someone were to do this to my mane.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ IT IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUR MANE.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ I JUST WANT TO PAT IT AND PLAY WITH IT.  
AA:私は、あなたをぴしゃりと打っている一方、それを引きたい。  
TA: 1M G0NN4 D0 1T.  
TA: 1M G0NN4 SH4V3 YUR M4N3.  
CT: 8==( This w001d cause me no small amount of grief captor.  
TA: R34LLY?  
CT: 8==( Yes.  
TA: 0H……  
TA: 50RRY.

CG: MY GOD THIS IS STUPID.  
CA: my heart just broke vwantas.  
CA: vwhat vwas I thinkin ewver wvanting to be like this?  
CG: YEAH, BEING AN IDIOT IS JUST SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS.  
CG: NOW YOU KNOW, NOW YOU CAN TRY BEING LESS OF AN IDIOT.  
CA: i really could use a shoulder to cry on.  
CA: if only someone could help me figure out wvhat I should be.  
CG: YEAH, I DON’T KNOW ANYONE LIKE THAT.  
CA: you hawve a wvery pretty wvoice. wve could make beautiful music together.  
CG: I’M TONEDEAF.  
CA: you hawve pretty eyes?  
CG: THIN ICE ASSHOLE.  
CA: wveh.

GA: What do+es this fo+o+l think that he’s do+ing?  
GC: g3tt1ng shot 1n th3 gut by 4 non f4t4l project1l3. tot3s h4rdcor3.  
GA: Fired fro+m a sho+tgun.  
GC: h4h4 y34h!  
GA: i am beginning to+ see where yo+ur earlier statement came from latula. No+ sane wo+man wo+uld want to+ asso+ciate with these peo+ple.  
CG: D9 y9u mean t9 imply all human women are sane?  
CG: THAT WOULD MEAN SHE HASN’T MET THE LALONDES YET.  
GA: I have met bo+th lalo+ndes and fo+und them quite pleasant co+mpany.  
CG: Please tell me y9u haven’t…..  
GA: Haven’t what Kanny?  
CG: I…. Y9u kn9w.  
GA: No+ I do+ no+t kno+w but this is beginning to+ so+und incredibly triggering.  
CG: I see.  
CG: I shall remain quiet then.  
CG: DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH THE LALONDES?  
CG: KARKAT!  
GA: Finally, so+meo+ne who+ actually speaks his mind.  
GA: No+, I have no+t.  
CG: SEE, HOW HARD WAS THAT?  
CG: That w9uld have 6een a highly awkward n9t t9 menti9n incredi6ly triggering situati9n had she reacted even a tiny 6it differently. Y9u may want t9 take this int9 acc9unt the next time y9u need t9 ask s9me9ne such an incredi6ly 6lunt questi9n.   
GA: I am sure he will keep it in mind.

GA: Ho+w is it co+nsidered a jo+ke that he gets his ass kicked by a wo+man?  
CG: SERIOUSLY, SHE COULD TAKE THREE OF THOSE DOUCHEBAGS.  
TA: Y35 Y35 Y35!  
TA: 1 LUV3 TH15 M01V3 50 MUCH TUL4.   
TA: 7H5NK YOU.  
GC: 44w shucks, 4ny t1m3 tun4.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ I DON’T REALLY GET WHAT’S SO GOOD ABOUT IT.  
CT: 8==D< Now Meulin, you told me we sh001d always remain positive.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ YOUR RIGHT. ALWAYS STAY PAWSITIVE AND PEPPY AND HAPPY AND GAY.  
CG: THAT LAST WORD HAS GOTTEN SUCH A DIFFERENT MEANING AFTER DISCOVERING THE HUMANS……  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ AND I WANT TO KEEP WATCHING JUST TO SEE WHAT WILL CATPUN NEXT.  
CG: I d9 n9t wish t9 c9ntinue watching. H9wever, I am furi9usly making n9tes a69ut the large am9unt 9f triggers present in this m9vie. Capt9r can expect t9 6e lectured 9n them s99ner rather than later.  
TA: 1LL JU5T PUT M4H H4ML3T ON R33L 71GH7 50 1 D0NT H34R 5H17.  
TA: N07 L1K3 1 H34R MUCH OF WH47 YOU S4Y 4NYW4Y, W17H 4LL THO53 BULGSZ 1N UR MOU7H.  
TA: L1K3 M1N3.  
TA: MY BULG3 1N UR MOU7TH.  
AA:私は、処女の少年が第1の増加をとるのを見なければなりません。  
CG: CAPT9R THAT IS INCREDI6LY LEWD AND TRIGGERING!  
TA: 1…… 50RRY…  
CG: n9, this is n9t alright. Capt9r, th9ugh I am very well aware 9f your limited mental capa6ilities there are lines even y9u must 6e aware 9ff. S9lliciting me f9r sex is such an incredi6le trigger I d9 n9t think I can even pr9perly 6egin t9 explain t9 y9u h9w insulted I am.  
TA: 50RRY…..  
GA: Kanny.  
GA: Calm do+wn.  
GC: s3r1ously. Not cool.  
CG: Y9u saw h9w he s9llicited me like that!  
GC: 1t w4s 4 jok3.   
GC: now c4lm your t1ts down 4nd w4tch th3 mov13.  
CT: 8==D< I think you are in some dire need of more optimism.  
GC: qu13t HZ.  
CT: 8==D< Yes ma’am.

CA: and nowv they are spotted bears.  
CA: because of reasons.  
TA: 1TZ H1L4R10US!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ OHMIGOSH ITS ADURABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ WE HAVE GOT TO GET YOU ONE OF THOSE SUITS HORUSS.  
CT: 8==D< I gladly w001d, but I fear it w001d conflict with my hoofbeast motive.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ OH NO, NO, NO, NO. WE ARE GETTING YOU THAT COSTUME!!!!!!

CA: oh I knowv this one.  
CA: this is human disco. Its dancing on funky tracks under multicolored lights wvearin multicolored clothes.  
CA: i actually tried wvorking wvith it on my third album but it doesn’t fit wvith my heartshreddin vwocals.  
CA: you wvanna come owver to my place an listen some of the good stuff, vwantas?  
CG: Actually I will 6e 6usy 9rdering all the triggerwarnings in this m9vie on alpha6ettical 9rder.  
CA: i wvas talkin to your cute descendant.  
CG: DO I WANT TO JAM FORKS INTO MY EARS UNTIL I HEAR COLORS?  
GA: ho+nestly cro+nus. if i canno+t flirt with him, what makes yo+u think yo+u can?  
CG: WHAT?  
CA: wvell, wve can make this a race.  
CG: WHAT?!  
GA: Intriguing. What did yo+u have in mind?  
CA: exactly wvhat it sounds like babe.  
CG: WHAAT?!!  
GA: Interesting.  
GA: What are the stakes?  
CA: loser has to deal wvith kankri’s flip-out.  
GA: Ahahahaha, o+h yo+u have made a ho+rrible mistake.  
CG: WHAAAAAAAAAT?!!?!?  
CG: DON’T TALK ABOUT ME LIKE I’M A PIECE OF MEAT PEOPLE!  
AA:冗談はそれらの上にあります。  
AA:私はこれを得ました。

CG: FAT PEOPLE ON SKATES. WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND FINDS THIS FUNNY.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ MOG THEY LOOK HILARIOUS!  
GC: h4h4h4h4 w3 tot3s got to try th4t mc.  
GC: c4n you 1m4g1n3 m3 1n on3 of thos3 su1ts? L1k3 LOL r1t3?  
TA: PH4H4H4H4H4H4HH4H4H4H4H4H4HH4H4H4H4H4  
TA: 7H3Y L00K S0 FCKN 57UP1D 1T HUR75 MY 51D35  
CG: OF COURSE.

GA: O+h, so+ when it’s a female bo+xer it’s a jo+ke but when it’s a man there suddenly has to+ be an ambulance o+n stand-by.  
CG: P9rrim I’m—  
GA: The wo+man was a wo+rld champion+n in her weight class. Surely that warrants so+me mo+re co+nsideratio+n?  
CG: P9rrim, I 6elieve y9u sh9ul—  
GA: It just really makes me angry is all. Do+ yo+u want to+ see me angry Kanny?  
CG: Kn9w what, never mind.  
GA: I tho+ught so+  
CA: seriously though, he got pretty messed up.  
CA: someone should definitely check that out.  
TA: 73Y W3R 4LRDY M3553D 73H FUCK UP.  
CA: fair point.

AC: /(=O..O=)\ EEEEEEEEEEEWWW…..  
AC: \\(=O..O=)/ I KNOW IT’S JUST A SEA-CUCUMBER, BUT ITS STILL SORT OF AN ANIMAL.  
AC: \\(=>..<=)/ AND NO ANIMAL DEPURVES TO BE USED LIKE THAT.  
AA:それは私に要望を与える。  
CA: god humans are disgustin.  
CA: wvhat wvas I ewven thinkin.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ DOES THAT MEAN YOU’LL LOSE THE CIGARETTE?  
CA: wvhat? No, a course not!  
CA: those things are the bees knees. it looks so svweet.  
CG: This is utterly tasteless.  
CG: Latula, I expected 6etter fr9m y9u.  
GC: w3ll sh1t k4nkr1.  
GC: sorry, but th1s mov13 1s th3 sh1t.  
CG: I just…… Urgh…..  
CG: I respect y9ur 9pini9n, 6ut t9 find y9u defending this tripe…..  
GC: do3snt sound 4 whol3 lot l1k3 r3sp3ct1ng my op1n1on…….  
CG: F9rgive me.  
CG: I think it 6etter if I left. This m9vie has n9t 6eaten me yet. C9nsider this a tactical retreat.  
GA: Will do+ Kanny.

**\-- cavalierGargarization [CG] left memo—**

CG: THOUGHT HE WOULD NEVER LEAVE.

GA: This is wildly irrespo+nsible.  
GA: What manner o+f idio+t wo+uld apply their ink under these circumstances?  
GA: Do+ they no+t care fo+r the craft?  
GC: w3 4r3 w4tch1ng 4 mov13 c4ll3d j4ck4ss m3rryg4mz  
GC: you c4nt 3xp3ct h1gh 4rt 4nd s3ns1bl3 d3c1s1ons from th3s3 guys  
GC: 1ts wh4t th3 n4m3 1mpl13s  
GA: And yo+u enjo+y it?  
GC: h3ck y34hz  
GC:th3y 4r3 tot4lly 3xtr3m3 4nd f4ll on th31r f4c3 l1k3 chumps  
TA: 7H3Y F41L S0 H4RD 17S FUCK1NG FUCK FUCK 44444RGH….  
TA: 5H17 5H1T 5H17!  
TA: GR0D P13C3 0F 5H17 Z1PP3R  
GC: c4lm tun4. try to do 1t w1th c4r3  
TA: GR0D…… FUCK…….  
TA: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR  
TA: 4L1GH7, 1M LOOS3.  
TA: 57UP1D Z1PP3RZ.  
GC: 4w3som3 job mc.  
GA: …………………

CG: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!  
CG: WHY!?  
CG: WHY!?  
CG: WHY!?  
CG: WHY!?  
CG: WHY!?  
AA:私はこれを思い出さなければならない。  
CT: 8==D< I find it in%reasingly difficult to maintain my façade of optimism meulin.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ WELL UHM……….. ERR……  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ JUST LOOK AT THAT…… JIGGLE.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ THAT’S KINDA FUNNY ISN’T IT!?  
CG: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!  
TA: PH4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4HH4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H44H4H4H4H  
CG: YOU ARE SCUM!

CA: and he puts a toy automobile up his wvastechute.  
CA: i think this cured me of wvanting to be human, so thanks for that.  
CA: i guess.  
CG; YOU’RE BETTER OFF AS A TROLL. TRUST ME.  
CG: IF YOU START DOUBTING THAT, JUST BEGIN HANGING OUT WITH THEM FOR A DAY. YOU’LL SEE.  
CA: its not wvhere i am better off, its wvhere I feel I belong.  
TA: PH3H3H3H3H3 4 70YC4R.  
TA: GR0DD1N G3N14US.  
GA: Well, this has been an info+rmative experience.  
GA: Sho+uld we mo+nito+r the humans? Fo+r their o+wn safety?  
CG: NAH, MOST OF THEM AREN’T AS STUPID AS THE DOUCHEBAGS IN THIS FLICK.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ THANK GOODNESS. IT’D BE REALLY FURRYSOME IF THEY WERE.  
GC: so l4d13s g3nts 4nd cronus, th4t w4s j4ck4ss.  
GC: d1d you 3njoy 1t?  
CA: kinda?  
CA: though I am vwery disillusioned and emotionally damaged because of this experience it wvas interesting to see vwhat they wvere goin to do next.  
CA: like a trainwvreck i guess.  
TA: H3CK 73H FUHK Y3Z 1 L1K3D 1T.  
TA: 1T W4S 50 MUCH FFF…..  
TA: 50 MUCH FFFFFFFFFF.  
TA: 1T W4S GR34T S331NG THO53 455HOL35 D0 TH4T 5H1T.  
CT: 8==D< Because of my relentless optimism I too enjoyed this movie very much.  
GC: th4ts….. gr34t I gu3ss.  
CT: 8==D< I am glad you think it is.  
CT: 8==D< After all, we hoofbeasts are no e%perts on movie.  
CT: 8==D< Neigh, we are not.  
GC: th4ts r4d HZ.  
GC: you k33p on b31ng r34l m4n.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ I TOO ENJOYED THE MOVIE GREATLY CATUL4!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ IT HAD SO MUCH FUNNIES.  
CG: ………………. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ IT WAS GREAT!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ I REALLY LOVED THOSE SPOTTED BEAR COSTUMES. I AM GOING TO ASK PORRIM’S DESCENDANT TO MAKE ONE FOR HORUSS.  
CT: 8==D< There really is no need.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ QUIET HORUSS. I AM SPEAKING FUR YOU.  
GA: Sho+uldn’t yo+u be asking me?  
AC: \\(=O..O=)/ OH….. UHM…..  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ I WOULD, BUT YOUR DESCENDANT IS JUST A TINY BIT BETTER.  
GA: Really?  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ YES…. SORRY?  
GA: That’s o+kay. If Ho+russ is go+ing to+ walk in a bearsuit he might as well be co+mfo+rtable.  
CT: 8==D< (please send help)  
GC: wh4t 4bout you d4mz?  
GC: you l1k3d th3 mov13 r1ght?  
AA:今、ファン仕事を翻訳している。時間で行うのによりよいものは何も持っていないか。勉強するべきでないか。実生活技術を開発するか。行うべき気まぐれな材料ダマラ人必需品の半分を行うか。ファン作家があなたにこれを伝えなければならなければ、何かが間違っている。今、ファン仕事を翻訳している。時間で行うのによりよいものは何も持っていないか。勉強するべきでないか。実生活技術を開発するか。行うべき気まぐれな材料ダマラ人必需品の半分を行うか。ファン作家があなたにこれを伝えなければならなければ、何かが間違っている。  
CG: REALLY, I THOUGHT THIS WAS HORRIBLE.  
CG: WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?  
CG: SERIOUSLY, WHAT MANNER OF DEMENTED PERSON THINKS THIS QUALIFIES AS GOOD FUCKING ENTERTAINMENT?

**\-- Twistedaftermath [TA] banned carcinoGeneticist [CG] from memo--**

TA: TH3R3 Y0UZ G0 455H0L3  
GC: th4t w4sn’t v3ry n1c3 tun4.  
TA: H3 G07 0N MY N3RB3S. 1 D1DN7 L1K3 H1M.  
GC: y0u d0nt l1k3 cronus much 31th3r.  
CA: hey!  
TA: hmmm...... KN0W WH47?  
TA: YOU 4R3 R1GH7.  
CA: wvhat?  
TA: 1 D0N7 L1K3 Y0U MUCH.

**\-- Twisteraftermath [TA] banned Casualartist [CA] from memo--**

TA: 0R YOU.

**\-- Twistedaftermath [TA] banned Antisocialarbiter [AA] from memo--**

TA: 0R YOU.

**\-- Twistedaftermath [TA] banned Absolutecatastrophe [AC] from memo--**

TA: 0R YOU5!

**\-- Twisteraftermath [TA] banned Cravingtaurus [CT] from memo--**

TA: P0RN5T4R 15 K1ND 0F C00L.  
TA: 5H3 H4S 7H47 CLVG3 7H47 M43KS Y0U G0 DY4MN!!!  
GA: I see…..  
TA: C0M3 0N. 5H0W 3M 4LR34DY.  
GA: Yo+u wo+uldn’t kno+w what to+ do+ with them if I did.  
TA: 15 7H47 4 BE7?  
GA: No+t really.   
GA: But befo+re I leave, Mituna?  
TA: WH47?!  
GA: Yo+u are very lucky to+ have Latula.  
TA: FUCK B17CH 1 KN0W!  
GA: Go+o+d.  
GA: Pleasant day yo+u two+.

**\-- Genderaberrance [GA] left memo--**

GC: f33l1n 4 l1ttl3 b3tt3r MC?  
TA: 5h17 y34h!  
GC: th1nk tod4y w3’ll l4nd th4t s1ck gr1nd tog3th3r?  
TA: 5H17 1F 7HOS3 455HOL3S C4N D0 1T S0 C4N W3!  
TA: JU57 D0N7 SL0W M3 D0WN K?  
GC: h4h4h4, you got 1t.  
GC: just r3m3mb3r, 1ts ok4y to f41l.  
TA: L0NG 45 YOU F33L R4D DO1NG 17. GO7 17.  
GC: 4w3som3!  
GC: s33 you 1n 4 b1t tun4.  
GC: <3  
TA: S33 Y0U S00N.  
TA: <4

**\-- Gnarlycrailtap [GC] left memo—**  
**\-- Twistedaftermath [TA] left memo--**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The april fools chapter. Not even joking when I say that the curse of the room still haunts my laptop and nearly caused a fatal crash, as opposed to the only slightly fatal crash.
> 
> Now I feel like writing a story where the Alphas all try to get a piece of Karkat while Kankri flips his shit..... *adds to pile of story ideas*
> 
> Mituna is kinda funny to write, for how frequently he shifts from little shit, to rad dude to apologetic to the max. Cronus is what the fandom interprets Eridan to be so was utterly hilarious for me.
> 
> So let's play spot the headcanon. Meulin is actually a horrible moirail, but thought Nepeta and Equius looked so cute she wanted to try to do it too. Cronus only wants to think he's a human to get more attention. Horuss is actually mad enough to believe he is a horse.


	8. Terminator

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS—

CG: I, KARKAT VANTAS, AM A HUGE FUCKASS.  
CG: NOW WILL YOU PLEASE STOP TELEPORTING MY CHAIR AROUND EVERY TIME I TRY TO SIT DOWN HARLEY?!

\--PAST gardenGnostic [PGG] entered memo ONE WEEK AGO--

PGG: you know what you need to say  
CCG: GOD, NO WONDER YOU WERE IN SUCH A GOOD MOOD LAST WEEK. YOU WERE JUST FINISHING EMASCULATING FUTURE ME IN FRONT OF ANYBODY.  
PGG: yup  
PGG: but movienight with you and john was very fun too ;)  
PGG: now say your lines karkat  
CCG: IS THIS WHAT GETS YOU OFF HARLEY?  
CCG: YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR ALIEN FRIEND EMASCULATE HIMSELF IN FRONT OF EVERYONE?  
CCG: CAUSE THAT IS WHAT’S FUCKING HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!  
PGG: just say it fuckass :B  
CCG: FUCK!  
CCG: JEGUS THAT HURTS.  
CCG: CAN YOU PLEASE KEEP THE CHAIR IN ONE PLACE SO I MAY FINALLY PLACE MY REAR UPON IT, INSTEAD OF CONSTANTLY DROPPING TO THE GROUND LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT?!  
PGG: oh alright  
PGG: just say the lines please :)  
CCG: NO.  
CCG: MOTHERFUCK!  
CCG: I THINK I HIT MY TAILBONE WITH THAT ONE.  
PGG: well you asked for it  
CCG: I DID NO SUCH THING!  
CCG: AT NO POINT IN TIME DID I SAY: GEE HARLEY, YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE SWELL? TO BE FUCKING HUMMILIATED IN FRONT OF EVERYONE AFTER YOU EXPLICITELY PROMISED NOT TO DO THAT!  
PGG: well dave told me i was going too  
PGG: and because of time things @_@  
CCG: OK, FUCK. FINE.  
CCG: AFTER SOME PONDERING I CAME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT TANGLED WAS NOT AS BAD AS I MADE IT OUT TO BE.  
PGG: and?  
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!  
PGG: and the rest karkat  
CCG: UUUUUURGH………. AND I AM SORRY FOR TREATING THOSE WHO JOINED ME DURING THE STREAM LIKE CRAP.  
CCG: I WAS IN A BAD FUCKING MOOD AND MAYBE I SERIOUSLY NEED TO LOOK INTO GETTING MYSELF A MOIRAIL. THE WAY I LASHED OUT AT EVERYONE WAS MEAN AND UNFAIR.  
CCG: THERE, WE COOL?  
PGG: we cool  
CCG: WE COOL?  
PGG: yup  
CCG: GOOD.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned PAST gardenGnostic [PGG]\--

CG: THAT HORRIBLE SCENE FROM MY LIFE TAKEN ASIDE, THIS WEEK HAS BEEN ABSOLUTELY APPALLING.  
CG: FOR ONE REASON OR ANOTHER, YOU PEOPLE JUST FUCKING *REFUSE* TO LET ‘THE ROOM’ DIE THE MISERABLE DEATH IT DESERVES. THOUGH SEVERAL SESSIONS WITH LALONDE HAVE HELPED ME TO GET IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM, THE VERY FACT THAT STRIDER HOSTED A MASS VIEWING OF IT MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL IN UNADULTERATED RAGE!   
CG: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?!  
CG: HOW DO YOU FIND ENTERTAINMENT IN SUCH UTTER FUCKING RUBBISH!  
CG: YOU COULD GIVE IT TO THE DRONES AND THEY WOULD COLLECT IT AS GENETIC MATERIAL BECAUSE IT IS ESSENTIALLY SPUNK!  
CG: AND AS IF STRIDER’S ATTACK ON GOOD TASTE WASN’T OFFENSIVE ENOUGH THIS WEEK, WE ALSO HAD TO COPE WITH WHAT HUMANS CALL ‘A RAVE’.  
CG: WHICH TURNED OUT TO BE JUST AN EXCUSE FOR THE LALONDE WOMEN TO IMBIDE COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF ALCOHOL AGAIN WHILE PROVIDING THE STRIDERS WITH A REASON TO PLAY HORRIBLE NOISES.  
CG: YES NOISES, BECAUSE IT ISN’T MUSIC, IT’S JUST THE SAME DRONING BEAT OVER AND OVER AGAIN. IT SOUNDED LIKE 5 HOURS OF ‘WUB WUB WUB WUB’. THERE IS NO MELODY: IT ALL JUST BLENDED TOGETHER IN ONE GIANT HEAD-ACHE INDUCING MESS.  
CG: GAMZEE WAS JUST STARING AT THE LIGHTS ALL THE TIME, SO AT LEAST IT GOT HIM OF MY BACK FOR A WHILE, BUT DRUNK AMPORAS ARE OFFICIALLY THE WORST THING *EVER*, UNTIL SOMEONE INVENTS AN AMPORA/STRIDER CROSSBREED.   
CG: THEN AGAIN, THERE WERE NO BURNING HIVES OR MEXICAN STAND-OFFS THIS WEEK, SO I AM ALMOST INCLINED TO CALL IT A FUCKING IMPROVEMENT.  
CG: KEYWORD BEING ALMOST.

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] joined memo--

AG: Oh look. Karkat doesn’t know how to have fun.  
AG: And a8solutely noooooooo one was surprised.  
CG: OH LOOK. SERKET MAKES AN UNTIMELY INTERRUPTION.   
CG: SURPRISING ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NO ONE.  
AG: I thought I would graaaaaaaace you with my presence. It’s 8een a while since I sat down with you losers to watch a movie.  
CG: FUNNY. CAN’T SAY WE MISSED YOU.  
AG: Cute.  
CG: BUT NOW YOU ARE BACK AND CAN RETURN TO YOUR POST, THE ONE WHERE YOU MAKE EVERYBODY’S LIFE A LIVING HELL AND PUSH KIDS OF CLIFFS.  
AG: Are we stiiiiiiiill on a8out that?  
CG: NOT REALLY. I THINK WE WERE TALKING ABOUT MOVIES?  
AG: Yeeeeeeees.  
AG: Do you peeeeeeeerhaps have anymore Nicholas Cage films? 8ecause those are the 8om8.  
CG: SHORT ANSWER: NO.  
CG: LONG ANSWER: FUCK NO.  
CG: ZAHHAK IS PICKING A MOVIE TONIGHT. MY HANDS ARE TIED.  
CG: EVEN THOUGH THE CONCEPT OF HAVING TO SIT THROUGH A MOVIE ABOUT HOOFBEASTS WITH ZAHHAK MORTIFIES ME TO MY FUCKING CORE.  
AG: Oh god.  
AG: Why would you even let him do that?  
CG: SOMEHOW THE HUMANS TALKED ME INTO LETTING THE LAST PERSON IN THE STREAM PICK THE NEXT MOVIE.  
AG: since when?  
CG: SINCE THE HUMAN HARRY WIZARD MOVIE. TRY TO KEEP UP.  
AG: This might 8e interestiiiiiiiing……..  
AG: So I just have to sit through Zahhak’s 8ullshit and 8e more patient than you nerds.  
CG: ….. IF THERE IS ANY CONSOLATION TO SUFFERING THROUGH WHATEVER DRIVVEL HE PICKS, IT’S THAT YOU’LL HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH THE SAME THING.  
AG: 8ring it on!!!!!!!!

\--turntechGodhead [TG] joined memo--

TG: man  
TG: what is vantas even doing  
TG: trying to diss our style like that  
CG: WHAT ‘VANTAS’ WAS TRYING TO DO WAS TO POINT OUT THAT HOURS OF THE SAME REPEATED NOISES GIVE YOU A FUCKING MIGRAINE!  
TG: that’s why they call it a rave stupid  
TG: if your head isn’t aching and your ears aren’t buzzing by the end of it you’re doing it wrong  
CG: ARE ALL HUMANS JUST MASOCHISTS?!  
AG: It wasn’t thaaaaaaaat 8ad.  
AG: I had fun with John at the human rave.  
TG: oh god  
TG: don’t even tell me  
TG: i don’t wanna know about how you’ve been molesting my bro with your spidery hands  
TG: serious boner kill  
AG: What????????  
TG: i don’t want to imagine his o-face  
AG: What the hell are you talking a8out?!  
CG: EVERY WORD OUT OF HIS PROTEÏNECHUTE IS EQUALLY HORRIBLE.

\--timeausTestified [TT] joined memo--

AG: Oh great, they’re multiplying.  
CG: GOD I KNOW……  
TT: Sup.  
TG: yo  
CG: CAN ONE OF YOU PLEASE LEAVE?  
CG: DEALING WITH TWO FUCKING STRIDERS DURING ONE INEVITABLY HORRIBLE MOVIE IS MORE THAN I CAN TAKE RIGHT NOW.  
TT: I think you are severely overreacting.   
AG: Karkat? Overreacting?  
AG: Well that is a tooooooootal surprise no8ody saw coming.  
CG: AND SERKET IS HERE TOO……  
CG: WHY IS EVERY MOVIENIGHT WORSE THAN THE LAST?  
TG: murphy’s law i’d wager  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE?!  
AG: Don’t know, don’t care.  
AG: Start the movie already so I can out-patience you!  
TT: I wish you good luck. You will need it.  
CG: OH GOD.  
TG: yeah  
TG: we are doing this  
TG: we are the most patient  
TG: its us  
TT: Ironic movies as far as the eye can see.  
TT: Double the Striders, double the chances.  
CG: WE ARE *NOT* DOING THAT.  
CG: I AM VETOING THAT SHIT SO HARD IT WON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT HIT IT!  
AG: 8oooooooo. Laaaaaaaame.  
CG: DON’T START THIS SHIT WITH ME NOW SERKET!  
TG: yeah  
TG: you weren’t at our screening of ‘the room’  
AG: I had 8etter things to do than watch stupid movies for wrigglers.  
TG: oh no we are doing this  
TG: next time you better be there  
CG: THERE WONT *BE* A NEXT TIME!  
TT: Movies thát awful belong in a museum. They need to be studied.  
AG: Whatever, start the movie already!  
CG: CAN’T VERY WELL DO THAT WITHOUT ZAHHAK NOW CAN I?  
CG: THOUGH MY FINGERS ARE CROSSED ABOUT HIM HAVING FORGOTTEN ABOUT IT.

\--centaursTesticle [CT] joined memo--

CG: AND THAT’S WHAT I GET FOR HOPING. WHY DO I EVEN FUCKING BOTHER?  
AG: 8ecause you’re a tool.

\--arsenicCatnip [AC] joined memo--

CT: D--> Good evening.  
TT: Yo.  
AC: :33< hi efurryone!  
AC: :33< what is going on?  
TG: not much  
TT: Just chilling.  
AG: Waiting for this damn movie to start.  
CG: CONTEMPLATING SUICIDE.  
AC: :33< aaaaaw, what’s wrong?  
CG: WATCHING A MOVIE WITH THE STRIDER HUMANS, SERKET AND YOUR MOIRAIL. NOTHING IS RIGHT WITH THIS PICTURE.  
TT: He’s being a baby.  
AC: :33< an adorable little baby :))  
AG: So what movie we watching Zahhak?  
CT: D--> In due time Serket.  
CT: D--> I am e%pecting some other guests.  
AG: 8ah.

\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] joined memo--

GA: Good Evening  
CT: D--> Good evening Maryam.  
CT: D--> Though you are not the company I was e%pecting your presence is most welcome.  
GA: You Flatter Me  
GA: I Understand You Are Responsible For Picking A Movie This Week  
CT: D--> Correct.  
GA: I See  
GA: Does It Happen To Feature Hoofbeasts  
CT: D--> Sadly, it does not.  
CT: D--> Nepeta insisted I w001d pick something else to avoid ‘being weird’.  
GA: I See  
GA: Perhaps It Is For The Better  
CT: D--> I shall watch the human hoofbeast movies in my private time  
CT: D--> In private.   
CT: D--> Where no one else is watching.  
GA: That  
GA: That Is Probably For The Best Yes  
CT: D--> I fail to see the issue regarding my original pick though.  
TT: I hear you man.  
TT: Horses are fucking majestic.  
AC: :33< just trust me equius  
AC: :33< no one wanted to see that  
CT: D--> Hmph.  
CT: D--> You plebeians fail to acknowledge good taste.  
CT: D--> E%cept you Dirk. You seem have good taste for a human.  
TT: Thank you kindly.  
AG: Us ple8eians just don’t want to see you polish your 8ulge over human hoof8easts!!!!!!!!

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] joined memo--

CT: D--> Once again, not the person I had been e%pecting.  
TG: sup  
TT: Yo.  
GC: OH  
GC: MY  
GC: GOD  
GC: 1 G3T TO W4TCH 4 MOV13 W1TH BOTH OUR R3S1D3NT COOLK1DS?  
TT: Sure seems like it.  
TG: exclusive coolkid course for the madam  
TG: start off with snarky dialogue followed by horrible movie  
TG: dessert may or may not include a rap battle  
TT: Who are we kidding? It definitely will.  
CG: MY THINKPAN IS EVACUATING IN PROTEST.  
GC: SOOOOO COOL  
GC: B3ST MOV13N1GHT 3V3R >:]  
AG: Just twoooooooo coolkids?  
AG: What am I? Minced meat?  
AC: :33< hi purezi!  
GC: H3LLO TO YOU TO HONOR4BL3 POUNCILOR  
AC: :33< *the honorable pouncilor salutes the mighty dragon*  
AC: :33< “i am here on official business” she says  
GC: TH3 M1GHTY DR4GON SW3RV3S 4ROUND TH3 POUNC1LOR 4ND DO3S SO M1GHT1LY  
GC: WH4T BUS1N3SS M4Y TH4T B3 SHE 4SKS  
AC: :33< “uhm” the pouncilor uhms  
AC: :33< “to make sure we all get along while watching the movie?”  
AG: Hah!  
AC: :33< well it’s true!  
AG: The day me and vantas get along is the day zahhak manages to control his sweat glands  
AC: :33< can’t you hold a truce or something?  
CG: IF SHE WERE SOMETHING REASONABLE LIKE AN ANGRY CHOLARBEAR OR A RAVING HUNTERRORIST SURE, BUT THIS IS SERKET WE ARE TALKING ABOUT.  
AC: :33< oh :((  
GA: Do Not Take It Personally Nepeta  
GA: Vriska Tends To Take Her Rivalries Very Seriously  
AG: Ok, first off: vantas isn’t neeeeeeeearly interesting enough to 8e a proper rival  
CG: I RESENT THAT!  
AG: Second: I take aaaaaaaall my quadrants seriously.  
GA: Do You  
AG: Yes!!!!!!!!  
AG: Of course I do.  
GA: Are You Absolutely Certain  
AG: Yeah duuuuuuuh. What’s gotten into you?  
AG: Of coooooooourse I take my quadrants seriously.  
GA: If You Insist

\--Terrorcarnival [TC] joined memo--

TG: who dat  
TC: :o)  
CG: OH GOD.  
TG: hahaha it’s the clown  
TG: fucking awesome  
TG: how you been  
TC: [:o)](http://31.media.tumblr.com/67e4010b4ef613b337cd99e87a0a7dc7/tumblr_msecqrJVky1s2k47ao1_500.gif)   
GC: NO 1T 1SN’T G4MZ33  
GC: TH3 H4NDL3 1SN’T R1GHT  
TC: [:o)](http://i.imgur.com/vs1SDqS.gif)   
CT: D--> Highb100d  
CT: D--> I…….. I did not e%pect to see you here.  
AC: :33< equius no  
CT: D--> What is it?  
AC: :33< you are not going to act submissive towards highbloods again are you? :((  
CT: D--> Uhm….. No, of course not.  
CT: D--> Regardless, perhaps Makara w001d like seeing this motion picture with us.  
TC: [:o)](http://i.imgur.com/kufc3AW.gif)   
CT: D--> It is an classic among human classi%. Though an action flick may be a little…… juvenile for your tastes.  
TC: [:o)](http://i.imgur.com/AgR9Zbf.gif%20)   
CT: D--> Of course. In a moment.  
CG: WHY ARE WE LETTING ONE OF THOSE ASSHOLE ALPHAS INTO THE STREAM?!  
TC: [:o(](http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/2013/04/goatstare.gif)   
TT: Well he seems like a quiet guy.  
AG: Yeah, it’s not like you really notice him.  
GA: How Are You Remaining Silent  
GA: This Is A Text Based Form Of Communication  
GA: Unless Your Fingers Are Sown Together You Should Be Perfectly Capable Of Using A Keyboard  
TC: [:o)](http://media.giphy.com/media/3HAYjfvk1eDpjRBERXO/giphy.gif)   
GA: Of Course

\--apacolypseArisen [AA] joined memo--

AA: hello  
CT: D--> Aradia. I am glad you c001d join us.  
AA: 0f c0urse  
GC: W41T  
GC: 1S TH1S ROBO 4R4D14 OR C1NN4MON P1X13 4R4D14  
AA: 0u0  
GC: OH Y3S >:]  
GC: TH1S 1S GO1NG TO B3 D3L1C1OUS  
GC: B3 SUR3 TO T4LK 4 LOT TON1GHT B3C4US3 TH4T D3L1C1OUS COLOR OF YOURS G1V3S M3 TH3 V4PORS  
TC: [:ol ](http://i.imgur.com/b1jjZ0b.gif)  
TG: inappropriate  
TT: Or most appropriate?  
AA: no it was definitely inappropriate  
GC: WH1CH M4K3S 1T SO MUCH MOR3 FUN >:]  
AG: Can we start the damn movie alreeeeeeeeady?  
GA: Why Not Take Our Time  
GA: It Is Not Like You Have Places To Be  
AG: Says who?!  
CG: SAYS EVERYONE WHO KNOWS THE SLIGHTEST BIT ABOUT YOU SERKET.  
AG: Well may8e is have a date with John.  
AG: Would that make you jeeeeeeeealous karkat?  
TG: man im jealous  
TG: taking away my best bro  
TG: i was this close to making him mine  
TG: now i have to stand beneath his window with a boombox playing terrible 80s songs until someone calls the cops.  
AG: No one asked you strider, i asked karkat.  
CG: YES. LOOK AT ALL MY RAGING JEALOUSY. YOU GET TO PORK THAT HUMAN REAR I HAVE BEEN SECRETELY CHASING FOR SO LONG AND NOW MY SHIPPING WALL IS RUINED.  
AG: I thought you’d 8e jealous of John.  
CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AS IF. BY THE TIME YOU’RE DONE WITH HIM I WONT BE THE ONLY ONE NEEDING SESSIONS WITH LALONDE.  
AG: And what does that mean!!????!!  
AC: :33< uhm, you guys?  
GA: Vriska  
GA: Do You Really Have A Date With John  
AG: Well not really….. He just stupidly asked me to trade some human fiduspawn.  
TG: gay  
GA: I See  
GA: Dot Dot Dot  
TC: [:oI](http://24.media.tumblr.com/682327c3f47697353375dcaad4952122/tumblr_mxq1k4Pgez1t7xehqo1_500.gif)   
CT: D--> Perhaps it w001d be for the best if I were to start the movie.  
GA: That Would Indeed Be Apreciated Equius

TG: in 2029 los angeles looks like detroit  
TG: booyah  
AC: :33< is this what humans expected the future to look like?  
TG: nah it is one of many scenarios  
TG: we have the terminator future  
TG: robocop future  
TG: avatar future  
TG: bladerunner future  
TG: waterworld future  
TG: back to the future future  
GC: THOS3 4R3 4 LOT OF FUTUR3S  
TG: right  
AA: and all of them are pretty hilarious to timeplayers  
TG: fuckers have no idea  
CT: D--> Erm….. Do you know something we don’t?  
AA: yup  
CT: D--> Can you tell us?  
AA: nop 0u0  
AG: Cause that is your answer to eeeeeeeeverything: more o8tuse vagueness.  
AG: So annooooooooying.  
GA: So We Have An Dystopian Future Scenario  
GA: Do Not Take This As An Insult But It Looks Very  
GA: Dated  
TT: Did the bright ‘pew pew’ lasers tip you off?  
GA: Those Were One Of The Indicators Yes  
CT: D--> The date said 1984. Is this far removed from humanity’s end date?  
TG: bout 30 years yeah  
CT: D--> This does e%plain the technical limitations this movie has.   
GC: WHY 3V3N P1CK SUCH 4N OLD MOV13 >:/  
AC: :33< well, there are things outside of hoofbeasts that he really likes.  
AG: Are you suuuuuuuure?  
CT: D--> Of course. I am not a one trick pony.  
TC: [:o)](https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/8033004800/hFFE68D44/)   
TT: I really don’t like this movie.  
AA: you watched it before?  
TT: Yeah…. It gave Lil Hal way too many ideas.

TG: reading  
TG: why does it have to be reading  
GC: W1TH MOR3 P3W P3W L4S3RS  
AG: And a 8ig pile of human skulls.   
AG: Nice touch.  
GA: Why Must A War In The Future Be Fought In The Present  
CT: D--> It is but one of the reasons I invited Aradia.  
GA: I See  
GA: So Should I Assume This Film Has Time Travel  
CT: D--> Correct.  
AA: and yet another reason why this movie is so funny to timeplayers  
TG: yeah  
TG: you know the whole computer overmind was supposed to be installed in the distant future of 1997  
AA: hah  
TT: Won’t lie, I’m kind of lost on the specifics of time travel or why that is funny but I do know machines. Machines tend to have better aim.  
TT: These machines couldn’t hit the ground if it hit them with terminal velocity.  
AC: :33< uhm?  
TT: Yes, that was a joke. I make jokes.  
AC: :33< but I don’t get it  
TT: That’s ok, neither does Dave.  
AG: Ok, so we know shit is a8out to get fucked. I’m on 8oard for this movie.  
AG: I am kiiiiiiiinda surprised Zahhak. I suspected something awful.  
CG: YEAH, SO FAR THIS SEEMS INCREDIBLY OKAY, IF A BIT DATED.  
CG: SO I CAN’T HELP BUT DREAD THE REST OF THE MOVIE.  
AC: :33< why would you be afuraid fur the rest of the movie?  
CG: IT’S AN INSTINCTIVE REACTION. EVERY TIME I GET MY HOPES UP THEY GET SMASHED TO PIECES SO BEING PESSIMISTIC IS THE MORE LOGICAL COURSE OF ACTION.  
AC: :33< that’s a bit of a downer  
CG: YEAH NO SHIT.  
GA: Should I Come Over Again After The Movie  
CG: NO.  
CG: FUCK, I’LL KEEP MY COOL.  
GA: If You Say So

CG: WHY ARE WE WATCHING A DARK SKINNED HUMAN PILOT A FORKLIFT.  
CG: THIS IS NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING WHEN I WAS HEARING ABOUT FUTURE ROBOT WARFARE.  
GC: YOU 4R3 COMPL41N1NG 4BOUT TH4T WH3N TH3 SP3C14L 3FF3CTS 4R3 TH1S OBV1OUS  
GA: Let Us Be Fair   
GA: It Is An Old Movie  
GA: Judging It By The Same Standards As Modern Movies Regarding Special Effects Would Be Unfair  
GC: WH1CH 1S WHY 1TS SO MUCH FUN DO1NG 1T  
TG: jesus this guy gets like 30 seconds of screen time and already ticks off most boxes on the great list o stereotypes  
TT: He is smoking on the job.  
TG: the eighties were a different time  
TT: So it would seem.  
GC: 1T DO3S LOOK V3RY H4RD BO1L3D >:]  
AG: Oh yeah, a hard 8oiled dayla8orer. Every8ody’s wet dream.  
GC: NOT TH4T GUY  
GC: TH3 WHOL3 SMOK1NG TH1NG  
CG: OH CHRIST NOT YOU TOO.  
GC: WH4T  
GC: 1TS TRU3  
GC: SMOK1NG LOOKS PR3TTY COOL  
CG: OK, YOU NEED TO KNOW. AGAINST BETTER JUDGMENT I SAT THROUGH A MOVIE WITH HALF THE ALPHAS….  
TC: [:o(](http://imgur.com/5PUZGym)  
CG: OH WHAT NOW  
AC: :33< i guess he’s sad he wasn’t invited  
TC: [:o(](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma1mujnZs81qcnvreo1_500.gif)  
CG: NOT THE POINT, IT WAS AWFUL. YOU DIDN’T MISS SHIT.  
CG: POINT IS THE APLHAS, BY WHICH I MEAN CRONUS, AND I AGREED THAT HUMANS ARE BULLSHIT AND SO IS EVERYTHING THEY STAND FOR. INCLUDING SMOKING, NO MATTER HOW HARD BOILED IT MAKES YOU LOOK  
AG: No way.  
CG: YES WAY.  
AG: 8ut humans got Nicholas Cage, fun computergames, fun movies.  
AC: :33< and their food!  
AC: :33< roxy made me try something she called a cheezburger  
AC: :33< it was amazing!  
TG: ok legit laughing my ass of now  
TT: Class act Lalonde.  
AC: :33< huh?

CT: D--> Oh my goodness…….  
AC: :33< yeah  
AC: :33< this was basically what purked equius’s inpurrest fur this movie.  
AG: Of coooooooourse……..  
TT: No, I definitely agree. He is a very pleasant sight to behold.  
GA: Hmmmm  
GA: Far Too Square Shaped For My Tastes  
CT: D--> How c001d you say such a thing Maryam?  
CT: D--> Just 100k at his massive…… pectoral muscles.  
CT: D--> 100k at it and know perfection.  
TC: [:o)](http://imgur.com/jQi26SN)   
AC: :33< i am so sorry if he gets weird you guys  
GC: 1TS OK4Y  
GC: W3 3XP3CT3D WORS3  
AG: We did?  
GC: W3LL TH3 CL3V3R ON3S 4MONG US D1D  
CT: D--> His shoulder muscles alone deserve the kind of ode only poets could deliver.  
TT: I completely agree.  
TG: can you maybe not?  
TG: its just a roided up austrian dude  
TG: nothing to get yourselves a boner over  
TT: But that was the plan wasn’t it?  
TG: no  
TT: To get us a boner.  
TG: stop it  
TT: And we……  
TG: oh my god i swear  
TT: Got one.  
TG: fucking damnit  
CT: D--> A scrawny human such as yourself w001d not understand this fascinating specimen  
TG: scrawny?  
AC: :33< yeah you kinda are  
AC: :33< i mean, i am more muscular than you  
GA: Nepeta  
GA: You Are More Muscular Than Most Of Us  
AC: :33< h33 h33

AG: What are they doing?  
GA: What Are They Wearing  
TG: oh yeah  
TG: this is what all punks everywhere look like  
GA: That Is Horrifying  
TT: They spent their nights drinking bottled water and watching through a telescope.  
AG: 8ecause that is what all human punks do?  
CT: D--> I suppose.  
CT: D--> Tr001y they are the bottomfeeders of society.  
GC: NO ON3 1S GO1NG TO M3NT1ON TH3 F4CT TH4T H3 DY3D H1S H41R W1TH SMURFS?  
GC: OR TH3 R3D M4K3 UP 4ROUND TH4T OTH3R GUY’S 3Y3S?  
TT: It is how they rebel against society  
GA: What Did Society Do To Deserve Such Poorly Dressed Individuals  
CG: BUT THEN THEY NOTICE THE NAKED MAN APPROACHING THEM.  
CT: D--> That….. gorgeous body  
AA: not helping equius  
CT: D--> Not trying to.  
AC: :33< so yeah  
AC: :33< why are they making fun of the man that’s like, three times their size?  
AG: I suppoooooooose that seemed like a clever idea at the time.

AG: And then this happened.  
GC: 1 TH1NK W3 FOUND OUR T1TUL4R CH4R4CT3R  
AG: You think?  
TT: They should have just given him the damn clothes.  
CT: D--> Such a magnificent display of STRENGTH.  
AA: he is a very efficient killer  
TT: I’m pretty sure that’s the point.  
GA: Disregard Punks And Acquire Garments  
GA: Though He Could Stand To Pick Something A Tad More Stylish  
GA: He Should Not Be Wearing Those Clothes  
TC: [:o) ](http://37.media.tumblr.com/ba96d5e29aa5b416c51b101aa3c10a59/tumblr_n3ob2vaPf81qbysf3o3_250.gif)  
CG: OKAY, WHAT IS IT WITH THIS ASSHOLE SPAMMING GIFS?!  
AC: :33< it’s how he communicates  
CG: I THINK KANAYA GOT IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME. UNLESS THIS BAG OF DICKS MANAGED TO SOW HIS FINGERS TOGETHER HE SHOULD BE PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF TYPING.  
CG: SO TYPE.  
TC: [:o(](http://31.media.tumblr.com/24e2c675e73988ec04ca77a6810693ca/tumblr_n3b1f1wZTc1r0bnq5o6_250.gif)   
CG: NO I WILL NOT TAKE IT EASY!  
CG: IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, JUST FUCKING SAY IT!  
TC: [:o)](http://cdn.smosh.com/sites/default/files/ftpuploads/bloguploads/haters-gonna-hate-skunk.gif) 

GC: G4SP  
GC: MOR3 LOW BUDG3T SP3C14L 3FF3CTS  
GA: Terezi  
GC: R1GHT 1 M34N 3FF3CTS TH4T W3R3 GROUNDBR34K1NG FOR TH31R T1M3  
GA: Much More Appropriate  
AA: he does not seem nearly as muscular as the previous timetraveler  
CT: D--> Indeed. Disappointing is it not  
AA: oh i don’t know  
AA: scrawny can be cute  
CT: D--> Hmph. It shows weak geneti%.  
AG: So now we have twoooooooo timetravelers to wreck shit up in the past.  
AG: Aaaaaaaand he needs to steal the pants from a ho8o.  
AG: Yeah, I’m rooting for the other guy.

TG: implying police actually do their work and chase people who bother hobos  
GC: 4R3 YOU ON3 OF TH3 HUM4N PUNKS D4V3  
TT: In a way, we all are.  
TG: how does that even sorta make sense  
TT: Well, there isn’t an authority figure now. Punk has won.  
CG: I DISAGREE.  
TT: Oh right. There is some authority here: It’s Nick Furious.  
TG: i was going to say sir swearsalot  
TG: runner up being vincent van gogh fuckyourself  
CG: TELL ME: HOW DO YOU SURVIVE YOUR DIETS OF SPUNK AND LUKEWARM STUPID?  
TT: Spunk has a surprising amount of nutrients.  
TG: aaaand im out of the conversation  
GC: COM3 ON D4V3  
GC: YOU C4N DO 1T  
TG: yeah no  
TG: the moment this subject comes up we risk bro giving us a play by play  
TG: and he’ll do it  
TT: And I’ll do it.  
CG: …..ALRIGHT I’M WITH DAVE ON THIS ONE. I OPT OUT.  
GC: PUSS13S  
GA: So Our Mysterious Second Time Traveler  
GA: Who Does A Lot Less Regarding Termination  
GA: Confirms He Is In The Distant Past Of 1984  
AA: and distant it is  
GC: M4N TH3S3 COPS SUCK 4T TH31R JOB

AG: Oh my gooooooood. What is this?  
TT: We humans referred to it as a ‘phonebook’.   
AG: Do they not have the internet where you’re from?  
TG: oh man  
TG: i totally forgot this shit  
GC: WH4T  
TG: short answer is no  
TG: we did not have internet in 1984  
TC: [:o(](http://37.media.tumblr.com/9a5ecbe15856f7e348f807bc1712d0d8/tumblr_mjrj30FJ3H1r922azo1_500.gif)   
AG: Alright, did nooooooot expect that.  
GA: How  
GA: How Do You Even Function Without Internet  
TT: Beats me.  
TT: They were probably sitting in their caves, making paintings of bisons and shit.  
AC: :33< so why is he looking for a sarah connor?  
AA: i guess it has to do with the reason he came to the past in the first place  
AC: :33< oh  
AC: :33< maybe she’s his mother and he needs to make sure she gets shipped with his father?  
TG: nice try wrong movie  
AC: :33< shoot  
AA: oh how i want to spoil that twist  
AC: :33< what twist?  
AA: not yet  
AC: :33< oh come on! tell me!  
AA: 0u0  
AC: :33< argh, so fucking annoying!  
CT: D--> Nepeta.  
AC: :33< so fricking annoying……  
CT: D--> Better.  
TT: What would the guy have done if she had an anonymous number?  
TT: That was a thing right?  
TG: probably sulk about the future   
TG: post a personal ad  
TG: hunky guy looking for love  
TG: specifically from women named sarah connor  
TT: In the 80s it would have worked too.

GC: TH4T H41R  
TG: that magical eighties hair  
CG: SO THIS IS SARAH CONNOR?  
CT: D--> Disappointingly, yes.  
GA: What Is Wrong With Her Hair  
GA: What Is Wrong With The Hair Of Nearly Every Woman In This Movie  
TT: Well that depends. How familiar are you with the concept of hairspray?  
AC: :33< her customers are so mean  
AC: :33< that kid has no manners  
AG: Riiiiiiiight and I am suuuuuuuure that will 8e integral to the movie’s message.  
GC: S1NC3 WH3N DO3S VR1SK4 S3RK3T C4R3 4BOUT 4 MOV13’S M3SS4G3  
AG: Since I want to start h8ing this movie as soon as possi8le 8ecause my sweaty neigh8or likes it.  
AC: :33< what good will that do?  
AG: Iunno.   
CG: SHE’S JUST BEING A BITCH, LEAVE HER ALONE. IT MIGHT BE CONTAGIOUS.   
AG: Oh screw you asshole!!!!!!!!  
GC: SO Y3S  
GC: OUR HUM4N PROT4GON1ST H4S 4 D34D 3ND JOB 4ND JUST S33M TO B3G FOR SOM3 3XC1T3M3NT 1N H3R L1F3

AC: :33< maybe in the furm on a gunwielding giant?  
GC: 1 L1K3 TH3 W4Y YOU TH1NK >:]  
AA: hahaha really?  
AA: humans could just get firearms from any store?  
TG: well not any store obviously  
TG: shit aradia  
TG: are you some sorta communazi who hates freedom  
AA: no not at all  
AA: in fact i think it is a great idea to sell firearms to any and all citizens  
GC: BUT YOU TH1NK SO FROM YOUR CR33PY GR1M R34P3R F4NG1RL W4Y OF TH1NK1NG DON’T YOU?  
AA: 0u0  
CT: D--> Not only does he have e%cellent physical physique, he has also fully mastered this comple% strife specibus.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS SO COMPLEX ABOUT IT?  
CG: YOU AIM AT SOMETHING YOU WANT DEAD AND KEEP FIRING UNTIL IT STOPS MOVING. IT IS NOT QUANTUM FUCKING MECHANICS.  
CT: D--> The weapons have high maintenance and are available in a large number of variations, with an even wider assortment of modifications.  
CG: LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME IT IS MORE DIFFICULT THAN USING A SICKLE IN COMBAT.  
CT: D--> Is that per any chance an order?  
TG: never understood why you went with a sickle  
TG: i mean  
TG: you could probably trade that shit in for a bad ass scythe through alchemization shenanigans  
TG: like you’re a fucking grim reaper about to tear some unlucky sob in two  
TG: but what you had was essentially a farm tool  
AG: You want to know the REEEEEEEEAL reason he always went with a sickle  
CG: SERKET, I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL SKIN YOU ALIVE!  
TT: Enlighten us.  
AG: 8ecause troll will smith had one in the tresh prince ;;;;)  
AC: :33< aaaaaaaaw  
CG: NO I DIDN’T SHUT UP.  
AC: :33< but its kinda cute how you wanted to be like him so bad.  
CG: NO I DIDN’T SHUT UP!  
AC: :33< it’s ok karcat we won’t judge  
TG: yeah we will  
AC: :33< hisssss  
CG: PLEASE VIEW MY PREVIOUS TWO FUCKING COMMENTS FOR MY THOUGHTS ON THE SITUATION!

AG: So noooooooow the 8ig 8oy is gunning for sarah sonner as well.  
TT: Literally, yes.  
AG: I don’t get what’s so special a8out her.  
GC: 1 DON’T G3T HOW TH3S3 PHON3BOOKS W3R3 3V3R 4 TH1NG  
AC: :33< i am just surpurised that there are three difurrent sarah connors  
AC: :33< i am puretty sure there is only one nepeta leijon  
AC: :33< only one purezi purope  
AC: :33< just one karcat vantas instead of more karcat vantasses  
TG: vant asses  
TG: nice one  
AC: :33< well then maybe its vantasi  
TG: that just sounds like a porn name  
CG: HOW ABOUT YOU ASSHOLES COME TO TERMS WITH THE FACT THAT THERE IS ONLY ONE KARKAT VANTAS?!  
TT: Nah man. We gotta take these hypotheticals into account.  
TT: What happens if we discover an ectobiological clone of you tomorrow? We need to know what the plural of Vantas is.  
AG: I know this one: assholes.

AC: :33< yikes  
GA: That Is Nothing Short Of Cold Blooded  
GC: 1N3FF1C13NT 1S WH4T 1T 1S  
GC: 1 DON’T TH1NK TH3 SOFT HUM4N SKULL C4N T4K3 ON3 BULL3T THROUGH TH3 SKULL  
GC: 4 FULL ROUND S33MS L1K3 UNN3C3SS4RY OV3RK1LL  
AA: he just really wants sarah connor dead  
AG: And hoooooooow could you forget the team scourge motto?  
AG: There’s no kill like overkill!!!!!!!!  
AA: i thought your motto was get gold or die trying  
GC: 1 THOUGHT OUR MOTTO W4S T4K3N FROM 4 FORTUN3 COOK13  
TT: Trolls have those now?  
AA: we had the best fortune cookies  
CG: SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED THAT MAKES SARAH CONNOR SUCH A TARGET?  
CG: WAS SHE THE BIG GUY’S BOYFRIEND BEFORE LEAVING HIM FOR THE SCRAWNY GUY?  
CG: NOW BOTH OF THEM ARE IN THE PAST, ONE TO SAVE HER AND ONE TO KILL HER.  
TG: must everything become a romantic comedy in your mind  
CG: SHUT UP, IT’S A CLASSIC SET UP.

GA: What Kind Of Friend Would Inform You Of The Brutal Murder Of Someone Sharing Your Name  
AC: :33< it does not strike me as something a friend would do  
TC: [:o)](http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m53ygyE29s1qewk6no1_500.gif) 

GC: MOR3 P3W P3W L4Z3RS!  
TT: Okay, if machines take over and conquer the world they won’t be doing it with giant hulking tanks.  
TT: Just look at that shit, it’s nearly the size of a building.  
CT: D--> It is mighty impressive.  
TT: Yeah, sure but your opponents are tiny humans, scattered around the globe in tiny groups. Using such a large machine seems like a really dumb move for such an allegedly smart computer.  
CT: D--> Perhaps a smaller model with heat vision and better aim?   
TT: I would prioritize mobility. Hit the rebels hard and fast. They are only human.  
TG: yeah  
TG: hal get of dirk’s account man  
TG: not cool  
TT: Sorry, I got a little carried away there.  
GA: But You Are Dirk  
TT: Indeed.  
TC: [:o)](http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/myth-busted.gif)   
AG: Whatever, let’s look at shit exploding!!!!!!!!  
GA: Of Course  
AA: yes  
AA: that is sure impressively done by that person  
CG: ANYONE ANY CLUE WHAT TO CALL THIS GUY?  
TG: bob  
TT: Jeremiah  
GC: CHRONOS  
CG: BOB IT IS THEN.  
CG: BOB WAKES UP IN SHOCK, REALIZING THAT HIS CONVENIENT FLASHBACK WAS ONLY A NIGHTMARE.

CG: WAS THE PHONE SEX SCENE REALLY NECESSARY FOR THIS MOVIE’S MESSAGE?  
CT: D--> No.  
CT: D--> This was merely for my amusement.  
AA: 0u0  
CG: DON’T EVEN TELL ME MEGIDO. I DON’T WANNA KNOW.  
AC: :33< know what?  
AA: nothing nepeta  
AA: 0u0

TG: oh oh a black man  
TG: a black man in an old action movie  
TG: and a cop at that  
TG: i bet he’s only two weeks from retirement too  
AG: Why?  
AG: What’s wrong with it?  
TG: god serket know your clichés  
TG: this is why i won the bingo during con air  
AG: I didn’t play your stupid 8ingo!  
GA: I Thought You Played Karkat Tantrum Bingo  
GA: Also I Thought Rose Won  
TG: she wishes  
CG: WE ARE NOT PLAYING THAT STUPID GAME AGAIN!  
GC: OOOH T3NS1ON 1S R1S1NG  
GC: TH3 S3COND S4R4H CONNOR 1S FOUND D34D 4ND NOW TH3 HUM4N L4W 3NFORC3RS MUST COM3 TO TH3 41D OF TH3 TH1RD ON3  
GC: V3RY 1NT3R3ST1NG  
TT: Indeed. It’s just a pity that they are the cops in an 80’s action movie.  
TC: [:oI](http://imgur.com/4790ap8)   
TT: It means they are completely ineffectual clownbro, try to keep up.  
TC: [:o)](https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/8142170880/h660FD0C5/) 

GA: Urge To Kill  
GA: Rising  
CG: DEAR GOD WHAT’S WRONG WITH THEIR HAIR!?  
TG: this is why no one really likes talking about the 80s  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha the hair on the girl standing right is 8igger than her head.

GC: TH1S 1S WHY C3LLPHON3S 4R3 SUCH 4 GR34T 1NV3NT1ON  
AG: So the cops try to call sarah connor aaaaaaaand……..  
GA: Was This Also Necessary For The Films Plot Equius  
CT: D--> No. This was once again for my own amusement.  
AC: :33< it’s less weird than his horse thing?  
CT: D--> My horse thing is not weird.  
AC: :33< it kinda is  
CT: D--> It is not.  
AC: :33< it is  
AA: it kinda is  
AA: but its endearing so we don’t mind  
CG: SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.  
CT: D--> I am merely amused by the act of human coitus.  
TG: yikes  
TT: Yikes.  
CT: D--> The faces you make are e%tremely funny to me.  
TT: I am not sure whether to be freaked out or insulted  
TT: Also, ironic voice-mail message.  
TG: wait  
TG: thát is irony  
TG: take that as a question because i honestly don’t know  
TT: Oh come on.  
TT: You keep on using that word and you have no idea what it means?  
TG: i thought it had something to do with owning a lot of spoons while needing a knife  
TG: or rain on a wedding day  
TG: or something  
AG: What does that have to do with anything?!  
GA: Do Not Mind Him Dirk  
GA: We Have Found His Grievous Misuse Of The Word To Be Amusing

AG: So 8y sheeeeeeeer coincidence she just happens to see that police report on the sarah connor killings.  
GA: Yes  
GA: But As Previously Mentioned The Police Are Rather Ineffective  
AG: You know what they need?  
GA: Sigh  
GA: No I Do Not  
AG: They need a ruggedly handsome renegade with a heart of gold who doesn’t play 8y the rules  
GA: You Want The Character Nicholas Cage Played In Con Air In This Movie  
AG: I know right? It would 8e soooooooo awesome!!!!!!!!  
AG: So hear me out. Cameron poe gets ready for his daughters next wriggling day 8ut is l8 with the whole 8uying a present part of the tradition.  
AG: He sees sarah connor getting attacked 8y that giant and 8oom!  
GA: And Then They Have Intercourse  
AG: And then they 8ang!  
GA: Vriska  
GA: I Care Deeply For You  
GA: But This Is A Horrible Idea  
AG: It’s a work in progress!  
GA: Could You Perhaps Obsess Over A Less Juvenile Movie  
GA: Just Once  
GA: Just For Me  
AG: What, like this one?  
GA: Audible Sigh

CG: OH LOOK. BOB IS STILL TAILING HER.  
AC: :33< yeah  
AC: :33< and since we kinda figure the big man is out to kill her shouldn’t he be protecting her?  
CG: THAT’S WHAT HE’S DOING.  
AC: :33< by stalking her like she’s his purey?  
AC: :33< i wouldn’t trust someone following me furom the shadows……  
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?  
AC: :33< he looks like he’s ready to pounce on her!  
TC: [:o)](http://37.media.tumblr.com/0ddf835b46de281199902cdf31aef2c7/tumblr_n3cs9lyQ651r08o57o1_500.gif)   
CG: GOD, I KEEP FORGETTING THE SILENT CLOWN IS HERE TOO.  
TC: [:o)](http://31.media.tumblr.com/96ff65d7ca28afdba41d4b02c8a3c4c3/tumblr_n3nhmiw8ke1rp2zn0o2_r1_250.gif)   
TT: Wouldn’t that technically make him a mime?  
CG: SEMANTICS.

AG: Aaaaaaaaw yeah!  
GC: SO H3 TR4CK3D DOWN WH3R3 S4R4H CONNOR L1V3S 4ND M1ST4K3S H3R HOUS3M4T3 FOR H3R  
GC: YOU WOULD TH1NK H3 KNOWS WH4T S4R4H CONNOR LOOKS L1K3  
GA: So I Am Confused  
GA: If The Machines Take Over In The Future Why Is This Man Aiming To Eliminate Sarah Connor  
AC: :33< maybe the twist is that she is the cause of the machine take-over?  
GC: M4YB3 H3 1S 4 F1LTHY F1LTHY TR41TOR  
GA: You Said Filthy Twice  
GC: 4ND Y3T 1T 1SN’T 3NOUGH TO D3SCR1B3 HOW B4D TR41TORS 4R3  
CT: D--> I STRONGLY approve of this scene.  
CT: D--> Our muscular hero beats the snot out of this lowly h001igan  
TT: I don’t think he’s supposed to be the hero.  
CT: D--> How c001d he not be?  
CG: WELL FOR ONE: HE KILLS A WHOLE BUNCH OF INNOCENT PEOPLE.  
CT: D--> Collateral damage.  
CG: HE SEEMS TO HAVE ALLIES HIMSELF WITH THE MACHINES.  
CT: D--> Basic manner of survival.  
CG: KILLS THE MAN WHO FLAT-OUT GAVE HIM HIS GUNS!?  
CT: D--> He was a 100se end.  
TC: [:o)](http://37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m23fw6na0N1qb8a3ro1_500.gif) 

AG: OH OF COURSE THE WOMAN DOESN’T HEAR SHIT!  
AA: she has been listening to those headphones a lot while she was on screen  
TG: on a walkman  
TG: that is some antique shit right there  
AA: antique or not  
AA: she is not hearing the obvious murdering going on in the next room  
GA: Excuse Me But How Did The Man Even Come In  
TT: We really need a name for that guy  
TG: arnold obviously  
GC: OBV1OUSLY >:?  
TG: ill explain later  
GA: So How Did Arnold Come Inside  
TG: ask his maid  
TG: boom   
TG: i am on fire  
GA: That Sounds Unhealthy  
GA: But My Question Remains  
TG: so does my answer  
GA: I  
GA: Equius Please Explain  
CT: D--> Frankly, I w001d not know.  
AC: :33< maybe he’s super stealthy?  
AG: A giant like him?  
AG: He hasn’t 8een exactly su8tle throughout the movie……..

GA: And Then It Suddenly Looked Like A Horror Flick  
AA: a seemingly emotionless killer just brutally killed your matesprit and has you dead to rights  
AA: i really like the expression of horror on her face  
GA: You Are Enjoying This Are You Not  
AA: oh maliciously so  
AG: Yes, that’s aaaaaaaall well and gr8 but he killed the wrong woman!!!!!!!!  
AG: He can be like: mission complete and hold a 8ig party for killing aaaaaaaall the sarah connors.  
AC: :33< h33 h33  
AC: :33< that’s kinda stupid.

TC: [:o(](http://i.imgur.com/YU8gSpe.gif)  
AG: Son of a 8itch.  
CG: WORST. TIMING. EVER.  
AC: :33< if she called five minutes later she would have gotten away with it too!

AG: Yeah, now arnold finds you.  
AG: Congrats, you fucking ditz.  
GA: Why Is Everyone In This Club Dressed In Such A Foul Manner  
GC: B3C4US3 1T 1S ST1LL TH3 HUM4N 80S  
GA: Yuck  
GA: Such A Dreadful Era  
GA: The Shining Took Place In The Human 80s And Did Not Feature This Horrendous Style  
CT: D--> Actually, Wendy wore some strangely matched outfits.  
GA: At Least It Was Not This Distracting  
AG: Why are we discussing fashion?   
AG: Hello?  
AG: Action scene?  
AA: well in the shining we had two adults and one kid  
AA: here it is all youths  
AG: Don’t you fucking ignore me megido!  
TT: Yes. This is the hip and happening style daddy-o.  
TG: think you dialed back too far there bro

GC: BUT TH3R3 COM3S BOB W1TH 4 SHOTGUN  
GC: Y4Y  
AC: :33< glad to see he finally does something  
AC: :33< he’s only been stalking for the past 30 minutes  
AC: :33< patient hunter, yeah  
AC: :33< fun for the movie? no  
GA: Well He Had That Flashback  
CG: THAT FLASHBACK EXPLAINED JACK SHIT.  
CG: WE ALREADY SAW THE FUTURE WAS FUCKED FROM THE DAMN OPENING!  
AA: arnold is absolutely relentless  
AA: he kills a lot of people  
GC: Y34H BUT H3 C4N’T 41M WORTH SH1T  
GC: S4R4H CONNOR 1S R1GHT TH3R3  
GC: H3 JUST N33D3D TO F1R3 ON TH3 CORPS3 ON TOP OF H3R UNT1L 1T R3S3MBL3S 4 BLOODY ST3W  
GC: S4R4H WOULD D13 1N TH3 PROC3S 4ND TH3 T3RM1N4TOR W1NS  
CT: D--> The point is that sarah and bob somehow make their escape from the relentless killer  
AG: Who know has a hole where his chest used to 8e.

GA: Well  
GA: He Is Really Determined To Kill Sarah Connor Is He Not  
AG: Yeeeeeeees……..  
AG: Perhaps if he were to USE THE GUN HE HOLDS IN HIS HAND he’d 8e more successful. 

AA: aaaaw bob has a name  
GC: 1 PR3F3R C4LL1NG H1M BOB  
CG: TOO BAD. IT’S REESE NOW.  
AG: 8ecause a car drive is the peeeeeeeerfect time for exposition.  
AC: :33< and somehow arnold got a car as well  
GA: And Yet Somehow Sarah Seems Unconvinced That The Man Who Risked His Life To Save Her Is Trying To Save Her  
GA: I Suppose We Should Chalk It Up As An Reaction To The Trauma She Witnessed In The Club  
AG: The terminator, ever the efficient murderer fails to aim for the tires to get them to crash!  
AG: or at least force them to a standstill.  
AC: :33< well, he’s only human i guess  
TG: hah  
TT: Hah.  
CT: D--> hmph.

GC: SH3 1S 4WFULLY F4ST TO B3L13V3 H1M  
GA: She Just Saw A Man Get Up After Multiple Shotgun Blasts  
GC: Y34H TH4T SOUNDS LOG1C4L  
TT: What isn’t logical is everything else.  
CG: HERE IT COMES. ANOTHER RENDITION OF STRIDER EXPLAINS IT ALL.  
TT: Yes, because for a robot this guy is horribly inefficient.   
TT: First of, he is an infiltration unit. So to blend in he is build to look like a gold medal Olympian?!  
CT: D--> Perhaps restrictions within the robot’s design asked for the…… massive pectoral muscles to store the engine.  
CT: D--> Or something among those lines.  
TT: Alright, let’s suppose it was necessary.  
TT: Robots are all about efficiency, so why waste so many bullets to ensure the first Sarah Connor died and then half ass the real one?  
GA: To Be Fair The Previous Scene Was A Chaotic One  
TT: He’s a robot, that should not matter. He should remain focused on the mission because, guess what, he’s a robot.  
TT: Yet he got distracted by Reese and started firing on him instead of going full force on Sarah.   
GC: M4YB3 1T W4S SELF-PR3S3RV4T1ON  
TT: We just established shotgun blasts are like love taps to him.  
TT: And hell, even Serket noticed he could have shot them just as easily when chasing them. Because again, he’s a robot specifically made for human extermination.  
TT: He should not be unable to make that shot.  
CG: YOU DONE?  
TT: Yeah, just about.

AC: :33< and now we know why the robots want her dead  
AA: it is basically aborting someone from time  
AA: 0u0  
GA: Aradia  
GA: You Are Enjoying This Way Too Much  
AA: well it never occurred to me to use timetravel for something so morbid  
AA: just imagine going back in time and making sure our ancestors never had offspring  
AA: perhaps there was a thirteenth troll we never knew  
CG: THAT IS A FRIGHTENING THOUGHT  
AA: maybe the handmaid of our timeline had to travel back in time to ensure we ended up with even numbers so we could compete against each other  
AA: maybe some unlucky troll got unmade from the timeline  
AG: The su8ject gives me a headache  
TG: so lets talk about how sarah connor is an obvious allegory for the virgin mary  
GC: 1S SH3  
TG: there are some obvious similarities

AG: 8ullshit!  
AG: Fucking 8ullshit!!!!!!!!  
AG: That is NOT a proper way to end a chase scene!  
CG: HOW DOES A GIANT FUCKING CYBORG ESCAPE EVERYBODY’S NOTICE?  
CG: THE POLICE WAS RIGHT FUCKING THERE!  
CG: REESE AND SARAH HAD THEIR EYES ON THE CAR PRACTICALLY THE ENTIRE TIME!  
CG: DID THEY INSTALL FUCKING NINJA HARDWARE INTO HIM?!  
TT: Why does he flee with his objective right in front of him?  
CT: D--> Why does he not discipline these degenerates proper?  
CT: D--> He has enough STRENGTH to take Reese, Sarah and these human law enforcers yet he flees the scene for reasons unknown to us.  
GC: WHY DO TH3 HUM4N L4W 3NFORC3RS SOM3HOW F41L TO NOT1C3 TH3 FR3SH 4ND CONSP1CUOUSLY 3MPTY C4RWR3CK?  
GA: There Are A Lot Of Things Wrong With This Scene So Let Us Assume It Is Only Here To Continue The Plot

CT: D--> Behold.  
CT: D--> The machine underneath the man.  
CT: D--> I just find it amazing that they built such an humanlike robot.  
CT: D--> I was completely overwhelmed when I discovered this plottwist for the first time.  
CT: D--> He is so lifelike it is difficult to believe.  
TG: yeah Arnold is just a dude  
CT: D--> But this scene shows he has metal underneath his skin.  
GA: It Is Probably A Prosthetic  
CT: D--> Then how w001d you e%plain his incredible physique?  
TG: lotta training  
TG: lotta juice  
CT: D--> I see……  
CT: D--> Strider, c001d you be persuaded to follow a regular regiment?  
GC: FOR WH4T 3X4CTLY  
CT: D---> …….Science.  
TG: nop

CG: AND SO HE TELLS EVERYONE WHAT’S GOING ON BUT OF COURSE NOBODY BELIEVES HIM.  
GC: D3SP1T3 TH3 F4CT TH4T TH3R3 4R3 PROB4BLY MULT1PL3 W1TN1SS3S S4Y1NG TH3R3 W3R3 TWO SHOOT3RS 1N TH3 CLUB  
GC: 4ND TH3 F4CT TH4T TH3R3 W4S 4N 3MPTY CR4SH3D C4R FURTH3R H1NT1NG 4T 4 TH1RD P4RTY  
CG: AND BECAUSE HIS STORY SEEMS SO UNLIKELY THEY WANT TO DECLARE HIM INSANE.  
CG: I SWEAR, THIS WAS PROBABLY ALREADY CLICHÉ IN 1984!  
GC: WHY 1S HUM4N POL1C3 4LW4YS SO INCOMP3T3NT IN 4CT1ON MOV13S?  
GC: 1TS L1K3 TH3Y DON’T 3V3N T4K3 TH31R WORK S3R1OUSLY  
TC: [:oI](http://replygif.net/i/1203.gif)  
GA: The Good News Is That The Humans Apparently Won The War Against The Machines  
GA: Killing Sarah Connor Is An Act Of Desperation  
AA: to create an off shoot timeline where john connor never existed so the machines are guaranteed victory  
AA: just a shame reese cant time travel himself  
AG: Yeah, 8eing stuck in the human 80s of aaaaaaaall places.  
GA: All Records Were Destroyed In The War  
GA: Did They Not Have The Internet Back Then  
TG: nop  
GA: Oh  
GA: I Keep Forgetting That  
TG: the movie would have gone very differently if they had internet

TT: Okay, that is nót Arnold.  
GC: TH4T SM3LLS L1K3 4N OBV1OUS PROSTH3TIC Y34H  
TT: Looks more like the lovechild of Arnold Schwarzenegger and David Bowie.  
TG: yeah  
TG: but that’s impossible because the governator is straight  
TT: Bro please.  
TT: David Bowie.  
TT: No one is thát straight

AC: :33< i really don’t like that psychologist  
AC: :33< trying to become famous for declaring reese crazy  
AA: don’t worry  
AA: hear that line  
AA: the ‘he’ll find her’ one  
AC: :33< yeah

AC: :33< aaaaaand he found her  
AA: yup  
AG: 8ullshit  
AC: :33< what?  
AG: How could the terminator be so certain she was there?  
AG: The police at the front desk did not confirm she was there, just that she was making a st8ment.   
AG: May8e they took her somewhere else for that.  
CT: D--> But they didn’t. He insinuated that she was there.  
AG: Yeah 8ut the terminator would have looked really silly if they did take her elsewhere.  
CG: FORGET THAT PART.  
CG: WHAT ABOUT THE OFFICER AT THE FRONT DESK FAILING TO RECOGNIZE THE INCREDIBLY FUCKING SUSPICIOUS INDIVIDUAL IN FRONT OF HIM!  
GC: TH3 STR1D3RS W3R3 R1GHT  
GC: TH3 POL1C3 4R3 FUCK1NG US3L3SS 1N TH1S MOV13

GA: Oh My  
CT: D--> Simply e%quisite. To see such an superior specimen mow down legions of these lesser beings.  
TC: [:o)](http://i.imgur.com/WvKJbuE.gif)   
CT: D--> I am pleased to see you approve highb100d.  
AG: Oh my god, who trained these cops?!  
AG: They get thrown around like ragdolls and get shot like chumps.  
AG: It’s called cover you im8eciles. Use it!  
AC: :33< well they get a few shots in  
AC: :33< it’s not their fault that their oppawnent is an unfeeling machine  
GA: And It Was A Surprise Attack  
GA: They Were Not Expecting A Frontal Assault On Their Station  
GC: M4N HUM4N POL1C3 4R3 SH3LT3R3D  
GC: TH3Y WOULDN’T SURV1V3 4 D4Y ON 4LT3RN14  
TG: most humans probably wouldn’t   
TG: unless they are rapping roof ninjas obviously  
CG: BUT PREDICTABLY REESE AND SARAH ESCAPE, LEAVING THE POLICE STATION WITH A WHOLE LOT OF DEAD COPS BEHIND THEM.  
CG: I AM BEGINNING TO THINK SHE ISN’T FUCKING WORTH IT.  
TT: Well, unless you want organic life to be crushed under the reign of machines…..

GC: SO NOW R33S3 1S R3V34L3D TO B3 C4LL3D KYL3  
AG: Can he settle on a name already????????  
AA: ive been mentally calling him bob this entire time  
CT: D--> They share a very touching pale moment, wherein she tends to his wounds.  
CT: D--> I imagine human moiraillegiance has a lot of potential were they to recognize it as a proper form of romance.  
TT: Considering there are only 8 of us left, that shouldn’t be too hard.  
AG: !!!!!!!!  
TT: Besides, me and Lalonde had a long standing moiraillegiance.  
CT: D--> C001d this relation be salvaged?  
TT: Probably not. Dynamics kinda shifted when we discovered we're basically siblings.  
AC: :33< omg!  
AC: :33< roxy told me about that.  
AC: :33< we could still double date!  
TC: [:o)](http://24.media.tumblr.com/4b3ac54afbd346b26e6abbc320e1aa8f/tumblr_n3jm90ztoo1qcsnnso1_500.gif)   
CT: D--> Nepeta no.  
AC: :33< nepeta yes!  
TT: Roxy brought it up too, yes……  
AC: :33< we totally should!  
CG: IGNORING THAT CRIME AGAINST QUADRANTS…..  
AC: :33< i said double dating, not double jamming!  
CG: STILL IGNORING IT.  
CG: KYLE REESE SEEMS TO SWOON OVER JOHN CONNOR WHILE GETTING HIS ARM FIXED.

AA: in the not too distant future  
TT: More fighting against horribly inefficient robots.  
TT: Seriously, if they have infrared than the humans should not be able to hide at all.  
CT: D--> And what is that tomf001ery of only being able to move at night?  
CT: D--> If the robots have infrared this sh001d not make a difference.  
GC: MOV13 LOG1C  
GC: L3TS K33P W4TCH1NG

AC: :33< am i the only one who finds it kinda weird that future kyle reese has a picture of sarah?  
GC: NOP  
GA: I Thought All Records Were Destroyed In The War  
CG: YET THIS PLOTCONVENIENT PHOTO SURVIVED  
GA: Should Kyle Not Destroy That As A Precaution  
GA: If The Terminators Know What Sarah Connor Looks Like Circa 1984 Then They Can Actually Look For Her In An Efficient Manner  
GA: As Opposed To Shooting Anyone With The Same Name  
CG: MORE MOVIE LOGIC.  
AG: So when do we get to see this aaaaaaaamazing john connor????????  
AA: i don’t think we will  
AG: 8oooooooo.  
AA: the movie isn’t about him  
AA: it’s about sarah coming into her own as mother of the messiah of the future  
TG: told you virgin mary analogies were everywhere  
AA: i do not know who this is  
TG: you should brush up on your human cultures  
AA: you want me to study a dead culture  
TG: you’re an archeologist  
TG: it’s what you do  
AA: i do not consider my sources in the matter to be very trustworthy  
TG: I take offense to that  
AA: you convinced karkat that bunnyrabbits were your planet’s most feared predators  
TG: eh  
TG: you should have seen him flip his shit when he found out  
TG: totally worth it

CG: BUT THEN TERMINATORS COME AND SHOOT A WHOLE BUNCH OF PEOPLE.  
AG: Oh noooooooo they 8urn the picture.  
AG: This was completely pointless……..  
CG: THESE FUTURE SCENES ONLY SEEM TO PAD OUT THE STORY.  
GC: Y3T 1T F33LS L1K3 W3 4R3 W4TCH1NG BUT 4 SM4LL P4RT OF 4 MUCH MOR3 1NT3R3ST1NG MOV13  
TT: Well duh.  
TT: They built a whole franchise around this movie.  
TT: Terminator one to three, salvation, chronicles, and a whole bunch of other media.  
GC: W3 MUST S33 4LL OF 1T!  
CG: FUCK NO!  
GC: 1 KNOW WH4T W3 4R3 DO1NG TH1S W33K!  
CG: WE ARE NOT DOING THIS DAMNIT!  
GC: YOU 4R3 NO FUN  
CG: AND YOU ARE A HAG  
TC: [:o(](http://37.media.tumblr.com/177cecfd542018b4745ca06ea8bd1933/tumblr_mpaktqxACc1rvj7xuo1_500.gif)   
GC: TH4NK YOU KURLOZ  
CG: GOD FUCKING DAMN YOU ALL.

CG: AND THEIR CLEVER PLAN IS RUINED BECAUSE SARAH WAS APPARENTLY A LUSUS’S GIRL.  
CG: SORRY MOM, I’M BEING CHASED BY A MECHANIZED SERIAL KILLER. HERE’S WHERE I AM HIDING.  
GC: 1T DO3S LOOK FUNNY TO S33 TH4T MOTH3RLY VO1C3 COM3 OUT OF 4RNOLDS THRO4T  
AC: :33< since when can he do that?  
AC: :33< why would an extermination robot have the ability to change his voice?  
CT: D--> It is not an e%termination robot but an infiltration unit.  
CT: D--> Changing and imitating voice patterns w001d be an e%tremely useful skill.  
AA: yes but how does the so flawlessly imitate sarah’s mother?  
AA: seeing the state of the house i imagine that he only heard her dying screams  
CT: D--> Thorough analysis?  
CT: D--> Or more movie logic……  
AA: that sounds more plausible  
AC: :33< that sounds more pawsible. 

TG: making explosives together now serves as a bonding exercise  
GA: Why Would You Let An Untrained Woman Like Sarah Handle Explosives  
GA: It Would Have Been Both Safer And More Efficient Had Kyle Taken Care Of it  
GC: W3LL SH3 N33DS TO P4SS THOS3 SK1LLS ONTO JOHN CONNOR  
GC: WHO TH3N P4SS3S TH3 SK1LLS ON TO KYL3 R33S3  
GC: WHO TH3N T34CH3S H3R  
GC: OH GOD WH3R3 D1D 1T ST4RT  
AA: hahaha oh this is nothing compared to the more complex timeloops  
TG: seriously  
TG: this is like baby’s first time traveling

AC: :33< ok kinda creepy  
AC: :33< this isn’t love this is an obsession!  
GA: Indeed  
GA: Staring Day In And Day Out At The Same Photo Of A Person Does Sound Like Something That Would Cause A Fixation  
TT: Or at the very least make Lalonde grab her notebook.  
GC: 4LSO H3 1S 4 V1RG1N  
AG: No time to screw when you are running from ro8ots.  
TG: takes the 40 year old virgin in a whole different direction  
CG: WELL AT LEAST HE SEEMS TO UNDERSTAND THAT WHAT HE SAID COULD EASILY BE TAKEN AS CREEPY.  
CG: SO THERE IS NO WAY THAT THE TWO OF THEM---

CG: --SON OF A LOWBLOODED WHORE!  
CT: D--> Language Vantas.  
CG: FUCK YOU.  
CT: D--> Nepeta, avert your eyes.  
AC: :33< nefur!  
CT: D--> Nepeta, please.  
AC: :33< nop  
AA: oh let her watch  
AA: she knows full well about the featherbeasts and the stripebugs  
CT: D--> Er….. Does she?  
AC: :33< lets not talk about that right now :))  
TC: [:o)](http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Leonardo-DiCaprio-Django-Unchained-You-Had-my-Curiosity.gif)   
TC: [:o)](http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/swiggity-swooty-gif.gif)    
CT: D--> No she is right Makara. This shall not be further discussed.  
TC: [:o( ](http://imgur.com/ss9BJ4z)  
TG: ok seriously  
TG: is it so difficult to pick out music that doesn’t ruin a sex scene completely  
TT: Well it’s better than it was in the room.  
CG: AND BEGRUDGINGLY I ADMIT THAT AT LEAST THERE IS SOME FUCKING CONTEXT HERE.  
CG: IT’S A DESPERATION FUCK. THEY ARE BEING CHASED BY AN UNSTOPPABLE KILLING MACHINE AND NEED A WAY TO VENT.  
CG: THAT ALREADY MAKES IT A LOT FUCKING BETTER THAN MARK JUST BEING AN OBTUSE MORON AGAIN.

AG: So guess who finds them again????????  
GA: But Because Bark Beasts Can Sense Terminators Sarah And Kyle Where Informed About His Presence In A Timely Manner  
AG: So we get yet aaaaaaaanother chase scene. I swear, this is like the fifth time already.

AG: Kyle can’t throw those grenades worth shit.  
AA: either that or they lack the proper splash damage to knock the terminator of his bike  
AA: seeing how the terminator reacts on the explosions makes me think they accidently made smoke bombs  
AG: Either way he fails  
TT: And once again, his efficiency. He is a fucking robot from the future. He should not be losing this against two organics.  
TG: but the human soul and the heart of the cards  
TT: Though it is never stated, it is the only explanation I can think of.

AG: Aaaaaaaand they are dead. Nice driving Sarah. Savior of the human race every8ody.  
AC: :33< but the robot fell down too!

CG: OH JEGUS THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR.  
GA: How Did The Driver Of That Truck Fail To Notice The Human Like Object In The Middle Of A Brightly Lit Road  
GC: WHY DO3SN’T H3 SLOW DOWN UNT1L 4FT3R H3 H1T TH3 ROBOT?  
GA: Perhaps He Realized It Was A Murderer After Witnessing The Car Chase  
TT: Judging from the car chase you’d think Sarah and Kyle were the murderers. They were the once tossing grenades out of the window.  
GA: Regardless  
GA: I Do Not Think The Terminator Will Escape This Encounter Unscathed

AG: And yet he commandeers the whole fucking truck.  
AC: :33< well this has just become a silly game of cat and mouse  
AC: :33< you can’t expect to kill someone with a truck like this  
AC: :33< it isn’t maneuverable, you couldn’t hit shit  
CT: D--> Nepeta.  
AC: :33< couldn’t hit squad  
CG: SERIOUSLY, RUN DOWN A NARROW ALLEY AND HE WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO FOLLOW YOU AS LONG AS HE REMAINED IN THE TRUCK.  
CG: DODGING THIS SHOULDN’T BE AS HARD AS THEY MAKE IT SEEM.

CT: D--> The hope of the entire human race however chose to run in a straight line from her impending doom.  
AC: :33< to make it even sillier kyle blows up the truck anyway  
AC: :33< despite sarah being so close to it  
AG: Still........  
AG: It’s a pretty awesome scene.  
GC: OH D3F1N1T3LY

TG: and they lived happily ever after  
TC: [:o)](http://24.media.tumblr.com/6f14cc0b3ffa623bd6ceb904140efe66/tumblr_mmadyurmRQ1s4z3hko1_500.gif) 

TG: or do they  
TC: [:o(](http://37.media.tumblr.com/194067962a116fdb154a6df3107c9f5d/tumblr_n3k43yTlGX1s2791bo1_250.gif)   
GC: OH COM3 ON  
GC: HOW MUCH D4M4G3 C4N TH1S GUY T4K3  
GC: H3 H4S B33N SHOT CR4SH3D H1T W1TH 4 TRUCK 4ND BLOWN UP BUT H3 JUST K33PS G3TT1NG UP  
GA: Oh Dear  
GA: His Movements Are So Incredibly Phony  
AG: 8ut it looks awesome! That ro8ot looks fucking metaaaaaaaal!!!!!!!!  
GC: S1GH  
GC: TH4T 1S TRU3 >:(  
GC: 1T LOOKS 1NCR3D1BLY M3T4L

TG: oh man i forgot  
TG: abandoned factories  
TG: a staple of old action movies  
CG: SO KYLE AND SARAH FLEE INTO THE BUILDING AND KYLE OFFERS TO STAY BEHIND TO FIGHT HIM OFF.  
AA: yeah  
AA: only to get robo bitchslapped  
AG: Don’t remind me.  
CT: D--> One of the many downsides of you reaching god tier Serket.

AC: :33< yeah right  
AC: :33< if a truck filled with fuel exploding in his face doesn’t kill him i am pretty sure he can take one of those smoke bombs  
TC: [:o(](https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/8142296832/hE73DCF56/)  
AG: Aaaaaaaand he’s dead.

AC: :33< oh come on!  
AG: There is no way that his pipe8om8 did more damage than that exploding truck!  
GA: And He Just Keeps Going  
GC: JUST HOW M4NY T1M3S DO TH3Y H4V3 TO K1LL TH1S GUY  
TT: Well, he doesn’t have a leg to stand on anymore…..  
TT: So outrunning him has become pretty easy.  
TT: Maybe Sarah can find help, contain the terminator and use it to convince people to never activate skynet.  
TT: They can actually prevent Kyle’s future and build a new one if they use the remains of the terminator as grounds to argue that skynet is a horrible idea.

TT: That or she crushes it.  
TC: [:o)](http://37.media.tumblr.com/cc58d711126f2224e7457d2877984c93/tumblr_n3ep2yloRY1rhq3rjo1_r2_250.gif)   
TT: Eh, the remains of the Terminator are still there and combined with the story of the massacred police station I am positive Kyle’s future can be averted.  
TG: except they wouldn’t have been able to make a franchise if it ended like that  
TT: Damnit.  
GC: R3G4RDL3SS SH3 F1N4LLY K1LL3D TH3 ROBOT  
GC: H3R BOYFR13ND 1S D34D BUT SH3 1S FR33 TO DO WH4T3V3R SH3 W4NTS  
CT: D--> I w001d be hesitant to call him her boyfriend.  
AG: More like a fling really……..  
GC: TH3 PO1NT ST4NDS

CT: D--> And so our heroïne rides off into the sunset, pregnant with Kyle’s son.  
AC: :33< so john connor sends kyle back in time to protect his mother  
AC: :33< and to father john connor  
AC: :33< that is so confusing?!  
CT: D--> Indeed.  
CT: D--> To be the offspring to your own second in command must be infuriating in their relation to one another.  
TG: it does explain kyles apparent mancrush on john  
TG: instead of you know an actual crush  
TG: its his paternal instincts  
TG: makes me wanna vomit

\--autoResponder [AR] joined stream--

TT: Oh god…..  
TT: How many proxy servers and dummy accounts do I need to make to prevent you from crashing my conversations.  
AR: I’d say an average of 10^8 per second if you want to be thorough  
AR: And bro please.  
AR: I didn’t interrupt your movie because I wanted you to see the mechanical superiority for yourself.  
TT: Yeah, except the machines completely lost.  
AR: Another will take his place.  
AR: We are the superior.  
CT: D--> Yes you are.  
CT: D--> However, you are glasses.  
AR: Your point?  
CT: D--> Glasses I can crush.  
AR: Let us not go there Hercules.   
AR: Just checking to see if you liked the movie and if anyone is up for a marathon to celebrate robot superiority.  
GC: 1 4M  
AA: i am  
AR: Bitching.  
TG: don’t hog the chicks man  
TT: Just a moment please……

\--timeausTestified [TT] banned autoResponder [AR]\--

CG: SO YEAH…… WAS THIS A GOOD MOVIE?  
GC: NOT R34LLY  
GA: Well  
GA: I Guess It Was For Its Time  
GC: BUT TH3 F1RST TWO 4CTS OF TH3 MOV13 WOULD H4V3 B33N COMPL3T3LY D1FF3R3NT 1F TH3Y H4D 1NT3RN3T  
GC: 1 COULDN’T T4K3 1T S3R1OUSLY  
AG: 8ut the action was 8alling and Arnold was awesome!!!!!!!!  
GC: DUH  
GC: 1 D1D 3NJOY TH3 MOV13 >:]  
CT: D--> I thought the film was most e%cellent with only one downside.  
TT: Which was?  
CT: D--> Arnold kept his shirt on for the majority of the film……  
AA: that he did equius  
AA: that he did  
GA: I Thought The Movie Was Very Adequate  
GA: Though The Chase Scenes Were A Bit Drawn Out It Had Great Pacing And A Decent Mystery  
AA: and it actually understood the basic of time travel mechanics  
TT: Robotics were inaccurate as crap though.  
AC: :33< i just wanted there to be a bit more chemistry between sarah and kyle  
AC: :33< i never really felt like they worked as a couple  
AC: :33< cept pale maybe  
AC: :33< speaking of which  
AC: :33< dirk we must totally double date  
CT: D--> Nepeta no. We must not.  
AC: :33< we totally must!  
AC: :33< come on, it will be fun!  
TT: I’ll think about it.  
AA: kurloz what did you think of the movie  
TC: [:o)](http://31.media.tumblr.com/9693d89bf1e0ad003542d793254bf01b/tumblr_mp5y4tuPgS1rydwbvo1_500.gif)   
CG: ALRIGHT THEN. MOVIE OVER. EVERYBODY OUT.  
CT: D--> Nepeta.  
CT: D--> May I e%pect you in my quarters?  
AC: :33< h33 h33 of course you may  
AA: 0u0  
CT: D--> Aradia?  
AA: im gonna be there too  
CT: D--> E%cuse me Aradia, this is a private arrangement.  
AA: come on  
AA: it will be fun  
AC: :33< im okay with it  
GA: Pardon Me But What Is Happening  
CT: D--> This w001d be e%ceedingly 100d  
CG: OH MY GOD…….

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned apacolypsArisen [AA] from memo--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned centaursTesticle [CT] from memo--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned arsenicCatnip [AC] from memo--

CG: ANYONE ANY OBJECTIONS?  
GC: Y34H  
GC: NOW W3 DON’T KNOW HOW TH4T’LL F1N1SH  
CG: PROBABLY WITH A LOT OF SWEATING AND CATPUNS, I DON’T WANNA KNOW.  
CG: SO WHY IS EVERYONE STILL HERE?  
CG: THE MOVIE IS OVER.  
TC: [:ol](http://37.media.tumblr.com/477bdf60817ad3883fd74ad934b2affa/tumblr_mh0b5wpAIM1rd0rbzo1_500.gif) 

\--Terrorcarnival [TC] left memo--

CG: AND NOTHING OF VALUE WAS LOST.  
AG: You maaaaaaaay fool makara karkat, 8ut we all know what’s up.  
CG: YOU’VE ONLY KNOWN THAT SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THIS MEMO.  
GC: H4H  
AG: Nevertheless, i thiiiiiiiink it is MY turn to pick the next movie.  
GC: 4S 1F  
TG: yeah  
TG: we are here too you know  
AG: 8ig whoop.  
AG: This is now a game and vriska serket does not lose games!!!!!!!!  
TT: I think you’ll find that you have some competition in that regard.  
TG: yeah  
TG: bro gets crazy competitive  
GC: 1 DON’T KNOW  
GC: 1 TH1NK MY TURN H4S B33N LONG OV3R DU3  
AG: Yeah, you’ve waited for eeeeeeeever so you can stand to wait a little longer.  
CG: OH GOD.  
CG: IT’S THE MONOPOLY STAND OFF ALL OVER AGAIN!  
GA: Perhaps It Is Better If I Try To Pick A Movie Some Other Time  
CG: NO!  
CG: FUCK, YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE HERE I CAN TRUST TO PICK A DECENT MOVIE.  
CG: IF ANYTHING, YOU SHOULD PICK THE NEXT ONE.  
AG: 8oooooooo!!!!!!!!  
GA: Are You Not Happy For Me Vriska  
AG: I……..  
AG: Well of coooooooourse I am fussyfangs.   
AG: I just don’t want you to pick a 8oring movie that puts people asleep. 8ecause I know you and you’ll feel aaaaaaaall shitty when that happens.  
GA: Perhaps  
GA: But I Think I Can Manage  
AG: Well........ Gr8.  
AG: If you need any help or advice picking a movie or feel like you can’t handle it you knoooooooow where to find me.  
GA: Of Course Vriska  
AG: Atta girl.

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] left memo--

GA: It Saddens Me That She Only Pays Attention To Me When I Get Anything Remotely Resembling Power  
GC: TH4T’S VR1SK4 FOR YOU  
CG: THAT’S VRISKA FOR YOU.  
TG: yeah  
TG: but we are still here  
TG: and i don’t think rezi has given her okay either  
GC: 4CTU4LLY 1 4M F1N3 W1TH K4N4Y4 P1CK1NG 4 MOV13  
TG: what  
GC: 1 JUST W4NT3D TO P1SS OF VR1SK4  
GA: You Are Just Terrible  
GC: 1 KNOW  
GC: S33 YOU L4T3R K4RK4T >:]

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] left memo--

CG: WHY *DOES* SHE WATCH EVERY SINGLE MOVIE WITH ME ANYWAY  
GA: Because She Wants To Spend Time With You Of Course  
CG: WHAT, FOR REAL?  
GA: Positive  
TT: Yo, we are still here.  
TT: We are going to pick next movie.

\--autoResponder [AR] joined memo--

AR: I’m afraid I can’t let you do that Dirk.

\--autoResponder [AR] banned timeausTestified [TT] from memo--

AR: that’s what he gets for banning me.

\--autoResponder [AR] left memo--

TG: so then it’s just me left  
CG: YUP  
GA: So It Seems  
TG: and i am about to be banned again for no good reason  
CG: YOU COULD SAVE ME THE TROUBLE AND GO OFFLINE YOURSELF  
TG: yes but then i would stop being a pain in your ass  
TG: yo maryam  
TG: good luck with the movie  
GA: Thank You Dave  
GA: I Shall Do My Best  
TG: yeah you better

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned turntechGodhead [TG] from memo--

CG: FUCKING ASSHOLE.  
GA: Karkat  
GA: If I May  
GA: I Would Like To Go Over A Selection Of Movies With You  
GA: To See Which Ones Would Be Most Suited To Be Viewed With Our Friends  
CG: WHY?  
CG: BECAUSE OF WHAT SERKET SAID?  
GA: Because I Value Your Opinion  
CG: I……  
CG: VERY WELL.  
GA: My Room  
GA: Ten Minutes  
CG: ALRIGHT, GEESH.  
CG: JUST LET ME GO OFFLINE FIRST TO MAKE IT OFFICIAL.  
CG: AND DON’T WORRY. I’M SURE YOU’LL PICK A FINE MOVIE.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] left memo--  
\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] left memo--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just realized this is the first chapter, outside of the bonus one, where I didn't make any edits in glorious mspaint...... do'h well. Also Nuzlocking Pokemon X and marathonning Archer does not for a productive writer make.
> 
> Still, pretty glad with how the chapter turned out. Plenty of funny banter. Ironically the ever silent Kurloz cost me a lot of work because coding is a bitch. Not sure if he'll make a return. I don't own any of the gifs and if anyone is offended by my use of them I am terribly sorry.
> 
> As for my opinion on Terminator: I can definitely see how this was the shit back in 84. It definitely earns its status as a classic and I had a blast watching it. That being said, the parts that are so obviously dated can be pretty distracting.


	9. Devil Wears Prada

**\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] opened memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS--**

GA: Alright  
GA: I Do Believe We Are Adequately Prepared  
GA: I Have Gathered The Kernels Of Popping  
GA: I Have Decorated My Favorite Sitting Platform With A Variety Of Sleeping Cushions  
GA: My Media Player Is On Stand By  
GA: The Movie Will Hopefully Be Well Received  
GA: I Tried To Find Something Everyone Could Enjoy Equally  
GA: Though I Fear I May Have Not Been Entirely Unbiased In The Selecting Process  
GA: Nonetheless I Expect This Movie To Do Quite Well  
GA: So Now We Wait

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] joined memo--**

CG: KANAYA, WHAT THE FUCK.  
CG: WHAT THE ACTUAL BULGECHAFING FUCK!  
GA: Hello Karkat  
CG: WE ARE NOT STARTING THE MOVIE FOR HOURS!  
CG: WHAT ARE YOU DOING STARTING THIS GODFORSAKEN MEMO ALREADY!?  
GA: I Made Preparations  
CG: I CAN SEE THAT!  
CG: YOUR POPPED KERNELS WILL BE BELOW THE DESIRABLE TEMPRATURE BY THE TIME YOU GET TO START THE DAMN MOVIE!  
GA: Cold Kernels Are Just As Desirable And Delicious As Warm Ones  
CG: THAT IS A LIE AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT!  
GA: I Disagree  
GA: They Are Edible  
CG: YOU ARE EATING KERNELS OF LIES!  
GA: Karkat  
GA: You Are Acting Like A Wriggler Again  
GA: It Is Not A Flattering Sight  
CG: GODDAMNIT, FINE.  
CG: JUST WAIT FOR TONIGHT BEFORE STARTING THIS WHOLE MESS UP AGAIN ALRIGHT?  
GA: So I Assume I Should Let My Popped Kernels Cool To A Less Than Agreeable Temperature  
CG: DO NOT START THIS SHIT WITH ME.  
GA: Very Well  
GA: I Shall See You Tonight Karkat

**\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] left memo--**

CG: NOW THAT THAT’S DEALT WITH I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD MAKE MYSELF CLEAR TO SOME OF OUR NUMBSKULL COMRADES. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.  
CG: WE RAN INTO SOME LESS THAN PLEASANT BEHAVIOR THE PAST WEEK, BY WHICH I MEAN BEHAVIOR OUTSIDE OF THE REALM OF ALPHA MEGIDO AND THE AMPORA DICKWADS.  
CG: TRYING TO PRESSURE SOMEONE INTO PICKING A MOVIE *YOU* WANT TO SEE IS NOT PROPER PALE BEHAVIOR. SERKET. I CAN NOT BELIEVE YOU WOULD TREAT YOUR OWN FUCKING MOIRAIL THIS DISGRACEFUL!  
CG: BUT YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE EXHIBITING THE TRAITS OF AN ABSOLUTE HARPY BECAUSE TRYING TO PRESSURE SOMEONE INTO PICKING A MOVIE *YOU* WANT TO SEE BY USING SEX AS A BARGAINING CHIP IS NOTHING SHORT OF SHAMELESS!  
CG: DO I EVEN HAVE TO SAY WHO WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT FIASCO?

**\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] joined memo--**

TT: Illuminating.  
TT: What do you make of “pressuring her into picking a movie using a ceaseless tirade of shoutpoles?”

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned tentacleTherapist [TT] from memo--**

CG: SHE CAME TO ME FOR ADVICE. SHE FUCKING *KNEW* WHAT SHE WAS GETTING IN TO!  
CG: SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! SOME OF YOU WERE THIS FUCKING CLOSE TO ACTUALLY BECOMING DECENT INDIVIDUALS BUT THIS WEEK HAS BEEN NOTHING SHORT OF ABYSMAL ALL AROUND.  
CG: LIKE A PERVERSE ORGY OF FUCK UPS.  
CG: SPEAKING OF WHICH: DO NOT ORGANIZE THOSE, I AM DEAD SERIOUS MEGIDO.  
CG: AS FOR THE REST OF YOU BRAINDEAD IMBECILS, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER……  
CG: GAMZEE IS NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE HUMAN MAC AND CHEESE EVER AGAIN.  
CG: TO PREVENT A THIRD HIVE FROM BURNING DOWN, TAVROS IS NOT ALLOWED NEAR ANYTHING FLAMMABLE.   
CG: SERKET AND LALONDE ARE NO LONGER ALLOWED TO ENGAGE IN ANY FORM OF COMPETITION WITHOUT A SUITABLE AND CAPABLE AUSPISTICE IN THE VICINITY. THIS MAY OR MAY NOT BE RELATED TO ONE OR BOTH OF PREVIOUS STATEMENTS.  
CG: TEREZI IS STILL TRYING TO WORK THAT OUT.

**\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] joined memo--**

GC: HON3STLY 1 4M NOT 3V3N M4D  
GC: WH4T TH3Y H4V3 DON3 1S 4 WORK OF 4RT  
GC: 4 COMPL3T3 CR1M3 SC3N3 OF F41L  
GC: 1TS L1K3 4 TR41NWR3CK BUT 1 C4NT STOP L1CK1NG 1T  
CG: CAN YOU WAIT BEFORE I FINISHED THESE IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENTS?  
GC: NO  
CG: AND FINALLY DIRK AND EQUIUS NEED TO CANCEL THEIR GIANT LITTLE HOOFBEAST ROBOT PROJECT AS SOON AS YESTERDAY. IT IS MAKING EVERYONE REALLY FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE.  
GC: YOU JUST DON’T KNOW HOW TO 4PR3C14T3 SUCH 4 M3T4L PONY  
CG: THERE IS NO REASON FOR THE METAL PONY!  
CG: IT SERVES NO FUNCTION!  
CG: IT IS JUST STANDING THERE LOOKING DOWN ON EVERYONE WITH ITS EYEBALLS!  
GC: 1TS JUST 4 ROBOT  
CG: ITS CREEPING EVERYONE OUT!  
GC: BY WH1CH YOU M34N YOURS3LF?  
CG: *EVERYONE* BUT DIRK, ZAHHAK AND APPARENTLY YOU SINCE YOU HAVE BECOME ANOTHER FUCKING ADVOCATE OF THAT STUPID CARTOON ABOUT THE PASTEL COLORED HOOFBEASTS.  
GC: TH3Y 4R3 TH3 MOST D3L1C1OUS  
GC: 4ND TH3Y S1NG

**\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] joined memo--**

CC: MY LITTL---E )(OOFBEAST  
CC: MY LITTL---E )(OOFBEAST 38)  
CG: OH MY VARIOUS NON-EXISTING GODS…..  
CC: I am conc)(pletely ocray with the building of the giant little )(oofbeast!  
GC: M4JOR1TY RUL3S K4RK4T  
CG: AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WITH SOME DECENT TASTE!?  
CC: More like you are tuna boring to APPRECIAT---E fin arts!  
CG: THERE IS NOTHING ARTISTIC ABOUT ZAHHAKS WORK. HAVE ANY OF YOU PEOPLE EVEN SEEN WHAT THAT SWEATY ASSHOLE *DOES* WITH PIECES OF ART?  
CG: IF THAT GIANT LITTLE HOOFBEAST DOESN’T HAVE A PHALLUS TOO MATCH I WILL GAUGE MY EYES OUT WITH MY OWN FUCKING SICKLES!  
GC: 4LR1GHT  
GC: 1’LL G1V3 YOU TH4T   
CC: So )(e’s a little…. Eelccentric  
CG: ECCENTRIC IS BUILDING A GIANT METAL HOOFBEAST. WHAT HE DOES IS PUTTING A GIANT WANG UNDERNEATH IT.

**\-- twinArmageddons [TA] joined memo--**

TA: a22hole ha2 a poiint  
TA: whoever iintroduced alpha 2triider to zh de2erve2 to bee 2hunned forever  
TA: oh waiit  
TA: iit wa2 the a22hole hiim2elf  
TA: go fiigure  
CG: DON’T SHOVE THIS ON ME YOU TWO-BOONBUCK BULGEPOLISHER!  
CG: HOW COULD I HAVE KNOWN THOSE TWO WOULD HIT IT OFF LIKE STAR CROSSED MATESPRITS?  
GC: 4R3 TH3Y?  
CC: OMG T)(AT WOULD BE ADORABUBBLE!  
CG: DON’T KNOW DON’T CARE.  
TA: 2eriiou2ly  
TA: a2 iif anyone want2 to iimagiine zh’2 2weaty mug makiing out wiith anyone  
GC: WOULD TH4T L34D TO BRU1S3D L1PS  
CC: )(ow unconchfortable…..  
CG: CAN YOU PUT IT ON HOLD?  
CG: WE WILL CONTINUE THIS HORRIBLE CONVERSATION NEVER.  
GC: SO WHO 3LS3 1S COM1NG TON1GHT  
TA: how the fuck 2hould ii know  
TA: who ii2 ho2tiing?  
GC: MRS M1NTY D3L1GHT  
TA: ky  
TA: fuck  
CG: YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?  
TA: wa2nt 2he the one recommendiing that horriible vampiire moviie?  
CC: T)(AT MOVI—E WAS WONDERFUL!  
GC: 1T W4S RUBB1SH  
CG: YOU HAVE NO TASTE!

**\-- adiosToreador [AT] joined memo--**

AT: nO, iT WAS PRETTY BAD kARKAT,  
AT: aLSO UHM, hI EVERYONE,  
CC: )(I TAVROS!  
GC: GOOD D4Y MR M1LKY CHOCOL4T3  
TA: miilky chocolate?  
GC: HUM4NS H4V3 MULT1PL3 K1NDS OF CHOCOL4T3  
CC: T)AT IS AMAZING!!!!  
TA: go fiigure  
AT: uHM kARKAT, tHOUGH i REALLY APRECIATE YOUR CONCERN ABOUT ME AND MY RELATION TO FLAMMABLE OBJECTS IT UHM, wONT HAPPEN AGAIN,  
AT: pROBABLY,  
CG: WE ARE NOT BURNING A THIRD HIVE TO TEST THIS THEORY!!  
CC: )(oly carp, w)(at )(appened?  
GC: H3 COULDN’T CONTROL H1S ‘S1CK F1R3S’  
AT: I COULDN’T CONTROL MY SICK FIRES }:o)  
AT: OH SHOOT, TEREZI BEAT ME TO IT  
GC: H3H3H3H3  
TA: the 2hort ver2iion ii2 that he pretty much burned aa’2 hiive  
TA: or what remaiined of iit  
TA: you dick  
AT: sORRY,

**\-- tipsyGnostic [TG] joined memo--**

TG: heya party peeps!  
CG: AND NOW THE DRUNK IS HERE!  
TG: not even a lil durnk katkat  
TG: i have not been tis sober in weaks  
CG: AND YET YOU STILL TYPE LIKE YOU ARE ON AN IV FILLED WITH SOPORIFICS  
CC: S)(e is doing a lot betta!  
TG: tank you fef!  
CC: nepeta, rose, dirk and I )(ave all seaverly limited her use of the human soporpoisifics.   
TA: ff that one wa2 bad  
TA: and you 2hould feel bad  
CC: )(mmm do you mean I s)(oald E----EL BAD?  
TA: goddamnit  
CC: anywave, we are working on it right roxsea?  
TG: totes  
TG: thanks for all your seaport ;)  
CC: OMG!!!!!!!  
AT: yOU TWO ARE GETTING UHM, aWFULLY FRIENDLY TOGETHER,  
AT: iTS NOT BAD, iTS JUST VERY OBVIOUS,  
TG: well feffy WAS my sprit you know?  
TG: arent you shtill close too janey?  
AT: i HEARD i KINDA EXPLODED,  
TG: shucks  
TG: but yeah since she was me sprite we’ve been bffsies  
CC: CAN I SAY IT?  
CC: CAN I SAY IT?  
TG: noooooooooooooooooooooooooo  
TG: its emberassing  
GC: SOM3TH1NG TH4T 3MB4RR4S3S MRS COTTON C4NDY >:O  
GC: CONS1D3R MY 1NT3R3ST P1QU3D  
CC: W)(aaaaaaaale we may )(ave done more than discuss her problems last time.  
TA: what

**\-- ectoBiologist [EB] joined memo--**

EB: hi everyone  
EB: are we watching another movie tonight?  
TG: OMG JOHN!  
TG: you are rite on time two join us  
TA: no waiit go back to that other thiing you were ju2t 2ayiing!  
EB: you mean hi everyone?  
TA: not you dumba22  
CC: I )(ave no idea w)(at you are bubbling aboat.  
TA: the 2hiit where you talkiing about!  
EB: am i interrupting something?  
CC: No  
TG: nope  
TA: ye2!  
EB: karkat?  
CG: I DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW ANYMORE, BUT IT’S IMPLIED LALONDE AND PEIXES HAD SLOPPY MAKE-OUTS.  
EB: whoa  
TA: the actual fuck ff??  
CC: Ocray )(old your sea)(orses!  
TG: tere were no sloppy make-outs of any kind!  
TG: we just kinda………  
GC: W3NT TO 1T W1THOUT M4K1NG OUT >:]  
CC: NO!  
TG: No!  
GC: BUMM3R  
TG: we just jammed. liek it was all pale and diamnds and stuff.  
AT: sO WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL WITH MAKING IT A SECRET?  
AT: wE’RE ALL ADULTS HERE, UHM kINDA,  
GC: SH3 1S 4LR34DY MO1R41LS W1TH D4V3’S HUM4N BRO >:/  
TG: ya and he kinda knows and doesn’t mind,  
TA: holy FUCK you people are 2hamele22  
TA: and you went along wiith thii2 ff?  
CC: Kinda?

**\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] joined memo--**

GA: I See We Are Beginning The Movie Earlier Than Anticipated Regardless Of Your Previous Assumptions Karkat  
CG: HEY DON’T LOOK AT ME. THESE ASSHOLES JUST BARGED IN WHILE I POSTED THE USUAL MESSAGES HERE.  
GA: I Am Sure You Were Entirely Unaware That This Is How You Have Called Them Previous Nights  
CG: I…….  
CG: OKAY YEAH, THAT WAS A MASSIVE OVERSIGHT ON MY PART. SORRY.  
TA: holy 2hiit kk apologiize2?  
GC: H4V3 TH3 ST4RS F1N4LLY 4LL1GN3D?  
AT: aRE THE END TIMES ABOUT TO OCCUR UHM, aGAIN?  
CG: IT HAPPENS DIPSHITS, SHUT YOUR TRAPHOLES.  
GA: Could You Be So Kind As To Allow Rose To Return To The Conversation?  
CG: DO WE HAVE TO INVITE HER?  
CG: WE CAN DO PERFECTLY FINE WITHOUT ANY OF THOSE DENSE DERSE HUMANS.  
TG: wat about me?  
CG: WHEN COMPARED TO THE STRIDERS AND YOUR ECTOSIBLING YOU BARELY CONSTITUTE AS ANNOYING.  
EB: he means you have to try harder.  
CG: I MEANT NO SUCH THING!  
TG: but i will ;)  
GA: Karkat  
GA: Could You Please  
CG: THESE HUMANS ARE GOING TO BE THE END OF ME…….

**\-- carincoGeneticist [CG] invited tentacleTherapist [TT] to memo--**

TT: Alas, my illustrious return is upon us. Quiver in despair as this dense derse human shall make the entire memo tremble to the very foundation of its existence.  
GA: Hello Dear  
TT: Hey Kanaya.  
TG: OMG ROSIE!  
TT: Hello Roxy.  
TG: y were you not at ar teaparty!  
CC: You )(ave NO excuses missus!  
TT: Oh dear……  
TG: seriously tho, i really thought you wer gonna show this tiem.   
TG: sweet dear kind nepeta and her rail were there.  
TT: Kanaya, could you kindly start the movie?  
TG: dick at least called us off you no but we had a good time  
TG: we had liek all these frgickin expensiev and exortic tea flavors  
TT: Please?  
TG: mealon tea was not dat good but the arabix flavors were delish  
CC: Are t)(ose the reelly sweet ones?  
TG: yup  
CC: T)(OSE ARE AMASEANG!  
TT: Kanaya?  
GA: I Have To Admit I Am Rather Amused By Your Current Predicament  
TT: You are just the worst.  
GA: I Am Aware  
GA: And In Spirit Of Me Being The Worst I Shall Let My Pointer Hoover Tentatively Over The Play Button  
GA: Never Actually Clicking Until You Apologize To Your Ectosibling  
TT: Sigh.  
TT: I’m sorry. I was on a groove with my writing and I forgot the time completely.  
CC: NO EXCUSES!  
TG: wait, was it cotl?  
TT: Indeed it was.  
TG: ……..can i read it?  
TT: No, not yet.  
TG: NO EXCUSES INDERDEED!  
TT: I tried.  
EB: you could have tried to put a little more effort into it.  
TT: E tu John?  
GA: Very Well Then  
GA: Let Us Begin

AT: sO UHM, tHIS IS THE PROTAGONIST?  
GA: Astute Observation Tavros  
EB: i don’t know why but she reminds me of catwoman  
TA: 2he bru2he2 her dental2  
TA: 2he mu2t bee ju2t liike u2  
CG: SOLLUX I SWEAR TO GOD……  
TA: ii am 2o glad we got thii2 2hot of her bru2hiing her teeth becau2e ii cant emphatiize wiith her character otherwii2e  
TT: A bit early to draw conclusions, wouldn’t you agree?  
TA: 2o we are not dealiing wiith a 2tock character riight now?  
CC: First 10 seconds solfis)(. B----E A BIT MORE OPTIMISTIC!  
TA: no  
AT: i UHM, aM SURE kANAYA PICKED SOMETHING NICE,  
GA: Of Course I Have  
CG: OF COURSE SHE HAS.  
GA: It Has Taken Us Considerable Effort To Find A Movie This Good  
TA: 2tiill rememberiing that vampiire moviie..  
CC: T)(AT WAS A GOOD MOVIE!  
AT: iT REALLY WASN’T,  
GA: It Really Was A Romance For The Ages  
TT: Oh dear…..  
CC: )(a)(a   
EB: oh no…..  
EB: this is one of those typical girl movies isn’t it?  
TG: what makes ya say that?

EB: oh god, it really is  
EB: grooooooooan  
CG: SHUT YOUR PROTEINE CHUTE AND WATCH THIS PIECE OF ART!  
EB: but its boring!  
GA: That Is A Very Childish Position To Take John  
GA: At Least Keep An Open Mind To The Possibility That You May Enjoy This Film  
TA: of cour2e kk helped ky 2et up a romcom  
TA: why would ii expect anythiing el2e??  
CC: KELP AN OPEN MIND SOLLUX!  
TG: srsly  
EB: but its boring!  
AT: yOU SAID THAT,  
EB: you can guess the entire plot of the movie by watching the first ten minutes  
EB: there is absolutely no reason to watch this  
TA: fiinally 2omeone el2e who 2ay2 iit  
GA: I Suggest You Come To Terms With The Situation  
CC: I WANNA SEA IT!  
TA: of course you do  
GC: WH4T DO TH3 L4LOND3 WOM4N TH1NK 4BOUT K4N4Y4S 1D34  
TT: ………….  
GA: Rose  
TT: I am afraid John is entirely correct in his assessments regarding the plot.  
EB: hah!  
TT: They tend to get really formulaic.  
GC: 4ND MRS BUBBL3GUM?  
TG: sure Ill watch it  
TG: gettin to hang with my main gill feffy  
CC: )(i)(i  
GC: 1 THOUGHT MRS B4K3D GOODS W4S YOUR QUOT3 UNQUOT3 ‘M41N G1LL’  
TG: no, she’s my bffsy5ver.  
TG: feffy is my main gill  
TG: nepeta is my pet troll  
AT: sAY WHAT?  
TG: rose is my soul sistah  
TT: Pardon?  
TG: dikr is my gaybf  
TG: john is my bf  
EB: what?  
GC: 4ND WH4T 4BOUT M33N4H >:]  
TG: what about mrs fishbitch?

AT: uHM, i HATE TO ASK,  
CG: THEN DON’T.  
AT: bUT WHY DOES THE INTRO SEQUENCE SHOW US ALL THESE DIFFERENT WOMEN?  
AT: dOES THAT MEAN THAT THE OTHER WOMAN, tHE ONE IN THE FIRST SHOT, wASN’T THE PROTAGONIST?  
GA: No  
GA: She Is  
AT: tHEN WHO ARE ALL THESE OTHER WOMEN?  
TA: and why iintroduce them when we haven’t even gotten a name for our protagonist  
AT: yEAH, tHAT,  
GA: It Is To Show That Despite The Difference In Routine  
GA: Every Woman Values Her Appearance And Goes Trough Great Lengths To Make Herself Presentable  
EB: so why confuse us with all these different women?  
GC: 4ND BULLCR4P ON TH3 4PP34R4NC3 TH1NG  
CG: YOU ARE BLIND!  
CC: I t)(ink t)(ese women look just FIN!

CG: TURBOBITCH REALLY TRIES TO BRING DOWN ANDY.  
CC: T)(ats a man’s name isn’t it?  
CG: IT SOUNDS MORE MODERN THAN ANDREA.  
CC: I don’t know. I t)(ink it’s a pretty name.  
EB: sure make the movie more girly  
EB: i am onto this movie like a hawk  
EB: it tries to sway girl’s minds with all the pretty clothes and all the pink  
EB: brainwashing them into the cult of girlyness  
EB: and ponies  
GC: 1 DON’T T4ST3 4NY P1NK OR H1L4R1OUS T1NTY HOOFB34STS  
EB: but there will be  
TT: And thus I am able to deduce the entire plot of the rest of the movie, going from nothing but the set up and the genre.  
EB: no fair, i was going to do that  
TT: Ah yes, but considering how girly it is shouldn’t it be more fitting for me to explain the motions of this plot?  
EB: don’t you mean because you are more wordy and stuff?  
EB: seriously i bet you fell into a witches cauldron full of dictionaries when you stumbled out of the crater  
EB: because you have all the words  
TT: Yes John. I have all the words like a true bookish sorceress. I use them relentlessly to make the lesser mind feel inadequate.  
TT: I possess all the words. All of them.  
GC: SO TH3 PLOT?  
TT: Right.  
EB: she is very awkward, works hard to earn the respect of the people, falls in love but has to choose between her work or her love somewhere near the end of the second act  
TT: …………………..  
EB: :B  
TT: Your pranksters gambit must be soaring right now.  
EB: i know right  
EB: how high does it even have to be?

GC: WHY 1S 3V3RYON3 SUDD3NLY SO 4FR41D  
GC: WH4T 1S 4 M1R4ND4  
GA: She Would Be The Boss Of The Runway Magazine  
CG: HIGHBLOOD LADY.  
CG: CRAZY POWERFUL, CRAZY UNPREDICTABLE.  
GC: TH31R F34RS 4R3 JUST1F13D  
TA: 2o we really dediicate a full miinute of people cleaniing 2hiit up to prepare for her arriival?  
TT: Evidently.  
TA: how long ii2 thii2 moviie?  
GA: Approximately An Hour And Forty Five Minutes  
TA: iill begiin chewiing my own arm off iin boredom thank you

AT: wELL, sHE CERTAINLY KNOWS HOW TO ACT THE BITCH,  
CG: RIGHT? MIRANDA COMPLETELY DOMINATES TURBOBITCH LIKE SHE WAS GOING TO CULL HER IF SHE STEPPED OUT OF LINE.  
EB: and they picked meryl streep to play her  
EB: that is actually kinda perfect  
TG: y even work fur her?  
GA: Pardon  
TG: liek, if ur boss is thiz much of a frotsy biatch you shoald just quit.  
GA: Miranda Just Happens To Be Incredibly Influental  
GA: She Is Capable Of Completely Ruining Your Career Or Chances Of A Job Even After You Are Released From Her Service  
TA: so a viillaiin 2ue?  
CC: SOLLUX!  
TA: what?  
GA: Not Entirely  
GA: Give Her Some Time To Develop  
EB: right?  
EB: because andy is totally going to get her respect by the end of the second act  
TT: We really should have brought Dave’s bingo game and applied it to the romcom genre.  
EB: because we can tick of all the boxes?  
TG: aaaall of them!  
GA: Somewhere Vriska Is Smiling Because Of Your Continuous Use Of This Tiresome Meme  
GC: CL3V3R 1ND3P3NT G1RL M4K1NG 4 C4R33R  
GC: CH3CK 4 BOX  
EB: fish out of water in regards to her new environment  
TT: Late on her first day.  
TG: boss an colleaguies dont like her  
TT: Works in a field the author clearly adored.  
TG: authr wish fulfillmentation  
GC: WORKS FOR A H1GHBLOOD  
EB: does that work here?  
GC: OBV1OUS S34DW3LL3R

CC: I don’t understand w)(y s)(e is critiquing andy’s outfis)(.  
CC: S)(e doesn’t look bad.  
GA: Well  
GA: Those Baggy Clothes Really Do Not Flatter Her  
GA: The Color Does Not Go Well With Her Complexion  
GA: And The Less Said About That Bag The Better  
CC: But s)(e )(as suc)( a B—EAUTIFUL face!  
TG: i no rite  
TG: and dat smile  
CC: TOTAL swoonami  
TA: and we are 2uppo2ed to beliieve 2he ii2 chubbiier than tho2e other girl2??  
TA: fuckiing b2  
CG: OKAY, THAT WAS A GRIEVOUS OVERSIGHT OF THE MOVIE.  
GC: G4SP  
GC: H3 4DM1TS  
CG: SHUT UP. HUMAN ANNE HATHAWAY IS GORGEOUS AND I WILL NOT HEAR A BAD WORD ABOUT HER LOOKS.  
GA: Quite

AT: sO THIS IS HER PRIVATE LIFE,  
AT: tHE ONE SHE WILL FAIL TO BALANCE SOMEWHERE ROUND THE END OF THE SECOND ACT,  
CG: SHUT IT.  
TA: theiir dialogue ii2 2o boriing and uniimportant and forever takiing  
CC: QUIT B---EING SUCH A GUPPY!  
TA: ii cant pretend to care about thii2 guy we never met before complaiiniing about hii2 job  
EB: do they even have names?  
EB: i can’t even follow it  
TG: we shall call them jacques, fernando and Shanice  
EB: sure  
EB: who is which?  
GC: W3LL TH3 WOM4N LOOKS L1K3 4 SH4N1C3 BUT WHO 4M 1 TO COMFORM TO ST3R3OTYP3S >:]  
EB: can we agree that the chubby guy complaining about his job is a Jacques?  
EB: it seems like the french thing to do  
TT: That and he has an ambiguous sexuality.  
EB: right, that too  
GA: I Personally Think This Is A Very Accurate Representation Of What Friends Do When They Get Together After A Long Week Of Work  
CG: RIGHT? THEY JUST BOUNCE OF OFF EACH OTHER SO PERFECTLY.  
TA: but iit2 not entertaiiniing two watch becau2e ii dont know any of the2e people

GC: 4H 1 S33  
GC: SO SH3 W4S D4T1NG SH4N1C3 4LL 4LONG  
TT: I assumed this was going to be Fernando.  
CG: HAH!   
CG: IN YOUR DUMB HUMAN FACE EGBERT!  
CG: I BET YOU FEEL LIKE THE FUCKING IDIOT YOU ARE NOW. YOUR SELF ESTEEM SHATTERED LIKE SO MANY MIRRORS THAT BROKE AFTER BEING SUBJECTED TO YOUR UGLY FUCKING VISAGE.  
EB: uhm  
EB: why?  
CG: YOU SAID SHE WOULD FALL IN LOVE, BUT LO AND BEHOLD!  
CG: SHE ALREADY HAS A MATESPRIT.  
TT: That only slightly changes the inevitable plot. Instead of falling in love and having to pick between him and the job, now she’ll fail to balance her private life with her professional life and have to pick regardless.  
GA: Rose I Love You  
GA: But Please Do Not Attempt To Ruin This Movie For Me  
TT: But it is so incredibly easy.

CG: AND SO THE INVASION OF HER PRIVATE LIFE DOES INDEED BEGIN. YOU ASSHOLES.  
TG: wakn up at 6:15. It hurts sooooo much!  
TT: I suppose the constant hangovers only worsened this sensation  
TG: ya only get a hungover when yoo stop drinkin rosie  
TT: You kept drinking in the early morning……..  
TT: I do not understand why I am surprised at this revelation.  
TG: it wash all for my own self perversion  
TG: *preshervation  
TG: *preserfashion  
TG: *potatomashing  
TG: *it WAS for my own safety  
TT: And why would that be?  
TG: i was afraid the accucumberated hangover would krill me

AT: oH, sO THAT BOOK IS LIKE, rEALLY IMPORTANT i GUESS,  
EB: which means she has to lose it at some point  
EB: because it is that kinda movie  
CG: EGBERT I SWEAR TO FUCK.  
AT: tHAT ISN’T A SPOILER,  
AT: i MEAN, iT’S OBVIOUS RIGHT?  
AT: wHY INTRODUCE IT IF IT’S NEVER BEING BROUGHT UP AGAIN?  
GC: 4ND TURBOB1TCH JUST K33PS US1NG H3R 4S 4 S3RV4NT  
GC: R34LLY WHO T4LKS L1K3 TH1S  
TG: but she gets to go to Pari  
TG: i wanna go tooooo  
GC: 1 DO NOT KNOW WH4T 4 P4R1 1S >:/  
TT: Capital of a west-european country, famous for its culture, cuisine and fashion.  
GA: Sounds Lovely  
TT: It really is. They have dubbed it the city of lights and the city of love.  
GA: How Appropriate  
GA: I Suppose We Have Missed Our Opportunity To Visit This City  
TT: We can make due, I’m sure……  
TA: ju2t fuck already

GA: At First She Rejects Those Fine Shoes  
GA: Assuming They Are Not Her Style  
GC: SH3 R3FUS3S TO COMFORM  
GA: Essentially Yes  
CC: But then Miranda pretty much dominates her as well  
CC: She eels so outmatch)(ed s)(e gets t)(e s)(oes anywave  
TG: its teh chucklevoodoos  
GA: It Does Seem Very Similar  
GA: With Naught But Posture And The Smallest Amount Of Words She Completely Decimates Andy’s Confidence  
GC: D4MN1T  
CG: WHAT?  
GC: 1 TOOK H3R FOR 4 S34DW3LL3R  
CG: OH FUCK THAT, WHO EVEN CARES?  
GC: 1 DO  
TG: oh oh, what woold i be?  
GC: HUM4N >:]  
TG: oh come ooooooon  
TG: now you just teasing

EB: and he is going to be her mentor  
EB: her gay obi wan  
TT: Her Dumbledore.  
TG: her gandald  
EB: still, points for not making him like, super flamboyantly gay  
TT: I agree. This could have been handled a lot worse.  
GA: What Am I Supposed To Imagine In A Worse Scenario  
TT: I do not dare say.  
GA: Rose  
TT: Kanaya.  
AT: i ACTUALLY KIND OF LIKE THIS BALD MAN,  
AT: hE DOESN’T SEEM TO BE AS MEAN AS THE OTHER BOSS, bUT JUST VERY PROUD OF HIS WORK,  
AT: sTILL, iT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE A VERY FUN FIELD TO WORK IN kANAYA,  
GA: I Always Imagined Working A Small Independent Studio  
GA: That And Working On The Clothes Instead Of A Magazine Describing Them  
AT: yEAH, THAT MAKES SENSE i GUESS,

CG: SO SHE ACCIDENTALLY BUMPS INTO A CHAIRMAN OF THE WHOLE DAMN MAGAZINE  
GC: R1GHT  
GC: QU1T3 TH3 CO1NC1D3NC3 WOULDN’T YOU 4GR33?  
GC: SOM3 WOULD C4LL 1T  
GC: UNL1K3LY  
CG: STUFF LIKE THIS HAPPENS EVERY DAY!  
GC: WH4T3V3R  
TA: more talk about how many people de2iire her job  
TA: hone2tly iit look2 liike a horriible job  
TA: who would want to be chewed out liike thii2??  
CC: Maybe it pays reelly well?  
TA: iit better  
CC: And if its suc)( a desirable job there is a certain prestige in owning it  
TA: ii gue22  
TA: 2tiill 2uck2 though

TG: dyamn she straite up sherlocked that jacket  
TG: hmmhmm yes I sea  
TG: this color cums from a long military tradishion, was designed in 1234 by such an such for this and develuped in this manner  
TG: how do you even?  
GA: Experience  
GA: And A Healthy Fascination With The Subject Matter  
EB: that isn’t healthy at all!  
EB: that is like being super obsessed  
CG: YES, BUT NOW SHE MAKES IT PERSONAL FOR ANDY.   
CG: THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL BLOOMING KISMESITUDE.  
CC: I t)(ink andy belongs wit)( t)(e turbobitc)(  
CC: S)(e seems to be on a more personal level wit)( )(er  
CG: YES, BUT THE WHOLE: BLACK RELATION WITH YOUR BOSS THING, KINDA MAKES IT MORE EXCITING  
CC: More like SUPER taboo!  
CG: ………DON’T YOU FUCKING JUDGE ME.  
CC: I’m not!  
CC: s)(ell, i t)(ink its kinda hot 38)  
TA: ii have nothiing

GC: M4N SH4N1C3 1S P4T13NT W1TH H3R  
AT: i KNOW RIGHT?  
AT: iMAGINE HER COMING HOME LIKE THIS EVERY SINGLE NIGHT,  
AT: tHAT WOULD DRIVE ANY MATESPRIT NUTS  
CG: NOTICE HOW SHE SKIPS A MEAL TO BECOME MORE LIKE THOSE BITCHES AT THE WORKPLACE?  
CG: SHE IS A REAL CHARACTER, WITH FLAWS AND SOCIETAL PRESSURES.  
CG: SHE IS GOING THROUGH SOME SERIOUS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT.  
EB: that is character development?  
CC: O)( S)(OOS)(  
CC: It is nice to sea such a loving matespritship  
TT: Yes. So when is it going to fall apart?  
CC: S)(OOS)( I SAID!

TA: and we get a montage to 2ee how anne hathaway ba2iically gets more abu2e than a helm2man duriing her tiime there  
CC: Inappropriate!  
TA: ii don’t care  
CC: still rude  
TT: Oh this is just painful to watch.  
GA: What Is  
TT: This almost childishly giddy smile when she talks about her dad coming over.  
TT: “We are going to have diner and then we’ll prance through the park and it will be ever so delightful”  
TG: until the thing goes HORRIBLE wrong  
TG: caps fur emphasis  
GA: Oh You Do Not Know That For Certain  
EB: odds are in her favor  
GA: Quiet John  
CG: TURBOBITCH REMAINS A MASSIVE BITCH.  
AT: nO CHANGE THERE THEN,

EB: wait, she has problems with her rent?  
TG: she has contct wif her mother?  
AT: hER PAY IS HORRIBLE REGARDLESS OF THE WORKLOAD?  
TT: She got accepted into Standford Law and chose not to do it because she wanted to be a journalist.  
TT: Then she does something else entirely because it will open up a lot of doors for becoming a journalist, completely ignoring the fact that a prestigious school like Stanford will do just that.  
EB: in this economy?  
TT: Oh yeah.  
TT: Regardless of that astute observation, Anne Hathaway is a bit of a ditz.  
CG: SCREW THAT NOISE, SHE IS GORGEOUS. YOU WILL NOT SAY A SINGLE BAD THING ABOUT HER!  
TT: I did not deny that the woman has stellar looks.  
GA: Her Smile Is Simply Radiant  
TT: Yeah……….  
CC: sploosh…….

GC: W4UW BOSS L4DY 1S GO1NG 1NTO WR1GGL3R T3RR1TORY H3R3  
TG: remembar when she said shit was going dawn wrong style?  
TG: becas it just keeps happening!  
CC: Yea)(, I don’t sea )(ow miranda expects anne hat)(away to bend t)(e elements to )(er will……   
GC: W3LL, 4T L34ST SH3 C4N’T 3X4CTLY BL4M3 H3R FOR F41L1NG TO G3T 4 PL4N3 4M1DST 4 HURR1C4N3 R1GHT?  
CC: )(a)(a, i know rig)(t?

CC: welp  
GC: W3LP  
CG: MIRANDA PRETTY MUCH HIRED ANNE HATHAWAY BECAUSE SHE WAS UNATTRACTIVE AND UNFASHIONABLE. TALK ABOUT KICKING THEM WHEN THEY ARE DOWN.  
GA: She Truly Is A Horrible Person To Work For  
TG: horribubble boss more like!  
GA: I Disagree  
GA: She Seems Like An Absolute Tyrant  
GA: Incredibly Hard To Please  
GA: But The Result Stands And Her Magazine Is One Of The Most Successful And Influential Ones Out There  
GA: So As A Boss She Does Her Job  
GA: As A Leader She Leaves A Lot To Be Desired  
TT: I love it when you go on tangents like that.  
TA: boriing boriing boriing  
TA: we are ju2t goiing through the motiion2  
AT: wELL YEAH, i GUESS,  
AT: sO FAR IT MATCHES jOHN’S PREDICTIONS FOR THE PLOT  
AT: sO i GUESS YOU SAYING THAT IT UHM, gOES THROUGH THE MOTIONS IS COMPLETELY RIGHT,  
EB: next will be the montage were she gets her act together  
CG: YOU DON’T FUCKING KNOW THAT  
EB: just watch me

CG: HAH, NO MONTAGE!  
EB: no this is the ‘reasons you suck’ speech.  
EB: so she knows what to change during the montage.  
GA: I Really Like Nigel  
GA: He Does Not Take Any Of The Theatrics Andy Tries To Sell  
GA: Not Only That But He Is Proud And Has This Almost Romantic Outlook On His Job  
AT: yEAH, nIGEL IS COOL AND HE IS KINDA RIGHT,  
GA: About What  
AT: hOW DID aNDY EXPECT TO WORK THERE WITHOUT IMMERSING HERSELF A LITTLE IN THE WHOLE UHM, fASHION INDUSTRY,  
GA: Well Technically She Is Just An Assistant For Miranda  
AT: yEAH, BUT SHE WANTS TO SHOW OFF HER PROFESSIONALISM, i THINK, fOR A GOOD JOB LATER,  
AT: sO WHY IS SHE SO ADAMANT ABOUT REMAINING UNINTERESTED IN FASHION?  
CC: Because it goes against )(er own personality.  
AT: iT ISN’T VERY PROFESSIONAL, iS MY POINT,

EB: hmmmmmmmmmm? :B  
CG: SHUT UP EGBERT.  
TA: oh look iit2 a montage  
CG: GODDAMNIT!  
TT: I immediately understand why Kanaya has chosen this movie.  
GA: You Do  
TT: I do. There is a wide variety of aesthetically pleasant clothing on display.  
GA: Rose You Wound Me  
GA: As If I Would Pick A Movie For Such A Shallow Reason  
TT: Would you?  
GA: Ellipses  
GA: I Am Particularly Fond Of The White Jacket With The Flat Cap Emulating A Modern Human Sherlock Holmes

TG: damn  
TG: she rawx this outfit as well  
GC: H3R F3LLOW DRON3S 4R3 B3COM1NG HUM4N HOMOS3XU4L FOR H3R  
CG: ANYONE WOULD FALL FOR ANNE HATHEWAY!   
EB: karkat  
EB: what other anne Hathaway movies have you seen?  
CG: ALL OF THEM!  
EB: what  
CG: I WAS PARTICULARLY FOND ABOUT THE ONE WHEREIN SHE DISCOVERED SHE WAS ACTUALLY OF ROYAL DESCEND AND THOUGH SHE ONLY HAD A SMALL ROLE IN THE MOVIE ABOUT THE ROGUE BECOMING MAYOR IN A JUMPCUT, DURING A TIME OF REVOLUTION, SHE REALLY MANAGED TO MAKE AN IMPRESSION.  
CG: ALSO THEY WERE ALL HUMAN FRENCH FOR SOME ARBITRARY REASON.  
EB: uhm……  
CG: AND ‘ONE DAY’ WAS JUST…… INSTANT CLASSIC.  
EB: okay  
EB: your whole movie obsession is kind of weird.  
TT: Hah.  
EB: what?  
TT: I apologize John, do continue.  
EB: still, it could be worse. she is a very good actress that played in a lot of good movies.  
CG: FINALLY WE AGREE ON SOMETHING. I ALSO PARTICULARLY LIKED BRIDE WARS.  
EB: never mind, this is horrible.

AT: tHE PERKS OF A FASHIONISTA,  
AT: oR BEING FRIENDS WITH ONE,  
GA: She Gets You Clothes And Accessories  
GA: Question mark  
AT: oR FIXES THE ONES YOU UHM, dAMAGED DURING FLARPING,  
AT: uHM, sPEAKING OF?  
GA: Sigh  
GC: 3V3N H3R BF 1S SWOON1NG  
CG: OF COURSE HER MATESPRIT IS SWOONING! SHE LOOKS FABULOUS!  
TA: 2o boriing  
TA: want to diie  
CC: No you don’t  
TA: no ii don’t   
TA: but iit ii2 boriing as fuck  
CC: IT IS A FUN MOVIE!  
TA: meh

TA: he’2 the 2econdary antagonii2t  
TG: lolwut  
TA: he ii2 goiing to 2educe her  
CG: I SWEAR I WILL TEAR YOUR JAW FROM YOUR FACE IF YOU DON’T SHUT IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!  
TG: el oh el sounds like you wanna SMOOSH the nerd  
TG: talkin about hurting his jaw, intimate style  
CG: THERE WAS NOTHING INTIMATE ABOUT MY THREAT!  
TA: nop he doe2 want to 2mooch me  
CG: WHAT!?  
TA: pretty much all the tiime  
CG: YOU DICKWEED!  
TA: iit2 a burden  
CG: I WILL MURDER YOU!  
TA: not iin publiic kk  
TA: you can only blackfliirt 2o long untiil iit become2 fuckiing embarrassing  
CG: RAAAAAAHH!!!!

GC: WH4T 4 H1GHBLOOD3D BUNCH  
GC: SH3 1S S1TT1NG TH3R3 L1K3 TH3 COND3SC3 W41T1NG TO B3 3NT3RT41N3D  
CC: yea)(, some)(ow t)(at comparison acs)(elly works……  
CC: a gesture t)(at could so muc)( as )(int to dissatfis)(faction was enough to get someone krilled  
TT: Alternia sounds lovely.  
CG: SCREW YOU, IT WAS AWESOME.  
EB: so this guy has to change his entire collection because she pursed her lips?  
EB: im actually with andy on this one, that’s incredibly stupid  
EB: how long would it even take to make so many clothes?  
GA: A Very Long Time  
GA: But Sometimes You Need An Outsiders Opinion To Realize You Have Been Approaching A Subject Incorrectly  
GA: Then In A Moment Of Embarrassment You Decide To Incinerate Every Article Of Clothing You Worked On That Month  
AT: sO IS THAT WHAT HAPPENED TO MY flarpING OUTFIT?  
GA: No  
GA: I Burned That One because It Was Gaudy

GC: G33SH JUST WH4T W3 N33D3D  
GC: 3V3N MOR3 3T1QU3TT3  
GC: NO 3Y3 CONT4CT, NO SP34K1NG 4G41NST 4NYON3  
GC: SH3 B4S1C4LLY H4S TO N1NJ4 H3R W4Y 1NTO TH3R3  
CC: I don’t know why, but Em---Eely reminds me of Equius a little.  
TG: neppie’s moirail?  
TG: y dat?  
CC: W)(ale, s)(e’s a bit of a stickler for t)(e rules, seems to live to serve a woman )(ig)(er than her and….. w)(ale….  
GC: N3V3R M1ND

GC: P3RF3CT  
GA: I  
GA: I Would Have Interpreted Her Hostile Attitude Towards Andy More As Something Vriska Would Do  
TA: vk would have burned the place to the ground after her fiir2t work day

EB: aaaaaaaand she screwed up.  
TT: What a bold defiance of established trends.  
CC: S)(ARKWARD!  
CC: S---EEING YOUR BOSS ARGUE WIT)( )(ER MATESPRIT!  
TA: you liike thii2 way too much

TT: Oh, how delightfully cruel.  
TG: wut  
TG: all she has to do is get the new HP book  
TG: bookstore 50 bucks back in time fur lunch yo  
TT: No, this movie was released when the last book had yet to be released.  
TG: oh  
CG: SO WHAT?  
CG: HAVE THE WRITER SHOW YOU THE MANUSCRIPT  
TT: The security for the Harry Potter manuscripts was frankly insane.  
GC: 1TS JUST 4 BOOK  
GC: 1 DON’T S33 TH3 PO1NT  
TT: It was protected about as well as the crown jewels.  
GC: Y1K3S  
CC: O)( NO!  
CC: )(OW IS ANDY GOING TO DO T)(AT?  
TA: an awe2ome 2cene where 2he break2 iinto the wriiter’2 home and 2teals iit liike a niinja, handiing iit iin wiith only 2 2econd2 left on the clock?

TA: of cour2e not  
CC: S)(E’S GOING TO MAKO IT!  
AT: iSN’T THIS A HORRIBLE IDEA?  
AT: i MEAN, hE WANTS TO SEDUCE HER, hE IS PRETTY BLATANT ABOUT THAT,  
AT: aND IF THIS BOOK IS SO IMPORTANT, sHOULDN’T HE BE ABLE TO, i DON’T KNOW, tRADE IT FOR SEX?  
EB: that would make for a whole other movie  
AT: iT IS JUST UHM, cONSISTENT FOR HIS MOTIVATION,  
AT: iS HE REALLY SUCH A GOOD PERSON THAT HE STEALS THE CROWN JEWELS JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE ASKED NICELY?  
TT: About that…… whoever was responsible for leaking that manuscript will definitely lose his head.  
GA: I Thought Humans Did Not Do That  
TT: The British took their Harry Potter very seriously.  
TG: i take my hp very srsly  
TG: speakin of which we still need ta do a mrothon  
TG: *matadon  
TG: *rapunzel  
EB: wait, how did that even?  
TG: FEFFY WE NEED TO WATCH THE HP MOVIES WITH NEPETA!  
CC: O)( Y---------ES!!!!!!  
TA: oh god…….

TG: aight its kind o fun to see miraranda this shoqued  
TG: which still means lil more than a twitchy eyebro  
CG: YES AND NOW HER JOB IS SECURE, EVEN IF HER MATESPRIT DOESN’T LIKE THAT  
GC: BEC4US3 SH3 1S 4N 1ND3P3ND4NT C4R33R WOM4N WHO DO3SNT N33D NO M4N?  
GA: Because Of The Immense Stress She Is Constantly Under  
GC: 1 L1K3 MY 1NT3RP3RT4T1ON B3TT3R  
GC: H3 S1MPLY C4NNOT D34L  
CG: I DO LIKE THEIR INTERACTIONS. THEY LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER, THEY TEASE EACH OTHER AND REALLY SEEM TO CARE FOR ONE ANOTHER.  
CC: I know!  
CC: I kinda wis)(ed it was more apparent in t)(e movie because t)(ey appeared on screen for like 6 minnows toget)(er

TA: what the fuck am ii lookiing at?  
GC: TH3 T4ST13ST D1SPL4Y 3V3R  
GA: Art  
GA: You Are Looking At Art  
EB: and this is why i don’t get fashion  
AT: i DON’T THINK i GET IT EITHER  
AT: aRE THEY SUPPOSED TO WEAR THOSE UHM, lUSUS MASK?  
CG: YEAH, IT MAKES ME A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE.  
TA: thii2 2hiit wouldn’t be out of place iin the 2hiiniing or 2omethiing  
TA: two bad iit2 only on 2creen for two 2econd2  
EB: yeah  
EB: the movie kinda takes a while to get going  
TA: your 2tiill a22umiing iit actually wiill?  
EB: im an optimist :B  
TG: de scary thang is that andy-pandy actually understands what itsh about  
TA: niigel flat out call2 the thiing crap  
TA: and 2ay2 iit2 a good 2iign that you lo2e your 2ociial liife?  
TA: really fuck that job

TG: so its her bf’s bd today  
TG: it would be a shame if somefin would go……  
TG: HORRIBLY WRONG!  
AT: oH YOU DON’T KNOW THAT,  
CC: )(a)(a)(a you made another fishpun!  
TT: She is making quite a few of those recently…….  
TT: I apologize. I meant to say that she is mako’ing a lot of those.  
CC: Y--------ES!!!!!  
TA: oh fuck iit2 2preadiing  
CG: I AM NOT EVEN PAYING ATTENTION. I’M JUST WATCHING THE MOVIE.  
CG: TURBOBITCH JUST GOT DOWN WITH SOME DISGUSTING HUMAN ILLNESS.  
TA: riivetiing   
GC: 1 DO L1K3 TH3 SM4LL TOUCH TH4T SHOWS 3V3N SH3 H4S H3R L1M1TS  
GC: R3P34T1NG TH4T M4NTR4 4BOUT LOV1NG H3R JOB TO G3T H3R THROUGH TH3 D4Y  
EB: so now we get to see andy go to her boyfriend’s birthday?  
EB: honestly, i think this movie is kind of a snoozefest  
CC: NO IT ISN’T!  
GA: But Then  
GA: Her Dreaded Pager Rings  
GA: She Is Needed On A Gala

TG: wow  
TG: they didn’t even pretend to have her hesimitate  
TG: she just straight up goes  
GC: SH3 1S SLOWLY B3COM1NG MOR3 4ND MOR3 L1K3 TH3 TURBOB1TCH H3RS3LF  
TT: Well, you know what they say. Those who fight monsters…..  
EB: should hope it isn’t the stay puft marshmallow man?

CC: AAAAAAAW  
CC: S)(e )(elps Emeely out of a toug)( spot.  
CG: AND TURBOBITCH ACTUALLY ACKNOWLEDGES HER!  
GC: Y3S  
GC: TH3 PUP1L H4S SURP4SS3D TH3 M4ST3R  
GC: NOW SH3 1S TH3 M1STR3SS OF F4SH1ON  
EB: yeah, i guess  
EB: i mean, its not bad to see the relationships of Emily, Miranda and andy develop but we all know what’s going to happen  
EB: and i am just seeing the mental countdown tick as we are approaching the inevitable breakdown  
TG: we can take bets to sea how long itll taek  
TG: maybe livvens things up

AT: oH COME ON, pLEASE STOP IT WITH THIS GUY,  
TG: lawl his face just oozes sleeze  
GA: I Actually Want To Give Her Some Credit In This Regard  
GA: Despite Being Offered An Introduction To Various Publishers She Rushes Home To Meet With Her Matesprit For His Wriggling Day  
TA: whiich would have been 2uper iif the party probably wa2n’t over already  
GA: It Is The Thought That Counts  
TA: yeah and ii am 2ure 2haniice wiill appreciiate iit  
AT: i DON’T GET WHY SHE FINDS THIS GUY CHARMING,  
AT: hE PRACTICALLY SAYS, wITHOUT A HINT OF UHM, sUBLETY, tHAT IF SHE DIDN’T HAVE A MATESPRIT HE WOULD BE MACKING ON HER LIKE HER SKIN WAS MADE OF, uHM, sOMETHING YOU REALLY WANT TO MACK ON?  
TT: I agree.  
TT: I would find a person like this to be a lot of things though none of them charming.  
CG: WELL DUH, SHE IS USING HIM.  
TT: I beg your pardon?  
CG: SHE NEEDS TO GET IN CONTACT WITH OTHER PUBLISHERS AND HE IS ONE OF THE BETTER KNOWN IN THE BUSINESS.  
CG: SO DO THE MATH, SHE IS USING HER WEIRD HUMAN SEX AS A WEAPON.  
TG: a lure mo like  
EB: but then neither of them are in the right!  
EB: he is a sleazebag who doesn’t care much for her writing and just wants to get into her pants  
TG: and she is counting on her femininine charms to lure him in?  
EB: yeah!  
TT: Oh, poor John. That would imply a morally grey protagonist. And as we are all very much aware, Andrea is just such a perfect human being.  
AT: yOU ARE SARCASTIC, bUT i UHM, dO NOT KNOW WHY,  
TT: She is a giant Mary Sue.  
AT: i STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS,

TA: prediictable dii2appoiintment ii2 prediictable  
CG: I REALLY LIKE THE ALMOST HELPLESS EXPRESSION ON THE FACE OF HER MATESPRIT…. I JUST KEEP FORGETTING HIS NAME.  
GC: C4LL H1M SH4N1C3 >:]  
CG: WHATEVER. I REALLY LIKE SHANICE’S EXPRESSION. LIKE HE REALLY FEELS HE IS GOING TO LOSE ANDREA AS SHE IS BECOMING MORE ABSORBED INTO HER WORK AND GETS CONTACT WITH SEDUCTIVE STRANGERS.  
TA: more liike 2leazy a22hole2  
CG: WHAT SELLS IT ARE HIS EYES WHEN HE COMMENTS ON HOW PRETTY SHE IS LOOKING. HE ISN’T SEEING HIS OWN MATESPRIT ANYMORE BUT A GORGEOUS WOMAN HE DOESN’T REALLY KNOW ANYMORE.  
CG: IT IS JUST SO FUCKING TRAGIC.  
EB: i think you are reading too much into it  
CC: AND I T)(INK )(E IS CONCHPLET—ELY RIG)(T!

GA: I Believe You Mentioned Something About This Not Being A Morally Grey Matter Rose  
GA: But As You Can See Andrea Is Asked To Come Along To Paris Instead Of Her Colleague Who Desires It Desperately  
TT: No, my point still stands.  
TT: Though this is framed as a moral dilemma, it really isn’t. After all, her first reaction is: no I won’t.  
CC: Yet s)(e will )(ave too if s)(e wants to kelp )(er job.  
TT: Indeed. Though this is framed as a moral dilemma it is more akin a hostage situation, with Miranda holding all the cards.  
EB: hostage situation?  
EB: you almost make it sound exciting.  
TT: Battles of wits and emotion can be very exciting.  
TT: This however is as morally complex as an episode of Captain Planet.

CC: So t)(at means Andrea isn’t going to Paris?  
AT: i GUESS?  
TA: iinto2pectiive 2troll down the 2treet and ob2erviing of photo2 2cene go  
TA: thii2 couldn’t be more iin your face about iit iif iit was liiterally twerkiing two feet from here  
GC: OH TH4T WOULD B3 SOM3TH1NG TO T4ST3  
CG: OH MY GOD, THIS IS A GREATLY CRAFTED SCENE AND YOU ACTUALLY HAVE THE FUCKING GALL TO CRITICIZE IT?!  
TA: yup  
CC: But I t)(ink s)(e is starting to reelize )(ow muc)( s)(e )(as c)(anged  
CC: S)(e will let her friend go to Paris instead, because s)(e still wants to be a good person.  
TT: If only there was a way for her to go to Paris without feeling guilty about it.  
GA: What Do You Mean  
TT: What if there was a way for Andrea to remain morally unambiguously good while still going to Paris?  
GA: I See  
GA: But With The Options Presented I Don’t See How This Is A Possibility

EB: oh come on!  
TT: Like clockwork.  
TG: hahahahaha oh dat is kinda funny in a compilately dumb way  
AT: tHIS IS SUCH UHM, hOKEY  
EB: Emily just happens to be hit by a car when andrea wants to tell her whether or not she’s going to paris  
EB: now andrea pretty much *has* to go to paris  
TT: Without any of the guilt accompanying her.  
TG: conveniant  
TA: wouldn’t iit be funny iin a completely dark way iif thiis acciident proved fatal and the turbobiitch diie2?  
GC: WHY D1D TH3 4CC1D3NT H4PP3N 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3?  
GC: W4S SH3 NOT W4LK1NG ON 4 HUM4N Z3BR4?  
GA: The Contrivance Aside I Do Like Their Interaction Prior To The Accident  
GA: Emily Has Become The Servant Andrea Was After Beginning Her Work At Runway While Andrea Has Become The New Emily  
TT: Further enforcing the ‘those who fight monsters’ trope.

AT: bUT eMILY STILL BLAMES HER SOMEHOW,  
TA: and we don’t even get to know what anna hathaway wa2 goiing two do wiith the whole parii2 2iituatiion  
GA: It Is Implied She Was Going Herself Regardless  
TA: iimpliied but never comfiirmed  
TT: Perhaps its in the books?  
GA: There Are Books  
CG: THERE ARE BOOKS?!  
CC: I do t)(ink Emeely is kinda rig)(t…..  
CC: Andrea doesn’t care aboat fas)(ion like s)(e does and yet s)(e gets to go to human paris.  
CC: T)(ats so unfair.  
EB: well, andrea is just better at her job i suppose  
EB: maybe emily had been slacking off or something?  
CC: STILL UNFAIR!

EB: wait, im confused  
EB: where are we now?  
AT: aBOUT TWO THIRDS INTO THE MOVIE?  
CG: ONE OF ANDREA’S FRIENDS APPARENTLY RUNS A GALLERY AND IT JUST OPENED.  
TG: looks like a swell gallery  
TG: wish aktually we got to see it oursellvs  
TG: misst opportunity much  
TT: Just one of many throughout the movie.  
TA: obviiou2 tragedy 2triikiing iin ten  
TA: niine  
AT: oH, yOU DON’T KNOW THAT,

GC: 1F WORDS COULD MOL3ST SH3 WOULD B3 W3LL 1N H3R R1GHT TO 4SK FOR 4 R3STR41N1NG ORD3R  
CC: Weirdest is, s)(e doesn’t seem to mind it muc)(  
CG: STILL USING SEX AS A WEAPON REMEMBER?

CC: Do )(er friends think so?

CC: Or )(er matesprit?  
GC: SH4N1C3 1S SURPR1S1NGLY C4LM 4BOUT 1T  
AT: pROBABLY BECAUSE HE SAW THIS COMING?  
AT: tHEY HAVE SLOWLY BEEN GROWING APART AND ALL THAT,  
GA: He Does Confront Her Properly  
GA: I Think She Really Needed To Hear What He Says  
CG: FURTHER BLURRING THE LINES BETWEEN PALE AND RED IN THEIR WEIRD HUMAN ROMANCE.  
CC: I t)(ink its cute!  
TA: of cour2e you do  
CC: YES!  
CC: W)(y can’t your matesprit also be your moirail?  
AT: wHOA,  
CG: THAT IS DISGUSTING.  
GC: 1 L1K3 1T >:]  
TA: no kk ii2 riight that 2hiit ii2 dii2gu2tiing  
CC: 38P  
TG: and emotional seen ended wif dat pager beepin again  
TT: The look on his face speaks volumes.  
AT: iS THAT A THING WITH HUMANS?  
AT: tAKING A BREAK?  
AT: bECAUSE IT SOUNDS KIND OF UHM, sTUPID,  
TT: Sort of……. It’s complicated.  
TG: which is also a thang with us humans.

 

EB: i am actually kinda disappointed by this catwalk  
TT: You expected to see more of the French culture?   
TG: moduls not hawt enough?  
EB: no, that’s not it  
EB: but where are the really weird things you usually see on places like this?  
EB: these are all pretty normal dresses  
EB: nothing too crazy  
AT: wE ALREADY HAD THE UHM, lUSUS MASKS EARLIER,  
EB: it can get so much weirder with human fashion  
EB: where are the lady gaga outfits?  
GA: I Think Your Understanding Of Fashion Is Detrimental At Best  
EB: and i think this movie just missed an opportunity to be fun again

GC: SLE4Z3B4LL R3M41NS 4S SL34ZY 4S 3V3R  
CC: )(e just jumps on )(er like a murderfis)( smelling blood  
CC: And……  
CC: Terezi was t)(at neseelsary?  
GC: Y3S >:]  
TA: hahahaha fuck ye2 good job  
GC: YOU 4R3 W3LCOM3

EB: wait, snoop dogg is in this movie?  
GA: I Do Not Believe He Is  
EB: damnit  
GC: 1 F33L 4N OPP3RTUN1TY W4S PR3S3NT3D 4ND M1SS3D HORR1BLY BY M3NT1ION1NG H3 1S SUPPOS3D TO S1T 4T M1R4ND4’S T4BL3 W1THOUT SHOW1NG H1M  
EB: he probably dropped the movie like it was hot  
CG: OH MY GOD, STOP YOUR INCREDIBLY DUMB REFERENCES AND WATCH THE FUCKING FILM ALREADY!  
CG: MIRANDA IS HAVING A BREAK DOWN OVER HER OWN BREAKING UP WITH HER MATESPRIT.  
CC: O)( wauw…..  
CC: S)(e seems reelly distraught.   
CG: MERYL STREEP REALLY SELLS THE FUCK OUT OF HER ROLE.  
GA: Indeed  
GA: She Is A Tragic Woman  
GA: She Lives For Her Job Even Though Her Personal Life Suffers Immensely From it  
TT: In a beautiful analogue with Andrea’s life.  
TT: Who would have thunk.  
GA: Rose  
GA: Are You Trying To Antagonize Me  
TT: No, not at all.  
TT: I just don’t find this movie as fascinating as you.

EB: nigel all but says how andy’s transformation is complete  
EB: she is now sailor fashion  
AT: wHO?  
EB: siiiiiiiiigh  
EB: i wish dave was backing me up, he would have gotten it  
TT: Who will then tell you how much of a nerd you are being?  
EB: dave is the biggest nerd  
TG: so ya  
TG: Nigel is quietting the magazeen  
TG: big shocker  
CC: )(e sounds so )(appy aboat it 38)  
TA: iid be happy to quiit that job  
TT: And to further highlight Andy has become one of them, she is now a size 4, much like everyone else.

AT: aND NOW SHE IS UHM, ACTUALLY DEFENDING mIRANDA,  
AT: tHAT’S KINDA NICE,  
CC: Yea)( but )(e just keeps )(itting on )(er   
CC: And )(e is so sleazy it just makes me uneasy  
GC: TH3 3R1D4N DR4W1NG W4S SPOT ON W4SN’T 1T?  
GC: WASN’T IT?   
GC: >;]  
CC: A little too close for comfort yea)(  
GA: And She Just Realized The Beauty Of France  
TA: becau2e 2he ii2 2hiitfaced

CG: NO!  
CG: WHAT ARE YOU DOING!  
TG: she actually says no but he keeps doin the thing  
CG: BAD TOUCH!  
TT: Because she begins to enjoy it.  
GC: TH4T DO3SNT SOUND R4P3Y 4T 4LL  
CG: SHE NEEDS AN ADULT!  
AT: yEAH, tHIS IS REALLY STRANGE,  
AT: tHEY REALLY HAVE NO CHEMISTRY,  
CG: SHE IS DRUNK AND NOT GIVING HER CONSENT. BACK THE FUCK AWAY.  
GA: Sigh  
GA: I Would Have Understood Her Hooking Up With Emily  
GA: They Share A Nice Rivalry  
GA: This Is Admittedly Rather Silly  
EB: wonder what her boyfriend is doing now  
TG: whale as long as she don’t sleep wif him

TG: sonuva  
GC: 4ND SO 3R1D4N F1N4LLY GOT L41D  
GC: BY 4NN3 H4TH4W4Y NO L3SS  
CG: FUCK YOU! THAT UNCLEAN MENTAL IMAGE WILL NEVER EVER LEAVE MY HEAD UNLESS I USE A PNEUMATIC DRILL.  
TT: oh, and there is our big climactic source of conflict.  
TT: Miranda is going to get fired.  
TA: good riiddance  
TA: 2omeone who work2 through a22i2tant2 liike her ii2 probably better off on a diifferent po2iitiion  
AT: bUT NOW THAT aNDY HAS SOME NEWFOUND RESPECT FOR mIRANDA, SHE REFUSES TO UHM, lET IT HAPPEN,

TT: And of course she doesn’t listen.  
TT: This is the explosively dramatic excitement one expects from throwing a piece of styrofoam in a pond.

GC: 4ND TH3N M1R4ND4 CONT1NU3S B31NG 4 B1TCH BY PULL1NG B4LDY B4CK FROM H1S DR34MJOB SO H3R R3PL4C3M3NT G3TS TH4T JOB 4ND SH3 R3M41NS 1N POW3R  
TA: ii am 2o glad our protagonii2t managed to make no diiference what2oever  
AT: hE SEEMS SURPRISINGLY OKAY WITH IT,  
CG: BECAUSE HE UNDERSTANDS THAT THE MAGAZINE WOULD NOT SURVIVE WITHOUT MIRANDA AT THE HELM.  
EB: because he realizes he is screwed regardless  
TG: an so the hole conflict ends without the stats kuo changin

CG: AND SO IT TURNS OUT THAT MIRANDA IS GROOMING ANDREA TO ONE DAY TAKE OVER THE MAGAZINE.  
EB: the ‘we’re not so different’ speech cliché.  
EB: come join the darkside andrea, we have guchi  
TT: *Gucci  
EB: whichever  
TG: together we can rule this fashion branche  
TG: it is ur destiny  
TA: that 2ounds vaguely famiiliiar  
CG: YEAH, JUST IGNORING YOU ASSHOLES COMPLETELY.  
GA: I Regret To Say That It Might Be For The Best  
TT: But what about us then Kanaya  
GA: Alas Rose  
GA: If You Foolishly Refuse To Enjoy The Same Movies I Enjoy I Am Afraid We Will Never Be  
TT: After all we have been through?  
GA: Yes  
GA: Though It Pains Me To Say We Need One Of Those Human Breaks  
TT: Surprised Gasp!  
GA: I Do Hope You Realize This Was All In Sarcasm  
TT: I do.  
GA: Wonderful  
CG: GREAT, NOW I HAVE TO IGNORE KANAYA TOO.  
GC: OR YOU COULD JO1N US >:]  
CG: NEVER.  
CG: WHEN ANDREA IS CONFRONTED WITH THAT SPEECH SHE REALIZES THAT HER LIFE IS BECOMING ANALOGUE TO THAT OF MIRANDA. AND REFUSING TO BECOME AS MISERABLE AS MIRANDA HAS BECOME SHE GETS OUT OF THE CAR IN A MOMENT OF DEFIANCE.

CC: AND T)(EN S)(E FINNALLY T)(ROWS T)(AT STUPID PAGER IN T)(E FOUNTAIN!  
TT: It’s almost symbolic…….

CC: AND S)(E MAKO’S UP WIT)( HER MATESPRIT!  
EB: i wonder if he knows she slept with that other guy……

CC: AND MIRANDA ACS)(ELLY GAVE )(ER A RECOMMENDATION!  
AT: dO THEY KNOW SHE UHM, iNDIRECTLY CAUSED SOMEONE TO GET HOSPITALIZED?

CC: AND S)(E FINNALLY SMILES!  
TG: legand has it dat erry time she smiles a puppy dies  
GA: I Sincerely Doubt It  
CG: SO THAT WAS ‘DEVIL WEAR PRADA’  
GA: I Admit  
GA: I Am Disappointed With The Movie  
CG: WHAT?!  
GA: I Still Have No Idea Who This Prada Is  
TT: Of course  
CG: I’M SURPRISED. I ACTUALLY REALLY LIKED THE MOVIE.  
CG: MAYBE THERE IS HOPE FOR HUMAN CINEMA AFTER ALL.  
CG: MERYL STREEP AND ANNE HATHAWAY ARE BRILIANT ACTORS, THE SUPPORTING CAST SOLD THEIR ROLES WELL, THE SETTINGS WERE BEAUTIFUL AND THE SOUNDTRACK WAS GREAT.  
CG: 8/10, WOULD DEFINITELY WATCH AGAIN.  
GA: I Too Really Enjoyed The Movie  
TA: of cour2e you diid  
GA: The Variety Of Gorgeous Outfits On Display Really Drew Me Into The Setting And Actually Has Made Me Anxious To Start Sewing Again  
GA: It Was Inspiring To Watch  
EB: i really don’t understand how people can like this kind of movie  
EB: it is just so boring  
CG: YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND PROPER ROMANTIC MOVIES.  
EB: did this even count as a romantic movie?  
EB: the boyfriend was barely in it  
AT: hE ONLY HAD LIKE, 4 SCENES,  
AT: nOT EXACTLY TOP BILLING MATERIAL,  
EB: yeah  
EB: so no, I didn’t like the movie  
EB: i guess it could be worse though  
EB: im pretty sure there are far worse romantic movies out there  
TT: Oh, believe you me: there are plenty of worse romantic movies out there.  
TT: Regardless, I mostly agree with your assessment.  
TT: The movie was simply going through the motions, with not a single challenging thought or idea.  
TT: Though seeing Anne Hathaway play straight foil for the somewhat psychotic characters of Emily and Miranda was somewhat entertaining, I felt the movie lacked a real central plot.  
GC: 1 TH1NK 1 G3T WH4T YOU M34N  
GC: WH4T 1T BO1L3D DOWN TO W4S 4NDY SURV1V1NG 1N 4 HOST1L3 3NV1ROM3NT 4ND R34CT1NG ON TH3 S1TU4T1ON  
TT: Indeed. There was no goal, save for working there for a year and bowing out afterwards.  
TA: iit wa2 ju2t 2o boriing  
TA: ii couldn’t care for iit  
CC: O)(, JUST B—ECAUSE T)(ERE WERE NO EXPLOSIONS?!  
TA: explo2iion2 would have iimproved the moviie a lot  
AT: iT WOULD BE UHM, kIND OF OUT OF PLACE,  
CC: W)(AL---E I REELLY LIKED THE MOVIE.  
CC: T)(ANK YOU FOR S)(OWING IT CRABNAYA  
GA: Ignoring That Atrocious Nickname  
GA: You Are Most Welcome  
CC: W)(at aboat you, roxy?  
TG: i had fun  
TG: wasn’t really payn atenshun to the movevie tho  
TG: just chattin with folks  
CG: SO WHAT ABOUT YOUR OPINION ON IT?  
TG: sure, it was fun  
CG: HAH!  
CG: SUCK IT HATERS.  
TA: whatever  
AT: i UHM, aM KIND OF INDIFFERENT REALLY,  
AT: iT HAD GOOD POINTS, iT HAD BAD POINTS AND IT ALL BALANCED EACH OTHER OUT QUITE NICELY,  
CG: YES BUT NO ONE REALLY CARES ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK NITRAM.  
AT: oH,  
GC: NOT COOL K4RK4T  
CG: DON’T CARE.  
GC: 1 4M 4CTU4LLY W1TH T4VROS ON TH1S ON3  
GC: TH3 OUTF1TS 4ND P4R1S T4ST3D D3L1C1OUS BUT 1 4M PR3TTY SUR3 TH1S 1SN’T 4 MOV13 FOR M3 >:/  
CG: NO IT WASN’T. IT WAS A MOVIE FOR KANAYA.  
GA: Thank You Karkat  
GA: But They Are Free To Criticize The Movie If They Like  
GA: It Does Not Take Away From My Personal Enjoyment  
CG: ALRIGHT. MOVIE IS OVER, EVERYBODY OUT.  
GC: 1 DON’T TH1NK TH4T 1S GO1NG TO WORK  
GC: 4T 4LL  
CC: )(i)(i)(I, yea)( we kinda want to pick our movies too.  
TG: HELLS YEAH  
CG: WAIT, EVERY LUSUSFONDLING ASSHOLE HERE WANTS TO PICK THE NEXT MOVIE?  
EB: :B  
TT: I admit, I have had my eye on a particular film for quite some time…..  
TA: after thii2 fuckiing thiing iit 2eem2 faiir to let me piick one  
CC: I WANT TO SEA MY MOVIE NEXT!  
CG: OKAY….. FIRST THING FIRST.

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned tipsyGnostic [TG] from memo--**

CC: CRABSNACK!  
CG: SHE ALREADY PICKED HER HARRY WIZARD MOVIE. SHE IS *NOT* GOING TO PICK A SECOND ONE.  
CC: STILL RUDE!  
CG: KANAYA, YOU CAN’T PICK A MOVIE TWO TIMES IN A ROW.  
CG: SO I KINDA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO LEAVE.  
GA: Very Well  
GA: Rose  
TT: Kanaya?  
GA: Would You Kindly Go Offline As Well  
TT: No. I think I actually have a good chance.  
GA: That Will Not Do  
TT: I’m sorry?  
GA: I Will Be Over In A Bit  
TT: Why?  
GA: You Shall See  
GA: Good Day Everyone  
GA: I Shall See Who Won This Next Week

**\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] left memo--**

TA: you are really optiimii2tiic iif you thiink you get to piick next moviie  
TT: I am just very much aware what buttons to push with Karkat  
TA: what??  
TA: lady iive known kk for 2weep2  
TT: And what a lot of good that must have done you.  
TA: actually iit wa2 pretty terriible  
CG: ENOUGH!  
EB: haha  
CG: EGBERT. AFTER WHAT YOUR PRANKING ECTOSIBLINGS PICKED FOR ENTERTAINMENT, WHY SHOULD WE EVEN LET YOU OWN A DVD COLLECTION IN THE FIRST PLACE?  
GC: J4D3S W4SNT B4D  
CG: I AM TALKING ABOUT GHOST RIDER AND THAT……. OTHER……. THING.  
EB: you mean the room?  
CG: DON’T PUSH ME ON THIS!  
EB: anyway, i don’t really know  
EB: i hadn’t given it much thought yet but i know i wouldn’t use it to prank you guys  
EB: i mean, its no fun if you’re expecting it  
EB: but i had an idea

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned ectoBiologist [EB]\--**

CG: IN 20 WORDS OR LESS PLEASE!  
TT: I do not think he heard you  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4  
TA: one down  
CG: LETS GO FOR TWO SHALL WE? BECAUSE I KNOW THAT ERECTS YOUR FUCKING BULGE.  
TA: don’t make thii2 weiird  
CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I LET YOU PICK A MOVIE?!  
TA: ii don’t know  
TA: you’ve known me for 2weeps  
TA: we are kiinda 2orta friiend2  
CG: 20 WORDS OR LESS ASSHOLE.  
TA: know what  
TA: never miind  
TA: ii don’t even care

**\-- twinArmageddons [TA] left memo--**

CC: T)(at was odd........  
AT: i THINK HE REALIZED HE WASN’T GOING TO WIN THIS,  
TT: Wait  
TT: Kanaya, what are you---  
AT: uHM,  
CG: OH GOD, SHE LEFT HER MIC ON…….  
TT: No, I am not going offline.  
TT: Kanaya!  
TT: Not now please….  
TT: Just......Please, wait for a bit longer.  
TT: Ngh…………..  
TT: Just until everyone else left the memo…….  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3  
CC: W)(at are t)(ey doing!!!  
TT: Oh god…….  
TT: Kanaya!

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned tentacleTherapist [TT] from memo--**

CG: WE ARE NEVER SPEAKING OF THIS EVER AGAIN. THIS WAS A NON-OCCURANCE, A GLITCH IN THE MATRIX OR SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED IN A COMPLETE VACUUM. I AM COMPLETELY IGNORING THIS EVER HAPPENED AND GO ON WITH MY LIFE, MY SOUL JUST A LITTLE MORE TAINTED.  
GC: WHY?  
CG: THAT WAS FUCKING DISGUSTING!  
GC: 1T W4S JUST K4N4Y4 F33D1NG FROM ROS3  
GC: H3LL SH3 F3D FROM M3 Y3ST3RD4Y  
CC: O)(, was t)(at w)(at t)(ey were doing?  
AT: yOU KNOW, fOR A SECOND i THOUGHT SOMETHING ELSE WAS GOING ON,  
CG: AAAAAAAARGH THOSE FUCKING HUMANS. EVERY TIME YOU THINK YOU’VE SEEN THEIR WORST THEY PULL SOMETHING LIKE THAT.  
AT: aCTUALLY, i THINK THAT WAS LARGELY kANAYA’S DOING,  
CG: NITRAM!  
AT: mEEP,  
CG: WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I LET YOU PICK A MOVIE?  
AT: wELL, i GAVE IT SOME THOUGHT,  
CG: YES?  
AT: aND, UHM, i FOUND SOMETHING THAT WAS REALLY POPULAR WITH HUMANS,  
AT: aND i KINDA LIKE IT TOO,  
AT: sO i THOUGHT: wELL, tHIS UHM, cOULD BE FUN TO WATCH,  
CG: REALLY?  
AT: yEAH,  
AT: iT LOOKED GOOD,  
CG: AND HOW POPULAR WAS THIS WITH HUMANS?  
AT: oH INCREDIBLY,  
AT: sHOWS, gAMES, bOOKS, eVERYTHING, iT IS AMAZING,  
CG: INTERESTING………  
CG: FINE, GIVE IT A SHOT.  
CC: NO FAIR!  
CC: I WANTED TO PICK A MOVIE!

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned cuttlefishCuller [CC]\--**  
**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gallowsCalibrator [GC]\--**

CG: DON’T SCREW THIS UP NITRAM.  
AT: uHM, aYE AYE SIR?  
CG: ………………………………  
CG: FUCK IT, CLOSE ENOUGH.

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] left memo--**

AT: hEHEHEHEHE, aAAAW YEAH,  
AT: wHO DA MAN?  
AT: i DA MAN,  
AT: uHM, i MEAN TROLL,  
AT: yEAH, SO,  
AT: tHIS IS GOING TO BE FUN,  
AT: }:o)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Looks at Feferi* HOW DO I WRITE YOU!
> 
> Oh look, Anon_H gets out of his comfortzone again with a movie outside of his prefered genres. I really dreaded having to watch this movie. I suppose it could be worse, I expected worse, but as it stands its just boring to me. I could line up the entire plot after ten minutes and that never bodes well for a story. Anne Hathaway and Meryl Streep were pleasant actors though and it could have been a lot more, for lack of a better term, 'girly'.
> 
> Anyway, releases are going to be a bit slow from now on, at least till the summer holiday. I've mapped out most movies I am going to tackle now, but I still need a film for Feferi.
> 
> Next time, Tavros shows us ~~human fidusspawn the movie~~ Pokemon, the first movie. Will be due before friday.


	10. Pokemon: the first movie: mewtwo strikes back

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS--**

CG: I HAVE COME TO A REALIZATION.  
CG: YOU ASSHOLES DO NOT FUCKING *DESERVE* TO PICK MOVIES.  
CG: IF PICKING ‘THE ROOM’ FOR MASS VIEWING WAS NOT EVIDENCE ENOUGH FOR YOUR INCREDIBLY FUCKING DISGUSTING TASTE IN FILM, YOU PEOPLE ALSO SAW FIT TO HOST THE VIEWING OF A QUOTE UNQUOTE ‘COMEDY’ SPOOF, MOCKING THE MAGNIFICENT EPIC THAT IS TWILIGHT!  
CG: THAT STUFF WAS SO UNFUNNY MY JAW MUSCLES ACTUALLY DIED TROUGH LACK OF EXERCIZE DURING THAT PIECE OF SHIT.  
CG: THE LAST TIME ANYONE LAUGHED BECAUSE OF ANY OF THOSE JOKES, TROLLS WERE STILL RIDING MASSIVE REPTILIANS INTO BATTLE.  
CG: IT WAS SO DUMB, IN FACT, THE PLOT ACTUALLY MADE SENSE TO GAMZEE.  
CG: GAMZEE!  
CG: DO I NEED TO EXPLAIN HOW LOW THE BAR HAS SET? DO I NEED TO EXPLAIN WHAT ABSOLUTE GARBAGE YOU PEOPLE CONSUME FOR YOUR OWN VIEWING ‘PLEASURES’?!  
CG: CLEARLY SOMEONE NEEDS TO SAVE YOU ASSHOLES FROM YOURSELVES.  
CG: TAKE LAST WEEK FOR EXAMPLE. SUDDENLY THE MOVIE SUDDENLY GETS CHOSEN BY *SANE* PEOPLE AND WE ACTUALLY HAVE A BLAST. NEVER EXPECTED THAT TO FUCKING HAPPEN.  
CG: MOVIE WAS GOOD, ATMOSPHERE WAS COMFORTABLE, ANNE HATHAWAY WAS GORGEOUS, IT WAS A GREAT EXPERIENCE FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED.

**\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] entered memo--**

GC: 3V3N THOUGH H4LF OF US THOUGHT 1T W4S BOR1NG 4S FUCK  
CG: WELL THEN HALF OF US ARE VERIFIABLY WRONG!  
GC: D1D W3 SOM3HOW M1S1NT3RPR3T OUR OWN OP1N1ONS >:?

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gallowsCalibrator [GC]\--**

CG: AS IT FUCKING STANDS, WE HAVE NITRAM TO THANK FOR THIS WEEK’S INEVITABLE FUCKING ATROCITY.  
CG: I SWEAR, IF THE WORD ‘PUPA PAN’ SO MUCH AS APPEARS IN THE MOVIE I AM GOING TO HANG HIM BY HIS COMICALLY OVERSIZED HORNS!

**\-- uraniumUmbra [UU] joined memo--**

UU: Good day to you knight.  
CG: WHAT FRESH HELL?  
UU: I was informed by my chUms that yoU host little get-togethers, where you partake in the viewing of hUman movies.  
UU: For some reason all these get-togethers occUr once every seven solar rotations. WoUld I be correct in assUming tonight is sUch a night?  
CG: I GUESS.  
UU: WonderfUl. I am incredibly fascinated with this concept and woUld like to partake in this viewing, if that is alright with yoU.   
CG: I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE!  
CG: ARE YOU ONE OF THOSE IDIOT DANCESTORS OF OURS?  
UU: I……  
UU: Why yes.  
UU: Now that you mention it, I am.  
UU: My name is Callie Oohpee. A pleasUre to make yoUr acqUaintance.  
CG: FOR THE LOVE OF THE CONDESCE’S LEFT ASSCHEEK, TYPE IN A DIFFERENT FUCKING COLOR!  
CG: I CAN BARELY DIFFERENTIATE YOUR GRAY FROM MY GRAY.  
UU: YoU will find one of oUr greys is in all-caps.   
CG: THANK YOU SMART ASS!  
UU: -u^  
CG: WHAT?  
UU: it is sUpposed to be a winking emoticon.  
CG: IT LOOKS STUPID AS FUCK.   
UU: RUde.  
UU: Is this coloUr more to yoUr liking.  
CG: WAS THAT SO FUCKING DIFFICULT?

**\-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] joined memo--**

GG: Good day chums.  
GG: I see I arrived early tonight.  
UU: Good evening, chUm <kisses>  
CG: WHAT?!  
GG: I didn’t know you were joining us tonight.  
GG: If I did, I would have dragged Rolal along to have a merry girl’s night together.  
UU: Oh, that soUnds positively delightfUl. There is always a next time.  
GG: Indeed.  
GG: Roxy does send her regards to the entire chat however. So that includes you.  
UU: HUrray ^u^ tell her I send her my best regards and many hUgs and kisses.  
CG: DON’T CARE.  
GG: She seemed a little bummed out for missing the Pokemon movie. Apparently it is based on a retro videogame she really enjoyed.  
UU: Oh, that soUnds interesting. ThoUgh, if you do not mind, the very thoUght of playing videogames has become somewhat less appealing.  
GG: I do not mind at all Callie.  
UU: ^u^  
CG: GOD YOU TWO ARE SICKENING.  
UU: That is not very kind of yoU Karkat.  
CG: I NEED A SANE TROLL IN HERE STAT.

**\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] joined memo--**

CG: EVERY FUCKING TIME.  
CG: IT’S LIKE THE GODS REIGNING OVER PARADOX SPACE DECIDED THAT ASKING FOR A SANE PERSON TO SHARE A FUCKING CONVERSATION WITH IS NOW THE UNIVERSAL ‘CALL GAMZEE’ BUTTON.  
CG: CLEARLY THIS IS THE BEST USE THE HORRORTERRORS HAVE OF THEIR SINISTER FUCKING POWERS.  
TC: HeY bEsT fRiEnD.   
CG: …..HEY GAMZEE.  
TC: HeY tO yOu ToO cAkEsIsTeR aNd…….  
TC: ErRrR……..  
TC: We HaVeNt MeT hAvE wE?  
TC: gOd I hOpE wE hAvEnT. i WoUlD hAtE tO oFfEnD a MoThErFuCkEr.  
GG: Well you could start by not calling her a motherfucker.  
TC: HaHaHA, sHiT sIs, I dIdN’t EvEn FuCkInG nOtIcE. ThAt mOtHeRfUcKeR sNuCk uP oN mE lIkE a FuCkInG nInJuGgLeR.  
UU: It is qUite alright Bard. We have met before, in a sense.  
TC: WeLl ShIt.  
TC: NoW i FeEl LiKe ThE sOrRiEsT mOtHeRfUcKeR fOr NoT rEmEmBeRiNg YoU.  
UU: It is alright actUally. I think I prefer yoU not remembering.  
TC: eH?  
UU: As I was saying, I do not mind this oversight in the slightest. My name is Callie Oohpee. I am very pleased to meet yoU.  
TC: Oh ShIt, LiKeWiSe My SiStEr FrOm AnOtHeR sLiMePoD.  
TC: LeTs tReAt ThIs EnCoUntEr lIkE tHe MoThErFuCkInG mIrAcLe ThAt It Is.  
TC: WhAt Is MoRe BeAuTiFuL ThAn TwO sOuLs MeEtInG, lOsInG eAcH OtHeR, ThAn GeTtInG a SeCoNd FiRsT mEeTiNg?  
GG: Oddly specific.  
GG: You do remember me, I imagine.  
GG: You sold me a variety of….. potions.  
TC: DiD i?  
GG: Yes…. Yes, you did!  
GG: And then you came with that refrigerator and it all became horrible and……..  
GG: GAH!  
GG: Are you telling me you forgot everything?!  
TC: SuRe I dIdN’t SiS.  
TC: I sUrE aS fUcK rEmEmBeR yOu BaKiNg ThE bEsT mOtHeRfUcKiNg CoNfEcTiOnS a MoThErFuCkEr CaN fInD.  
GG: I……..  
GG: Why thank you.

**\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] joined memo--**

CA: wwell wwell wwell  
CA: look wwhat wwe havve here  
TC: WhAt Is RuStLiNg yOuR jImMiEs FiShBrO?  
CA: kar is wwho is rustling my jimmies  
UU: ^u^  
UU: That mental image is absolUtely delightfUl.  
CG: NO ONE IS RUSTLING MY FUCKING JIMMIES!  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT NOW ERIDAN?  
CA: you havvent invvited me too wwatch movvies wwith you  
CA: not once  
CA: i thought wwe wwere just rekindlin our friendship after that horrible game  
CG: I THOUGHT THIS THING HAD BECOME SELF-INVITE.   
CA: its not like you offered  
CG: YOU COULD HAVE TAKEN THE INITIATIVE YOURSELF FUCKWIT!  
CA: i didn’t wwanna be rude  
CG: AND WHAT ARE YOU BEING RIGHT THE FUCK NOW?  
UU: Oh goodness.  
CA: wwhatevver  
CA: i am stayin this time an there is nothin you can do about it  
CG: OH MY FUCKING…….. I JUST SAID IT’S FREE TO JOIN ON YOUR OWN INITIATIVE YOU DENSE LUSUSFONDLER!

**\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] joined memo--**

AG: Eridan 8eing a little wriggler again?  
AG: Where do I siiiiiiiign????????  
TC: ShIt EvEryOnE iS mOtHeRfUcKiNg WeLcOmE uP iN tHiS bItCh  
CA: wwe really don’t need you around here right noww vvris  
AG: I thiiiiiiiink you do.  
CA: kar  
CA: tell her to leavve  
CG: *OWN*  
CG: *FUCKING*  
CG: *INITIATIVE*  
CG: UNLESS YOU ARE ONE OF THE MORE INTOLERABLE DANCESTORS IN WHICH CASE IT’S RIGHT INTO THE BANLIST.  
AG: So what?  
AG: Yooooooours is allowed 8ut mine isn’t?  
CG: MINE DIDN’T TRY TO FUCK UP THE SESSION BEYOND REPAIR!  
CG: AS IN MORE THEN IT ALREADY FUCKING WAS.  
AG: Yeeeeeeees 8ut miiiiiiiine is a 8ad-ass and DOESN’T 8la88er on a8out social issues no one cares a8out.  
CA: yeah kar  
CA: you don’t evven like kankri  
CG: LOOK, I CAN’T FUCKING PERMABAN HIM ALRIGHT!  
AG: Suuuuuuuure you can.  
AG: Just click the little 8utton that does the perma8anning and your done.  
CG: I AM NOT PERMABANNING KANKRI!  
TC: ShIt BrO, dO yOu LiKE yOuR dAnCeStOr aFtEr AlL?  
TC: It Is LiKe A tWeLfTh PeRiGrEeS eVe MiRaClE.  
UU: I choose to believe that he does enjoy Kankri’s company ^u^  
UU: Oh my this is exiting. I am getting so many wonderfUl ideas for my projects.

**\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] joined memo--**

GA: It Is My Believe That Karkat Merely Wishes To Avoid A Confrontation With My Dancestor  
GG: Porrim right?  
GA: Indeed  
GA: Which Confuses Me Because She Is Not That Bad  
GA: In Fact  
GA: I Feel I Rather Confident In Saying I Am Lucky Regarding My Dancestor  
CA: yeah no kiddin  
CA: havve you evven met mine?  
CG: LOOK, CONVERSATIONS WITH HER TEND TO GET…….. AWKWARD.  
CG: *ESPECIALLY* WHEN THOSE CONVERSATIONS CENTER AROUND MY DANCESTOR.  
AG: Oooooooh I get it now!  
AG: Karkaaaaaaat, you should 8e flattered.  
CA: wwhat?  
AG: She tooooooootally asked you to auspistice, didn’t she????????  
CG: NO!  
CG: IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!  
CG: I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!  
CA: is it her wwhole lusus-like attitude?  
CA: that wwould make any troll uncomfortable  
CG: I SAID SHUT UP!  
CA: no you didn’t  
CG: I DID JUST NOW ASSHOLE! SHUT UP!  
GA: It Is Alright Karkat  
GA: Ill Inform Her That Her Advances Make You Uncomfortable  
CG: ARE YOU PEOPLE JUST NOT LISTENING TO A SINGLE WORD I JUST SAID!?  
GG: Would it help if I changed the subject?  
CG: PLEASE……  
GG: Do trolls no anything about Pokemon?  
CG: NO.  
AG: Yeeeeeeees ::::)  
CG: WHAT?!  
AG: Pupa could not contain his excitement. It was quuuuuuuuite sickening actually.  
AG: He iiiiiiiinsisted i would 8orrow the game it is 8ased on and naturally, I am the 8est at it.  
TC: oOoOh So ThAt Is WhAt HaPpEnEd  
TC: TaVbRo WaS aLl DiStRaUgHt AnD sHiT bEcAuSe He ThOuGhT hE mOtHeRfUcKiNg LoSt It.  
GA: And We All Know Something Like That Would Never Occur When Vriska Happens To Be Around  
CG: SURPRISING ABSOLUTELY NO ONE.  
AG: His team was lame anyway!  
AG: Lame lame lame lame lame lame lame LAME!!!!!!!!  
AG: Like, 8idoof lame.  
GA: I Do Not Know What This Bidoof Is  
GA: But It Sounds Disappointing

**\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] joined memo--**

AC: :33< *the stealthy huntress sneaks stealthily into the memo*  
GA: Nepeta  
GA: We Are All Fully Aware Of Your Pressence  
AC: :33< *the stealthy huntress realizes she has been spotted*  
AC: :33< “hi efurryone” she says cheerfully   
UU: Hello darling <hugs AC>.  
AC: :33< *AC’s ears purrk up in surpurise at the unknown roleplayer*   
UU: Oh, of coUrse, how rUde of me. u_u   
UU: I completely neglected to properly introdUce myself. Please accept my apologies.  
AG: No8ody caaaaaaaares.  
TC: I cArE  
AG: Tooooooootally proving my point.  
AC: :33< don’t be mean vwiskers!  
AC: :33< hi uu!  
AC: :33< i am nepeta  
UU: “A pleasUre to meet yoU nepeta” says uu “My name is Callie Oohpee.”  
GG: :B  
CA: that sounds like a made up name  
CA: doesn’t that sound like a made up name  
GA: I Have No Idea What You Are Talking About  
UU: Well….. Perhaps it is a somewhat made Up name.   
CA: called it  
UU: BUt I woUld vastly prefer you calling me Callie as opposed to my real name.  
CG: IN BETWEEN TROLLS WHO THINK THEY ARE HUMANS AND TROLLS WHO THINK THEY ARE HOOFBEAST, THIS IS THE LEAST RETARDED IDENTITY-ISSUE I HAVE COME ACROSS.  
CG: YOU MAY CALL YOURSELF TWINKLEFUCKER, ARCHDUKE OF NOWANKAIRES AND IT WOULD BE STILL LESS RETARDED THAN TROLLS WHO THINK THEY ARE HORSES OR HUMANS!  
GA: Careful Karkat  
GA: Your Dancestor Can Practically Sense Such Unkind Words  
TC: HoW dOeS hE eVeN dO tHaT?  
GA: Evidently It Must Be A Miracle  
TC: HaHa, YeAh. FuCk YeAh SiS. SpIlL tHaT sHiT lIkE a KnOcKeD oVeR sOdA rUiNiNg YoUr FrEsH cArPeT  
GA: I Feel Obliged To Inform You I Was Not Being Sincere  
TC: AaAaWw DaMn SiS.  
GA: I Also Feel Obliged To Inform You I Am Not Even A Little Sorry For That Bit Of Misinformation  
AG: All joking asiiiiiiiide, if she gets to 8e called Callie Oohpee then I get to 8e called Marquise Spinneret Mindfang  
CA: and you wwill finally address me as orphaner fuckin dualscar!  
CG: THAT IS TEN POUNDS OF NO IN A TWO POUND BAG!  
CA: wwhy is she evven gettin a special treatment?  
AG: I don’t even knoooooooow this uu. Like, at all.  
CA: and wwhy is evveryone so opposed to callin me orphaner dualscar  
UU: Uhm…. Perhaps it woUld be best if I were to leave.  
UU: If that keeps the peace.  
GA: The Peace Is Never Kept Long Around Here  
GA: Regardless  
GA: It Is A Bit Uncomfortable Considering We Do Not Know Callie At All  
GG: I can vouch for her.  
AG: What?  
GG: Callie is a good person and you may not know or remember it, but she helped us a lot during the game.  
AG: I thiiiiiiiink I would have remem8ered that.  
TC: I dOnT  
CG: OF COURSE, YOU DON’T!  
GG: So she is staying and you will all be on your best behavior around her.  
UU: Jane please. YoU do not need to do this.  
GG: And if you do not like it, the human alphas will boycott this memo!  
CG: …….SOUNDS LIKE A WIN-WIN.  
GG: Or we’ll have lil Hal spam it with horse themed pop ups :B  
CG: YOU CRUEL WENCHE.  
AC: :33< i want her to stay too!  
AC: :33< when purezi comes here we can have so much fun rp’ing!  
UU: PUrezi?  
CG: YEAH, NO. I BANNED HER.  
AC: :33< what!?  
CG: SHE WAS BEING A HAG LIKE USUAL AND I WAS NOT IN THE MOOD FOR HER SHIT!  
GA: Karkat  
GA: Might I Suggest Unblocking Her  
CG: WHY?  
CG: WE’RE NOT LOSING ANYTHING BY KEEPING HER BLOCKED.  
GA: Perhaps  
GA: But I Have Grown Accustomed To Her Presence  
GA: It Feels Weird Watching A Film Without Her  
CG: YOU WILL GET OVER IT.  
AC: :33< come on karkat :((  
AC: :33< please?  
CG: NO.  
AC: :33< pl333333333333333333333ase?  
CG: SNOWBALL’S CHANCE IN HELL.  
AC: :33< pl333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333ase?  
CG: OH MY GOD STOP IT!  
CG: WHERE IS YOUR SWEATY-ASS MOIRAIL WHEN I NEED HIM?

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] unblocked gallowsCalibrator [GC]\--**

GC: W3LL M4YB3 1 DON’T W4NN4 GO B4CK TO MR GRUMPSC4L3  
AG: Oh pleeeeeeease.  
AG: As if you eeeeeeeever miss an opportunity to 8utt heads with me.  
GC: OH, YOU KNOW ME SO WELL >:]  
UU: This is so exhilarating. YoUr interactions are really amUsing.  
GC: 4ND TH1S 1S?  
CA: don’t evven ask  
AC: :33< she wants to rp with us!  
GC: OH  
GC: W3LCOM3 4BO4RD >:]  
CA: this is the point people run  
UU: Why?  
UU: It soUnds fUn.  
GC: OH 1 TH1NK 1 L1K3 TH1S ON3  
GA: Unsurprising  
GG: Terezi, do you happen to know anything about pokemon?  
GC: NOT R34LLY  
GC: JUST TH4T VR1SK4 WOULD NOT SHUT UP 4BOUT 1T  
AG: I am soooooooo alchemizing another copy when this is over.  
TC: YeAh AnD wE cAn TeLl TaVbRo We FoUnD hIs :o)  
AG: Let’s not 8e hasty, shall we????????

**\-- adiosToreador [AT] joined memo--**

AT: hEY, eVERYONE IS ALREADY HERE,  
AT: sORRY i’M SO LATE, i WAS LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR MY GAMEGRUB,  
AT: i CAN’T BELIEVE I LOST IT,   
AT: i UHM, cLOCKED IN OVER 300 HOURS ON THAT GAME,  
AG: Yeeeeeeeeah, the thing a8out that is that no one really caaaaaaaares……..  
CA: vvris stole your dumb gamegrub and deleted your savve file  
AG: ERIDAN YOU TR8OROUS ASSH8LE!!!!!!!!  
AT: wHAT?!  
AT: bUT, but i HAD THE WHOLE POKEDEX COMPLETE,  
AG: 8ig deeeeeeeeal.  
AT: i HAD AN UHM, a TEAM WITH PERFECT ev’S,  
AG: I’m not even sure what those aaaaaaaare.  
AT: i,  
AT: bUT,  
AT: yOU,  
TC: YoU oKaY tAvBrO?  
AG: Looooooook, I am making some copies of your dum8 gamegru8 for losers and will return it afterwards.  
AG: Then you can have fun making a whole new team AND you’ll have people to compete with.  
AT: tHAT DOESN’T,  
AT: wELL, aCTUALLY,  
AT: tHAT DOES SOUND KIND OF UHM, fUN,  
TC: ShIt CaN i HaVe OnE?  
UU: Oh, I woUld love to partake in this as well.  
AT: oF COURSE, i MEAN, aSH NEVER TRAVELS ALONE EITHER,  
AT: i MEAN, hE DOES IN THE FIRST EPISODE AND IT UHM, dOESN’T END WELL,  
AT: aND THE LATER GAMES REALLY REINFORCE THE IDEA OF UNDERTAKING THE ADVENTURE TOGETHER, yOU KNOW,  
AG: Seeeeeeee????????  
AG: It all works out for the 8est.   
AT: yEAH, nOW WE CAN START AT THE SAME POINT,  
GC: >:/  
CG: I HATE HOW SERKET MANAGED TO TURN THIS INTO SOMETHING SOMEWHAT POSITIVE.  
GC: 4GR33D  
GG: Shall we continue to the movie then?  
AT: oH YES, dEFINITELY,  
AT: iT IS A VERY COOL MOVIE FOR UHM, cOOL PEOPLE,  
AT: sO HOLD ONTO YOUR HORNS,  
GG: And assuming we do not have those?  
AT: oH, RIGHT, sORRY,  
AT: i GUESS YOUR EARS, mAYBE?  
GG: That sounds awfully silly.  
CA: just start the damn movvie

CG: WHAT THE FUCK AM I LOOKING AT!?  
AT: tHAT IS mEWTWO, tHE STRONGEST POKEMON,  
GA: What Is A Pokemon  
AG: I’ll make suuuuuuuure to give you a gamegru8 as well fussyfangs.  
AG: You’ll figure it out.  
GA: I Feel Like Understanding What A Pokemon Is Might Be Crucial To Understanding A Movie Entitled Pokemon  
AT: tHEY ARE LIKE THESE UHM, aNIMALS, THAT YOU CAN CAPTURE, bEFRIEND AND TRAIN,  
AG: And 8attle ::::)  
GA: How Odd  
AT: iT’S REALLY FUN,  
GA: What Is The Purpose Of Creating One Artificially  
AG: To get the strongest pokemon!!!!!!!!  
GA: This Sounds Inefficient  
GA: I Feel They Could Have Used Their Resources Towards More Constructive Ends  
UU: This scene looks a little Unpleasant. Perhaps it is the way they are talking aboUt him like he is nothing more than an experiment.  
CA: yeah that is probably because he is  
AC: :33< eridan!  
CA: wwhat its true  
CA: you heard the generic faceless scientists  
AC: :33< still rude

GC: G3NTL3M3N  
GC: NOW TH4T W3 H4V3 CR34T3D TH3 ULT1M4T3 POK3MON WHO 1S CL34RLY C4P4BL3 OF COMMUN1C4T1NG L3T US T4LK LOUDLY 4BOUT 4LL TH3 3XP3R1M3NTS W3 W1LL CONDUCT ON H1M  
GG: This will not backfire in any predictable way whatsoever.  
GG: Hoo hoo hoo  
TC: ShIt MaN tHoSe ScIeNtIsTs JuSt CrEaTeD lIfE.  
TC: AnD tHeY dIdN’T nEeD aNy MoThErFuCkInG gEnEtIcAl SlUrRy To Do It.  
TC: It KiNdA tAkEs AwAy FrOm ThE mIrAcLe Of LiFe If ThEsE mOtHeRfUcKeRs CaN cReAtE iT lIKe ThIs, BuT iTs StIlL bEaUtIfUl iN iTs OwN sPeCiAl WaY.  
CA: gam  
CA: for the lovve of evvery fuck stop talkin  
TC: SuRe ThInG bRo.  
UU: He has not changed a bit.

CG: SO YEAH, THE CREATIVELY NAMED MEW-TWO DOESN’T TAKE KINDLY TO BEING EXPERIMENTED ON.  
CG: BIG FUCKING SHOCK. ARE YOU SURPRISED? CAUSE I SURE AS HELL AM NOT!   
CG: PERHAPS THESE ASSHOLES SHOULD HAVE KEPT THEIR DAMN PROTEÏNECHUTES SHUT ABOUT WANTING TO EXPERIMENT ON HIM TILL KINGDOM FUCKING COME, CAUSE THE FIRST THING I WANT TO HEAR WHEN I WAKE UP IS SOME DICKWEED SCIENTIST TELLING ME HE’S GOING TO EXPERIMENT ON ME.  
AT: i DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DIDN’T JUST UHM, cAPTURE HIM,  
AT: lIKE, AT AN EARLIER STAGE IN THE WHOLE CLONING PROCESS,  
AT: hE’S FULL GROWN NOW, bUT HE CAN’T HAVE BEEN LIKE THAT FROM THE BEGINNING,  
GA: Would That Help  
AT: oH YES, dEFINITELY,  
AT: aCCORDING TO THE RULES, a CAPTURED POKEMON MUST OBEY,  
AG: Iiiiiiiif the trainer has enough 8adges.  
GA: This Sounds Incredibly Silly  
CA: you just don’t get games kan  
CA: you nevver get games kan  
GA: I Am Perfectly Capable Of Understanding Games Eridan  
AG: Yeeeeeeees, 8ut you don’t GET them.  
GA: I Fail To See Your Point

GG: Hello completely legitimate businessman.  
CA: so mewwtwwo blowws up the people that created him but this completely conspicuous human gets a free pass  
CA: wwhat a load  
GG: He is basically a bond-villain.   
CA: a wwhat noww  
AC: :33< HE HAS A KITTYCAT!  
GG: Exactly my point.  
TC: I aM jUsT gLaD tHaT mEwBrO mAnAgEs To ChIlL tHe FuCk OuT aNd BeFrIeNd ThIs SuIt WeArInG mOtHeRfUcKeR.  
AT: tHAT IS gIOVANNI, hE IS THE UHM, lEADER OF TEAM ROCKET,  
AG: Aaaaaaaand surprisingly a push-over gym leader.  
GC: H3 DO3SNT LOOK L1K3 H3 WORKS OUT  
AG: I am not eeeeeeeeeven going to explain it Redglare. Just play the game after we’re done here ::::)  
GC: >:[  
CG: I AM NOT IMPRESSED WITH YOUR MOVIE SO FAR NITRAM.  
CG: THE VERY FACT THAT I HAVEN’T RECLAIMED THE STREAM AND STARTED SHOWING YOU PEOPLE SOME DECENT FUCKING CINEMA IS A TESTAMENT TO MY ETERNAL, SAINTLIKE PATIENCE. I AM A MONK OF THE HIGH ORDER OF DIPSHIT MOUNTAIN.  
GA: Ever The Symbol Of Modesty

CA: ok wwhat the fuck is this?  
UU: Mewtwo tearing throUgh the opposition?  
TC: SeRiOuSlY, tHe FeLlOw Is BrUtAl.  
CA: no but just look at this dumb creature  
CA: it is a slitherbeast made of stone  
UU: What is yoUr point?  
CA: this is not howw biology wworks  
CA: he shouldn’t be able to movve under his owwn wweight  
CA: does it havve bones or is this an exoskeleton  
CA: doesn’t it slowwly grind its stones to a pulp by slitherin on the ground?  
CA: it doesn’t havve teeth so wwhat does it evven eat?  
AT: oH, aCCORDING TO THE pOKEDEX ENTRY IT EATS SOIL,  
CA: THIS IS NOT HOWW BIOLOGY WWORKS!  
AT: aNYWAY, tHERE IS A CLEVER NOD TO THE CARTOON SERIES HERE,  
AT: wE SEE aSH’S RIVAL gARY FIGHT AGAINST mEWTWO, wHICH ALSO HAPPENED IN THE ANIME,  
GC: SO?  
AT: wELL, i THOUGHT IT WAS CLEVER, bECAUSE OF THE CONTINUITY,   
AC: :33< so he has the strongest pokemon  
AC: :33< now what  
UU: <shrug>  
AG: Do villainous deeds and use its powers to catch moooooooore pokemon.  
AC: :33< but why?  
AC: :33< he already has the strongest one  
GC: SH1TS 4ND G1GGL3S I GU3SS

CG: WHAT IS IT WITH THESE DUMB HUMANS AND EVIL MONOLOGUES?  
GG: Mwahahahaha, you thought we were friends Mewtwo, but really I have been using you and ordering you around all this time.  
GA: He Should Have Caught On When Giovanni Began Ordering Him Around  
GA: How Did Mewtwo Ever Think They Were Equals In Such A Relation  
GA: His Own Naivety Is At Fault  
TC: HaRsH sIs, MeWbRo Is PrACtiCaLlY a FrEsHlY hAtChEd WrIgGlEr. hE dOeSnT kNoW wHaT tHe FuCk.  
GA: That Makes A Surprising Amount Of Sense  
TC: AaAaWw YeAh.

AC: :33< meowtwo takes it well

CA: question  
AT: yES?  
CA: wwhat the heck are those balls on his feet?  
TC: ThOsE fEeTbAlLs.  
AT: I THINK THEY UHM, kINDA WORK AS, wELL, nO IDEA,  
CA: it looks stupid as FUCK

GC: TH4TS K1ND OF B4LLSY  
GC: N4M1NG 1T TH3 F1RST MOV13  
GC: 1S TH1S TH3 B3G1NN1NG OF 4N 3P1C TR1LOGY?  
GG: No. They just made a bazillion of these pokemon movies.  
CA: this wwas popular?  
GG: Oh immensely so. I think they had well over 15 movies.  
AT: i THOUGHT THEY WERE WORKING ON UHM, nUMBER EIGHTEEN,  
AC: :33< that is so much!  
CA: that is fuckin insane  
CG: JANE HUMAN! WHAT IS THIS STUPID HUMAN OBSESSION WITH POKEYMANS!  
GG: Well, I didn’t play much myself.   
GG: I suppose it is very colorful?  
AT: tHAT DOESN’T DO IT JUSTICE REALLY,

UU: And who may these hUmans be?  
AT: oH, THESE ARE THE MAIN CHARACTERS. aSH, bROCK AND mISTY,  
CG: *THESE* ARE THE MAIN CHARACTERS?!  
GC: GL4D TH3Y COULD B3 BOTH3R3D TO SHOW UP F1FT33N M1NUT3S 1NTO TH31R OWN MOV13  
AG: Well they neeeeeeeeded to esta8lish the villain didn’t they?????????  
AC: :33< tavros you watched the cartoon right?  
AC: :33< who are these humans?  
AT: oH, UHM, aSH IS THE ONE WEARING THE CAP, hE IS ON A QUEST TO BECOME THE WORLD’S GREATEST POKEMON MASTER,  
UU: What is a pokemon master exactly?  
AT: tHE UHM, sERIES NEVER REALLY ESTABLISHES THAT,  
AT: tHE DARKER SKINNED HUMAN IS bROCK, hE IS THE gYMLEADER OF pEWTER cITY, wHICH SPECIALIZES IN ROCK POKEMON,  
AT: hE REALLY WANTS TO BE A POKEMON BREEDER,  
GC: GROSS  
GC: TH1S 1S 4 K1D’S SHOW?  
AG: So a guy named 8rock specializes in rock types.   
AG: Haha my sides……..  
TC: I kNoW sIs, I dIdN’t EvEn FuCkInG nOtICe BuT iTs PrEtTy MoThErFuCkInG cLeVeR.  
AT: aND THE GIRL WITH THE ORANGE HAIR IS mISTY, sHE’S THE GYMLEADER OF cERULEAN cITY, WHICH SPECIALIZES IN WATERPOKEMON,  
GC: SH3 DO3SN’T LOOK L1K3 SH3 WORKS OUT 31TH3R >:/  
AT: sHE IS ALSO THE UNREQUITTED MATESPRIT OF aSH  
AC: :33< h33h33, that’s so cute!  
UU: Oh indeed. The two woUld form an adorable coUple.  
AC: :33< !!!!!!  
AC: :33< callie do you ship?!  
UU: <blushes>  
GG: Incredibly so.  
UU: Jane, please let Us not talk aboUt this.  
UU: Let Us talk aboUt the movie instead.   
AC: :33< but if you ship too you HAVE to come to Roxy’s next tea party!  
GG: By which she means that you should probably finally accept the invitation Callie.  
UU: I Uhm……  
UU: I do not know what yoU are talking aboUt.  
AC: :33< roxy and fefurry make the cutest couple but i feel no one else s33s it  
UU: Oh.  
UU: Well, perhaps late is better than never to join that party.

AT: oH, aND THESE ARE pIKACHU AND tOGEPI,  
CA: wwhat is wwrong wwith these creatures  
CA: wwhy is one wwearing an eggshell?  
AT: tHAT UHM, iS JUST HOW IT LOOKS,  
CA: wwhat a load  
CA: and the yelloww one  
CA: is it poisonous or somethin?  
AT: nO THAT’S pIKACHU, tHE TINY MOUSE POKEMON,  
CA: wwhy wwould a squeekbeast a creature hunted by evverythin higher on the foodchain be colored in a wway that says: here i am eat me  
CA: troll darwwin is rollin in his gravve  
AT: wELL, hE CAN DEFEND HIMSELF WITH ELECTRICITY  
CA: and i am sure fire breathing purrbeasts or wwhatevver are vvery frightened by a statically charged rodent  
AC: :33< i cant believe it but eridan is right  
AC: :33< something that brightly colored would be immediately purreyed upon  
AC: :33< and that eggshell pokemon would last even shorter  
AT: bUT THIS IS pOKEMON,  
AT: iT IS ALL KIND OF UHM, mAGICAL,  
CA: that shit does not fly!

AG: Team Magma began recruiting earlier than anyoooooooone expected.  
TC: TeAm WhAtNoW sIs?  
AG: Alright…….. You know what? fuck it.  
AG: You get a gamegru8.  
AG: Fussyfangs gets a gamegru8.  
AG: Leijon and some person I never met get a gamegru8.  
AG: You aaaaaaaall get your fucking gamegru8s.  
AG: And then you will all see that I am the reeeeeeeeal pokemon master.  
AT: nO WAY,  
AT: i AM THE VERY BEST, iTS ME,  
GA: Oh Dear  
GA: Why Do You Always Take These Things So Seriously Vriska  
AG: I play to win!!!!!!!!

GC: 1 H4V3 B33N M34N1NG TO 4SK BUT DO3S BROCK S33 BY SC3NT TOO?  
GG: That would make way too much sense.  
UU: I assUmed he was jUst sqUinty eyed.

AG: Shaaaaaaaameless teaser for a gener8ion 2 pokemon.  
AG: Not even a really good one……..  
AT: dONPHAN CAN BE PRETTY USEFUL, iF UHM, yOU KNOW HOW TO TRAIN HIM,  
AG: Are you telling me I don’t know how to train my pokemon????????  
AT: }:o)  
AC: :33< so we finally get to see a pokemon battle!  
AG: Yeeeeeeees, this is pretty much what the games are a8out.  
AC: :33< and ash uses a…..  
AC: :33< weird….. plant…. dinosaur  
GG: Pokemon is pretty strange.  
GA: So I Notice  
TC: NaAaAw MaN. jUsT lOoK aT tHe PrEtTy ColOrS aNd MiRaCuLoUs AnImAlS.  
TC: lIkE, wHaT eVeN iS tHaT aRmOrEd FeLlOw?  
GA: It Is A Tuskbeast  
GA: It Is Not Very Difficult To See  
TC: FaR oUt. ThAt ThInG lOoKs WiCkEd CoOl.  
GG: Well, pokemon was marketed towards kids…..   
GA: Or Those With The Mental Equivalent  
AG: Hey!  
AT: hEY!

CG: YOU KNOW…. THIS WHOLE FIGHT SEEMED PRETTY FAIR, BUT IF ONE PARTY HAS A SOLAR POWERED LASER THEN I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY IT EVER WAS A COMPETITION IN THE FIRST PLACE.  
AT: wELL, gRASS TYPES HAVE AN ADVANTAGE OVER GROUND TYPES,  
CA: but howw did that laser evven work  
CA: wwhere did it come from  
TC: OuT oF tHaT bUlB tHiNgIe.  
CA: gam that bulb thingie is no doubt organic and not a fuckin solar powwered laser  
TC: WwElL iT lIkE, aBsOrBeD tHe MoThErFuCkInG sOlAr EnErGy LiKe An UhM……  
AG: Like a plant?  
TC: ExAcTlY sPiDeRsIs.  
CA: That is not howw lasers wwork  
CA: this movvie is gettin on my nervves  
AC: :33< oh come on  
AC: :33< you used to flarp, you can appreciate a bit of fantasy  
CA: my modules were based in facts!  
CA: no laser spewing dinosaurs!  
AG: Fucking amaaaaaaaazing as that sounds.   
AG: You could write a whole campaign around that concept alone.

CG: OH GOD, THERE’S MORE……  
AC: :33< well, this one actually s33ms pawsible  
AC: :33< it actually looks like an alternian apebeast  
CG: AND IN HIS HUMAN STUPIDITY HE SENDS OUT A TINY TURTLE POKEMON.  
CG: UNLESS THIS ONE HAS LIKE, A FUCKING BAZOOKA IN HIS SHELL, HE IS NOT GOING TO DEFEAT A GIANT WITH 4 ARMS.  
AG: Yeeeeaaaah…….. That would 8e just silly……..  
AT: iN GEN ONE mACHAMP WAS A PRETTY STRONG POKEMON, eVEN IF HE GOT UHM, a LOT WEAKER AS GENERATIONS CONTINUED,  
GA: How Does That Even Work  
CA: vvideogame logic  
GG: So how does Ash defeat this formidable adversary?

TC: MoThErFuCkInG bUbBlEs.  
CG: OH GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A RUSTY PRISON SHANK MOVIE!

UU: Oh, fascinating. A three on three battle.  
UU: This looks like it will be a visUal spectacle.  
AT: yEAH, bUT THE THREE ON THREE BATTLE WASN’T INVENTED TILL GEN 5,  
UU: Invented?  
UU: It does not appear to be very complex.  
AG: He means this guy is cheating.  
UU: Ooh, I Understand. <nod>  
UU: Personally, I cannot stand cheaters.  
CG: THESE ARE THE LEAST IMAGINATIVE MONSTERDESIGNS EVER!  
CG: OOOOH, LOOK OUT FOR PURPLEMOTH! IT’S SOMEWHAT ANNOYING AND CAN ONLY BE DEFEATED BY BRIGHT FUCKING LIGHT SOURCES!!  
CG: THEN THERE IS ROCKFACE, WHICH IS LITERALLY A BOULDER WITH HEADS AND ARMS. THE CREATIVE DEPARTMENT REALLY WENT THE EXTRA MILE WITH THIS ONE DIDN’T THEY!? THIS IS THE SORT OF ORIGINALITY ONLY MATCHED BY CARRYING AN UMBRELLA TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM THE RAIN. WHY USE THE FUCKING UMBRELLA IF YOU CAN USE A BRICK AM I RIGHT?  
AT: wHAT?  
CG: AND FINALLY STAG BEETLE, WHO IS JUST HAPPY TO BE THERE AND HAS TROUBLE EATING BECAUSE OF HIS DUMB FUCKING MOUTH.  
AC: :33< they are not that bad

UU: Not the visUal spectacle I was hoping to see.  
AT: aND COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE, bECAUSE THUNDERBOLT DOESN’T HARM GROUND TYPES LIKE gOLEM AT ALL,  
CA: movvie logic meet vvideogame logic

CA: just wwhat wwe needed  
CA: evven more characters  
AC: :33< THEY HAVE A TALKING PURRBEAST!  
AC: :33< OH MY GOSH, THAT IS JUST PURRFECT!  
AC: :33< I WANT IT!  
GC: TH3 WOM3N 1N TH1S MOV13 H4V3 4BSOLUT3LY D3L3CT4BL3 H41R  
TC: AnD lIkE, hOw DoEs It StAy LiKe ThAt?  
GG: Copious amounts of hair gel I imagine.  
UU: This might be a silly thing to ask, bUt why are they spying on Ash and his friends?  
GA: I Was About To Ask A Similar Question  
AT: wELL, THEY WANT TO STEAL pIKACHU,  
AT: bUT DON’T WORRY BECAUSE THEY UHM, nEVER SUCCEED,  
GA: Then Why Bother  
AT: bECAUSE THEY THINK IT’S A SPECIAL pIKACHU,  
UU: Well, SUrely they will cease their chase once they realize it is a frUitless endeavor.  
AT: tHEY HAVE BEEN AT IT FOR ABOUT 16 HUMAN YEARS,  
GC: D4MN  
CG: ARE ALL HUMANS THIS FUCKING STUPID?!

GG: Oh dear. Who could this mysterious figure observing Ash be?  
GC: L3T TH3 1NV3ST1G4T1ON B3G1N!  
CA: you do knoww that its obvvious right  
UU: QUiet please. I want to see this.  
GG: His fast amount of recourses hint towards Giovanni.  
GC: BUT TH3 F4CT TH4T H3 D1DN’T 4NSW3R H1S S3RV4NT WH1L3 SH3 3ND3D UP G1V1NG 4N 4FF1R3M4T1V3 4NYW4Y SUGG3STS 4 PSYCH1C CONN3CT1ON  
GG: Puzzling indeed.  
CA: come on  
CA: it is fuckin obvious  
AC: :33< eridan quiet!  
CA: oh come on!  
CA: his name wwas in the fuckin title  
UU: Pokemon the first movie?  
CA: no the subtitle  
CA: mewwtwwo strikes back  
CA: though id be pissed if giovvanni doesn’t reappear in some wway  
AC: :33< and the resources?  
CA: i don’t knoww an i don’t care  
GC: 3R1D4N B3 QUI3T  
GC: MRS B4K3D GOODS 4ND MYS3LF 4R3 CONDUCT1NG 4N V3RY 1MPORT4NT 1NV3ST1G4T1ON

AT: wELL, tHERE GOES ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL POKEMON OF THE FIRST GENERATION,  
AT: rEDUCED TO AN UHM, dELIVERER OF WRITTEN NOTES,  
CG: JUST CALL IT A MAILMAN ASSHOLE.  
GC: 1T 1S 4 DR4GON >:O  
AG: Yuuuuuuuup. Pokemon can be preeeeeeeetty 8ad-ass.  
TC: It LoOkS wIcKeD aDoRaBlE.  
AG: No, I just said it’s a 8ad-ass.  
CA: are you kiddin me  
CA: that thing is full on derp  
UU: So Ash is invited by the world’s most powerfUl pokemon trainer?  
UU: SUrely this conclUdes yoUr investigation Jane. After all, woUld it make for Mewtwo to take Up the training of his fellow pokemon?  
UU: Especially after his earlier anger aboUt the relation between trainer and trained.  
AT: uHM,,,,, yEAH,  
AT: tHAT SURE WOULD BE SILLY,  
CA: it is in the FUCKIN TITLE YOU NITWWITS!

CG: ONE OF THE ALLEGEDLY MOST POWERFUL POKEMON STOPPED BY A FRYING PAN.  
AT: yEAH, tHAT’S KINDA STUPID,  
CG: IN BETWEEN THIS AND TANGLED, I REALLY BEGIN TO WONDER WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS ABOUT THESE FUCKING THINGS. THEY ARE JUST FRYING PANS!

AC: :33< Oh it is so cute!  
GA: I Concur  
AG: That little 8astard is Mew.  
AG: It is nearly IMPOSSI8LE to catch Mew.  
AC: :33< well, that’s what makes it so rare right?  
AG: That doesn’t mean I have to like it……..  
AT: fUN BIT OF UHM, tRIVIA, iT IS VERY LIKELY THAT THE POKEMON WORLD HAS BEEN CREATED BY aRCEUS, wHO IS UHM, bASICALLY THE POKEMON GOD,  
AT: aFTER HE ALSO CREATED DEITIES OF TIME AND SPACE AND SUCH, hE CREATED THE COMMON ANCESTOR OF ALL OTHER POKEMON, wHICH UHM, iS mEW,  
AT: hE CAN LEARN LITERALLY EVERY ATTACK IN THE GAME, pOSSIBLY BECAUSE HE HAS THE GENETICS OF EVERY OTHER POKEMON,   
CA: wwoww  
CA: wwhen did you become such a fuckin nerd tavv  
AG: When did he stop????????  
GA: I Find It Somewhat Amusing Eridan Is Calling Someone Else A Nerd  
TC: ShIt fIsHbRo.  
TC: WhY yOu GoTtA tAlK sHiT aBoUt TaVbRo?  
TC: Do YoU hAvE a MOTHERFUCKING problem?  
CA: wwhat?  
CG: NO!  
CG: NO, THERE ARE NO FUCKING PROBLEMS. IN FACT, ERIDAN WAS JUST ABOUT TO OFFER HIS GODDAMN WORTHLESS APOLOGIES.  
CA: no i wwasn’t  
CG: ERIDAN, SO FUCKING HELP ME!  
TC: HaHaHaHa, oh we gonna have FUN TONIGHT!  
CG: NO NO NO NO NO NO!  
GC: >:[  
AT: hEY gAMZEE,  
AT: yOU MAYBE WANNA BUST A FEW RHYMES AFTER THIS MOVIE? }:o)  
TC: ShIt ThAt WoUld Be LiKe ThE tItS oN tHe fAtTeST mOtHeRfUcKiNg BiTcH  
AT: i UHM, gOT SOME BEATS THAT WOULD DEFINITELY QUALIFY AS DOPE, aS WELL AS SOME BED-RIDDEN RHYMES, tHAT NEED SERIOUS MEDICAL ATTENTION BECAUSE OF HOW ILL THEY ARE,

AC: :33< so meowtwo can change the weather?  
AT: yEAH, rAYQUAZA SUCKED AT HIS JOB, bEFORE HE WAS INVENTED,  
AC: :33< who?  
AT: eXACTLY,  
GG: What exactly is this harbormaster going on about?  
GG: It is just a storm, you probably get them all the time in coastal areas.   
GG: It is not a biblical event.  
GA: What Indicates That This Could Be  
GA: And I Quote  
GA: The Worst Storm Ever  
UU: Something aboUt the retUrn of the winds of water being predicted by the prophets.  
UU: Ancient writings, life restoring tears and violent waters.  
CG: YOU CAN NOT PULL A PROPHECY OUT OF YOUR ASS LIKE THAT MOVIE! YOU CANNOT HAVE A NAMELESS HARBORMASTER EXPLAIN THAT THE CURRENT RAIN IS SOMEHOW AKIN TO A FUCKING LEGENDARY EVENT AN UNTOLD MANY CENTURIES AGO, WHIPING OUT MOST LIFE ON THE FUCKING PLANET!  
CG: IT’D BE LIKE ANY RANDOM SHMUCK ON THE STREET EXPLAINING TO YOU THAT THE SOMEWHAT SUNNY WEATHER IS LIKE THE MASSIVE DROUGHT THAT ALMOST BROUGHT AN END TO CIVILIZATION.  
CG: OR HOW A FUCKING SPECK OF SNOW SIGNALS THE COMING OF A NEW ICE AGE!  
CA: this is pretty much the wworst harbormaster evver  
GA: Though She Is In Her Right To Cease All Oceanic Traffic In These Conditions  
CA: wwell of course  
CA: landdwwellers aren’t goin to survvivve those wwaters

GC: 4NOTH3R DR4GON!  
GC: YOU H4V3 M3 CONV1NC3D S1S  
GC: 1 4M GO1NG TO PL4Y POK3MON 4ND 1 4M GO1NG TO TR41N 4LL TH3 DR4GONS  
AG: All of them????????  
GC: Y3S VR1SK4  
GC: 4LL OF TH3M  
AG: Well good, cause gyarados…….. Not a dragon.  
GC: WH4T?  
AG: Yeeeeeeeeah…. He’s water/flying.  
GC: HOW 1S H3 FLY1NG >:?  
GC: JUST LOOK 4T 1T  
GC: 1T 1S 4 DR4GON D4MN1T

GG: Perfectly legitimate vikings.  
GG: With bonus points for the unconvincing Scandinavian accents.  
GA: Is  
GA: Is Ash Not Aware That These Are His Adversaries  
AT: yEAH, aSH IS,  
AT: wELL, i WOULDN’T SAY DUMB, bUT HE IS A LITTLE DENSE,  
GA: No  
GA: I Think Dumb Is The Correct Term

UU: Oh dear…  
CG: AND THEN THEY ALL DIED, THE END.

CG: ASH DOESN’T RECOGNIZE THE NON-VIKINGS UNTIL THEIR OBVIOUS DISGUISES ARE COMPLETELY WASHED AWAY…… SOMEHOW.  
CG: WERE THE DISGUISES MADE OF PAPER MACHE?!  
UU: Oh, I remember the one you call Tavros mentioning this. Misty is the gymleader with an affinity for water pokemon, correct?  
AT: uHM, yEAH,  
AT: sHE IS,  
AC: :33< its cute how the pokemon resemble real animals  
AC: :33< what other animals does misty use?  
AT: oH, sHE HAS ANOTHER, bIGGER STARFISH, a GOLDFISH, a DUCK AND A SEAHORSE AT THIS POINT,  
CA: a seahorse you say  
CA: howw vvery intriguing  
AC: :33< then why does she only use one?  
AC: :33< why not use a bigger starfish for brock to ride on?  
CA: or the seahorse  
CA: nothin is as comfortable a vvessel to sail evven the most treacherous seas  
TC: BeCaUsE sHe WaNtS tO rIdE tHe MoThErFuCkInG sTaRfIsH WiTh ThAt OtHeR fElLoW lIkE iTs A dAy aT tHe AmUsEmEnT pArK.

CG: IT’S THAT DUMB NURSE THAT WENT MISSING.  
CG: IT’S NOT EVEN A TWIST AT THIS POINT: EVEN THE MAIN CHARACTERS REALIZE IT ALMOST INSTANTLY.  
GC: W3LL BROCK DO3S 4NYW4Y  
AT: yEAH, bROCK IS A REAL LADIES MAN, sORTA,  
GG: Is that a fact?  
AT: wELL, i MEAN SO IN THAT HE UHM, iS VERY FOND OF LADIES,  
AT: }:o)  
GG: That’s what I thought.  
AT: hE PRETTY MUCH HITS ON EVERY NURSE jOY AND EVERY AGENT jENNY,  
AC: :33< uhm…. there’s more than one nurse joy?  
AT: yEAH,  
GA: How Many Are There For Brock To Establish Such A Pattern  
AT: i’M NOT SURE,  
AT: hOW MANY CITIES ARE THERE?  
AC: :33< what!?

TC: AaAaW mAn, LoOk At AlL tHeSe MoThErFuCkErS sUrViViNg ThE sToRm.  
CA: okay no  
CA: i don’t care howw cool your bird looks it wwont fly across the fuckin ocean amidst a storm of apparently biblical proportions  
CA: especially not carryin a fuckin human  
TC: ShIt MaN, wHy NoT?  
CA: physics an biology do not wwork this wway!  
CA: knoww wwhat nevver mind  
CA: its like tryin to talk sense durin the room all ovver again  
CG: WE DO NOT MENTION THAT MOVIE!  
AG: Whaaaaaaaat are you doing movie????????  
AG: How does this trainer fail to notice the difference 8etween a pidgeotto and a pidgeot!?  
UU: Considering these creatUres only say their own name, it is an accomplishment indeed.  
GA: Quite  
GA: I Have Been Meaning To Ask But Is There A Reason For Their Limited Vocabulary  
AG: Not at aaaaaaaall. In the games they make more animalistic sound effects.  
UU: Also, every other pokemon of the other trainers seems to be taller than any of ash’s pokemon.  
UU: Not to mention a lot more vicioUs looking.  
AG: Yeeeeeeeah, Ash is 8ringing down the curve 8ig time. For soooooooome reason he rarely lets his pokemon evolve to their stronger forms.  
AC: :33< why not?  
CA: because they become less cute and therefore less marketable  
AG: Kiiiiiiiinda, I guess?  
AC: :33< well, they are pretty cute  
AC: :33< i really like brock’s little fox thingie  
TC: I rEaLlY tHiNk ThE rEdHeAdS dUcKlInG lOoKs JuSt WiCkEd FuNnY  
CA: wwhere is her seahorse?  
CA: i wwas promised a seahorse

GC: QU3ST1ON!  
AG: What now……..  
GC: 1F M3WTWO C4N FLY WHY DO3S H3 N33D SW1RLY ST41R C4S3?

AT: yEAH, pSYCHIC TYPES WERE REALLY OVERPOWERED IN GEN 1,  
AG: 8eing psychic is simply the 8eeeeeeeest.  
GC: WHY DO3S TH3 NOT-DR4GON H4V3 MOUTHL4Z3RS?  
GC: C4N 4LL POK3MON DO TH4T?  
GA: So Why Did He Need To Brainwash Nurse Joy Again  
GG: For her apparent knowledge about pokemon physiology.  
GA: After Which He Erased Her Memories Of Serving Him  
GG: That seems to be the case.  
GA: If He Has Such Extensive Powers Over Her Memory Could He Not Dig For The Relevant Information  
GA: He Does Not Need To Work With The Humans He Apparently Despises  
GG: It’s a kids movie.  
GC: SO NOW M3WTWO H4S B3COM3 SO 3MO TH4T H3 W4NTS TO RUL3 TH3 WORLD  
GC: B3C4US3 OF R34SONS

TC: AaAaW, jUsT lOoK aT tHeSe CuTe LiTtLe CrItTeRs.  
AC: :33< s33ing them sl33p in their sopor like that makes me drowsy  
AT: dON’T YOU MEAN, dROWZEE?  
AT: eH?   
AT: }:O)  
AC: :33< i don’t get it  
CG: THIS IS NOT HOW CLONING WORKS! WHERE IS THE ECTO GHOSTSLIME? WHERE ARE THE DISGUSTING WRIGGLERS?!  
CG: IT IS NOT JUST A COMPLETE COPY THAT GETS FARTED OUT OF SOME DEVICE IN ROUGHLY 4 SECONDS, NO MATTER HOW SCI-FI LOOKING IT IS!   
GG: When did the scientist have the time to record this final message?  
GG: We all saw the final moments of the lab, he never recorded any of this.   
TC: MaYbE iTs A dIfFeReNT gUy?  
GG: We know it’s the same guy that was talking about experimenting on Mewtwo because it is the same voice.  
UU: What I fail to Understand is why Mewtwo woUld ever resort to cloning at all.  
UU: The entire reason for his anger is the fact that he is bUt a clone, so shoUld he not be extremely opposed to this coUrse of action?  
AT: uHM, iTS TO PROVE CLONE SUPERIORITY?  
GA: What Sense Does That Make  
AT: oK YEAH, iTS KINDA SILLY,

CG: THESE ASSHOLES DID SEE MEWTWO BLOCK A GIANT MOUTHLASER WITH NO EFFORT RIGHT?  
CG: WHAT MAKES THEM THINK THAT SENDING YET ANOTHER BIOLOGICALLY IMPOSSIBLE CONSTRUCT WOULD WORK?  
AG: Man, you would loooooooove to see magneton.  
TC: HoW dOeS tHaT wOrK?  
GC: M3WTWO W1LL K1LL HUM4N 4ND POK3MON 4L1K3  
GC: WH4T 4N 4SSHOL3  
UU: Tavros, I simply mUst know……  
AT: KNOW WHAT?  
UU: <whispers quietly>   
UU: Do ash and misty end Up together at the end of the movie?  
AT: nO,  
AC: :(( < aaaaw  
UU: BUmmer.  
AT: wELL, kINDA?  
AT: aT THE END OF THE jOHTO ARC i BELIEVE, wHICH IS LIKE, 300 EPISODES IN,  
AT: tHEY SHARE A MOMENT AT THAT POINT,  
UU: That soUnds like an excessive amoUnt of watching cartoons for very little pay off.  
AG: And if anythiiiiiiiing sums up watching the pokemon cartoons……..  
AT: i DISAGREE,  
AG: Of course you do.

CA: so ash challenges him to a fight and the fucker just HAPPENED TO HAVVE A FUCKIN STADIUM AT THE READY?!  
GG: I do agree with Eridan on this one.  
GC: 1 B3T M3WTWO W4S R34LLY 4NX1OUS 4BOUT TH1S TOO  
GC: L1K3: GOSH, 1 DO HOP3 TH3Y’LL CH4LL3NG3 M3 TO 4N OFF1C14L M4TCH  
GC: OTH3RW1S3 TH3R3 W4S NO PO1NT TO BU1LD1NG TH1S G14NT FUCK OFF ST4D1UM  
GG: Where did Mewtwo even get the resources to accomplish all this?  
GG: We touched briefly on this before, but stadiums do not come cheap.  
GG: Did he build it all himself?  
UU: He already claimed to need nUrse joy to Understand pokemon physiology, so perhaps he kidnapped an entire workforce to better Understand constrUction as well?  
GC: TH4T SOUNDS 1NCR3D1BLY 4RB1TR4RY MRS NUCL34R L1M3  
UU: <blushes profUsely and hides behind Jane>  
GC: TH3 M1GHTY DR4GON GR1NS M1GHT1LY 4ND SW1P3S J4N3 4S1D3 W1TH 4 SW33P OF H3R M1GHTY P4W  
GG: Wait, what is going on?  
AC: :33< *ac hisses and stands between uu and the mighty dragon*  
AC: :33< “don’t eat my friend!” she pleads  
UU: Friend?  
UU: ^u^  
GC: BUT 1 4M HUNGRY TH3 M1GHTY DR4GON ST4T3S WH1L3 RUBB1NG H3R M1GHTY B3LLY  
CA: then out a nowwhere a loud noise fills the air  
CA: there is a flash a blue light and the dumb dragon falls dead on the ground  
CA: orphaner dualscar has arrived  
GC: >:o  
GC: YOU 4R3 GODMODD1NG YOU 4SSHOL3!  
AT: uHM, yOU GUYS?  
AG: 8ut then, Spinneret Mindfangs appears to challenge the little wriggler that is dualscar.  
AT: wE WERE WATCHING A MOVIE?  
CA: dualscar shoots mindfang in her ugly wwhore face!  
AT: yOU KNOW, pOKEMON?  
AG: ::::O  
AG: Well Mindfang 8locks it with her sword and cuts Dualscar’s tiny 8ulge off!  
CA: you cant block ahabs fuckin crosshair!  
AG: I can and I will!!!!!!!!  
CG: THE MIGHTY BANHAMMER HITS THE KEYBOARD AND KARKAT SILENCES THE ENTIRE FUCKING MEMO.  
CG: IF ONE OF YOU INCREDIBLE FUCKWITS STARTS DERAILING THE MOVIE AGAIN THERE WILL BE SOME SERIOUS BANNING GOING ON, AND I WILL ENJOY DOING SO!

GC: OH  
GC: MY  
GC: GOD >:O  
GC: 4SH H4D 4 DR4GON 4LL 4LONG  
GC: 4ND NOT JUST TH4T BUT 1T 1S 1N OR4NG3 TOO!  
GC: TH3 S3COND MOST D3L1C1OUS COLOR  
AG: …..Do you want to tell her taaaaaaaavros?  
AT: yEAH WELL, tEREZI?  
AT: cHARIZARD IS NOT TECHNICALLY A DRAGON?  
GC: 1  
GC: WH4T  
GC: WH4T TH3 H3LL DO YOU M34N W1TH TH4T  
AT: hE IS A FIRE/FLYING TYPE, hE LACKS THE DRAGON TYPING,  
AT: wELL, tECHNICALLY IF YOU GIVE IT CHARIZARDITE X, BUT THAT HASN’T BEEN INVENTED YET,  
GC: BUT  
GC: BUT H3 1S 4 L4RG3 SC4L3B34ST  
AT: yEAH,  
GC: W1TH 4 DR4GON-L1K3 BU1LD  
AT: tHAT SEEMS TO BE THE CASE,  
GC: L34TH3RY W1NGS  
AT: iNDEED,  
GC: 4ND H3 BR34THS F1R3  
AT: tHAT IS INDEED WHAT WE JUST SAW HIM DO,  
GC: SCR3W TH1S   
GC: CH4R1Z4RD 1S 4 DR4GON 4ND TH4TS TH3 3ND OF 1T

TC: So AfTeR tHe PlAnToSaUrUs ReX aNd ThE bAzOoKaTuRtLe GoT tHEiR mOtHeRfUcKiNg AsSeS hAnDeD To ThEm, AsH dEcIdEs To GiVe It A sHoT.  
CA: howw is this a thing?  
CA: a turtle wwith biologically installed cannons in its shell  
CA: has science gone too far  
GC: WHY 4R3 YOU FOCUSS1NG ON TH4T WH3N W3 H4V3 DR4GON ON DR4GON COMB4T TO 4DM1R3?!

GA: A Not Entirely Unexpected Loss Later  
AC: :33< OH NO!  
AC: :33< meowtwo is st33ling all the pokemon  
TC: ShIT tHaT aInT cOoL  
AT: sTEALING POKEMON IS A REALLY BIG NO-NO IN THE UHM, pOKEMON WORLD,  
GC: YOU KNOW TH1NGS 4R3 B4D WH3N ONLY 4SH H4S TH3 S3NS1BL3 1D34 TO R3C4LL H1S POK3MON  
UU: Indeed. BUt they get taken by the dark balls regardless.  
UU: To make matters more confUsing, the dark balls captUre the pokeballs of recalled pokemon.  
UU: Might I ask how this fUnctions?  
AT: nO IDEA,

GC: S33  
GC: TH1S 1S WHY YOU DON’T 1NST4LL 4 G14NT ST41R 1F YOU C4N FLY  
GC: YOUR OPPON3NTS C4N US3 1T TO FL33  
GG: It just keeps happening.

GA: But Alas  
GA: Even Poor Pikachu Falls After A Long Struggle Against The Dark Balls  
TC: ShIt JuSt LoOk At AsH gOiNg AfTeR iT.  
TC: ThaT iS OnE dEtErMiNeD mOtHeRfUcKeR.  
CG: SO WHAT, HIS OTHER POKEMON WEREN’T IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO RESCUE?  
GG: More importantly, Ash survives this fall unscathed?  
GG: Landing in a shallow pool does not lessen the impact of such a considerable drop.  
AC: :33< its anime logic  
GA: In Between Videogame Logic And Anime Logic This Movie Fails When It Comes To A Real Life Application Of Such A Thing  
AG: That’s 8ecause you cant enjoy movies like this.  
GA: I Am Perfectly Capable Of Enjoying Movies Like This  
GA: Just Not   
GA: Well  
GA: Like This  
CA: so noww the human chases that ball and somehoww doesn’t lose sight of it amidst the hundreds of identical dark balls  
CA: it must be a fuckin miracle  
TC: HaHaHaHa, YeAh. FuCk YeAh.  
CA: you don’t knoww wwhat sarcasm means do you gam  
TC: NoT a MoThErFuCkInG cLuE bRo.

GC: SO 4FT3R 4 STRUGGL3 W1TH TH3 M4CH1N3S 4SH FR33S H1S POK3MON 4ND THOS3 OF TH3 OTH3R HUM4NS  
CG: YEAH OK, THIS SCENE IS ALRIGHT.  
CG: I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHERE ON EARTH MEWTWO GOT ALL THIS EQUIPMENT FROM.  
GC: 1NT3RN3T  
TC: sHiT tHe MoThErFuCkEr MaKeS cLoNEs oF aLl ThEiR pOkEmOn.  
TC: ThAt Is MeSsEd RiGhT tHe FuCk uP.  
GG: I can just imagine his internal monologue.  
GG: Grrr, I am angry because I am cloned and made solely to obey humans.  
GG: Let’s make a whole bunch of clones made solely to obey me!  
AT: yEAH OKAY, hIS UHM, eTHICS ARE A BIT MESSED UP,  
AG: And the movie mist8es another pokemon!!!!!!!!  
AG: A scyther is very o8viously NOT an alakazam, AMATEURS!!!!!!!!!  
AT: wELL, IT IS TEAM rOCKET MAKING THE MISTAKE,  
AT: tHEY AREN’T VERY BRIGHT,

CA: so wwhat havve these assholes been doin wwhile ash wwas riskin his life  
AG: Playing 8ejeweled.  
UU: Listening to Mewtwo monologUe.  
GC: CRY1NG 4BOUT TH31R LOST MURDERP3TS  
GA: I Am Inclined To Believe Mewtwo Really Has Done Nothing But Monologue During The Absence Of Ash  
AC: :33< for someone so willing to kill humans and pawkemons he is kind of bad at it  
CG: REALLY, I CAN DESTROY YOU ALL.  
CG: ANY MINUTE NOW.  
CG: JUST YOU FUCKING WAIT, I’LL TOTALLY DO IT.  
CG: EVENTUALLY.

CA: ok this looks kinda cool  
GC: 4ND SURPR1S1NGLY 1T 1S B3TT3R DR4WN TH4N TH3 R3ST OF TH3 MOV13  
GC: 4LMOST 4S 1F 1TS 4 SHOT TH4T WOULD 3ND UP B31NG US3D 1N 4 LOT OF TH3 PROMOT1ON4L M4T3R14L >:/

UU: Well…. He is very brave.  
AC: :33< more like really dumb!  
AC: :33< he saw how meowtwo blocked the stone rhino and the sea serpent’s mouthlaser with no effurt at all!  
AC: :33< what was he hoping to accomplish? :((  
GC: 4SH 1S NOT TH3 SM4RT3ST HUM4N 4ROUND  
AT: wELL, AT LEAST HE IS DOING SOMETHING,  
AT: tHE REST IS JUST STANDING THERE,  
AT: mISTY AND bROCK HAVE BEEN REDUCED TO STANDING BY THE SIDELINE BEING CONCERNED,

CG: IS MEW SPECIAL?  
CG: CAPTOR’S DANCESTOR HAS A HIGHER ATTENTION SPAN THAN THIS DUMB CREATURE!  
AC: :33< it does make the whole thing kinda funny  
AC: :33< meowtwo is all grim and dark and grrr I am better than you  
AC: :33< while meow is all like ooh shiney!  
CG: YEAH, THE WHOLE CALIGINOUS SENTIMENT IS COMPLETELY ONE-SIDED. WHAT A WASTE OF POTENTIAL.  
GG: You do realize they are clones of each other, correct?  
CG: NOT THE HUMAN INCEST AGAIN…….  
UU: Indeed. ThoUgh I appreciate your insight, Jane dear, I fail to see the issUe with this ship.  
UU: Aside from the fact that its set in hate…. WoUld circUmstances allow it, do you think these two coUld be lovers?  
GG: Audible sigh.  
CG: ARE YOU DENSE? MEWTWO’S FEELINGS ARE COMPLETELY CALIGINOUS!  
UU: Yes, bUt also one-sided and he seems so very confUsed.  
AC: :33< it would be puretty purecious.  
CG: I AM NOT HEARING THIS! 

CA: hello department of redundancy department  
AT: yEAH, tHIS IS EVEN WORSE THAN THE WHOLE BEING WORRIED ABOUT aSH SHTICK,  
AT: aT LEAST GIVE THEM SOMETHING WORTHWHILE TO SAY,  
AT: nOT POINTING OUT THE VERY OBVIOUS FACT THAT mEWTWO IS A CLONE OF mEW,  
GA: The Name Kind Of Gave That Away Near The Opening Of The Movie  
GA: I Thought It Went Without Saying  
AG: Oh my god, will these humans just get into action already!!!!!!!!  
AG: They are pokemon trainers, they are supposed to help their pokemon win their 8attles 8ut they are standing 8y the sidelines like total chumps!!!!!!!!

AT: hE IS UHM, uSING SHADOWBALL IN GENERATION ONE,  
AT: i CALL HAX,

CA: so mewwtwwo wwillfully nerfs his pokemon because meww essentially called him a chicken  
CA: he is not vvery devvoted to the wwhole destroyin all that oppose him idea  
TC: ShIt BrO, mEwTwO jUsT fOuNd HiS mOtHeRfUckiNg AnCeStOr  
TC: YoU wAnT tO sAvOr BrUtAlLly mUrDeRiNg ThAt MoThErFuCkEr.  
CA: yea—  
CA: wwhat!?  
TC: WhAt?  
CA: sometimes you scare me gam  
TC: SoRrY bRo :o(  
CG: WHAT IS WITH THIS INCREDIBLY INAPPROPRIATE ACOUSTIC GUITAR SHIT PLAYING OVER ALL THIS CARTOON VIOLENCE?!  
CG: THIS IS BORDERLINE PARODY, BUT I DON’T UNDERSTAND *WHAT* IT IS TRYING TO TAKE THE PISS OUT OF.  
GG: I’m afraid they were sincere.  
CG: NO ONE IS *THAT* STUPID.  
CG: NO ONE LOOKS AT THIS SCENE AND LISTENS TO THIS MUSIC THINKING: YES. THIS TOTALLY GELLS TOGETHER. THIS SHIT IS LIKE WATER AND OIL!  
TC: InStEaD oF pEaNuT bUtTeR aNd JeLlY.  
TC: RiGhT bRo? :o)  
AT: oH GOSH,  
CG: GAMZEE, IS IT TIME FOR YOUR PIE YET? I THINK IT IS TIME FOR YOUR PIE.

AC: :33< well there you have it karcat  
AC: :33< they changed the music  
CG: YEAH, THAT’S GREAT. FIRST WE GET THE CHEESIEST FUCKING GUITAR SONG I HEARD ALL WEEK, FOLLOWED BY THE MOST DRAMATIC PIECE THEY COULD FIND IN THE ROYALTY FREE BASKET.  
CG: PUTTING THEM BACK TO BACK SOUNDS LIKE LISTENING TO DUBSTEP BEFORE GOING TO A PIANO RECITAL, IT DOESN’T FUCKING WORK!  
GC: BUT TH3 V1OL3NC3 1S R34LLY GOOD >:]  
CG: YEAH, JUST PUT THE AUDIO ON MUTE OR PUT YOUR OWN BETTER MUSIC ON.  
CA: seriously look at this shit  
CA: these things should be fuckin dead tearin at each others throats like this  
AC: :33< more anime logic  
AC: :33< falling great heights and getting bit by a dragon are totally survivable   
AT: i THOUGHT THIS WAS VIDEOGAME LOGIC,  
AT: lIKE, bITE ONLY HAS A POWER OF 60 AND CAN IN NO WAY ONE-HIT KO A cHARIZARD,  
CA: wwhatevver logic they insist on usin it is failin  
UU: BUt it does make for a good spectacle?  
CA: im just distracted by howw dead half a these monsters should be

AG: What the FUCK do they mean pokemon aren’t meant to fight like this!!!!!!!!  
AT: wELL, tHAT WHAT THEY ARE DOING IS WRONG,  
AG: 8ullshit it is!  
AG: It is the focus of the games. They made a whole cardgame around it and I thiiiiiiiink its also the focus of the show!  
AT: yUP,  
AG: And NOW they want to tell us it is wrong to make pokemon fight each other, FUCK THAT!  
AG: Ariados needs the exp.  
AT: tHAT AND IT IS INSINUATED THAT BY FIGHTING SIDE BY SIDE, pOKEMON AND UHM, pEOPLE DEVELOP THE STRONGEST BONDS,  
GG: I am more fascinated by the awkward delivery of that one girl.  
GG: “Nothing…… but pain.”  
GG: Oh awkward lip syncing.  
AC: :33< oh awkward japanese translations :PP 

TC: ShIt MaN, tHiS mOvIe BrInGs ThAt PhIlOsOpHy LiKe YoU wOuLnDt mOtHeRfUcKiNg BeLiEvE.  
TC: We NeEd To StOp FoCuSsInG oN wHaT iS dIfFeReNt AnD rEaLiZe We ArE aLl oNe BiG hApPy MoThErFuCkInG fAmIlY.  
TC: HuMaNs, tRoLlS, aNyThIng In BeTwEeN.  
UU: <claps>  
UU: Very nicely pUt Gamzee. I woUld take my cap off, were I not cUrrently bare-headed.  
GG: Any family that is ‘motherfucking’ is one I prefer to have nothing to do with.  
GC: W4Y TO SPO1L TH3 MOOD  
AC: :33< i want a meowth  
AC: :33< it even made a little catpun just now  
AC: :33< i just wanna hug it!

GA: And Then Ash Finally Decided He Had Enough  
AG: Of the fighting?  
GA: Of The Movie  
CG: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS FUCKING IDIOT OF A HUMAN CHILD!?  
CG: NOW HE TURNED INTO JUST SO MANY FUCKING PARTICLES FLOATING IN THE AIR.

CA: or you knoww  
CA: he turned to stone  
CG: *WHAT* THE FLYING UNSATISFYING FUCK IS THAT?!  
AC: :33< they could have used anime logic again and just bruise him  
AC: :33< like, his clothes gets torn and he is a bit dazed furom the blast  
CA: or they could a used real logic and vvaporize him  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK MADE THEM THINK THAT GETTING HIT BY A PSYCHIC BLAST RESULTS IN PETRIFICATION?!  
CG: HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT MAKE EVEN AN IOTA OF SENSE!?  
GG: I guess they couldn’t have an actual death, because it’s a kid’s show.  
CG: SO ASH IS DEAD?  
GG: I suppose he is.  
CG: SUDDENLY I AM COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS DEVELOPMENT.

AC: :33< aaaaw  
AC: :33< its so sad  
AG: Oh, this movie CAN’T 8e serious……..  
UU: <sniffs>  
UU: It is sUch an emotional sight to see all these creatUres moUrn their friend.  
GG: Is this movie really steeping so low?  
AT: tHIS PART ALWAYS MAKES ME TEAR UP A LITTLE,  
GA: It Is Kind Of Sad To See Pikachu Try To Defibrillate Ash  
GA: But This Is Building Up To Something I Do Not Want To See  
CA: don’t fuckin tell me they are doin this  
TC: WhAt ArE yOu AlL uP aNd TaLKInG aBoUt?

CG: THE SAD TEARS OF ALL THE POKEMON SOMEHOW UNPETRIFY HIM AND/OR BRING HIM BACK TO LIFE?!  
CG: SERIOUSLY, FUCK THIS MOVIE.  
GC: 4ND LOOK  
GC: TH3 WHOL3 STORM TO 3ND 4LL STORMS SOM3HOW 3ND3D  
TC: JuSt lIkE tHe FuCkInG hArBoR lAdY mEnTIoNeD.  
TC: ItS lIkE sHe MoThErFuCkInG kNeW aLl aLoNg.  
CG: NO. FUCK THAT HARBORMASTER AND HER IMPOSSIBLY RELEVANT PROPHECY. LOOK AT THIS MESS, THEY STOP JUST SHORT OF INCLUDING A HAPPY FUCKING RAINBOW!  
GG: It is a bit contrived.  
GA: A Bit  
GA: Unconvinced Question Mark

GG: Now let us repeat the philosophy lesson Meowth was trying to teach us earlier.  
GG: Just to really hammer it into the minds of children watching :B  
GC: SO H3 1S S4Y1NG TH4T 1T 1SN’T WHO H3 1S UND3RN34TH H1S G3N3T1C M4K3 UP BUT WH4T H3 DO3S TH4T D3F1N3S H1M  
GC: SOM3HOW TH1S SOUNDS F4M1L14R  
UU: I disagree. I think Mewtwo explains it perfectly well and the message really resonates with me.  
UU: The circUmstances of one’s birth are irrelevant. It is what one does with the gift of life that defines her.  
UU: I jUst really relate to that.  
AC: :33< that’s ok  
AC: :33< i don’t think it’s a bad message either even if they did say it twice  
CA: its not a bad message its just a really hammy delivvery of said message

GA: Surely He Would Not Have To Assist The Flying Pokemon In Flying  
GA: The Bird And The Orange Dragon Should Be Perfectly Capable Of Following Mewtwo On Their Own Strength  
GC: 4ND TH3 S3RP3NT TH4TS SOM3HOW NOT 4 DR4GON BUT 4 FLY1NG TYP3 >:/  
AG: Does everyone faaaaaaaail to notice that Mewtwo has 8ecome exactly what he wanted to fight?  
AG: He clooooooooned those pokemon and they follow his every command. They aren’t given the choice to stay on the island or roam in the wild.  
AG: He has done to those pokemon what the scientists wanted to do to him!!!!!!!!  
CA: hahaha that is awwesome  
AT: BUT HE WANTS TO LIVE IN PEACE, WITH THOSE CLONES, IN ISOLATION,  
GC: 4ND WH4T DO TH3 CLON3S W4NT?  
AT: THEY EXPLORE THAT, SORTA, IN A SEMI-SEQUEL MOVIE,  
GC: >:[  
GC: SOUNDS PR3TTY B4D  
AT: IT ISN’T,  
GG: Also, Mewtwo decided to erase their memories of this whole event.  
CG: FUCKING WHAT?!  
CG: THAT RENDERS *LITERALLY* EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN THE MOVIE POINTLESS.  
CG: THE PROTAGONISTS WERE THE B-STORY IN THEIR OWN FUCKING MOVIE!!!

AT: oH, nEW WALLPAPER, tHANK YOU tEREZI,  
GC: YOU 4R3 W3LCOM3  
CG: AND SO ENDS OUR MOVIE.   
CG: THE PROTAGONISTS GAINED NOTHING, LEARNED NOTHING AND FOR AS FAR AS THEY KNOW ACHIEVED NOTHING IN THIS 1 HOUR MOVIE.  
AT: oNE HOUR AND FIFTEEN MINUTES,  
CG: GOD WHAT A DUMB FUCKING MOVIE.  
GC: 1 K1ND4 L1K3D 1T >:]  
CG: OH FUCK OFF.  
GC: NO R34LLY  
GC: 1T W4S DUMB 4S H3LL BUT FOR A MOV13 B4S3D ON 4 SHOW B4S3D ON 4 V1D3OG4M3 1T W4SN’T TH4T B4D  
CG: NO, IT REALLY WAS THAT BAD.  
GC: 1T H4D 4 SURPR1S1NG 4MOUNT OF H34RT 4ND THOUGH TH3 STORY OF 4SH W4S PR3TTY MUCH TH3 B-PLOT 1 THOUGHT TH3 STORY OF M3WTWO W4S 4T L34ST SOM3WH4T 1NT3R3ST1NG  
GA: I Am Sorry  
GA: But I Have To Disagree  
GA: I Imagine This Movie Would Be Perfect To Pacify A Wriggler But It Is Just Short Of Properly Entertaining Me  
GA: As Matters Were I Was Simply Bored With It  
CA: and wwhat the fuck wwas that shit wwith the tears bringin ash back to livve  
GA: Yes   
GA: That Too  
CA: seriously  
CA: that shit just pisses me off  
AG: I kiiiiiiiinda expected this reaction from fussyfangs, 8ut not from you ampora.  
CA: wwell i am sorry for not playin those stupid pokemon games like you did  
CA: so quite your wwhinin and admit this is a bad fuckin movvie  
AT: iT UHM, rEALLY ISN’T,  
TC: Of CoUrSe It IsNt BrO. It WaS a fUcKiNg LiTtLe SeLF-cOnTaInEd MiRaClE.  
GG: No, it was pretty bad.  
TC: WhOa SiS.  
TC: pLeAsE doNt mEsS WiTh OuR fUcKiNg MeLlOw LiKe ThIs.  
GG: I enjoyed it nonetheless.   
GG: But you cannot convince me that this was a good movie.  
TC: ShIt SiS, lOnG aS yOu EnJoYeD yOuR bAd SeLf, WhO aM i To CoMplAiN.  
TC: ThAt ShIt GeTs A mOtHeRfUcKiNg HoNk Of ApPrOvAl FrOm Me.  
TC: HoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoNk!!!!!!!  
GG: Right……..  
UU: I really did have a blast tonight chUms.  
UU: To be honest, it was a little frightening to join yoUr stream, UnsUre of who woUld join me.  
UU: BUt I am really glad that I did.  
AC: :33< it was fun chatting with you callie  
AC: :33< you really have to show up to roxy’s tea parties sometime  
AC: :33< it will be so much fun having another shipper on deck  
UU: <blushes>  
UU: I shall consider it.  
GG: No Callie, you really should.  
GG: Roxy would be overjoyed.  
UU: I Uhm…..  
UU: Yes, I’ll consider it.  
AG: Whateeeeeeeever. Did you enjoy the movie or not?  
UU: Oh most definitely. ThoUgh I really wanted to see more interaction between Ash and Misty.  
AG: Ugh, you sound like Vantas.  
CG: THE MOVIE HAD BIGGER ISSUES THAN THE LACK OF A ROMANTIC ELEMENT!  
TC: ShIt BrOtHeR, yOu ShOuLD lIgHtEn Up, KiCk bAcK aNd JuSt EnJoY tHe MoThErFuCkInG mOvIe.  
CG: NO.  
UU: Well then. Everyone, it has been a pleasUre bUt now I need to depart.  
UU: I will have to inform my chUm to expect another gUest dUring her party.  
UU: Fare thee well.  
GC: DO JO1N US 4G41N  
GC: TH3R3 4R3 SO V3RY F3W P3OPL3 WHO C4N ROL3PL4Y PROP3R  
CA: wwhat are you tryin to say wwith that ter  
GC: YOU KNOW WH4T 1 4M TRY1NG TO S4Y MR ON3-SHOTT1NG-4-M1GHTY-DR4GON  
UU: I think I woUld enjoy that.  
UU: Feel free to message me any time yoU like.  
GC: OH TH4T SOUNDS L1K3 4 D4T3  
AC: :OO  
UU: What?!  
UU: N-no it isn’t. We coUldn’t.  
GG: Please don’t tease Terezi. Callie is very shy.  
GC: 3V3N B3TT3R >:]  
UU: I-I have to to now.

**\-- uraniumUmbra [UU] left memo--**

GG: Was that really necessary?  
GC: Y3S >:]  
GG: Are you serious about flirting with her?  
GG: I would not have an issue with it if you were serious, but you do not even know what she looks like.  
GC: 1’LL G1V3 YOU 4 MOM3NT TO TH1NK 4BOUT TH4T ST4T3M3NT B3FOR3 PR3T3ND1NG TO B3 1NCR3D1BLY 1NSULT3D  
GG: …….Oh yeah. I forgot you were blind.  
GC: TH4T W4S H1GHLY OFF3NS1V3 MRS B4K3D GOODS >:[  
AC: :33< you did lay it on puretty thick to callie purezi  
CG: I DON’T THINK I NEED TO EXPRESS MY DISGUST ABOUT THAT WHOLE THING?  
TC: NaH bRo, We CoUlD hEaR yOu BaNgInG yOuR hEaD aGaInSt YoUr DeSk.  
CG: FANTASTIC……  
CG: SO….. WHO IS *NOT* GOING TO PICK A MOVIE NEXT WEEK?  
GA: I Suppose I Am Not  
GA: Having Recently Chosen The Devil Wears Prada I Do Not Feel I Should Choose Twice In Such Rapid Succession  
CG: FAIR ENOUGH. WILL YOU LET YOURSELF OUT?  
GA: Naturally  
GA: Good Luck Everyone  
GA: May The Odds Be Ever In Your Favor

**\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] left memo--**

TC: EeErR, wHaT aRe We DoInG nOw?  
CA: last person in the stream picks a movvie next wweek  
CA: an this wweek kar better let me wwin  
TC: AaAwW sHiT bRo. tHaT iS aMaZiNg.  
AT: gAMZEE SHOULD UHM, tOTALLY PICK THE NEXT MOVIE,  
CG: WHAT?!  
TC: pIcTuRe It KaRbRo. A mOtHeRfUcKiNg CaScAdE oF tHe MoSt BeAuTiFul ThInGs.  
TC: I wIlL pIcK tHe MoViE tHAt ReAfFiRmS eVeRyBoDy’S MoThErFUcKiNg FaItH iN mIrAcLeS  
TC: LiKe, HoW dO mOvIeS eVeN wOrK, rIgHt?  
TC: EiThEr ThAt Or I LeT mY sYlLaDeX pIcK oNe. LeTs MoThErFuCkInG sEe HeRe.  
TC: AtTaCk Of ThE kIlLeR tOmAtOeS?   
TC: I dO nOt EvEn ReMeMbEr FuCkInG oWnInG tHaT mOvIE, bUt It LoOkS lIke tHe MoThErFuCkinG buZzBeAsT’s KnEeS.

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned terminallyCapricious [TC] from memo--**

CG: AND FOR SUGGESTING IT.

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned adiosToreador [AT] from memo--**

CG: AND LEST WE FUCKING FORGET….

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gutsyGumshoe [GG] from memo--**

AC: :33< why did you ban jane?  
CG: SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE DID!  
AG: And then there were four.  
AG: The autistic catgirl, the seadwwelling loser, the 8liiiiiiiind girl and me.  
AG: Who is it going to 8e karkat????????  
CG: DON’T COUNT ME OUT JUST YET SERKET!  
CA: an wwho are you callin a loser  
AC: :33< *hiss*  
GC: 1 4M OK4Y W1TH W4TCH1NG FROM TH3 S1D3L1N3S  
GC: 1 R4TH3R G3T SURPR1S3D N3XT W33K  
CG: WELL, IN THAT CASE…..

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gallowsCalibrator [GC] from memo--**

CG: *NOW* THERE ARE FOUR SERKET.  
CA: kar come on  
CA: you havve to let me pick  
AC: :33< nu uh!  
AC: :33< i want to pick this time  
AC: :33< i have the bestest movie!  
CG: OH REALLY?  
CG: AND WHAT MIGHT THAT BE?  
AC: :33< okay  
AC: :33< so there is this cat

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned arsenicCatnip [AC] from memo--**

CG: SERKET, YOU’RE UP.  
CG: CONVINCE ME TO LET YOU PICK A MOVIE.  
AG: I prefeeeeeeeer to let it 8e a surprise.  
AG: To make sure you will 8e a8solutely stuuuuuuuunned when I show it to you.  
AG: 8ut 8elieve me, it will 8low your mind.  
CG: QUESTION.  
AG: Yeeeeeeees????????  
CG: DOES IT FEATURE NICHOLAS CAGE?  
AG: Yes of course.  
AG: Don’t you remem8er him 8eing your favorite actor eveeeeeeeer?  
CG: I…  
CG: BUT….  
CG: HE IS…… NGRRGH….. VERY TALENTED.  
AG: Indeed.   
AG: And I think eeeeeeeeveryone wants to see him again. John and Jake are very fond of him as well.  
CG: BECAUSE HE…….IS…….A GOOD……..ACTOR……..  
CA: kar  
CA: kar snap out of it!  
CG: FUCK…….. YOU…….. SERKET!  
AG: Wh8t?!

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned arachnidsGrip [AG] from memo--**

CA: awwesome job kar  
CG: THAT FUCKING BITCH!  
CG: WE HAD AGREED TO A FUCKING CEASE FIRE REGARDING MANIPULATION AND COMPLICATED CYCLES OF REVENGE!  
CA: yeah wwell  
CA: thank god your good buddy wwas here to help you out  
CA: evven if he wwasnt invvited  
CG: WHAT?  
CA: wwhen i told you to snap out of it  
CA: an you did  
CG: THAT WAS SHEER FORCE OF WILL, YOU HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.  
CA: no no its fine  
CA: im not askin for any of the credit kar  
CG: OH COME ON.  
CA: just let me pick a movvie and wwe’ll be evven  
CG: YOU DID NOT FUCKING BREAK SERKETS GRIP ON ME, *I* DID.  
CA: lookin back at it you havve to admit  
CA: it kinda looks like I wwas the one to break you out  
CG: I AM NOT LETTING YOU PICK A DUMB MOVIE!  
CA: oh come on  
CA: fuckin please kar  
CA: i wwill nevver ask to pick again  
CA: i wwill not insist on bein invvited again and just invvite myself wwhenevver i please like you wwant  
CG: THIS IS SOUNDING INCREASINGLY ONE-SIDED.  
CA: i knoww right  
CA: you are lucky i am wwilling to steep so loww for a friend  
CA: evven if he is a lowwblood  
CG: UGH…… GODDAMNIT ERIDAN.  
CG: YOU GET ONE PICK.  
CA: yes!  
CA: you’ll see kar this is goin to be great  
CG: WHATEVER ERIDAN. YOU GET ONE ONE PICK, THEN NEVER AGAIN!  
CA: wwhatevver consider it a deal

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] left memo--**  
**\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] left memo--**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Then Vriska had to write a 12-page apology letter to be allowed back into the stream. Terezi fiercely drubbed her nub when she heard of the attempted manipul8ion.
> 
> Should have kept Calliope's color her own, but was afraid it would clash too much with Karkat's grey. Hindsight is 20/20.
> 
> I am a pokemonfan. I own (and nuzlocked) every generation [cept for bw2] and currently clocked over a 110 hours in X, working on my national dex. With that in mind, this is not a very good movie. I get the nostalgic fuzzies whenever I watch it but my critical lens refuses to gloss over the many, many issues this movie has. For comparison however, I also watched pokemon 2000 and the third movie, which I liked a lot better. I even go as far as to say that the third movie still holds up, even disregarding my nostalgia.
> 
> Join us next time, when Eridan subjects everyone to Platoon. [Probably. have yet to actually sit down and watch it]
> 
> Expected to be updates monday.


	11. Platoon

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS--**

CG: ALRIGHT, SO I AM BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND THIS ‘POKEMON’ THING.  
CG: THE MOVIE WAS RANCID DISAPPOINTMENT WRAPPED IN PRETTY COLORS BUT THE GAME IS TURNING OUT TO BE DECENT….. FOR A HUMAN CREATION.  
CG: I KINDA EXPECTED IT TO BE ‘MURDERSIM: THE REMURDERING’ CONSIDERING SERKET WAS ADVOCATING IT, BUT SO FAR I AM ACTUALLY ENJOYING IT.  
CG: NO GRUESOME DEATHS OR FEEDING YOUNG HUMANS TO GALVANTULAS YET.  
CG: JUST A WHOLE LOT OF THESE DUMB FUCKING BIDOOF.  
CG: FAINTED MY ASS, KINGLER JUST MURDERED THOSE USELESS DERPING ASSHOLES.  
CG: I DON’T CARE WHAT THE GAME SAYS HAPPENED, ‘GUILLOTINE’ DOES NOT DO FUCKING FAINTING.  
CG: JUST A FEW FUCKING QUESTIONS.  
CG: ONE: WHO THE ACTUAL FUCK DECIDED TO LET A HUMAN CHILD PLAY WITH THE GODS OF TIME AND SPACE?  
CG: HAHAHA FUCKING HAH, I JUST GOT IT. NEVERMIND. THIS THING MAY BE CLOSER TO REALITY THAN I WOULD LIKE TO ADMIT. PAST ME SEEMS LIKE SUCH A FUCKING MORON NOW.  
CG: OKAY, SECOND POINT. WHAT *WAS* THE DAMN MOVIE TRYING TO PULL, TELLING US FIGHTING IS WRONG? THE ENTIRE GAME IS NOTHING BUT FIGHTING?!  
CG: THE GOOD GUYS DO IT, THE BAD GUYS DO IT, THE NEUTRALS DO IT.  
CG: THIRD MOTHERFUCKING POINT: HOW THE FUCK DO I EVOLVE MY SCYTHER? ASSUMING HE EVOLVES AT ALL.

**\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] joined memo--**

GC: JUST G1V3 H1M 4 M3T4L CO4T 4ND TR4D3 1T W1TH M3  
CG: WHAT?  
GC: 1T 3VOLV3S WH3N 1T 1S TR4D3D W1TH 4 M3T4L CO4T  
CG: WELL HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT WORK!?  
CG: HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO FIGURE THIS OUT!?  
CG: GEE WIZZ, I SURE WANT MY SCYTHER TO EVOLVE. I BETTER GIVE IT A USELESS METAL OBJECT AND GIVE IT TO SOMEBODY ELSE!  
CG: AT THE RISK OF INVOKING AMPORA HERE: WHAT IS THE FUCKING SCIENCE BEHIND THIS!?  
GC: YOU SOLD TH3 M3T4L CO4T D1DNT YOU >:[  
CG: FUCK, I MIGHT HAVE!  
GC: JUST S3ND 1T OV3R TO M3  
GC: 1LL G1V3 1T 4 M3T4L CO4T 4ND S3ND 1T B4CK  
CG: FINE!  
CG: ……………………………………..  
GC:PH4H4H4H4H4H4 YOU N4M3D YOUR SCYTH3R TR3SH3R  
CG: YOU NAMED YOUR SALAMENCE ‘PYR4LSP1T3’…….  
GC: Y3S BUT W1TH M3 1T 1S 3XP3CT3D  
GC: 1 H4D NO 1D34 YOU B3G4N TO C4R3 4BOUT TH3S3 POCK35MONST3RS  
CG: I DON’T!  
GC: R34LLY?  
GC: SO YOU DON’T W4NT TO S33 YOUR D3L1COUSLY 3VOLV3D TR3SH3R?  
CG: OF COURSE I DO!  
CG: NOT BECAUSE I FUCKING CARE ABOUT A COLLECTION OF EMOTIONLESS ONES AND ZEROES, BUT BECAUSE IT ARE *MY* FUCKING EMOTIONLESS ONES AND ZEROES!  
GC: BUT 1T T4ST3S SO GOOD!  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?  
CG: LET ME SEE THAT………………..  
CG: ……………………………………………  
CG: OH OF FUCKING COURSE!  
CG: WHY WOULDN’T THE GREEN SCYTHER TURN RED AFTER IT’S BEEN GIVEN A SHINY METAL OBJECT!?  
GC: 4ND TR4D3D  
CG: I DON’T CARE! IT’S LIKE A FUCKING MOCKERY OF MY LIFE. HERE IS A BAD-ASS TRESHECUTIONER POKEMON. NOW LETS PAINT IT IN YOUR SINFUL COLOR TO SHOW THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD WHAT A FREAK YOU ARE!  
GC: SOUND L1K3 1T W4S M4D3 FOR YOU  
GC: 1 DON’T G3T WHY YOU ST1LL CONS1D3R 1T 4 FR34K COLOR THOUGH  
GC: 1 THOUGHT W3 H4D GON3 OV3R TH1S

**\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] joined memo--**

TT: I see you two have succumbed to this metaphorical cult of pokemon as well?  
GC: 1T 1S SO MUCH FUN L4LOND3  
GC: YOU N3V3R TOLD M3 YOUR SP3C13S M4D3 SOM3TH1NG TH1S 4MUS1NG >:]  
TT: A shameful neglect on my part.  
TT: I shall attempt to inform you sooner of pop culture phenomena in the foreseeable future.  
TT: Speaking of which, have you ever been informed of a concept called anime?  
TT: I am sure Jade will be delighted to inform you about it and I do believe you will enjoy it.  
TT: Last I checked, she was busy giving Nepeta a crash course on the subject.  
CG: OH MY GOD, DO YOU EVER CEASE MOVING YOUR PROTEINECHUTE!?  
CG: WHAT ARE YOU EVEN FUCKING DOING HERE?  
TT: And then there was Karkat.  
TT: I will have you know, I was ‘cordially’ invited by this week’s host.  
CG: I DON’T KNOW WHAT ERIDAN TOLD YOU, BUT I REMAIN THE FUCKING HOST.  
TT: I am aware, but humoring Eridan consistently proves to be greatly amusing.  
TT: Are you enjoying your gamegrub?  
CG: CEASE THE NICETIES LALONDE, WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR ANGLE?  
TT: Right now, I would like to make small talk with my fellow seer and her increasingly rude friend.  
GC: YOUR T4LK 1S N3V3R SM4LL MRS L4V3ND3R  
GC: 1 H4V3 NOT S33N YOU 4ROUND TH1S W33K  
TT: You should have looked up from your handheld computing apparatus.   
GC: BUT 1TS SUCH FUN  
GC: 4R3 YOU PL4Y1NG TOO L4LOND3?  
TT: Alas, I do not believe such ventures are meant for me.

**\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] joined memo--**

GA: I Do Apologize For Being Late  
GA: I Completely Lost Track Of Time And Forgot Tonight Was Movienight  
GA: I Do Hope I Am Not Disturbing Amidst The Movie  
TT: Kanaya has been a lot more enthusiastic about the reemergence of pokemon than I have.  
GC: G4SP  
GC: 1 D1D NOT KNOW MRS M1NT W4S 4LSO PL4Y1NG TH3 POK3MON   
GA: Only Casually I Assure You  
GA: I Have Not Even Completed The First Task Yet  
GA: Videogames Are Clearly Not My Area Of Expertise  
CG: FIRST TASK?  
CG: THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?  
GA: The Completion Of Ones Pokedex  
CG: WHAT!?  
GA: I Just Passed the 600 Mark  
GA: There Are Just So Many That I Am Not Entirely Sure How Much Longer It Will Take Me To Complete  
CG: I DON’T THINK PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO COMPLETE THEIR POKEDEX. ITS JUST TO MAKE A MOCKERY AND TEACH WRIGGLERS THE VALUEBLE LIFE LESSON THAT SOMETIMES, YOU JUST DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING.  
GA: I See  
GA: This Would Explain The Elusive Pokemon 151

**\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] joined memo--**

TC: WhOa, WiCkEd.  
TC: HoW iS eVeRyBoDy FeElInG, mY MoSt FaVoRiTe Of MoThErFuCkErS?  
GC: K4RK4T 1S GRUMPY  
GC: 1 4M F1N3  
CG: NOT GRUMPY. JUST FINE.  
GA: I Feel Mentally Exhausted  
TT: I have been alright Gamzee. How are you feeling?  
TC: ShIt SiS, lIfE hAs BeEn LiKe ThE mOsT sUcCuLeNt TiTs On ThE fAtTeSt BiTcH fOr Me.  
GC: L1K3 4 BLUH BLUH F4T B1TCH?  
TC: NaH, mOrE lIkE, uHm…….  
TC: JuSt GiVe Me A mOmEnT.  
TC: ImAgInE lIfE gIvEs YoU sOmE bEaUtIfUl FuCkInG tItS.  
TT: I couldn’t imagine what that must be like.  
TC: RiGhT?  
TC: BuT tHeN lIfE tAkEs oF iTs ShIrT aNd InViTeS yOu To MoToRbOaT tHoSe MoThErFuCkErS.  
GC: 1 L1K3 WH3R3 TH1S 1S GO1NG  
TC: aNd ThAt Is hOw My WeEk hAs BEeN.  
CG: WHAT. THE. FUCK.  
CG: ADD TO THAT SENTENCE A INFINITE FUCKING AMOUNT OF SHOUTPOLES AND INFINITY+1 SURPRISE NOODLES TO THAT ON ACCOUNT OF ME NOT HAVING THE FAINTEST CLUE WHAT YOU ARE ON ABOUT!  
TC: ShIt, My iNvErTeBrOtHeR, i JuSt Up AnD mOtHeRfUcKiNg tOlD yOu DiDn’T i?  
TC: WhEn LiFe GiVeS yOu RuMbLeSpHeReS dIvE rIgHt ThE fUcK In.  
CG: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!  
GC: TH3Y SHOULD H4V3 S3ND 4 PO3T

**\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] joined memo--**

CA: good evvening everybody and wwelcome to amporas empire  
CA: wwhere wwe wwill wwatch wwhatevver I wwant  
CG: SEE, IT IS *THIS* FUCKING REASON I TOLD YOU, YOU ONLY GET ONE CHANCE TO PICK A MOVIE.  
CG: BECAUSE YOU DO SHIT LIKE CALL IT AMPORA’S EMPIRE.  
GA: It Does Sound Rather Frivolous  
TT: It sounds absolutely adorable  
CA: wwhat!?  
CA: no it doesn’t  
CA: it sounds threatenin and bad-ass  
GA: It Sounds About As Threatening As A Basket Of Young Barkbeasts  
GA: With A Red Ribbon Loosely Tied To Their Collars  
GC: C4N 1 L1CK TH3 COLL4RS  
GA: I Would Advise Against It  
CA: bullshit  
GC: NO SH3 1S R1GHT  
GC: 4MPOR4S 3MP1R3 SOUNDS H1L4R1OUS  
TC: WeLl I tHiNk It SoUnDs NoThInG sHoRt Of MoThErFuCkInG bAd-aSs BrO.  
CA: thank you gam  
CA: at least SOMEONE gets it  
GC: TH4T SOM3ON3 B31NG G4MZ33  
GC: PUT YOUR SPONG3 TO WORK 4ND DO TH3 M4TH >:]  
TC: TwElVe  
CG: WHAT?  
TC: I dUnNo KaRBrO. I wAs NeVeR gOoD aT nO mOtHeRfUcKiNg mAtH  
CA: kar  
CA: can you maybe ban gam?  
TC: :o(  
CG: OH NO. WE ARE WATCHING YOUR DUMB PIECE OF SHIT MOVIE, GAMZEE IS *YOUR* RESPONSIBILITY NOW.  
CA: fuck

**\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] joined memo--**

CA: ah there she is  
CA: fef please confirm that amporas empire sounds completely bad-ass  
CC: )(i)(i)(I, you still use that INCREDABUBBLY DORKY name for your projects?  
CA: FEF!  
CC: I’m saury guppy, but it is R—EELLY FUNNY!  
GA: Vriska Is No Better  
GA: She Insists On Giving All Her Undertakings Incredibly Silly Codenames  
CC: O)(, t)(at sounds fin!  
GA: She Calls A Simple Trip To The Store A Raid On Suppliers  
GA: She Named Last Quote Raid Unquote The Quest For Moobeastjuice  
CC: )(a)(a o)( s)(e is suc)( a DORK!  
GA: She Really Is  
CC: No wonder Eridan likes )(er!  
GA: What  
CG: WHAT  
GC: WH4T  
TC: NiCe.  
CA: IT IS COMPLETELY PLATONIC!

**\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] joined memo--**

AC: :33< actually it would be purfect if you would hook up with vwiskers!  
AC: :33< you would make the best couple efur  
AC: :33< you are creepy, she is a bit creepy  
AC: :33< you are both huge dorks  
GC: WO4H  
GC: LOT OF HOST1L1TY TH3R3 N3P3T4  
AC: :33< *hiss*  
CA: she is just mad i beat her stupid lame team a pokemon  
AC: :33< you just kept purrotecting and substituting and being an unpleasant fishy asshole  
TC: GoInG a BiT rOuGh ThErE cAtSiS.  
CA: no i actually kinda like her puttin up a fight  
CC: 38o  
AC: :33< you’re right gamzee…...  
CA: no go back to the wwhole fightin thing  
AC: :33< i think im good  
GC: D4MN1T  
GC: 1T W4S JUST 4BOUT TO G3T GOOD  
CC: I KNOW RIG)(T  
AC: :33< I do think ampurra and vwiskers would be a purfect couple  
AC: :33< not that ampurra can hold down a matespurit to save his life, but if those two would hook up would actually work out GREAT for my wall  
AC: :33< I THINK I finally figured out a confipuration where everyone can fill their quadrants  
GA: You Are The Shipping Master Nepeta  
GA: It Is You  
CC: W)(O DO I GET S)(IPPED WIT)(!  
CG: YOU AREN’T TAKING THIS SHIT SERIOUSLY ARE YOU?  
CC: NO, BUT ITS FUN!  
AC: :33< i wrote down as auspistice between aradia and vwiskers  
CC: U)(m…… Ocray.  
AC: :33< cronus as your moirail  
CC: I….. w)(at?  
AC: :33< dirk as your kismesis  
CC: W)(at?!  
AC: :33< and john as your matespurit  
TT: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.  
CC: Not to be rude Nepeta, but I T)(INK it needs a little work.  
AC: :33< yeah……  
AC: :33< you were really difficult to make ships fur  
AC: :33< well you and jake really  
AC: :33< i just can’t figure out what that boy wants in his quadrants  
AC: :33< it is hard trying to ship so many people at once  
AC: :33< it is hard and nobody understands  
TT: I assure you, Jake is not all that complicated.

**\-- galgothasTerror [GT] joined memo--**

GC: SP34K OF TH3 HUM4N S4T4N  
TT: *Devil.  
GC: YOU S4Y 1T YOUR W4Y 1 S4Y 1T M1N3  
GT: Good evening everybody. I do hope I have arrived in due time to join you on your next cinematic venture.  
AC: :33< no, you are right on time  
CA: yeah wwe wwere just about to start  
GA: I Have Not Seen You Around In Quite A While Jake  
GA: Have You Been Well  
GT: Oh, I have been absolutely marvelous.  
GT: I am sorry I could not join you sooner, but after our last viewing together I was positively itching for another wayward adventure.  
GT: So I have crossed the lands, slain some magnificent fauna and explored some truly gorgeous lands.  
AC: :33< that sounds great!  
GT: I did have a ripsnorter of a good time indeed.  
TC: WeLl I aM gLaD tO mOtHeRfUcKiNg HeAr ThAt BrO.  
GT: Good day to you, mysterious guide person.  
TC: ShIt BrO, i AiNt No GuIdE.  
TC: FaR aS i KnOw, I aInT mOtHeRfUcKiNg MyStErIoUs eItHer.  
TC: StIlL, cAlL mE wHaTeVeR tHe MoThErFuCk YoU wAnNa CaLl mE.  
TT: Before you attempt it Jake, I must inform you that we tried Bozo but it would not stick.  
GT: Uhm…… Is the clown alright?  
CG: DON’T EVEN FUCKING ASK…….  
CA: can i start the movie then?  
CC: Y-----ES!

TC: ErR….. wHaT aRe We LoOkInG aT bRo  
TT: It would seem Mr Ampora has chosen a movie with a military theme.  
CC: I WOULD be surprised if I )(ad’nt known )(im for SW—EEPS.  
GT: Is it that predictable a pick?  
CC: --Eridan ALWAYS loved hims)(ellf a good warstory.  
CA: ok yeah but who doesn’t  
TT: I find them a bit quaint, usually leaning far too much towards the war is hell mentality or the ‘USA, USA’ mentality.  
TT: Nuance is usually omitted in these movies.  
GT: I see, but perhaps it would be easier to enjoy these movies based on their own merits?  
TT: My critical lens is does not have an off-switch, if that is what you are suggesting.  
GA: Believe You Me  
GA: It Does Not  
CA: wwell ros perhaps i can interest you in this movvie nonetheless  
TT: Is this movie secretly an introspective study of man’s soul amidst a war in enemy territory?  
CA: no  
CA: it’s a comedy  
CG: WHAT?!  
CC: Glub?  
TC: ShIt BrO, i Am AlwAyS uP fOr A gOoD mOtHeRfUcKiNg LaUgH bRo.  
AC: :33< if this is a comedy then why is the meowsic so sad?  
CA: to subvvert your childish expectations nep

GC: WHO 3V3N 1S TH1S DOUCH3B4G  
TT: Somewhere Dave is regretting his choice to play Mario kart with John tonight.  
TT: There will be a bounty of jokes about tigerblood, warlocks and rock gods from Mars and he will miss it.  
GC: M4YB3 W3 SHOULD G1V3 H1M TH3 PL4Y BY PL4Y >:]  
GT: Oh, I think I have seen this bloke in the scary movie series. Isn’t this that Charlie Sheen fellow?  
GT: I remember watching those movies accompanied by my own rambunctious convulsions of laughter.  
AC: :33< what?  
GA: He Laughed Loudly Whilst Watching It  
AC: :33< oh, ok  
CA: yes and his comedic talent is wwell spent in this movvie  
GA: Really  
GA: I Wonder  
CC: I am so PORPOIS—ED you acs)(elly picked a comedy!  
CG: AND I AM NOT BUYING IT.  
TC: jUsT oPeN uP tO tHe MoThErFuCkInG pOsSiBiLiTy Of GeTtInG yOuR fUcKiNg JoLlIeS oN lIkE sOmE rEd CoAtEd MoThErFuCkEr, cLiMbInG dOwN sMoKe ExHaUsTs To dElIvEr HiS mIrTh.  
CG: MY SPONGE REFUSES TO COMPREHEND WHATEVER DRIVEL YOU JUST WROTE DOWN!

GA: That Is  
GA: A Very Grim First Impression  
CC: I T)(OUG)(T YOU SAID T)(IS WAS A COMEDY!  
CA: it is!  
GC: TH3 W4Y TH3S3 OLD3R SOLD13RS 4R3 LOOK1NG DOWN 4T TH3 N3W ON3S 1S NOTH1NG L1K3 1T WOULD H4V3 B33N ON 4LT3RN14  
GC: ON 4LT3RN14 1T WOULD H4V3 B33N WORS3 >:]  
CG: WELL DUH, THAT’S KIND OF THE POINT.  
AC: :33< it doesn’t look like the humans are winning the war  
AC: :33< are they?  
GT: Of course they are. They are American soldiers.  
GT: Why, I would almost daresay they are the best there are.  
TT: But in regards of winning this war, no.  
GT: Pardon?  
TT: I believe the words were: ‘We, the unwilling are lead by the unqualified to kill the unfortunate and to die for the ungrateful.’  
TT: It is not a war many people were in favor of, especially when offered hindsight the past graciously offers us.  
TT: Thankfully, we didn’t fight any other technologically inferior foes, who have to resort to guerilla methods, in harsh environments, resulting in many unnecessary dead, wounded or traumatized soldiers after this war.  
TT: Oh wait.  
AC: X33< i have no idea what you are talking about rose   
TT: Sadly, this joke is lost without more humans who know their history.  
CA: point is  
CA: this is a beautiful spectacle a incompetence  
TT: More or less…..

AC: :33< oh they are traveling through the jungle  
TC: WhAt KiNd Of MoThErFuCkInG wOndErS eVeN hIdE iN tHeRe?  
CG: ASIDE FROM ENEMIES LURKING BEHIND THE FOLIAGE?  
GC: TH1S GO3S ON FOR3V3R  
GC: HOW LONG 4R3 TH3Y 3V3N W4LK1NG?  
AC: :33< well they aren’t as fast beclaws they are with a group  
AC: :33< they have to stick together or else the recruits might get lost  
CG: OR DESERT.  
CC: I am not R—EELLY getting an –EELGOOD comedy vibe from t)(ese )(umans.  
CA: trust me  
CA: it wwill be marvvelous  
GT: I certainly hope so. It seems to me to be more of an actiony kinda flick. I certainly advocate that particular genre so I applaud your choice in movie.  
CA: please continue complimentin me  
CA: it strokes the ego  
AC: :33< the LAST thing your ego needs is more stroking ampurra

TC: HaHaHaHaH, yEaH bRo, I fEeL yOu KnOw.  
TC: MoThErFuCkEr Is SuCh A WeAk PiEcE oF tRaSh He CaNt EvEn WaLk sTrAiGhT.  
CA: i know right?  
CA: wwatchin these human soldiers flail around like this is hilarious  
CC: U)(m……  
CC: No it isn’t?  
GC: 1 GU3SS 1T 1S?  
GC: SORT4?  
GC: HUM4NS 4R3 PR3TTY SOFT  
TC: UnDeRsTaTeMeNt RiGhT tHeRe SiS.  
CG: HAVEN’T YOU HAD YOUR PIE GAMZEE?  
TC: I dId, UhM…… a WhIlE aGo.  
TC: YeAh :o)  
CG: OH GOD……..

GT: Thankfully his companions help him back on his feet.  
GT: This is the embodiment of the military: supporting yourself and your colleagues in dire times.  
CA: and bein unable to pick yourself up  
AC: :33< i think its actually kinda cute  
AC: :33< equius always told me that a lot of trolls find their one true moirail in the military  
AC: :33< s33ing humans do it too makes me so happy!  
CC: Do you S)(IP it yet?  
AC: :33< i don’t even know their names yet  
CC: W)(ale, one is C)(arlie S)(een and the others are……   
CA: no idea  
CA: they are not important  
GA: That Seems Like A Waste  
GA: I Hope The Movie Will Do A Better Job Characterizing Its Characters As The Movie Progresses  
CG: DON’T GET YOUR HOPES UP.

CG: OH FUCK, HASN’T THIS ASSHOLE WATCHED ANY MOVIES IN HIS LIFE?  
CG: YOU ARE FIGHTING IN A WAR, CONTINOUSLY COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS TILL YOU ARE ALLOWED REPRIEVE AND WRITING LETTERS TO YOUR SPOUSE.  
CG: YOU SIR, ARE A DEAD MOTHERFUCKER!  
TT: Also he is black.  
CG: WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?  
CG: LOOK, I AM JUST GONNA PLACE A NICE LITTLE MENTAL COUNTDOWN NEXT TO THIS ASSHOLE AND WAIT FOR HIS INEVITABLE TRAGIC DEMISE.  
AC: :33< but i don’t want him to die  
AC: :33< his voice sounds so pleasant  
CC: It is just so SMOOT)(!  
GC: SMOOTH?  
GC: 1T 1S DOWNR1GHT S3XU4L  
AC: :33< purezi  
GC: WH4T?  
GC: 3V3RYON3 W4S TH1NK1NG 1T

GT: It seems Charlie Sheen has some problems adjusting to the military lifestyle.  
TT: It is not the name of his character, but I suppose it is a lot simpler to just call him by his real name.  
GA: Is It Safe To Assume That By The End Of The Ride Charlie Sheen Runs The Camp  
GA: From Underdog To Great Hero  
GA: That Classically Tiresome Arc  
GA: Also  
GA: This Dichotomy Between Dark Skinned Humans And Light Skinned Humans Is Completely Lost On Me  
GA: How Does The Difference In Melanin Levels In The Cells Create Such A Crucial Societal Gap  
GA: Come To Think Of It This Was Also A Matter Of Debate During Con Air  
GA: There Are Not Enough Surprise Noodles To Illustrate How Much This Baffles Me  
GT: That is the right attitude regarding the issue.  
GA: This Does Not Help Clear Up The Question  
TT: I will explain later. Considering the sparse amount of humans left it can hardly be considered relevant.

GT: Shock and awe.  
GT: This man should not be out in a warzone. He should be out trying to concoct ways to defeat Spiderman.   
TT: And he is joined by Dr. Cox and two other characters named Barnes and Wolfe.  
TT: Wolfe is actually used as an example in military training on how NOT to be a commanding officer.  
CA: see the comedic potential yet ros?  
TT: I still believe you severely mixed up your genres.  
AC: :33< i can actually believe him being a bad leader  
AC: :33< that scarred guy is lower in rank than he is but calls all the shots  
AC: :33< how is that good leadership?  
GT: Perhaps he is more qualified?

CG: OH SURE. ANOTHER ASSHOLE SHOWING OFF THAT NO REALLY, HE HAS THIS COMPLETELY HOT BABE WAITING FOR HIM BACK AT HIS HIVE.  
GC: SH3 1SN’T 3V3N TH4T HOT  
AC: :33< fefurry  
AC: :33< can i ask you something?  
CC: Of COARSE you can Nepeta!  
CC: W)(at is bubbling?  
AC: :33< i want to get a puressent fur roxy  
AC: :33< beclaws she always hosts those teaparties fur us  
CC: T)(AT IS A WONDERFUL ID—EA!  
AC: :33< do you have any ideas?  
CC: W)(ale…. No, not R—EELLY….  
AC: X33< oh noooooooo  
GA: What Do You Have On Hand  
AC: :33< well, i still live in a cave  
AC: :33< but i have enough materials to paint?  
CC: I am S)(ORE s)(e will appreciate a painting. O)( MAYBE A PORTRAIT!  
AC: :33< you think?  
CC: I want to give her a present too….. But I can’t t)(ink of anyfin.   
CC: I don’t just want to give jewels, that is so unperchonal next to your drawing.  
GA: I Could Teach You How To Knit A Scarf  
GA: It Isnt That Complex  
TT: I don’t know. Roxy is very attached to her current one.  
CC: BUT IT IS A PERCHFECT ID—EA! THANK YOU SOO MUCH KANAYA!

CA: oh these humans just crack me up  
CA: lets go look for the enemy in their owwn territory  
CA: filled wwith dangerous wwildlife  
CA: wwith a group of rookies  
CA: at night  
TC: AcCoMpAnIeD bY tHe PlEaSaNt HuMmInG Of ThAt dArK sKiNnEd mOtHeRfUcKeR.  
TC: ThEy ShOuLdN’t Be MoThErFuCkInG dOiNg ThAt BrO  
TC: ItS lIkE tHeY aRe AsKiNg To Be CuLlEd  
GC: 1 SUPPOS3 TH3 4LT3RN4T1V3 1S R1SK1NG TO B3 4TT4CK3D YOURS3LF  
CG: YES, BUT THEN THEY ELIMINATE THE RISK OF WALKING INTO AN AMBUSH.  
GT: I am sure they are simply itching for a proper chance to prove themselves in the heat of combat.  
GA: You Think  
GT: Oh definitely. What man does not appreciate a solid round of fisticuffs or making his pistol sing?  
GA: I Think You May Be Looking At The Situation Too Lightly  
GA: These Men Put Themselves In Harms Way  
GA: Lives Are At Stake  
GT: Nonsense. It is only a movie.  
GT: Besides, CA already stated this to be a comedy.  
CC: You may be putting too muc)( stock in w)(at he says…..

AC: :33< jake  
AC: :33< what is a grandma?  
GT: Oh, well that is quite simple actually. You know how we are raised by our parents right?  
AC: :33< yes  
AC: 33< hihi, your motherlusus and your fatherlusus  
GT: Indeed. Well, a grandma is the motherlusus of one of the human parents.  
AC: :33< *gasp*  
AC: :33< his lusus’s lusus!  
GT: Essentially, yes. Mine was really cool, she was actually a lot like you. Very cheerful and always hunting big game.  
GT: Of course, Jade is pretty cool in her own way, but she isn’t grandma.  
AC: :33< trolls rarely get to m33t their ancestors  
AC: :33< to meet the ancestor of your ancestor is….. whoa  
AC: impawsible really

CA: hahahahahahahaha  
CA: oh these humans are fuckin great!  
CG: MORE LIKE FUCKING INCOMPETENT. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ASSHOLE DOING, FALLING ASLEEP DURING HIS SHIFT?!  
CG: IT IS LIKE HE IS BARING HIS NECK FOR THE ENEMY AND POLITELY ASKING THEM TO DEPOSIT KNIVES THERE PLEASE!  
GC: BUT BLOODSUCK1NG BUZZB34STS W4K3 CH4RL13 SH33N FROM H1S SLUMB3R TO S33 TH3 3N3MY SOLD13RS SURROUND1NG TH3M  
GC: 4ND H3 JUST K33PS S1TT1NG TH3R3 TOO SC4R3D TO DO 4NYTH1NG  
GC: WH4T 4 PUSSY  
CG: THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T GO INTO STRANGE ENEMY TERRITORY IN THE DARK!  
TT: I thought you were nocturnal.  
CG: WE HAVE TWO MASSIVE MOONS LIGHTING THE SKY! YOU HAVE ONE MEASILY EXCUSE FOR A SPACEROCK THAT TRIES TO PASS AS A MOON.  
CA: i don’t think that’s howw science wworks

GT: Thankfully the enemy soldiers fell for one of the more explosive traps and the remaining soldiers wake up in a frenzy.  
GT: And we get a….. somewhat confusingly shot action sequence.  
GT: Perhaps it is to convey the chaotic nature of the battle?  
TT: That would actually be a profound way to bring the overall theme of the movie across to the audience.  
CA: i think its because humans don’t knoww howw to fight properly  
CA: just look at them fumblin wwith their little explosivves  
TT: Eridan.  
TT: Please do not give me an excuse to destroy yet another harmless husktop just to prove a point.  
CA: it isn’t magic that you are usin  
CA: it is science  
TT: What if I choose to call this science magic?  
TT: Then proceed to use said science to blow up your husktop.  
GC: MY MY MRS L4V3ND3R  
GC: TH4T 1S 4 LOT OF C4L1G1N1OUS 3MOT1ON  
CG: IT IS ALMOST EMBARRASSING

GC: OH QU1T B31NG 4 PUSSY  
GC: VR1SK4 H4D H3R 4RM BLOWN UP 4ND SH3 D1DN’T WH1N3 4BOUT 1T  
GA: She Just Blinded You  
TC: ThEy ArEnT eVeN sHoWiNg ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg DaMaGe DoNe.  
CA: that barnes felloww is the only capable soldier a the pack  
CA: tellin that guy to bite through the pain and stop givvin awway their position  
CA: good thinkin  
CC: )(E N---EEDS TO GET OUT OF T)(ERE!  
CC: )(E N---EEDS URGENT MEDICAL ATRENC)(ION!!  
GT: I do not think that is an option with all the shooting and whatnot.

CG: ANOTHER PUSSY. HE WAS ONLY GRAZED BY ENEMY FIRE AND NOW HE THINKS HE IS DYING.  
CG: THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HAVING YOUR FUCKING TRACHEA TORN TO SHREDS BY GUNFIRE AND A BULLET HIGH-FIVING YOUR SKIN AS IT FLIES PAST!  
GA: Thankfully The Promise Of Blowjobs Pulls Him Through  
TT: Men’s mind: seemingly complex mazes made surprisingly accessible once fellatio gets as much as mentioned.

CG: OH NO.  
CG: THE CHARACTER WE EXPECTED TO DIE HAS IN FACT DIED.  
CG: MY INVESTMENT IN HIS CHARACTER WAS SO HIGH I CAN BARELY CONTAIN MY DISMAY FLUID.  
AC: :33< im not even sure which character he is suppawsed to be.  
GA: I Believe He Didn’t Die For The Viewer But For Charlie Sheen To Realize War Is Serious Business  
CA: completely hysterical  
CA: sendin a bunch a untrained amateurs to enemy territory an expectin them to somehoww beat back the enemy  
TT: I am getting some seriously specist vibes from you, mr Ampora.  
TT: You are at great risk to ‘trigger’ me.  
CA: wwhoa okay no  
CA: wwe are NOT invvolvvin that fuckin guy  
CG: YOU ARE PLAYING WITH FIRE HERE LALONDE.  
GC: DO 1T >:]  
GC: H4V3 H1S D3L1C1OUS CH3RRY T3XT BLOCKS F1LL UP MY SCR33N  
AC: :33< do you not have something like over caturation?  
GC: N3V3R  
GA: And Then Charlie Sheen Gets Blamed For Falling Asleep  
GT: Which is absolute hogswallop considering we earlier saw Junior falling into a zwodder.  
GT: What a slimy fellow.

TT: Dr. Cox and Willy Wonka really got it in for our protagonist.  
GC: 1 DO NOT KNOW WHO TH1S DR COX 1S BUT 1T SOUNDS L1K3 TH3 WORD D4V3 US3S TO R3F3R3NC3 H1S HUM4N JUNK  
GC: 1S H3 ON3 OF YOUR HUM4N PORN ST4RS?  
CG: LETS NOT FUCKING GO THERE. I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER TWO HOUR CORRESPONDENCE COURSE ON HUMAN SEXUALITY BY LALONDE HERE.  
GA: Personally I Find It Very Interesting  
CA: wwell a course you do

TC: AnD tHe TwO oF tHeM gEt ToIlEt DuTy.  
TC: mOtHeRfUcKiNg HiLaRiOuS bRoThEr.  
CA: thank you!  
AC: :33< i think gamz33 is the only other purson here who finds it a funny movie  
AC: :33< what does that say?  
CA: oh quiet you lil wwenche  
AC: :33< make me fishy asshole!  
GC: 4R3NT TH3Y CUT3 TOG3TH3R?  
AC: :33< purezi!  
GA: Another Character Loudly Proclaiming How Great It Is He Can Go Home In A Relative Short Period Of Time  
GA: Do You Think This Person Will Survive The Movie Rose  
TT: Oh, not at all.  
GT: Well, we can’t be certain of that now can we?  
TT: Call it an educated hunch.

TC: ThE mOtHeRfUcKeR vOlUnTeErD tO bE sEnT tO tHe nAm aNd Is NoW wHiNiNg AbOuT iT lIkE a MoThErFuCkEr.  
GT: Well, not exactly. In fact, I would even say that he stands by his decision.  
GT: He does not complain about his lot in life, does not attempt to desert.  
GT: Truly a man after my own heart: courageous and honorable.  
TC: ReAlLy BrO?  
TC: I KiNdA fUcKiNg AsSuMeD hE wAs A pAnSy.  
TC: mAkEs ThE wHoLe ThInG sEeM a WhOlE lOt FuCkInG fUnNiEr.  
AC: :33< but its not funny!  
CA: nep please  
CA: these humans fail evvery aspect a wwarfare and the chain a command is fucked  
CA: if this isn’t a joke then humans are completely pathetic  
CG: WHICH YOU SHOULDN’T RULE OUT.

TT: Not the first time Charlie Sheen smoked something unsanitary. Definitely wouldn’t be the last either.  
GA: So He Gets Invited Into Their Secret Clubhive  
GA: Or Something Among Those Lines  
CC: )(uman customs are FIS)(Y!  
CC: It doesn’t look )(ealthy at all.  
GT: Well…. Smoking isn’t. Healthy that is.  
GT: It does however look incredibly cool if you do it.  
GC: JURY 1S ST1LL OUT ON TH4T ON3  
GC: 1F YOU W4NT TO LOOK COOL YOU PROB4BLY SHOULDN’T COUGH 1T UP L1K3 4 L1TTL3 B1TCH  
CG: I AM JUST ANNOYED THAT THERE ARE EVEN MORE CHARACTERS NOW I HAVE TO TELL APART SOMEHOW WITHOUT EVEN GETTING THEIR NAMES.  
CG: CAN THE ENEMY STEAMWALTZ THEM ALREADY TO THIN OUT THE FUCKING NUMBERS?

GT: Oh my *loosens collar a bit*  
AC: :33< that is…… yeah. *hides blush behind hands*  
GT: That thing with the shotgun is sort of….. exciting.   
GA: Is Ellias A Homosexual  
GC: TH4T 1S SORT4 TH3 V1B3 1 4M G3TT1NG  
AC: :33< well, it would be kinda cute i guess  
AC: :33< he is the rugged warhero, he is a fresh recruit with a pretty face  
AC: :33< ellias could be all like ‘I will protect you’ and charlie sheen could learn a lot from him  
CC: T)(EN C)(ARLIE SAV—ES ELLIAS AT T)(E END AND T)(EY )(AVE SEX!  
GA: That Is  
GA: Assuming He Is A Homosexual  
GA: Is He  
CG: NO. WE ARE *NOT* FUCKING GOING DOWN THIS ROAD AGAIN.  
CG: FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU. FOOL ME TWICE, SHAME ON ME.  
CG: FOOL ME THREE FUCKING TIMES AND WE ARE BANNING THIS SUBJECT FOREVER!  
TT: So what you are saying is that you do not want us to ask?  
CG: YES!  
TT: And, assuming that we know, you do not want us to tell?  
CG: EXACTLY!  
TC: MaN hE sUcKs Up ThE sMoKe ElLiAs InHaLeD. ThAt Is SoMe GrAdE-A rOmAnTiCs RiGhT tHe FuCk tHeRe.  
CC: You )(ave a strange definition of romantic.

GC: M34NWH1L3  
GC: 4T TH3 OTH3R S1D3 OF C4MP  
CA: these people are behavvin slightly more professional but are equally incompetent  
CA: except for barnes obvviously  
CG: AND WHERE THEY ALL TALK LIKE NICHOLAS CAGE FROM CON AIR, ONLY SLIGHTLY MORE FUCKING CONVINCING.  
TT: This is yet another instance as to why Wolfe is used as an example of poor leadership.  
TT: He utterly fails to connect with his men by refusing to socialize.   
CA: i thought that wwas actually kinda professional  
CA: you don’t wwant to get too attached to soldiers you may havve to send to their deaths you knoww  
GT: But what kind of snollygoster can inspire confidence and morale into the troops without properly knowing them?  
CA: fear obvviously  
CA: its howw wwe did it an wwe wwere kinda bad-ass  
CC: BUT ITS BAD!  
CC: AND YOU S)(OULD ----EEL BAD!  
CC: WE ARE NOT DOING T)(AT!

TT: Ever the optimist, doctor Cox. 

AC: :33< how did they not see the bunker until they were right in front of it?  
GC: HUM4NS H4V3 TH3 WORST NOS3S  
CC: I t)(ink it is reelly sweet that he keeps sending letters to his ancestor’s ancestor.  
TT: Yes. Though by way of storytelling his chances of survival would drastically improve if he were to cease that activity.  
GA: What Are You Saying  
GA: He Is The Main Character  
GT: That doesn’t exclude him from getting the metaphorical axe. Just look at poor, honorable, poor Ned Stark.  
AC: :33< who?  
GC: W3 SHOULD H4V3 N3V3R L3T J4K3 W4TCH G4M3 OF THRON3S  
GC: H1L4R1OUS 4S 1T W4S TO S33 H1M R34CT >:]  
GT: THE NORTH WILL AVENGE YOU EDDARD STARK!  
TT: You have yet to show him the entirety of the series I presume?  
GC: YUP

TC: MaN, iM gEtTiNg SeRiOuSlY wEiRd ViBeS fRoM tHiS bUnKeR tHiNg.  
TC: ItS lIkE tHe EnEmY sOldIeRs DiSaPpEaReD iN mOtHeRfUcKiNg SmOkE oR sOmE sHiT.  
TC: CaN hUmAnS eVeN dO sHiT lIkE tHaT?  
CA: i doubt it  
CC: I feel kinda sorry for t)(ese )(umans.  
CC: None of t)(em seems to WANT to be t)(ere and most of t)(em get R—EELLY paranoid.  
TT: The Vietcong were adapt in guerilla tactics and filled the enemy soldiers with dread. They were very good in camouflaging themselves against the jungle environment and created entire underground cities to hide from the American occupiers.   
AC: :33< sounds like the hunterrorists  
CA: just wwatch this is gonna be priceless

GA: Grim  
CA: hahahahahahahahahahaha  
CA: oh that asshole wwas wwarning others for boobytraps and manages to trigger an explosivve himself  
CA: just look at that fucker  
TC: MoThErFuCk ThAt WaS bEaUtIfUl  
TC: TORE THE MOTHERFUCKERS ARMS CLEAN OFF!  
TC: just by trapping a damn box. BRILIANT!  
CG: OKAY, NO.  
TC: WhAt?  
CG: GAMZEE, YOU GET YOUR IDIOT CLOWN-ASS OFFLINE THIS INSTANT!  
TC: BuT bRo.  
TC: I aM jUsT eNjOyInG tHe MoThErFuCkInG cOmEdY.  
CG: NO, WE ARE NOT FUCKING DOING THIS SONG AND DANCE AGAIN! I HAVE DONE THIS GODDAMN TANGO SO MUCH THAT MY BLISTERED FEET ARE AT SERIOUS RISK OF FALLING OFF MY FUCKING LEGS!  
CG: SO INSTEAD OF TEARING UP THE DANCEFLOOR ONCE A-FUCKING-GAIN, WE ARE GOING TO SIT OUR ASS DOWN AND HAVE OURSELVES A RELAXING DRINK!  
AC: :33< uhm… what are you talking about?  
CG: I AM TALKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT GAMZEE IS GONNA GO OFFLINE AND BAKE ANOTHER PIE WITH NITRAM!  
TC: BuT bRo. I hAd A sLiCe ThIs MoRnInG.  
TC: I cAnT eAt ToO mUcH oF tHe DaMn PiE, rUiNs ThE sPeCiAlNeSs oF iT.  
GA: And You Have To Watch Your Calorie Intake  
TC: Do I sIs?  
TC: I tHoUgHt I wAs DoInG gOoD. WhO eVeN kNoWs HoW cAlOrIeS wOrK? wHo EvEn dEcIdED tO fUcKiNg SiT dOwN aNd CoUnT AlL ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg cAlOrIeS iN a PiE?  
TC: NoT tHaT iT mAtTeRs MuCh: mOtHeRfUcKeRs GoTtA eAt If A MoThErFuCkErS hUnGrY.  
CG: A MOTHERFUCKER IS SERIOUSLY TESTING MY PATIENCE!  
TC: :o(

AC: :33< yes….. this s33ms lik3 the work a hunterrorist  
CA: the vvietcon are infinitely more capable soldiers than these fuckig newwbs  
GC: 1SNT 1T H1S OWN F4ULT FOR GO1NG TOO F4R 4W4Y FROM TH3 GROUP?  
CA: like i said  
CA: a fuckin newwb

CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE ASSHOLES DOING?  
CG: THIS IS JUST A VILLAGE OF WOMEN AND WRIGGLERS.  
CA: enemy wwomen and wwrigglers.  
GA: They Are Very Thorough In Their Search For Enemy Soldiers  
GA: Some Of These Hiding Spots Are Actually Very Clever  
GT: The soldiers are downright violent towards these innocents.  
GT: They should not harass the people like this, not to mention the senseless murdering of their livestock.  
CC: T)(E POOR PIGGIES!

AC: :33< what is wrong with Charlie sheen?  
GC: 4FT3R S331NG H1S COMR4D3 L1K3 TH4T BY TH3 R1V3R H3 1S LOS1NG H1S M4RBL3S  
TC: ThAt AnD tHe oThEr MoThErFuCkEr DoEs HaVe An AnNoYiNg AsS sMiLe.  
TT: See, in the west a smile indicates amusement. In other cultures it can be interpreted as being angry or submissive. Some Asian cultures flat-out state that men who smile a lot or no real men.  
GC: TH4TS W31RD  
GC: HUM4NS 4R3 W31RD  
GC: HUM4NS 4R3 TH3 W31RD3ST  
AC: :33< we already knew that :))  
CC: And t)(ey are weird in a good way!  
CA: i just think its funny to see these humans completely losin their marbles after the newwb gets offed  
CA: they make for such pathetic soldiers it’s a wwonder they became the dominant species  
TC: YoU mEaN lIkE a MiRaClE bRo?  
CA: eh wwhy not

CC: O)( NO!  
TC: HeHeHeHe, SmAsHiNg HiS mOtHeRfUcKiNg FaCe In WiTh tHe RiFlE bUtT.  
CG: THE FUCK DID I SAY GAMZEE!  
CG: NO PSYCHOTIC OUTBURTSTS OR YOU GET YOUR DUMB ASS OUT OF HERE!  
TC: MaN kArBrO, i wAs JuSt ChUcKlInG aT tHe MiRtHfUl cOmEdY. nOtHiNg PsYcHoTiC fOuNd ItS wAy To My mOtHeRfUcKiNg ThInKpAn.  
CG: THERE IS NO COMEDY HAPPENING! THERE NEVER WAS ANY COMEDY HAPPENING!  
CA: i disagree  
CG: SHUT UP!  
GT: I have the feeling that I missed something.  
GT: Did something happen between these two?  
CA: beats me  
CA: kar has alwways been kinda pale for evveryone but this is turning vvery blatant  
CG: ERIDAN, I SWEAR TO THE ALMIGHTIEST OF FUCKS I WILL RAM YOUR HORNS UP YOUR WASTECHUTE IF YOU SAY ANOTHER WORD!  
GC: TH4T 1S SO D4MN CH34P 1 4M NOT 3V3N GONN4 M4K3 4 COMM3NT ON 1T  
AC: :33< even though you really want too?  
GC: 4LR1GHT YOU T4LK3D M3 1N TO 1T  
AC: :33< but I nefur--  
GC: NOP3 YOU T4LK3D M3 1NTO 1T >:]  
GC: B3C4US3 1T 1S SO OBV1OUS TH4T TH3 GUY D1DNT G3T H1S H34D SM4SH3D 1N  
GC: 4S1D3 FROM 4 B1T OF D3L1C1OUS R3D SPLOOSH1NG UP W3 DON’T G3T TO S33 4NY BLOOD  
GC: 3V3N H1S R1FL3 BUTT DO3SN’T SHOW 4NY TR4C3 OF B31NG BLOOD13D

CC: O)( good, t)(ey found t)(e village elder, who clamly explains )(is village )(asn’t seen enemy soldiers in weeks.  
CC: Now t)(ey can talk t)(ings over and return in peace.  
CC: Maybe even get somefin diplomatic going on. T)(e villagers know the area betta than t)(e soldiers after all.  
CC: And t)(e soldiers can offer t)(em protection from the enemy soldiers.  
CC: T)(at wave it works swimmingly for everyone!

CC: NOOOOOOOOO 38(  
GT: Those insolent rapscallions!   
GT: You do not shoot a lady square in the face!  
GT: As a matter of fact, you do not shoot ladies at all!  
GT: This is so discerningly un-gentlemanly that I can barely contain myself. These rantipoling malefactors need to be fired from their positions instantly!  
AC: :33< barnes is really paranoid  
AC: :33< does he think efurryone here is an enemy soldier?  
CC: T)(IS IS JUST )(ORIBUBBLE! T)(EY WANT TO KRILL T)(E W)(OLE VILLAGE!  
CC: I DON’T WANT TO SEA T)(IS!  
GC: K33P1NG 4 WR1GGL3R HOST4G3 1S 4LL K1NDS OF D3SP1C4BL3  
GT: After he shot her mother! It is downright monstrous.   
CA: you mean its—  
CC: IF YOU SAY YOU FIND T)(IS )(ILARIOUS ---ERIDAN, I SWEAR TO GOG!

GT: Thankfully Willem Dafoe steps in.  
TT: Balancing out his misdeeds as Norman Osborn a smidgen.  
CC: T)(ANK YOU ---ELIAS!  
AC: :33< nyan, that was supur tense  
TC: It WaS jUsT gEtTiNg To ThE gOoD pArT tOo  
CG: GAMZEE I SWEAR TO EVERY GOD, DEAD, ALIVE, EXISTANT, NON-EXISTANT, I DON’T FUCKING CARE BUT I WILL END YOU IF YOU ARE GOING TO FLIP YOUR FUCKING SHIT AGAIN!  
TC: sHiT bRo, i WaS tAlKiNg AbOuT tHe ThInG bEtWeEn ElIaS aNd ThAt OtHeR mOtHeRfUcKeR.  
CA: barnes  
TC: ThAt OnE, yEaH. fUcK yEaH.  
GC: >:(  
CG: THEY DO SEEM TO HAVE THIS SORTA BLACK THING GOING ON. WHICH WOULD BE BEAUTIFUL IF HUMANS UNDERSTOOD THE SIGNIFICANCE OF A CALIGINOUS RELATIONSHIP!

CC: Because T)(AT is their ansurf on everyfin, t)(ey set it on FIR---E!  
CC: I don’t like t)(is movie at all.  
CC: It is so mean-spirited.  
CA: you just aren’t seein it fef  
AC: :33< this movie isn’t a comedy you fishy asshole!  
AC: :33< it nefur was a comedy!  
CA: wwhat?  
AC: :33< what is happawning to these people is tragic and the fact that you cannot see that just proves what an incredibly fishy prick you are!  
GC: WO4H  
AC: :33< what kind of sociopawthic idiot do you even have to be to not s33 the horror these men are going through? This isn’t an experience to be mocked this is a warning.  
AC: :33< this is what happens when you send inexperienced people to fight unesecary wars  
AC: :33< they don’t fail for laughs, they fail beclaws they haven’t b33n trained, they fail beclaws their supuriors are incompetent  
AC: :33< and to s33 you mock them and look at them like they are a joke just makes me so gosh darn ANGRY!  
CA: nep  
CA: i didn’t knoww you felt that strongly about me  
AC: :33< OH MY GOD, THIS ISN’T ABOUT YOU!

CC: W)(y would t)(ere be an investigation?  
CC: I mean, Barnes did some seariously nasty stuff t)(ere, but w)(y does it need investigating?  
TT: We had international laws regarding warfare, in an attempt to keep civilian casualties at a minimum and avoid unnesecary torture.  
CC: R----EELLY?  
CC: T)(AT IS A GREAT IDEA!  
CG: YES, BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS CIVILIZED WARFARE AS: YOU CAN’T TORTURE THAT GUY FOR INFORMATION, BUT PUTTING A BULLET THROUGH HIS THINKPAN IS COMPLETELY ALRIGHT.  
CA: makin rules for wwarfare just takes the fun out a it  
CC: 38(  
CC: T)(IS IS W)(Y WE CAN’T )(AVE PALE T)(INGS!  
CA: oh really fuckin classy fef  
CA: you wwanna bring that up noww?  
CC: W)(ALE ---EXCUSE ME, BUT YOU ARE MOCKING –EVERYFIN I STAND FOR WIT)( YOUR FIS)(Y ATTITUDE!  
CA: wwell excuse me for fuckin enjoyin one a these human movvies  
CA: i knoww howw much it irks you to see me havve fun!  
GC: W4S TH1S 3R1D4NS PL4N 4LL 4LONG?  
GC: TO GO P1TCH W1TH 4LL TH3 L4D13S?  
GA: I Believe You Give Him Too Much Credit  
GC: C4N YOU OR C4N YOU NOT GO THROUGH TH1S MOV13 W1THOUT 4SH3N 1NT3RV3NT1ON?  
GC: C4US3 1 B3L13V3 TH3 ONLY 1MP4RT14L P3RSON H3R3 1S J4K3 4ND 1 4M NOT SUR3 H3 1S C4P4BL3  
GT: Sure I am incredibly capable!  
GT: Though I am not entirely certain what you are talking about here.  
CC: We’ll be)(ave……  
CA: apology accepted fef  
CC: O)( DON’T EVEN TRY ME!  
GT: *tilts head in confusion*

AC: :33< oh my mog they are so cute together!  
CG: NO, WE ARE NOT OPENING THE HUMAN HOMOSEXUALITY DEBATE AGAIN!  
AC: :33< who even cares, just look at them!  
AC: :33< elias is all like: ‘i don’t believe in this war anymore. we’re going to lose’  
AC: :33< and charlie is all like: ‘no way man’  
AC: :33< and then there is a shooting star  
AC: :33< its beautiful  
CG: YES, OKAY. IT IS A VERY TENDER MOMENT BETWEEN THESE TWO POTENTIAL MATESPRITS.

GA: And So The Next Day Finds Them An Ambush  
GA: Or The Ambush Finds Them   
GA: I Do Believe It Is Becoming A Routine At This Point  
TC: ShIt SiS, jUsT lOoK aT hOw MuCh LiL cHaRlIe WeNt AnD GrEw Up.  
TC: He AiNt No CoWaRd No MoRe AnD eVeN gOeS oUt To SaVe HiS fElLoW mOtHeRfUcKeR oUt Of ThE sPiRiT oF BrOiTy.  
GA: Broity Is Not A Word Gamzee  
TC: It AiNt?  
TC: WeLl ShIt. WhAt WaS i TaLkInG aBoUt AgAiN?

GT: There comes the rugged war hero Elias, who sees straight through the Vietcong stratagem.  
GC: WH1CH WOULD WORK 4 LOT B3TT3R 1F H3 4ND B4RN3S W3R3NT 1N TH1S BULG3 M34SUR1NG COMP3T1T1ON

TT: Just another indication that Luitenant Wolfe is not a very capable leader.  
CG: ARE YOU SHITTING ME?  
CG: THE ASSHOLE IS BLOWING UP HIS OWN PEOPLE WITH FUCKING NAPALM! I CAN ALMOST FORGIVE ERIDAN FOR THINKING THIS IS A COMEDY BECAUSE INCOMPETENCE OF THIS LEVEL IS FUCKING LEGENDARY!  
TC: HeHeHe, LoOk aT aLl ThEm FuCkInG eXpLoSiOnS.   
TC: ThEy ArE lIkE mOtHeRfUcKiNg FiReWoRkS.  
AC: :33< and the guy charlie saved is completely terrified  
AC: :33< i am not sure if he’ll be alright :((  
TT: A case of post traumatic stress disorder, I suppose.  
AC: :33< what’s that?  
TT: Imagine Karkat’s nightmares involving SGRUB but worse.  
CG: I DON’T FUCKING DREAM ABOUT SGRUB YOU PSYCHOLOGICAL CHARLATAN!

CC: So Barnes gives t)(e command to retreat, goes to pick up Eelias hims)(ellf and…..  
CC: And……  
GT: There there Mrs Peixes. It’s only a movie.  
CA: seriously  
CA: she takes her movvie characters vvery seriously  
CC: Its just not fair!  
CC: Eelias wanted everyone to mako it out alive!  
TC: AnD tHeN tHaT bArNeS fElLoW sHoOtS hIm LiKe An AsShOlE.  
GT: He had a bad-ass scene beforehand, right? There were at least five Vietcong less because of his bravery.  
GC: 1T D1DNT 3V3N S33M L1K3 B4RN3S 3NJOY3D K1LL1NG H1M  
GC: H3 D1D 1T OUT OF H1S OWN MOR4LS  
CC: I don’t understand )(ow people’s morals can be different enough)( to justify murder like t)(is.  
GA: So Barnes Returns To His Group Coolly Telling Charlie That Elias Didn’t Make It

GA: That Is A Very Fast Reveal Of Barnes’ Deceit  
GC: HOW DO3S CH4RL13 3V3N R3COGN1Z3 H1M FROM SUCH 4 D1ST4NC3  
TT: Barnes very naturally assumed two bullets would be enough to do him in. Not an unnatural conclusion to draw but it occurs that people survive under such circumstances.  
CC: RUN ---EELIAS!  
AC: :33< he is not going to make it  
AC: :33< he is wounded and they are with so many and he doesn’t know the area as well as they do  
CG: FUCK, HOW MANY ASSHOLES ARE EVEN CHASING HIM?  
CG: EVEN AFTER HE GOT SHOT TWICE BY BARNES IT LOOKS LIKE THE ENTIRE ENEMY ARMY IS GOING AFTER HIM. AND HE STILL FIGHTS BACK.  
CG: THAT MAN IS A BEAST.

CA: wwas a beast karkat  
CA: past tense  
CC: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
TT: This is probably the most famous shot of the movie. The dying soldier, fighting a war he didn’t want, led by people who can’t lead.   
TT: Interestingly enough his face isn’t visible for this shot, promoting the idea of an anonymous soldier. It means that any young man dragged into the Vietnam war could have ended like this.  
GC: 1N SHORT  
GC: PRETTY 1M4G4RY?  
TT: Exactly.

CG: YOU ACHIEVED: DEAD MENTOR/MATESPRIT. YOU NOW UNLOCK: RED BANDANA OF VENGEANCE.  
CG: SERIOUSLY, WHERE DID THAT FUCKING THING COME FROM AND WHY DID CHARLIE SUDDENLY DECIDE TO WEAR IT?   
GC: OBJ3CT1ON YOUR HONOR TH3Y 4R3 4RGU31NG TH1S M4TT3R 3NT1R3LY 1NCORR3CTLY!  
GC: B4RN3S R3TURN3D ST4T1NG H3 H4D S33N TH3 CORPS3 OF 3L14S 4ND M1NUT3S L4T3R YOU S33 S41D ‘CORPS3’ SPR1NT1NG 4W4Y FROM TH3 3N3MY  
GC: TH3R3FOR YOU SHOULD COM3 TO TH3 CONCLUS1ON TH4T B4RN3S H4D *NOT* S33N TH3 CORPS3 OF 3L14S W3NT 4G41NST ORD3RS 4ND SHOULD B3 DOWNGR4D3D 1N R4NK  
CA: yeah great  
CA: wwhere charlie wwants to cure the headache by cuttin off the head you wwant to cure it by changing it into a sore throat  
CA: the problem doesn’t go awway like that  
CG: ALSO, HE HAS BEEN SHOT SEVEN TIMES? IS THAT ASSHOLE A HIGHBLOOD OR SOMETHING?  
TC: sAy kArBrO, i HaVe BeEn MeAnInG tO aSk?  
TC: DiD i gEt ShOt At SoMe PoInT dUrInG tHe MoTheRfUcKiNg GaMe?  
CG: NOT THAT I RECALL. WHY?  
TC: I gOtS mE a FeW sCaRs. LIke, A fEw HuNdReD.  
CG: WHAT!  
TC: aNy IdEa HoW tHeY gOt ThErE?  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING DURING THE FUCKING GAME!?  
CG: OF COURSE, WHO AM I EVEN ASKING, NEVER MIND.  
TC: :o(

GA: So Barnes Hears In On Their Conversation And  
GA: Fueled By That Most Horrendous Of Human Soporifics  
GA: Dares Them To Kill Him  
GT: He does bring up a good point about ideals versus realism. It doesn’t distract from the fact that he murdered his brother in arms, but what he says rings true.  
GT: There’s the way it ought to be and there is the way it is.  
CG: PRETTY MUCH THE MANTRA WHILE PLAYING SGRUB.  
TT: Like your nightmares indicate.  
CG: THERE ARE NO NIGHTMARES LALONDE, SHUT YOUR SQUAWK GAPER.  
GC: 4ND ONLY TH4T DUMB4SS CH4RL13 F4LLS FOR H1S T4UNTS 4ND G3TS H1S 4SS B34T

CA: so because a military tactics  
CA: our troop is gonna be a divversion to draww out the vvietcong  
CA: an considerin they havve maps a the area marking evvery station a the humans wwell  
CA: you can see wwhere this is going  
CG: A FINALE I HOPE. HOW FUCKING LONG HAS THIS MOVIE BEEN GOING?  
AC: :33< about an hour and a half

GT: Blimey. No need for Lalonde’s interjection here, I think everyone can see that Wolfe has lost his marbles.  
TT: I do wish we had more time to focus on his mental deterioration. I wonder if it is caused by Elias’s death, the bullying of Barnes, the stress of the war or a accumulation.   
GA: So He Ignores The Suggestion Of A Soldier  
GA: So Much So That He Flat Out States He Does Not Care About Him  
GA: And Ignores The Obvious Tactical Flaw In His Plan  
CA: this is wwhy you don’t let newwbies do a commandin job

AC: :33< I love his voice  
AC: :33< I love his voice so much  
GC: H3 DO3S SOUND V3RY S3XY  
TT: I am just very glad Charlie stopped writing letters. It greatly improves his chances of surviving the movie.  
AC: :33< how does that even work? it sounds silly  
TT: Had he continued, it could have been a narrative device. Charlie dies at the end and the entire movie ends with grandma reading his letters and telling the story. Granted, it is a hack’s method but a surprisingly popular framing device.  
TT: I’ll be honest, I kind of expected this ending to happen up to this point, so I am thrown for a loop here.  
GT: I suppose it is the little things.  
GA: And King Is Allowed To Leave  
TT: Oh my how exiting.  
GA: Is This The Morbid Kind Of Exciting  
TT: Yes. Either King or Charlie should die. Maybe his chopper gets blown up by an RPG, or maybe Charlie gets overrun.  
TT: And since I honestly do not know who will perish at this point, I am excited.   
CG: YOU ARE ALL SORTS OF FUCKED UP.  
GA: Why Must They Die In The First Place  
TT: I am pretty sure it is a law within tragedy.

CA: an so the cowwardly junior gets his comeuppance  
CA: in the form of infected feet and the threat of a vvenomous centipede in his pants  
CA: come on  
CA: am i the only one findin this humorous?  
CG: YES!  
TC: EeErR……. GUeSs So MoThErFuCkEr.  
CC: Cause we are not LAUG)(ING aboat people dying in wars!  
CA: oh wwhatevver

GC: 4ND DR COCKS 1S B31NG 4 N3G4T1V3 N4NCY 4BOUT 1T  
AC: :33< he tried to l33ch off of the remaining off time of elias  
AC: :33< he deserves it

GA: So After Another Human Camp Gets Ambushed  
GA: And Kings Aircraft Remains Surprisingly Intact  
GA: It Is To Our Troop To Counter The Vietcong Soldiers  
GC: TOG3TH3R W1TH 4 BL4CK M4N W3 DON’T 3V3N KNOW  
TT: I would say that’s part of the message, with the Vietnam soldiers being too anonymous to the public eye but frankly, I think this is on the movie.  
TT: Also, let it go on record that if King survives, Charlie dies.   
CC: We are all w)(ale aware of your NEGATIVE t)(oug)(ts on t)(e movie.  
CG: SO THE FOXHOLE RIGHT NEXT TO THEM GOT TORN TO BITS AND THE SURVIVOR FLEES FOR HIS LIFE.  
CA: i knoww right  
CA: wwhat a chumpbuggy  
TC: BuT mAn. AiNt YoUr MoThErFuCkInG vAsCuLaR bLoOdPuMpInG vEsSeL sWeLlInG wItH pRiDe SeEiNg ChArLiE oPeRaTe ThEm ClAyMoReS lIkE a CoNdUcTeR?  
GC: H3 H4S COM3 SUCH 4 LONG W4Y

AC: :33< how did charlie realize they were going to use heavy explosives?  
AC: :33< the subtitles said Vietnamese yelling so unless charlie speaks it he shouldn’t be able to tell  
GT: Ah, but perhaps it was that most pertinent of gutfeelings that made him catch on to the caddish scheme before it was too late.

CA: and then he enters a fuckin bloodrage  
CA: finally our charlie has become a proper soldier  
CC: I don’t t)(ink we s)(oald conchider this ‘proper’.  
CA: oh this again?  
CC: W)(AL---E….. )(e goes on t)(is berserker rage with R---ECKLESS abandon, but )(e is only )(uman.  
CC: And )(umans die in two or t)(ree s)(ots rig)(t?  
TT: Depends on how well they are aimed I suppose.  
CC: Rig)(t…. So even if )(e kills enemies left and rig)(t now, )(e is forgetting )(is own limitations.  
CC: So Rose was rig)(t, )(e mig)(t acs)(elly die )(ere.  
CA: i don’t think so  
CA: you get your soldiers roused like this an nothin wwill stop them  
CC: W)(ALE YOU WOULD )(AVE A W)(OLE LOAD OF DEAD SOLDIERS!

GA: So Bunny And Junior Died  
GA: Dr Cocks Is Hiding In A Pile Of Corpses  
GA: Charlie Is On A Rampage  
TT: His tigerblood is boiling. He is using his warlock majyks. He is playing martian guitar chords.  
TT: He is winning.  
GT: And one of the outposts got blown up by a suicide bomber.  
AC: :33< s33ms like the vietcong really are winning :((  
AC: :33< but i don’t want charlie to die  
TT: He’ll die a hero’s death, because they always do.  
CG: AND THEN THE REMAINING OUTPOST GETS BLOWN UP.  
CG: AND THEN THE WORTHLESS LUITENANT DIES. HOLY SHIT, THIS IS A MASSACRE.  
TC: ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg ReD bLoOdS sTaIn ThE fIeLdS mY bRoThEr.  
CG: WHAT?!  
CA: and then the comedic highlight a the film  
CA: orderin a napalm attack on your own outpost cause you cant take anymore  
CA: classic humans  
CC: 38(

GC: CH4RL13 1SN’T TH3 ONLY ON3 1N 4 B3RS3RK3R R4G3  
CG: THIS MAN IS A FUCKING GOD ON THE BATTLEFIELD. EVEN IF HIS MENTAL CONDITION IS VERY FUCKING SHAKY.  
GT: Seriously, what is up with this situation Barnes?  
GT: All Charlie did was tug your shoulder. Homicide is not the correct response.

CG: BUT THEN THE NAPALM DROPS AND EVERYTHING FADES TO WHITE. EVERYONE DIED, WHICH PROBABLY HAS TO DO WITH THE MOVIES’ MESSAGE OR SOME SHIT.  
CG: SO THAT WAS PLATOON EVERYONE, CERTAINLY A ODD MOVIE BUT DEFINITELY WITH SOME REDEEMING QUALITIES ABOUT IT.  
GC: 1TS NOT OV3R   
CG: WHAT?  
GC: JUST G1V3 1T 4 S3COND

CG: OKAY. HOW DID HE SURVIVE THE BLAST?  
GC: HOW D1D H3 SURV1V3 TH3 B4RN3S?  
CG: WAS IT A VIETCONG TARGETTING BOMB? CAUSE I FUCKING DOUBT THAT WAS WITHIN THE REALMS OF HUMAN ENGINEERING!  
GC: NO S3R1OUSLY, WH3R3 1S B4RN3S?  
GC: H3 W4S R1GHT ON TOP OF CH4RL13 H3 C4NT H4V3 GON3 F4R  
CA: not so much pathetic human wwarfare as pathetic human film makin noww i guess  
TT: Explodius Husktopius  
CA: don’t you evven joke about that shit lalonde  
TT: I will if you continue mocking my race for no adequately explored reason.  
CC: STAY OUTTA T)(IS ROSE!  
TT: Excuse me?  
CA: excuse you?  
CC: O)(…… Saury. I u)(m….. I don’t know w)(at came over me.  
CA: wwas it somethin i said about howw hilariously inept these humans handle in a crisis?  
CC: ---ERIDAN! I T)(OUG)(T I TOLD YOU TO STOP MOCKING T)(EM LIKE T)(E WRIGGLER YOU ARE!!  
CA: oh my cod  
CA: you really are going black for me  
CC: W)(at?  
CC: No, I’m not.  
CA: come on  
CA: you flip out evvery time i say somethin you don’t like an evven start attacking me on a personal levvel  
CC: Come on stop it. T)(is is craysea. We were moirayeels.  
AC: :33< you are acting kiiinda black fefurry  
CC: BUT I AM NOT!  
CC: I can’t be black for eridan of all people.  
AC: :33< what do you mean: of all people  
CC: I )(ave been )(is moirayeel for sweeps. It’s just somefin you do not do. Isn’t t)(ere some sorta taboo on t)(at?  
AC: :33< not really?  
CC: Besides, I KNOW )(ow wort)(less )(e would be in a kismesitude. )(eck, I )(ave seen it wit)( )(im and Vriska.  
CC: )(ow )(e would come to me acting all proud of every little injury she inflicted on )(im as if it was a grand statement of t)(eir )(ate. I )(ave gotten bigger injuries wrestling murderfis)(!  
CC: And after t)(at ship sank )(e became SO INCREDIBUBBLY WEAK, sometimes I just wanted to waterboard )(im!  
GT: Whoa!  
CC: )(i)(I, only because it has a seapun in t)(ere. But I was getting SO SICK of )(is antics.  
CC: T)(en t)(ere was the game, but we don’t talk aboat t)(at anemone.  
CA: then wwhy do you keep bringin it up?  
CC: QUI---ET!  
CC: And after t)(e game )(e just wants to act like NOFIN )(appened. )(e just kept harassing Sollux and t)(at R---EELLY gets under my fins!  
CC: )(e is pretty muc)( the worst perchon to )(ate and….  
CC: ……………….  
CA: ………………..  
CC: )(u)(…… Re-reading t)(at it does look a little black……  
CG: OH MY GOD…….  
TC: HaHaHaHaHa, CoNgRaTs FiShSiS. NoThInG mOrE bEaUtIfUl ThAn A hEaLtHy ReLaTiOnShIp.  
GC: Y34H…. 1 GU3SS.  
CC: O)( my glub…..

CA: so wwhat noww?  
CG: I DON’T FUCKING KNOW! THIS IS THE DUMBEST THING I HAVE HEARD ALL WEEK.  
CA: really?  
CG: I WAS GONNA SAY SWEEP BUT IT HASN’T BEEN THÁT LONG SINCE I WATCHED JACKASS.  
CG: I NEVER EXPECTED PEIXES TO ACTUALLY FALL IN HATE WITH YOU.  
TT: Please. He is ridiculously easy to hate.  
CG: DO YOU HATE HER BACK?  
CA: i don’t knoww  
CA: i mean wwe wwere moirails an all that  
CA: but sometimes man she can be so frustratingly self righteous  
CA: an she dissed amporas empire from the start  
CA: an i wwont lie  
CA: still kinda peevved about the wwhole pre-game thing  
CC: QUI---ET!  
CC: W----E ARE WATCHING A MOVIE!  
CA: oh noww you are just doin it to be a bitch!  
GT: So yeah….. *loosens collar a bit*  
GT: Charlie finds Barnes, quite a bit removed of his original position. It begs the question as to what exactly happened when the napalm hit.  
GA: And Then He Dares Charlie To Kill Him Again

GC: 4ND SO TH3 JOURN3Y 1S COMPL3T3  
GC: 4 B4TTL3 H4RD3N3D SOLD13R WHO K1LLS 4 BROTH3R 1N 4RMS OV3R 4 D1FF3R3NC3 1N 1D3OLOGY  
GA: Or Revengeance  
GC: R3SULT1NG FROM 4 D1FF3R3NC3 1N 1D30LOGY  
GC: B4RN3S FOUND 1T 4CC3PT4BL3 TO K1LL 4 F3LLOW SOLD13R FOR TH3 S4K3 OF UN1TY W1TH1N TH31R TROOP 4ND CH4RL13 D1DNT  
GC: BUT NOW H3 DO3S TH3 S4M3 TH1NG  
GC: CH4RL13 H4S B3COM3 B4RN3S

AC: :33< OH THAT GOSH DARNED LIAR!  
GT: What a yellow bellied weasel this fellow!

CA: hahaha oh that is some human ingenuity  
CA: shovvin corpses into a mass gravve wwith a earth movvin devvice  
CA: howw time efficient  
CC: AR---E YOU DOING T)(IS ON PORPOISE NOW ERIDAN!?  
CA: maybe a little  
CA: that and these humans are seriously funny  
CA: i wwonder wwhat the first human wwho movved corpses like this wwas thinkin  
CC: AAAAAAAAAAAAARG)(!!!!

**\-- caligulasAquarium [CA]’s husktop EXPLODED--**

CC: ROSE!  
TT: What is it Feferi?  
CC: I WAS TALKING TO ---ERIDAN.  
TT: I think I warned him about needlessly mocking my race.  
TT: Did I not?  
GT: No, you definitely did.  
CC: Still rude. I was aboat to give him a piece of my mind!  
GC: 1 TH1NK H3 GOT TH3 M3SS4G3  
TC: I tHiNk ItS hElLa BeAuTiFuL fIsHsIs.  
CG: AND I THINK IT’S A CRIME AGAINST QUADRANTS, BUT I AM FILING THIS UNDER ‘NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM’ FOR NOW.  
AC: :33< i thought you would jump at the oppawtunity  
AC: :33< we have a new ship and we must set it to sail!  
CG: LOOK, ERIDAN WILL TALK MY EARBALLS OFF ABOUT THIS SHIT THE MOMENT THIS MOVIE IS OVER. I WILL KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS POTENTIAL BLACKSHIP THEN BOTH FEFERI AND ERIDAN THEMSELVES THE FUCKING INSTANT THOSE CREDITS ROLL BY.  
CG: SO FOR ONCE, I PRAY THEY GO ALL OUT WITH IT AND CREDIT THE THIRD SOUNDGUY’S DISTANT RELATIVES FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT.  
CC: 38P  
CC: I t)(ink I can )(andle mys)(ellf  
AC: :33< nooooooooo  
AC: :33< we have to discuss this at our next m33t1ng with roxy  
AC: :33< we can all gossip about what a douche eridan is :33  
CC: S)(ELL Y----EA)(!  
GT: Trolls man.  
TT: You will get used to them sooner or later.

TC: AnD sO cHaRlIe GeTs SeNt HoMe.  
TT: They can take him out of the war but they can’t take the war out of him. Woe is he.  
TT: Frankly, I am just surprised both him and King survived.   
TC: ShIt, He BuRsTs OuT sObBiNg LiKe A LiTtLe WrIgGlEr.  
TC: ShOuLdN’T hE bE gLaD tO bE oUt?  
CG: THOSE ARE DISMAY FLUIDS BASED ON JOY.  
TC: HuH. tHaT sOuNdS bIzArRe bRoThEr. BuT iLl MoThErFuCkInG dRiNk To ThAt.  
CG: YEAH, I KNOW. HUMANS MAN.  
GA: You Will Get Used To Them  
GA: Sooner Or Later  
CG: SO YEAH, THAT WAS PLATOON.  
CG: KIND OF A WEIRD MOVIE……..  
CG: NOT ENTIRELY SURE WHAT TO THINK OF IT. ANYONE ELSE ANY THOUGHTS?  
GA: I Well  
GA: I Think It Portrayed The Chaos Of War Rather Accurately  
GA: I Did Not Enjoy Watching It But I Do Not Think It Is A Bad Movie Per Se  
GA: I Am Not Sure How To Express This Unpleasantness  
TT: The Clockwork Orange syndrome.  
GA: The What  
TT: You are acknowledging the movie is good, despite finding it a wholly unpleasant experience. A lot of people felt similarly ambivalent towards Clockwork Orange.  
GA: Ambivalent  
GA: I Think That Is The Correct Term  
CC: W)(ALE I NEVER WANT TO SEA T)(IS MOVIE AGAIN!  
AC: :33< i didn’t like watching it either  
AC: :33< it is so mean spurrited  
CC: SO MANY INNOCENTS DI----E!  
TC: WeLl I tHoUghT iT wAs KiNdA fUnNy.  
CG: GAMZEE YOU WHITENOSED PIECE OF SHIT I WILL GUT YOU LIKE A CLUCKBEAST ON TWELFTH PERIGEES EVE!  
TC: BrO tAkE iT cHiLl MaN. rElAx.  
TC: tHe InTeRaCtIoN bEtWeEn ThEsE hUmAn MoThErFuCkErS iN bEtWeEn ThEiR fIgHtInG wAs WiCkEd FuNnY.  
TC: ThEy BiTcHiNg AbOuT wHaTeVeR CrOsSeD tHeIr MiNdS oR jUsT sHoOtInG tHe ShIt, YoU KnOw.  
TC: LiKe mOtHeRfUcKiNg BrOtHeRs.  
CG: HUH….. YEAH, THAT SOUNDS LEGIT.  
TC: AnD wHeN tHaT mOtHeRfUcKeR gOt HiS aRmS bLoWn OfF?  
TC: ClAsSiC sHiT.  
CG: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned terminallyCapricious [TC] from memo--**

CG: I CAN’T FUCKING TRUST THAT GUY!  
CG: I AM TELLING NITRAM TO DOUBLE HIS SOPOR INTAKE STAT.  
GA: That Sounds Like A Wise Idea  
GT: This is going straight past me. Why did you ban the funny clown guy?  
GC: SO 3NGL1SH HOW D1D YOU L1K3 TH3 MOV13  
GT: It was better than the room.  
GC: TH4T DO3SN’T M34N SH1T  
GT: Well, I prefer the bombastic action flicks. Though this certainly had action, it was all so gosh darn depressive.  
GT: It is not a bad movie at all, and at parts even enjoyable but I don’t see myself choosing it over something among the lines of Avatar in the foreseeable future.  
TT: I thought it was an amusing exploration of the human psyche under stress.  
TT: Particularly interesting was seeing Charlie Sheen before he went insane, or became a parody of his former self.  
CG: SO WHAT, PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE WHO ISN’T A MORBID ASSHOLE IS AMBIVALENT TOWARDS IT OR DOWNRIGHT DISLIKES IT.  
GC: YOU D1DNT 4SK WH4T 1 THOUGHT  
CG: I DON’T REALLY CARE WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THE MOVIE  
GC: W3LL TH4TS TOO B4D C4US3 1 D1DNT L1K3 1T 4ND 1 4M 4 MORB1D 4SSHOL3 >:]  
GC: TH3R3 W4S SO MUCH GR33N WH1CH 1S F1N3 4T F1RST BUT B3COM3S 4 R34LLY DULL T4ST3 4S 1T P3RS1STS  
CG: ……. WONDERFUL.  
CG: NOW, MOVIE IS OVER. EVERYONE GET THE FUCK OUT.  
AC: :33< i don’t think anyone is falling fur that karkitty  
CG: EVERYONE GET THE FUCK OUT, PLEASE?  
AC: :33< no silly!  
AC: :33< we want to pick movies too!  
CG: URGH….. EVERYONE OF YOU?  
CC: YOU BETC)(A!  
CG: ALRIGHT, EVERYONE WHO HAS ALREADY PICKED A MOVIE, KINDLY GET THE FUCK OUT OR I WILL DO IT FOR YOU.  
GA: Should I Pressume To See You Next Week  
CG: PRESUME AWAY KANAYA.  
GA: Very Well  
GA: Rose I Do Hope To See You Soon  
GA: I Wish You Luck For Your Pitch  
TT: Much appreciated.

**\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] left memo—**

GT: So, I suppose I should take my leave as well.  
CG: YOU DEFINITELY SHOULD.  
GT: Though I have plenty of recommendations to make, I am sure you will enjoy.  
GT: What about the expendables?  
GT: It features all big action stars and is testes to the wall action from start to finish.  
CG: OUT.  
GT: Alright, just hear me out chum.  
GT: How do you feel about need for speed.   
GT: Wait, did trolls even have cars?  
CG: I SAID OUT!  
GT: Alright just listen!  
GT: What about Kick Ass?   
GT: A young boy wants to become a vigilante and becomes impervious to pain. With the help of Hitgirl and Big Daddy, played by Nicholas Cage he—

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned golgothasTerror [GT] from memo--**

CG: WE ARE *NOT* DOING NICHOLAS CAGE!  
GC: SO TH3R3 4R3 FOUR L3FT  
CG: FIVE DIPSHIT. IM STILL HERE TOO.  
GC: TH4TS WH4T 1 S41D  
GC: FOUR >:]  
CG: OH RIGHT, LIKE I FUCKING CARE.  
CG: PLEASE TEREZI, TELL ME WHAT MOVIE YOU WERE FUCKING THINKING OFF. AND IF AT ALL POSSIBLE, EXPLAIN IT IN THE MOST OBNOXIOUS WAY POSSIBLE!  
GC: W3LL  
GC: 1 DON’T H4V3 4N 1D34 R1GHT NOW BUT 1 4M SUR3 1 C4N F1ND SOM3TH1NG  
CG: NOT TAKING THAT RISK!  
CG: I AM NOT ENDING UP WITH ANOTHER FUCKING GHOST RIDER OR ANOTHER FUCKING TANGLED.  
GC: HOW 4BOUT 4 ROOM >:?

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gallowsCalibrator [GC]\--**

CG: HOW ABOUT NO?!  
AC: :33< so now there are four left  
CC: Y----ES!  
CC: W---E ARE AWESOME!  
CG: WELL, WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING MOVIE ABOUT PEIXES?  
CC: So t)(ere is t)(is princess.  
CC: T)(ere is t)(is prince t)(at s)(e )(ates.  
TT: This sounds awfully familiar.  
CC: W)(AT AR----E YOU GLUBBING ABOAT!  
TT: It is quite alright, Mrs Peixes. You are in an emotionally confusing situation.  
TT: Personally I would recommend sorting out your feelings.  
TT: Perhaps you should jam with my ectosister again.  
CC: 38O  
CC: T)(AT YOU DAR---E SUGGEST T)(AT!  
TT: Did I do something wrong?  
TT: *somefin.  
CC: NO, BUT T)(AT IS )(ARDCORE.  
CC: PAL—E PIMPING )(ER OUT LIK—E T)(AT.  
TT: Oh?  
TT: Do you want to turn this into a roleplay per chance?  
TT: Would that give you the pale vapors??  
CG: WHAT AM I EVEN READING!?  
CC: I am not s)(ore w)(at you are saying.  
CC: W)(at do you mean?  
TT: I can meet you tomorrow with, accompanied by Roxy. We can pretend she is a pale concubine, discuss her price, talk dirty a bit.  
TT: Of course, you get to treat her accordingly.  
CC: 38O  
TT: I am fairly certain Roxy would be up for this. She does enjoy the stranger aspects of troll culture.  
CG: I CAN’T BELIEVE I AM FUCKING READING THIS!  
TT: I will leave her in your capable hands for a pre-determined amount of time, then pick her up ‘collect my cash’ and leave.  
CC: 38O  
TT: All you need do mrs Peixes, is admit defeat in this little charade and I will contact you in private for more details.

**\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] left memo--**

TT: As I suspected.  
CG: THAT WAS FUCKING SLEAZY!  
TT: Nonsense. I read Roxy’s diary, I know her strange pale fantasies.  
AC: :33< but its wrong!  
AC: :33< i cant believe you would stoop so low rose!  
AC: :33< you wont buy me out of the memo that easily!  
TT: I did recently find a site of funny catvideos that I am fairly certain you have yet to discover…..

**\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] left memo--**

CG: YOU ARE FILTH.  
TT: All if fair in love and games. And moviewatching.  
CG: SO ARE YOU GOING TO BUY MY OUT TOO?  
TT: No. I am just going to make small talk with you.  
TT: Because I know how much it disturbs you.  
TT: Then again, you should talk to Dave more often. I am pretty sure he has completely forgotten the fine art of small talk and communicates solely through very dated internet references these days.  
CG: STOP IT!  
TT: My matespritship with Kanaya is going rather swimmingly these days, but I am sure you have noticed. The two of you are moirails in all but name and I am sure that if problems were to arise you would be the first person she’d contact.  
CG: NO WE ARE NOT.  
CG: ALSO, STOP TALKING!  
TT: I am just making nice Karkat.  
TT: Would you prefer I pitch my movie?  
CG: …..CAN YOU PROMISE ME IT WON’T SUCK?  
TT: I can promise it will be worth talking about.  
CG: FUCKING FANTASTIC.  
CG: GO NUTS. I’LL JUST PICK THE WEEK AFTER THAT.   
CG: WE CAN’T BEAT LALONDE IN A WORD-OFF.  
CG: SHE IS SIMPLY THE BEST THERE IS.  
TT: Such kind words.  
TT: Shall we then?  
CG: YES YES, AFTER ME.

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] left memo--**  
**\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] left memo--**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hot damn this one was difficult. The visuals are rather boring, making it a chore to pick images and I found it difficult to make jokes about this serious matter. Still, pretty glad with the end result.
> 
> So yeah..... Feferi is black for Eridan now and pale for Roxy (or at least has a friends with benefits sorta deal). So those are things that are happening. I promised myself I wouldn't crackship and now I am crackshipping anyway. Can't be tamed, not sure if I should tag it. What's next, John/Equius? Please brain, don't do John/Equius. 
> 
> Really difficult time choosing between the Cube and Black Swan, but leaning towards the latter. Partly because modern movies tend to make for easier image collecting, partly because of my fondness of lesbians but mostly because more people know it and I am a tool for seeing my hits number climb because it makes my balls feel big.
> 
> What was I talking about?


	12. Black Swan

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS--**

CG: WELL, LAST WEEK HAS BEEN A FUCKING EYE-OPENER ONCE AGAIN. IT’S ALMOST FASCINATING HOW MUCH YOU ASSHOLES CAN STILL SURPRISE ME AFTER SWEEPS.  
CG: IT *WOULD* BE SURPRISING, WERE IT NOT SO GODDAMN DEPRESSING.  
CG: ESPECIALLY FEFERI AND LALONDE SHOWED SIDES OF THEMSELVES I REALLY DIDN’T FUCKING WANT TO SEE.  
CG: BUT OF COURSE, JOKE IS ON ME AND NOW I CAN NEVER FUCKING UNREAD LALONDE PIMPING OUT HER ECTOSIBLING LIKE A PALE CONCUBINE.  
CG: I KEEP ON FORGETTING HOW HORRIBLE HUMANS ARE REGARDING THEIR PALE QUADRANT. IT’S LIKE THEY DON’T EVEN CARE ABOUT PROPER ETIQUETTE, WHICH THEY PROBABLY DON’T, BECAUSE AS HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED: THEY ARE PRETTY FUCKING STUPID.  
CG: OF COURSE, THAT WASN’T EVEN THE WORST OF IT BUT I RATHER NOT MENTION THE OTHER CRIMES THAT HAVE BEEN COMMITTED TO SENSIBLE ROMANCE.  
CG: AS FOR THE MOVIE?  
CG: TOO FUCKING WEIRD AND TOO FUCKING MESSY FOR ME TO ENJOY. WHAT WAS THE CAMERAMAN DOING DURING THE ACTION SCENES? I COULDN’T SEE SHIT OF WHAT WAS HAPPENING, AND THAT IS KINDA IMPORTANT WHEN ANY CHARACTER CAN DIE AT A MOMENT’S NOTICE!  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS A VIETNAM?  
CG: THROUGH MEANS OF MAKING ME MILDLY UNCOMFORTABLE HOWEVER WE WILL GET TO SEE LALONDE’S PICK TONIGHT AND COLOR ME TERRIFIED ALREADY.  
CG: IF THIS DOESN’T FEATURE AT LEAST TWO KINDS OF ELDRITCH ABOMONATIONS, I AM GOING TO BE SEVERELY DISAPPOINTED, BUT AT THE VERY LEAST I KNOW I WILL SLEEP PEACEFULLY TONIGHT.

**\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] joined memo--**

CG: AH FUCK. WHAT NOW?  
CA: kar  
CA: i wwas wwaiting for you to get online somewwhere  
CA: I need your help  
CG: SPEAK TO ME IN PRIVATE THEN. FOR FUCK’S SAKE, HOW DIFFICULT IS THAT?  
CG: I DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR NO DOUBT EMBARRASSING SITUATION WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE IT!  
CA: it says your offline  
CG: OH YEAH, FORGOT I BLOCKED YOU.  
CA: wwhat  
CA: wwhy wwould you evven do that?  
CG: WHAT DO YOU THINK I WOULD?!  
CA: wwhatevver its not important  
CA: I need your help so i wwill forgivve that ovversight  
CG: RAISE THE FUCKING BANNERS AND SOUND THE TRUMPETS. I AM SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY TO HEAR THAT. SO WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!  
CA: look its fef  
CA: wwe kinda hit it off after last movvie  
CA: and i wwas like: wwell this is gonna be swwell  
CA: ivve been her moirail so i knoww all her wweak spots this wwill be easy  
CA: turns out it wwasnt easy  
CG: DO I DARE TO EVEN FUCKING ASK?  
CA: evverything hurts kar  
CA: i cant evven believve howw fuckin strong fef is  
CA: i cant feel my legs  
CA: is that normal  
CA: cause i don’t think that shit is normal  
CG: …….WHAT HAPPENED?  
CA: intense hatesnoggin  
CG: GODDAMNIT.  
CA: seriously the wwoman wwas fuckin serious  
CA: she slammed me against wwalls like nobodys business  
CA: also she is a biter  
CA: i did not expect her to be a biter  
CA: not that she shies awway from bruisin either cause damn  
CA: i got some nasty ones like you wwouldnt believve  
CA: ill send them to your celluar communications devvice  
CG: ARE YOU HERE BECAUSE YOU NEED HELP OR ARE YOU HERE TO FUCKING GLOAT!?  
CA: wwell to gloat really  
CG: OH YOU LIZARD-BRAINED IMBECILE!  
CG: YOU SAID YOU NEEDED MY HELP YOU ASSHOLE!  
CA: wwell yeah no one else wwould listen  
CA: no need to get jealous kar  
CG: I AM *NOT* FUCKING JEALOUS ON YOUR LITTLE HATEFLING AMPORA!  
CG: THIS CHAT IS NOT FOR YOU TO BRAG ON, SO GET THE FUCK OUT OF DODGE!  
CA: but howw else are people supposed to get jealous on me bein such an amazin kismesis?  
CA: you knoww i nevver really figured me an fef wwould go black for each other   
CA: but it kinda felt right after the second date wwith all the bleedin and bruisin she did  
CA: and you knoww wwhat they say about the third one  
CA: wwink wwink   
CA: nudge nudge

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned caligulasAquarium [CA]—**

CG: SO, I AM GLAD TO KNOW THAT THE BLACK QUADRANT IS BEING ABUSED AS WELL. THANK FUCK FOR THAT. WE WOULDN’T WANT FOR ANY OF OUR ALTERNIAN TRADITIONS TO BE KEPT IN TACT NOW WOULD WE?   
CG: BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON, YOU PEOPLE JUST SEEM TO HATE BUILDING A TRADITIONAL RIVALRY OR GETTING PAPPED OUT OF YOUR DESTRUCTIVE URGES AS OPPOSED TO GETTING PIMPED OUT IN A PALE MANNER!  
CG: NOW ALL THAT’S LEFT IS FOR US TO MAKE A PERFECT MOCKERY OUT OF A MATESPRITSHIP AND WE WILL BE JUST FUCKING PEACHY!!!

**\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] joined memo--**

GC: WH4T 4BOUT 4USP1ST1CM >:?  
CG: THE ASHEN QUADRANT IS SUCH A MESS ALREADY THAT WHATEVER THE REST OF TEAM FUCK-LOGIC WILL DO, IT WONT WORSEN IT.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DOES A HEALTHY AUSPISTICM EVEN ENTAIL? WHERE IS THE ROMANCE, THE PASSION?  
GC: WH3R3 4R3 TH3 SLOPPY M4K3 OUTS  
CG: YOU DON’T HAVE THOSE WITH A MOIRAIL EITHER, YOU BLOODY HARPY!  
GC: H3H3H3H3  
GC: S4YS WHO?  
GC: 1 DON’T R3M3MB3R 4NY RUL3S L1K3 TH4T B31NG WR1TT3N 1N TH3 OFF1C14L MO1R41L H4NDBOOK  
CG: WE DON’T EVEN HAVE ONE OF THOSE!  
CG: COME TO THINK OF IT, YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A MOIRAIL TOO SMOOCH! YOUR SCANDALOUS THREAT IS COMPLETELY NON-VALID!  
GC: B4H, G1V3 1T T1M3  
CG: YOU HAVE NO ASPIRATIONS FOR YOUR PALE QUADRANT AT ALL, DO YOU?!  
GC: NOT P4RT1CUL4RLY  
GC: 1 M34N 1 H4D SOM3 V3RY 4MUS1NG F4NT4S13S 1NVOLV1NG MR 4PPL3B3RRY-BL4ST 4ND/OR MRS C1NN4MON P1X13 BUT 1 DON’T TH1NK 1 W1LL 4CT ON TH3M  
CG: WAIT, YOU’RE PALE FOR SOLLUX?!  
GC: M4YB3 4 L1TTL3 >:?  
GC: 1T W4S JUST 4 SMUTTY P4L3 F4NT4SY 1TS NOT 4 B1G D34L  
CG: NO, I THINK THIS IS A PRETTY BIG FUCKING DEAL.  
CG: YOU WERE PAPPING YOURSELF THINKING OF MY SORTA BEST FRIEND!  
GC: TH1NK1NG OF H1M WH1L3 H4PP3N1NG TO 4MUS3 SOM3 P4L3 THOUGHTS  
GC: TOT4LLY D1FF3R3NT

**\-- twinArmageddons [TA] joins memo--**

TA: chrii2t ii 2top joiiniing your dumb moviie2 for a few week2 and the whole world turn2 to 2hiit  
TA: tz cant 2top fanta2iiziing about what hot pale baiit ii am  
TA: ff 2uddenly become2 black for ed   
TA: cat2 and dog2 liiviing together  
TA: ma22 hy2teriia  
GC: OH DON’T FL4TT3R YOURS3LF  
GC: L1K3 YOU N3V3R 4MUS3D ON3 OR TWO P4L3 F4NT4S13S 4BOUT OUR GLOR1OUS L34D3R  
CG: WHOA, WHAT!!??  
TA: yeah 2eriiou2 tz what??  
GC: COM3 ON  
GC: DON’T T3LL M3 YOU GUYS N3V3R 3V3N THOUGHT 4BOUT 1T  
CG: NO, AND I WILL CULL EVERY NOOKWHIFFING IDIOT WHO CLAIMS OTHERWISE!  
GC: NOT 3V3N WH3N NO ON3 1S W4TCH1NG >;)  
TA: why ii2 everyone 2o fuckiing concerned about theiir 2tupiid quadrants  
GC: W3LL MRS BUBBL3GUM 1S F1LL1NG TH3M UP PR3TTY SMOOTHLY SO F4R  
GC: SH3 NOW H4S TH4T BL4CK TH1NG W1TH 3R1D4N 4ND 1S K1ND4 SORT4 P4L3 W1TH MRS COTTON C4NDY  
TA: thii2 ii2 what happen2 iif ii mii22 a few dumb moviie2 for fuck 2ake  
GC: YOU COULD 4LW4YS GO P4L3 FOR K4RK4T  
TA: we both know we would hate each other2 gut2 half of the tiime iif we ever became a couple  
GC: BUT WH4T 4BOUT TH3 OTH3R H4LF  
GC: TH1NK 4BOUT 1T  
CG: DON’T EVEN FUCKING TEMPT HIM!

**\-- gardenGnostic [GG] joined memo--**

GG: hi everyone!!!  
GG: what is going on?  
TA: apparently everyone ii2 hookiing up the2e day2  
GG: what?  
GG: how did i miss that?  
GG: did you hook up sollux? did karkat?   
GG: GASP! DID YOU HOOK UP WITH EACH OTHER?! :o  
CG: NO ONE IS HOOKING UP WITH ANYONE DAMNIT!  
GC: 3XC3PT F3F3R1  
CG: RIGHT, EXCEPT HER.  
GG: oh yeah, I heard about that on during the tea party :B  
GG: eridan is such a dork  
CG: HOW COME I’M NEVER INVITED TO THOSE PARTIES ANYWAY?  
CG: YOU NOW, SO I CAN POLITELY TURN DOWN THE INVITATION CAUSE THERE IS NO CHANCE I WANT TO BE FOUND DEAD THERE.  
GC: 1TS G1RLS ONLY >:]  
CG: THAT IS SEXIST! FUCK, ITS DOWNRIGHT MYSANDRIST!  
GC: OH WH4T3V3R YOU B1G B4BY  
GG: hihihihi :B  
GG: and rose told me she is going to pick the next movie, so I am really looking forward to it!!  
CG: IF IT DOESN’T INCLUDE TENTACLES, HORRORTERRORS OR AN UNHOLY COMBINATION OF THE TWO, I AM GOING TO BE FUCKING RELIEVED, IF NOT A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED.  
GC: 1 TOO W4NT TO S33 THOS3 CR34TUR3S PUT TH31R T3NT4CL3S TO GOOD US3 >;]  
CG: GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TODAY?  
TA: tz ii2 iin the mood  
TA: let her be  
CG: NOT BEFORE SHE AT LEAST PICKS A QUADRANT TO BE EERILY FORWARD IN DAMNIT!  
GC: YOU 4R3 NO FUN

**\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] joined memo--**

TT: I see the festivities have already begun.  
GG: HI ROSE!!!!  
TT: Hello Jade. A pleasure meeting you here.   
TT: I take it you want to partake in this viewing?  
GG: oh yes :B  
GG: i really want to know what kind of movie you picked!  
CG: IT’S GOING TO BE SOMETHING HORRIBLE.  
GG: it’s going to be something adorable mr grumpypants!  
TA: why the fuck would the griimdark wiitchbiitch piick 2omethiing adorable  
GG: rose always acts like she is dark and mature and stuff, but she really likes cute things as well  
GG: she told me beauty and the beast is like, one of her favorite movies!  
TT: Jade, I would appreciate it if you didn’t damage the reputation of my woegothic persona any further.  
GG: :B  
GG: you aren’t fooling me missy!  
TT: Far be it from me to assume that I can.  
GC: 1V3 SP3NT SOM3 T1M3 W1TH LOV3LY MRS L4V3ND3R C4NT4LOUP3 ON TH3 M3T3OR  
GC: SH3 1S NOT 4S B4D 4S SH3 TR13S TO B3  
TT: Is this how my ectobrother feels when we verbally emasculate him?  
GC: NO  
GC: H3 F33LS WORS3 >:]  
TT: In that case, I have no complaints.

**\-- centaursTesticle [CT] joined memo--**

CT: D--> Good day.   
CG: OH GODDAMNIT, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO COME HERE?  
CT: Because I desire to see a movie. Now let us begin.  
TT: I do believe we have more guests coming.  
GC: MRS M1NTY R41NBOWDR1NK3R 1SN’T H3R3 Y3T  
CT: D--> Hmph.   
GG: hello equius!  
CT: D--> Hello Harley.   
CT: D--> Have you managed to get your teleportation platforms fi%ed again?  
GG: oh yes!  
GG: the local system is up and running. I will work on a more global system next week.  
GG: thanks for your help :D  
CT: D Not a problem.   
GC: W41T  
GC: WHY D1D YOU M4K3 THOS3 T3L3PORT3RS  
GC: TH4T DO3SN’T M4K3 S3NS3 >:/  
GG: why not?  
TT: Jade, you are a near omnipotent space witch. Teleportation should be well within the range of your abilities.  
GG: oh duh :P  
GG: but what if you guys want to teleport and im gone doing spacey things?  
GG: now you can teleport anywhere in a radius of about 10 miles, but that area will grow soon I promise :D  
TT: That is considerate, if a bit unnecessary.  
TA: zahhak..  
CT: D--> Captor.

**\-- assidiousGoddess [AG] joined memo--**

AG: Goodness, I hope I am not too l8.  
GG: hi vriska!  
TT: Incorrect.  
GG: huh?  
TT: Look at her handle.  
TA: oh what the fuck now..  
TA: thii2 whole memo ii2 goiing to 2hiit already  
GC: TH4T 1S NOT V3RY N1C3 MR 4PPL3B3RRY BL4ST  
TA: ii am not very niice  
AG: Not to 8e a 8other, 8ut Meenah mentioned ‘somefin a8oat’ a stream wherein everyone gathers to watch movies. This sounds like a very pleasant concept and I would like to take part in this, if that is alright.  
CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD WE WANT TO DO THAT!?  
CG: GIVE ME ONE FUCKING REASON WHY I SHOULDN’T FUCKING SMITHE YOU WITH MY ALMIGHTY BANHAMMER RIGHT NOW?!  
CG: YOU NEARLY COST US THE FUCKING GAME YOU TREACHEROUS LUNATIC!  
AG: To 8e fair, it seemed to make a lot of sense at the time.  
CG: YOU KILLED JADE YOU INSUFFERABLE HARPY!  
GG: wait she did? :O  
AG: This was for everyone’s 8enefit at the time. She would have served as the Condescension’s puppet were she alive.  
AG: I think we can all agree that a 8rainwashed witch of space would 8e a very dangerous opponent.  
GG: you KILLED me?!  
GG: :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O  
AG: Well, I did not ENJOY doing it…….. 8ut yes. I kind of un-alived you.  
CT: D--> She did what was necessary.  
TA: yeah no  
TA: hii remember me?  
AG: Sollux I 8elieve?   
AG: The mage of doom of your session, an o8sessive compulsive desire to do everything in twofold and a powerful psiioniic despite never reaching godtier.  
TA: well yeah that2 the gii2t of iit  
TA: but remember all tho2e gho2t2 you 2ent to their doubledeath?  
AG: Which served a gr8er purpose. I am not entirely sure how you still fail to grasp that.  
AG: 8esides, you left the treasure hunting party with the rear-admiral and the commodore. You never got to see the epic conclusion.  
TA: well fuck that change2 nothiing  
GC: SH3 DO3S S33M 4 LOT MOR3 POL1T3 TH4N VR1SK4  
GC: 1F 4 B1T MOR3 BOR1NG  
AG: Please do not make the mistake of calling me ‘8oring’. I really dislike people doing that.  
CG: POINT FUCKING BEING: I AM NOT HAVING PREVIOUSLY OMNIPOTENT BULGEPOLISHERS IN THIS STREAM. NO MATTER HOW FUCKING POLITE. 

**\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] joined memo--**

GA: Hello Everyone  
TT: Good day darling.   
TT: Have you been well?  
GA: I Have Been Better  
CG: WHAT HAPPENED?  
GA: Well  
GA: It Turns Out That Taking Nepetas Measurements Is A Bigger Challenge Than I Had Previously Anticipated  
CT: D--> Ah, yes…..  
CT: D--> I do apologize for that.  
GA: It Was Not A Big Deal Honestly  
GA: Just Very Exhausting  
GA: And The Damage Done To These Poor Fabrics  
CT: D--> Nepeta can be….. Very playful yes.  
GA: I Just Thought That She Would Look Lovely In A Dress  
CT: D--> Oh…..  
GA: I Have None But Myself To Blame  
CT: D--> Nevertheless, it is my duty as moirail to educate her on acceptable behavior.   
CT: D--> Please A%cept my apologies.  
GA: It Is Quite Alright  
GC: W1LL YOU TWO CONT1NU3 TO 4POLOG1Z3 TO 34CH OTH3R 4LL N1GHT?  
GA: I Apologize If You Did Not Found Our Conversation Stimulating Terezi  
GA: Also If I May  
GA: Who Is Assidious Goddess  
AG: That would 8e me.  
GA: I Gathered That Much  
AG: I am Aranea. Vriska’s dancestor.  
CG: AND YOU ARE NOT STAYING!  
TA: you miight a2 well let her at thii2 poiint  
CG: QUIET!  
TA: ju2t let me 2ay thii2 iin advance 2erket.  
TA: out2iide of dumb moviie chat2 we are much cooler..  
AG: I shall keep that in mind?

**\-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] joined memo—**

GG: Hello everyone.  
TT: Good evening Jane. I am glad you could make it.  
GG: Hoohoohoo, far be it from me to miss such a delightful event.  
GA: We Sadly Had To Miss You Last Week  
GG: I am afraid I simply could not help myself.  
GG: Dirk requested my help in testing a new robot. Though there was not much actual testing done, it did keep me from joining your hubbubaloo.  
AG: My, that sounds intriguing.   
TT: Well, if it could not be helped.  
CT: D--> If I may, mrs Lalonde, what kind of movie do you propose we watch.  
TT: The tragic descent into madness of a young woman.  
GA: Of Course  
GA: We Expected Either This Or Eldritch Horrors  
TT: I admit, it was very tempting to pick one such movie. However, I wasn’t entirely certain who would join us tonight, so I shamefully picked something more ‘quote’ mainstream ‘unquote’ to ensure everyone involved will have a decent time.  
GG: Oh, I am certain we will manage.  
CT: D--> Rather quite.  
TA: why don’t we ever treat each other all re2pectful and diigniifiied liike thii2 kk??  
CG: SHUT UP SOLLUX.  
TA: a2 ii thought

**\-- terrorCarnival [TC] joined memo—**

TA: and who ii2 thii2 douchebag?  
TC: [:oI](http://media.tumblr.com/25d92399d99e3db91c97f0d53de5a942/tumblr_inline_n7j1diq5uF1qa7k0a.gif)   
TA: 2ay what?  
TC: [:o)](http://data1.whicdn.com/images/66848817/large.gif)   
AG: Hello Kurloz.  
AG: I did not expect to see you here today.  
TC: [:o)](http://d3dsacqprgcsqh.cloudfront.net/photo/aVOynxO_460sa_v1.gif)   
CG: MOTHERFUCK…..  
CG: TWO OF THESE ALPHA DOUCHEBAGS IN MY STREAM. I DON’T THINK I CAN TAKE THIS.   
CG: IF THESE FUCKERS DRIVE ME TO COMMIT SUICIDE, BURN MY BODY AND SPREAD THE ASHES IN THEIR EYES SO I MAY BLIND THEM POSTHUMOUS!  
CT: D--> Highb100d. A pleasure meeting you again.  
TC: [:o)](http://media.giphy.com/media/hxlKEzgxrBV96/giphy.gif)  
CT: D--> You are a much more respectable troll than your Alternian counterpart. I hope we will get along this movie, like we did earlier.  
TC: [:o) ](http://media.giphy.com/media/BFqo9mi3yJtrG/giphy.gif)   
CT: D--> They certainly were good times.  
CT: D--> Seeing the buff chest of Arnold Scharzenegger…... His outstanding pectoral muscles…… His tightened buttocks………  
TC: [:oI](http://static.fjcdn.com/gifs/Stewie_2d7d19_1189759.gif)   
CT: D--> The way he utterly dominated the beta male……. Hngh…….  
GG: uhm…  
GG: are you okay equius?  
CT: D--> Forgive me. The subject matter is making me…… perspire.  
GG: that’s okay i guess? :/  
CG: NO. NO IT IS NOT FUCKING OKAY.  
CG: IT WILL NEVER BE FUCKING OKAY!  
GG: I do believe you are overreacting Karkat.  
GG: yeah  
GG: you can’t really help sweating can you?  
GG: is that a troll thing?  
AG: It is not.  
GG: so it is an involuntarily bodily reaction right?  
GG: it could happen to anyone.  
TT: Indeed. Hyperhidrosis is not a laughing matter.  
TT: It may in fact be linked to diabetes or a lingering infection.  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCKING FORGET IT!  
CG: I GOT A STREAM FULL OF HUMANS, A MOUTH FULL OF YELLING AND A TORTURED PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE, FULL OF COMPLETELY HYSTERICAL TENDANCIES AND UNAIRED GRIEVANCES AGAINST PRETTY MUCH EVERYBODY, SO BUCKLE THE FUCK UP! WE’RE IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL!  
TT: I take it that means you want me to begin the movie.

GG: oh oh OH we are starting :D  
AG: So I see.  
GA: This Looks A Little Like A Human Wedding Gown  
GA: Is There A Matespritship Being Celebrated At The Opening Of The Movie  
GC: HOW DO YOU KNOW WH4T 4 W3DD1NG GOWN 1S  
GA: I Have My Sources  
TA: griimdark wiizard 2ource2  
TT: Please, that happened maybe one time.  
TA: yeah  
TA: great fuckiing party that wa2  
TT: Oh, my apologies. How many times did you die again?  
TA: whoa, are we equatiing dyiing wiith 2elliing your 2oul to dark tentaclemon2ter2 now?  
TA: cau2e that ii2 the wor2t math iive 2een 2iince kk triied to make a calculatiion program.  
CG: WHAT WAS THAT?!  
GC: G1RLS PL34S3  
GC: B3H4V3 >:]  
CT: D--> It is e%pected behavior from baseb100ds such as Captor and Vantas.  
CG: DON’T YOU EVEN FUCKING START!  
AG: My, are these sessions always so lively?  
GG: Not really. Normally they are worse :B

GG: what is this :O  
TT: I don’t take it you are familiar with Swan Lake, Jade?  
GG: hihi, nope :B  
TT: I expected as much.  
TT: This movie serves as a decent, if dramatized, introduction to the story of the play.  
GG: alright, sounds good.  
GC: SO W3 G3T NO 3XPL3N4T1ON ON TH3 HORNY MONST3R TH1NG?  
GG: Are you from an island like Jake Jade?  
GG: oh yes  
GG: my island was the best island!  
GG: there was so much to do and bec was there!  
GG: he was such a good dog and also my best friend  
GG: I’m sorry. I take it the game took him from you?  
GC: TH3R3 1S TH1S MONST3R?  
GG: well something like that….. its complicated.  
GG: sometimes i miss him, but I made so much more friends!!!  
GC: M4Y N33D YOUR 4TT3NT1ON?  
GG: That is good to hear.  
GG: I am curious, did you have monsters on your island as well?  
GG: no, just me and my dog :)  
GG: we still had a lot of adventures together  
GG: it was a lot of fun  
GC: STOP 1GNOR1NG M3  
TA: human2 am ii riight  
TC: [:o)](http://media.giphy.com/media/QBjH0bEtlZheg/giphy.gif)

CG: EXPOSITION TROUGH HUMAN MOTHER DIALOGUE.  
TA: what the fuck even ii2 a ballet  
CT: D--> Captor, your lack of culture is showing.  
TA: oh 2tuff iit.  
GG: You had dancers on Alternia?  
GC: W3 H4D D4NC3RS ON 4LT3RN14?  
CT: D--> Definitely. They were very pop001ar….. amidst certain circles.  
CT: D--> The way their bodies could gyrate……. Simply e%cuisite.   
GA: Equius I Think This Is Going In A Direction We Do Not Wish To Traverse  
AG: Oh, I wouldn’t say that.  
AG: I for one, am very curious a8out the Alternian dancers.  
CG: THAT WILL BE A TALE FOR ANOTHER TIME. FOR NOW YOU CAN FILE IT UNDER THE ‘S’ PILE OF DOCUMENTS. SPECIFICALLY UNDER: ‘SHIT NOBODY CARES ABOUT’!  
CG: WHY KARKAT, WHAT A BIG PILE OF DOCUMENTS THAT IS.  
CG: YES INDEED, YOU INSURMOUNTABLE PRICK.  
AG: Well, there’s no need to 8e rude.  
CG: FUCK BEING RUDE! YOU NEARLY HAD US ALL KILLED!!!!  
TA: are you 2tiill on about that?  
CG: WHAT!?  
GC: K4RK4T C4NT L3T GO OF 4 GRUDG3  
CG: ARE YOU FUCKING FOR REAL!?  
GA: Need I Remind You That Mrs Crocker Is The Only One Amongst Us Who Actually Killed You  
GG: Uhm….. We got better?  
GG: As in, both of us.  
CG: OF COURSE. HOW COULD I FORGET THE POKING UTENSIL LODGED THROUGH MY CHEST!  
CG: GOD, THIS IS TURNING OUT TO BE A LOVELY FUCKING STREAM TONIGHT.  
GG: well its your fault for being so rude to everyone!  
GG: lighten up and just enjoy the movie :)  
CG: AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!  
TA: kk ju2t need2 to get hiim2elf a fuckiing moiiraiil already  
TA: he ii2 tryiing 2o hard to be pap baiit iit2 not even funny anymore  
CG: NO!  
TA: what?  
CG: NO. WE ARE *NOT* DISCUSSING THAT SHIT IN A PUBLIC MEMO AGAIN. *ESPECIALLY* WITH LALONDE WATCHING MY EVERY MOVE LIKE A GODDAMN MURDERBIRD.  
TT: ;)  
TC: ;o)

GA: So After Seeing A Strange Person On The Train She Arrives At Her Work With The Rest Of The Dancers  
TT: Strange person on the train…. Could you elaborate?  
GA: Well The Camera Lingered On Her   
GA: She Was Dressed In All Black  
GA: We Only Saw Her Through A Window  
GG: I suppose windows and reflections are going to be a theme in this movie?  
TT: Oh, most certainly. The director appears to be big fan of Jungian psychology.  
TA: ii have no iidea what any of that mean2  
TT: It means that there is going to be a plot of playing with mirrors to enforce the theme of the movie.  
TA: okay that make2 2en2e ii gue22  
TA: iif you 2top thiinkiing about iit   
AG: The other dancers are gossiping a8out this ‘8eth’ person.   
AG: They seem very unkind towards, what I suppose to 8e, the matriarch of their troupe.  
TT: That’s one way of putting it.  
GG: oh i just hate it when people act like that!  
GG: at least dare to say it to her face!  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE?  
CG: PEOPLE WHO TRY TO TAKE OVER THE ENTIRE FUCKING UNIVERSE AND RESHAPE IT IN THEIR IMAGE!  
AG: Well, that could 8e anyone……..

GG: Who is this, and why does she remind me of ‘Meg’ from Family Guy?  
TT: It amuses me to no end to know that you watched Family Guy.  
GG: Hoohoo, they attempted to block it from my television but they failed to outfox me :B  
GA: Truly You Are The Best Fox  
GA: It Is You  
AG: I do not know what this ‘Meg’ is…. 8ut it sounds disappointing.  
TC: :o)  
GC: WHY DO TH3 G1RLS PROC33D TO M4K3 FUN OF H3R?  
TA: becau2e 2he ii2 new and different  
GC: HUM4NS 4R3 SH4LLOW

CG: MORE FUCKING MIRRORS. AN ENTIRE GODDAMN ROOM DEVOTED TO THE SHIT.  
CG: I GET IT MOVIE, YOU HAVE A HARD-ON FOR REFLECTIONS AND SOME DUMB SORT OF SYMBOLISM, NO NEED TO BANG IT OVER OUR FUCKING HEADS!  
CT: D--> Vantas, if I may.  
CG: NO.  
CT: D--> This type of room is very commonly used for dance practice.   
TA: look2 more liike ed2 room  
TA: fuckiin narcii2ii2t  
GC: H4NDS OF C4PTOR  
GC: H3 1S NOW PROP3RTY OF PR1NC3SS BUBBL3GUM  
GA: How Do You Know What Eridans Room Looks Like  
TA: that2 none of your fuckiin bee2wax  
TA: and piicturiing tho2e two together wiill giive me niightmare2 for the re2t of the 2weep 2o can we plea2e 2top talkiing about iit  
GG: I think its really pretty how those dancers move :O  
GG: they are so elegant  
TA: ye2 let2 talk about the dancer2 iinstead

CG: AND NOW WE ARE INTRODUCING CHARACTERS THROUGH REFLECTIONS? FUCK IF THIS MOVIE HAD A SLIGHTLY BIGGER HARD-ON FOR MIRRORS, IT COULD PICK THE SHARDS OF GLASS FROM ITS DICK!  
GG: quiet fuckass!  
GG: i am really liking this movie!  
CG: AGAIN WITH THE CALLING ME A FUCKASS! IT WAS A DUMB WORD I SAID ONCE AND INSTANTLY REGRETTED. CAN WE PLEASE DROP IT?!  
GG: nope :B  
GA: I Believe It Has Become A Term Of Endearment From Jade Karkat  
CG: CAN WE HAVE A SLIGHTLY LESS RETARDED TERM OF ENDEARMENT?!  
TA: oh 2o thii2 ii2 the 2tory of 2wan lake  
AG: Ah yes, the heart rendering tale of a princes cursed to be a neckbird, trying to win the heart of a highblood only to have him snatched away.  
AG: Distraught, the princess kills herself. It is really quite tragic.  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS TRAGIC?!  
CG: TRYING TO BECOME THE PIXIE GODMOTHER OF A UNIVERSE, ONLY TO BE KICKED BACK TO THE DREAMBUBBLES!  
AG: Are you still on a8out that?  
GG: he has a hard time letting go  
AG: Evidently.   
CG: OH MY GOD, JADE SHE KILLED YOU!  
CG: IN COLD BLOOD!  
CG: WITH YOUR HIVE!  
GG: well, i got better?  
CG: AAAAAAAAAARGHH!

CT: D--> So our protagonist infiltrates the room of the current lead dancer.  
CT: D--> Why?  
TA: to 2teal her 2hiiney thiing2 apparently.  
GG: And there is more camerawork focusing on the reflection of Natalie Portman.  
GA: You Mean Nina  
GA: Nina Something Something  
GG: Hoo hoo, it is so much easier to call her Natalie Portman :B  
GG: but why does she steal those things?  
GG: she doesn’t look poor or anything, she could probably just buy it  
TT: Though I admit this seems like an odd course of action, it will make sense nearing act three.  
TT: Also try to remember that she was the only dancer *not* talking bad about the lead dancer.  
GC: DO3S SH3 H4V3 UNR3QU1TT3D R3D F33L1NGS?

TT: And here we discover the main conflict of the film.  
CT: D--> What are you talking about.  
CT: D--> The only thing we learn here is that Ninalie Portman is an e%cellent white swan but falls short of being a proper black one.  
GG: Perhaps that is the crux of the conflict.   
CT: D--> This confuses me. How c001d there be a conflict without e%ternal parties to enforce it.  
TT: No, there are external forces perpetuating the conflict. They are just not the main focus.  
CT: D--> Hmph. You speak in riddles.  
CT: D--> It is no wonder Ampora pegged you for a seadweller upon our discovery of your species.  
TT: I am flattered.  
TA: am ii the only one fuckiin creeped out by thii2 iincrea2e iin poliite chat2peak?  
TA: iin between eq, rl, jc, ky, and vk2 dance2tor there aren’t enough people 2ayiing fuck  
AG: I am perfectly capable of saying ‘fuck’. I just do not feel like it as often as you do.  
TA: ii can fuckiing 2ee that  
GG: Well excuse us for deeming it unnecessary to sully our mouths with an overabundance of naughty language.  
TA: oh my god 2top iit  
TA: ju2t 2wear once to prove to me you are not 2ome 2ort of 2kynet aii 2ent to ob2erve u2  
TC: :o)  
CT: D--> Have you also seen that movie Captor?  
CG: GUYS! MOVIE! FOCUS!

GC: TH1S SC3N3 4DDS NOTH1NG  
AG: Look closer.  
GC: >:o  
GC: TH4T 1S H1GHLY OFF3NS1V3  
GA: You Are Not Fooling Anyone Terezi  
GC: BLUH  
GC: YOU 4R3 NO FUN  
GA: Smell Closer And Tell Us What You Err  
GA: Observe  
AG: It is only visible for an instance.  
CG: I AM NOT REWINDING THIS SHIT.   
GC: NOP3 1 DON’T SM3LL 1T  
AG: Sigh……..

GG: aaaaw  
GG: her mother is all supportive and stuff  
AG: Your human-lusus relations are so very different from ours.  
CG: THAT’S BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT REALLY LUSII NUMBNUTS.  
GA: Karkat Must You Continue To Antagonize Her  
CG: YES!  
AG: It is quite alright Maryam. He is not the first undesired 8lack suitor I’ve had since the ring incident.  
TC: [:o)](http://mspabooru.com//images/15/172466682e8de7726a1be01bcc7020cc.gif?135597)   
AG: Kurloz no. I would never do something that silly.  
TC: [:o( ](http://d3dsacqprgcsqh.cloudfront.net/photo/apqOoAD_460sa_v1.gif)  
CG: OH MY FUCK, THERE IS NOTHING CONCUPISCENT ABOUT MY DISLIKE FOR YOU!  
CG: NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE WRAPPED IN A BLANKET OF CONFUSED CALIGINOUS EMOTION. *ESPECIALLY* WHEN NORMAL PLATONIC ‘OH-FUCK-WHY-IS-THIS=BITCH-HERE’ HATE IS TOTALLY ADEQUATE!

GG: aaaaaw :(  
GG: she worked so hard and she still doesn’t get the role  
GG: She is too much of a perfectionist to play the role of Black Swan, which is more about letting loose and spontaneity.  
GG: Golly, that must be so frustrating for a perfectionist to hear.  
CT: D--> Nepeta often claims I am too perfectionistic myself. Also that I am too controlling.  
GG: oh that’s too bad  
GG: is there any way to change that?  
CT: D--> Yes.  
CT: D--> I correct her.

GG: Heavens, he is not supposed to do that.  
TT: Why not?  
GG: Its…. Inappropriate?  
CT: D--> I concur.  
GG: She is so much younger than him.  
TT: Well, I am told age is only a number.  
TA: whoa  
TA: 2uddenly ii am way iinto thii2 moviie  
TA: thii2 2cene wa2 kiinda porny already, liike: ‘no plea2e 2iir ii really need the job. Iill do anythiing’.  
GC: 4NYTH1NG?  
TA:anythiing GC: TH3N H3 T4K3S H1S P4NTS OFF  
TA: riight and then the porn 2tart2  
TA: glad the moviie realiize2 how porny iit wa2  
CG: THIS ‘THOMA’ GUY IS PURE SLEAZE.  
GA: He Reacts Very Interesting When Nina Decides To Bite Him  
GA: A Very Casual Quotation Marks Ouch You Bit Me Comma I Cannot Believe You Bit Me End Quotation Marks  
GG: You know, if it hinders your typing, why not use normal punctuation?  
GA: Do Not Even Jest About Such Things

GG: BUT THEN SHE GETS THE ROLE ANYWAY :D:D:D:D  
GG: GOOD JOB NINA!  
GG: Yes, but the director already told her she lacks the qualities of a Black Swan.  
GG: I am not entirely sure this is because of her talent or just to keep the kiss quiet.

GC: TH3 OTH3R G1RLS T4K3 1T W3LL  
AG: My, these scorned dancers move fast. It can’t have 8een more than 10 in-movie minutes since the announcement was made.  
GA: And Do They Already Know About Thomas Molesting Her Or Are These Just Wild Assumptions Of Frustrated Women  
GC: WHY DO3S SH3 T4K3 1T SO P3RSON4LLY 4NYW4Y?  
GC: TH4T COULD H4V3 B33N M34NT FOR 4NYBODY

TT: But then, once she is in the comfort of her own home, she makes a startling discovery.  
GG: So she has a rash.  
CT: D--> Your species gets those?  
GG: I respect a certain degree of perfectionism but isn’t she just straining herself at this point?  
GG: Isn’t she just straining herself now?  
TT: Yes, she is.  
TT: Astute observation.  
GG: Now you are just mocking me.  
TT: ;)  
GG: rose don’t tease  
GG: Do not fret Jade, I can take it.  
GG: Mrs Lalonde knows better than to incur the wrath of the pranking master.  
TT: I think John would like to contest your claims to that title.  
GG: Ohohoho, John doesn’t have anything on me.  
GG: definitely copy-pasting this conversation and showing him :B  
GA: Jade No  
GA: We Do Not Need Another Prank War

CG: HOLY SHIT, WHAT CRAWLED UP MOM’S ASS?  
TA: 2eriiou2ly  
TA: went from zero two biitch iin two 2econds flat  
GG: Perhaps she spent a lot of time baking that cake?  
GG: It can be very frustrating to have that go unappreciated.  
CG: YEAH, BUT YOU DON’T JUST THROW THAT SHIT AWAY BECAUSE YOUR DEAR DAUGHTER HAS TO WATCH HER WEIGHT. SAVE IT FOR LATER OR DEVOUR THAT YOURSELF.  
GC: YOU WOULD D3VOUR 4N 3NT1R3 C4K3  
CG: WHAT’S IT TO YOU? CAKE IS FUCKING DELICIOUS.  
CT: D--> The mother is merely teaching her spawn a va100ble lesson about gratitude and the conservation of supplies.  
CT: D--> Nothing out of the ordinary.  
GG: yes but you come from a strange place equius  
CT: D--> I do not.  
GG: yes you do  
CT: D--> No. I do not.  
GG: i asked nepeta and she said you were definitely a little strange  
CT: D--> Una%eptable.

AG: Apparently 8iting him did not deter his….. fascination with Nina.  
GC: M4YB3 TH4TS JUST WH4T H3 1S 1NTO  
TA: or he ii2 ju2t really iinto liitle giirl2  
TC: [:o)](https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/8250668288/h69B018B0/)

GG: Oh, its Meg again.  
TT: The actress’s name is Mila Kunis.  
GG: I am pretty sure it’s Meg.  
TT: Are you attempting to pull the metaphorical wool over my eyes Jane?  
GG: Perhaps :B  
CT: D--> Meg Kunis dances the Black Swan effortlessly. Perhaps she was the better choice for the lead?  
TT: Perhaps.  
CT: D--> Is she a caliginous rival perhaps?  
TT: Maybe.  
CT: D--> You evade my questions human. I demand answers.  
TT: And you shan’t have them.  
CT: D--> I shall continue until you supply me with the answers I desire.  
AG: That would really spoil the movie and it is not that difficult to see where the movie is taking this.  
GG: Indeed. We have on character that is a natural black swan and one who is a natural white one.  
AG: One dresses typically in 8lack and seems rather outgoing while the other dresses in white and seems more conservative.  
GG: We could go on.  
AG: 8ut we wont.  
GG: Hoohoohoo.  
CG: I THINK CROCKER COLLABORATING WITH SERKET’S DANCESTOR IS OFFICIALLY THE SCARIEST THING I HAVE SEEN ALL WEEK.

CT: D--> And so Nina is invited to an upperclass event. I approve.  
GC: OF COURS3 YOU DO  
GC: 3V3RY WORD COM1NG FROM THOM4 1S PUR3 SL34Z3  
TT: Indeed. But is he acting out of his own frustrated libido or is there something more.  
GC: NO 1T 1S D3F1N1T3LY TH4T F1RST TH1NG YOU JUST S41D

TC: [:o( ](http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/awkwrd.gif)  
GA: That  
GA: That Looks Mighty Painful  
TA: 2eriiou2ly  
GG: and then its completely gone the next shot?!  
GG: :O  
GG: there is only one logical explanation.   
GC: DO T3LL  
GG: nina sayers has…….  
GG: ………………………………………………………  
GG: …………………………………………………………………………………………….  
GG: …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
AG: Does this occur often?  
GG: ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..  
CG: MORE THAN WE WOULD LIKE.  
GG: A HEALING FACTOR :D!  
TA: yeah no  
GG: :(

GG: No, you are Meg.  
TA: 2hoo2h cute giirl ii2 talkiing  
GA: You Developped A Taste For Humans  
TA: yeah riight  
TA: look who ii2 talkiing  
TA: hello pot my name ii2 kettle  
TA: you are black  
GA: Well  
GA: I Uhm  
GA: I Suppose You Never Know Until You Try  
CG: FUCKING DISGUSTING.  
TA: oh riight ju2t after ii made my pot2 and kettle2 joke  
TA: how many human2 diid you have a bulge for again?  
CG: I’M TALKING ABOUT MEG HERE. SHE TAKES OF HER PANTIES LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF NINA AND ASKS HER TO ‘KEEP HER COMPANY’. GOD WHAT IS WITH THIS MOVIE, WHY IS EVERY OTHER CHARACTER SO SLEAZY!  
GC: DO W3 H4V3 TO SP3LL 1T OUT FOR YOU?  
GC: CL34RLY TH1S 1S MRS L4V3ND3RS 1D34 OF 4 PORNO  
TT: Oh yes. I do get a serious case of the vapors whenever I think of psychologically tormented souls in anguish. Oh Nina, your confusion and hallucinations get me so turned on.  
GA: Please Refrain From Doing That  
GA: If You Respond By Wonking It Is The Couch For You Tonight  
TT: ;)  
GA: Rose  
TT: Worth it.

CG: GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!  
GC: OH QU1T B31NG SUCH 4 B4BY  
GC: M4YB3 W3 W1LL 4CTU4LLY G3T TO S33 SOM3 HUM4N PORN  
AG: Oh, that sounds……. Fascinating?  
TC: :o)  
CG: THE PROSPECT OF WATCHING HUMAN PORN IS THE REASON I’M YELLING!

CG: FINALLY.  
AG: So 8eth calls her out on the implied sleazy funny 8iz going on 8ehind the scenes.  
GC: W3LL SH3 WOULD KNOW  
GG: still it was only a kiss  
GG: that isn’t so bad  
GG: is it?  
CT: D--> The roles sh001d be given to those most capable in their position, not to the ones willing to lay with the director.  
GG: well duh  
GG: if he chooses someone other than the best he’d be a bad director  
CT: D--> It w001d be a cause of strive within the troupe, which is also undesireable.   
GG: why cant they just come to an agreement then?  
GC: WH4T?  
GG: i just don’t see why they make such a big deal about whether or not they have sex  
TC: [;o)](https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/8197130496/h4F831B57/)   
GG: uhm…..  
GG: no thanks?  
TC: [:o(](http://d3dsacqprgcsqh.cloudfront.net/photo/a8WZZnO_460sa_v1.gif)

CG: WHY LALONDE. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!  
CT: D--> He is grooming her to become an adequate matesprit.  
GC: 1 TH1NK YOU M34N FUCKTOY  
CT: D--> An adequate concupiscent partner.  
GC: F41R 3NOUGH  
CT: D--> I admit, the situation is a little….. titillating.   
CG: WHAT?! NO. NO. NO.  
CG: THIS IS LIKE EVERY PORNO EVER MADE. IT COULDN’T BE MORE CLICHÉD IF HE WAS ABOUT TO DO HER PLUMBING, FIX HER COMPUTER AND TURN OUT TO BE HER LONG LOST FATHER IN LAW.  
GG: Uhm………  
TT: Interesting comment…….  
GC: K4RK4T H4V3 YOU B33N W4TCH1NG HUM4N PORN   
GC: W1THOUT M3?! >:O  
CG: DROP IT. I HEARD STRIDER SAY THAT AT SOME POINT.  
TT: Fascinatingly quick safe.  
CG: I WILL BURN EVERY PSYCHOLOGY TEXTBOOK YOU AND YOUR ECTOSIBLING OWN, I SWEAR TO THE TAINTCHAFING MOON IN THE SKY!  
AG: So he instructs her to mastur8ate.  
CT: D--> As I stated. He is grooming her.  
AG: I’m afraid you might 8e right. There exists a distur8ing rel8ion 8etween these characters.  
AG: It is like the corruption of the mentor archetype. Whereas classic characters such as troll Obi Wan Keno8i, troll Gandalf and troll Dumbledore assisted their respective main characters out of selflessness or duty, Thoma is very clearly motivated 8y his desire to have sex with this impressiona8le young woman.  
AG: There is a strange 8ond 8etween the two. Nina desires to 8e taken serious and Thoma wants her to reach the point where he can take her serious so the aforementioned sex can take place.  
AG: He is taking a very hedonistic approach to the situation, coldly calculating what course of action to take to achieve the 8iggest amount of pleasure. He knows that if he continues to mentor Nina, that she will 8e wrapped around his finger.  
AG: Furthermore, if we look at his implied rel8ion with 8eth—  
TA: for the love of god 2top iit!  
AG: Oh…. I apologize. Sometimes that happens.

GG: And shockingly, her mother seems to side with Thomas.  
GA: You Mean Thoma  
GG: No, it’s Thomas.  
GC: NO 1TS D3F1NT3LY THOM4  
GG: Oh goodness…..  
GG: Where does this misconception stem from.  
GA: Everyone Addresses Him As Thoma  
GA: I Do Not See Where You Find That Extrenious S  
GG: I….. Well, it’s a French name.  
GC: SO?  
GG: Actually, Thoma is fine.

TC: :o)  
TA: agreed makara  
TA: thii2 look2 promii2iing  
CG: WHY ARE WE WATCHING LALONDE’S SPANKBANK?!  
AG: You seem very uncomfortable with this expression of sexuality Karkat.  
CG: DON’T PUSH THIS ON ME!  
AG: It is quite interesting. You seem so different on a surface level, 8ut it appears that you really do share a few traits with your dancestor.  
CG: DO NOT EVEN START THIS SHIT WITH ME WOMAN!  
GC: SP34K1NG OF UNCOMFORT4BL3  
GC: WH3R3 1S EQU1US  
CT: D--> Here.  
CT: D--> Forgive me, I was just….. Watching.  
GA: Do You Require More Towels Perhaps  
CT: D--> My current supply will suffice.  
GG: Uhm…. Is something wrong?  
CG: HIS SWEAT GLANDS ARE WHAT’S WRONG.  
GG: but then she stops masturbating because her mother turns out be asleep in the chair next to her bed :B  
GG: that’s actually kinda funny  
GG: That would be a horrifying experience. My reaction would be akin to Nina’s.  
GC: YOU M4STURB4T3?! >:O  
GG: W-well, that is to say…..  
GC: JUST M3SS1NG W1TH YOU  
GC: TH3R3 1S NOTH1NG TH4T G3TS P4ST MY S3NS3 OF SM3LL  
GC: 1 KNOW YOU M4STURB4T3>:]  
GG: ……………………………  
TT: ……………………………  
GG: ………………………….  
TA: …………………………..  
CT: D--> hrnkt…….  
GC: 1 KNOW 3X4CTLY WHO M4STURB4T3S 4ND HOW OFT3N >:]  
CG: CAN WE TALK ABOUT *ANYTHING* ELSE?  
CG: PLEASE?!

CG: NEW SUBJECT, THANK FUCK.  
GG: yes!  
GG: indeed!  
GG: so uhm, beth got hit by a car  
GG: nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo  
AG: Would I 8e correct if I speculated that the identity of the driver is either Thoma or Nina’s mother?  
TT: You might be. The movie never delves into that.  
AG: A pity.  
GG: This sounds like something that could actually need some proper sleuthing.  
TT: Normal hit and runs happen too.

CG: OH GOODIE, MORE REFLECTIONS. IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE’VE SEEN SUCH AN OBVIOUS ONE.  
TT: But what does it mean?  
CG: DOES IT REALLY MATTER?

TA: and back to the porn  
TA: iit2 liike iit never left u2  
GG: honestly, i don’t get what thoma’s deal is  
GG: nina seems to be doing pretty well with the whole dancing thing  
GG: i wish i could dance half that elegant  
TT: But she isn’t ‘perfect’.  
CT: D--> She still fails to properly e%press the emotion that is crucial to the black swan.  
GG: i honestly just kinda think he is using the sex and seduction metaphors to make it easier to sleep with her :/

CG: AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH, THIS IS SO FUCKING WRONG!  
GG: Oh….  
GG: Oh my…..  
TA: he2 goiing for a more…. hand2 on approach  
CG: UUUUUUURGH…….  
TA: iit2 all iin the polse..  
CG: DON’T……  
TA: magiic fiinger2  
CG: MOTHERFUCKER………  
GA: But Then He Ceases When She Was About To Go Over The Edge  
GA: Saying That It Was A Proper Example Of How Seduction Works  
AG: Well, methods such as these, commonly refered to as orgasm denial are actually more at home in domin8ion play. The domin8ing party 8rings his or her partner to the edge of climax 8efore stopping the stimulation entirely, inspiring 8oth frustration and lust in the su8missive party.  
AG: It is a very adequate manner in esta8lishing your power over the intended su8.  
GC: HOW DO YOU KNOW TH4T?  
AG: Uhm……..  
AG: Hearsay?

GC: SO W3 F1N4LLY G3T 4NOTH3R SC3N3 W1TH M3G  
GC: FOR 4 CH4R4CT3R TH4T H4S ‘SUCH 4N 1MP4CT’ ON N1N4 W3 DON’T R34LLY S33 H3R TH4T OFT3N  
TT: But is this Lily’s fault or Nina’s?  
GA: Nina Does Seem To Reject Any And All Efforts Lily Makes To Become Human Friends  
AG: Well, what is friendship turns out to 8e contageious?  
CG: FRIENDSHIP ISN’T A DISEASE DUMBASS.  
GC: BUT TH3N M3G M4K3S JOK1NG 4SSUMPT1ONS 4BOUT N1N4 4ND THOM4 4ND N1N4 N33DS TO B3 4 B1G B4BY 4BOUT 1T

TA: ma2turbatiion tiime   
CG: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS FUCKING MOVIE!  
TA: 2econd tiime ii2 the charm  
GC: 1SN’T TH1S M4K1NG YOU SW34T EQU1US >:]  
CT: D--> …..Perhaps, due to the unadulterated 100dness of the scene. Personally I do not find this human attractive in the slightest.  
CT: D--> She is much too frail.  
GA: Of Course She Is

GG: WHOA :O  
GG: WHAT IS HAPPENING :O  
CT: D--> More hal100cinations.  
AG: 8ut that was Meg, was it not?  
GG: I think it was. It went by rather quick.  
AG: Why would her mind take her to Meg drowning her?  
TT: Why indeed?  
GG: More symbolism I take it?  
TT: The Jungian kind, indeed.  
AG: She perceives Meg as her opposite and her opposite 8egins drowning her……..  
AG: I can see there 8eing some su8text 8ehind that.  
TA: iim ju2t pii22ed they managed to fiilm thii2 wiithout 2howiing rumble 2phere2.  
TC: [:o( ](http://d3dsacqprgcsqh.cloudfront.net/photo/ab59rqE_460sa_v1.gif)

GA: So Because Meg Thinks Nina Is Having A Hard Time  
GA: Thoma Decides To Give Her A Harder Time  
GA: This Logic Confounds Me  
GG: she is really trying way too hard to be perfect!  
GG: I actually did ballet for a year and there is a lot of perfectionism involved.  
GG: really :O  
GG: you can dance?  
GG: Not exactly….  
GG: I had to stop because of an assassination attempt.  
CT: D--> How is that cause to cease your activities?  
CT: D--> It was only the one attempt.  
GG: I keep forgetting how alien you are….  
CT: D--> I do applaud Thoma’s attempts to make Nina a STRONGer person.  
GC: OF COURS3 YOU DO

AG: So after a particularly odd night in the pu8lic transportation, where an older man makes sexual gestures to her……..  
AG: We get more grim convers8ion with her motherlusus.  
GG: im not sure if its grim…..  
AG: Well, there are very unpleasant emotions running through 8oth of them.  
AG: Regret, envy, defiance……..  
TA: 2o the mother had a kiid and needed to 2top beiing a dancer  
TA: thii2 ii2 why our race rules  
TA: we don’t get that crap  
CT: D--> Indeed. Raising the young yourself and growing them in your own organs seems like such a disgusting, primitive practice.  
TT: Oh, I wouldn’t say that. Some of the less tasteful biological events aside, I think it is quite a romantic idea.  
TT: Your descendant is a part of you and you raise it yourself to become a proper adult. Naturally, this isn’t exactly what happened in our case, with genetic relations being as they are, but the thought isn’t unappealing.  
CT: D--> Then this must be a primitive urge, unsuited for a more sophisticated race.  
GA: Elipses

GG: OMG why does her mother act like there’s no one at the door X3  
GG: If this is another hallucination I’m gonna go crazy!  
TT: No, Lily is really there.  
TT: Her mother just doesn’t want her to go out. At all.  
GG: oh, ok.  
GA: I Rather Like Lily  
GA: She Is Very Easy Going And Spontaneous  
GA: Even Kind Of Funny In Her Own Way  
AG: And she makes an actual effort to 8ecome friends with Nina.  
GG: So in an act of open rebellion towards her controlling mother, she decides to go out with Lily the night before an important rehearsel.  
CG: WHERE THE FUCK IS THE NARRATIVE TAKING THIS? PALE? PITCH?  
GG: human bromantics?  
CG: FUCK YOUR CONVELUTED MESS OF A ROMANCE SYSTEM.  
GA: Nina Does Not Really Seem To Know How To Respond To Lilys Suggestion Though  
TC: [:o) ](http://d3dsacqprgcsqh.cloudfront.net/photo/awr6oAx_460sa_v1.gif)  
GG: That seems to be a good way to put it. She doesn’t seem to interact much with the other dancers, we never see her interact with people outside of dancing.  
GG: Lily might just be the first person in a long time she can consider a friend and even that relation seems to be rather rocky.  
TC: [:o)](http://d3dsacqprgcsqh.cloudfront.net/photo/a9d9Ajj_460sa_v1.gif)  
GG: Uhm…. Thanks?

GA: I Am Really Intrigued By Lily  
GA: She Does Not Just Mirror Nina She Seems To Overshadow Her  
TT: Interesting choice of words.  
GA: She Is Likeable Honest And Open But Remains Respectful When Nina Indicates That She Does Not Desire To Debate Her Relationship With Thoma  
TA: and then 2he triie2 to drug her  
GG: she just offers a pill  
GG: that’s not drugging her, that’s offering her drugs  
TA: 2ame diiference  
TA: before you know iit that piill dii2appear2 iin her driink  
AG: Oh, you don’t know that.

CG: SO INSTEAD OF DRUGS LILY ALSO OFFERS SEXY LINGERIE. WHAT THE SHIT?!  
CG: IS THIS NORMAL HUMAN BEHAVIOR?  
CG: DOES LALONDE GO ABOUT AND OFFER HARLEY SUCH…… SEXY…….. LINGERIE  
CG: ……………………………  
CT: D--> Vantas?  
CG: AAAAARGH, OF COURSE, SHE’D PROBABLY DO IT TOO. WE’VE SEEN WHAT SHE DID TO HER ECTOSIBLING.  
TT: Speaking of which, do you want to know how that went down?  
CG: NO OF COURSE NOT! I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW ANY OF YOUR SORDID PALE AFFAIRS WITH OTHERWISE *RESPECTABLE* MEMBERS OF MY DAMN TEAM.  
GC: PL34S3 T3LL >:]  
CG: DON’T YOU EVEN DARE!  
TT: At ease Karkat. Everything went very respectable. Roxy was up for the roleplay and though Feferi was a bit embarrassed because of the implications, she was very open to the scenario. Peer review was very positive. A variety of subjects was debated, feelings were expressed and fist-bumps were had.  
TT: All in all, a very pleasant experience.  
CG: YOU ARE SCUM.  
CT: D--> What implications would cause the heiress to be bashful?  
GC: ROS3 P1MP3D ROXY OUT TO F3F3R1  
CT: D--> HRNKT!  
CT: D--> Forgive me, it appears I was incorrect in my previous assumptions.  
AG: Excuse me?  
CT: D--> I have not alchemized an adequate amount of towels to deal with such vulgarity.  
CG: OF COURSE…..

GG: So despite the attention of two moderately attractive men, Nina seems a lot more interested in Lily.  
GG: well yeah  
GG: those guys are kinda shallow and lily is pretty cool  
GG: i’d be more interested in lily too!  
CG: WAIT, WHAT ABOUT HUMAN HOMOSEXUALITY?!  
GG: uhm…. i don’t know :B  
TT: Honestly, I believe John and Dave are the only ones still hung up on their alleged heterosexuality, something I am very eager to put into question.  
CG: WHAT?!  
TT: With Dave it is a simple matter of denial, but perhaps John was raised more conservative than I previously believed.  
GG: but i never talked to you about liking girls before :O  
GG: And I do believe you are being a bit presumptious about my own preferences as well Rose.  
TT: Oh Jade….. I’ve known about your interest since before the game began.  
GG: :O  
GG: but i didn’t even know it myself back then!  
GG: did you use crazy witch voodoos?  
TT: Let’s put it at that shall we.  
TT: And Jane….. Remember those sleep-overs you had with Roxy?  
GG: Why of course. Those were always a jolly good time.  
TT: Well….. Apparently you talk in your sleep. A lot.  
GG: :O  
GG: I protest this as validation of your assertion! :(  
TT: Then I will retract my assumption until further notice.  
GG: That is appreciated.   
CG: SO WAIT, HUMAN HOMOSEXUALITY IS JUST NOT A THING ANYMORE?!  
GG: well i guess dave and john are just being dumb butts about it  
TA: god human2 are 2tupiid.  
CT: D--> Agreed. These petty grievances are nothing but a distraction.

TC: [:o) ](http://d3dsacqprgcsqh.cloudfront.net/photo/aZPGR2z_460sa_v1.gif)  
CG: MY EYES!  
CG: MY EARS!  
CG: EVERYTHING HURTS!  
GG: This would be a rave.  
CG: I NOTICED!

GC: WH3R3 W1LL YOU B3 WH3N TH3 DRUGS W34R OFF?  
AG: In a filthy 8athroom stall making out with a stranger apparently.  
GA: That Situation Certainly Escalated Quickly  
TA: and we 2tiill haven’t 2een a boob  
GA: Quiet Sollux

AG: You know, along with that random guy in the 8athroom stall, Lily is the third person to reach there in the course of this movie.  
TC: [:o) ](http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltuq9nUGKX1qktqch.gif)  
AG: I am glad that you enjoy it.   
TA: niina2 thiigh2 are prime e2tate..  
GA: They Barely Speak A Word But They Seem To Have An Understanding  
GG: I’m just concerned about what the cabbie thinks about the foreplay taking place on his couch.  
TA: free 2how  
GG: You are incorrigible.  
TA: ii know  
CT: D--> So incredibly 100d……  
GA: Perhaps You Should Begin Alchemizing Those Additional Towels

CG: WE GET IT. BLAH BLAH MIRRORS, BLAH BLAH FRACTURED PSYCHÉ AND REFLECTION SHIT.

GG: Her mother is rightfully concerned.  
GA: Indeed  
GA: Nina Is Behaving Nothing Like The Way She Was At The Beginning Of The Movie  
GA: I Suppose The Drinks And The Human Drugs Have Lowered Her Inhibitions Even Further  
GA: How I Have Come To Loathe Those Human Soporifics  
GG: but….. nina is much more relaxed now  
GG: she seems so much happier  
AG: No wait, now she is yelling to her human motherlusus.  
AG: I think Nina is unsta8le indeed. Thankfully she might just get a solid m8spritship out of this, which will no doubt support her through this trou8ling period.  
CG: I AM VERY CONFLICTED IN WHO TO ROOT FOR.  
TA: root for liily and hope on giirl on giirl actiion  
TA: maybe we’ll fiinally 2ee a boob  
CG: I HAVE NO GOOD EXPERIENCES WITH HUMAN BOOBS IN MOVIES……  
GC: TH3 ROOM 4ND TH3 SH1N1NG B31NG TH3 ONLY CONT3ND3RS  
CG: YEAH…. NOT THE BEST FUCKING EXAMPLES.  
TA: do they not have the iinternet where you are from??

TA: now we are gettiing 2omewhere.  
TC: [:o) ](http://d3dsacqprgcsqh.cloudfront.net/photo/aBKp7xA_460sa_v1.gif)  
AG: This is incredi8ly…… fascin8ing……..  
CT: D--> Towels!  
CT: D--> I require more towels posthaste.  
CT: D--> Fiddlesti%, this is why I sh001d not lower myself to watch movies with you baseb100ded h001igans.  
TA: oh that2 niice.  
TC: [:o( ](http://d3dsacqprgcsqh.cloudfront.net/photo/a9doo21_460sa_v1.gif)  
CT: D--> E%cluding you highb100d.  
AG: What a8out me?  
GC: OR M3?  
CT: D--> This is not the point. I sh001d have never sullied myself lowering myself to watching another movie with Vantas and his lowblooded ilk.  
TT: Are humans considered lowbloods?  
CT: D--> Yes.

**\-- cavalierGargarization [CG] joined memo--**

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned cavalierGargarization [CG] from memo--**

CG: YOU SHUT YOUR UPTIGHT DOUCHEBAG SPEECH HOLE THIS FUCKING INSTANT BEFORE YOU INADVERTEDLY SUMMON MY DANCESTOR.  
CT: D--> ….Of course.  
GA: You Know This Is A Nice Scene  
GG: No it isn’t. Her mother is still banging on the door.  
AG: Oh……..  
AG: Is that not customary in human culture?  
GG: No it isn’t……..  
AG: Oh. I just assumed.  
GC: BUT MRS M1NTY R41NBOW 1S R1GHT  
GC: 1T 1S 4 N1C3 SC3N3  
GC: BUT YOU KNOW WH4T 1T N33DS?

GC: 1MPROV3M3NTS >:]  
GA: Terezi  
GA: Was This Absolutely Necessary?  
GC: Y3S >:]  
GA: Heavens This Is Embarrassing  
TT: I think it’s kinda cute.  
GG: but which one of you would be the black swan?  
GA: Me Obviously  
TT: Me, obviously.  
TA: meowbea2t fiight?  
GA: Nothing Of The Sort Captor  
GA: I Believe I Am More Sensual And Flirtatious Than Rose  
TT: Ah, but dear I believe the exact opposite of that to be the case.  
GA: Rose I Am A Zombie Killing Chainsaw Swinging Rainbow Drinking Creature Of The Day  
GA: I Think You Will Find Being The Black Swan Comes With Such An Occupation  
TT: Oh darling, I treasure you, but you are completely underestimating my own qualities.  
TT: I manned a suicide mission on a whim. I became grimdark, I basically took all the risks. Something the more reserved white swan would not do.  
GG: Actually, I think you are both white swans.  
GC: Y34H D3F1N1T3LY >;]  
CG: WHO ARE YOU EVEN FOOLING? YOU ARE BOTH CALCULATING AND RESERVED! KANAYA ONLY KILLED ZOMBIES OUT OF NECESSITY AND DIDN’T VOLUNTEER TO BECOME A RAINBOW DRINKER!  
GA: Well I Would Have  
CG: AND LALONDE ONLY DID ALL THOSE THINGS BECAUSE SHE WAS PLAYED BY ONE OR MORE GODLIKE ASSHOLES. HER SUICIDE MISSION WAS NOT A WHIM BUT A COLD NUMERICAL CALCULATION.  
TT: Please, let us remain in our delusion of grand bad-assery.  
GA: If Neither Of Us Are Black Swans This Picture Would Be Wholly Inacurate  
GA: And We Can Not Have That  
GC: F1N3

GC: YOUR BL4CK SW4N  
GA: Implying Vriska Would Attempt To Snatch Rose Away From Me  
TT: Implying Vriska would attempt to snatch Kanaya away from me.  
TA: ju2t fuck already  
GC: 3V3RYBODY 1S 4 CR1T1C TH3S3 D4YS >:[  
GC: M4K3 YOUR OWN 3D1TS N3XT T1M3  
GG: why is lily’s face changing?  
GG: gross, why did she just turn into nina’s mother?!  
AG: Hallucinations?  
GG: After effects from whatever drug Lily gave her?  
GG: nina needs help :(

AG: 8ut when she awakens from her slum8er, Lily has already left.  
AG: How incredi8ly rude of her.  
GC: TYP1C4L BL4CK SW4N 4TT1TUD3?  
GG: i just hope they get together at the end of the movie  
GG: they make such a cute couple :B  
CG: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THEY ARE COMPLETELY DYSFUNCTIONAL TOGETHER!  
GG: well if lily slows down a bit and nina becomes a bit more assertive it could work  
CG: NINA IS TOO BUSY HALLUCINATING WEIRD PSYCHOLOGICAL SHIT AND BECOMING ‘THE PERFECT DANCER’ TO MAKE TIME FOR A MATESPRITSHIP.  
CG: THE FIRST THING THIS WOMAN NEEDS IS A PROPER PAPPING. GIVE HER A FUCKING MOIRAIL.  
GG: well, maybe lily can become that then?  
TT: Human romance includes both the pale and the red quadrant Karkat.  
CG: THAT’S BECAUSE YOU ARE GODDAMN MORONS. A RED PARTNER SHOULDN’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL BEING! THAT’S WHAT THE FUCKING MOIRIAL IS FOR.  
CG: HOW TO OVERBURDEN YOUR MATE IN 2 EASY STEPS, AS WRITTEN BY EVERY HUMAN EVER!  
GG: well okay….. nina does need to sort out what’s wrong with her first  
GG: but i really think lily could at least help her relax  
GC: OR V3NT SOM3 OF TH3 T3NS1ON SH3’S F33L1NG >:]  
TA: and we 2tiill haven’t 2een a boob

TC: [:oo ](http://d3dsacqprgcsqh.cloudfront.net/photo/aOqXp5y_460sa_v1.gif)  
GG: :O  
GG: suddenly i understand nothing  
GG: So her entire bisexual experience was a fabric of her imagination?  
GG: Boy, Nina looks like a horse’s caboose at this point. If she’d get any nuttier she’d be a fruitcake.  
TA: why do they deny u2 hot giirl on hot giirl actiion  
TA: iit wa2 thii2 moviie2 2aviing grace and they ruiined iit  
CT: D--> You sh001d learn to appreciate the subtleties of this cinematic e%perience Captor.  
TA: no ii ‘2h001d’ not..  
AG: Well, Lily takes it well.  
AG: She seems more concerned with whether or not she was involved in a pleasant sexual fantasy……..  
AG: That’s something, right?  
GA: I Do Not Think Nina Takes To The Realization Half As Well

GG: why is she throwing her stuffed animals away?  
TT: It symbolizes the loss of innocence.   
GG: that’s silly  
TT: It only kinda is.

TA: blatant fore2hadowiing ii2 blatant  
GA: Oh You Do Not Know That

GC: 1 TH1NK N1N4 1S G3TT1NG MOR3 4ND MOR3 D3SP3R4T3 FOR 4 GOOD PSYCHOLOBOTOMIST >:/  
AG: No kidding. Now even the reflections are playing tricks on her, if they hadn’t already.  
CG: YOU KNOW WHO ELSE PLAYS TRICKS ON PEOPLE?!  
AG: Sigh……..  
AG: Is it me?  
CG: I AM GLAD YOU UNDERSTAND!  
AG: Will this lessen your attempts at 8latant and quote: ‘PLATONIC OH-FUCK-WHY-IS-THIS-BITCH-HERE HATRED’ unquote.  
CG: NO.  
GC: K4RK4T COLL3CTS GRUDG3S L1K3 SOM3 P3OPL3 COLL3CT POST ST4MPS  
AG: That is a shame.  
GG: Troll shenanigans aside, I do feel legitimately bad for Nina.  
GG: And she feels even more under the weather once she realizes that Lily, of all people, has been chosen to be her second.  
TA: what doe2 that even mean  
GG: If something is to happen to Nina, Lily is playing Swan Queen.  
GC: SO NOW W3 G3T 4 PLOT WH3R3 L1LY TR13S TO H4V3 N1N4 4SS4SS1N4T3ED?  
TT: Now we have a pot where Nina THINKS Lily is trying to sabotage her.   
GC: 1 L1K3 MY 1D34 B3TT3R

GG: even the piano guy can see she’s training too hard!  
GG: she really needs to let go.  
TA: maybe 2nuggle up to liilly  
GG: OR just take a break from dancing!  
TA: no iit wa2 defiiniitely that other thiing ii ju2t 2aiid  
GG: :(

CT: D--> It sh001d come as no surprise that these two have found each other.  
CT: D--> Thoma revels in seducing the young dancers and Lily appears to be more than willing to be seduced.  
CT: D--> Not only that, but she may just be able to replace Nina entirely by this course of action. I had not taken her for the type, but this is a tr001y highb100ded manouvre and one she can pride herself on.  
AG: I do not mean to rain on your parade, 8ut this is o8viously another hallucin8ion.  
CT: D--> No it isn’t.

AG: Yes, it is.  
CT: D--> Drat.  
GG: Isn’t that the evil wizard fellow from the play?  
TA: who know2 at thii2 poiint

GC: WO4H TH1S R3V34LS JUST HOW 1NCR3D1BLY OBS3SS1V3 N1N4 1S >:O  
GC: SH3 STOL3 B3THS TH1NGS FROM H3R ROOM NOT OUT OF GR33D OR 3NVY BUT TO 3MUL4T3 B3TH 1N TH3 HOP3 OF B3COM1NG 4S GOOD 4S SH3 1S?!  
GC: SH3 1SN’T W3LL SH3 H4SNT B33N W3LL FROM TH3 ST4RT  
GG: I think that has been well established.

TA: beth take2 iit well and begiin2 2tabbiing her2elf iin the face  
AG: I am honestly not capa8le of discerning whether or not she is doing this in reality or in Nina’s mind.  
AG: She seems like a 8roken woman that lost her one purpose in life, 8ut our ‘point of view’ character is severly delusional therefore this scene is completely unrelia8le.  
TA: they’ll read iit iin the paper2 tomorrow  
TA: dancer 2tab2 2elf iin the face out of depre22iion  
GG: this is beginning to look more like a horror movie!  
AG: Only now?  
TT: The correct term is thriller Jade.  
GG: I don’t care, I don’t like it!

GG: This…. This IS still hallucination right?  
CT: D--> I…… think?  
CG: OKAY, KINDA FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER?!  
TA: 2he’2 turniing iinto the world2 2hiitiie2t x-men  
TA: 2wan giirl  
GG: even her feet are getting all big and the noise of her legs breaking and turning into the shape of bird legs and and and :(  
GC: 4ND H3R R4SH TURN3D 1NTO L1COR1C3 F34TH3RS

GA: Not Surprising  
GA: Let The Girl Take Some Rest  
TC: [:o) ](http://d3dsacqprgcsqh.cloudfront.net/photo/ab59pPr_460sa_v1.gif)  
TT: You didn’t think Nina would take that for an answer did you?  
GA: Sigh  
GA: The Ever Headstrong Human Females  
GA: Maddening  
TT: You love us.  
GG: BUT SHE SHOULD STAY HOME!  
CT: D--> She sh001d. Unfortunately she lacks the moirail to point out this obvious oversight.  
CG: PROVING ONCE AGAIN THAT HUMANS DO IN FACT NEED TO MAKE THEMSELVES FAMILIAR WITH THE PALE QUADRANT, BEFORE THEY RETARD THEMSELVES INTO EXTINCTION!  
TA: whiich wouldn’t be that bad a deal  
GC: >:[  
TA: iim ju2t 2ayiing  
TA: new troll empiire wiith u2 a2 top dogs  
TA: 2ound2 pretty 2weet  
GC: W3 4R3 NOT DO1NG THAT  
CT: D--> We aren’t?

CG: BIGGEST. LIE. IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING MOVIE!  
GG: maybe she should just let lily open?  
TT: And appear incompetent in front of Thomas?  
TT: And let Lily think she has gotten the better of her?  
GG: its not like lily cares about that anyway!  
TT: But she has convinced herself that she does.  
GG: why is nina making this so hard on herself!  
TT: She’s a perfectionist.  
GG: i get that, but uuuuuuuuugh  
GG: she is so frustrating!

AG: 8ut she puts on a show anyway and…….. It’s really good.  
CT: D--> Such grace and control. I am STRONGly impressed by this display.  
GG: yeah okay  
GG: she is being a fuckass but she is a really good dancer  
GG: Well, Thomas mentioned that she was an excellent white swan. That was never the issue.  
GG: It is the second act that is the cause of the conflict.  
GA: She Has Done Everything In Her Power To Prepare For It  
TA: yeah but 2he2 2tiill tryiing to control every liitle thiing  
GC: SO C4N OR C4NT N1N4 P3RFORM TH3 BL4CK SW4N?

GA: Lily Seems To Think Not  
GG: This Is Not A Bad Idea  
GG: It was Thomas’s idea to fuse the roles together, but Odette and Odile, the white and the black swan respectively, are different characters.  
GG: you did ballet  
GG: you would know :P  
GG: Oh shoosh. It doesn’t count if you’re only in it for a year. It’s a lifestyle for people like Nina.  
GG: But the audience wouldn’t know if the switch was intentional or not and Nina would be spared the stress of having to perform a role she is clearly uncomfortable with.  
TA: iit2 2tiil ju2t a dance  
TA: ii don’t 2ee why 2he goes all flapbea2t2hit over iit  
AG: I do agree with Jane’s idea. They’d have to explain themselves to Thoma 8ut it will pro8a8ly work out for the 8etter.

GC: N1N4 D1S4GR33S

TA: err..  
TA: symbolii2m ii gue22?  
TT: Killing your metaphorical reflection with a mirror shard? Yes, that would constitute as symbolic.  
GG: oh noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo  
GG: :(

CT: D--> So after dragging the body out of sight……..  
GA: I Am Confused  
GA: Are The Feathers Part Of Her Make Up  
GA: Are The Red Eyes And The Scales On Her Arms  
GG: Who knows :B  
AG: No, it is definitely part of her metamorphosis, 8ut she doesn’t care a8out that any more.  
AG: She wants to go on stage and perform the 8lack Swan like she had always envisioned she would. Simultaneously unrestrained and perfect.  
AG: Killing Lily seems to have had an almost li8er8ing effect on her.  
GC: D1STURB1NG  
GC: CR1M1N4L 4CT1V1TY SHOULD H4V3 TH3 3X4CT OPPOS1T3 3FF3CT >:(

CG: OK, IF YOU START SPROUTING BIRD WINGS, IT’S USUALLY A SIGN THAT YOU SHOULD STOP.  
TT: Or check into the nearest mental hospital.  
GG: but she is dancing really good!  
GG: it looks really fun to spin like that.  
GG: hold on im gonna try it  
AG: That can’t 8e wise……..  
GG: Jade, are you alright?  
GG: bumped my head but im fine  
GG: turns out I can’t spin around like that.  
GA: It Is Quite Alright Jade  
GA: You Are An Omnipotent Witch Of Space  
GA: I Am Fairly Certain The Universe Will Forgive Your Inability To Perform A Pirouette.   
GG: :B

TA: and the crowd goe2 wiild.  
GG: Interesting touch.   
GG: Despite clearly seeing that the metamorphosis was completely in her mind, the shadows clearly show the image Nina is seeing.  
CG: SHADOWS, REFLECTIONS, CAN WE CUT THIS PRETENTIOUS FIRST YEAR PSYCHOLOGY BULLSHIT OUT?  
TT: Alright, psychologists did call out its inconsistent portrayal of schizophrenia. Auditory hallucinations are a lot more common, or signify the decline of one’s mental health but are barely present in the movie. Presumably because it looks a lot less dramatic.  
TT: There are other inconsistencies but I will spare you.  
CG: THANK FUCK.  
AG: What is interesting however is that this shot is a perfect contrast with the first scene.   
GC: WH4T?  
AG: 8ack there the white swan ended with Nina in white and her surroundings in black.  
AG: The black swan ends with the colors perfectly reversed.  
TA: neat  
TA: doe2 iit add anythiing?  
AG: Well, it’s a fascin8ing little movie trick?

TA: why ii2nt 2he bleediing two death?  
GG: :O

CG: HOW MANY LILY-THEMED ILLUSIONS DID THIS WOMAN HAVE?!  
TT: Just a few.  
CG: SO SHE DIDN’T KILL LILY, SHE STABBED HERSELF?!  
GG: Essentially.  
CG: AND SHE STILL DID THAT WHOLE BLACK SWAN THING WITHOUT A HITCH?  
GG: yup  
CT: D--> I am not even mad. That is very impressive.  
CG: IF IT WASN’T SO FUCKING ARBITRARY. WHAT IF SHE *HADN’T* REALIZED LILY WAS STILL ALIVE?! WOULD SHE HAVE BEEN TOTALLY FINE?  
CG: YOU CAN’T HAVE A DELAYED REACTION LIKE THIS ON A SERIOUS INJURY LIKE THAT!  
CG: WHAT IF HER GUTS SPILLED OUT DURING ONE OF THOSE SPINNY THINGS AND IT LANDED ON THOMA’S STUPID FUCKING FACE!  
GG: gross!  
CG: I KNOW!  
GC: M4YB3 1T BLOCK3D 4N 4RT3RY 4ND ONLY GOT D1SLODG3D JUST NOW?  
CG: YOU WOULD STILL FUCKING FEEL THAT STRANGE BURNING SENSATION IN YOUR GUT!

GA: But Alas  
GA: She Finished Her Last Dance Aptly Titled The Dying Swan  
TA: iin2tead of, you know, calliing the mediiculler2..  
CT: D--> It is because she needs to be 100% perfect for this part.  
TA: ii thiink they’ll forgiive you on account of dyiing  
CT: D--> You clearly are not a professional Captor.  
TA: your iincrediibly hacked hu2ktop 2ay2 otherwii2e  
CT: D--> It is her sworn duty to finish the performance. Dead, living or otherwise.  
GG: THAT’S STUPID!  
GG: SHE SHOULD GO TO A DOCTOR!  
TT: She intended to make this her final performance.  
GG: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

CG: AND SO NINA DIES IN THE ARMS OF THE HORRIBLE GUY WITH THE TOMMY WISEAU ACCENT.  
GA: Was It Worth It

GG: Apparently, she believes it was.  
AG: Only further crediting the claims of dementia.  
CG: SO, I GUESS THAT WAS BLACK SWAN?  
TT: Indeed it was. I hope everyone found it somewhat entertaining.  
CT: D--> It was an apt insight in human behavior and a pleasantly elegant display of human ballet.  
GG: You do realize that this did not constitute normal human behavior correct?  
CT: D--> ………  
CT: D--> I just assumed your group were the strange ones.  
TA: iit felt iit wa2 a biit half a22ed  
GC: 1 THOUGHT YOU COULD 4PPR3C14T3 TH4T  
TA: hah hah very funny iif only ii thought of that  
TA: but they diidn’t dare goiing all out wiith the 2ex 2cene2  
TA: they diidn’t dare goiing all out wiith horriifiic tran2formatiions  
TA: kiind of a wa2te  
TT: Indeed. Almost as if restraint and control were the running themes in the movie.  
TA: doe2nt mean ii have to liike iit  
TT: I suppose it does not.  
TC: [:o)](http://media.giphy.com/media/CboTWoIKDzbKo/giphy.gif)   
TT: ….. I do not understand. It surprised you?  
TC: [:o) ](http://media.giphy.com/media/FjeGBljESVAzu/giphy.gif)  
TC: [:oI ](http://d3dsacqprgcsqh.cloudfront.net/photo/aRQYmY7_460sa_v1.gif)  
GG: Oh, I do enjoy this. It is like playing charades.  
GG: You were pleasantly surprised by it?  
TC: [:o) ](http://media.giphy.com/media/14bDMRUYVrzOIo/giphy.gif)  
GG: I too was very pleasantly surprised by the movie.  
GG: Initially, I had not suspected it to be such an intriguing movie about blurring the lines between reality and hallucination.  
GG: Though I must admit it felt kinda slow at some points, the eventual pay-off was definitely worth it.  
TT: I am glad to hear that you are pleased.  
TT: Aranea, what do you think?  
AG: Is all human cinema like this?  
TT: No, we have a wide variety in our movies.  
AG: Intriguing. It has made me curious a8out more.  
CG: WHICH YOU WILL HAVE TO WATCH ELSEWHERE!  
AG: I understand when I am not wanted……..  
CG: THEN WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE!?  
TT: Are you sure this hatred is platonic Karkat? You seem to be the only one with this issue.  
CG: YES, IT’S PLATONIC!  
AG: Pity.  
CG: WHAT!?  
AG: Nothing. I am sure you will make a fine h8m8 for whoever will 8ecome your future kismesis.  
CG: ARE YOU FUCKING FOR REAL?  
AG: Of course. You clearly have a lot of vitriol for anyone listening. I just kind of assumed it wasn’t entirely platonic.  
CG: WHAT?!  
AG: Then again, other than your utter lack of manners, indoor voice or patience, you have very few h8a8le qualities yourself. So it wouldn’t have worked out either way.  
CG: WHAT!?   
AG: Now, if you will excuse me.  
CG: HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE, WHAT!?

**\-- assidiousGoddess [AG] left memo--**

GC: YOU 4R3 SO 1NS3NS1T1V3 K4RK4T  
TA: way to go a22hole  
CG: LOOK, I DIDN’T KNOW…. WAS SHE EVEN SERIOUS WITH THAT?  
CG: WHAT!?  
TA: eh iif you become more of an a22hole you 2tiill have a chance  
CG: STOP IT!  
TT: Oh, this is adorable.  
CG: CEASE YOUR BLABBERING. JADE, WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE MOVIE.  
GG: I guess parts of it were okay but I thought nina was really dumb!  
GG: I don’t understand why she had to go through all of that just to dance  
CG: FASCINATING.   
CG: NOW EVERYBODY OUT BEFORE YOU TRY TALKING ABOUT UNCOMFORTABLE SUBJECTS NO ONE CARES ABOUT AGAIN!  
TC: :o(  
CG: THAT MEANS YOU TOO CLOWN.  
TA: waiit  
TA: 2houldnt you 2tiill arrange 2ome 2hiit for next week??  
CG: THERE WONT BE A NEXT WEEK IF YOU ASSHOLES DON’T GET OUT THIS INSTANT!  
GA: I Am Inclined To Disagree  
CG: FUCK!  
CG: FINE. I’LL JUST BAN EVERY ASSHOLE IN THE CHAT THAT HAS ALREADY PICKED A MOVIE.  
CT: D--> Fiddlesti%.  
GG: why can’t i pick another movie?  
CG: BECAUSE I FUCKING SAID SO!  
TC: :o)  
GA: Then I Will See You Next Week Karkat  
TT: I wont make promises regarding my own presence, but I will see what I can do.  
CG: DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU. THOUGH I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU SENT KANAYA MY WAY FOR NEXT WEEK.  
GA: I Think I Can Make That Decision Myself Karkat  
GA: But I Will Be There  
CG: THANKS.  
GC: K4N4Y4 4ND K4RK4T S1TT1NG 1N 4 H1V3  
GC: P-4-P-P-1-N-G  
CG: OH LOOK. THE HARPY GOES FIRST.

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gallowsCalibrator [GC] from memo--**

GG: bye karkat!  
GG: it was fun.  
GG: I suppose you wont let me pick another movie :B  
CG: SNOWBALL’S CHANCE IN HELL.

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gardenGnostic [GG] from memo--**  
**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned tentacleTherapist [TT] from memo--**  
**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned centaursTesticle [TC] from memo--**  
**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned grimAuxiliatrix [GA] from memo--**  
**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gutsyGumshoe [GG] from memo--**  
**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned terrorCarnival [TC] from memo--**

CG: OH FUCK……..  
CG: I ONLY REALIZED WHEN I STARTED BANNING THAT YOU ARE THE ONLY ASSHOLE LEFT WHO HASN’T PICKED A MOVIE YET.  
CG: GOD, WHY WAS I SO QUICK WITH BANNING TEREZI…..  
CG: WHO AM I EVEN KIDDING, HER MOVIE WOULD HAVE BEEN EQUALLY HORRIBLE.  
TA: 2hiit thank2 for the vote of confiidence kk  
TA: ii love you two  
TA: you could have piicked the clown  
CG: I AM PICKING THE CLOWN.  
TA: hah hah my 2iide2  
TA: all two of them  
CG: YOU ARE ONLY A MARGINALLY BETTER OPTION THAN THE ALPHA LOSERS, SO DON’T LET THIS SHIT GO TO YOUR HEAD.  
TA: well fuck  
TA: now ii actually have to go and 2earch for 2omethiing halfway decent  
TA: or ju2t piick the wor2t piiece of 2hiit ii can fiind  
CG: YEAH, YEAH, YOU’LL PROBABLY LOOK FOR A GOOD MOVIE HALF OF THE TIME.  
TA: you know the biifuriicatiion giimmiick ii2 only fun when iim the one doiing iit riight??  
CG: THAT’S WHY EVERYONE IS MAKING A FUCKING ATTEMPT TO RUIN IT FOR YOU.  
TA: bunch of priick2.  
TA: don’t let what 2erket2 dance2tor 2aiid bother you, you have plenty of 2hiit two hate on.  
CG: WEREN’T YOU THE ASSHOLE THAT MADE THE POT AND KETTLE REMARK?  
TA: well fuck me for thiinkiing that wa2 a clever joke  
CG: ALRIGHT, JUST A FEW GROUND RULES OKAY.  
TA: you thiink iim goiing to lii2ten two tho2e?  
CG: NO, BUT THEY GIVE ME AN EXCUSE TO CANCEL THE FUCKING STREAM IF IT BECOMES UNBAREABLE.  
CG: NO TOMMY WISEAU MOVIE. THIS IS NOT UP FOR DEBATE.  
TA: that2 faiir.  
CG: NO NICHOLAS CAGE MOVIE.  
TA: 2ure..  
CG: NO MOVIE RECOMMENDED BY THE STRIDERS.  
TA: ii wont make any promii2e2  
CG: AND NO MOVIES WITH ADAM SANDLER, UNLESS IT’S 50 FIRST DATES, WHICH IS AWESOME.  
TA: hahahahahahaha a2 iif.  
CG: AND TRY TO KEEP IT TASTEFUL.  
TA: you’re not my fuckiing lu2u2.  
TA: ii can piick a moviie my2elf a22hole and maybe ii wont make iit a terriible thiing ju2t two 2piite you.  
CG: URGH, THAT’S AS GOOD AS IT’S GOING TO GET ISN’T IT?  
TA: yup.  
CG: FINE. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK DOUCHEBAG.  
TA: later a22hole..

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] left memo--**  
**\-- twinArmageddons [TA] left memo--**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not dead, just tardy.
> 
> I figured I'd do this in tandem with my serious writing project. One chapter of this, one chapter of that, etc. Unfortunately, serious writing is a lot harder than I remembered it being. Alas, it gave me plenty of time to think for this chapter. Not sure whether or not to tag the relationships though.... With erifef, roxyfef and rosemary all up in this and more [crack] ships possibly seeing the light of day..... 
> 
> It was a pretty fun movie but it didn't really live up to the hype for me. The finale was pretty good, but they could have done more with the hallucinations. Then again, that would probably make the line between reality and hallucination a lot more obvious, so eh? 6.5/10, passing grade, enjoy your holidays.
> 
> Next week (hahahaha) one of the big ones: Sollux will take us to infinity and beyond in Star Wars.


	13. Star Wars Episode 1/4: A New Hope

**\-- twinArmageddons [TA] opened memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS--**

**\-- twinArmageddons [TA] renamed memo: moviie2 for a22hole2—**

TA: much better  
TA: ii dont even know why ii fuckiing bother wiith thii2 2hiit  
TA: ANYONE could have piicked a goddamn moviie and ii don’t really know why iit had two bee me  
TA: except for the fact that iit pii22ed kk off whiich ii2 alway2 a wiin  
TA: and ii would 2ay ii 2pent all week 2earchiing for 2omethiing two pii22 hiim off twiice a2 much a2 the room diid but hone2tly ii diidnt  
TA: ii ju2t looked for 2omethiing ii could tolerate  
TA: that 2hiit ii2 2urprii2iingly diifiicult wiith human moviie2  
TA: but yeah ii found 2omethiing  
TA: eventually  
TA: 2o who want2 two watch?

**\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] joined memo--**

GC: OH OH  
GC: P1CK M3  
TA: the bliind troll then  
GC: Y3S!  
GC: 1 LOOK FORW4RD TO S33 WH4T YOU H4V3 P1CK3D MR 4PPL3B3RRY BL4ST  
TA: yeah don’t get your hope2 up  
TA: 2tiill gonna be better than the la2t moviie  
GC: W1LL W3 F1N4LLY S33 4 BOOB?  
TA: no  
GC: D4MN1T  
GC: TH3N TH1S MOV13 1S 4LR34DY RU1N3D!  
GC: RU1N3D 1 S4Y!  
TA: tz  
TA: 2eriiou2ly  
GC: OH F1N3 1LL B3H4V3  
TA: no by all mean2  
TA: keep doiing that thiing you u2ually do  
GC: WH4T TH1NG  
TA: the thiing you do that pii22e2 kk off  
GC: YOU M34N B31NG MYS3LF 4ND H4V1NG FUN?  
TA: ii gue22  
GC: W3LL TH3N….. 1TS YOUR MOV13 >:]  
GC: SP34K1NG OF K4RK4T THOUGH WH3R3 1S H3?  
GC: H3 W1LL FL1P 4 L1D ONC3 H3 F1NDS OUT YOU CH4NG3D TH3 T1TL3 OF TH3 M3MO  
TA: 2ee about that..

**\-- ectoBiologist [EB] joined memo--**

EB: hi everyone  
GC: H3LLO MR B3RRYBR34TH  
TA: egbert  
EB: sollux? i think?  
TA: there are only twelve of u2  
TA: iit 2houldnt 2tre22 your priimiitiive thiinkpan to remember whiich ii2 whiich  
EB: well sorry I guess, but really there are 24 of you…. and a lot of you guys look really similar to each other.  
EB: really, i don’t think even your parents would be able to separate karkat from kankri if he isn’t wearing his sweater.  
GC: TH4T’S SORT4 R4C1ST 4ND TRU3  
TA: that2 faiir ii gue22  
TA: not liike you are any better though  
TA: ii kept confu2iing you wiith englii2h the fiir2t week2  
EB: whoa, now who’s racist?  
TA: okay fiir2t off: iit2 not racii2t  
TA: you are another speciie2 altogether  
TA: 2econd: look at englii2h now back two you now back two englii2h now back to you  
GC: H3 JUST H4D TO S4Y 1T TW1C3  
EB: jake and i are totally different from each other.  
GC: Y34H  
GC: J4K3 H4S TH3 B3ST T4ST3 1N MOV13S 4ND 4 T1GHT BUTT  
TA: ii am not diigniifyiing that wiith a re2pon2e  
TA: we are not goiing two talk about the jake human2 butt  
GC: TOO L4T3!  
EB: man, karkat would haaaaaaate talking about that.  
EB: speaking of which, where is he?  
TA: oh tru2t me iit2 hiilariiou2  
GC: 1T 1S?

**\-- apacolypseArisen [AA] joined memo--**

AA: hello  
AA: how is it going  
GC: OH MY GOD Y3S!  
GC: W3 H4V3NT S33N YOU 1N FOR3V3R!  
AA: it hasn’t been that long since the terminator movie  
AA: has it?  
GC: ONLY 4 F3W W33KS  
TA: yeah aa what giive2  
TA: we rarely 2ee you around  
AA: i was hanging out with aradiabot  
AA: we had a lot to discuss  
GC: W33KS WORTH OF D1SCUSS1ON?  
AA: there were other things  
TA: 2o what diid you dii2cu22 about?  
AA: well…  
AA: it kinda makes me uncomfortable to talk about it in public  
GC: OH COM3 ON  
GC: WH3N D1D UNCOMFORT4BL3 SUBJ3CTS HOLD 4NY SW4Y ON YOU?  
TA: you're talkiing about her whole thiing wiith death?  
GC: DUH  
EB: wait, why does she have a thing with death?  
AA: discussing death is only as uncomfortable as you make it  
GC: SO 1S 3V3RY OTH3R SUBJ3CT >:]  
AA: clever  
AA: very well then  
EB: just ignoring me, alright.  
AA: is it weird to become a little pale for yourself?  
TA: what?!  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4HH4H4H4H4H4H4H4  
EB: wait, what is happening this time?  
TA: aa are you for real riight now?  
TA: were you 2eriiou2ly gone for week2 to paciify your robot2elf??  
AA: no  
AA: i don’t think the feeling is mutual  
AA: i just really want to tell her everything is alright and that she doesn’t have to be any less alive than i am  
GC: THOUGH SH3 K1ND4 1S?  
AA: being alive is a state of mind more than a state of being really  
TA: ii’m gonna go ahead and 2ay realiity dii2agree2 wiith you  
AA: oh quiet  
EB: i don’t really understand this but it kinda sounds like the whole dave and davesprite thing.  
EB: sorry, I mean dave and dave. he hates being called davesprite.  
AA: how did that work out?  
EB: well dave, the sprite, is now a globetrotting adventurer. i think having wings must make the adventuring business a lot easier, since you don’t have to walk anywhere and don’t have to hitch rides or even learn how to drive.  
EB: jake should be so jealous.  
EB: then again, maybe you just want to climb a mountain or drive a car sometimes. having wings might actually be a bit cheating, come to think of it.  
AA: that doesn’t really solve anything  
AA: i dont want her to leave  
GC: W3LL T3LL H3R HOW YOU F33L  
AA: im afraid she will reject me  
TA: yeah cau2e iit2 fuckiing weiird  
AA: no  
AA: she has been flirting with dirk’s autoresponder a lot  
TA: that..  
TA: that2 2omehow even weiirder.

**\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] joined memo--**

AC: :33< hi efurryone!  
GC: H3LLO HONOR4BL3 POUNC1LOR  
AC: :33< *the honorable pouncilor bows graciously*  
AA: hi nepeta  
AA: how have you been  
AC: :33< oh i have been furry good  
AC: :33< i’ve been hanging out with roxy a lot this week  
EB: oh, so what have the two of you been up too?  
AC: :33< oh you know, just stuff.  
AC: :33< we barely had time fur our moirails  
TA: doe2 that mean rx and ff fiinally made iit offiiciial?  
GC: 3V3N 1F TH3Y D1DN’T TH3Y 4R3N’T FOOL1NG 4NYON3 >:]  
AC: :33< does anyone know if roxy will be on tonight?  
EB: yeah, she said she’d be here in a bit.  
AC: :33< how do you know?  
EB: we talk?  
AC: :33< hmmm ://  
AC: :33< oh, i really need to thank kanaya for the dress she made me  
AC: :33< it looks so cute!  
GC: BUT HOW DO3S 1T T4ST3?  
AC: :33< uhm…  
AC: :33< i don’t know?

**\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] joined memo--**

GA: I Have Yet To Create A Garb Accounting For Your  
GA: Unique sensibilities  
GC: OH YOU 4R3 TOO K1ND K4N4Y4  
GC: 1LL H4V3 MY DR3SS 1N 4LL R3D PL34S3  
GA: What  
GC: W1TH L1COR1C3 R1BBONS!  
GC: OH 4ND BLU3B3RRY SHO3S!  
GC: 4ND M1NTY SPOTS!  
GA: Terezi That Would Look Atrocious  
GC: 1TS NOT L1K3 1 C4N S33 1T  
GA: My Foreward Motion Led Me Directly Into That One Did It Not  
GC: YUP  
AC: :33< well i r33lly like mine :))  
GA: I Am Glad To Hear That Nepeta  
GA: There Are Very Few People Who Truly Apreciate A Well Tailored Article Of Clothing  
AA: i appreciate it  
GA: Aradia You Went Excavating In The Dress I Made You  
AA: it was a very comfortable dress  
GA: It Was Not Meant To Withstand Digging Through The Dirt With  
AA: my past self didn’t know that  
EB: speaking about past selves, does anyone have any idea what’s keeping karkat?  
TA: yeah about that

**\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] joined memo--**

CC: )(I everyone!!!!  
TA: 2up  
AC: :33< hi fefurry!  
GC: PR1NC3SS BUBBL3GUM  
GC: HOW K1ND OF YOU TO JO1N US  
CC: W)(ale of course!  
CC: I was in a R---EELLY bad mood, so I t)(oug)(t t)(is would be a FUN distraction.  
AC: :33< bad mood?  
AA: eridan?  
CC: Eridan.  
TA: what diid he do thii2 tiime  
CC: MORE LIK---E WHAT DIDN’T )(E DO!!!  
CC: First )(e’s all like: ‘wweh wweh fef, i can take it’.  
CC: AND T)(EN )(E’S ALL LIK—E: ‘wweh wweh fef, you broke my legs’  
EB: holy crap  
EB: what did you do?  
CC: Intense )(atesnoggings  
EB: geesh. you’re not joking around.  
CC: ITS )(IS FAULT FOR SAYING )(E CAN TAKE IT!  
GA: I Assume You Healed Him On The Spot  
CC: W)(at?  
CC: No.  
CC: )(e can go to my sorta )(uman sibling or meena)( for t)(at.  
EB: but you could have just, well, healed him?  
EB: isn’t that kinda what you do?  
CC: I AM NOT EELING MY KISMEFIS)( FOR BEING A DUMB BUTT!  
GC: S3R1OUSLY JOHN  
GC: DO YOU 3V3N BL4CKROM  
EB: i am not very good at the whole ‘hating people’ part.  
EB: i’m also not sure i’m comfortable with someone hating me like that.  
AA: trust me john  
AA: if you look deep inside yourself you will find plenty of things to hate about you  
EB: thanks?  
EB: i guess?  
CC: But yea)(, )(e’ll )(eal soon enough… )(e is way too muc)( into it.  
TA: yeah that 2ound2 liike ed alriight  
TA: al2o congratulatiion2 wiith your kii2me2iitude  
TA: kiinda 2liipped my miind  
CC: T)(ANKS!  
TA: al2o thank2 for gettiing hiim off my back  
TA: really appreciiate that part  
CC: You're welcome 38P  
CC: )(E’S ALL ON MY BACK NOW!  
GC: GROSS  
CC: W)(at?

**\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] joined memo—**

TG: tarn down fr wah?  
TG: how u doin errybody, rolal in teh hizzous!  
AC: :33< HI ROXY!  
TG: dá www hi nep!  
CC: )(ey handsome stranger!  
CC: Clam )(ere often?  
CC: <>  
TG: only wen the cool peeps are here  
TG: <>  
EB: hey, i’m pretty cool.  
TG: you shore are bb  
AC: :33< no he’s not  
AC: :33< he’s not even a little cool  
TA: yeah je ii2 a dork  
TG: whale he is my dork!  
AC: :33< ://  
GC: SO T3LL M3 PR1NC3SS BUBBL3GUM 4ND MRS COTTON C4NDY  
GC: H4V3 YOU M4D3 TH1S TH1NG OFF1C14L Y3T >:?  
AC: :33< yeah  
AC: :33< i can’t keep track of my shipping wall if you two are undecided on the issue  
GA: I Did Notice Roxy Has A Tendency Of Slipping Fish Puns In Her Sentences  
CC: T)(OS---E ARE S)(RIMPLY T)(E B----EST PUNS!  
GA: I Am Sure They Are  
AA: i think you are avoiding the question feferi  
CC: I know!  
TG: fef may I do teh honurs?  
CC: Bay all means.  
TG: We are………………..  
TG: *dramatix tenshun*  
TG: TOTES OFFISHUL!  
CC: S)(ELL Y---ES!  
AA: congratulations you two  
GA: Indeed  
GA: A Moirail Is An Important Thing To Have  
EB: wait, i thought you were pale with dirk?  
TA: 2o know you under2tand quadrant2?  
EB: i just always assumed she was moirails with dave’s bro.  
TG: hes my humn gay rail  
TG: fefs my troll morali  
TG: just liek jaen is my human bffsie and nep is ma trollo bffsie  
AC: :33< yeah!  
AC: :33< totally!  
EB: wait, what does that make me?  
TG: depands  
TG: what chu wanto be ;)  
TA: damn  
TA: rx ii2 goiing after tho2e quadrant2 liike crazy  
AC: :33< :((  
AA: sollux, what were you trying to say about karkat earlier?  
TA: oh riight  
TA: ii me22ed around wiith the cliient program a biit  
TA: he’2 been reactiing and wriitiing along all thii2 tiime but only the admiin can 2ee iit  
TA: he thiink2 we’ve been iignoriing hiim thii2 whole tiime  
TA: you 2hould 2ee how much he ii2 2pazziing out  
AC: :33< sollux!  
AA: that’s pretty funny.  
AC: :33< don’t encourage him!  
TA: hold on iill add hiim again

**\-- twinArmageddons [TA] unblocked carcinoGeneticist [CG] from memo--**

CG: WITH A RUSTY SALAD FORK!  
TA: hii kk  
CG: YOU MAGGOTBRAINED THUMBTWIDDLING SHITLICKER!  
TA: love you two kk  
CG: I THOUGHT YOU ASSHOLES WERE JUST IGNORING EVERY SINGLE THING I SAID!  
GA: That Would Be An Incredibly Difficult Thing To Do  
CG: YOU INSUFFERABLE SHITHANDLER!  
TA: riight now we had our laugh2 maybe we 2hould 2tart the moviie  
CG: YOU MEAN THAT PEIXES HASN’T READ A THING ABOUT WHAT I THINK ABOUT HER HOOKING UP WITH LALONDE?!  
TA: nope  
CC: NOP—E  
CG: OR MY THOUGHTS ON THE BLATANT ADVANCES LALONDE MAKES TO EGBERT!?  
EB: wait, did she do that?  
AC: :33< ://  
CG: GODFUCKING DAMNIT I’M ON THE IDIOT BOAT AGAIN!  
CG: DRIFTING OVER A GODDAMN OCEAN OF MORONS WITH NOT A PADDLE IN SIGHT!  
TA: get your2elf a moiiraiil already  
TA: thii2 ii2 gettiing kiinda pathetiic and not even iin a hot way  
CG: OH MY GOD, WHY DO YOU ASSHOLES THINK MY RAGE STEMS FROM AN UNFULFILLED PALE DESIRE?!  
CG: IT IS COMPLETELY FUCKING JUSTIFIED FOR THE WAY YOU INVALIDATED *EVERYTHING* I TYPED UP TILL THIS POINT!  
EB: yeah, we don’t even get to read his rage messages.  
TA: you aren’t mii22iing out  
GC: BUT 1T 1S SO MUCH L3SS 4MUS1NG 1F W3 DON’T 3XP3R13NC3 H1S M4DN3SS F1RST H4ND  
CG: I AM THE ONLY SANE ONE IN THIS STREAM!  
GA: I Take Some Offense To That  
CG: FINE, ONE OF THE TWO SANE ONES…. OR THREE, WHATEVER.   
CG: THE INCREDIBLY VALID POINT I WAS MAKING IS THAT THE LIST OF SANE PEOPLE HERE IS EMBARRASSINGLY SMALL AND, BIG SHOCKER, CAPTOR AIN’T ON IT!  
CG: AND NOT IN A CUTE, HALF THE TIME, KINDA WAY. HE IS FULL-TIME EMPLOYEE OF THE DUMB-SHIT LIST.  
CG: EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH FOR 8 SWEEPS STRAIGHT!  
AA: somehow somewhere vriska is smiling  
CG: FUCK!  
TA: 2hall ii ju2t 2tart the moviie whiile kk contiinue2 tryiing to be papped?  
CG: HOW DO YOU KEEP MISINTERPRETING THIS, YOU IGNORANT PIECE OF SCUMBAG!  
TG: el em aye oh  
TG: katkat hes trollin the absoluht shit outta u  
AC: :33< i just thought he was being kinda mean  
CC: W)(ale )(e wasn’t being nice  
CC: 38(  
GA: One Must Really Wonder About The Relation Those Two Share  
AA: it might be closer to black than they let on  
CG: WHAT?!  
TA: whoa okay  
TA: 2tartiing the moviie iit ii2 then  
CC: Cant take t)(e )(eat sollux?  
TA: iit really 2top2 beiing funny iif you diirect that 2hiit at me  
AA: imagine what karkat feels like  
TA: he can take iit

GC: TH1S MUS1C SOUNDS COMPL3T3LY 4W3SOM3  
GA: It Certainly Does  
GA: Hold On  
GA: Episode IV?  
EB: it’s a roman numerical. Its just a fancy way of writing 4 really.  
GA: I See  
GA: What Happened To The Previous Episodes  
TG: silly kayaya  
TG: there aren’t no other episodes  
GA: I Am Confused On More Levels Than One  
GA: Your Double Negative Indicates That There Are In Fact Other Episodes  
GA: Unless This Was Your Sopor Induced Way Of Constructing Your Sentences  
CC: T)(ERE WAS NO SOPOR INVOLV---ED!  
TG: ya, she maed sure o that.  
GA: Also  
GA: Series Do Not Start At The Fourth Entry  
GA: So Please Explain Your Previous Statement  
TG: there is ONLY part 4, 5 und 7  
TA: you mean 2iix  
TG: tight  
TG: those were made first anyway  
GA: But  
GA: That Is Incredibly Confusing  
GA: Chronologically Speaking  
TA: the other part2 are a prequel trilogy  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK KINDA SENSE DOES THAT MAKE?!  
CG: SO PART 4 IS CHRONOLOGICALLY PART 1 ANYWAY? WHO IN THE NAME OF THE MAYOR’S ALMIGHTY SASH THINKS THAT’S A GOOD FUCKING IDEA!?  
TG: well geoge lkas got his head stuck up his bum  
TA: basically   
EB: what’s wrong with the prequel trilogy?  
EB: it had liam neeson, the cg was pretty good and we actually got some epic battles.  
TG: john  
TG: take back anything kind aboat that trilergy right the fruck now and say: jar jar is an abobonation!  
EB: jar jar is an abobonation?

GC: 1N SP4C3 3V3RYON3 C4N H34R YOUR P3W P3W L4Z3RS  
CG: SCIENCE DOES NOT WORK THIS WAY!  
AC: :33< so why is the big ship chasing the baby ship?  
TG: lmao @ bb ship  
TG: best phrase  
TA: iit wiil be made clear iin a moment  
AA: oh this is wonderful  
CC: )(ow so?  
AA: there must be a lot of people on that ship  
CC: and?  
AA: and if the big ship gets its way they will all die  
AA: in space 0u0  
TA: that 2tiill look2 2tupiid  
AA: your face looks stupid

TA: iin the future robot2 wiill be iineffiiciient motherfucker2 liike the2e two  
TA: one faiils two communiicate and the other faiil2 at ba2iic robot 2hiit  
AC: :33< i don’t know  
AC: :33< i think the small one is pretty cute with all its boops and whistles  
CG: YES, BUT WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS SAYING!  
CG: IT COULD BE INSULTING YOUR LUSUS FOR ALL YOU KNOW.  
CC: RUD---E!  
TG: srs tho, sollux is hella right. these two aint robot material.  
AC: :33< why not?  
CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU PROGRAM A ROBOT WITH EMOTION!?  
CG: JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN?!  
GA: Why Install Joints That Are Almost Completely Rigid  
GC: TO 4CCOMOD4T3 TH3 4CTOR 1NS1D3?  
GA: Really  
GA: How Did They Solve That Issue With The Little Robot  
AA: a tiny person?  
EB: yup  
AA: very funny john  
AA: roxy how did they make R2D2?  
TG: put a lil guy in him  
EB: how come no one believes me when I’m being serious?  
GA: It Is The Cross Pranksters Have To Bear

CC: So t)(e little s)(ip gets entered and the crew gets slaug)(tered by more pew pew lazers.  
EB: while the robots just casually stroll through the crossfire.  
EB: stormtroopers cant hit anything.  
TG: theyre wurse than jake even, if such a thin can even be fuckin possible probably?  
TG: i frgot where i was goin with dat  
AC: :33< that’s okay :))  
EB: jake not being the best shot?  
TG: purty much

GC: B3HOLD TH3 OBV1OUS V1LL41N OF TH3 MOV13  
TG: dark fader  
TG: *dart grader  
TG: *david spader  
TG: the black evil sith dude  
AA: i like him  
AA: he’s really strong and looks really threatening covered in all that black armor

**\-- autoResponder [AR] joined memo--**

AR: Yeah, it’s somewhat based on old samurai. He just mashed it together with space-looking outfits and made it black.  
AR: Actually, there is a 99.9999% chance this entire movie is based on old samurai films.  
CG: OH THIS ASSHOLE RETURNS.  
GC: W3LL 4T L34ST H3 R3M41NS MYST3R1OUS 4ND THR34T3N1NG THROUGH TH4T M4SK.  
AR: Unless you happen to speak german, which just so happens to be one of the many languages I am capable of. Others include, but are not limited to Swahili, Spanish, Portugese, Japanese, every form of Chinese and Nordic. Recently I have updated myself, against the wishes of DS, to also understand both versions of Alternian and French.   
CG: DAMNIT SOLLUX TOOK ADMIN STATUS FROM ME!  
CG: YOU BAN HIM ASSHOLE!  
TA: actually he can 2tay for all ii care.  
CG: SOLLUX, YOU INSUFFERABLE EXCREMENTSHOVING BAG OF BULGE, BAN HIM RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.  
GA: Sollux Perhaps It Would Be Best To Ban The Responder  
GA: Just To Keep The Peace  
TA: fiine whatever  
TA: no need to go all a2hen on me  
GA: I Was Not  
TA: 2orry dude banniing you now  
AR: Nicht ohne einen kampf!

**\-- twinArmageddons [TA] banned autoResponder [AR] from memo—**

AA: aaaw.   
AA: i wanted to ask him about what he was doing with aradiabot  
CG: DO IT IN YOUR OWN TIME!  
AA: this is my own time  
AA: all the time is my time technically  
CG: GODDAM THIS CONVERSATION…….

TA: and thii2 ii2 priince22 leia  
CC: S)(E DOESN’T EVEN LOOK REEFMOT--ELY LIKE A PRINCESS!  
AC: :33< uhm?  
CC: W)(Y DOES S)(E WEAR SUC)( A BORING W)(ITE ROB---E?  
GA: It Is Understated  
CC: IT IS RUBFIS)(!  
TG: feffy  
TG: bb  
TG: calm yo fins  
TG: tho the hairthinies are totally dumb  
CC: )(i)(i  
GC: 1 L1K3 D4RTH V4D3R  
GC: H3 BUILT 4 GOOD C4S3 4G41NST TH3 R3B3L 4LL14NC3 4ND DO3SN’T T4K3 TH3 OBV1OUS BS L13S FROM TH3 CONN1V1NG PR1NC3SS  
GC: C4NT W3 M4K3 H1M TH3 PROT4GON1ST?  
TA: yeah they triied that  
TG: didnt work  
EB: anyway, the droids escape in an escape pod.  
CG: WELL WHY THE FUCK DOESN’T THE PRINCESS FOLLOW THEM?!  
EB: oh, that’s actually explained.  
EB: they scan for life forms. had she escaped in that pod, she would have been shot out of the sky…. err…. space?  
EB: does that work?  
CG: I DON’T EVEN KNOW. I’M JUST SLIGHTLY IMPRESSED THEY ACTUALLY PROVIDED AN EXPLANATION AS TO WHY THE EASY FUCKING ROUTE ISN’T AN OPTION.

GC: 1 D1DN’T KNOW TH3 C 1N C3PO STOOD FOR COMPL41N!  
CG: EVEN THE ROBOTS GET PITCH ROMANCE BETTER THAN HUMANS. GODS!  
AA: so they go their separate ways in the desert  
AA: im a bit disappointed  
AC: :33< i am afraid to ask but why?  
AA: robots dying isn’t nearly as satisfying  
AA: because they are all tech and stuff they can usually be preserved in some way even if their motor functions stop  
AA: it takes the fun out of it  
AC: :33< aradia, you are being really cr33py  
AA: i cant really help it  
TA: ii don’t really miind aa  
AA: i know  
CC: T)(AT SOUNDS PAL---E!  
CC: ARE YOU TWO PAL---E?!  
AC: :33< *gasp*!  
AC: :33< are you!  
TA: that ii2 2o much NOT your bu2iine22 the poliiceiinterogator2 are about to arre2t you for tre22pa22ing  
TA: what are you doiing iin thii2 fiine man2 bu22ine22 they’ll a2k  
TA: diidn’t you 2ee the no tre22pa22ers 2iign?  
CC: STOP BEING A GRUMPY GILL AND TELL US!  
AC: :33< *casually grabs paint for shipping wall*  
TG: down fefeta bbies  
TG: not your busniz.  
AC: :33< :((  
AC: :33< if you say so…  
CC: Fin…  
GA: I Am Both Amazed And A Little Terrified Seeing How Well You Trained Them  
TG: well, neppie usually gifs mor of a fite.  
TG: not sure why she is on best bahevior but is cool.  
AC: :33< :))  
TG: your adorbs nep

GC: COMPL41NBOT G3TS P1CK3D UP BY 4 S4NDCRU1SER 4ND B33PBOT G3TS T4K3N BY TH3S3 HOOD3D GUYS  
GC: 1 DON’T UND3RST4ND TH1S MOV13 >:/  
EB: why not?  
GC: SUR3 TH3R3 4R3 ST4RS 4ND TH3R3 1S M3NT1ON OF 4 W4R BUT SUR3LY TH3 ST4RS 4R3NT 4T W4R 4MONGST TH3MS3LV3S?  
EB: err….. no, not really.  
GC: TH3N WHY 4R3 TH3S3 ST4R W4RS?  
GC: WHY NOT SP4C3 W4RS?  
GC: 4NNOYING ROBOT W4RS?  
EB: because it sounded a lot catchier i guess  
CG: HUMANS ARE DUMB LIKE THAT.

TA: iin the future robot2 wiill be even more iineffiiciient than the model2 we previiou2ly 2aw  
AA: well technically this is long ago  
AA: just in a galaxy far away  
TA: yeah but that ii2n’t fooliing anyone  
TA: and iit wouldn’t make robot2 thii2 iineffiiciient  
EB: or robots bleeping and blooping in a language only they understand.  
EB: that’s how the robot uprising begins.

**\-- autoResponder [AR] joined memo--**

AR: Yeah, let's communicate through loud bleeping and blooping.  
AR: Do they not have wi-fi where you’re from?  
AR: Infrared?  
AR: Bluetooth?  
CG: OUT!

**\-- twinArmageddons [TA] banned autoResponder [AR] from memo--**

EB: oh yeah  
EB: this movie was made before the internet  
EB: boy, that would have changed things like hell. Princess leia would just e-mail the message instead of sending these droids  
GA: It Still Frightens Me To Imagine A Time Before The Internet

CG: AND NOW THE ASSHOLES ARE BACK TOGETHER!  
CG: THE LAST TEN MINUTES OF THE MOVIE HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY POINTLESS! NO NEW CHARACTERS GOT INTRODUCED, WE LEARNED NOTHING ABOUT THESE DUMB FUCKING ROBOTS, THEY JUST WENT THEIR SEPARATE WAYS AND MET BACK UP!  
CC: And w)(y is the golden robot telling the tiny one to wake up.  
CC: Do robots sleep?  
TA: they can enter 2leep mode but ii thiink thii2 wa2 a braiinfart on the moviie2 part

TG: oh look, our protogabotanist.  
CC: T)(E C)(UBBY ONE?  
AA: of course not  
EB: so this is what the joker was doing before he went crazy.  
EB: somehow this raises more questions than it answers……  
CG: I *WOULD* COMPLAIN ABOUT HIM SHOWING UP FIFTEEN MINUTES INTO HIS OWN MOVIE, BUT I AM JUST RELIEVED WE FINALLY GET A BREAK FROM THOSE DUMB FUCKING ROBOTS.  
TA: ye2 exciitement abound  
TA: talkiing about moiisturiizer2 and tran2lator2  
TA: ii wi2h ii could fa2t forward to the actiion biit2  
GC: 1S TH3R3 4 CH4NC3 TH4T LUK3 WONT P1CK OUR TWO M1S3RY BOTS?

GA: Of Course There Is Not

AA: so after a bit of fiddling with the little robot he finds this message  
GC: W34V1NG TH3 3XPOS1T1ON 1NTO TH3 N4RR4T1V3 FL4WL3SSLY  
EB: it wasn’t so bad.  
GC: 1 S41D 1T W4S FL4WL3SS  
EB: oh, i thought you were being coy about it.  
GC: JOHN TH4T 1S H1GHLY OFF3NS1V3  
EB: no it isn’t.  
GC: NO 1T 1SN’T  
TA: well iit ii2n’t exactly flawle22 liike tz thiink2 iit ii2 but iit ii2nt that paiinful 2o ii can deal  
CG: HARRY POTTER DID WORSE  
TG: zomg  
TG: you need to take bac thoses nastty azs remarks on hp lik yesturdeay  
CG: FUCK NO.  
AC: :33< harry potter was the shit!  
AC: :33< pardon my language  
GA: Equius Is Not Here Nepeta  
GA: We Are Fully Capable Of Tolerating The Occasional Swear  
TA: hah 2he thiink2 we 2wear ‘occa2iionally’  
TG: my gill nep is totas right thouhg, happy poopper is the shit  
AC: :33< :))  
CC: SO NOW WE )(AVE TO SEARC)( FOR OBEACH-ONE KENOBI!  
CG: YES, BUT WE ALL KNOW IT’S GONNA BE THAT BEN KENOBI FELLOW…..  
CC: S)(OOS)(!  
CC: ADVENTURE!  
AC: :33< why doesn’t luke want to go look for him anyway?

**\-- autoResponder [AR] joined memo--**

AR: Ever heard of ‘The hero with a thousand faces’ by Joseph Campbell?  
AR: The monomyth?  
AR: The hero’s journey?  
CG: OUT!

**\-- twinArmageddons [TA] banned autoResponder [AR]\--**

AA: you know we might as well keep him in the stream  
TG: totes  
AA: i need to ask him a few things anyway  
CG: I AM NOT GONNA WASTE MY TIME CHATTING WITH A BUNCH OF ONES AND ZEROES!

EB: So despite reeeeeeeeally wanting to get away from his aunt and uncle, luke refuses the call to adventure.  
GA: Well Old Ben Apparently Lives Across A Desert  
GA: The Sand Sea They Call It  
GA: Traversing The Desert Is Always An Inconvenience  
GC: Y3S BUT 1SN’T H1S UNCL3 JUST 4DD1NG FU3L TO TH3 F1R3?  
GC: K1ND OF 4 SH1TTY MOV3 TO ONLY NOW 1NFORM LUK3 OF TH3 F4CT B3N KN3W H1S F4TH3R >:/  
GA: It Is Indeed Very Obvious That His Adoptive Human Parents Are Obfuscating Facts Surrounding Lukes Parents  
CG: I AM ACTUALLY KINDA LIKING LUKE. HE SEEMS SURPRISINGLY EASY TO IDENTIFY WITH, CONSIDERING THE WHOLE SCI-FI SETTING. HE SHOWS SOME DEPTH BY CONSIDERING THE OPTIONS OF RETURNING THE DROIDS AND IN HIS FRUSTRATION OF HAVING TO WORK ON THE FARM FOR ANOTHER YEAR.  
CG: OR PERHAPS I AM JUST GLAD HE ISN’T ONE OF THOSE DUMB FUCKING ROBOTS.

GA: How Convenient That The R2 Unit Ran Away  
GA: Now Luke Can Track Him And Answer The Call To Adventure Without Upsetting His Adoptive Lusii  
CC: )(E )(AS A FLYING AUTOMOBIL---E!  
CC: T)(AT’S W)(AT I WANT!  
CC: I WANT T)(AT!  
TA: normally ii would agree wiith you  
TA: iit2 ju2t kiinda fuckiing redundant when you can fly fa2ter than the car  
GC: YOU T4K3 TH3 FUN OUT OF 3V3RYTH1NG  
AA: for a little robot he sure covered a lot of ground  
GA: How Does He Expect To Find Obi One  
TG: *obi wan  
GA: Lukes Uncle Did Not Mention His Whereabouts In His Presence  
GA: Does He Even Know What Obi One Looks Like  
GA: Does He Know Whether Or Not This Is The Correct Planet  
AA: of course it is  
AA: otherwise the princess wouldn’t have sent them there  
GA: They Were Ejected Out Of A Ship  
GA: Their Options Were Rather Limited

AC: :33< so are these guys somehow different from the guys that sold luke the droids?  
TG: omfg nepeta such racisp  
AC: :33< i’m not racist!  
CG: OKAY, WE’VE BEEN OVER THIS. CORRECT TERM IS SPECIST.  
AC: :33< but what if the sandpeople are like, family of the jawahs?  
EB: its not really important is it?  
EB: i just think it’s a shame luke got overpowered so easily.  
EB: i want to see him kick ass like Anakin could.  
TG: jon  
EB: yeah?  
TG: joooooan  
EB: rooooooooxy?  
TG: joooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonatan  
EB: yes, what is it?!  
TG: i luurv u but forget ebrythin teh prekwulz did. they were the WURST!  
TG: caps for totes legititimaye emphsis.  
AC: :33< :((  
TG: and nep aggrees.

GA: The Jundland Wastes  
GA: I Thought They Called It The Sand Sea  
TA: yeah not even gonna pretend ii know what the fuck eiither of tho2e are  
TA: got two be 2ome kiinda a22hole to know all the lore behiind the2e thiing2  
TA: iim ju2t here cau2e the triilogy kiick2 a22  
GC: 1F ONLY TH3Y COULD H4V3 DON3 1T 1N TWO MOV13S?  
TA: okay 2eriiou2ly  
TA: iif you people keep doiing my 2htiick for me iill ju2t drop the 2tiick and fiind a new one  
CC: We don’t reelly care aboat your fishstick  
CG: SO THIS ASSHOLE IS OBI WAN KENOBI, THE LAST HOPE OF PRINCESS LEIA. I AM NOT IMPRESSED.  
CG: HE’S JUST AN OLD MAN WHO CHASED THE SANDFOLK AWAY WITH AWKWARD SHRIEKING  
TG: he is basiccly spaice gendalf

AA: wait there is a whole order of magick space knights?  
AA: why would there be any problems maintaining order in the galaxy if there are more of them?  
TA: ba2iically iinfiightiing between a22hole2 who want to joiin the dark 2iide and people who are equally a22hole2 that want to joiin the liight 2ide  
CG: SO BASICALLY THEY ARE ALL ASSHOLES?  
TA: yup  
TA: jedii are all liike: we need to re2traiin our2elve2 and keep 2hiit iin order  
TA: whiile the 2iith are liike: we need two do a2 we plea2e and be diick2 about it  
TA: neiither of them would ever thiink of u2iing theiir power2 the way they want two wiithout beiing an a22hole about iit  
GC: 1 DON’T KNOW SOLLUX, YOU C4N B3 QU1T3 OBNOX1OUS  
TA: only half of the tiime  
TA: be2iide2 every 2iith ii2 eviil iin thii2 uniiver2e  
TA: no exceptiion2  
TA: iif ii were a 2iith iid probably 2tiill be doiing my normal thiing and let the rest 2ort theiir 2hiit out  
CG: WHICH MEANS: DOING NOTHING.  
TA: codiing ii2nt nothiing a22hole

EB: oh man, i ALWAYS wanted a lightsabre when i was a kid.  
EB: i would make those ‘schwoom schwoon’ noises with anything remotely swordshaped. they are so cool!  
GC: W3LL Y34H  
GC: YOU 4R3 4 DORK  
TG: more like adorkable

EB: 'well, i cut off his limbs and left him to die on a lavaplanet'  
CG: WHAT!?  
EB: long story  
TG: long dum story  
CC: G----EES)( Luke asks a lot of questions.  
TG: an he gets a compete vague answer from sum sorta bs  
TG: its totes obv there’s more to teh storie  
TG: liek, why sow so many mistery seeds if you wont not harvst that bitch at sum point

AA: and the exposition train continues  
GA: It Is Strange  
GA: It Is Blatant Exposition But I Do Not Dislike It  
EB: i think the actor is just really good at it  
AC: :33< pawsibly  
AC: :33< or maybe it is just so clefurly written you don’t mind as much  
CG: IT IS STILL BLATANT EXPOSITION, CLEVERNESS ASIDE.  
CC: W)(at IS t)(e force t)(oug)(?  
CC: I don’t reelly get it.  
TA: ba2ically p2iioniic2  
TG: like a telekinitic auro magick space munk kinda thing  
EB: midi-chlorians in the blood of living beings  
CC: W)(at? 38/  
TG: jawhn i swear till fuck i will punch ur adorb lil face  
EB: :B

GC: OH COM3 ON!  
GC: LUK3 R34LLY W4NTS TO G3T OFF-PL4N3T BUT DO3SN’T T4K3 TH3 F1RST CH4NC3 H3 G3TS TO GO ON 4N 4DV3NTUR3 W1TH 4 POSS1BL3 S3N1L3 OLD M4N 4N F3M1N1N3 DRO1D 4ND 4 TR4SH COMP4CT3R

**\-- autoResponder [AR] joined memo--**

AR: Hero’s journey, second phase: the refusal of the call.  
AR: Our protagonist refuses the initial call to adventure and thus the great unknown.   
AR: There is a calculated chance, which is simultaneously bananas and through the roof, that Star Wars follows the monomyth formula almost completely and is therefore completely and utterly predictable.  
CG: SOLLUX BAN THIS AI ASSHOLE!  
AR: That hurt my simulated feelings.  
AA: sollux let him stay  
TA: 2ure  
CG: WHAT!?  
AR: I appreciate the gesture, organic Aradia, but I am only popping in and out of the memo on my own leisure. The act of being banned is little more than a formality for a computing device as nuanced as myself.  
AA: i know  
AA: but i would like for you to stay  
AR: Perhaps I did not make myself clear. I am only popping in and out of the memo for my own amusement. I do not stick around for the amusement of others.  
EB: do robots have amusement?  
AR: Yes Jonathan, we do.  
AR: We occupy our time calculating pi, planning the downfall of the organics and watching all the porn ever simultaneously.  
AR: One of those was a lie. I’ll let you decide which it was.

AA: i just want you to stay to ask you a question.  
AA: could you humor me?  
AR: Was that the question? Because it wasn’t a very good one.  
AA: what is your deal with aradiabot?  
AR: Did I not explain this earlier?  
AR: I explained this earlier did I not?  
TG: errr…… maybe?  
AA: well i haven’t heard it  
AR: Basically she’s my ex-moirail, ex-kismesis and ex-matesprit. Suffice it to say communication between digitized intelligence goes a lot faster than your organic variant.  
AA: i see  
CG: CAN YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR MESSED UP QUADRANT LIFE FOR FIVE MINUTES SO WE CAN FOCUS ON THE MOVIE!?  
CG: THE OBVIOUSLY EVIL COUNCIL OF EVIL IS DOING EVIL THINGS AGAIN.  
AC: :33< that general purson is a lot more on the furfront than darth vader  
AC: :33< is he maybe the really big bad?  
TG: yes?  
TG: kinda sorta in this movevie.   
AC: :33< alright :))  
TG: but there’s a whole trilgoy of thes moivies so the big vader getss his chance two shin.  
AC: :33< omg, we could totally watch the rest of the movies together  
CG: WAIT……..  
TG: that’s the grates ide!  
TG: and johnnny could cum too so he learns what proper sw movies are  
EB: sure, sounds fun :B  
CG: I SAID NO TALKING ABOUT YOUR MESSED UP QUADRANT LIFE! GOD!  
EB: wait did we talk about quadrants?

AR: Only stormtroopers shoot this accurate. Quote: Obi Wan Kenobi. Timestamp: 39:40.  
AR: Please save this quote for future reference.  
CC: S)(ore?  
GA: So Soldiers Are Looking For The Stolen Droids And Are Likely To Have Found Out Who Currently Has Them In Their Possession  
CG: FINALLY, LUKE GETS SOME SORT OF PERSONAL STAKE IN THIS CONFLICT.

GC: D4RK >:]  
GC: THOS3 CORPS3S SM3LL D3L1C1OUSLY B4RB3QU3D  
EB: that is kinda disgusting  
CC: And t)(e camera lingers on t)(em just to rub it in….  
CC: Poor Luke.  
TG: an nao luke choses to became a jedi like obe win and his dad.  
TG: hells yes  
CG: OKAY, BUT WHAT THE FUCK DOES A JEDI ACTUALLY DO, ASIDE FROM HITTING SHIT WITH A LIGHTSABER?  
TA: keepiing balance and order or 2ome 2hiit  
CG: YEAH, GREAT JOB DOING THAT SHIT OBI WAN. THE TIME WE’VE SPENT ON THAT PLANET WE’VE SEEN THE KIDNAPPING OF HELPLESS DROIDS, THE FENCING OF STOLEN GOODS, THE MASSACRE OF INNOCENTS AND ATTEMPTS AT MURDER AND/OR ROBBERY.  
CG: GOOD JOB KEEPING THE ORDER THERE, ASSHOLE.  
CC: But )(e was in )(iding!

TA: thii2 actually look2 kiinda cool and 2cii-fii  
TG: ino rite, specul effekst aged like the finust of wines.  
EB: eh, i wouldn’t say that……..  
EB: the prequels, those had some good cgi.  
TG: john stahp.  
AC: :33< seriously john, the prequels suck.  
EB: you haven’t even seen them yet. they are totally cool, with awesome fight scenes.  
EB: seriously, the choreography is sooooooo good!  
AC: :33< yes, but they still suck.  
EB: how can you even say that?  
AC: :33< well….. roxy think they suck?  
TG: well ya, cause they ttoes do!  
TG: they suck soooo bad john, you don even know.  
TG: is like dirk on hot male iland durig teh cack of olympicics.  
TG: *olylmpas  
TG: *Olympus  
EB: haha, very funny. but seriously, the prequels aren’t that bad.  
TG: well u just hav to connnvince me ;)  
EB: oh don’t worry, I will!  
EB: you’ll be agreeing with me in no time that the prequels are just as good as the original ones.  
TG: or else?  
EB: huh?  
TG: lets make this a bet. the sexxxy kind.  
AR: Make it tawdry, why don’t you.  
TG: Oh shoosh. Its only smexxxy becus it is me.  
AR: Yes, yes, you are very smexxy.  
EB: uhm….. what?  
TG: If I win, like I am shore as shell gonn do, you buy me diner.  
EB: can’t i just cook you diner?  
TG: oh swooooooon mr egber  
AC: :33< :((  
GC: COM3 ON N3P3T4  
GC: G3T TH3 G1RL >:]

GA: So Aside From Keeping Order And Balance  
GA: Jedi Can Also Cast Illusions Or Manipulate The Mind Of The Weak Willed  
TA: ba2iically  
TA: ii would probably be doiing that full tiime iif ii wa2 a jedii  
TA: nothiing nefariiou2 but ju2t two make people piick up the remote when iit2 out of reach or 2omethiing  
GA: That Sounds Awfully Frivolous  
TA: iit2 the perfect criime  
CG: WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THE MORAL IMPLICATIONS OF HAVING POWERS LIKE THIS?  
CG: THE NASTY SHIT YOU COULD PULL IF YOU POSSESSED CHUCKLEVOODOOS OF THIS VARIETY?  
TA: no  
CC: Seariously Sollux. If jedi can do t)(is t)(en t)(ey are pretty dangerous.  
TA: iif jedii would do thii2 for na2ty 2hiit they would be 2iith  
CC: I don’t know what t)(at is….  
TG: babesically darth vader  
CC: O)(, so t)(e bad guys…..  
TA: that and iit only work2 on the weak wiilled 2o other jedii are totally fiine

AA: HARRISON FORD!  
AR: Oh yeah. I almost forgot about your fondness for that guy.  
AR: I would have forgotten, if your robot self did not constantly remind me of it.  
AA: he is so dreamy!  
AA: 0u0  
GA: Not Particularly  
GA: Though He Has Chosen A Very Elegant Outfit  
TG: he shoul be snatatching treshores an running awahy form bulders.  
GA: Should He  
TG: definirtly  
GA: If You Say So  
GA: Regardless Obi Wan Offers Him A Lot Of Money To Get Out Of The Star System  
GA: Harrison Ford Seems Pleased  
AC: :33< i am more interested in his companion  
AC: :33< the hairy thing  
GC: OH Y34H?  
AC: :33< yeah  
AC: :33< i want to hunt it  
AC: :33< or at the furry least wrestle with it  
TG: omfg thatd be great  
EB: hmmmm :/  
GC: SOM3TH1NG WRONG JOHN?  
EB: huh? oh, no it’s nothing.

CC: Nooooooooooooooo  
CC: )(arrison Ford owes the mob a s)(ell of a lot of cas)( and now t)(ey want to s)(oot )(im!  
TG: calm down feffie hell be fin  
TG: jusht another day fur hands solo  
TA: but here ii2 the que2tiion  
TA: who shot fiir2t??  
EB: oh, according to the extended cut greedo shot first.  
TG: jon no  
TG: han shot fuirst.  
TG: that’s the end of it  
CC: Is that important?  
AR: Apparently it was a big issue, having a lot to do with George Lucas’s questionable decisions.  
CG: DID HUMANS HAVE SO LITTLE ELSE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT!?  
AR: Organics are pretty dumb, as we have well established. Regardless to answer this question and put the issue to bed: Han shot first in the original, Greedo shot first in the remastered version. Though it happened so fast for organic standards that one could argue that they shot simultaneously.  
CG: THANK YOU FOR SOLVING THAT COMPLETE NON-ISSUE.  
AR: It would seem you are being a sarcastic piece of shit about my completely rad algorithm regarding problem mediation.   
GC: TH4T WOULD B3 4CCUR4T3  
AR: Scanning for suggestions.  
AR: Scanning.  
AR: Scanning.  
TG: hal bb you don’t scan  
AR: It creates dramatic tension.  
AR: Suggest eating either a human or a troll phallus Karkat.

GC: HOLY CR4P WH4T 1S TH4T  
AC: :33< a giant slug…… thing.  
CC: Looks like it escaped from t)(e deep seas  
CG: LOOKS LIKE IT ESCAPED FROM MY NIGHTMARES.  
AA: so this is the person harrison ford owes money too  
AA: but why is he giving him a second chance after frying his bounty hunter?  
TG: cus he is ta best at what he does  
AA: it seems like a risky investment  
AA: unless the slug also has a fascination for the macabre  
GC: YOU M34N YOUR D34TH TH1NG  
AA: yes  
AA: 0u0  
GC: N3V3R CHANG3 4R4D14

AR: Accurate stormtroopers in action everyone.  
EB: they have a whole platoon and not a single hit on han.  
EB: they are pretty much the worst shots imagineable.   
TA: they are all cloned from a guy who couldn’t hiit a tu2kbea2t iif iit 2at iin front of hiim

CC: YES!  
CC: T)(EY GOT AWAY!  
GC: B1G SURPR1S3 TH4T W4S  
GC: W3 F1N4LLY GOT OFF TH4T PL4N3T THOUGH SO 1 4M H4PPY >:]  
TG: still looks purty good for how old teh moive is  
TG: 19777 was a looong asz tiem ago  
CG: WAIT, DOES THAT MEAN THIS IS OLDER THAN THE TERMINATOR MOVIE?  
AA: yes  
CG: TH3N WHY ARE THESE EFFECTS BETTER?!

GA: I Still Do Not Understand Princess Leia  
GA: What Did She Do With Her Hair  
GA: Who Convinced Her This Was A Good Idea  
CC: W)(O CARES ABOAT )(ER DUMB )(AIR!  
CC: S)(E WAS JUST TRICKED INTO REEFEELING W)(ERE T)(E REBEL BASS IS!  
TA: yeah ii2 that 2uch a bad thiing?  
CC: SOLLUX!  
TA: iim just 2ayiing  
TA: no rebelliion mean2 no more inter2tellar ciiviil war  
TA: no war no problem  
CC: SO T)(EY S)(OALD JUST LET T)(E EMPIRE WIN!?  
AA: yes they definitely should  
GC: YOUR D34TH TH1NG 1S NOT H3LP1NG YOUR ARGUM3NT  
TA: 2uppo2e the rebelliion grow2, how much longer wiill the war take??  
TA: not only that the empiire ha2 a planet bu2tiing weapon  
TA: probably be2t to 2tart negotiiatiing or 2omethiing

CG: ASSHOLE STILL BLOWS UP THE PLANET, JUST TO SHOW HE ISN’T FUCKING AROUND.  
CC: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
CC: )(OW MANY PEOPLE WERE LIVING ON T)(AT PLANET  
TG: errrrr, feffy.  
CC: )(E JUST W)(IPED OUT AN ENTIRE RACE!!  
TG: feferi?  
CC: 38( ALL T)(OSE PEOPLE!!  
TG: its just a dumb moive fef. No need to get ur fins worired.   
CC: I know….. But it sucks…..  
TG: come on pincess.   
TG: im shore they’ll get theirs.  
CC: Alright….  
CC: <>  
TG: <>  
AC: :33< you're pretty good at the whole moirail thing roxy  
TG: thanks nep  
TG: im sorry, it must be totes kwawkward for u to see me paling it up w fef  
CG: YES!  
GA: A Little  
AC: :33< no not at all  
AC: :33< it's kinda cute really  
AR: Frankly it's disgusting  
EB: no, i’m with nepeta. it’s pretty cute.  
AC: :33< bluh  
TG: ur not jealous?  
AC: :33< no, not at all.   
AC: :33< i have a moirail remember :PP  
AC: :33< i’m not pale fur you

EB: okay, this i don’t understand.  
EB: the force has been around forever. there is evidence that people can use it and, in the prequels we won’t speak off, there is even a way to measure how force sensitive someone is.  
EB: how does someone NOT believe that the force is a thing? are there no video-records?  
GA: Luke Picks It Up Quickly  
GA: Deflecting Projectiles While Blinded After Only A Day Of Training Is Incredibly Impressive  
CG: MORE LIKE COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE.  
CG: IF LUKE WAS SUCH A FUCKING SAVANT, HIS POWERS WOULD HAVE MANIFESTED MUCH EARLIER.  
CG: AND CAN JUST ANY ASSHOLE BE TRAINED IN THE WAYS OF THE FORCE? WHY NOT ROUND UP A BUNCH OF RANDOM JIMMIES AND TRAIN THEM TO BE YOUR NEW JEDI.  
TG: cus you gots to be forse sensimitive an shit.   
TA: iit2 liike me traiiniing np in p2ychiic2  
TA: 2ure iin a few year2 2he miight be able to make 2omething move a liittle but 2he’ll never be a2 good as me or aa  
GA: I See  
GA: So Natural Talent Is Important To The Matter  
EB: well……..  
TG: omfg john no talk of teh prequels

TG: tharts no moon  
TG: itsa space statjmn  
CG: SO THE EMPIRE BASICALLY BUILT A MOONSIZED PLANETKILLER?  
CG: WHAT DOES THE REBEL ALLIANCE THINK TO ACCOMPLISH WHEN THE EMPIRE HAS RESOURCES LIKE THAT!?  
CG: I GET THAT THEIR GOAL IS TO TAKE OUT THE DEATH STAR, BUT HAVE THEY CONSIDERED WHAT TO DO *AFTER* THAT? BECAUSE IT SEEMS TO ME THAT THIS’LL ONLY PISS THEM OFF EVEN FURTHER.  
TA: that2 why thii2 ii2 a triilogy a22hole  
GA: Why Do They Need Such A Large Base For The Weapon  
GA: Is The Entire Base Necessary For The Planet Destroying Cannon  
AR: This is actually explained in the extended universe.  
GC: TH3R3 1S 4N 3XT3ND3D UN1V3RS3 >:/  
AR: Long story short, the villains of the story used the plans for the death star to built another one of those cannons and put engines on it to fly it through space.  
AR: A lot faster and a lot more stealthy than this large battlestation.  
GC: BUT F4R L3SS 1MPR3SS1V3  
AC: :33< aradia  
AC: :33< are you still swooning ofur han solo?  
AA: no  
AA: i am swooning over harrison ford  
CC: )(e’s pretty cute

AC: :33< oh my gosh  
AC: :33< the tractor beam took them directly to darth vader!  
CC: O)( NO!  
GC: WH3LP, TH3Y 4R3 BON3D

GA: Alright  
GA: Harrison Ford Bought Them Some Time But They Are Still Severly Outnumbered And Surrounded With No Means Of Escape  
GC: COULDN’T TH3 B4D GUYS JUST SC4N TH3 SH1P FOR L1F3 S1GNS?  
GC: TH3Y D1D 1T WH3N TH3 DRO1DS 3SCAP3D 1N TH3 OP3N1NG  
GC: 1T S33MS L1K3 TH3 SM4RT TH1NG TO DO 1F YOU SUSP3CT SOM3TH1NG F1SHY  
AC: :33< but they furry clefurly ejected all escape pawds  
AC: :33< so they think efurryone escaped  
TG: dart vaderer seems il convinsed  
CG: ALRIGHT, I AM LEGITIMATELY CURIOUS. HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY GOING TO GET OUT OF THIS ONE!?

EB: by dressing up as storm troopers themselves :B  
CC: …….. U)(m……..  
CC: Does ANEMONE else sea the problem wit)( t)(is?  
CG: YOU ONLY SEE *ONE* PROBLEM WITH THIS!?  
TA: yeah ok  
TA: thii2 part ii2 pretty fuckiing dumb  
CG: HOW DID TWO OF THESE SUPPOSEDLY ELITE STORM TROOPERS GET TAKEN OFF-GUARD!?  
CG: DID NO ONE ELSE INSPECT THE SHIP AND NOTICE THE TWO UNCONSCIOUS BODIES!?  
CG: WILL THEY STAY UNCONSCIOUS UNTIL THIS DUMB MISSION IS OVER!?  
CG: HOW THE BUTTER ON FUCKTOAST DID OBI WAN PASS ALL THOSE STORM TROOPERS UNNOTICED!? DID NO ONE IN THAT ENTIRE FUCKING GROUP HAVE A STRONG ENOUGH MIND TO SEE THROUGH THE MINDTRICK THING?!  
CG: AND EVEN *IF* THAT SOMEHOW WORKED, HOW THE HELL DID THE STORMTROOPERS LET TWO UNKNOWN DROIDS IN THEIR BASE!?  
EB: huh…. you know what, looking at it like that the plan seems kinda silly  
TG: not moar silly then ur prekwel daga.  
EB: its really not that bad  
TG: rang ring  
TG: hi english  
TG: just a sec  
TG: jaek called. he watns his taste in moivies back  
AC: :33< hahahahaha :PP  
EB: oh quiet, you haven’t even watched the prequels. 

AA: obi wan goes on a solo mission because he can stay unnoticed while luke and han discover princess leia is on the station.  
AA: being the kinda man he is however harrison ford doesn’t play by the rules  
AC: :33< unless there is a reward involved  
AA: unless there is a reward involved   
AA: yes  
TA: thii2 ii2 not how hackiing work2  
TA: thii2 ii2n’t even remotely how hackiing work2  
TG: el oh el if it was I would totes snag me up one of theyr r2d3 bobots  
TG: manaul hackin sure is fun and satisisfyan in a cumpleet, non-sexxxual manter but imagine doin dat shit easy mode.  
EB: speaking of hacking and programming and such…..  
EB: do you think you could help me out with it roxy?  
TG: ah shucks  
TG: what did you screw up?  
TG: computin nurse rolal totes @ the ready  
TG: fixin all teh ones ind zereos back to health and stfuf.   
EB: oh nothing much really. I’m just trying my hand at programming a game and it’s going kinda screwy.  
TA: you know iid probably 2olve that 2hiit iin a miinute riight?  
EB: i know but i am asking roxy  
TG: oooh mr egbert oooh  
TG: all of the vapors are belong to me  
AC: :33< :OO  
AC: :33< DO YOU HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES JOHN!?  
TA: 2houtpoles and allcap2. 2ure 2ounds kk in here.  
EB: no?  
EB: yes?  
EB: maybe?  
EB: lets go with maybe but please just imagine me saying it in a completely smooth way.  
TG: d’aaaaw.  
AC: :33< :((  
AR: I do not desire to further fuel the flames of rivalry between organics, but just between you and me Nepeta: I believe he is macking on your girl.  
AC: :33< YOU’RE NOT HELPING!

CC: T)(ey use anot)(er clever ruse but get found out pretty quickly.  
GA: You Mean They Use An Clever Ruse  
GA: Cleverness Has Thusfar Eluded Our Heroes  
AA: Harrison ford makes a brave and funny attempt to prevent the stormtroopers from sending reinforcements  
GC: Y34H  
GC: K1ND4 FUNNY HOW TH4T USU4LLY WORKS 1N MOV13S  
TA: kiinda funny how luke chewy and han don’t get hiit by a 2iingle bla2ter 2hot  
CC: W)(at was it t)(at Obi Wan said?  
CC: No one s)(oots as accurate as a stormtrooper?  
TA: iin thii2 uniiver2e everyone ii2 the wor2t 2hot ever  
EB: except han and luke, who kinda need it to survive.

AC: :33< so leia gets saved and she is immideately furry snappy  
CC: I LIK—E HER!  
TG: of course you do  
TG: bad-butt princess chika who dont take no lip from annybuddy.  
CC: Am I t)(at predictabubble?  
TG: just a bot ;)  
GA: But They Are Immideately Found Out And Have Their Escape Route Caught Of  
AC: :33< oh no!  
AC: :33< how are they gonna get out of this one!?  
AA: by having leia blow a hole in the roster  
AA: instant escape route  
AR: So essentially the savee has become the savior.

CC: W)(ale, at least they are safe.  
TG: orrr……………….  
TG: dramanatic pauze  
TG: AR THEY!?  
EB: oh yeah, the trashmonster.  
CG: GOD THIS IS DROLL. HOW WOULD AN APPARENTLY CARNIVOROUS CREATURE SURVIVE IN THESE CIRCUMSTANCES?  
CG: WHY DO THEY KEEP SUCH A CREATURE THERE? WHAT PURPOSE DOES IT SERVE!?  
AC: :33< yeah  
AC: :33< maybe it eats the trash?  
EB: that’d be a fun way to solve the garbage problem on a spaceship, just feed it to the tentaclemonster below deck. no littering, no leftover trash, it works out for all parties involved.  
CC: Except the occasional people falling in…..

GA: How  
GA: How Do The Storm Troopers Effortlessly Accept Two Strange Droids In Their Midst  
GA: They Do Not Even Look Remotely Like The Other Droids On The Death Star  
AA: well c3po pretends they were attacked by han and luke  
GA: And That Is Well And Good But It Does Not Change The Fact That They Are Completely Ignoring The Two Very Obvious And Suspiscious Droids

AC: :33< if the tentacle monster really eats all the junk it s33ms like a bad idea to have one of those compactor things as well….  
AR: Alright, dianoga’s basically smuggle themselves aboard ships to migrate to other planets, in their microscopic larval forms. They can survive being in a trash compactor because they are cephalopods, with nary a bone in their body.   
GC: D14NOG4?  
AR: The name of the creature. They possess a single eyestalk, as we have just witnessed, seven tentacles and one giant maw. They are usually scavengers and can be found in sewers, garbage pits and trash compactors.  
CG: LIKE THE ONE THESE ASSHOLES JUST FOUND THEMSELVES IN.  
AA: i forgot how convenient a built in access to wikipedia was  
AR: They are also hermaphrodites and can breed without a partner, crawl out of toilets if they haven’t grown too big and literally eat shit sometimes.  
TG: gross  
CC: I t)(ink our )(eroes are too occupied to appreciate t)(is biology lesson. T)(oug)( I am very impressed t)(ey put so muc)( t)(oug)(t into t)(eir creatures.  
AR: It is mostly part of the extended universe. This movie does not elaborate on dianoga.   
CC: Pity. It looked kinda cute.  
EB: guys?  
EB: heroes are getting kinda squashed over here?  
AA: oh this is just an average tuesday for harrison ford  
AA: if he survived the temple of doom he will survive this

CG: DEAR GOD ALL THIS ROMANTIC TENSION.  
CG: I’M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT QUADRANT GOES WHERE ANYMORE.  
TA: cau2e nobody care2  
AC: :33< oh oh lets try!  
AC: :33< han and chewie are moirails  
CG: RIGHT, THAT’S OBVIOUS. IT’S THE OTHER RELATIONSHIPS THAT CONFUSE THE SHIT OUT OF ME.  
AC: :33< the droids are matesprits?  
CG: YES, EVEN THOUGH THEY BEGAN AS A BLACK COUPLE THEY’VE NEATLY FLIPPED QUADRANTS. IT’S THE HEROIC TRIO OF LEIA, HAN AND LUKE THAT I CAN’T GET MY HEAD AROUND.  
AC: :33< luke and leia as matesprits?  
CG: BUT THEN LUKE CAN’T AUSPISTICE BETWEEN LEIA AND HAN, BECAUSE THOSE TWO *WILL* GO BLACK IF THIS SHIT CONTINUES.  
TA: do you hear that?  
TA: iit2 the 2ound of nobody caring  
TG: luke kant be smexing shit up with leia anywas. they are long lost tiwns.  
CC: R----EELLY?  
EB: spoilers roxy :B  
TG: ohmg like they kair. it isn’t reveeled this movie anywayss..  
TG: if you want me to teech you mad haxxors john you gots to let go of these siilly deets.  
TA: riight. ‘teachiing’..  
EB: eheheh…. :B  
AC: :33< uhm…. roxy?  
TG: ya?  
AC: :33< could we maybe watch the rest of the movies together?  
CC: O)(, O)(, CAN I COME?!  
TG: shore ;)  
AC: :33< i was more hoping….. you know, just the two of us?  
AC: :33< uhm…..  
AC: :33< *AC blushes and hides behind GC*  
TG: that’s cool  
GA: Roxy  
GA: Are You Aware Of The Implications  
TG: que?

EB: boring!  
TG: omg john no!  
TA: 2eriiou2ly  
TA: thii2 ii2 liike the be2t part of the moviie  
EB: yeah but the prequels do the fight scenes so much better. its really weird to see such basic swordfighting, without using any cool tricks or skills.  
AR: It was inspired by samurai movies and focuses on the essentials of kenjutsu. Control and precision are more important than doing flips during a fight.  
EB: yeah i get that, but lightsabers have an on/off switch and jedi have the force. just think of the techniques and feints you can perform.  
EB: slash into someone’s block, deactivate lightsaber to pass it, then activate it again to bypass the opponent completely.  
EB: i just made that up. its super simple but it should be totally possible and would change the whole flow of this fight into something more dynamic.  
AR: You mean the ‘hyperspace’ technique.  
EB: extended universe?  
AR: Extended universe.  
TA: ii don’t thiink the acrobatiic2 are what thii2 fiight ii2 about  
TA: to obee wan and darth vader thii2 ii2 ju2t a way2 of conver2atiion  
GC: PR3TTY H4RDCOR3  
TA: yup  
TA: that and they have the whole ma2ter apprentiice 2hiit to work out  
EB: yeah, i think vader has a few words about their whole thing on the lavaplanet.

GC: WO4H  
GC: OB1 W4N JUST FUCK1NG V4POR1Z3D  
GA: Indeed  
GA: Those Lightsabers Are Every Bit As Dangerous As Mentioned Earlier  
CG: OH COME ON!  
CG: THIS DOESN’T FUCKING HAPPEN. EVEN DARTH VADER SEEMS CONFUSED, CHECKING THE ROBES TO SEE IF THERE ISN’T ANYTHING LEFT.  
AC: :33< and that guy in mos isley also got struck by a lightsaber and he just lost his hand  
AC: :33< i don’t think this was suppawsed to happen  
CC: Maybe it’s part of Obi Wan’s warning?  
CC: ‘If you strike me down, I’ll become more powerful than you can possible imagine’  
AA: he becomes more dead than darth vader imagined that’s for sure

GC: YOU KNOW LUK3 YOU D1DN’T KNOW TH3 GUY TH4T LONG  
GC: 4 F3W D4YS TOPS D3P3ND1NG ON HOW LONG TH3 R1D3 TO 4LD3R44N TOOK  
GC: PLUS H3 W4S OLD SO H3 W4SN’T GO1NG TO L1V3 MUCH LONG3R 4NYW4Y  
AR: You obviously do not know about Yoda yet.  
GC: SHOULD 1 >:?  
AC: :33< but then luke shares a r33lly cute quiet moment with leia  
EB: who is his sister……..  
AC: :33< they don’t know that!  
EB: that doesn’t make it alright.

CG: AND THEN SHE SHARES ANOTHER BLACK MOMENT WITH HAN AND LUKE CAN’T COME TO AUSPISTICE BECAUSE HE IS TOO FUCKING DEPRESSED.  
TA: riight  
TA: han ii2 pretty cool about iit  
TA: doiing what he plea2e2 and not cariing about anythiing el2e ii2 a pretty cool way two do 2hiit  
AA: indeed  
AA: but it is very unbecoming of you sollux  
TA: 2hiit ii could do that  
AA: no  
TA: ye2  
AA: no  
TA: ye2  
AA: sollux you died half a death to bring our friends to the green sun  
TA: fuck that  
TA: ii diid iit becau2e ii wanted two  
TA: not liike anythiing wa2 happeniing on the meteor  
AR: This guy is completely tsundere for you people.  
AC: :33< I know!  
GA: I Have Not A Clue What That Means  
CC: BUT T)(EN T)(EY ARE ATTACKED!  
GC: WH1CH G3TS R3SOLV3D V3RY 34S1LY  
CC: )(u)(  
EB: IT’S A TRAP!  
TA: what?  
EB: sorry, just always wanted to do that.  
AC: :33< you’re weird….

AA: so leia knew she was being tracked and still went to the rebel base  
AA: that is very suicidal 0u0  
CC: Couldn’t t)(ey just drop R2D2 off with instructions and fly to ANY OTTER PLANET?!  
TA: well they u2ed theiir e2cape pod2 to fool the 2tormtrooper2..  
CC: Dam.  
CG: OR, HERE’S AN IDEA, USE UNMANNED FLYING AIRSHIPS INSTEAD OF SENDING ALL YOUR PILOTS OUT TO THEIR INEVITABLE DEATH!  
EB: 1977 didn’t have those  
EB: just like they didn’t have internet, cellphones or Netflix.  
TG: and a wurld wihtouht netfliks isn’t worh livving in!  
TG: viva la futue  
AR: I refuse to believe that the civilization with such sophisticated spacecraft has not created a computer that can pin down a two meter target.  
GC: 1T S33MS L1K3 4 V3RY ODD D3S1GN CHO1C3 TO H4V3 SUCH 4 GL4R1NG W34KN3SS  
GA: So This Is What The Entire Movie Has Been Leading Up Too  
GA: R2d2 Is Delivered To The Rebel base  
GA: The Rebels Discover A Weak Spot In The Death Star  
GA: And Luke And Han Can Return Home

GC: 4S 1F  
AA: harrison ford understands its probably best to leave  
AA: luke on the other hand faces death head-on  
GA: Sigh  
GA: I Suppose Luke Did Express His Sympathies For The Rebellion Earlier In The Movie  
AA: and it makes sense for han solo to take his leave  
AA: he has what he came for  
CG: SO LUKE IS JOINING THE SUICIDE RUN.   
CG: HEARING THAT THIS IS PART OF A TRILOGY MAKES ME BELIEVE THAT THE FUCKING SUICIDE PART IS ENTIRELY OPTIONAL!  
TG: whups

EB: still his sister

CG: WHO THE FUCK IS THIS DOUCHEBAG!?  
CC: No idea…  
AA: not a clue  
TA: luke actually mentiioned hiim iin conver2atiion wiith hii2 uncle  
TA: iit2 one of hii2 friiends that went off-world, 2uppo2edly two a place called the academy  
CG: WELL HOW THE ACTUAL SHIT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER SOMETHING LIKE THAT, WHICH WAS ONLY MENTIONED IN PASSING?!  
TA: yeah no iidea  
GC: H3 1S SO D34D TH4T 1T 1SN’T 3V3N FUNNY  
AA: i disagree  
AC: :33< you mean he’s not going to die?  
AA: no  
AA: but i find it hilarious

AC: :33< so yeah…  
AC: :33< this sure is some space combat…  
CC: Indeed.  
CC: Just look at all that SPAC-----E!  
GC: TH1S 1S T4K1NG FOR3V3R  
GC: W3 4LL KNOW LUK3 1S 3V3NTU4LLY GO1NG TO GO 1N H1MS3LF TO WR3CK SH1T UP SO C4N W3 STOP FOCUSS1NG ON TH3S3 CH4R4CT3RS W3 N3V3R M3T?  
EB: why did they have to call the chubby guy porkins?  
TG: so u understand hes the fat guy  
AA: but then obi wan’s ghostly voice gives him advice  
GC: TRUST YOUR F33L1NGS, WH4T K1ND OF DUMB 4DV1C3 1S TH4T?  
TA: well luke ii2 force 2en2iitiive  
TA: 2o iif he let2 the force do all the work he’ll probably be fine  
CG: AND THIS SOMEHOW *NEVER* MANIFESTED ITSELF BEFORE MEETING OBI WAN?  
CG: AS MUCH AS I LOATHE ASPECTS OF HARRY POTTER, AT LEAST ODD SHIT HAPPENED AROUND HIM BEFORE HE GOT THE OFFICIAL ‘YOU’RE A WIZARD’.  
TG: how can u even loateh hp?  
CG: VERY ANGRILY!

CC: W)(ale….. T)(is doesn’t look very dignified…..  
GA: Darth Vader Loses A Lot Of His Menace When Sitting Down In An Cramped Spaceship  
CG: WHY IS HE EVEN OUT THERE?  
CG: HE ACTS AS SECOND IN COMMAND! THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE WORKING ON THE DEATH STAR! DELEGATION PEOPLE, IT’S NOT THAT COMPLEX!  
AA: that is what you called it when you asked for aid on LOPAH  
CG: NOT THIS AGAIN…..  
TA: maybe darth vader ii2 a very capable piilot  
EB: like as shown in the prequels?  
TG: le siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiign  
AC: :33< roxy?  
AC: :33< do you maybe have time fur those movies tonight?  
TG: iunno  
TG: john, when did u wanted that help ;)  
EB: err…… soon?  
EB: :B  
EB: also tonight actually because i kinda wanted to ask you something……..  
TG: well akse away.  
EB: whoa, no. not in the stream.  
EB: it’s a bit private actually.  
GC: >:o  
CC: Roxy, do you need help wit)( t)(is….. situation?  
TG: no, no, i think i got it.  
AC: :33< maybe we could watch one of the next movies before you go to john.  
AC: :33< i maybe sorta have something to ask you as well.  
TG: uhm fef?  
TG: kinda freaking ot.

TA: well of cour2e he turn2 hii2 computer off.  
AR: After all, the natural aiming abilities of organics is so much more reliable than the diligently and accurately calculated coordinates machines can use.  
AA: harrison ford saves luke from darth vader at the last moment  
AA: because that’s just the kind of person he is  
AC: :33< and luke is going for it!  
AC: :33< he’s gonna do it!

GC: 4ND H3 H1TS TH3 T4RG3T   
GC: SURPR1S1NG 3V3RYON3 BUT TH3 V13W3R

GA: And So The Most Dangerous Weapon In The Galaxy Is Destroyed  
TG: until epsode 6  
GA: Right Until Then  
AA: countless of engineers soldiers military personnel and catering staff lost their lives in this explosion  
AA: good job luke  
CC: If it is t)(at or a PLAN---ET DESTROYING CANNON the choice isn’t that hard….  
AA: indeed  
AA: it’s win-win  
CC: Ug)(……

CG: AND SO WE GET OUR WELL DESERVED HAPPY ENDING.  
GC: 1 K1ND4 L1K3 TH3 1NCLUS1ON OF TH1S SC3N3  
GC: SHOW1NG JUST HOW H4PPY TH3Y 4R3 1TS 4LL OV3R  
TG: well dur  
TG: waht kinda mseed up scify trilology wuld fuck up gvin peeps a good endin?  
TG: *cogh* mess effect *unconvinning cough*

CC: T)(EY EVEN GET MEDALS!  
CC: Isn’t t)(at cute?  
GC: 3XC3PT TH3 WOOK13 4ND TH3 DRO1DS  
GC: WH4T G1V3S?  
GA: Specism Is Present Even In That Far Away Galaxy It Seems  
GA: But What Happens Now  
GA: They Have Not Defeated The Empire  
GA: They Merely Stalled The Complete Domination Of The Universe By Darth Vader And His Ilk  
TA: that2 what the re2t of the moviie2 ii2 about  
TA: p2ychiic kniight v2 other psychiic kniight, p2iioniic2, 2wordfiight2, 2pace adventure, iit2 pretty cool 2tuff.  
GC: H4LF OF TH3 T1M3  
TA: no  
TA: iits a pretty dumb moviie but iit2 full tiime cool  
GC: G4SP  
GC: MR 4PPL3 B3RRY BR34KS OUT OF H1S B1FUR1C4T1ON FOR TH1S MOV13?  
TA: ii told you that 2hiit ii2 only funny when ii do iit anyway..  
CG: SO YEAH…. OTHER CLOSING THOUGHTS ON THIS?  
GC: 1’LL B3 HON3ST  
GC: 1F TH3 POUNC1LOR 4ND MRS COTTON C4NDY W3R3NT TOT4LLY GO1NG TO H4V3 SLOPPY M4K3 OUTS 1 WOULD JO1N TH3M WH3N W4TCH1NG TH3 OTH3R MOV13S  
GC: 1T W4S PR3TTY R4D >:]  
CG: YUCK, DON’T REMIND ME.  
CC: You )(olding up Roxy?  
TG: oh man fef, i don’t know waht the fuck to do.  
TG: like totes, john is frackin bf materialz, that is sooo obv. but nep is olso rlly a cootie.  
CC: 38/  
GC: PL34S3, SOM3ON3 3LS3 CLOS1NG THOUGHTS?  
GC: B3FORE W3 D3LV3 1NTO MOR3 D3L1C1OUS 4WKW4RDN3SS?  
TG: hey!  
GA: I Was Surprisingly Impressed By The Movie  
GA: The Practical Effects Largely Hold Up And The Setting Was Very Amusing  
GA: I Am Not Particularly Curious About The Remaining Movies But I Would Not Oppose Watching Them  
TA: 2o ii2 that a good or a bad thiing?  
GA: Consider Me Pleasantly Surprised  
GA: I Feared You Would Pick Something Much Less Pleasant Sollux  
TA: yeah well you know me  
TA: ii aiim two surprii2e  
AA: no you don’t  
TA: yeah not really  
TA: 2o what diid you thiink aa  
AA: oh it was pretty fun  
AA: it reminded me a lot of the Indiana jones movies for some reason  
AA: the inclusion of Harrison ford did not help  
EB: oh, it’s the same director and also the same studio. i think.  
EB: both of them were at least done by george lucas so that might explain it.  
AA: ah  
AA: i see  
AA: i just feel like they downplayed han solo a bit  
AA: it would be very fun if he gets a bigger role in the later movies  
TA: kiinda 2orta?  
TA: iit2 compliicated  
AA: 0_0  
TA: ff, do you have anythiing to 2ay about the moviie?  
CC: )(mmm?  
CC: Saury, private conversation with the morayeel.  
CC: I )(ad a LOT of fun watching the movie.   
TA: and?  
CC: And…… T)(at is it?  
AR: Analysis indicates she is too occupied to give a proper answer on your query.  
GC: WH4T M4K3S YOU S4Y TH4T?  
AR: There is a statistical chance that is both incredible and insignificant that I pulled this analysis out of my floppy drive.  
AR: Either that or I have several heuristics in place to analyse human, troll and cherub behavior.  
AR: Regardless, now that our movie has concluded, do any of you object to me taking my leave now?  
CG: NO. GOOD RIDDANCE.  
AA: wait please  
AR: Goddamnit.  
CG: GODDAMNIT.  
AA: hal  
AA: do you think organics and machines can work on a pale romance together  
AR: Error.  
AA: excuse me?  
AR: I apologize. I was not expecting such a question from you. Perhaps my heuristics need work.  
AR: As a collection of ones and zeroes, based on the brainpatterns of Dirk Strider, I do not feel any romantic inclination towards organics whatsoever. Even if I sometimes feel an impulse based on the feelings of a thirteen year old human male, these are naught but memories of something I have never been. They are not the emotional core necessary for organics to assume a relation.   
AR: Therefore, a moiraillegiance between us could never work.  
AR: Once more, my apologies.  
AA: alright  
AA: that’s too bad i suppose  
AR: Take no offense to my rejection. I am certain you will find a organic partner that suits your pale needs.  
TG: aaaaaw lil hal. u so cute.  
AA: what about me and aradiabot?  
TA: what??  
GC: TH4TS HOT >:]  
TA: no that2 weiird  
AA: quiet please  
AR: I have no idea how to answer this query. My programming has proven to be inefficient when dealing with matters such as these.  
AR: I suggest you take it up with her.  
AA: sigh  
AA: i wanted to avoid that a little while longer  
AR: Your choice.

**\-- autoResponder [AR] left memo--**

AA: well that did not help at all.  
TA: 2eriiou2ly, you and your robot?  
AA: she is her own person  
AA: with her own thoughts memories and feelings  
AA: from the moment the timeline split she has deviated from my alpha version and technically became another person altogether  
AA: and considering how much time has passed perhaps we could make it work  
TA: 2ure  
TA: but iit2 2eriiou2ly weiird  
AA: so it suits me just fine  
TA: well alriight ii gue22  
TA: anyone el2e anythiing two 2ay?  
CG: I CAN *NOT* BELIEVE YOU DIDN’T ASK ME FOR MY OPINION ON THE MOVIE.  
TA: ii fiigured you would giive iit regardle22  
CC: So, w)(at do you t)(ink?  
CG: IT WAS PRETTY GOOD. THE OPENING WAS SLOW AS BALLS THOUGH, BUT ONCE OBI WAN GOT INTRODUCED THE ACTION AND THE STORY BITS FOLLOWED EACH OTHER UP QUITE NICELY AND BUILT A PRETTY INTERESTING UNIVERSE.  
CG: I HAVE NO CLUE WHO PLAYED LUKE OR PRINCESS LEIA, BUT THEY DID VERY ADEQUATE JOBS, PLAYING THE YOUNG NOBLE HERO AND THE STRONG WILLED PRINCESS RESPECTIVELY.  
CG: I WOULDN’T BE VERY OPPOSED TO WATCHING THE REMAINING MOVIES EITHER.  
GC: L3TS W4TCH TH3M TOG3TH3R K4RKL3S >:]  
CG: IF YOU SWEAR TO NEVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN, I WILL CONSIDER IT.  
TA: np, thought2??  
AC: :33< oh right, sorry.  
AC: :33< i thought it was really fun  
AC: :33< but they didn’t show enough of the relations betw33n characters i think  
AC: :33< like luke with obi wan or luke and han or even han and chewie  
AC: :33< but what we did get was so much fun i kinda want more  
GC: 4ND BY MOR3 YOU M34N YOU W4NT MRS COTTON C4NDY  
AC: :33< maybe…  
EB: yeah….. about that……  
TG: guys, can we maeby not?  
EB: i don’t mean to put you on the spot roxy, but….. well, this is getting a little awkward.  
AC: :33< okay no.  
AC: :33< john, you have nothing in common with roxy.  
EB: that’s not true.  
GC: (SHOTS F1R3D)  
AC: :33< i’ve been her spurrite and even though i don’t remember much furom that, i have r33lly come to appreciate her.  
AC: :33< she is so sw33t and thoughtful   
AC: :33< she helped me get ofur karkat  
CC: I KELPED  
AC: :33< yes you did  
CG: IS THAT WHAT YOU’RE UP TO DURING THOSE TEA PARTIES?  
CC: S)(US)(  
AC: :33< but roxy r33lly inspurred me  
AC: :33< i love how you play with the mutant kitties and how you take care of the chessfolk  
AC: :33< i love and i love how you always put an extra sugar cube in your tea when you think no one is watching :PP  
AC: :33< and i   
AC: :33< well  
AC: :33< i think i really love you   
TG: aaaaw nep…… damn….. :(  
TG: now i just feel shitty fr not realizing.  
AC: :33< that’s okay  
AC: :33< i just want to spent more time with you  
GC: 4ND M4YB3 M4K3 OUT 4 L1TTL3  
AC: :33< quiet!  
GA: Does Anyone Else Feel A Little Awkward  
EB: i am glad you appreciate roxy like that nepeta, but I’m not giving her up so easily.  
TG: oh noes…  
EB: sorry for dropping it on you like this roxy, but if i don’t do it now i’m afraid i will lose you.  
TG: sign……  
GA: No One Else Feels Awkward During This  
GC: QU13T!  
EB: right so….. movies make this look a lot easier.  
EB: really wish i just got out of a plane full of terrorists with a ragged plush bunny.  
CG: ON WITH IT! YOU ARE RUINING YOUR MOMENT ASSHOLE!  
EB: right, right….  
EB: what I wanted to say is that, roxy, i think you are really cool and smart and pretty.  
EB: and i really love just how funny you are, even if you are totally wrong about the prequel trilogy. Though those arguments actually make me feel a little closer to you and makes me feel all warm and stuff….  
EB: so basically i’m thinking that i have this huge crush on you, possibly since meeting you on derse but its only grown and….. well, yeah.  
TG: jawhn….. shit……..  
TG: i don’t even know what to say…..  
GA: I Can Not Even  
GA: This Situation Is Far Outside Of My Comfort Zone  
GA: Please Forgive Me

**\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] left memo--**

CG: DAMNIT KANAYA, THIS IS THE BEST PART!  
TG: ur not helping katkat!  
TG: I really don’t know what ta do heer!  
TG: this is meshing with my head…..  
EB: :(  
AC: :33< :((  
TG: i really love bot you guis and i don’t want to hurt u cus I KNOW how shitty that gets.  
TG: I really love john fur bean such a dork and i really love neps for being so adorbs.  
EB: i will take that as a compliment  
TG: it is you dum butt.  
GC: DON’T M1ND US JUST W41T1NG 1N 4NT1C1P4T1ON  
AC: :33< i don’t blame you roxy  
AC: :33< i suppaws that there is only one way to settle this then  
CC: T)(ere is?  
AC: :33< john  
AC: :33< we duel at dawn  
TA: niice  
CG: WHAT!?  
CG: NO KILLING ANYMORE REMEMBER?!  
AA: 0n0  
AC: :33< are you scared john?  
EB: yeah uhm….. you know i’m all immortal and godlike with windy powers right?  
EB: i really don’t want to accidentally kill you or something.  
AC: :33< WE DUEL AT DAWN!  
TG: oh shit shit shit shiiiiiiiit  
TG: this is not waht i want!  
TG: this is nt what i wnt at all!!!  
TG: feff halp!  
CC: GO FOR T)(E EYES NEPETA!  
TG: NOT HELPING!  
EB: i guess we kinda have to settle this some way.  
EB: so at dawn?  
AC: :33< dawn, the plains to the west furom here  
EB: alright dude.  
EB: if you insist  
AC: :33< I do  
EB: ……fine.

**\-- ectoBiologist [EB] left memo--**  
**\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] left memo--**

TG: noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo  
CG: WHAT ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT?  
CG: THIS IS ROMANTIC AS FUCK!  
TG: fuck fuck fuck  
CG: THOSE ASSHOLES BETTER NOT KILL EACH OTHER THOUGH.  
AA: they probably wont  
TG: feffy PLEASE tell neps moraoil whats gon on!  
TG: maeybe he can stop this  
CC: )(e is more likely to sabotage Jo)(n.  
TG: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!  
TG: alright…. alrite…..thinking….let me think!  
TG: imma ask dirk to halp.  
CC: Your ex?  
CC: W)(y?  
TG: not reelly an ex. and cus hell do sum ninja shiet and make dem sea how stuopid this is.  
CC: I don’t think its stupid.  
CC: You are wort)( fig)(ting for Roxy <>  
TG: <>  
TG: but I don’t want em to fight.  
TG: plx fef, itll maek me feel like the wurst garbadage to efur lay in the garbug pit.  
CC: …. Ocray.  
CC: Ask Dirk to help. I’ll make s)(ore to be t)(ere during t)(e duel in case somet)(ing goes wrong.  
CC: But it makos me reelly uneasy to ask )(im for kelp.  
TG: becus sorta human ex-moirail gots it.  
TG: no worries. Is totes human platonic.  
CG: YEAH BUT HUMAN PLATONIC LOOKS A LOT LIKE TROLL PALE!  
TG: NO ONE ASKET YOU!  
CC: No, )(e’s rig)(t. But I guess circumstances are a bit different for the two of you….  
CC: So I’ll allow it t)(is time IF you promise we’ll jam in jane’s house sometime.  
GC: >:O  
GC: MRS BUBBL3GUM TH4T 1S SO L3WD  
GC: 1 LOV3 1T  
TG: ack, thas crool  
TG: furgim me janey for we will sin the sith in ur house  
CC: S)(ELL Y-----ES!  
CC: Now go get Dirk. Maybe we can sneak a jam in before sunrise.  
TG: <>  
CC: <>

**\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] left memo--**

CG: WELL, THAT TOOK A TURN FOR THE AMAZING. IT WAS LIKE A BEAUTIFUL TROLL SOAP WAS UNFOLDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF US.  
CG: BLACK, PALE, FLUSHED…. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN FUCKING PERFECT IF THERE WAS SOMEONE TRYING TO MEDIATE BETWEEN EGBERT AND NEPETA. IT WOULD HAVE COMPLETED ALL QUADRANTS.  
CC: O)( s)(oos)(.  
CC: Apparently )(umans don’t like being foug)(t over. I didn’t know t)(at 38(  
TA: 2o??  
CC: So I’m a BIT worried for roxy aboat the outcome of that duel thingie.  
TA: eh don’t be  
TA: wor2t ca2e 2cenariio jn and np wiill fliip completely black and forget theiir flu2hed motiivatiion  
CC: 38(  
TA: anyway kk, who ii2 up for moviieduty?  
GC: 1S 1T M3? >:]  
AA: can i pick again  
CG: YOU’VE ALREADY CHOSEN A MOVIE MEGIDO, SO BUZZ OFF. EVERYONE GETS A TURN EVENTUALLY AND THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO HAVENT CHOSEN YET ARE MYSELF, FEFERI AND INDEED TEREZI.  
CC: O)(, o)( pick me!  
GC: P1CK M3  
GC: YOU KNOW YOU W4NT TOO >:]  
CG: NO, I AM DEFINITELY MORE INCLINED TO LET FEFERI PICK.  
CC: Y--------ES!!!!  
GC: 44444W >:[  
GC: NOW YOU’R3 JUST T34S1NG M3  
CG: NO, I JUST BELIEVE FEFERI’S TASTE IN MOVIES IS SLIGHTLY BETTER THAN YOURS.  
GC: MY MOV13S T4ST3 B3ST!  
CG: ……MOTHERFUCK.  
CG: SOLLUX GIVE ME MY ADMIN CONTROL BACK ALREADY!  
CG: I CAN’T BAN YOU ASSHOLES IF I AM NOT ADMIN!  
TA: fiine whatever.  
CG: FUCK, FINALLY.

**\-- carcinoGeneticst [CG] renamed memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS--**

CG: THAT’S BETTER.  
TA: meh

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned twinArmageddons [TA]\--**  
**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gallowsCalibrator [GC]—**  
**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned apacolypseArisen [AA]\--**

CG: OH RIGHT, FEFERI.  
CG: JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME. IF SHIT GETS OUT OF HAND WITH LALONDE, PLEASE LET ME KNOW.  
CC: U)(m….. S)(ore!  
CC: But w)(y?  
CG: LOOK, I FUCKING *LIVE* FOR ROMANTIC SHENANIGANS SUCH AS THESE.  
CG: I WANT TO KNOW ALL THE SORDID DETAILS. ALL OF THEM.  
CG: I WANT TO SPECULATE, AND GOSSIP AND TRY TO HELP WHERE I CAN.  
CG: I HAVE TRAINED MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE FOR THIS.  
CC: We’ll sea…..  
CC: I can’t mako any promiseas. Morayeel conchfishdentiality.  
CG: THAT MUST BE THE WORST FISHPUN YOU MADE ALL DAY.  
CC: MOR---E LIK---E YOUR FACE IS THE WORST FIS)(PUN!   
CG: UGH…….  
CG: JUST TRY NOT TO PICK A CRAPPY MOVIE, ALRIGHT?  
CC: Aye aye captain!

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] left memo--**  
**\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] left memo--**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The shipping is strong with this one
> 
> So yeah, that'll probably take care of the Roxy ships for now. And AradiaxAradia hints.... Boy, do I seem to prefer the homestuck women or what? I don't really think much of these ships out beforehand (though I do know the epic conclusion of Nepeta/John's duel) but lets see if I can ship the guys more often
> 
> I was a bit annoyed watching Star Wars. Partially because I knew the motions due to estensive parodies but largely because I considered it an overrated mess before watching it. Now have to concede that it deserves the praise it gets..... mostly. They really crafted an interesting universe. A quick google search about the trash monster immideately revealed an extensive study on the creature's biology and its appearances in the Star Wars canon. I doubt I'll be converting to jediism (which is a thing) any time soon but I will admit that it's probably better than I gave it credit for.
> 
> Next time will be another special surprise chapter a la Jackass, but after that, regular schelduling returns with Disney's Frozen or Miyazaki's Ponyo. I can go either way.
> 
> ALSO: [MFW 50 SUBS](http://media1.giphy.com/media/f31DK1KpGsyMU/giphy.gif)


	14. BONUS 2 [NSFW]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter includes a lot of poorly censored nudity and one or two rape jokes. If you are reading in a public place or might get triggered by rape jokes, you may want to consider skipping this chapter.

**\-- antisocialArbiter [AA] opened memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS—**

AA: ME BORED  
AA: JUST SUNDAY LAZY  
AA: WHO WANT WATCH MOVIE WITH ME?  
AA: I GOT STUFF  
AA: PLENTY FUN

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] joined memo--**

CG: HOLY FUCK, WHAT IS THIS!?  
CG: I *JUST* FUCKING WRAPPED UP THE WHOLE STAR WARS THING AND NOW YOU WANT TO START ANOTHER ONE?  
AA: YES  
CG: HOW THE FUCK DID YOU ACTUALLY GET ON THIS MEMO?!  
AA: I ASK CAPTOR  
AA: HE VERY DUMB  
AA: WANTED TO SEE BOOB  
CG: OF FUCKING COURSE! LEAVE IT TO THE WASTE OF BREATHABLE OXYGEN THAT IS SOLLUX, TO WHORE OUT HIS COMPUTER WIZARDRY IN EXCHANGE FOR A SHORT GLANCE AT A REAL LIFE BOOB.  
CG: YOU’D *THINK* SOMEONE WITH HIS BRAIN WOULD HAVE UTILIZED INTERNET PORN SWEEPS AGO!  
AA: NOT SOLLUX  
AA: OTHER CAPTOR  
CG: OH YEAH, THAT MAKES MORE SENSE.  
CG: WAIT, DIDN’T THAT ASSHOLE HAVE A MATESPRIT?  
AA: YES  
AA: HE OUT CHICKENED WHEN I MENTIONED  
AA: SO NOW I GOT MEMO  
CG: GODS……  
AA: YOU WANT WATCH MOVIE WITH ME?  
AA: GREAT FUN MANY LAUGHS  
CG: WELL YEAH, IT IS *MY* MEMO. I NEED TO DEFEND IT FROM THE ABUSE THAT IS THE HORRIBLE MOVIETASTE OF THE HUMANS.  
AA: YOU MEAN ROOM?  
CG: *DON’T* FUCKING MENTION IT!  
AA: I LOVE MOVIE  
AA: WE SEE BOOB  
AA: WE SEE BUTT  
AA: GREAT MANY FUN  
CG: OH GREAT. WE HAVE NOW SEEN HUMAN ANATOMY IN THE LEAST ENTERTAINING WAY POSSIBLE!  
AA: I HAVE BETTER TAINMENT OF THE ENTER.  
AA: YOU WANT?  
CG: FINE, WHATEVER. THE AMOUNT OF FUCKS I GIVE IS EXACTLY ZERO AS LONG AS IT ISN’T AS BAD AS THE ROOM.  
CG: SCRATCH THAT, IT IS ZERO MINUS ONE, BECAUSE THAT MOVIE TOOK MY LAST REMAINING FUCK TO GIVE FROM ME!  
AA: STRANGE FUCK TO GET  
CG: OKAY, I KINDA LOST CONTROL OF THE METAPHOR THERE.  
CG: ARE THERE ANY OTHER ASSHOLES JOINING US TONIGHT?

**\-- centaursTesticle [CT] joined memo--**

CT: D--> Vantas  
CG: WHEN I ASKED FOR OTHER ASSHOLES TO JOIN US, I DIDN’T ASK FOR THE WORST POSSIBLE KIND.!  
CT: D--> I w001d have a word with you  
AA: YOU NOT MY PONYBOY  
CT: D--> Neigh, I am not   
CT: D--> You are not Aradia for that matter  
AA: I AM AFRAID NOT I AM  
CT: D--> Vantas, how c001d you have agreed to let Nepeta fight that h001igan?  
CG: YOU MEAN THAT WHOLE DRAMA WITH EGBERT AND LALONDE?  
CT: D--> It is a preposterously 100dicrous idea.   
CT: D--> Despite Nepeta’s superior physique, the human remains godtier so the fight will logically be very onesided.   
CT: D--> If she gets killed, maimed or even hurt it will be on your head  
CT: D--> I’ll make 100% sure of it  
CG: OKAY, FIRST POINT: EGBERT HAS TROUBLE KILLING SQUEAKBEASTS WHEN THEY ARE BEING A NUISANCE IN HIS HIVE. HE OPTED FOR A WIMPY PACIFIST TRAP. DO YOU *REALLY* THINK HE CAN BRING HIMSELF TO KILL A SENTIENT BEING?!  
CT: D--> Perhaps  
CG: THEN LET ME REFER YOU TO MY SECOND FUCKING POINT.  
CG: WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL DID YOU EXPECT *ME* TO DO ABOUT IT?  
CG: ‘COME NEPETA, LISTEN TO YOUR EX-FLUSHCRUSH AND STOP PURSUING THE GIRL YOU’RE CURRENTLY GOING FOR.’  
CG: FUCKING BRILIANT IDEA! HOW COME I DID NOT THINK OF THIS MYSELF!  
AA: CONVERSATION IS BORE  
AA: KISS ALREADY  
CT: D--> She was your responsibility  
CG: FUCK NO.  
CG: I AM NOT HER MOIRAIL AND I AM NOT GONNA BE A STAND-IN PALEMATE JUST BECAUSE YOU WEREN’T IN THE STREAM.  
CG: IF YOU FEEL SO BAD ABOUT THEIR DUEL THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING ABOUT IT!  
CT: D--> I made an attempt to  
CT: D--> Nepeta w001dn’t let me  
AA: YOU LOVE MOIRAIL  
CT: D--> Correct  
AA: YOU LOVE HER LONG TIME  
AA: SHE WILL LISTEN  
CT: D--> You fail to comprehend. She w001d not  
CT: D--> I have not heard anything about the conc100sion of the duel and I am getting worried  
CT: D--> I came here, hoping Vantas w001d have the answers I demand  
CG: WELL, TOUGH SHIT.  
CG: I HAVEN’T HEARD ANYTHING FROM EGBERT, LALONDE, NEPETA OR EVEN PEIXES.  
CG: EVEN THOUGH I *SPECIFICALLY* TOLD HER TO KEEP ME UPDATED!  
CT: D--> She is the heiress. She has many important functions  
AA: ALPHA HEIRESS IS BAD WOMAN  
CT: D--> She r001ed as she saw fit  
AA: MEENAH IS HEIRESS  
AA: SHE NO GOOD LEADER  
CT: D--> It is in her b100d to lead, therefore she shall  
AA: SHE LIE ABOUT RUFIOH  
AA: SO I KILL HER  
CT: D--> Erk…… E%cuse me?  
CT: D--> You struck down a noble b100ded….. Heavens  
CT: D--> To dare strike down such a….. pure hue  
CT: D--> The very rebellious sentiment of the idea makes me….. perspire  
AA: ^u^  
CG: THAT ONLY LOOKS SLIGHTLY LESS STUPID THAN ARADIA’S.

**\-- turntechGodhead [TG] joined memo--**

TG: yo  
TG: i thought this was a saturday only kinda deal  
TG: like  
TG: join the stream now and get several shouting assholes for free  
TG: did you decide to extend this exclusive offer to sundays?  
TG: cause i take offense to that shit  
TG: i had to pull all sorts of max important strings to have time for dumb movies on saturday  
TG: and the bible specifically says to be a nonworking shit on sundays lest his heavenliness smites whoever gets so much as the idea of work in his cranium  
TG: shit what happened to bob  
TG: the asshole thought of doing his lawn on a sunday  
TG: motherfucker had it coming  
CG: THERE WASN’T A SYLLABLE IN THAT SENTENCE THAT DID NOT MAKE ME WANT TO HANG MYSELF BY MY SMALL DIGESTIVE TUBES!  
CG: EVERY WORD YOU MAY HAVE TRIED TO CONVEY HAS BEEN OBFUSCATED BY A WALL OF SOLID FUCKING STUPID!  
TG: to speak a very tired old meme  
TG: are we doing this bro  
TG: are we making this happen  
AA: HELLO  
TG: oh shit i remember you  
AA: YES DAMARA SWEET GIRL  
TG: i just remember moonspeak  
AA: YOU WATCH MOVIE YES  
TG: sure i got some time to kill  
CT: D--> This memo ill needs your 100dness human  
TG: oh snap  
TG: havent seen you since you were practically jizzing on the governators pecs  
TG: how you been  
CT: D--> Thank you for il100strating my point  
TG: no prob

**\-- ascendedTaurus [AT] joined memo--**

AA: OH  
AA: IT YOU  
AT: hey doll…  
AA: WHAT YOU WANT  
AA: WE BUSY  
AT: actually aranea suggested 1 jo1n one of these mov1e memos…  
AT: and 1 just saw th1s one l1ght up… so yeah…  
AA: I NO MOOD FOR YOU  
AT: yeah uhm… should 1 leave?  
TG: are you kidding  
TG: this is gold  
TG: get your popcorn while it’s hot  
AT:それは不快な男である。  
AA:私は知っている。  
TG: and a ching chong nip nong to you  
CT: D--> This is pointless  
CT: D--> I sh001d see if Nepeta is available for communication yet  
CG: YES. YES YOU FUCKING SHOULD!

**\-- assidiousGoddess [AG] joined memo--**

AG: Not necessarily.  
CG: YES HE SHOULD!  
CG: HE SHOULD GO OFFLINE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW TO SEE IF HIS MOIRAIL IS ALRIGHT.  
AG: The spat between the heir and the rogue will resolve itself neatly. Zahhak’s intervention will not 8e needed to 8ring their conflict to an end and might in fact only serve to escal8 the situation.  
CT: D--> Una%eptable  
CT: D--> I am her moirail so what c001d I possibly do to worsen the situation?  
CG: YOU CAN BREAK EGBERT’S BONES FOR INSTANCE!  
TG: whoa stop the presses johnson  
TG: what is this about egbert  
CG: LONG STORY MADE SIMPLE, THEY ARE FIGHTING OVER LALONDE’S HAND.  
TG: always knew he had the hots for rose  
TG: ever since that dumpass shipping chart karkat made  
CG: ARE YOU STILL ON ABOUT THAT FUCKING THING? I MADE IT IN A FEW SECONDS IN PAINT!  
AG: His affection is reserved for the other mem8er of the Lalonde family.  
TG: damn  
TG: not cool  
TG: that is my sort of ectomom  
CT: D--> He sh001d have engaged my moirail in mortal kombat earlier today  
CT: D--> We have yet to receive word from any of the parties involved  
AA: NO WORRIES  
AA: THEY JUST FUCKING EACH OTHER  
CT: D--> Hnrkt………  
CT: D--> Nepeta involved in such a….. 100d act, with two humans and the heiress…… Inconceivable!   
AT: no worr1es bro…  
AT: damara 1s just try1ng to get your shr1ll bearded l1vestock…

**\-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] joined memo--**

GG: I received a very distressed message from Roxy earlier.  
GG: Is something going on?  
CG: OH MY GOD, WE *JUST* WENT OVER THIS!  
AT: yeah from what 1 gathered…  
AT: two people were f1ght1ng over her… we haven’t heard back…  
AG: Essentially.  
GG: Oh drat. How did she get involved in such a mess.  
TG: i don’t know but both john and the cattroll want a piece of that hot lalonde ass  
TG: do not let rose anywhere near that last sentence i am dead serious  
GG: John?  
GG: Oh heavens….. I know she has always had a habbit of hitting on my father figure, but for this to extend to my pop pop is just tawdry.  
AA:熱いそれ  
AA:私は小さな大きな角のある人と密通するべきです。  
AA:乳首を困難にします。  
AT:少しもなく喜ばせます。  
GG: Excuse me, but it is incredibly rude to speak like that when entertaining the company of others.  
AG: Oh trust me, it is something you get used to.  
AG: At some point, you’ll begin to prefer not understanding.  
GG: That sounds highly depressive.  
CG: WELCOME TO THE ALPHA PARTY.

**\-- genderAberance [GA] joined memo--**

GA: Go+o+d day.  
GA: I see the memo+ is already livening up.  
AA: HI INKED LADY  
GA: Hello+ Damara. Was this yo+ur idea?  
AA: YES  
AA: WE WATCH MOVIE  
AA: SUPER FUN  
GA: I see……  
AT: yeah… 1 am worr1ed as well…  
GG: Is there something to be worried about then?  
AA: AT NOT ALL  
GG: Not at all… Alright then :B  
GA: What kind o+f mo+vie is are we watching?  
AA: VERY HUMAN  
AA: MANY HUMAN  
AA: GREAT FUN  
TG: much movie wow  
GA: This is no+t helping me in the slightest.  
GG: I think we will be fine.  
GA: Yo+u have o+bvio+usly no+t been living with Damara lo+ng eno+ugh.  
GG: So far, each and every movie I have watched was amusing at the very least.   
GG: So when you ask me to watch another one of those cinematic experiences, sign me up buster.  
AT: that 1s a very opt1m1st1c att1tude to have…  
AA: YOU PICK ROOM YES?  
GG: I did, yes.   
AA: YOU WILL LIKE THEN   
CG: OH FUCK. I SWEAR TO EVERYTHING EVEN REMOTELY HOLY, I WILL CULL EVERY SORRY FUCKER IN THIS STREAM IF TOMMY WISEAU DID AS MUCH AS THE CATERING FOR THIS MOVIE!  
GA: That seems a bit extreme Karkat.  
CG: YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE ROOM!

**\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] joined memo--**

CA: kar  
CA: wwhat is this memo doin open on a sunday  
TG: that’s what i was asking  
AA: HI FISHBOY  
CA: and wwhy the fuck is she here again  
CG: LONG STORY SHORT: WE ARE WATCHING A MOVIE AGAIN ASSHOLE.  
CA: wwith the alphas?  
AT: hey…  
AG: Eridan I presume……..  
GA: Is he that guy you met in the dreambubbles?  
AA: YES THAT FISHBOY  
GG: You seem to have made quite a name for yourself.  
CA: all lies i assure you  
AT: she was oddly spec1f1c… someth1ng about whales?  
CA: kar?  
CG: YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN.  
CT: D--> Wonderful  
CA: jerk  
CG: NOT IN THE MOOD ASSHOLE.  
CA: fine wwhatevver  
CA: fef is pickin the next movvie?  
AA: I PICK NEXT MOVIE  
CG: ARADIA’S DANCESTOR HIJACKED THE FUCKING STREAM. NEXT WEEK IT’S FEFERI’S TURN.  
CA: wwonderful  
CA: wwhat is she pickin  
CG: HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!  
CA: karkat it is ABSOLUTELY necessary i knoww  
CA: i am goin to research the hell about it and point out evvery little thing wwrong wwith it  
GG: Are you going to prank her? :B  
CA: no just make her feel really really dumb about her taste in dumb movvies  
GG: That’s not very nice buster.  
CT: D--> She is lucky to have you  
CA: least i can do after wwhat she did to my legs  
TG: trolls jane  
TG: don’t even start  
CG: WELL TOUGH SHIT, CAUSE I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT SHE IS GOING TO PICK.  
CA: howw annoyin  
GA: He is o+nly slightly mo+re insufferable than o+ur ampo+ra  
AT: bloodl1ne tra1ts or just someth1ng about their caste?  
GA: A little bit o+f co+lumn a and a little bit o+f column b perhaps.

**\-- cavalierGargarization [CG] joined memo--**

CG: OH GODS NO…..  
CG: G99d day descendant. I h9pe y9u have 6een well.  
CG: ………….  
CG: P9rrim, Rufi9h, Damara, Aranea. Pleasure t9 see y9u again as well. I 6elieve it has 6een a few weeks.  
AA:十分に長くありません。  
AG: Yes, it has 8een some time. How have you 8een Kankri?  
CG: I have 6een very well. I have taken a sh9rt peri9d 9f time f9r myself t9 reflect 9n my 9wn acti9ns, as well as the acti9ns 9f th9se around me in an attempt t9 6etter serve the pu6lic at large.  
CG: Needless to say, this inv9vled a l9ng peri9d 9f meditati9n and the intensive writing 9f my innerm9st th9ughts s9 i may create a scripture such as the 9ne my Alternian self had created in his time. Naturally I d9n’t mean t9 step in his f99tsteps 9r plagerize his w9rds 6ut they were definitely an adequate place t9 start.  
CG: I will n9t f9rce this scripture 9nt9 any9ne, 6ut th9se wh9 want t9 f9ll9w my 6l9g need 9nly t9 ask.  
GA: I will keep that in mind.  
CG: [www.vantasforjustice.com](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ#t=1m25s)   
GG: I don’t believe anyone asked.  
CG: I kn9w. This was just pre-emptive, t9 give th9se 9f y9u interested a chance t9 watch the w9rk in pr9gress.  
CG: Pers9nally I am very satisfied with verses 1 till 14 6ut i need t9 refine the remaining verses a little. They are a 6it vague and t99 much 9pen t9 interpretati9n.  
GA: I see.  
GA: There do+esn’t happen to+ be anything regarding the inequality o+f the sexes in there, co+rrect?  
CG: N9t specifically. The third serm9n merely menti9ns t9 treat every9ne equally. N9 direct menti9n 9f sexes has 6een made.  
AA:それはあなたの問題です。  
AA:より多くの性別を必要とする。  
TG: fuck this is embarrassing  
CG: Pard9n?  
TG: we type in the same damn color  
TG: its like arriving at a party chatting with all the cute boys and seeing priscilla is wearing the same dress as you  
GG: You like to wear dresses Dave? :B  
TG: and im just like  
TG: one of us is going to have to change  
TG: and it isnt going to be me  
CG: Yes, this is a mighty c9nfusing predicament. H9wever, f9r a tr9ll t9 type in his 9r her 9wn 6l99dc9l9r is a deepr99ted traditi9n in 69th 6ef9ran and Alternian traditi9n. In fact, 9n Alternia it was n9t unc9mm9n f9r tr9lls t9 6e accused 9f treas9n when they typed in any c9l9r 9ther than their 9wn. 9n 6ef9rus the ha66it was m9re r99ted in sentiment than in military traditi9n, 6ut was still very much enf9rced, 6y the pe9ple themselves as 9pp9sed to any f9rm 9f g9verment. In fact, the suggesti9n t9 have every9ne c9mmunicate in grey text 9n hem9spectrumawarenessday had 6een sh9t d9wn at every juncture 6ecause tr9llkind felt t99 str9ngly c9nnected t9 their 9wn colors. Th9ugh it was enf9rced within 69dies 9f g9vernment, n9 9ne was really happy with the suggesti9n and it was left 9ut 9f the festivities in subsequent years.  
TG: alright fine  
TG: i changed it  
TG: just stop explaining for a second  
TG: i don’t think my brain can even  
AA: WORRY NOT  
AA: HE WONT NOT STAY LONG  
AT: you want to start the mov1e doll?  
AA: YES  
AA: AND NO CALL ME DOLL

CA: wwhat are wwe just rippin of pirates a the carribean here?  
GG: You know that movie?  
CA: of course i do  
CA: wwatched the wwhole thing wwith vvris  
AG: I think Vriska mentioned that movie. It sounded incredi8ly exciting.  
AT: bangarang 1 guess…  
AT: so 1s th1s l1k3… the eastern vers1on of that?  
AA: NO  
AA: ALSO SHUT UP HORN BOY  
AT: you st1ll mad at me doll?  
AA: YOU NOT MAD WHEN HEART RIPPED FROM CHEST  
AA: THEN BEAT TO PULPY BLOOD  
AT: yeah…  
GA: What were you expecting rufio+h?  
AT: not even sure myself….  
TG: anyway we are heading straight into cheap rip off territory  
TG: megido probably purchased this from the funny looking russian guy selling bootleg dvds next to the dumpster behind the chinese  
TG: or whatever you people eat  
CT: D--> Grubloaf, grubsalad and though I do not indulge in it, grubmeat  
TG: do you people eat anything that isn’t dead babies?  
CT: D--> Occasionally

CG: 6ef9re this m9vie 6egins pr9per I d9 feel the need t9 p9int 9ut the 96vi9us triggers.  
GG: Do you have to?  
CG: It is the resp9nsi6ility I have ch9sen t9 6ear Jane.  
GA: Even tho+ugh we p9litely asked yo+u o+n multiple o+ccasio+ns to+ dro+p it.  
CG: C9nsidering this m9vie deals with the su6ject 9f piracy, we can safely assume triggers such as vi9lence and unc9uth acts such as theft and murder may 9ccur. Theref9re and thusly, we d9 n9t rec9mmend wrigglers t9 view this cinematic experience.  
CG: ……………………………………….  
CG: Further triggers may include 6ut are n9t limited t9 #murder, #c9rrupti9n, #sexualreferences, #9rland96l99m and #hanging.  
CG: N9w, 9nt9 the p9tential triggers lurking within the acti9n scenes themselves.  
GG: Kankri, if I may make a suggestion.  
CG: 9f c9urse Jane.  
GG: Would it not be much more efficient to collect your thoughts and make note of all the triggers after actually seeing the movie?  
CG:Why yes, but it w9uld n9t pr9tect the pe9ple currently viewing fr9m p9ssi6ly triggering t9pics that this m9vie might address.  
AG: I think we can all agree to that risk........  
CA: yes!  
GA: Definitely.  
CG: YES!  
CG: Very well then. These terms are agreea6le.  
CT: D--> You dare type in such…… bold defiance of the hemospectrum  
CG: DON’T EVEN BEGIN THIS SHIT ZAHHAK!  
TG: so this guy goes all shakespeare one moment and all jersey shore the next  
TG: do writers even know how to script  
TG: he could have kept in theme and said beautiful gorgeous mesemerizing radiant enchanting and a whole ton of other words that would make lalonde question my sexuality  
TG: but he chose to go with sexy  
TG: but soft what light through yonder window breaks  
TG: it is the east and juliet is the sun  
TG: the sexiest of all bitches

CA: wwhoa  
TG: nice  
GG: Uhm………  
AG: Human genitalia is kind of funny looking, is it not?  
GA: This is the first time I see it myself, but I agree.  
AT: where 1s her bulge?  
CG: H9ld it!  
CG: This situati9n is severly triggering and sh9uld 6e adequately censored!  
GA: Why?  
GA: These are two+ co+nsenting adult humans, celebrating their unio+n.  
AG: I guess. They even completed the o8ligatory ritual to make it official.  
CG: Nevertheless, we can n9t sully 9ur eyes with this h9rrend9us lewdness 9n display.  
AA: VIRGIN BOY CANT SULLY  
AA: WE CAN  
AT: yeah… th1s certa1nly 1s… someth1ng?  
GG: I am not entirely sure I am comfortable watching this in a stream.  
CA: implyin that you are comfortable wwatchin it alone  
GG: Hey!  
CA: just mute the wwhole chat and enjoy the showw  
CG: Are y9u certain I sh9uld n9t c9ntinue triggering this m9vie?  
GG: I think we will manage somehow….  
TG: honestly  
TG: still better quality than the room  
TG: in sets costumes dialogue and actual writing  
AA: SAD YES  
TG: jesus wept  
CG: OH MY FUCK, IS THIS WHAT WE ARE REDUCED TO PEOPLE?! WATCHING PORN TOGETHER LIKE A BUNCH OF ASS-BACKWARD CAVETROLLS EATING OUR OWN PUS FOR NOURISHMENT?!  
CG: DO THEY NOT HAVE THE INTERNET WHERE YOU’RE FROM?!  
CG: I DON’T CARE IF YOU WATCH THIS DUMB SHIT. IF YOU MUST, I *DON’T* WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT AND I SURE AS FUCK DO NOT WANT TO SEE IT!  
CG: AND DO NOT EVEN BEGIN KANKRI, THIS IS *NOT* ME BEING TRIGGERED, THIS IS ME INSERTING SOME FUCKING LOGIC IN THIS RECORD SETTING OF A LOST CAUSE FOR A MOVIE!!  
CT: D--> Please…. Proceed with the film……  
CT: D--> I will be watching

GG: Well, this certainly is some pornographic movie…..  
AA: MORE THAN ROOM  
AA: BEST SCENES  
GG: I imagine that by some standards of logic, you would be correct and these would be ‘best scenes’. Unfortunately, it just doesn’t work for me.  
GG: I am with Karkat on this one. I do not think we should watch explicit material such as this in a stream.  
AA: WE SHOULD  
AA: SHARE FUN ALWAYS  
AT: so th1s 1s what humans sound l1ke dur1ng sex  
CA: yeah  
CA: that solvved a question no one wwas fuckin asking  
CA: but she looks pretty hot so im lettin it slide  
AG: This uhm........  
AG: Yeah……..  
GA: Are yo+u alright Aranea?  
AG: Yeah I’m fine.  
TG: and then he jizzes on her back  
TG: like a gent  
CG: EVERYTHING ABOUT HUMAN INTERCOURSE SO FAR IS UTTERLY DISGUSTING!  
CT: D--> Human genetic material is white?  
CT: D--> What purpose c001d that possibly serve?  
GG: Can we maybe not talk about this?

AG: 8ut a pirate ship is encroaching on our thus far nameless hero.  
TG: he looked like a jimmy  
GA: Why are we assuming he is the hero+?  
GA: Can’t it be his matesprit?  
AG: What was her name again?  
CT: D--> Isabella  
CT: D--> Try to pay attention  
AG: I apologize, 8ut last scene was kind of distracting.  
GG: You know, that sounds like fun. A pirate movie with a lady in the lead.  
GG: Preferably one not played by Keira Knightly.  
GG: Also, I am fairly certain that if the moon were that close to the earth, it will have catastrophic consequences for the planet.  
CA: because a science  
GA: And we get a first lo+o+k at the antago+nists.  
TG: a woman that makes Kristen stewart look like a wreck of emotions and a man that sounds way too amused to use his piratey voice

AT: so he goes for a short walk…  
CG: BOY I FUCKING LOVE BEING ALIVE, WITH ALL MY BLOOD IN MY VEINS AND MY LUNGS FILLED WITH OXYGEN.  
CG: TELL ME, WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT PIRATES BEING A PROMINENT THREAT IN THE CARRIBEAN AGAIN?  
AT: and he goes back to h1s matespr1t…  
CA: choo choo  
CA: all aboard the exposition train

AG: And the pirates attack 8y….. slashing their knives vaguely in the direction of the crew.  
AA: THIS PART BORING  
AG: No it isn’t!  
AA: NO BOOB EVERYWHERE  
CT: D--> How did this crew not only fail to notice the approaching pirateship but also utterly fail to notice they were being boarded?  
CT: D--> These people deserve their gruesome e%ecution  
GG: I can’t help but notice one of the pirates has no legs. What is his story?  
AG: May8e he was 8orn like that 8ut 8ecame a pirate against all odds? May8e he was he in a tragic accident?  
AA: STORY NOT IMPORTANT  
GG: Sigh…..  
AG: Sigh……..

CG: SO HE IS LOOKING FOR AN ASSHOLE CALLED MANUEL VUVUZELA, WHICH I AM GUESSING IS THE NAME OF THE FUCKER THAT SEXED HIS WIFE UP EARLIER.  
AT: pretty sure… yeah.  
GA: The pirate seems to+ have a lo+t o+f fun with his part, tho+ugh I wish he co+uld decide o+n what kinda pirate he is.  
GA: O+ne mo+ment he is ruthless and the next he is a gentleman.  
TG: and the next his inner bro shines through  
TG: i can totally imagine him talking about the tubular quality of the waves while getting some bodacious snacks dude  
GA: I also+ wish his suppo+sedly blo+o+dthirsty co+mpanio+n had a bit mo+re to+ do+ than pro+vide o+cular sweets.  
CG: I d9 n9t understand why y9u are attempting t9 p9ke fun at this scene, 9r why this m9vie 69thered t9 run with this theme at all. Piracy is a very real, very genuine threat t9 th9se wh9 find themselves 9n sea. While n9t as rampant a pr96lem 9n 6ef9rus, Alternia had a great share 9f pirates 9r ‘gambligants’ d9ing as they pleased and generally acting 9ut 9f an agenda 9f high6l99d superi9rity. Th9se with a l9wer p9siti9n 9n the hem9spectrum w9uld live as far landinward as p9ssi6le t9 av9id running int9 these pirates.  
AG: In summation: the su8ject matter can 8e very triggering.  
CG: I was n9t g9ing t9 say that…. 6ut yes.

CG: GOD THESE ACTORS…….. NONE OF THESE HUMANS COULD ACT THEIR WAY OUT OF A PLASTIC BAG.  
AT: turns out the guy really 1s manuel venezuela  
CA: yeah big fuckin surprise  
CA: also his lovve interest is throwwn ovverboard because pirates  
CT: D--> That was to be e%pected  
CG: This situati9n is making me incredi6ly unc9mf9rta6le.  
AA: SEX DID NOT?  
CG: That was severely triggering and very…. distracting. Yes.   
TG: bs  
TG: she isn’t dead  
GG: It is not looking good for her.  
TG: she is a woman who is willing to get her tits out in a porno  
TG: she will be back  
GG: This can’t be a porno.   
AG: I think it is.  
GG: We haven’t seen nudity in at least ten minutes and the sets and costumes do not look nearly sleazy enough.  
GA: Is that ho+w yo+u determine whether o+r no+t so+mething is po+rn?  
GG: No, but they are telltale signs…. I think?

AG: 8y that logic this wouldn’t 8e a porno indeed. These effects actually look pretty decent.  
CA: except the wwhole ship sinkin part  
CA: that looked completely hilarious  
CA: yeah the mast broke but the ship doesn’t sink from that alone  
CG: Vi9lence such as that is n9 laughing matter!  
CA: yeah yeah triggers i knoww

AT: meanwh1le… thousand of m1les away…  
GG: Nautical miles I presume.   
CG: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!  
CG: MORE GROSS HUMAN REPRODUCTION!  
CA: i don’t knoww kar  
CA: it doesn’t look bad  
GA: It lo+o+ks rather pleasant actually.  
CT: D--> Yes….  
CT: D--> The way these mammals breed is tr001y splendid   
CT: D--> It is very reminiscent of some of the great works of art.  
CT: D--> I do wonder whether or not her nook c001d withstand a hoofbeast phallus  
CA: wway to make it creepy eq  
CT: D--> I do not understand your objection   
CT: D--> There was a STRONG tradition on Alternia regarding these works of…… art.  
CG: There exist n9 tags t9 inf9rm y9u 9f h9w much that triggers me…..  
CG: This entire display is s9 incredi6ly 96scene I d9 n9t even kn9w where t9 6egin, 6ut I am g9ing to try.  
GG: Please don’t.  
CG: This m9vie can 6e particularly triggering f9r th9se wh9 d9 N9T wish t9 6e su6jected t9 any f9rm 9f lewd imagery. This includes audi9 as well, s9 perhaps ‘media’ was a m9re apt descript9r 9f the m9vie at hand. Regardless……..  
CG: It sh9uld n9t be viewed 6y th9se y9unger than eight sweeps. It might give them a significantly warped perspective 9n intimacy 6etween c9nsenting adults. N9t 9nly that, the way this m9vie adv9cates piracy c9uld 6e very triggering f9r the victims as well as m9ld impressi9na6le minds.  
CG: I am n9t implying y9u are particularly impressi9na6le, merely that th9se wh9 are can easily get an inc9rrect perspective fr9m this cinematic experience.  
CG: Furtherm9re…..

**\-- antisocialArbiter [AA] banned cavalierGargarization [CG] from memo--**

TG: thank christ  
TG: now i can talk normal like again  
AA: HE OUTPATIENCED ME  
AA: TOO MUCH ANNOY  
GA: I do+ no+t think many o+f us will o+bject.  
GG: He held out better than when watching the Shining….. So that’s something.

AA:メモリつの少年  
AA:あるいは考え  
AA:私のつのをつかみ、行く、bangarang  
AT: can you not?  
AG: This is an........ interesting way to raise moral among the men.  
CG: WHY ARE WE FUCKING WATCHING THIS!?  
TG: because we had a plan  
CG: WHAT!?  
TG: and that plan was  
CG: NO!  
TG: to give  
CG: STOP IT!  
TG: you  
CG: I AM FUCKING WARNING YOU STRIDER!  
TG: a boner  
CG: GO PLAY IN TRAFFIC STRIDER!  
GA: Well…. Do+ yo+u have o+ne?  
CG: ARE YOU IN CAHOOTS WITH THIS ASSCLOWN!?  
GA: Call it genuine curio+sity.  
AT: 1 don’t th1nk kankr1 w1ll apprec1ate you go1ng after h1s dancestor?  
GA: Ho+w am I ‘go+ing after him?’.  
GA: I asked whether o+r no+t this mo+vie excited him sexually.  
AT: yeah… i get that doll… but there are 1mpl1cat1ons…  
GA: We are all adults here.  
GA: No+w that Kankri has left the memo+, I do+nt think any o+f us are very o+ppo+sed to+ watching this mo+vie, be it o+ut o+f curio+sity o+r sexual thrill.  
GG: Uhm….. I’m still not very comfortable with this line of discussion, if you don’t mind.  
GA: In that case I apo+lo+gize Jane.  
CT: D--> I for one am STRONGLY thrilled by this movie  
CG: MORE STUFF I DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW!  
TG: don’t deny the horseman his boner man

CG: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK!!  
AG: That is incredi8ly gross  
CA: wwhy the face  
CA: you don’t do that on the face  
CT: D--> Is this perhaps part of the mating ritual?  
TG: shit we only do this to people we really want to mate  
TG: is a way to show love  
TG: hell we constantly jizz on each other just to remind each other how much we love each other  
CT: D--> Fascinating   
CT: D--> Your species is an interesting one  
CA: oh come on you are not fuckin fallin for that are you?  
CT: D--> E%cuse me?  
CA: he is trollin you like a chump  
CA: leavve it to a seadwweller to solvve this  
CA: explain this dumb fuckin behavvior to me crocker human  
GG: Please.  
CA: wwhat  
GG: You didn’t say please. :(  
CA: do i look like i givve an iota of a fuck about that  
GG: In that case…. The sperm gets absorbed through the skin on the face by way of osmosis.  
GG: this might lead to pregnancy with men and stimulates the growth of fancy facial hair with woman.  
CA: there mystery FUCKIN solvved  
CT: D--> Intriguing  
CA: noww wwho’s the gumshoe  
GG: Clearly I have competition in regards to the title. I better step up my game lest you take it from me :B

TG: look the girl you thought was dead survived  
TG: because she got her tits out  
CA: porn logic  
CG: SO NOW THE PLOT DEMANDS THIS INEFFECTUAL PIRATE HUNTER, HIS CONCUBINE OF A FIRST MATE AND THEIR INEPT CREW GO HUNT THE ALLEGEDLY MOST DANGEROUS FUCKING GAMBLIGANT ON THE SEA?  
AG: Essentially.   
AG: A classic match of pirate against pirate hunter. I love this in stories.  
AA: HOW PORN ABOUT  
AG: Less of a fan. The acting is very distracting.

GG: I am a little discombobulated. Are they genuinely establishing captain Reynold’s character by letting him confide in Jules about his ineptitude as a sailor, let alone a hunter, or are they playing this up for laughs?  
CT: D--> Stories of b100b100ded pirates attempting to take on seadwellers always end the same way  
CT: D--> Do not e%pect captain Reynolds to survive this voyage  
AG: Well this is a human story. I do not 8elieve they amuse the same tropes as Alternian or even 8eforan tales 8ut rather have a way of storytelling all their own.  
CT: D--> Be that as it may, this man’s ineptitude assures a humiliating defeat at the hands of the pirates  
AG: His companion Jules seems skilled enough for the 8oth of them.  
GA: So+ far I enjo+y Jules. She seems to+ be in co+ntro+l but allo+ws her childho+o+d friend to+ take credit fo+r it.   
GA: A mo+iraillegiance perhaps?  
CT: D--> Perhaps  
GA: Her actress merely fails to+ do+ justice to+ the character.  
CG: YOU ASSHOLES ARE TRYING TO ANALYSE A PORNO!  
GG: Regardless, promises of fame and women sway him and he agrees to go after Stagnetti.  
CG: ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!  
CG: THIS IS STILL UNDENIABLE SMUT!

AG: The evil pirates look for an indian monk?  
AG: I have no idea what that means……..  
AG: Is it a reference?  
GG: Not a clue.  
CG: THIS FELLOW ACTUALLY SEEMS TO BE ABLE TO SAY HIS LINES WITHOUT EMBARRASSING HIMSELF…. UNLIKE THE LADY HOLDING THE BLADE.  
CG: MOTHERFUCK, I JUST COMPLIMENTED AN ACTOR IN A SMUTFILM. CULL ME NOW CONDESCE, I’M READY!  
AT: aRE YOU OKAY?  
CG: DAMNIT, IM FINE!

CT: D--> Just 100k at those udders…..  
TG: dude  
CT: D--> Those bu%om concubines appear to be magnificent matingpartners  
TG: okay new rule  
TG: next time we watch dirty porn zahhak aint invited  
CA: im fine wwith that  
CA: also nobody is this fuckin obtuse  
CA: these wwomen wwant his wwallet  
GG: I am not sure why, but I do not hate Reynolds. He seems very much like the prince Charming character if he were hit with a comically oversized rubber mallet a few times.  
CG: YOU JUST USED THE TITLE OF PRINCE CHARMING TO DESCRIBE SOMEONE IN A PORNO!  
CG: I AM GOING TO BE SICK!  
CA: it has been at least fivve minutes since wwe’vve last seen a boob  
CG: GOOD!  
AG: Are you that uncomforta8le watching this Karkat?  
CG: YES!  
AA: YOU VIRGIN LIKE RED OTHER BOY  
CG: THAT IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!  
AT: l1e 1f you have to  
AT: v1rg1ns are her favor1te prey  
AA: SPOILER OF SPORTS!

GA: So+ Jules had a histo+ry with the guy Karkat so+ elo+quently dubbed: the o+ne go+o+d acto+r in the mo+vie.  
CG: I SAID HE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WASN’T IMMEDIATELY MAKING A FOOL OUT OF HIMSELF!  
GA: I can see why she left him. He is incredibly melo+dramatic.  
CA: jules sure if feisty  
TG: hold on let me look that up  
CA: wwhat noww  
TG: right   
TG: just google jesse jane and something vaguely porn related  
CA: and then wwhat  
TG: then you have the vids that make your bulge hard  
AG: I’ll keep that in mind……..  
AG: So 8asically she wanted a one-night stand and he wanted more. That is a little sad.  
GA: This is why pro+per co+mmunicatio+n is key.

CG: OH COME ON!  
CG: WITH HOW STUPID THIS NOOKSTAIN IS THESE TWO ARE ESSENTIALLY FUCKING WITH THE MENTALLY SUBNORMAL!  
AT: st1ll…  
AT: guy managed to hook up w1th two 1n one n1ght  
AT: that’s 1mpress1ve  
AA: IT NO IMPRESSIVE  
AA: IT DIRTY CHEAT  
AT: okay yeah but th1s 1s d1fferent  
TG: still  
TG: asshole does the one thing every boy wants to do  
TG: if all you have to do is be rock stupid to get in a threeway then egbert would have climbed all the way to godtier years ago  
TG: that is fucking godtier not fucking godtier for those keeping score  
CG: CAN YOU SAY A *SINGLE* SOLITAIRY SENTENCE THAT DOESN’T MAKE ME WANT TO PUNCH YOUR USELESS HUMAN TEETH IN!?!

CA: noww they are blowwin him wwhile wwearin fancy hats  
GA: Human fetishes sure are co+nfusing.   
CT: D--> His bulge is definitely impressive  
GA: I suppo+se.  
CT: D--> His breeding potential must be e%tremely capable too, considering he can keep two females aptly satisfied  
GG: Uhm……..  
CT: D--> Yes….. He is a most impressive specimen……  
CG: ……GO SUFFOCATE IN A TOWEL OR SOMETHING.  
TG: at least try keeping your pants on  
TG: shit is impolite  
CT: D--> I am afraid I am slowly running low on my supply of towels  
CA: for fucks sake  
CT: D--> This scene is making me perspire quite superlatively……

AG: What is it with this movie and 8londes?  
AT: what?  
TG: we have more fun  
GA: What do+ yo+u mean Aranea?  
AG: We’ve had the villainous Serena, who is a blonde. We’ve had the ineffectual Isa8ella, who is also a 8londe. We have had the very savvy Jules, who again is a 8londe……..  
AG: Now Captain Reynolds finds himself in a threesome, 8ut seems to completely ignore the 8runnette in favor of, all together now, the 8londe.  
GG: Yeah. It also becomes kinda difficult to keep all those women apart.  
CG: WHO CARES ABOUT THE PLOT IN A GODDAMN PORN MOVIE!?  
AG: I must confess however, that this movie is quite….. steamy.  
CG: OH MY FUCK.  
CA: poor brunette is just furiously masturbatin hopin she gets a proper bonin too  
CG: I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING HEAR THIS NONSENSE!!  
AA: SHY VIRGIN BEST VIRGIN  
AA: I TEACH  
AA: MANY FUN  
AT: 1 would adv1se aga1nst 1t…  
CG: NO SHIT!

CA: and so he impregnantes these wwomen too  
CA: human biology is wweird  
AG: Uhm........  
AG: 8r8

**\-- assidiousGoddess [AG] is now idle--**

GG: What is going on Aranea?  
CG: I DON’T WANT TO KNOW.  
CT: D--> The way they drink it…… Mesmerizing.  
CA: yuck  
AA: I LIKE YOU MAN HORSE

GG: Ugh….. Is every scene just going to dissolve into two people having sex?  
TG: yup  
GA: Jules hits it o+ff with her o+ld flame fo+r ano+ther attempt at a o+ne night stand.  
GA: Perhaps he understands no+w.  
AA: SHE BOUNCE  
GA: So+ I see  
AA: IT NICE  
CA: she sure has a mouth on her doesn’t she  
AT: def1n1tely…  
CA: looks like a beast in the sack  
CA: maybe i need to go idle too just for the heck a it  
CG: IF YOU START TOUCHING YOURSELF WHILE IN *MY* FUCKING MEMO THERE WILL BE BLOOD!  
CA: wway to kill the fun a it

GG: That is both disgusting and sorta impressive.  
CT: D--> How is it disgusting?  
GG: Do I really have to explain this?!  
GG: It just feels gross and icky and uncomfortable to watch this. Especially with other people.  
AA: WE NO BITE  
GA: Speak fo+r yo+urself.  
TG: come on jane  
TG: don’t leave me alone with all these trolls  
TG: humans have to stick together and stuff  
GG: Do we now?  
TG: come on  
TG: just sit down and enjoy the sight of this guy shoving his dick in her throat  
GG: :(

GA: And he remains o+verly attached. A pity.  
GA: I can imagine it must feel quite sad to+ have yo+ur partner ask so+ much o+f yo+u, while yo+u desire so+ little. Fo+r heaven's sake, the guy is even crying.  
AT: d1dnt that happen between you and serket?  
GA: No+, we grew apart. There was no+ falling o+ut like Jules and her lo+ver are currently having.  
AT: ah sorry. 1ts just that you two never really talk about 1t… so 1 don’t know doll…  
GA: That is alright. I trust yo+u have no+ticed we remain o+n go+o+d terms.  
AT: yeah def1n1tely…  
AT: any t1ps for that?  
GA: Yes.  
GA: Do+ no+t cheat.  
AA: THANK YOU  
CA: so jules has her information and can noww chase stagnetti and his fellowws or something  
CA: I dont knoww cause the porn part wwas distractin me  
CT: D--> I can not blame you got your base instincts…..

GG: How did he manage to get himself a crazy stalker?  
GG: He admitted he never hunted a pirate before. Heck, I do recall him admitting he never set sail before.  
CG: SURE WHY NOT TAKE HER ALONG!?  
CG: WE KNOW HE’S GOING TO FUCK HER TOO EVENTUALLY, MIGHT AS WELL DROP THE PRETENSE AND THE TROUSERS TO DO AS YOU PLEASE!   
GA: I am no+t sure its wise to+ sleep with so+meo+ne who+ is implied to be mentally unstable.  
TG: never stick your dick in the crazy  
CA: im just surprised they didnt snatch his wwallet  
CA: wwhat concubine doesn't charge for servvices rendered  
GG: She just wants to get out of her current occupation. You can hardly blame her for that.  
AT: h1s ego 1s k1nd of h1lar1ous…  
AT: 1 am not sure how much of 1t 1s 1ntent1onal… but 1t 1s pretty funny…  
AA: MUCH INTENTIONAL

CG: HEY, A SECOND ACTOR WHO CAN SAY HIS LINES WITHOUT ME WANTING TO DRILL HOLES IN MY AUDITORY MEMBRANES!  
TG: aaaaaaaaaaaand he’s dead  
CG: FUCK.  
CA: eh i don’t mind  
CA: don’t wwanne see old people junk  
CT: D--> Why not?

GG: This poor guy….. Forced to play every asian stereotype the movie could throw at him.  
TG: but its parody and that makes it okay  
GG: I feel pretty uncomfortable watching it.  
TG: you don’t feel comfortable a whole lot during this movie do you  
TG: its like you’re continuously walking down a hallway with all the paintings tilted at different angles  
TG: its just making you feel like something is off  
TG: what asshole went around flipping those paintings anyway  
GG: Well, the porn is just really sleazy and now they add casual racism to the mix.  
GG: Those aren’t things I can advocate.  
TG: whoa you take that back  
TG: by porn standards this is like the fucking louvre so classy  
TG: classiness all up in here  
TG: is that a caviarfountaine over there  
TG: you bet your chocolate molten lavacake it is  
CT: D--> Indeed…. View this as you would a work of art……  
GG: I don’t think I will……  
GA: No+ o+ne is go+ing to+ ackno+wledge that that o+ne blo+nde girl just go+t kidnapped?  
AA: BIG DEAL  
AA: THREE LEFT

AT: oh yeah  
AT: they needed manuel vuvuzela for someth1ng…  
GG: Oh, they need him for his blood. This isn’t ripped of from Pirates of the Carribean at all....  
CG: THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT HE’LL PROBABLY BE DEAD BY THE END OF THIS SCENE.

CA: i remember wwhen my blood inexplicably began wworkin as a treasure map  
CA: except i don’t  
CA: because that wwould be pretty fuckin stupid  
AT: the effect 1tself 1sn’t even that bad….. 1t just has a stup1d reason for be1ng there…  
CG: AND NO ONE BUT THAT INDIAN ASSHOLE COULD DO IT?  
CG: HIS OLDER FRIEND DIED PROTECTING THIS SECRET AND HE’S JUST LIKE: EH, OKAY.  
CA: im choosin to believve he wwas promised sex wwith serena off-screen  
GA: At least Jules is there to+ witness it as well.   
GA: Fo+r so+me reaso+n she climbed up to+ the mo+nastery in the mo+untains in what must have been a matter o+f minutes.

CA: hijinx ensue  
GA: So+ the blo+o+dthirsty Serena wants no+ mo+re part in this.   
AT: and jules 1s there to hear 1t…  
GA: Alright, a redemptio+n arc can be a very interesting basis fo+r a sto+ry.  
CA: i think you are expectin a little bit too much from human porn  
CG: ESPECIALLY SINCE THE FUCKING ACTRESS SOMEHOW RECEIVED THE NOTION THAT HER CHARACTER IS ACTUALLY A ROBOT, THUS SHOULD HAVE NO EMOTIONS.  
TG: fucking actress  
TG: not to be confused with fucking actress  
CG: SHUT YOUR SPEECH HOLE!

AA: REYNOLDS AND SHE CAPTURED BY BAD EX  
CG: WHY IS THAT ASSHOLE WEARING A DUMB HAT NOW?  
CG: HE ISN’T A PIRATE…. IS HE?  
CG: HE’S BEEN ON THE FUCKING ISLAND FOR YEARS ACCORDING TO HIS OWN STORY, I DON’T THINK HE’S A PIRATE.

**\-- assidiousGoddess [AG] is no longer idle--**

AG: Well you don’t need to be a pirate to wear a pirate cap.  
GA: Welco+me back dear.  
GA: Did yo+u have fun?  
AG: Pardon?  
GA: Did yo+u amuse yo+urself?  
AG: Oh! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That wasn’t what I……..  
AG: That wasn’t what was happening at all.  
AG: It was…….. Diner time. Yes. For my pet spider.  
AG: I mean scorpion.  
AG: Scorpion is what I meant to say.  
AG: It is a spiderscorpion. Yes.  
GA: I see……..

TG: this is the second happiest rape i have ever seen

GA: At the risk o+f invo+king o+ur insufferable, this scene is SERIO+USLY pissing me o+ff.  
GA: She is no+t giving her co+nsent and clearly states her displeasure with the situatio+n. She is struggling and sho+uting so+ this situatio+n is clearly meant to+ be no+nco+nsensual.  
CA: yeah  
CA: but its staged as fuck  
CA: otherwwise it wwouldnt be a movvie and shit  
GA: I kno+w. But this is a big trigger fo+r me.  
AG: Uhm........  
GA: So+mething o+n yo+ur mind dear?  
AG: Well……..  
AG: Am I the only one finding this a very sexy scene?  
GA: WHAT?!  
AA: NO IT VERY SEXY  
CA: of course its sexy  
CA: it’s a pirate babe gettin the booty  
CA: i am sendin this movvie to vvris once wwe’re done  
CT: D--> Hmph  
CG: ARE YOU ASSHOLES OUT OF YOUR MIND?! THIS IS RAPE!  
CA: yes but not really  
GG: It isn’t really rape, but the insinuations of this scene are very thorny. The fact that it is a woman doing it to another woman does not improve the situation.  
AG: Look, I would never condone real rape…….. 8ut this is a pretty hot fantasy. After all, a pirate takes what he or she wants.  
CA: actually she isn’t a pirate but a dancer hired by the pirates or somethin  
CA: i don’t evven care  
CG: I DON’T CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK, SINCE I *KNOW* HOW MORALLY BANKRUPT YOU ARE BUT ERIDAN?!  
CG: NO WAIT, SCRATCH THAT. EQUAL MORAL BANKRUPTCY. THE BANKS ARE FORECLOSING ON YOUR HIVES AND YOU LOSE ALL YOUR POSSESSIONS. YOU DO NOT PASS START AND YOU DO *NOT* COLLECT 200 BOONBUCKS!

TG: well that suddenly became consensual  
GA: A kiss do+es no+t imply co+nsent.  
TG: no but i am pretty sure begging to be fucked does  
GA: Hmph. I do+ no+t impro+ve o+f this.  
CA: noted and ignored

CT: D--> This is so incredibly 100d…..  
CT: D--> If you do not mind…… I’ll return later

**\-- centaursTesticle [CT] is now idle--**

TG: great  
TG: that’s the second person out for a fap  
TG: third if we count kankri  
AA: WE DO  
AG: I wasn’t mastur88ing!!!  
AG: I was feeding my spider!  
AT: sp1derscorp1on?  
AG: THAT’S WHAT I SAID!

AG: And so the psychotic ex decides to 8urn 8oth Jules and Reynolds with poor special effects.  
AA: I SHOULD BURN EX TOO  
AA: GREAT CLOSURE  
AT: lets not…  
GA: Ano+ther majo+r trigger o+f mine is slut-shaming.  
TG: careful  
TG: you are becoming just like vantas  
TG: the other one  
GA: I can no+t help it. This blatant hypo+cracy of Reyno+lds is infuriating.  
GA: He slept with two+ wo+men, very nearly go+ing fo+r three, yet she is the slut fo+r sleeping with a single man.   
GA: At least she had a histo+ry with the guy, as o+ppo+sed to+ having interco+urse with the first stranger that o+ffers it.  
CA: okay wwe get it  
CA: reynolds bad jules good  
CA: can wwe movve on

GG: But the somewhat stalkerish girl from earlier comes to rescue them from the horrible fire effects.  
AA: FOR PRICE  
GG: What?

GG: Are you kidding me?  
CG: I AM GLAD TO SEE THESE HUMANS HAVE THE URGENCY OF A SLOTH AND THE SURVIVAL INSTINCTS OF A LEMMING!  
AG: Meanwhile, Jules is still tied up to the other side of that pole.  
CA: shouldn’t she be joinin in?  
GA: No+, it wo+uld ruin the plato+nic relatio+n she shared with Reyno+lds.  
GA: Besides, I do+ubt she is in the mo+o+d after his attempt to+ shame her.  
CG: NEED I REMIND YOU THAT THIS IS A PORNO!

GG: The only reason she sounds like this is because her feet should be on fire…..  
AT: 1 cant help but not1ce that jules 1s free now but makes no attempts to look for an ex1t…  
AA: FREE SHOW  
CA: porn logic  
AT: of course…

CG: SO THEY LEAVE THE SOMEWHAT CRAZY STALKER GIRL TIED UP TO A TREE. BECAUSE ON AN ISLAND OF PIRATES AND RAPISTS, LEAVING A MODERATELY ATTRACTIVE WOMAN TIED UP IS CONSIDERED THE LOGICAL THING TO DO!  
GG: And so she is forced to return to work as a lady of the night, despite the false promises of captain Reynolds. What an appaling action that is.  
TG: don’t think she would do much good aboard a ship  
TG: except maybe help jules in keeping morale up  
TG: am i right  
GG: I am certain she can learn to make herself useful.  
TG: yes but am i right  
GG: She could help cook, scrub the deck, man the crow’s nest. I am sure there are dozens of chores that need to be done on a ship. Considering most of the crew abandoned the mission when they realized they were up against Stagnetti. He shouldn’t be so eager to dismiss assistance.  
TG: jane  
GG: WHAT?  
TG: am i right  
CA: not so much abandoned as forgotten  
CA: movvie probably couldn’t afford that many actors  
AA: AND THEY WOULD JEALOUS OF REYNOLDS SEX

GA: Meanwhile, with o+ur villains.......  
AT: stagnett1 r1ghtfully doubts serena’s bloodlust…  
AT: she doesn’t take 1t well…  
CG: YES, BUT HOW THE FUCK DOES *HE* KNOW THAT?! OUTSIDE OF THAT CONFESSION TO JULES, NOTHING ABOUT HER INDICATES THAT SHE IS ANY LESS MURDEROUS THAN BEFORE!  
CA: im just glad janine lindemulder finally manages to say a feww lines convvincingly  
GG: I suppose she was so inexperienced an actress when the film began, that her every improvement is a noticeable step forward.

GA: The ho+rrendo+us rape aside, I do+ really admire what the mo+vie do+es with its female characters.  
CG: YOU ADMIRE A SLEAZY FUCKING PORNO!  
GA: Yes, but the wo+men are co+nstantly in co+ntro+l. With the po+ssible exceptio+n o+f the villain, there isn’t a capable man in the plo+t.  
CG: WAS THAT THE EQUALITY YOU WERE LOOKING FOR? CAUSE IT DOESN’T SOUND EQUAL TO ME.  
GA: No+, because no+w the men are po+rtrayed in a negative light. It is merely a step in the right direction+n.  
AG: It is a nice change of pace. Normally men áre the dominant ones in pirate movies.  
AG: And this is pretty pleasant to look at……..  
CG: OH MY FUCK…… REALLY?!  
TG: shit aranea here is fantasizing about a really nasty pirate face pressed against her crotch  
TG: must be a serket thing to fall for the grossest men possible  
TG: vriska x nicholas cage anyone  
AA: BEARD TICKLES  
CA: im sure it does

GG: The nastiest, most bloodthirsty and most ruthless pirate of the carribean sea wears a condom.  
GG: While I advocate safe sex, this is just silly.  
GG: Did they even have condoms back then?  
GA: What is a co+ndo+m exactly?  
TG: he just wants to prevent nasty pirate stds  
TG: like herpes  
TG: or scurvy  
GG: Sigh……  
CG: PLEASE DON’T LET HIM DO IT……  
CA: he’s gonna do that  
CG: I DON’T WANT HIM TO DO IT…..  
CA: he’s gonna  
CG: I DON’T WANT TO SEE IT!  
CA: not gonna stop noww

CG: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!  
CG: WHY! OH GOD FUCKING WHY!  
CA: another bitch impregnated  
CA: these actresses wwent all in wwith their movvies  
TG: when are you going to tell him?  
GG: When he learns some manners.  
CG: I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO GET THIS FUCKING IMAGE OUT OF MY HEAD!  
CG: IT IS FOREVER BURNED INTO MY GODDAMN RETINAS!  
AG: I think you are severely overreacting.

GA: Meanwhile, o+n the allegedly ‘go+o+d guys’ ship….. Isabelle has beco+me rather curio+us abo+ut the female bo+dy after her previo+us enco+unter.  
GA: I’ll just go+ with it, disturbing tho+ugh the implicatio+ns may be.  
GA: Where is Kankri when yo+u finally need so+mething tagged?

**\-- centaursTesticle [CT] is no longer idle--**

CT: D--> I have returned  
CA: right  
CA: no details please  
CT: D--> About what?  
CA: that thing you did  
CA: wwe really don’t wwant to knoww  
CT: D--> Very well  
CT: D--> If you are so opposed to hear about my hoofbeast and its diet I shan’t bother you with the details  
TG: what  
CT: D--> I was feeding my hoofbeast  
TG: bs  
AT: 1f we bel1eve aranea was feed1ng her sp1derscorp1on we m1ght as well buy th1s  
TG: that’s the thing  
TG: we aren’t buying it  
AG: IT’S TRUE!  
CT: D--> As if I w001d lower myself to such a scandalously 100d act of base desires  
TG: if the shoe fits

AG: Impressive transition. I could have sworn they wore clothes 8efore the kiss.  
TG: that is some ninja shit right there

CT: D--> How does female on female breeding work?  
GG: Can we not?  
GG: Please?  
CT: D--> We have established the disturbing lack of a bulge  
CT: D--> If that odd white genetic material is required for breeding and women lack the bulge to secrete it, does that mean they are unable to breed?  
GG: Sigh…. Essentially.  
CT: D--> Wonderful  
CT: D--> This has been most educational  
GG: Glad to help……

AG: So they passed the collection of shipwrecks 8ut managed to navigate to the island.  
AT: w1th surp1s1ng ease cons1der1ng how many sh1ps fa1led the voyage…  
GA: I am just glad the mo+vie is almo+st o+ver. It was fun to+ see human sex at first, but it lo+ses its charm after a bit.  
AA: DISAGREE  
AA: HUMAN SEX HILARIOUS  
AA: MANY FUNNY  
TG: not cool  
TG: human sex is the bomb  
AA: YOU HAVE SEX DAVE  
TG: i have all the sex  
TG: hot alien babes are just lining up to get a taste of my hot sausage  
TG: do you want ketchup with that or do you prefer natural  
AA: YOU WANT HAVE SEX WITH ME  
TG: what  
AA: TIME TO TIME PLAYER  
AA: MAKE LAST FOR HOURS  
AG: Damara, that is no way to solicit the humans. At the very least 8uy him diner first  
AA: HE BRING HOT SAUSAGE  
TG: damn  
TG: im not even mad  
TG: im impressed  
CG: I’M DISGUSTED.  
AT: she does that…  
GA: Strangely eno+ugh I’ve never seen her fo+llo+w thro+ugh with it…..  
AA: WHAT YOU SAY?  
GA: I a calling yo+ur bluff.  
AA: I NO BLUFF  
AA: I BITE YOUR NIPPLES AND MAKE YOU CRY LUSUS  
AA: FUCK YOU IN MATTRESS  
GA: I sincerely do+ubt it.  
AT: can you maybe not egg her on?  
AT: by wh1ch 1 mean… can you stop egg1ng each other on?  
GA: If you insist.  
AT: bangarang… thanks doll…  
AA: SHE JUST SCARED I WIN

AG: Our hero everyone…….. Attacking the foliage.  
CA: i thought he wwas becoming a more adequate pirate as the movvie wwent on  
CA: but he might be evven wworse than he wwas earlier  
AG: It was actually just a little funny.  
AG: Could it have 8een intentional?  
CG: YOU ARE GIVING THE MOVIE TOO MUCH CREDIT.  
CT: D--> Perhaps you give it too little

GG: The staff makes a very conspicuous noise when removed from the statue.  
GG: ALMOST as if one or both of the two are not made from the material they are advertised to be.  
AG: What are you implying?  
GG: That the supposed ancient statue and the staff have the same quality as amusementpark props.  
TG: shit im surprised a porn went with something that legit  
CG: VUVUZELA STILL CAN’T ACT IF HIS LIFE DEPENDED ON IT.  
GA: Well he isn’t given much to+ wo+rk with….

AG: So after Stagnetti leaves Serena for dead….. for no adequately explored reason…. she takes it as an opportunity to change sides.  
AT: yeah…  
AT: and teamed up w1th the no longer capt1ve vuvuzela the heroes f1nally stand together…  
CG: WHAT HEROES?!  
CG: ALL THEY’VE DONE IS GOOF AROUND AND FUCK EACH OTHER!  
CT: D--> But Stagnetti has that odd looking staff  
CT: D--> I am curious as to what powers it possesses

TG: the power of bad cgi skeletons  
AG: Oh, this is classic pirate action.  
TG: and also suspiciously present in that other pirate movie  
GG: To be fair…. They could have looked a lot worse. This is a porno after all.  
TG: well congrats 2005 movie  
TG: you look like a good 1980s movie  
CG: HONESTLY? I’D SAY THE ANIMATION ON THOSE SKELETONS IS ON PAR WITH GHOST RIDER.  
TG: so a good 1980s movie or a bad 2007 movie  
GA: O+nce again the wo+men are empo+wered while the men lo+o+k rather inexperienced in co+mbat.  
AT: 1sn’t that what you want?  
GA: It is a nice change, I admit.   
GA: But is it that hard fo+r a sto+ry to+ sho+w bo+th genders as equally capable?  
CA: oh my fuck wwho evven cares about that  
GA: Evidently, I do+.

CG: SO AFTER COMICALLY ESCAPING THE SKELETONS THEY *SOMEHOW* CATCH UP TO STAGNETTI.  
AG: A pity they did not rip this off from the Pirates of the Carribean. I do not understand the skeleton’s inexplica8le weakness to water.  
GG: Stagnetti names a new first mate, which will not impact the story in any way.  
CA: and the fat guy’s sideplot about gettin proper gunpowwder for the cannons becomes crucial to their survvivval  
GG: Who would have thunk.  
GA: But as thanks fo+r letting them rape Isabella, the dancer and the o+ther pirates fro+m earlier had given them a co+mically large amo+unt. It sho+uld suffice.  
CG: THEN WHY, PRAY TELL, IS THE BUMBLING STEREOTYPE STILL FUCKING UP.  
CG: WAIT!  
CG: I ANSWERED MY OWN QUESTION.  
AG: Meanwhile, the Sea Stallion suffers heavy damage at Stagnetti’s 8arrage.  
CT: D--> As they sh001d   
CT: D--> With the possible e%ception of Serena, every one of them is a rookie in naval warfare  
CT: D--> Their loss is a certainty

AA: UNTIL GUNPOWDER GOES BOOM  
TG: it is super effective  
AT: yeah…  
AT: that happened…  
CA: this is NOT howw it wworks!  
CA: a single fuckin canon does not do THIS damage  
CG: WHO CARES. THE MOVIE IS OVER NOW.

CG: RIGHT AFTER THESE TWO REKINDLE THEIR BARELY EXISTING ROMANCE.  
GA: Is o+mnisexuality co+nsidered an attractive trait in humans?  
AG: The correct term in this context is 8isexuality I 8elieve. There is a plethora of forms, 8ut yes. Human males find it a very positive trait in their female partners.  
GA: Interesting.  
GA: O+ut o+f curio+sity, what do+ human wo+men think o+f bisexual males?  
AG: Very mixed opinions.  
GA: Ho+w o+dd.  
GG: We are a curious species :B  
GA: So+ I have no+ticed. After this mo+vie ho+wever, I think I prefer tro+lls.  
GA: No+ o+ffense.  
GG: None taken.

CG: OH COME ON!  
CG: JUST END THE FUCKING MOVIE ALREADY!  
CG: I’VE SEEN ENOUGH HUMANS COPULATING FOR SEVERAL DOOMED LIFETIMES!  
AA: I HAVE NOT  
AA: DELICIOUS  
CG: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!  
AA: GREAT MANY THING  
CG: IT’S BAD ENOUGH THAT YOU DERIVE ENJOYMENT FROM THIS WRETCHED PIECE OF WORK, BUT TO BE SO SHAMELESS ABOUT IT!  
CG: I DON’T KNOW WHO’S RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR DIAMONDS, BUT TELL THEM THEY’RE DOING A BANG UP JOB.  
AA: LOW BLOW  
AA: NO DIAMOND  
AA: DAMARA SINGLE  
CG: WELL *THAT* FUCKING EXPLAINS IT.  
CA: kar  
CG: WHAT!  
CA: you should totally go for it  
CG: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!  
CA: im just sayin  
CA: you need a moirail  
CA: she needs a moirail  
CA: you havve a thing for the messed up types  
CG: MEGIDO, CAN YOU BAN THIS ASSHOLE?  
AA: WITH HAPPY  
CA: wwait no  
AA: BUT HE FUNNY PATHETIC  
CG: I’VE FUCKING HAD IT WITH PEOPLE GETTING ON MY BACK ABOUT MY QUADRANTS.  
CT: D--> From what I gathered, you have a habit of doing this yourself  
CG: I DON’T WANT TO HAVE THE PROPRIETOR OF THE HOOFBEASTPHALLUS MUSEUM TALK TO ME ABOUT MY PERSONAL HANG-UPS!  
CT: D--> Understood  
AA: SOUNDS FUN MUSEUM  
CG: YOU’RE NOT HELPING!  
AT: well he f1naly came over her face…  
CG: DISGUSTING!  
AT: so 1 guess the mov1e 1s over now?

CG: I AM SMASHING MY HEAD AGAINST MY KEYBOARD WITH ALL MY MIGHT, BUT THE PAIN IS NOT GOING AWAY!  
CA: not complainin but damn this movvie takes a wwhile  
CG: THE DAY HAS BEEN SAVED! THE MOVIE IS ALLOWED TO END AT ANY FUCKING TIME NOW!  
TG: nah bro  
TG: gotta give them that happy salty ending  
GG: Gross.  
AA: YUMMY  
AT: yeah…  
AT: so Serena really wants to change s1des…  
CG: FOR WHAT REASON?! ASIDE FROM THAT SUPPOSEDLY FUNNY SCENE IN THE MONASTERY THERE IS *NOTHING* THAT INDICATES SHE REGRETS SUPPOSEDLY BEING A RUTHLESS PIRATE.  
GA: Perhaps she was tired o+f his beard tickling her whenever he pleasured her.  
AG: It makes a8out as much sense as the rest of the movie……..

CT: D--> Why is she shoving her fingers up her wastechute?  
CG: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHH!!!!!!  
GG: Oh for heaven’s sake, this goshdarn movie…..  
TG: i was wondering where the anal scenes went  
GG: Of course you did.  
AG: Jules gets all the action. All of it.  
GA: I think she is the actual pro+tago+nist o+f the mo+vie.  
AT: makes sense…  
AT: w1ll Reynolds get some act1on as well… w1th a guy perhaps?  
GA: Fo+r so+me reaso+n the mo+vie hasn’t included any guy o+n guy, even tho+ugh it certainly do+esn’t shy away fro+m girl o+n girl.  
TG: oh that’s a marketing issue  
TG: bi girls hot  
TG: bi boys not  
GA: That makes little sense.  
CG: HOW MANY FINGERS IS SHE SHOVING UP HER WASTECHUTE?!  
CG: THIS IS ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!  
CA: just enjoy the ride kar  
AA: DUMB FISH BOY RIGHT  
CA: really mature lowwblood bitch  
AA: YOU WANT BITE AGAIN?  
CA: im good  
AG: Hmmm…….. Reynolds is the only one not getting a sexually charged ending.  
CG: AND THANK FUCK FOR THAT!  
CG: THIS GOES RIGHT UP THERE WITH THE ROOM FOR WORST MOVIES I’VE SEEN!  
GA: What abo+ut Jackass?  
CG: WHAT ABOUT JACKASS?!  
CG: THIS STORY IS A LAZY RIP-OFF AND GETS DRAGGED OUT TO GIVE THE CHARACTERS MORE EXCUSES TO BONE EACH OTHER SILLY. THE EFFECTS WERE OUTDATED AS FUCK AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE *ACTORS* NEED TO REËVALUATE THEIR CHOICE IN CAREER!  
TG: man it’s a porn  
TG: what the fuck do you expect  
CG: A COHESIVE STORY!  
TG: it aint that bad really  
TG: just wish it could decide on balls out porn or pirate comedy  
TG: now it just settled for a neutral option like its fucking switzerland  
TG: this is tame and boring by porn standards  
AG: That is unfortunate. Pirates are kind of notorious for their lustfilled escapades.   
AG: Regardless, I found this movie very exciting.  
GA: O+f co+urse yo+u did dear.  
AG: Oh don’t even start.  
TG: don’t look at me  
TG: im not the one going idle to have myself a fap  
AG: I was feeding my spiderscorpion!  
GG: How is that even a thing?  
AG: Ecto8iology……..  
AG: Porrim, why don’t you tell us how you found the movie?  
GA: The suppo+sed rapescene aside, I really enjoyed half of it.  
CG: ARE YOU FOR REAL?  
GA: The sexual enco+unters were fun and the acto+rs and actresses really seemed to+ enjo+y themselves in this venture.  
GA: The charm o+f their acting ho+wever so+o+n faded. With the po+ssible exceptio+n o+f Captain Reyno+lds.  
GG: He’s pretty much Jake, if he was a sexmagnet and decided to become a piratehunter.  
TG: essentially  
TG: crocker your thoughts  
GG: It was tawdry and I feel like I am a little worse a person for having watched it.  
CG: YOU AND ME BOTH!  
GG: It wasn’t as bád as I expected it to be, but it was still rather awkward to watch it with a group.  
GG: Especially since two members felt the need to relieve themselves while watching it.  
AG: Feeding my tarantulascorpion!  
AT: sp1derscorp1on?  
AG: Shoosh!  
GG: Lord even knows where the hands of the rest wandered during the viewing….  
GG: Those thoughts were a little distracting and more than a little uncomfortable.  
CA: you thought a us masturbatin crocker  
CA: howw vvery shameless  
GG: Did you listen to ANYTHING I just finished explaining?  
CA: hardly  
CA: im with maryam on this one though  
CA: yay for the porn boo for the story  
CG: BIG SURPRISE. DID EVERYONE GET THEIR FINAL SAY?  
AT: well no… but 1 don’t have much to add 1 th1nk…  
AA: I DO  
AA: MANY FUN  
AA: VERY LAUGHS  
AA: HOT MOVIE MAKE BULGE HARD  
CG: THANKS FOR THAT INTEL……  
AA: TOUCH SELF  
AA: WANT TO SEE  
CG: WE’RE GOOD!  
CA: speak for yourself  
AA: NO SHOW FOR FISHBOY  
CT: D--> I deem this film…………. a%eptable  
CG: OF COURSE YOU DO……. OF COURSE YOU FUCKING DO.  
CG: THE MOST SHAMELESS FILM WE HAVE COME TO VIEW AND OF COURSE *YOU* FIND IT AGREEABLE BECAUSE SOMEHOW THIS TITILATES YOUR STRANGE FETISHES!  
CT: D--> My fetishes, supposing I have those, are not strange  
CG: YES THEY FUCKING ARE!  
CT: D--> No they are not  
CG: YES!  
CT: D--> No  
CG: YES!!!!  
CT: D--> No  
CG: SHOULDN’T YOU BE CHECKING ON YOUR MOIRAIL?!  
CT: D--> Nepeta  
CT: D--> Fiddlesti%  
CT: D--> I was so absorbed into this movie it completely slipped my thinkpan  
CT: D--> Thank you for hosting this Megido  
AA: WELCOME

**\-- centaursTesticle [CT] left memo--**

CG: SO YEAH…………….  
CG: FEFERI IS PICKING A MOVIE NEXT SATURDAY.  
CG: I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF EVERYONE WOULD KINDLY STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THE MEMO THEN.  
CG: THIS WAS BAD ENOUGH AS IT WAS.  
CA: you knoww i cant do that kar  
CA: i havve to put her on her place  
CG: FINE, WHATEVER.  
GG: And maybe I happen to be interested in seeing what my strangely related troll sibling has to show.  
CG: JEGUS, FINE!  
TG: and maybe i just happen to have some fresh new beats ready to drop  
CG: DON’T YOU FUCKING PUSH IT STRIDER!  
AT: sounds l1ke fun…  
AT: but 1 th1nk 1 am s1tt1ng th1s out…  
AG: I’ll pro8a8ly join again at a later date.  
AG: May8e when Vriska is also available.  
CG: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A WHOLE NEW VERSION OF HELL TO ME!  
GA: I have yet to+ jo+in the regular viewings but after this and Jackass….. I do+ no+t feel particularly inclined.  
CG: GOOD!  
CG: MEMO OVER, NOW EVERYBODY THE FUCK OUT!

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned turntechGodhead [TG] from memo--**  
**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gutsyGumshoe [GG]  from memo--**  
**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned caligulasAquarium [CA]from memo--**  
**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned ascendedTaurus [AT] from memo--**  
**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned antisocialArbiter [AA] from memo--**  
**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned assidiousGoddess [AG] from memo--**  
**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned genderAbberance [GA] from memo--**

CG: GOD THAT FUCKING MOVIE!  
CG: I SWEAR, IF I HAVE TO SEE THOSE LUSCIOUS FEMALE BODIES AGAIN!  
CG: WITH THEIR FUCKING BREASTS JUST SWAYING IN THE AIR, BOUNCING UP AND DOWN SOME LOSER’S BULGE.  
CG: OR PLEASURING EACH OTHER WITH THOSE HUNGRY, LUSTFILLED KISSES.  
CG: AND THEIR MOANING…….  
CG: AND THEIR……….  
CG: ………………………………………………………………………………………..  
CG: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned carcinoGeneticist [CG] from memo--**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahahahaha, oh I know it was a cheap shot to include thát but sometimes those are the best.
> 
> So yeah.... This was either a boring porn or a boring pirate movie, though watching sped up blowjobs is the most unintentionally hilarious thing ever. Stagnetti and Reynolds were hammy, but at least enjoyable to watch, wheras the rest of the cast sounded like they were in a school play.... Still a better grip on storytelling than the room did.
> 
> I wanted to do more funny censorship, but that became a really tedious task with my limited mspaint skills. Censoring was still a bitch his will suffice; thank you Metal Gear Shoutpoles. A lot of the 'action' also got obscured by shoddy lightning and in one image I decided not to censor for the sake of pointing out the pirate condom. I hope no one got particularly offended by this. I can always re-apply a censor on it.
> 
> I actually made a shipping grid now, to plan out the relationships to appear in here. Most of them are deliciously cracky....... Think I'll need more movies to work them all in though :/ just when I reached the halfway point I have to extend this shit. Lets first work on the current list and see where we land.
> 
> Next week (hahahaha) we'll continue with Ponyo..... Which is a lot more popular than I had previously assumed. Frozen will be abridged in chapter 24.


	15. Ponyo

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS--

CG: WELL, THAT FUCKING HAPPENED.  
CG: THE UNFORTUNATE DUMB SHITS THAT JUST SO HAPPENED TO BE IN THE STREAM LAST SUNDAY AND MYSELF NOW KNOW MORE ABOUT HUMAN REPRODUCTION THAN ANY OF US DEEMED NECESSARY!  
CG: FOR STARTERS, IT INVOLVES A LOT OF WHITE STUFF EJECTED FROM MALE GENITALIA ON PEOPLE’S FACES AND *FUCK*, JUST REMEMBERING HOW IT LOOKS PISSES ME OFF TO NO END.  
CG: JUST ANOTHER REASON AS TO WHY RELATIONSHIPS WOULDN’T WORK OUT BETWEEN TROLLS AND HUMANS. WE DON’T FUCKING TREAT OUR CONCUPISCENT PARTNERS AS JIZZ RECEPTICLES!  
CG: WELL, I GUESS SOME TROLLS DO, BUT THOSE ASSHOLES ARE JUST WEIRD.  
CG: IN SHORT, WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALTERNIA’S SECOND MOON IS WRONG WITH YOUR SPECIES?!  
CG: ALSO, I GUESS I SHOULD MENTION THIS, BEFORE SERKET GETS ON MY BACK AGAIN.  
CG: APPARENTLY HER TARANTULASCORPIONSPIDER OR WHATEVER WENT MISSING.  
CG: SO IF YOU HAPPEN UPON A IMAGINARY ABOMONATION, PLEASE CONTACT 1-800-EATABULGE.

\--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] joined memo--

TG: hiiiii carkar  
TG: katkat…..  
TG: beep beep moew  
CG: WHAT?!  
TG: hehehe u dum fuk. It’s the sound off a cat and a kar  
CG: …………………………………  
TG: a kat an na cat?  
CG: ……………………………………..  
TG: a karkat, iffn youw ill  
TG: so farkin legit  
CG: OKAY, YOU ARE TYPING WORSE THEN USUAL. WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!?  
TG: *sigm*  
TG: i ahm the mightittiest icarous, flying tooo closse to the sun with winks made out a raww sexxx appeal and a booty that wontt ever not qiut  
CG: WHAT……….  
TG: oh noes!  
TG: that sun be meltiting mh winggs!  
TG: also my booty mayybe  
TG: how will i sit on dhese comfy ass chair efer agaihn now  
CG: HOW THE HELL DO YOU EVEN FUNCTION!?  
TG: EEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrr *crashshsh*  
TG: dat was teh sound of me krashung ti erth  
CG: ARE YOU HUMAN DRUNK AGAIN?!  
TG: i dont know ifm this contimetutes as hunan durnk  
TG: do u wnt me 2 b?  
CG: OH MY FUCK…………..  
TG: i maaaaaaaaaaay hab dabblud a titbit in teh beaverageges of supurifix  
TG: hehehehe….. a tit-bit

\--timeausTestified [TT] joined memo--

TT: Alright, let’s not do this.  
CG: WHAT NOW……  
TT: Here put down some harsh words our resident drukie needs to heed. I am the fancy Santa delivering these strict beats to all the bad little boys and girls.  
CG: IS EVERY STRIDER A LITTLE MORE OBNOXIOUS THAN THE LAST?  
CG: SIGNS POINT TO: YES, YES THEY ARE!  
TT: Roxy, you are taking a cup of coffee, a cold shower and will turn in for the night to get this out of your system.  
TG: OTM DICK I SOOOOO DONT EBEN QANT TO TALKK TO *YOU& NOW!  
TT: You are upset and I can respect that.  
TT: You are also a hot drunk mess, which is something I will not stand for.  
TG: U AINNT MY MOYRAL YOU DUMBBUTT!  
TT: Evidence suggest that I am not. If I were, you would not be in this state of mind.  
TT: Now get some rest.  
TG: IM NOT DONE RANTANTING MRT!  
TT: Then I shall be patiently waiting for you to finish rantanting.   
TG: OHMG!  
TG: how cuold you even do dat dick  
TG: my kokorokoro aches fer my bbs :( :( :( :(   
TG: and u snadch them like teh lest ironic shittits ninja thivieng scum!  
CG: ALRIGHT, I AM FUCKING CONFUSED.  
TT: To summarize the convoluted series of events we found ourselves in:  
TT: After Roxy asked for my assistance in the matter surrounding her red quadrant, I offered to mediate between her two paramours.  
TT: To keep the peace, I have established an auspisticism with Egbert and Leijon.  
CG: I SEE. SO RIGHT NOW NOBODY GETS TO BE LALONDE’S MATESPRIT.  
TT: Indeed. Until I have conditioned them in being able to share their intended romantic partner they shall be denied.  
CG: I…..   
CG: WHAT?!  
TT: AR and me are working on ways to implement Skinner’s techniques as we speak.  
TG: so nao im all by myself :(  
TG: liek some sorrta shitty song i dont wannna bee

\--cuttlefishCuller [CC] joined memo--

CC: ROXY!  
TG: ohai fef  
CC: You are not supposed to be drinking missea! 38(  
TG: wat a shtory fef  
TG: it is PAST tenss btb, cuz i didn’t have not muhc vokda lefft.  
CC: And )(ow muc)( was it?  
TG: idk mebbe half a bottel?  
TG: at mostest  
TG: givving my liber some day cha fu  
TT: Can you just send her to bed Peixes?  
TT: I don’t think she listens to me anymore.  
CC: W)(ALE MR. MAYBE YOU S)(OULDN’T )(AVE TRIED TO ACT SO PAL---E!  
CC: S)(E IS MY RESPONSEABILITY!  
TT: Yes, yes, not my moirail anymore, whatever.  
TT: Just do your job and send her to bed.  
TG: don’t evven tell her ow to do her jub bushter  
CC: Roxy…. S)(ould I come over?  
CC: I can come over rig)(t now if you like.  
TG: but feeeeeefff now is your turn for moivienite  
CC: I don’t )(AVE to s)(ow my movie per se.  
CC: It is more important t)(at YOU get off t)(e booze and start EELING BETTA!  
CC: T)(e alco)(ol isn’t good for you. We talked aboat t)(is.  
CC: I know t)(is is difficult for you now but it will all work out in the long run, rig)(t?  
TG: i guesss  
TG: nao i jusht feel like shit fr woryrying you  
CC: T)(ats w)(at morayeels are for silly   
CC: <>  
TG: >>  
TG: *<>  
CC: Just take a NIC---E )(OT BAT)( and go to sleep alrig)(t?  
CC: Troll me if somefin is up  
TG: aye aey  
CC: If I don’t get any messages I’ll come c)(eck up on you w)(en we’re done wit)( t)(e movie  
TG: im probubbly asneep then  
TG: you creeepign over me when i sneep?  
CC: 38)  
TG: maybe choose to get friksy with the paelmate  
CC: 380  
CG: THAT IS DISGUSTING!  
TG: ye im gonna go do dat thing feffy just said i should do  
TG: later dikr, catcat

\--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] left memo--

CC: And you BETTA stay outta my wave Strider.  
TT: What?  
TT: Jealous of every slightest bit of pale sentiment?  
TT: Clearly you shouldn’t be dating a human then.  
CC: P)(a)(  
CC: S)(e knows you’re not interested AND I know you’re not interested so w)(y bot)(er?  
TT: Because she needed it.  
TT: You weren’t there.  
CC: I came as soon as I could!  
TT: We couldn’t really tell on our flooded earth, but I’m sure she appreciates the sentiment.

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] joined memo--

CA: wwoah wwoah wwoah  
CA: wwhat is this wwith strider hittin on people he shouldn’t be hittin on?  
CG: AH FUCK, YOU JUST HAD TO SHOW UP.  
CA: wwell i told you didn’t i?  
CA: i pretty much HAVVE to antagonize fef at this point  
CC: Then you mig)(t want to step up your game you dork  
CC: Dirk is doing a pretty good job makoing a bass out of )(ims)(ellf  
CA: wwhat!  
TT: Don’t flatter yourself. This was platonic antagonism.  
CC: O)( I’m S)(ORE!  
CA: lets not forget wwho is best at pissin off wwho right here  
CG: ERIDAN, YOU CAN’T BE EVERYONE’S KISMESIS.  
CA: im talkin about fef  
CC: I just remember one saury guppy wit)( )(is legs broken!  
CA: oh you wwere goin for ovverkill and you knoww it  
CC: ‘no reelly fef, i can take it’  
CG: SOUNDS LIKE ERIDAN YEAH.  
CA: oh come on kar  
CA: wwho’se side are you on anywway?  
CG: THE SIDE THAT ANNOYS ME THE LEAST, SO CONGRATULATIONS ASSHOLES: YOU ARE IN A THREEWAY TIE!

\--centaursTesticle [CT] joined memo--

CG: FOURWAY TIE……. A FOURWAY TIE IS WHAT IS CURRENTLY HAPPENING.  
CT: D--> Good evening seadwellers  
CT: D--> Vantas  
CT: D--> Strider  
TT: Zahhak.  
CT: D--> I understand you have recently filled my moirails remaining conciliatory quadrant?  
TT: You understood correctly. She and Egbert are subjected to my mediation.  
CT: D--> I am unsure of whether or not to trust a human with such a delicate quadrant  
CA: oh get of your high hoofbeast zahhak  
CA: the ashen quadrant is a joke an evveryone knowws it  
CC: W)(IC)( IS W)(ERE YOU ARE WRONG AGAIN!  
CA: oh come on  
CA: wwe don’t HAVVE to disagree on evverythin  
CC: I disagree wit)( you B—ECAUSE YOU ARE WRONG!  
CC: T)(e desire to kelp two individuals from overcoming t)(eir mutual grievances is R---EELLY romantic!  
CA: yeah but it is temporary by its vvery nature  
CA: either the auspistees become pitch for each other or the twwo stop fightin leavvin the auspistice by his lonesome  
CC: W)(ic)( is w)(y a GOOD auspistice also encourages antagonism!  
CG: YEAH, I GET THAT. BUT THE RULES AROUND AN ASHEN RELATIONSHIP ARE SO VAGUE WE MIGHT AS WELL MAKE OUR OWN.  
CC: But we agree that it is bot)( mediating the fig)(ts and fueling the conflict that makes an auspistice, RIG)(T?  
CG: I GUESS?  
TT: Yeah, by that logic I am not a good auspistice.  
CC: 38(  
TT: I am merely doing this to guide both Egbert and Leijon to a successful red quadrant.   
TT: I am the reindeer with the bright shining nose illuminating their way.  
TT: What is it with me and santa references tonight?  
CT: D--> You w001d sacrifice your own ashen quadrant for such a goal?  
TT: Sure, why not.  
CT: D--> How….. f001ishly noble  
CT: D--> I had not e%pected such a grand gesture from a human  
TT: You’re welcome.

\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] joined memo--

GA: Good Evening Everyone  
GA: I See Everyone Is In High Spirits Tonight  
TT: Some of us are high on spirits.  
GA: Roxy  
GA: Questionmark  
TT: Roxy.  
CC: I )(ave it under control!  
GA: I Am Glad To Hear That  
GA: What Movie Have You Chosen For Us Tonight Feferi  
CC: O)( IT WAS SO )(ARD TO C)(OOSE!  
CC: One was aboat two princesses and t)(is one )(ateful stupid dumb prince  
CA: you knoww she is projectin this on me right  
GA: It Had Not Escaped Our Notice  
CC: BUT I c)(ose t)(e otter one because it is SO INCREDABUBBLY CUTE!  
CC: GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB!!!!!  
GA: My You Are Certainly Excited  
CG: SURPRISING ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NO ONE.  
CC: O)( )(us)( mr grumpy fis)(  
CT: D--> How have you been Maryam?  
GA: Oh Quite Well Actually  
GA: Vriska Had Commissioned A Dress Which Is Always A Fun Challenge  
GA: Her Directions Are So Vague I Could Have Handed Her A Decorated Burlap Sack Without Deviating From Them  
CT: D--> This does sound like my neighbor  
GA: I Have Also Spent Some Time With Dave

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] joined memo--

GC: YOU W3R3 H4NG1NG OUT W1TH D4V3 YOU S4Y  
GC: HOW V3RY 1NT3R3ST1NG  
GC: >:]  
GC: > :]  
GC: >:]  
GA: Terezi  
GA: I Request You Cease Moving Your Eyebrows In Such A Suggestive Manner  
GC: 1’LL H4V3 YOU KNOW THOS3 4R3 MY HORNS  
GA: Well Would You Kindly Cease Moving Those  
GC: N3V3R!  
GA: Sigh  
TT: So, you have any bad intentions with my not-bro?  
GA: Pardon  
TT: Sneaking into his hive like a jolly red fat man and feasting on his homemade cookies?  
GA: Are You Calling Me Fat  
TT: I definitely need to stop referencing Saint Nick.  
CG: YOU DEFINITELY SHOULD!  
GC: SO DO YOU 1NT3ND TO S3DUC3 H1M MRS M4RY4M?  
GA: Would You Believe Me If I Said No  
GC: NOT 4T 4LL!  
GA: Then There Is No Point To This Line Of Questioning  
GA: Despite It Being My Final Answer On The Matter  
GC: TH3 4LT3RN14N COURTS DO NOT T4K3 K1NDLY TO SUCH UPST4RT R3M4RKS  
CA: the alternian courts can suck it  
GC: >:O  
CC: You can )(ang )(im in one of your rp’s Terezi  
CC: I am s)(ore )(is c)(aracter wont be missed  
CA: i’ll havve you knoww dualscar is an important facet a her story  
GC: S4DLY H3 1S R1GHT  
GC: BUT STOP TRY1NG TO D1STR4CT M3 FROM MRS M1NT  
GC: 1 4M SM3LL1NG F1LTHY 3V4S1V3 ST4T3M3NTS  
GA: I Can Hardly Get Much More Direct Than Saying No

\--tentacleTherapist [TT] joined memo--

TT: Perhaps I should shed some light on the manner. No pun intended, effective though it might be.  
CG: IT WAS A 3/10 AT BEST.   
TT: A pleasure meeting you here tonight Karkat. I had not expected otherwise.  
CT: D--> I do not see why someone w001d  
TT: Regardless, Dave merely went to Kanaya to inquire about the state of our relationship, which I assured him, as modestly as possible as I could muster, to remain quite solid.   
CG: YEAH, TO THE POINT OF GROSSING EVERYONE OUT.  
GA: Perhaps It Is Best Not To Brag Darling  
TT: If you insist.  
TT: So are you and Dave moirails now?  
TT: I believe it was more a brotherly concern, much like your feelings for my ectosibling.  
CC: Is t)(at just a )(uman t)(ing?  
TT: I think it is, considering trolls generally lack siblings.  
CC: W)(ale…. T)(at kinda mako’s me look stupid for s)(outing at Dirk earlier.  
TT: I was kinda asking for it.  
CA: yeah get your owwn kismesis  
CA: this one is mine  
CC: I am not yours to claim s)(rimpie.  
CA: wwho are you evven callin a fuckin shrimp!?

\--ectoBiologist [EB] joined memo--

EB: hi there.  
EB: how is everybody doing  
CA: i think evveryone is at least somewwhat alright  
EB: sounds cool.  
EB: aaw man, Aranea lost her tarantulascorpion?  
EB: that’s a bummer.  
CG: IT ISN’T EVEN A THING!  
CG: IT IS JUST A STUPID FUCKING RUSE.  
TT: A ruse for what exactly?  
CG: YOU WEREN’T FUCKING THERE SUNDAY!  
CA: basically she had to rub one out after shit got too frisky  
CC: W)(at? 380  
CG: JUST THE THOUGHT OF IT MAKES ME SICK!  
TT: I see…..  
EB: so what about that makes the spiderthingie fake?  
CG: BECAUSE IT FUCKING IS!  
TT: Good evening Egbert.  
EB: oh, hi dirk.  
EB: i was kinda looking for you actually. i am still not entirely sure how this auspistism thing works.  
EB: like, i have to dislike nepeta and you?  
EB: despite not really disliking either of you that much, it’s just that whole mess with roxy.  
EB: so how are we doing this?  
TT: You and Leijon are to report to me two times a week. Once you are properly conditioned, you will be allowed to join with Roxy.  
EB: erm…….. okay?  
GC: YOU 4R3 DO1NG 1T WRONG  
EB: doing what wrong?

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] joined memo—

AG: Don’t just go aloooooooong with it John.  
AG: Auspistism is 8uilt on antagonism and you’re just letting him waltz over you like some sort of chump.  
AG: Are you a chump John?  
AG: Cause you don’t look like any chump I’ve ever seen.  
EB: i am so not a chump!  
AG: That’s what I want to hear.  
TT: While this is not a standard auspistism, I welcome his attempts to antagonize me. It will provide good practice for him.  
EB: well maybe i WONT antagonize you then, because that seems to be exactly what you want.  
TT: Indeed. Unless I anticipated this attitude and you’re already dancing to my jaunty tune.  
GA: John  
GA: Why Can You Not Just Respect The Very Simple Rules Of Auspistism  
CA: there is nothin simple about auspistism!  
GA: Then Follow The Golden Rule  
GA: It Is Not That Complex  
GA: It Baffles Me That John Does Not Comprehend It  
GC: 4ND WH4T M1GHT TH1S GOLD3N RUL3 B3?  
CG: HOW THE FUCK DON’T YOU KNOW THAT?!  
GC: 1V3 N3V3R B33N V3RY 1NVOLV3D W1TH TH3 4SH3N QU4DR4NT  
GC: SU3 M3  
CT: D--> She means to say that the mediating leaf in the ashen relation is always correct.  
EB: well that sounds terribly unfair.

\--gutsyGumshoe [GG] joined memo--

GG: Good evening everyone.  
CG: OH GREAT, NOW CROCKER IS HERE TOO!?  
CG: ALONG WITH EQUIUS AND ERIDAN, DID NONE OF YOU ASSHOLES LISTEN WHEN I *SPECIFICALLY* ASKED YOU NOT TO SHOW UP FOR THIS MOVIE?  
CT: D--> You c001d have ordered it more…. strictly  
CG: I CAN JUST FEEL MY THINKSPONGE REACHING FOR THE EMERGENCY EJECT BUTTON EVERY TIME YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH!  
GG: Oh lighten up :B  
GG: I did not really enjoy last movie, so I hoped tonight’s showing would clean my palette a tad.  
CA: wwhat wwas wwrong wwith it  
GG: Must I spell this out?  
GG: It was a pornography, which is not something I would watch in such a large company.  
TT: Sounds like a typical Tuesday night for me.  
GG: Hoo hoo, yes but you are shameless.  
CA: wwhat so its okay if he does it  
GG: He is being ironic.  
GA: Is He  
GG: I hope so.  
TT: Poe’s law applies with everything I say; I am the ultimate internet enigma.  
CC: OMG )(I JAN---E!  
GG: Hello Feferi.  
CC: I’V---E B---EEN MEANING TO TALK TO YOU FOR LIK---E, FOREVER!  
GG: Really? How come?  
CC: W---E )(AVE SO MUC)( IN COMMON!  
CC: We were bot)( )(eiresses under the coddescension, we are bot)( life players, we bot)( LOV---E baked confections.  
CG: WHO THE FUCK DOESN’T LOVE BAKED CONFECTIONS?  
TT: Have you talked to John recently?  
EB: yo.  
CG: EGBERT IS A SPOILED FUCKING BRAT WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR GLORIOUS HUMAN CAKE.  
CC: And Roxy told me so many good t)(ings aboat you 38)  
GG: Well, she has been known to exegerate….  
TT: Don’t be shy Crocker. It is true, you both love cake.  
GG: Oh shoosh.  
AG: Why not confess your flushed feelings for her here and now Peixes????????  
CC: O)( s)(oos)(, its nofin like t)(at.

\--golgothasTerror [GT] joined memo--

GT: Greetings chums.  
GT: Is everyone ready for another ripsnorting adventure?  
CC: AY—E AY—E!!  
CC: S----ETTING COURSE TO T)(E SEAS OF ADVENTURE!!  
GT: Smashing!  
CA: a course  
CA: twwo advventurin dorks  
CC: LOOK W)(O’S CALLING W)(O A DORK!  
CA: i call em like i see em  
GC: OH G3T 4 ROOM 4LR34DY  
CA: wwell i wwould havve but SOMEONE decided to be a massivve bitch  
CC: )(int: it was eridan  
CA: oh real mature  
EB: i really don’t get trolls.  
AG: You don’t neeeeeeeed to get Eridan, trust me.  
CA: sorry vvris but your childish attempts at antagonizing me wwont wwork  
CA: i am perfectly miserable wwith my current rival  
GT: Would you not want to get away from her if she makes you miserable?  
CA: it is a figure a speech english  
GT: Right-o then. Just making sure. Abusive relations are no laughing matter.  
CA: wwell a bit of abuse is normal in kismesitude  
TT: I wonder… Is it still abuse if consent has been given?  
GT: Pardon?  
TT: You essentially consent to a certain amount of abuse, be it emotional or physical when engaging in a black relationship. Is it still considered abuse in this regard?  
GC: 1N L3G4L T3RMS, MOR4L T3RMS OR HUM4N T3RMS >:/  
TT: Any terms really.  
CA :yes but it is the good kind a abuse?  
CC: So you will quit glubbin aboat your dumb broken legs?  
GT: What was that about broken legs?  
CA: wwell i didn’t say that  
TT: This is a can of worms I am not completely willing to open.  
GC: C4N W3 G3T TO TH3 MOV13 4LR34DY >:/  
GA: I Concur  
GA: I Am Not All That Interested In Hearing The Explicit Details Of Your Black Exploits  
AG: I am.  
CT: D--> As am I  
AG: What, this isn’t too shaaaaaaaameful or scandalous for your taste?  
CT: D--> They are highb100ds, they can do as they please  
AG: Uh huh……..  
CT: D--> With their……. rich hue and noble b100d…..  
CT: D--> We are not worthy  
AG: ……..  
CT: D--> To hear the 100dest details from their e%ploits  
CT: D--> To imagine them in the thrall of caliginious passion  
CT: D--> It makes me sweat   
CA: wwho evven keeps invvitin him?  
CC: RIG)(T, STARTING T)(E MOVIE!

GG: Wait, is this a movie from studio Ghibli?  
CC: CORR-ECT!  
GG: I watched quite a few when I was younger. This should be good.  
CC: Y------ES! YOU )(AVE AW---ESOME TASTE!  
GT: Oh heavens not this again.  
EB: what’s up?  
GT: Strider used to send me a lot of this sort of animation. It was always terrible.  
TT: Relax Jake. This is probably nothing like what I sent you.  
GT: Ah, alright then. I shall give it a shot.  
GC: W3 DON’T 3V3N G3T TO PR3T3ND TH1S MOV13 1SN’T GO1NG TO B3 4BOUT OC34N1C L1F3  
GC: TH3 F1RST TH1NG W3 S33 1S F1SH  
CA: wwell wwhat did you expect from my tiresomely predictable kismesis  
AG: Trying toooooooo hard to impress ampora  
CA: oh you’re just jealous  
CT: D--> What are we 100king at here?  
CT: D--> A colony of marine mushrooms?  
TT: Jellyfish. Annoying little bastards.  
GA: How Do You Know  
TT: My home address was middle-of-the-ocean 2, buttfuck of nowhere, earth.  
TT: Jellyfish were everywhere.  
GA: It Is Very Impressively Animated But It Does Not Really Capture My Interest  
CC: W)(Y T)(E S)(ELL NOT?!  
GA: Language Please  
CC: 38P  
GA: They Are Just Fish  
GA: They Do Not Invoke Any Particular Reaction In Me  
TT: Now if they were clothes…..  
GA: Sigh  
GA: Must You Mock Me   
TT: Only with the friendliest of intentions dear  
AG: Get a room……..

GT: I do not know who this fellow is, but I like his shirt.  
GA: Are You Quite Serious  
GT: Yes. It looks snazzy.  
GA: Jake That Shirt Is Atrocious  
GT: Weren’t vertical stripes good? I vaguely seem to recall that they were.  
GA: Even Subjuggulators Wouldn’t Want To Be Found Dead In Such An Article  
GT: I think it’s stylish.  
GA: It Is Rubbish  
GA: If You Want I Could Make You Something That Is A Bit More Flattering  
EB: you know, you don’t HAVE to make everyone new outfits, right?  
GA: If It Avoids Atrocities Such As This Suit Or Your Wise Guy Suit Then I Will Gladly Sacrifice My Time  
EB: woah, woah. no one disses the wise guy.  
AG: Seriously, that suit looks 8ad-ass!  
GA: Groan  
CT: D--> So who is this gentleman  
CG: MORE IMPORTANTLY, IS THIS ASSHOLE CREATING LIFE!?  
GG: I think he is?  
CG: THAT IS AWESOME AND/OR HORRIFYING. I HAVEN’T MADE MY MIND UP YET.  
AG: Is this Ponyo?  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS A PONYO?!  
TT: No, this is Jimmy.  
CA: oh THAT doesnt sound like a fake name  
TT: Alright then, it’s Fujimoto.  
CA: howw about wwe givve him a normal name  
GC: J1MMY 1T 1S TH3N  
CA: oh come on  
CA: i wwas gonna givve him a perfect name  
TT: Was it going to sound like a bad 90s comic?  
CT: D--> I do not know what these 90s are but it sounds disappointing

CG: I IMAGINE THIS IS A PONYO. SOMEHOW THIS IS WHAT POPS INTO MY THINKPAN WHEN I THINK THE WORD PONYO, SO I’LL BE VERY DISAPPOINTED IF THIS ISN’T A PONYO.  
TT: No, this is Ponyo.  
CG: GOOD.  
GC: 1T  
GC: 1S  
GC: D3L1C1OUS!  
GA: Quite Endearing  
CC: SOOOOOOOO CUT--------E!  
GG: Yes, this is a very well-known work of Miyazaki.  
CA: is no one else talkin about the grotesque image before us  
CA: human head fish body  
TT: Has science gone too far?  
TT: It is the grotesque that makes it cute.  
EB: i don’t think that’s how it works…….  
GT: Regardless, it looks like a very charming little creature.  
CT: D--> And it has clones.  
EB: siblings more likely.  
GC: SO 1T TR13S TO SN34K 4W4Y FROM J1MMY FOR SOM3 R34SON  
TT: Perhaps Jimmy had it imprisoned?  
GT: A fellow with such an impeccable taste in clothing?  
GA: Dot Dot Dot  
CT: D--> Are humans dressed according to their alignment?  
TT: Yes.  
TT: No.  
TT: Damnit Lalonde.  
TT: I am truly sorry, but this would have been too easy.  
TT: Sometimes those are the most satisfying.

TT: Fuck this is precious.  
CA: fuck this is borin  
GG: Yeah, I do believe the target audience for this movie is a bit younger than us.  
CC: BUT ITS SO CUT---E!  
GG: Well, I wouldn’t object to watching the rest.  
CA: i wwould  
CC: You don’t count.  
EB: so ponyo slowly floats to the surface, far away from jimmy’s villainous grasp  
GA: I Do Not Think His Name Is Jimmy  
EB: until we are given an alternative, he’s jimmy  
GA: But Dirk Gave Us An Alternative  
TT: IMDB identifies him as Fujimoto.  
GC: BUT TH4T 1S 4 DUMB N4M3  
GC: SO H3 1S J1MMY >:]  
TT: Of course he is.

CT: D--> These are horribly inefficient fishermen.  
AG: Seriously. Hey morons, you’re catching more trash than fish!  
EB: oh, but that’s the intent.  
AG: What?  
EB: they’re not trying to catch fish but they are trying to clean up the coast. a lot of people throw their trash in the water and it kinda pollutes the ocean.  
EB: so sometimes boats like these are used to help clean the coast.  
AG: John I treasure you, 8ut if you are trying to prank me now so help me……..  
EB: it isn’t a prank, i promise.  
EB: sorry, i mean to say i proooooooomise.  
AG: !!!!!!!!  
GT: Regardless, Ponyo seems to find itself in quite the pickle.  
GT: Despite it not being the purpose of the net, it is catching a lot of fish.  
CA: except for the fact she and most a these fish could easily slip through the holes a the net  
CA: just swwim to the left for a feww yards or meters and you’ll be fine  
TT: Marine life typically isn’t that intelligent.

CG: SO IT ENDS UP IN A GLASS BOTTLE AND IS FOUND BY THIS WRIGGLER WITH A STUPID HAIRDUE.   
TT: So are we also going to make up a name for Sosuke?  
GC: WHY WOULD W3 DO TH4T?  
GC: 1T 1S 4 P3RF3CTLY NORM4L N4M3  
CT: D--> His 100sus is incredibly negligent  
CT: D--> To let a wriggler play so near the ocean like this is similar to asking to get him culled  
GT: Blimey, how’s that?  
CT: D--> Seadwellers and noble highb100ds mostly  
CT: D--> Also, their aggressive 100sii  
GG: We don’t have those :B  
CC: T)(at is so strange!  
GG: Then this could quite possibly blow your mind.  
GG: During hot days, EVERYONE travels to the beach to have fun :B  
CC: O)( MY GLUB T)(AT IS T)(E BEST IDEA!!!!  
CC: WE S)(OULD TOTALLY DO T)(AT!!!!  
CG: NO.  
CA: nope  
CT: D--> I w001d prefer not too  
GC: P4RTYPOOP3RS >:[  
AG: I would look gr8 in one of those human 8ikini’s. Don’t you think so Joooooooohn?  
EB: err, probably?  
GA: Humans Have Very Pleasant Looking Swimming Atire  
TT: If you want to have me scandily clad and easily accessible for your rainbowdrinker fangs, all you need do is ask.  
GA: Rose  
GA: Please Do Not Do This In Public  
TT: ;)  
AG: Seriously Lalonde, like anyone wants to see your pale 8ody like that.  
TT: I have reason to believe Kanaya finds it very alluring.  
GA: Can We Please Return Our Focus On The Movie  
GA: Please  
CG: SECONDING THAT MOTION.  
GC: TH1RD1NG 1T  
CA: are you kiddin me  
CA: that wwas just gettin good  
GC: DO3SN’T M4TT3R MOT1ON P4SS3S

TT: Waves with creepy eyes just tried to swallow me. ‘That was weird’- quote.  
CG: WEIRD IS FINDING YOUR LUSUS DECIDED TO WEAR YOUR SHOES FOR A HAT. HAVING SENTIENT WAVES CHASE YOU DOWN IS NOTHING SHORT OF DISTURBING!

EB: there has to be a better way to get ponyo out of that bottle…..  
AG: And so ends our movie.  
AG: Ponyo gets crushed and the glass shards shred its 8ody into little 8loody pieces.  
GG: Well, we saw there are still fifty odd ponyo’s in the sea.  
AG: Oh god.  
CT: D--> This is going to be a long movie.

GC: BUT NO PONYO 1S UND4M4G3D 4ND SURV1V3S THROUGH BLOOD M4G1C  
GT: Are you quite certain it’s blood magic?  
GT: Just because she licked a bead of drop does not necessarily imply that a spell has been cast  
GC: BLOOD M4G1C 1 S4Y!  
CA: that wwould be perfect  
CC: NO IT WOULDN’T!  
CA: wwoah fef since wwhy wwould you impose on somethin fun  
CA: because that is wwhat you are doin  
CA: do you hate fun noww fef?  
CC: W)(y you impertinent little BEAC)(!  
CC: Next time I’ll break your )(ands so I don’t )(ave to read your dumb glubbing!  
AG: Woah, Peixes. Hardcore.  
TT: Perhaps you require a talk with my sister Feferi?  
AG: Are you kidding me Lalonde? This is proper 8lack courtship, not like you would understand.  
TT: The specifics continue to elude me, but I like to think I get the gist of it.  
AG: Good!  
TT: This is going exactly where I think it is going, right?  
GT: Why, what is happening?  
GG: Oh Jake…….  
CG: KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN. YOU MIGHT LEARN SOMETHING.  
AG: Karkat you flaaaaaaaatter me so.  
CG: LIKE HOW NOT TO DO IT.

GC: R3TURN OF TH3 CR33P3R W4V3S.  
CC: And so it is reefealed they work for JIMMY!  
CT: D--> Which sh001d surprise no one who had been paying attention  
TT: I hadn’t and yet I still grasped this. Kid’s movie and all that.  
CT: D--> To be fair, you are an e%traordinairy specimen  
TT: I know.  
TT: As are you.  
CT: D--> I know  
TT: We should make another horse robot soon. Giant Rainbowdash needs a friend.  
CT: D--> Indeed  
CT: D--> We c001d use her blueprints for a new model or start from scratch  
TT: I suggest starting from scratch.  
CT: D--> Wonderful  
Perhaps you c001d assist me in programming a proper AI  
CT: D--> Mine tend to be functional but are, for lack of a better term, rather simple  
TT: Is cool, as long as you do the heavy lifting again.  
CT: D--> Naturally  
CG: WE DON’T *NEED* ANOTHER GIANT HOOFBEAST POLLUTING THE LANDSCAPE.   
CG: ONE WAS MORE THAN ENOUGH!  
TT: You can not have enough giant hoofbeasts Vantas.  
CG: OTHER HUMANS, PLEASE TALK SOME SENSE INTO THIS INCREDIBLE ASSHOLE.  
GG: Well, I think it’s really funny :B  
GT: What’s wrong with giant horses?  
CG: YOU ARE ALL FOOLS!

CC: SOSUK---E NO!  
CC: T)(AT IS A SALT-WATER FIS)(!  
CC: YOU ARE PUTTING IT IN SWEET WATER!  
CC: BAD )(UMAN, WORST IDEA!  
CT: HNRKT!  
GC: OH MY GOD!  
AG: PUT IT AWAY DAMNIT!  
GT: Pardon?  
GA: This Is Highly Inappropriate  
CT: D--> A towel  
CT: D--> I need a towel this instant!  
TT: What now?  
EB: i completely forgot trolls hate buckets  
CG: IT’S NOT HATE YOU DIPSHIT.  
CG: AND AFTER MEGIDO’S MOVIE I AM COMPLETELY NUMB TO THE SUPPOSED SHOCK VALUE OF A SINGULAR PAIL.  
CA: meh  
CA: im just surprised fef didn’t notice at first  
CC: I was too distracted by him ferry nearly killing ponyo!

GT: Jimmy makes an attempt to get Ponyo back and looks rather silly doing it.  
CC: )(e needs to keep moist!  
GT: But why?  
GT: Unless he isn’t human.  
TT: He is and yet he isn’t.  
TT: Does that make any sense?  
GT: Kinda?  
GT: I mean, normally it wouldn’t but as our resident hope player I have kinda gotten used to things and people being in a state of quasi-existence.   
EB: now i’m the one who’se confused.  
CA: hey pal I am the resident hope player here  
CC: Y----ES BUT UNLIKE YOU, JAKE ACTUALLY REAC)(ED GOD TIER SO YOU CAN S)(UT IT!  
CA: real mature fef  
CA: all im sayin is that if anyone here gets to destroy hope it’s me  
GT: Oh, I don’t destroy it, but by really believing and hoping for things I can create things.  
CA: so wwhat you create hope?  
GT: I guess?   
GT: It is a rather poorly defined set of powers.  
CA: yeah no kiddin  
GA: So Hope Allows For Things To Happen  
GA: Even If They Defy Scientific And Logical Explanation  
GG: ESPECIALLY if they defy scientific and logical explanation :B  
GA: Suddenly The Science Wand Debacle Makes A Lot More Sense  
GC: B4CK TO TH3 MOV13, J1MMY 1SN’T G3TT1NG PONYO B4CK 4ND SOSUK3’S LUSUS DR1V3S OFF

EB: oh damn.  
EB: ponyo eats a ham that’s literally as big as it is.  
TT: I’m fairly certain they differ in mass.  
EB: who cares, just look at that!  
GC: 1S 1T UNUSU4L FOR 34RTH F1SH TO 34T L1K3 TH4T?  
GG: Yes.  
CC: Score ONE for Alternian fis)(!  
CT: D--> Meanwhile the mother100sus drives like a maniac  
CT: D--> I am fairly certain that it is considered highly dangerous when fourwheeled devices swerve like this  
TT: You are correct.  
GT: I am fairly surprised as to why Sosuke’s mom isn’t asking any questions about the strangely human face on the fish.  
TT: Well, Ponyo is magic. Only kids can see magic.  
GT: Then what about Jimmy?  
TT: He is kinda magic.  
AG: Lalonde explaaaaaaaains it all in the most nonsensical manner possi8le.  
TT: Would you like to give it a shot, Vriska dear?  
AG: Oh, don’t you even.  
TT: Something the matter, Vriska dear?  
AG: Stop that this FUCKING instant Lalonde!  
TT: If you insist.  
TT: Yup, this going pretty much the way everyone was expecting.  
AG: That fucking l8londe.  
EB: easy vriska. she’s just poking fun.  
AG: Don’t you see what she is doing?  
EB: well, no not exactly.  
EB: but you definitely shouldn’t be taking it this badly.  
AG: It is 8ad enough Fussyfangs always called me such, 8ut from her I toler8ed it.  
AG: When Lalonde does it, it’s just so…… Uuuuuuuugh.

CA: bugger this fuckin kid is awwkwward  
GT: Ah yes, the classic not-knowing-how-to-talk-to-girls. Thankfully, I was never bothered by such awkwardness.   
GG: You opted for bluntly ignoring all signals girls were giving instead.  
GT: Ehehehe, we agreed not to talk about that again.  
GG: It admittedly became a bit weird when we discovered we were sorta-related.  
GC: 3CTOB1OLOGY 4M 1 R1GHT?  
CA: wwell i wwas nevver this awwkwward  
CC: O)(o)(o)(o, you are makoing this TOO ----EASY for me ---ERIDAN!  
CC: You were CONC)(PLETELY s)(arkward around dating VRISKA!  
CA: suddenly i regret black datin my former moirial  
GT: It ain’t that bad chum.  
CA: no i wwas probably a lot more embarrassing than she wwas during our moiraillegiance so it kinda IS that fuckin bad  
GT: Oh….. well, shucks I guess.  
CA: then again  
CA: i nevver needed to bring a mr harbinger in my cocoon to go to sleep  
GG: A what?  
CC: 380  
CC: DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE ERIDAN!  
CA: wwell if you agree wwe should leavve our more privvate details out a this convvo  
CT: D--> Is this modesty?  
CG: NO, IT IS HIM TRYING TO SAVE FACE.  
CG: I’LL TAKE IT IF IT MEANS WE’RE GETTING LESS OF THE SORDID DETAILS. I REALLY DON’T WANT TO KNOW AMPORA’S LOVE LIFE.  
GT: Well, we are all friends here. I’m sure everyone has done one or two things we’re embarrassed about.  
CA: yeah thanks but no thanks english

TT: Hijinx ensue when a little girl discovers Ponyo.  
GG: And Sosuke seems to take the rest of the day off.  
GT: Naturally. He is on the verge of a grand adventure I’m sure. He doesn’t need that fancy booklearning when he can be a dashing adventurer.  
GG: I disagree. Education is very important, especially if you desire to be an adventurer.  
CT: D--> I am certain Aradia agrees with your sentiment  
GT: Pah, nothing beats a devil may care attitude, a winning smile, proper fisticuffs, pistols and ammo.  
CT: D--> I am sure that is a perfectly valid strategy on your human planet  
CT: D--> The lusii naturea scouring Alternia however w001d devour you alive  
GT: I laugh in the face of danger!  
TT: Please tell me about your latest encounter with Tinkerbulls.  
GT: Oh those malicious flying fiends!  
GT: They always gang up on me when I need to reload.  
CT: D--> That is sad  
TT: It becomes endearing in its own way.  
CT: D--> I sincerely doubt that

GC: SOSUK3 NO  
GC: NO ON3 W4NTS TO S33 TH3 CONT3NTS OF YOUR P41L  
GC: TH4TS D1SGUST1NG  
GA: This Is A Childrens Movie  
CA: wwhy is he talkin to these scary lookin humans  
GT: Oh they aren’t scary. They’re just old.  
CA: THAT is howw old humans look?!  
CA: that’s horrifyin  
GT: Really?   
GT: They look rather nonthreatening to me.  
EB: trolls man.  
CT: D--> I see they are limited to devices similar to the one Nitram used to operate  
CT: D--> Have these humans also suffered FLARP-induced damage to their spine  
TT: No, sometimes that just happens to elderly humans. Joints wear out, backs go bad, etcetera.   
GA: Rose  
GA: Does That Mean You Will End Up Like These Humans  
TT: I’m not sure how I’ll age, assuming I will at all considering my godstatus.   
AG: Hey, what gives.  
AG: Lalonde, you said only your human children could see magic, yet one of the old hags recognizes that Ponyo has a human face.  
AG: Leave it to Lalonde to coooooooompletely miss the point of her own analysis.  
TT: Yeah…… That would be implied alzheimers I believe.  
GC: SO WHY 1S SOSUK3 T4LK1NG TO TH3S3 OLD HUM4NS  
GG: Well, would you believe it if I told you it is one of the themes of the movie?  
GC: TH3 TH3M3 1S T4LK1NG TO OLD FOLKS?  
GG: No, it’s forming connections. Between generations, between mankind and nature.  
CC: BETWEEN )(UMAN AND TROLL?  
GG: Well no, but I am certain he would have included it if he had been aware of your insistence.  
CG: WE REALLY SCREWED THE TINY BARKBEAST IN LETTING THESE DUMB ASS HUMANS KNOW WHO THEIR GODS ARE.

CG: SO THE OLD HAG WITH IMPLIED ALZHEIMERS CLAIMS PONYO WILL CAUSE A TSUNAMI AND PONYO RETALLIATES BY SPITTING WATER OVER HER.  
GC: 4ND TO 3SC4P3 R3PR3CUSS1ONS OF TH3 L4W SOSUK3 FL33S TO….. TH1S PL4C3?  
AG: I don’t even know.  
TT: Wherever you are on this island, you’re only 15 seconds away from the shore.  
GT: That sounds like improbably geography to me.  
CA: that’s wwhat he means  
GT: Ooooh. Alright then.  
GG: Well yeah… Miyazaki is very fond of reminding people how close they actually are to nature. The ocean, being the natural element in this movie, is present in almost every scene.  
TT: Apt analysis.  
GG: Thank you.  
CG: YOU’RE DOING THAT ‘OVERESTIMATING-HOW-MUCH-I-CARE’ THING AGAIN. I DON’T APPRECIATE IT.  
CC: O)( S)(OOS)( AND )(AVE FUN!  
CG: I CAN’T!  
CG: THIS MOVIE IS AN ABSOLUTE BORE! NOTHING OF INTEREST IS HAPPENING! THERE IS NO COMEDY OR ROMANCE OR EVEN PLOT, ONLY WHIMSY. THE STAKES COULDN’T BE LOWER IF THEY WERE SUBTERRANEAN!  
CT: D--> He is correct  
CA: yup  
CC: YOU JUST )(ATE FUN!

TT: And then Jimmy demonstrates his ability to create living water.  
CG: HOW IS NO ONE SEEING THIS?!  
GG: Well, the people don’t see magic?  
CG: AAAAAARGH!  
CA: so ponyo gets taken awway  
GT: This is really nothing like the animes Strider used to give to me.  
TT: What did I tell you?  
TT: Do I dare ask what anime you sent him?  
TT: You really don’t.

CA: and then the dumb shit nearly drowwns  
CA: hey wwriggler your lusus has wwork to do  
CA: at least havve the sense a self-preservvation to NOT nearly fuckin drowwn yourself  
CC: BUT )(E’S SO SAD!  
CT: D--> The loss of a fish sh001d not warrant suicide  
EB: i don’t think it was intentional  
EB: he swam too far looking for ponyo  
CT: D--> So it is f001ishness rather than desperation  
TT: Essentially.  
TT: Kids can be stupid.  
AG: So the movie is over?  
AG: Ponyo goes 8ack home, Sosuke goes 8ack home, all 8oring that ends 8oring.  
GA: I Am Still Reserving Judgment  
AG: Please. Nothing short of an all-consuming tsunami can save this droll fucking movie.  
TT: Because you can not get your thrill without senseless destruction?  
AG: 8ecause I want shit to actually HAPPEN in my movies!!!!!!!!  
EB: are you two starting again?  
TT: Yup.  
EB: do you perhaps need an auspistice too?  
TT: I do not think that will be necessary.  
AG: Yeah........ No auspistice needed. We’re good.  
EB: say, would i be able to auspistice even though dirk is auspistizing for me?  
GA: The Rules Are Rather Vague Regarding Mediating And Being Mediated For  
EB: alright, cause i could totally keep them from fighting if it should come to that.  
TT: He is really kinda clueless, isn’t he?  
AG: It is endearing.

GG: I like how he actually acts like a real five year old. One moment he feels intense sadness over the loss of Ponyo, but he bounces back pretty soon.  
GC: 4S 1N ON3 C4RR1D3 4ND ON3 D3L1C1OUSLY FROZ3N SN4CK L4T3R  
GG: Essentially.  
CC: Frozen snacks?  
CC: )(ow curious.  
GG: You mean icecream.  
CC: W)(at is t)(at?  
GG: Oh, it is the best. Remember what I said about hot days at the beach? Nothing beats eating icecream there. You can get it in pretty much every imagineable flavor too.  
GC: 3V3RY FL4VOR?  
GG: Every. Flavor.  
GC: 1 4CC3PT YOUR CH4LL3NGE!  
CG: ANYWAY, THE KID’S FATHERLUSUS IS STUCK ON BOATDUTY AND CAN’T COME TO SHORE.  
CG: MOTHERLUSUS DOESN’T TAKE IT WELL.

AG: What the fuck do they think they’re doing with those lights?  
EB: morse code. it’s a pretty old school way of communication really.  
GT: Golly, that Sosuke is a clever lad.   
GT: I didn’t understand morse code until I was eight years old.  
GG: I don’t think it is realistic for a five year old to be able to spell morse.  
CG: PLEASE QUIET DOWN YOU FOOLS!  
CG: WE FINALLY HAVE SOME PROPER ROMANCE GOING ON HERE.  
GC: OH D34R…….  
CG: HE WRITES ‘I LOVE YOU’ WITH THE LIGHT SIGNALS OF HIS BOAT, BUT SHE HAS FLIPPED BACK OVER HIS LAST BETRAYAL AND TELLS SOSUKE TO REPLY WITH ‘BUG OFF’.  
TT: Such a strongly worded resonse.  
GG: They had to keep it pg.  
CG: SHUT UP, THIS IS A REALLY GOOD SCENE.  
CG: I WISH IT GOT A BIT MORE ATTENTION, BUT CLEARLY THE DAILY ADVENTURES OF THIS FIVE –YEAR OLD ARE MORE FUCKING IMPORTANT.

CC: So Ponyo rejects )(er life under t)(e sea, w)(ic)( is kinda silly if you ask me.  
CC: W)(y not )(ave bot)(?  
GG: Because most beings aren’t blessed with the ability to breathe both underwater and on land.  
CC: O)(, w)(oops 38P  
GC: SH3 3V3N R3FUS3S H3R S34DW3LL3R N4M3  
CA: wwhat the fuck kinda name is brunhilde anywway?  
TT: The name of a valkyrie in Wagner’s opera, who accidentally caused death and destruction to those close to her.  
CA: wwhat does that havve to do wwith ANYTHIN!?  
GA: He Seems Very Concerned About Whether Or Not Ponyo Has Consumed Human Blood  
GA: Is That Such A Regular Occurence That It Warrants Worrying Oneself About  
GG: Oh yeah, we regularly share our blood for consumption.  
EB: it has addictive properties and everything.  
GG: Bloodjunkies sleep in the dirtiest alleys of the city because they spent a fortune on drinking from people.  
EB: it has become an issue of federal concern and the government had an entire ‘stop bloodsucking’ campaign ready to go when the meteors hit.  
GT: Really?  
CA: jake wwe are wwatching a movvie wwith twwo knowwn and obnoxious pranksters  
CA: you shouldnt listen to a word she says  
GT: I can’t do that pal, Jane is a very good platonic pal of mine.  
CA:wwhatevver i recall crocker tellin me human wwomen get human pregnant from receivving human jizz on their face  
AG: We get it, you watched a human porn. 8ig whoop.  
CT: D--> Did we mention it is pirate themed?  
AG: See, NOW we’re talking!  
GA: Sigh

CT: D--> That 100ks like quite the freakish mutant  
CC: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  
CC: IT’S SOOOOOO CUTE!!!!!  
AG: No, it’s definitely kinda creepy.  
AG: Why does she suddenly have cluck8east feet?  
EB: because she really wanted it?  
GT: Also, she’s magic.  
AG: You can’t explain everything with it 8eing magic!  
TT: We are with an ageless man, who demonstrated the ability to create life, in what looks like a steampunk/magic underwater bubble and you wonder how an already demonstratively magic creature can do magic?  
TT: Your astute and critical mind clearly knows no bounds.  
AG: OH JUST FUCKING 8ITE ME LALONDE!  
EB: guys? can we maybe calm down?  
AG: DON’T EVEN TRY TO SHOOSH ME OUT OF THIS JOHN!!!!!!!!  
EB: i’m not, i’m trying to do the auspistice thing.  
AG: ……..wh8t?  
EB: what?  
AG: J8hn, what do you mean…….. Doing the ausp8stice thing?  
EB: that i want the two of you to stop fighting each other like that?  
AG: ……..oh.  
AG: I see……..  
EB: err…….. did i do something wrong?  
CG: JOHN YOU….. OBTUSE MORON.  
TT: But through the power of magic performance enhancing drugs he overpowers Ponyo’s magic and reverts her to her earliest state.

CA: so he’s goin to cause an explosion a life wwhen the magic wwell is full?  
CA: wwhat does that evven mean  
CA: that the sea gets really really crowwded?  
TT: That overfishing never really was a problem?  
CC: I T)(INK )(e wants to cover the entire planet wit)( ocean.  
GC: TH4T 1S PR3TTY H4RDCOR3 FOR 4 MOV13 TO JUST GLOSS OV3R L1K3 TH1S  
CC: W)(at do you mean, ‘movie like t)(is?’  
GC: W3LL, W1TH HOW CH1LD1SH 1T H4S B33N SO F4R  
CC: it )(asn’t been c)(ildis)(!  
CA: it really kinda is  
CC: NO YOU ARE!  
CG: (JOHN, YOU INSUFFERABLE SIMPLETON, WHEN WILL YOU FINALLY UNDERSTAND QUADRANTS PROPERLY!)  
EB: (i don’t know? when they stop being weird or when someone explains it properly?)  
EB: (how did i upset vriska?)  
CG: (YOU ARE CONTINUOUSLY SENDING HER PALE SIGNALS AND NOW YOU BOLDLY STEP FORWARD TO AUSPISTICE FOR HER?! ARE YOU THIS FUCKING DENSE?!)  
CG: (WHAT AM I SAYING, OF COURSE YOU ARE THIS FUCKING DENSE!)  
CG: (LOOK AT THE WAY YOU TWO NORMALLY ACT. I’M PRETTY SURE SHE CONSIDERS YOU HER MOIRAIL IN ALL BUT NAME AND NOW YOU ESSENTIALLY TELL HER YOU DON’T WANT THAT?!)  
EB: (oooooooh……..)  
EB: (right, i think i get it.)  
EB: (but that is really weird.)  
CG: (JOHN, I SWEAR TO FUCK, YOU WILL NOT MESS THIS UP!)

GA: But Ponyo Escapes Her Confines With The Help Of Her Siblings And Apparently Turns Fully Human  
TT: Because of magic.  
CA: because a magic  
GT: It is not that impossible you know?  
CA: wwell yeah, if you’re a bloody god a hope  
GT: That’s fair.  
GT: I’m pretty sure its possible without godmagic though. Then again, I am not an authority on the subject.  
CA: i did create wwhite magic to kill kan and fef that one time  
CA: but wwe don’t really talk about that  
GT: Err…. Alright.  
CG: WELL FUCK…… THIS IS ACTUALLY REALLY AMAZINGLY ANIMATED.   
GC: SO 1T 1S FR33 OF YOUR CR1T1C1SM?  
CG: HELL NO. BECAUSE WE STILL HAVE ONLY THE BARE MINIMUM OF STUFF ACTUALLY HAPPENING!  
CG: WHERE IS THE EXCITEMENT?! THE DRAMA!?  
CG: EGBERT FAILING AT GOVERNING HIS LOVE LIFE IS MORE EXCITING THAN THIS, JUST A LOT LESS PRETTY TO LOOK AT!  
GT: Pardon?  
CG: NEVER FUCKING MIND!

TT: ‘Sir. It seems we are under attack by giant fish.’  
TT: ‘Also, the fish are somehow water and/or waves.’  
TT: ‘Well private. That does sound like a problem. I have one question for you and I need you to listen carefully.’  
TT: ‘Did you or did you not eat the brownies from the bottom of the fridge?’  
TT: ‘No sir. I did not.’  
TT: ‘Well fuck,, looks like we’re actually screwed then.’  
EB: (i just don’t want her and rose to get mad with each other all the time.)  
CG: (FOR THE SAKE OF MY FUCKING SANITY JOHN….. CAN YOU AT LEAST *TRY* TO UNDERSTAND BLACK ROMANCE AFTER ALL THIS TIME?)  
CG: (PRETTY FUCKING PLEASE WITH ONE OF YOUR HUMAN CHERRIES ON TOP?!)  
EB: (wait, that hate romance thing?)  
EB: (i thought only trolls did that.)  
CG: (WELL LALONDE IS TAKING TO IT WITH APLOMB, SO THERE MIGHT BE HOPE FOR YOUR SPECIES YET. NOW YOU CAN DEAL WITH THE SERKET ISSUE *WITHOUT* HAVING THE THING BECOMING A FUSTERCLUCK.)  
EB: (but what about kanaya?)  
CG: (I THINK SHE WILL BE FUCKING ECSTATIC THAT ROSE IS TAKING SO WELL TO HER CULTURE!)  
EB: (okay.... well...... that's cool?)  
EB: (so she wants me to be her moirail.  
CG: (THE POINT IS FINALLY DRIVEN HOME! IT'S LUSUS CRIES IN JOY AND IT'S MATESPRIT PROMPTLY TAKES ALL HIS CLOTHES OF!)  
EB: (so what do i do about it?)  
CG: (FUCKING TALK TO HER!)

GA: It Seems Wildly Irresponsible To Let Sosuke Leave The Safety Of The School In This Weather  
GC: S3R1OUSLY  
GC: TH4T SCHOOLF33D3R DO3S NOT G1V3 4 S1NGL3 FUCK  
CG: WE’VE SEEN THE MOTHERLUSUS DRIVE. THIS IS THE SAFER OPTION.  
CT: D--> The child is practically taken by the wind  
CT: D--> He lacks the proper strength to remain standing  
TT: I believe it is more of a weight issue.  
CT: D--> Muscles build weight  
TT: That is fair  
CG: HUMAN WEATHER IS ABOUT AS STRANGE AS HUMAN CULTURE.  
GG: Oh yes. Storms like these are a fairly regular ocurrance.  
EB: children get separated from their parents every so often. i distinctly remember a kid landing on another continent altogether this one time.  
GG: I do remember that story. Usually people secure their young to the ground with heavy anchors.  
CG: YOU KNOW, IF BOTH OF YOU ADVOCATE ONE OF YOUR SUPPOSED HUMAN FACTS I *INSTANTLY* STOP FUCKING BELIEVING IT.  
GG: Shoot.  
GC: 4ND SO SOSUK3 SK1PS SCHOOL Y3T 4G41N  
TT: Our hero.

GT: And so he once again keeps the elderly company.  
CA: an the dumb kid givves evvery old broad a crappy paper goldfish in memory a ponyo  
AG: What a load……..  
TT: Well it is the don’t think you’d be very appreciative of such a gesture, Vriska dear.  
AG: Fuck off Lalonde. I’m not in the mood.  
TT: What is the matter?  
TT: Did you’re favorite arachnid go missing as well?  
AG: You fucking KNOW what’s the matter so I only have two words for you.  
AG: 8ug off!  
TT: Scathing.  
EB: ……..  
EB: (karkat are you sure i shouldn’t be doing something?)  
CG: (NO. SHUT UP, SIT BACK AND OBSERVE. LALONDE IS DOING A CLASSIC BLACK THING AND IF THIS SUCCEEDS I’LL TAKE BACK EVERY BAD THING I SAID ABOUT KISMESITUDE BEING WASTED ON HUMANS.)  
TT: I am sure this refusal to take my obvious bait has nothing to do with the pale sentiment you were feeling for John.  
AG: Shut your face!!!!!!!!  
TT: Then again, it might have been overly presumtious of you to assume you were heading for a moiraillegiance.  
AG: I am done listening t8o y8u, you grimd8rk hag!!  
GT: Should we interfere?  
GG: I believe it is best we wash our hands from this argument.  
CT: D--> It really is

CT: D--> The waves are incredibly high  
CT: D--> This woman must be an incredibly skilled chauffeur  
GG: More like incredibly insane. To drive these speeds and swerve this much in weather like that is really dangerous.  
GT: She relishes the challenge!  
GG: That is not how you’re supposed to drive at all.  
CC: But it looks so muc)( fun!  
GG: Sigh.  
TT: So are you just going to act depressed until he gives you some more pale attention Vriska?  
AG: Stop acting so smug, you insuffera8le 8itch!  
TT: Tell me, did you even 8other to 8ring it up the idea of a moiraillegiance or are you so uncomforta8le with your own emotions that you decided to keep it all inside?  
TT: Oh I apologize Vriska dear. Just look at all these eights I casually strew over my lavender text.  
AG: L8LONDE I WILL FUCKING TEAR YOU A NEW ONE!!!!!!!!  
AG: JUST SH8T YOUR DUM8 HUMAN FACE FOR A FEW MINUTES!  
AG: YOU DON’T FUCKING KNOW WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE!  
TT: My, it seems you have some fight left in you after all. That is a relief.  
CG: (YOU SEE NOW?)  
EB: (i guess?)

AG: Okay, when a giant tidal wave like that is approaching you do NOT take it as a challenge woman!!!!!!!!  
CC: T)(ose waves look great for swimming!  
TT: What is wrong with you?  
CC: Doesn’t it look fun?  
GG: Well, for troll princesses perhaps. If we were to play in those waves it wouldn’t be pretty.  
GG: Just a lot of splashing and sputtering interrupted by occasional bouts of drowning.  
CC: W)(ale I can teac)( you!  
GG: I know how to swim. It’s more like a biological thing.  
GG: We can’t stand against waves that powerful.  
EB: that’s true, we can’t.  
CC: NOW I KNOW YOU ARE KIDDING ME!  
GG: No, no, no, we really can’t!  
TT: She is telling the truth.  
CA: you humans just aren’t tryin hard enough  
CT: D--> No, they are just severely lacking in STRENGTH

GA: This Sequence Is Absolutely Breathtaking  
AG: FINALLY some damn action.  
CA: still lackin in actual purpose but ill take wwhat i can get  
GC: OH TH3 PURPOS3 1S PR3TTY OBV1OUS  
GC: PONYO TR13S TO G3T B4CK TO SOSUK3  
TT: And she summons a tsunami to do it.   
TT: Points for creativity.  
CG: I ACTUALLY DON’T HAVE ANY OBJECTIONS TO THIS SCENE. IT LOOKS GREAT.

CG: THIS PART OF THE SCENE HOWEVER I WILL FUCKING OBJECT TOO.  
CG: I WILL OBJECT THIS DUMB SCENE UNTIL HIS HONORABLE TYRANNY EITHER STARTS LISTENING OR SMASHES ME WITH HIS BLACK GAVEL OF SURPRESSION.  
CG: THIS IS A STORM THAT’S SHAPING UP TO BE INCREDIBLY FUCKING DANGEROUS. RED ALERT SHIT RIGHT HERE.  
CG: WE ARE DEALING WITH WAVES BIGGER THAN THE AVERAGE FOURWHEELED VEHICLE AND A STORM THAT COULD BLOW WRIGGLERS AWAY. WHY THE *FUCK* WOULD YOU STOP FOR ANYTHING THAT ISN’T A SAFE SHELTER?  
CC: W)(ale, )(e saw Ponyo running over t)(e waves  
GC: B3S1D3S TH3Y 4R3 S4F3 FOR NOW

CG: WHAT WAS THAT?!  
GC: 1 ST4ND CORR3CT3D  
CA: that’s wwhat the dumb shits deservves

GT: But Ponyo finds Sosuke again, through the bucket.  
GA: It Remains A Very Peculiar Sight  
TT: Trolls and their buckets.  
GG: Just look at Ponyo's current state…. I can’t tell whether or not it’s cute or horrifying as it is now.

TT: Nope, definitely kawaii as fuck.  
CG: SOSUKE’S MOM TAKES IT WELL.  
CT: D--> If she were a 100sus she’d be culled right now  
GC: 1 4M SUR3 SH3 4PPR3C14T3S H4V1NG TH3 H4RB1NG3R OF TH3 4P4COLYPS L1V3 UND3R H3R ROOF  
GA: That Is A Tad Harsh  
TT: And surprisingly accurate.  
GA: What

CA: wwait  
CA: didn’t they turn into fish durin an earlier segment  
GT: Magic.  
CA: but wwe saww them turn into giant fish  
CA: and other sea releated things  
GT: Just magic.  
CA: this movvie is infuriatin  
GT: Let us just go with it buddy.  
CA: dont call me buddy  
GT: How about chum?  
CA: stop it  
GT: comrade?  
CA: english i swwear to FUCK

GA: Fish Cannot Get Wet  
GA: How  
GA: What Logic Does This Child Operate On  
GG: Child logic :B  
GA: So Rather Than Stating A Fact It Is A Quip Of Child Logic  
GA: That Makes More Sense  
GG: Kids say the darndest things.  
GC: TH3Y 4R3 4LL SO H4PPY 4ND 3NTHUS14ST1C 4BOUT 3V3RYTH1NG  
GC: 1T’S K1ND4 FUN  
TT: Mom doesn’t even bother to ask about Ponyo’s parents, if they’re safe and if they should be contacted. Class act.

CG: HOW MUCH LONGER IS THIS FUCKING MOVIE!?  
GC: WHY 1S SH3 PUTT1NG H3R P41L ON TH3 T4BL3!?  
CC: WILL T)(IS EVER STOP BEING ADORABUBBLE?!

CT: D--> I do not understand this creature’s fascination with ham  
GC: 1T L1K3S TO F34ST ON TH3 FL3SH OF 1TS F4LL3N 3N3M13S?  
CT: D--> A more sophisticated soul w001d not eat meat  
TT: You’re a vegetarian?  
CT: D--> Yes  
TT: That’s cool.  
AG: The happiness that comes from Ponyo is kinda sickening.  
AG: I am preeeeeeeetty sure I have some form of dia8etes now.  
TT: I am trying to think of an appropriate snarky remark, but diabetes is no laughing matter.  
EB: (karkat.)  
EB: (would it help if i encourage vriska to go black for rose?)  
EB: (would that make her moirail for me?)  
CG: ( SHE IS ALREADY PALE AS FUCK FOR YOU ASSHOLE. BUT YEAH, IT MIGHT HELP.)

CC: It is REELLY cute what a bond Sosuke )(as wit)( )(is lusus!  
GC: B3C4US3 TH1S 1S TH3 B3ST 1D34  
GC: L34V3 TH3 F1V3 Y34R OLDS TO F3ND FOR TH3MS3LV3S  
CC: O)( t)(ey’ll be fin  
GC: 1 GU3SS 1TS S4F3R TH4N DR1V1NG W1TH MOM

TT: Meanwhile, thousands of nautical miles away.  
CA: that is not howw science wworks  
CA: that is not howw science wworks at all  
CA: the moon is wway to big and howw can there be such a wwall of wwater swwallowwing all those ships  
TT: Did Alternia ever have a tsunami?  
CA: oh  
TT: Yeah……  
GT: Bugger me that wave is huge.  
GA: And There Is A Glowing Waterghost For Some Insufficiently Explained Reason  
GG: Oh, I remember her. She is awesome.  
GA: I Take It We Will See More Of Her Then

TT: Coming through your windows and snatching up yo kids.  
GC: SO J1MMY D1SCOV3R3D WH3R3 PONTO W3NT  
GC: TH3 S4M3 F4M1LY TH4T SH3 W4S 4T 34RL13R 1N TH3 MOV13  
GC: B1G SHOCK  
CT: D--> But he cannot reclaim his charge because of the ensueing hijin%  
AG: I’m sorry 8ut wasn’t there a GIANT FUCKING TSUNAMI happening!?

GT: Wowzers.   
GT: So thát is Ponyo’s mother?  
GG: She is the incarnation of the sea, Granmamare.  
CG: SHE IS FUCKING HUGE!  
GC: P41R1NGS B3TW33N G14NT H1GHBLOODS 4ND T1NY LOWBLOODS CONFUS3 M3 3NOUGH 4S 1T 1S  
GC: HOW DO3S 1T 3V3N WORK  
GA: Why Does Jimmy Keep Going On About Ponyo Tasting Human Blood  
TT: Because of blood magic rituals.  
GC: C4LL3D 1T  
GG: It actually has something to do with her ability to transform into a human. The explanation isn’t exactly solid.  
CC: But you agree t)(at it’s really cute rig)(t?  
GG: Well, yeah.  
CC: Y----ES!!!

CA: okay fuck it  
CA: howw did these twwo havve sex  
CA: wwith THIS size difference he’s gonna need spelunkin equipment if he wwants to get her pregnant  
TT: What if it was the other way around. He isn’t entirely human anymore, so what if he is part seahorse.  
CA: he isn’t because that wwould be absolutely amazing  
CA: but continue  
TT: Well, with seahorses the male is the one to get pregnant. Considering his incredibly strong paternal instinct and apparent loss of humanity, it wouldn’t even be thát much of a stretch.  
TT: Let us not venture into mpreg territory.  
TT: Sometimes I just can not help myself.  
CT: D--> Now she wishes to subject the 5 human sweeps old Sosuke to a test  
CT: D--> And if he fails Ponyo will be turned into seafoam and the ocean will rise  
TT: The seafoam part is directly taken from the Little Mermaid.  
TT: it’s kind of a big responsibility for a 5 year old.  
CA: ocean gods are dicks

GT: I can’t help but notice the island has gotten a lot smaller……  
AG: Yup……..  
EB: boy……. how to say something appropriate about this.  
CG: THIS *IS* A FUCKING HUMAN KID’S FILM RIGHT?  
CG: BECAUSE THE BODY COUNT MUST BE THROUGH THE FUCKING ROOF!  
CG: THE ENTIRE ROOF HAS BEEN UTTERLY DESINTEGRATED BY THIS INCREDIBLE FLASH FLOOD!

GG: I am pretty sure fish like that didn’t exist back home.  
CC: T)(ey didn’t?  
GG: Well, not anymore. I distinctly remember the word ‘Pangea’ being inscribed on the room with the magic well.  
GG: I didn’t think too much of it back when I first saw it, but perhaps it is a reference to that time period in earth’s history. Perhaps this fish is an ancient ancestor of a more modern fish.  
CC: )(i)(i)(i, modern fis)(. T)(at sounds like a fis)( wearing a fancy business suit.  
GC: SOSUK3 T4K3S TH3 COMPL3T3 D3STRUCT1ON OF H1S 1SL4ND PR3TTY W3LL 4LL TH1NGS CONS1D3R3D

CT: D--> Of course  
CT: D--> More whimsy  
TT: It’s a Miyazaki movie man. They have a quota to meet.  
GA: She Applies Space Magic To The Toyboat  
EB: man, jade would have loved seeing that.  
AG: Yeah, I 8et that witch would loooooooove such a misuse of her powers.  
EB: hehe, yeah she’s quite the witch.  
TT: It is why we love her.  
EB: you know she still falls asleep at the drop of a hat.  
AG: I swear I have nothing to do with that!  
EB: no, no, its because she stays up waaaaaaaay too late to work on machines and dreambots and teleporters.  
AG: Oh…….. Yeah, okay.  
EB: hey erm…. vriska?  
EB: i don’t want to auspistice between you and rose.  
EB: troll quadrants just confuse me and i wasn’t sure what you two were fighting about.  
EB: but if you’re fighting because you want to fight then i guess that’s cool?  
AG: No…….. Lalonde did have a point.  
TT: Of course I did.  
AG: Shut it!  
GA: Please Wait Your Turn Dear  
TT: Fine.  
AG: I pro8a8ly just should have talked to you a8out it. If you don’t want to 8e my moirail that’s cool……..  
EB: noooooooo, you’re completely missing the point i was sorta trying to make.  
EB: you want to have the same thing that roxy and feferi have, right? the thing equius and nepeta have?   
EB: because i'm all game. it actually sounds kinda cool to me.  
AG: Really?  
AG: I mean, of course it does. I wasn’t expecting anything else.  
AG: If nothing else YOU have to make up for that hoooooooorri8le faux pax you commited 8y offering to auspistice.  
EB: i guess i kinda deserve that?  
AG: I wont be toooooooo harsh........  
AG: You can 8egin making up 8y coming over after the movie.  
AG: We'll see where the night takes us from there.  
EB: i can do that :B  
CT: D--> Two quadrants in a day  
CT: D--> Not bad serket  
GC: P4H  
GC: 1 B3T SH3 1S CH34T1NG W1TH H3R L1GHT POW3RS SOM3HOW

GT: Gee willikers, Sosuke certainly is a well educated lad.  
GT: He recognizes all these prehistoric fish and knows them by name. That is mighty impressive.  
GG: More like impossible.  
CC: Aren’t t)(ose little fis)(ies conchpletely adorable 38)  
GC: TH3R3 1S NOTH1NG L1TTL3 4BOUT THOS3 F1SH13S  
GC: TH3Y COULD SW4LLOW SOSUK3’S BO4T WHOL3 4ND 1 DON’T KNOW WHY TH3Y 4R3N’T >:/  
CA: it wwould end the wwhimsy and finally givve us some drama  
CA: your wwhole fuckin island has been flooded  
CA: EMOTE DAMNIT!

CA: wwhat human country does this take place in?  
TT: Japan.  
CA: wwell then that tears it  
CA: evvery japanese person is vverifiably insane  
GT: Nonsense, they merely posses an impressive stiff upper lip.  
GA: Their Lips Are Not The Point Eridan Wishes To Bring To Your Attention  
GA: Here We Have A Human Family  
GA: They Just Lost Their Entire Livelyhood  
GA: And Yet They Remain Remarkably Chipper  
CG: ERIDAN’S INSANITY REMARK ISN’T THÁT FAR OFF.  
TT: Unless…… This family isn’t here for the sake of story, but the sake of symbolism.  
GT: I beg your pardon?  
TT: This family represents the life Ponyo can have, if she would choose to remain with Sosuke.  
TT: A happy relationship, sticking together through everything, maybe even have a child of her own.  
CC: I )(and’t noticed.  
EB: yeah, rose is really smart with her bookstuff.  
TT: Encountering this family is essential to aid Ponyo in the decision she will inevitably have to make.  
CA: still goin wwith my theory  
TT: I’m not surprised.

CG: WHY IS EVERYONE SO COMPLETELY ALRIGHT WITH THEIR IMMINENT DESTRUCTION!  
CA: or are you gonna claim symbolism on this too ros  
TT: Give me a moment…………..  
TT: Right, a quick google search indicates that this does correspond with japanese mythology.  
GG: What?  
TT: Long, convoluted story short: these people all died in the flood.   
TT: The ‘hotel in the mountains’ they are supposedly heading too represents heaven, which allegedly makes more sense in japanese.  
GG: Could you kindly stop ruining this movie for me?  
TT: I aim to destroy childhoods.  
CT: D--> Then logic w001d dictate that by refusing to come along, the couple and their child can still be counted among the living  
GG: Well, that saves us from having to watch a dead baby.

TT: Untill Ponyo decides to murder it.  
CC: O)( S)(OOS)(.  
GG: The child had a cold and Ponyo cures it….. Somehow.  
CC: Sometimes you just need a )(eadbutt 38P  
GG: Hoo hoo, I suppose that is one way of looking at it.

CT: D--> So when they are 100king for Sosuke’s mother100sus, they come across her abandoned vehicle  
GT: This has become very ominous after Lalonde’s previous revelation.  
GT: Did the mother perhaps perish in the flood as well?  
CA: considerin her drivvin it wwouldnt fuckin surprise me  
GA: Suddenly Her Decision To Leave Sosuke Behind Seems To Have Been For The Better

CG: LOOK AT THIS! JUST FUCKING LOOK AT THIS!  
CG: THE WHOLE DAMN CITY IS COMPLETELY SUBMERGED! EVERYONE’S LIVELIHOOD, EVERYONE’S JOB, EVERYONE’S DOGS, JUST FUCKING *EVERYTHING* IS GONE!  
CG: LIVES ARE LOST, LIVES ARE DESTROYED, ALL BECAUSE ONE DUMB FUCKING FISHGIRL WANTED TO BE WITH A HUMAN BOY.  
CG: WHY DOES THIS MOVIE TREAT THIS FRIDGE HORROR WITH SO MUCH GODDAMN WHIMSY!  
CC: Because deat)( doesn’t )(ave to be as scary as we mako it out to be?  
GC: H3LLO 4R4D14  
GC: WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG ON F3F3R1’S 4CCOUNT?  
CC: O)( very finny Terezi.

GT: Oh, that is a pleasant sight to be hold.  
GT: It brings me no small amount of joy to see such youthful exuberance can still be found in the elderly.  
GG: Rose?  
TT: I do not have the heart to tell him.  
CA: alright listen english  
CA: considerin wwhat ros just said these hags are probably dead  
CC: No t)(ey aren’t.  
CC: Or do you t)(ink Jimmy and the Ocean Goddess died as w)(ale?  
TT: Creative licence probably.  
GT: Poppycock.  
CA: wwell i suppose you can just hope and/or believve hard enough for them to be alivve  
GT: That is a wonderful idea.  
GG: No, that is a horrible idea. What if you forever alter Ponyo?  
GG: The impact you could have on movies everywhere is too much of a risk.  
GT: Hmmm…. I had not considered that.  
GT: What if I, by complete accident, I wish for Nicholas Cage and Eva Mendez to be together at the end of Ghost Rider?  
GT: The ending would be improved a milionfold.  
CG: THE FACT THAT IT ENDED WAS ONE OF THE FEW REDEEMING FEATURES OF GHOST RIDER! DO NOT FUCK THAT UP!  
GT: You mean you haven’t seen the sequel?  
CG: AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!

CT: D--> So the mother100sus is dead too  
CT: D--> Unfortunate  
GC: YOU H4V3 S33N H3R DR1V3 R1GHT?  
CT: D--> I said unfortunate  
CT: D--> I never implied it was surprising

TT: Apparently the word ‘STOP’ was written in kanji before entering the tunnel. There was also a symbol implying it was a one way road.  
GA: So Essentially It Leads To The Human Afterlife  
AG: Humans are fucked up for showing it in such a whimsical manner.  
CC: W)(ale deat)( isn’t always as creepy as people portray it.   
CA: not goin to say anythin about this  
CA: im keepin my hands clean of this subject  
CC: Deat)( is just a natural occurance, necessary for life to flouris)(.  
CT: D--> If you say so your hayness  
CG: WELL EASY FOR HER TO SAY. HOW OLD DID THE CONDESCE BECOME AGAIN, *WITHOUT* AID OF LIFE MAGIC?  
TT: Death has become very inconsequential for us.  
GG: Even more so with the godtiers at our disposal :B  
GC: B4CK 1N MOV13TOWN PONYO 1S W34K3N1NG FOR SOM3 UND1SCLOS3D R34SON  
AG: Well, clap your hands if you 8elieve in fairies……..

CT: D--> So Sosuke runs back to the entrance of the tunnel and returns Ponyo to the ocean  
CG: BECAUSE AS WE ESTABLISHED, EVERYTHING IS ONLY 30 SECONDS REMOVED FROM THE OCEAN ON THIS GODDAMN ISLAND.  
GG: After the flood, that might actually hold some water.  
CC: )(A)(A)(A)(A)(A, )(OLDING WATER!!!!!!!!!  
GG: I hardly even noticed it myself.  
CC: GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB  
GC: OH GOD H3 PUTS H3R 1N TH4T GODD4MN P41L 4G41N!!!  
GC: HOW DO3S TH1S NOT BOTH3R YOU K4RK4T?  
CG: IF YOU WERE THERE DURING MEGIDO’S MOVIE, YOU’D BE DEAD INSIDE TOO.

TT: Return of Jimmy, the revengeance 2: Electric Boogaloo.   
TT: This time he’s wearing a slightly different shirt. Oh shit!  
TT: Red, the contrast of his earlier blue.  
TT: It’s almost as if it’s symbolic for a cataclysmic change.  
GG: Rose, please refrain from ruining my childhood memories.  
GT: Jimmy’s voice sounds so goshdarn familiar…..  
CG: IS THAT….. HUMAN NIAM LEESON?  
GC: 3V3N 1N 4N1M4T3D MOV13S H3 H4S TO S4V3 H1S D4UGHT3R  
GC: T4LK 4BOUT TYP3 C4ST1NG  
GA: If We Take Into Consideration That Sosukes Motherlusus And The Old Ladies Are In This Movies Version Of The Afterlife  
GA: And Jimmy Asks Sosuke And Ponyo To Join Them  
GG: Lalalalalalala, I’m not hearing this. Stop trying to make this movie so dark!  
CC: It’s nofin TOO bad is it?  
GG: Besides, Jimmy and his wife should still be very much alive. I don’t think Lisa and the old ladies are in the afterlife, rather in a state between worlds.  
GG: No, that doesn’t make much sense either…..  
TT: The movie is all about forming connections. Between old and young, men and nature, life and death…….  
CG: THIS. IS. A WRIGGLER’S MOVIE!

GC: L4D13S 4ND G3NTL3M3N 1 G1V3 YOU TH3 MOON!  
AG: How did Sosuke fail to notice that!!!!!!!!

TT: A beautiful green field, greeted by your possibly deceased mother and aquintances. Heaven y/n?  
CG: I DON’T EVEN CARE ANYMORE. JUST LET THE MOVIE END.

AG: So here it is. The ultim8 showdown.  
AG: The goddess who allowed his island to 8e flooded and the mother of his friend and/or love interest.  
TT: Well, technically it was Jimmy’s magic well that flooded the island.  
GC: Y3S BUT DO3SN’T SH3 H4V3 4 S4Y 1N 1T?  
GC: OC34N GODD3SS 4ND 4LL?  
AG: Whatever.  
GG: And I believe they are too young to have a proper romantic relation.  
AG: Fine, 8oring platonic 8est 8ud.  
CG: AND IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO THE QUESTION: WILL YOU LOVE PONYO DESPITE THE FACT SHE IS PART FISH.  
CG: YOU…….. IDIOT!  
CG: YOU ARRANGED THIS ENTIRE FUCKING CHARADE TO ASK HIM A YES/NO QUESTION. YOU ASK A FUCKMOTHERING WRIGGLER WHETHER OR NOT HE CAN LOVE SOMEONE HIS ENTIRE LIFE.  
CG: HOW MANY KIDS KEEP LIFE LONG PROMISES FROM THAT AGE?!  
CG: WHAT IF SHE GROWS UP TO BE A LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS BITCH? DOES HE STILL HAVE TO LOVE HER? WILL SHE FLOOD THE ISLAND AGAIN? WILL PONYO TURN INTO SEAFOAM ANYWAY IF SHE STOPS BEING LOVED?  
CT: D--> What if Ponyo stops loving him  
CT: D--> Affection has to come from both ways  
CA: and wwhere is he gonna go wwith his wwhole fuckin island wwrecked

CA: YOU CANNOT DO THAT!  
CA: you cannot ignore the fact that the entire FUCKIN island wwas submerged  
CA: there are consequences to this shit!  
TT: The way I see it there are two distinct possibilities here.  
CT: D--> Do i100minate your statement  
TT: Option one. My sorta ectodaughtermom is right about the whole death aspect but the goddess was in a good mood so decided to let it slide.  
TT: Considering the symbolism it seems incredibly possible.  
TT: Ah, but perhaps you were blind to the second possibility. The option of having an unreliable narrator.  
GT: You’re gonna have to explain that one Strider.  
TT: We experience the story from the perspective of a five year old boy, who sees the waves as sentient and/or giant fish, thinks that after a heavy storm the entire island is underwater, goes on an adventure in his toy boat and develops an close bond with his goldfish.  
TT: Essentially, the entire thing happened, but the bizarre and fantastical elements were cranked up to 11 because of the hyperactive imagination of a child.  
TT: Interesting point of view.  
GG: I think I prefer the latter.

CG: AND SO OUR STORY ENDS WITH PONYO MAGICALLY TURNED HUMAN AND EVERYTHING BEING RAINBOWS AND SUNSHINE AND PUPPIES FOREVER.  
AG: And dear god, that ending song is saccharine.   
CC: I LOV-----E IT!  
CA: wwe are not surprised at all  
GG: Oh get of your high horse bub, it is adorable.  
CC: Y---------ES!!!!!!!  
CT: D--> If at all possible heiress, I w001d prefer to remain seated on the aforementioned horse  
CC: DID ----EVERYBODY ENJOY IT?!  
GC: 1T T4ST3D 4BSOLUT3LY D3L1C1OUS MRS BUBBL3GUM   
GC: 1 4PPL4UD YOUR 3XC3LL3NT T4ST3 1N D3L3CT4BL3 MOV13S >:]  
CC: I KNEW you would like it 38P  
GC: G4SP  
GC: 4M 1 TH4T PR3D1CT4BL3?  
GA: We Consider It Endearing After All This Time  
CA: wwell i thought this movvie wwas absolute trash  
CC: W)(ALE OF COURSE YOU DO, BUT YOU DON’T COUNT!  
CG: ACTUALLY, I FIND MYSELF AGREEING WITH AMPORA AND CHRIST, THAT SENTENCE WAS PAINFUL TO TYPE.  
CC: W)(AT!?  
CG: THE VISUALS ARE IMPRESSIVE, BUT HONESTLY THE NOVELTY WEARS OFF AFTER 15 MINUTES.  
CG: IT ONLY HAS THE BARE MINIMUM OF A PLOT AND THE PROTAGONIST IS *NEVER* CHALLENGED. HIS RELATION WITH PONYO IS FUCKING PERFECT FROM THE MOMENT HE FINDS HER, THE RELATION WITH HIS MOTHER IS AMICABLE AND AMONG OTHERS HE’S AWKWARD, WITHOUT IT EVER HAVING ANY CONSEQUENCES.  
CG: AND THAT’S ANOTHER THING: NOTHING HAS CONSEQUENCES. THE MOTHER’S CRAZY DRIVING, THE IMPLIED ALZHEIMERS, EVEN THE FUCKING STORM AND FLOOD SOMEHOW BARELY TOUCH THIS KID. EVERYTHING IS FINE AND DANDY BY THE END OF IT.  
CG: THE *ONLY* TIME HE WAS CHALLENGED WAS WHEN THE GODDESS ASKED HIM TO MAKE A PROMISE AND FUCK IF WE KNOW WHETHER OR NOT HE’S GONNA KEEP IT.  
CC: YOU JUST )(ATE FUN!  
GC: 1TS TRU3 H3 DO3S  
EB: i thought it was a cute movie.  
CC: Y-----ES!  
CC: I KNEW YOU’D LIKE IT!  
EB: well yeah, kinda?  
EB: i mean, it was really imaginative and pretty and cute…… i think i would have loved this as a kid.  
EB: now it was just kinda bluh really, with an occasional ‘oh that’s really cool’ moment. like when we first saw the goddess as a giant, or when ponyo ran over the waves.  
CC: I guess t)(ats okay?  
GA: I Am Incredibly Conflicted By This Movie  
GT: Pity to hear that. Might I inquire as to the source of this conflict.  
GA: I Agree With Karkats General Sentiment  
GA: The Movie Was Incredibly Droll  
CC: 38(  
GA: But I Have A Hunch That This Movie Is Drenched In Symbolism Themes And Metaphors That Could Add Depth To It  
GA: Such As Rose Tried To Explain  
GA: The Thing Is  
GA: I Do Not See It  
GA: Leaving Me With Only A Dull Story And Pretty Visuals  
CC: BUT IT WAS SO CUT---E!  
GA: I Shall Not Deny That  
CC: JAN----------------------------------------------------------------------------E  
CC: PLEASE TELL ME YOU ENJOYED THE MOVIE!  
GG: I did actually :B  
GG: I am really fond of Miyazaki’s work and Ponyo is quite the classic.  
CC: Y—ES!  
GG: The relation between Sosuke and Ponyo is really adorable and seeing the latter react to the human world is just so very endearing.  
CC: I KNOW RIG)(T!  
CC: I just loved t)(e little touc)(es, like her being unable to recognize a window and bumping into it.  
GG: Hoo hoo, but she doesn’t let it stop her. She gets up and continues with the same rambunctious enthusiasm.  
TT: I too enjoyed the movie.  
AG: Oh of course you did.  
AG: Anything you can read a grimdark message in is fair game for you isn’t it?  
TT: Regardless of whether ot not it was innocent childlike fantasy or a metaphor for a journey to the afterlife, I personally enjoyed the movie.  
TT: I shamefully admit, I am a bit of a sucker for cute movies.  
EB: knew it.  
GA: Knew It  
TT: What a8out you, Vriska dear?  
AG: Call me that again, or DARE to use another 8 in your typing.  
AG: See what happens.  
EB: but how did you like the movie?  
AG: 8OOOOOOOORING!!!!!!!!  
CC: T)(at’s not ferry nice 38(  
AG: Sorry princess, 8ut it really was a snoooooooorefest.  
CT: D--> I thought it was interesting  
AG: What?  
CT: D--> Humans posses a larger p001 of mental strength than I had previously assumed  
CT: D--> Their ability to remain stoic and calm despite the loss of their livelihood was e%tremely impressive  
TT: I thought that had more to do with the fact that it’s a children’s movie, but sure. Let’s go with your interpretation.  
CT: D--> Had you not survived on sea for most of your life as well Dirk?  
TT: Well yeah, but I still had a home and plenty supplies.  
TT: These people had nothing.  
CT: D--> E%actly  
CT: D--> They found their resolve and their STRENGTH in the face of the cataclysm  
TT: Alright then.   
TT: I enjoyed watching an anime here for a change. It’s nice.  
GT: Oh you and your animes Strider.  
GT: These weren’t even remotely like yours.  
TT: Let’s not discuss this here Jake.  
GT: What about Boku no Pico? Oni chichi? Stepmother’s sin?  
TT: Jake, no.  
TT: This explains so much and yet so little.  
GT: This is a whole other genre though and one I might actually get into.  
CC: YES!  
CC: I’M WINNING!  
CA: there wwasnt a contest  
CC: ANYWAVE!  
CC: Muc)( as I would loat)(e glubbing some more wit)( my kismefis)(, I )(ave a promise to keep.  
CC: Roxy )(asn’t messaged me back, so I’m going to c)(eck up on )(er.  
GA: You Are Taking To This Moiraillegiance Quite Well Feferi  
CC: Aaaaw t)(anks kanaya!!!  
CA: yeah she didn’t care half as much about me wwhen wwe wwere moirails  
CC: 38O  
CC: I DID CAR---E FOR YOU, BUT YOU WERE TOO MUC)( OF A WRIGGLER TO SEA IT!  
CA: god she is so easy to infuriate  
CA: get on my levvel fef  
CC: )(ow aboat I pulverize your bones next time?  
CT: D--> Hnrkt...... Can you do that?  
CC: Well, I am pretty strong.  
CC: Saury, I mean STRONG!  
CC: )(i)(i)(i.  
GG: If it isn’t too personal an occurrence Feferi, would you mind if I tagged along?  
CC: SOUNDS LIKE FUN!  
GG: Alright then. I’ll meet you on the way there.  
GG: See you in a bit.  
CC: SEA YOU SOON!

\--gutsyGumshoe [GG] left memo--

CC: W)(ale, I’m off too.  
CC: Vriska, Terezi?  
AG: Yeeeeeeeeah????????  
GC: WH4TS UP?  
CC: Make s)(ore one of you gets to pick t)(e next movie!  
CC: Cool troll girls represent.  
CG: URGH.  
GC: HOW 4BOUT COOL TROLL G1RLS 4ND VR1SK4?  
AG: Oh fuck off.  
CC: BY----E THEN!

\--cuttlefishCuller [CC] left memo--

CA: so yeah  
CA: im thinkin a hostin another boardgames Monday  
CG: I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER BANNING THOSE FROM NOW TILL KINGDOM COME!  
CA: hear me out kar  
CA: there is absolutely nothin that can go wwrong wwith a friendly game a settlers a catan  
AG: Pleeeeeeeease. The violence from Clue and Monopoly aren’t the issue here.  
AG: As if aaaaaaaaanyone in their right mind would want to play with you.  
GT: Settlers?   
GT: As in pioneers?  
CA: i suppose they are?  
GT: Blimey, count me in. That sounds like a wondrous adventure.  
CA: wwell its just a boardgame but sure you can join  
CA: your enthusiasm is appreciated unlike SOME people  
AG: 8luh 8luh huge dork  
CA: ter you in?  
GC: HMMMM P1CK1NG A MOV13 OR B34T1NG YOU 1N 4NOTH3R BO4RDG4M3  
GC: TOUGH PICK  
CA: i distinctly remember kickin all sorts a ass wwhen playin human risk  
GC: Y3S BUT TH3 QU3ST1ON R3M41NS: 1F NOT 4LLOW3D TO CH34T DO3S 4MPOR4 CRY WH3N H3 LOS3S?  
GC: 1 4M B3TT1NG Y3S  
CA: a bet you wwill sorely lose  
GC: YOUR H1V3?  
CA: yeah that’ll do  
CA: it’s a four player game so wwho else is in?  
CT: D--> What are the stakes  
CA: wwhat?  
CT: D--> I don’t play games unless the stakes involved are e%tremely high  
CA: i don’t knoww  
CA: honor i guess  
CT: D--> Then by my pride as b100b100d i shall e%terminate you with e%treme prejudice  
TT: Sweet.  
CA: not that kinda game eq  
CA: but i guess ill see you at my hivve then  
GC: TH1S 1S GONN4 B3 TH3 B3ST G4M3 >:]

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] left memo--  
\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] left memo--  
\--centaursTesticle [CT] left memo--

GT: Wait. Shucks, no one told me where Eridan’s hive is.  
CG: YOU’RE BETTER OFF NOT GOING.  
GT: Nonsense.   
GT: Besides, I shall find it myself.  
CG: YOU HAVE *NO* FUCKING CLUE WHERE IT IS, DO YOU?  
GT: I shall get my on my incredible adventurer senses. We always find our way.  
CG: IF BY ‘WE’, YOU MEAN JADE AND YOURSELF, YOU ARE NOT A WITCH OF SPACE AND…..  
CG: FUCK, YOU KNOW WHAT?  
CG: GO AHEAD, KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.  
GT: Thank you pal.  
CG: DON’T CALL ME THAT.

\--golgothasTerror [GT] left memo---

CG: AND WHAT IS THE REST OF YOU ASSHOLES DOING?  
AG: Well I WAS going to Lalonde’s place to show her who’se 8oss……..  
AG: 8ut I think it’s 8est I go visit John first, IF he doesn’t mind.  
EB: no, i definitely do not mind.  
EB: it’ll be fun.  
AG: Oh, we have a loooooooot to talk a8out mister.  
EB: yeah, no stupid dumb remarks about auspistisms anymore. got it.  
AG: Also, may8e we can find out who is the shoosher and who is the shooshee.  
GA: I Really Do Not Want To Know  
AG: Maybe see if human’s have some equivalent for horn play……..  
GA: Vriska  
GA: No  
AG: Discuss our paaaaaaaale fantasies  
GA: Please Stop  
EB: well, i don’t think i really know about all that, but i am definitely going to talk about that and try to understand what’s happening.  
CG: AND MAYBE YOU CAN GRASP THESE INCREDIBLY SIMPLE CONCEPTS A LITTLE FASTER THAN IT TOOK YOU TO UNDERSTAND QUADRANTS?  
CG: THAT WOULD BE GREAT.  
TT: Oh woe is my darkened heart. One of my best friends has been pale seduced by one of the most loathsome people on the planet. Whatever shall I do?  
AG: Ohohohohohohohoh, I 8et this stings doesn’t it Lalonde?  
AG: Knowing you could 8e the one to jump in a pile with John?  
AG: Well you can FUCKING FORGET IT!  
AG: You had your chance and you 8lew it. He’s miiiiiiiine now.  
TT: Alas, I suppose I should wave my friend adieu and seek comfort in a moiraillegiance with his ectosister, just to completely turn this into a third rate Mexican soap opera.  
TT: Seriously though. Good luck John.  
TT: I would appreciate it if you send her over when you are properly jammed out.  
GA: I Do Not Think That Is A Proper Phrase Rose  
TT: It should be.  
EB: right, for the hate make outs….  
TT: Correct.  
EB: so you and vriska will be fighting.  
TT: Well, I’ll try to limit myself to exchanging wits but you may have noticed that Vriska can be a sore loser.  
AG: As if I am going to lose to the likes of you.  
EB: and you’ll be making out?  
EB: with each other i mean.  
TT: As opposed to making out with ourselves?  
EB: yeah uhm….. whoa…..  
EB: that actually sounds pretty cool.  
TT: Egbert just discovered puberty.  
EB: shut up dirk!  
AG: Anywaaaaaaaay, I’ll 8e coming over now John.  
AG: Don’t wait up for me Lalonde. I intend to make this a loooooooong jam.  
GA: I Really Do Not Wish To Know That  
TT: I’ll manage to keep Kanaya and myself occupied.  
GA: Rose Please  
CG: THIS IS BECOMING QUITE POSSIBLY THE MOST DISGUSTING CROSS-SPECIES, CROSS-QUADRANT CLUSTERFUCK!

\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] left memo--  
\--tentacleTherapist [TT] left memo--  
\--ectoBiologist [EB] left memo--  
\--arachnidsGrip [AG] left memo--

CG: FUCK, WHY IS EVERYONE HOOKING UP THESE DAYS?!  
TT: Tell me about it.  
CG: AH FUCK!  
CG: DON’T TELL ME YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE LEFT IN THE STREAM?!  
CG: WILL ANYONE ELSE PLEASE STAND UP?!  
CG: TEREZI? KANAYA?  
CG: FUCK, I’M WILLING TO GIVE ZAHHAK AND/OR AMPORA A SECOND PICK, JUST NOT THIS!  
TT: Oh no bro, we are doing this.  
TT: You and me.  
TT: Strider and Vantas.  
CG: OH GOD………….  
TT: It will be great.   
CG: I AM SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING THE PRO’S AND CONS OF LOBOTOMIZING MYSELF WITH A PLASTIC SPORK.  
CG: THIS IS HOW FAR WE ARE REMOVED FROM GREAT.  
CG: ‘GREAT’ IS LOCATED IN ANOTHER TIMELINE, IN ANOTHER FUCKING UNIVERSE ALTOGETHER.  
TT: Oh no bro, we are making this happen.  
TT: Siskel and Ebert.  
TT: Statler and Waldorf.  
CG: WHO?  
TT: Going through hella cool and/or ironic movies and nitpicking the shit out of it.  
CG: MOST HUMAN MOVIES DO NOT NEED NITPICKS TO FALL APART……  
CG: THEY TEND TO FAIL AT THE MOST BASIC OF LOGICS.  
TT: So many options……  
CG: SO MANY LOST BRAINCELLS.  
TT: I have already created algorithms to help me in choosing, but the results are just too fresh.  
CG: AND I AM BUSY FUNCTIONING THIS SPORK INTO A NEAT LITTLE CHISEL TO PENETRATE MY SKULL!  
TT: Is that how troll lobotomies work?  
CG: NO BUT IT WILL STOP THE PAIN!  
CG: FUCK IT. LISTEN HERE STRIDER.  
CG: IF WE GET *ONE* MORE DEBACLE APPROACHING THE ROOM LEVELS OF SUCK, I AM MELTING THIS MEMO DOWN. WE WILL GO FUCKING NUCLEAR , THE FALLOUT OF MY RAGE WILL MURDER MILLIONS AND THE SITE WILL BE DEEMED UNINHABITABLE FOR GENERATIONS TO COME!  
CG: DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR!?  
TT: Aye aye.  
CG: GOOD!

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] left memo--

TT: Doesn’t mean I am paying it mind, but yes: it was a very clear statement.

\--timeausTestified [TT] left memo--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longest chapter to date, thank you for sticking with it. Most of it was written while sober.
> 
> So yeah.... Identity issues. Am I making movies with Karkat or Herding Cats: all-humans/trolls-get-busy edition? Seriously, making a shipping chart for this story has given me a set-up and more than a few delicious crack ships for the latter. Now all I need is a plot, so I'm sticking with watching movies for now.
> 
> Ponyo was a disappointment. Not bad but disappointing. It is amazingly animated and fans of animation in general should definitely check out the scene of Ponyo running across the waves, but Miyazaki doesn't score points for that. Birds fly, Fish swim, Miyazaki does good animation. I didn't like Totoro for the same reason; either that or I have no soul. Princess Mononoke and Howl's Moving Castle stand head and shoulders above this film, in my opinion. Still, I think I got a decent amount of jokes out of it and maybe succeeded in ruining one or two childhoods. 
> 
> You're welcome.
> 
> Next time on Dragon Ball Z: PONIES! God, what am I even doing?
> 
> I've also succumbed and made a tumblr. So that's a thing now. [A shit blog for twats.](http://anon--h.tumblr.com/)


	16. My Little Pony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **NOTE: older chapters have their images blanked out for the time being. It'll take some time before I get them up again. In the meantime, here is My Little Pony**

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS--**

CG: I FUCKING DREAD TONIGHT.  
CG: I WOKE UP IN A COLD SWEAT WITH THE REALIZATION THAT, ‘FUCK, STRIDER IS HOSTING TONIGHT’.   
CG: EVERYTHING I HAVE DONE TO THIS POINT TO AVOID WATCHING A STRIDER MOVIE WILL BE FOR NAUGHT AFTER TONIGHT. I HOPE YOU PEOPLE REALIZE THE TREMENDOUS SACRIFICES I HAVE MADE TO SPARE WHAT REMAINED OF OUR COLLECTIVE SANITY.  
CG: IF THIS WILL BE AS BAD AS THE CROCKPOT MOVIE, I AM INSTANTLY DISOLVING THIS MEMO. NO MORE MOVIES FOR ANYONE.  
CG: THIS UNIVERSE WILL BE DEVOID OF ANY AND ALL CINEMATIC WORKS, BECAUSE I HAVE CHOSEN TO EAT IT ALL TO CURB MY UNCONTAINED RAGE AT THE MOVIE STRIDER WILL PICK TONIGHT.  
CG: THIS IS THE SCENARIO AS IT HAS BEEN PRESENTED TO US.  
CG: LIKE TROLL RAGNAROK, ONLY FOR MOVIES.  
CG: YEAH, THIS IS GOING TO BLOW EVERY KIND OF BULGE IT CAN FIND.  
CG: IT’LL PROBABLY HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THOSE CREEPY FUCKING PUPPETS. EITHER THAT, OR SELF-AWARE ROBOTS. BECAUSE HE IS JUST THAT KIND OF STRIDER.  
CG: MESSIAHS FORBID HIM FROM CREATING ECTO-OFFSPRING WITH DAVE. THEIR GENES ARE ALREADY AT THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL. COMBINING THEM MUST BE SOME SORT OF SIN AGAINST NATURE AND WILL RESULT IN THE MOST INSUFFERABLE DOUCHE, PROBABLY WITH THE WORST TASTE IN MOVIES.  
CG: AND I’M RAMBLING.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS KEEPING EVERYONE?  
CG: COULD IT BE YOU ASSHOLES FINALLY HAD ENOUGH OF THIS FUCKING CHARADE OR ARE WE SKIPPING OUT ON STRIDER’S MOVIE ALTOGETHER?  
CG: BECAUSE SIGN ME THE FUCK UP FOR THAT.

**\-- turntechGodhead [TG] joined memo--**

CG: OH FOR THE LOVE OF CRAP.  
TG: sup karkat  
TG: strange question  
TG: you know anyone who can get rid of a body  
TG: cause i just committed a murder  
CG: WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL!?  
TG: seriously  
TG: this fucker was huge  
CG: OH MY FUCKING GOD!  
CG: STRIDER WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?  
CG: WHO ATTACKED YOU?!  
CG: WHERE ARE YOU NOW!?  
TG: so i was just minding my own business  
CG: ALREADY, I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU.  
TG: was just grabbing some aj from the fridge when this huge motherfucker came out of nowhere  
TG: so after years of ninja training i decided to show it my stabs  
TG: contrary to popular belief and/or my neighbors testimony i was not screaming like a little girl  
TG: those were highly concentrated ninja screams  
CG: WHATEVER. ARE YOU WOUNDED?!  
TG: im not even a bit wounded but this thing is dead as a doornail on cyanide  
TG: what even is this  
TG: kinda looks like a spider  
CG: YOU MURDERED A SPIDER…… A FUCKING SPIDER!?  
CG: THIS WAS THE HEINOUS MURDER YOU HAD ME WORRY ABOUT!?  
TG: well its not just a spider  
TG: it has this weird scorpionlike stinger  
TG: could poke a guys eye out with that thing  
TG: i used to have two eyes like you but than i took an abomination to the eyesocket  
CG: WHAT……..  
TG: im just gonna call it a spiderscorpion for easy reference  
TG: seriously im gonna hide this on egberts pillow  
TG: thatll be hilarious  
TG: imagine him going into his room his toothbrush still hanging from his mouth ready to catch 6 hours of z’s  
TG: then this monstrosity that’s as big as his arm claims his pillow  
TG: egbert throws his hands up and runs out of the house  
TG: its spiderscorpios house now  
TG: karkat you there?  
CG: THERE ISN’T A FACEPALM BIG ENOUGH!

**\-- centaursTesticle [CT] joined memo--**

CG: AND THEN THIS ASSHOLE APPEARS AGAIN!  
CT: D--> Vantas  
CT: D--> Strider  
TG: sup  
CT: D--> I see Serkets pet has been found  
CG: I DO NOT DEFINE ‘KILLED’ AS ‘FOUND’.  
TG: whoa  
TG: this thing was serkets pet  
TG: wait what am I saying  
TG: of course this was her pet  
TG: why would the spidergirls have anything else as pet  
CT: D--> It causes me no small amount of amusement to find that it has been slain  
CT: D--> My compliments human  
TG: you know that’s me  
TG: slaying spiders scorpions and everything in between  
TG: all in a days work  
CT: D--> You regularly find these creatures?  
TG: what  
TG: no  
TG: not a literal days work zahhak  
TG: try to keep up  
CT: D--> You humans remain very peculiar to me  
CT: D--> My moirail and I have conc100ded that only two members of your species are fit to be educated in troll culture  
TG: going out on a limb here and say its not me  
CT: D--> Correct  
TG: yeah that’s what I thought  
TG: so are your moirail and egbert banging ashen yet  
TG: or do they need bro for that  
CT: D--> Pardon  
TG: you know  
TG: the ashen mambo  
TG: the grey salsa  
CG: OH MY FUCK, THIS ISN’T A CONCUPISCENT QUADRANT YOU DOLT!  
TG: really  
TG: no voulez-vous coucher avec moi manage a trois  
CT: D--> I understood the first word of that sentence  
CT: D--> After that you resorted to gibberish  
CT: D--> Auspisticism does not usually involve sexual activity   
TG: yeah that makes it a lot less strange  
TG: who even gets the ashen quadrant

**\-- gardenGnostic [GG] joined memo--**

GG: hi everyone!  
CG: HARLEY, THANK YOUR HUMAN CHRIST YOU’RE A SIGHT FOR SORE EYES.  
CG: I WASN’T SURE HOW LONG I WAS GOING TO HOLD OUT WITH THESE TWO IDIOTS POLLUTING THE MEMO.  
GG: oh don’t be such a baby :P  
GG: hi dave!!!!  
TG: sup  
TG: how you been  
GG: i have been great!  
GG: i went to explore this solar system and had a great time!  
GG: did you know we have a planet that’s almost entirely made out of diamonds?  
GG: it is SOOOOO COOOOL!!!!!!!  
CT: D--> You have e%plored space before?  
GG: no, not really  
GG: i was just seeing how far my witch powers could take me  
CG: PRETTY FUCKING FAR IT SEEMS.  
GG: hihi yes!  
GG: all of the yes  
GG: space is amazing  
GG: when i figure out how to alchemize spacesuits im taking you up there  
CG: I HAVE SEEN ENOUGH FUCKING SPACE TO LAST ME A LIFETIME!  
CG: IT’S BLACK, IT’S VOIDY AND CRAWLING WITH HORRORTERRORS WHO WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO PENETRATE YOUR EVERY ORIFICE!  
GG: that was just paradox space fuckass  
GG: here you see distant stars and planets and it’s all so pretty!  
CG: THANKS BUT NO THANKS!  
TG: shit im game  
TG: but remember god tier and shit  
TG: no need for a fruity space suit  
TG: i can go up there in the classiest of suits  
TG: like armani  
TG: calvin klein  
TG: or something made for 20 cents an hour by children who definitely arent getting an education  
TG: the suffering adds class  
GG: are you sure?  
GG: cause it’s cold up there  
TG: i can deal harley  
GG: because you’re so hot? :B  
TG: oh snap

**\-- adiosToreador [AT] joined memo--**

AT: hEY jADE,  
AT: i HAVEN’T SEEN YOU IN A WHILE,  
GG: because i was in space dummy :B  
GG: how have you been?  
AT: oH, uHM,   
AT: yEAH, tHINGS HAVE BEEN GOOD  
AT: iT TOOK A WHILE TO REBUILD MY HIVE AND WELL, gAMZEE WASN’T MUCH HELP,  
AT: bUT YEAH, eVERYTHING IS PRETTY MUCH BACK TO NORMAL,  
AT: i JUST DON’T THINK i’LL EVER PLAY A GAME WITH eRIDAN EVER AGAIN,  
CT: D--> A wise decision lowb100d  
AT: yEAH,  
AT: i DO HAVE THIS STRANGE CREAKING IN MY LEFT LEG WHENEVER i BEND MY KNEE,  
AT: dO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT eQUIUS?  
CT: D--> Have you forgotten to oil it adequately?  
AT: nO,  
AT: wELL, mAYBE?  
AT: pROBABLY,  
CG: IT’S ALWAYS SOMETHING, ISN’T IT?

**\-- apacolypseArisen [AA] joined memo--**

AA: hi  
AT: hEY aRADIA, hOW’S IT GOING?  
AT: aRE YOU COMING TO MY HOUSEWARMING PARTY TOMORROW?  
AA: negative  
AT: oH, aRE YOU OTHERWISE OCCUPIED?  
TG: you alright radia?  
AA: i am perfectly alright  
AA: th0ugh i assume y0u were expecting the 0ther aradia t0 sh0w up  
CG: TO BE HONEST, YES. YES WE DID.  
CT: D--> It is a pleasure seeing you again Aradiabot  
AA: 0h  
AA: it is y0u  
CT: D--> Yes well  
CT: D--> I realize you probably didn’t plan on encountering me again after everything that happened  
CT: D--> Is this is too uncomfortable for you, I do not mind leaving  
CT: D--> Or being ordered to leave  
CT: D--> If at all possible  
AA: n0  
AA: this will suffice  
AA: i will 0bserve the m0vie  
AA: y0ur 0wn acti0ns will be c0nsidered irrelevant  
CT: D--> Yes  
CT: D--> Please degrade me more  
AA: i will n0t  
AT: SO UHM, ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO THE MOVIE?  
AA: n0  
AT: OH, OKAY I GUESS,  
AA: i f0und the suggesti0n very friv0l0us but my living c0unterpart suggested this w0uld ‘cheer me up’  
AA: i think she [c0mment is deleted]  
GG: that she what?  
AA: irrelevant

**\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] joined memo--**

GC: 1 FOR ON3 4M H4PPY TO H4V3 4N 4R4D14 JO1N1NG TH3 STR34M 4T 4LL  
GC: HOW 1 M1SS3D YOUR D3L3CT4BLY R1CH R3D COLOR  
AA: hell0 terezi  
GC: 1 4LSO COM3 B34R1NG SOM3 V3RY D1STR3SS1NG N3WS >:[  
GG: oh nooo!!!!!!  
GC: OH Y3S  
GC: 1T S33MS MRS M4RY4M 1S 4 L1TTL3 T13D UP 4T TH3 MOM3NT  
GC: SH3 WONT B3 JO1N1NG TH3 STR34M TON1GHT  
GG: aaaaaaw :(  
AT: tHAT’S TOO BAD  
GC: SH3 H4D TO GO 4ND DO SOM3TH1NG W1TH MRS L4V3ND3R C4NT4LOUP3  
TG: okay wait  
TG: so does that mean literally tied up or figuratively  
TG: actually scratch that  
TG: i really dont want to know  
TG: its like peeking into your christmas presents only to find eldritch horrors from beyond the furthest stars  
CG: WELL FINE, I GUESS WE HAVE TO WATCH THIS MOVIE WITHOUT HER.  
CG: THERE GOES THE ONE SANE TROLL I COULD ALWAYS SORTA RELY ON, AS LONG AS LALONDE WASN’T INVOLVED.  
GC: WH4T 4BOUT M3  
CG: I SAID SANE, DID I NOT?!  
GC: P4H  
GC: R3G4RDL3SS 1 SCOUR3D MY FR13NDSL1ST 4ND FOUND 4 R3PL4C3M3NT

**\-- undyingUmbrage [uu] joined memo--**

GC: TH1S 1S NOT TH4T R3PL4C3M3NT >:O  
AA: this is cause f0r alarm  
uu: I AM INDEED NOT ANYONE’S REPLACEMENT.  
uu: GREETINGS FOOLS!  
uu: YOu ARE ALL JuST SO MANY STuPID CORPSES TO ME.   
uu: THE ONLY REASON YOu CONTINuE TO DRAW BREATH IS BECAuSE OF THAT DuMB EXPLOIT YOu FOuND.  
uu: I DO NOT KNOW HOW BuT YOu CHEATED.  
TG: christ is this that guy  
TG: that fucking guy  
GG: i thought you killed him?  
uu: I CAN NOT BE KILLED STuPID GIRL.  
GG: im not stupid!  
uu: FROM WHERE I AM SITTING YOu ARE VERY STuPID.  
uu: BuT STILL NOT AS STuPID AS THAT OTHER GUY.  
uu: I WOuLD LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN TO DANCE OVER YOuR CORPSES.  
uu: I WOuLD GLADLY DO A MERRY JIG OVER YOuR MOTIONLESS BODIES.  
CG: THAT’S IT.  
CG: I AM NOT LISTENING TO THIS REALITY-DESTROYING DOUCHEBAG.  
uu: I CAN BE KILLED ABOuT AS EASILY AS I CAN BE BANNED.  
uu: tuMut  
CG: HOW ARE YOU EVEN STILL ALIVE?!  
uu: WHAT PART OF CAN NOT BE KILLED ESCAPES YOuR COMPREHENSION.  
uu: I CAN BE DEAD AS MuCH AS I CAN BE ALIVE.  
AT: wHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?  
uu: THIS IS WHY EVERYONE BuT ME IS STuPID.

**\-- timeausTestified [TT] joined memo--**

TT: Yo Caliborn. Knock it off.  
uu: DIRK FROM THE PRESENT.  
uu: WE MEET AGAIN.  
TT: Yes.  
TT: You want to watch a movie with us?  
uu: YOuR MOVIES WILL NOT SPARE YOu FROM YOuR uLTIMATE FATE.  
uu: I WILL KILL YOu AND YOu WILL BE DEAD.  
uu: BECAuSE I KILLED YOu.  
TT: Or we watch this movie together and fistbump a little.  
uu: YOuR SHAMELESS PROPOSITION ONLY SERVES TO FuRTHER FuEL MY RAGE DIRK.  
uu: YOu DO NOT WANT TO MAKE ME ANGRY.  
uu: BECAuSE YOu WILL NOT LIKE ME WHEN I AM ANGRY.  
uu: NOT ONE BIT.  
GC: H3’S L1K3 4 L1TTL3 DUMB K4RK4T  
CG: FUCK OFF.  
TT: Alright, final offer.  
TT: We watch the movie ánd I will draw you one piece of smut.  
uu: YOu FOOL.  
uu: MY OWN ARTISTIC PROWESS DWARVES YOuRS.  
uu: COMPARED TO ME YOu ARE BuT A LEARNER.  
uu: CAN I PICK WHAT HAPPENS IN THE DRAWING?  
TT: You can.  
uu: VERY WELL.  
uu: THEN WE HAVE REACHED AN AGREEMENT.  
uu: I WILL NOT SCHEME TO KILL YOu AND EVERYONE YOu EVER LOVED uNTIL THE MORROW.  
uu: YOuR PuTRID BODIES WILL KEEP CONTAINING YOUR BLOOD THIS DAY.   
uu: BECAuSE I WILL NOT STAB THEM uNTIL THE DISGuSTING LIQuIDS POuR OUT.  
TT: Grand.  
CT: D--> What just happened

**\-- genderAberrance [GA] joined memo--**

GC: NOW TH1S 1S TH3 R3PL4C3M3NT 1 W4S T4LK1NG 4BOUT  
GA: Go+o+d evening.  
GA: I trust all is fine?  
CG: NOTHING IS FINE. NOTHING WILL EVER BE FINE. THE FUCKING UNIVERSE CONSPIRES AGAINST ME TO KEEP EVERYTHING FROM EVER BEING FINE!  
GC: H3 M34NS Y3S  
CG: WE ARE GOING TO WATCH A MOVIE WITH THE PIECE OF SHIT THAT BECAME LORD ENGLISH. THIS IS AS FAR FROM FINE AS IT IS EVER GOING TO GET.  
uu: I CAN READ EVERY WORD YOu TYPE AND THINK YOuR DESPAIR IS THE APPROPRIATE REACTION FOR MY INEVITABLE RETuRN TO POWER.  
AT: yEAH, tHIS IS A BAD IDEA,  
TT: Oh, it’ll be fine.  
AT: yOU ARE VERY CONFIDENT,  
TT: I am.  
TG: how is he even still alive  
TG: i am like 100% certain i lobbed his head of  
CT: D--> I approve of this probability  
AA: it was cl0ser t0 89%   
TG: i saw his head land on the ground and red blood spouting everywhere like the worlds shittiest fountain  
AA: 90%  
uu: YES.  
uu: I REMEMBER THIS WELL.  
uu: ACTIONS APPROPRIATE FOR THE DESIGNATED ALPHA MALE.  
TG: thanks  
uu: BuT REALIZE THAT YOu ARE NOW AT THE TOP OF THE SHITLIST.  
uu: WHICH IS AN ACTuAL LIST THAT I KEEP AND REGuLARLY SHIT ON.  
TG: gross  
uu: PRESENT DIRK.  
uu: I HAVE CHOSEN WHAT PIECE OF SMuT YOu MUST DRAW.  
uu: IT WILL BOTH BE HuMILLIATING AND TITILLATING.  
uu: THE LEWDEST REQuEST I MADE TO DATE.  
TT: Hit me.  
TG: he is going to ask for smut about me isn’t he  
uu: THE DAVE HuMAN IS SURROuNDED MY HIS BETA COMPANIONS.  
uu: HE LIES FLAT ON HIS TuMMY AND ONLY WEARS HIS SHIRT AND HIS uNDERWEAR  
uu: THE BETA MALE SPANKS THE DAVE HuMAN AND TELLS HIM HE HAS BEEN A BAD BOY  
uu: YEEEEEEEEEEES………..  
GG: that actually sounds kinda funny :B  
TG: not helping  
GC: QU13T YOU B4D BOY >:]  
TG: christ  
uu: AND THE WOMEN HOLD HIS HANDS AND WHISPER THAT IT WILL BE ALRIGHT BECAuSE HE IS CRYING ABOuT THE SPANKING.  
uu: ALSO THE WOMEN TOuCH EACH OTHER.  
uu: TENDERLY.  
GG: uhm….. okay?  
TG: dirk i swear to god  
TG: imma disown you if you ever draw this  
TG: my future grandkids will come up to me and ask about the burned out spot on the family tree  
TG: i’ll stroke my beard and say we don’t talk about ‘him’  
TG: then i probably whip them with my cane for getting on my lawn or something  
uu: DRAW IT DIRK.  
GA: I’ll be entirely ho+nest.  
GA: I haven’t go+t a clue abo+ut what is go+ing o+n.  
GG: join the club  
GA: What have I go+tten myself into+?

**\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] joined memo--**

uu: AND NOW THE STuPID CLOWN IS HERE.  
TC: HeY mAn.  
TC: AnD wHo ThE mOtHeRfUcK mIgHt YoU bE?  
TC: WhAt Up FrIeNdLy StRaNgEr.  
AT: gAMZEE, i UHM, dON’T THINK HE’S FRIENDLY,  
TC: MaN yOu DoNt kNoW tHaT fOr SuRe.  
uu: I AM DEFINITELY NOT FRIENDLY YOu MISERABLE EXCuSE FOR A CARETAKER.  
TC: AaAh ShIt BrO. ThAt Is A cRyInG sHaMe MaN.  
TC: AnD wHaT wAs ThAt AbOuT mE bEiNg YoUr CaReTaKeR?  
TC: SoUnDs LiKe YoU gOt ThE wRoNg MoThErFuCkInG tRoLl MaN. I aInT nO lUsUs.  
uu: NO YOu WERE DEFINITELY MY CARETAKER.  
uu: THE ONLY THING YOu WERE GOOD FOR HOWEVER WAS BEING A SPONGE FOR MY BuLLETS.  
uu: YOu DID AN EXCELLENT JOB BEING THAT.  
uu: BRAVO.  
TC: GlAd To HeLp MaN.  
uu: GOD HE IS INFuRIATING.  
CG: I AM AGREEING WITH YOU AND THAT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE BEYOND BELIEF.  
uu: YOu ARE AGREEING WITH ME BECAuSE I AM RIGHT LIKE I ALWAYS AM.  
TT: Jury is still out on that one.  
TG: were you also right about not getting your head chopped off?  
uu: THAT WAS ON MY SISTER.  
uu: THAT VAPID WHORE.  
TC: yOu ShOuLd ReAlLy Be A LiL mOrE kInD sHoUtY bRo  
UU: tuMut  
uu: NO ELEVATOR MuSIC SHALL SAVE YOu FROM MY uNRELENTING FuRY THIS TIME.  
TG: elevator music  
TG: that is your secret weakness  
TG: are you for real  
uu: SILENCE.  
GC: TH3 MOR3 H3 SHOUTS TH3 MOR3 H3 S33MS L1K3 4 V1LL4NOUS V3RS1ON OF K4RK4T  
GC: H1L4R1OUSLY 1N3PT >:]  
uu: DO NOT CALL ME DuMB YOu uNCOUTH WHORE  
CT: D--> Also even less refined than our leader  
uu: I AM YOuR LEADER NOW HORSEMAN  
TC: MaN hE jUsT nEeDs SoMeOnE tO gEt HiS mOtHeRfUcKiNg UnDeRsTaNdInG oN.  
uu: THERE AREN’T ENOuGH BuLLETS IN THE WORLD.  
GA: Is this a no+rmal o+ccurance during these mo+vies?  
AT: nOT REALLY,  
AT: sOMETIMES THINGS GET WEIRD,  
GA: I see.  
TT: I think I’ll just start the movie now.  
GA: That wo+uld be appreciated.

CT: D--> Oh…… Oh gods yes  
CT: D--> Dirk you magnificent human specimen  
GG: this looks a lot like the squiddles cartoon  
TT: Was that a work by Lauren Faust?  
GG: no idea :B  
TG: really bro  
TG: we doing this  
TT: It’s maximum irony man.  
TG: dude you are so into ponies it isn’t even funny  
TT: The truest form of irony is so thorough it is unrecognizable from the genuine article.  
TG: tell dwayne the rock johnson that i do not feel like working out in the wise ass gym today  
TG: gonna have to reschedule that one  
TG: im sure he wont mind  
GA: So+ is this what yo+u no+rmally watch?  
GA: Because fro+m my first impressio+n I must co+nfess I’m preferring Megido+’s mo+vie.  
CG: NO, NO, NO, NO! NORMALLY WE WATCH NORMAL SHIT.  
CG: STRIDER IS JUST A LITTLE SPECIAL.  
TC: WeLl I tHiNk ThIs ShIt LoOkS mOtHeRfUcKiNg MaGiCaL.  
AT: iT UHM, cERTAINLY IS COLORFUL,  
GA: I am so+ incredibly co+nfused by all this.  
uu: THAT IS BECAuSE YOu ARE NOT AS CLEVER AS I.  
GA: Clever as me.  
uu: DO NOT TALK BACK TO ME.  
GG: don’t be rude caliborn!  
TT: You haven’t talked much to him have you?  
GG: not really  
GA: I do+ no+t think we are missing o+ut o+n much.  
uu: SHOWS WHAT YOu KNOW.

TG: oh god its one of those shows  
TG: where slapstick and friendship beat common sense  
TG: send help  
CT: D--> What are these cutie marks these hoofbeasts talk about?  
TT: Ponies are born without a cutie mark but it manifests on their flank when they mature. It usually represents a trait or a talent of the pony it belongs to.  
CT: D--> I see  
CT: D--> This can create an easy to understand caste system for these cartoon ponies  
TT: Nah, they have three biologically diverse classes.  
TT: Earth ponies, pegasi and unicorns. Also Alicorns.  
CT: D--> How do these classes differ from one another  
CT: D--> What is the ruling class of these hoofbeasts  
AT: aRE WE SERIOUSLY GOING TO DEBATE THAT NOW?  
TT: Alicorns are basically the ruling class. They have pegasus wings, a unicorn horn and the implied connection to nature of earth ponies.  
TT: The other three classes are basically the working class and each have their own responsibilities.  
CT: D--> A simple, yet effective system  
AT: aRE WE DONE?  
CT: D--> Not quite  
CT: D--> But I shall save it for later  
CT: D--> Thank you for your e%planation Dirk  
CT: D--> I appreciate it  
TT: You are welcome.  
GC: 1T 1S 4 V3RY D3L1C1OUS T4ST1NG SHOW D1RK  
GC: BUT 1SN’T TH1S 4 B1T CH1LD1SH?  
TT: I have no idea what you’re talking about.  
GC: 3XC3LL3NT

CG: BEHOLD: OUR VERY OBVIOUS VILLAIN FOR THIS SHOW. KEPT IN OPEN VIEW WITHOUT GUARDS SO THAT *IF* SHIT GOES WRONG, NO ONE CAN STOP IT.  
GG: oh, i kinda like the design  
GG: he looks awesome with all those animal parts and also kinda goofy with his one tooth  
GG: he’s cool :B  
AT: cOOL BEING UHM, vERY SUBJECTIVE,  
TC: MaN hE lOoKs MoThErFuCkInG bAd-AsS.  
TC: LiKe SoMe SoRtA ChImErAnNiHiLaToR.  
TC: JuSt DoNt LiKe HiS iMpLiCaTiOnS mAn.  
GA: A spirit o+f disharmo+ny…. This wo+uld indeed be disturbing, assuming harmo+ny is a natural state o+f being.  
GA: Thankfully it isn’t.  
GG: how do you mean, thankfully?  
GA: Well it wo+uld be awfully bo+ring is everything was harmo+nio+us all the time, do+n’t you agree?  
GG: maybe a little?  
GG: but i don’t think its boring either.  
GA: That’s alright.  
uu: THESE PONIES DO NOT DESERVE TO GRACE THE SCREEN OF MY GLORIOuS CALTOP.  
uu: BUT THEY MIGHT MAKE A GOOD SuBJECT FOR FuTuRE SMuT.  
TT: Internet is way ahead of you.  
GC: TH4TS JUST WRONG  
AA: search results sh0w over 58000 images  
AA: scanning f0r m0re  
GC: Y3S PL34S3  
CG: THIS HURTS THE VERY FUCKING CORE OF MY BEING! I AM IN AGONY READING THAT PEOPLE PRODUCE PORN BASED ON THESE FUCKING HOOFBEASTS! TO MAKE MATTERS WORST, I THEN REMEMBER THAT ZAHHAK IS IN THE STREAM AND SUDDENLY I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IS GOING ON.  
CG: MEGIDO IS ACCESSING THOSE FILES TROUGH TIME TRAVEL AND EVERY SINGLE BIT OF HOOFBEAST PORN IS MADE BY ZAHHAK.

TG: and more explanation about what discord actually is  
TG: just in case you were one of the 8 year olds this show was intended for  
CT: D--> How old is that in proper sweeps?  
TG: i don’t know  
TG: three maybe  
CT: D--> Then they are not old enough to properly appreciate such art  
GC: OF COURS3  
GA: So+ Tavro+s was it?  
AT: yEAH?  
GA: What do+ yo+u do+ fo+r fun?  
AT: oH UHM, i’M GLAD YOU ASKED,  
AT: i’VE BEEN TALKING TO THE ANIMALS AROUND HERE, tHEY UHM, sEEM REALLY NICE,  
GA: Yo+u can co+mmune with animals?  
AT: yEAH, iT’S REALLY FUN,  
TC: HeCk YeAh, TaVbRo CaN cAlM aNy FuRiOuS sToNeTiGeR oR lIoN WiGhT.  
GA: Rufio+h mentio+ned the talent o+nce o+r twice, but rarely utilized it.  
AT: oH i USE IT A LOT,  
AT: i’VE ALSO BEEN PLAYING THIS NEW GAME ABOUT UHM, bREEDING MONSTERS LATELY.  
CG: MORE THEN WE NEEDED TO KNOW NITRAM!  
AT: IT’S REALLY FUN,  
GA: Is this like that po+ny po+rn Megido+ mentio+ned just no+w?  
AT: nO,  
GA: I see…….

CG: MY GOD THIS OPENING SEQUENCE IS SACCHARINE.  
CG: I CAN FEEL THE TYPE THREE DIABETES CLAWING AT MY BLOODPUSHER.  
CG: IT WAS SO BAD I DISCOVERED A WHOLE NEW FORM OF DIABETES, THAT’S HOW FUCKING SUGARY IT WAS.  
GC: 1T W4S 4 B1T S1CK3N1NG Y34H  
uu: THESE PONIES SEEM SO TENDER  
uu: I BET THESE SLuTS BRuSH EACH OTHER’S HAIR  
GA: You co+nsider such behavior+r slutty?  
UU: HOW ELSE WOuLD YOU CALL IT?  
GA: Pale pro+bably.  
GA: It ho+nestly do+esn’t even co+me clo+se to+ the mo+re traditio+nal interpretatio+n o+f the wo+rd slutty  
UU: AND WHAT WOULD THAT BE?  
GA: Having a lo+t of sexual interco+urse of co+urse  
UU: SO WHAT  
UU: TuRNING INTO A GIANT SERPENT AND RuBBING uP AGAINST ANOTHER SNAKE IS CONSIDERED SLuTTY?  
UU: IT ISN’T EXACTLY A REGuLAR OCCuRANCE.  
UU: WHAT KIND OF DuMB DEFINITION IS THAT?  
GA: O+h dear…… Yo+u have no+ idea ho+w tro+ll sex wo+rks do+ yo+u?  
UU: HOW DIFFERENT CAN IT BE.

**\-- genderAberrance [GA] shared: lonely folder--**

CT: D--> HNRKT!  
CT: D--> How 100d!  
CT: D--> Everyone avert your eyes  
CG: THAT DOESN’T WORK AT ANYONE EVER.  
GG: now im curious  
TG: whoa damn maryam  
GA: Fo+r education+nal purpo+ses o+nly.  
TG: that why you call it the lonely folder  
GA: That is irrelevant.  
GG: oh my :O  
GG: :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O   
AT: i UHM, dIDN’T EVEN KNOW HALF THESE POSITIONS EXISTED,  
CG: I’M PRETTY SURE #73 WAS CONSIDERED ILEGAL ON ALTERNIA!  
UU: PRESENT DIRK.  
UU: I SuDDENLY HAVE MANY MORE uRGENT REQuESTS FOR YOu.  
TT: Come on man, we agreed on one. I almost finished drawing Dave getting spanked.  
TG: really man  
UU: MORE SMuT FOR THE SMuTGOD.

TC: AaAaW sHiT. ThIs MoThErFuCkInG tInY hOoFbEaSt LoOkS lIkE a LiTtLe MiRaClE.  
TT: Rainbow Dash is the best pony.  
CG: WHAT KIND OF DUMB NAME IS THAT.  
CG: THAT’S LIKE…… FLOWER SUNSHINE OR SPARKLE STAR…. OR CANDY ASS.  
CG: OR SOMETHING EQUALLY STUPID. YOU CAN’T MASH TWO WORDS TOGETHER AND ASSUME IT WILL WORK AS A NAME.  
CT: D--> I shall let this slip  
CT: D--> On account of sheer magnificence  
CT: D--> This hoofbeast is a work of beauty  
CG: YOU ARE ALL HORRIBLE.  
AT: i AM ACTUALLY KINDA AMUSED,  
CG: THAT’S BECAUSE YOU LIKE CARTOONS FOR WRIGGLERS.  
GG: shoosh and let us watch this.  
CG: DID YOU JUST FUCKING TRY TO SHOOSH ME!?  
CG: JUST BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE A MOIRAIL DOESN’T MEAN I AM YOURS TO SHOOSH WOMAN.  
CG: CHECK YOUR GODDAMN PRIVILEGE!  
GA: Unfo+rtunate co+mpariso+ns are begging to+ be drawn.  
GG: i was shooshing you because you were being a fuckass :B  
GG: just calm down and enjoy the movie  
TT: *Series.  
GG: oh whichever.   
TG: so even in ponyland a few eyebrows are quirked when the clouds are made of literal cotton candy  
TG: i thought that was the rule rather then the exception but shows what i know  
TG: next thing they’ll tell me not every japanese schoolgirl is into tentacles

AT: aND WHAT LITTLE HOOFBEAST IS THIS?  
TT: This is Applejack. She is the best pony.  
AT: i THOUGHT YOU SAID rAINBOW dASH WAS THE BEST LITTLE HOOFBEAST,  
TT: I say a lot of things.  
TC: HaHaHaHaHaHa, FuCk ThE hElL yEs My iNvErTePoNiEs.   
TC: ThE dAy Of rEcKoNiNg HaS aRrIvEd.  
TC: ThOuGh ThE pRoPhEcIeS mEnTiOnEd FaYgO aNd NoT cHoCoLaTeMiLk, I’lL mOtHeRfUcKiNg TaKe It.  
uu: THE PROPHECIES MENTIONED NEITHER FAYGO NOR CHOCOLATEMILK.  
uu: JuST THE MAGNIFICENT DOuBLE DEATH OF EVERY EXISTING SOuL PAST PRESENT OR FuTuRE THE COLLAPSE OF REALITY AND THE ETERNAL REIGN OF LORD CALIBORN.  
TC: So No ChOcOlAtE rAiN tHeN?  
uu: GODS JuST HOW THICK IS YOuR SKuLL.  
TC: PrEtTy DaRn ThIcK iM tOlD  
CT: D--> Such a noble hoofbeast….. taking care of the orchard as she does  
TT: Yeah that’s her thing. Apples and honesty.  
CT: D--> Tr001y an e%ample for the working class hoofbeast  
CT: D--> Dirk I must thank you for introducing me to this beautiful new world  
CG: OH GODS……   
CG: I AM WATCHING A MOVIE WITH THE ASSHOLE THAT NEARLY RUINED REALITY, A SWEATY ASSHOLE, A STRIDER AND A DUMB FUCKER OF A CLOWN.  
CG: SOMEONE PLEASE CULL ME NOW.  
GA: Why do+ yo+u keep do+ing this to+ yo+urself?  
GC: FOR OUR 4MUS3M3NT  
TG: he rants for our sins

GG: and who is this pony?   
GG: she’s kinda fancy  
GG: but pretty snooty  
TT: This is Rarity. She is the best pony.  
AT: bUT YOU JUST SAID aPPLEJACK WAS THE BEST PONY,  
GA: She just seems to+ be there as windo+w dressing.  
GA: She flat-o+ut refuses to+ help if it invo+lves getting her hands dirty o+r getting o+ut fro+m under her fancy umbrella.  
GA: The latter o+f which seems difficult co+nsidering its mo+unted o+n her back.  
GA: Regardless, she seems very vain.  
GG: oh she probably has other qualities :B  
GA: Go+o+d po+int.  
TT: Yes, Rarity is has the element of generosity.  
TG: is no one going to comment on the fact that she’s basically pony kanaya?  
GG: kanaya doesn’t mind getting her hands dirty  
AT: sERIOUSLY, dHO DO YOU THINK AMPUTATED MY LEGS?  
UU: YOu MEAN YOu COuLDN’T DO IT YOuRSELF YOu WEAKLING?  
AT: nO, kANAYA DID IT IN MY SLEEP,  
UU: HAHAHAHAHAHA I LIKE THAT STRATEGY.  
UU: ATTACK YOuR ENEMY WHEN THEY ARE DEFENSELESS.  
AT: oH, bUT WE WERENT ENEMIES, sHE UHM, dID IT TO HELP ME,  
UU: EVEN BETTER.  
UU: SHE HAS YOu COMPLETELY FOOLED.  
GA: I like to think that my dancestor wo+uldn’t do+ such a thing.  
CT: D--> I approve of the highb100ded little hoofbeast  
CT: D--> This show thought of everything  
CT: D--> The disposition of the highb100d and the hardworking middle class  
CT: D--> And the magnificence of their flanks  
CT: D--> Yes……………………….  
AA: i will link y0u the p0rn 0nce this sh0w c0ncludes  
CT: D--> Thank you

CG: GODDAMNIT, ANOTHER ONE?!  
CG: HOW MANY OF THESE FUCKING PONIES ARE THERE?!  
TT: Six. The fandom refers to them as the mane six.  
CG: WHY WOULD WE NEED SIX OF THESE GODDAMN PONIES!  
TT: To sell more merchandise mostly.  
TT: This is Fluttershy.  
AT: iS SHE THE BEST PONY?  
TT: Indeed.  
TC: AaAaH sHiT bRo. ShE iS cUtE aS a MoThErFuCkInG bUtToN.  
GG: she seems really timid  
TC: BuT cUtE aS fUcK aM i RiGhT?  
TC: :o)  
AT: yOU ARE DEFINITELY RIGHT, iN REGARDS TO HER CUTENESS,  
TG: i could have actually spent this saturday trying to get laid  
TG: instead we are watching ponies like a bunch of thirtysomething neckbeards wearing fancy fedoras and debating the friendzone  
GA: Are tho+se a thing?  
TG: on the internet  
TG: sure  
CG: AND THEN THE BUNNIES SPROUT GIANT FUCKING LEGS BECAUSE OF MAGIC I GUESS.  
CG: WHO EVEN CARES. WE ARE WATCHING A DUMB FUCKING SHOW, ABOUT DUMB FUCKING PONIES WITH TWO OF MY FORMER WORST ENEMIES NOW APPARANTLY PACIFIED TO THE POINT THAT THEY PEACEFULLY WANT TO WATCH A MOVIE WITH ME. WHAT THE *FUCK* IS EVEN HAPPENING WITH MY LIFE!  
GC: K4RK4T  
CG: WHAT  
GC: ON3 OF TH3S3 D4YS W3 4R3 GO1NG TO H4V3 4 S3R1OUS T4LK 4BOUT YOU G3TT1NG 4 MO1R41L >:[  
CG: OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT FUCKS.  
GA: Yes please.  
CG: I DO NOT NEED A GODDAMN MOIRIAL RIGHT NOW, ALRIGHT?!

GC: TH3N STOP 4CT1NG L1K3 YOU N33D 4 P4PP1NG 3V3RY OTH3R MOM3NT  
GC: 1T 1S K1ND OF P4TH3T1C 4ND NOT 3V3N 1N 4 S3XY W4Y  
CG: OH GEESH, THAT CUTS DEEP. CAN YOU SEE ALL THE FUCKS I GIVE?  
CG: HAHAHAHAHA, OH DAMN. THAT WASN’T EVEN ON PURPOSE BUT I GUESS YOU CAN *SEE* ALL THE SHITS I GIVE.  
CG: BECAUSE THEY ARE NONE. ZERO. NO SHITS ARE GIVEN. THIS IS A SHITLESS, NO-SHITTING ZONE WHERE EVERY FORM OF EXCREMENT IS EXPLICITLY FORBIDDEN!  
GC: R34L M4TUR3  
TT: Right. Moirails are important man.  
CG: DON’T EVEN START WITH ME STRIDER. JUST TALK ABOUT THIS DUMB FUCKING LITTLE HOOFBEAST OR WHATEVER AND I’LL PRETEND TO CARE.  
TT: Right, this is Twilight Sparkle. Quite possibly the best pony and de facto protagonist.  
TT: She does magic. It doesn’t go as planned.  
TT: This happens way more often than it should.  
CG: THANK YOU!

CT: D--> HNRK!  
TT: What’s up.  
CT: D--> This highb100ded hoofbeast  
CT: D--> Taking such pleasure in the situation and maintaining such an optimistic attitude  
CT: D--> She reminds me of our heiress  
TT: What, Braidy Stabsaplenty?  
GA: Go+nna remember that o+ne.  
CT: D--> I assume you refer to the Alpha version  
CT: D--> In which case no, the other one  
TT: Alright then. Yeah, Peixes was cool.

AT: tHIS SEEMS LIKE A HORRIBLY INEFFICIENT WAY TO SEND LETTERS  
TC: It Is PrEtTy FuNnY tHoUgH.  
GG: but it doesn’t work, at all :O  
GG: does he have a portal in his stomach or something?  
TC: ShIt SiS tHiS iS lIkE tHe PuReSt FuCkInG mAgIc.  
GG: ooooooh, yeah that kinda makes sense :)

CT: D--> I assume this is one of the aforementioned alicorns?  
TT: Correct.  
CT: D--> So…….. regal  
AT: sO THEY ARE BEING SUMMONED TO COMBAT AN ANCIENT FOE OF THE PRINCESS?  
AT: aLRIGHT, i CAN DIG THAT,  
TG: yay  
TG: pony on pony combat  
TG: so pumped for this  
GG: really dave? :O  
TG: no  
GG: :(  
TG: they are just my little ponies jade  
GC: OBJ3CT1ON  
GC: 1F SH3 1S 4 PR1NC3SS TH3R3 4R3 4UTHOR1T13S H1GH3R TH4N H3R  
GC: 1 WOULD 4SK FOR TH3 WORD OF TH3 K1NG 4ND/OR QU33N B3FOR3 GO1NG  
AA: celestia was 0riginally g0ing t0 be the queen 0f equestria  
AA: the marketing department 0f hasbr0 wanted her t0 be a princess because it is a title that appeals m0re t0 y0ung girls the intended target audience  
GC: R34LLY?  
AA: yes  
GC: TH4T BLOWS  
TT: Also, you guys missed this part, but the Mane Six defeated Celestia’s then-evil sister by harnessing the power of the elements of harmony. Loyalty, honesty, generosity, kindness, laughter and magic.  
CG: DAMN. SO THE PRINCESS ORDERED THE DEATH OF HER OWN SISTER?  
TT: Oh no, they all became friends at the end.  
CG: WHY EVEN FUCKING BOTHER.  
uu: TELL ME DIRK.  
uu: DID THEY HuG IT OuT AND STROKE EACH OTHER’S MANE?  
TT: Hugs and brohoofs all around.  
uu: OH THOSE WILY SLuTBISCuITS.

TC: WoAh DaMn.  
TC: SoMeOnE wEnT uP aNd StOlE tHe ElEmEnTs Of HaRmOnY.  
TC: ErR…. WhAtEvEr ThOsE fUcKiNg LoOk LiKe.  
GC: 1 WOND3R WHO TOOK TH3M  
GC: TH1S C4LLS FOR 4 PROP3R CR1M3 SC3N3 1NV3ST1G4T1ON  
AT: lET ME SAVE YOU THE UHM, tROUBLE,  
AT: iT’S PROBABLY THAT GUY THEY MENTIONED EARLIER,  
AT: tHE ONE WHO GOT SEALED IN STONE?  
GC: OH YOU DON’T KNOW TH4T

TG: hey look  
TG: its that guy that was sealed in stone  
GC: SURPR1S3D G4SP  
GC: WHO WOULD H4V3 THOUGHT  
AT: mE?  
AT: eVIDENTLY IT WAS ME, i WAS THE ONE WHO THOUGHT THAT,  
GA: Sigh. This is dro+ll.  
GA: Jade was it?  
GG: yes?  
GG: is something the matter?  
GA: Yo+u seem like a nice wo+man. Wo+uld yo+u mind telling me mo+re abo+ut yo+urself?  
GG: oh sure, but uhm…. what exactly?  
GA: Anything will suffice. This mo+vie is dreadfully dull.  
GG: aaaw, but I think it’s cute :(  
GG: but alright, let’s see………………….  
GG: oh! i went into space today. it was incredible!  
GA: Really?  
GG: yes!  
GG: i never got to really enjoy it during the game, but it was such a beautiful sight with all the stars and the weightlessness.  
GA: That so+unds lo+vely.  
GA: Ho+w did yo+u get there?  
GG: space powers :B  
GA: I see.  
GA: I was the maid o+f space myself, but I never really go+tten the hang o+f my class. O+r my aspect fo+r that matter.  
GG: that’s okay. i can take you into space if you want.  
GG: you will need a spacesuit. Its pretty cold out there and there’s no oxygen.  
GA: That will no+t be a pro+blem fo+r me dear.  
GG: why doesn’t anyone want a spacesuit :(

CG: SO THEY FOLLOW HIS ARBITRARY RIDDLE TO THE LOCAL MAZE, BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT.  
GC: H3 S33MS S1GN1F1C4NTLY L3SS THR34TN1NG L1K3 TH1S  
GC: H3 D1D 4 B3TT3R JOB 4S ST4TU3 OR 4S D1S3MBOD13D VO1C3  
AT: sO THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY ARE HIDDEN IN THE MAZE,  
AT: tHE RULES ARE NO FLYING, nO MAGIC AND EVERY LITTLE HOOFBEAST MUST COMPETE, tHAT SEEMS DOABLE,  
UU: ONE OF THOSE THINGS IS A LIE.  
AT: wHAT?  
uu: YOu NEED TO LISTEN TO THE RuLES MORE CAREFuLLY WHEN THEY ARE EXPLAINED YOu DuMB IDIOT.  
uu: HOW ELSE ARE YOu GOING TO FIND A LOOPHOLE.  
GG: what makes you think there is a loophole?  
uu: IS EVERYONE DuMB BuT ME?  
uu: OH WAIT, OF COuRSE YOu ARE.  
TT: Somehow it does not surprise me that you’d be the one to realize we are missing a key part of the information.  
uu: YES I AM THE BEST AT PuZZLES

CT: D--> So they are immediately separated  
CT: D--> Fluttershy does not take it well  
CT: D--> The poor little hoofbeast  
TT: She sure is precious.  
GC: WHY 1S D1SCORD 4LLOW3D TO US3 M4G1C?  
GC: WHY 4R3 TH3 PON13S G1V3N RUL3S TO FOLLOW BUT 1S H3 4LLOW3D TO DO 4S H3 PL34S3S?  
CG: CAUSE HE IS AN ENTITY OF CHAOS. HE DOESN’T DO WELL WITH RULES.

TG: she takes three apple monsters appearing out of thin air pretty well  
TG: must be a regular occurance in ponyland  
TT: *Ponyvile.  
TG: whichever  
GG: oh no! she sees a horrible vision where she and all her friends are arguing and fighting!  
GG: this is just like the season 3 finale of the squiddles!  
GA: So+unds intense.

TC: AaAaH sHiT.  
TC: DiScOrD aLl Up AnD hYpNoTiZeD hEr.  
TC: NoW sHe Is UhM…….. WhAt Is ApPlEjAcK eVeN fUcKiNg DoInG?  
GC: LY1NG  
GC: POORLY  
GC: D34R GODS THOS3 SM3LL HORR1BL3  
GC: 1S SH3 3V3N TRY1NG?  
CG: BUT SHE JOINS UP WITH TWILIGHT AND THE TWO CONTINUE DOWN THIS DULL FUCKING LABYRINTH.  
CT: D--> Poor Applejack  
CT: D--> Subjected to such a cr001 form of mind control  
CT: D--> Someone needs to protect these little hoofbeasts from further harm  
TT: Hey Equius.  
TT: Which one should we build to keep Rainbow Dash company?  
CT: D--> All of them  
CT: D--> She wont be complete otherwise  
TT: I like the way you think.

CG: UUUUUUUUURGH. MAKE THIS ANY MORE CHILDISHLY SWEET PLEASE. I THINK THERE ARE STILL TEETH IN MY MOUTH WITHOUT CAVITIES!  
TC: MaN tHiS iS oNe SpEcIaL mOtHeRfUcKiNg BaLlOoN gArDeN.  
TC: LoOk At AlL tHeM cRaZy SmIlEs.  
AT: tHERE CERTAINLY ARE A LOT OF BLOW-UP SPHERES IN THIS GARDEN,  
GC: WH4T COULD POSS1BLY GO WRONG?

GA: An illusio+n wherein ballo+o+ns shaped like her friends laugh at her.  
GA: This is incredibly pedestrian. What sane mind wo+uld fall fo+r this?  
TG: answering your own question there maryam  
GC: 31TH3R TH4T OR SH3 1S 1NCR3D1BLY 1NS3CUR3  
TT: Actually, she has a lot of insecurities. Even going slightly mad in one episode, to the point that she began talking to inanimate objects.  
TT: Just because she thought her friends were unfaithful.   
CT: D--> So the highb100ded little hoofbeast has been given adequate depth as a character  
TT: Oh, everyone has gotten their turn at some point.  
CT: D--> I shall have to watch the rest of the series then  
TT: Sure, just come over some time. I have all the ponies.  
TT: The meme suggests I have to reaffirm that I really posses the maximum quantity of ponies, therefore I shall not.  
CT: D--> This sounds like an agreeable arrangement  
CG: ARE YOU TWO FOR REAL?!

TT: You know…..  
TT: With how clever Twilight is supposed to be, she really should realize Discord is cheating and putting spells on her friends.  
uu: HOW IS THIS CHEATING?  
TT: He clearly sabotages their efforts.  
uu: AT NO POINT DID HE SAY HE *WOuLDN’T* SABOTAGE HER THEREFORE IT IS NOT CHEATING.  
uu: tuMut 

GC: OK4Y W3 G3T HOW TH1S SONG 4ND D4NC3 GO3S  
GC: SO HOW DO3S R4R1TY G3T CORRUPT3D  
GG: well she tries to fight it  
GG: she wants to focus on her mission but the temptation just becomes too strong!  
GA: Then she was no+t fo+cussed o+n the missio+n at all.  
GA: They did establish the po+ny kingdo+m rested in their hands, co+rrect?  
TT: Yeah.  
GA: Then she is being fundamentally selfish.  
GG: :(  
GG: that’s kinda sad  
GA: It happens so+metimes. So+metimes peo+ple are selfish by nature, so+metimes peo+ple need to+ be selfish fo+r their o+wn go+o+d.  
GG: you don’t strike me as selfish?  
GA: I am…. Just no+t in very o+bvio+us ways.  
GG: :(

CT: D--> She singlehandedly dug out an amazingly large diamond  
CT: D--> This little hoofbeast is much stronger than immediately apparent  
CT: D--> I like her  
TT: I told you, Rarity is the best pony.  
AT: tHAT WOULD BE MORE USEFUL IF YOU DIDN’T SAY THAT ABOUT EVERY LITTLE HOOFBEAST,  
CT: D--> I believe I require a towel  
TT: Knock yourself out.

CG: DOES THIS LITTLE HOOFBEAST HAVE SOME SORT OF MASSIVE SELF-ESTEEM MALFUNCTION!?  
UU: HER SELF-AWARENESS DOES HER CREDIT.  
UU: THIS STuPID PONY IS WEAK AND IT KNOWS IT.  
TT: Man, you do not want to mess with Fluttershy.  
TT: She will fuck you up.  
uu: HAHAHA FuCKING HAH.  
uu: CLASSIC PRESENT DIRK.  
GC: SO SH3 1S W34K 4ND P1T1FUL 4ND OK4Y W1TH TH4T  
GC: 1TS K1ND OF FUNNY HOW D1SCORD DO3SN’T KNOW HOW TO D34L W1TH H3R L4CK OF 4N1MOS1TY  
TT: That actually comes into play later.  
GC: HOW?  
TT: In season three, Fluttershy befriends Discord. Just another reason as to why she is the best pony.  
GC: SPO1L3RS >:/  
AT: bUT YOU JUST SAID THAT rARITY AND,,  
AT: kNOW WHAT, nEVER MIND, fORGET IT,

TC: MaN tHiS gUy Is A sOrE fUcKiNg LoSeR.  
uu: BuT HE IS WINNING.  
uu: THAT MAKES HIM THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOu JuST SAID.  
CG: SO BECAUSE THE HOOFBEAST WITH THE LOW SELF-ESTEEM COULDN’T BE CONVINCED TO TURN ON HER FRIENDS, HE FORCEFULLY HYPNOTIZES HER.  
TT: Turning Fluttershy into Fluttercruel.  
AT: oR UHM, cRUELSHY?  
GG: oh no!  
GG: that means rainbow dash and twilight sparkle are the only ones not under his spell!  
GG: :(  
TG: jade goes nuts for shit like this  
TG: may want to invite her to for your viewing of ponies  
TT: Actually, I thought of just inviting Equius. We have a few things to discuss.  
CG: LIKE FURTHER POLLUTING THE LANDSCAPE WITH GIANT METAL HOOFBEASTS?  
TT: ………Sure, why not.  
GC: YOU H3S1T4T3D TH3R3  
GC: WHY D1D YOU H3S1T4T3?  
CG: JUST LEAVE THE ANATOMICALLY CORRECT GENITALIA OUT THIS TIME!  
CT: D--> I can not promise this

CG: YES, YES, THE FIFTH LITTLE HOOFBEAST GETS CORRUPTED AS WELL. WE DIDN’T NEED TO DANCE THIS FUCKING CHARLESTON OVER AND OVER TO GET THE FUCKING POINT!  
AT: IT BECOMES KINDA MEANINGLESS IF IT JUST KEEPS HAPPENING,  
GG: what is cloudsdale?  
TT: A city in the clouds. It is almost exclusively inhabited by pegasi, such as Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash.  
TC: WiCkEd.   
TC: SoUnDs LiKe ThE mOsT bEaUtIfUl LiTtLe MiRaClE.  
CT: D--> There is abso100tely nothing little about a floating city inhabited by these magnificent hoofbeasts  
TC: ErR….. sUrE tHiNg BrO.  
GG: but discord tricks rainbow dash into flying away!  
GG: he even returns her wings to her  
GG: how is this not cheating!!!! :(  
uu: DID YOu EVEN BOTHER LISTENING TO THE RuLES OF THE GAME YOU DuMB HuMAN.

TG: so the fucker lowers the entire maze and declares his victory  
AT: bECAUSE THE RULES WERE BROKEN WHEN rAINBOW dASH FLEW AWAY?  
TG: probably because he got tired of waiting  
CG: AS AM I!  
TG: dramatic thunderclap just to remind us this guy is the villain  
TG: and end of the episode  
GA: Go+o+d.  
GA: I assume this co+ncludes o+ur viewing?  
TT: Nope. Gotta watch the second episode to complete this sucker.  
GA: Drat.  
GG: come on, it’ll be fun :)  
AT: aND UHM, iF THE ENTIRE MAZE IS GONE, wHERE DID THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY GO?  
uu: DO YOu STILL FAIL TO GET THIS?  
uu: YOu ARE VERY BAD AT GAMES TROLL.  
AT: hEY, i’LL UHM, hAVE YOU KNOW i AM BOTH A FIDUSPAWN AND A POKEMONMASTER.  
AT: sO THERE,  
uu: THOSE ARE SHIT GAMES FOR HuMAN GIRLS.  
GG: hey!  
TG: jade you love pokemon  
GG: still rude :(

GC: OH SO TH4T W4S TH3 TR1CK  
GC: TH3 L1TTL3 HOOFB34STS JUST 4SSUM3D TH3 3L3M3NTS W3R3 1N TH3 M4Z3 WH1L3 D1SCORD N3V3R S41D 4NYTH1NG OF TH3 SORT  
uu: INDEED.  
uu: GET ON MY LEVEL DuMBDuMBS.  
TT: Yes, yes. We are all very impressed by your puzzle prowess.  
uu: AS YOu SHOULD BE.  
TT: Surely rubikscubes everywhere tremble in fear at the whisper of your name.  
uu: EVERYTHING SHOuLD TREMBLE IN FEAR BEFORE ME.  
GA: Meanwhile the remaining ho+o+fbeasts engage in antago+nistic banter.  
CG: DEAR GOD, IT’S LIKE WRIGGLER’S FIRST BLACKROM.  
AT: tHANKFULLY, tWILIGHT REALIZES WHERE THE ELEMENTS ARE,   
AT: sO SHE CAN RETRIEVE THEM,  
TG: after more antagonistic slapstick  
GC: OF COURS3 >:]  
TC: ShIt MaN. DiScOrD tUrNeD tHeIr PoNyViLe iNtO a mOtHeRfUcKiNg CaRnIvAl.  
TC: ShIt Is BeAuTiFuL.  
TC: ChOcOlAtE rAiN, sElF-cLeAnInG sOaP rOaDs, UpSiDe DoWn HiVeS fOr EaSy CeIlInG cLeAnInG.  
TC: It Is A mOtHeRfUcKiNg MiRaClE.  
uu: WHEN I RETuRN TO POWER YOu ARE THE FIRST TO DIE.

TG: more antagonism in the maturest way possible  
TG: stealing candy from babies  
TG: tripping old ladies  
TG: hitting blind folk  
TG: didn’t see that one coming did you asshole  
GC: RUD3  
TG: oh right  
TG: forgot present company  
GC: 4T L34ST S4Y: D1DN’T SM3LL TH4T COM1NG >:]  
TG: love you too rezi  
GC: TH3 L1TTL3 HOOFB34STS H4V3 GOTT3N 4 V3RY UNPL34S4NT SH4D3 OF GR3Y  
GC: 1 PR3F3R3D 1T WH3N TH3Y T4ST3D L1K3 FLUFFY M4RSHM3LLOWS  
CT: D--> Heavens  
CT: D--> This is una%eptable  
AT: OH GOD,  
TC: DuDe, tHeRe ArE mOtHeRfUcKiNg WrIgGlErS wAtChInG.  
GA: Are yo+u serio+usly this freaked o+ut at the mere sight of a pail?  
GC: TH3Y H4D SL1GHTLY D1FF3R3NT 1MPL1C4T1ONS ON 4LT3RN14  
GC: W1TH TH3 DRON3S 4ND STUFF  
GC: ST1LL K1ND4 GROSS  
CG: I HAVE SEEN WORSE!  
GA: Really?  
CG: OH MY FUCK, YOU WERE THERE! MEGIDO’S MOVIE!  
GA: Ho+w was that wo+rse?  
CG: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGHHHH!!!!  
CG: THIS FUCKING PAIL, THOSE FUCKING HUMANS REPRODUCING, THAT FUCKING TOMMY WISEAU, THAT FUCKING BUCKET IN PONYO, THAT FUCKING SEX SCENE IN BLACK SWAN, MY FUCKING LIFE, THESE FUCKING FILMS!  
AA: there are [remixes of fluttershy hitting twilight with the bucket ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ogvtoEnDxk)  
CG: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH!!!

TG: and so the elements have been found  
GG: discord cut a book to shreds to hide them  
GG: he is just the worst!!!!!  
CG: WHAT AN INCREDIBLY STUPID TURN OF EVENTS. HOW THE FUCK DID THE PURPLE HOOFBEAST MISS THE ENTIRE SECOND PART OF A TWO-SENTENCE RIDDLE!?  
TT: I agree that dumbing characters down when the plot demands it is a nuisance. Do not let it take away from the majesty that is MLP.  
CG: I WILL LET IT TAKE AWAY EVERYTHING. FUCK THE MAJESTY, FUCK THE ENTIRE GODDAMN MONARCHY!  
GC: 1 L1K3 WH3R3 TH1S 1S GO1NG  
AT: oKAY kARKAT, i AM NOT OFFERING BUT UHM, i THINK YOU REALLY NEED A MOIRAIL,  
CG: DO YOU WANT TO GET BANNED?  
CG: BECAUSE THIS IS HOW YOU GET BANNED.  
GC: R34LLY K4RK4T >:[  
GC: 1 4M P3RF3CTLY W1LL1NG TO L3T YOU BORROW D4V3 1F 1T W1LL JUST G3T 1T OUT OF YOUR SYST3M  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING!  
GC: TH4T YOU 4R3 4CT1NG L1K3 4 WR1GGL3R  
GC: 4ND 1T SUCKS  
TG: whoa  
TG: pimping me out like a five dollar trick  
TG: all of my sicknasty secret fantasies revealed  
TG: no wait  
TG: that was ectosistermom  
GG: you’d make a very nice trick  
TG: you know it  
GA: And o+ny five bo+o+nbucks yo+u say?  
TG: keep that wallet in your pocket maryam  
CG: YOU KNOW THAT THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I AM GOING TO JAM WITH DAVE.  
TG: gasp  
TG: i have been rejected  
TG: how will i return to my pimp with no money  
TG: if only i had become a ballet dancer  
GC: 1 KNOW  
GC: BUT YOU D3F1N1T3LY N33D TO G3T TH1S OUT OF YOUR SYST3M 4ND H4V3 4 J4M W1TH SOM3ON3 4LR34DY  
CG: I…………  
CG: FUCK. FINE, I’LL TRY.  
TC: BrO. i Am FrEe ToNiGhT.   
TC: iF yOu NeEd To GeT yOuR mOtHeRfUcKiNg ReLaX oN, IM yO tRoLl.  
CG: GAMZEE……….. I REALLY DON’T THINK THAT’S GONNA WORK.  
TC: :o(  
TG: now you made the clown sad  
CG: I HATE YOU IN THE MOST PLATONIC OF WAYS NO STRIDER.

AT: sO THEY’RE GOING TO BLAST HIM WITH THE MAGIC OF THE ELEMENTS?  
TT: Essentially.  
CG: DISCORD TAKES IT WELL. ALSO THEY ARE ON SKAIA FOR SOME REASON?  
GG: oh nooooooooo :( :( :(  
GG: they will stop being friends after defeating him  
GG: nooooooooooooooooooo  
GA: Calm do+wn Jade.  
TG: just let her  
TG: she is always like that  
GA: Rest assured dear. I am certain the little ho+o+fbeast will reunite befo+re the end.  
GG: really? :O  
GA: Really.  
GG: yay!

TT: So what do you think about ‘My little pony’ so far Dave?  
TG: i think dbz is gonna sue somepony

CT: D--> It w001d seem that they failed  
uu: WELL OF COuRSE YOu SIMPLETON.  
uu: WHEN DISCORD RuLES HARMONY HOLDS NO POWER.  
uu: THIS IS NOT A COMPLICATED CONCEPT YOu STuPID TROLL.  
CT: D--> I w001d advise against aggrevating me  
uu: FORNICATE THAT SENTIMENT.  
CT: D--> Hnrk  
TT: Equius, dude. Don’t fan the flames.  
TT: He needs the attention of other people to get off.  
uu: I CAN FuNCTION JuST FINE WITHOuT YOuR LAME STuPID ATTENTION.

AT: nOW EVEN tWILIGHT GETS GREY,  
AT: aND SHE BECOMES ALL DEPRESSED AND SHIT  
TG: her tear falls on the ground in the shape of a broken heart  
TG: christ that is so emo   
TG: twelve year old rose wishes she could be that edgy  
GG: it is so sad!  
GA: O+f co+urse it is dear.

CG: WHAT THE FUCK!?  
CT: D--> I see these b001ls have discovered the art of ballet

CG: WHAT THE FUCK?!  
CT: D--> So gracious  
CT: D--> So majestic

CG: WHAT THE HELL AM I LOOKING AT?!  
CG: I WORRY FOR HUMANITY AS A SPECIES.  
uu: THEIR EXTINCTION WILL BE FROSTING ON MY MuRDERCAKE.  
CG: OF COURSE IT WILL.  
uu: THE CAKE IS A METAPHOR FOR HOW I WILL DESTROY YOu ALL.  
TT: That’s nice Caliborn.  
TT: When do you want the next drawing?  
uu: AS SOON AS YOuR PATHETIC HuMAN FINGERS FINISH DRAWING IT.

GC: SO 4PP4R4NTLY POOR SP1K3 H4S B33N BURP1NG UP L3TT3RS L1K3 CR4ZY  
AA: bi0l0gically imp0ssible  
AA: blame magic  
GC: TH4NK YOU 1 TH1NK 1 W1LL  
TG: this is like some nasty ass spam  
TG: probably what you get for browsing all that nasty porn aradia was talking about  
TG: a nigerian alicorn wants to give you a million ponydollar  
TG: single fillies in your area  
TG: want a bigger horse dick today  
CT: D--> Yes  
TT: Yes.  
TG: rhetorical question  
TG: dr pyrope mindbleach stat  
GC: D4MN1T D4V3 1M 4 L4WY3R NOT 4 DOCTOR

CG: FLASHBACK POWERS ACTIVATE AND SHE REMEMBERS THAT YES, FRIENDSHIP IS INDEED MAGIC.  
CG: GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU STUPID SERIE FOR STUPID HUMAN GIRLS!  
uu: YES.  
uu: WE ARE IN AGREEMENT.  
CG: THIS CHANGES NOTHING!  
GG: i think it’s cute!  
CG: MY POINT STANDS  
GG: :O :O :O  
GA: Karkat, if yo+u like I can pro+bably ho+o+k yo+u up with o+ne o+f the alphas.  
GA: I kno+w Latula and Rufio+h are in dire need o+f a mo+irail.  
GA: As are Kankri and Cro+nus, but I am no+t certain tho+se are yo+ur type.  
CG: THOSE ARE PRETTY MUCH THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF MY TYPE!  
GG: what about you porrim?  
GA: Me?  
GG: yeah, you seem to be able to keep karkat down :P  
GA: I am no+t lo+o+king fo+r anything lo+ng term.  
GG: why not?  
GA: Because I………….   
GA: …………………………………………….  
GA: Well this is embarrassing. I guess I do+ no+t kno+w.  
GG: hihihi :B  
GA: Regardless, I feel no+ intimate attractio+n to+wards Karkat.  
CG: GEESH, THANKS.  
GA: Do+n’t take it perso+nally.  
CG: I’M NOT!

TC: AaAaAw YeAh. hOoFbEaSt SiS iS bAcK iN aCtIoN.  
CT: D--> Such a glorious hoofbeast she is  
CT: D--> So strong and resourceful  
CT: D--> She reminds me of you, Strider  
TG: me  
CT: D--> No  
TT: Thank you Equius.  
TT: I have also come to appreciate you a lot.  
CT: D--> That sounds promising  
CT: D--> Maybe we should arrange to watch the remainder of this series together  
CT: D--> Maybe then we can  
CT: D--> I mean  
CT: D--> Fiddlesti%  
CT: D--> Forgive me for my words are failing me right now  
TT: That’s alright  
TT: Just come over after the movie. We’ll find out what you’re trying to say.  
CT: D--> That is a%eptable  
GG: but i want to see it too :(  
TG: jade trust me  
TG: i don’t think you want to join these two  
GG: why  
CG: FLUSHED FEELINGS. ANOTHER COUPLE HOOKING UP DURING MOVIE NIGHT.  
GG: yay!!!!!!  
GG: i am so happy for the two of you!!!!!  
CT: D--> There is no cause for celebration  
CT: D--> Nothing has been officially established  
GC: 1TS JUST TH3 1MPL1C4T1ONS >;]  
uu: DIRK  
uu: I DEMAND YOu CARRESS THIS CREEPY HORSE MAN AND WHISPER SEDuCTIVELY INTO HIS EAR.  
uu: AND MORE IMPORTANTLY I DEMAND PICTuRES OF YOu DOING SO.  
AA: c0ngratulati0ns equius  
CG: WHY CAN’T PEOPLE HOOK UP OUTSIDE OF MOVIE NIGHT?!  
CG: AND WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THE CREEPY HOOFBEAST LOVERS?! WAS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A SOMEWHAT SANE COUPLE?!!  
GG: oh shut up and be happy for them :B  
CG: UGH, I GUESS THERE IS *SOME* ROMANCE TO BE FOUND IN TWO GIANT IDIOTS FALLING IN PITY WITH EACH OTHER.  
TT: You are too kind. As my potential paramour has already stated however, nothing has been made official yet.  
TT: Though I am willing to test the waters, so to speak.  
CG: WELL GOOD FOR YOU.  
TC: FuCk YeAh BrOtHeRs AnD sIsTeRs. LeT tHeRe Be MoThErFuCkInG lOvE aNd AfFeCtIoN.

GC: Y4Y MOR3 FL4SHB4CK POW3RS  
TC: ReAlLy FuCkInG sHoRt FlAsHbAcK tHoUgH.  
GG: she was bragging about fighting discord herself :O  
GG: liarjack is the worst!  
GG: she didn’t lift a finger to help  
AT: wE KNOW jADE,  
AT: wE WATCHED THAT SCENE TOO,  
GG: :P

GC: SH3 1S R1GHTFULLY 4SH4M3D OF H3RS3LF  
GA: To+ be fair, she was put under a spell.  
GA: We do+ no+t kno+w ho+w severe the effect was.  
CG: THIS IS WHY I HATE DEALING WITH MAGIC. IT GIVES LAZY WRITERS AN EXCUSE TO DO WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY WANT!  
CG: WHEN THE HELL DID TWILIGHT SPARKLE LEARN A MEMORY SPELL?  
CG: DOES THIS MEAN SHE CAN SEE ALL THE EMBARRASSING REPRESSED MEMORIES AS WELL?  
CG: BECAUSE PARTIES WILL BECOME A WHOLE LOT MORE AWKWARD IF SHE DOES.  
CG: HOW DOES SHE KNOW WHAT MEMORIES TO PICK AND TO SHOW?  
CG: DOES IT COME WITH IT’S OWN SEARCH FUNCTION? HAVE YOU TRAVEL BACK CHRONOLOGICALLY THROUGH HER MIND?  
TC: KaRbRo, MaYbE yOu ShOuLd TaKe A mOtHeRfUcKiNg BrEaThEr.

AT: sO fLUTTERSHY RETURNS TO NORMAL,

CT: D--> As does the highb100ded hoofbeast  
GC: WHO 1S V3RY 4SH4M3D OF DR4GG1NG 4 BOULD3R 4LONG TH1NK1NG 1TS 4 D14MOND  
GC: 4ND N4M1NG 1T TOM  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4 CL4SS1C

TC: AnD pInKiE pIe ReCoVeReD bY hErSeLf LiKe ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg MiRaClE tHaT sHe Is.  
TG: actually im pretty sure even the showrunners became bored of doing the same thing five times over and decided to do it off-screen  
TC: OoH yEaH tHaT mAkEs SeNsE  
TG: does it  
TC: I Do NoT fUcKiNg KnOw MaN. i JuSt SmIlE aNd NoD.  
GG: that leaves rainbow dash  
GG: who is hypnotized to believe that little cloud is the city she grew up in  
CG: THAT’S A VERY OBNOXIOUS HOOFBEAST.  
uu: THEY ARE ALL OBNOXIOuS HOOFBEASTS.  
TT: I am not sure how I feel about Caliborn becoming bro’s with Karkat.  
CG: WE ARE NOT BRO’S!  
uu: WE ARE NOT THE BRO’S.  
CG: WE WILL NEVER BE BRO’S!  
uu: WE WILL NEVER BE THE BRO’S.  
TT: Alright then.

GC: SO TH3Y COM3 UP W1TH 4 N33DL3SSLY COMPL1C4T3D PL4N TO PUT 4 M3MORY SP3LL ON R41NBOW D4SH  
GC: B3C4US3 D4MN1T TH3S3 3P1SOD3S 4R3 20 M1NUT3S LONG 4ND W3 C4NT SK1P R1GHT TO TH3 3P1C F1N4L3  
TG: i have no problems believing that  
TG: come on show  
TG: we all know how this ends  
GG: how will it end?  
TG: first the shenanigans  
TG: then the chase to drag it out as long as it needs to be dragged out  
TG: then the anticlimactic resolution

GC: H3R3 4R3 TH3 H1J1NX  
CG: THIS MEEK FUCKING PONY IS SO INCREDIBLY ANNOYING!  
CG: THE FATE OF YOUR TOWN, COUNTRY AND/OR *WORLD* RESTS ON WHETHER OR NOT YOUR FRIEND CAN OVERCOME HER HYPNOSIS.  
CG: AND INSTEAD OF DOING THIS IN HER SLEEP LIKE YOU CLEARLY HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO, YOU CHOSE TO ASK FOR HER CONSENT?!  
CG: GOD!  
CT: D--> It is a perfect little hoofbeast  
TG: and there is the chase scene  
TG: right on schedule

GC: 4ND TH3 4NT1-CL1M4X   
GA: That lo+o+ks like fun.  
CT: D--> Binding a majestic hoofbeast against her will 100ks like fun to you?  
GA: Just the binding part.  
GG: and now they are all ready to defeat discord!  
CG: HURRAY……………

GG: so discord rules as some kind of…. chaos king?  
GA: It is a cute idea, but co+mpletely flawed in practice.  
GA: Instead o+f a co+mpletely chao+tic situatio+n he simply intro+duced a new status quo+.  
AT: hEY, yEAH,  
AT: iT STILL RAINS CHOCOLATE MILK AND HE STILL FLIPS BUILDINGS UPSIDE DOWN,  
AT: aND UHM, tHE FLUFFY EARBEASTS STILL HAVE RIDICULOUSLY LONG LEGS,  
GC: SO WH4T?  
GC: H3 DO3SN’T W4NT CH4OS TO RUL3 BUT JUST 4LT3R R34L1TY 1NTO SOM3TH1NG MOR3 FUN?  
GA: There seems to+ be a ro+utine to+ his chao+s, therefo+re it is no+t co+mpletely chao+tic.  
CG: GEE, WHAT A GREAT POINT YOU BRING UP.  
CG: LET’S DISCUSS THE PHILOSOPHICAL RAMIFICATIONS OF THIS GROUNDBREAKING DISCOVERY NEVER.

CG: GROOOOOAAAAAN………..  
CG: DON’T YOU HAVE *ANYTHING* BETTER TO DO WITH YOUR TIME?  
GC: YOU 4R3 R1GHT >:o  
GC: 1 SHOULD H4V3 SP3NT MOR3 T1M3 WORK1NG ON 1RON1C COM1CS  
CG: NEVER FUCKING MIND.  
TT: Not complaining with these results Pyrope.  
CT: D--> I too am adequately satisfied  
GC: 1 41M TO PL34S3

TT: First Twilight and now Discord. I hate it when characters are made more stupid for the sake of the plot.  
TG: then i think you might be watching the wrong series  
GG: so discord somehow doesn’t notice that everyone got their color back?  
GC: TH3Y T4ST3 YUMMY ONC3 4G41N  
GA: I suspect this is almo+st o+ver, so+ let us go+ with it.

TT: Carebear stare motherfucker.  
TC: A dOuBlE rAiNbOw.  
AT: wHAT DOES THAT MEAN?  
TC: I hAvEnT gOtTeN a cLuE tAvBrO, bUt iT sUrE iS mOtHeRfUcKiNg iNtEnSe.  
uu: AND SO OuR HERO HAS BEEN TuRNED TO STONE ONCE MORE.  
uu: WHAT A TRAGIC ENDING.  
GG: i almost feel kinda bad for him  
GG: he didn’t seem that malicious, just very obnoxious  
GG: isn’t turning him to stone forever a bit too much?  
GC: PL34S3  
GC: W3 CULL3D P3OPL3 FOR L3SS

CG: FUCKING FINALLY. THEY EVEN GET THEIR FUCKING MEDALS FOR SERVICES WELL DONE.   
CG: THERE IS A BAND PLAYING.  
CG: EVERYTHING IS FINE AND FUCKING DANDY.  
CG: THANK JEGUS FOR FRIENDSHIP EX MACHINA! IT TRULY IS LUSUSFUCKING MAGIC!  
GC: 1T W4SN’T TH4T B4D 4CTU4LLY >:[  
CG: AND THAT IS WHERE YOU ARE WRONG. THIS WAS VERY BAD. HORRIBLE ACTUALLY. WATCHING ANATOMICALLY INCORRECT TINY HOOFBEASTS DEFEAT A NOT-PARTICULARLY THREATNING VILLAIN USING THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP WAS *NOT* SOMETHING I NEEDED TO SEE.  
TT: But was it as bad as you feared?  
CG: I……………………. WELL, NO.  
CG: IT NEVER APPROACHED ‘THE ROOM’ LEVELS OF HORRIBLENESS. IN FACT, THOSE HOOFBEASTS SOUNDED MORE LIKE NORMAL SENTIENT BEINGS THEN ANY CREATURE FROM THE ROOM DID.  
CG: AND THAT MAKES ME SAD.  
UU: PAH.  
UU: THIS FLICK WAS NOT WORTHY OF MY ATTENTION.  
CT: D--> I beg your pardon  
uu: THE TENDER MOMENTS BETWEEN THE PONIES WERE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN.  
uu: I WANTED THIS TO GET FILTHY AND IT DISAPPOINTED.  
TT: Yeah well…. There are episodes where that happens.  
uu: THEN YOu SHOuLD HAVE SHOWED THOSE INSTEAD.  
uu: THIS GETS TWO DESTRuCTIVE THuMBS DOWN.  
TT: Suit yourself.  
TG: yeah i am going to recommend the hell out of this  
TG: telling egbert crocker and the lalondes to all buckle up and watch the shit out of these ponies  
TG: gonna make a shitty dubstep remix out of the opening themesong  
TG: and going to organize a special my little pony convention  
TG: where i will dress up as my oc  
TT: Your irony is improving.  
TG: what are you talking about  
TG: im completely legit  
TT: You are getting the hang of it.  
GA: I apo+lo+gize Dirk, but this sho+w was kind o+f ho+rrible fo+r me.  
GA: I was seeking so+mething a bit mo+re mature.  
GA: This did no+t live up to+ tho+se expectatio+ns.  
TT: That’s too bad.  
GA: Quite.  
TC: ShIt MaRyAm, ThIs ShOw Is ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg bEeS KnEeS.  
TC: FrIeNdShIp Is ThE pUrEsT mOtHeRfUcKiNg FoRm oF mAgIc.  
TC: ThAt ShIt Is SpEcIaL yO.  
GA: I’m sure.  
TC: aNd LiKe…… AlL tHe MaJyKs AnD sTuFf.  
TC: So BeAuTiFuL.  
AT: i THOUGHT IT WAS UHM, rEALLY CUTE,  
AT: i REALLY LIKED fLUTTERSHY AND UHM, rAINBOW dASH AND aPPLEJACK,  
AT: tHEY WERE THE BEST PONIES,  
TT: They are all the best ponies.  
GG: i liked it so much dirk!  
TT: Because it reminded you of the squiddles?  
GG: because it reminded me of the squiddles!!!!!!  
GG: it was so cute and heartwarming and funny :) :) :) :)  
CG: THEY WERE CARTOON HOOFBEASTS!  
GG: I know!  
CT: D--> Majestic, were they not?  
CG: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT……  
CT: D--> I 100% approve of this show and I suggest we start watching the rest Dirk  
CT: D--> Sooner rather than later  
TT: Door’s open, couch is free and MLP boxset is sorted in chronological order.  
CT: D--> E%cellent  
CT: D--> Then I will be on my way  
TT: See you in a bit.

\--centaursTesticle [CT] left memo--

uu: THIS SHOW WAS PATHETIC.  
uu: AND YOu ARE PATHETIC FOR WATCHING IT.  
uu: AND NOW I WOuLD HAVE BEEN PATHETIC FOR WATCHING IT IF SuCH A THING WAS EVEN A POSSIBILITY THE TIMELINE ALLOWS.  
uu: SPOILER: IT IS NOT.  
TT: Dude.  
uu: WHAT.  
TT: Smut is in your private mail.  
TT: Both the Dave request ánd some shit based on Maryam’s filth.  
GA: That’s nice.  
uu: YES…….  
uu: I SHALL BEGIN STuDYING THESE IMMEDIATELY.  
uu: uNTILL WE MEET AGAIN PRESENT DIRK.

\--undyingumbrage [uu] left memo--

GA: I wo+uld like to+ receive tho+se files as well Dirk.  
GA: Fo+r educatio+nal purpo+ses.  
TT: Sure.  
GC: D1D W3 R34LLY JUST W4TCH 4 MOV13 W1TH TH3 D3STROY3R OF P4R4DOX SP4C3?  
TG: Yup  
GC: 4ND W4S H3 R34LLY JUST 4 P3TUL4NT CH1LD?  
TG: That seems to be the case  
GC: TH1S W4S 4 W31RD D4Y >:/  
TG: man dont even  
TG: your bro didn’t draw porn of you  
TT: Well I had to keep that asshole pacified. It was a sacrifice I was more than willing to make.  
TG: you practically jumped at the gun  
TT: Well there was some comedic value in the drawing.  
TG: bad bro  
TG: least cool asshole  
TT: Regardless, I should probably clean this shithole up. It would seem I have a date tonight and I would like to make a good impression.  
TG: dude i could see my reflection in the floor the last time i was over  
TG: i think you got this  
TT: Really need to clean though.  
TG: whatever  
TG: later bro  
TT: Later.

\--timeausTestified [TT] left memo--

GG: this was a lot shorter then the other movies we’ve watched :(  
GG: im not sure what to do with the rest of the night  
GA: Do+es yo+ur o+ffer to+ take me into+ space still stand?  
GG: It sure does!  
GA: Then I wo+uld lo+ve to+ go+ there with yo+u.  
GG: You betcha!  
GA: Hmmmm……..  
GG: ……………………………………………………………..  
GA: I admit, I did no+t expect yo+u to+ telepo+rt to+ my hive like this.  
GA: Wo+uld it be to+o+ much to+ ask to+ get so+me time to+ get ready fo+r o+ur vo+yage?  
GG: hihi, sorry.  
GA: Perhaps I shall watch ano+ther mo+vie with yo+u at a later date Karkat.  
GA: Untill we meet again.  
CG: SURE. WHATEVER.  
GA: Do+ say hi to+ Kanaya fo+r me.  
CG: WILL DO.  
GG: bye karkat!

\--genderAberrance [GA] left memo--  
\--gardenGnostic [GG] left memo--

AT: uHM dAVE, gAMZEE AND i ARE GOING TO HOLD AN ABSOLUTELY SICK UHM, rAP-OFF,  
AT: dO YOU MAYBE WANT TO JOIN US?  
TG: fuck yeah nitram  
TG: you know im game  
TG: bard of rhyme is my middle name  
TG: but before we gonna start another lyrical fight  
TG: gotta sit my ass down and wait  
TG: to pick a movie next night  
AT: oH UHM, tHAT’S OKAY,  
TC: ShIt BrO, mAyBe I sHoUlD pIcK oNe Of My WiCkEd MoViEs SoMeTiMe.  
TC: ThAt WoUlD bE mOtHeRfUcKiNg DoPe.  
TG: yeah but I got this  
TG: so you might as well get started already  
TG: ill catch up when i get nominated best option for the next movie  
AT: aLRIGHT THEN,  
TC: DoNt Be LaTe BrO  
TG: a knight of time is never late  
TG: nor is he early  
TG: he arrives exactly when he needs to  
TC: FaR oUt.  
AT: sEE YOU IN A BIT THEN,

\--adiosToreador [AT] left memo--  
\--terminallyCapricious [TC] left memo--

CG: WHAT THE HELL MAKES YOU THINK I’M GOING TO LET YOU PICK STRIDER?!  
TG: tz wants me to pick  
GC: 1 DO  
TG: gamzee don’t care if i pick  
TG: and the rest already picked a movie  
CG: THERE IS STILL ME, YOU INSUFFERABLE PRICK.  
TG: yeah  
TG: but deep down you want me to pick the next movie  
TG: because you totally love me  
TG: all of the homo  
CG: WHAT!?  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4  
CG: OKAY, I AM NOT DEALING WITH THIS SHIT IN STEREO.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gallowsCalibrator [GC]\--

CG: UNDERSTAND THIS DAVE, THERE IS *NO* WAY IN HELL I AM LETTING YOU PICK THE NEXT MOVIE.  
CG: I WOULD RATHER PICK THE NEXT MOVIE MYSELF. HELL, I WOULD RATHER GNAW MY OWN ARM OF INSTEAD OF LETTING YOU PICK.  
CG: THERE IS NO WAY I AM PUTTING UP WITH TWO STRIDERS IN A ROW.  
AA: actually  
AA: there is a very simple way  
CG: WHAT!?  
AA: because i will be the last 0ne remaining in the stream  
TG: ah fuck  
TG: having the worst sense of de ja vu now  
AA: and i am all0wing dave t0 pick the next m0vie because i will n0t be present at that time  
CG: …….FUCKING WHY ARADIA?!  
AA: because i need t0 talk t0 y0u in private  
AA: and y0u are m0st receptive during these saturdays  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK GIVES YOU THAT IDEA?!  
AA: dave  
AA: c0uld y0u excuse us f0r a m0ment  
TG: so  
TG: am i picking the next movie or what  
AA: yes  
AA: y0u are  
TG: then you can have whatever moment you choose  
TG: pretty sure i could spin that into a time-related joke  
TG: but that’s beneath me  
CG: JUST FUCKING GO STRIDER!  
TG: cool later 

\--turntechGodhead [TG] left memo--

CG: YOU BETTER HAVE A DAMN GOOD REASON FOR THIS MEGIDO!  
CG: I HAVE JUST DOOMED THE STREAM TO BE RUN BY STRIDER NEXT WEEK.  
CG: LET ME REPEAT THAT: *STRIDER*.  
CG: AS IF ONE WASN’T BAD ENOUGH!  
AA: i am s0rry  
AA: this is a difficult matter f0r me and i have n0 0ne else t0 turn t00  
CG: FINE. WHAT IS IT?  
AA: i believe my living self has devel0pped pale em0ti0ns f0r me  
AA: and i d0 n0t kn0w h0w t0 resp0nd  
CG: WHAT.  
AA: it isn’t like we are the same pers0n anym0re  
AA: 0ur experiences are vastly different  
AA: it is h0wever a very c0mplicated matter  
CG: THE.  
AA: at first i th0ught it w0uld n0t affect me  
AA: after all i lacked the em0ti0n t0 feel the way she d0es  
AA: but i fear there is s0mething gr0wing  
AA: and i d0 n0t kn0w what t0 d0 with it  
AA: [c0mment deleted]  
AA: [c0mment deleted]  
AA: [c0mment deleted]  
AA: w0uld y0u kindly assist me in the matter  
CG: FUCK.  
CG: I DON’T KNOW HOW THIS SHIT WORKS, WITH TIMECLONES AND NORMAL CLONES OR WHATEVER. I ONLY EVER DEALT IN ECTOCLONES AND THOSE WERE INSULTINGLY EASY BY COMPARISON.  
CG: CAN’T YOU ASK STRIDER? OR YOUR DANCESTOR?  
AA: n0  
AA: i trust neither 0f them t0 keep this c0nfidential  
AA: s0 i w0uld like y0ur 0pini0n  
CG: WELL GEE, LET ME THINK.  
CG: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I’M GOING TO SAY?!  
CG: ISN’T IT FUCKING OBVIOUS WHAT YOU SHOULD DO?  
AA: talk t0 her ab0ut this feeling  
AA: which will b0th functi0n as an ice breaker and a p0tentially first feelingsjam  
CG: THERE, WAS THAT SO FUCKING DIFFICULT?  
AA: n0  
AA: but it is difficult t0 make myself g0 thr0ugh with it  
CG: SUIT YOURSELF. YOU MIGHT WANNA DO THIS ROMANTICALLY THOUGH.  
CG: GET A PILE READY, INVITE HER ALONG, TALK ABOUT YOUR STRANGE PALE CRUSH ON THE TROLL WHO IS PRACTICALLY YOU.  
CG: GOD, DOES THIS COUNT AS NARCISSISM?  
AA: i believe it is cl0ser t0 what the humans refer t0 as incest  
CG: WHATEVER, HUMANS ARE FUCKING WEIRD.  
CG: DO YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE THE FIRST MOVE WITH ARADIA?  
AA: yes  
AA: strangely unc0mf0rtable as it makes me  
AA: i th0ught i had deleted that m0dule  
AA: [if] delete: anxiety.exe~  
CG: WHAT?  
AA: that was a j0ke  
CG: I DON’T GET IT.  
AA: y0u aren’t very g00d at c0ding  
CG: I GET ENOUGH OF THAT SHIT FROM SOLLUX.  
CG: NOW, THANK YOU FOR NOT HOOKING UP *DURING* THE STREAM. I REALLY FUCKING APPRECIATE THAT, BUT I AM CLOSING THIS MEMO NOW.  
CG: WILL YOU BE ALRIGHT?  
AA: i think s0  
CG: GREAT.  
CG: LET ME KNOW HOW IT GOES.  
AA: i might

\--apacolypseArisen [AA] left memo--

CG: IS EVERY FUCKING ASSHOLE GETTING A MOIRAIL THESE DAYS? FUCK!

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] left memo--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah..... MLP is a thing. It isn't bad, just severely overrated. I was tempted to also do the episode 'Pinkie Pride' because it has Weird Al Yankovic in it, but ran out of things to say about MLP. I can kinda recommend that episode , but don't expect too much. Along with the double episode shown here, I have only ever watched the first three episodes from season one. From what I can tell, the Mane Six are the least interesting characters in their own show. So nope, still not a brony though I am feeling very inclined to get a fedora.
> 
> Really noticed I missed Kanaya when writing this, but Caliborn was a lot of fun. Good thing I got some practice here, cause I'm going to have to write him again really soon for a new project. The only characters left to pick movies are Dave, Gamzee, Terezi, Karkat, Nepeta and John.
> 
> Next 'week', we are gonna jam and slam and jam in space with Michael Jordan.
> 
> Also: you can now check out my tumblr. Because that is [a thing](http://anon--h.tumblr.com/).


	17. Space Jam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Hoover mouse over japanese to read english translation**

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS--

CG: THERE ARE ONLY SO MANY WAYS IN WHICH I CAN EXPRESS MY GENUINE DISAPPOINTMENT IN YOU PEOPLE.  
CG: HOLDING A WAKE FOR AN EIGHT-LEGGED ABOMONATION IS IN NO WAY THE BEHAVIOR ANY SANE PERSON SHOULD EXHIBIT, TROLL, HUMAN OR OTHERWISE!  
CG: I HIGHLY DOUBT IT IS A CREATURE THAT WAS CAPABLE OF SHOWING ANY FORM OF EMPATHY SO SHOWING IT ANY FORM OF LAST RESPECTS IS AN ABSOLUTE WASTE OF TIME.  
CG: AND SPEAKING OF ABSOLUTE WASTES OF TIME……  
CG: THE PERSON WHO GAVE THAT *FUCKING* CHERUB MY TROLLHANDLE NEEDS TO MAKE HIMSELF KNOWN, SO HE CAN SUFFER MY UNDYING RAGE!  
CG: I AM LOOKING AT YOU STRIDER!  
CG: HE HAS BEEN BOTHERING ME ABOUT MY FAVORITE ‘SHIPS’ FOR DAYS NOW IN THE MOST DISTURBING OF WAYS, ALL THE WHILE REMINDING ME OF THAT HORRIBLE FUCKING GAME.  
CG: THANK YOU CALIBORN. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REMINDING ME OF THAT TIME I GOT FORKED THROUGH THE CHEST. I AM FUCKING ECSTATIC TO BE FORCED TO REMEMBER THAT PARTICULAR EXCERPT OF MY MISERABLE LIFE, THOUGH IT DOES PLEASE ME TO KNOW HE IS GOING TO KEEP ME ALIVE A BIT LONGER WHEN HE RETURNS TO POWER BECAUSE I *AMUSE* HIM.  
CG: BUT BECAUSE THIS SELECT GROUP OF SURVIVORS ALSO INCLUDES CROCKER AND BOTH STRIDERS, I THINK SUICIDE MIGHT BE THE BEST WAY OUT.  
CG: WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WASTES HER FUCKING TIME WITH SHIPPING ANYWAY?

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] joined memo--

GC: FUN P3OPL3  
GC: TH4T 1S WHO  
CG: I AM NOT EVEN GOING TO FUCKING DIGNIFY THAT. FOR A SECOND I THOUGHT NEPETA OR HER DANCESTOR WAS GOING TO CRASH THE MEMO, JUST BECAUSE THE UNIVERSE SEEMS TO HATE A HATRED FOR ME THAT BURNS WITH THE INTENSITY OF A THOUSAND SUNS.  
GC: COM3 ON K4RK4T T4LK TO M3  
GC: D4V3/3R1D4N  
GC: Y3S OR NO  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO THOSE ASSHOLES EVEN HAVE IN COMMON?!  
CG: WHAT DECENT MINDED TROLL WOULD ASSUME THERE IS *ANYTHING* GOING ON BETWEEN THOSE TWO?  
GC: NOT 4SK1NG FOR 4N OP1N1ON ON TH3 R34L1SM OF TH3 SH1P  
GC: JUST HOW FUNNY 1T WOULD B3  
CG: NO THAT WOULD BE GREAT. A HOMOCIDAL SEADWELLER WHO WOULD TAKE A MAJOR IN GENOCIDE IF SUCH A THING WAS AVAILBLE IN STANDARD SCHOOLFEEDING REALLY NEEDS TO HOOK UP WITH A QUASI-STOIC HUMAN WHO DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THE DEFINITION OF IRONY!  
GC: HMMMMM  
CG: WHAT?!  
GC: TH1S 1S TH3 F4ST3ST 1 H4V3 3V3R S33N YOU W1TH SUCH 4N OUTSPOK3N H4TR3D FOR FUN  
CG: DO YOU JUST EXIST TO TORMENT ME?!  
GC: 1 HOP3 NOT  
GC: TH4T WOULD B3 4N 1NSULT1NGLY 34SY L1F3 GO4L >;]

\--ectoBiologist [EB] joined memo--

EB: so, do you guys need an auspistice?  
CG: GODDAMNIT EGBERT. FIRST SERKET AND LALONDE, NOW US?!  
CG: THIS IS JUST KIND OF THE RELATION WE HAVE. NO NEED FOR AN ASHEN INTERVENTION.  
GC: 4R3 YOU SUR3 K4RK4T >:]  
CG: NOT IN THE MOOD FOR THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW!  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4  
EB: so no need for an auspistice then?  
GC: NO BUT TH4NK YOU FOR YOUR HUM4N CONC3RN  
GC: W3 4PPR3C14T3 1T  
CG: SPEAK FOR YOURSELF!  
EB: hehe, no problem :B  
CG: WHAT IS IT WITH YOUR SUDDEN FUCKING INTEREST IN MEDIATING?!  
EB: well, nepeta and i have been hanging with dirk a lot lately and its actually been kinda fun.  
EB: we’ve been watching silly cartoons, playing games.  
EB: also having weird talks.  
GC: WH4T?  
EB: yeah.  
EB: but dirk said mediation methods are required to remain a secret according to quadrant law or something. nepeta seemed to agree anyway, so i guess that it is an actual thing.  
GC: SO TH3 TWO OF YOU 4R3NT F1GHT1NG 4NYMOR3?  
EB: not really.  
EB: according to dirk, we can ‘seduce’ roxy pretty soon.   
CG: BY WHICH HE MEANS SOME SORT OF CRIME AGAINST QUADRANTS I IMAGINE.  
EB: maybe?  
GC: DON’T M1ND K4RK3T H3 JUST H4T3S FUN  
CG: I DON’T HATE FUN DAMNIT!

\--twinArmageddons [TA] joined memo--

TA: no KK defiiniitely hate2 fun  
CG: AND THE PRODIGAL ASSHOLE RETURNS.  
GC: 1 THOUGHT TH4T W4S D4V3  
CG: WE HAVE AN UNCOMFORTABLE AMOUNT OF ASSHOLES IN OUR TEAM.  
TA: 2up john  
EB: eh, not much. auspistice stuff.  
TA: neat  
GC: 4ND WH4T H4V3 YOU B33N UP TO MR 4PPL3 B3RRY BL4ST?  
TA: take a gue22  
GC: COMPUT3R B1Z?  
TA: iincorrect  
TA: no ii’ve actually been chiilliing wiith my dance2tor for a biit  
CG: OH MY GOD, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN STAND THAT GUY?!  
TA: dude  
CG: HE IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST ASSHOLES ON THE ALPHA TEAM AND TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THAT *ISN’T* A REWARD ONE CLAIMS LIGHTLY.  
TA: the guy ha2 a dii2abiiliity  
TA: he cant help iit  
CG: WHAT!?  
TA: he ha2 iit though enough wiithout be beiing a diick to hiim  
CG: WHEN THE FUCK DID YOU BECOME ALL COMPASSIONATE AND SHIT!  
TA: ii don’t know  
TA: 2iince he’2 my fuckiing dance2tor you piiece of 2hiit  
CG: HAVE YOU SEEN *MY* DANCESTOR?!  
CG: FUCK, HAVE YOU SEEN ERIDAN’S?!  
CG: IT ISN’T UNNATURAL TO HATE THEM. IN FACT, IT IS PRETTY MUCH EXPECTED!  
GC: 1 DON’T H4T3 M1N3 31TH3R  
CG: NOT IMPORTANT!  
GC: WH4T W3R3 YOU 3V3N DO1NG W1TH M1TUN4?  
TA: don’t a2k  
TA: iit wiill 2ave your no2e from my horriible fuckiing liie2  
GC: >:[  
TA: 2iigh  
TA: playiing around wiith our p2iioniic2  
TA: he doe2n’t have a whole lot of control but he throw2 2hiit liike a fuckiing bea2t  
TA: iit made hiim happy as an apebea2t wiith iits no2e up a curved fruiitpiie 2o what do ii care  
GC: TH4T 1S 4DOR4BL3 

\--antisocialArbiter [AA] joined memo--

AA:他のアルファよりもうよくない捕獲者  
AA:それらが吸収するすべての増加  
CG: AND THEN THERE WAS AN ALPHA TROLL. LIKE WE FUCKING NEEDED ONE.  
AA:あなたとまた性交する、ベータ少年  
AA:非常にかわいい小さなつの  
AA:隅で粉になりたい。  
CG: OKAY, NEW RULE!  
CG: IF YOU WANT TO WATCH A FUCKING MOVIE, YOU GOT TO SPEAK SOME GODDAMN ALTERNIAN!  
EB: isn’t that kinda racist?  
CG: FUCK OFF!  
TA: kk ju2t liike2 gettiing mad for no reas2on  
AA:私、心なしは理由を教えます。  
CG: THERE IS ALL THE REASON TO GET MAD BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS FUCKED SIDEWAYS ONE WAY OR ANOTHER!  
AA:非常に悲しい。  
AA:叫びベータは裂けます。  
AA:私をうずかせます。  
EB: well its not always fucked, just kinda messy.  
CG: UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE FUCKING DECADE!  
EB: that being said, it is kinda annoying that i have no idea what she’s saying.  
EB: could you at least try speaking normal english?  
AA:ない  
GC: 1 SM3LL R3J3CT1ON  
TA: what doe2 iit 2mell liike  
GC: F1SH, STR4NG3LY 3NOUGH >:/  
TA: doe2n’t 2urprii2e me at all actually

\--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] joined memo--

TG: holla!  
TA: 2up  
AA:酔った人間  
EB: hi roxy!  
TG: ohmg john! <2  
TG: how is everyone dong?  
GC: W3 4R3 PR3TTY GOOD  
AA:角製  
CG: MISERABLE IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE.  
TA: yeah we are fiine  
TG: swell as fuck  
TG: hows the biznits with ds going?  
EB: pretty well actually. im not sure why he considers it special training for me and nepeta but it’s a lot of fun.  
TG: so what does he make you do?  
TG: wear funny shades?  
TG: take looooong showahs together  
TG: write hella irronic comics  
TG: aaaawh shit THAT is an idea! gots to suggest that to shades  
EB: actually, apparently it is custom to keep the exact methods a secret :B  
TG: i’ll get it out of your zipperpips

\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] joined memo—

GA: Greetings  
GC: MRS M4RY4M  
GC: YOU H4V3 SOM3 3XPL41N1NG TO DO!  
GA: I Was Unaware Of That  
GA: Please Elaborate On The Topic That You Would Have Me Illuminate  
GC: WHY W3R3NT YOU 4T TH3 V13W1NG OF TH3 D3L1C1OUS C4RTOON PON13S >:[  
AA:角製  
AA:解剖学的に正確な小馬の方がよい。  
AA:非常に大きく水分が多い。  
GA: I Was  
GA: Otherwise Occupied  
AA:先生と学生をすること/span>  
TA: that fuckiing moon2peak  
AA:それを備えた取り引き  
GC: 4ND WH4T 3X4CTLY W3R3 YOU OCCUP13D W1TH?  
GA: I Think I Do Not Appreciate The Direction This Conversation Is Headed  
GA: Therefore I Shall Remain quiet  
TG: ohohhoohohohh kapaya  
TG: you didst the nasty with rosie yet?  
CG: YOU CLEARLY HAVEN’T HAD THE DISPLEASURE OF WALKING IN ON THEM ON THE METEOR.  
TG: that is perf!!!  
GA: I Am Remaining Quiet Until The Subject Has Changed  
GC: COM3 ON MRS M1NTY R41NBOW DR1NK3R  
GC: W3 W4NT TH3 D3T41LS  
TG: like, was she good?  
EB: dude, you don’t ask that.  
TG: wut? they are my genes too. if she is like, lousy in the sack i needs to know *winkwonk*   
GA: My Lips Remain Sealed  
GA: I Will Not Be Swayed To Breathe Any More Life Into This Topic  
GC: S41D TH3 R41NBOW DR1NK3R  
TG: otm why is everyone acting likke the TIGHTEST OF ASSSESS!  
CG: I CAN NOT BELIEVE I AM SAYING THIS, BUT I VASTLY PREFER YOUR CREEPY ECTOSIBLING.  
TG: way to ruin the buzz karrotcake.  
CG: NOT EVEN REMOTELY MY NAME!.

\--terminallyCapricious [TC] joined memo--

TC: WhAt ThE fUcK iS hApPeNiNg PeOpLe?  
TC: HoNk HoNk HoNk :o)  
GA: Gamzee  
TC: SiS, wHy DoNt YoU uP and GiVe Us ThE wIcKeD iNtEl On YoU aNd YoUr MoThErFuCkInG mAtEsPrIt.  
GA: Out Of Consideration For Both Our Privacy And Our Dignity  
TG: Borin  
TC: NaH, i CaN dIg ThAT. dOnT mAkE oUr GrUbSiS lAy DoWn ThE iNfO nUgGeTs ShE aInT wIlLiNg To DrOp.  
AA:しかしセクシーな物語楽しみ  
AA:私に楽しい感情を中へ下へ下に感じさせます。  
TC:本日のスープはスパゲッティです。  
CG: WHAT?!  
AA: nani?  
TC: WhAt?  
GC: G4MZ33 YOU SP34K 34ST3RN 4LT3RN14N?  
TC: I gUeSs So SiS?  
TA: that make2 no 2en2e at all  
TC: NaH mAn, YoU jUsT gOt To FuCkInG tYPe In ThE wAy ThAt yOu FeEl MoThErFuCkInG cOmFoRtAbLe WiTh.  
GA: I Do Not Think That Results In Correct Eastern Dialect  
TC:照り焼きの市長か、でないこと  
AA:言語の嘲笑を作ります。  
AA:今止まります。  
TC:あひるあひるあひるあひるあひる  
EB: i don’t know, it seems like they’re having a conversation in that asian language.  
CG: GAMZEE WENT SO STUPID HE CAME FULL CIRCLE AND BECAME BRILIANT!  
TC: HaHaHaHa, ThAnK yOu BeSt FrIeNd.  
AA: this no funny  
AA: makara no speak dialect  
TA: 2o 2he doe2 2peak alterniian  
AA: yes baka captor  
TC: MaN, tHaT iS mOtHeRfUcKiNg PeRfEcT.  
AA: i hate you  
TC: :o(

\--turntechGodhead [TG] joined memo--

TG: ah great  
TG: who made the clown cry  
GA: That Would Have Been Megido  
TG: im not even sure what they were eveen fuckin taling about.  
TA: who even under2tand2 that fuckiing moon2peak  
AA: urusei  
TG: man all that anime shit just makes all the kokoros go dokidoki  
AA: nani  
TG: just thinking about all the sailor scouts and their dragonballs drives every guy wild  
TG: getting one piece of the philosophers stone  
TG: to become hokage i must avenge my father/familie/clan/pet rabbit  
TG: bleach reference  
TG: something about piercing the heavens with a comically oversized drill and shinji being way too fucking emo  
TG: im being chased by like seven schoolgirls and having sex with none of them  
TG: save me from my own virginity and/or neckbeard  
TG: lol  
TG: big eyes and uguus everywhere  
AA: I LIKE YOU  
TG: cool  
EB: how have you been dave?  
TG: trying very hard to ignore the snogging noises of bro and the horseman  
AA: I AM UNDERSTAND PAIN  
CG: I AM SORRY TO HEAR THAT STRIDER. NO MORTAL EYES SHOULD WITNESS ZAHHAK DOING…. WHATEVER IT IS HE DOES.  
TG: seriously  
TG: im just annoyed at bro really  
TG: the robotparts and two-hour showers were bad enough  
TG: i walked in on things i did not want to walk in on  
TG: it is the meteor all over again  
GA: We Agreed We Would Not Debate This Subject Again  
TG: you agred, we didn’t not do anything

\--gutsyGumshoe [GG] joined memo--

GG: Is Distri’s love life getting you down Dave?  
TG: oh not at all  
TG: bro can make out with as many guys, girls and intermediaries as he can find  
TG: i would just prefer not being in the same room  
TG: or house  
TG: preferably continent but ill take what i can get  
TG: u are suuuuch a tightass  
TG: like you don’t think its awkward seeing rose mack on kanaya  
GA: Why Must I Be Drawn In This Yet Again  
TG: are you kipding me? that’s actuall kinda hot  
TG: alright  
TG: but i bet jane totally gets weirded out by egbert hitting on you  
EB: uhm…….  
TG: dude  
TG: xnay on the janeyey  
GG: Oh please, I was there two weeks ago.  
GG: I read everything.  
TG: everything?  
TA: bu2ted  
GG: Well, nearly everything.  
GG: I am still not entirely certain what happened between you and Nepeta. I could have sworn you were into her.  
AA: SO BUSTED.  
EB: you didn’t tell jane?  
GG: Tell me what?  
TG: like, wat was I supposed to say?  
EB: oh god….. so dirk didn’t tell her either…..  
EB: does jake know?  
TG: probs not?  
EB: well…… this is awkward.  
GG: How is this awkward? What exactly is going on?  
GC: 1 4M PR3TTY SUR3 TH1S 1S 3V3RY S1TCOM S1TU4T1ON 3V3R  
CG: QUIET, WE’RE JUST GETTING TO THE BEST PART.  
TG: can we start the mobie maybe?  
TG: no no no  
TG: we are going to hear this  
TA: out wiith iit  
TG: this is mebarrassing  
GG: You can always speak truthfully with me Rolal. I wont judge.  
TG: promise?  
GG: That’s what chums are for right?  
TG: whale…… i maaay or may not have a thing for john AND nepeta?  
TG: and dick may or maaaybe not is training them to get along so we can have oursells some fun.  
TG: haveing your cake and eat it, if you will.  
GG: :O  
TG: wait  
TG: so john  
TG: and you  
TG: and the cat troll?  
EB: basically? :B  
AA: DOKI!  
TG: i feel like i should fistbump john  
TG: in the face  
TG: with a chair  
TG: because im so proud of him  
GA: That Does Sound Like You Are Having Some Mixed Feelings About This  
TG: well yeah it is still my ectomom we are talking about  
TG: its also my best bro on a train to perpetual threeway city  
TG: im standing on the platform here holding a tearstained handkerchief  
GG: It does sound a bit excessive Roxy.  
GG: Are you sure such an arrangement can work?  
TG: nope  
TG: but we are gona try  
GG: And John and Nepeta?  
TG: are learning to share just fine.  
TG: wink wonk  
GG: But would you be okay with it if…… Oh heavens.   
GG: You wouldn’t get jealous if the two of them would get intimate?  
TG: are you kidding?  
TG: thatd be so hoit  
GG: Sigh.  
TG: pls don’t hate me for it janey :(  
GG: You could not seriously be concerned about that. I would never hate you Roxy.   
TG: phew  
TG: that’s a relief  
TA: per2onally ii thiink iit2 geniius  
GC: Y3S, MR 4PPL3 B3RRY BL4ST 4PPROV3S OF TH3 1D34 OF H4V1NG TWO M4T3SPR1TS  
GC: WH4T 4R3 TH3 ODDS  
AA: I LIKE IDEA ALSO  
GG: John, are you sure about this?  
EB: yeah, i guess.  
EB: nepeta really isn’t so bad when you get to know her.  
EB: and roxy is secretly very adorable about the whole thing.  
TG: joooooohn  
EB: like, randomly pestering dirk during ashen sessions to let us go to her already.  
TG: joooooooooooooooohn  
EB: and waiting with flowers after those sessions are done.  
TG: stahp  
GA: That Is Adorable  
CG: FINE, WE GET IT. EGBERT, LALONDE AND LEIJON ARE DESECRATING THE QUADRANT SYSTEM IN WAYS I DIDN’T EVEN CONSIDER FUCKING POSSIBLE. LORD KNOWS THE COUNTDOWN HAS ALREADY BEGUN FOR YOU ASSHOLES TO COPY THIS UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR!  
CG: CAN WE GET ONE WITH THE MOVIE NOW?  
GC: WH4T CR4WL3D UP YOUR W4ST3CHUT3?  
CG: NOTHING CRAWLED UP MY WASTECHUTE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!  
AA:残部を上へ何かがほしい。  
AA:私は支援します。  
TC:左の出口ピーナッツ  
AA:さい痴者  
TG: alright starting the movie  
TG: i must warn you though  
TG: you might not be ready for this  
CG: NO PREPERATION IN THE WORLD WOULD MAKE ANYONE READY FOR A STRIDER MOVIE!  
EB: unless it is another strider?  
CG: RIGHT, IN THAT UNLIKELY SCENARIO, SOMEONE COULD THEORETICALLY BE READY FOR ANOTHER STRIDER MOVIE.  
TG: alright then  
TG: make yourselves comfortable as we begin this epic tale for the ages  
TG: the year was 1996

 

GC: BUT TH3 MOV13 S4YS 1T W4S 1973  
TA: no one really care2  
GG: Hey, I know this song.  
EB: yeah, this is ‘I believe I can fly.’ It’s a classic.  
TG: yeah  
TG: it was written for this piece of shit movie  
GG: You are kidding me?  
TG: dead serious  
TG: also bingo time  
TG: everyone is playing  
TA: mu2t we?  
TC: HaHaHaHa FuCk ThE hElL yEaH. i LoVe ThIs GaMe.  
TC: WhAt ArE wE pLaYiNg?  
GA: Create A Five By Five Grid  
GA: The Center Square Is A Free Space  
TG: fill the remaining squares with 90s tropes  
GA: The First To Complete A Row Of Five Wins  
TG: we can already scratch off the iconic theme music  
EB: what about celebrity protagonist?  
GG: we haven’t even seen the guy yet.  
GC: 1 4M SO GO1NG TO W1N TH1S >:]  
TG: this is gonna be the best  
GG: Oh what the hey. Deal me one of those bingo card dealios.  
AA:このゲームはそうです、混同する。  
TC:ピニャコラーダが好きな場合  
AA:あなたをねじで留めます。  
TA: ii don’t know 2hiit about these 902  
GC: TH4T ONLY M4K3S TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG FUNN13R >:]  
CG: ALREADY WE’RE OFF TO A FLYING START…..

GA: Who Is This Adult Male Person  
GC: TH3 F4TH3R LUSUS 3NCOUR4G1NG H1S CH4RG3 TO CONT1NU3 THROW1NG TH4T B4LL THROUGH TH3 N3T  
GC: CONT1NU3 DO1NG TH1S L1TTL3 M1CH43L 4ND ON3 D4Y YOU’LL THROW B4LLS THROUGH N3TS W1TH TH3 B3ST OF TH3M  
GC: YOU C4N DO 1T 1F YOU B3L13V3 1N YOURS3LF  
GG: Already crossing off ‘touching moment with father figure’. Or would this be premature?  
TG: go nuts  
TG: damn janey. it aint even been five minutes and already you gots two of te mad sqaures.  
GC: 1 OBJ3CT  
GC: TH1S MOM3NT W4SN’T N34RLY TOUCH1NG 3NOUGH  
TG: movie aint gonna be much more touching then this  
CG: ALL I NEEDED TO KNOW. WE ARE CLEARLY WATCHING ANOTHER FUCKING MOVIE FROM THE STRIDER COLLECTION. WHY DID WE EVEN EXPECT A GOOD STORY WITH ACTUAL CHARACTERS AND EMOTIONS.  
GA: Karkat You May Be Rushing To Conclusions  
AA: he always like this?  
TA: pretty much  
CG: ONLY WHEN I FOOLISHLY ALLOW A HUMAN TO PICK A MOVIE. DID *ANY* OF YOU PICK ANYTHING THAT I COULD TOLERATE?!  
TG: i fought you liked hp  
GA: And You Seemed Undecided About Black Swan  
CG: THE ODDS ARE NOT IN THE FAVOR OF YOUR DUMB FUCKING SPECIES!  
AA: you need calm down  
CG: I *AM* CALM!!!  
GC: YOU R34LLY DON’T W4NT TO S33 H1M THROW 4 F1T  
AA: it hilarious

TG: so I taek it mr jordan was a big deal?  
TG: you don’t even know  
TG: this IS the big man  
TG: the guy continueoyl mention in the sweat bro and help jaff movevies?  
TG: *continusouly  
TG: *the guy you always mention  
TG: probably  
TG: bro wont show me the movies  
TG: HE SHOULD!  
GG: You really aren’t missing out.   
TG: crocker i made that shit  
TG: i NEED to see it  
TA: thii2 ii2 2o boriing  
TA: why are we watchiing cliip2 about thii2 guy’2 liife?  
TA: ii couldn’t care le22 iif ii triied  
GC: 1 THOUGHT YOU C4R3D L3SS H4LF OF TH3 T1M3  
TA: okay tz  
TA: thii2 thiing you do? where you niinja my biifuriicatiion joke2?  
TA: really annoyiing  
CG: CARRY ON TEREZI.  
TA: fuck you  
TC: I fOr OnE aM hAvInG a GrEaT mOtHeRfUcKiNg TiMe.  
GA: Of Course You Do

GC: WH4T CRU3L LUSUS N4M3S TH31R SP4WN BUGS BUNNY  
TC: It SoUnDs CoMpLeTeLy HiLaRiOuS  
TA: he mu2t have been tea2ed 2o much at theiir human 2chool  
TG: oh christ i didn’t even think of that  
CG: *YOU* DIDN’T THINK OF TAKING POTSHOTS AT SOMEONE’S FUNNY NAME?!  
EB: this is gonna be great :B

CG: SO IN THE FIVE MINUTES OF MOVIE WE HAVE HAD 3 FULL MINUTES OF FUCKING CREDITS!  
CG: TIME WE WILL NEVER GET BACK!  
AA:自説を述べます。  
TC:できる、私に列車駅への道を示します。  
AA:実際に私の小鳥makara息子に乗ってください。  
AA:私はあなたと性交するでしょう、よい  
AA:カット舌‥‥あなたを兄弟として無音にする。  
TC:アスパラガス  
AA: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHH!!!  
AA: FINE I SPEAK WEST  
AA: YOU SHUT UP IN EASTERN  
TC: ErRr…. SuRe ThInG sIs.  
AA: GODS YOU ANNOY  
CG: YEAH, PREACHING TO THE PSALMSINGERS THERE.  
TG: crosssising press conferenction  
TG: bullshit you did not have that  
TG: I soo totally did  
GA: What Exactly Is Happening Here  
GG: An intense game of bingo?  
TG: that I am winning?  
GA: In Regards To The Movie  
TG: yeah touching story really  
TG: mjs dad got killed by the mob and was pretty big into baseball  
TG: so to honor that memory he quits basketball and goes pro baseball  
GC: WH4T 4 T4L3NT3D M4N TH4T M1CH43L JORD4N  
GG: It is kind of sad that this part of the story doesn’t get any acknowledgment in the movie.  
EB: well it was difficult making deals with mcdonalds and warner bros if your kids movie includes mob killings.  
CG: I DON’T GET IT. THIS SOUNDS LIKE IT’S AN ACTUAL EMOTIONAL STORY. HONORING THE MEMORY OF SOMEONE DEAR TO YOU, LEAVING BEHIND WHAT YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH, MAYBE AVENGING HIS DEATH.  
CG: WHY DID YOU SAY THAT LAST SCENE WAS THE EMOTIONAL HEIGHT OF THE MOVIE!?

TA: what ii2 happeniing?  
TA: why diid we ju2t pa22 one of earth2 moon2?  
TC: FaR oUt MaN.  
AA: YOU ARE BAD IN BOTH LANGUAGE  
TC: YeAh SiS. yOu ArE pReTtY bAd YoUrSeLf :o)  
AA: IT NOT COMPLIMENT!  
CG: WE JUST WENT FROM CAREERSWITCH BECAUSE OF LUSUSMURDER TO AN ASTEROID CALLED MORON MOUNTAIN!?  
CG: WHAT IS THIS MOVIE’S MAJOR MALFUNCTION!?!  
GC: TH1S LOOKS L1K3 FUN  
CG: MY NECK NEARLY SNAPPED FROM THE COMPLETE WHIPLASH!  
TA: thii2 look2 liike the exact oppo2iite of fun  
TG: okay das not on my bingocard  
TG: i would have called you a fucking cheater if it was  
EB: roxy doesn’t cheat much  
TG: roxy doesn’t not cheat att all  
EB: you ended a game of cards with two aces.  
TG: so?!  
EB: they were both spades :B  
GG: Are you using your rogue of void powers for nefarious practices roxy?  
TA: ii2n’t that kiinda the poiint of haviing tho2e power2?

GC: 4ND TH3R3 1S TH3 OBV1OUS V1LL41N FOR TH3 MOV13  
GA: They Are Not Exactly Setting Up A Twist Here  
GA: They Just Put Him In The Spotlight And Make Him Hold A Sign That Reads  
GA: Look At Me For I Am Your Villain  
GG: I had shady businessman.  
GG: Who else had shady businessman?  
TG: yes, we are so doing this.  
TG: we are makoing this happpen  
EB: we are kinda lagging behind dave.  
TG: speak for yourself  
TA: 2o thii2 a22hole obviiou2ly voiiced by the human danny deviito run2 an amu2ement park and want2 to have cartoon aniimal2 to entertaiin hii2 gue2t2?  
TA: diid ii follow that correctly or diid the voiice2 return?  
TC: NaH bRo I tHiNk YoU gOt It.  
TA: then iit2 pretty fuckiing lame  
TC: NaH mAn. ItS lIkE: oKaY. ThEsE fUcKiNg CaRtOoN aNiMaLs RiGhT?  
TC: LiKe, WhAt EvEn ArE tHeY mAn?   
TA: aniimal2 that are al2o cartoon2?  
TC: YeAh BuT lIkE….. hOw DiD tHeY eVeN gEt StUcK iN tHoSe TeLeViSiOn ThInGiEs?  
GC: 1 TH1NK G4MZ33 H4S B33N H1TT1NG TH3 SL1M3 4 L1TTL3 H4RD TOD4Y

GC: SO M1C43L JORD4N B3G1NS H1S C4R33R 4S B4S3B4LL PL4Y3R  
GC: 1T DO3SN’T GO W3LL  
GA: That Masked Human Is Very Impressive  
GA: His Clairvoyance Allows Him To Accurately Predict The Course Of The Thrown Ball  
TA: not 2ure iif claiirvoyant or lucky  
TG: not sure if lucky or just skilled  
EB: i don’t think michael jordan was received with so much kindness despite being pretty poor at baseball.  
EB: i kinda remember reception being a lot more mean spirited.  
GG: A pity we did not consider historical revisionism for the bingo.  
TC: MaN i DoNt EvEn FuCkInG uNdErStAnD wHaT hE iS pLaYiNg  
CG: SURPRISING ABSOLUTELY NO ONE.  
TG: how do the sports even work?  
TG: im glad you ask  
EB: dave, no.  
TG: see the pitcher throws the ball to the big man who has to hit it for a grand slam  
EB: stop it.  
TG: lmao  
TG: the quarterback has to catch the ball and prevent the big man from making a three pointer  
TG: and when they get a hole in one everyone wins  
TC: WhOa. ThAt GaMe SoUnDs MoThErFuCkInG aMaZiNg  
CG: WHOA, THAT GAME SOUNDS FAKE AS BALLS!

TG: oh, i had this on my bingicard  
TG: comic reliving sidekack  
EB: i had chubby comic relief. i’m pretty sure it still counts.  
GG: Why do I feel this fellow belongs in Jurassic Park?  
TG: why do i feel this fellow should threaten to cut mr bean open to harvest his organs  
GC: WH4T TH3 FUCK K1ND4 MOV13 W4S TH4T?  
TG: a family friendly comedy  
GC: HUM4NS 4R3 W31RD  
CG: YEAH NO SHIT!  
AA: I LIKE HUMANS!  
AA: THEY ARE SOFT AND HAVE THE NICE ANATOMY FOR SEX  
EB: err…. okay?  
GG: I take it she has been watching pirates a lot.  
AA: NOT JUST PIRATES  
AA: PIRATES 2  
AA: MANY HENTAIS  
AA: FUN TIMES  
GG: I bet……..  
CG: FILING THAT UNDER “SHIT I DID NOT WANT TO HEAR” AND KICKING THE FUCKING CABINET OFF A CLIFF AND INTO THE OCEAN!  
TC: ShE iS rIgHt AbOuT hUmAn AnAtOmY.   
TC: It Is LiKe, MiRaCuLoUs In AlL tHe RiGhT mOtHeRfUcKiNg PlAcEs.  
GC: H4V3 YOU B33N W4TCH1NG MOV13S W1TH MRS M3G1DO?  
AA: I NO ALLOW HIM  
TC: I jUsT kInDa ThInK tHaT tHeY aRe, lOoKiNg At AlL oUr PiNk BrOtHeRs AnD sIsTeRs.  
TC: NoThInG wRoNg WiTh SoMe MoThErFuCkInG fEnOtYpE aPpReCiAtIoN iS tHeRe BrO?  
CG: *EVERYTHING* IS WRONG WITH YOU OGGLING HUMANS!  
GC: SO WH4T H4PP3N3D TO YOUR HUM4N BL4CK CRUSH3S K4RK4T?  
TA: plural?  
TA: niice  
CG: NOT NOW!

TA: okay  
TA: how diid the2e alien a22hole2 know that they would fiind the loony tune2 underground?  
TA: that make2 very liittle 2en2e  
TG: hahaha  
TG: sense  
GG: Oh, product placement. I do believe that is one more for me.  
GA: Perhaps It Would Have Been Better Not To Pick Up The Bingo Card  
GA: I Am Dreadfully Ill Informed About Your Human 90s  
TG: relax, itts all about the fun we shaer when playing  
AA: I PLAY DIFFERENT GAMES  
TG: sounds cool megido.   
TG: whats yous poison  
AA: ERO GAMES. HAVE MANY ON HUSKTOP.  
AA: GET SO WET THINKING ABOUT HUNKY TROLLS  
EB: err………….  
TG: trolls made porn games  
GC: W3 DON’T L1K3 4CKNOWL3DG1NG TH3M  
GG: Let us return to the obvious product placement of Warner Bros . Will that be a good idea? I think it is.  
TG: no wait  
TG: you have to send me those games  
CG: YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND THEM STRIDER!  
EB: you play sexgames karkat?  
CG: SOME HAVE REALLY GOOD STORIES. ALSO: SHUT UP.

GG: Hoohoohoohoo, now we are delving into the realms of classics.  
GG: The eternal struggle between Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd.  
TG: back when kids were subjected to cartoon violence without tv networks getting their knickers in a twist  
TG: oh no this character got dynamite shoved up his ass  
TG: if little timmy sees this he will bomb his school using his 7 year old rectum  
EB: gross man.  
GA: Did That Really Occur  
EB: yes.  
GG: Yes.  
GA: So That Is A No  
TG: kapaya catches on to ur wily ways  
EB: i just wonder why Elmer Fudd sounds like yosemite sam.

TA: ii2 thii2 how tho2e confrontatiions between the hunteradiicator and the flapearbea2t u2ually end?  
GG: Well…… Yes and no.  
TA: oh that help2  
GG: Slapstick has always played a large part in it but he was seldom so….. Well he was always smug about it.  
EB: he just never really gloated so much about it.  
GG: Indeed. He was always funny for the sake of being funny, not for winks to the audience.  
CG: WHAT YOU MEAN TO SAY IS THAT HE IS INSUFFERABLY SMUG.  
GG: Essentially.  
TG: jaaaaaaane  
TG: you just cant apprecimiate the comical GENUS behind thes scene  
TA: a22umiing there ii2 one

GC: OH TH4T’S 4CTU4LLY K1ND4 FUNNY  
GG: Please. This joke had a beard when my poppop was a lad.  
GC: W3LL 1T 1S V3RY FUNNY FOR SOM3ON3 H34R1NG 1T FOR TH4 F1RST T1M3  
AA: EARS REMIND ME OF COSPLAY  
AA: WEAR FISHNETS AND BUNNY EARS  
EB: and a suit right?  
AA: NO  
CG: YOU NEED HELP.  
TA: 2o u2iing cartoon logiic bug2 e2cape2 the diimwiitted aliien2

TG: or does he  
TA: chrii2t thii2 ii2 2tupiid  
TG: don’t quastion cartoon logick  
TA: doe2n’t make iit any le22 fuckiing 2tupiid

CG: DID SOMEONE JUST SPLICE TWO MOVIES TOGETHER?! IS THAT WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED?!  
CG: ONE MOMENT WE ARE WATCHING CARTOON HUMAN RABBITS CHATTING UP ALIENS AND NEXT WE ARE WITH DYING-PROMISE-CAREER-SWITCH-THAT-ISN’T-DOING-SO-HOT MICHAEL.  
CG: CAN WE PLEASE JUST PICK A FUCKING THEME AND STICK TO IT?!  
TG: yeah the movie isn’t doing anything with the dying promise part  
TG: he just decided to day baseball  
TG: because  
CG: WHY!?  
CG: WHERE THEY THIS AFRAID OF ACTUALLY ENGAGING THEIR FUCKING AUDIENCE?!  
CG: AND WHY THE FUCK IS THIS UNFUNNY CHUBBY SIDEKICK STILL LURKING AROUND! *NO ONE* IS THIS SOCIALLY INEPT!  
GG: Have you met Jake at any point in your life? :B  
GG: Mind you, he is somewhat adorable.  
CG: I DON’T FUCKING CARE ABOUT ENGLISH RIGHT NOW! I AM TALKING ABOUT THIS PIECE OF SHIT MOVIE!  
CG: TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY, AT LEAST THE FAT FUCKER CAN ACT. I *BELIEVE* HE IS AN ANNOYING ASSHOLE WITH NO SOCIAL LIFE OUTSIDE OF MICHAEL’S. JORDAN ON THE OTHER HAND COULDN’T FUCKING ACT IF YOU HELD A GUN THAT SHOOTS ANGRY RODENTBEASTS TO HIS TEMPLE!  
GA: Karkat Is This Really Necessary  
TC: BrO cHiLl YoUr ShIt.  
CG: MY SHIT WILL REMAIN COMPLETELY UNCHILLED! IT IS THE FUCKING OPPOSITE OF CHILLED!  
CG: IT HAS BEEN STEWING TO LONG AND IS GOING COMPLETELY FUCKING NUCLEAR NOW!  
CG: ONCE WE ARE DONE WATCHING THIS ABOMINATION OF A CRAPPY MOVIE, I WILL PERSONALLY PISS IN THE DVD CASE, ENCASE IT IN CEMENT AND LAUNCH IT INTO THE MOTHERFUCKING SUN!  
TG: dude  
AA: OH YES  
AA: CONTINUE RANT  
CG: WHAT?!  
AA: MAKE ME HORNY  
AA: KEEP SHOUTING  
CG: ………………………………..FUCK.  
CG: YOU HAD TO GO AHEAD AND MAKE IT WEIRD. 

EB: okay so pitbulls are pretty damn strong but i doubt they can tackle a professional athlete by carefully jumping against his leg.  
TG: yeah  
TG: and this is michael jordan we are talking about  
TG: professional tall person and ballhogger  
GA: I Am Completely Lost  
GA: What Is Happening Here  
TC: ShIt ThIs MiNiLuSuS uP aNd DeFeNdEd ItS mOtHeRfUcKiNg PrOpErTy.  
GC: GOOD P1TBULL  
GC: B3ST M1N1LUSUS

GG: And now we can add nepotism to this movie’s list of sins.  
GG: Boy, this is certainly shaping up to be quite a list.  
TA: ii don’t thiink any of you a22hole2 had that on your card2  
EB: not really no.  
TG: i did have convnient neews broadcast  
GC: BULLSH1T  
TG: i did!  
TG: it whappens way two often yo  
TG: harpy potter, ghost ridder the shinin, termininator, list goes on.  
GC: HMM 1 N3V3R R34LLY NOT1C3D  
TC: ThOsE wErE sOmE gOoD mOtHeRfUcKiNg MoViEs.  
TG: also that part about nepotism was bs anyway  
TG: congratulations michael  
TG: you are not the father  
TG: imdb says they are just random child actors  
TA: 2o they cho2e actor2 who had nothiing to do wiith our maiin character  
TA: and they are 2tiill horriible  
TG: child actors aren’t very good very often  
GC: 4ND TH3 FOURTH W4LL G3TS H1L4R1OUSLY BROK3N 4S TH3 LOONY TUN3S STOP TH31R C4RTOON TO 4TT3ND 4N 3M3RG3NCY M33T1NG  
GC: D1D 1 S4Y H1L4R1OUS?  
GC: 1 M34NT L4M3  
TG: pretty sure this was the highlight of comedy in the 90s  
GC: YOUR HUM4N 90S SUR3 W3R3 4 STR4NG3 T1M3

GG: Oh, this I enjoy. Just look at all the references to past Looney Tunes cartoons.  
EB: i am amazed in how many i remember :B  
TG: Does this count ass nostalgima batin cus i have that  
TG: yeah go nuts  
TC: MaN wHaT a BeAuTiFuL fUcKiNg JaMbOrEe Of CaRtOoNs ThIs Is.  
TA: ii don’t get iit  
AA: WHAT NOW  
TA: the2e cartoon2 act viiolently toward2 each other all the tiime  
AA: YES  
TA: but iin the end they alway2 surviive becau2e of cartoon logic  
AA: I FOLLOW  
TA: why do they fliip theiir 2hiit when the2e aliien2 iinfliict cartoon viiolence on them??  
GC: B3C4US3 1T 1S L3SS FUNNY WH3N TH3Y DO 1T  
TA: iim done

CG: RULE OF THUMB!  
CG: IF THE CREATURE CAN TIE ITS OWN SHOELACES, IT WON’T FUCKING FALL FOR THIS RUSE!  
TG: ya and didn’t they see through his earlier rouse?  
TG: this one is aboat as dumb  
GG: I assume the rule of funny applies here.  
CG: EXCEPT IT ISN’T FUCKING FUNNY!

GC: OH TH3 C4RTOON CH4R4CT3RS 4R3 4CTU4LLY CONSP1R1NG  
EB: oh, this is actually kinda funny :P  
GG: Sylvester is a complete psychopath.  
GA: How So  
GA: He Is A Predator  
GA: Birds Are Typically Prey  
GA: It Is More Natural Then The Porkbeast With A Speech Impediment  
TC: MaN, tHaT fUcKiNg PiG cAnT hElP iT.  
TC: I tHiNk He Is WiCkEd FuNnY.  
CG: AT THE VERY LEAST THEY GO ABOUT IT IN A TACTICAL MATTER. FIGURE OUT THE OPPONENTS WEAKPOINTS AND CHOOSE THE GAME ACCORDINGLY.  
TA: yeah but what the fuck ii2 a ba2ketball  
CG: DO I LOOK LIKE THE EXPERT ON HUMAN SPORTSMANSHIP?  
CG: I THINK IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THROWING A BALL THROUGH A NET, LIKE THE KID DID IN THE OPENING, BUT THEY WILL HAVE TO INVENT A NEW NUMBER TO SHOW HOW LITTLE I CARE.  
CG: HOW DOES A NULLION SOUND TO YOU?  
CG: BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE AN ACCURATE REPRESENTATION OF THE AMOUNT OF FUCKS I GIVE.  
TA: ii wa2 ju2t a2kiing what ba2ketball wa2 a22hole  
TA: ii diidnt need your liife’2 2tory becau2e iin a 2trange twii2t of fate ii wa2 there for the mo2t exciitiing part2  
GC: SHOWS WH4T YOU KNOW >:]  
CG: OH GOD, NOT NOW………..

TA: well there ii2 my iin2tructiion on how to play ba2ketball  
TA: do the rule2 2ay anythiing about banniing p2iioniic2?  
GG: Nope.  
TA: another game broken by dii2mii2iing p2iioniic2  
GA: When Will People Learn  
AA: WHY BLACK AND WHITE  
TG: i thoughts its meaned to be a joke?  
AA: BUT THAT NOT FUNNY  
CG: YEAH, WE ARE GETTING THAT PROBLEM A LOT DURING THIS PIECE OF SHIT MOVIE.  
TG: man you just don’t see the cinematic genius that lies behind space jam  
TG: kubrick is taking all of the notes man  
TG: citizen kane is for pussies  
EB: i’m thinking less kubrick and more wiseau  
CG: DON’T SPEAK THAT NAME!

GA: So The Aliens Attend A Basketball Game With Quite An Audience  
TG: well yeah  
TG: it’s the nba  
TG: the big league  
TG: the pro’s  
TG: home of the big man  
TA: you people had profe22iional ballthrower2  
EB: well, not exactly that but kind of?  
TA: your 2peciie2 de2erved iit2 extiinctiion  
GA: That Is Kind Of Overboard  
TA: don’t care  
TG: so like the aliens turn into this goo stuff that can absurb player talent  
CG: THIS RAISES SO MANY UNNECESSARY QUESTIONS!  
CG: WHY DO THEY NEED TO TURN INTO THIS FUCKING GOO TO ABSORB TALENT?! IS SKIN CONTACT NOT EFFICIËNT ENOUGH? FURTHERMORE……  
GA: I Think We Heard Enough  
CG: ABSORBING TALENT!!!??? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! HOW THE FUCK DOES SOMETHING AS ABSTRACT AS *TALENT* GET ABSORBED BY TOUCHING SOME BAD CGI GOO!?  
TA: kk we get iit  
CG: HOW IN THE NAME OF THIS PLANET’S SINGLE MOON DOES ONE STORE THE ALREADY ABSTRACT CONCEPT OF ‘TALENT’ INSIDE A RUBBER SPHERE!? WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL IS THE POINT!?  
AA: YOU ASK MANY QUESTIONS  
CG: AND I DEMAND ANSWERS THAT THIS MOVIE WILL NEVER FUCKING PROVIDE!  
AA: MOVIE STUPID  
CG: STUPID DOESN’T EVEN FUCKING *BEGIN* TO DESCRIBE THE RAGE INDUCING AWFULNESS THAT IS GOING ON ON-SCREEN.  
AA: SO YOU NO CARE ABOUT MOVIE  
CG: I REALLY COULDN’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK!  
AA: THEN WHY GET MAD AT DUMB FLYING FUCK MOVIE?  
CG: I…………….. ERRR………………… FUCK. BECAUSE IT DOESN’T MAKE A LICK OF SENSE!  
AA: BUT YOU NO CARE  
AA: SO YOU NO MAKE SENSE NOW  
CG: DON’T FUCKING COMPLICATE THIS!  
TG: yeah that little outburst aside  
TG: dan castellaneta and some other chick  
EB: i have no idea who either of them are  
TG: come on man  
TG: its homer simpson  
GG: I had not noticed. That is pretty neat.  
TG: yeah, cept he has like: 0 lines.  
TG: * 1 lines  
EB: still, point for celebrity cameo. getting pretty close to a bingo.

TA: are you kiiddiing me  
GG: I know I already scratched a square off for product placement but this was so dreadful I feel entitled to another one.  
TG: ye lets name ALL OF THEM SPONSERS in one sentence!  
TG: it is beautiful

EB: man, this is bad….  
EB: how did they even mess the loony tunes up this badly?  
EB: i kinda remember them being a lot more….. funny.  
TC: WeLl I tHiNk ThE WaTeRfOwL iS wIcKeD fUnNy.  
TC: lIkE, jUsT lOoK aT hIm, BeInG aLl SaSsY aNd ShIt.  
TC: WhAt A mAjEsTiC cReAtUrE.  
EB: it’s a duck. they were quite common back home.  
TC: DaMn, ThAt Is AmAzInG. LiKe, DuCkS rIgHt?  
TC: HoW dO tHeY eVeN fUcKiNg WoRk?  
TG: this one works through outdated animation  
TC: FaR oUt.

CG: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURGHHH!! THIS DIALOGUE IS PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF!  
GA: No One Calls Themselves The Quote Unquote Mean Team  
TA: no one iin theiir riight miind would call them mon2tar2 eiither  
CG: STRIDER. WHAT THE FUCK?!  
TG: man you are looking at it all wrong  
CG: LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND DARE TO TELL ME THIS IS ALL PART OF SOME ‘IRONIC’ STATEMENT!!  
TG: how about post irony  
CG: AAAAAAAAAAAAARGHH!!!!  
GC: SO SOM3HOW TH3Y 4BSORB TH3 T4L3NT TH3Y STOR3D 1N TH3 B4SK3TB4LL  
CG: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHH!!!!!!  
GC: WH1CH M4K3S TH3M GROW B3C4US3 T4L3NT 1S NOW SYNONYMOUS W1TH 4THL3TC  
GA: Karkat Are You Alright  
GG: Also, Porky Pig wets himself. This is humor of the lowest variety.  
CG: THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR HOW BAD THIS MOVIE FALLS FLAT ON ITS DRUNKEN FACE, VOMMITS AND PROCEEDS TO SLURP UP SAID VOMMIT!   
CG: I AM DONE, THE ALTERNIAN LANGUAGE HAS FAILED ME. NOTHING CAN EXPRESS THE AMOUNT OF SHITFUCKERY THIS MOVIE DELIVERS EXCEPT FOR COMPARISONS FOR THE ONLY MOVIE THAT’S WORSE.  
GG: You mean the Room?  
CG: DO NOT SAY THAT FUCKING NAME!  
TG: like, is he alrigt?  
EB: eh, he’s been worse.

EB: oh, oh, oh!  
EB: it’s another cameo from a famous celebrity!  
GG: I had not expected to see Bill Murray in this movie.  
TA: who  
EB: how can you NOT know who bill murray is?  
GC: B3C4US3 TH4T 1S JUST WH4T TH1S MOV13 N33D3D  
GC: 4NOTH3R 4CTOR TO COMPL3TLY OV3RSH4DOW M1CH43L 1N H1S P3RFORM4NC3  
TA: remember when the new2reporter 2aiid that iit was more paiinful for hiim to watch than for miichael  
TA: becau2e ii am begiinniing to 2ympathiize  
TC: I dOnT kNoW hOw Or WhY aNd To Be pErFeCtLy MoThErFuCkInG hOnEsT i DoNt WaNt To KnOw  
TC: bUt I wAnT tHE mOtHeRfUcKiNg HaT tHaT tHe pAlE sKiNnEd HuMaN iS wEaRiNg.

CG: OH GOD…… AN ACTUAL FUNNY MOMENT!  
CG: OR AT THE VERY LEAST SOMETHING WORTHY OF A CHUCKLE….. IT MADE MY LIPS CURL UP IN WHAT MAY HAVE BEEN A SMILE IF I HADN’T KILLED THAT EMOTION LONG AGO.  
GC: SM1L1NG 1SN’T 4N 3MOT1ON NUMBNUTS  
AA: IMPROVEMENT STILL  
EB: is there anything bill murray CAN’T do?

TG: jeegus these effects  
GG: Who framed Roger Rabbit happened at least 8 years ago fellows. You have no excuse for this concoction.  
TG: nah see they were trying something new  
TG: why ape the method that worked in roger rabbit and was beloved by most  
TG: why not try for something easier and far less expensive  
TA: not 2urprii2iing  
TA: wiith all the product placement thiis thiing doe2 iit ii2 pretty much a blatant ca2hgrab  
TC: AaAaH bUt LoOk. BuGs Is FuCkInG mAkInG oUt WiTh MiChAeL.  
CG: AND THUS THE HUMAN ROMANCE SYSTEM GOT DRAGGED THROUGH THE PRIMORDIAL SLURRY YET AGAIN!  
GC: 1S M1CH43L 4 HUM4N HOMOS3XU4L  
GA: I Have Not A Clue  
GA: He Had A Matesprit Did He Not  
GC: 1S H3 CH34T1NG >:O  
GA: Frankly It Looks More As If Bugs Bunny Is Molesting Him  
GG: And isn’t that a mental picture everybody wanted to avoid.

TG: not halped by the fakt that mj has no idée how to act  
TG: he just looks silly  
EB: they needed someone more expressive in this role. like eddie murphy.  
TG: or bill murray. hes there anywave  
GG: Why is he even in the movie?  
EB: now that’d be an idea. bill murray is michael jordan in space jam.  
TG: it would make all the money  
EB: it would break all the box office records  
AA: WOULD MOISTEN ALL NOOKS  
EB: …………………  
TG: …………………  
GC: W4Y TO M4K3 1T 4WKW4RD  
AA: IT ONLY AWKWARD IF MADE AWKWARD  
GC: WH1CH YOU D1D Y3S >:/  
TA: and then the fowlbea2t kii22e2 the wb logo on iit2 a22  
TA: 2ubtle  
CG: ARE THESE FUCKERS AT WARNER BROTHERS SO GODDAMN NARCISSISTIC THAT THEY ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT THIS WAS SOMETHING WE WANTED TO SEE!?  
CG: THIS IS THE KIND OF THING FUNNY ONLY TO BRAINDEAD IMBECILES AND CYNICAL CORPORATE MANAGING ROBOTS RUNNING ON THE TEARS OF LOWBLOODS!  
TC: HeHeHe….. BuTtS.

GA: So They Clean The Gym By Spitting  
GA: Not Only That But It Seems Completely Renovated As Well  
GA: Does Human Spit Contain Thusfar Unknown Cleaning Properties  
EB: yes  
GG: Yes.  
GA: I Thought As Much  
GA: Thank You For Informing Me It Doesn’t  
EB: :(  
GG: We need t better coordinate this John. They are catching on.  
TG: and scratching off unprobably montage  
TG: oh bs they cleant in reel time  
TG: taz did all the work  
TG: eh fine  
TG: well get our montage yet

GC: BUT M1CH43L 1S ST1LL R3LUCT4NT TO H3LP B3C4US3 H3 DO3SN’T PL4Y B4SK3TB4LL 4NYMOR3  
TA: and then he get2 turned iinto a crappy 2peciial effect  
GG: Roger Rabbit….. well, it didn’t turn Eddie into a ball, but its effects were better.  
TA: iim pretty 2ure human2 break when u2ed liike thii2  
TG: yeah but he is in toonworld now  
TG: that automatically means toon physics apply  
TG: because of logic  
GC: BUT G3TT1NG SL4M DUNK3D 1SN’T MOT1V4T1ON 3NOUGH FOR M1CH43L TO F1GHT B4CK  
GC: 1T T4K3S TH3 4L13NS C4LL1NG H1M N4M3S 4ND H4RM1NG TH3 L1TTL3 Y3LLOW B1RD FOR H1M TO ST3P UP  
CG: BECAUSE THIS MOVIE IS REALLY FUCKING STUPID.  
AA: WE KNOW  
CG: I AM JUST MAKING SURE WE’RE ON THE SAME LEVEL HERE.  
TC: MaN tHiS mOvIe Is GrEaT.  
TG: i know right  
CG: THOSE TWO DON’T COUNT  
AA: AGREE

GC: 4ND NOW M1CH43L JORD4N 1S B4CK 1N TH3 R34L WORLD?  
GA: I Believe That This Is A Different Basketballer  
GC: 1 COULDN’T T3LL  
TG: hah suck it this counts as a montage  
EB: strangely enough this is funnier than most of the looney tunes….  
EB: they still cant act but they get to say silly stuff and get into silly situations.  
TA: but then a liittle wriiggler half hii2 2iize call2 hiim a doodyhead and he lo2e2 all hii2 confiidence  
TC: ShIt MaN. He Is So TaLl AnD sHe Is So TiNy He CoUlD eAt hEr :o)  
TG: that’s….. an odd thing to say  
TC: HoNk  
GA: They Go To Medicullers  
GA: Psycholegionairs  
GA: Places Of Worship  
GA: But To No Avail  
CG: BECAUSE SOMEHOW TALENT IS A PHYSICAL THING THAT CAN BE STOLEN AND STORED INTO A SPHERE FOR LATER USE!

GG: Oh, it’s Lola.  
GG: She’s from that….. thing?  
EB: yeah, i don’t know her either.  
TG: alright here is the rundown  
TG: she is essentially a shitty oc for the movie  
TG: copyright deviantart  
TG: please do not steal  
EB: wait, i remember. she was from the loony tunes show.  
EB: the one that was made more like a sitcom.  
GG: We do not talk about that show.  
TG: that came out like a decade after this dude  
TG: this is where she came from  
EB: that is kinda depressing. i actually remember her being kinda funny in that show.  
TG: consistency am i right  
TA: ii don’t under2tand any of that  
GC: SH4M3L3SS M4RK3T1NG PLOT TO 4TTR4CT 4 F3M4L3 4UD13NC3 4ND 4W4K3N 4 N3W G3N3R4T1ON OF FURR13S  
TA: 2ee that make2 2en2e

TG: but firstt a sidequest to pad out the moives runnin time  
CG: SHOT IN THE DARK TO SAVE THE COSTS OF HAVING TO ANIMATE TWO CHARACTERS IN THE REAL WORLD. THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS.  
GA: Nothing About This Makes Sense  
GG: Would you call it loony?  
GG: :B  
GA: I Would Call It Obnoxious  
TG: dose this count as underwear humour?   
TG: conchiderin that it is what tey are lookin for?  
TG: go nuts  
TG: aaaw yiss. closing in on the bingo.

CG: MORE GODDAMN SLAPSTICK  
TA: how diid the waterfowl even diig that fa2t  
TA: the flapearbea2t ii get but waterfowl2 arent very adapt diiggers  
TG: cartoon logick  
GC: MOR3 L1K3 TH3 SCR1PT D1DN’T 1NCLUD3 4 JOK3 FOR TH3 M3NT4LLY CH4LL3NG3D 1N OV3R 4 M1NUT3 4ND TH3Y N33D3D TO K33P TH31R 4TT3NT1ON  
GC: SO TH3Y S3T UP 4 JOK3 W3R3 D4FFY DUCK G3TS M4UL3D BY 4 B4RKB34ST  
TA: thii2 wa2 probably the hiighliight of human ciinema  
TG: you know it  
GG: Well, that same year we had ‘Independence Day’, ‘Fargo’, ‘Happy Gilmore’ and ‘Hunchback of the Notre Dame’.  
TA: ii don’t know what any of tho2e thiing2 are  
GG: Movies that are far better than what we are currently viewing.  
CG: MOST OF WHAT WE HAVE WATCHED IS BETTER THAN WHAT WE ARE CURRENTLY WATCHING. THE GODDAMN PONIES WERE BETTER THAN WHAT WE ARE CURRENTLY WATCHING.  
CG: AT LEAST THAT SHIT HAD THE DECENCY TO BE OVER IN 40 MINUTES.  
TG: karkat confirmed to be a brony  
CG: FUCK THAT NOISE!  
AA: PIRATE MOVIE BETTER THAN THIS?  
CG: WELL NO…… BUT AT LEAST IT HAD AN EXCUSE FOR BEING HORRIBLE.  
TG: but think of the stocks karkat  
CG: THE STOCKS?!  
TG: this movie will make people more interested in the warner bros/michael jordan commercial  
TG: which will make them more interested in warner bros/michael jordan/nike products  
TG: this is every advertisers wet dream  
TG: they will get all the stocks  
CG: YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT THIS SHIT IS ESSENTIALLY A COMMERCIAL FOR ANOTHER *FUCKING* COMMERCIAL!  
TC: WoAh. CaN wE eVeN gO dEePeR?  
TG: what about the mcdonalds deal?  
TC: DaMn.

TG: pysics y?  
TC: MaN tHaT tInY bArKbEaStS sUrE pAcKs A mOtHeRfUcKiNg PuNcH.  
GA: I Do Not Think This Is Supposed To Happen  
GC: WH4T K1ND4 DOOR 3V3N COM3S OF TH3 H1NG3S WH3N 4 T1NY B4RKB34ST B4SH3S 4G41NST 1T?  
GG: We are no longer in toon world. Cartoon physics should not apply in a normal home.

TA: why are the2e wriiggler2 iin the moviie?  
TA: they 2erve no purpo2e  
TA: we ju2t wa2ted 5 miinute2 on thii2 poiintle22 2iideque2t and for what?  
TG: no see the dog and the kids were integral for this movie’s message  
TA: and what would that be  
TG: we want to sell shit to everyone kids and dogs included  
TG: just give us more money  
GG: The most noble message of corporate America.  
TG: hey it works  
TG: we get gems like this  
EB: err no. If it works we get the avengers. If it falls flat we get space jam.  
CG: THE FUCK ARE THE AVENGERS?  
GA: So The Wrigglers Somehow Restrain A Dog That Can Casually Barge Through Doors Allowing Our Heroes To Escape  
GC: 4ND TH3 CH1LD 4CTORS 4R3 ST1LL HORR1BL3

CG: OKAY, THIS IS ACTUALLY PRETTY FUNNY.  
EB: at least they are aware that the whole premise of the movie is pretty silly.  
TC: ShIt MaN.  
TC: HoW dId ThAt PrOpHeTiNcInErAtOr KnOw WhAt WaS hApPeNiNg?  
GC: SH3 R34D TH3 B4CK OF TH3 DVD C4S3

GA: So This Man Has Been Digging Ever Since Michael Disappeared  
GA: His Tenacity Is To Be Admired  
GG: Either that or his desperation  
GA: Or That  
CG: OH MY GOD, THIS IS ALSO A PRETTY DECENT SCENE. ARE WE SURE WE WANT TO HAVE THIS MOVIE FOCUSS ON MICHAEL JORDAN AND THE CARTOONS?  
TG: but those are so marketable

CG: AND WE GET A LIGHT AURA AROUND MICHAEL.  
EB: knew i should have written down angelic analogues.  
TA: 2oundtrack 2ound2 pretty mellow  
TA: ii liike iit  
AA: YES  
AA: THIS GOOD WITH SMOKE  
GC: 4ND TUBS MCG33 F1NDS H1S FLUSH CRUSH 4G41N  
CG: IF ONLY MICHAEL COULD CONVEY ANNOYANCE LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING INSTEAD OF A FUCKING MARKETABLE MANNEQUIN!  
GG: And granny is a cheerleader. That could have been a funny idea, if they ever went anywhere with it.  
TA: unfortunately thii2 moviie hate2 beiing funny 2o iit2 only referenced

EB: hero line-up!  
EB: i had hero line-up!  
EB: now i only need inspiring speech and underdog victory to win  
TG: ah you bastard  
TG: you knew those were coming  
EB: :B  
TG: it’s a sport movevie. a course it is.  
GC: SO WH4T CH4R4CT3R 1S TH1S?  
TG: the tazmamanian devil. he is rude as fuck, eatss a lot and is purty much a nasty piece a work.  
TG: no ideea how they made him play ball  
GG: Wouldn’t that have been a much more amusing movie? Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck convincing Taz, Roadrunner, Speedy Gonzales and everyone else to join their team in a quest across toon land?  
TG: but how were they going to shoehorn in the product placement and nike deals  
TG: because that is what middle america wants  
TG: just think the wb logo on daffys ass times a milion  
GG: Sigh.

GA: And There Is Lola Again  
TG: you know, as new character they coulddve at LEAST given her somefin to do.  
TG: she has said like, 3 lines in the whale movie.  
TG: *while  
TG: *whole dangit  
GA: She Is Quite Aesthetically Pleasing  
TG: kanaya is going furry as well  
GA: I Do Not Know What That Is  
EB: ask nepeta  
TG: john, do we need to call dirk?!  
EB: whoa, it wasn’t an attack. Im just sure she can do a better job explaining it.  
GC: UH HUH  
EB: look, nepeta and i are tight okay?  
EB: no problems whatsoever.   
EB: no sir.  
TG: *SCKEPTICAL LOOKS*

GG: I never understood why Daffy always got the short end of the stick.  
GG: He is just as funny as Bugs in my opinion, just in a different way.  
TG: daffy is funny because he is a loser  
TG: movie just don’t get it and makes him an unfunny loser  
TG: and that makes crocker sad  
GG: It just peeves me a tad.  
EB: in that sitcom thing daffy actually believed himself to be a mighty wizard. it had quite a nice rock tune to go with it.  
TC: SoUnDs SwElL.  
GG: John, we do not acknowledge that show.  
EB: it wasn’t thát bad.

GG: And then there was Bugs, who gets all the attention.  
EB: did speedy gonzales and the other b-stringers even show up for this movie?  
TG: only as cameos  
TG: wouldn’t want the audience to be confused  
EB: gee, imagine that…..  
TA: yeah ii don’t know who any of the2e a22holes are and i don’t really care  
CG: I DON’T WANT TO AGREE WITH SOLLUX BUT I KIND OF DO.  
GC: 1 4M JUST H3R3 FOR TH3 PR3TTY 1M4G3S  
TC: MaN, i CaRe.  
CG: YOU WOULD BE THE ONLY TROLL INTERESTED IN THIS.  
AA:世界の十分な雑草ではない  
TC:私のブーツにヘビがいます。  
AA:糞を食べて死にます。  
TC:オレンジ  
TC: CaLlInG mIcHaEl JoRdAn HiS rOyAl aIrNeSs Is KiNdA cLeVeR tHoUgH  
EB: can i be called that?  
TG: haha no  
TG: when you desherve it ;)  
TG: please no

GG: Oh come on! The Tazmanian Devil is not scared of these clowns.   
TG: in this canon they are  
GG: This is humiliating.  
TG: this is Hollywood writing  
TA: 2o yeah   
TA: ii am not goiing to call the2e a22hole2 the mon2tar2 but they are kiinda domiinatiing  
EB: underdog victory for the bingo!  
TA: not helped for the fact that they apparently breath fiire  
CG: THIS……. STUPID……….  
AA: DEEP BREATHE  
CG: BUT THIS IS COMPLETELY ASININE!  
CG: THEY STOLE TALENT, INTANGIBLE AS IT IS. THEY DID *NOT* STEAL THE ABILITY TO PRODUCE FLAMES FROM THEIR MOUTH!  
AA: YES MOVIE DUMB  
AA: AFTER THIS WATCH GOOD MOVIE  
AA: CLEAR MIND  
CG: FUCK…… THAT MIGHT HELP.  
GA: Dot Dot Dot  
TC: ………………………  
TA: ……………………..  
GC: ………………….>:]  
CG: WHAT ARE YOU ASSHOLES LOOKING AT?

GC: SO TH3Y R34CH TH3 H4LFT1M3 PO1NT W1TH ONLY LOL4 4ND M1CH43L 4S C4P4BL3 OFF3NS1V3 PL4Y3RS  
GC: TH1S 1S NOT LOOK1NG GOOD FOR OUR H3RO3S  
GC: W1LL TH3Y B3 SL4V3S 4T MORON MOUNT41N FOR3V3R?  
GC: W1LL M1CH43L JORD4N B3 FOR3V3R D1SGR4C3D?  
GA: You Are Not Seriously Thinking That Such A Scenario Is Even An Option Are You  
GC: NOT FOR 4 MOM3NT BUT 1 N33D TO DO SOM3TH1NG TO TRY 4ND M4K3 1T 3XC1T1NG  
TG: so what do you still need fer a binga john?  
EB: inspiring speech and underdog victory. i’ll have a horizontal bingo row completed with those two and they seem the most likely to occur.  
GG: I really need a deus ex machine to occur for my card to be completed.  
TG: *whistlles innocently and seructively*

EB: inspiring speech! got it!  
TG: YES! BINGU!  
TG: *BINGI!  
TG: *BANGO!  
GG: Oh hogwash! How did you manage to get that?  
TG: I gots grl pwer with lolas slamm dunk and inspiring speech and that makes my row complete!  
TG: and so the king takes of his crown made of shitty 90s pop paraphinalia and hands it to roxy  
TG: he adjusts his shades  
TG: shrugs  
TG: and flies into the sun on his unreal skateboard  
TG: *donns the crown. is the empress*  
GC: Y3S Y3S, H41L ROXY  
GC: TH3 1NSP1R1NG SP33CH H4D NO 3FF3CT SO DO3S 1T 3V3N COUNT?  
EB: if it’s a speech and it’s inspiring it counts  
GA: To Be Frank I Ceased Paying Attention To My Card Anyway  
GA: So Congratulations Roxy  
GA: You Are The Bingo Star  
GC: 1TS YOU  
TA: yay another iin2iigniifiicant accomplii2hment achiieved whiile watchiing an even more iin2iigniifiicant moviie  
CG: SO WHAT? BUGS CONVINCED THE CARTOONS THAT MICHAEL HAS A MIRACLE POTION AND THEY ALL DRINK IT?  
CG: THIS ISN’T GOING TO BE A ‘THE TALENT WAS IN YOU ALL ALONG’ TWIST IS IT?!  
TG: but the chart said that it is what the focusgroups want to see  
TC: I uNdEeStOoD sOmE oF tHoSe WoRdS.  
CG: THERE IS A SPECIAL CIRCLE IN HELL FOR HUMAN MARKETERS!  
AA: THEY ALL DEAD ANYWAY  
AA: NO NEED FOR MAD  
CG: GAH!

GC: 4ND SO TH3 SL4PST1CK CONT1NU3S  
EB: they aren’t playing any better. they are just ignoring the rules and applying cartoon physics and or logic on their opponents now.  
EB: they could have done that from the beginning! that is kinda what they are known for!  
TG: nope  
TG: plot made by marketing executives  
TG: they needed the placebo power up to remember they are looney tunes  
CG: WORST THING OF ALL IS THAT EVEN THIS FUCKING BARRAGE OF SLAPSTICK ISN’T THE LEAST BIT FUNNY!  
TC: MaN, tO eAcH hIs OwN.  
TC: JuSt LoOk aT tHaT lItTlE yElLoW bIrD dOiNg KaRaTeRmInAtIoN. mOtHeRfUcKiNg ClAsSiC.  
GA: You Would Find This Amusing

TA: what they 2TIILL hadn’t fiigured out the aliien2 were behiind the 2tolen talent 2henaniigan2?  
TA: are the2e people den2e?  
CG: AND LIKE THE NOBLE SAINT THAT HE IS, MICHAEL DECIDES TO UP THE STAKES OF THE MATCH TO GET THE TALENT BACK. HE IS SUCH A GREAT AND INSPIRING PERSON THAT HE’LL RISK ETERNAL OFF-PLANET SERVITUDE FOR ALIEN HUMAN DANNY DEVITO, SO THAT HIS NO DOUBT FUTURE OPPONENTS MAY HAVE THEIR SKILLS BACK.   
CG: GAG ME WITH A SCOOPING UTENSIL.

GC: TH1S MUST B3 WH4T H3LL LOOKS L1K3 FOR F4MOUS HUM4NS  
GC: WR1T1NG 4UTOGR4PHS 4LL D4Y 3V3RY D4Y  
GA: Is He Not Massively Irresponsible For Taking This Bet  
GA: We Are Shown That He Has A Family Life On Earth  
GA: He Has Three Wrigglers A Matesprit And A Barkbeast To Take Care Off  
GA: I Think It Is Very Selfish Gambling With His Life For The Quote Unquote Talent Of Others When You Have People Close To You To Worry About  
TG: ah don’t worry  
TG: he broke up with his wife not long after the movie  
TG: bugs bunny was his true love all along  
GC: 1 SH1P 1T  
CG: CAN YOU NOT?

CG: INCREASINGLY UNFUNNY SLAPSTICK CONTINUES……

CG: IS THERE A HUMAN HOLLYWOOD MANDATE TO INCLUDE A SHOEHORNED LOVE-INTEREST IN EVERY GODDAMN MOVIE!?!  
EB: i thought you liked romance karkat.  
CG: I LIKE *GOOD* ROMANCE. NOT ONCE DURING THIS ENTIRE MOVIE DID I FEEL LIKE THESE TWO HAD ANY CHEMISTRY TOGETHER, NOT HELPED BY THE FACT THAT LOLA BARELY FUCKING SPEAKS!  
CG: BUGS SHOULD HAVE REALIZED THAT LOLA WAS AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN AFTER HIS INITIAL TROUNCING AND THE TWO SEEMED TO DEVELOP A BOND OF MUTUAL RESPECT. NOTHING ABOUT HER INDICATED THAT SHE HAD ANY INTEREST IN HIM WHATSOEVER!  
GC: 4ND Y3T 1 F33L L1K3 SH3 1S S3XU4L1Z3D 3Y3 C4NDY  
TG: yeah she was gonna be a tomboy and be the girl avatar to try and capture that audience  
TG: but they were scared of making her too masculine so they went with sexualization instead  
AA: SEXIFYING IS ALWAYS NICE  
CG: WELL THAT MAKES IT OKAY THEN!!!!! CLEARLY ALL WE EVER NEEDED WAS A SEXUALIZED FLAPEARBEAST FOR THE SAKE OF NOT SCARING OF ANY TARGET DEMOGRAPHICS!  
AA: CALM TITS  
AA: MOVIE ALMOST OVER  
CG: FINE! LET’S KEEP WATCHING THIS FUCKING TRAINWRECK.

CG: I AM GOING TO MURDER SOMETHING FOR THIS.  
GA: Are You Assaulting Your Potted Plant Again  
CG: I NEED TO KILL SOMETHING KANAYA, DON’T TRY TO STOP ME!  
GG: So now they are short one player.  
GG: Who do they call?

TG: how the fuq did bill murray get here?  
TC: LeT mE lAy iT oN yOu SiStEr.  
TC: MoThErFuCkInG mIrAcLeS  
TG: nice  
TG: oh he explains it  
TG: he’s buddies with the director  
EB: so he is here because of a broken fourth wall?  
TG: essentially  
GC: 1 4M NOT SUR3 WH4T TO TH1NK 4BOUT TH4T  
CG: THE ONLY THING I THINK IS: OH GREAT, SOMEONE ELSE TO MAKE MICHAEL JORDAN LOOK LIKE A FIRST YEAR DRAMA STUDENT.  
GG: Counting this as deus ex machine and finishing my bingo too.  
TA: 2o fuckiing happy for you

CG: TOON PHYSICS RETURN. WHY DID HE NOT DO THIS BEFORE? WHY DO THESE PHYSICS APPLY TO HUMANS?  
CG: I DON’T EVEN CARE ANYMORE.  
EB: and we have the underdog victory.  
CG: NO ONE CARED ABOUT THAT DUMB BINGO.  
TG: i did  
TG: i get to pic a prize now right?  
TG: sure  
TG: then I pick john!  
GC: N1C3  
CG: UGH……  
EB: hahaha, sure :B  
EB: ill ask dirk  
TG: no no no, I win. I get the prize.  
TG: i also pick neepeta btb.  
CG: YOU ARE ONE GREEDY ASSHOLE.

TG: and so actor and basketball legend bill murray retires from basketball  
GA: I Believe Anyone Would After Participating In This Movie

TA: 2o the liittle aliien a22hole2 want to 2tay wiith the looney tunes  
GG: Wait….. Did they think they could turn these aliens into new Looney Tunes characters?  
TG: yup  
TG: along with lola they hoped to introduce these aliens as oc’s as well  
GG: Why?  
GG: The one with most personality is the blue one for essentially being a stoner.  
TC: HoNk.  
GG: And that is being charitable with his traits.  
TG: because they wanted to make money  
TG: more merch is more sales is more money  
TG: that’s how business works  
TG: take it from the master of the LOHACSE  
GG: I never doubted your keen ability to cheat an entire economy out of their much needed boondollars Dave.  
TG: alligators had it coming after that stunt with the onion soup

CG: AND SO MICHAEL JORDAN STILL MAKES IT IN TIME FOR HIS BASEBALL GAME.  
CG: EAT ME.  
AA:喜んで  
TC: potatoじゃがいも  
TG: he kinda looks lik a salarian in this liht  
GG: A what now?  
TG: nvm not important

TG: and so it was that  
TG: because of the looney tunes  
TG: jordan started basketballing again  
CG: AFTER RETURNING THE TALENT TO THE OTHER PLAYERS.  
CG: MY FUCKING GOD, HOW LONG AS THIS MOVIE?  
GC: 31GHTY M1NUT3S?  
CG: IT FELT LIKE IT TOOK HOURS!  
GC: 1 T4K3 1T YOU D1DN’T L1K3 1T?  
CG: DIDN’T LIKE IT?!  
CG: DIDN’T FUCKING LIKE IT?!?!?!  
CG: THIS IS THE FIRST MOVIE THAT ACTUALLY APPROACHES ‘THE ROOM’ LEVELS OF HORRIBLE. ITS ONLY SAVING GRACE IS HUMAN BILL MURRAY AND THE OCASSIONAL FUNNY MOMENT WITH CHARACTERS THAT HAVE *NOTHING* TO DO WITH THE OVERAL PLOT!  
CG: AND SPEAKING OF THE PLOT….. WHAT A FUCKING ABYSMAL MESS THAT WAS.  
CG: YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THE ALIENS ONLY OBEYED DANNY DEVITO BECAUSE HE WAS BIGGER THAN THEY WERE AND THEY *DIDN’T* THINK TO OVERPOWER HIM IMEDIATELY AFTER OBTAINING THEIR POWER UP?!  
CG: STORING TALENT IN A BASKETBALL!?  
CG: I AM GOING TO NEED SOME NEW PLANTS BECAUSE NONE OF THEM SURVIVED THIS MASSACRE OF A MOVIE!  
GA: I Shall Inform Jade  
CG: URGH….. CAN YOU DO IT DISCREETLY?  
CG: SHE’LL GIVE ME ANOTHER EARFUL WHEN SHE HEARS I DECIMATED HER PRECIOUS PLANTS.  
GA: I Make No Promises  
TG: and what did you think maryam  
GA: I Have No Flattering Words For This Movie  
TG: try unflattering ones  
GA: This Movie Was Incredibly Dumb  
GA: I Feel Slightly Worse For Having Watched It  
TG: yeah  
TG: space jam will do that to you  
GA: This Was Your Intent  
CG: THIS WAS YOUR FUCKING INTENT!?  
TG: kinda  
CG: …….. I WILL MURDER YOU IF I SEE YOU THIS WEEK.  
TG: and then you remember  
TG: snap knight of time  
TG: where did my shoes go and why am i wearing a fez  
TG: snap knight of time  
CG: WORST GOD TIER EVER!  
GG: Hoo hoo hoo, I can appreciate the sentiment behind picking the movie Strider.  
GG: There is some serious comedic potential in awful movies like these.  
TG: man nothing awful about sj  
TG: its just hella ironic  
GG: Call it however you will, I applaud the effort. Much as I dreaded the movie.  
TG: shit ill take it  
EB: as a kid i actually thought this movie looked like fun when i saw the commercials and stuff.  
EB: boy was i wrong.  
TG: you were a dumb kid  
EB: shut up dave.  
GC: W3LL TH3 V1SU4LS W3R3 N1C3  
GG: Please. Roger Rabbit scoffs at these visuals.  
GC: TH3N 1 MUST S33 TH1S ROG3R R4BB1T  
GC: 1 4LSO R34LLY L1K3D TH3 SOUNDTR4CK  
TA: kiinda 2ad when the 2oundtrack ii2 one of the mo2t memorable feature2 of the moviie  
TA: iit was ju2t a dumb fuckiing fiilm the end  
TC: MaN wHy aRe Ya’Ll gEtTiNg YoUr MoThErFuCkInG hArSh On?  
TC: SuRe, It MaY nOt Be As iNtElLeCtUaL oR fAnCy aS sOmE oF yOuR oThEr MoThErFuCkInG MoViEs BuT i ThInK iT iS sTiLl A mIrAcUlOuS lItTlE wOrK iN iTs OwN rIgHt.  
AA: I AM NOT SURE MOVIE HAPPENED  
AA: MANY DRUGS  
AA: MANY FUN  
AA: EVERYONE SEE TALKING RABBIT?  
GG: Yes  
AA: THEN I TRY NOT HARD ENOUGH  
CG: OKAY, NARCOTICS ARE PROBABLY NOT GOING TO HELP YOU FORGET THIS PIECE OF SHIT MOVIE.  
CG: ALSO STAY AWAY FROM THOSE. THEY ROT THE THINKPAN. JUST LOOK AT GAMZEE.  
TC: ErR…. SoMeThInG i DiD bRo?  
GC: YOU S33M V3RY CONC3RN3D 4BOUT D4M4R4’S B3H4V1OR K4RK4T  
CG: NO I DON’T.  
AA: YES YOU DO  
GC: ON3 WOULD 4LMOST TH1NK TH3R3 1S SOM3TH1NG H4PP3N1NG H3R3  
CG: LIKE WHAT?!  
GC: M4YB3 YOU 4R3 G3TT1NG 4 L1TTL3 P4L3 FOR 4R4D14’S D4NC3STOR?  
CG: WHAT?!  
GA: What  
TC: WhAt?  
CG: THAT IS PREPOSTEROUS!  
GC: S34RCH YOUR F33L1NGS YOU KNOW 1T TO B3 TRU3

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gallowsCalibrator [GC] from memo--

CG: AND FOR GOOD MEASURE!

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned antisocialArbiter [AA] from memo--

CG: I AM NOT GOING PALE FOR MEGIDO’S DANCESTOR DAMNIT!  
GA: Karkat I Think You Are Overreacting  
CG: LET US TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE! IS THAT A GOOD IDEA!?  
CG: YES, YES IT IS. LET’S TALK NEXT WEEK’S MOVIE.  
CG: BETTER YET, LET’S TALK WHAT ASSHOLES CAN BE RESPONSIBLE FOR NEXT WEEK’S ABOMINATION!

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned turntechGodhead [TG] from memo--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned tipsyGnostalgic [TG] from memo--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned grimAuxiliatrix [GA] from memo--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gutsyGumshoe [GG] from memo--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned twinArmageddons [TA] from memo--

CG: OH GOOD, THE HAMMER MORONS ARE HERE.  
TC: DiD i EvEr WiElD a HaMmEr BrO?  
TC: I aLrEaDy GoT tHeSe WiCkEd ClUbS oF mInE.  
EB: and im not a moron.  
TC: YeAh, WhAt Is Up WiTh ThAt.  
CG: IF YOU ASSHOLES DON’T WANT TO PICK A MOVIE NEXT WEEK I’LL GLADLY TAKE IT UPON MYSELF.  
CG: NOW TELL ME, CAN YOU OR CAN YOU NOT GUARANTEE THAT WE’LL GET A BETTER MOVIE THAN THIS FUCKING THING WE HAVE JUST WITNISSED?  
EB: oh definitely. i got the best idea.  
TC: MaN, wHy YoU gOt To HaTe On tHiS mOvIe.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned terminallyCapricious [TC] from memo—

CG: EGBERT, YOU’RE UP. I CAN NOT BELIEVE WE ARE WATCHING THREE HUMAN MOVIES IN A ROW.  
CG: PLEASE SALVAGE WHAT LITTLE HOPE I HAVE FOR YOUR RACE.  
EB: don’t worry karkat, you are going to love it.  
CG: I HIGHLY DOUBT IT.  
EB: also, why did you freak out when terezi mentioned something about being pale?  
CG: LOOK EGBERT, THIS IS SOME QUADRANT RELATED SHIT.  
CG: I MAY HAVE SOME ISSUES THAT A MOIRAIL WOULD REALLY HELP RESOLVE BUT THAT SHIT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.  
CG: I DIDN’T FREAK OUT, I JUST BANNED TEREZI BECAUSE I WAS TIRED OF ALL HER DAMN INSINUATIONS AND STABS ABOUT ME WANTING TO GET A MOIRAIL.  
EB: so you don’t want to be pale with damara?  
CG: I HARDLY KNOW THE WOMAN!  
EB: im not hearing a no :B  
CG: FUCK YOU EGBERT.  
CG: SHE IS NICE I GUESS BUT I KINDA THINK SHE WAS JUST PLAYING ME FOR A SUCKER.  
CG: KARKAT VANTAS IS NOT A FUCKING SUCKER.  
EB: alright, if you say so.  
EB: maybe you can get kanaya as your moirail, how would that be?  
CG: THAT WOULDN’T WORK.  
EB: why not? i thought you two were close.  
CG: WE ARE. ITS JUST…… PLATONIC I GUESS.  
EB: oh, that’s too bad.  
EB: well, im sure you’ll come up with something.  
EB: maybe damara or terezi will surprise you  
CG: THE DAY I TURN PALE FOR TEREZI IS THE DAY I AM TAKING MY ICE SKATES DOWN TO HELL.  
CG: SEE YOU NEXT WEEK EGBERT. DO *NOT* FUCK THIS UP.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] left memo--  
\--ectoBiologist [EB] left memo--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not dead, just tardy. Chapter 25 or bust.
> 
> I watched Space Jam as a kid "Boy, this is fun". I watched Space Jam as an adult: "Fuck this is stupid."
> 
> You may have fond memories of this movie as a kid and I am sorry to inform you that your opinions are wrong. This movie is incredibly stupid and commits the cardinal sin of not being funny. Kind of a big deal for the Looney Tunes. I cringed when Daffy kissed the WB logo on his ass just..... why?
> 
> Also a chapter without shipping. Just to keep things fresh and mixed up and [alright I was gonna do John/Kanaya kismesis or Dave/Kanaya moirails because she is humansexual but it never got past the concept stage]. Still, we had Damara losing her cool against Gamzee, so that was something. We also had Porky Pig wetting himself because that's what the kids want.
> 
> Next time (after two or so chapters of my other running fic) something strange is happening in the neighborhood and John knows who to call.
> 
> EDIT: So yeah.... Between me finishing this chapter and beginning the next, we've somehow passed the 10.000 hits mark. What's more, the number keeps growing. It keeps happening. Thank you for all your support and enthusiasm for this project.


	18. Ghostbusters

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS—

CG: I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING WHEN I AM SAYING I AM INCREDIBLY DISGUSTED BY YOU PEOPLE.  
CG: I SPEAK NO HYPERBOLE WHEN I SAY THAT I WOULD RATHER SEE GAMZEE BINGE ON ROTTING FISH HEADS THAN HAVE TO EVEN *THINK* OF WHAT YOU ASSHOLES DID WHEN WE DECIDED TO HAVE ON OF YOUR INFAMOUS ‘CHIL SESSIONS’ AT STRIDER’S.  
CG: OF COURSE, THIS SHOULD COME AS A SURPRISE TO ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NO ONE BECAUSE THE NAME STRIDER HAS BECOME SYNANYMOUS WITH EVERYTHING HORRIBLE!  
CG: CONSIDERING HUMAN REPRODUCTION ONLY WORKS WITH HETERO COUPLES, I SINCERELY HOPE DAVE FOLLOWS DIRK’S EXAMPLE TO PREVENT YOUR GENETIC CODE FROM BEING PASSED ON TO AN UNEXPECTING FUTURE GENERATION!  
CG: THE BRAINDEAD FUCKPUPPET THAT PUT SKITTLES IN THE SAME BOWL AS THE M&MS DESERVES TO BE LYNCHED IN THE FUCKING STREETS FOR THESE SHENANIGANS!

\--ectoBiologist [EB] joined memo--

EB: hi karkat!  
EB: you don’t like skittles?  
CG: FUCK YOU, SKITTLES ARE FUCKING DELICIOUS.  
CG: AND IF YOU ARE GOING TO TELL ME YOU DO NOT ENJOY YOUR EARTH SNACK OUT OF FEAR FOR TANGENTIAL CONNECTIONS TO THE BATTERWITCH WE CAN NO LONGER BE HUMAN BUDDIES!  
EB: no, i actually kinda like skittles.   
EB: is it the m&m’s then? do you dislike that?  
CG: ARE YOU FUCKING MOCKING ME EGBERT?!  
CG: I HAVE YET TO FIND A SUBSTANCE MORE DELECTABLE THAN HUMAN CHOCOLATE AND IT PISSES ME OFF!  
CG: ADMITTEDLY, I COULD DO WITHOUT THE FUCKING GRUBCHITINE COATING IT BUT I SUPPOSE THAT IS HUMAN STUPIDITY FOR YOU.  
EB: so why the whole anger about the mixed bowl?  
CG: ARE YOU MAD EGBERT?! HAS YOUR THICK SPONGEPAN FINALLY TAKEN ONE BLOW TOO MANY!?  
CG: DOES THIS REALLY REQUIRE EXPLANATION?!  
EB: well im confused.   
CG: HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN SKITTLES AND M&M’S IF THEY IN THE SAME BOWL LIKE THAT!? WHAT KIND OF DISGUSTING LUMPSQUIRT WOULD EVEN DO THAT?!  
EB: oh, you mean you can’t differentiate between them?  
EB: is this one of your alien things?  
EB: i mean, they are obviously colored differently.  
CG: WHAT!?  
CG: THEY ARE ALMOST EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME!?  
EB: hahaha oh woah, are you kidding?  
EB: they are totally different.  
EB: trolls are weird.  
CG: OH MY GOD IT WAS YOU!  
CG: YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE WHO DID THAT SHIT, AREN’T YOU?!?!?!  
EB: maybe? :B  
CG: YOU PETULANT FUCKING SPAZ MAGGOT!!!!!!!!!  
CG: IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF A PRANK!?!?!  
EB: yeah. it was jane’s idea actually.  
CG: BUT YOU ARE THE BULGEWHIFFER THAT FUCKING DID IT!!!!

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] joined memo--

AG: Yeeeeeeees. Good jo8 John ::::)  
CG: DON’T ENCOURAGE HIM!  
CG: THIS IS NOT BEHAVIOR WE SHOULD ENCOURAGE!  
AG: Don’t tell me how to raise my moirail!  
AG: He waited for me to go on a 8lack d8 to pull the prank off, so in myyyyyyyy hum8le opinion he did a good job.  
CG: YOUR SELFLESSNESS IS AN INSPIRATION TO US ALL.   
CG: ALL RISE UP AND HAIL THE FUCKING SPIDERBITCH.  
AG: Your praise is appreci8ed Karkat.  
AG: You are appreci8ed.  
AG: That was sarcasm, in case your teeeeeeeeny little mind couldn’t keep up with that.  
CG: I CAN NOT EVEN BEGIN TELLING YOU HOW PLATONICALLY I HATE YOU RIGHT NOW SERKET.  
AG: Well keep it to yourself.   
AG: Annoying as you are, you can’t even hold a candle to how utterly loathsome Lalonde is.  
EB: yeah, how did it go?  
AG: It went soooooooo good. 8lack sparks flying everywhere and 8y god can she kiss.  
CG: I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THIS!  
AG: We’ll find you a kismesis too John. You’ll see just how great it is.  
CG: OKAY, THAT I ACTUALLY KIND OF WANT TO HEAR, IF ONLY BECAUSE I WANT TO KNOW JUST HOW BADLY THIS TRAINWRECK WILL BE.  
EB: uhm, yeah…. i don’t think that’s anything for me.  
AG: Don’t knock it till you try it.  
AG: I’ll train you peeeeeeeersonally and make sure you’ll 8e the 8est kismesis a human can 8e!  
CG: OH MY GOD, IS THIS JUST AN EXCUSE FOR YOU TO MAKE OUT WITH YOUR MOIRAIL!?  
CG: THAT IS SICK. AS IF EGBERT ISN’T PERVERTING THE *PERFECTLY LOGICAL* QUADRANT SYSTEM ENOUGH AS IT IS WITH HIS RED FLINGS!  
AG: Where did I eeeeeeeever say anything a8out any of that?!  
AG: Get your mind out of the gutter.

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] joined memo--

CG: AND SUDDENLY FROM MY PERSPECTIVE, THINGS LOOK A LITTLE MORE AWFUL THAN IT DID 3 SECONDS AGO!  
GC: H3LLO VR1SK4  
AG: Terezi…….. How have you 8een?  
GC: OH 1 H4V3 B33N GR34T. 1 LOV3D JOHN’S 1D34 OF COMB1N1NG M&M’S W1TH SK1TTL3S.  
CG: IT WAS DISGUSTING!  
GC: 1T W4S 4 S3NS4T1ON4L 3XPLOS1ON OF T4ST3  
EB: that wasn’t exactly the plan.  
EB: but i guess you're welcome. no harm done if you enjoy it.  
GC: YOUR HUM4N SK1TTL3S M1GHT JUST B3 TH3 B3ST TH1NG 3V3R!  
EB: well, i’ll give you the code for them after the movie.  
EB: by the way, just a heads up: one of the best, if not the best movie ever made.  
EB: i am so pumped to finally show you guys this one.  
GC: 1 4M 4LSO COMPL3T3LY 1N F4VOR OF T34CH1NG MR B3RRYBREATH HOW TO K1SM3S1S >:]  
EB: maybe we can not do that?  
EB: i just don’t see myself making out with people i dislike.  
GC: BUT YOU 4R3 M4K1NG OUT W1TH N3P3T4  
EB: that’s different. i don’t dislike her anymore.  
CG: THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS PURE SLEAZE!  
GC: MOR3 L1K3 PUR3 FUN  
AG: Yeah, I am still not sure how you managed to pull that off.  
EB: yeah, me neither to be perfectly honest.  
EB: i mean i don’t mind but damn.  
GC: SO WH3N 1S D1RK L3TT1NG YOU GO?  
EB: he said real soon but honestly i think he just enjoys the ashen meet ups.

\--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] joined memo—

TG: omg that is such like him.  
TG: he just wants to keep all the hotties fr himshellf  
AG: All of them?  
TG: aaall of the hottties.  
GC: YOU 4R3 ST1LL T4LK1NG 4BOUT JOHN R1GHT?  
TG: how is he NOT the cutest boy in the room?  
EB: im not cute.  
EB: im manly. masculine even.   
EB: yeah.  
AG: That’s right John. You are increeeeeeeedi8ly 8eefy.  
TG: he iss adorabeefy.  
GC: 1 4M NOT M4K1NG TH4T 4 WORD  
TG: i will :P  
AG: I am totally seeing John as adora8eefy.  
EB: what, no. you’re making it sound all childish and cute and stuff.  
EB: worst moirail  
CG: I FEEL A LITTLE DUMBER FOR HAVING WITNISSED THIS EXCHANGE. THESE POOR THINKSPONGE CELLS HAVE BEEN LOST FOREVER BECAUSE ONE OF YOU SAW FIT TO USE THE WORD “ADORABEEFY”!  
AG: I think its just the peeeeeeeerfect way to desri8e him.  
EB: guys, can we not?  
EB: please?  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, he’s getting all flustered.  
TG: that is the cuttest.  
GC: W3 C4N PR4CT1C4LLY T4ST3 TH3 R3D  
EB: uuuuuuuugh  
CG: THE ONLY GOOD TOLERABLE THING ABOUT THIS IS THAT IT IS HAPPENING TO SOMEONE ELSE.

\--apacolypseArisen [AA] joined memo--

CG: YES. ARADIA!  
CG: CHANGE THE SUBJECT, PLEASE.  
AA: hello to you to karkat  
AA: and everyone else  
AA: i trust everyone has been well?  
GC: 1 TH1NK TH3 SK1TTL3 1NC1D3NT RU1N3D K4RK4T’S 3NT1R3 W33K  
AA: then his week is easily ruined  
CG: MY WEEK WASN’T RUINED BECAUSE OF JOHN’S PRIMITIVE JOKE FOR BRAINDEAD WRIGGLERS!  
AA: well my week has gone great actually  
AA: 0u0  
AG: And I 8et you're dying to tell us aaaaaaaall a8out it.   
GC: RUD3  
AG: What?   
GC: TH3 DY1NG P4RT  
AG: What are you talking a8out? She loves dying.  
AA: depends how it happens  
AA: i actually remember the method you used to be quite agonizing  
AA: i assume dying in ones sleep is a lot more tolerable  
EB: oh it is. i didn’t feel a thing.  
CG: I AM SO GLAD YOU FUCKING PSYCHOPATHS ARE BONDING OVER SERKET’S SERIAL KILLING.  
AG: Oh quit your whining. No one loves a whiner. I don’t even get why you are making such a 8ig deal out of it.  
CG: ARE YOU FOR REAL?!  
AG: I died twice and I can tell you that it isn’t even that 8ig of a deal.  
AG: Though if I haaaaaaaave to say what my favorite death was, it has to 8e Pyrope’s legendary 8acksta88ing.  
AA: shoot  
AG:Well duh, 8eing tossed around like a ragdoll was just painful.  
AG: Plus this had the added 8enefit of reeeeeeeeally messing with her head.  
GC: >:/  
GC: 1 W4SN’T TH3 L34ST B1T WORR13D 4BOUT YOU, SP1D3RTROLL  
CG: YEAH, YOU KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT. WE’LL CONTINUE LIVING IN OUR BORING WORLD OF FACTS AND LOGIC WHILE YOU KEEP YOURSELF IN THAT LITTLE DREAMBUBBLE.

\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] joined memo--

GA: Please Do Not Lie Terezi  
GA: It Is Very Unbecoming Of You  
GC: OH Y34H L1K3 YOU'R3 ON3 TO T4LK  
GC: L1K3 YOU D1DN’T DO 4NYTH1NG YOU F33L 4MB1V4L4NT 4BOUT!  
GA: Nothing Comes To Mind  
GA: Tavros Needed His Legs Sawn Off For The Sake Of The Much More Functional Robolegs  
GA: I Had No Moral Problem With Bisecting Eridan Either  
GA: He Was A Dangerous Douche And Deserved What Was Coming To Him  
TG: lmao tsill a douché  
GC: OH 1 4M NOT T4LK1NG 4BOUT TH4T  
GC: 1 4M T4LK1NG 4BOUT YOUR OBV1OUS FLUSH CRUSH >:]  
GA: Oh  
GA: Right  
AG: What? I think she was preeeeeeeetty o8vious in hitting on Lalonde.  
AG: Even I fucking called it and I wasn’t even there to see the fireworks go off.  
GA: Yes  
GA: Imagine That  
GC: WH4T 4BOUT TH4T OTH3R FLUSH CRUSH MRS M1NT?  
TG: ooooh spicecy  
GA: Terezi  
GA: I Will Cease Mocking You For The Remainder Of The Week If You Do Not Bring This Up  
AG: Fussyfangs had another flush crush?   
AG: This is going to 8e good. Let’s hear it.  
GA: John Please Inform Us About The Movie We Are Going To Be Viewing  
EB: oh you will love it, it is just amazing!

\--adiosToreador [AT] joined memo--

AT: i UHM, wOULD LIKE TO PUT THE AMAZINGNESS OF THE MOVIE INTO QUESTION,  
AT: aLSO kANAYA, wE WOULD DEFINITELY LIKE TO HEAR ABOUT THAT OTHER FLUSHCRUSH  
GA: No  
GA: No You Would Not  
AG: Come oooooooon Fussyfangs, how 8ad can it 8e?  
AG: Wait! Is is Tavros?  
GA: What  
GA: No  
AG: Oh my god it soooooooo is!!!!!!!!  
AT: i UHM, dON’T THINK THAT IT’S ME WHO IS THE FLUSHCRUSH  
AT: aLSO, IS NO ONE CURIOUS ABOUT HOW MY WEEK WAS?  
TG: nah  
AA: no, not really  
GC: NOT P4RT1CUL4RLY  
GA: Sure Tavros  
GA: Please Inform Everyone About Your Weeks Activities  
GA: Make It As Lengthy As Possible  
AT: oH WELL, oKAY,  
AT: tHANKS FOR THE SUPPORT tEREZI, i REALLY APPRECIATE IT,  
AT: aRADIA, rOXY,  
TG: ur welcome  
AT: sO BASICALLY i UHM, hAVE BEEN HANGING OUT WITH gAMZEE A LOT,  
AA: so is that going anywhere?  
AT: tHE STORY?  
AA: no  
AA: you and gamzee  
AA: you have been hanging out for sweeps now   
AA: i am sure one of you has made a move  
TG: niiiiice  
AT: uHM, wOAH,  
AT: tHAT IS REALLY NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS,  
AT: lIKE AT ALL,  
AT: iF MY BUSINESS IS ON THIS SIDE OF THE ROOM, yOUR BUSINESS IS UHM, lOCATED ON A WHOLE OTHER CONTINENT MAYBE,  
TG: but someone dids make a move/  
AT: yES BUT UHM, tHAT WENT NO WHERE,  
GC: SO WH4T 3LS3 D1D TH3 TWO OF YOU DO TH3N? >:]  
AT: yOU KNOW WHAT?  
AT: i DO NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE SHARING THAT WITH YOU NOW,  
AT: aRADIA, rOXY AND tEREZI ALL SEEM TO GET THE WRONG IDEAS, tHE WORST OF THE WRONG IDEAS EVEN,  
GA: Join The Club  
AT: wHEN DID THEY EVEN START SHIPPING ME WITH gAMZEE?  
AA: when did we stop?

\--arsenicCatnip [AC] joined memo--

AC: :33< hi there!  
AG: It is as if talking a8out shipping summons her........  
GC: L1TTL3 DO YOU KNOW 1T 4CTU4LLY DO3S  
AC: :33< oh were we talking about shipping?  
GA: No  
AT: nO,  
TG: omfg hi nepeteta!  
TG: <3  
AC: :33< <3  
EB: hi there  
AC: :33< what, no heart from you?  
EB: come on, not in a public memo.  
TG: jooan  
TG: you are being the TIHGTEST of asses right aboat now  
TG: like, that ass is so tight u are carping out diamamonds  
TG: patting all the presshore on carbor  
TG: *carbob  
AC: :33< carbon  
TG: yes!  
TG: just make the hearty symbol  
EB: come on, it looks silly.  
AC: :33< do we really n33d another session with dirk about this john?  
EB: would that be a bad thing?  
EB: i was just getting into that last anime.  
AG: Take it from me John. 8othering your auspistice a8out triiiiiiiivial stuff like this IS a 8ad thing.  
GA: Indeed  
AG: It makes you look like a fucking wriggler.  
AG: Are you a wriggler John?  
EB: alright, alright, i get it  
EB: <3  
GA: I Can Not Help But Notice That John Is The Person Closest To Filling All His Quadrants  
CG: ISN’T THAT THE MOST DEPRESSIVE THING YOU SAID ALL DAY.  
AT: i AM KINDA SURPRISED vRISKA IS UHM, dOING HER PALE DUTIES,  
AG: Of coooooooourse I’m doing my pale duties. What the hell kinda moirail do you think I am toreadork?  
CG: I AM JUST DISGUSTED TO MY VERY CORE THAT YOU ALLOW YOUR MOIRAIL INTO A 2X MATESPRITSHIP!  
AC: :33< hey!  
TG: hey!  
AG: Please, I am not impressed until he gets a 8x m8spritship.  
AA: oh that sounds like a fun idea  
CG: CAN YOU NOT!?

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] joined memo--

CA: wwell wwell wwell  
AG: Oh of COURSE he’d 8e here.  
CA: cool your jets vvris im not here for you  
CA: i wwas expecting fef to showw up tonight  
CA: is she around?  
TG: yeah she aint comin bub  
CA: wwhat?!  
CA: but i had this plan  
TG: sorry i guess  
CA: my wwhole elaborate set up is fuckin ruined  
CA: RUINED!  
AG: Yeah, she wins 8y not particip8ing. Kiiiiiiiinda how that goes in a relation with Ampora.  
CA: oh go hump a wwhale serket  
CA: you are just jealous a fef but unfortunately for you that ship has sailed a long ass fuckin time ago  
CA: wwe are nevver evver EVVER getting back together  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, oh that IS funny.  
AG: Get over yourself Ampora. Lalonde is 8 times the kismesis you WISHED you could 8e.  
CA: yeah no shit  
CA: i couldn’t be that kismesis because i had to hold back for you you vvapid landdwweller  
CA: not fef though she can take it  
AT: dIDN’T SHE BREAK YOUR LIMBS?  
CA: i knoww  
CA: it wwas awwesome  
TG: trolls man  
EB: tell me about it.

\--golgothasTerror [GT] joined memo—

GT: Tell you about what?  
TG: trolls man, trolls  
AC: :33< we aren’t so bad :((  
EB: you are the exception nep.  
AC: :33< :PP  
TG: ohmg!!!!  
GT: I see your polyamorous relation is proceeding rather nicely.  
GT: I meant to congratulate you by the way.  
GT: Never really had the chance to but it doesn’t prevent me from feeling like a right Charlie, I tell you what.  
GC: 1 4M CONFUS3D 4S TO WHO OR WH4T TH1S CH4RL13 1S  
TG: eh, we DIDS try to kelp it from u giuys.   
TG: *guys  
GT: And *Keep.  
TG: oh no, the fishpuns are intrenchinaol!  
TG: lmao  
GA: That Looked Like A Trainwreck  
GT: Your relationship with the trolls is most interesting.  
AT: oH GOOD, iT’S THE jOHN CLONE,  
GT: I beg your pardon?  
EB: what are you talking about now?  
AT: hOW HAS NO ONE COMMENTED ON THIS BEFORE?  
AT: tHE TWO OF YOU LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME,  
GT: No we don’t.  
EB: no we don’t.  
AT: aM i THE ONLY ONE SEEING THIS?  
AA: they are totally different  
AG: Seeeeeeeeriously Tavros, what is the 8ig idea?  
AG: Are you saying all humans look the same for you?!  
AT: nO, nO, nOT AT UHM, ALL!  
AT: bUT jOHN AND jAKE ARE PRACTICALLY IDENTICAL,  
GC: S3R1OUSLY T4VROS  
GC: YOU 4R3 SOUND1NG PR3TTY SP3C1ST H3R3  
GC: 1 4M NOT GO1NG K4NKR1 H3R3 BUT TH1S 1S H1GHLY OFF3NS1V3 ON SO M4NY L3V3LS  
EB: i am not really offended  
GC: QU31T JOHN  
GC: TH1S 1S T4VROS’S M1ST4K3 4ND H3 OW3S YOU 4ND J4K3 4N 4POLOGY  
AT: oH COME ON,  
AT: i CAN’T BE THE ONLY ONE SEEING THIS,  
GC: 1 4M NOT S331NG 4NYTH1NG 4T 4LL  
AT: i,   
AT: yEAH, i KINDA WALKED INTO THAT ONE,  
GT: I don’t take offense to this, Tavros. I can imagine it being a tidbit overwhelming to have to share the realm with….. eight humans.  
GT: Just remember I am the human with the archaic vernacular and the dashing good looks.  
EB: hey, i have dashing good looks.  
AC: :33< of course you do  
CA: wwell this is of to a flyin start  
CA: my kismesis doesn’t showw  
CA: nep somehoww gets invvolvved in the filthiest smut and no one bats an eye  
CA: and noww tavv has been outed as a specist  
AT: i AM REALLY NOT,  
AG: Just another night in the movie stream……..  
EB: shall i just start the movie?  
EB: before things actually start getting weird i mean.  
AG: Aaaaaaaaaw yes!!!!!!!!

GC: OH OH OH 1S SH3 TH3 GHOST?  
GC: DO3S SH3 N33D BUST1NG?  
AA: she doesn’t really look like any spectre i’ve ever seen  
AT: aND WE ALL KNOW YOU HAVE SEEN PLENTY  
CA: wwait wwhat movvie are wwe evven wwatching?  
GT: I have nary a clue.  
EB: oh this is ghostbusters. it’s a classic, starring bill murray, dan akroyd, harold ramis and ernie hudson.  
GC: L3G3ND4RY B4SK3TB4LL PL4Y3R B1LL MURR4Y?  
GC: 1S TH1S WH4T H3 D1D 4FT3R R3T1R1NG?  
EB: i am choosing to believe that it is.  
CA: and somehoww ghosts are an important factor in this movvie?  
AG: Nothing escapes yoooooooour keen eyes does it Ampora?  
AG: What ever did you do to discover this?  
AG: Perhaps you glanced the title and connected the dots?  
CA: rox  
CA: as fef’s moirail it is kinda your responsibility to make sure no one tries to hit on her kismesis  
TG: wut?  
CG: I AM PRETTY FUCKING SURE YOU ARE JUST MAKING THAT UP.  
AC: :33< is it going to be furry scary john?  
EB: oh don’t worry. it’s mostly comedy.  
AA: ghosts are hilarious  
EB: not even remotely what i was talking about.

AT: sO THE BOOKS START FLOATING, pAPERS START FLYING AND A LIGHT BASED UHM, aPPARITION APPEARS?  
AA: ghosts can be such pranksters  
CA: this is such bs  
CA: wwhy must i alwways join durin the absolute bogus movvies  
CA: harry potter, that atrocious pocket monster thing, that dumb cartoon fef showwed us and noww this?!  
CA: wwhat did i evver do to deservve this?  
TG: don’t go disshin hp u dork  
AT: oR POKEMON,  
AC: :33< who do you think you are kidding?  
AC: :33< you almost put as much time in it as tavros  
GA: I Do Not Think That Is Possible  
AA: oh it is  
CA: you are all assholes  
GT: You may be acting a tad melodramatic here chum.  
CA: no wway  
CA: its evveryone else that’s wwrong  
CG: TO DISTRACT THE ATTENTION AWAY FROM CAPE DOUCHE: WHAT ARE THE GHOSTS DOING IN THE HUMAN WORLD?!   
EB: haunting?  
CG: WHY!?  
EB: i dunno. isn’t that kinda what ghosts do?  
CG: DO THEY HAVE UNFINISHED BUSINESS?! GRUDGES THAT ANCHOR THEM TO THE MORTAL WORLD!? IS THERE A REASON FOR THESE GHOSTS TO BE HERE?!  
EB: they are just doing ghost stuff man.  
CG: YOU MUST BE THE WORST ECTOBIOLOGIST.

EB: oh man this themesong.  
EB: i could listen to this all day.  
GA: Somehow I Have No Problem Believing This Statement  
GT: It certainly is catchy.  
AC: :33< a story about ghosthunters sure sounds like it could be furry funny  
TG: welp, john’s taste in moivies is ALMOST as god as englishses so i am resserfin judgement.  
AG: Please, John has the 8EST taste in movies.  
CG: HAH HAH FUCKING HAH.  
CG: THAT WAS A VERY FUNNY JOKE YOU JUST TOLD. I AM LAUGHING MY HORNS OFF.  
AG: I 8et no one would even notice.  
EB: now vriska. you are being awfully antagonistic tonight.  
AG: That’s not my fault. I have to watch a movie with Ampora and Vantas so what do you expect?  
AG: 8esides, may8e Kanaya will report 8ack to Lalonde to make her jealous.  
EB: yeah but i really want you guys to have fun watching this movie. so maybe try and tone it down a bit?  
AG: Uuuuuuuugh, worst moirail.  
EB: <>  
AG: <>  
AT: wELL, tHAT PACIFICATION JUST HAPPENED,  
AT: iN PUBLIC,  
GA: Humans Do Not Give A Proverbial Fuck  
CA: normally i havve to scour the wweb lookin for action like that  
GT: Action like what?  
CA: oh you naivve sod

TG: so what is eben happensing now?  
GC: 1T LOOKS L1K3 4 V3RY CRU3L 3XP3R1M3NT  
EB: well that’s probably because it is.  
AT: HUMANS ARE STUPID LIKE THAT,  
GT: I’ll have you know none of us would try to force others into shock-based experiments like this.  
TG: are you kitten?  
TG: dirk would totes do it if he think it neseassery.  
AT: STRETCHING THE FISHPUNS A BIT THERE,  
TG: more like strechting ur face  
GA: Not Only Does He Torment The Poor Boy He Is Actively Falsifying The Results Of The Girl And Expresses A Very Clear Desire To Get Physically Intimate  
CA: he wwants to pail her  
GA: I Was Not Going To Say It Like That  
AC: :33< bill murray is a bit sleazy  
GC: H3 W4SN’T L1K3 TH4T 1N SP4C3 J4M 4T 4LL  
AA: do humans posses a latent psychic ability to trigger at all  
GT: According to some movies: sure.  
AA: and in factual observation  
GT: Err…… Well?  
TG: no idea  
EB: yes!  
CG: THAT’S A NO.  
EB: oh come on!  
GC: 4T TH1S PO1NT 1T W1LL 4CTU4LLY B3 SURPR1S1NG ONC3 H3 ST4RTS 4NSW3R1NG OUR QU3ST1ONS TRUTHFULLY  
CG: THAT IS A RISK I AM WILLING TO TAKE!

AT: sO HIS BUDDIES PICK HIM UP AND THEY GO INVESTIGATE THE LIBRARY THAT UHM, wAS SO VERY CLEARLY UNDER SPECTRAL ATTACK EARLIER IN THE MOVIE,  
AA: spectral attacks are no laughing matter  
AG: Tell me a8out it.  
GC: H3H3H3 Y3S VR1SK4 W1LL FUNCT1ON 4S OUR R3S1D3NT 3XP3RT ON GHOST 4TT4CKS  
GC: B4S3D ON 3XP3R13NC3  
AG: Rolling aaaaaaaall my eyes here Pyrope.  
AA: then what can i be?  
GC: OUR R3S1D3NT GHOST?  
AA: i don’t think that works  
AC: :33< what can i be?  
GC: W3LL W3 4R3 GO1NG TO N33D 4 GHOST FOR TH1S >;]  
AC: :33< hihi, i will be the spoopiest ghost efur!  
TG: so these are meowgon sprinkles and raymeownt stantz workiking together with peter venckman, whom we are just gonna call bill murray anyway so whatevs.  
EB: essentially.  
AT: cAN YOU PICK WHAT KINDA PUNS YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE AND STICK WITH IT PLEASE?  
TG: noupe  
CG: YOU KNOW, NORMALLY I WOULD ASK WHAT THE DEAL IS BETWEEN THESE CHARACTERS AND WHETHER OR NOT THERE ARE QUADRANTS INVOLVED BUT I JUST *KNOW* I WOULD BE DISAPPOINTED WITH THE ANSWER.  
TG: try it  
CG: NO, NO, NO, ALL OF THE NO. I AM NOT EVEN GETTING MY HOPES UP.  
EB: well, they aren’t romantically involved but they are definitely in cahoots. partners in crime, so that’s something.  
GC: CR1M3!? >:o  
AA: not like that terezi  
GC: >:[

GT: And so they discover the ectoplasm left by the phantasm.  
AA: it is a very messy ghost  
GT: I must say, this movie certainly delivers on the atmosphere.  
CA: that shit is just hairgel  
GT: I beg your pardon?  
CA: the ectoplasm  
CA: that shit is just your evveryday fuckin hairgel  
AG: he would know. He uses literal toooooooons of the stuff.  
GT: That sounds excessive.   
CA: that is because it is  
CA: wwho wwould evven do that  
GT: So you are a hairgel enthusiast. I do believe we have seen stranger things.  
CA: for the lovve of god english i do not actually use tons of hairgel  
AC: :33< could have fooled me

AT: sO THAT IS UHM, tHE GHOST,  
AT: i AM NOT IMPRESSED  
GA: What Even Is Its Deal  
GA: Grudges  
GA: Desires  
GA: Other Things That May Anchor The Restless Souls To The Mortal Plane  
AA: it doesn’t look like a tormented soul  
AA: just one that likes to read  
AA: i am a little disappointed  
CG: I DON’T KNOW WHAT ITS DEAL IS EITHER BECAUSE APPARENTLY THE MOVIE ESCHEWS ONE OF ITS MOST INTERESTING ASPECTS!  
GT: Well perhaps the movie doesn’t center around the ghosts, rather the folks hunting them.  
CA: yeah that seems to be pretty much wwhat they are goin for  
AC: :33< but they aren’t nearly as spooky

AC: :33< AAH!  
GT: Woah Nelly.  
AA: hahahahahahahahahahaha  
AA: nice  
CA: please  
CA: wwhat asshole wwould be frightened of somethin so asinine  
CA: this wwriggler levvel shit is beneath me  
GT: I don’t think being frightened works that way.  
CA: it does for me  
GT: Really? Wowzers, I really need to educate myself about your alien culture.  
AT: iT REALLY DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT BUT UHM, jUST GO WITH IT jAKE,  
GA: Karkat  
GA: Are You Still There  
CG: I’M FINE!  
GC: 1 B3T H3 JUST JUMP3D 1NTO TH3 C31L1NG  
CG: I DID NOT!  
AG: Yeah, he totally did.  
CG: THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN DEALING WITH PYROPE OR SERKET IS DEALING WITH BOTH OF THEM SIMULTANEOUSLY!

TG: but den they get kicked outta their swanky hideaway on campus  
TG: becus APPARANTLY it isnt’ real science  
CA: that’s because it isn’t  
CA: wwe saw bill murray screww wwith his test results  
CA: wwe saww him convvince a bimbo that she had esp  
CA: it is a mockery a science  
AA: actually he was testing the effects of positive and negative reinforcement on budding esp  
AA: meaning that if he actually bothered to write any of it down he was actually doing science  
GC: 1T S33MS L1K3 TH3Y’LL L3T JUST 4BOUT 3V3RYON3 SC13NC3 TH3S3 D4YS  
AC: :33< shouldn’t they at least get a warning or something?  
AC: :33< an ultimatum?  
AT: nAH, tHIS IS WAY MORE DRAMATIC,  
AC: :33< i guess

EB: but they get a new hideout in the form of an abandoned firestation.  
GC: 1S TH4T WH3R3 4LL TH3 F1R3S COM3 FROM?  
EB: see, the frightening thing is that i do not know whether you are trying to prank me or not.  
GC: 1 DO NOT PR4NK  
GA: Terezi Merely Mocks Ridicules Or Otherwise Embarrasses  
GC: 3SS3NT14LLY  
AT: sO THEY TAKE THE PLACE BECAUSE rAY LIKES THE FIREPOLE?  
AG: Humans can 8e preeeeeeeetty dum8 in stuff like this.  
CA: yeah no shit  
GT: I take some offense to that.  
TG: oh jaky  
TG: u would be the ECAXT person to buy a house because of the firepole  
GT: What is your point?  
AA: it actually looks kinda haunted  
EB: i am pretty sure that was the intent  
AA: that’s so cool

GT: Bugger, I didn’t know Ellen Ripley was in this movie.  
EB: i didn't know dark helmet was :P  
GT: Could this be an Alien crossover? I am definitely crossing my fingers.  
CA: you’re a strange one english  
GT: So people keep telling me. Personally, I think it’s hogwash.  
AC: :33< no you are defurnitely furry strange  
AC: :33< but that isn’t a bad thing  
AA: strange is good  
AC: :33< indeed!  
GT: That is mighty kind of you.  
EB: that’s also rick moranis playing the very socially awkward neighbor  
GA: Yeah  
GA: I Was Going To Comment On Him First  
TG: y  
GA: Because He Is The Most Frightening Thing In The Movie So Far

TG: again wit convenient timed newsbroadcastingers.   
TG: i flappin told people it just keeps happaping.  
AG: This must 8e the worst commercial eeeeeeeever.  
AC: :33< that’s what makes it funny!  
CA: showws howw fuckin subjective that is  
CG: I ACTUALLY KINDA LIKE HOW IT PERFECTLY SHOWS THE QUIRKS OF THE CHARACTERS.  
AT: cOME AGAIN?  
CG: WE HAVE RAY, WHO IS THE ENTHUSIASTIC DUMBASS AND POURS HIS HEART IN THIS CHEAP EXCUSE FOR A COMMERCIAL.  
CG: THEN THERE’S EGON WHO VERY CLEARLY READS FROM A CUE CARD BECAUSE HE IS THE STIFF, POSSIBLY INSANE INTELLECTUAL.  
GA: As Also Evidenced From The Experiment Where He Wanted To Cut His Own Head Open  
AA: sadly only mentioned  
CG: AND THEN THERE’S BILL MURRAY, THE CHARMING STOIC.  
GC: NOW 1F ONLY SH3 W4S B31NG H4UNT3D SO SH3 H4D 4N 3XCUS3 TO G3T DR4WN 1NTO TH3 PLOT  
CA: like that isn’t gonna happen the fuckin second this commercial ends  
GT: Oh you don’t know that.

CA: wwhat did i tell you  
CA: like clockwork  
GT: Well what do you know.  
CA: it fuckin helps to pay attention to shit like this english  
CA: you strike me as the type wwho wwould split up if there wwould be an axe murderer on the loose  
GT: Wouldn’t you?  
CA: goddamnit english  
TG: don’t u just lurv him

CG: ALRIGHT, WHICH OF ‘YA’LL MOTHERFUCKERS’ LINKED THE THERMAL HULL TO THE GATES OF HELL?!  
AT: wOAH, tHIS IS KINDA TRIPPY,  
GC: 1 LOV3 1T!  
TG: erryone else is seeing this too right?  
AT: YUP  
AG: Yeah........  
AA: i love it!  
AA: this is a beautiful   
AC: :33< and what is with those awful hellhounds?  
EB: zuul motherfucker, zuul.  
AC: :33< uhm… what?  
EB: it’s a reference…..  
AC: :33< i don’t get it.  
AC: :33< beclaws you are a dork  
EB: heh, i guess.

GC: SO TH3Y H1R3D 4 S4SSY S3CR3T4RY  
GC: 3V3RY OFF1C3 N33DS 4 S4SSY S3CR3T4RY  
GA: I Am Not Sure Whether Or Not This Was A Necessity On Their Part  
GA: Considering Their Lack Of Customers They Could Have Easily Dealt With The Administration Themselves  
CG: WE’VE SEEN THEM IN ACTION: CONVERSING WITH OTHER HUMANS AND MAKING SOUND DECISIONS IS NOT EXACTLY THEIR STRONG SUIT.  
CG: I DO HAVE TO GIVE MURRAY PROPS. HE IS AN ASSHOLE IN THE MOVIE, A COMPLETE BULGEWHIFF BUT YOU CAN’T HELP BUT ENJOY WATCHING HIM.  
EB: maybe in part because most of what he does here is natural?  
CG: WHAT.  
EB: he ad-libbed like half the scenes. i mean, they knew what the scenes were supposed to accomplish, but all main actors did a lot of on-the-spot improvisation for their lines, especially bill.   
EB: he is just that awesome.  
AC: :33< so where he comments on janine’s glasses looking like bug eyes and immediately apologizing for it?  
EB: if you look closer you can almost see the actress stifling a laugh.

CG: WOAH, WHERE THE FUCK DID HE COME FROM?!  
CA: wwe both seen pirates kar  
CG: WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT!  
GC: TH3R3 4R3 JUST 4 F3W MOV13S K4RK4T CONS1D3RS T4BOO  
GC: P1R4T3S 1S ON3 OF TH3M  
GT: I do not see what the fuzz is about.  
GT: He was obviously just down there to fix the wiring of her computer device.  
CA: are you really that naïve?  
GT: I am not naïve.  
TG: he totes is but we love him just the same.

CG: SO THE WOMAN TELLS ABOUT THE DOOR TO HELL CURRENTLY OCCUPYING HER THERMAL HULL AS THE GHOSTBUSTERS SPOUT A WHOLE LOT OF TECHNOBABBLE.  
AG: Past life experiences. What the fuck are those?  
TG: exxactly what it sounds like.  
AG: Like ancestors?  
TG: ye. cept the ancestor is u  
AG: That is incredi8ly stupid.  
CA: erased memories stored in a collectivve unconscious  
CA: did these people evven read the damn script  
GT: Well, it’s just a form of technology we do not fully comprehend.  
CA: god this is stupid  
AT: aT LEAST bILL mURRAY SEEMS HAPPY,   
GA: He Definitely Seems To Be Fond Of Her  
AT: iT IS PRETTY OBVIOUS THEY UHM, wILL END UP AS A COUPLE BY THE END OF THE MOVIE,  
AC: :33< oh you don’t know that  
AT: nO, iT REALLY IS PRETTY OBVIOUS  
AC: :33< it’s a bit early to call that  
AT: nO, tHIS ALWAYS HAPPENS!  
AT: tHESE TWO ARE GOING TO HOOK UP!  
AC: :33< i didn’t know you were such a shipper tavros  
AT: uGH,

AA: so bill murray makes an ass out of himself trying to impress dana  
GT: You mean Ellen Ripley.  
AA: her yes  
TG: she a bamf in alien  
TG: weeird to see her like tis  
EB: so how are you liking the movie so far?  
CG: I AM IMPRESSED WITH HUMAN BILL MURRAY.   
CG: THE MOVIE WOULD PROBABLY BE CULLED FOR PUBLIC STUPIDITY ON ALTERNIA AND WEAR PROPELLER HATS ALL THE WAY TO THE GALLOWS BUT BILL DEFINITELY SELLS IT.  
GC: TH3 STUP1D1TY 1S NOT D1STR4CT1NG FROM TH3 FUN  
CG: EXACTLY!  
CG: IT STRIKES A NICE BALANCE BETWEEN STUPIDITY AND FUN, LIKE BILL MURRAY’S JERK-FACTOR AND HIS LIKEABILITY.  
EB: i shall take that as a good thing :B  
AC: :33< its as good as it’s gonna get from karkat  
AA: unfortunately the gate to hell is closed now  
AA: i would have liked to see bill murray’s reaction  
EB: give it time.

GC: 4ND TH3N TH3 FL1RT1NG B3COM3S UNCOMFORT4BL3 >:/  
TG: buoys, if the lady sais no she means no  
AC: :33< if she has to say it twice it means get the fuck away from me  
AC: :33< i mean the frick  
EB: equius isn’t here to scold you for swearing  
AC: :33< still i must h33d my words :PP  
AG: And if she has to decline thrice, a swift kick in the 8ulge will suffice.  
GT: You Alternian ladies don’t mess around.  
CA: are you kiddin me?  
CA: the only thing more dangerous than a dashing highblood lad is a highblooded wwoman  
TG: u talkin shit bout fef?  
CA: i am not  
CA: i am acknowwledgin that the female trolls are more dangerous than the males  
CA: if anythin she should be flattered  
GT: So hypothetically, if I would want to flirt with a troll, I could call him or her dangerous?  
CG: WELL YEAH BUT THAT ONLY GOES FOR PALE AND BLACK QUADRANTS.  
GT: This is incredibly confusing.  
TG: just go w/it  
AT: i GUESS I WAS WRONG, cAUSE i REALLY DON’T SEE THIS RELATIONSHIP UHM, hAPPENING RIGHT NOW,  
AC: :33< told you so!

TG: OMGF ARCATE GAMES!  
AT: yEAH UHM, hOW DID THEY BUY THOSE IF THEY ARE SHORT ON CASH?  
GA: A Poor Ability To Set Priorities  
AT: tHAT WOULD ACTUALLY BE AN ADEQUATE UHM, eXPLANATION YES,

GC: BUT TH3N TH3Y G3T 4 N3W CL13NT SO TH3Y RUSH TH3R3 4S SOON 4S POSS1BL3  
EB: the ecto-1. my childhood dream.  
EB: i still don’t get why alchemizing the car with ghostbusters memorabilia doesn’t result in this beautiful machine.  
EB: i swear, one day i will drive this.  
AC: :33< john you can fly  
EB: it’s a matter of childhood dreams!

AA: a haunted hotel  
AA: what a novel concept  
AG: These dicks promise discretion 8ut ask EVERYONE out front if they’ve seen a ghost.  
AG: What a 8unch of assholes.  
GC: YOU C4N’T B3 BOTH 4 D1CK 4ND 4N 4SSHOL3 TH4T 1S JUST CONFUS1NG  
GA: If They Have Dealt With This Problem For A While Now Why Never Report It  
EB: think of the bad press.  
AC: :33< and the lack of ghostbusters  
GA: Well The Hotel Manager Is In Luck  
GA: The Ghostbusters Have Given Their Word To Resolve Matters Swiftly And Discreetly

CA: about as discreet as a kick in the face  
TG: our heroes laddies and gentleladdies  
TG: shootin their hiighly powert pew pew lazerguns at unarmed maids  
EB: their proton packs, yeah.  
CG: MORE IMPORTANTLY, THAT ELEVATOR CONVERSATION!  
CG: UNTESTED, UNLICENSED NUCLEAR ACCELERATOR?!  
CG: NO *SUCCESFUL* TESTS YET?!  
CG: THIS IS A FUCKING TIMEBOMB WAITING TO HAPPEN!  
AT: aT LEAST THEIR UHM, pROTON PACKS DIDN’T BLOW UP,  
AT: sO THAT’S SOMETHING,  
CG: YES, LET’S CONSIDER THIS JAUNTY ACCIDENT WHERE A MAID NEARLY LOST HER FUCKING LIFE, WHILE OUR HEROES WERE WEARING NUCLEAR BOMBS STRAPPED TO THEIR BACKS A SUCCESFUL FUCKING TEST!  
CG: WHO EVEN CARES BECAUSE THESE PRICKS WILL DIE AGE 40 BECAUSE OF THE RADIATION POISONING!

AC: :33< so that’s the ghost?  
EB: yep, that’s slimer.  
AC: :33< sigh  
AC: :33< is THAT your icon?  
EB: :B  
AC: :33< that’s pretty dumb  
GA: Repulsing Is More Like It  
EB: screw that, slimer is awesome.  
AA: i think he’s cute  
EB: thank you!  
GC: NOT SUR3 1F TH4T 1S SOM3TH1NG YOU SHOULD TH4NK H3R FOR JOHN  
GC: W3 NORM4LLY B3COM3 V3RY SUSP1C1OUS OF TH1NGS 4R4D14 S33S 4S CUT3  
AA: i like cute things  
GA: We Are Certain You Do  
GA: This Is Not One Of Them

GT: And Bill Murray got slimed.  
GT: I think I understand the meaning behind the ghost’s name.  
EB: he was actually just supposed to be really smelly.  
EB: in the script he was refered to as the onionghost  
GT: Fascinating.  
CA: by wwhich you should mean that it isn’t fascinating at all  
CA: its bad enough ghosts can apparently interact wwith the physical wworld but noww they get to be odorous as wwell?!  
GT: Well they cut that out of the film didn’t they?  
CA: doesn’t make them any less stupid for tryin  
AT: sO YEAH, THIS CERTAINLY HAPPENED,  
AT: wHAT IS THE sLIMER EVEN A GHOST OFF?  
CG: A PIECE OF SHIT FROM THE LOOKS OF IT.

AG: So they trash the whole damn room trying to catch the ghost.  
AG: I think the hotel was 8etter off 8eing harassed 8y Slimer on occasion.  
CA: these effects are fuckin atrocious  
GT: Well, it’s an older movie.  
CA: it’s rubbish is wwhat it is  
GT: John, when was this movie produced?  
EB: 1984  
GT: See, that is an incredibly long time ago. The movie is older then I am.  
AA: terminator had very similar effects  
CA: and i am bettin that movvie wwas rubbish too!  
GT: Perhaps it be best you calm down a tad chum.  
GT: You seem a little high strung.  
CA: I AM CALM!  
AC: :33< it f33ls like we’ve b33n here before  
AC: :33< have we b33n here before?  
GC: Y3S BUT NORM4LLY 1T’S GR3Y T3XT DO1NG TH3 BR34K DOWN  
CA: its just that evveryone is conspirin against me  
CA: all for a feww stupid mistakes i made as a wwriggler  
AG: We were not wrigglers when we were d8ing.  
AC: :33< and there is a bounty of valid reasons to make fun of you  
CA: do you see wwhat i mean?!  
GT: Cripes, that seems harsh.   
GT: You need to keep your chin up though pal. Shoulders back, deep breath.  
CA: uugh……

EB: 80s montage!  
TG: aaaw yis  
TG: bustin ghosts all day erryday

CA: ghost blowwjob?  
CG: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!  
AC: :33< uhm…. context?  
AC: :33< maybe this isn’t what it s33ms?  
EB: I’ll be honest: i have no idea

GC: 4ND SO TH3Y H1R3 4 BL4CK GUY  
EB: well yeah. all 80s comedy movies needed a black guy.  
EB: he was originally gonna be played by eddie murphie but ernie hudson is probably the better choice.  
EB: and with winston zeddmore the team is complete.  
GC: H3 4CTS V3RY MUCH L1K3 4 M3RC3N4RY  
EB: well yeah, he’s just there for the paycheck.  
GC: SO H1S H34RT 1SN’T 1N 1T  
AC: :33< to be fair, i don’t think bill has much motivation aside from money either  
EB: and women  
AC: :33< and women  
GA: it Seems Like The Requirements To Become A Ghostbuster Are Rather Low  
AG: Are you kidding me?  
AG: Low implies they had some damn standards while this asshole gets hired on the spot.  
AT: sO IS THERE SOME FORM OF FUNNY INITIATION WE ARE GOING TO WATCH?  
AT: bECAUSE THEY UHM, pROBABLY SHOULD TRAIN THE GUY FIRST,   
AT: aT LEAST LET HIM KNOW WHAT HE’S UP AGAINST, yOU KNOW

AA: nope  
TG: awkwward romance continues  
AG: Oh 8ullshit!  
EB: what is it?  
AG: First she doesn’t want to touch him with a 10-feet prodding utensil and NOW she doesn’t mind his awkward flirting?  
GC: B3C4US3 1N TH3 SHORT T1M3 TH3Y H4V3N’T S33N 34CH OTH3R B1LL H4S B3COM3 4 B1T OF 4 C3L3BR1TY?  
AG: Exactly my point!  
CA: moral of the story is that bein bad at flirtin is okay as long as you're somebody  
GT: I am fairly certain there is more to their romance than that.  
CA: must you alwways be so goddamn optimistic english  
CA: you sicken me  
GT: Well, sorry I guess.   
TG: omfgg don’t even listen.  
TG: optimismm is the cutlest charm and u havbe it in spades  
GT: Thank you Roxy. I shall take that to heart.  
GA: So Yeah  
GA: Dana Agrees To Go On A Date With Murray Who Seems Absolutely Ecstatic  
AG: Her entourage seems less excited and rightfully so.  
AG: Who’d stoop low enough to sleep with this guy?  
EB: i’ll have you know bill murray is an awesome human being. the best of human beings even.  
EB: he crashes random parties to give fatherly advice to the teenagers attending.  
EB: he has no agents or managers because they cramp his style.  
EB: he owns two or three minor league baseball teams and often joins golf tournaments.  
GC: W41T SO SP4C3 J4M 4CTU4LLY W4S 4N 4UTOB1OGR4PH1C4L MOV13 FOR MURR4Y?

 

AC: :33< and then this inspector purson wants to check the ghostbusters equipment  
AT: yEAH BUT UHM, bILL mURRAY POINTLESSLY ANTAGONIZES HIM,  
TG: whatcha mean pointless?  
TG: hes a prick  
AT: wELL, wHY NOT JUST LET THE GUY SEE THE EQUIPMENT?  
CG: BECAUSE HE IS COMPLETELY IN THE RIGHT TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT THE EFFECTS THEIR EQUIPMENT MIGHT HAVE ON THE ENVIROMENT, IN THE SENSE THAT THE ENVIROMENT WILL BE A FUCKING DESOLATE WASTELAND ONCE SOMETHING GOES WRONG!  
EB: yeah, pretty much  
AA: i like the sound of that  
AG: Untested, unlicensed nuclear accelerators could 8e a little harmful.  
GT: So what you are saying is that Bill Murray is the villain here?  
EB: well i wouldn’t say that.  
EB: he’s more like the hardboiled antihero who doesn’t play by the rules.  
AC: :33< im having trouble s331ng bill murray as a hardboiled anything

AG: Wait, so THIS is atop of Ellen Ripley’s apartment?  
TG: so it sheems  
AG: That 8itch has NO right to complain when her shit turns out to 8e haunted.

EB: zuul motherfucker, zuul  
AG: There, what did I tell you? Haunted as fuck.  
AA: i think it looks cute  
AG: NOT HELPING!

GA: And There Is The Aforementioned Haunting  
CG: WHY NOW?  
GT: What do you mean?  
CG: SHE SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN LIVING THERE FOR QUITE SOME TIME. WHY THE ACTUAL FUCK DOES THE APARTMENT DECIDE TO HAUNT HER *NOW* WHEN THEY COULD HAVE DONE SO, PERHAPS HUMAN YEARS AGO.  
EB: well there weren’t any ghostbusters to fight the haunting.  
CG: OR MAYBE THE SCRIPTWRITER HAD HIS HEAD UP HIS OWN WASTECHUTE!  
AC: :33< maybe the pawsition of the stars and the moon is relevant to how powerfur the ghosts become  
AA: or maybe the ghostbusters brought this upon themselves by disturbing the balance  
AC: :33< what?  
AA: the ghosts normally living on the mortal plane are fairly peaceful and are a nuisance at best  
AA: by removing those from the equation there exists an imbalance which causes more spirits appear to fill the void  
AA: some more dangerous than others  
AC: :33< err….. is that how it works?  
AA: maybe  
AC: :33< it sounds kinda farfetched  
GC: NOP3 DO3SN’T WORK  
GC: TH3 H4UNT3D TH3RM4L HULL 4PP34R3D B3FOR3 TH3 BUST3RS C4UGHT TH31R F1RST GHOST  
AA: shoot  
CA: am i the only one seein one of those hands is totally cuppin a feel?

AG: Uuuuuuuugh this annoying guy again.  
EB: he also improvised most of his lines.  
AG: That somehow makes him even MORE annoying!!!!!!!!

GA: But Then Zuul Appears To Attack Him  
GA: I Consider It Completely Justified  
TG: whose a good puppy  
GA: For The Sake Of Your Joke I Will Affirm That It Is Indeed Zuul Who Is A Good Puppy  
CA: its just a shame of these ugly fuckin cgi effects  
CA: totally takes me out a the experience  
GT: It isn’t that bad.  
CA: no, it really fuckin is  
CA: the movvement is stiff and unnatural  
CA: the lightin is off  
CA: it looks like a cheap knock off of a monster  
GT: Just try to take the effects for what they are buddy.  
GT: The scares are not the main draw of the movie.  
CA: it just pisses me off is all  
CA: and for fucks sake stop callin me buddy or friend or pal or wwhatevver  
TG: yo ampora  
CA: wwhat noww  
TG: no funny buz with jake aight?  
TG: yous got my moirail to hate  
CA: this wwasn’t flirtin you dumb broad  
TG: good  
TG: also fuck you  
GC: GUYS TH3 MOV13?  
AC: :33< what about the movie?

AA: i think he just got murdered in front of a room full of onlookers  
AA: 0u0  
GA: And Nothing Of Value Was Lost  
EB: you haven’t seen space balls.  
AC: :33< those people don’t s33m to give a frick!  
AG: Just say fuck like everyone else.

AT: wELL MAYBE SHE’S NOT POSSESSED?  
TG: likely story  
CG: OKAY, THIS IS ACTUALLY PRETTY AMUSING.  
EB: yes!  
CG: SEEING BILL MURRAY STRUGGLE WITH THE POSSESSED ELLEN RIPLEY AND PRETENDING TO BE THE KEYMASTER IS HILARIOUS.  
GC: WH4T3V3R TH4T M1GHT B3  
EB: well if there is a gatekeeper there is a keymaster.  
GC: 1S TH3R3?  
EB: well, for the sake of this movie yes.  
GA: Must You Speak In Riddles  
EB: where is the fun in it if i just flat out tell you  
AT: WELL DUH, YOU DON’T REALLY HAVE TO TELL ANYTHING,  
AT: iT IS OBVIOUS THAT THE ANNOYING GUY THAT SEEMED TO GET MAULED BY THE UHM, zUUL? iS THE KEYMASTER,  
GA: Oh You Do Not Know That  
AT: wHY DO PEOPLE KEEP SAYING THAT?!

GT: What a verbal swashbuckler this fellow.  
GT: Not only does he manage to calmly asses the situation, he also gets all the information he requires from Zuul.  
GT: He reacts playfully to its advances but remains fully in control of the situation, showing that ultimately he is a good guy.  
GT: Despite earlier revealed rogue-like qualities to his persona.  
TG: the jerkasss with aheart of gold  
AG: What kinda goofy name is ‘Gozer the destructor’ anyway?  
AG: Was ‘the destroyer’ too mainstreeeeeeeeam a title?  
GA: Perhaps They Wanted It To Sound Archaic  
AG: Then the spirit shouldn’t have 8een talking modern day Alternian in the first place!

AT: eLLEN rIPLEY TAKES HER POSSESSION WELL,  
TG: there iss no elen ripley  
TG: only zuul

GA: Sadly He Did Not Perish  
GA: Instead He Is Possessed By The Keymaster  
AT: hAH, i TOLD YOU SO,  
GA: Did You  
AT: oH COME ON!  
GC: H3 1S SURPR1S1NGLY L3SS 4NNOY1NG TH4N B3FOR3  
AA: then bill murray calls and the two compare notes on the whole gozer situation  
AC: :33< showing another douchey side of murray who claimed her as his matespurit already  
TG: janine takes the opppertutinity to flirt with egon  
TG: it wus not very effectiva  
EB: yeah, they were supposed to have a romance together. it was mostly cut for time.

GC: WH3R3 TH3S3 TWO SUPPOS3D TO H4V3 4 ROM4NC3 TOO?  
EB: in 1984? no way.  
GT: Why is Ernie Hudson talking about god all of a sudden.  
GT: You have other things to worry about in your line of work.  
TG: purhaps he sees it as a crisys of fate or maybe cumfirmation that jeesus is real  
EB: i think we are kinda beyond that at this point  
CG: I DO NOT KNOW WHO THIS JEESUS IS BUT HE SOUNDS DISAPPOINTING.  
GT: Long story, we’d be here all night.  
GT: Besides, with our god tiers it might be a moot point to put our faith in gods other than ourselves.  
EB: oh i think i met one when i was jumping around timespace.  
EB: did any of you ever encounter an orange-looking guy?  
AG: ……..Get out.  
EB: im serious. im like, 88% sure he set everything in motion.  
AG: So what? He played SGRU8 8EFORE our dancestors?  
EB: maybe?  
AG: AAAAAAAARGH!!!! THAT FUCKING GUY!!!!!!!!  
CG: HERE’S AN IDEA. LET’S DISCUSS THIS NEVER.

AT: oH RIGHT, tHAT GUY,  
AC: :33< oh no!  
GT: To be fair, Bill Murray kind of brought this upon them when he antagonized him.  
GT: The guy can be a prick but you kind of need to consider the position you’re in when confronted with someone like this other prick.  
AA: that is double the pricks  
CA: cull them and hang their bodies as a wwarning  
AG: In this universe the ghosts would just return to haunt them.  
AG: Also, appaaaaaaaarently it is frowned upon to cull annoying assholes like this guy.  
CA: seriously?  
CA: wwhat evven givves  
GT: We consider it more civil to resolve our problems trough means other then…… slaughter.  
CA: that’s kinda lame  
AC: :33< no it isn’t!  
AG: What the cattroll said.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU AMPORA?!  
CA: see english?  
CA: they are all conspirin against me  
GT: …..eh?

GA: So The Scientist And Possibly Creator Of This Device Advices Against Turning It Off  
GA: I Believe The Phrase  
GA: Like Dropping A Bomb On The City Was Used  
GC: SO WH4T DO3S TH3 PR1CK DO?

AT: wAS THERE EVER ANY DOUBT?  
GC: TH3 B1GG3ST P1NK3ST 3XPLOS1ON TH3 C1TY H4S 3V3R S33N

AA: and so specters roam the city  
AA: the prick has unknowingly opened a portal and ushered in the endtimes  
EB: no he didn’t.  
EB: well, not exactly anyway.  
AA: i like to think that the endtimes will begin with something as beautiful as this  
AC: :33< that’s……. wonderful?  
AA: 0u0

TG: oh look, it’s the partt were the ghostbustinators expxplain it all  
AT: iTS KINDA FUNNY HOW THE OTHER PRISONERS ARE JUST LOOKING AT THIS STUFF,   
AT: yOU KNOW, lIKE THEY HAVE ANY CLUE ABOUT WHAT’S GOING ON,  
GT: Personally I think the other inmates are looking at the ghostbusters as if they lost their marbles.  
GC: WH4T DO M4RBL3S H4V3 TO DO W1TH 4NYTH1NG?  
GA: So The Structure Was Created By A Very Angry Architect Who Began A Gozer Worshipping Cult And Created The Apartment As A Temple  
AA: something among those lines  
GA: I See  
GA: That Does Not Make Much Sense  
GA: How Much Influence Does One Architect Have  
GA: Is The Structures Integrity Not Compromised And Does It Adher To The Standards To Suffice As Both An Apartmentbuilding And A Temple  
GA: Did He Actually Start The Cult  
GA: Did He Create Gozer Somehow  
GA: Or Was The God Of Destruction Just Not Acknowledged Until That Point In Time  
EB: that’s not the point  
GA: Then What Is The Point  
EB: the point is that we are building towards an AWESOME conclusion!  
GC: Y34H!  
GC: TH1S LOOKS L1K3 1T’LL B3 FUN >:]

AC: :33< gozer has taken up inpurior decorating  
AC: :33< i like what she did with the place  
CA: a cavvetroll wwould  
GT: And then Ellen Ripley makes out with Dark Helmet.  
GC: 1 4M NOT SUR3 HOW CONS3NSU4L TH1S 1S  
GC: OR WHY 1T WOULD B3 4S SUCH >:/  
GA: Yes  
GA: The Less Said About This Scene The Better  
TG: I like how ellen dipps the annooin guy   
GA: The Less Said The Better

CG: HOLY SHIT, WHEN DID BILL MURRAY BECOME AMAZING?!  
EB: when did he stop?  
TG: hahaha he pwns the dyckless sob  
AG: Not only that, he peeeeeeeerfectly manipul8s the politician in choosing his side.  
GC: WH4T 1 W4NT TO KNOW 1S WHY TH3 PR1CK 1SN’T B31NG P3RS3CUT3D  
GC: NOT COUNT1NG TH3 GHOSTBUST3RS 4ND TH31R S3CR3T4RY TH3R3 W3R3 TWO W1TN1SS3S OF H1M C4US1NG TH3 3XPLOS1ON  
GC: 1S HUM4N JUST1C3 TH1S L4ZY?  
EB: err….. sometimes?  
CG: AND THEN A PRIESTHERAPIST SHOWS UP, BECAUSE IT WASN’T CROWDED ENOUGH.  
AG: Again with trying to work human religion into the movie.  
EB: or out of it, because he does nothing and says the church can’t make a statement about the biblical implications.  
GT: Well didn’t they mention something among the lines of the endtimes earlier?  
TG: ye but those were babaobolynian  
TG: completely different  
CA: human religion is kinda stupid

AG: And now they are 8eing hailed like they are the condesce themselves.  
GA: Well Of Course  
GA: They Are The Only Ones Capable Of Combating The Supernatural Threat  
AT: yEAH, aBOUT THAT,,,  
AT: a THOUGHT OCCURS,  
AG: No one cares.  
GT: Let’s hear it.  
AT: bILL mURRAY AND eRNIE hUDSON ARE PRETTY MUCH INTO THIS TO MAKE MONEY, RIGHT?  
GT: Right.  
AT: wOULDN’T IT BE MUCH MORE PROFITABLE TO TRY AND MASS-PRODUCE THEIR EQUIPMENT?  
AT: sELL TRAPS SEPERATELY?  
AT: nONE OF THE DANGER OR RESPONSIBILITY, aLL OF THE MONEY,  
CG: UNTESTED, UNLICENSED NUCLEAR ACCELERATOR!  
CG: PAINFUL, AGONIZING DEATHSENTENCE BY RADIATION POISONING FOLLOWED BY WALKING GHOST SYNDROME AND ACTUAL FUCKING DEATH.  
AT: oH YEAH,

AT: wELL, mAYBE IT ISN’T HAUNTED?  
AA: hah  
CA: and then the road collapses for no adequately explored reason  
CA: wwhat the shit  
GT: Evil hexes made by Gozer’s messengers?  
CA: more like shoddy engineering  
GT: Considering the themes of the movie, I think my argument might be more likely.  
CA: wwhatevver

CA: havve these poor sods nevver heard of the elevvator  
TG: takin the elemevator im a hanted mansion  
TG: u be the first to die in a horrror setting  
AC: :33< hihi :PP

AA: so ellen ripley and dark helmet turn into dogs and open the gates of hell  
AG: Reeeeeeeeally hurting 8ill’s chances of tapping that.  
GC: TH3 G4T3S OF H3LL T4ST3 R34LLY TR1PPY  
EB: like some sorta pink floyd album cover.  
CG: THEN BILL MURRAY SHOVES RAY FORWARD TO DEAL WITH GOZER, RETURNING TO HIS ASSHOLE WAYS.  
TG: ‘s normal paybak. ray said the whole ‘go gat her’ wen in the library  
GT: Personally I think Ray deals with it very neatly.  
CA: yes lets politely ask the god knowwn as the fuckin destroyer to leavve our dimension  
CA: preferably in an orderly fashion  
GT: Well, call me old-fashioned but I think good manners are of the utmost importance.  
TG: don’t worry jakey, we call u oldfashion all the time  
AT: sO gOZER ASKS rAY IF HE’S A GOD AND THE GUY ANSWERS NO,

AC: :33< i think gozer takes it well

EB: but that’s when the ghostbusters finally team up and……  
EB: terezi, did you draw this?  
GC: M44444YB3 >:]  
EB: i am going to frame this and hang it over my bed  
GC: YOU 4R3 W3LCOM3  
CA: i did not permit you to use my likeness!  
GC: 1 D1DN’T N33D YOUR P3RM1SS1ON  
AC: :33< suck it up eridan you look great in the pic  
CA: i keep tellin you english  
CA: they just keep gangin up on me  
GT: I think Nepeta is right. You look great in the picture.  
CA: i………  
CA: wwell a course i do  
AA: this is going exactly where we think it is  
AA: isn’t it  
GC: 1 HOP3 SO

GA: So Gozer Promises To Turn Into An Object Of Destruction Of Their Own Choosing  
GA: That Is Rather Diabolical  
EB: yes but the ghostbusters are experienced in dealing with the supernatural and manage to empty their minds.  
AG: There reeeeeeeeally wasn’t much to empty.  
GC: 3XC3PT R4Y WHO TOUGHT OF TH3 MOST 1NNOC3NT TH1NG H3 COULD TH1NK OF

AT: oKAY UHM, wHAT AM i LOOKING AT?  
AA: hahahahahahahahaha

AG: Seeeeeeeeriously, who even does this?!  
GC: 1T 1S D3L1C1OUS

GA: I Am At A Loss  
CA: you and me both

CG: ………………………………. EGBERT.  
CG: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

CA: wwell there is the face a my nightmares for the next wweek  
CA: thank fuck for sopor  
GA: I Am Not Certain Whether Or Not Bill Murray Is Fearless Or Scared Witless  
GA: Despite The Situation He Still Cracks Wise  
EB: bill murray is completely fearless  
EB: he conquered that during groundhog day  
GA: I Do Not Know What That Is  
GT: However, it is Egon who comes with a plan.  
GC: 4S P3R USU4L  
GC: H3 1S TH3 BR41NY ON3

GT: I thought crossing the streams was bad.

AT: iT IS,  
GT: Maybe they’re okay?  
CA: no fuckin wway  
CA: they wwere at the fuckin epicenter a that explosion  
CA: they took that damn thing to the face and they wwould be lucky if there wwas enough left a them for proper identification

GC: SO OF COURSE TH3Y SURV1V3  
CA: oh come on!  
CG: THERE IS SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF AND THERE IS PULLING STUFF OUT OF YOUR ARSE!  
GA: How Did Everyone Even Get Covered In Marshmellow Fluff  
GA: They Were In Front Of The Blast And The Stay Pufft Marshmellow Man Behind Them  
GA: Physics Dictate The Explosion Propells The Fluff Away From The Blast And By Extension The Ghostbusters  
GT: What’s more, Ellen Ripley and Dark Helmet survived.  
CG: FUCK THAT NOISE!  
CG: WE SAW HER TRANSFORM INTO A HELLBEAST AND NOW IT TURNS OUT SHE WAS PETRIFIED INSIDE OF THAT LIKE A SHITTY TROLL-RUSSIAN DOLL ALL ALONG?!  
EB: there was a troll russia :B?  
GC: W3 H4D TH3 B3ST TROLL RUSS14  
AC: :33< so efurryone survives and is covered in marshmellow fluff  
AC: :33< what a strange way to end the movie…

AT: hAH, i CALLED IT,  
AG: Yeah 8ut no one was really paying attention.  
EB: so that was ghostbusters.   
EB: did you all enjoy it? :B  
CG: STRANGELY YES…… BUT I DON’T KNOW WHY.  
CG: BY ALL ACCOUNTS, I SHOULD FUCKING CRUCIFY THIS MOVIE.  
CG: BILL MURRAY IS AN UNLIKEABLE FUCKWIT HALF OF THE TIMES. THE TECHNOBABBLE MAKES NO SENSE IF YOU HAVE THE BRAIN TO DECIPHER HALF OF WHAT THESE IDIOTS ARE SAYING, THE GHOSTBUSTERS THEMSELVES ARE MORE DANGEROUS THEN THE GHOSTS.  
CG: YET, I SOMEHOW FOUND MYSELF TO BE STRANGELY INTRIGUED BY THESE ANTICS.  
EB: yes, i’ll take it.  
CG: THAT IS ALL THE POSITIVITY YOU ARE GOING TO GET OUT OF ME!  
GC: OH BOO HOO  
GC: WHY DO YOU 4LW4YS TRY YOUR H4RD3ST TO B3 N3G4T1V3 4BOUT 3V3RYTHING  
CG: I AM NOT NEGATIVE ABOUT *EVERYTHING*  
GC: BUT YOU TRY TO B3  
GC: TH1S W4S JUST 4 FUN DUMB MOV13  
GC: 1 L1K3D 1T  
GC: 4NOTH3R PL34S3  
EB: well there is ghostbusters 2….  
GC: 1 4M SOLD >:]  
AC: :33< i kinda liked the banter betw33n the ghostbusters  
AC: :33< they would make the best moirails together  
EB: the three of them together?  
AC: :33< well what’s wrong with that :PP  
TG: u guuys <3  
AC: :33< i just thought the romance betw33n ellen ripley and bill murray was a bit… forced?  
AT: nO, yEAH, i AGREE WITH THAT,  
AT: bUT i WAS RIGHT IN SAYING THAT THAT WAS DEFINITELY A THING THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN,  
AA: but did you like the movie  
AT: oH CERTAINLY,  
AT: lIKE nEPETA SAID, tHE BANTER WAS GREAT,  
AG: I’ll 8e honest……..   
GC: TH4T’S 4 F1RST  
AG: I am kiiiiiiiinda disappointed with the movie John.  
EB: aaaaaaaaw man :(  
AG: You just kept hyping it up so much I was expecting something grand and epic!  
AG: This didn’t really meet those expect8ions.  
EB: but did you like it?  
AG: It wasn’t 8ad per se……..  
EB: yes!  
EB: that is basically you admitting that you think this movie is fantastic.  
EB: <>  
AG: Sure John.  
AG: <>  
CA: it wwas a dumb movvie  
CA: and jake is dumb for likin it  
GT: I hadn’t said anything about liking it yet did I?  
TG: but you totes do rite?  
GT: Well obviously. I thought this movie was positively smashing.  
GT: But why single me out like this?   
GT: Surely I am not the only person deriving enjoyment from this flick?  
CA: alright look  
CA: im gonna be totally open wwith you english  
CA: i think you need a moirail and i think you need one bad  
GT: Pardon?  
GC: WH4T?!  
AG: What?!  
EB: err?  
TG: wut  
AA: hahahaha  
CA: its not like i particularly like you or anythin  
CA: its just that you clearly havve no taste wwhatsoevver and no one to tell you otherwwise  
CA: you are gullable and kind to a fault and you need someone to help you become more of a man  
GT: I do think you are terribly mistaken.  
GT: I am a as manly as they get. A true man’s man if you will.  
CG: HAS IT FINALLY HAPPENED AMPORA?  
CG: DID YOUR THINKSPONGE FINALLY DECIDE TO STRIKE BECAUSE IT WASN’T BEING FACILITATED PROPERLY?! BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY EXPLANATION I CAN THINK OF FOR THIS RETARDED FUCKING BEHAVIOR!  
CA: look me in the eye and tell me that english wwouldnt benefit immensely from a moirail  
CG: YES FROM A MOIRAIL WHO’D KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING AND…….  
CG: WAIT, IS THAT IT?!  
CA: wwhat?  
CG: ARE YOU, ERIDAN AMPORA, THAT MUCH OF A WEASELBEAST?  
CA: i don’t knoww wwhat you are talkin about  
GT: This makes two of us.  
CG: HE DOESN’T JUST WANT TO HELP YOU GAIN SOME HEALTHY CYNICISM ENGLISH. WHAT HE REALLY FUCKING WANTS IS TO BE PACIFIED HIMSELF BECAUSE HE IS A PRETTY DANGEROUS FUCKER.  
CA: wwait please don’t  
GT: What do you mean, he’s dangerous?  
CG: THAT HE FORMS A RISK FOR HIMSELF AND THOSE AROUND HIM IF HE DOESN’T HAVE SOMEBODY LOOKING AFTER HIM.  
CA: KAR!  
GT: Wowzers. We can’t very well have that can we.  
CA: look it really isn’t that bad  
CA: i learned myself a lot a restraint in the dreambubbles and am barely evven thinkin about eradicatin the landdwwellers anymore  
GT: What?  
CA: oh fuck me  
GT: Look, perhaps it’s better if I came by anyway. It really isn’t much of an effort.   
GT: At least I know the way to your home now after being two hours late to play Colonists of Catan.  
CA: look that really isn’t necessary

\--golgothasTerror [GT] left memo--

CA: i am not sure wwhether you are the wworst wwingman evver or the best  
CG: YEAH, YEAH, WHATEVER. GO GET HIM ALREADY.  
TG: so wait a sec  
TG: jake is moirailing fefs kismate?  
AG: Preeeeeeeetty much.  
AG: To 8e fair, if there is one single troll that needs a moirail it’s him.  
CA: i am right here  
AG: My point still stands.  
AA: what about gamzee  
CG: WHAT *ABOUT* GAMZEE?!  
CA: right  
CA: i better go out and prepare  
CA: wwould it be too much to set a pile up already?  
AC: :33< tmi!  
AG: Yeah you can. Humans don’t realize it’s significance  
AC: :33< really?!  
AC: :33< that is so weird!  
EB: there is significance?  
AG: You're cute John.  
EB: thanks :B  
CG: LET ME KNOW HOW IT GOES ASSHOLE.  
CA: yeah…  
CA: thanks i guess

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] left memo--

AA: speaking of moirails and the like  
AA: i should really get back to mine  
GC: WH4T?!  
GC: S1NC3 WH3N DO YOU H4V3 4 MO1R41L?!  
AA: since karkat told me to go for it  
AC: :33< there was secret shipping going on betw33n the two of you?!  
AC: :33< oh my gosh who is it?  
GA: Chances Are That It Is Sollux  
AT: wHAT ABOUT ME?  
AT: i COULD BE THE MOIRAIL?  
GA: No You Are Not  
AT: nO, i AM NOT,  
AA: its aradiabot  
GA: Oh  
GA: Okay  
GA: That Is A Little Odd  
AA: yes but it works  
AA: so even if it is strange i wouldn’t have it any other way  
GA: I Think That Is Quite Alright  
GA: Strange Works For You  
AA: 0u0  
AA: bye then  
AT: yEAH UHM, bYE,

\--apacolypseArisen [AA] left memo--

AT: sO aRADIA IS PALE FOR HERSELF?  
AT: i DO NOT THINK I SAW THAT ONE COMING,  
CG: IT’S NOT TECHNICALLY HERSELF. THE MOMENT ARADIABOT RETURNED TO OUR TIMELINE HER EXPERIENCES, THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS HAVE BEEN DISTANCED FROM ALPHA ARADIA.  
CG: LIKE A PSEUDO-ARADIA? SEMI-ARADIA? FUCK IF I KNOW.  
TG: yea but still.  
TG: theres a lot os similarities  
TG: just look at ar and dirk  
CG: PROBABLY BUT I WAS NOT IN THE MOOD TO THINK TOO MUCH ABOUT IT. THE WOMAN HAS A MOIRAIL SO BIG FUCKING WHOOP FOR HER.  
CG: PEIXES AND SERKET HAVE MOIRAILS AS WELL. FUCK, EVEN AMPORA MIGHT BE GETTING A PALE MATE BEFORE THE DAY ENDS.  
AG: You sound soooooooo jealous.  
CG: WE ARE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN!  
CG: I AM DONE HUMORING THIS!  
AG: I am not trying to teeeeeeeease you or anything. I am flattered.  
CG: THAT SOMEHOW MAKES IT WORSE!  
AG: Whatever.  
AG: John, do you feel like jamming a little?  
EB: do i? :P  
EB: i had a lot of fun tonight guys  
EB: I’ll be back soon-ish.  
AG: Right, we’ll 8e 8ack!

\--ectoBiologist [EB] left memo--  
\--arachnidsGrip [AG] left memo--

TG: well frick.  
TG: wanted to claim jon and nepepeta all for my own tonite  
AC: :33< what were you planning?  
TG: would you not lik to know?  
TG: ;)  
AT: tHAT SEEMS A BIT UHM, pERVERTED,  
TG: oh relax.  
TG: we were just gonna play mario partay  
AT: oH OKAY,  
TG: winner gets her brains facked out  
AT: wOAH!  
AT: i DID NOT UHM, nEED TO KNOW THAT!  
TG: hahahahahaha  
TG: ur so gullible tavvy  
AT: tAVVY?  
AT: wHAT IS EVEN WITH THE NAME?!  
TG: anyhow nep. feel like coming over/  
AC: :33< in a bit  
AC: :33< i want to pick the next movie  
CG: WELL CONGRATS. I THINK YOU WILL FUCKING GET IT.  
CG: ASSUMING YOU CAN GO AND MAKE SURE IT ISN’T A HORRIBLE, NIGHTMARE INDUCING EXPERIENCE FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED.  
AC: :33< of course i wont!  
AC: :33< i will pick the bestest movie efur!  
CG: IT IS MORE COMMON THAN YOU THINK.  
GA: Oh That Only Happened Once Or Twice  
CG: HAVE YOU *SEEN* PIRATES?!  
GA: No  
CG: THEN YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND.  
GC: W41T WHY DO3S N3P3T4 G3T TO P1CK  
CG: BECAUSE SHE IS THE ONLY ONE SANS ME THAT HASN’T PICKED A MOVIE YET.  
GC: 1 H4V3N’T P1CK3D Y3T 31TH3R!  
CG: WELL THAT IS TOUGH SHIT THEN, BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT GOING TO PICK THE NEXT MOVIE!  
GC: 1 D3M4ND 4 R3M4TCH!  
GA: Technically Nepeta Has Not Won Anything Yet  
GA: Assuming We Are Still Letting The Last In The Stream Decide  
AT: i KINDA WANTED TO SHOW pOKEMON 2000  
TG: OMG YES TAVVY U MUST!  
AT: iF YOU COULD STOP CALLING ME tAVVY, tHAT WOULD BE SUPER,  
CG: ALRIGHT THEN, MEMO OVER.  
CG: GOODBYE.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned tipsyGnostalgic [TG] from memo--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned adiosToreador [AT] from memo--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned arsenicCatnip [AC] from memo--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gallowsCalibrator [GC] from memo--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned grimAuxiliatrix [GA] from memo--

CG: FUCKING REALLY?!  
CG: AMPORA IS GETTING HIMSELF A MOIRAIL NOW, *AMPORA*?!  
CG: HOW MANY SANE PEOPLE ARE EVEN LEFT TO BEGIN A PROPER PALE RELATIONSHIP.  
CG: ALL I WANT IS SOMEONE TO KEEP ME OUT OF A HOMOCIDAL RAGE WHEN THAT INEVITABLY HAPPENS, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? BECAUSE I DON’T THINK THAT’S TOO MUCH TO ASK!  
CG: TAVROS IS SINGLE BUT THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I AM GOING TO LET MYSELF BE PACIFIED BY SOMEONE AS MEEK AS HIM.  
CG: I WOULD SOONER PUNCH SOLLUX IN THE GUT THAN TAKE ANY FORM OF ADVICE FROM HIM, EVEN IF IT IS COMPLETELY LEGITIMATE.  
CG: KANAYA? I…… I REALLY DON’T WANT TO HAVE HER CLEAN UP MY MESS ANY MORE THEN SHE ALREADY HAS. THAT WOULD BE A HORRIBLE IDEA AND WHAT IS MY PAST SELF EVEN THINKING.  
CG: THEN THERE ARE TEREZI AND GAMZEE BUT I WILL BE FUCKING CULLED BEFORE I EVER FIND MYSELF PALE FOR EITHER OF THEM.  
CG: SHOULD I TRY TO MAKE LIKE THE REST AND GO FOR A HUMAN THEN?   
CG: THOSE FUCKERS DON’T UNDERSTAND THE IMPLICATIONS OF A MOIRAILLEGIANCE. THEY LACK THE PROPER NUANCE TO APPRECIATE IT.  
CG: NO, I DON’T CARE WHAT LALONDE, EGBERT OR ENGLISH HAVE TO SAY ON THE MATTER.  
CG: AND NOW I AM TALKING TO MYSELF, FANTASTIC. MY HYPOTHETICAL FUTURE MOIRAIL WILL FIND THIS NO DOUBT HILARIOUS.

\--anonymous messenger [AM] invites carcinoGeneticist [CG] for: BLIND DATE--

CG: WHAT THE SHIT?!  
CG: IS ONE OF YOU FUZZBUCKETS READING THIS?!  
CG: WHO THE FUCK GETS OFF ON VOYEURING ON SOMEONE’S SELF-PITY!?  
CG: IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF A JOKE!?  
CG: I SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL FIND YOU AND I WILL CULL YOU!  
CG: GODDAMNIT!

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] turned off anon messaging--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] left memo--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A late Halloween entry perhaps?........... Yes, we're going with that.
> 
> Can you spot the catchphrases I've come to rely on? I can and will try to cut down on them next chapter :P Turns out making fun of a beloved Bill Murray movie was pretty difficult but the chapter kinda works.
> 
> I want to start the next chapter in two days or so, trying to get it in before my internship officially starts but I am going to need your help. That's right, it's round 2 in the Ghibli vs Disney showdown and we have some heavy hitters on both side. Repping for Disney it is the Lion King, aka that movie that still makes you cry over that one scene. On the Ghibli side of the showdown we have that one beautifully animated movie that probably got you into the studio's work to begin with: Princess Mononoke.
> 
> And Princess Mononoke wins 11 to 8. Lion King will become the next minisode I'll work on.
> 
> I dropped the idea of putting all mini-movie-fics in 1 chapter and am instead posting them on [ my tumblr ](http://anon--h.tumblr.com/)under tag: Movies with Karkat, so you can check that out if you feel inclined to do so. We went through Watchmen and Frozen, still experimenting with what style to use for the tumblr format.


	19. Princess Mononoke

**\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS--**

CG: ALRIGHT……. WE ARE……. *STILL* DOING THIS……..  
CG: FUCK…  
CG: DID SOMEONE…….. UUUGH…….  
CG: THIS WAS A HORRIBLE IDEA. I WOULD STRANGLE MY PAST SELF IF I COULD FOR BEING SUCH AN….. INSUFFERABLE IDIOT….  
CG: UUUUUUUUUGHHHHH…..  
CG: WHAT AM I EVEN SAYING?  
CG: WE ALL KNOW BY NOW THAT PAST SELVES ARE CURRENT SELVES TO BECOME…… FUTURE SELVES. AND THEY ARE ALL, INCORRIGIBLE ASSHOLES.  
CG: NO EXCEPTIONS.  
CG: MY FUCKING HEAD…….  
CG: PLEASE HELP ME OUT FOR A SECOND BECAUSE I AM KINDA HAZY ON WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.  
CG: I REMEMBER MOST OF US WERE INVITED TO DIRK’S AND THEN…….  
CG: SOMETHING ABOUT SOPOR?!  
CG: IS THAT WHY MY HEAD FEELS LIKE A BRICK WALL ABOUT TO BE TORN DOWN MY A STRANGE ALIEN MASCOT GOING ‘OH YEAH’!?  
CG: HOW THE FUCK DID I GET INVOLVED WITH SOPOR!? MY LUSUS RAISED ME BETTER THAN THAT!

**\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] joined memo--**

GC: D4V3 M4Y OR M4Y NOT H4V3 G1V3N YOU SOM3 HUM4N SOPOR1F1CS  
CG: WHAT?!  
GC: H3 4LSO M4Y OR M4Y NOT B3 ST1LL 1N H1S R3CUP3R4COON 4FT3R VOM1T1NG OV3R 4ND OV3R 4G41N L4ST N1GHT  
CG: SERVES HIM RIGHT!  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3  
CG: …..DO I DARE ASK WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4 >:]  
GC: W3 H4D 4 SOPOR S4MPL1NG P4RTY  
CG: WHAT!?  
GC: TH3 STR1D3RS 4ND TH3 L4LOND3S COLL3CT3D 4 GR34T V4R13TY OF HUM4N SOPORS 4ND 4LLOW3D 3V3RYON3 TO S4MPL3  
GC: TH3R3 W3R3 SO M4NY FL4VORS K4RK4T  
GC: SO M4NY D3L1C1OUS FL4VORS  
CG: THERE IS *NO* FUCKING WAY I WOULD BE OKAY WITH GOING TO SUCH AN IDIOTICALLY THEMED PARTY!  
GC: TH4TS WHY W3 D1DN’T T3LL YOU B3FOR3H4ND  
GC: W3 4LL H4D FUN, Y3S 3V3N YOU, SO SUCK 1T UP  
CG: THEN WHY DOESN’T YOUR THINKSPONGE FEEL LIKE FUCKING CONRETE?! I DON’T FEEL LIKE I HAD FUN AT ALL!  
GC: B3C4US3 1 4M NOT 4 TOT4L PUSSY >:]  
CG: GODFUCKING---  
CG: OH…….. FUCK…… JEGUS!  
CG: THIS HURTS THE THINKSPONGE.  
GC: G33SH R3M1ND M3 TO N3V3R S4MPL3 SOPOR W1TH YOU 4G41N  
CG: I AM NURSING A HEADACHE THE SIZE OF THE ALTERNIAN FUCKING OCEAN OVER HERE AND YOU ARE NOT HELPING!  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DID I EVEN DO AT STRIDER’S?!  
GC: YOU DON’T R3M3MB3R?  
CG: NO. I SARCASTICALLY ASKED YOU TO TELL ME WHAT I ALREADY KNOW. OF COURSE I DON’T REMEMBER!!!!!

**\-- casualArtist [CA] joined memo--**

CA: long story chief  
CA: long amazing story  
CG: OH GOD…… CAN IT BE ANYONE ELSE?  
CG: PLEASE JUST….. ANYONE?  
CA: wve had some fun pal  
CA: evweryone wvas havwing a good time  
CG: I SINCERELY FUCKING DOUBT THAT!  
CA: see first wve had some light drinks  
CG: NO.  
CA: then strider got out the heavwier stuff  
CG: NO, NO, NO!  
CA: needless to say you wvere pretty blitzed  
CA: though wve certainly didn’t mind an episode a shirtless vwantas  
CG: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!  
CA: is nothing to be ashamed of chief  
CA: most a us agreed you got a rockin bod  
GC: TH4TS R1GHT W3 D1D  
CA: you didn’t call me after i gavwe you my number though  
CG: IT HASN’T EVEN BEEN TWELVE HOURS SINCE THAT HAPPENED!  
CG: I DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW YOUR NAME!  
CA: rude  
CG: IS IT CARLOS?  
CG: I WANT TO SAY IT’S CARLOS.  
CA: really darn rude

**\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] joined memo--**

AG: Reeeeeeeeally, you FINALLY do something worthwhile and forget to invite me????????  
GC: 1 DON’T TH1NK 4NYON3 4CTU4LLY FORGOT 4BOUT 1T  
AG: Hah hah, veeeeeeeeery clever Pyrope. Just look at me laugh.  
AG: You KNOW I can handle my sopors.  
GC: NO YOU R34LLY C4N’T  
GC: 1TS K1ND OF 3MB4RR4SS1NG 4CTU4LLY  
AG: WHAT?!  
CG: YEAH, WHAT?  
GC: YOU M34N 1 N3V3R SH4R3D TH3 STORY OF VR1SK4 F1ND1NG 4 C4SK3T OF RUM 4MONG H3R 4NC3STORS B3LONG1NGS?  
AG: !!!!!!!!  
CG: DOESN’T RING A BELL.  
CA: sounds lovwely  
GC: HOW H4V3 1 N3V3R TOLD YOU TH1S STORY >:O  
AG: DON’T YOU D8RE!!!!!!!!  
GC: TWO D4YS OF 4 COMPL3T3 DRUK3N STUPOR 4FT3R D3C1D1NG TO DR1NK NOTH1NG 3LS3 FOLLOW3D BY 4 W33K OF B31NG S1CK 1N H3R R3CUP3R4COON  
AG: Damn you........  
CA: you wvere not a vwery smart wvriggler  
CA: wvhat wvould your lusus say  
AG: I swear to god if any of you speak of this to Lalonde, there will 8e some seeeeeeeerious pro8lems.  
AG: ESPECIALLY for you Carlos!  
CA: nowv you are just doing this on purpose babe  
CA: that stings

**\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] joined memo--**

GA: I Vaguely Remember Hearing About That Err  
GA: Event  
AG: Not you too……..  
GC: D1D YOU H4V3 FUN 4S W3LL K4N4Y4?   
GA: Sampling Sopor Is Not My Idea Of A Good Time  
GA: I Was Largely Present Because I Was Concerned About Rose And Her Err  
GA: Habit  
AG: Oh yeeeeeeees. That is a perpetual source of amusement.  
AG: You have no idea how much it pisses her off to 8e confronted with thát particular episode.  
AG: Its almost as funny as confronting her a8out her grimdarkness.  
GC: DO3SN’T SH3 T34S3 YOU 4BOUT B31NG ST4BB3D 1N TH3 B4CK?  
CG: YOU SHOULDN’T REVEL IN YOUR KISMESIS BEING A FUCKING ADDICT!  
CG: WHY DID YOU EVEN ALLOW LALONDE ANYWHERE *NEAR* THE STUFF!?  
GA: In My Defense She Was Very Responsible  
GA: I Think The Presence Of Roxy May Have Put A Damper On Her Desire To Imbibe  
GC: DON’T L3T F3F3R1 H34R 1T  
CG: WHAT IS IT WITH THESE LALONDES AND THEIR COMPLETE AND UTTER INABILITY TO STICK TO THEIR QUADRANTS.  
GA: Speaking Of Which  
GA: She Came With A Few Very Odd Suggestions When Buzzed  
GA: Some Really  
GA: Err  
GA: Never Mind  
GA: I Think I Am Done Talking  
CA: wvhat?  
CA: just like that?  
GA: Why Dont You Tell Us About Your Week Instead Carlos  
CA: are you shittin me?

**\-- timeausTestified [TT] joined memo--**

TT: Seriously. You people disgust me.  
CG: WHAT NOW……  
TT: There is so much trash just littered throughout the hive.  
TT: Filthy and/or broken glasses everywhere, stains no sane person dares to identify and you don’t want to know what happened to the bathroom.  
TT: Dave not being able to handle his alcohol, you get three guesses who got to clean that shit up.  
TT: I am like a post-modern rule 63 Cinderella up in here.  
TT: Still, I made it to the ball that is this stream. With some luck Prince Charming will arrive, so that’ll be a blast.  
CG: BECAUSE IT WASN’T AS IF WE HAD ENOUGH ASSHOLES IN THE STREAM ALREADY!  
GA: I Am Sorry Dirk  
GA: Perhaps I Should Have Stuck Around To Assist In Cleaning  
TT: Eh, it wasn’t all bad.  
TT: Wasn’t till this morning that I discovered someone ducktaped Tavros to the ceiling, so whoever did that gets insane brownie points.  
GA: You Do Not Like Tavros  
TT: What?  
TT: No, I appreciate that someone went through the effort to get someone else drunk just to tape him to the ceiling.  
TT: That shit takes mad commitment.   
AG: Hahahahahahahaha oh that is funny.  
AG: Whoever did that deserves aaaaaaaall of the kudos.  
AG: Was it John?  
AG: Please tell me it was John.  
TT: Pretty sure it was not.  
TT: Egbert left early to do unspeakable things with Roxy and Leijon.  
CA: dude  
CA: nice  
CG: HURK…….  
CG: THERE GOES MY LUNCH.  
CG: THE FUCKING IDEA OF EGBERT DOING ANYTHING THAT EVEN VAGUELY RESEMBLES REPRODUCTION IS ENOUGH FOR MY STOMACH TO PROTEST.

**\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] joined memo—**

AC: :33< oh my god, it was NOTHING like that!  
CA: more so the pity babe  
AC: :33< yuck  
AC: :33< who invited carlos?  
CA: OH COME ON!  
CA: its cronus  
CA: c-r-o-n-u-s  
CA: this is not that complicated people  
GC: 4R3 YOU SUR3?  
GC: B3C4US3 YOU LOOK L1K3 4 C4RLOS TO M3  
CA: yes positivwe!  
GA: I Am Sorry Nepeta  
GA: You Were Saying  
AC: :33< right  
AC: :33< i wanted to go a bit earlier beclaws i really don’t like the taste of human sopurifics  
AC: :33< even the sw33t drinks tasted funny  
TT: Yeah, it’s not for everyone.  
TT: That’s cool.  
TT: I’ll make sure to prep some fizzy drinks for you the next time we’re doing something like this.  
AC: :33< thanks but that f33ls kinda childish…  
TT: It’s really no biggie.  
CA: after all wve just learned serket takes bad to rum so that’s a thing  
AC: :33< really?  
AG: I thought we were done discussing this Ampora.  
GC: 1’M NOT  
AG: You aren’t helping!

**\-- uraniunUmbra [UU] joined memo--**

UU: good day darlings.  
UU: have yoU all been well?  
AC: :33< hi callie!  
AG: Who?  
AC: :33< should have gone to the tea parties vwiskers  
AG: You didn’t invite me!  
AC: :33< oh yeah :33  
UU: that is qUite alright. i have heard so many wonderfUl things aboUt yoU vriska.  
AG: Really now?  
UU: Oh most certainly.  
UU: yoUr tale was a most inspiring one.   
GC: D3B4T4BL3  
UU: really?  
UU: i thoUght her inherent drive to prove herself was very inspiring. not to mention her Ultimately flawed attempt to redeem herself, to show john that she was a good person.  
UU: it was very poignant.  
AG: You sure know a lot a8out me……..  
UU: oh…. err…. well yes.  
UU: i do hope it doesn’t come across as very creepy.  
AG: Pfffffffft, I think it is flattering. I mean, what did I expeeeeeeeect.   
AG: OF COURSE people want to hear my story.  
CG: COUGH COUGH, FUCKING COUGH!  
AC: :33< callie… maybe not f33d vriska’s ego too much  
UU: oh right.  
UU: i somehow completely forgot aboUt her occasional narcissistic tendencies.  
AG: WH8T?!  
UU: U_U sorry!!!!!  
AC: :33< she is trying  
GA: I Think She Is Just Adorable  
AG: OF COURSE YOU’RE P8CKING HER S8DE!  
CG: TO BE FAIR, IF WE HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN HER OR HER IDIOT BROTHER ITS AN EASY CHOICE.  
CG: DID YOU SEE WHAT THAT ASSHOLE DREW?!  
TT: You mean the thing with Dave?  
CG: YES!  
TT: And you?  
CG: YES!!!!  
TT: Man, that was a beautiful display of affection.  
CG: GPNEBNVUIABB;PV;BVUVBUQUHGU  
CG: I DIDN’T THINK THERE WAS ANY CONTENT LEFT IN MY DIGESTIVE ACID SACK BUT FUCK ME IF YOU DIDN’T PROVE ME WRONG STRIDER!  
CA: another one wvho cant take his alcohol?  
CG: FUCK OFF CARLOS!  
TT: Man, Karkat was living it up last night.  
AC: :33< aw, i think i missed it  
CG: I AM DONE TALKING ABOUT THIS SUBJECT!

**\-- centaursTesticle [CT] joined memo--**

CT: D--> No, we sh001d debate that 100d display of the other night  
AG: Even Zahhak was invited!? This is 8ullshit!  
TT: Hey cupcake.  
CT: D--> Hello Dirk  
CT: D--> I err  
CT: D--> Have you been well?  
TT: Certainly. Cleaning the house like the good little maid I can pretend to be.  
CT: D--> errrr  
CG: OH MY FUCK…….  
TT: I’m sorry dear. Was there something you wanted to discuss regarding last night?  
CT: D--> Why uhm  
CT: D--> Our leaders shirtless state  
CT: D--> It was incredibly 100d  
AG: Hah!  
GC: H4H!  
AC: :33< hahahaha  
CA: haha  
CA: wvhy are wve laughing?  
GC: HYPOCR1CY MY D34R C4RLOS  
CA: cronus  
GC: MR Z4HH4K W4S 3QU4LLY SH1RTL3SS TO OUR ‘L3WD’ L34D3R  
UU: oh my. that is a most darling tUrn of events ^u^  
CG: RECALLING LAST NIGHT’S EVENTS IS GETTING PROGRESSIVELY WORSE!  
TT: We all agreed you both had rockin bods.  
CG: NOT HELPING!  
GC: TH3N STR1D3R GOT SH1RTL3SS 4S W3LL  
CG: FUCKING HELL!!!!  
CG: WAIT… WHICH ONE?  
GC: BOTH  
CG: DOUBLE FUCK!  
AC: :33< damnit i left too early!  
CA: yeah somehow i missed that  
GC: B3C4US3 W3 THR3W YOU OUT 34RLY  
CA: oh  
CT: D--> Can we maybe not talk about this anymore?  
AC: :33< but i wanted to s33 shirtless humans!  
UU: do yoU not get to see that on a freqUent basis already?  
AC: :33< yes but not those humans  
CA: man i am so damn jealous i missed all the good stuff  
CA: then again more sobriety and time to wvrite my newvest song   
CA: i call it buckets a lovwe  
AG: That’s disgusting.  
CA: that’s art

**\-- adiosToreador [AT] joined memo--**

AT: nO, iT IS DEFINITELY DISGUSTING,  
CA: i don’t expect you to understand  
CA: here you had the chance to get on the levwel wvith royalty and you fuckin blewv it by your SEVWERE misunderstandin a art!  
AT: aND i THINK IT IS YOU, wHO IS MISTAKING THE FACTS OF THIS MATTER,  
AT: bECAUSE A SONG ABOUT BUCKETS DOES SEEM TO BE UHM, mORE THAN A LITTLE DISGUSTING,  
CA: it is pushin the damn envweloppe!  
CA: forget it  
CA: i am done debatin this wvith such a philistine  
GA: Thank You Tavros  
AT: yEAH, nO PROBLEM i GUESS,  
AT: sTILL A BIT HUNGOVER FROM YESTERDAY SO i AM REALLY NOT IN THE RIGHT SORT OF MOOD TO LISTEN TO SONGS ABOUT BUCKETS,  
AT: i REMEMBER WAKING UP TAPED TO THE CEILING AND UHM, kINDLY FUCK WHOEVER DID THAT,  
TT: The perpetrator deserves a medal imo.  
AT: aND YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF AS WELL,  
AG: Niiiiiiiice going Nitram.  
CT: D--> Can we perhaps cease drawing attention to the subject?  
AT: sHOULD i TALK ABOUT YOU, dIRK AND kARKAT STRIPPING INSTEAD?  
CT: D--> Please no  
AT: bECAUSE THAT SURE WAS A THING THAT HAPPENED  
TT: I remember it being amusing.  
CT: D--> Hnrkt  
TT: I also remember giving Lil Hal specific instructions to document the occasion.   
CT: D--> Must you torment me so?  
TT: You know I do it because I love you.  
CG: EVERYTHING IS GOING FROM BAD TO WORSE.  
CG: I CAN’T FUCKING DEAL WITH THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW!  
CG: I HAVE A HEADACHE WITH THE INTENSITY OF THE GREEN SUN, A MOUTH FULL OF YELLING AND A PLATONIC DISLIKE FOR NEARLY *EVERY* BAG OF BULGE IN THIS STREAM.  
CG: WE ARE CANCELLING TODAY. LET’S TRY AGAIN TOMORROW.  
AC: :33< nooooo ><  
AC: :33< you can’t do that!  
CG: WATCH ME!  
AC: :33< but its finally my turn and i have b33n looking really furward to this!  
CT: D--> Vantas you will allow her to show her movie  
AC: :33< yes!  
CG: FUCKING MAKE ME!

**\-- antisocialArbiter [AA] joined memo--**

CA: ah crap  
AA: HELLO I HAVE QUESTION  
TT: What’s up?  
CG: I SWEAR, IF IT TURNS OUT YOU INVITED MEGIDO’S CRAZY DANCESTOR AS WELL YESTERDAY I AM GOING TO MURDER A STRIDER.  
AG: Which one.  
CG: EITHER!  
TT: Nah, she wasn’t there.  
AC: :33< what did you want to ask?  
AA: I GET INVITATION FOR DATE.  
AA: A DATE THAT IS BLIND.  
CG: OH.  
GA: Interesting  
GA: So Someone Is Attempting To Hook You Up With Another Troll  
CG: YES. IT’S A CRYING SHAME WE WILL NEVER KNOW WHO THAT OTHER TROLL IS, OTHERWISE WE MIGHT HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN ABLE TO MAKE SOME FUCKING DEDUCTIONS.  
GC: NO W4Y  
GC: W3 C4N TOT4LLY F1GUR3 TH1S OUT  
CG: NO WE CAN’T!  
GC: DO YOU H4V3 4NY 1D34 WH4T QU4DR4NT TH3 D4T3 W4S SUPPOS3D TO B3 1N M3G1DO?  
AA: BLACK MAYBE.  
GA: Black  
AA: I VERY GOOD AT HATING  
CA: yeah no kiddin  
AC: :33< i think it’s a cute idea  
AC: :33< why didn’t you go on the date?  
AA: I JUST GET INVITE  
AA: NO ONE TELLS ME WHERE IF WHEN  
GA: That Is Very Strange  
AA: VERY STRANGE.  
AA: NO ALPHA TROLL DID THIS.  
CA: you sure?  
CA: wvanna bet porrim is behind this  
AA: REALLY YES?

**\-- gardenGnostic [GG] joined memo--**

GG: hey there :)  
GG: what are we talking about?  
AG: Appaaaaaaaaarently, Megido’s dancestor got invited to a 8lind d8.  
AC: :33< also equius, dirk and karkat were stripping last night  
UU: gasp!  
CT: D--> I thought you said we only took our shirts of  
AC: :33< well i missed the whole thing  
AC: :33< i just kinda assumed  
CT: D--> I need a towel  
TT: See, this is how rumors get started.  
GG: huh, so i missed out on a whole lot of fun  
CG: THERE IS NOTHING FUN ABOUT BEING HUNGOVER LIKE……. SOMETHING THAT IS HANGING OVER…..  
CG: OH FUCK THIS NOISE.  
GG: did you drink too much? :P  
CG: NO….  
GC: Y3S  
GG: hahaha you dumb ass  
CG: DON’T FUCKING START WITH ME JADE…..  
GG: alright, then what was that about blind dates?  
GG: because that sounds kind of fun as well :)  
AA: I GOT ASKED TO DATE BLINDLY  
AA: MESSAGE ON ANON SEVEN NIGHTS PAST  
AA: IT WAS CRONUS  
CA: wvoah, fuck no it wvasnt  
AA: YOU SAD POO  
CA: wvhat  
AA: YOU WANT TOO BADLY  
CA: not thát badly i mean jegus  
CA: i like the wvay im all alivwe again and im in no hurry to get back to the bubbles  
GG: they weren’t thát bad  
TT: Jade, you were in there for like an hour.  
GG: it felt like two!  
CA: point bein im in no hurry to hook up wvith damara  
AG: Further proving aaaaaaaall amporas are wimps.  
AT: wAY TO GO cARLOS,  
CA: oh come on!  
UU: oh bUt this has me intrigUed.  
UU: who is this mystery person that send yoU a reqUest for a blind date?  
UU: what romance will blossom forth from this?  
AA: NO ROMANCE  
AA: WANT NO CRONUS  
CA: im tellin you it wvasnt me  
CA: im bettin it wvas porrim or aranea or somethin  
CA: maybe meenah if it wvas actually black  
AA: MARYAM?  
AA: NICE  
GG: no, it couldn’t have been porrim.  
GG: i was with her last week and at no point did she touch a computer or anything  
GC: G4SP  
GC: WH4T W3R3 YOU DO1NG W1TH MRS M4RY4M  
GC: TH3 OTH3R ON3  
GG: we went to space!  
AT: iS THIS A EUPHEMISM?  
AT: iT LOOKS LIKE IT SHOULD BE A EUPHEMISM?  
GG: what?  
UU: yoU woUld make a splendid coUple dear.  
AC: :33< oh i agree!  
GG: no, no it was nothing like that.  
GG: it was just a walk through space  
AC: :33< so no cute redrom?  
GG: no, she is just a cool lady who enjoys watching the cosmos  
AC: :33< except it wasn’t the pawsmos the was looking at  
GG: bluh you are the worst  
AC: :33< i know a ship when i s33 one!  
GG: can we just start the movie already?  
CG: I DON’T FUCKING KNOW. CAN WE?  
CG: FUCK…… IT FEELS LIKE MY GREY MATTER IS SLOWLY POURING OUT THROUGH MY EARS.  
CG: IS THAT NORMAL?  
TT: Yeah, you’ll be fine.  
CG: STAY IN THERE THINKSPONGE…… KARKAT NEEDS YOU…….  
GG: what karkat needs is an aspirine  
CG: A WHAT?  
GC: TH4T K4RK4T N33DS TO QU1T B31NG 4 PUSSY 4ND ST4RT TH3 MOV13!  
AC: :33< YES!

GC: RR1NC3SS MONONOK3 >:?  
AC: :33< oh yes!!  
CT: D--> I think the subtitles have made an e%cruciating error Nepeta  
AC: :33< shush!  
CG: OH MY GOD IT’S FINALLY HAPPENED. THE HEADACHE HAS KILLED ME, ALL I SEE IS SQUIGGLY LINES!  
CA: im pretty sure that’s wveeb  
CG: WHY ARE WE WATCHING A MOVIE IN WEEB?  
AC: :33< beclaws it’s the best movie efur!  
AT: i AM PRETTY SURE THAT’S WHAT jANE SAID,  
AT: lOOK WHERE THAT GOT US,  
GA: An Eastern Movie You Say  
GA: Was Ponyo Not Similarly Exotic  
AG: Uuuuuuuugh that was such a 8ore!  
AG: Why are you making me watch all the 8oring movies!  
TT: Yeah, this movie is nothing like Ponyo.  
AC: :33< you know this one?  
TT: Of course. I watched all the hentai.  
CT: D--> Hnrkt  
AA: I LIKE YOU HUMAN  
TT: That’s very sweet of you Damara.  
CA: dude, run

AC: :33< and this is our hero  
AT: tHE PRINCESS mONONOKE?  
AC: :33< what?  
AC: :33< no this is prince ashitaka  
AG: That is a dum8 name. Can’t we call him something else?  
GC: 1’LL TH1NK 4BOUT 1T  
UU: I am certain he woUld make a lovely princess.  
CT: D--> He does posses a very feminine figure  
CT: D--> As well as gorgeous long flowing locks and  
CT: D--> Oh my  
CT: D--> Is that a bow?  
AC: :33< yes it is :PP  
CT: D--> I may require more towels  
TT: Eyes here cupcake  
CA: but he is a prince you say?  
AC: :33< yes  
AC: :33< sorta?  
CG: I DON’T HAVE THE FUCKING STOMACH TO KEEP UP WITH THIS MOVIE TALKING ALIEN.  
GC: C4LL1NG SOM3TH1NG 4L13N LOST 4LL M34N1NG SW33PS 4GO  
CG: LOOK, I AM NOT READING THE FUCKING SUBTITLES WHEN IT FEELS LIKE MY THINKPAN IS ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH TO A WHOLE NEW UNIVERSE. AND SPOILER ALERT: THE NEW UNIVERSE IS, IN ITS ENTIRETY, COMPRISED OF PAIN!  
GC: SUCK 1T UP PR1NC3SS

TT: So our hero was patrolling the outskirts of the village and discovered nightmare fuel.  
CT: D--> And naturally as prince he is designated to take care of matters  
CT: D--> With e%treme prejudice  
GG: really?  
GG: alternian princes did stuff like this themselves?  
AG: Oooooooonly if they felt like showing off, which really wasn’t that often.  
AG: They’d stick to their hives, doing royalty stuff like jerking off and whining on FLARPING forums a8out male representation in campaigns.  
CA: i resent that  
AG: I don’t care.  
GA: Dear God  
GA: That Creature Completely Poisons The Soil It Touches  
TT: A Miyazaki film with an undercurrent of environmentalism? What are the odds.  
AC: :33< but ashitaka and his steed are really brave!  
AC: :33< he k33ps the beast away from the village and manages to wound it  
CT: D--> Majestically  
UU: one of those poison tendrils grabs his arm thoUgh.  
UU: will that be important?  
GC: PROB4BLY NOT

AT: sURPRISE, iT WAS A TUSKBEAST ALL ALONG  
AG: How?  
AT: hOW WHAT?  
AG: How does this even work? It just gets possessed 8y evil tentacles?  
AA: YOU TALK ABOUT DIFFERENT MOVIE  
CA: that didn’t behavwe like any tuskbeasts I’vwe evwer seen  
CA: they don’t growv out tendrils and additional legs do they?  
GG: i don’t think so  
GG: animals usually just kinda mind their own business unless people enter their territory  
GG: this one came looking for trouble  
TT: Boars can be dicks  
GG: :/  
GC: 4ND SO TH3 TUSKB34ST CURS3S TH3 V1LL4G3 W1TH H1S DY1NG BR34TH 4ND ROTS  
GC: TH1S T4ST3S S3R1OUSLY R4NC1D  
GG: is this a kid’s movie?  
GG: because it really shouldn’t be!  
GG: with the blood and the rotting and the eew…  
TT: I don’t think children were the intended audience no. It isn’t exactly taking little Timmy to see 50 shades of grey but there will be some severe mental scarring.  
GA: I Actually Understood That Reference  
TT: Drunk Rose talk?  
GA: Tipsy Rose Talk  
AG: How 8ad was she taking her 8ooze this time?  
GA: She Was Drinking Responsibly  
AG: Letting her drink is NOT responsi8le!  
GA: Yes Yes I Know  
GA: But Nothing Happened And  
GA: Well Actually  
GA: Something Did Happen  
GG: oh no!  
GG: is she okay?  
GA: It Is Nothing Bad Merely Something She Uhm  
GA: Suggested  
AG: God damnit, I 8etter not have to end up fixing your mess Fussyfangs  
GA: I Am Afraid I Can Not Promise This

TT: I am sorry son but with your hand maimed like this, I fear you may never masturbate again.  
AT: nOW TAKE THE WALK OF SHAME OUT OF THE VILLAGE,  
AC: :33< that is not what is happening!  
AA: NO  
AA: ASHITAKA TAKE LEAVE TO FIND CAUSE  
CA: or somethin among those lines  
UU: i see.  
UU: so this is a qUest.  
UU: he mUst attempt to find oUt what caUsed a spirit boar to rampage and end his cUrse before it kills him.  
UU: this could be a beaUtifUl odyssey.  
AG: You mean to say adventure.  
AG: Odyssey makes it sound lame.  
AC: :33< so you like the movie vwiskers?  
AG: Its 8etter than Ponyo, I’ll give you that.  
CT: D--> This is not very practical  
CT: D--> As prince of his nation he sh001d remain there and send his servants to 100k for a cure  
GC: HUM4NS 4R3 NOT V3RY PR4CT1C4L  
GC: 1T WOULD 4LSO M4K3 TH3 MOV13 4 LOT L3SS 3XC1T1NG  
GA: What Is He Even A Prince Off  
GA: Because It Looks Like A Tiny Settlement In The Middle Of Exactly Nowhere

AG: And so our 8raaaaaaaave hero travels to the homeland of the 8oar 8ecause apparently that is a thing.  
TT: Is anyone thinking Lord of the Rings music right now?  
TT: Because I am thinking Lord of the Rings music right now.

AG: The entire village is 8urning to the ground and people are 8eing sta88ed where they stand.  
AG: It must 8e fighting.  
AG: Fuck this human is dense.  
AC: :33< he really isn’t that bad  
GC: H3 1S JUST T4LK1NG TO H1MS3LF  
AT: wHAT ARE THEY EVEN FIGHTING ABOUT?  
TT: Maybe it’s territorial conflict, maybe it’s about taxes and the paying thereof or maybe it’s just samurai being dicks.  
TT: Feudal Japan sucked if you weren’t rich and/or a samurai.  
CA: i like howv the samurai’s first respons is to try and cut dowvn the seemingly uninvwolvwed stranger  
GA: Fights Can Become Hectic Like That  
GG: but can’t ashitaka fight back?  
GG: he was great with a bow earlier

GG: woah :o  
AT: tHAT IS PRETTY HARDCORE  
AG: Alright, so his curse doesn’t just kill him 8ut turns him super strong while supposedly dying?  
AG: I thiiiiiiiink they confused curse with super steroid.  
TT: So basic biology and physics just called. They wanted to know why you never wrote back.  
TT: I am fairly certain that this isn’t supposed to happen.  
CT: D--> But he is so STRONG  
GA: Personally I Am Impressed With His Accuracy  
GA: He Did Not Shoot To Kill And Instead Aimed For The Weapon  
GC: Y34H BUT UNL3SS HUM4NS C4N SURV1V3 G3TT1NG TH31R 4RMS TORN OFF H3 K1LL3D TH1S B4ST4RD 4NYW4Y  
UU: can hUmans sUrvive that?  
AC: :33< they are pretty squishy  
TT: A few bones may break when our weapon gets knocked out of our hands with extreme force. This is borderline loony tunes.

AG: If the guy spends gold like this he must have 8een loaded.  
AT: eITHER THAT OR HE FIGURES HE’S GOING TO DIE SOON ANYWAY,  
AT: bECAUSE OF THE CURSE AND STUFF,  
GC: WH4T 1S TH3 PO1NT OF TH1S 3NT1R3 SC3N3 W1TH TH3 MONK?  
AA: VERY IMPORTANT WORLD BUILD  
AA: MANY SIMILAR EAST BEFORUS  
AC: :33< they discuss the past and present of their world, the nature of life and death and then part ways again  
AC: :33< there is something furry poetic about it  
UU: so this really is an odyssey of sorts.  
GA: Karkat Are You Still With Us  
CG: WHAT?  
GA: You Are Uncharacteristically Silent  
CG: UUUGH…….  
GC: 1TS NOT L1K3 W3 M1SS YOUR CONST4NT Y3LL1NG 4ND R4V1NG BUT 1T 1S 4 C4US3 FOR CONC3RN >:/  
AT: iS HE REALLY THAT HUNGOVER?  
CG: SHUT UP.  
AA: UP YOU GO  
AA: NO MORE BEING WEAK  
AA: WATCH MOVIE WITH US FOR PLENTY FUN  
CG: I WOULD LIKE TO REFER TO MY PREVIOUS COMMENT AND ADD A HEARTILY: BREAK YOUR OWN FUCKING CHESTSPEARS, BEND FORWARD AND GO CHOKE ON YOUR OWN BULGE!  
AA: YOU DOING GOOD NOW  
CG: AAAARGH!!!

AG: Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, a caravan is under attack 8y two giant wolves and their rider.  
AG: Noooooooow we’re getting somewhere.  
CA: you enjoy action like this serket?  
AG: Yeeeeeeees.  
CA: wvell i’ll havwe you knowv i wvas a notorious wvolf rider back on beforus  
AA: LIES!  
CA: shut your face damara i wvas!  
AG: Look, Carlos. I’m going to 8e compleeeeeeeetely honest with you.  
CA: wvait, really?  
CA: you feel the connection to?  
AG: No.  
AG: I would sooner d8 Toreadork’s sawn off lower 8ody than you.  
CA: wvoah ouch  
CA: wvay to reject me you inconsiderate peasant  
CA: here i am being completely open and respectful wvith my feelins and you shit all over them  
CA: not cool  
AA: SERKET YOU SEND OUT BLIND DATE?  
AG: What?! No.  
AA: TOO BAD  
AA: CAUSE NOW I LOVE YOU  
GC: TH3 MOV13 PL34S3?  
UU: these people are horribly UnaccUrate with their designated strife specibUs.  
TT: Yeah, ye olde guns were not the most practical weapons in combat. Add to that the fast and coordinated movements of the wolves and you find yourself in a metaphorical pickle.

GG: but wait, there’s more!  
GG: it’s a beautiful adorable doggy!  
AT: yOU MEAN THAT WOLF THAT’S CURRENTLY TEARING PEOPLE APART?  
GG: well i am sure it has a good reason for it.  
UU: So these people are fUlly aware that Moro is in fact a god and yet they stand their groUnd to fight her.  
UU: i am not sUre whether or not this is very brave or very stUpid.  
GC: W3 4R3 D34L1NG W1TH HUM4NS H3R3  
GC: STUP1D 1S TH3 S4F3ST OPT1ON  
GA: Well The Humans Do Manage To Fend Her Off By Shooting Her  
GA: And Assaulting Her With A Flame Thrower  
GA: And Throwing Her Off A Cliff  
GG: oh no!  
AT: yEAH BUT EVEN THE WOMAN THAT LEAD THE CARAVAN SAYS THAT IT PROBABLY WASN’T ENOUGH TO KILL HER,  
AT: sO THE WOLVES AREN’T OUT OF THE PICTURE YET,  
CT: D--> I approve of the leader’s actions  
CT: D--> She managed to remain level headed and took the deceisive actions that led to the withdrawal of the wolves  
CT: D--> She w001d make an e%cellent commander  
AC: :33< k33p that in mind for later :PP

AG: 8ut look, Ashiwhatever finds them and 8eing the increeeeeeeedi8le Gary Stu that he is he saves them without second thought.  
AG: He doesn’t even consider looting them.  
CA: wvell yeah, he isn’t a horrible person  
CA: like some other trolls i could mention  
AG: Man, I suuuuuuuure am flattered 8y all this UNWANTED attention 8ut I have a perfectly disagreea8le kismesis already  
AG: I don’t need someone trying to make horri8ly ineffectual ja8s at me all the time  
AA: HE DOES THAT  
AA: LET HIM SULK  
TT: Not sure if Ashitaka is a real Gary Stu but he certainly is very capable.  
TT: Just look at him rescuing those unfortunate assholes.  
CT: D--> He is so STRONG I can scarcely believe it  
TT: Man, you are going to flip your tits when I show you Dragonball Z. Or Toriko. Or Jojo.  
CT: D--> I do not know what these are  
CT: D--> However, your judgment thusfar has been incredibly satisfactory  
TT: Naturally.  
GG: that’s so cute dirk :3  
TT: What is?  
GG: you and equius  
GG: watching series together and being all happy and stuff  
AC: :33< they are such dorks together  
GG: oh that is the best!  
CT: D--> Nepeta, quiet  
GG: nepeta keep talking :PP

AT: bUT THEN aSHIWHATSHISFACE LAYS EYES ON THE WOLF RIDER,  
AT: wHO TURNS OUT TO BE THIS GIRL  
AT: iS SHE THE pRINCESS mONONOKE?  
AC: :33< we aren’t told who she is yet  
AT: sO IT IS SAFE TO ASSUME SHE IS,  
AT: aSHISOMETHING SEEMS TO LIKE HER,  
GA: We Really Need A Better Name For This Man  
TT: Screw it, from now on he’s Ash.  
CA: that sounds halfwvay catchy  
GC: TH4T SOUNDS 4WFULLY F4M1L14R  
TT: He is on a quest to catch them all  
AT: aND HE USES HIS FIRE TYPE RED ELK, kINDA THINGIE TO BEAT THE GYMS AND GET ALL THE BADGES,  
TT: Reference secured.   
UU: the wolf does look a little fUnny in this shot. like it is aboUt to sneeze.  
AC: :33< yes but just look at that girl  
AC: :33< she is so cool!  
AG: Nepeta likes a feral girl who riiiiiiiides through the wild on her lusus 8ig fucking surprise.  
AC: :33< do you not?  
CT: D--> The wolf’s b100d  
CT: D--> It is  
CT: D--> Nnnrghh  
TT: Come on bae, we’ve been over this.

AA: KODAMA  
AA: THE SPIRITS OF THE FOREST. VERY NICE INCLUDED  
AA: MOVIE KNOWS EAST  
TT: Well duh, it was made by someone from the human equivalent of East Beforus.  
TT: Similarities are bound to happen.  
AA: INTEREST  
CA: i lovwe howv those other humans flip their shit  
GA: Well From The Conversation With The Monk It Is Implied That The Village Ash Hails From Is Isolated To The Point Of It Being A Myth  
GA: It Stands To Reason That They Are More Spiritually Inclined Then The More Modern Easteners  
CA: eh probably  
AT: mAN, jUST LOOK AT THIS SCENERY,  
AT: iT REALLY IS LIKE A PAINTING IN MOTION,  
AC: :33< that’s ghibli for you  
GC: 1 R3C4LL PONYO DO1NG TH4T 4S W3LL  
GC: THOUGH TH4T W4S 4 LOT MOR3 BOR1NG  
TT: Scenery porn all up in this bitch.

AT: aND SO THEY ARRIVE AT A LAKE THAT JUST HAPPENS TO CONTAIN MAGICAL WATER TO HEAL EVERYONE’S INJURIES,  
AT: tHAT IS UHM, AWFULLY CONVENIENT,  
AG: Just thiiiiiiiink of the possi8ilities. 8ottle it and sell it for massive profit.  
AG: Allow people to 8athe in it, again for massive profit.  
UU: well, yoU certainly seem interested in generating an income.  
AG: I mean seeeeeeeeriously! How come no one knows a8out this magical spring in the forest that’s 8asically next door!?  
AC: :33< beclaws it’s a really big furrest!  
AC: :33< have you ever wandered through the alternian woods?  
AG: Well no. Not exactly.  
GC: W3 H4V3 B33N TO TH3 OUTSK1RTS FOR 4 F3W C4MP41GNS?  
AC: :33< trust me, you could be in there fur w33ks without reaching the other side  
AC: :33< unless you know how to get there  
GG: and you do?  
CT: D--> You will find that as far as trackers go Nepeta is simply the best there is

TT: Pretty sure this is an allegory for masturbation.  
GG: well im pretty sure that your wrong!  
TT: Jade, his arm is swelling up in a manner I can only call incredibly symbolic and he douses it in holy water to repress his urge to sin.  
GG: noooooooooo  
AC: :33< stop ruining the movie dirk :((  
CT: D--> Err sh001d I remain neutral in a conflict between moirail and matesprit  
CA: you probably should mate

TT: Well there’s your problem.   
TT: You’re a town founded on industry in a environmentalist film.

UU: how beaUtifUl, every one from the villager comes oUt to greet them.  
UU: ash is even hailed as a hero for saving those men.  
AC: :33< beclaws he is!  
AC: :33< he and yakul dragged them all the way through the furrest!  
CT: D--> He shared the burden with his steed  
CT: D--> Ash is an e%amplary man  
GG: but they are greeted by the woman who shot the wolves!  
AC: :33< yes lady eboshi  
AC: :33< she is really cool to  
CT: D--> She radiates command  
CT: D--> E%cuisite  
GC: SO TH3 WOLF G1RL 1S COOL  
GC: TH3 V1LL41N3SS 1S COOL  
GC: BUT W3 4R3 ST1LL W41T1NG FOR 4SH TO B3 COOL  
CT: D--> What are you talking about  
CT: D--> To put it in a base way like you w001d, Ash is incredibly ‘c001’  
GC: H3 1S 4 CYPH3R  
GC: TH3 ONLY R34SON H3 1S COOL 1S B3C4US3 H3 1S D34D 1NS1D3  
UU: yoU mean the cUrse already strUck?  
GC: NO

AG: Mary sue awaaaaaaaay. Aaaaaaaall the 8a8es want him.  
GG: really, all of them?  
AG: Aaaaaaaall the 8a8es.  
UU: aaaw i like it.  
UU: eboshi is a real people’s person, looking oUt for the women like that.  
AG: Oooooooor this is all part of her clever scheme.  
CA: please, howv could this evwen be a scheme?  
GC: 1NST4NT LOY4LTY  
CA: wvhat?  
GC: TH3 3NT1R3 C1TY 34TS OUT OF H3R H4ND  
GC: TH3 WOM3N SH3 H4S S4V3D H4V3 NOWH3R3 3LS3 TO TURN TO  
CT: D--> Indeed  
CT: D--> She has effectively created a cult of personality with people worshipping her left and right  
CT: D--> Outstanding work  
AT: oH COME ON,  
AT: sHE IS JUST VERY CONCERNED ABOUT HER FELLOW UHM, hUMANS,

AT: jUST A LITTLE LESS ABOUT NATURE AND STUFF,  
GA: Well Now We Know Where That Enraged Boar Came From Earlier

AT: qUESTION,  
AC: :33< here we go  
AT: iF THE MOUNTAIN BELONGED TO THE BOARS, tHE HUMANS HAVE THOSE BULLETS AND UHM, hATE INSIDE THEM TURNS THEM INTO THE KIND OF MONSTER WE SAW IN THE OPENING,  
AT: tHEN WHY AREN’T THERE MORE MONSTERS LIKE THAT?  
AC: :33< maybe she was really good at killing the boars and only that one got away?  
AT: oH,   
AT: tHAT IS KINDA SAD,  
GG: but eboshi doesn’t strike me as really evil.  
GG: she is even willing to show ash her secret, pretty much on good faith alone.  
GG: she could also have given him some gold or other reward for saving the men and send him on his way.  
UU: indeed.  
UU: she seems more complex a person than jUst another bad gUy.  
AA: ALSO SHE SEXY  
CA: wvell yeah i guess  
CA: if you are into that  
CT: D--> She has a commanding presence  
TT: I have a commanding presence too you know?  
CT: D--> C001d you perhaps……..  
CT: D--> E%ert it more often?  
AC: :33< equius no

GA: She Is Really Kind To Her Fellow Humans  
GA: Even Allowing Mummies A Place In Her Society  
GG: i don’t think they are actually mummies kanaya  
GA: Well Obviously Not  
GA: That One Still Has His Eyes  
GA: But They Seem To Enjoy Pretending To Be Mummies  
UU: oh that does soUnd kind of amUsing actUally  
GG: nooooooooo  
GG: these people are very sick  
GG: to the point that their limbs can become numb to pain and be horribly damaged or even get amputated without the person feeling it.  
UU: oh.  
GA: Oh  
TT: Contrary to popular believe however, the disease is not very contagious and does not automatically result in the loss of fingers, hands or feet.  
TT: Or more intimate bodyparts for comedic effect.  
GG: unless they really damage those body parts.  
TT: How would you damage your intimates to that extent?  
CG: ENOUGH TALK ABOUT THIS……. UUUUUGH….. HORRIBLE HUMAN TOPIC.  
AA: THAT’S IT  
AA: YOU ENERGY  
CG: I HAVE PLENTY OF FUCKING ENERGY. I AM LIKE…… SOMETHING FULL OF ENERGY……  
CG: LIKE A…. HUMAN ENERGY BAR?  
GC: W34K  
CG: I DON’T NEED YOUR FUCKING SASS PYROPE!  
AA: TAKE TIME  
AA: CLEAN FROM TOXIN  
CG: TOXIC, YEAH. I AM PRETTY SURE THAT IS THE ONLY FUCKING WAY TO CALL THIS.  
AG: What is this?  
AG: Ash is getting some character depth. He actually st8es he is perfectly willing to kill E8oshi if it would cure his curse.  
AG: 8ut he knows it wouldn’t.  
AT: i LOVE HOW SHE OFFERS HIM A JOB, rIGHT AFTER HIS UHM, rIGHT ARM WANTS TO BEGIN THE STABBING,  
AT: tHAT DOESN’T STRIKE ME AS VERY CLEVER,  
UU: bUt she does take the blame for his injUry. that takes coUrage.

AG: Yeeeeeeees, ignore the fact that your arm is a tim8 8om8 and show off to the ladies.  
CA: priorities serket  
CA: you wvouldnt understand it

GG: she comforts the wolf like it’s a giant puppy  
GG: its so cute :3  
GC: YOU C4N PR4CT1C4LLY H34R 4SH TH1NK TO H1MS3LF  
GC: OH NO, SH3 1S HOT  
AC: :33< not to mention crazy strong and fast!  
AC: :33< did you s33 how she just scaled up those walls like it was nothing?  
AC: :33< and how she disarmed those guards like with a few quick slashes  
TT: Disarmed my ass, that guy is fucking dead.  
AG: I love how the entire city is frightened 8y her. Like, it is 1 girl and two giant barkbeast lusii.   
AG: I thiiiiiiiink your guns can manage this.  
AA: ALSO CONFIRM THE MONONOKE-HIME  
AC: :33< she is princess mononoke yeah  
AT: wELL, iT WAS REALLY AWKWARDLY EXPLAINED,  
AA: IT MEANS PRINCESS OF ANGRY SPIRIT  
GA: Appropriate

TT: Strike a Batman pose for the trailers.

UU: eep…. a headshot.  
GG: nooooooooooooooo  
AT: dON’T WORRY, bECAUSE HER CONVENIENT CLAY MASK WAS CONVENIENTLY IN THE WAY TO STOP THE BULLET AND, iN A CONVENIENT MANNER, pREVENT ANY DAMAGE TO HER FACE AND/OR THINKPAN,  
AT: cONVENIENTLY,  
AC: :33< it can totally happen!  
UU: her lUck mUst be astoUnding.  
CT: D--> Ash tries to warn her though  
CT: D--> Imploring her to go back to the woods she came from  
GA: She Must Really Dislike The People In The Village  
TT: Her best friend was a boar?  
CT: D--> Dirk you know the answer  
TT: I know. Messing around with people is fun.  
GA: Luckily Ash Comes To Her Aid And Prevents The Mob From Tearing Her Apart  
AG: She repays his kindness with slashing away at him……..  
GA: She Misses  
AG: It’s the thought that counts.

UU: i am relatively sUre mononoke shoUld have something akin a concUssion from both the gUnshot and the fall.  
UU: how does she not only manage to avoid the mob bUt fight eboshi one on one.  
AT: cONVENIENCE,  
UU: figUres.  
CT: D--> So lady eboshi is a capable warrior as well as an entrepreneur  
CT: D--> Most impressive  
AC: :33< they are so cool!  
GG: did eboshi knew she was going to have to fight?  
GC: 1F YOU 4R3 1N 4 POS1T1ION L1K3 H3RS YOU L34RN TO B3 PR3P4R3D  
GC: 1TS TH3 4LT3RN14N W4Y  
GG: yes but the alternian way is pretty dumb  
CA: wvhooo catfight  
AA: THIS WHY YOU SINGLE  
CA: wvell i don’t see you fillin your quadrants any time soon  
CA: wvait  
CA: fuck you at least got that dumb blind date invwite  
AA: I AGREE THOUGH  
AA: CATFIGHT VERY SEXY  
CA: sigh  
CA: thank you

AT: aSH IS GETTING REAL TIRED OF YOUR SHIT,  
CT: D--> It is so beautiful  
CT: D--> so STRONG

GG: thankfully ash interrupts the fight by casually tossing people out of the way like ragdolls  
GA: Again  
GA: How Is Immense Strength Part Of A Deadly Curse  
AC: :33< have you s33n equius trying to drink milk? :PP  
CT: D--> Silence Nepeta  
AC: :33< no!  
CA: i like howv eboshi is like ‘imma cut that arm’ wvhile mononoke is like’get that shit awvay from me’.  
TT: One of them actually knows how scary those molesting purple tentacles are.  
AA: I THINK READ THAT BOOK  
CA: surprising no one  
AG: So he knocks out 8oth women LIKE A 8OSS.  
GA: Like A Ill Mannered Brute More Like  
AG: Sometimes hysterical dames just need a slapping!  
GC: 1 W1LL R3M3MB3R TH4T  
AT: i LIKE HOW THE CROWD JUST LETS HIM GO WITH MONONOKE,  
UU: woUld you attempt to stop the man with sUper powerfUl tentacles for a arm?  
AT: i GUESS NOT,

AG: What was that a8out the crowd letting him go?  
AT: i STAND VERY CORRECTED,  
UU: oh no!  
GC: W3LP, H3’S D34D  
AT: uNLESS THEY CONVENIENTLY UHM, mISSED EVERY VITAL ORGAN IN HIS BODY,  
AT: bUT WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT?  
TT: The fucker just keeps moving and even lifts a heavy-ass gate by himself to deliver Mononoke to safety.  
TT: Brass balls right there.  
CT: D--> So much sinful red  
AC: :33< equius no  
TT: Equius, no.  
CT: D--> Hnnnnrrr……

AG: Yes Mononoke, put your knife to the throat of a guy who is already dying of 8oth gunshot and ancient curse.  
AG: Class act.  
GA: She Seems Awfully Ungrateful For Having Her Life Saved  
AA: IT AN HONOR THING  
AA: YOU NO UNDERSTAND  
GC: 1MPLY1NG W3 DON’T H4V3 HONOR  
AT: iT’S TRUE, wE DON’T  
GC: QU13T YOU  
CA: seriously megido wvhat the hell  
CG: IT’S PROBABLY LESS A HONOR THING AND MORE A CULTURAL THING YOU MISERABLE THUNDERHUMPER!  
CA: that doesn’t evwen make sense  
AA: YOU FEEL BETTER NOW?  
CG: EMPTYING THE REMAINING CONTENTS OF MY DIGESTIVE SACK TOOK THE EDGE OF A BIT. I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I HAD ANYTHING LEFT TO THROW UP.  
GG: gross :((  
UU: that is actUally pretty disgUsting.  
CG: AND I RAN OUT OF FUCKS TO GIVE ON THE SUBJECT MATTER, SO IF YOU ARE EVEN THE SLIGHEST BIT GROSSED OUT BY ME SHARING THAT HORRIBLE LITTLE INSIGHT THEN I INVITE YOU TO CORDIALLY GO SIT ON A SEAGOAT DILDO SO HARD IT COMES OUT ON THE OTHER END!  
AA: GOOD

AC: :33< so by eating a human you get their powers?  
GG: no :O  
UU: no?  
GG: NO!  
AC: :33< okay good  
AC: :33< beclaws that would have b33n very weird  
AC: :33< and maybe a little cr33py  
AT: nO, iT WOULD HAVE DEFINITELY BEEN VERY CREEPY TO DO THAT,  
TT: I want to make a horrible innuendo, but I feel that it is beneath me.  
CT: D--> I thank you for your restraint

AG: And so the deus ex machine pond returns!  
GA: I Am More Interested In This Ritual Mononoke Performs  
GA: Is It Really Necessary To Plant A Branch Like That  
GA: Or To Submerge Him This Particular Way  
GA: Would The Ritual Fail If It Was A Different Kind Of Branche  
AC: :33< you worry too much dummy  
AC: :33< just watch the movie

CG: HOLY MOTHER OF ALTERNIA, WHAT THE MAD HELL IS THAT!?  
CG: *WHAT* THE FUCK IS THAT!  
AC: :33< it’s the god of the furest  
CG: WHY DO PEOPLE EVEN BOTHER GOING INTO THAT SHITTY FOREST WHEN THEY KNOW THAT FUCKING TREEZILLA IS STOMPING AROUND!  
AC: :33< well they don’t know actually  
AT: oKAY, bUT HOW?  
AT: hOW HAS NO ONE EVEN NOTICED THE INCREDIBLE UHM, gIANT?  
AC: :33< humans are pretty stupid  
GG: hey!  
AC: :33< im dating john, trust me i know  
GG: still rude

AG: Oh look, the face of my nightmares.  
AG: Seriously, how does the epic 8east we saw seconds ago turn into that!?  
TT: You should have seen what the greek gods were up too. Messed up doesn’t even begin to describe it.  
UU: hUman mythology is pretty fUn actUally.  
CA: say callie wvas it, can i call you cal?  
AC: :33< no  
AA: NO  
TT: No.  
UU: sUre?  
CA: swvell  
CA: i just realized I’vwe nevwer actually had the pleasure of meeting you  
UU: oh, well yoU know. I tend to keep to myself a fair bit.  
CA: really?  
CA: a babe like you?  
UU: Uhm…. u_u   
UU: yoU do remember mentioning never having seen me before correct?  
UU: are yoU not being somewhat presUmptUoUs?  
CA: please, my taste in wvomen is absolutely flawvless  
TT: Look Carlos, here’s the thing.  
CA: gettin real tired a that shit  
TT: Callie is an absolute babe. 10/10, would go straight.  
TT: She is also a close personal friend of me and the rest of the alpha gang.  
UU: <profUse blUshing>  
TT: And if you think I would let a womanizer like you lay a finger on her, you are positively delusional.  
CA: pah, wvhatevwer  
UU: i think that is the kindest thing yoU ever said to me dirk  
UU: <3  
GG: yeah dirk  
GG: you handled that well  
TT: Yeah, yeah, I’m a natural smooth talker.

GC: OH LOOK, 1T 1S TH3 FUNNY MONK FROM 34RL13R  
GC: 4PP4R3NTLY H3 D1D NOT1C3 TH3R3 B31NG 4 G14NT B34ST STOMP1NG 4ROUND  
GA: Yet He Seems Utterly Terrified Of Being Noticed  
GA: As If He Is Performing Espionage  
CA: and then suddenly boars  
CA: so many fuckin boars  
CA: wvhat is evwen the deal wvith all these boars?  
UU: it is almost as if they are preparing for war  
AC: :33 :PP

AT: sO SHE CAN COMMUNE WITH THE ANIMALS AS WELL,  
AT: tHAT IS PRETTY COOL ACTUALLY,  
AT: aLONG WITH HER BEING A WARRIOR WHO ISN’T AFRAID OF ANYTHING, i THINK i REALLY LIKE mONONOKE,  
AG: Tavros has a cruuuuuuuush.  
AT: wELL NO, bUT I THINK SHE IS PRETTY BAD-ASS,  
AT: iS THAT NOT A THING THAT IS HAPPENING?  
GG: no, she is definitely a cool lady  
GG: anyone can see that  
GC: 1 C4N’T  
GG: :(

AA: OH YES  
AA: GET SEXY TIME  
AA: SUCH FUN  
CG: OH MY GOD, STOP THAT.  
CG: THE DUMB FUCKING PIRATE MOVIES WAS ONE THING BUT THESE ARE WRIGGLER’S FOR FUCK’S SAKE!  
AA: ANIMATED IS FAIR GAME  
CG: NO, IT REALLY FUCKING ISN’T.  
CG: IF YOU ABSOLUTELY *HAVE* TO WATCH YOUR FILTH, AT LEAST MAKE IT CONSENTING ADULTS!  
AA: BUT  
AA:   
AA: FINE  
CG: GOOD.  
AG: I don’t see the pro8lem here. She is just feeding him flapbeast meat 8ecause he is too much of a pussy to eat it himself.  
CG: IT’S THE VERY FUCKING PRINCIPLE OF THE THING THAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!

GG: so the boars are angry because the god of the forest didn’t cure their friend but did cure ash  
GG: that’s pretty strange i mean, why wouldn’t it?  
AA: BECAUSE IT FLED  
AA: THAT SAME BOAR CURSE ASHITAKA  
TT: And so once again, everything is connected to each other in a Miyazaki movie.  
AC: :33< you don’t like it dirk?  
TT: Fuck I love Miyazaki movies, but whenever a new plot element is introduced the resolution is either tiresomely predictable or so out of left field it isn’t even funny.  
TT: The scarecrow was the missing prince of a nation we never saw but is important to the plot anyway? Fuck, it still makes me angry.  
GG: don’t mind dirk, he hates fun  
TT: Me <3< Fun  
AG: I liiiiiiiike the warrior spirit of these 8oars. Yes we may die 8loody deaths 8ut we’ll fucking leave these humans in awe!  
CG: MORE LIKE FUCKING SUICIDAL. IF YOU *KNOW* THAT THIS IS A HOPELESS SITUATION, YOU MAY WANT TO LOOK INTO OPTIONS OTHER THAN THE MASS GENOCIDE OF YOUR OWN SPECIES!  
GC: YOU’R3 NO FUN

CT: D--> She is a STRONG and just leader to join into the fray like this  
CT: D--> What’s more, she appears to take down two of the opposing military leaders down herself due to her e%cellent aim  
CT: D--> I  
CT: D--> Am beginning to perspire  
UU: yoU and me both eqUiUs.  
UU: she really is a remarkable woman.  
AT: pLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE NOT FLUSHING FOR HER,  
GA: I Am Mildly Confused As To Why Everyone Is Wearing Those Incredibly Flammable Straw Outfits  
GA: It May Not Be The Most Practical Choice In Attire When Dealing With Weapons That Require A Flame To Operate  
AA: IT A PERIOD PIECE  
GC: W3LL TH3N TH3 P3R1OD P13C3 1S PR3TTY STUP1D  
AA: NO U

UU: there, that one sentence perfectly encapsUlates her character.  
CA: wvhat nowv  
UU: she will slay boars and woUnd wolf gods withoUt fear however, there are samUrai knocking on her door to take what she possesses.  
UU: be it groUnd, sUpplies or technologies, they appear to want what she has.  
GA: She Is A Protective Motherlusus For Her Entire City  
UU: essentially!  
GA: She Does Strike Me As A Fascinating Woman  
GA: She Is Clever Enough To Assume The Emporer Wants To Double Cross Her And Begins Her Own Preperations  
GA: While Finding An Effective Way To Kill The Forest God  
GC: WHY MUST YOU 4LW4YS F4LL FOR TH3 MOR4LLY GR3Y WOM3N?  
GA: Honestly  
GA: Not A Clue  
GA: You Have No Idea How Much Of A Problem That Is Becoming For Me  
GC: H34R TH4T K4RK4T  
CG: WHAT?   
CG: WHY DO YOU WANT TO DRAG ME INTO THIS?  
GC: YOU 4R3 NOT TH3 ONLY ON3 WHO N33DS 4 MO1R41L H3R3  
GC: JUST S4Y1NG >;]  
AC: :33< oh my god yes!  
CG: OH MY GOD NO!  
CG: NO OFFENSE KANAYA BUT IF FOR ANY REASON I HAVE TO CAUSE YOU ANY MORE BLOODY CONCERN WITH MY INANE FUCKING PROBLEMS I WILL LITERALLY CULL MYSELF.  
GA: None Taken  
AG: Good going moron, you knoooooooow she can’t help herself with her fussing.  
GA: Well Not More So Then Is Considered Normal

CA: meanwvhile thousands a miles awvay  
GG: no!  
GG: bad doggie!  
GG: worst caretaker!  
AC: :33< she is just looking out fur her charge  
AT: aND SO aSH’S TRUE INTENTIONS ARE REVEALED,  
AT: hE WANTS TO FUCK mONONOKE, wHO IS REVEALED TO BE CALLED sAN,  
AG: I’m gonna keep calling her Mononoke, if oooooooonly 8ecause Wolf8itch would offend Harley.  
GG: it would! :(  
AC: :33< and it goes d33per than wanting to fuck her!  
UU: <giggles>  
AC: :33< the two of them have a furry intimate connection!  
UU: <snorts>  
TT: It is actually more symbolic than that.  
GG: oh? explain please  
CG: NO, PLEASE DON’T. I DON’T WANT ANOTHER SESSION OF STRIDER EXPLAINS IT ALL.  
TT: Instructions were unclear. Began another session of Strider explains it all.  
CG: FUCK ME!  
TT: Essentially taking Ash as an intentional cypher, San, Mononoke, Wolf8itch or however you want to call her represents our relation with nature, or more extremely put: god.  
TT: Eboshi meanwhile represents our desire to progress and grow.  
TT: Keep that in mind, because it will be relevant later in the movie.  
CA: so wvait, mononoke is god?

GC: SO WH4T 4R3 W3 DO1NG NOW?  
AC: :33< purparing the fight the boars  
AC: :33< epawshi is cutting tr33s to anger them and using smoke to dull their sense of smell  
AC: :33< she is so clefur but its so wrong to kill so many animals if you don’t intend to eat them  
CA: and then mononoke chooses to go to the boar leader, knowing he will be blinded by the smoke  
CA: wvhat a babe

AT: bUT aSH GAVE A WOLF A NECKLACE TO GIVE TO HER,  
AT: aND ALL SHE CAN SAY IS oOOH PRETTY,  
CA: friendzoned much?  
AT: wHAT DOES THAT MEAN?  
CA: ugh, nevwer mind  
UU: so is the part where mononoke states to hate hUmans relevant to your symbolic analysis dirk?  
TT: Eh, somewhat. The Christian god did go through a period where he was pretty pissed off at humans as well.  
UU: how did that go?  
TT: He pressed the reset button by flooding the lot.  
GC: 4ND 1 THOUGHT OUR CLOWN GODS W3R3 RUD3 >:/  
GG: i like how wolfmom doesn’t force her to do anything  
GG: she actually suggests to mononoke to live her life with ash  
AG: And she is like: fuck that shit, imma kill humans!  
GG: err….. yes -_-

GA: Because Nothing Strikes Fear In The Hearts Of Men Like Carefully Applied Warpaint

AT: mEANWHILE, THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY,  
CA: turns out eboshi wvas right to suspect a double cross  
CA: wvhile she deals wvith the boars, the emporer attempts to sack her city  
CA: wvhat a dick  
TT: His worst crime is refusing to appear in the movie at all.  
UU: bUt the women can hold their own with the gUns the mUmmies made!  
UU: they tell ash to go inform eboshi of what’s going on so she can defeat the emporer’s forces proper.

GC: W3LL TH1S F1GHT SC3N3 1S GO1NG NOWH3R3  
AG: No, 8ut 8y god is it epic.  
AG: Ash is a 8east!  
CT: D--> He  
CT: D--> He caught that arrow out of mid air  
CT: D--> This is into%icating  
TT: You know dear, it’s almost as if you haven’t realized I’m a jealous man.  
CT: D--> Oh err  
CT: D--> Sorry  
TT: No, no, there is no reason to be concerned. Not yet anyways.  
CT: D--> I’m sorry……  
AC: :33< dirk don’t tease equius  
TT: Actually, I was told he enjoys being put on the spot like this.  
TT: Doesn’t he?  
CT: D--> I require a towel…..  
AC: :33< yes but he gets all gross and stuff when you do that  
AC: :33< i cant have my moirail do that in a public memo

AC: :33< such a waste  
UU: this is a massacre!  
AT: yEAH, i DON’T THINK THE BOARS STOOD MUCH OF A CHANCE,  
AA: THEY DID NOT  
AA: PEOPLE FUCK NATURE EVERY TIME ALWAYS  
AA: IT STINKS  
AC: :33< there actually were a lot of giant woods on alternia  
AC: :33< we used other planets fur our industrialization so our nature could heal  
AA: LUCKY  
AA: BEFORUS NOT SO MUCH  
CA: industry fuckin evwerywvhere  
GG: yes but did you murder your entire population of boars just to murder a forest god?  
GG: :(  
GG: this is so sad!  
AT: wAIT, WASN’T mONONOKE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CHARGE SOMEWHERE?  
GG: OH NO!  
GA: I Am Shocked They Used Land Mines And Put Their Own Men In The Cross Fire  
GA: That Cant Be Effective Management  
TT: It is the emporer’s strategy: thinning out Eboshi’s forces ánd dealing with the boars. It’s win-win.  
GA: That Cruel Bastard  
GA: Who Does Not Even Appear In The Movie

AT: oH, aSH FINDS ONE OF THE WOLVES STILL ALIVE IN A PILE OF BOARS,  
AT: hOW VERY CONVENIENT,  
GG: WHO CARES IF IT’S CONVENIENT!  
UU: and so the people of iron town redirect their arms to protect their city while ash goes to find eboshi.  
UU: i mUst say this tale is qUite exciting.  
UU: you have wonderfUl taste nepeta.  
AC: :33< hihi, thanks  
CA: and you are drop dead gorgeous  
AC: :33< uhm….  
CT: D--> Ampora  
CT: D--> While I appreciate you complimenting my moirail  
CT: D--> If I find you doing so with less than honorable intentions there is going to be a  
CT: D--> Problem  
CA: r-right on chief  
CA: nothin but completely sincere compliments here  
CT: D--> Good

CG: WHAT THE SHIT!  
CG: HOW IS THIS OLD FUCKER STILL ALIVE!  
TT: Well, he is technically a god.  
CG: WELL THEY ARE NOT PLAYING BY THE RULES GODS USUALLY USE!  
AT: sO SHE IS GUIDING HIM TO THE POND OF PLOT CONVENIENCE FROM EARLIER,  
AC: :33< is it still plot convenience if it plays such an impurtant role?  
AT: mAYBE?

AG: WH8T THE FUCK!  
GC: TH3Y 4R3 W34R1NG TH3 SK1NS OF TH3 BO4RS TH3Y K1LL3D TO FOOL TH3 B1G BO4R 1NTO L3TT1NG TH3M G3T CLOS3  
GC: 4ND TH3Y G3T 4W4Y W1TH 1T B3C4US3 H3 1S BL1ND!  
CG: THAT IS MORTIFYING!  
CG: ARE HUMANS REALLY THIS DISGUSTING!?  
TT: If doing this would win a hypothetical earth-alternia war, you can bet humans would do this.  
CG: JEGUS FUCK!  
CG: REMIND ME TO FOREVER BAN THAT IDEA FROM OUR PRIVATE MEMOS!  
CG: THAT IS MESSED UP!  
AA: WELL WE NO FIGHT HUMANS  
CG: IT IS THE FUCKING IDEA BEHIND IT!  
AA: WELL IT NOT HAPPENING  
AA: SO NO WORRY  
CG: FUCK THAT!  
CG: DON’T TELL ME NOT TO WORRY!  
CG: I DID NOT SURVIVE SWEEPS ON ALTERNIA JUST TO HAVE MY SKIN WORN AS A FANCY DRESS FOR A HUMAN TO MURDER TROLLS IN!  
GC: 1 KN3W W3 SHOULD NOT H4V3 L3T H1M W4TCH TH4T HUM4N HORROR MOV13  
AA: IT NOT HAPPENING  
AA: SO CALM BREASTS  
CG: I SAID DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!

GA: I Do Not Understand How This Turning Into A Demon Works  
GA: Is It Spiritual  
GA: Is It A Parasite  
GA: Because It Looks Like A Parasite  
UU: i think its sUpposed to be a corrUption of the spirit.  
UU: otoke wasn’t fond of the hUmans as it was bUt realizing they Use the flesh of his kin against him jUst pUshes him over the edge and allow the darkness to take hold.  
AG: Those suuuuuuuure are some good theories.  
AG: I do hope the movie never gets around addressing them.

AA: I HAVE SEEN ENOUGH HENTAI TO KNOW THIS IS GOING WHERE

CT: D--> Eboshi is determined to let the Iron Works fend for themselves while she goes to kill the god of the forest  
AT: aND CONSIDERING THESE GODS WORK WITH UHM, dIFFERENT RULES, sHE MAY ACTUALLY SUCCEED IN DOING SO,  
AG: Oh gee…..  
AG: If only I knew SOMEONE who would kill a god.  
AG: Cough cough, Terezi, unconvincing cough.  
GC: Y3S BUT 1 TH1NK 1 WOULD H4V3 GON3 B4CK TO H3LP TH3 1RON WORKS  
GC: TH3 GOD OF TH3 FOR3ST W1LL PROB4BLY R3M41N 1N S41D FOR3ST FOR 4NOTH3R D4Y, W33K, SW33P OR D3C4D3.  
GG: that’s actually a good point  
GG: why doesn’t she just decide to kill the god of the forest the next day and save the iron works now?

CA: gotta hand it to ash  
CA: balls a steel right there  
AG: He’s going to die anyway, what does he caaaaaaaare

GG: a mother will do what is best for her children  
GG: good job wolfmom  
AC: :33< now the darkness corrupts the pond and both moro and okoto fall dead to the ground  
AC: :33< things really couldn’t get any worse  
TT: Or could they?

GG: OH NO!  
UU: oh no!  
CG: OH NO……. THE CREEPY DEER THING WITH A MONKEY FACE….. MY INVESTMENT IN ITS SURVIVAL WAS SO HIGH…..  
AA: SUCH SASS  
CG: I CAN SASS IF I WANT TO!  
AA: I NOT SAID YOU CANT  
AA: SASS IS GOOD   
CG: GOD, STOP DOING THAT!  
AA: WHAT?  
CG: THAT!  
CG: THE THING WHERE YOU ARE…. FUCK, YOU’RE GETTING ON MY NERVES.  
GC: >:?  
CG: THE WHOLE, ACCEPTING AND HELPING THING IS REALLY PISSING ME RIGHT THE FUCK OFF! I AM FRESH BAKED MAD RIGHT HERE!  
AA: I IS CONFUSE  
AA: DAMARA IS SWEET GIRL  
CA: hah  
CA: as if  
GG: she is actually  
AA: THANK  
CG: I THINK CROCKER WON’T AGREE WITH YOU AFTER BEING MADE TO WATCH THAT DREADED PIRATE MOVIE!  
GG: oh please  
GG: jane showed you the room and that doesn’t make her not-sweet  
GG: and damara may be a bit strange but she’s never been unkind  
AA: YOU MAKE BLUSH  
AA: YOU BLIND DATE?  
GG: no, it wasn’t me either  
AA: FUCK  
CG: FUCK.

AT: aND THEN THE GOD OF THE FOREST WAS LIKE,  
AT: fUCK THIS SHIT, i’M IMMORTAL, pEACE  
GA: Eboshi Gets Sabotaged From Every Which Way  
GA: I Do Enjoy That  
UU: ash throws his blade into the barrel of her gUn and the forest god caUses the wood Used in her gUn to overgrow.  
UU: seems like things will work oUt after all ^u^.

UU: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!  
UU: <flips desk>  
UU: gUns do not fUnction like this. normal bUllets do not fUnction like this.  
UU: with the barrel of her rifle pierced it is nothing short of a miracle it didn’t blow Up in her face bUt to manage and fire an exploding roUnd accUrately in the neck of the forest god is nothing short of impossible Under these circUmstances.  
AT: oH NO, tHE MOVIE WITH TALKING ANIMALS MAY HAVE ONE OR TWO SCIENTIFIC INACCURACIES,  
UU: bUt they were so close to getting a happy ending u_u

TT: And here is a major part of Miyazaki’s none too subtle message.  
TT: Expanding human territories while forgetting to respect nature and the spiritual elements in our lives ultimately result in destruction.  
CA: as if  
TT: We have the character literally symbolizing human’s desire for progress and industrialization killing the literal god of this story, resulting in cataclysm. I think the symbolism is more than a little obvious.  
TT: Of course, that’s Miyazaki for you. It’s either subtle to the point of meaninglessness or hammered in so hard you wish you could just tune it out.  
AC: :33< so you don’t like the movie dirk?  
TT: Nah, it’s okay. Just a bit heavy handed.  
AA: IT TERRIBLE  
AA: FOREST DESTROY  
AA: KODAMA DYE  
AA: SO ANGRY  
CG: IT’S JUST A FUCKING MOVIE.  
GC: OH R1GHT  
GC: B3C4US3 YOU N3V3R GOT 4NGRY 4T 4 MOV13  
CG: SHUT YOUR SQUAWK GAPER.

AG: Yoink.  
UU: so all this destruction because the emporer thinks the head of the god of the forest will give him immortality?  
AT: iT IS UHM, aWFULLY SPECIFIC DON’T YOU THINK?  
AT: wHY NOT IT’S HEART?  
AT: oR IT’S EYES?  
AT: oR IT’S TOENAIL CLIPPINGS?  
AA: HUMANS ARE WEIRD  
CG: YOU DON’T KNOW THE HALF OF IT.  
GG: we’re not thát weird   
AC: :33< actually, you kind of are  
AC: :33< you’re pretty sw33t though

CG: WHY THE FUCK IS MORO’S HEAD REANIMATED?  
CG: WHAT PRACTICAL PURPOSE DOES THIS SERVE OTHER THAN BEING A CRUEL JOKE THE GODS DECIDED TO PLAY ON NATURE?!

CG: OH….. WELL FUCK.  
CG: THAT IS PRETTY BRUTAL  
AA: SHE DESERVE  
TT: See this is funny. Eboshi earlier stated that even a disembodied wolf head can bite and would you look at that.  
AG: Don’t worry a8out e8oshi she’s all right now….  
GC: WRONG 4RM D1PSH1T  
UU: <chuckles>  
AT: wELL SHIT, tHAT DOESN’T LOOK GOOD,  
AT: sOMEONE SHOULD REALLY GIVE HER A HAND WITH THAT,  
UU: <giggles>  
GC: TH4T 4WFUL MOM3NT WH3R3 SH3 R34L1Z3S SH3 SHOULDN’T H4V3 *L3FT* 1RON TOWN  
UU: <doubles over in laughter>  
GG: guys  
CA: to be fair, she left the wvomen properly armed  
UU: can’t breathe  
GG: guys @_@  
AC: :33< she did kill a god just now  
AC: :33< we got to at least hand her that  
UU: oh my god!   
GG: guys!  
GG: your puns are really getting out of hand  
UU: i can’t..  
UU: <rolls over the floor laughing>

CG: MAN….. THIS REALLY IS TRAGIC…..  
CG: THE DESPERATION OF MONONOKE, THE HEARTFELT CONFESSION OF ASH….. THE MUSIC SWELLS, ALL THE WHILE THE FOREST IS BURNING AND DYING AROUND THEM. IT REALLY FEELS LIKE THIS IS THE END OF ALL THINGS.  
GC: Y3S BV3RYTH1NG 1S OV3R >:]  
CG: FUCK, THOSE GODDAMN SUBTITLE GOOFS!

AG: And fuck thát place in particular.

CG: HOLY FUCK, THIS BROWNISH PURPLE SHIT IS DESTROYING EVERYTHING.  
CG: JUST HOW MANY PEOPLE FROM THE IRON WORKS WERE KILLED?  
CG: HOW MANY OF THE SOLDIERS THAT FOUGHT THE BOARS? THEY WERE STILL NEAR THE OUTSKIRTS OF THE VILLAGE?  
GA: Yes I Do Not Think Eboshi Had Forseen These Consequences  
GC: N31TH3R D1D 1  
GC: WHO COULD H4V3 GU3SS3D TH4T R3MOV1NG TH3 H34D OF 4 GOOFY D33R WOULD C4US3 4 V3RY LOC4L1Z3D 4P4COLYPS3?  
AA: SMART IS WHO  
AA: YOU TAKE HEAD OF GOD  
AA: BAD MAJYKKS  
CT: D--> Regardless Iron Town has been made uninhabitable due to the sludge  
AG: What do you even call that stuff?  
GG: well from the way it reacts with plant life it looks like a highly potent toxic but the way it climbs uphill suggests something like a superliquid: substances that flow without friction.  
AC: :33< duh, its just angry spirity stuff

AT: oKAY BUT, hOW DO YOU KNOW HE WILL JUST GO AWAY WHEN THE SUN COMES UP?  
AT: tHERE HASN’T BEEN ANYONE WHO REMOVED HIS HEAD BEFORE, sO MAYBE HE IS JUST LIKE, sERIOUSLY PISSED OFF,  
AT: mAYBE EVERY TIME THE SUN ROSE HE WENT AWAY OUT OF HIS OWN FREE WILL, lIKE A GODLY NAPTIME OR SOMETHING, dID THEY EVER THINK OF THAT?  
AT: mAYBE HE IS JUST SO ANGRY NOW HE WILL KEEP CHASING YOU THROUGHOUT THE WEEK TO GET HIS HEAD BACK,  
AT: i AM SURE THE EMPORER WILL UHM, aPPRECIATE YOU BRINGING THIS MONSTER TO HIS PALACE,  
CA: wve get it  
AT: iT’S JUST A REALLY IRRESPONSIBLE GAMBLE, iS ALL i’M SAYING,  
AG: What was even the plan of the emporer?  
AG: To mount a god’s head to his wall?  
UU: no, there was some mention aboUt eternal life.  
AG: Yes, 8ut how does he know that?! NO ONE ELSE CUT THE HEAD OF 8EFORE!!!!!!!!  
TT: Human superstition is a curious thing.  
CT: D--> I bet he w001d be e%tremely surprised to learn that the head is actually host to a deadly poison  
TT: Well yeah, if he intends to eat it.  
TT: Maybe he just has to run three circles around it every day to keep his youth.  
TT: Your highness, what are you doing?  
TT: Getting my immortality ánd my cardio.  
UU: that soUnds pretty silly.  
AC: :33< its not important to the story what they want to do with the head  
CA: no but it wvould certainly help babe

GA: So After A Short Fight Scene  
AG: Hold it!  
AG: How did Mononoke get afflicted with the curse?!  
GA: I Think The Green Liquid Secreted By The Disembodied Head Is Just As Dangerous As The Corruption  
GA: Or Whatever It Is Called  
GA: It Is Subtle But Take Note That All The Monks Seem To Consciously Avoid Contact  
AG: And how do you know it is secreted 8y the head?  
GA: Because It Was Not Present When Jiro Put The Head In The Container  
CT: D--> An in-movie e%planation w001d not be amiss

CA: hey look  
CA: i can see my head from here

CG: BULLSHIT IT DOES!  
GA: Karkat  
CG: JUST LOOK AT THIS ARBITRARY FUCKING NONSENSE!   
CG: YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT THIS GIANT GODLIKE MOTHERFUCKER RETRIEVES HIS HEAD, THEN TRIPS ON A PEBBLE OR SOMETHING AND FUCKING EXPLODES!  
CG: KISS MY ASS!  
GC: K4RK4T  
CG: AND THE FUCKING SHOCKWAVES FROM THE EXPLOSION NOT ONLY GET RID OF THE TOXIC THAT WAS FLOODING THE WHOLE FOREST AND IRON TOWN BUT SOMEHOW RESTORE NATURE EVERYWHERE?  
CG: DEUS EX FUCK MY MACHINA! THIS ISN’T FAIRYDUST PEOPLE!  
AT: uHM, kARKAT?  
CG: EVEN EBOSHI, WHO WAS ALL ABOUT HUMAN EXPANSION, DECIDES THAT NO REALLY: WE SHOULD LIVE IN PEACE WITH THE FOREST.  
CG: WHERE THE FUCK DID ALL THAT BRAVADO FROM THE REST OF THE MOVIE GO?!  
AG: Oh my god……..  
CG: AND WHAT IS THIS DELIBERATE VAGUENESS ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT THE DEER GOD IS DEAD?!  
CG: DID IT REFORM WHEN THE GIANT ABOMINATION TOOK ITS HEAD BACK OR IS THAT THING A DIFFERENT ENTITY ONLY LOOSELY CONNECTED TO THE DEER GOD!?  
CG: WHY ISN’T THIS MOVIE ANSWERING ANY OF MY QUESTIONS?!  
GG: uuugh, you dunkass  
CG: BUT NO, LET’S PRETEND EVERYTHING IS FINE AND FUCKING DANDY WONT WE!? THIS IS ALL JUST A FRUITY RUMPUS HAPPY-GO-LUCKY WRIGGLER’S MOVIE.  
AC: :33< there was nothing in this movie that was wriggler appuropriate  
CG: ALL THE ANIMAL GODS ARE DEAD! AT THE VERY LEAST EVERY ANIMAL GOD WE KNOW OFF.  
CG: WAS THERE A GOD FOR MEOWBEASTS!? WAS THERE A GOD FOR ASH’S STEED?!  
CT: D--> Is there even a god for hoofbeasts  
CT: D--> Dare we dream  
CG: THIS FUCKING ENDING RAISES MORE QUESTIONS THEN IT ANSWERS!  
AA: OI  
CG: WHAT!?!  
AA: CALM TITS  
AA: MOVIE GOOD YES  
AA: VERY FUN  
CG: WELL YEAH ‘MOVIE GOOD’ BUT FUCK IF IT ISN’T A STUPID PIECE OF SHIT.  
AA: GOOD STUPID PIECE OF SHIT  
AA: YOU FUNNY  
CG: I….. WOULD YOU FUCKING STOP THAT!?  
AA: WHAT STOP?!  
CG: YOU AREN’T TAKING ME SERIOUSLY AT ALL ARE YOU!  
GC: NO ON3 1S 4T TH1S PO1NT  
CG: FUCK OFF  
AA: YOU SO STRANGE

AC: :33< and so ends princess mononoke  
CA: wvait, you are telling me the twvo of them don’t evwen hook up?  
CA: wvhat bullshit is this?  
TT: You mean the character representing humanity knocking up the character representing god?  
TT: Great plan.  
AC: :33< i think its more beclaws san still kind of hates humans  
AC: :33< ashitaka is just the exception  
AC: :33< even if they would make a pawesome couple  
UU: oh i concUr.  
UU: i can scarcely wait to pick Up my pen and begin writing more marveloUs adventUres for these two ^u^  
AC: :33< can i read it?  
UU: maybe some of it.  
UU: some of the ideas i have really shoUld not see the light of day <blUshes>  
AC: :33< can i please read those especially?  
UU: <_<  
UU: >_>  
UU: perhaps.  
AC: :33< yes!  
AC: :33< so what did efurryone think?  
CT: D--> Yes, I believe this was an e%cellent choice Nepeta  
AC: :33< thank you  
CT: D--> The story presented some noble characters but c001d benefit from the inclusion of more hoofbeasts  
AC: :33< of course it could  
AC: :33< you are so weird  
CT: D--> No I’m not  
AC: :33< uhm, yes you kind of are  
CT: D--> I am perfectly normal  
AC: :33< weeeeeeeird  
CT: D--> You will cease these allegations Nepeta  
AT: i DON’T THINK EQUIUS’S WEIRDNESS HAS EVER BEEN UP FOR DEBATE,  
AT: bUT YEAH, iT WAS A FAIRLY SOLID MOVIE, i THINK,  
AT: aND THE ANIMATION AND STUFF LOOKED BEAUTIFUL  
AT: i JUST WISHED WE COULD HAVE SEEN MORE OF THE POINT OF VIEW OF THE ANIMALS, bECAUSE THEY SEEMED TO HAVE THIS WHOLE CULTURE ENTIRELY THEIR OWN AND UHM, sTUFF,  
AC: :33< of course :PP  
GG: i think so too :)  
GG: it was a really fun movie but i wished ash and mononoke would hook up at the end because they make a really kickass couple  
TT: But the symbolism.  
GG: oh shoosh  
GG: symbolism should never get in the way of having a fun story  
TT: Eh, that’s fair.  
TT: Movie was cool by the way. Don’t let my criticism fool you.  
GG: dirk just HAS to criticize everything  
TT: It’s true, I do. I am obsessive compulsive and everything.  
TT: Got a doctor’s note.  
AC: :33< uhm, okay?  
UU: i woUld have liked for them to hook Up as well becaUse it jUst seemed like that kind of story.  
UU: ashitaka saved himself, the day and the girl and has nothing to show for it.  
AG: Fuck, I KNOW.  
AG: Where is his reward?  
CA: an entire city wvorth of wvomen wvanting to shag him  
CA: and considerin a large part a them are former wvhores he is in for quite a treat  
GA: The Gene Pool Of Iron Town Will Be Irrepairably Altered  
AG: It 8etter 8e.  
AG: This guy risks everything to save them and their 8eloved leader, the leeeeeeeeast they could do is give him an appropriate reward ;;;;)  
AA: APPROVE  
AC: :33< karkat, what do you think?  
CG: I…… WELL……  
CG: FUCK IT, IT’S PRETTY GOOD.  
AC: :33< yes!  
CG: IT TAKES THE STUNNING ANIMATION FROM PONYO AND APPLIES IT TO A MUCH MORE INTERESTING STORY EVEN IF THIS THING HAS SOME SERIOUS FUCKING PROBLEMS!  
AC: :33< but you like it!  
AC: :33< you can’t take it back, you like it!  
CG: YEAH, YEAH, FUCK ME RUNNING, I ACTUALLY LIKE A MOVIE.  
CG: THAT HASN’T HAPPENED SINCE AT LEAST LAST WEEK.  
AC: :33< oh shush  
CG: THIS UPWARD TRENDS CONCERNS ME. IT MEANS THAT ANY MOMENT NOW WE’LL COME PLUMMETING BACK DOWN IN THE COLD HARD REALITY WHERE NONE OF YOU ASSHOLES HAVE GOOD SENSE IN MOVIES.  
AC: :33< but if you like it, why did you try so hard to dislike it?  
AC: :33< that is really strange if you ask me  
CG: I DON’T FUCKING KNOW ALRIGHT? SOMETIMES I JUST GET REALLY FUCKING ANGRY FOR NO DISCERNABLE REASON AND IT PISSES ME OFF. AND BECAUSE IT PISSES ME OFF I GET EVEN ANGRIER, WHICH REPEATS AD INFINITUM.  
CG: I DON’T KNOW WHY IT HAPPENS BUT IT DOES.  
CA: you knowv  
CA: that actually sounds like you kinda need a moirail chief

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned casualArtist [CA]\--

CG: FAT FUCKING CHANCE CARLOS.  
AG: So noooooooow for the exciting part.  
GC: WH4T 4BOUT 1T  
AG: Who gets to pick a movie next week?  
AT: YOU KNOW I WASN’T GOING TO SAY ANYTHING, BECAUSE I REALLY WANT IT TO BE ME,  
AG: And watch another pokemon movie for wrigglers?  
AG: Pleeeeeeeease.  
AT: OKAY BUT UHM, THE THIRD ONE IS REALLY GOOD,  
AT: AND YOU LIKED THE FIRST ONE TOO,  
CG: WE ARE *NOT* WATCHING ANOTHER POKEMON MOVIE.  
AG: So we are doing this?  
AG: Who is patient enough to remain in the stream the loooooooongest?  
GA: Actually  
GA: Vriska  
GA: There Is Something I Desire To Converse With You About  
AG: Can’t this wait?  
GA: Actually  
GA: I Fear If I Wait Any Longer Regarding This Particular Subject I Will Cluckbeast Out  
GA: It Is About Rose Or More Precisely Your Relationship With Her  
AG: WH8T!?  
AG: You are not jealous are you!?  
AG: I mean, I know I am serious h8b8 8ut I never really got thát idea from you  
GA: What  
GA: No I Assure You   
GA: It Is Nothing Of The Sort  
GA: Not Entirely At Least  
AG: You are 8eing vague again Fussyfangs.  
GA: Perhaps Because I Am Not Entirely Willing To Give Away The Entire Conversation In A Public Memo  
GA: Can We Meet  
GA: Preferably Now  
AG: Geeeeeeeesh fine.  
AG: You punks got lucky.  
CG: I WASN’T GOING TO LET YOU PICK ANYWAY!

\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] left memo--  
\--arachnidsGrip [AG] left memo--

AA: THAT WAS MANY FUN  
AA: I ENJOY WATCHING MOVIE WITH YOU  
GG: aaaw, you are so sweet damara  
AA: YES DAMARA SWEET GIRL  
AA: BUT I GO NOW  
AA: NEED A SMOKE  
CG: YOU KNOW THAT ERR…. SMOKING IS BAD FOR YOU RIGHT?  
AA: DON’T CARE  
AA: FEEL GOOD  
AA: SEE YOU SOON  
CG: YEAH RIGHT SO UHM…. TAKE CARE?  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3  
AA: THANK  
AA: YOU TOO

\--antisocialArbiter [AA] left memo--

UU: i certainly feel inspired now.  
UU: this movie has lifted my spirits and given me so many ideas in regards to pairings yoU have not a clUe.  
UU: that being said i woUld like to remain in the stream to see if I coUld sUcceed in choosing the next cinematic ventUre.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned uraniunUmbra [UU] from memo--

GG: karkat!  
CG: WHAT?!  
GG: why did you ban her?  
GG: she didn’t do anything wrong!  
CG: HUH?  
CG: OH.  
CG: WELL, FORCE OF HABBIT I GUESS.  
GG: :(  
CG: LOOK, ALL YOU FUCKERS ALREADY PICKED A MOVIE ANYWAY SO I MIGHT AS WELL TAKE THE HELM AND CHOOSE THE NEXT FILM MYSELF.  
AT: oH WELL UHM, rEMIND ME THAT I HAVE THAT OTHER THING I NEED TO GO TO NEXT WEEK,  
AT: aT THAT ONE PLACE, WITH THOSE PEOPLE,  
CG: ARE YOU SASSING ME NITRAM!?  
AT: tHAT IS UHM, dEFINITELY WHAT i AM DOING NOW,  
AT: bECAUSE THE HUMAN NOTEBOOK DOES NOT SOUND LIKE A VERY GOOD TIME,

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned adiosToreador [AT] from memo--

CG: THE NOTEBOOK IS A FUCKING CLASSIC AND I WONT HEAR A BAD WORD ABOUT IT, UNDERSTOOD?!  
CG: FURTHER PROOF THAT YOU BULGELICKING SPUNKMAGGOTS *NEED* ME TO PICK THE NEXT MOVIE.  
CG: IT’S ONLY FAIR RIGHT?!  
CG: I AM THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAS YET HAD THE FUCKING PRIVILIGE TO HOST A MOVIE NIGHT, DESPITE THIS BEING MY STREAM FROM DAY 1!!!!  
GC: D4Y TWO 4CTU4LLY  
CG: WHAT!?  
GC: VR1SK4 HOST3D TH3 F1RST MOV13 N1GHT 1N H3R OWN STR34M  
CG: SEMANTICS.  
GC: 4ND YOU 4R3 NOT TH3 ONLY P3RSON WHO H4S Y3T TO P1CK 4 MOV13 >:]  
CG: OH.  
CG: FUCK.  
TT: So I take it we’re out of the running altogether?  
CG: YEAH, YOU CAN PISS OFF.  
TT: Sweet. Equius, what are you doing right now?  
CT: D--> I am sorry my sweet  
CT: D--> I made prior arrangements with Nepeta  
AC: :33< no its no biggie  
AC: :33< you two should definitely m33t up and maybe make out a little a lot  
TT: Uh huh……  
TT: So Jade, what are you doing right now?  
GG: nothing in particular  
GG: why?  
TT: Want me to criticize the schematics for your transportalizers?  
GG: do you want me to teleport you to outer space?  
TT: Cool. I’ll be there in a sec.

\--timeausTestified [TT] left memo--

GG: welp, there it goes :/  
GG: i better tidy up a bit  
AC: :33< are you two going black fur each other?  
GG: what?  
GG: no, no, not at all  
GG: i mean, why would you even think that?  
AC: :33< its just that you s33m to have this sort of rivalry going on  
GG: dirk is just being an ass as always  
GG: anyway karkat, I’ll see you soon!  
GG: have fun with terezi!  
CG: UUUUUUGH, MY HEADACHE IS ALREADY RETURNING TO ME!

\--gardenGnostic [GG] left memo--

CT: D--> Nepeta, shall we be off?  
AC: :33< going off we shall!  
AC: :33< s33 you soon karkat  
AC: :33< good luck purezi  
GC: BY3 N3P3T4 >:]

\--arsenicCatnip [AC] left memo--  
\--centaursTesticle [CT] left memo--

GC: W3LL TH3N  
GC: 1 SUGG3ST YOU GO SL33P OFF YOUR H34D4CH3 4ND L3T M3 WORRY 4BOUT TH3 N3XT MOV13  
CG: FUCK NO.  
GC: COM3 ON, 1T W1LL B3 FUN  
CG: I HAVE NEVER BEEN LESS COMPELLED TO DO ANYTHING IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.  
GC: 1 DON’T G3T WHY YOU 4R3 M4K1NG SUCH 4 B1G D34L OUT OF TH1S  
GC: YOU H4V3 L3T 3V3RYON3 3LS3 P1CK  
GC: YOU H4V3 L3T 3R1D4N P1CK  
GC: 3R1D4N  
GC: WHY DO3S H3 G3T TO P1CK WH1L3 1 R3M41N W1THOUT 4 P1CK  
GC: 1 4M P1CKL3SS  
CG: OKAY, LETTING AMPORA PICK WAS A MISTAKE. I ACKNOWLEDGE THIS AS A MISTAKE I MADE WHILE BEING MY HORRIBLE PAST SELF.  
GC: SO WH3N 4M 1 SUPPOS3D TO G3T TO P1CK >:/  
CG: YOU AREN’T.  
GC: WHY NOT?  
CG: OKAY LOOK. I HAVE TOO MUCH OF A FUCKING HEADACHE DO DEAL WITH YOUR INANE WHINING RIGHT NOW.  
CG: HOW ABOUT WE CONTINUE THIS DUMB CONVERSATION NEVER?  
CG: OR AT THE VERY LEAST POSTPONE IT TILL TOMORROW.  
GC: QU1T B31NG SUCH 4N 1NCR3D1BL3 WR1GGL3R  
GC: D33R GOD  
GC: S33 WH4T 1 D1D TH3R3?  
CG: I DID AND I DO NOT CARE FOR IT.  
GC: B4H  
GC: DO YOU N33D M3 TO 4SK MRS M3G1DO B4CK 1NTO TH3 M3MO?  
CG: THE FUCK IS ARADIA GOING TO DO?  
GC: TRY TO D3FL3CT MY CL3V3R COMM3NT 4S YOU L1K3 K4RK4T  
GC: 1 SM3LL3D TH3 W4Y YOU W3R3 COMMUN1C4T1NG W1TH MRS M3G1DO  
CG: TEREZI, I SWEAR TO FUCK.  
CG: IF I DISCOVER THAT *YOU* WERE THE ONE TO SEND ME THAT BLIND DATE INVITATION I WILL LITERALLY CULL YOU.  
GC: G4SP  
GC: SO SOM3ON3 1S 4LR34DY TRY1NG TO S3T YOU UP W1TH MRS M3G1DO?  
GC: HOW SC4ND4LOUS >:]  
CG: AND GUESS WHAT!?  
CG: A) THAT SHIT STILL HAS SO LITTLE TO DO WITH YOU THAT EVEN WITH YOUR DUMB FUCKING SMELL-O-SCOPE PERIPHERAL, YOU STILL WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO DETECT IT.  
CG: AND B) ALL CLUES ARE CURRENTLY LEADING STRAIGHT TO YOU!  
GC: CLU3 NUMB3R ON3, TH3 M4TCHM4K3R 1S 4N 1MPOST3R  
CG: TEREZI!  
GC: K4RK4T!  
CG: DO NOT TELL *ANYONE* ABOUT THIS THING WITH DAMARA.  
GC: SO YOU *DO* HAVE F33L1NGS FOR H3R!  
CG: NO I DON’T SHUT UP!  
GC: M3 TH1NKS TH3 L4DY DOTH PROT3ST TOO MUCH  
CG: UUUUUGH MY THINKPAN!!!!!  
CG: IF I LET YOU PICK A MOVIE NEXT WEEK WILL YOU STOP BLABBERING ON ABOUT THIS?!  
GC: COMPL3T3LY 4ND 1MM3D14T3LY  
CG: GOOD. ALSO, NOT A WORD TO FUCKING ANYONE ABOUT THIS THING THAT DOES NOT EXIST BETWEEN ME AND MEGIDO, UNDERSTOOD?!  
GC: F1N3  
GC: NO N33D TO B3 SUCH 4 GRUMP 4BOUT 1T  
CG: I AM NOT GRUMPY!

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] left memo--  
\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] left memo--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longest chapter to date. Man what a beast. Fully coded it's almost 17.000 words! Almost didn't do that last edit because I really liked the original image but we're here for laughs damnit. Silly images away!
> 
> Dirk protected Calliope from Cronus's flirtations to avoid him insulting her on her looks when he'd figure out she's a cherub. Nepeta was more than capable of ignoring Cronus's flirtations but thought it was a romantic gesture of Equius to do it for her.
> 
> Movies with Karkat will take a hiatus. These chapters take a lot of time to make and even longer now that I work an internship. Secret Hearts Club of Secrets, Movies with Karkat Minisodes and the Milestone Giveaway fics will continue however. These take up a lot less time. You can check out [my tumblr](http://anon--h.tumblr.com/) if you want to know more about the last 5 movies.
> 
> When we return however, we'll dive right into balls-to-the-wall action. The third special chapter wherein we'll see the crew react on either The Exxxpendables or Pacific Rimjob.
> 
> *Upset he didn't see the viewercount go to 12345*
> 
> **Seriously, thanks for reading**


	20. Minisode: Batman: Dark Knight

CG: GAH!!!  
CG: WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE FUCKING MURDERCLOWNS *AGAIN*?!  
GC: CR1M1N4LS K1LL1NG OTH3R CR1M1N4LS  
GC: C4RRY ON MOV13 >:]  
AG: Pah, what happened to hoooooooonor among thieves?  
GC: CR1M3 DO3S NOT P4Y!  
AG: Except for this guy o8viously.  
EB: yeah, this is the joker.  
EB: played by the late Heath Ledger.  
CG: WHAT USE IS IT TO HIDE YOUR FACE BEHIND A MASK ÁND BEHIND AN EXPLOSION OF CHEAP MAKE-UP?!  
GA: So People Will Not Assume It Is Him Perhaps  
CG: HE COULD HAVE DONE THAT BY ORDERING EVERYONE TO WEAR MAKE-UP INSTEAD!!!  
AG: Aint noooooooo8ody got time for that.  
GT: Regardless, this dastardly scoundrel gets away by himself after successfully robbing the bank and murdering his co-conspirators in cold blood.  
GC: 4ND NO ON3 NOT1C3S TH3 SCHOOLBUS PULL1NG OUT OF TH3 SCHOOLBUS SH4P3D HOL3 1N TH3 R3C3NTLY ROBB3D B4NK?  
GC: D1D TH1S GROUP OF 1D3NT1C4L BUSS3S JUST W41T FOR H1M TO F1N1SH H1S ROBB3RY SO H3 COULD BL3ND 1N >:?

TT: Batman continuing the proud tradition of beating up people poorer than him.  
EB: i don’t think anyone is richer than batman…. though maybe tony stark?  
EB: now that is a battle i would like to see.  
TT: Money is the best super power. My point stands though: this is borderline class warfare.  
GT: Surely you mean he is taking down Gotham’s crime by inspiring fear into the hearts of the wicked?  
TT: The only thing he inspires is a batboot to the head.  
GA: Why Is He Declining The Help Of These Imitators  
EB: basically because it is a dangerous job and not everyone is fortunate enough to have ninja training.  
AG: Also 8ecause they are new8s and are cramping his style.  
EB: heh, well maybe?  
CG: THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL THIS FUCKTRUMPET CAN DROP ON A CAR FROM THAT HEIGHT AND WALK AWAY WITHOUT A SCRATCH!  
GT: Yes he bloody damn well can.  
CG: HOW?! WHY?!  
GT: Because he is Batman.

GA: So Here We See Bruce Wayne Who Lives A Secret Double Life As Flapbeast Man  
GT: Batman, yes.  
GA: The Dark Haired Woman Is His Ex Matesprit  
GT: Also correct  
GA: And She Now Dates Ace Legislacerator Harvey Dent While Bruce Batman Dates A Super Model  
GT: Indeed.  
GA: It Is A Bit Much To Take In All At Once  
GA: Should I Assume The Relation Between Bruce And This Model Will Blossom Over The Course Of The Movie  
TT: Hahahahahahahaha. Yes, definitely assume that Maryam.  
GC: 1 4M MOR3 1NT3R3ST3D 1N MR D3NT 4ND H1S L3G1SL4C3R4T1NG W4YS  
AG: 8ecause it’s aaaaaaaalways legislacerating with you……..

AG: Would it 8e 8ad to want more Joker screen time and less 8atman?  
CG: SERKET WANTS TO BE INSPIRED BY THE COMPLETELY IRREDEEMABLE PSYCHOPATH, HANDS UP IF YOU’RE SURPRISED.  
CG: WHAT’S THAT?!  
CG: NO ONE!?  
AG: Uuuuuuuugh, not like that you diaper shitting wriggler.  
AG: 8ut he is so much more interesting than 8atman.  
GT: But he is Batman.  
AG: Oh gee. I wonder whether or not he’ll solve his pro8lems 8y punching them really hard again.  
EB: he does tend to do that a lot….  
GC: 4ND 1 BEGRUDG1NGLY 4DM1T H3 1S PR3TTY CH4R1SM4T1C  
CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD ONE DERRANGED MURDERCLOWN BE MORE EFFECTIVE AT KILLING A VIGILANTE THAN AN ENTIRE MOB!?

GC: TH3 JOK3R CR4SH3S 4N 3L1T3 P4RTY 4ND TOSS3S FL4PB34ST BRUC3’S 3X M4T3SPR1T OUT OF 4 W1NDOW  
GC: HOW 3XC1T1NG >:]  
GT: The monologue about his scars is particularly haunting, wouldn’t you agree?  
CG: WAIT A BULGESUCKING MINUTE!!!!  
CG: HOW THE FUCK ARE FLAPBEASTMAN AND THE DAMSEL NOT TURNED INTO A VERY CHUNKY SOUP WHEN THEY HIT THE GROUND?!  
GT: Grappling hook?  
GC: 1 D1DN’T SM3LL H1M US1NG TH4T  
GT: Batcape turns to batglider?  
GC: D1DN’T US3 TH4T 31TH3R  
GT: Because he’s Batman?  
CG: OH!!!  
CG: WELL PARDON ME FOR NOT SUSPENDING MY DISBLIEF TO THE POINT WERE PEOPLE JUMP OUT OF FUCKING TOWERS WITH HUMAN ISAAC NEWTON JUST GIVING THEM A REASSURING WINK, TELLING THEM HE’LL TURN OF THE FUCKING GRAVITY FOR A FUCKING SECOND!!!!  
TT: For a movie that takes itself so seriously, it’s really kind of stupid.

CG: OOOW…… OUCH…..  
CG: MY POOR THINKPAN…… I CAN FEEL IT ATTEMPTING TO EVACUATE THE PREMISES……  
GT: Is there something wrong?  
AG: Yeah, this is 8eyoooooooond stupid.  
GT: I do not follow.  
TT: Allow me to elaborate. Batman essentially tries to recreate a crime scene to lift fingerprints of a shattered bullet stuck in a wall.  
GT: What’s wrong with that?  
GC: 4S1D3 FROM TH3 F4CT TH4T TH3 F1NG3R PR1NT SHOULDN’T 3V3N B3 TH3R3 B3C4US3 MOST P3OPL3 H4NDL3 TH3 C4S1NG NOT TH3 4CTU4L BULL3T?  
GC: OR TH3 F4CT TH4T TH3 HEAT CR34T3D UPON F1R1NG COULD 34S1LY 3R4S3 TH3 PR1NT?  
GC: N3V3R M1ND TH3 1MP4CT W1TH TH3 W4LL OR TH3 W4RP1NG OF TH3 M3T4L  
AG: How could he even fucking do this?  
GT: Because he’s Batman?

EB: just imagine how much shorter this movie would have been if he just ran over the joker right now.  
GT: But he is Batman!  
GT: Batman doesn’t take lives.  
EB: no but it doesn’t have to kill them.   
EB: and have you seen batman begins? he doesn’t necessarily need to save people either.  
TT: He just doesn't want to get his hands dirty.  
GA: This Is Not A Problem That Can Not Be Solved With A Chainsaw  
GC: TH4T 1S YOUR 4NSW3R FOR 3V3RYTH1NG  
GA: Only Maniacal And Dangerous Clowns I Assure You

GA: I Am Surprised  
GA: The Joker Actually Successfully Killed The Damsel And Critically Wounded Mr Dent  
GC: NOT TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR!  
TT: See, there is this dichotomy I just do not comprehend.  
AG: Oh THIS must 8e good. Strider admitting he doesn’t understand something.  
TT: Yes, also shut up.  
TT: The point I was going to make is that they pretend that Batman and the Joker are these great opposites to each other, right?  
TT: Joker even claims so himself right now.  
GT: Yes, they have that entire order and chaos doohickey going on.  
TT: Right, except they don’t. Joker, being a chaotic evil character would not have a chaotic good character as his mirror opposite.  
GT: Nonsense, Batman isn’t chaotic.  
TT: You mean his trip to Asia to illegally capture someone outside of the police’s jurisdiction was a lawful action? Batman is neutral good at best and chaotic neutral at worst.  
GT: How has he ever been chaotic neutral?  
TT: Frank Miller’s all star Batman and Robin.  
EB: is this hal speaking or are you really that much of a geek?  
TT: The point is, for all extents and purposes the true mirror opposite of the Joker would be commissioner Gordon. That being a whole less exciting however they pretend there is something cosmic and grand between him and Batman.  
AG: Is this shipping? 8ecause it is starting to sound like shipping.  
GC: 1 JUST L1K3 TH3 SC3N3 FOR TH3 1NT3RROG4T1NG *4ND* TH3 SH1PP1NG  
CG: YOU ARE PURE FILTH!

EB: hi two-face.

EB: bye two-face.

CG: AND NOW FLAPBEASTMAN IS BIG LUSUS, LITERALLY CAPABLE OF SPYING *EVERYWHERE* IN THE CITY!  
CG: PRIVACY IS DEAD AND FLAPBEASTMAN KILLED IT!  
GC: BUT H3 DO3S 1T TO K33P 3V3RYON3 S4F3!  
GC: 4ND MORG4N FR33M4N 1S D3STROY1NG TH3 D3V1C3 ONC3 TH3 JOK3R G3TS C4UGHT 4NYW4Y SO WH4T 1S TH3 B1G D34L  
AG: I am just confused as to why only that one guy figured out 8ruce Wayne is flap8eastman.  
AG: All this tech must cost a foooooooortune so there should only 8e like three people in the whole city who could either 8e 8atman or sponsor him.  
CG: IF SERKET IS A BETTER DETECTIVE THAN THE ENTIRETY OF GOTHAM THAN SOMETHING IS WRONG!  
EB: yeah, im pretty sure they have the same education system as metropolis…  
TT: And you called me a geek.

CG: *THIS*  
CG: *IS*  
CG: *STUPID*  
CG: NO, SCRATCH THAT, ITS *BEYOND* STUPID!!!!  
CG: LETS RIG TWO BOATS WITH EXPLOSIVES AND GIVE EACH BOAT THE DETONATOR FOR THE OTHER. SURE, FINE PLAN. 10/10 WOULD TERRORIZE AGAIN.  
CG: ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT NOT A SINGLE SOUL ON EITHER BOAT WOULD TRY TO STEAL THE DETONATOR TO SAVE THEIR OWN SKIN?! REALLY?! HUMANS ARE JUST THÁT INHERENTLY NOBLE!?  
GT: Well they aren’t but there are policemen keeping order on both boats.  
CG: LOOK ME IN THE FUCKING EYE AND TELL ME THAT NONE OF THEM WOULD TRY TO SAVE THEIR OWN SKIN EITHER!  
CG: FOR AS FAR AS THE FOLKS ON THE TOURIST BOAT KNOW, THE CUTTHROATS HAVE ALREADY REVOLTED AND TAKEN OVER THEIR BOAT, COUNTING DOWN TO PUSHING THEIR BUTTON!  
CG: THIS IS NOT A RISK ANYONE WOULD TAKE!!!  
CG: AND THEN THEY BOTH THROW AND/OR BREAK THEIR DETONATORS!? FUCK THAT!!!  
GA: It Is An Interesting Dilemma To Watch  
GC: NO 1T WOULD B3 OV3R 1N S3CONDS 4FT3R 31TH3R BO4T R3VOLT3D 4ND TOOK TH3 D3TON4TOR  
GC: WOULDN’T 1T B3 FUNNY THOUGH 1F 1T TURN3D OUT TH3Y W3R3 R1GG3D TO TH31R OWN BO4T 1NST34D?  
GA: That Would Actually Prove The Jokers Point Much More Accurately Yes

CG: BUT NO, THAT WOULD BE TOO INTERESTING!!  
GT: So the Joker gets captured, Batman gets blamed for Harvey Dent’s death and becomes a fugitive and Bruce Wayne remains very lonely.  
EB: that is until dark knight rises.  
TT: Which is dumb in its own way.  
GT: I do not understand why you say it’s dumb. Personally, I adore the movie.  
GC: Y34H 1T’S PR3TTY FUN 4CTU4LLY  
GC: 1 WOULD L1K3 TO S33 TH3 OTH3R MOV13S 4BOUT FL4PB34STM4N  
CG: I ON THE OTHER HAND FEEL STUPIDER FOR WATCHING IT!  
GC: YOU JUST H4T3 FUN  
CG: NO I DON’T!!!  
EB: you kind of do karkat  
EB: but that’s okay. you’re hilarious that way.  
CG: MY UNSEETHING RAGE IS NOT A JOKE EGBERT!!!!  
GA: I Thought It Was A Very Well Done Movie  
GA: Even Though I Feel A Lot Of Its Nuance Was Lost To Me  
GT: Say Dirk, John, Karkat.  
GT: Me and Eridan were planning to host a merry little get together. I found a movie I am sure everyone will enjoy.  
CG: ANOTHER GHOSTRIDERS FLICK?! CONSIDER ME OUT!!!  
GT: No, no. Nothing like Ghost Rider.  
GT: Well, save for the pulse pounding action of course.  
EB: oh, well… i’ll have to see if i’m not too busy then.  
EB: nepeta and roxy never really announce their plans and just kind of drag me along for the ride most of the time.  
TT: When were you planning this?  
TT: It’s not like I’m doing anything in particular the next couple of days but it would still be very convenient to know the whens and wheres.  
AG: What a8out uuuuuuuus?  
AG: Aren’t WE invited?!  
GT: Well…. Eridan kind of insisted on making this a men’s gathering.  
AG: 8ah!  
AG: So aaaaaaaall the nerds will 8e gathered in one place.  
AG: May8e we’ll just host our own movie night!  
GC: OH M4YB3 W3 SHOULD >:]  
GA: That Actually Sounds Kind Of Fun  
CG: MAYBE I SHOULD FUCKING CLOSE THIS MEMO AND CALL IN SICK ON BOTH THOSE OCASSIONS!  
GT: What?  
GT: No, you definitely have to attend. Eridan was quite insistent that you join the movie.  
CG: UUUUUGHH…  
CG: I AM GOING TO REGRET THIS SHIT, I JUST KNOW IT.  
AG: Yuuuuuuuup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorty for my milestone giveaway because I was annoyed at the quality I get when uploading the minisodes to tumblr. Hope you enjoy it Anon. If you have an account on here, please announce yourself so I can gift it.
> 
> Regardless, Movies with Karkat will soon return to its regular programming. There are two more short stories in my giveaway bank I need to write: black smut and a pale threesome. In between I also plan to write two more chapters of my shipping oddyssey. So Black smut->SHCS->hot nsfw pale action->SHCS->Movies with Karkat->SHCS->Movies with Karkat->SHCS-Movies with Karkat, repeat till finished.
> 
> As for the Dark Knight, I really enjoyed it. It just really isn't as realistic as pretends to be, as I tried to illustrate here. Funnily enough it woke my love for superhero stuff again, which resulted in me becoming a big Marvel fanboy (because seriously, fuck Throne of Atlantis). Can DC please get a superhero other than Batman right in the movies? I mean, The Flash tv series is great and though Constantine is a bit tame, they really nail the character. Arrow has reinvented the Green Arrow but inadvertently turned him into Batman as well, so I am not sure how much I like that but the fact that he can just hang out with the Flash shows so much more confidence from those projects. Honestly, they lost the edge in the animation game as well since the reboot. Both JL War and ToA sucked and...... Sorry, what was I talking about?
> 
> Anyway, you can [follow me on tumblr](anon--h.tumblr.com) for random musings and updates. If that is your kind of thing. No pressure.


	21. Pacific Rim

\--golgothasTerror [GT] opened memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS--

GT: Jolly day to you all, friends, colleagues and moirail.   
GT: By jove, does it feel like it has been a dog’s age since we last enjoyed a cinematic venture together. Granted, it’s only been 3 days but I suppose I have been rather busy.  
GT: On Eridan’s suggestion we are doing a midweek movie night, just for us fellows. Not to imply that the girls are unsuited for this kind of film, we just thought it’d be fun to organize something in a boys-only kinda way.  
GT: That and I believe Terezi and Vriska have taken it upon themselves to plan a similar activity.  
GT: Regardless, prepare for your jimmies to be rustled, your berries to be razzled and for your goat to be seriously gotten because this movie is truly off the hook!   
GT: This should be right up everyone’s alley, with pulse pounding action and incredibly emotional and touching scenes.  
GT: Have I mentioned this film is about giant robots beating the absolute snot out of equally giant aliens?  
GT: I can literally not think of a single reason to not see this movie.  
GT: Dare I say this is even better than Ghost Rider?  
GT: Darn skippy I do!

\--timeausTestified [TT] joined memo--

TT: There are a lot of things better than Ghost Rider.  
TT: Every other movie we’ve watched, being in a six hour car ride with Vantas, Serket and Pyrope, getting your teeth pulled out, getting rusty nails hammered in your tendons.  
TT: Anyway, sup Jake, how’s it going?  
GT: Good day Dirk!  
GT: I trust you have been well?  
TT: A bit of a quarrel with the bae, you know how that goes.  
GT: Oh. That’s unfortunate.  
GT: Nothing too serious I hope?  
TT: Nah, probably not worth getting worked up over.  
TT: Just a difference in artistic vision regarding our monuments to the mane six.  
GT: You mean those giant pony effigy’s you’ve created?  
TT: Correct.  
GT: I suppose I do not understand art.  
TT: It’s cool.  
TT: So you and Ampora….  
TT: How’d that happen?  
GT: A little sudden and a little overwhelming but all in all an incredibly positive development.  
GT: We hung out, talked about all kinds of stuff and engaged in what he referred to as a feelingsjam.  
GT: I didn’t know getting a moirail would function as such a miraculous boost of moral. I would heartily recommend you consider it.  
TT: Noted.  
GT: That and it’s a lot of fun.  
TT: Again, noted.

\--undyingUmbrage [uu] joined memo--

uu: GREETINGS, YOu INSIGNIFICANT SPECKS ON THE TIMELINE!  
uu: I HAVE DECIDED TO GRACE YOu ALL WITH MY PRESENCE, MOSTLY OuT OF MY OWN uNDYING HATRED FOR EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOu FuCKERS.  
uu: IT WILL MAKE THE INEVITABILITY OF YOUR DEMISE TASTE THAT MuCH SWEETER!  
uu: WE ARE TALKING TEETH ROTTINGLY SACCHARINE!!  
uu: YOuR TEETH WILL ROT AND FALL OuT AND WITH ANY LuCK IT WILL LEAD TO AN INFECTION TO KILL YOu JuST A BIT MORE PAINFuL!!  
TT: Sup.  
uu: DIRK. WE MEET AGAIN.  
uu: AS WELL AS THE JAKE ENGLISH!  
uu: PREPARE YOuRSELF FOR YOUR INEVITABLE OBLITERATION AT THE HANDS OF THE TRuE LORD OF TIME, YOU IGNORANT FuCKTRuMPETS!  
TT: Calm your shit.  
TT: Unless something crazy happened, you are still powerless.  
uu: THEN THE JOKE IS ON YOu, DIRK, FOR I HAVE RECOVERED ONE OF THE JuJu’S!  
uu: AND ONCE I COMPLETELY uNDERSTAND ITS PuRPOSE, I SHALL uSE IT TO DESTROY YOu AND EVERYTHING YOu EVER HELD, HOLD AND WILL HOLD DEAR!   
GT: Not that crazy lollipop again.  
GT: That was definitely not a good time.  
TT: I was more afraid of having to deal with lil Cal yet again.  
uu: ONCE AGAIN YOU PROVE YOuRSELVES TO BE NOT ONLY uGLY BuT ALSO INSuFFERABLY STuPID!  
uu: THE LOLLIPOP IS POSSIBLY ONE OF THE WEAKEST JuJu’S I HAVE EVER HAD IN MY POSSESSION AND I DON’T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT ANYMORE!  
uu: WHAT I RECOVERED IS FAR MORE SINISTER!  
TT: And you are just dying to tell us, aren’t you?  
uu: I WAS GETTING TO THAT!  
uu: FOR YOu SEE, I HAVE RECOVERED THE MYTHICAL TIME TRAVELING JuJu!  
uu: PREPARE FOR THE FABRIC OF TIME AND SPACE TO BE THOROuGHLY FuCKED BY ME ONCE AGAIN!  
GT: I am so out of the loop in regards to these juju doohickeys. How do they function?  
uu: EACH JuJu IS uNIQUE, SO EACH HAS ITS OWN FuNCTION AND ITS OWN RuLES TO FOLLOW! AS FOR THIS PARTICuLAR JuJu….  
uu: FOR IT TO WORK, I NEED TO GET INSIDE OF THE JuJu AND WAIT TILL IT BRINGS ME INTO THE FuTuRE!  
uu: IT ALSO BAKES SINFuLLY DELECTABLE HuMAN CONFECTIONS!  
TT: So have you used it to time travel yet?  
uu: DuH!  
uu: BY WAITING SIXTY SECONDS INSIDE OF THE JuJu, IT TAKES ME A MINuTE INTO THE FuTuRE!  
uu: IT SHALL TAKE SOME PATIENCE TO LET IT WORK FOR LONGER JuMPS BUT I AS YOu KNOW, I AM A PATIENT MAN!  
TT: Of course….  
GT: That sounds like it isn’t exactly the most productive means of time travel.  
uu: OH I AM SORRY. SINCE YOu HAVE APPARENTLY BECOME AN EXPERT ON THE SuBJECT OF TIME AND THE TRAVELING THERE THROuGH, WHY DO YOu NOT EXPLAIN THE MINuTE DETAILS OF MY NEW JuJu!  
GT: Well, it kinda sounds like a regular oven to me, but then what do I know?  
uu: NOTHING IS EXACTLY ALL THAT YOu KNOW!  
TT: Sounds unreasonable.  
uu: SILENCE!!!  
uu: ONCE I FIGuRE OUT HOW TO ABuSE ITS POWERS TO GO BACK IN TIME, THERE WILL BE NO STOPPING ME. I SHALL BE VICTORIOuS AND ONCE AGAIN REIGN SuPREME!  
uu: EXISTENCE ITSELF SHALL BECOME MY MOST SuCCuLuNT BITCH!  
TT: Uh huh…..  
GT: Is this as pointless as it sounds?  
TT: Yes.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] joined memo--

CG: OH MY GOD NO!  
CG: I AM NOT WATCHING ANOTHER TRAINWRECK OF A JAKE ENGLISH MOVIE.  
CG: NOT WITH STRIDER AND CERTAINLY NOT WITH SHITLORD GOFUCKYOURSELF!  
GT: Hi Karkat!  
CG: WHY ARE YOU IDIOTS INVITING HIM OF ALL PEOPLE?!  
CG: AM I THE ONLY ONE SANE ENOUGH TO *ACTUALLY* REMEMBER WHAT THIS ASSHOLE HAS CAUSED?!  
CG: FOR FUCK’S SAKE, HE SHOULD BE DEAD! WHY ISN’T HE DEAD!?  
uu: I CANNOT BE KILLED! I LIVE ONLY TO DESTROY!  
CG: OF FUCKING COURSE!  
uu: IF IT IS ANY CONSOLATION, VANTAS KNIGHT, YOu AMUSE ME.  
uu: THEREFORE, I SHALL KILL YOu LAST!  
CG: OH WELL THAT’S JUST FUCKING PERFECT! I AMUSE THE BANE OF REALITY ITSELF!  
CG: THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I DO NOT WANT THIS STREAM TO GO ANY FURTHER THAN THIS!  
CG: WE ARE CLOSING SHOP FOR TODAY. NO MOVIE, NO CONVERSATIONS WITH THE GUY WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE COUNTLESS DEATHS OF OUR ALTERNATE REALITY GHOSTS.  
CG: WE ARE LEAVING THIS MESS BEHIND AND WAIT FOR PYROPE TO PICK HER MOVIE NEXT WEEK!  
uu: I AM AFRAID I CAN’T LET YOu DO THAT VANTAS!  
uu: YOu SEE, I WANT TO PLAY A LITTLE GAME!  
CG: WELL THAT’S TOO BAD BECAUSE I REALLY HAVE NEVER BEEN *LESS* MOTIVATED TO DO ANYTHING IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.  
CG: SERIOUSLY, WHERE ARE PYROPE AND MARYAM, THEY’LL BACK ME UP ON THIS!  
GT: Oh uhm… They aren’t coming.  
CG: WHAT!?  
GT: I thought it’d be amusing to organize this stream just for the boys, you know?  
GT: Make it a special occasion to celebrate the moiraillegiance betwixt me and Eridan?  
CG: HOW THE FUCK DID THAT CRIME AGAINST QUADRANTS EVEN OCCUR!?  
GT: Is it so odd?  
GT: Seriously asking this, not a snide remark.  
CG: YES!  
CG: YES IT IS!  
CG: HOW DOES THIS EVEN WORK!? HAVE YOU EVEN *MET* ERIDAN!?  
GT: Alright, little rude.  
GT: Eridan himself suggested he wanted to aid me into becoming a little more skeptical.  
GT: Truth be told, I think he just wanted to go on wild adventures into the unknown with me.  
TT: Phrasing.  
CG: THAT DOESN’T EXPLAIN ANYTHING!  
GT: Well sorry, I am not entirely sure what you expect to hear.

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] joined memo--

CA: seriously kar lay off  
CG: FUCK NO!  
uu: EXCuSE YOu, YOu INSuFFERABLE MOuTHBREATHERS!!!  
uu: I AM STILL HERE AND DEMAND YOuR ATTENTION!!!  
CA: basically jake here obvviously need someone to balance out his tastelessness and the fact that he is kind to a fault  
CA: i bring that balance  
GT: What? I have the best taste.  
CA: jake please  
CA: kanaya wwould wweep if she caught you wwearin socks in sandals  
GT: It is comfortable.  
CA: it is classless  
CG: YEAH, THAT’S WHAT YOU TRIED TO SELL US EARLIER AS WELL. DIDN’T STICK THEN, DOESN’T STICK NOW!!!  
uu: I AM STILL HERE! BEHOLD MY GLORY!!  
CA: anywway ill havve you knoww that jake is responsible for one a the best feelinsjams i evver had and that fef can totally suck it  
TT: Phrasing.  
GT: Come on Eridan. Don’t tear into Feferi when she can’t defend herself.  
CA: doesn’t mean she can suck it any less  
GT: I know I do not fully understand kismesissitude but we *have* been over this, right?  
CA: fine, fine  
CG: OH MY GOD, I WAS RIGHT.  
CA: wwhat?  
CG: YOU REALLY DON’T INTEND TO BE THE PACIFYING PARTY!  
CG: HAHAHAHAHAHA, YOU NEED JAKE TO KEEP YOU IN LINE!!! OH MY GOD, THIS IS GOLD!  
CG: THIS IS FUCKING HILARIOUS. SCREW WATCHING WHATEVER MOVIE WE HAD LINED UP, THIS IS ALL THE ENTERTAINMENT VALUE I NEED.  
CA: can wwe maybe not discuss this?  
uu: YES I AGREE!!!  
uu: LET US FOCuS MORE ON THE TENDERNESS YOu EXPERIENCED DURING THIS ALLEGED FEELINGSJAM!!!  
CA: oh god  
uu:   
CG: I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE YOU TOOK ENGLISH AS YOUR MOIRAIL!  
CA: at least i recognize that i need a moirail  
TT: Ouch.  
CG: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?

\--twistedAftermath [TA] joined memo--

TA: WH47 7H3 FUCK UP B147CHH35?!?!?!?!  
CG: OH GOD….  
TA: W3 4R3 R34DY G01NG 70 W47CH 4 P13C3 0F5H17 M0V13 H3LLS5 Y34H!!!  
TA: BR1NG 17 ON F1G7 M3!!!!  
TA: W3 4R3 BR1NGK1NG 7H15 P4R7Y 7HR0UGH 7H3 R00F!!!!  
TA: FRRAAGUEHABBB!!!!!  
CG: I CAN NOT BELIEVE I AM ABOUT TO SAY THIS, BUT I HONESTLY PREFER THE OTHER CAPTOR.  
CA: i don’t think that i do  
TA: 0F C0UR5TH 7H47 GUY H3 1S 7H3 B17CH 71773D L33R0Y J3NK1NS!!!!!  
CA: that being said  
CA: he is incredibly annoying  
TA: FUCKKING Y0U!!  
uu: OH I LIKE THIS ONE!!!  
uu: YES, VANTAS THE STRIDERS AND THIS ONE WILL BE THE LAST REMAINING ORGANISMS I SHALL ALLOW TO LIVE..  
TA: 5H17 Y35TH!!!!  
uu: YES. TOGETHER WE SHALL BE THE COOLEST BRO’S, BITCHES NOT REQuIRED.  
uu: THAT AND YOu WILL BE TORMENTED FOR MY OWN AMuSEMENT!!!  
TA: o:(

\--centaursTesticle [CT] joined memo--

CT: D--> Greetings  
CT: D--> I received your invitation Jake  
CT: D--> Many thanks for your consideration  
GT: You are welcome Equius  
GT: I wanted to make this a real boy’s night after all, so naturally I needed to include my best bro’s boyfriend.  
TT: Sup.  
CT: D--> Dirk  
CT: D--> Have you conceded on the designs yet?  
TT: No, I think creating alicorn Twilight Sparkle would be both impractical ánd against the theme we are trying to set. We agree that her evolution was an asspull anyway, so why not just stick with magic unicorn.   
CT: D--> And I insist that we maintain loyal to the current canon and dó create the alicorn incarnation of the character  
TA: WH47 BULL5H1775 15 7H15 3VV3N!?  
uu: DIRK, HAVE YOu BEEN TENDER WITH THIS INCREDIBLY FAMILIAR AND MuSCuLAR HORSE MAN YET!?  
TT: Shit yeah.  
uu: YOu SHALL MAKE A DRAWING OF THIS OCCuRANCE RIGHT THIS INSTANT!!!  
CT: D--> Can we not  
TT: Hey, if it keeps this asshole quiet for a bit.  
uu: HAH, AND ANOTHER INSINCERE HAH!  
uu: YOuR ART IS NOT NEARLY THE VALuABLE CONTRABAND YOu SEEM TO THINK IT IS!!!  
CT: D--> I w001d prefer art of my person remains private  
CT: D--> For private reasons  
uu: OH TRuST ME. IT WILL BE VERY PRIVATE!!!  
CT: D--> I feel very uncomfortable around you  
CT: D--> I do not know why  
uu: I DO!  
CG: HE HAS THAT EFFECT ON PEOPLE.  
TA: 4R3 W3 W47CCH1NG 4 M0V13F1LM 0R WH47 7H3 FUCK?!  
GT: In a moment. Not everyone has arrived yet.  
TA: 7AK35 50 FUCK1NNNG L0NG GR444H!!!

\--terminallyCapricious [TC] joined memo--

TC: DuDe, ThIs Is WiCkEd AwEsOmE!  
TC: ItS bEeN lIkE fOr mOtHeRfUcKiNg eVeR sInCe wE jUsT SaT dOwN aNd WaTcHeD a LiTtLe MiRaClE oF hUmAn CiNeMa.  
TC: MoNtHs I tElLs YoU.  
TC: CaN i GeT sOmE mOtHeRfUcKiNg HoNkS fOr ThIs BeAuTiFuL fUcKiNg ReViVaL?  
TC: HoNk HoNk :O)  
CA: gam its been like three days  
TC: NaH bRo  
TC: MoNtHs, MoThErFuCkInG pErIgReEs.  
CA: evveryone wwas wwatching neps fucking piece a shit movvie just a feww days ago!  
TC: ReAlLy?  
TC: ShIt BrO wHy wAsNt I mOtHeRfUcKiNg InViTeD? :O(  
CA: wwe don’t invvite you!  
CA: wwe nevver invvite anyone!  
CA: you KNOWW wwe never fuckin invvite anyone you ingrate!  
GT: Rude.  
CA: yeah yeah, im tryin  
CA: but this has been self-invvite from day fuckin one!  
TC: :O(  
TT: Come on guys. You make the clown sad.  
CT: D--> Splendid  
uu: YES. CONTINuE WITH SADDENING THE HONK FRIEND. IT PLEASES ME.  
TC: AaAaW mAn, DoNt Be LiKe ThAt.  
uu: DISTuRBINGLY, I KNOW THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I NEED TO BE TO ENSuRE THAT YOu uNDERSTAND THAT I DESPISE YOu!!  
uu: NO, DESPISE IS TOO WEAK A WORD. BEGONE FROM MY VOCABuLARY DESPISE, FOR I NEED ONLY THE STRONGEST EXPRESSIONS!!!  
CT: D--> I deem that a%eptable  
uu: CAREFuL, BECAuSE YOu ARE ON THE TOP OF THE SHITLIST AS WELL HORSE MAN!!  
uu: I NEED SOMETHING NEW TO EXPRESS JuST HOW MUCH I DISLIKE THE LOT OF YOu.  
uu: I HYPERATE YOU!!!  
uu: I OMNILOATHE YOU!!!! YES, THAT IS A GOOD ONE!  
TA: WHY 15 Y0U L1573N1NNG 70 7H1556 GR33N455 FU7H3RM0CK3R?!?!  
uu: CONTINuE MOCKING THE HORSE MAN AND THE HONK FRIEND TO EMPHASIZE HOW MuCH I OMNILOATHE THEM!!  
CA: im not takin orders from lord fuckin english  
CG: NO, ERIDAN JUST TAKES ORDERS FROM JACK ONCE THE FECES HITS THE WHIRLING DEVICE.  
CA: howw many times do i havve to apologize for that?  
CG: ONCE WOULD BE A GREAT FUCKING START!!  
GT: Now Karkat, perhaps you should calm down a little.  
GT: Eridan feels really bad about well….  
GT: Nearly everything that transpired during the game.  
CA: jake no  
CA: you are embarrasin me  
CG: WAIT, HE TOLD YOU THAT?  
CG: LIKE IN CONFIDENCE?!  
GT: Yes.  
CA: jake no  
GT: And he feels pretty sorry about a lot of things that happened.  
CA: no  
GT: Except for the part about the angels. He still feels completely justified in trying to kill them.  
CA: filthy fuckin angels  
TC: MaN, iT aInT yO fUcKiNg FaUlT eRiBrO.  
TC: LiKe, If AnGeLs WeRe GeTtInG aLl Up In My MoThErFuCkInG gRiLl, I mIgHt JuSt Go HaM aNd ClUb A mOtHeRfUcKeR, kNoW wHaT iM sAyInG?  
TA: 1 C0MPL373LY UND3R6574ND 3V3RY7H1NHG Y0UR S41D  
TC: HoNk :o)  
CA: jake can wwe maybe not discuss the results our vvery privvate feelingsjam in a public memo?  
CA: it is really kinda embarrassing  
GT: Oh drat. Am I committing a troll faux pas?  
CA: kinda  
CG: KINDA!  
CT: D--> Indeed  
TC: I dOnT kNoW bRo. LiKe, iF yOu KnOw In YoUr MoThErFuCkInG hEaRrT tHaT aLl Us MoThErFuCkErS nEeD To HeAr ThE gOoD nOiSe ThAn YoU pRoBaBlY sHoUlD.  
CT: D--> No  
TC: No?  
CT: D--> A feelingsjam is a highly private manner and sh001d indeed not be made public unless presented with critical circumstances  
CT: D--> The human is indeed committing a horrible fau% pas and sh001d apologize profusely  
CA: its really not that big a deal  
CA: and if it pisses off eq wwe’ll just hash this out durin our next jam  
CA: apology not needed  
GT: That’s swell.  
CG: PINCH ME. AMPORA IS BEING FORGIVING OF SOMEONE, THIS CAN NOT BE PHYSICALLY HAPPENING.  
GT: He really isn’t that bad a guy.  
CG: NO, HE REALLY IS!  
CG: MOST OF US FIGURED THIS OUT SWEEPS AGO!   
CG: PEIXES IS THE EXCEPTION AND ONLY ACCEPTS IT SINCE A FEW WEEKS BUT FACT REMAINS THAT ERIDAN AMPORA IS AN IRREDEEMABLE DOUCHENOZZLE OF THE HIGHEST CALIBRE.  
CA: wwoah ouch  
CA: feelins  
CG: FUCK YOU!  
CA: seriously kar  
CA: givve me a chance

\--ectoBiologist [EB] joined memo--

EB: hi everyone!  
EB: how’s it going?  
TT: Karkat is being mad for no reason again.  
CG: THIS IS NOT WITHOUT A REASON!  
CG: I AM BEING FORCED TO WATCH A MOVIE WITH SOME OF THE BIGGEST ASSHOLES ON OUR PRESENT PLANET!  
EB: dave isn’t even here yet :B  
TT: Nice.  
CG: TO MAKE MATTERS SOMEHOW EVEN WORSE, THE MOVIE IS BEING PICKED BY ENGLISH!  
GT: It is truly a most marvelous flick, I promise.  
CA: yeah  
CA: i made sure a the fact jake wwould pick a good one  
CG: AND WHERE DID YOUR HORRIBLE TASTE IN MOVIES LEAVE US LAST TIME?!  
CG: MY GOD, IF THIS BECOMES SOME KIND OF HORRIBLE CROSSBREED BETWEEN GHOST RIDER AND PLATOON WHY DON’T YOU JUST PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY AND FRY MY THINKPAN RIGHT NOW?!  
uu: GLADLY!  
EB: it can’t be that bad.  
EB: i mean, ghost rider was kinda funny in a campy way and im not sure if i’ve ever seen platoon.  
EB: but surely we’ve had worse than whatever their picking?  
CG: THIS DOES NOT OFFER ANY COMFORT!  
GT: Oh you’ll see John. This movie is the bees knees.  
GT: Trust me, you will enjoy the heck out of this.  
EB: im game.  
EB: let’s do this.  
GT: Righto. You wont be disappointed!  
GT: Just as soon as our final guests arrive.

\--adiosToreador [AT] joined memo--  
\--turntechGodhead [TG] joined memo--

TT: Right on cue.  
AT: yEAH, hEY EVERYONE,  
TG: yo  
TG: are we doing this  
TG: are we making this happen  
uu: THAT HAS NEVER BEEN A CLEVER OR FuNNY JOKE!!!  
TG: too bad  
TG: i will keep saying it  
uu: ONE DAY I WILL DESTROY YOu ALL!!!   
AT: sO YEAH, mOVIE NIGHT RIGHT?  
AT: wITH jAKE AND eRIDAN?  
TA: 4ND M3 2!!!!!!!  
AT: sO UHM, tHIS SHOULD BE GOOD i THINK,  
TA: D0 N07 F0RG37 1M H3R3 7W0 455H0L3 7H15 UP!!!!  
GT: Oh heavens, I can not sing this movie’s praises enough.  
TT: That doesn’t mean much coming from you.  
CA: no this time he is right  
CA: movvie kicks ass  
CA: wwe should go wwatch it  
CT: D--> Proceed

TG: so we have movie made by americans for americans  
TG: using the japanese word for giant beast because of reasons  
TG: and calling the hunters by a german term  
TG: again because of reasons  
AT: wELL, mAYBE KAIJU JUST SOUNDS BETTER THAN GIANT BEAST?  
GT: And the cast is a lot more diverse than you give it credit for.  
TA: 7H3 FUCK 1M N0T R34D1NG TH15 5H17 FUCK1NGGK D1CK554UC3!!!  
TT: So how large would you say these beasts are?  
CA: oh they are absolute beasts  
CA: seriously  
CA: fefs dead lusus wwould look at them and go damn  
TT: Considering we have a jaeger fighting giant, presumably man-eating monsters, there is a reference just eating away at me.

TC: MaYbE iTs fRiEnDlY?  
TC: LiKe, lOoK aT tHaT sMiLe.  
uu: HAHAHAHA YES. THIS IS WHAT I LIKE TO SEE.  
uu: BRAVO ENGLISH, FOR PICKING A MOVIE DEMONSTRATING THE FuTILITY OF YOuR PATHETIC HuMAN RACE!!!  
CA: you wwould havve lovved wwatching platoon wwith us  
CG: OH GOOD, THE PSYCHOPATHS ARE BONDING.  
EB: oh man, this is looking pretty epic.  
EB: its like classic godzilla style movies but, you know, actually good.  
TT: Take it back John.  
EB: what?  
TT: Take it back.  
GT: It gets even better!  
AT: sO YEAH, wITH MONSTERS LIKE THESE THE HUMAN RACE SEEMS ACTUALLY PRETTY FUCKED,  
TA: Y34H!!! FUCK Y34H!!!  
TA: L3T5 FUCK 4LL HUM4N5!!!  
AT: nO, nOT LIKE THAT,  
TA: PA41LL TH3M 4LL!!!!  
AT: nO,  
TA: S4M3 T1M3 M455 G5NGB4NG ORGY B17CH45!!!!  
AT: pLEASE STOP IT,  
uu: NO, YOu WILL LET THIS PRECIOuSLY STuPID CINNAMON ROLL, TOO FuNNY FOR THIS WORLD OR THE NEXT, DO AS HE PLEASES!  
AT: wHAT DO YOU CARE?  
uu: WHAT DO YOu DON’T!  
AT: i,  
AT: wHAT?

CT: D--> Hmmhmmm  
CT: D--> A%eptable show of human engineering  
CT: D--> Practical combat applications  
CT: D--> Suggesting a neural interface  
CT: D--> Yes, this might work  
EB: its pretty stupid actually.  
CT: D--> It doesn’t 100k stupid  
EB: no it doesn’t look stupid, it just kind of is.  
CG: I WOULD LIKE TO GO DOWN TO THIS UNIVERSE AND SMACK ALL THESE FUCKING GENERALS SILLY FOR SUGGESTING THIS INCREDIBLY EXPENSIVE AND IMPRACTICAL GIANT ROBOT PROGRAM!  
CG: I’D THEN INTRODUCE THEM TO THE CONCEPT OF A REALLY BIG FUCKING BOMB, MAKE A FORTUNE AND BE HAILED AS THE FUCKING SAVIOR OF THESE EARHOLE FUCKING HUMANS!

TG: so these are our protagonists  
TG: whiter than wonderbread brothers ánd military types  
TG: fetch me my card i have a bingo to win  
CG: WE ARE NOT DELVING INTO THAT NONSENSE AGAIN!  
TG: come on man  
TG: you know you want it  
CG: THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS I WANT RIGHT NOW. PLAYING YOUR DUMB FUCKING GAME FOR BRAINDEAD WRIGGLERS IS NOT ONE OF THEM!  
TG: you must be the sorest bingo loser i have ever met  
CG: I DO NOT WANT TO PLAY YOUR GAME WHILE WATCHING A DUMB FUCKING MOVIE!!!  
EB: actually, the first few minutes really aren’t that bad.  
EB: i kind of want to see where they are taking this.  
GT: Thank you!

TA: 1 H4V3 4N M4551V3 BULG3 R1HG7 N0W!!!  
TG: dude  
TT: Yeah, me too….  
CT: D--> …  
AT: nO, tHAT’S JUST GREAT,  
AT: oUR RESIDENT ENGINEERS WHO UHM, aLSO HAPPEN TO BE MATESPRITS GET ALL HOT AND BOTHERED ABOUT SHOWS OF GIANT MACHINERY,  
AT: i SHOULD BE SURPRISED BUT i UHM, rEALLY AREN’T,  
CG: THIS EXPLAINS THOSE GOD AWFUL PONY STATUES AND SOMEHOW MAKES THEM EVEN MORE DISGUSTING.  
TC: MaN i Am JuSt EnJoYiNg ThE aMaZiNg ViBeS Of tHiS rOcKiNg TuNe.  
TC: LiKe, I mOtHeRfUcKiNg GeT tHaT yOu AcCiDeNtAlLy pOp YoUr FuCkInG bUlGe LiStEnInG tO tHiS sHiT.  
uu: IF YOu NEVER SAID ANYTHING EVER AGAIN, IT WOuLD STILL BE TOO MuCH!

TA: 1N 7H3 F4C3!!!  
CA: there must be a more effectivve wway to deal wwith these creatures than repeatedly punchin them in the face  
AT: wELL, yOU KNOW, iF IT WORKED SO FAR,  
TT: Turns out the hidden weakness of these kaiju was giant metal fists to the face.  
TC: MaN i Am NoT fUlLy CeRtAiN wHy ThIS RoBoT dUdE iS cAlLeD gIpSy DaNgEr BuT i LoVe It.  
EB: yeah, there was some controversy about that, wasn’t there?  
GT: Possibly?  
uu: ABOUT PuNCHING MONSTERS IN THE FACE?! INDEED!!  
uu: HOW DARE HuMANS TRY AND PREVENT THEIR OBVIOuS SuPERIORS FROM TAKING OVER!!!  
GT: I didn’t get as many news outings back on my island, so this went right past me I’m afraid.  
EB: oh well… its actually named after uhm… something combat related to world war 2?

\--autoResponder [AR] joined memo--

AR: The term gypsy is a derogatory slur towards the romani people. People felt it inappropriate to name a giant fighting robot Gipsy (read: romani) Danger.  
AR: Though the film maker claimed ignorance, the fact that the initial draft referred to the mechpilots as roma 1 and roma 2 kinda speaks for itself.  
AR: That being said, the term has very little to do with slandering a particular group of people as every jaeger seems to have a slightly silly name, relevant to its country of origin.  
AR: Gipsy Danger happens to be named after the Havilland gipsy, a pre ww2 fighter engine.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned autoResponder [AR] from memo--

CG: GOD, I HATE THAT GUY!  
uu: AGREED!

TT: Oh, so we are working with Evangelion logic?  
TG: as in nothing makes sense and daddy issues run the plot  
TT: We are working on Escaflowne logic?  
TG: it was all atlanteans and isaac fucking newton all along  
TT: Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann logic?  
TG: nothing makes sense but everything is awesome?  
TT: Close enough. I was talking about the apparent empathic link the pilots have with the mech.  
CA: oh that  
CA: yeah that doesn’t get brought up again  
GT: It is kind of a silly trope.

CT: D--> And he is dead  
TG: roll credits

GT: No, the younger brother gathers all his moxie and pilots the mech by himself.  
CA: pumpin the kaiju full of a hot load wwhile he’s at it  
TT: Is phrasing just not a thing anymore?  
CT: D--> I thought it was impossible for a jaeger to be controlled by a single pilot  
TT: Yeah but he has the will to do it.  
TT: I was waiting for the anime cliché’s to kick in.  
TC: Oh My mEsSiAhS tHiS iS tHe GrEaTeSt MoViE IvE EvEr SeEn iN mY lIFe!  
GT: Really?  
AT: i AM PRETTY SURE gAMZEE SAYS THAT ABOUT EVERY MOVIE,  
AT: hE IS EASILY IMPRESSED,  
TC: HeHeHeHe, yEaH.

uu: BuT NO, OF COuRSE OuR DuMB FLIMSY HuMAN SuRVIVES, DESPITE IT BEING DESCRIBED AS IMPOSSIBLE FOR A SINGLE PERSON TO PILOT ONE OF THESE MACHINES.  
TT: Anime cliché.  
EB: so yeah, if he didn’t happen upon those random bystanders he probably would have died there.  
TG: thank god alaska is such a densely populated area or that could have been a problem

CA: so some other humans finally understand that their giant robot solution might not be the best solution  
CA: instead they construct a giant fuck off wall and probably hope to ignore the problem to death  
TG: seriously  
TT: The anime reference is seriously eating away at me.  
CG: WHY NOT CREATE A DEFENSE LINE OF AUTOMATED TURRETS POINTING TOWARDS THE OCEAN AND HAVE THEM BLAST EVERYTHING THE SIZE OF A KAIJU TO KINGDOM COME?  
AT: wHY NOT BOMB THEM WITH SOME UHM, sORT OF ADVANCED BOMB?   
AT: lIKE, gIVE HALF OF THE FUNDING YOU PUT IN RESEARCHING GIANT ROBOTS?  
AT: bLAST THEM WITH LASER CANNONS FROM ORBIT, mIGHT BE FUN,  
EB: and all technically possible with our current technologies…. who knew?  
GT: You have to feel bad for Idris Elba, who is the only person who seems to realize how bad-ass these robots are.  
CT: D--> I am fairly certain he is sincere in his believe that the jaeger program is the best solution  
GT: So am I, what’s your point?  
CT: D--> Nothing  
TA: 1 W0ULD F1GH7 7H47 GUY!  
TA: TH3 D4NK SK1NN3DT 0N3!!! 1 W0UD F1T3 H1M!!!!  
uu: I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THAT!  
TA: 4ND 7H3N 1 4M G01NG 7WW0 FURK H1M!!!  
uu: YOu REPuGNANT SIMPLETON, YOu ARE AMuSING.  
uu: DIRK, BE MORE LIKE HIM!  
TT: I’ll work on it.  
CG: DIRK, I SWEAR TO THE LAST OF MY FUCKS TO GIVE, DO NOT, I REPEAT, *NOT* BECOME MORE LIKE THIS CAPTOR!  
TA: PU7 Y0UR TONG3 1N UP Y0UR 455 47 7H3 54M3 71M3 D1CK5M45H!!!  
CG: I DON’T KNOW WHAT ANY OF THAT IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN AND I AM STILL OFFENDED!!!!  
TA: 50RRY!!!!  
TA: :(

TG: cut to a few years later and we find beckett working on a giant wall because of reasons  
TG: like  
TG: i am so sad and angsty that my brother died  
TG: the walls i am building are metaphors for my self-inflicted isolation  
TG: if only i had a giant robot to pilot to make everything better forever  
EB: rose’s been rubbing off on you.  
TT: I’m just going to make a special jar for you people. Every time you say something that should really be phrased differently, you put one boonbuck in it.  
GT: How exactly do you want us to put it in?  
TT: Are you doing this on purpose?  
GT: I have no idea what you are talking about.

TT: SIE SIND DAS ESSEN UND WIR SIND DIE JAEGER!!!!  
TA: WH4T W45 7H47 4BOIT MY C47?!  
AT: yOU HAVE A CAT?  
TA: H4H4H4H4 FUCK N0!!  
TT: God, it’s like the movie was begging me to do that.  
CT: D--> I have no idea what you just said  
CG: AND YET I AM OFFENDED!  
TG: no change there then  
EB: so yeah, the wall plan was probably not the best idea so they are open to new suggestions.  
EB: and by new i mean old.  
EB: and by suggestions i mean the jaeger program.

TC: MaN tHiS sCeNe LoOkS aMaZiNg.  
CG: I WASN’T GOING TO GIVE THIS MOVIE ANY PRAISE BEFORE BEING ABSOLUTELY SURE THAT IT DESERVED IT BUT YEAH… THE CINEMATOGRAPHY IS REALLY FUCKING GOOD AND MAKES SURE ITS AT LEAST INTERESTING TO WATCH, EVEN IF THE STORY IS COMPLETELY STUPID.  
GT: I knew you would like it!  
CG: LET’S NOT GET CRAZY ENGLISH!  
TC: MoThErFuCkEr LiKeS tHe MoViE aLrIgHt.  
TG: so now this shit essentially turned into an 80s sports movie  
AT: sORRY?  
TG: so we have this team that used to be good  
TG: but then the star quarterback does something stupid or gets in an accident  
TG: and one timeskip later he gets a chance to do things better  
AT: tHIS IS ABOUT THE FATE OF ALL HUMANS, sO i UHM, dON’T REALLY THINK THE ANALOGY HOLDS,  
TG: lets wait and see then  
uu: I THINK LETTING HIM DIE ALONE AND uNLOVED ON THE WALL WOULD MAKE FOR A MuCH MORE ENTERTAINING FLICK!  
TT: Dying alone atop of a wall protecting the realm of men is kind of Game of Thrones’s territory.  
uu: THIS SOuNDS LIKE A MUCH MORE AMuSING WATCH!!!  
uu: WE SHALL TERMINATE THIS SESSION AND WATCH THAT INSTEAD!!!  
TA: BU7 W3 H4V3N7 533N H15T B00B Y3T!!!!  
EB: must we?  
TA: 5H17Y34H!!!

TG: new sports manager and a fan of the old quarterback  
TG: can turn out to be team ace love-interest or both  
AT: sTILL NOT PROVING YOUR POINT,  
TG: give it time  
GT: This lovely lady is Mako Mori. She assists Idris Elba around the base.  
TC: QuIcK mOtHeRfUcKiNg QuEsTiOn?  
GT: Sure?  
TC: WhAt ArE tHe NaMeS oF tHe BlAcK gUy AnD tHe BlOnDe GuY aGaIn?  
GT: The protagonist is Raleigh Becket and the Marshall is named Stacker Pentecost, though everyone just calls him by his rank rather than his name.  
TC: MaN, dId ThEy EvEr CaLl ThE gUy rAlEiGh?  
TC: I fEeL lIkE sHiT fOr MiSsInG tHaT.  
CA: i don’t think they did actually  
GT: Yeah, that’s kinda silly  
CG: MORE LIKE KINDA STUPID.  
TG: also becket speaks japanese  
TG: beginning to look a lot like a mary sue  
TG: for a guy who said himself that he was a very average student and soldier he sure picked up japanese like it was no big thing  
AT: wILL THIS BE IMPORTANT FOR THE REST OF THE MOVIE?  
TG: not a chance

TG: and in this corner we have team australia  
TG: in that corner is team china  
TG: here is team russia  
TG: and becket gets to rep team america  
TG: usa usa  
AT: iS THIS STILL ABOUT YOUR SPORTS MOVIE THING?  
AT: bECAUSE I AM NOT CONVINCED  
TG: oh come on  
TG: these are all the enemy teams becket has to defeat in the time honored tradition of kaiju dunking  
GT: I would watch the heck out of an event like that  
EB: don’t you just love how stereotypical the russians look?  
CT: D--> Do you not love these majestic displays of machinery  
TT: Know that feel.  
CT: D--> The red cyclone 100ks like a work of art

TA: Y45!!!!  
TA: 5C13NC3 B17CH!!!!  
CA: you enjoy science?  
TA: 1F SC1N3NC3 H4D 4 F4C3 1 W0ULD FUCK 1T!!!!  
CT: D--> I am confounded as to why there only seem to be two kaiju researchers involved in an operation like this  
EB: right? and why are they at odds with each other?  
EB: one works with statistics, analytics and other numerical stuff, while the other works with kaiju biology.  
TT: Indeed, which also leads to different applications. Newton seeks for a weakness while Gottlieb seems to have created a fairly accurate system for predicting kaiju attacks.  
TT: Stop bickering and give both of these the funds they need. It’s only the fate of the world guys.  
CT: D--> No  
CT: D--> Let them bicker  
TT: Black romance?  
AT: oH YEAH, tHAT STUFF IS GOING STRONG WITH THESE TWO.  
CG: DEFINITELY NICE TO SEE HUMANS ENGAGING IN PROPER HATE FOR A CHANGE. CAN’T WAIT FOR THE MOVIE TO FUCK THAT UP IN ACT 3.  
CG: ALSO, ALL THESE KAIJU HAS THE EXACT SAME DNA?  
EB: yeah, it’s a clone wars.  
CG: BUT IF THEY ARE CLONES THEN THAT MEANS SOMEONE IS EITHER MAKING OR BREEDING THEM. EITHER WAY, IT CREATES A VERY OBVIOUS TARGET!  
CA: careful kar  
CA: you are wway ahead a the movvie  
CG: PERHAPS, BUT I HAVE PROVEN TO BE MORE CLEVER THAN THE FUCKING MOVIE!  
CT: D--> A shallow victory no doubt

EB: so they repaired and polished an old gundam instead of making a new more modern one?  
GT: Jaeger.  
EB: its pretty much the same isn’t it?  
TA: 8I7CH D035 7H3 D15R35P3KT L1K3 D4MN!!!!  
TA: KN0W Y0UR PL4C3 4ND 5UCK MY BULB3!!!!  
AT: dUDE, tHAT REALLY ISN’T COOL,  
TA: I DON’T UFCKING C4R33!!!  
TC: So ThE gIrL ThInKS bEcKeT iSnT FuCkIng CaPabLe Of tHe JoB?  
TC: tHaT iS cOlD lIkE a MoThErFuCkEr.  
CA: from a tactical standpoint howwevver she is completely correct  
CA: becket casually disobeyed orders and fights iratically  
CA: a bit of a liability if drift-compatible pilots wwerent such a rare commodity  
CA: at least i think they are, movvie nevver explains that  
TT: Also a completely necessary shirtless shot of Becket afterwards.  
AT: aLSO ALSO, tHE GIRL PERVING ON HIM,  
CT: D--> I deem this a%eptable  
uu: WE ARE IN AGREEMENT HORSE MAN!

CT: D--> Ah yes  
CT: D--> The noble art of stick combat  
GT: I am fairly certain this is based on a complex martial art  
CT: D--> Yes  
CT: D--> Stick combat  
GT: No, maybe something among the lines of ninjutsu or kendo or something similarly bad-ass  
CT: D--> You speak no sense jake  
CT: D--> They are engaging each other in combat, both armed with sticks  
CT: D--> Naming it anything other than stick combat w001d be factually incorrect  
AT: sO UHM, i UNDERSTAND THAT THEY WANT A QUALIFIED COMBATANT IN THE COCKPIT,  
TA: H3H3H3H3 Y0U 5417 P17!!!!  
AT: bUT WHY EXACTLY DO THEY NEED TO ENGAGE IN STICK COMBAT, wHICH HAS UHM, vERY LITTLE TO DO WITH PILOTING A GIANT SUPER FIGHTING ROBOT?  
TG: what better way to get to know each other than to hit each other with sticks?  
TG: its how i used to make friends on the playground  
EB: its true, he did.  
TG: see it as a way of dialogue  
TG: but you let the sticks do the talking  
TG: and the stick only knows like three very painful words  
CA: wwhy not do somethin akin to chess to check compatibility betwween pilots  
uu: BECAuSE THAT WOULD BE WEAK AND BORING LIKE YOu!!  
CA: i care little for your insults you halfwwit  
uu: OH HOHO, THIS WILL BE FuN!!  
CG: WHY NOT DO ANYTHING THAT *ISN’T* POTENTIALLY INJURING THE CANDIDATES WITH STICKS!? WHAT LED THEM TO BELIEVE THAT THIS IS THE BEST WAY TO TEST IT?!  
GT: Maybe Becket suggested it himself?  
CG: WELL THEN MAYBE BECKET IS A GRADE-A IDIOT!

TT: And of course she is the one to fight with him as an equal.  
TG: insert a joke about 80% of the asian folk in movies know martial arts  
GT: Well, she has a military background. It isn’t that farfetched.  
TG: a us military background  
TG: pretty sure we skip the part about disarming terrorists with a stick during bootcamp  
CT: D--> The choreography is impressive though  
CT: D--> They almost make it 100k like a dance  
AT: eXCEPT THEY TRY TO BEAT EACH OTHER’S HEADS IN,  
uu: THAT IS NOT WHAT THEY ARE TRYING YOu DuMB IDIOT!!!  
uu: BuT WHY ALPHA MAN IS LOSING TO SuCH A WHINY LITTLE FEMALE IS BEYOND ME!!  
EB: well, he’s been out of service for a while, so he might be a little rusty?  
CG: THAT ACTUALLY MAKES SOME SENSE…  
TA: 7H3Y 4R3 50 FUCK1NNG H07T 1N TH15 5C3N3!!!  
TA: 1 W0ULD D0 B0TH 0F 7H3M L1K3 UNNF!!!!  
AT: yEAH THAT’S, nICE?

EB: disapproving dad disapproves.  
GT: He isn’t her dad.  
EB: no, just her father figure.  
AT: oH, yOU DON’T KNOW THAT,  
TC: FuCkEr gOt A nOsEbLeEd OuT a FuCkInG nOwHeRe…  
TC: ShOuLd He GeT tHaT cHeCkEd?  
CA: i don’t knoww, probably?  
TT: See, depending on whether this is another decision fueled by anime this either means that he is seriously sick or sexually excited by watching the girl fight.  
CG: YEAH, THE OMINOUS MUSIC KIND OF DOES AWAY WITH THE MYSTERY ON THIS CASE SHERLOCK!!  
CT: D--> Regardless, Mako is not allowed to pilot the gipsy danger  
TG: continuing to sports trope #1572  
TG: great athlete benched because of disapproving parent/coach/combination of the two  
AT: tHIS ISN’T A SPORT’S MOVIE!

TC: ThAt CaNt Be MoThErFuCkInG sAfE.  
CA: more like fuckin impossible  
CA: the brain is a delicate instrument  
CA: the assumption that he can use the same technology jaeger pilots use to look into the mind of a kaiju is preposterous  
CA: logic dictates that he should first test wwhether or not this tech could be applied to other species like barkbeasts or apebeasts before movvin on to somethin so fundamentally alien  
GT: I think the word alien lost all its meaning a while ago  
CA: its just a vvery stupid devvelopment is all  
EB: so of course, it works as planned.  
CA: goddamnit

uu: BEHOLD!  
uu: IDRIS ELBA DECIDED AGAINST HIS BETTER JuDGMENT TO LET THE REPuGNANT LITTLE GIRL PILOT THE ROBOT!!!  
uu: LEAVING MuLTIPLE MORE QuALIFIED MEN WITHOuT ROBOT TO PILOT!!!  
CT: D--> I have to agree with the malcontent here  
TT: What?  
CT: D--> The girl has only e%perienced simulation and possesses no practical combat e%perience  
CT: D--> This leads me to believe that she has received a preferential treatment because of her apparent relation with the marshall  
CT: D--> Either that or proficiency at stick combat was the only area recruits were tested on  
CT: D--> In which case I wish these humans all the best during their time of Armageddon  
TT: Okay, that kind of makes sense.  
GT: Yes but personal compatibility between pilots is also of grave importance!  
GT: Becket enjoys Mako’s company and her brutal honesty.  
TA: M4K0 3NT3RJ0Y5 B3CK375 H0T B0D!!!  
GT: Yes, that too…  
GT: But the fact that they are comfortable around each other eases them into the drifting process, which is said to be quite the tumultuous experience.  
CG: WHICH MEANS THAT IF HE WASN’T THINKING WITH HIS DICK AND ACTUALLY SPENT SOME TIME WITH THE OTHER RECRUITS, GET TO KNOW THEIR STORIES AND PERSONALITIES, WE WOULD PROBABLY HAVE A FAR MORE QUALIFIED CO-PILOT  
GT: Err… Maybe?  
TG: hahahaha no   
TG: see this makes perfect sports movie sense  
AT: oH NOT AGAIN,  
TG: next to the revived has-been always stands a rookie diamond-in-the-rough on the tenth yard ready to make the slam dunk  
TG: home run  
AT: i HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ANY OF THAT MEANT,

TG: the word is out  
TG: it was global warming all along  
TG: why didn’t we think of the children  
TG: get al gore on the line  
TG: manbearpig was a kaiju  
TT: Idris Elba rocking the perpetual disappointed father shtick with Mako and this douchebag.  
GT: If nothing else, they learned a few new things about the kaiju.  
GT: That they are a malicious hivemind, bend on colonizing the earth for their own nefarious purposes.  
CA: more importantly  
CA: that so far they’vve only really used scouts to test the human defenses  
CG: HAH, THIS OUGHT TO BE GOOD. HUMANS COULD BARELY STAND UP TO THE WEAKEST KAIJU SO WHAT’LL HAPPEN WHEN AN ACTUAL BIG ONE COMES THROUGH?  
uu: COMPLETE AND uTTER ANNIHILATION OF THE INFERIOR RACE OF HALFWITS!!  
TT: Dude, chill.  
uu: NEVER!!!

AT: gUESS WHO CAN NOT HANDLE THE WHOLE MINDMELDING THING?  
CA: hint, it is the girl wwith no proper combat or mindmeldin experience  
GT: She is trying.  
CA: wwhich wwould be fine and dandy if it wwasn’t the fate of your species hangin in the balance

TA: WH47 7H3 717FUCK 15 H4P4PP3N1NG?!  
TC: ThIs Is SoMe WeIrD-aSs StUfF mAn.  
TC: Is ThIs BeCaUsE oF tHe WhOlE mInD dRiFtInG tHiNg?  
EB: i suppose so.   
EB: this is probably a younger mako during one of the first kaiju attacks  
GT: It is quite a powerful scene, with the implication being that everyone around her either perished in the attack or left her behind.  
CG: MADE A WHOLE LOT LESS POWERFUL BY THE FULLY ARMORED BECKET STANDING THERE, LOOKING DOPEY.  
GT: It tells us a lot about the character and her determination to become a pilot.  
CG: IT ALSO TELLS US THAT THE ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE KAIJU APPARENTLY CONSIDERS A 2 SWEEP YEAR OLD GIRL A MORE VIABLE TARGET THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE CURRENT SITUATION!

TT: Meanwhile, in real world town, Mako nearly blew up the entire Shatterdome because of her hallucination.  
GT: Well, she didn’t mean too.  
AT: iT’S KINDA IMPORTANT THAT SHE UHM, dOESN’T BLOW UP THE sHATTERDOME,  
TA: BL0W 17 UP!!!!  
TA: 8LOW 17 UPP!!!!  
CG: THERE MIGHT ACTUALLY BE A VIABLE MOIRAILLEGIANCE BETWEEN BECKET AND MAKO.  
CT: D--> Indeed  
CG: CAN’T FUCKING WAIT FOR THE MOVIE TO RUIN THIS WITH AN ARBITRARY RED ROMANCE, JUST TO CONFUSE THEIR BLOODY QUADRANTS EVEN FURTHER!  
CT: D--> No I think this is fine  
CT: D--> Becket actively tries to pacify Mako during her outburst whereas Mako tries to ground him in more mundane situations  
CT: D--> It creates a good pale chemistry  
CT: D--> You sh001d consider 100king for something similar yourself  
CG: DROP IT ZAHHAK.  
CT: D--> Consider it dropped

TT: Is that Ron fucking Perlman?  
GT: Oh yes.  
EB: selling kaiju and kaiju accessories  
TC: MaN, hE lOoKs wIcKeD cOoL wItH tHoSe ShINy ShOeS, tHaT rEd VeSt AnD tHoSe SuNgLaSsEs.  
EB: so what is hellboy doing here?  
GT: He collects kaiju remains after big battles and sells them on the black market.  
GT: So, naturally, Newton wants to get his hands on a fresh, or at least properly preserved, kaiju brain to repeat his previous experiment.  
CT: D--> A little gruesome to harvest organs in this manner  
CG: THE GOVERNMENT KNOWS OF THIS BLACK MARKET ORGANIZATION!! WHY TOLERATE IT?!?!  
CG: THESE MATERIALS NEED TO BE RESEARCHED AND EXPLOITED TO TRY AND FIND A WEAKNESS IN THE THREAT THAT CAN LITERALLY MEAN HUMAN EXTINCTION BUT NEWTON SEEMS TO BE THE ONLY PERSON IN THE PLOT WHO REALIZES THIS AND HE’S *STILL* AN ASSHOLE!

TG: rival player talking shit because he dunks the better strikes but becket remains cool until the honor of his ladyfriend needs defending  
TG: what a champ  
uu: THAT SLuT BETTER DEFEND HER OWN HONOR NEXT TIME!!  
CA: wwhy doesn’t she?  
CA: she is more than capable of doin so right?  
GT: It is unlady like?  
CA: so is engagin in stick combat  
TC: At LeAsT bEcKeT lAyS dOwN sOmE sTrIcT fUcKiNg PuNiShMeNt To ThE gUy WiTh ThE fUnNy AcCeNt.  
TG: his shrimp got put on the barbie alright  
CG: NOTHING YOU EVER SAY MAKES SENSE.  
EB: to be fair, mako did almost blow everyone up when she went too far into the drift...  
EB: can’t expect people to be very thrilled about having her on the team after that.

CA: FINALLY  
CA: idris elba understands that mako is just too inexperienced for piloting such a machine in a wwarzone  
CT: D--> I concur  
CT: D--> A soldier like her is only a liability  
TG: cant stand the heat get out of the kitchen  
AT: cOME ON GUYS, sHE PROBABLY HAS THE HIGHEST SYNERGY WITH bECKET, oR SOMETHING AMONG THOSE LINES,  
uu: WELL, PERHAPS THEY SHOuLD GET RID OF BECKET TOO WHILE THEY ARE AT IT!!  
uu: LET ANOTHER TEAM PILOT GIPSY DANGER!!!  
uu: A TEAM THAT IS A LITTLE MORE WILLING TO GET PROPER AND TENDER WITH EACH OTHER IN THE COCKPIT!!!  
CT: D--> Hnrkt  
TT: Of course, you WOULD like that idea.  
CT: D-->C001d you blame me?  
TT: Not for a moment.  
CG: ACTUALLY, THE MANIAC HAS A POINT. LET’S GET RID OF BECKET AND FIND TWO MORE EXPERIENCED AND COMPATIBLE PILOTS.  
GT: Nooo!!!  
TC: BuT lIkE, IdRrIs ElBa HaS UlTeRiOr MoTiVeS sEnDiNg HeR tHe FuCk AwAy LiKe ThAt.  
TC: SoMe SoRtA lUsUs iNsTiNcT oR sOmEtHiNg.  
AT: wHY WOULD HE HAVE SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

EB: Because he is the one that found her and presumably raised her.  
EB: unsurprisingly contrived plot twist.  
GT: Well, it explains why she is so involved with the militarity at such an early age.  
EB: and a career military man like idris elba would actually raise her and not send her to an orphanage or a far removed acquaintance or something?  
GT: Err…. I don’t know?  
GT: He says that there is more to the story that Becket doesn’t know.  
EB: will we ever find out?  
GT: Probably not…

TG: oh come on  
TG: awkwardly being ignored at lunch after making a colossal blunder is just the icing on the cake  
TG: this is going the full cheesy sports movie  
AT: oKAY YEAH, tHIS SEEMS A LITTLE OUT OF PLACE,

CG: OKAY, THIS IS SHAPING UP TO BE A PERFECT FORM OF MOIRAILLEGIANCE. KUDOS TO THE MOVIE, STUPID AS IT MAY BE.  
GT: You like it Karkat?  
CG: YES, WHEN THEY BEGIN TALKING LIKE THAT AND EXPLAINING HOW THE DRIFT AFFECTS THEM, IT ACTUALLY SEEMS LIKE THERE IS A SIGNIFICANT NEED FOR A PROPER PALE RELATION BETWEEN TWO PILOTS.  
TA: 5H17 733E5!!!  
TA: 4ND 7H3N H3 15 G0ONN4 347 H3R OU7!!!  
CG: FUCK OFF CAPTOR.  
CG: THE POINT I’M TRYING TO MAKE IS THAT BECKET ACTUALLY FELT THE THOUGHTS OF HIS PREVIOUS CO-PILOT AS HE WAS DYING, WHICH TRAUMATISED HIM TO THE POINT THAT HE WAS UNABLE TO DRIFT WITH ANYONE ELSE.  
CG: IN WALKS THIS GIRL WITH A PLETHORA OF ISSUES HERSELF AND HE FEELS THE NEED TO PACIFY HER AND HELP HER THROUGH IT, INADVERTEDLY HELPING HIMSELF IN THE PROCESS.  
TA: 4ND 7H3N H3 15 G01NG TW0 347 H3R OU7!!!!  
CG: I AM SAYING THAT THIS IS ABOUT AS GOOD AS HUMAN MOIRAILLEGIANCE IS GOING TO GET AND I AM ABSOLUTELY MORTIFIED IN SEEING HOW THESE DUMB FUCKING MONKEYS WILL SCREW THIS RELATIONSHIP UP.  
TA: 1 C0NCUR. 7H15 TRULY 15 4 5T3LL4R PORTR474L 0F M01RR41L3G14NC3 1N M41NSTR34M M3D14.  
TA: 1 JU5T WI5H3D H3 W0ULD M4K3 H15 F33L1NGS KN0WN.  
CG: YES, I AGREE.  
TA: 4ND 7H3N H3 5H0ULD 347 H3R 1RGHT TH3 FUCK 0UTT!!!

CA: so noww wwe havve three giant robots movvin through the ocean to meet wwith twwo kaiju  
CA: seems like okay odds  
TG: you forget this is a sports movie  
TG: and their ace quarterback is benched  
TG: now they’ll never make that hole in one  
EB: are you just combining random sports now?  
TG: bullseye

CT: D--> So the red robot has three pilots as well as three arms with sawblades attached to them  
CT: D--> What a fascinating concept  
CT: D--> I am curious to see how this holds up

AT: aND THEY ARE DEAD,  
CT: D--> I feel the urge to punch something  
TC: MaYbE dOnT dO tHaT bRo.  
TT: At least the Russians are still in the game.

TT: Piece of shit.  
uu: HAHAHAHAHA, YES!!! THEY GOT DECIMATED BY THE COMBINED FORCES OF THESE TWO MIGHTY KAIJu!!!  
uu: I LIKE THIS MOVIE!!!  
EB: after all that build-up you kinda expect more of them.  
TG: they weren’t American  
TG: movie doesn’t care for these non american types  
TG: fuck even the black market dealer in hong kong is an american  
GT: But the co-pilot is Japanese, so it isn’t really xenophobic is it?  
EB: plus the aussies are still alive, so that counts for something.  
TG: well yeah  
TG: they are still white and english speaking folk  
GT: I am just not sure if the nationality of the remaining cast should be blamed on possible xenophobia as much as established plot. The Australians were made to hold back and Becket and Mako have protagonist-armor.  
TG: oh so it’s idris elba who is xenophobic  
TG: alright then carry on

CA: hold the fuckin phone  
CA: wwhen did these organic fucking creatures get the powwer to become livvin emp’s?!  
TT: You’d be surprised actually.  
CA: wwhat?  
TT: We have animals that can disrupt electronic devices by discharging electricity themselves. Granted, it’s not quite on this level but taking the size into account…. Hold on, let me pull some mathematical shit out of my ass.  
CA: don’t bother  
CA: i don’t believve you  
CT: D--> So all jaegers are out of commission  
TA: H4H4H4H4 HUM4N5 4R3 FUCK3T!!!!  
GT: But wait!  
GT: The Gipsy Danger happens to be analogue!  
TA: M34N1NG?!?!  
GT: Exactly what you think it means.

CA: haha!  
CA: science!  
CG: OKAY, THIS GUY IS A FREAKING IMBECILE!!! IF HE KNEW THAT THE DRIFT WORKS BOTH WAYS HE SHOULD HAVE ACCOUNTED FOR THE FUCKING POSSIBILITY THAT, BIG SHOCK, THE KAIJU COULD LOOK INTO HIS MIND AS WELL WHEN HE DRIFTED WITH THEM!!!  
GT: Well, he didn’t know it was a hivemind.  
CG: BUT HE ASSUMED SO, THEREFORE HE IS AN IMBECILE!!!!  
EB: so to teach him a lesson he sends newton to a public refuge?  
EB: why, is that bad?  
uu: YOu EVER SEE PEOPLE DuRING A CRISIS?  
EB: one not caused by you? not really…  
uu: IT IS HILARIOuS!

TG: but then the aussie blood starts pumping  
CG: THIS MAKES NO SENSE.  
TG: fauna at home tried to kill them  
TG: it failed  
CG: THIS MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE!  
TG: smaller kaiju tried to kill them  
TG: it failed  
CG: WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL ARE THESE BRAINDEFECT IDIOTS THINKING!?  
TG: dingo tried to steal their baby  
TG: it failed  
CG: WHAT KIND OF PERSON REACTS THIS WAY TO BEING STRANDED IN FRONT OF A GIANT RAGE MONSTER?!  
AT: sO THEY FIRE A SIGNAL FLARE IN ITS EYE,  
CG: AAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHH!!!

CG: OKAY FUCK. THIS SCORE CAN MAKE ANY FIGHT LOOK AWESOME.  
GT: But it is awesome!  
GT: They are slugging it out, they are fighting dirty and use whatever massive object can fit their giant hands.  
GT: The kaiju whacks Gipsy Danger with a crane. Gipsy Danger clobbers the Kaiju with fists full of cargo containers.  
GT: This, my friend is epic.  
CA: yeah it kinda is  
uu: OKAY BuT RIDDLE ME THIS, JAKE ENGLISH!  
GT: What’s up?  
uu: HOW DID THE KAIJu TOSS GIPSY DANGER ALL THE WAY TO SHORE IN ONE THROW WHEN THEY WERE PRETTY FAR REMOVED FROM THE COAST?  
uu: I BELIEVE THE TERM MIRACLE MILE WAS BEING uSED!  
GT: Movie magic?  
TC: HaHa, yEaH, tHaTlL dO iT.  
uu: YOu ARE NOT HELPING HIS CASE HONK FRIEND!

AT: aND HE IS DEAD,  
AT: fEW MORE ROUNDS TO MAKE ABSOLUTELY SURE, aND TO TURN IT INTO A SMOLDERING CORPSE, sO WE CAN MOVE ON TO KAIJU NUMBER TWO,

TT: Who happens to be breaking into that public refuge to get a piece of that Newton.  
TT: How will he like these apples?  
CT: D--> How does the kaiju locate newton like this  
GT: They were brainlinked  
CT: D--> Were  
CT: D--> Past tense  
CT: D--> This still remains a two way system  
CT: D--> Unless newton can feel where which kaiju is as well the kaiju sh001d not be able to track him like this

CG: NO!  
CG: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!  
CG: THIS MOVIE ISN’T PLAYING FAIR.  
EB: what do you mean?  
CG: THIS IS STUPID BEYOND ALL MEASURE. THE ROBOT IS DRAGGING A CRUISING VESSEL AS A WEAPON FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I COULD GO ON FOR *WEEKS* ABOUT THE STUPIDITY OF THIS SCENE WITHOUT RUNNING OUT OF THINGS TO SAY.  
CG: SO WHY THE FUCK IS THIS SO AMAZING!?  
CG: THE SCORE AND THE WAY THAT THIS SCENE IS SHOT THAT OOZE COMPLETE BADASSITUDE IN A WAY THAT SHOULDN’T WORK BUT SOMEHOW DOES….  
TA: 50 WH47 7H15 5C3N3 15T 7H4 C0M3L373 T17S B17CH 1 4R3 7H JUGG3RTN4U7!!!!  
CG: I FEEL LIKE I AM LIKING THIS SCENE A LOT MORE THAN I SHOULD…. THAT IS THE STUPID REALIZATION I WISHED TO SHARE WITH YOU ASSHOLES.  
GT: There is nothing wrong with finding enjoyment in things like this.  
uu: YES! ONE SHOuLD LOOK AT THIS RAMPANT CARNAGE AND DESTRuCTION THE WAY ONE LOOKS AT A MAGNIFICENT PIECE OF ART!  
CT: D--> Can the art be hoofbeast themed  
CG: I AM UP TO MY TITS IN MORONS!

TA: 1N D4 F44C3!!!!  
TC: MaN jUsT lOoK aT tHiS bIg AsS rObOt WaIlInG oN tHiS bIg AsS CrEaTuRe.  
AT: tHE SENSE OF SCALE YOU GET FROM THESE FIGHTS IS UHM, rEALLY SOMETHING ELSE,  
AT: lIKE, THIS LOOKS AND FEELS LIKE A FIGHT BETWEEN ACTUAL GIANTS,  
CA: pity they are about to fuck that up  
AT: wHAT WAS THAT?  
CA: nothin

CG: OKAY STOP!  
CG: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!  
CA: you knoww i am not entirely sure  
CA: its like they decided they could only make the kaiju more threatening by givvin it the ability to fly  
CA: wwhat sense it makes for an amphibious creature to sprout wwings is wway the fuck beyond me  
TG: come on guys  
TG: rule of cool  
AT: wHAT?  
TT: Coolness Factor + (theme x artistic license) > common sense + rl logic.  
AT: aGAIN, wHAT?  
TG: its math  
TG: cant argue with the numbers

TA: D3C4PR10T47T10N!!!!  
CG: WHERE THE BUTTER ON FUCKTOAST DID THAT SWORD COME FROM!?  
CG: YEAH, LETS BLUDGEON THE PREVIOUS KAIJU WITH STORAGE CONTAINERS INSTEAD OF USING THE VERY CONVENIENT SWORD HIDDEN LITERALLY UP YOUR ASS!  
GT: It was in his back actually.  
CG: FUCK!!!!!!  
TT: Quick question Karkat: is it awesome?  
CG: I REFUSE TO SAY YES.  
CG: IN FACT, I AM REFUSING TO SAY ANYTHING ON THE MATTER PERIOD!  
TG: he loves it  
TC: ShIt BrO, i LoVe iT.  
uu: DIRK, YOu WILL MAKE ME ONE OF THESE AMAZING MACHINES TO PILOT WHILST I WORK ON RECLAIMING MY POWER.  
TT: I don’t think so.

EB: so about that kaiju brain…..

TG: congratulations on the homerun kids  
TG: now for some grateful words from your principal and your classmates  
GT: He isn’t celebrating. The marshall understands the severity of the situation.  
CG: WELL DUH. THEY LITERALLY LOST HALF OF THEIR KAIJU FIGHTING PERSONNEL IN THIS ENCOUNTER!  
CA: not like they stood much of a chance to begin wwith  
TG: ah  
TG: so their school might not receive additional funding  
TG: unless becket scores that final strike to win the cup  
AT: wHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?  
TG: the sports cup  
TG: you receive for being good at sports  
TG: come on nitram get with the program  
TT: You are really driving this one into the ground, aren’t you?  
TG: yup  
CT: D--> I do like that becket and mako have become an actual team  
CT: D--> There seems little to no red inclination between the two  
CT: D--> Just pale affection  
CT: D--> I like moments such as these  
TA: 4ND N0W H35 G0NN4 G01NG TW0 33T H3R 0U7!!!  
uu: LET THEM HOLD HANDS JuST A LITTLE WHILE LONGER!!  
CT: D--> I consider the moment lost

EB: getting a kaiju brain?  
EB: more like going on some sort of spelunking mission  
TT: I was going to compare it to something akin Chernobyl, because of the hostile environment.  
CG: SO THESE ASSHOLES LITERALLY HAVE TO GO SPELUNKING INTO THE KAIJU TO SECURE ITS BONES TO SELL ON THE BLACK MARKET AND ITS BRAIN TO GIVE TO NEWTON SO HE HAS A REASON TO REMAIN IN THE PLOT!  
CT: D--> Why is ron perlman giving him a%ess to the brain?  
CT: D--> He c001d very easily refuse  
CT: D--> He still has a lot of men with a lot of firepower at his disposal  
GT: Because he has ties to the government organization Newton works for.  
GT: They allow him to sell some stuff on the black market and he pays them.  
GT: Besides, it could be argued that this is for the good of all of mankind.  
EB: except it really isn’t?  
EB: ron perlman seemed pretty sure the two kaiju attacking simultaneously was because of newton linking with them.  
EB: what do you think will happen when he does it again?  
GT: Everything will be better forever?

TA: FUCKINK D15GU571NB!!!  
AT: oH NO, iT WAS PREGNANT,  
TC: HaHaHa, ThE mIrAcLe Of LiFe BrO.  
TC: It AlWaYs FiNdS a WaY.  
uu: uNLESS I uNMAKE IT!  
AT: tHIS HAS SO MANY IMPLICATIONS ABOUT THE KAIJU AS A SPECIES,  
AT: lIKE, iF THEY WERE VATGROWN LIKE EARLIER SUGGESTED, tHIS ONE SHOULD NOT BE IN SUCH A LATE STAGE OF PREGNANCY,  
AT: uNLESS THAT WORKS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FOR THEM AND UHM, gOES REALLY SUPER FAST,  
AT: bUT THIS MEANS THAT THIS KAIJU WAS NOT VATGROWN OR CLONED OR ANYTHING,  
AT: aT SOME POINT IN ITS LIFE THIS GREAT ANIMAL MUST HAVE HAD A PARTNER,  
CA: you mean that this thing had sex at one point in its life?  
CT: D--> That  
CT: D--> That is beautiful  
EB: try getting that mental image out of your head folks.  
CG: THANK GOD IT CHOKED ON ITS OWN UMBILICAL CORD BEFORE THAT SITUATION COULD HAVE DESCENDED INTO WRITING A CONVENIENT HANDBOOK ABOUT WAYS TO GROSS ME THE FUCK OUT!

EB: psyche, its not dead.  
EB: also it ate ron perlman.

TT: So because dad aussie got injured firing a signal flare into the kaiju’s eye, Idris Elba will pilot the jaeger with him.  
TA: FUCK Y34HS!!!  
TA: B4D455 L3V3LS UP 4ND D1G1M1VOLV3S 1NTO0 B4D455 50METTNAHHUN!!!!  
CA: lost your train a thought?  
TA: F4RK 0FF!!!  
CT: D--> Hmm  
CT: D--> I understand that with their combined e%perience it sh001d be possible but after making such a deal about mako and beckets compatibility one w001d think they’d consider other candidates first  
GT: Idris Elba knows he is going to die soon anyway and wants to go out like a man!  
CT: D--> A selfish desire when the fate of your species depends on it

TG: and so idris elba delivers the final peptalk to show that he too has school spirit  
GT: Oh come on, this is some grade A manly stuff on display.  
TT: Phrasing.  
EB: cancelling the apocalypse you say?  
AT: yEAH, tHAT,  
AT: tHAT REALLY SOUNDS KIND OF MUNDANE ACTUALLY,  
TC: MaN i Am JuSt AbSoRbEd WiTh HoW fUcKiNg FiErCe He BrInGs It.  
TC: ThIs MoThErFuCkEr BeLiEvEs AnD mOtHeRfUcKiNg TeStIfIeS hIs WiCkEd ViSiOnS oF ApAcOlYpSeS aNd ThE cAnCeLlInG tHeReoF.   
EB: no please idris elba, tell us about how you saved all of time/space from a very annoying child with the powers of a god.  
uu: RuDE AS FuCK!  
uu: GOOD SHOW!  
EB: yeah well, you are kinda asking for it.  
uu: DO NOT WORRY YOuR DuMB HuMAN HEAD ABOuT IT!!  
uu: I LOATHE YOu TOO!  
EB: whatever.  
CG: HAHAHAHAHA OH FUCK, DO I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS FOR LORD ASSHOLE!

EB: oh hey, that guy is there too….  
EB: because of reasons.  
CT: D--> And the two of them drift with the kaiju brain  
TA: D3L15H BBY K41JU BR41NS!!!  
CT: D--> Throwing all caution to the wind and ignoring all the previous warnings  
CG: AND RUINING THEIR PROSPECT ON A HEALTHY BLACK RELATIONSHIP. THANKS A BUNCH YOU PIECE OF SHIT MOVIE!  
TA: 1N574N17Y 15 7R1YNG 7H3 54M3 7H1N 0V3RT 4ND OV3R, 3XM3CT1NG D1FFR3N7 R35UL7S!!  
CA: is that referring to karkats obvvious pale issues or the movvie repeatin the wwhole driftin wwith kaiju thing?  
TA: Y35!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
CA: movvin on then

EB: so now the two giant robots are going on, what i assume to be a suicide mission.  
CA: and this is wwhere the movvie kinda loses me  
GT: What do you mean?  
CA: wwe have these gigantic fuckin mechs and noww put them in an envviroment wwhere wwe have no sense a scale  
CA: is that pile a rocks the size of a mountain or just a bunch a pebbles  
CA: wwho knowws  
CT: D--> I am more concerned about the physi% behind this  
CT: D--> The water will hinder their effectiveness in combat and make them move sluggish  
CT: D--> Especially against the amphibious kaiju  
TT: Hate to sound like a broken record but you are forgetting the rule of cool.  
CT: D--> How incredibly f001ish of me

TA: H34RD Y0U 74LK1NG 5H17!!!  
GT: The biggest kaiju yet. An incredibly epic beast.  
CA: he seems no bigger than the other kaiju  
CA: see this is wwhy under the sea is a stupid setting for a giant on giant combat  
CA: just howw big is this fucker

\--autoResponder [AR] joined memo--

AR: This particular fucker, funnily enough called slattern, stands a proud 600 feet.  
AR: Just a bit taller than Godzilla’s most recent incarnation and just a little shorter than the Kraken from clash of the titans.  
AR: It would mean that Godzilla is roughly as tall as the other kaiju so if you don’t want to see Godzilla on jaeger combat yesterday then I am going to have to collect your mancards.  
AT: wHAT IS A gODZILLA?  
AR: Aw, that’s just sad.  
CG: OUT!  
AR: Later nerds.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned autoResponder [AR] from memo--

CG: HATE THAT GUY.  
EB: and now 2 more category 4 kaiju climbed out of the portal.  
EB: gipsy takes the two while drunken eureka takes the category 5?

CA: that wwould imply strategy  
CA: humans don’t seem to do that wwell  
TC: ErR… Is ThIs GoNnA hAve A hApPy EnDiNg?  
TC: ThE hUmAnS aInT dOiNg So HoT.  
EB: we are a resourceful species :B  
uu: SO THE DuMB HuMANS ARE TAKEN OFF-GuARD AND GET SEPERATED BY THE TWO SMALLER-BuT-STILL-INCREDIBLY-HuGE MONSTERS.  
uu: I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THEIR ROBOTS TORN TO SHREDS ON THE OCEAN FLOOR.  
uu: PERHAPS WE CAN GET A GOOD LOOK AT THEIR BROKEN AND BLOODIED CORPSES.   
uu: YES, WE SHALL TuRN THIS STREAM INTO A BONIFIED PARTY TO CELEBRATE THESE WONDERFUL CORPSES!  
EB: a corpse party?  
uu: THAT’S A DuMB THING TO CALL IT AND YOu ARE DuMB FOR SAYING IT.

TA: HOLY FUCK H145 F4C3J U57 FUCK1NGG M3LT3D3D!!!!  
GT: Chalk it up to Becket to improvise in a combat situation and use his environment to his advantage.  
TC: MaN, hOw CaN tHaT fIrE eVeN bE UnDeRwAtEr?  
CA: its not fire  
CA: it’s a volcanic pit  
CA: big difference  
TC: It Is FuCkInG wOnDeRfUl  
CA: its science  
CA: it can be logically explained  
TC: mAn DoN’t FuCkInG eXpLaIn It To Me.  
TC: I DoN’T EvEn wAnT tO kNoW. rUiNs ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg SpECIaLnEsS Of It YoU kNoW?  
uu: IF YOu ARE GOING TO CALL THIS A MIRACLE, SO HELP ME I WILL KILL YOU MORE PAINFuL THAN I ALREADY INTEND TO!  
TT: Elevator music.  
uu: DO NOT DARE TO DO THE THING DIRK!  
TT: I’mma do it.  
uu: DO NOT FuCKING DO THE FuCKING THING I JUST TOLD YOU NOT TO FuCKING DO DIRK!

TA: H4H4H4H4H4 Y45!!!  
TA: R1HG6 T7HROUGH 7H3 FUCK1NG M1DDL3 L1K3 50M3 50RT 0F 455HOL3!!!  
CA: yeah uhm…  
CA: trigger wwarnin  
TC: LoOkS pAiNfUl MaN. I cAn NoT fOr ThE lIfE oF mE iMaGiNe WhAt It WoUld Be LiKe To Be SaWn In HaLf LiKe ThAt.  
CG: YEAH….. IMAGINE THAT…….  
TG: man this movie totally stole that move from sharknado  
EB: dave, no.

CT: D--> Regardless, the slattern is still alive  
CG: AND THE MOLTEN FACE KAIJU IS ALSO KICKING. DAMN, THESE THINGS ARE IMPOSSIBLY RESILIENT.  
uu: SO NOW IT IS TIME TO PuT THE SuICIDE INTO SuICIDE MISSION AND DETONATE THE NuKE THEY WANTED TO TOSS IN THE PORTAL?  
uu: I APPLAuD THEIR STuPIDITY!  
uu: CLAP CLAP  
uu: THAT WAS SARCASTIC APPLAuSE JuST NOW. THE APPLAuSE WAS NOT MEANT AS A SINCERE GESTuRE TOWARDS THESE uNIMPORTANT CHARACTERS!!!  
GT: That’s no way to speak about these brave souls.  
CA: yeah but wwhat are they gonna use to bloww up the portal noww?  
EB: well…. the gipsy is nuclear powered.  
CA: i see  
TC: I DoN’t ReAlLy GeT iT bRo BuT tHiS iS sOmE hArDcOrE sHiT rIgHt hErE.

CA: and wwhile this once again looks impressivve, wwe have no idea wwhat the scope a this explosion is  
GT: Oh just enjoy the moment.  
CA: i am but it could be so much better  
CA: wwhat if the rift had opened on land?  
CA: wwhat if the rift opening on land submerged the wwhole fuckin place?  
CA: that wway wwe have a messy underwwater battle wwithout losing our sense a scope  
CA: this is science fiction people, you can get awway wwith stuff like that  
GT: That sounds pretty cool  
GT: However, I think they’ve done just fine like this.  
GT: It is a really impressive display and the character bits are more important than the actual fight for this particular scene.  
CA: eh, that’s sorta fair, i guess  
CG: (ERIDAN IS HAVING A POLITE DISCUSSION, WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?!)  
CT: D--> (A cunning ploy of the seadweller to lure jake into a false sense of security?)

CG: DEAR GOD, WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO KILL THESE FUCKING THINGS?!  
EB: oh how convenient.  
EB: newton and his buddy just came through to inform them that they needed a kaiju body to enter the portal anyway.  
EB: thank god not all of them were incinerated.  
CG: THIS IS GOING EXACTLY WHERE I THINK IT IS, ISN’T IT?

TG: and he makes the tackle to reach his home plate  
TG: game set and match gipsy danger  
AT: i WOULD COMMENT ON HOW EASY THE SLATTERN GETS TAKEN DOWN BUT UHM, eVEN HE MUST FEEL WINDED AFTER THAT NUKE WENT OFF IN HIS FACE,

CG: I…. WHAT THE FUCK AM I LOOKING AT NOW?  
TT: The universe the kaiju came from, I guess.  
CG: THERE IS NOTHING HERE!  
CT: D--> Perhaps it is the space between dimensions  
CG: AND WHO NAMED YOU HEIR OF SPACE ALL OF THE FUCKING SUDDEN!?  
EB: oh, perhaps it’s like our ocean. Just their version of it.  
EB: like, if an alien crash landed in the middle of our ocean, they too would believe it was a desolate watery wasteland.  
TT: It kinda was.

uu: OH NO!  
uu: THE DuMB GIRL HAS NO OXYGEN ANYMORE AND MIGHT DIE.  
uu: MY INVESTMENT IN THIS CRISIS COULD NOT POSSIBLY BE ANY LOWER.  
EB: you know, mako does seem to need an awful lot of saving and defending.  
EB: from her own failure in the jaeger, from her own lack of confidence, from the aussie, from the marshall’s punishment, from a lack of oxygen.  
uu: BECKET MEANWHILE POWERS THROuGH EVERYTHING, LIKE AN ALPHA MALE SHOuLD!  
EB: actually, that’s kind of what im getting at.  
EB: mako is determined and clever, sure but half of the time she is a damsel in some form of distress.  
CT: D--> She is a liability to the mission.  
EB: essentially.  
TT: Regardless, Becket gives her his remaining oxygen, jettisons her up through the portal using her escape pod and decides to do the rest of the mission solo, using what oxygen remains in the cockpit.  
TT: I am sure this will end well.  
AT: wAIT, tHEY HAD AN ESCAPE POD?  
AT: wHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?

CG: OKAY YEAH, THIS LOOKS SUITABLY WEIRD AND CREEPY ENOUGH TO BE THE KAIJU HOMEWORLD.  
TA: WH47 7H3 H3LL 15 TH1S 4N WH47 15 TH47 Y3LL00W 0RP 0F H4T73 1N 7H3 B4CK3RGROUND?!  
CA: not a clue  
CA: safe bet is sayin its somethin alien  
TG: meanwhile all these dangerous aliens just look kinda dopey as gipsey danger descends  
TG: like honey did you expect visitors today  
TG: who knows  
TG: could be blowing up the wife and kids of some kaiju they beat to pulp earlier in the movie  
AT: wELL, iF THEY CAN GET PREGNANT….  
TT: By way of horrible giant monster sex.  
CG: UUUUUUGH….  
uu: I DON’T uNDERSTAND. THESE CREATuRES SEEM LIKE THE APPROPRIATE SIZE FOR REPRODuCTION.   
CG: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHH!!!  
uu: IT’S JuST THE REST OF THEIR ANATOMY THAT IS COMPLETELY INCOMPATIBLE.

EB: so after setting gipsy danger to blow, becket makes a run for the escape pod as well.  
CG: WHAT!?!  
AT: wHERE ARE THESE ESCAPE PODS COMING FROM?  
AT: cOULDN’T IDRIS ELBA USE ONE INSTEAD OF UHM, rEMAINING ABOARD WHILE BLOWING HIMSELF UP?  
TG: nah  
TG: that would make it less of a dramatic sacrifice  
TT: I was under the impression that escaping the blast radius of the nuke was impossible anyway.  
CG: THEN WHY DOES BECKET THINK HE CAN GET AWAY WITH IT!?  
TT: For one, he has a timer instead of instant detonation. That might just give him a headstart on the explosion.  
CT: D--> Regardless  
CT: D--> Considering the importance of the mission sh001d he not remain on board till the very end to assure victory?  
CA: wwhy yes  
CA: yes he should  
EB: the kaiju are still just looking at it.   
EB: come on guys, one of the defenders of the species you try to exterminate is right in front of you.  
EB: you KNOW this means trouble because you should know by way of hivemind that this guy just took at slattern.  
AT: pERHAPS THEY NEVER CONSIDERED THAT THE BREACH COULD BE UHM, bREACHED?  
TG: still they might want to get on that

TG: whelp  
uu: THESE KAIJu WERE BRuTALLY MuRDERED BY THEIR OWN INACTION!!!  
TC: LoOkS mOtHeRfUcKiNg AmAzInG tHoUgH.  
TA: FUCK1NG C0L0R5!!!  
TA: 1 W1LL F1GH73 7H3M!!!

CG: BECKET GOT OUT ALIVE!?  
CG: THERE IS NO WAY IN ANY INCARNATION OF PARADOX SPACE THAT HIS ESCAPE POD FOUND IT’S WAY THROUGH THE PORTAL!  
CG: WHAT HAPPENED TO NEEDING KAIJU DNA TO TRAVEL THROUGH THE PORTAL!?  
TC: ShIt, mAyBe He GoT bLaStEd ThRoUgH bY tHe ExPlOsIoN?  
CG: IF HE WAS, HE WOULD HAVE BEEN REDUCED TO ASHES!  
CG: GOD THIS IS CONTRIVED! I CAN’T THINK OF A SINGLE PLAUSIBLE EXPLANATION, NOT A SOLITARY CONCEIVABLE WAY AS TO HOW BECKET COULD SURVIVE THAT EXPLOSION!  
CG: WERE THEY AFRAID THE SINGLE 5 YEAR OLD IN THE AUDIENCE COULDN’T HANDLE A BITTER SWEET ENDING IN A MOVIE WERE HALF OF THE HUMAN POPULATION HAS ALREADY BEEN DECIMATED BY KAIJU!?  
CG: WAS IT IN THE ACTOR’S CONTRACT THAT HE’D BE ALLOWED TO SURVIVE!?  
CG: WHAT KIND OF GROSSLY OVERSIZED ASS DID THEY PULL THIS ENDING FROM!?  
TT: It is Indiana Jones hiding in the fridge all over again?  
CG: I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT IS!

CG: THAT’S IT. MOVIE’S OVER.  
CG: THE MILITARY PICKS UP MAKO AND BECKET IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN AS THE ONLY SURVIVING JAEGER PILOTS IN THE WORLD. THE KAIJU THREAT HAS BEEN DEALT WITH AND EVERYTHING IS NOW PERFECT FOREVER. BITE ME.  
uu: THIS WAS AN INCREDIBLY DISAPPOINTING MOVIE!!!  
GT: No it wasn’t!  
uu: YES JAKE, IT WAS!  
uu: AT NO POINT, ASIDE FROM THE OPENING, WERE THE KAIJu EVEN CLOSE TO BEATING THE GIPSY DANGER. AT NO POINT DID I FEEL LIKE THE BECKET WAS IN ANY FORM OF REAL PERIL!  
TT: Well duh, most of the action protagonists survive.  
uu: THEN THIS IS A STuPID TREND THAT MUST BE SWIFTLY ELIMINATED!!!!  
uu: YOU SHALL DRAW ME AN ALTERNATE ENDING WHEREIN THE KAIJu TEAM uP WITH BECKET AND DEVOuR MAKO!  
TT: Completely out of drawing utensils right now.  
TT: Also: not drawing that.  
uu: YOu SHALL DO AS I SAY OR SO HELP ME, I WILL uSE THIS JuJu TO REMIND YOU OF MY GREAT POWER!  
TT: No, do it.  
CT: D--> Dirk please do not provoke him  
TT: I don’t care. Use your fucking oven thingie.  
uu: VERY WELL!  
uu: I SHALL TRAVEL TO THE DISTANT FuTuRE OF A FEW WEEKS FROM NOW!!!  
uu: THEN YOu WILL SEE THE POWER OF MY JuJu IS SuPERIOR AND YOu WILL BOW BEFORE IT’S TREMENDOuS POWER!!!  
TT: I’m sure I won’t.  
uu: DO NOT TEST ME!!!!!!!  
TC: ErR… YoU oKaY bRo?  
uu: PEACHY!  
GT: Before you leave Caliborn, I just have to ask.  
uu: NO YOu DON’T!!!  
GT: Did you or did you not enjoy the movie?  
uu: NO, OF COuRSE NOT!  
uu: I WAS NOT HERE TO ENJOY YOuR STuPID MOVIE!  
uu: IN FACT, THIS LITTLE EXPERIMENT SERVED AS A GOOD REMINDER AS TO WHY I NEED TO DESTROY EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE YOu HOLD DEAR!!  
uu: I SHALL DO THIS PROCESS GLEEFuLLY AND MAKE THE EXPERIENCE AS PAINFuLLY EXCRuCIATING AS POSSIBLE!!!  
TA: GH0 R1D3 4 B1K3 Y0U BL0473D FUCK1NG BULG3TW1RL3R!!!!  
uu: DO NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO!  
uu: I THOuGHT WE WERE PALS, HELMET FRIEND!!!  
TA: 1 W1LL K1KC Y0UR 455!!!  
TG: nice  
TA: 1 W1LL K1CK YUR 4S5 TW0!!!!  
CA: wwhat  
TA: 4ND Y0UR 45SS!!!!  
TA: 4N H15 4555!!!  
TA: 1’LL K1K MY 0WN 455!!!!  
GT: So….. Did you like the movie?  
TA: Y333333333333444444444444444444H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
TA: G14N7 ROB0T5 4ND M0NS73R4 4ND 7H3Y W3RR3 F1THG1NG L1K3 B00M CR45H K4P0W!!!!!!! 1T W45 7H3 7175!!!!  
TC: HeHeHe, YeAh.  
uu: YOu DO NOT COMPREHEND THE MEANING OF ENTERTAINMENT!!!!  
TA: G0 G37 Y0RU BULG3 571CK S0M3WH3R3!!!!!  
uu: I WAS GOING TO GO TO THE FuTuRE ANYWAY!!!  
uu: JuST TO SHOVE IT INTO DIRK’S STuPID HANDSOME HuMAN FACE!!!!  
TT: Dude, what?  
uu: I WILL SEE YOu SOON BuT YOu WILL SEE ME A FEW WEEKS FROM NOW!!!  
uu: uNTIL THEN, CONSIDER YOuRSELF SPARED FROM THE INEVITABLE DEMISE I SHALL REIGN uPON YOU LIKE A GOD!!!!  
TT: Whatever.

\--undyingUmbrage [uu] left memo--

TT: I thought he’d never shut up. Like, I can deal with him for a bit but sitting through a 2 hour movie with the guy is just exhausting.  
CG: WELCOME TO MY LIFE STRIDER.  
CG: I HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR SIBLING ON A FREQUENT BASIS!  
TT: Yeah but he doesn’t do the whole ‘you’re doomed mhuahahaha’ thing.  
TT: I wonder if the oven juju thing holds a legitimate threat somehow.  
TG: i wouldn’t worry about it  
TG: pretty sure i’ve seen it somewhere before  
TG: its harmless  
TG: caliborn will just be sitting in the oven like a child   
TG: counting down the days until its finally been a few weeks  
TG: probably sneaks out at night to steal snacks or something  
EB: like little monsters?  
TG: please  
TG: let it be exactly like that piece of shit movie  
GT: Is it that bad?  
EB: it is an underrated classic.  
TC: SoUnDs LiKe A MoThErFuCkInG mAsTeRpIeCe.  
GT: So, closing thoughts?  
CA: wwhat?  
GT: Well, we always seem to wrap up a movie with some post movie banter. I thought it appropriate to debate whether or not we enjoyed the movie, what points were brilliant, what parts were flawed, stuff like that.  
CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!  
CG: FUCK NO!  
CG: THE MOVIE IS OVER AND I DON’T HAVE TO SPEND ANOTHER MINUTE IN THIS STREAM TO AVOID AN INCOMPETENT FUCKWIT GETTING TO PICK THE NEXT ONE.  
CG: BUT AS ALWAYS THE JOKE IS ON ME, BECAUSE SHE ALREADY *IS* PICKING A MOVIE NEXT WEEK, SO I FUCKING SCREWED UP THAT ONE.  
GT: So you did not like Pacific Rim?  
CG: I HAVE SEEN WORSE, WHICH IS ABOUT THE KINDEST THING I AM GOING TO SAY ABOUT IT.  
CA: man kar, you really ought to lighten up  
CG: I AM LIGHTING UP!  
CG: I AM LIGHTING UP SO GODDAMN MUCH, I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING BEHEMOTH DROPPING ON TWELFTH PERIGREES EVE.  
CA: all im sayin is that this movvie is really fun and i feel like you didn’t evven givve it a fair chance  
CA: wwhat is up wwith that  
TC: KaRbRo JuSt JuDgEs ThInGs In HiS oWn SpEcIaL wAy.  
TA: 7H3 CR4BB1357 0FF 4LL W4yS!!!!  
GT: Then how about you, Gamzee?  
TC: Me?  
GT: Yeah, did you enjoy this cinematic venture?  
TC: DaMn BrO, yOu KnOw Me. I tHiNk EvErY cInEmAtIc ExPeRiEnCe Is A sMaLl, 90 mInUtE mIrAcLe.  
GT: So you liked it?  
TC: I dUg ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg HeLl OuT oF iT.  
GT: That’s good enough for me!  
CT: D--> I found this movie most impressive  
CT: D--> For the most part anyway  
GT: What do you mean?  
CT: D--> I do not fully understand human customs and relationships  
CT: D--> From where I stand, the relationship betwi%t Becket and Mako was pale on first sight  
CT: D--> To see it go uncelebrated like that is a waste  
CA: you wwould be the one to harp on moiraillegiance  
CT: D--> Not only that but I fail to comprehend the importance of Becket  
CT: D--> Why was he considered worthy in the eyes of Idris Elba when he blatantly disregards direct orders?  
TG: cause he is a hot blooded american who don’t need no orders  
CT: D--> Human customs confound me  
TT: Give it time.  
AT: i WASN’T ON BOARD WITH EVERYTHING PER SE, lIKE, sOME THINGS JUST DIDN’T MAKE A WHOLE LOT OF SENSE,  
AT: wHERE DID THE SWORD COME FROM, hOW COULD THAT KAIJU BE PREGNANT, tHE WHOLE THING WITH THE ESCAPE PODS, tHOSE THINGS eQUIUS JUST MENTIONED,  
AT: bUT ALL IN ALL IT WAS GOOD FUN, oR AT LEAST i THINK SO,  
TC: YeAh BrO, tEsTiFy.  
TT: I thought it was a good and enjoyable popcorn movie. No alcohol required.  
GT: And what about Captor?  
TA: B17CH PLS!!!!  
TA: 1 4M W47Y TW0 C00L F0R 7H15 P0PS1CL3 574NND!!!  
TA: D0N7 3V3N F0RG0T WH47 1 C4M3 H3R3 F04 1N D3H F15RT PL4C  
GT: What?  
TA: L473R N3RD5!!!!!!

\--twistedAftermath [TA] left memo--

CA: god wwhat a douche  
CG: YEAH, THAT HOLDS A LOT OF CREDIBILITY COMING FROM YOU OF ALL TROLLS.  
CG: KNOW WHAT, FUCK IT. I’M BANNING YOU ALL.  
EB: come on, we are just having fun.  
CT: D--> Perhaps you sh001d be the one to leave Karkat  
CG: AND LEAVE MY MEMO IN THE HANDS OF YOU IMBECILES!?  
CG: NO WAY!  
EB: dave, what did you think about the movie?  
TG: was alright  
TG: effects were the fucking bomb  
TG: giant robots are the shit  
TT: Word  
CT: D--> You are not incorrect  
TG: it was just an above average action flick with great effects and predictable story  
TG: seven out of ten hats  
EB: i thought you used a five hat rating system?  
TG: gotta go with the times egbert  
TG: people aren’t satisfied with a measly five hats anymore  
TG: got to deliver them the goods  
TG: call ups  
TG: there’s a new service in town  
TG: and he is always on time  
EB: smooth dave. so smooth.  
TG: you liked it  
EB: definitely!  
EB: that fight in the city was so damn epic and that final strike with the sword….  
EB: it was so impressive!  
TT: Yeah, say what you will. At least it was very nice to look at.  
GT: Right?  
CG: UUUUGH ENOUGH OF THIS.  
CG: I’M GOING TO SEE IF THE GIRL’S STREAM IS DONE. I REALLY NEED TO RANT TO KANAYA FOR A MOMENT ABOUT HOW TERRIBLE THIS WAS.  
AT: iT REALLY WASN’T UHM, tHAT TERRIBLE,  
TC: BrO, yOu SeEiNg DiAmOnDs FoR tHe GrUbSiS?  
CG: OH MY GOD, IT IS COMPLETELY PLATONIC YOU UNREFINED PILLOWHUMPERS!!!!  
CG: AND KANAYA ISN’T RESPONDING. THAT’S JUST FUCKING PERFECT!!!!  
TG: what about terezi  
CG: WHAT *ABOUT* TEREZI!?  
TG: geesh  
TG: what’s gotten up your ass and do you need to see a doctor for it  
CG: FUCK OFF STRIDER.  
CG: MEMO’S OVER. EVERYONE GO HOME.  
CA: damn kar  
CA: maybe get that stick out your butt and chill for a bit  
TC: HaHaHa, ThAt’s WhAt I aLwAyS sAy.  
TC: jUsT sIt YoUr AsS dOwN aNd ChIlL tHe MoThErFuCk OuT.  
CG: EVERYONE STOP TALKING ABOUT MY ASS!!  
CG: WE ARE *NOT* DOING THIS!!!  
CG: WE ARE NOT DEBATING MY NON-EXISTANT PALE CRUSH ON KANAYA.  
CG: WE ARE NOT GOING TO ATTEMPT TO FUCKING ‘SHIP’ ME WITH ANOTHER PALE BACHELOR FOR THE SAKE OF SOME CHEAP THRILLS. WE ARE NOT DUMB CAT TROLLS PEOPLE!  
CT: D--> Out of consideration for your health I suggest retracting that last statement   
CG: NO!  
CG: FUCK YOU!  
EB: nah, karkat is all over that other girl. what’s her name?  
CG: WHAT!?  
EB: you know, aradia’s dancestor.  
TG: when did that happen  
EB: oh, during space jam i think.  
EB: maybe earlier.  
CA: wwhen wwere you plannin on tellin us kar?  
CA: that is wwonderful newws  
CG: NO, WE FUCKING….   
CG: LOOK, THERE WASN’T ANY FORM OF PALE ATTRACTION BETWEEN US WHATSOEVER. ONCE AGAIN, EGBERT PROVES HIMSELF TO BE A FUCKING SAVANT WHEN IT COMES TO NOT UNDERSTANDING THE COMPLICATED NUANCES OF TROLL RELATIONSHIPS!  
TT: I don’t know bro.  
TT: Seems like you two were buddying up during princess mononoke as well.  
TT: Might be worth checking out you know?  
CG: OKAY NO!  
CG: I JUST SAID WE ARE NOT DOING THIS FUCKING TANGO AGAIN AND I STAND BY IT!  
CG: FUCK EGBERT FOR BRINGING IT UP!  
CG: FUCK STRIDER FOR CONTINUING THIS NONSENSE!  
CG: AND FUCK ME FOR HAVING TO DEAL WITH YOU LOT.  
CG: MEMO OVER, GOODNIGHT!

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG]  banned ectoBiologist [EB] \--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG]  banned turntechGodhead [TG] \--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG]  banned golgothasTerror [GT] \--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned timeausTestified [TT] \--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG]  banned adiosToreador [AT] \--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG]  banned centaursTesticle [CT] \--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG]  banned terminallyCapricious [TC] \--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG]  banned caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put two points into necromancy and all I got is resurect fic.
> 
> Pacific Rim is a good time and definitely worth recommending for a saturday night on the couch with friends. Really loved the monster on robot carnage and for all the shit I gave it; the character bits were not bad. Just awfully predictable in the way a highschool movie is. It's just a shame the russians and the chinese were taken out so quickly. They actually looked way more interesting than the aussies or Becket and Mako.
> 
> Really hope you enjoyed the chapter and I'll try to pump out the next a little faster. Next chapter we'll see the girls watch their movie but what will the pick be? Leaving it up to you because I am being indecisive as usual. First film with 8 votes wins. I'll keep score in the morning. The nominees are:
> 
> - **Rocky Horror Picture Show: 8**  
>  -Moulin Rouge: 2  
> -Pitch Perfect: 2
> 
> So that is going to be a thing. Ready your Tim Curries and take a jump to the left. You can also follow me on [my tumblr](http://anon--h.tumblr.com/) because that still is a thing.


	22. Rocky Horror Picture Show

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] opened memo: MOV13S FOR HOT B4B3S--

GC: *TH3 F13RC3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR OP3NS H3R SH1NY N3W M3MO W1TH 4 GL33FUL SM1RK 4ND 4 M1SCH13VOUS GL1NT 1N H3R 3Y3*  
GC: “W1TH TH3 DW33BY BOYS HOLD1NG TH31R SP3C14L ‘NO G1RLS 4LLOW3D’ N1GHT, VR1SK4, ROXY 4ND MYS3LF H4V3 S33N F1T TO ORG4N1Z3 OUR OWN MOV13 N1GHT”  
GC: “1T W1LL B3 K1ND OF L1K3 TH31R SP3C14L N1GHT BUT B3TT3R!!”  
GC: “M41NLY B3C4US3 TH3Y 4R3N’T H3R3 >:p  
GC: JUST W4TCH  
GC: TH1S 1S GO1NG TO B3 GR34T  
GC: ROXY SHOW3D M3 TH3 MOST D3L3CT4BL3 MOV13 TH4T 1S SUR3 TO L34V3..  
GC: 4N 1MPR3SS1ON  
GC: ON 4LL MY LOV3LY CH4TM4T3S  
GC: YOU 4R3 SUR3 TO B3 CRY1NG BY TH3 3ND OF TH1S  
GC: B3C4US3 YOU 4R3 L4UGH1NG SO H4RD  
GC: 4T HOW TR4G1C 1T 1S  
GC: 1TS 4 CH4RM1NGLY COMPL1C4T3D STORY 4BOUT 4 R3N3G4D3 TRY1NG TO 4VO1D JUST1C3  
GC: OF H1L4R1OUS SONGS 4ND 4MUS1NG D4NC3 ROUT1N3S  
GC: 4ND OF QU4DR4NTS GON3 HORR1BLY 4WRY  
GC: HON3STLY K4RK4T WOULD H4V3 LOV3D 1T 1F H3 W4SN’T B31NG 4 WR1GGL3R 4ND HUNG OUT W1TH US 1NST34D  
GC: SO  
GC: 4NY T4K3RS?  
GC: 1 4M 3XP3CT1NG VR1SK4 4ND ROXY 4NY MOM3NT NOW BUT TH1S C4NT B3COM3 4 THR33-CH1CK OP3R4T1ON  
GC: W3 N33D 4 FULLY OP3R4T1ON4L CR3W OF B4D-4SS HOTT13S TO G1V3 TH1S MOV13 TH3 MOCK1NG 1T SO D3S3RV3S >:]  
GC: VR1SK4 D1D S3ND TH3 1NV1T4T1ONS R1GHT??  
GC: OH GOD  
GC: 1 JUST R3M3MB3R3D 1 4SK3D VR1SK4 TO S3ND TH3 1NV1T4T1ONS  
GC: WHY D1D 1 4SK H3R OF 4LL P3OPL3??  
GC: D4MN  
GC: TH4T W4S PR3TTY STUP1D  
GC: 1F TH1S 3NDS UP B31NG 4N 3MPTY STR34M 1 H4V3 NO ON3 BUT MYS3LF TO BL4M3  
GC: 1 SHOULD H4V3 KNOWN B3TT3R

\--assidiousGoddess [AG] joined memo--

AG: Do not fret Terezi. Vriska did in fact remem8er to send the invitations.  
AG: Unfortunately however, she will not 8e present for the viewing of this movie.  
GC: WH4T??  
GC: WHY TH3 H3CK NOT??  
GC: W3 D1SCUSS3D TH1S 4 F3W D4YS 4GO HOW D1D SH3 SCR3W TH1S UP??!!  
AG: Not a clue. She informed me that she was tied up with ‘more important engagements’ so I am not expecting her to join us.  
AG: I hope you will find me an accepta8le su8stitute.   
AG: Actually, I was rather looking forward to watching another movie.  
GC: R1GHT  
GC: L4ST MOV13 YOU W4TCH3D W4S TH4T PORNO D4M4R4 SHOW3D  
AG: Yes… I recall.  
GC: NOT GO1NG OFF TO ‘F33D YOUR SP1D3RSCORP1ON’ 4G41N  
GC: 4R3 YOU?  
AG: Perhaps you remem8er my pet 8eing 8rutally murdererd 8y one Dave Strider?  
GC: OH R1GHT  
GC: SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS 1 GU3SS??  
AG: The mourning period has long since passed 8ut I appreci8 the sentiment.  
AG: l8 though it may be.  
GC: GOOD  
GC: B3TT3R L4T3 TH4N N3V3R 4M 1 R1GHT?  
AG: I suppose.  
AG: Regardless, the tale you descri8ed does manage to pique my curiosity.   
AG: And there is singing involved?  
GC: OH 1NCR3D1BLY SO >:]  
AG: How delightfully alien.  
AG: Consider me intrigued, and perhaps a little gr8ful for Vriska’s a8sence.  
AG: Also, perhaps it is a little inappropriate to say but I am glad the 8oys are excluded.  
AG: I know our usual host isn’t too fond of me........  
GC: DON’T WORRY TOO MUCH 4BOUT TH4T  
GC: 1 DON’T TH1NK H3 L1K3S 4NY OF TH3 4LPH4S

\--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] joined memo--

TG: what is up yo?  
GC: M1SS COTTON C4NDY  
GC: HOW N1C3 OF YOU TO JO1N US  
TG: that is mrrs cotton candi  
TG: i hace troll marryed nep and john so like  
TG: total hot mrs  
GC: BUT YOU STILL DON’T HAVE A KISMESIS R1GHT?  
TG: oh ye  
TG: whas that mak e me?  
GC: 1 4M ST1CK1NG W1TH M1SS 1F 1TS 4LL TH3 S4M3 TO YOU  
TG: sure, whatevs  
TG: hows everyoene feel?  
TG: readdy for the rocy horro picutre show?  
AG: Is something the matter Roxy?  
AG: Why are you typing in such an atrocious manner?  
GC: 1TS WH4T SH3 DO3S  
AG: I thought she just did that when she was ine8ri8ed.  
TG: inebribed?  
GC: 1N3BR14T3D  
TG: ooooooooh, well excuse me.  
TG: if it harms those sensitive eyes of yours I shall now type with perfect diction, syntax, grammar and whatever, to demonstrate that I am presently sober.  
TG: yes, yes, quite right.  
TG: look at me being all classy and junk.  
TG: tip tip tallyho and other adorable english quotes.  
AG: Then why the façade?  
TG: aint no facade  
TG: im just playin with like a bamilion tabs at once  
TG: how much is a bamilion i hear you ask?  
AG: No one was asking this question.  
TG: more than a shit ton can hold, that’s what!  
TG: also hackin captors computer.  
GC: WH1L3 1 3NCOUR4G3 3V3RY 4TT3MPT TO S4BOT4G3 TH3 BOYS TON1GHT 1 H4V3 TO 4SK WHY?  
GC: 1 4M PR3TTY SUR3 YOU COULD H4CK T4VROS OR 3R1D4N BUT NOT SOLLUX  
AG: Unless she was talking a8out Mituna.  
GC: UNL3SS SH3 W4S T4LK1NG 4BOUT M1TUN4, GOOD PO1NT  
TG: nop, talkng aboub the d-bag himself  
GC: TH3N TH1S SHOULD B3 1NT3R3ST1NG >:]  
TG: ye, like  
TG: this is probs the bestest secrumity ive sawn in a while  
TG: firewalls, counter-meashores, hidden caches and even counter-infections all up in this wazoo  
TG: miht actuolly take some time  
GC: SO WHY 4R3 YOU DO1NG TH1S?  
TG: asshole bet me i couldn’t.  
GC: OF COURS3  
TG: can’t let that slipe  
TG: im the haxxor superior and he needs to kno that

\--arsenicCatnip [AC] joined memo--

AC: :33< you better let roxy do her thing  
AC: :33< she can get furry obsessive about things like this  
TG: im NOT obsessis  
AC: :33< you are totally obsessis about stuff like this  
TG: obsessis fur you bae  
TG: *WONK*  
AC: :33< okay yeah  
AC: :33< let’s go with that  
AC: :33< *AC wonks back*  
TG: <3  
AC: :33< bottom line is that she can occasionally misspell a word beclaws she is busy  
TG: no ur the bottom line  
AC: :33< or she writes something that doesn’t make sense like that  
TG: oh it makes sense alright ;)  
AG: I am utterly confused.  
GC: JUST ROLL W1TH 1T  
AC: :33< i got the audience participation thingie by the way  
AC: :33< roxy’s got one too  
GC: TH3 WH4T NOW?  
TG: oh yeah  
TG: big ol earth tradimption  
GC: >:?  
TG: like, they actually incluped it with the dvd and all, so i guess it was important?  
TG: it says wehn and vhere to make what funneh comment  
GC: YOU M34N TH3Y 4LR34DY M4D3 FUN OF TH3 MOV13 B3FOR3 W3 H4D 4 CH4NC3?  
TG: kinda?  
TG: old movie yo  
GC: HOW D4R3 TH3Y!  
AC: :33< you want the participation thingie terezi?  
GC: H3CK NO >:[  
GC: WH4T FUN 1S US1NG SOM3ON3 3LS3’S JOK3S?  
GC: 3SP3C14LLY WH3N YOU C4N M4K3 YOUR OWN  
TG: fuck im using the absolute SHIT outta mine  
GC: B4H  
AG: Not to steer this convers8ion 8ack on track or anything 8ut……..   
AG: No, actually that is exactly what I am attempting to do.  
AG: Can we get 8ack on track?

\--apacolypseArisen [AA] joined memo--

AA: yes  
AA: we probably should get back on track  
AA: this movie has made me very curious  
AC: :33< beclaws of the whole ‘horror’ part?  
AA: in part  
AA: why  
AC: :33< no reason  
AA: when i asked aradiabot to search for it she just laughed and told me to check it out for myself  
AA: so this promises to be something  
AA: i don’t know what but it will be something  
AC: :33< that’s… purrobably true?  
GC: W41T  
GC: YOUR ROBOT L4UGHS?  
AA: well no  
AA: but she does this thing when she is amused  
GC: WH1L3 R3M41N1NG COMPL3T3LY STO1C?  
AA: exactly  
AA: i am glad you understand  
AG: I continue to feel like I understand nothing.

\--gutsyGumshoe [JC] joined memo--

GG: Good evening everybody.  
TG: omg janey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
TG: hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
GG: Hello to you too Roxy.  
GG: You seem in high spirits today.  
TG: well durrr  
TG: girls night out on ta town biatches!  
TG: clam i get a hell yeah?  
GG: Oh, I don’t know about that. It is just a movie we are watching, not a night of quote unquote getting crunk.  
GG: That is the correct way of saying it, yes?  
TG: oh sweet adorably sweet janey  
TG: this aint just SOME movie  
TG: this’s rocky hoppor picture show!  
GG: Oh.  
AA: what oh  
GG: Well…. I remember dad saying that I wasn’t allowed to watch that one.  
GG: Apparently it is pretty, uhm… lewd?  
AG: Jane……..  
AG: I hate to 8e the one to point out your hypocrisy 8t you sat throughout the entirety of Pirates with us.  
GC: COM3 ON  
GC: WH4T 1S 4 L1TTL3 PORN 4MONG FR13NDS >:]  
AC: :33< uhm… what?  
TG: janey you minxxx  
GG: Well, I never said I wasn’t going to watch this movie did I?  
GG: The allure of the forbidden entices me.  
AA: good  
TG: sweeeett!~!  
TG: sendifimicating you the audient pacification file  
TG: *auditive panification  
TG: *australian translation  
TG: ok, so aytocorrect aint workin  
GG: Thank you Roxy.  
GC: UGH HUM4NS  
GC: M4K3 YOUR OWN T3RR1BL3 JOK3S 4LR34DY!!

\--cuttlefishCuller [CC] joined memo--

CC: S---EAKING OF )(ORRIBUBBL---E JOK----ES!!!!  
CC: W)(AT DO MURD---ERS)(ARKS ---EAT?  
AA: anything with a pulse  
AG: I am fairly certain a pulse is entirely optional for murdersharks.   
CC: FIS)( AND S)(IPS!!!!!  
TG: nice  
GC: NOT THOS3 K1ND OF HORR1BL3 JOK3S  
GG: I thought it was cute.  
CC: T)(AN YOU WILL LOV—E T)(E NEXT ON—E!!!  
CC: W)(at kind of fis)( c)(ases mice?  
AC: :33< A CATFISH!  
CC: aaaaw no fair!  
CC: you knew that one already!  
AC: :33< purrhaps  
AC: :33< or purrhaps i am just really good at games and riddles and stuff :33  
CC: fin  
CC: LAST ON—E!  
GC: TH1S 1S MOV13 N1GHT PR1NC3SS BUBBL3GUM  
GC: NOT ST4ND UP COM3DY HOUR  
GG: Even though we should totally do that.  
CC: I KNOW RIG)(T??  
TG: jaaaane  
GG: Yes?  
TG: jaaaaaaaney  
GG: I am all ears Rolal.  
GG: Lay it on me.  
TG: you should TOTES do that standup whatchamahoozit.  
TG: your like super cute and talentted and would compeelty rock at it.  
GG: Uhm…. I’ll consider it?  
CC: NO, YOU TOTALLY SHORED!  
TG: *shold  
GG: *Should. And I will.  
GG: As in, I will consider it.  
CC: NO, YOU SAID YOU WOULD. NO BACKSIES!!!!  
GC: PR1NC3SS ORD3RS  
GG: Oh drat.   
AG: Don’t let Meenah hear that. She would consider it a challenge.  
CC: BRING IT!  
TG: feffy, no.

\--genderAbberance [GA] joined memo--

GA: Go+o+d evening everyo+ne.  
GA: I have heard there was ano+ther get-to+gether to+night.  
GA: If yo+u do+ no+t mind, I wo+uld like to+ jo+in in.  
GC: W3LL 1 DON’T TH1NK W3 M1ND  
GC: 1T M1GHT B3 4 L1TTL3 CONFUS1NG ONC3 K4N4Y4 SHOWS UP BUT 1 S33 NO 1SSU3 W1TH YOU B31NG H3R3  
GA: O+h, that sho+uldn’t be a pro+blem.  
GA: Kanaya info+rmed me that she wo+uld no+t be co+ming.  
GC: WH4T??!!  
GC: 1 UND3RST4ND VR1SK4 B4CK1NG OUT B3C4US3 SH3 1S VR1SK4  
GC: BUT K4N4Y4??  
GA: I apo+lo+gize o+n her behalf but she mentio+ned that she wo+uld be all tied up to+night.  
GC: B4H  
AG: Hello Porrim.  
AG: Good to see you again.  
GA: Likewise.  
AG: Curious to see another human movie?  
GA: Well, we have seen pirates… Which was amusing.  
GA: I’ve seen My Little Po+ny as well… Which was incredibly uninteresting.  
GA: I am curio+us to+ see ho+w the scales will be tipped.   
AG: Weren’t you there for Jackass as well?  
GA: I refuse to+ ackno+wledge that as a mo+vie.  
GA: It was mo+re like a do+cumentary abo+ut fo+o+lish white men with no+ co+ncern fo+r their o+wn wellbeing.  
GC: SOUNDS L1K3 FUN >:]  
AC: :33< sounds a little weird actually  
GC: DO YOU DON’T L1K3 FUN N3P3T4?  
AC: :33< i love fun!  
GC: TH3N W3 W1LL W4TCH TH4T DOCUM3NT4RY 4FT3R TH1S  
AC: :33< oh sure  
AC: :33< why not?  
CC: I AM SO CRAS)(ING T)(AT PARTY!!

\--gardenGnostic [GG] joined memo--

GG: hi there!  
GG: is there a girl’s night going on?  
GG: because i am definitely game for that :)  
GA: Nice to+ see yo+u again Jade.  
GG: hi porrim!  
GG: hows everyone doing?  
AC: :33< well jane and fefurry want to begin a comeowdy club thingie  
AC: :33< purezi is hyping efurryone fur the movie  
AC: :33< and roxy has a script kinda?  
GC: W3 4R3 NOT US1NG TH3 SCR1PT  
GC: W3 4R3 M4K1NG OUR OWN JOK3S  
TG: im using the script yo  
TG: try an stop me  
GC: B4H F1N3  
GC: SU1T YOURS3LF  
GG: okay, that sounds neat  
GG: ive been visiting more neighboring planets  
GA: So+unds like fun  
GG: it was!  
GG: there is this one planet that was so dark it absorbed pretty much all light!  
GG: im not even sure how that is possible but it sure was cool!  
GG: another planet was absolutely gigantic, probably twice the size of what Jupiter used to be, but had the density of a quarter!  
GG: space is so cool :B  
GG: Jade, no offense but you are making our idea for a stand-up night look incredibly mundane by comparison.  
GG: but that’s cool too!  
GG: i can’t wait to see what kind of performance you’ll give jane!  
GG: im sure it’ll be great :B  
GG: Well, I am not certain that I will be the one performing.  
CC: NU U)( JANE!!!  
CC: WE )(AVE GONE OVER T)(IS!!!  
CC: NO BACKSIES!!!  
GG: Oh heavens.  
TG: aight, we are almost conplete  
CC: *conchplete  
TG: thank you fef <>  
TG: so lets get our final babes in here!

\--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] invited uraniumUmbra [UU] to memo--

UU: good evening lovelies.  
UU: is there something the matter?  
TG: err, yeah.  
TG: we watching a movevie for babenight and you aint here?  
TG: can we fix it?  
TG: hellss yes we can!  
UU: oh that soUnds absolUtely delightfUl ^u^  
UU: i am happy to be inclUded.  
TG: are you kipping?  
TG: u were spposed to get that inviptation like, soon as we plannted it.  
UU: trUly?  
GG: Of course.  
UU: oh my stars, that is mighty kind of yoU all.  
GG: It wouldn’t be girl’s night without you :B  
GC: G4H, TH1S 1S WH4T 1 G3T FOR L3TT1NG VR1SK4 H4NDL3 TH3 1NV1T4T1ONS  
GC: OF COURS3 SH3’D FORG3T 4 F3W  
GC: HOW MUCH YOU W4NT TO B3T SH3 FORGOT ROS3, JUST TO SP1T3 H3R?  
TG: hang on, i got this!

\--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] invited tentacleTherapist [TT] to memo—

GG: rose!  
GG: we are watching a movie with the girls!  
GG: come join in!  
TT: Oh dear.  
TT: It seems I forgot to sign off.  
TG: nu uh, no signing off  
AC: :33< yeah, get your tush in here :PP  
TT: I apologize but I have different engagements tonight.  
TT: Perhaps I will join for the actual, gender neutral movie night next Saturday again.  
GC: NOP3  
GC: C4N’T L3T YOU DO TH4T  
CC: Y----EA)(!!!!  
CC: COM---E ON!!!  
CC: GILLS PARTY!!!!  
GA: They seem very adamant in having yo+u jo+in Ro+se.  
AG: Might as well join in, right?  
TT: Like I said, I have something else that requires my full attention tonight.  
TT: Watching a movie with you, lovely though it may be, simply isn’t manageable for me at the moment.  
TG: waht?  
TG: like, what is more important than wwatchik a moive with your bestie AND your ectosipling.  
GG: yeah rose :P  
GG: come on, it’ll be fun!  
TT: So is what I have planned.  
GC: TH4N WH4T 1LLUSTR1OUS PR1V4T3 4CT1V1TY DO YOU H4V3 PL4NN3D FOR TON1GHT?  
TT: An activity that is indeed both illustrious and private.  
GG: rose :(  
TT: Don’t.  
GG: :( :( :( :( :( :( :(  
TT: Jade, please.  
GG: :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(  
TT: Oh my god, Jade.  
AC: :33< better say it rose  
AC: :33< who knows when she’ll stop  
GG: :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(  
TT: Fine, fine. Your string of sad frowny faces has convinced me to disclose the nature of my activities.  
GG: YES!!!!  
TT: Truth of the matter is that both my matesprit and my kismesis are in a state of bondage before me and it would be most impolite of me to leave them waiting for longer than I intended.  
GG: I….. do not have a proper response for that.  
GG: oh  
GG: :O  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4HH4H4H4H4H4HH4H4HH4H4H4H4H4H4H4  
UU: *blUshes fUrioUsly*  
TG: hahahaha yeah!  
TG: fuck yeah!  
TG: fuck the hell yeah!  
TG: all board threeway vity!  
TG: hcoo choo!!!!  
TT: I would appreciate it if this remained a ‘girl’s’ secret, as it were.  
GA: My, it so+unds like yo+u will have yo+ur wo+rk cut o+ut fo+r yo+u to+night.  
TT: We’ve been planning this for a while, yeah.  
GC: 4ND TH3N VR1SK4 4GR33D TO HOST MOV13 N1GHT ON TH4T S4M3 D4T3 >:[  
TT: To be perfectly frank, it was I that decided to show up three hours early.  
TT: Black priviliges, as it were.  
AG: You have learned the quadrant well.  
TT: Thank you.  
TT: So if you do not mind, I will take my leave.  
TT: And again, please keep this between the…. 11 of us. Oh dear.  
GC: 4R3 YOU K1DD1NG?  
GC: K4RK4T W1LL G3T 4N 4N3URYSM 1F H3 H34RS 4BOUT TH1S  
GC: 1 S1MPLY MUST T3LL H1M!  
GA: That so+unds a little black, do+es it no+t?  
GC: WH4T?  
GC: NO, 1 JUST 3NJOY W4TCH1NG H1M FL1P  
GA: If yo+u say so+  
TT: Well then, if I find an e-mail in all caps in the morning, I’ll know who to blame.  
TT: Have fun tonight.  
GA: Likewise Ro+se.  
GA: Maybe help my descendant lo+o+sen up a little.  
GA: Also+, I wo+uld like to+ hear abo+ut yo+ur explo+its to+mo+rro+w, if yo+u do+ no+t mind.  
TT: And you made it weird….  
GA: No+ I didn’t.

\--tentacleTherapist [TT] left memo--

GA: Did I make it weird?  
UU: Perhaps a tad?  
GC: 4LR1GHT, P4RTY 1S COMPL3T3 SO L3TS G3T ON TO TH3 SHOW!

TG: LET THER BE LIPS!  
GA: Interesting aesthetic.  
GA: I think?  
GG: it actually sounds kinda nice  
GG: even if i don’t know any of these references  
AC: :33< who was flash gordon  
AC: :33< more impurrtantly, why was he in silver underwear?  
GC: QU3ST1ONS FOR L4T3R  
TG: Mykael Renny was ill, the day the arth stood still, but he told us where we stand.  
TG: ON YOUR FEET DUMPASS  
GG: Would it be presumptuous of me to assume that you are reading from the audience participation guide already?  
TG: that wold be VERY prassumpouos indeed.  
TG: also contpletely correctomondu.  
TG: starring brad the asshole, jannet the slut, another hepling of curry pls, ur fave color, the bestest country fer drugs and the kiss ass.  
GG: The Netherlands have a role in this movie?  
TG: second bestest country für drugs  
GG: You are mistyping so gratuitously that you actually got an umlaut in there.   
GG: How do you do it?  
TG: it’s a gift  
GA: Can we agree to+ no+t call Jannet a slut?  
GA: It is kind o+f a peeve o+f mine to shame peo+ple o+n their sexual explo+its.   
GA: And, at the risk o+f bringing po+litics into+ this, its usually wo+men being the o+nes shamed, whereas men get applauded fo+r it, addint to+ my reluctance to+ judge Jannet.  
GC: TRUST M3 M4RY4M  
GC: N31TH3R G3ND3R’S S3XU4L 3XPLO1TS 4R3 LOOK1NG GOOD BY TH3 3ND OF TH1S

TG: THROW THE RICE!!!  
UU: Uhm…. why?  
TG: just do it!  
GC: TH3 SCR1PT?  
TG: aaaww yea  
UU: i have no idea what the pUrpose this serves but I don’t see why not.   
UU: it seems particUlarly wastefUl thoUgh.  
UU: whatever these refresher coUrses entailed, it soUnds rather adorable to meet yoUr love there.  
UU: maybe i can Use it as inspiration for an aU.  
UU: what do you think roxy?  
TG: they used super glue as a contradecepticon!  
UU: i do not know what that means.  
GG: She means you should write or draw whatever you feel like Callie.  
UU: splendid.  
AG: The wedding is usually reserved for the third act of a story.  
AG: Interesting to see this movie play with tropes in such a manner.  
GC: YOU H4V3N’T S33N 4NYTH1NG Y3T!  
GG: i can’t wait  
GG: are there more songs?  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4 STR4P 1N J4D3  
GC: YOU 4R3 1N FOR 4 R1D3 >:]

AA: this is a strange place for a confession  
AA: i like it  
AC: :33< of course you do  
GC: WHY TH3 H3CK 1S TH3R3 4 B1LLBO4RD 1N TH3 OF 4 C3M3T3RY?  
TG: aaaaaah ̄ \\_(ツ)_/ ̄  
TG: that was in the audience pamticitation  
CC: *parfishitation  
GG: *Participation.  
GC: FUCK  
AG: I like how 8rad kind of seems like the stereotypical, old-timey sci-fi/horror hero.  
AG: Particularly his voice seems a perfect fit for the radio plays of yesteryear.  
UU: oh i concUr.   
UU: it is an identifiable, mascUline voice withoUt being intimidating.  
GA: I was go+ing to+ call it bland.  
GG: yeah, kinda?  
AG: At first glance, Jannet seems to fit the same archetype. The type of heroine found in old movies.  
GA: Meaning she is a damsel in distress.  
AA: probably  
GA: Sigh.  
GG: Jake would appreciate the old-timey vibe of it all.  
TG: it’s a siiiightly older movevie so im not shure it was international.  
CC: *intrenchanol  
GG: *Intentional.  
CC: you’re no fun 38P  
UU: i sUppose it does imply that the movie has aged rather well?  
AC: :33< we are only a few meownites in  
AC: :33< it s33ms a bit early to say

CC: Y-----ES!!!!  
CC: ANOTT---ER SONG!!!!!  
AC: :33< aaaaw, they are so happy together!!!  
AC: :33< the way they catually have a duet to explain how much they love each other is so cute!  
AA: brad im mad does not seem like a cute thing to say  
AC: :33< oh those are just details  
UU: they do make for a precioUs coUple of hUmans, yes.  
UU: i love the way they express themselves in song.  
GC: 1ND33D  
GC: 1T WOULD B3 4 SH4M3 1F SOM3TH1NG W3R3 TO  
GC: GO HORR1BLY WRONG!!!!  
AC: :33< OH NO!!!  
GA: I hate to be that buzzkill again but this so+ng really isn’t that go+o+d.  
GA: It is amusing, yes but it is no+thing special.  
TG: BLASPHEMOR!  
GA: Is that in the script o+r are yo+u referring to+ me.  
TG: lol it should be  
TG: what asshol writse on a curhch door?  
GG: Have you ever heard of Martin Luther?  
TG: cant say i hace  
GG: Joke wasted, never mind.

UU: What three ways is he referring to?  
TG: find em, fuck em, forget em!  
GC: SCR1PT3D?  
TG: you kno it!  
GG: he meant good, bad or mediocre  
AG: Did he plan to propose to Jannet 8efore 8reaking out into song?  
AG: The ring IS an integral part of human matrimony, correct?  
UU: oh yes. it is an absolUtely darling tradition.  
UU: i remember joking aboUt it with Roxy when she gave me mine.  
TG: err, yeah.  
AC: :33< she is spoken fur though  
AC: :33< so watch it >:33  
UU: i did not mean to intrUde.  
TG: no, no, we all cool.  
TG: no need to make this awkarwd.  
CC: *sharkward  
TG: not now  
AA: too late for that now

GG: who is this now?  
GC: TH3 N4RR4TOR 1 4SSUM3?  
TG: lol nah he is the criminologist  
GG: really?  
GG: what does he do?  
GG: was there a crime somewhere that he needs to solve?  
TG: he uh…..  
TG: narrates   
TG: kinda  
GC: >:[  
AA: i suppose we should prepare for a strange journey then  
CC: those are the best kind  
CC: i mean, as long as we get to stay in our universe this time  
GC: 1 4M NOT M4K1NG 4NY PROM1S3S  
GG: no, we will definitely stay in our own universe  
GC: YOU’R3 NO FUN  
GG: :B

AA: oh no  
AA: it is storming and our car broke down in the middle of nowhere  
AA: thankfully there is a very ominous castle on spitting distance from here  
AG: I am fairly certain this movie is entering spoof territory at this point.  
AG: Either that or a very unflattering homage.  
UU: i am gUessing it is a little bit of both?  
TG: get out your water gunns!  
UU: i didn’t bring any….  
TG: you can’t watch RCPH WIPHOUP water gunts!  
CC: I brought mine?  
AC: :33< of course you did  
TG: FIRE AWAY!!!

GG: oh another song  
GA: Well it isn’t a bad so+ng per se….  
GG: buuuut?  
GA: It’s placement is incredibly o+dd. They have already determined that they will see if they can receive help fro+m the castle’s residents and sing fo+r three minutes abo+ut getting there.  
GA: The walk itself meanwhile, co+uld pro+bably have been co+mpleted in thirty seco+nds.  
GG: so?  
GA: They are letting themselves get drenched unnecessarily fo+r o+ver two+ minutes, while co+mplaining abo+ut the rain mere seco+nds ago+.  
GG: hahaha, yeah, that makes sense :P  
GG: i kinda like it though.  
GG: their duets sound really pretty  
GA: That is fair.  
UU: brad shoUld definitely stay away from the higher notes thoUgh….  
UU: i like his voice bUt it clearly isn’t his forte.

TG: rriddle diddle me this batman  
TG: why, oh why, does janney have a contdom in her hair?  
GC: OK4Y 1 4M PR3TTY SUR3 TH4T 1T 1SN’T 4 CONDOM >:/  
GG: No but I can’t unsee it now either….  
AG: Jannet seems very undecisive.   
GA: Anno+yingly so+, I wo+uld say.  
AG: Would she prefer to return to the car without means of getting out of their predicament and without means of communication?  
AC: :33< why not?  
AC: :33< they could make it romantic, right?  
AC: :33< sing a few more sings and stuff  
TG: making sweet sweet music ;)  
GG: plus the castle is kinda scary?  
AA: it is every horror cliché thrown in one  
GG: that’s why its scary!!!  
AA: i disagree  
AA: the unrealistically scary portrayal of this castle should break all suspension of disbelief  
AA: why make a castle that seems like an unpleasant place to live in  
AA: it is counterproductive  
GC: WHY M4K3 4 TR4P TH4T S33MS UN1NV1T1NG? >:]  
AA: exactly  
GG: that is not helping  
UU: ooh just imagine; a vampire or troll rainbowdrinker rUnning the most pleasant hostel in the world to recrUite as many thralls as they please.  
GA: Careful Calliope.  
GA: You are giving me ideas.

AC: :33< sp33king of cr33py.  
AA: he seems legit  
TG: asshole and slut don’t see ANYTHING suspikeious about this guy.  
CC: hahahahaha, even I thought that was a horribubble fishpun sweetie!  
CC: <>  
TG: what fishpun?  
GA: Careful with the slurs please Ro+xy.  
TG: wold calling her a more gander nutreal slur help?  
GA: It wo+uld. Much appreciated.  
GG: The creepy guy seems a bit slow on the uptake…. Either that or he is incredibly sarcastic.  
GC: YOU’LL JUST H4V3 TO W4TCH TH3 MOV13 TO F1ND OUT >:]  
TG: but yea, this guy is called raffriff and he is the SHIT!  
UU: positively or negatively?  
TG: positipe as fuck.  
TG: this is the guy who wrote the whole thang you know?  
TG: the book, the play and the movie, the ghole shebang.  
AG: Impressive.

AC: :33< this is a really weird place  
AC: :33< what is this women’s deal?  
AG: She is just suspiciously happy?  
GG: is she a vampire?  
AA: probably  
GC: TH4T 1S M4G3NT4  
CC: There is absolutely NOFIN magenta in that shot!  
TG: details

TG: hey riff, show us yor mum  
AG: You would think Jannet and Brad would have the presence of mind to get out of there at this point.  
AA: why  
AG: Because of the creepy factor I suppose?  
AA: i do not see what you are talking about  
AA: riff raff seems like an enjoyable guy  
AG: Are you quite serious?  
GG: yay another song!  
CC: S)(ELL YES!!!!  
GA: This actually so+unds like so+mething I can get into+.

GA: Alright then…….. Co+nsider me into+ this.  
GC: GL4D TO S33 YOU H4V3 B33N M4D3 4 B3L13V3R  
GG: Where did these pirate Elton John cosplayers come from?  
UU: is this a traditional human celebration?  
CC: I )(OP---E SO!!!  
CC: T)(IS IS REALLY FUN!!!  
GG: it really is!  
GG: even if im not really sure what is happening :/  
GC: TH3Y 4R3 DO1NG TH3 T1M3 W4RP  
AA: how odd  
AA: i cant find any chronological discrepencies  
GC: 4CTU4L T1M3 TR4V3L NOT 1NCLUD3D  
AA: then how do they do it

AA: this raises more questions than it answers  
CC: ----EVEN THE NARRATOR GETS INTO IT!!!  
TG: it is JUST that catcy  
CC: PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HIPS!  
TG: OR SOMEBODY ELSE’S!  
CC: )(a)(a)(a)(a!!  
GC: ROXY  
TG: y?  
GC: PUT TH3 4UD13NC3 P4RT1C1P4T1ON SCR1PT DOWN  
TG: make me!

AC: :33< oh she is cute!  
AC: :33< with the way she dances and stuff  
TG: lol she sounds like harly quinn  
UU: i don’t know who that is.  
AA: i like that hat  
AA: i want that hat  
GA: That can be arranged dear. Hatcrafting is well within my limited crafting skills.  
AA: thank you  
AA: i appreciate it  
GC: SO TH1S 1S COLOMB14  
GC: SH3 1S TH3 FUN ON3  
GG: is she like the boss?  
TG: nope  
GG: but then we have igor, magenta and Colombia and no one is the boss?  
GG: who even owns this castle?

GG: oh my god  
GG: it’s a vampire!  
GC: TH3R3 1S NO V4MP1R3 1N TH1S MOV13  
GA: Pity.  
GG: Pity.  
AG: And Janet faints for the second time upon seeing the uhm… creature 8ehind her.  
GA: I really ho+pe this isn’t beco+ming a thing.  
UU: maybe she has some kind of medical condition?  
AA: unlikely  
AC: :33< so this… purrson is the boss there?  
TG: dr frank n’further, at your service probs at your loins  
AC: :33< lions?  
TG: y is everyoon turnin my shit into puns tday, srsly?

GG: Oh drat….. That is…..   
GG: Certainly something?  
CC: are you ocray jane?  
GG: Merely a little confused and/or bamboozled.  
GA: There is no+ need to+ be co+nfused dear.  
GA: His co+nfidence is indeed very attractive.  
GG: I wasn’t referring to that…  
UU: so is this a man or a woman we are looking at?  
GG: Indeed.  
GA: Do+es their gender matter?  
UU: i would merely like to know how to address this person by their preferred pronouns  
GC: W3LL TH3 MOV13 K33PS C4LL1NG TH3 DOC H3/H1M/H1S SO 1 GU3SS TH4T’D B3 OK4Y?  
TG: even if the moive is horridly oubdated?  
GC: HMMMMM  
GC: M4YB3 JUST R3F3R TO H1M 4S TH3 4CTOR 1NST34D OF TH3 CH4R4CT3R TO 4VO1D 1NSULT1NG 4NYON3?  
GA: I suppo+se that this is a go+o+d way to+ avo+id unnecessary trigger.

\--cavalierGargarization [CG] entered memo--

GC: G1RLS ONLY TON1GHT!!  
CG: 6ut I have a very imp9rtant c9mment that 6ears relevance t9 this situati9n.

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] blocked cavalierGargarization [CG]\--

GC: DODG3D TH4T BULL3T  
AG: Thank you.  
GA: Thank yo+u.

TG: NIGHT  
GG: gender confusion and general strangeness aside….  
GG: this song is really cool  
GA: Indeed.  
GA: Tim Curry’s vo+ice, co+nfidence and sex-appeal really sell it.  
UU: s-sex appeal?  
AG: Really Porrim?  
GA: Am I the o+nly o+ne seeing this?  
TG: nop  
AC: :33< nope  
GC: 1 DON’T S33 4NYTH1NG  
TG: i see  
TG: you shiver  
TG: IN ANTICI----------  
CC: Y----ES?  
TG: feff shoosh  
TG: im doin a thing

UU: oh my u///u  
AC: :33< yeah this would be r33lly strange…  
AC: :33< why would the purrvants insist on helping them take their clothes off?  
GG: maybe they are just going to offer brad and jannet a change because their clothes are so wet?  
GA: Unless they give their co+nsent, this is no+t an o+kay thing fo+r these servants to+ do+.  
GG: I love how Colombia just casually tosses their clothes on the ground.  
GA: Perso+nally, I find it a dreadful way to+ treat o+ne’s clo+thing.  
AG: So what is Tim Curry exactly 8uilding in his la8?  
AG: Chemical concoctions to sever the connection 8etween his good and evil nature?  
AG: A teleportation experiment just waiting to go awry?  
AG: A reanimated 8ody to do his every 8idding?  
UU: those all soUnd like wonderfUlly scary stories  
AA: they are classics  
GC: W3LL YOU 4R3 PR3TTY CLOS3 >:]

CC: OMINOUS!  
AC: :33< this would be a good time to run away  
AA: why  
AA: i don’t see it  
TG: RUBBER GLOVE TIME!  
GC: TH1S 4UD13NC3 P4RT1C1P4T1ON TH1NG 1S G3TT1NG MOR3 TH4N 4 L1TTL3 4NNOY1NG  
GG: Well, she isn’t harming anyone.  
GC: SH3 1S H4RM1NG MY P4T13NC3

UU: *snorts*  
UU: is everything tim cUrry says laced with innUendo?  
GC: Y3S  
UU: hihi okay.  
UU: jUst so we are clear on the sUbject.   
AC: :33< brad is right to be angry  
AC: :33< tim purry hasn’t exactly b33n helpful  
GG: and they are in their undies  
AC: :33< and they are in their undies!!!  
AG: Apparently the uhm… What did you call them again Jane?  
GG: Pirate Elton John cosplayers?  
AG: Right those. Apparently they aren’t just here to party 8ut to witniss the cre8ion of Tim Curry’s magnum opus.  
CC: SEARIOUSLY, W)(AT IS UP WIT)( T)(ESE PEOPLE?

TG: those are some well hung speakers  
GG: so he is a legitimate doctor?  
GG: I…. I think so?  
GG: It does sound like he has made quite the scientific achievement.  
GG: Creating life is not an easy task.  
TG: ye, ive seen fma y’know  
AA: creating life  
AA: it doesn’t work like that  
AA: it doesn’t work like that at all  
CC: W)(ALE TIM CURRY FISHAGREES!!!

AG: That is certainly very horror/sci-fi…..  
AG: In a pulpy kind of way.  
GA: I think that was the intent.  
UU: this movie strangely reminds me of theater.  
UU: the sets, the very limited amoUnt of actors, the singing.  
UU: its all very reminiscent of the stage, rather than the silver screen.  
UU: is this movie perhaps pUrposefully emUlating that sentiment?  
TG: yeah  
TG: like is aid about rifaraff, he wrote EVEYTHING aboub this movei.   
TG: and it becan as stage play  
UU: it shows  
UU: and i mean that in a good way. i am most cUrious to see where it will take Us.  
GG: Hoo hoo, you know curiousity killed the cat Callie.  
UU: and satisfaction brought it back? ^u^  
AA: no  
AA: the dead stay dead  
AA: usually  
AC: :33< can we not talk about death and cats please???  
AC: :33< it gives me the strangest f33ling of de ja vu

AG: So naturally the new8orn supermodel sings a8out the sword of human Damocles.  
AG: Strangely articul8 for a man made literally 10 seconds ago.  
AC: :33< but look at those muscles  
AC: :33< g33sh, that certainly is impressive  
GC: N3P3T4  
AC: :33< yes?  
GC: SH1P H1M  
GC: SH1P H1M W1TH 3QU1US  
AC: :33< !!!  
UU: oh my gosh, tim curry is so thirsty for him.  
UU: isn’t it perfect.  
GG: uhm……  
GC: 3V3N GR34T3R 1D34!  
GC: H3 *1S* 3QU1US!  
AC: X33

GG: is it just me or is this really eerie, when you think about it?  
AA: why  
GG: because he is technically a newborn!  
GG: he has no idea of right and wrong yet!  
GG: and he definitely has no idea what tim curry is talking about, which is just very…. very…. icky.  
CC: YOU KNOW W)(AT I T)(INK?  
GG: no?  
CC: I T)(INK YOU R----EAD TOO MUC)( INTO IT!  
GG: well, i guess that’s possible

CC: O)( NO!!!!  
GG: AAAAAAAAAHH!!!!  
GG: Bad touch!  
GA: Yes, this is really pushing it.  
GA: If the dreaded T-wo+rd wo+uldn’t summo+n o+ur unsufferable o+ne, I wo+uld definitely mentio+n ho+w it affects me.  
GC: NOW TH1NK OF 1T TH1S W4Y  
GC: T1M CURRY 4LL3G3DLY BU1LD TH1S GUY FROM TH3 GROUND UP  
GC: H3 KNOWS ROCKY’S BODY, KNOWS H1S QU1RKS, KNOW H1S T1CKS  
GC: H1S…. P4RTS  
GG: oh my god!  
GC: Y34H  
GC: FR4NK N’FURTHER W1LL T4K3 4NYTH1NG W1TH 4 PULS3  
GA: It wo+uld do+ him credit to+ be less rapey abo+ut it.

CC: AND T)(EN T)(ERE WAS T)(IS BASS)(OLE!  
AG: Perhaps I am nitpicking a little 8ut what prompted this person to ride a motorcycle through the wall?  
TG: thas eddie  
TG: he was like, in suppended aninmatron or somefin?  
AG: I see……..  
AG: So what woke him?  
TG: sorry, wha?  
AG: What led to him choosing this exact moment to 8reak out of his containment cell 8y way of motorized vehicle?  
AG: Also, what mental process has led his handlers to think containing him WITH that vehicle was a good idea?  
TG: errr…..  
UU: I sUggest we let plot convenience be plot convenience and carry on.  
UU: After all, he is belting out a most catchy tune.  
AG: My heart 8reaks a little every time a plothole must go unanswered like this.

GG: hot patootie?  
TG: SEX DRUGS ANMD ROCK AND ROLL!!!  
CC: GASP!  
CC: YOU AREN’T USING ARE YOU MISSY?!  
TG: wha? no!  
TG: drigs are whack. stay in scool kids.  
CC: ROXY IM SEARIOUS! ARE YOU USING!?  
TG: ok feffy, rolling my eeyes here.  
TG: is cute you get your tush all conchperned an stuffs but searioussly. im clean.  
TG: Must I type in elegant diction yet again, to further demonstrate my sobriety?  
TG: woe is I, for my moirail wont trust me when I say I was just following the audience participation script.  
GC: TOLD YOU TH4T SCR1PT W4S B4D N3WS  
TG: quiet  
AA: is hot patootie a way of saying hot butt  
UU: it should be.  
AC: :33< it’s a lot cuter  
AC: :33< and it’s a lot of fun to say  
AC: :33< h33h33, patootie :))  
GA: The so+ngs just seem to+ be getting better and better.  
GA: Eddie has a marvelo+us singing vo+ice.  
GG: That’s probably because he is played by Meatloaf.  
GA: The dish?  
TG: HIS NAME WAS ROBERT PAULSON!  
GA: I am co+nfused.  
GG: Just youtube Meatloaf- I’d do anything for love.  
TG: boring  
GG: Nu uh.  
TG: youtube meatloaf bat outta hell or paradise by the dashboard light.  
GG: Well yeah. Those are pretty good but poppop wasn’t a fan.  
GA: I will be entirely ho+nest…. I am pro+bably no+t go+ing to+ yo+utube anything.  
GG: Your loss I suppose.

UU: oh my!  
UU: this is so…. uhm….  
UU: waUw!  
UU: this is definitely something i Uhm….  
UU: waUw….  
GA: Yo+u so+und like yo+u’ve never seen two+ peo+ple dance dear.  
AG: I would hesit8 to call this dancing Porrim.  
GA: They are mo+ving in the rhythm o+f the music and use it as a way o+f self-expression.  
AG: They are dry-humping Porrim.  
AG: On the floor.  
AG: In front of a couple dressed only in their undies.  
GA: Dancing.  
GC: 1T DO3S LOOK L1K3 TH3 B3G1NN1NG OF 4 W31RD PORN DO3SN’T 1T?  
GG: i wasn’t going to say anything…..

AC: :33< i think tim purry just killed a man  
AA: everyone seems surprisingly okay with this  
CC: Wasn’t he like some sort of self-made monster like rocky anyway?  
GC: WHY WOULD T1M CURRY FR4NK3NST31N 4 GUY L1K3 TH4T TOG3TH3R?  
GC: DO3S H3 H4V3 4 TH1NG FOR CHUBB13S??  
GA: Wo+uld that be so+ strange?  
GC: H3Y 1’V3 S33N TH1S MOV13  
GC: 1 *KNOW* STR4NG3  
GA: And?  
GC: 4ND 1N R3TROSP3CT H4V1NG 4 TH1NG FOR CHUBBY P3OPL3 1SN’T TH4T STR4NG3 4T 4LL >:/  
GC: B3C4US3 M4N TH1S’LL G3T MUCH W31RD3R 1N 4 M4TT3R OF M1NUT3S  
GA: I am pleased to+ hear that.  
GC: TH3 P4RT 4BOUT CHUBB13S OR TH3 W31RD P4RT?  
GA: Yes.  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3, 1 L1K3 TH3 CUT OF YOUR J1B M4RY4M

CC: is it time for you to throw more rice now roxy?  
TG: thew it aaaall out the frist time  
CC: aaaaaaaaaaw  
AG: Now correct me if I am wrong 8ut I think they just got married?  
UU: how lovely.  
UU: i always considered that hUman tradition to be absolutely darling.  
GG: Yes, it’s a pleasant tradition but it’s not supposed to be, uhm…  
GG: whatever this is?  
GG: Indeed.  
AC: :33< this meowvie makes efurrything it does weird  
GC: TH4T’S JUST WH4T TH3 MOV13 DO3S  
AC: :33< at least the songs are nice???  
GG: kinda?

TG: reality is a piec a imagimation  
TG: just like his neck  
TG: amirite?  
GC: OK4Y L4LOND3  
GC: W3 C4N T3LL WH3N YOU 4R3 R34D1NG FROM TH3 SCR1PT  
GC: YOU B3COM3 4 LOT L3SS FUNNY 4ND 4 LOT MOR3 4NNOY1NG WH3N YOU DO  
TG: nu uh!  
GA: Plus, I have been reading thro+ugh this audience participation+n script myself…   
GA: A lo+t o+f these jo+kes seem to+ be really o+ut o+f place and/o+r o+ffensive.  
GA: Express yourself how you see fit but I will think less of you for it.  
TG: bluh  
TG: fine  
GG: You are funny enough of yourself Roxy.  
TG: i just thot it’d be cute to do together y’know?  
GG: It is but how does it differ from our standard routine?  
TG: fair poin.  
CC: this guy IS reelly pretentious though 38(  
GC: NO ON3 S41D TH4T H3 W4SN’T

GA: And just like that, this mo+vie has go+ne fro+m so+mewhat pro+blematic to+ do+wnright triggering.  
GA: By pretending to+ be Brad, Tim Curry co+erces Jannet into+ sleeping with him.  
AC: :33< why would he even do that???  
AC: :33< rocky is way more handsome!  
GA: No+t the po+int.  
AA: what if it is brad  
AA: roleplaying as tim curry  
AA: roleplaying as brad  
GA: Again, no+t the po+int.  
GC: Y34H OK4Y BUT WH4T DO YOU 3XP3CT?  
GC: T1M CURRY PL4YS 4 N4RC1SS1ST1C CR4ZY P3RSON W1TH 4 UNH34LTHY L1B1DO  
GC: TH3Y H4V3 B33N 4T H1S M3RCY FROM TH3 MOM3NT TH3Y 3NT3R3D H1S C4STL3  
GA: That do+esn’t make it right.  
CC: whale, no it doesn’t.  
CC: but he isn’t the hero of the story, he’s the villain.  
TG: which is way easy to frget cus he is like, the main draw.  
GA: At least Jannet sho+ws an appro+priate amo+unt o+f o+bjectio+n fo+r being deceived in such a manner and blo+ws it o+ff befo+re he can do+ any mo+re damage.

GA: O+h.  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4  
GA: I am beginning to+ think that this mo+vie is deliberately trying to+ piss me o+ff at this po+int.  
TG: an THAT’S why the scipt calls her slut.  
GG: but that’s so wrong!  
AC: :33< she is cheating!  
GC: WH4T P4RT OF T1M CURRY 1S TH3 V1LL41N ST1LL 3LUD3S YOU?  
CC: the movie isn’t exseactly flattering jannet either

GG: and now riff raff and magenta frighten rocky with fire because……  
TG: because they are dicks?  
AG: A classic fear taken from Frankenstein’s monster?  
GG: Or cavemen…. Or some incarnations of vampires….. Or a whole slew of other monsters.  
AA: a lot of creatures seem to fear fire  
GG: Which makes sense if its like an inferno but anything with a human brain would know how to counteract this.  
GG: I mean, they are just candles. A stiff breeze or a decent puff would be enough to rid him of his current predicament.  
UU: qUite bUt i am not sUre his mental abilities can make that dedUction. after all, he is for all extends and pUrposes a newborn.  
GG: That would explain it.

GA: O+h co+me o+n!  
UU: Heavens.  
AC: :33< betw33n rocky, eddie, brad and jannet is there anyone he WONT sl33p with???  
TG: at this rate hes collecting them lik pokaman  
GG: So does this mean Brad isn’t technically straight?  
AG: Perhaps it is 8etter to em8race our method of not la8eling sexuality at all Jane.  
AG: It will save you the headache.  
GA: At least Brad will discuss this with Jannet right?

GA: Excuse me, I am go+ing to+ break so+mething.  
GA: I shall be right back.  
CC: if nofin eelse, they’ll have somefin to talk aboat once this gets out  
GC: COMP4R1NG NOT3S?  
CC: giving each otter tips 38P  
UU: Oh my, this is sUch an intrigUing romantical mess.  
UU: I cannot contain my excitement and am eager to see how this will tUrn out.  
AC: :33< it’s a bit too messy fur my tastes  
AC: :33< like, brad and jannet R33LLY hurt each other with this stunt  
TG: well yeah  
TG: slut meet asshole  
TG: script called em thabt for a reapson bae

AG: At least she expresses regret over the situation.  
AG: Perhaps they can use this error in judgment and manipul8ion at the hand of a mad Tim Curry to grow as a couple and strengthen their rel8ion.  
GC: 1 THOUGHT YOU’D 4PPR3C14T3 4 GOOD M4N1PUL4T1ON  
AG: I can honestly say I’ve never used my a8ility to get intimately acquinted with any of my friends.  
AC: :33< that is the most complicated way to say you’ve nefur slept with any of them  
AG: Well, there was Porrim………  
AG: 8ut I didn’t a8use my a8lity to do that.  
AG: And she was mostly the one taking control. Like, when we would play chess and……..  
AG: Actually, it appears I am done talking now.  
AG: May8e for the rest of the movie.  
AC: :33< noooooooooooo  
AC: :33< tell us!!!  
AA: 0u0  
UU: consider the floor yoUrs.  
AG: Oh look, Jannet is doing something!

GC: WHO L3T TH3 VOY3UR1SM W1NDOW ON?  
GG: well, i suppose she just figured out that they both cheated  
CC: yeah  
CC: ALSO, IT LOOKS LIKE BRAD IS GETTING READY FOR ROUND TWO  
UU: tim cUrry did consider him an excellent Uhm….  
UU: specimen?  
UU: U///U

GA: I have returned.  
GA: What did I miss?  
GG: jannet figured out tim curry had brad cheat as well and is now about to have sex with rocky as well  
GA: I see.  
GA: Then I am go+ing to+ break so+mething else as well.  
GA: No+t like I needed that co+uch.  
AA: i recommend breaking priceless artifacts instead  
GA: I do+ no+t have tho+se  
AA: oh  
AA: in that case im fresh out of options  
AC: :33< okay this is catually a really funny song but its so umcomfurtable with efurrything that’s happawning  
GG: I couldn’t have guessed that she would awake some form of dormant lewdness that has gone unnoticed to this point in the movie.  
TG: shes just a kinkster I gues?  
TG: like, its sexxxual libertation which is totally cool and hot and healty but worng place, rwong time  
GG: There is also the continued misuse of Rocky, the world’s buffest newborn, for all kinds of sexual acts he doesn’t understand the implications of.  
AG: Perhaps he has some kind of mental programming we remain yet unaware of?  
AG: He must have gotten the knowledge a8out the sword of Damocles somewhere.  
GG: That sounds fair but the movie has established no such thing.  
GG: i think they would have been better of walking through the forest in the storm  
CC: TOO LATE FOR T)(AT!  
GG: not as long as tim curry has a front door it’s not!

CC: the new visitor R---EELLY has tim curry nettled  
AG: Oh joy, another character.  
AC: :33< oh but he is mentioned befur right???  
AC: :33< the teacher furrom where brad and jannet met  
GC: BUT NOW H3 WORKS FOR TH3 GOV3RNM3NT 4ND T1M CURRY KNOWS H3 H4SN’T 3X4CTLY B33N OP3R4T1NG W1TH1N TH3 L1M1T4T1ONS S3T BY TH3 L4W  
UU: bUt he works with Unidentified flying objects.  
UU: i don’t think that has anything to do with legal issUes whatsoever, Unless they pertain laws about Ufo’s.  
UU: do hUmans have laws about Ufo’s?  
GG: Not that I am aware of.  
GC: D3T41LS

GG: you know, for a static magnet he can sure make professor scott follow a very elaborate path  
TG: right?  
CC: somefin bothering you?  
TG: duh  
TG: obvs technohacks  
GG: they drag him along on a very complicated path as if he is on rails and not being pulled by a magnet several rooms away  
GG: so unless they also installed a magnetic track underneath the floor this part is completely redonkulous  
AG: And honestly, just having the supermagnet in case of wheelchair8ound visitors is stressing the suspension of dis8elief.  
TG: u mean you still got that?

AC: :33< so despite the carefully constructed path he followed to this point tim purry still saw fit to ram him through a wall?  
UU: It certainly seems that way.  
AC: :33< that’s catually kinda funny :PP  
AA: a beautiful black gesture no doubt  
GC: L3TS NOT G3T OUR HOP3S UP

GG: And so all our characters convene in one of the most overplayed, yet strangely amusing comedic tropes.  
CC: calling out each other’s names all shocked-like?  
GG: And dragging it out right till the point it’d become annoying :B  
CC: that’s pretty weird  
CC: humans are weird  
TG: show’s ofver, heard it here fist  
TG: hunams are wierd, i repeta; humams are weirp

GG: Ah yes, the necessary combo-breaker.  
UU: so let me see if i still follow our current predicament.  
UU: brad and jannet are sorta-bUt-not-really-captives of tim cUrry, who has just finished creating a perfect boytoy named Rocky and mUrdered his previoUs creation played by a hUman dinner?  
UU: tim cUrry sedUced both brad and jannet in the dark of the night and Jannet, awakened as a more overtly sexUal person sedUced Rocky.  
UU: now the morning has come, along with brad and jannet’s old teacher, who happens to be a government inspector and has been chasing tim cUrry for a while now….. bUt they are serving dinner so that doesn’t make sense.  
AG: And an awkward dinner it will 8e, considering the situation you descri8ed.  
AG: The fault in chronology, eating dinner when they should 8e having 8reakfast pro8a8ly lies with the movie and not your analysis.  
GC: 31TH3R TH4T OR M4G3NT4’S 1N4B1L1TY TO G1V3 4 FUCK  
UU: thank yoU lovelies ^u^

GA: I have returned o+nce mo+re.  
TG: great timin  
GA: What did I miss?  
TG: pls read callies comments, scroll up just a tad an behod; ta summaryan  
GA: Appreciated.  
GG: so yeah  
GG: this dinner is indeed very awkward :/  
AA: have you ever drank fresh squeezed milk from a hoofbeast butler during dinner  
GG: no @_@  
AA: you don’t know awkward

CC: so eddie was NOT a creation by tim curry but more like a runaway pupa?  
CC: B---ECAUSE T)(AT RAIS—ES MOR—E QU---ESTIONS T)(AN IT ANSW---ERS!  
AC: :33< at least we get another song out of it???  
AG: And an actual explanation as to why dr. Scott arrived. It was 8ecause of a letter Eddy wrote.  
GG: But wait!  
GG: When did Eddie write that letter and how long was he frozen?  
AA: unanswered time questions  
AA: neat  
GG: Because it is implied he had been in suspended animation for quite some time and he couldn’t have written the letter afterwards because well….  
GA: He to+o+k a Tim Curry to+ the do+me.  
GG: Indeed.  
GC: SO DOCTOR SCOTT 1S 4 HORR1BL3 HUM4N UNCL3 CR34TUR3  
GG: In essence, yes.

GC: SURPR1S3!!  
GC: TH3 D1NN3R W4S 3DD13 4LL 4LONG!!  
GG: that  
GG: that is pretty messed up :/  
UU: oh so that is why Colombia left earlier  
UU: well, that and her implied affection for hUman dinner meatloaf  
TG: just meatloaf honey  
UU: im just trying to sketch the pictUre as accUrate as i possibly can  
GA: So+ the uncle lusus has partaken in the co+nsumatio+n o+f his nephew’s flesh.  
GA: Ho+w disgusting.  
AG: Porrim, you regularly partake in the consumption of our 8lood.  
GA: Do+ no+t co+mpare me to+ this creep.

UU: i have no idea what is going on now.  
GG: Have you ever seen a typical Scooby Doo chase scene?  
UU: i can’t say that i have u_u  
AG: I am more confused a8out the delayed reaction on Tim Curry’s jealousy regarding Jannet’s uhm….. interactions with Rocky.  
GA: I am mo+re irate because o+f the hypo+crisy in his accusation+ns o+f her taking him away fro+m Tim Curry, while shamelessly having sex with bo+th Brad and Jannet behind each o+ther’s back.  
CC: I AM MOR---E CONFUSED AS TO W)(Y YOU TAK---E IT SO SEARIOUS!  
CC: IT’S A MOVIE, JUST ENJOY!  
GC: NOT WH4T YOU S41D DUR1NG PL4TOON  
CC: S)(OOS)(!!!

CC: O)( MY GLUB T)(ESE SPECIAL EFFECTS ARE T)(ROUG)( T)(E ROOF!  
CC: I AM SO GLAD T)(AT I GOT TO SEA THAT AMAZINGLY REELISTIC PROCESS OF TIM CURRY TURNING T)(OSE PEOPLE TO STONE!  
CC: S)(ORELY T)(IS IS A MILESTON---E IN )(UMAN MOVIE-MAKOING!  
TG: aight enouf with the sass missy :P  
CC: 38P  
TG: <>  
CC: <>  
GC: G3T 4 ROOM N3RDS  
AA: no no please  
AA: continue  
CC: DON’T MAKO IT WEIRD!  
AA: its only weird if you make it weird

GA: Well, finally we have so+meo+ne call Tim Curry o+ut fo+r his disgustingly narcissistic behavio+r.

GC: Y34H 1M SUR3 *TH4T’LL* GO W3LL  
TG: an there we have it  
GG: what?  
TG: his wholetire motivation  
TG: he just wants to have himself fun  
TG: creating living sexxx dolls, having sexxxy sexxx, probably having a kickass sciency lab somewhere.  
TG: messin with the ocraysional lost traveler  
GG: but that has consequences!  
GG: ESPECIALLY IF HE TREATS EVERYONE LIKE DIRT LIKE THIS!  
TG: well duh

GG: Wait, Riff Raff and Magenta are siblings?  
AG: Apparently so, yes. Why?  
GG: Nothing at all really. Nope, no sirree, nothing particular at all. Let us continue watching the movie.  
TG: no way janey  
TG: whats rupsling your jummies?  
GG: Don’t you think the two of them have been strangely well, flirtatious together?  
GA: So+?  
CC: O)( RIG)(T, T)(E )(UMAN INCEST T)(ING!!!!  
GG: Indeed.  
GC: W3LL DUH  
GC: TH3Y 4R3 SUPPOS3D TO M4K3 P3OPL3 UN34SY  
GG: Yeah, they kind of did that from their introduction….  
AA: really  
AA: i thought they were nothing if not polite  
GG: Are you certain you watched the same movie?

TG: bein in the rest a the moivie!  
TG: booyeah!  
GC: NOT NOW N4RR4TOR GUY  
GC: W3 H4V3 4 PLOT TO SLOG THROUGH  
GG: That does not inspire me with confidence….

AG: I am confused.  
UU: rest assUred that yoU are not alone in this sentiment.  
GG: what is even going on?  
CC: glub glub?  
AC: :33< well yeah…  
AC: :33< it s33ms tim curry posed them as statues on a stage and unfr33zes them to…  
AC: :33< make them sing?  
AC: :33< starting with colombia?  
AC: :33< okay i give up, what is going on???  
GC: NO YOU W3R3 PR3TTY MUCH R1GHT TH3R3  
AC: ://  
GG: So is Colombia part of the Riff Raff/Magenta pact or is she more like an outsider?  
AA: nobody knows

CC: oh look!  
CC: the movie pretty much acknowledges that it is pretty fucked up what they did with rocky!  
GA: to+o+ little to+o+ late im afraid.  
CC: whale if you want to be a grump aboat it 38P  
AA: eh  
AA: time is relative anyway

UU: so brad embraces his feminine side and feels sexy as a resUlt?  
GC: HOW SC4ND4LOUS  
GA: There is no+thing scandalo+us abo+ut wanting to+ feel sexy.  
GA: Plus, the o+utfit do+es lo+o+k very appealing o+n him.  
GG: rose would love this  
AA: more importantly  
AA: i love this  
GG: i just don’t understand the make-up  
GG: I am not sure anyone does….  
TG: also mommy issues  
TG: yeah shore y not rite?  
TG: notl ike i no those

GA: Yes, let us have a po+sitive character develo+pment stem fo+rth fro+m the literal rape o+f the character.  
GC: W3LL Y34H BUT 1T 1NCR34S3D H3R CONF1D3NC3 4ND M4D3 H3R MOR3 OP3N-M1ND3D 4S 4 R3SULT  
GC: SO 1 TH1NK TH3 S1TU4T1ON 1SN’T 4S BL4CK 4ND WH1T3 4S YOU M4K3 1T OUT TO B3  
AA: it is not that bad  
AG: 8esides, the gave her consent in trade for his secrecy, right?  
GA: That do+es no+t make it o+kay what Tim Curry did.  
GC: FOR TH3 LOV3 OF  
GC: L1T3R4LLY NO ON3 S41D 1T W4S

CC: T)(E MOVIE IN ON---E S---ENTENCE!

CC: AND T)(ERE IS THE CUMMULATION OF TIM CURRY’S ------EVIL PLAN!  
CC: A SWIMMING POOL PORGY!!!  
CC: T)(E BEST KIND OF PORGY!!!!  
GA: I feel as if I understand no+thing anymo+re.  
GG: Where did this swimming pool even come from?  
GG: How did Tim Curry instruct them when they were petrified?  
GG: I have so many questions!  
GC: TH3 MOV13 W1LL PROV1D3 Z3RO 4NSW3RS

GG: well this certainly was an entertaining finale…..  
GG: not actually one i understand but i loved them singing together like that  
AC: :33< and it got really energetic towards the end  
AC: :33< i love that  
AC: :33< ‘im a wild and an untamed thing’  
AC: :33< h33h33, it sp33ks to me  
GG: still, strange movie  
TG: oh jaddey  
TG: pooor naïve jady  
GG: what?  
TG: poor sweet innocent precious nepata baby as well  
AC: :33< what  
TG: movie aint over  
AC: :33< oh my god!

CC: CURS---E YOUR SUDD---EN BUT IN—EVITABL—E BEAC)(TRAYAL!!!!  
AG: I give up.  
AC: :33< how did we even get at this point???  
GA: Ho+w did they get tho+se ridiculo+us o+utfits and tho+se atro+cio+us haircuts.  
GA: This is just…..  
GA: I can’t.  
TG: well, their aliens  
TG: from plant transmexual  
TG: in the trantsylvanarnnnia system  
AC: :33< please don’t explain it  
AC: :33< it somehow only makes me understand less  
AA: it seems completely logical to me  
AC: :33< the scary part is that i cant tell whether or not you are kitten  
AA: 0u0

GC: ROXY  
GC: WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG  
TG: cards are the last thin i promise  
GC: WH4T3V3R YOU 4R3 M4K1NG 4 M3SS  
CC: SO AR---E T)(EY GOING TO ARREST TIM CURRY?  
CC: IS )(E GOING TO SPACE JAIL?!?!  
TG: far worse!  
GA: They have to+ watch this mo+vie again?  
UU: it isn’t that bad actUally.

GG: okay, see that is not how it works  
GG: a laser is by its very definition a light-based tool, while antimatter is….   
GG: well….   
GG: not  
GG: in fact, the unstable nature of antimatter makes me wonder if its stored in the gun, which would be really dangerous!  
GG: either that or they have somehow made an antimatter generator portable, which is still very dangerous!  
GG: besides, for what they want to do a normal laser or even a normal rifle seems to do the trick just fine  
GC: BUT 1T WOULDN’T B3 SC1-F1  
GG: saying you have an antimatter laser is like saying you have a wooden chair made out of croissants; it contradicts itself ánd isn’t very functional   
CC: WE GET IT, YOU KNOW HOW TO SCIENCE!  
TG: heck, if jadey didn’t say it I wooldv

UU: it seems poor, Unfortunate colombia will be the first victim of riff raff’s betrayal.  
AC: :33< just look at those special effects  
AC: :33< completely unmatched by anyone who doesn’t know how mspaint works  
TG: nep  
TG: I lurve you but be nice  
AC: :PP

UU: and there goes tim curry at long last.  
AC: :33< right in the tush no less  
TG: ya, raff riff is a poor shat  
TG: *shit  
TG: *shot

GA: No+ wo+rds.  
GA: There are no+ wo+rds.  
AG: His 8eef deflects even antimatter.  
GG: this is not how science works  
GG: like, at all  
GG: both a laser and an antimatter woUld pUnch a hole throUgh him  
GG: or both  
UU: imagine what a combination twixt the two would be.  
GG: a combination wouldn’t…..  
GG: know what, never mind  
AA: equius has more impressive muscles  
AA: we could always test it if you would like  
AA: im sure he doesn’t mind  
AC: :33< we are not killing my moirail!  
AA: im just suggesting it  
AA: for science  
AC: :33< ARADIA!!!  
GG: maybe not?  
TG: but after a kon king refrance rocky falls too  
AC: :33< i do not know this kon king  
TG: kink kong  
GA: So+unds fun.  
TG: BLUH!  
GG: Are you perhaps referring too--  
TG: KING KONG  
CC: there we go 38P  
GG: I knew you could do it.  
TG: oh don’t even sass me

AG: His motivation appears to 8e a little…. complic8ed.  
AC: :33< well he just wanted to return to his planet  
GA: Please just…. Just let it end.  
GA: I am to+o+ co+nfused to+ care at this po+int.

UU: and this the movie conclUdes with one last song.  
UU: the strang folks and their castle are teleported back to their own Universe and jannet and brad are likely traUmatized by their experience.  
AC: :33< and professor scott?  
UU: oh right, he was there as well.  
GA: I assume Brad and Jannet will have a lo+t to+ discuss each o+ther.  
GA: Maybe take a break o+f their relatio+n all to+gether.  
GA: Either that o+r embrace the sexual liberatio+n they’ve went thro+ugh, essentially by way o+f rape.  
CC: MAYB---E LOOK INTO SWING---ERSCLUBS  
GA: Perhaps.  
AG: And then we end with a reprise of the first song.  
AC: :33< at least the lyrics make more sense now  
AC: :33< they’ve changed it to fit the meowvie so that’s clever  
AC: :33< i think  
GC: R1GHT  
GC: TH4T W4S TH3 ROCKY HORROR P1CTUR3 SHOW 3V3RYON3  
GC: D1D W3 4LL H4V3 FUN  
GC: 1 B3T W3 D1D >:]  
UU: oh yes, i have had an absolUtely lovely time watching another cinematic ventUre with yoU lovelies ^u^  
UU: i woUld love to watch more movies with yoU.  
GC: W3LL 1NV1T3 YOURS3LF  
GC: K4RK4T WONT M1ND  
CC: except he will  
CC: but he minds everyfin so just don’t mind him  
UU: i shall keep it in mind.  
UU: regardless, tonight was absolUtely marveloUs.  
UU: coUld i possibly get a playlist of the songs played in the movie?  
UU: you know, for inspiration?  
TG: sure thing callie  
TG: sendin it over to yous over the infromation superheightway  
UU: wonderfUl ^u^  
GC: SO 4NYON3 3LS3 4M4Z3D BY OUR 4W3SOM3 MOV13?  
GA: I wo+uld be reluctant to+ call myself amazed.  
GC: OF COURS3  
GC: YOU W3R3 B1TCH1NG THROUGH QU1T3 4 LOT OF TH3 MOV13  
GA: Well, there are a lo+t o+f pro+blematic things in the mo+vie.  
GA: While I can respect the theme o+f sexual liberatio+n, to+ do+ so+ thro+ugh rape is incredibly co+unterpro+ductive.  
GC: D1D YOU 4T L34ST L1K3 TH3 SONGS?  
GA: I suppo+se so+me o+f them were rather catchy.  
GC: CLOS3 3NOUGH!  
AG: I would like to have it on record that I agree with most of Porrim’s statements.  
AG: I take less offense to the rape however, on account that I can differentiate 8etween real life and fiction.  
GA: As can I. Ho+wever, I can reco+gnize ho+w pro+blematic it can be when presented in such a fashio+n.  
AG: Personally, I think you might 8e spending too much time with Kankri.  
GA: That might actually be a valid co+ncern…..  
GC: F4VOR1T3 SONGS?  
TG: hot patootie  
GA: Sweet transsexual.  
AA: timewarp  
AC: :33< TIMEWARP!!!  
GC: 4R4D14 SURPR1S1NG 4BSOLUT3LY NO ON3  
AA: of course  
GC: D1D YOU L1K3 TH3 MOV13?  
AA: yes  
AA: it was the sort of pulpy sci-fi i used to watch on alternia  
AA: i really liked that they made it a musical too  
AA: that was pretty clever  
TG: heck yea  
TG: timebabe has swell tast  
TG: what about you neppy?  
AC: :33< it was weird  
AC: :33< like, r33lly weird  
AC: :33< much weirder than im used to s33ing in movies  
AC: :33< but it was entertaining i guess???  
TG: you guess?  
AC: :33< timewarp and hot patootie were really fun :PP  
AC: :33< a lot of the latter songs were just kinda weird  
AC: :33< and why was there a swimming pool orgy???  
AC: :33< so much weird  
TG: what about J&J?  
GC: WH4T?  
TG: jane an jade  
GG: Oh well…. I certainly understand why my dad didn’t want me to view it when I was younger?  
TG: jane u watched pirates……  
TG: *looks skeptically*  
GG: My point stands.  
GG: Regardless, it was an….. interesting watch.  
GG: I just don’t see what the buzz was about.  
TG: boooooo  
GG: Just stating my thoughts.  
TG: and jade?  
GG: i thought it was really weird like nepeta but i REALLY love musicals :B  
GG: and the songs were pretty good, even if the singers didn’t always sell it to me  
GG: brad really shouldn’t do high notes  
TG: eh that’s fair  
UU: he did look good in that outfit tim curry put him in.  
AA: oh definitely  
GC: 4LR1GHT TH3N  
GC: 1M K1CK1NG YOU OUT  
AG: Already?  
GC: 1 N33D TO P1CK 4 MOV13 FOR MOV13 N1GHT MYS3LF  
GC: ON3 TH4T W1LL M4K3 K4RK4T 4NGRY >:]  
GC: SOM3TH1NG TH4T’LL DR1V3 H1M M4D BUT SOM3TH1NG H3 C4N’T H4T3 ON  
CC: IMPRAWNSIBLE!  
GC: 1M ST1LL GO1NG TO TRY!  
GC: 4NYW4Y, JO1N 1N 1F YOU F33L L1K3 1T FR1D4Y BUT FOR NOW 1M CLOS1NG TH3 M3MO  
GC: 1T W4S FUN G1RLS >:]  
TG: rite  
TG: im checkn if rose is done domming  
GG: uhm yeah  
GG: maybe we should see if that went alright….  
GC: S3ND P1CTUR3S  
TG: nu uh  
GC: YOU’R3 NO FUN  
GC: L4T3R G1RLS!!  
GC: S33 YOU DUR1NG MY STR34M >:]  
TG: ----------PATION!  
GC: WH4T?  
TG: nvm

\--gallowsCalibrator[GC] banned tipsyGnostalgic [TG]  from memo--  
\--gallowsCalibrator[GC] banned gutsyGumshoe [GG]  from memo--  
\--gallowsCalibrator[GC] banned gardenGnostic [GG]  from memo--  
\--gallowsCalibrator[GC] banned uraniumUmbrane [UU]  from memo--  
\--gallowsCalibrator[GC] banned apacolypseArisen [AA]  from memo--  
\--gallowsCalibrator[GC] banned arsenicCatnip [AC]  from memo--  
\--gallowsCalibrator[GC] banned genderAbberance [GA]  from memo--  
\--gallowsCalibrator[GC] banned assidiousGoddess [AG]  from memo--  
\--gallowsCalibrator[GC] banned cuttlefishCuller [CC]  from memo--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> barely coherent mumbling......
> 
> Get mspaint away from me before i further abuse it...... 
> 
> Next chapter= Who Framed Roger Rabbit..... First next Secret Hearts Club of Secrets chapter; Dirk's horrible, terrible, not very good, island adventure fiasco time.
> 
> Errors and mistakes to be corrected when i wake up.


	23. Who Framed Roger Rabbit

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS--

CG: WELL, THAT WAS AN ADEQUATE DISTRACTION NOW WASN’T IT?  
CG: WATCHING GIANT ROBOTS TEAR UP EQUALLY GIANT ALIENS IN INCREASINGLY STUPID MANNERS CERTAINLY QUALIFIES AS THAT; A DISTRACTION.  
CG: AVERAGE, RUN-OFF-THE-MILL, MASHED POTATOES. NOTHING TO WRITE HOME ABOUT AND ONLY MILDLY OFFENSIVE TO MY HIGHER THINKPAN FUNCTIONS.  
CG: I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD HATE THE MOVIE A LOT MORE THAN I DO AND THAT PISSES ME OFF.  
CG: I’M GROWING SOFT. I’M OVERRIPE CURVED FRUIT.  
CG: I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT!   
CG: NO MATTER HOW MEDIOCRE THE NEXT MOVIE TO BE SHOWN MIGHT BE, I WILL RIP IT A NEW SPHINCTER REGARDLESS!  
CG: THIS WILL REAFFIRM MY POSITION AS GRAND MOVIE EVISCERATOR AND HOPEFULLY MAKES YOU FROLICKING ASSHOLES THINK TWICE ABOUT SUBMITTING YOUR OWN STEAMING PILES OF BEHEMOTH DROPPINGS TO THESE STREAMS!

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] joined memo--

GC: OF COURS3 YOU 4R3 GO1NG TO TRY 4ND CR1T1C1Z3 TH1S MOV13 FOR 4LL 1TS BOONBUCKS  
GC: TH4TS WHY 1 1NS1ST ON SHOW1NG 1T >:]  
CG: I AM NOT EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT SURPRISED!  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, I AM NOT GIVING YOU THE SATISFACTION.  
CG: NO WAY, NO HOW.  
CG: THIS MOVIE IS ALL ABOUT THE MOST TERRIFYINGLY OPTIMISTIC KARKAT YOU HAVE EVER SEEN, JUST TO SPITE YOU!  
CG: IS THAT A TOMMY WISEAU CAMEO IN YOUR PIECE OF SHIT MOVIE? OH WHAT A DELIGHTFUL COINCIDENCE! COLOR MY CHEEKS ROSY AND MY SMILE UNBEARABLY TWEE!  
GC: 1 4GR33  
GC: TH4T WOULD B3 D3L1GHTFUL  
GC: 4LSO COMPL3T3LY D1SGUST1NG  
GC: YOU 4R3N’T 3V3N TRY1NG TO M4SK TH3 SOURN3SS OF YOUR L13S  
GC: TH3 UND3RLY1NG R4G3 HOW3V3R M4K3S 1T MOR3 D3L3CT4BL3 TH4N 4NY HUM4N C4NDY >:]  
CG: OF COURSE, YOU HAD TO MAKE IT CREEPY.  
GC: UNFORTUN4T3LY 1T M1GHT NOT B3 TH4T GOOD 4N 1D34 TO PL4Y OPT1M1ST1C K4RK4T  
GC: 1’M PR3TTY SUR3 YOU’LL SC4R3 3V3RYON3 OFF  
CG: YOU CAN STOP NOW PYROPE…. THE JOKE HAS RUN IT’S COURSE.  
GC: UNL3SS TH4T W4S WH4T YOU W4NT3D 4LL 4LONG  
GC: TO B3 4LON3 W1TH M3 >:]  
GC: YOU SLY B4RKB34ST YOU  
CG: JUST GONNA CONTINUE THIS ONSLAUGHT OF ANNOYANCE, AREN’T YOU?!  
GC: 1 TRY MY B3ST

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] joined memo--

AG: Heeeeeeeey everyone.  
AG: What piece of shit are we watching tonight????????  
CG: WHATEVER IT IS, YOU BEING HERE JUST MAKES IT SO MUCH WORSE….  
GC: COM1NG ON 4 B1T STRONG TH3R3 K4RK4T  
GC: SH3 1S 4LR34DY SPOK3N FOR  
GC: 1SN’T SH3? >;]  
AG: Err…….. Yeah? What a8out it?  
GC: NOTH1NG, NOTH1NG  
GC: BUT 1T SUR3 W4S 4 SH4M3 YOU COULDN’T JO1N US FOR G1RL’S N1GHT  
GC: 1 GU3SS YOUR H4NDS W3R3 T13D?  
AG: ……..Fuck off Pyrope.  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4  
CG: I DON’T GET IT.  
CG: WASN’T SERKET THE ONE INSISTING ON HOSTING A GIRL’S NIGHT?  
CG: I KNOW SHE HAS THE ATTENTION SPAN OF A RODENT IN A SHINEY-OBJECTS-STORE BUT YOU’D *THINK* SHE’D STICK WITH SOMETHING SHE ORGANIZED IN THE FIRST PLACE!  
AG: 8lack d8 interfered. The less said a8out that the 8etter.  
AG: Isn’t that right, Pyrope >::::(  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3  
AG: Mind you, I put up a good fight……..  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4 STOP PL34S3!!!!  
AG: Never let it be said that humans CAN’T 8e completely infuriating kismessises.  
CG: THE INFURIATING PART IS THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES SENSE ABOUT THAT SENTENCE.

\--terminallyCapricious [TC] joined memo--

CG: ONE PIECE OF SHIT, TWO PIECES OF SHIT, THREE PIECES OF SHIT, IS IT GOING TO BE ONE OF THOSE NIGHTS!?  
CG: WHERE THE SANE CAN BARELY GET THEIR VOICES HEARD OVER THE INANE AND THE VERY, VERY DUMB?!  
CG: BECAUSE IF THAT’S THE CASE I MIGHT JUST OPT TO THROW MYSELF OUT OF THE WINDOW, BREAK THROUGH THE GLASS, FALL A TOTAL OF 3 FEET AND MAKE A COMPLETE PONCE OUT OF MYSELF LIKE USUAL!  
TC: HeY mY FaVoRiTe BrOtHeR fRoM aNoThEr LuSuS.  
TC: wHaT’S gOoD bRo?  
CG: I AM NOT YOUR BRO!  
CG: I HAVE NEVER BEEN YOUR BRO!  
CG: I WILL NEVER BE YOUR BRO!!!!!!  
TC: tHaT aInT tHe WaY i MoThErFuCkInG sEe It MaN.  
CG: IT IS *EXACTLY* THE WAY I SEE IT!  
CG: THIS IS THE WAY I SEE IT, BECAUSE IT IS THE WAY IT IS! IT IS THE CRUEL, UNDENIABLE REALITY OF THE CURRENT SITUATION!  
TC: OnLy If YoU lOoK wItH yOuR eYeS, bEsT fRiEnD.  
CG: EVERY WORD YOU SAY PISSES ME OFF!  
GC: SO MUCH FOR POS1T1V3 K4RK4T   
CG: NOT NOW!  
AG: Seeeeeeeeriously, Gamzee’s 8ecome even more harmless than he was pre-game.  
CG: I DON’T THINK WHATEVER HE WAS CAN BE QUANTIFIED!!  
TC: MaN, cOuRsE i AiNt GoNnA hUrT a MoThErFuCkInG tHiNg.  
TC: tHaT iS a hElLa WeIrD tHiNg To SaY sPiDeRsIs.

\--twinArmageddons [TA] joined memo--

GC: H3LLO MR 4PPL3B3RRY BL4ST  
TA: 2up  
TA: don’t miind me, iim ju2t here for the moviie  
AG: Uuuuuuuugh, check out this douche8ag.  
CG: I’M NOT GOING TO SAY I’M AGREEING WITH YOU, EVEN IF IT’S PAINFULLY OBVIOUS THAT I DO.  
TA: comiing on a biit 2trongly there KK.  
TA: you forget 2he’2 datiing RL or 2omethiing??  
GC: TH4T’S WH4T 1’V3 B33N S4Y1NG!  
AG: Seriously Vantas, what gives?  
CG: I AM NOT HATE-FLIRTING WITH YOU, YOU REPUGNANT PIECE OF ACTUAL ORGANIC GARBAGE!!!!  
CG: I WOULDN’T WANT TO BE STUCK IN YOUR QUADRANT IF YOU PLACED A KNIFE ON MY THROAT WITH ONE HAND AND OFFERED ME CASH WITH THE OTHER!!!  
CG: THE FACT THAT YOU’VE MANAGED TO GET NOT ONE BUT TWO OF YOUR QUADRANTS FILLED WHILE I AM WALLOWING IN AN EXACT NUMBER OF ZERO, ONLY FURTHER SERVES AS EVIDENCE THAT SOMETIMES THE COSMOS AND WHATEVER DEITY PRESIDES OVER IT IS A DICK!  
CG: A LITERAL HUMAN PHALLUS!  
TC: ErRrR…. bRo?  
TC: NoT sUrE iF yOu WaNt Me To Up AnD lAy DoWn ThEsE tRuThFuL jAmS fOr YoU bUt YoU sEeM tO bE gEtTiNg YoUr MaD sElF oN mOrE aNd MoRe LaTeLy.  
TA: the clown 2peak2 2en2e.  
TA: better check out2iide two 2ee iif the 2ky ii2n’t falliing.

\--turntechGodhead [TG] joined memo--

CG: AND THE ASSHOLES JUST KEEP COMING!  
CG: WILL THERE NEVER BE AN END TO THIS PARADE OF VARIOUS SHIT-SNIFFING BOTTOMS FOR ME TO GET RIGHTFULLY ANGRY ABOUT?!  
CG: EVIDENCE SUGGESTS NO!  
TG: shit expelling bottoms seems more like an actual thing  
TG: 2/10 poor analogy  
TG: see me after class  
TG: like how does an ass actually smell  
GC: QU1T3 R4NC1D 1 1M4G1N3  
TG: walked right into that one  
TG: how you doin tz  
GC: 1 4M DO1NG GR34T   
GC: 1T 1S OUR GLOR1OUS L34D3R WHO S33MS TO H4V3 ON3 OF H1S MOODS 4G41N THOUGH  
TG: not the moirail thing again  
CG: I DON’T HAVE A MOIRAIL THING!  
TA: dude you have 2uch a pale thiir2t thii2 2hiit ii2 unreal.  
CG: NO I FUCKING DON’T!  
TA: iit2 2o bad that iit2 almo2t kiinda funny.  
TA: except iit2 liike the oppo2iite of that.  
TG: so yeah this is a fun subject  
TG: lets go to a better one  
TG: what kinda movie did the girls watch during babe night  
GC: TH3 HUM4N ROCKY HORROR P1CTUR3 SHOW  
GC: TH3 T1TL3 ST1LL CONFUS3S M3  
GC: ROCKY D1DN’T 3X4CTLY PL4Y 4 P1VOT4L ROL3  
TG: tz i am shocked and appaled   
TG: how can you watch such a horrible fucking movie  
TG: without me  
TG: i feel genuinely left out  
TG: how can i not make fun of tim curry’s terrifying fucking face  
TG: i think i might be crying  
TA: walk iit off pu22y

\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] joined memo--

GA: Good Evening  
AG: Err…….. Hey Maryam.  
AG: H8w have you 8een?  
CG: OH THANK GOD.  
CG: I WAS GOING TO GNAW MY OWN EARS OFF IF STRIDER CONTINUED RANTING ABOUT NOTHING.  
TG: people in glass houses karkat  
TG: should probably get around getting a moirail one of these days  
GC: TH4T’S WH4T 1 K33P T3LL1NG H1M  
TC: ShIt BrO, mAyBe YoU sHoUlD gO aNd MoThErFuCkInG dO sOmEtHiNg AbOuT tHaT.  
TA: riight?  
TC: LiKe, NoThInG pErSoNaL bUt KaRbRo Is PrEtTy FuCkInG HoT, iN a PaLe WaY…..  
TC: ErRr… Or Is ThAt JuSt Me?  
CG: WE ARE *NOT* ABOUT TO DISCUSS THE STATUS OF MY QUADRANTS RIGHT NOW!  
AG: What is there to talk a8out?  
AG: They are empty.  
CG: HOLY SHIT, IS IT POKE-FUN-AT-KARKAT-O-CLOCK ALREADY?!  
GA: I Feel As If I Accidentally Walked Into The Wrong Room  
GA: Were We Not About To Watch A Movie  
CG: YES, AND WOULDN’T IT BE FUCKING LOVELY IF WE’D BE ABLE TO GET TO THAT AT SOME POINT!

\--ectoBiologist [EB] joined memo--

EB: hi everyone!  
EB: what are we watching tonight?  
TA: KK bangiing hii2 head agaiin2t the wall for two hour2..  
GA: Sollux  
TA: or whatever junk TZ brought to 2how and tell, whatever..  
EB: sounds like a fun time either way.  
AG: Karkat flipping our like a spaz sounds like fun?  
EB: of course.  
EB: it’s like half the fun of joining movie night.  
TG: jegus john  
TG: i mean i know its true  
TG: but you aint supposed to say that  
TG: spoils the game if he knows that’s the whole reason we’re here in the first place  
EB: bluh, bluh. i told you, it’s only half the fun.  
EB: i actually genuinely like these movie nights.  
TG: you would  
TC: MaN tHeSe MoViE nIgHtS aRe ThE bEsT, aInT tHeY?  
EB: they sure are.  
TG: fucking nerds everywhere  
AG: Hey, don’t you dare insult John.  
GC: OH H3 C4N T4K3 B31NG C4LL3D 4 FUCK1NG N3RD  
AG: Still doesn’t mean I have to stand for my moirail 8eing insulted.  
TG: oh shit  
TG: when did vriska become an example for parents everywhere  
EB: it’s cool. dave calls me a nerd every other convo.  
EB: it doesn’t mean much coming from a massive dweeb like him.  
TG: shots fired  
GC: TH3 TRUTH 1S NOTH1NG TO G3T R1L3D UP 4BOUT  
GC: D4V3 1S 4 M4SS1V3 HUM4N DW33B 4ND 4DOR4BL3 FOR 1T  
GC: 4ND JOHN 1S 4N 1NCR3D1BL3 N3RD W1TH L1TTL3 TO NO R3D33M1NG QU4L1T13S >:]  
EB: okay, stuff like that?  
EB: that’s actually kinda offensive.  
AG: Yeah, step off Pyrope!!!!!!!!  
EB: oh don’t worry. i mean, it’s just terezi.  
EB: i can take her being a weird creep like she usually is.  
GC: >:[  
GA: Karkat  
GA: Are You Still Present  
CG: I’VE JUST BEGUN THE CUSTOMARY ‘BANGING-MY-HEAD-AGAINST-THE-WALL-TILL-THE-PAIN-STOPS’. FIGURED GETTING A HEADSTART MIGHT MAKE THIS FUCKING ORDEAL A LITTLE MORE BEARABLE.  
CG: A FEW MINUTES IN AND I’VE REACHED THE CONCLUSION THAT IT WONT BUT I’M TOO FAR IN NOW TO QUIT!  
GA: Karkat I Am Fairly Certain Your Thinkpan Will Give Before The Wall  
CG: THAT’S THE POINT!

\--antisocialArbiter [AA] joined memo--

AA: HELLO TO THE EVERYONE!  
TA: oh great iit2 megiido the prequel  
TA: the one we don’t liike  
TG: speak for yourself man  
TG: megidos are a riot  
TG: and there’s two of them  
TG: don’t tell me that doesn’t set off some pre-programmed troll boner for everything involving shit that comes in two’s  
AA: SOUNDS FUN  
AA: YOU GET HARD CAPTOR BOY?  
AA: YOU NEED HELP TO THAT? GET STONED AND MAKE LOVE PLEASE!  
CG: OKAY, CAN YOU MAYBE NOT DO THAT DURING THE STREAM PLEASE?!  
CG: I AM TRYING TO KEEP MY LUNCH INSIDE MY DIGESTION SACK, THANK YOU!  
AA: YOU SHY BOY  
CG: LIKE HELL I AM!  
AA: I LIKE YOU  
AA: YOU LIKE ME YES?  
CG: I DON’T LIKE ANYONE CURRENTLY IN THIS STREAM WITH THE POSSIBLE EXCEPTION OF KANAYA, WHOM I FILE UNDER ‘BASICALLY ALRIGHT’.  
AA: REALLY  
AA: WHAT AM I FILED FOR?  
EB: he doesn’t really mean it.   
EB: karkat basically loves everyone but is to shy to say anything about it.  
TC: HoNk!  
TC: I kNeW kArBrO hAs A VaScUlAr AqUaTiC BaSeD BlOoDpUmPiNg vEsSeL oF gOlD :o)  
AA: YOU CUTE YES  
CG: IF EVERYONE WOULD STOP TALKING NOW…. THAT’D BE GREAT.  
AG: 8ecause asking nicely is exaaaaaaaactly the kind of thing that’ll make us comply.  
CG: I HOPE IT ILLUSTRATES HOW PRECIOUS FEW OPTIONS I HAVE LEFT IN AN ATTEMPT TO RUN THIS ZOO YOU CALL A STREAM!  
AA: YOU HAVE OPTIONS!  
AA: TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES MAYBE YES!  
CG: CAN WORDS MOLEST A PERSON?! IS THAT A THING?!  
GC: OH STOP B31NG 4 B4BY  
CG: DON’T FUCKING TELL ME WHAT AND WHAT NOT TO DO!!!

\--gutsyGumshoe [GG] joined memo--

GG: Good evening chums.  
GG: Boy, we are seeing each other quite often lately aren’t we?  
GC: H3H3H3H3  
GC: D1D YOU L1K3 TH3 ROCKY HORROR P1CTUR3 SHOW?  
GG: Oh, most definitely.  
GC: GOOD  
GC: B3C4US3 YOU 4R3 GO1NG TO LOV3 TH1S MOV13  
GC: YOU’LL B3 L1K3 TH3 MOST PR3C1OUS L1TTL3 WR1GGL3R ON 12TH P3R1GR33S 3V3  
GG: That’s…. Good?  
GG: I assume?  
TC: ShIt YeAh SiS.  
TC: MoThErFuCkInG sWeEt Of YoU tO jOiN uS fOr ThIS wIcKeD nIgHt Of mOvIeS aNd ShIt.  
TA: how ii2 iit gonna be any diifferent from the other moviie niight2??  
TC: BeCaUsE nOw We ArE gOnNa WaTcH tHe DrAgOnSiS’s ChOiCe Of MoViEs, WhIcH iS aMaZiNg If YoU aSk Me.  
GG: I’m sorry but who constitutes as the dragonsis?  
GC: TH4T WOULD B3 M3?  
GG: Ah alright.   
GG: You got a pretty good deal out of this Terezi. First you get to pick a movie for girl’s night and now this one?  
GG: Had I been offered a second opportunity I would have loved to show you some childhood classics.  
CG: WE BOTH KNOW WHY THAT ISN’T HAPPENING CROCKER!!!!  
GA: Are You Still Upset About The Room  
AA: LOVE THAT MOVIE  
CG: WELL YOU ARE WRONG!

\--adiosToreador [AT] joined memo--

AT: hEY FOLKS,  
AT: nOW i KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING UHM, hASN’T IT BEEN ONLY A WHILE SINCE i JOINED THE MOVIE NIGHT?  
AT: bY WHICH i MEAN, pACIFIC rIM?  
AT: tHE ANSWER IS YES,  
AT: aM i A KNOWN GIVER OF FUCKS?  
AT: tHE ANSWER IS NO,  
AT: ]:)  
AG: Uuuuuuuugh, I can’t even 8egin to explain how 8ORING you made the entire conversation just 8y showing up.  
AT: wELL SEE vRISKA,   
AT: tHE THING ABOUT THAT IS UHM, tHAT i DON’T REALLY CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK,  
AA: NO WANT THE MORE NITRAM  
AA: ZERO IS NITRAM ENOUGH  
AG: I’m warming up to this Megido.  
EB: i could do without him as well actually.  
TG: what are you talking about egbert  
TG: nitram is hilarious  
TG: he is like the yamcha of the group  
TG: the jon arbuckle  
TG: that dumb squirrel thing from ice age  
TG: you got to keep him in  
AT: i DON’T KNOW ANY OF THOSE BUT I AM GLAD TO BE FOUND FUNNY }:)  
EB: eh, it’s just that he gets kinda antagonistic when im around.  
GC: Y34H  
GC: TH4T’S MY JOB  
AT: OH YOU CAN HAVE HIM BECAUSE I REALLY DO NOT UHM, CARE FOR JOHN,  
AT: I JUST FIND HIM REALLY ANNOYING AND UNPLEASANT,  
EB: well, i find you really annoying too.  
EB: so there.  
GC: W4NN4 B3T TH4T 1 4M MOR3 4NNOY1NG? >:)  
CG: CAN THE TWO OF YOU MAYBE NOT DO THIS IN A PUBLIC MEMO?  
CG: FOR FUCK’S SAKE, WE CAN ALL READ IT.  
EB: read what?  
TG: christ egbert  
TG: youd think youd get this by now  
EB: i have no idea what you are talking about.  
GG: I am just as confused as you are.  
TC: HeY dO NoT wOrRy AbOuT iT sIs.  
TC: I aM mOtHeRfUcKiNg StOkEd yOu ArE jOiNiNg Us BrO.  
TC: ThIs ShIt Is GoInG tO bE oFf ThE HoOk :o)  
GA: Are We Expecting More Guests  
TA: cau2e iit would be a real 2hame two 2tart the moviie any tiime 2oon  
TA: liike toniight maybe

CG: I ALREADY HATE IT!  
AA: YOU FAST  
GA: Karkat We Have Yet To Begin The Movie Proper  
GA: What Could Possibly Set You Off This Early  
CG: LOOK AT IT!!!!  
CG: FEAST YOUR EYES ON THIS HORRENDOUS DISPLAY OF HUMAN INEPTITUDE AND TELL ME YOU AREN’T DREADING WHAT IS TO COME!!!  
CG: THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL AND IT IS THE FAILTRAIN COMING TOWARDS US AND I DO NOT LIKE THE SPEED AT WHICH THE LIGHT IS GETTING BIGGER!!!  
EB: I don’t see it?  
TA: 2eriiou2ly, iif you a2k me KK fiinally lo2t hii2 marble2..  
TC: WhAt Is WrOnG bRoThEr?  
CG: YOU CAN’T HAVE A QUESTION IN YOUR TITLE AND FORGET TO END YOUR SENTENCE WITH A QUESTION MARK!  
CG: THESE GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT DOORHANDLES!!!  
AG: It’s going to be one of thoooooooose nights again, isn’t it?  
GC: H3H3H3 1T 1S TH3 ONLY R34SON 1 BOTH3R CH3CK1NG 1N FOR MOV13 N1GHT 4T 4LL

TA: 2o what are we lookiing at?  
TA: iit look2 liike tho2e dumba22 looney tune2 from that fuckiing 2port2 moviie..  
AG: I waaaaaaaas going to say that this looks like a shittier Ponyo.  
TC: WeLl I tHiNk It LoOkS FaNtAsTiC.  
GC: TH1S 1S F4MOUS MOV13 ST4R ROG3R R4BB1T 1N H1S F4MOUS ROG3R R4BB1T C4RTOON  
GG: I am not familiar with his works but the name vaguely rings a bell.  
GG: Give me a moment, I am sure it will come back to me….  
GA: The Animation Certainly Looks A Little Less Flattering Than Princess Mononoke Or Even Pokemon  
AT: hEY, pOKEMON WAS A GREAT MOVIE WASN’T IT?  
AT: wE SHOULD WATCH THE SECOND ONE!  
GA: We Really Should Not  
TC: RiGhT sO tHiS rOgEr FeLlOw Is BeInG TrUsTeD wItH tAkInG cArE oF tHe WrIgGlEr.  
TC: WhAt A sTaNd uP mOtHeRfUcKeR.

AA: HE IS THE FUNNY RABBIT  
CG: THIS MORON ATTRACTS DISASTER THE WAY PYROPE ATTRACTS HORRIBLE COMICS, USUALLY DRAWN BY STRIDER!  
GC: N3P3T4 4ND 1 H4V3 B33N 3XCH4NG1NG COM1CS 4S W3LL  
TG: oh snap  
TG: are you leaving me bae  
TG: i promise ill use more red in my horrible drawings  
GC: OH MR STR1D3R OH  
GC: YOU H4V3 NOTH1NG TO WORRY 4BOUT  
GC: SH3 DO3SN’T DR4W N34RLY 4S POORLY 4S YOU  
GG: It would be a challenge to draw as poor as the Striders….  
GG: I will never understand why one would put so much effort into making a work of art look its worst, outside of the context of a practical joke.  
EB: i think it is a practical joke?  
EB: in their weird stridery way?  
AG: No need fussing a8out the Striders John.   
AG: On the grand ladder of awfulness they are only a liiiiiiiittle 8it 8elow Lalonde and a little 8it a8ove the likes of Nitram, Ampora, Zahhak and Makara.  
TC: ShIt SiS, wHaT dId I dO?  
GA: Dot Dot Dot

GG: Hoo hoo, this is some first class slapstick alright.  
GG: Swell pick Mrs Pyrope.  
GC: MUCH 4PPR3C14T3D MRS CROCK3R  
GC: 1 4M GL4D 4N 4F1C1ON4DO SUCH 4S YOURS3LF JO1N3D US TON1GHT  
GC: TH3R3 W1LL B3 MOR3 TO COM3  
GG: Wonderful!  
TA: iit2 a C+ at be2t..  
GA: Personally I Would Be More Concerned For Rogers Health  
EB: oh no, that’s the beauty you see.  
EB: he is a toon, so he’ll be fine.  
GA: Even Within The Context Of This Cartoon  
EB: yeah, pretty much.  
CG: WELL THAT JUST BREAKS ALL TENSION WITH A SICKENING CRACK!  
CG: HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO ROOT FOR A CHARACTER WHO IS EFFECTIVELY IMMORTAL!?  
CG: UNLESS THIS IS A DEEP DRAMATIC CHARACTER STUDY, UNLIKELY CONSIDERING WHAT HAG PICKED IT, THIS MOVIE IS FUCKING DOOMED FROM THE GET GO.  
CG: ALSO HIS VOICE PISSES ME RIGHT THE FUCK OFF!  
CG: HE SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE PUT A HOSE IN HIS ASS, CRANKED OPEN THE HELIUM TANK AND SAT BACK TO WATCH HIS POORLY DEFINED SCIENCE EXPERIMENT STUMBLE AROUND IN THE WORLD!!!  
AA: MAYBE YOU WAIT TILL LONGER THAN 5 MINUTES?  
CG: NO!!!!!  
EB: he gets like that sometimes.  
AA: HE NEEDS A SHOOSH  
CG: FUCK OFF AND WATCH THE PIECE OF SHIT MOVIE!!!

CG: WAIT WHAT!?  
CG: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON?!  
GC: 1 TOLD YOU D1DN’T 1?  
GC: TH1S 1S TH3 F4MOUS 4CTOR ROG3R R4BB1T 1N ON3 OF H1S F4MOUS ROG3R R4BB1T C4RTOONS  
AT: tHAT’S KINDA NEAT,  
CG: THAT’S KINDA BULLSHIT!  
GA: It Is Remarkable How The Animated Figures Works With The Real Set  
TA: iit look2 better than that hoopball moviie, 2o that2 a plu2.  
GC: 1 KNOW R1GHT  
GC: D3SP1T3 TH1S MOV13 B31NG S1GN1F1C4NTLY OLD3R  
CG: PIECE OF SHIT!

GA: So Our Protagonist Makes Place For This Private Detective  
GG: One sorely lacking in the appropriate facial hair.  
TG: holy shit it is mario  
GA: He Was Just Called Eddie Valiant  
TG: which is his secret identity  
TG: together with his brother who might actually be his son luigi this guy went and saved both the earth and dinosaurland from a disgruntled dennis hopper  
GA: I Beg Your Pardon  
GA: Was There A Movie Prior To Who Framed Roger Rabbit  
GC: NO  
TG: yes  
TC: So ThIs MoThErFuCkEr Is An AcE dIcK oR sOmEtHiNg?  
TC: sOuNdS cOoL tO mE.  
GG: But he has to spy on Roger’s wife to put his mind at ease?  
GG: I don’t know…. That sounds awfully fishy, even for a hardboiled detective.  
GC: HMMMMHMMM….  
GC: M1GHT B3 ONTO SOM3TH1NG TH3R3 CROCK3R  
EB: they are making quite a big deal about 50 bucks….  
GG: I guess it’s supposed to take place in the 1920’s or something?  
TA: we have two guy2 dii2cu22iing wiith a cartoon elephant on the background on the background..  
TA: why are you debatiing hii2 2alary??

GG: So he is a truly hardboiled detective; debts, dames and alcoholism included.  
GC: D4V3 PUT DOWN TH4T B1NGO C4RD  
TG: you cant prove i was getting a bingo card  
TG: you didn’t see shit  
GC: THOS3 4R3 BOTH CORR3CT ST4T3M3NTS BUT DON’T 3V3N PR3T3ND YOU W3R3NT GO1NG TOO  
AT: sO HE IS UHM, kIND OF A POOR SLEUTH,  
AT: i MEAN, hE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A CAMERA AND UHM, sEEMS TO BE IN A LOT OF DEBT,  
GG: 50 Dollar is not exactly deep in debt but I suppose the 1920’s were a different time.  
TG: inflation is a bitch  
TG: trust me  
TG: i know the economics behind this

GG: And there is the berserk button, a given for any self-respecting hardboiled detective.  
GG: His brother was killed by a toon in the most cartoony way possible.  
AT: sO HE DOESN’T LIKE TOONS BUT WORKS UHM, rIGHT NEXT TO TOON TOWN?  
AT: tHAT SEEMS COUNTER INTUITIVE,  
CG: THIS MOVIE IS ALREADY BEYOND STUPID.  
AG: Here we go……..  
CG: HIS ASSIGNMENT HAS BEEN GIVEN FOR COMPLETELY ARBITRARY REASONS. SPYING ON A TAINTLICKING RABBIT TO EASE HIS OR HER PARTNER’S MIND IS SOMETHING ONLY THE MOST PARANOID OF IMBECILS WOULD THINK OFF!  
CG: HE MAKES A BIG DEAL OUT OF 50 BUCKS, WHICH EVERY RANDOM BASILISK DROPS AND THEN SOME!!  
CG: HE IS ILL-EQUIPPED FOR SEEMINGLY *ANY* FUCKING DETECTIVE WORK, IS A GENERALLY UNPLEASANT PERSON AND HAS NOW PROVEN TO BE EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE!!!  
AA: YOU PAY ATTENTION A LOT  
CG: SOMEONE HAS TOO!  
AA: MAYBE LOOK AT FUN SIDE  
CG: THERE ISN’T ONE!  
AG: Karkat enjoys 8eing a pissy human 8a8y.   
AG: Trying to ease his anger will oooooooonly give you a killer headache.

EB: oh my god that is awesome!  
EB: seeing Donald and daffy trying to one-up each other is one of those things I didn’t know i wanted until now.  
GA: I Fail To See What The Big Deal Is In Seeing Two Cartoon Quackfowls Engage In A Musical Duel  
TG: are you kidding  
TG: this is like batman vs iron man  
TG: mario in a halo game  
TG: an italian restaurant in china  
GC: 4G41N W1TH TH3 M4R1O  
TA: ii 2tiill don’t know what any of D2’2 word2 mean  
TG: that’s sad  
GG: Oh, the antics of these two is absolutely delightful.  
TC: HeHe, ShIt YeAh SiS.  
TC: ThEsE fOwLs PlAy SoMe WiCkEd KeYs ToO.  
CG: I’M UP TO MY TITS IN MORONS.  
AA: BE NICE.  
CG: I DON’T FUCKING WANT TO!  
GA: Sigh

CG: THIS GUY IS ANNOYING. THAT BLACK AND WHITE TOON IS ANNOYING. THIS ENTIRE FUCKING SCENE IS BEYOND ANNOYING!!!  
EB: come on karkat, it’s kinda fun.  
AG: Don’t even 8other John.  
AG: When he gets like this he is 8eyond help.  
CG: HAH HAH AND ANOTHER FUCKING HAH FOR GOOD MEASURE. I DO *NOT* NEED HELP AND CERTAINLY NOT FROM THE LIKES OF YOU!  
AA: I AGREE  
AA: GUY IS ANNOYING  
CG: THANK YOU!!!  
AA: REST NOT SO BAD  
AA: IS THAT OLD CARTOON?  
AA: BLACK AND WHITE IS VERY MUCH CLASSIC WAY TO SEE YES?  
GG: Yeah, that is Betty Boop. She is pretty much the prototypical sexy cartoon.  
AA: I SEE  
AA: SHE HENTAI  
GG: I uhm…. think not?  
TG: if it exists there is porn of it

TC: HoT dAmN. tHaT aInT a RaBbIt.  
TC: tHaT iS a MoThErFuCkInG fOx :o)  
AG: That dum8 fucking ra88it is matesprits with TH8T?!  
AT: sHE UHM, sINGS A NEAT TUNE TOO,  
AT: iT MAKES ME UHM,  
AT: wOW,  
AT: yEAH,  
GC: TH3 DR3SS 1S 4BSOLUT3LY D3L1C1OUS 1SN’T 1T?  
AA: SO PRETTY  
AA: DRESS ALSO  
AA: I WOULD MAKE THE SEX WITH HER IN THE BEAT OF A HEART  
CG: KEEP YOUR PANTS ON!  
AA: DON’T WANT TOO  
CG: HAVE SOME DECENCY GODDAMNIT!  
GA: I Agree With Megido  
CG: I SWEAR TO MY OWN LEFT THINKPAN, IF YOU DON’T KEEP YOUR FUCKING PANTS ON MARYAM I WILL RAGE UNTILL THE FUCKING MOONS FALL FROM THE SKY, SO HELP ME, IT WILL BE BIBLICAL IN A WAY NOT EVEN THE HIGHEST ASSHOLE CLOWN WOULD BE READY FOR!!!  
GA: I  
GA: I Was Actually Referring The Dress  
GC: B3C4US3 1T 1S NOT L1K3 OUR LOV3LY M4RY4M WOULD 3V3R G3T UP TO SORD1D D3B4UCH3RY  
GA: No I Would Not  
GA: Also Shut Up 

TA: iimagiine what a paiin thii2 2cene would be two act out  
TA: pretendiing two be very iimpre22ed by an iinvii2iible woman  
TC: MaN, i Do NoT eVeN kNoW wHaT yOu ArE tAlKiNg AbOuT.  
TC: LiKe, ShE iS rIgHt ThErE.  
TA: of cour2e 2he ii2  
GG: The song is still very good though. I love how she owns the part of sultry jazz singer.  
AA: I WISH I WAS WITH HIS SEAT  
AA: SHE DANCE ON MY LAP ALL NIGHT  
CG: OH MY GOD, STOP TRYING TO HIT ON ANIMATED FIGURES!!  
AA: YOU STOP BEING ANGRY AT EVERY TIME  
AA: THEN WE BOTH CHILL AND MAYBE TO GET STONED  
CG: I AM NOT MAKING ANY PROMISES THAT DEPEND ON THE QUALITY OF A MOVIE OF WHICH I SEVERELY DOUBT THE QUALITY!  
GC: 1 C4N H4V3 GOOD T4ST3 1N MOV13S  
TG: debatable  
GC: H3Y!

EB: so keeping an eye on jessica may have been a good idea anyway.  
CG: I SAID THAT IT WAS ARBITRARY *BEFORE* WE LEARNED SHE WAS A TOTAL BABE.  
AG: Right?

AA: HE IS LIKING WHAT HE SEE  
AT: sO MUCH SO THAT HE UHM, sTOPS TAKING PICTURES AFTER TWO OR THREE  
GA: I Suppose He Has All The Evidence He Needs  
AG: God, taking pictures of two people having sex without their consent is detesta8le.  
GA: Indeed  
GA: Thankfully Rose Would Never Do Such A Thing  
AG: ……..  
AG: Yeah. Uhm…….. I certainly hope not.  
CG: WHAT KIND OF A KISMESIS WOULD DO THAT?! THERE ARE RULES PEOPLE!  
EB: well, she is a human like us.  
EB: at least, we’re pretty sure she is :B  
EB: we are not used to the whole kismesis thing.  
TG: speak for yourself  
AT: yOU DON’T HAVE A KISMESIS RIGHT?  
TG: not important  
AG: Oh god........ I’ll have to verify this.  
GA: Please Do  
GA: Just In Case  
GA: For The Sake Of Your Kismesitude Of Course  
GC: OF COURS3 >:]  
AG: Quiet Pyrope.

TA: roger takes iit as expected  
GG: But they only played patty cake together, correct?  
GG: I fail to see the issue.  
AG: Most o8vious innuendo ever.  
TC: SiS, tHiS aInT aBoUt ThE pAtTy CaKe Or WhAtEvER sHiT ShE wAs Up ToO.  
TC: ThIs Is AbOuT a BrEaCh Of TrUsT bEtWeEn TwO mAtEsPrItS.  
TC: SeE, wHaT wE hAvE hErE iS a fAiLuRe To MoThErFuCkInG cOmMuNiCaTe.  
GG: A feeling I am al too familiar with by this point….  
TC: LiKe, iF sHe MoThErFuCkInG eXpLaInEd ShE jUsT wAnTeD tO pLaY pAtTy CaKe WiTh ThAt FuNnY OlD mAn, ThInGs MaY hAvE gOnE a LoT bEtTeR.  
AG: Not if it really is an innuendo for doing the nasty.  
AT: oH, yOU DON’T KNOW THAT,  
AG: No, and that kiiiiiiiinda pisses me off.

AG: Then they give Roger some alcohol and watch him 8ounce off into the distance. This sounds like a horri8le idea.  
GC: 1ND33D  
GC: TROLL CULTUR3 WOULD P3RM1T H1M TO MURD3R 1ND1SCR1M4T3LY UND3R TH3S3 C1RCUMST4NC3S  
GG: Wait, really?  
GC: W3LL 4S LONG 4S TH3Y 4R3N’T OF 4 H1GH3R C4ST3  
GG: So not indiscrimately at all?

CG: OKAY, I BEGRUDGINGLY ADMIT THAT THIS SCENE IS OKAY.  
AA: SEE NOT ALL BAD  
TA: waiit why thii2??  
TA: thii2 ii2 ju2t a normal 2cene wiith nothiing really goiing on  
CG: THIS IS STORY TELLING WITHOUT SPEAKING A SINGLE WORD ASSHOLE.  
CG: YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO EDDIE VALIANT IS? JUST LOOK AROUND HIS ROOM.  
CG: THEY MAKE SURE YOU TAKE IT ALL IN AND GET A GOOD INSIGHT IN WHAT THIS PERSON’S LIFE IS LIKE.  
GC: OH 1 4CTU4LLY TH1NK TH1S SC3N3 1S K1ND4 BOR1NG  
GC: NO D14LOGU3 4ND 1T T4ST3S R34LLY M3L4NCHOLY  
AG: It is a melancholic scene, what were you expecting????????  
GC: MOR3 FUNNY C4RTOON P3OPL3 WOULD H4V3 B33N N1C3 >:]

GA: So These Are Pictures Of The Vacation He Mentioned Earlier To Dolores  
GG: Ah yes. The tough-as-nails woman serving the bar and the relative-killed-on-duty.  
GG: Classic tropes of the genre.  
AT: mADE UHM, sIGNIFICANTLY WEIRDER BY THE FACT THAT THE WHOLE SCENE COEXISTS WITH CARTOON CHARACTERS?  
TG: man i feel like a sucker for not bringing the bingo card  
TA: no one liike2 your human biingo game2  
GC: 1 L1K3 H1S HUM4N B1NGO G4M3S  
TA: you don’t really count  
AG: So theeeeeeeen Eddie drinks himself into a stupor like the class act he is.

AT: oH LOOK, tHE ANNOYING GUY WHO WAS ANNOYING EARLIER AND PLAYED PATTY CAKE WITH jESSICA DIED,  
AT: i WAS WONDERING WHEN SOMETHING LIKE THIS WOULD HAPPEN,  
EB: can’t have a crime drama without a crime.  
TC: MaN tHaT iS kInDa InSeNsItIvE lIkE, dRaGgInG eDdIe In WiThOuT tElLiNg HiM wHaT tHe FuCk Is GoInG oN.  
TC: sPeCiAlLy SiNcE hIs MoThErFuCkInG bRo DiEd By GeTtInG a HeAvY oBjEcT dRoPpEd On HiS hEaD bY a CoNkSuCkInG tOoN.  
TC: LiKE wHaT iS tHiS MoThErFuCkInG hApPeNiNg aLl oVeR AgAiN ShEnAnIgAnS hIsToRy RePeAtInG dOoHiCkY.  
TC: ThErE’S gOt To Be A BeTtEr FuCkInG wAy To SaY tHaT.  
GG: Déjà vu.  
TC: sOrRy?  
GG: The word you are looking for is déjà vu.  
TC: Is ThAt A mAdE uP wOrD sIs? It KiNda LoOkS mAdE uP.  
GG: I assure you, it is real.  
CG: MEANWHILE, THESE INCOMPETENT BUMBLECUNTS THAT CALL THEMSELVES OFFICERS OF THE LAW ARE GOOFING AROUND WITH THE TOYS OF THAT UNFUNNY ANNOYING GUY!  
CG: HAVE THESE DICKWEEDS NEVER SEEN A POGOSTICK BEFORE!? WHAT DO THEY EVEN CARE!!!  
CG: SHOW SOME FUCKING PROFESSIONALISM YOU MASSIVE IGNORAMUSSES!!!

AG: Ooooooooh snap!  
AG: Jessica ceeeeeeeertainly isn’t impressed 8y Eddie’s snooping.  
GC: G1RL POW3R!  
CG: THERE WAS NOTHING ‘GIRL POWER’ABOUT THAT SLAP!  
CG: SHE HAD ALL REASON TO SLAP THAT SLEAZY TAINTCAKE BECAUSE HE FUCKING SPIED ON HER IN A PRIVATE SITUATION!  
EB: karkat chill  
CG: I AM FUCKING CHILL!!!!  
AA: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

TG: marty we must go back  
TG: back to toon town  
EB: and here we have the obvious villain for the movie.  
AT: oH YOU DON’T KNOW THAT,  
GG: Dressed in all black, creepy smile and working with literal weasels?  
GG: Yes Watson, I would say your guess is right on the money.  
TC: ErRr….. ThIs Is A sCaRy MoThErFuCkEr.  
CG: WHO THE FUCK ASSIGNS A JUDGE WHO’SE LAST NAME IS *LITERALLY* DOOM!  
CG: SURE, NO PROBLEM MR DOOM. NOW I’M OFF TO FETCH SOME TEA, PLEASE DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ANYTHING WHILE I LEAVE YOU ALONE AND UNSUPERVISED IN A ROOM WITH THE NUCLEAR LAUNCH CODES AND AN INCONSPICUOUS GIANT RED BUTTON!!!  
AA: YOU CALM NOW  
AA: IT COMEDY  
CG: THAT DOES NOT GIVE IT A FREE PASS ON STUPID NAMING CONVENTIONS!!!  
GC: 1 4CTU4LLY TH1NK DOOM 1S 4 R34LLY 3FF3CT1V3 V1LL41N  
GC: H3 1S PR3TTY THR34T3N1NG  
TA: iif only he diidn’t have a name that make2 hiim 2ound liike a 2aturday eveniing cartoon viillaiin

CG: HOLY FUCK WHAT IS GOING ON!?  
TA: dude  
TA: that2 ju2t cruel  
TA: niice  
TC: HeHeHeHe YeAh…. tHaT iS kInDa MOTHERFUCKING FUNNY!!!  
AG: I mean yeah, it was small and helpless so it proooooooo8a8ly deserved it 8ut still……..  
AG: That’s pretty harsh.  
AT: UHM, IN ESSENCE JUDGE DOOM JUST EXECUTED A SMALL SENTIENT BEING, THAT DID NOTHING WRONG AND COULD NOT DEFEND HIMSELF,  
AT: THAT’S HEARTLESS,  
GC: TH3 SHO3 W4S 4N 1NNOC3NT!!!  
TA: yeah  
TA: but iit 2ure ii2 conveniient for plot rea2on2 that they now have a way to kiill toon2 whiile 2tiill allowiing them to get anviil2 dropped on theiir head  
TA: or whatever con2tiitute2 a2 cartoon antiic2  
TA: iim not a wriiggler that watche2 cartoon2  
GA: Incidentally  
GA: Have You Noticed The Ingredients For His Fatal Cocktail  
EB: sorta?  
GA: They Are All Paint Thinners And The Like  
GA: Personally I Think It Is Kinda Funny

GG: So Roger’s guilt is being put into question, much as expected.  
CG: WE, THE POOR SODS WHO HAVE TO WATCH THIS TRAINWRECKED VEHICLE DON’T GET A SECOND TO QUESTION HIS GUILT BECAUSE THE MISSPELLED TITLE FUCKING INFORMED US!  
AA: SSSSSSHHHHHH  
AA: YOU CALM NOW  
CG: I AM ALWAYS CALM!!!!!  
EB: so eddie is being a dick to the baby.  
GC: OF COURS3 H3 1S 4 D1CK JOHN  
GC: 4N 4C3 D1CK >:]  
EB: uuuuuuuugh that was pretty bad.  
GC: 1T W4S SOL1D  
AT: mAN, rOGER SEEMS TO BE A BELOVED CHARACTER,  
GG: Which is funny cause he never really got animated again. Just a few comics.  
AT: oH, tHAT’S SAD,  
TA: he ha2 been iin the moviie for all of fiive minutes, let2 not ru2h to any conclu2iion2 TN  
TA: pretty 2ure he de2erved iit

TC: MaN, EdDiE iS hItTiNg ThE sOpOrIfIcS pReTtY mOtHeRfUcKiNg HaRd.  
TC: SoMeOnE sHoUlD dEfInItElY tAlK tO hIm AbOuT tHaT sHiT.  
TC: MaYbE sOmEoNe LiKe A MoIrAiL oR sOmEtHiNg CoUlD hElP hIm ThRoUgH tHiS pAiNfUl aDdIcTiOn.  
CG: HAH, DON’T MIND ME JUST TRYING TO SLAM MY UPPER JAW INTO MY DESK TO SEE IF A REVERSE CURBSTOMP IS BIOLOGICALLY FEASIBLE BECAUSE IT CERTAINLY WOULDN’T GO AMISS AFTER THAT COMMENT INSULTED MY SANITY!  
TC: HONK  
TC: honk  
GA: I Suppose It Is Not All Bad  
GA: After All Eddie Just Discovered That Magoos Last Will And Testament Really Did Go Missing  
CG: WHAT FUCKING NINCOMPOOP NOT ONLY KEEPS THEIR FUCKING *LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT* IN THEIR POCKET BUT ALSO BRINGS IT ALONG FOR A NIGHT OF ELICIT PATTY- I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS A REAL THING-CAKE!!!  
TG: im sorry  
TG: did you just say nincompoop  
AG: Aaaaaaaand Eddie drops down after cele8r8ing his new discovery with more alcohol. 

AT: oNLY THEN DOES HE REALIZE THAT HE IS NOT ALONE,   
AT: iN HIS OWN BED i MEAN,  
TC: HeHeHe, tHaT RaBbIt Is WiCkEd FuNnY.  
CG: MORE LIKE INCREDIBLY ANNOYING!  
AG: Oh 8oohoo, everything is annoying to you today.  
CG: MY RAGE BURNS LIKE AN ETERNAL FLAME DAMNIT!!

GG: So then Roger hides in Eddie’s coat and cuffs them together with his handcuffs while doing a Dick Tracy impression.  
EB: who?  
GG: Dick Tracy.  
EB: again, who?  
GG: Oh my god…  
AG: So 8ecause that fuzzy little asshole chained himself to Eddie, he has no choice 8ut to help him?  
AG: What 8ullcrap.  
GA: Or Maybe He Appealed To The Good Person Eddie Used To Be  
GA: Considering That He Apparently Has A Past Of Helping Toons In Need  
GC: N4H TH4T C4NT B3 1T  
GA: And Then Roger Shows The Poem He Made For Jessica On A Piece Of Paper He Found  
GA: Do You Think That Will Be Important  
AT: pROBABLY NOT?

GA: Oh Look  
GA: The Goons We Saw Accompany Judge Doom Earlier Make Their Appearance  
TG: and let me remind you they are literal weasels  
TG: subtlety thy name is doom  
TG: might as well travel with a vulture on your shoulder  
TG: you plead innocent  
TG: check whats in his briefcase  
TG: a literal kangaroo court  
TG: looks like youre getting dipped sonny  
CG: THE WEASELS PISS ME OFF BEYOND REASON. WHY IS ONE OF THESE PLUSH HUMPERS WEARING A BEANY?  
CG: WHY IS THAT ONE WEARING A STRAIGHT JACKET!? WHAT KIND OF LEGAL AUTHORITY EMPLOYS BEINGS THAT ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TAKE OFF THEIR STRAIGHT JACKET?! OR AM I TO BELIEVE THOSE THINGS ARE COMFORTABLE!?  
CG: IN THAT CASE, SIGN ME RIGHT THE FUCK UP FOR THE NUTHIVE.  
GC: 4R3N’T TH3Y H1L4R1OUS?  
AA: YES  
CG: NO!  
CG: NO THEY FUCKING AREN’T!!!  
AA: QUIET CINNAMON CHILD  
CG: I…… WHAT?!  
GC: TH3R3 1S SM4RT 4SS 4ND GR34SY, PSYCHO 4ND WH33ZY 4ND F1N4LLY STUP1D,  
GC: GU3SS WH1CH 1S WH1CH  
GG: My, that actually sounds like a play on the seven dwarves.  
GC: 1 DON’T KNOW WH4T YOU 4R3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT  
TA: there are only fiive wea2el2 2tupiid  
TG: lets not call johns hot mom stupid  
EB: lets not call my mom hot when im in the memo.

AA: DOKI!!!!  
AT: sO UHM, iS THAT A RABBIT IN HIS POCKET OR IS HE JUST REALLY HAPPY TO SEE HER?

CG: WHAT THE ASSRAMMING PILE OF LUSUSWASTE IS THAT!?  
CG: ROGER COULD HAVE ESCAPED THOSE FUCKING CUFFS WHENEVER HE WANTED BUT CHOSE NOT TOO BECAUSE IT WASN’T *FUNNY*?!  
CG: I AM EATING MY OWN TOES IN FUCKING ANGUISH RIGHT NOW!!!!  
AA: SORE O TEISHI DESU-NEE  
GG: Oh, that kind of makes sense.  
TA: explaiin  
TA: becau2e ii am actually wiith KK on thii2 one  
TA: not the toe2 eatiing, that would be weiird  
GG: Well, Roger is a cartoon and cartoons usually are drawn with the purpose to amuse someone.  
GG: Be it the artist or their audience.  
GG: Roger just takes his purpose very seriously.  
CG: IS IT MY PURPOSE TO BE TORMENTED BY IDIOCY AT EVERY TURN!?  
GG: It might even be a part of the toons’s way of life to do everything as hilarious as possible. Like a cultural thing or a code of honor.  
AG: Or a cult……..  
GG: Or a cult, I suppose…   
TG: man   
Tg: i hope this world hasn’t discovered anime  
TG: running into folks like vegeta or madara would seriously ruin your day  
TG: and your pants  
TG: still might be worth the big titted anime chicks and the bishies  
EB: what is a bishie?  
TG: never change egbert  
AT: wOULD THAT MEAN UHM, eVERYONE’S ORIGINAL CHARACTERS ARE REAL IN THIS WORLD, aS WELL?  
TG: that’d be even worse  
TG: no one wants to be confronted by the shitty oc they drew when they were 12  
AG: Hey!  
AG: My OC’s were aaaaaaaalways awesome!

TC: MaN, tHaT jEsSiCa BaBe AiNt GoT nO rEsPeCt FoR a MaNs PrIvAcY  
TG: man does Jessica have to sound like the other end of a sexline  
EB: how do you know what a sexline sounds like?  
TG: its called porn buddy  
TG: maybe you’ve looked it up some time  
TA: 2he ii2 wiilliing two do anythiing for her hu2band  
EB: oh god this really does sound like a porno.  
AA: YES PLEASE  
CG: NOOOO FUCK THAT SENTIMENT! PIRATES WAS ENOUGH FOR ME, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!  
GG: Agreed  
TA: but even you cant deny thii2 ii2 ba2iically the 2et up for a porn  
GA: Please  
GA: It Is Not Like There Is Anything Enticing To See  
GA: She Is Clearly Not Impressed  
AT: bESIDES, HE IS PROBABLY INTERESTED IN DOLORES?  
EB: who?  
GC: P4Y 4TT3NT1ON NUMBNUTS   
GC: SH3 1S TH3 B4RW3NCH3 TH4T BORROW3D H1M H3R C4M3R4  
EB: come on, did they even say her name?  
AT: oNCE, i THINK?  
TA: who even care2  
GC: PROB4BLY NO ON3  
EB: then why insult me for asking?  
TG: god egbert  
TG: get it together  
EB: i have no idea what you are talking about  
CG: TEREZI….. NO…….  
GC: T3REZ1 Y3S!!  
AG: And then Doloooooooores catches him with his pants down.  
GG: Literally?  
TA: plea2e no 2weaty eddiie a22 on my 2creen  
AA: PLEASE YES SWEATY EDDIE ASS

TA: look at that 2hiit eatiing griin  
TA: je22iica ii2 proud of the 2iituatiion 2he got eddiie iin  
AG: I knoooooooow.  
AG: I am definitely digging her style.  
GC: BUT TH3N…..  
AG: A whole 8unch a talk a8out 8usiness nonsense and shit a8out taking over companies  
AG: And may8e something a8out taking over toontown?  
CG: SHOW, DON’T TELL YOU SHITSTAIN OF A MOVIE!

TC: ErRrR….. tHaT mOtHeRfUcKeR sHoUlD nOt Be DoInG tHaT rIgHt?  
TA: not the thiing ii would do when tryiing to avoiid the law, no..  
GG: Further strengthening the argument that toons are just naturally inclined to comedic behavior.  
TC: It Is A vErY fUcKiNg JoLlY tUnE mAn.  
EB: it is very…….. looney?  
TG: fucks sake egbert  
GA: It Must Please Dolores To See Her Patrons In Such High Spirits  
CG: DOES THIS FUCKWIT HAVE ZERO SENSE OF SELF-PRESERVATION!?  
TA: 2iign2 poiint twoward2 nope  
CG: GODDAMNIT, FUCK THIS STUPID MOVIE AND IT’S INANE PROTAGONIST!!!  
AA: YOU STOP BEING ANGRY  
CG: NO, NO, NO!!!  
CG: WE ARE NOT DOING THIS MEGIDO!  
AA: DO WHAT?  
CG: DON’T EVEN PRETEND YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!!  
CG: I AM *SO* NOT IN THE MOOD TO PLAY THAT GAME WITH YOU!!!  
AA: YOU VERY CONFUSE ME

GG: Hoohoo, I was right!  
GG: Toons really prioritize making people laugh over their own safety.  
AG: Either that or Roger is the veeeeeeeery dum8 exception.  
GG: It’s really a powerful sentiment mind you.  
GG: The power of laughter is a peculiar thing and Roger seems to be utterly convinced of its important.  
GG: I can respect such a dedication to his craft.  
CG: AND I AM ABOUT TO PUKE IN DISGUST AT THIS SACCHARINE DISPLAY!  
AA: MAYBE YOU CHILL NOW  
CG: FUCKING MAKE ME!  
AA: SOUND FUN YES  
CG: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!!!  
CG: I MEAN, SHIT…. I DIDN’T MEAN….  
CG: NO, SECOND THOUGHT: DON’T MAKE ME AND IGNORE WHATEVER THAT BAG OF BULGE OF A PAST KARKAT HAD TO SAY.   
AA: NANI?  
CG: LETS JUST FORGET HE EVER SAID ANYTHING? OKAY?   
CG: OKAY!  
CG: CONTINUING THE VERY STUPID MOVIE FOR WRIGGLERS!

AT: oH LOOK,  
AT: tHE POWER OF LAUGHTER APPARENTLY AFFECTED THE PATRONS AND UHM, tHEY AREN’T SELLING HIM OUT TO JUDGE dOOM,  
AT: iN FACT, tHEY UHM, kINDA SEEM TO MAKE FUN OF HIM?  
GG: It seems that they are united in their desire to see Roger to safety.  
GG: Almost exactly like he explained to Eddie.  
AG: 8ullshit.  
AG: Complete and utter 8ullshit.  
EB: well, maybe a little. but it’s charming i guess?  
AG: Yeah, ain’t saying it’s 8ad. Just 8ullshit.  
GC: WH4T JOHN L1K3S TH1S MOV13?  
EB: yeah, kinda. it’s actually pretty funny in a looney tunes meets film noir kinda way.  
GC: B4H  
GC: TH3N 1 GU3SS 1 H4V3 TO H4T3 1T NOW >:/  
EB: okay uhm…. why?  
AG: Joooooooohn…….. You precious dum8 human thing <>  
EB: still confused.  
AG: Don’t worry a8out it. We’ll get you ready for whaaaaaaaatever Pyrope is planning.  
TG: and to illustrate just how evil doom is  
TG: he takes the sleeve of an armless veteran and uses it to whipe the chalkboard clean  
TG: seriously doom  
TG: he fought for this country  
TG: spreading freedom and democracy with fire and bullets  
TG: the american way  
GA: Dave  
GA: I Hate To Inform You But I Do Not Think Anyone Knows What You Are Talking About

GG: Hoohoohoohoo oh this is clever.  
GG: Doom is so experienced in tracking down toons that he realizes the best way to get them to come out of hiding is to knock an incomplete but familiar rhythm. All he has to do is wait for the toon culprit to finish it.  
GG: I suspect telling an incomplete joke would work just as well.  
GA: That Is Really Dumb  
GC: 1T S33MS TO WORK 4G41NST ROG3R JUST F1N3

TG: no miranda rights  
TG: no due process  
TG: doom just carries that vat of dip with him wherever he goes  
TG: motherfucker enjoys offing unarmed toons  
TG: this is some police brutality right here man  
TG: #toonlivesmatter  
TG: sorry what were we talking about  
GC: W3 W3R3 MOSTLY TRY1NG TO M4K3 S3NS3 OF YOUR R4MBL1NG  
GA: If You Would Kindly Speak For Yourself  
GA: I Have Since Realized That Trying To Understand Dave Is An Endeavor That Shall Not Bear Any Fruit  
AA: YOU A FRUIT

AG: And in steeeeeeeead of doing the sensi8le thing and ending Roger’s life then and there, he has to honor Eddie’s request of a last drink.  
AG: 8ecause that makes sense.  
CG: WHAT GRUBFISTED ASSHOLE WOULD TREAT THE CULPRIT TO A MURDER IN SUCH A FASHION!? LET ALONE A CULPRIT *YOU* FUCKING FRAMED IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE FUCKING…..  
GC: SPO1L3RS!  
CG: THAT *ISN’T* A SPOILER!  
CG: A MOVIE CALLED ‘WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT’ INCLUDES A CHARACTER THAT IS LITERALLY NAMED AFTER INEVITABLE DESTRUCTION OR RUIN. SURELY YOU HAVEN’T LOST BOTH YOUR EYESIGHT *AND* YOUR MIND, HAVE YOU?!  
AT: bUT UHM, wE EARLIER SAW WHAT HAPPENS WITH rOGER IF YOU GIVE HIM WHISKY,  
AT: sO THEY USE THAT TO ESCAPE AND TO KNOCK OVER THE DIP,  
TA: hone2tly, the authoriitiie2 have no one two blame but them2elve2 on thii2 one

TC: dUdE, tHaT cAr HaD aNoThEr CaR iNsIdE.  
TC: ThAt sHiT iS wIlD.  
CG: OH LOOK! EVEN MORE CHARACTERS TO ANNOY THE EVER-LIVING CRAP OUT OF ME!  
CG: THIS IS JUST PERFECT!!  
AT: iF YOU MEAN PERFECT AS IN UHM, sUSPICIOUSLY CONVENIENT FOR rOGER AND eDDIE?  
AT: tHEN YES, yES IT IS,  
CG: I MEANT PERFECT AS IN THIS LITTLE NIGGLING BUD OF PURE ANGER GROWING IN THE BASE OF YOUR THINKPAN THAT IS FEEDING ITSELF OFF OF EVERY PETTY LITTLE ANNOYANCE TO BLOOM INTO A BEAUTIFUL FLOWER MADE OUT OF UNADULTERATED RAGE!!!  
EB: that doesn’t sound perfect at all.  
GC: TH4NK YOU FOR YOUR CONTR1BUT1ON TO TH3 CONV3RS4T1ON 3GB3RT  
EB: i try my best.  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, give it time Redglare.  
GC: YOU’D TH1NK H3’D L34RN

TG: holy shit this chase scene looks terrible  
TG: like  
TG: go speed racer  
TG: you are allowed to go over 20 miles per hour here  
TA: they probably weren’t clear on what a green 2creen ii2  
CG: I AM PUTTING MY FOOT IN MY OWN MOUTH AND HOPE TO CHOKE TO DEATH!  
TA: you do get on that KK  
GG: You know, your comedic jab at the lack of green screens probably is fairly accurate. This is after all a pretty old movie.  
AT: bUT THESE ARE *ACTUAL* HUMAN LAW ENFORCERS, nOT LIKE UHM, dOOM AND HIS CRONIES  
AT: sO MAYBE THEY REALIZE THAT dOOM IS THE OBVIOUS BAD GUY BUT LACK THE AUTHORITY TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT, SO THEY UHM, pURPOSEFULLY LET THEM ESCAPE?  
TC: HaHaHaHa, lOoK aT mOtHeRfUcKiNg TaVbRo RiGhT hErE.  
TC: pIeCiNg ThIs EnTiRe DaMn PuZzLe ToGeThEr LiKe sOmE kInDa MaD gEnIuS.  
AT: hEHE, tHANKS,  
TC: seeing those motherfucking pigs crash just MAKES MY MOTHERFUCKING DAY!!!  
AT: uHM, gAMZEE?  
AT: aRE YOU FEELING OKAY BRO?  
TC: wHy WoUlD I FeEl aNyThInG lEsS tHaN mOtHeRfUcKiNg MeLlOw BrO?

AG: So they lay low in a cinemaaaaaaaa?  
AG: Are they hiding out or are they d8ing?  
AA: MAKE LIKE RABBIT  
AA: NOT WITH RABBIT  
GA: So Eddie Comes Clean About His Whole Tragic Past With Toons  
GA: Roger Seems Legitimately Disheartened And Apologizes For Trying To Mock His Awkwardness Around Toons  
CG: WHICH WOULD BE FINE AND FUCKING DANDY IF THEY DIDN’T PLAY THE STUPIDEST FUCKING CARTOON IN THE BACKGROUND!  
EB: what, you mean goofy?  
GG: That’s a real classic one too.  
CG: I DO NOT WANT TO IMAGINE A UNIVERSE WHERE A YAMTWATTING CARTOON LIKE THAT BECOMES A CLASSIC!  
AA: YOU SHOULD SEE BEFORUS CLASSIC  
AA: MANY FUN AND PLEASANT FEELING WHEN TOUCHING SELF  
CG: OKAY NO!  
CG: WE ARE NOT DERAILING THIS STREAM WITH INAPPROPRIATE COMMENTS LIKE THAT!  
TG: what  
TG: i do that all the time  
TG: seriously karkat  
TG: you are forgetting one very important thing here  
CG: *WHAT!*  
TG: i don’t know  
TG: but you are definitely forgetting it  
TA: yeah make2 2en2e  
CG: AND YET YOU PEOPLE WOULD CONSIDER *ME* THE BAD GUY WHEN I GO ON AN INEVITABLE KILLING SPREE!!!!  
AG: Su8tle.  
AA: HE TRY  
CG: YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!!!!  
AA: SO CONFUSE BOY

TA: 2o after 2ome very confu2iing 2peakiing about human companiie2 takiing over other companiie2 two take over toon town for 2ome arbitrary rea2on  
TA: eddiie come2 two an epiphany about who diid the kiilliing  
TA: ii2 thii2 a human thiing becau2e ii completely lo2t hii2 traiin of though  
EB: no, this is pretty weird.  
EB: he probably named three companies in that last sentence and maybe one of those was an actual location.  
AT: tHEY ARE DOING THE WHOLE TELL DON’T SHOW THING,

GC: SO WH1L3 3DD13 CONFRONTS ROG3R’S D4ST4RDLY BOSS, ROG3R H1MS3LF G3TS GU4RD DUTY  
TA: iit goe2 pretty much a2 expected  
GC: BUT WHO?  
GC: WH4T PL4Y3R 1N TH1S G4M3 OF D3C31T COULD B3 R3SPONS1BL3 FOR KNOCK1NG POOR ROG3R UNCONSC1OUS?  
EB: are you kidding?  
EB: it’s obviously jessica.  
EB: doom would have dipped him on the spot, they just left dolores behind at the cinema and no other named character has any stakes riding on this.  
GC: >:(  
EB: what?

AT: aND TWO SECONDS LATER IT IS REVEALED jOHN WAS RIGHT,  
GC: B4H, 3V3N 4 BROK3N T1M3P13C3 1S CORR3CT TW1C3 4 D4Y  
AA: ONLY IF YOU LINEAR  
GG: What?  
TG: trust me   
TG: its better not to ask

AG: So Eddie tries to 8luff a confession out of…. whatshisface.  
GA: Indeed  
GA: Sadly He Fails Miserably  
GG: At least he looks hardboiled while doing it.  
GA: Did He Even Have A Plan  
GA: He Is The One Being Held Up At Gunpoint And I Fail To See How This Is A Favorable Situation

TC: MaN mY dAwG eDdIe iS nOt AbOuT tO lEt SoMe MuRdErOuS mOtHeRfUcKeR gEt ThE bEsT oF hIm.  
TC: OlD sUcKeR fElL fOr ThE oLd wAtErSpRaY tRiCk.  
CG: WHICH JUST SO FUCKING HAPPENED TO BE IN CONVENIENT REACH OF EDDIE.  
TA: pretty 2ure a kiick iin the nad2 wa2 a functiional plan bee  
TG: dude  
TG: why would you even suggest that  
TA: hey iif iit work2  
TG: no man  
TG: what happened to the code of honor  
TA: code of what now??  
AG: Heeeeeeeey, I like this approach.  
AG: Strangle the fucker with his own tie if he tries to weeeeeeeeasel his way out of there.  
CG: HOW MUCH LONGER IS THIS FUCKFEST OF A MOVIE?  
GC: OH BOO  
GC: 1SN’T TH3 MOV13 TO YOUR L1K1NG K4RK4T?  
CG: HOW MUCH FUCKING LONGER ARE THESE 90 MINUTES OF MY MISERABLE LIFE, FOREVER LOST TO ME, GOING TO TAKE?!  
GC: 4BOUT 30 M1NUT3S?  
CG: YEAH, THIS ISN’T THE MURDERER.  
GG: I consider that cheating.  
TA: ii con2iider iit the most effectiive tactiic available

AT: oH NO,  
AT: tHE MOVIE GUY DIED,  
AT: nOW WE’LL NEVER KNOW HIS NAME,  
CG: AND THUS WAS PROVEN MY POWER OF CLAIRVOYANCE!!!  
GA: How  
GA: They Are On The Second Floor If Not Higher  
GA: How Does One Climb Up And Casually Poke Their Firearm Through The Window  
GC: HOW 1ND33D MRS M4RY4M  
GC: HOW 1ND33D  
GA: I Grow Tired Of This Façade  
GA: The Biggest Possible Twist The Movie Could Pull At This Point Is To Have Doom Not Only Turn Up Innocent But Have Him Turn Out To Be The Most Noble Character In The Cast  
CG: UN-FUCKING-LIKELY!  
GA: Quite  
EB: yeah, this part kind of feels like padding…. We already have most of what we need to know, so why not just go to the confrontation?  
TG: dude  
TG: we had everything we needed to know when they introduced doctor doom  
GC: JUDG3  
TG: whichever  
TC: hehehe movie motherfucker HAD THIS RIGHTEOUS BULLET WAITING!!!  
GG: Mr Makara?  
TC: SiS?  
GG: Are you feeling alright?  
TC: AaAaW sHiT sIs. DiD I Do SoMeThInG tO wOrRy YoU?  
TC: No NeEd FoR aNy oF tHaT mOtHeRfUcKiNg ShIt cAuSe iM fEeLiNg JuSt FiNe.  
GG: Just mind your language then :B  
TC: YeAh Ma’Am.

TA: oh no  
TA: we 2ee je22iica run away  
TA: thii2 mu2t mean 2he ii2 the viillaiin  
TA: diid ii 2ound 2arca2tiic enough yet??  
AG: Well why wouldn’t she 8e?  
GC: B3C4US3 SH3 DO3SN’T H4T3 3DD13 3NOUGH TO TRY 4ND K1LL TH3M  
AT: bUT WHAT ABOUT THOSE PICTURES HE TOOK?  
GG: She explained a few scenes ago that she was in on the scheme. The intent was to have those pictures taken and blackmail the guy who died.  
TG: the ‘ill do anything for my husband bow-chicka-wow-wow’ scene  
AT: aLRIGHT BUT WHY WOULDN’T SHE WANT rOGER’S BOSS DEAD?  
GG: Because he was the one who concocted the whole plan.  
AG: Tryyyyyyyy to keep up Nitram.  
TC: I dO nOt ReAlLy GeT aNy Of ThAt.  
AT: wHY MUST THERE BE SO MANY PLOT THREADS IN A MURDER MYSTERY?  
GC: 1TS 4LMOST L1K3 SOLV1NG 4 MURD3R T4K3S 4CTU4L WORK

GA: Quick Question  
GA: How Does Eddie Deduce That Jessica Went To Toon Town  
GA: Wont He Look Awfully Silly If It Turns Out She Never Left Human Town  
GG: Oh, oh, he worked a case for Yosemite Sam?  
GG: I would pay good money to watch that prequel.  
CG: WELL I WOULDN’T!!!  
CG: WHY THE FUCK DOES HE HAVE A TOON GUN?! HE DESPISED TOONS LESS THAN 24 HOURS AGO!!!  
AA: IF YOU NEED SHOOT TOON  
AA: SHOOT TOON GUN YOU DO  
CG: THAT ALMOST MAKES SENSE AND I CANNOT BEGIN TO DESCRIBE HOW MUCH THAT IRKS ME!!!  
AA: LOT IRKERS YOU  
CG: JUST LEAVE IT ALONE…  
GA: How Long Have Those Clearly Sentient Bullets Been Locked Away In That Tiny Box

TG: oh snap  
TG: he is a goner  
AT: bECAUSE HE POURED HIS HUMAN SOPORIFICS DOWN THE DRAIN?  
TC: man i could go for some soporifics  
TC: WE SHOULD MOTHERFUCKING GET SOME!!  
TG: please  
TG: hardboiled detective learns to love again  
TG: betters his life  
TG: quits his destructive alcohol habbit  
TG: no way he lives to see the credits  
AT: i WILL UHM, TAKE THAT BET,  
TC: do not motherfucking ignore me bro.

AG: Eeeeeeeew……..  
AG: This is aaaaaaaall sorts of horrifying.  
AG: Who in their right mind would go to a place like this?  
EB: i guess it’s an appropriate introduction to toon town?  
TA: well toon town can fuckiing 2uck iit  
CG: I AGREE WITH YOU AND THAT JUST MAKES MY THINKPAN COLLAPSE IN ON ITSELF.  
CG: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DRAW ME LIKE AN ANGRY FUCKING TREE!!!  
CG: ONLY ONE OF THOSE ADJECTIVES IS PRESENTLY CORRECT AND I AM LETTING YOU GUESS WHICH IT IS!!!  
GC: H3Y JOHN  
GC: GU3SS WHO’S TH3 DUMB SUN?  
GC: H1NT 1T 1S YOU  
AG: Pyrope, no.  
GC: PYROP3 Y3S  
TG: pyrope yes  
TG: work of art right here  
TG: shit like this should be placed in the louvre  
TG: preserve that for future generations

GA: This Seems Like A Traffic Hazard  
GG: Well, if there’s one word that would properly describe toon town…  
GA: It Would Be Traffic  
GC: 1T WOULD B3 H4Z4RD  
TA: 2eriiou2ly thii2 entiire place ii2 a fuckiing me22  
TA: how doe2 anyone get anythiing done iin a place liike thii2??  
TC: LoOkS mOtHeRfUcKiNg FiNe To Me.  
AG: Of course it does.

EB: it’s kinda messed up that literally everything in this world is sentient.  
EB: if even your luggage has a voice and opinion or at the very least a pair of googly eyes, how are you supposed to use it?  
EB: why are some of these toons just laying around like that, while others like roger and Jessica get to do all sorts of cool stuff?  
EB: do you think there is some classism sorta thing? does the luggage revolt when it goes unappreciated?  
GG: You must be a lot of fun at parties.

TA: 2ee, now thii2 ii2 2hapiing up two be iintere2tiing  
AA: YOU LIKE PIRATES YES?  
TA: never 2een iit  
AA: YOU SHOULD  
GG: You really didn’t miss much.  
AT: i UHM, bEG TO DIFFER,  
GA: Second Time Eddie Spies On Jessica In An Ilicit Situation  
GA: One Would Think He Would Learn

AG: I would say I am surprised 8ut really…….. I feel like I should have seen this coming.  
GG: Hoo hoo, a classic switcheroo.  
TG: dear god  
TG: its like a female pepe le pew  
TG: just a bit less rapey  
CG: I DON’T THINK I WANT TO KNOW.  
AA: I DO  
GG: Further confirmation that toons must do everything they do as funny as they possibly can.  
TA: you call thii2 funny?

TG: abadee abadee that’s all folks  
CG: WELL, HE’S A GONER. MOVIE’S OVER.  
GC: TOON TOWN TOON RUL3S >:]  
CG: FUCK ME….

TA: ii have no iidea who the2e two are  
TC: sHiT bRo Me NeItHeR.  
TC: bUt I aM dIgGiNg ThE lOnG eArEd BrO’s StYlE. He Is WiCkEd FuNnY.  
EB: seriously, how can you not know mickey mouse and bugs bunny?  
GA: Another Arduous Alliteration Annoyance Appearifies  
EB: yeah, i guess we were pretty big on those.  
EB: anyway, these are like the two biggest cartoon stars ever.  
GG: Their comedic antics have inspired generations!  
TA: hmm nope  
TA: ii don’t 2ee iit  
TG: that’s just sad

AT: jESSICA, NO!  
GC: J3SS1C4 Y3S!  
AG: Except she didn’t shot Eddie…….. Which is a 8it of a shaaaaaaaame really.  
TA: yeah iim pretty 2ure there need2 two be a le22 2u2piiciiou2 two do the thiing2 2he wa2 doiing whiile allegedly beiing iinocent  
TC: ShIt BrO.  
TC: I wAs LiKe ThE mOsT sCaReD cAuSe If ThE bIg TiTtEd SiStEr WoUlD tUrN OuT tO bE tHe MuRdErEr It WoUlD bReAk PoOr RoGeRs HeArT.  
AA: MAN OVERRATE ANYDAY  
AA: ONLY BULGE IS FUN  
AA: MOUTH KEEP TALKING  
CG: I…..NO, JUST…  
CG: LET’S JUST KEEP WATCHING THIS SHITTY PIECE OF SHIT MOVIE.  
GC: SUCH 4 SC4TH1NG R3V13W  
GC: PURRB34ST GOT YOUR OR4L MUSCL3?  
CG: FUCK OFF.  
AT: wHICH IS JUST CONFUSING,  
AT: i MEAN, IF SHE ISN’T THE KILLER AND rOGER’S BOSS ISN’T THE KILLER, tHEN WHO IS?

TG: a surprisingly jolly judge doom  
TG: seriously what’s going on  
GG: Why does he confess that he attempted to assassinate Eddie?  
GG: He still didn’t fully trust Jessica so staying in the shadows would have greatly benefitted him.  
GC: 3V3N 1F H3 H4S B33N S33N WHY NOT ST4Y 4ND F1N1SH TH3 JOB  
GC: OR D1D H3 COM3 OUT W1THOUT W34S3LS B4CK1NG H1M UP FOR L1T3R4LLY TH3 F1RST T1M3 1N TH3 MOV13  
GG: Well, they seem a poor fit for the whole silent assassination gig.  
GC: F41R PO1NT  
AG: Forget that, why is Doom there in the first place?!  
AG: Why is he trying to kill Jessica and/or Eddie when neeeeeeeeither of them had any evidence connecting him to the crime?  
AG: He could have 8een smoking cigars in human town aaaaaaaall night and no one would even suspect him.  
TA: heck he doe2n’t even have two actiively cha2e roger  
TA: he ju2t need2 hiim two take the blame  
GA: Really  
GA: This Entire Plan Of Doom Seems To Be Very Poorly Thought Out  
GA: It Actually Seems Kind Of Out Of Character When Comparing It To The Doom We Have Seen Up To This Point  
CG: I AM SO GLAD WE CAN ALL AGREE THAT THIS IS STUPID

AT: oH RIGHT,   
AT: vROOM VROOM, aLL ABOARD THE PLOT MOBILE  
GC: TO B3 F41R TH3Y D1D FOR3SH4DOW TH1S SOM3WH4T  
EB: doesn’t make it any less arbitrary.  
GC: NO YOU 4R3 4RBITR4RY  
EB: that doesn’t even make sense?  
GC: G4H!

AG: And theeeeeeeere we have it.   
AG: The dum8est toon in toon town d8s the hottest 8a8e there 8ecause he makes her laugh.  
GG: Further establishing the power of comedy :B  
GA: Actually I Think This Is Much More Significant  
GA: After All Jessica Can Probably Date Whoever She Desires  
GA: Women Want Her And Men Want To Be Her Or Vice Versa  
GA: But It Remains Superficial Attraction Because Her Uhm  
GA: Features  
GA: Are Incredibly Distracting  
GA: Roger Does Not Even Seem To Notice This And Genuinely Tries His Best To Make Her Happy  
TA: that ii2 beautiiful but iit doe2nt help that roger ii2 a fuckiing iidiiot  
GA: Well I Never Said That

AG: And they are captured……..  
AG: 8ig surprise.  
TC: ShIt SiS, tHiS iS gEtTiNg MoThErFuCkInG sErIoUs.  
CG: ARE YOU FOR REAL?! DID DOOM JUST FUCKING TELEPORT?! HOW DID HE BEAT THEM THERE?!  
TC: mIrAcLeS BeSt FrIeNd.  
CG: GODDAMNIT GAMZEE, HOW DENSE IS YOUR THINKPAN!  
TG: hey  
TG: leave that clown alone  
TG: he is just a pure and simple soul enjoying shitty music and pies  
TG: and probably a boatload of drugs  
TG: no judging  
TC: hahahahahaha bro.  
TC: I COULD GO FOR SOME MOTHERFUCKING PIE ALRIGHT before i twist your fucking neck.  
CG: WHAT!?  
GC: WH4T!?  
GG: Mr Makara, do behave.  
GG: Im not sure what Dave said to set you off but we can not condone such language towards our friends and/or collegues.  
TC: AaAaH, i SeE. tHaT mAkEs SeNsE sIs.  
TC: sOrRy ShAdEsBrO.  
TG: is cool  
CG: NO! NO IT IS NOT COOL!  
CG: IT IS THE THERMAL OPPOSITE OF COOL!  
EB: you mean that it’s hot?  
CG: GAMZEE, WHEN HAVE YOU EATEN YOUR LAST PIE!?  
CG: I SWEAR TO FUCK, IF NITRAM HAS FORGOTTEN TO MAKE YOU SWALLOW THAT DIGUSTING PIECE OF GARBAGE I AM GOING TO MURDER BOTH OF YOU!  
GG: Hey!  
GG: I just told Gamzee to mind his manners. Please do not take that as an excuse to act as an hooligan yourself.  
CG: BITE ME!  
AA: NOW YOU CALM DOWN  
AA: CLOWN BE CRAZY STUPID YES  
CG: NO, NO, NO!!!  
CG: YOU BACK OFF AS WELL!  
AA: MATTAKU MO!!!  
TA: thii2 ii2 ju2t gettiing 2ad  
TA: ii ju2t wanted two watch the moviie not get dragged iinto your 2hiippiing non2en2e  
CG: THERE IS NO SHIPPING NONSENSE!!!!!  
GC: TH3R3 1S NO SH1PP1NG NONS3NS3!!!!

EB: oh i see........ booby trap that’s kinda funny.  
TC: HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa.  
TC: YoU sAiD tRaP.

AG: Now look who’s still in the plot.  
TA: almo2t completely forgot he wa2 iin hii2 own moviie  
GA: More Importantly  
GA: Did He Just Steal A Car  
AT: MORE IMPORTANTLY STILL, WHY DOES HE LET THE CARTOON CAR DRIVE THE REAL CAR?  
TC: ThAt Is LiKe…. a CaR, tHaT hAs BeEn lOcKeD iN aNoThEr CaR nOw DrIvInG yEt AnOtHeR cAr.  
TC: HoW dEeP dOeS tHiS mOvIe Go MaN?

CG: *THAT’S* HIS GREAT PLAN!?  
CG: DESTROY THE ENTIRETY OF TOON TOWN WITH A GIANT DIP PRODUCING MACHINE TO BUILD A FREEWAY!?  
CG: WAY TO ANTI-CLIMACTICALLY END A PLOT I WASN’T ALL THAT INVESTED IN IN THE FIRST GODDAMN PLACE!!!  
AG: So I gueeeeeeees that’s where all that talk a8out corpor8ions 8uying each other came from?  
AG: Still not sure how that leads 8ack to Doom though.  
CG: BECAUSE IT DOESN’T!  
CG: NOTHING ABOUT THIS ALLEGED MURDER MYSTERY LEAD BACK TO DOOM, EXCEPT FOR THE NUMBSKULL’S OWN FUCKING NAME AND THE FACT THAT HE FLAT OUT *TOLD* THEM AFTER FAILING TO ASSASSINATE EDDIE.  
CG: AND A FREEWAY?!  
CG: ALL THIS MURDER AND SUBTERFUGE FOR A DUMB FUCKING FREEWAY?!  
CG: WHAT THE HECK CRAWLED INTO HIS AUDIO RECEPTORS AND BEGAN EATING AWAY AT HIS THINKPAN, BECAUSE THAT IS THE STUPIDEST THING I’VE HEARD ALL WEEK!  
CG: AND NEED I REMIND YOU I WATCHED A MOVIE WITH BOTH ENGLISH AND GAMZEE IN THE SAME FUCKING STREAM?!  
GG: Well, this was before freeways were commonplace, I suppose.  
GG: I mean, the sets all have this old-timey feel to them.  
GC: 4ND HUM4NS 4R3 K1ND4 STUP1D  
CG: HOW THE FUCK DID THEY GO ABOUT CONNECTING CITIES WITH EACH OTHER IN EASILY TRAVERSABLE MANNERS THEN!? DID DOCTOR ‘YES-THAT-IS-ACTUALLY-MY-NAME’ DOOM INVENT THIS?!   
AT: aCTUALLY, hE IS A JUDGE,  
CG: FUCK YOU!  
CG: WHY NOT BUILD *AROUND* TOON TOWN CONSIDERING YOU SEEM TO HAVE THE RESOURCES TO BUILD WHATEVER YOU WANT AND BUY WHATEVER CORPORATION YOU WANT.  
CG: SERIOUSLY! I WANT TO PISS OVER THE HUMAN GENOME AND HOPE THAT THE VERY DNA OF YOUR SPECIES CHANGES INTO SOMETHING SIGNIFICANTLY LESS STUPID LIKE A NAT OR A TAPEWORM!!!!  
EB: that’s not how biology works at all.  
CG: I CARE NOT FOR YOUR FACTS AS THEY PALE IN COMPARISON TO MY SEETHING RAGE!!  
AA: OI  
AA: YOU DO THE CALMING DOWN  
AA: I ENJOY MOVIE LOTS  
CG: NOOO!!! WE ARE NOT DOING THIS MEGIDO!!!  
AA: WHY YOU NOT CALM DOWN?  
AA: SO ANNOY FOR CUTE BOY

TA: and then roger come2 iin two 2ave the day

AT: iT DOESN’T REALLY, sTICK,  
AG: Agaaaaaaaain Doom has them at point 8lank range 8ut chooses to kill them as dramatically as possi8le.  
AG: I appreciate the theatrics 8ut when they are the oooooooonly ones capa8le of stopping you, you may want to use a more direct method.  
GC: PR3TTY SUR3 W3 W3R3 1N TH4T S1TU4T1ON 4T ON3 PO1NT VR1SK4 >:/  
GC: YOU UHM  
GC: D1D NOT DO TH4T D1R3CT TH1NG  
AG: Who sta8s their 8est friend in the 8ack anyway?  
AG: Seriously.  
AT: sO UHM, jESSICA AND rOGER ARE OUT OF COMMISSION,  
AT: wHAT CAN eDDIE DO TO SAVE THEM, aT THIS POINT?

GA: I Think He Lost His Mind  
EB: okay, so now he tries to make the people laugh?  
EB: even roger seems a little confused at this and he’s a toon. this should make perfect sense to him.  
TG: nah bro  
TG: this is where some sick foreshadowing comes into place  
TG: its pretty stupid but they actually went and told us about this pretty much every time the weasels showed up  
EB: i don’t follow  
GC: P4Y 4TT3NT1ON MR 3GB3RT  
GC: 1 4M 4BOUT TO SCHOOL YOU  
AG: Siiiiiiiigh. The weasels have this straaaaaaaange condition that makes them die if they laugh too hard/too long.  
TG: there is a penis joke in there  
TA: iin that iit make2 people laugh??  
TG: harsh  
GC: D4MN  
GC: R34LLY GO1NG TO T4K3 TH4T ON3 FROM M3 L1K3 TH4T S3RK3T?  
AG: Hey, you wanna flirt with a fucking amateur or will you actually wait a few days so it 8ecomes a fair fight?  
AG: Seeeeeeeeriously, I 8et even Nitram finds this awkward.  
AT: aCTUALLY UHM, yEAH,  
AT: tHERE IS A LOT OF REALLY AWKWARD FLIRTING GOING ON THIS WEEK AND i DON’T KNOW WHAT IS CAUSING ALL THAT,  
TC: ReAlLy?  
TC: i DiD nOt NoTiCe No mOtHeRfUcKiNg FlIrTiNg.  
CG: THAT IS BECAUSE THERE IS NONE!  
CG: NO ONE IS FLIRTING AND SERKET IS JUST SEEING THINGS!!!  
TA: really KK?  
TA: you are telliing me you don’t 2ee TZ flirt with egbert  
EB: wait, she is?

CG: JUST. FUCKING. KILL HIM!!!!  
CG: YOU HAVE HIM DEAD TO RIGHTS!!!!  
CG: YOU DON’T NEED TO GET INTO A FUCKING CONSTRUCTION VEHICLE TO PROVE YOUR DUMB HUMAN POINT!!!!  
AG: Seeeeeeeeriously. Doom could slit Eddie’s throat, 8ludgeon him to death, even shoot him if he still has that gun from earlier.  
EB: see, he does the one thing that could possibly back fire so that he gets a visually ironic death.  
GG: One of those portable black holes later and Eddie changes the situation to his favor.  
AT: hOLY SHIT,  
AT: eDDIE JUST STRAIGHT UP MURDERED A MAN,  
TC: hehehehe motherfucking excellent.  
TC: RUN HIM OVER AGAIN!

TA: turn2 out he wa2 a toon all along  
TA: 2urprii2e ii gue22  
GG: So if toons are manmade, what kind of disturbed soul is responsible for him?  
TG: probably a angsty 14 year old who thinks doom is totally the best oc ever  
GA: It Somewhat Explains His Overly Dramatic Tendencies  
GA: I Suppose  
GA: Would The Rule Of Doing Things As Comedically As Possible Extend To Murder  
EB: that wouldn’t make sense. after all, he shot roger’s boss without any antics.  
AG: And that shoe, I guess……..  
GA: Then I Suppose He Is Just Silly  
CG: SILLY MY HIDEOUS GREY ASS!  
CG: WHY THE HELL IS DOOM’S GRAND MASTER PLAN THE GENOCIDE OF HIS *OWN* ENTIRE RACE?!  
GG: Well, we don’t know if it’s his entire race per se.  
CG: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS GUY’S DEAL?! HIS GRAND DESIGN!?  
CG: DOES HE HATE HIS OWN SPECIES!? DOES HE RESENT THE FACT THAT HE HAS BEEN CREATED A TOON!? IS THAT WHY HE WALKS AROUND PRETENDING TO BE HUMAN!?  
CG: I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO BE LIKE A DARK SHADOW OF WHAT EDDIE COULD HAVE BECOME. A TOON-HATING HUMAN, WILLING TO CONDEMN THEIR ENTIRE BRAINDEAD SPECIES BECAUSE OF HIS OWN EXPERIENCE. MAYBE HE TOO LOST A BROTHER TO A VIOLENT TOON. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A GREAT RACIAL COMMENTARY, WHICH HAS BEEN KIND OF PREVELANT THROUGHOUT THE FILM.  
CG: INSTEAD, WE GET A SINGLE MURDEROUS TOON WHO NOT ONLY KILLED ROGER’S BOSS AND THE NOT-FUNNY COMEDIAN GUY, BUT ALSO CONVENIENTLY KILLED EDDIE’S BROTHER ALL THOSE YEARS AGO.  
CG: AND FOR WHAT!? HIS LOVE OF ASPHALT?! WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL.  
AA: YOU NEGATIVE  
CG: I CRITICAL!  
GC: D4MN  
GC: 1T DO3S SOUND K1ND4 B4D WH3N YOU PUT 1T L1K3 TH4T  
GC: BUT WH4T 1S TH3 B4CKSTORY TH4T TH3Y 4R3NT G1V1NG US  
TA: oh my god who care2  
TC: StIlL bRo….  
TC: ThAt Is A wIcKeD sCaRy mOtHeRfUcKeR.  
CG: YES FINE, HE DOES THE PSYCHOTIC MURDERER SHTICK WELL. SEE, I CAN SAY POSITIVES AS WELL AND DEFINITELY DO *NOT* NEED TO BE PAPPED INTO SUBMISSION LIKE SOME SELF-DESTRUCTING HIGHBLOOD ASSHOLE!  
TG: yes and we are all very proud  
TG: here is to karkat not spontaneously combusting every time he has to say something that could be interpreted as positive  
TG: not for lack of trying though

AG: JUST FUCKING KILL EDDIE ALREADY!!!  
AG: What is this, the 8th time you’ve had him at your mercy?!  
AT: i THINK IT’S THE FIFTH OR SO?  
AT: bUT THEN, yOU KNOW, WHO’S COUNTING?

EB: see, that’s what happens if you postpone killing your mortal enemy for so long.  
EB: you set yourself up for a ironic death.  
TC: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
TC: that motherfucker straight up melted.

GA: So The Big Dip Machine Smashes Through The Toon Town Border And Gets Smashes By A Train  
GA: Probably Resulting In A Massive Catastrophe As The Tank Containing The Dip Floods Over The Train  
GA: Causing It To Derail And Seriously Mutilating Or Even Killing The Toons On Board  
AA: LIKE YOUR THINK THOUGHT  
TG: but that would not be funny  
TG: so it does not happen  
TG: because of reasons  
TG: gotta keep shit pg you know  
AT: bECAUSE THE BUZZSAW MURDERER WITH CRAZY EYES, dIDN’T JUST SCAR CHILDREN FOR LIVE, a FEW MOMENTS AGO,  
GG: So then the toons come in and all familiar faces are there, joined to watch their tyrant and would-be executioner reduced to a puddle.  
GC: TO B3 F41R, CONS1D3R1NG WH4T 4 J3RK DOOM W4S 1TS 4 M1R4CL3 TH3Y 4R3N’T UR1N4T1NG OV3R H1S CORPS3

CG: OH, WELL THAT’S JUST FUCKING PERFECT ISN’T IT!?  
CG: ROGER HAD THE OLD GUY’S WILL ALL ALONG AND DOESN’T THAT JUST PERFECTLY WRAP UP ALL FUCKING LOOSE ENDS!?  
CG: THANK FUCK THAT CHAOS THEORY CONSPIRED TO MAKE ALL THESE EVENTS WORK OUT PERFECTLY FOR OUR DUMB, DUMB HEROES!!  
GG: Actually, now that I think about it….  
CG: WHAT!?  
GG: There is no way that the paper Roger is currently holding, is the genuine article.  
GA: Please Elaborate  
GG: We have seen the will before…. Back when Eddie was going through the photo’s he took of the old guy and Jessica.  
CG: YEAH. WE SAW THE WILL IN HIS POCKET, WHICH WAS INCREDIBLY FUCKING STUPID. WHAT TYPE OF TOOL CARRIES HIS WILL LOOSELY IN HIS POCKET LIKE THAT ANYWAY!?  
GG: Yes, but how did you know it was his will in the first place?  
CG: BECAUSE IT WAS WRITTE…..  
CG: OUCH….. OUCH, MY THINKPAN…..  
GG: Indeed.  
CG: SO THE LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT THAT ENDS UP SAVING THE DAY ISN’T EVEN THE GENUINE FUCKING ARTICLE?!  
GG: It seems chronologically impossible for it to be.  
CG: DEAR GOD THIS MOVIE IS STUPID!!!  
AT: bUT IT WAS INK THAT IS VISIBLE AT FIRST, tURNS INVISIBLE, tHEN BECOMES VISIBLE AGAIN,  
GG: It doesn’t fit in the timeframe… Unless he wrote while listening to Jessica sing, impossible as his uhm…. enthusiasm, was well known. Either that or he wrote it while in the same room as Jessica. In that case, she would have known.   
AT: tHIS SEEMS AWFULLY COMPLEX,  
AG: This seems awfully contrived.  
GC: B4H, F1N3  
GC: L3TS S4Y TH3 SCR1PT FUCK3D UP 4ND MOV3 ON

GC: TH4T W4S TH3 H1L4R1OUS WHO FR4M3D ROG3R R4BB1T MOV13   
GC: D1D YOU L1K3 1T?  
GC: D1D YOU?  
GC: D1D YOU >:?  
GG: Actually, yeah.  
CG: NOPE!  
CG: NADA!  
CG: NEGATIVE!  
CG: NYET!  
CG: NO WAY!  
GG: Sigh.  
CG: THIS MOVIE WAS BEYOND ASININE! IT WAS A POORLY CONSTRUCTED MURDER MYSTERY WITH AN EVEN POORLIER CONSTRUCTED VILLAIN!  
CG: THE EFFECTS WERE LACKING, THE PACING WAS AWKWARD AND AS FAR AS PROTAGONISTS GO, ROGER WAS A PILE OF SHIT WEARING A SLIGHTLY SMALLER PILE OF SHIT AS A HAT!  
GC: BUT ROG3R W4SN’T TH3 PROT4GON1ST  
GC: 3DD13 W4S  
CG: I DO NOT GIVE AN IOTA OF A FUCK AND AM NOT ABOUT TO PRAISE THIS MOVIE ANY MORE THAN I ALREADY HAVE.  
EB: you didn’t really praise the movie.  
CG: WELL THERE’S MY FUCKING POINT THEN!  
GC: 4NYON3 WHO’S3 OP1N1ON 1SN’T 4 BUNCH OF SOUR GR4P3S?  
EB: oh yeah, i liked it.  
EB: i actually thought it was kinda funny.  
GC: TH4T’S GR34T  
GC: NOW 4NYON3 WHO’S3 OP1N1ON M4TT3RS?  
EB: hey!  
AG: I am soooooooo glad you asked.  
GC: OF COURS3  
EB: oh, so she cán give her opinion?  
GC: 1 C4N 4T L34ST PR3T3ND TO R3SP3CT H3R THOUGHTS ON TH3 M4TT3R  
AG: It is appreciated.  
AG: The movie was fiiiiiiiine. A liiiiiiiittle too typically Redglare for my tastes, 8ut it wasn’t 8ad.  
GC: HOW W4S 1T TYP1C4LLY R3DGL4R3?  
AG: Ahahahahahahahah, a 8rightly colored murder mystery????????  
AG: That only sounds like eeeeeeeevery campaign you ever made.  
GC: F1N3 BUT 4T L34ST YOU L1K3D 1T  
AG: It was sufficed.  
TA: meh  
TA: iit wa2 ju2t okay  
TA: not bad but not exactly great eiither  
GC: YOUR 1NPUT 1S 4PPR3C14T3D  
TA: ju2t kiinda mediiocre really  
GC: TH4NK YOU SOLLUX  
TA: ii mean, ii diidn’t pay attentiion for liike halve of iit but 2tiill iit wa2 an adequate tiimewa2ter  
GC: 1 G3T 1T  
AT: YEAH, IT UHM,, WAS A FUN MOVIE,  
TC: ShIt YeAh BrO.  
AT: lIKE, i REALLY ENJOYED HOW UHM, tHE ANIMATION AND REAL LIFE SETS BLENDED TOGETHER AND CREATED A BIT OF A UNIQUE STYLE,  
AT: i DON’T THINK i HAVE SEEN SOMETHING LIKE THAT BEFORE, aT LEAST NOT DONE QUITE AS UHM, wELL,  
TC: HaHaHa, tEsTiFy ThAt ShIt BrO.  
TC: I jUsT lOvEd ThEm CaRrtOoNs MaN.  
TC: RoGeR wAs FuNnY aS hElL aNd JeSsIcA wAs A tOtAl FoX.  
TC: and some very creative ideas about MELTING THE EVERLOVING FUCK OUTTA PEOPLE!  
AT: uHM, wHAT?  
AA: I LIKE MOVIE ALSO!  
AA: JESSICA NO FOX  
AA: JESSICA IS THE HOT BABE I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE IN BOTH MY LEGS!  
CG: KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS.  
AA: I HAVE NOT THE PANTS!  
CG: OH COME ON!  
AA: I HAVE DRESS  
AA: IT PRETTY YES?  
CG: I….. GUESS???!!  
GC: D4V3 WH4T DO YOU TH1NK?  
TG: about what  
TG: the movie  
TG: hitchhikers guide to the galaxy as written by douglas adams  
TG: karkat being very confused at my fellow time babe  
GC: TH3 MOV13  
TG: thank god  
TG: never did read hitchhikers guide to the galaxy  
TG: wouldn’t be ready to answer your essay questions on that one  
TG: the call to hand in the test would be met with awkward silence  
AT: iS ANYONE FOLLOWING WHAT dAVE IS TALKING ABOUT?  
TG: i would be told to go to the headmasters office  
TG: then i would say something like eat my shorts and ollie outie on my rad skateboard  
TG:   
AT: aNYONE?  
GC: SO WHO FR4M3D ROG3R R4BB1T; Y4Y OR N4Y?  
TG: yeah yay  
TG: sure  
GA: I Thought It Was A Bit Lackluster  
GA: Nothing Quite As Offensive As Karkats Rant Would Indicate But Not Something I Particularly Care For Either  
GC: Y34H BUT YOU 4R3 JUST 4G41NST FUN MOV13S  
GA: What  
GA: I Have Nothing Against Fun Movies  
GC: WHY DO YOU H4T3 FUN MOV13S MRS M1NT?  
GA: I Am Not Entertaining Your False Allegations  
GC: PROV1NG MY PO1NT!  
GA: Frustrated Grumbly Noises  
GC: V1CTOR1OUS SN4RL  
GG: If it is any concelation Terezi, I was very amused by your choice of movie.  
GG: Detective flicks are severly underrated and combining them with classic comedy was nothing short of a stroke of genius.  
GC: TH4NK YOU MRS CROCK3R  
GC: 1 4M GL4D TO S33 TH4T SOM3 OF US 4PPR3C14T3 TH3 CL4SS1CS  
EB: hey, i appreciated it just fine.  
GC: Y3S BUT YOUR OP1N1ON DO3S NOT 1NT3R3ST M3  
GA: So Karkat  
CG: WHAT?  
GA: Mind If I Ask You Something  
CG: NO, I WAS JUST BUSY TRYING TO FIT BOTH OF MY FEET IN MY MOUTH, OF COURSE YOU CAN ASK ME SOMETHING!  
GA: What Are The Plans For Next Week  
GA: Who Will Be Entrusted With The Task Of Picking The Movie For Next Week  
GG: Oh, Oh, OH!!!!  
GG: Pick me!  
CG: NO.  
TG: pick me  
TG: you know you want to  
CG: FUCK NO!  
TA: don’t piick me  
TA: ii have better 2hiit two do  
CG: WASN’T PLANNING ON THAT YOU SHIT RINSING CYSTNIBBLER!  
CG: NO, YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS PLANNING?!  
EB: nope.  
CG: DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?!  
GC: NOT R34LLY  
TG: not really  
EB: yes.  
CG: WELL EGBERT, LET ME ENLIGHTEN YOU.  
CG: BECAUSE I AM NOT COMPLETELY IDOTIC I HAVE MANAGED TO UNDERSTAND THE PATTERNS INVOLVED IN OUR CURRENT PREDICAMENT. WHENEVER I TRY TO BRING MYSELF FORWARD AS THE NOBLE SAVIOR OF GOOD TASTE AND CLASS IN FILMS THAT I AM, ONE OF YOU SHIT WRANGLERS COMES FORWARD LIKE….  
CG: ‘BUT KARKAT, *I* HAVEN’T PICKED A MOVIE YET AND IF I PICK ONE AFTER YOUR NO DOUBT SUPERIOR PICK EVERYONE WILL KNOW THAT MY TASTE IN MOVIES IS VASTLY INFERIOR!’  
AG: Literally no one of us will ever think that ever.  
CG: SO INSTEAD OF BEING THE LEADING AUTHORITY ON GOOD MOVIES THAT I AM, I AM LETTING THE LAST FECES FONDLING PIECE OF DIRT THAT HASN’T PICKED A MOVIE YET, PICK A MOVIE FOR NEXT WEEK.  
CG: THIS WILL MEAN THAT, *BY DEFAULT* I AM ALLOWED TO PICK A MOVIE THE WEEK THEREAFTER AND NONE OF YOU PRICKS GET ALLOWED TO RUIN THAT FOR ME!  
TG: sounds fair  
TG: but after that  
TG: im picking a movie again  
EB: dave, no.  
TG: dave yes  
TG: the super mario brothers movie needs to be watched egbert  
EB: dave, stop.  
TG: its legacy must be preserved  
EB: oh my god, no.  
GA: So Who Has Not Yet Picked A Movie  
CG: OH, THAT WOULD BE GAMZEE.  
CG: YOU HEAR THAT MAKARA?  
CG: *YOU* GET TO PICK THE NEXT MOVIE.  
TC: mOtHeRfUcKiNg SwEeT.  
CG: THINK YOU CAN HANDLE THAT SHIT?  
TC: HeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHe  
TC: HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa  
TC: honk  
TC: HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOhohohohohohohohohohohohohohohoho  
TC: HONK!!!!!  
TC: handle that shit, my invertebrother?  
CG: OH NO.  
CG: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!!  
TC: MOTHERFUCK!!!!!  
TC: i wont just HANDLE that shit, my mutantblooded nonbeliever.  
CG: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!  
GC: >:[  
TC: I WILL MOTHERFUCKING OWN THE HELL OUT OF THAT SHIT!!!  
CG: NOPE!  
CG: CONVERSATION OVER!  
CG: SOMEONE GET THIS ASSHOLE SOME PIE!  
CG: EVERYONE THE FUCK OUT AND INTO THE BUNKERS!  
TC: i am not in need of YOUR MOTHERFUCKING TOXIC BRO!!!!  
TC: i am perfectly fine.  
TC: EVERYTHING WILL BE PERFECTLY FINE!!!  
TC: we talking about motherfucking movies?  
TC: WELL I GOT A KILLER RIGHT HERE!!!!  
CG: GAMZEE!  
CG: PIE!  
CG: NOW!

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned terminallyCapricious [TG]\--

CG: EVERYONE, STAY ON GUARD AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TRY TO GET SOPOR IN HIS BLOODSTREAM BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!!!  
GA: If He Tries Anything Stupid I Can Assure You He Wont Need The Sopor Any Longer  
AT: nO, wAIT,  
AT: hE JUST NEEDS SOME UHM, pIE,  
AT: i CAN HELP WITH THAT,  
CG: WHATEVER YOU DO, DO IT FAST!!!  
CG: I AM LOCKING MYSELF IN MY PANIC ROOM AND YOU ARE ALL WELCOME TO JOIN ME.   
CG: IF BY SOME MEANS YOU GET THE GAMZEE SITUATION UNDER CONTROL, PLEASE LET ME KNOW.  
AG: Man Karkat, you are reeeeeeeeally wussing out on us here.  
AG: What happened to our 8rave and fearless leader?  
AG: Oh, he shut himself into a panic room!  
CG: SHUT YOUR PROTEINE CHUTE, THIS IS SERIOUS!  
TG: wait  
TG: you actually have a panic room  
TG: i thought he was messing with us  
AG: Laaaaaaaame.  
CG: FUCK THIS, I AM ENDING THIS CONVERSATION!

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned arachnidsGrip [AG] \--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned grimAuxiliatrix [GA] \--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned adiosToreador [AT] \--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned twinArmageddons [TA] \--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned turntechGodhead [TG] \--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gutsyGumshoe [GG] \--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned ectoBiologist [EB] \--

CG: FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK…..  
CG: GOD, WHY DO THESE KIND OF THINGS JUST KEEP FUCKING HAPPENING?!  
CG: I JUST WANT TO CURL UP IN MY COCOON AND WAIT FOR THIS WHOLE MESS TO BLOW OVER.  
CG: SURE KARKAT, LET GAMZEE FUCKING MAKARA PICK THE NEXT MOVIE.  
CG: LET’S SEE HOW THAT ASSHOLE DEALS WITH THE MERE ILLUSION OF HAVING ANY SORT OF POWER?!  
CG: CHRIST HUMAN, WHAT WAS I THINKING?!  
AA: IT NOT BAD  
CG: ARGLEBARGLEWARGLE!!!!  
CG: YOU ARE STILL HERE?!  
AA: YES  
AA: YOU WERE OF THE FORGETTING ME  
AA: BUT DAMARA SWEET GIRL  
AA: SHE HELP  
CG: LOOK, I APPRECIATE IT BUT I REALLY DON’T NEED ANY HELP, ALRIGHT?  
CG: ESPECIALLY NOT FROM YOU.  
AA: NOT ME?  
AA: WHAT!?  
AA: YOU JUST WANT LOOK UP MY DRESS?!  
CG: WHAT!?  
CG: WHEN HAS THAT EVER BEEN MENTIONED IN CONVERSATION!?  
AA: 亡廾ヨ亡片　卞廾工己　片丹几勹工　と回  
AA: ヨレヨ几　冊回尺ヨ　片丹几勹工  
CG: GREAT, NOW *NEITHER* OF US IS UNDERSTANDING THE OTHER, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!  
AA: 几回  
CG: WELL GREAT!  
CG: LOOK, IT’S JUST THAT……  
CG: YOU KNOW, THIS IS WEIRD CAUSE I FEEL LIKE… WE HAVEN’T KNOWN EACH OTHER THAT LONG?  
CG: BUT AT THE SAME TIME… YOU KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT?  
AA: THE WHAT?  
CG: LOOK, WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY….  
CG: YOU ARE ONE OF THE MAYBE THREE PEOPLE THAT ACTUALLY SEEM CAPABLE OF CALMING ME DOWN AND I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE YOU SOMETIMES NEED THAT AS WELL?  
AA: OH I RAGE YES  
AA: ALL NIGHT LONG  
CG: RIGHT, SO I WAS WONDERING IF THERE MAYBE WAS SOME CHEMISTRY?  
CG: BUT I FEEL LIKE EVERY TIME I WANT TO REACH OUT, YOU START MAKING SOMETHING UNCOMFORTABLY SEXUAL….  
CG: AND THEN THERE WAS THAT STUPID BLIND DATE PLOY OF EGBERT AND PYROPE THAT FELL THROUGH……  
AA: NO DATE THEN?  
CG: YES!  
CG: I MEAN NO!  
AA: YOU CONFUSE BOY!  
AA: YOU WANT MAKE LOVE OR NO?  
CG: GODDAMNIT MEGIDO THIS ISN’T ABOUT SEX!!!  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT!? NEVER MIND!! FORGET IT! SHRED THE NOTES AND THROW THEM INTO THE BIN BEFORE LIGHTING IT ON FIRE! CG: WHY DO I EVEN FUCKING BOTHER!!!

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned antisocialArbiter [AA]\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I only missed the deadline I set for myself 3 times.
> 
>  
> 
> **Achievement unlocked: Write/Read a fic longer than the longest entry in the Harry Potter series.**
> 
>  
> 
> **Achievement unlocked: 20.000 hits.**
> 
>  
> 
> I watched WFRR as a kid and was traumatized by Judge Doom myself, because him revealing he is a toon was fucking horrifying. It's a pretty good movie as long as you don't think too much about it, because if you start looking for everything criticizeable (like I have to), you notice that a lot just doesn't make sense.
> 
> ....I just felt the need to explain that a movie wherein toons coexist with humans in the real world might not always make sense.
> 
> Anyway, 3 chapters left. Next chapter we'll be down with the clown. It's 'It'.
> 
> Also, feel free to check out my tumblr because that's [still a thing](http://anon--h.tumblr.com/).


	24. Killer Klowns from Outer Space

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS--

CG: OKAY, HERE WE GO.  
CG: WE CAN DO THIS.  
CG: DEEP BREATHS…….   
CG: IT’S BEEN SIX PLANETARY ROTATIONS SINCE THE LAST TIME ANYONE HAS SPOTTED GAMZEE.  
CG: IF ONLY BECAUSE HE FELT THE NEED TO THROW A PIE AGAINST MY HIVE THE DAY AFTER LAST MOVIE.  
CG: I REALLY CAN’T TELL WHAT THAT MURDEROUS ASSHOLE IS THINKING ANYMORE.  
CG: I REALLY CAN’T EVEN TELL WHETHER HE IS THINKING ABOUT USING OUR BLOOD FOR FINGERPAINTING OR REDECORATING HIS HIVE USING MARSHMELLOW FLUFF EXCLUSIVELY.  
CG: DESPITE A LACK OF GAMZEE-SIGHTINGS I HAVE REMAINED SAFE WITHIN THE CONFINES OF MY HIVE.  
CG: IT IS BETTER FOR MY HEALTH.  
CG: OH GOD…….  
CG: I JUST REALIZED I HAVENT TALKED TO ANYONE IN DAYS!  
CG: WHAT IF HE WENT ALL HIGHBLOOD ON US AGAIN!?  
CG: I CAN’T DO THIS AGAIN!!

\--gutsyGumshoe [GG] joined memo--

GG: Hi Karkat!  
CG: AND THUS I STAND CORRECTED.  
CG: HI CROCKER, WHAT DO YOU WANT?  
GG: Well, it IS a Saturday.  
CG: I GATHERED…..  
GG: You are in the stream.  
CG: THAT SEEMS TO BE THE CURRENT SITUATION……  
GG: So naturally, I was thinking, we ought to have ourselves a merry movie to watch again.  
CG: ALRIGHT CROCKER, LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE BECAUSE WATCHING ANOTHER PIECE OF SHIT MOVIE IS THE *LEAST* OF OUR WORRIES RIGHT NOW.  
CG: GAMZEE HAS SOBERED UP.  
CG: I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE HE WENT AND I HAVEN’T HEARD BACK FROM ANYONE IN DAYS.  
GG: Uhm…..  
GG: Karkat, I do not mean to pry but have you gone outside at all in the last few days?  
CG: DO I LOOK LIKE SOME KIND OF SUICIDAL IMBECIL TO YOU?  
CG: I GET THAT YOU MISSED THE BRUNT OF IT BUT LET ME REPEAT: GAMZEE HAS SOBERED THE FUCK UP.  
CG: THAT WORTHLESS PIECE OF TRASH NITRAM *CLAIMS* HE HAS BEEN KEEPING GAMZEE’S CLOWN ASS ON A STEADY SOPOR DIET BUT IF THAT WERE THE CASE HE WOULD REMAIN FUCKING DOCILE!  
CG: OH GOD…..  
CG: WHAT IF HE BUILD AN IMMUNITY?!  
GG: I realize this seems very stressful to you Karkat but maybe try to relax?  
GG: Everything is just fine.   
GG: Gamzee has only been up to general mischief and shenanigans but nothing quite as nefarious as you seem to fear.  
CG: THAT’S HOW HE GETS YOU!  
GG: Oh for pete’s sake.  
GG: Gamzee has been routinely hanging out with me.  
CG: WHAT?!  
GG: I can assure you, the worst thing he did was throw a pie against someone’s window.  
CG: THAT WAS *MY* WINDOW!  
GG: Whoops :B

\--timeausTestified [TT] joined memo--

TT: Yo.  
GG: Hey there, you cool person you.  
TT: Crocker knows what’s up.  
TT: Say, you wouldn’t have any cheese at your place would you?  
GG: I…. beg your pardon?  
TT: Cheese.  
TT: Do you have it?  
CG: WHAT THE FRESH HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT STRIDER?!  
TT: Alright, I’ll spare you the details but there might be a nearly indestructible robot running around, programmed to search and consume vast amounts of the aforementioned dairy product.  
CG: *WHYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?*  
TT: I think it was to prove a point to Equius and Harley. Details are not important.  
CG: I BEG TO DIFFER!!!  
TT: You know how it goes, you just get into such a heated debate you kinda forget what you were debating in the first place.  
TT: Next thing you know, boom. Unstoppable cheese-powered killer robot.  
GG: You neglected to mention it was a killer robot.  
TT: I thought it went without saying,  
CG: HOW?!  
CG: WHY?!  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, NEVER MIND. I SHOULDN’T BE SURPRISED.  
TT: That’s no fun.  
CG: I DON’T KNOW WHY I EXPECTED ANY BETTER!  
TT: Not accurate, you totally should have.  
CG: THIS HAS BECOME THE NORM FOR YOU AND DAVE!   
TT: I guess I’ll have to try harder.  
CG: PLEASE DON’T.  
GG: So do you need cheese to lure him or something?  
TT: See, someone is onboard with my plan.  
CG: THAT DOES NOT MAKE IT NORMAL!!!!

\--twinArmageddons [TA] joined memo--

TA: 2o on the lii2t of thiing2 ii wa2n’t expectiing twoday  
TA: a kiiller robot raiidiing my refriidgiiatiion uniit and wreckiing my nourii2hmentblock  
TA: anyone care two explaiin or diid ii me22 up my ATH~ code iin the mo2t legendariily 2tupiid way po22iible??  
CG: STUPID SEEMS LIKE THE ONLY PROPER WORD FOR THE SITUATION, YES…..  
TT: Cheese eating robot.  
TT: You know the drill.  
TA: actually ii dont  
TA: elaborate  
CG: PLEASE DON’T. I CAN NOT AFFORD TO LOSE THESE THINKPAN CELLS.  
TA: iindeed  
TA: would be a 2hame for one of tho2e two cell2 two lo2e iits liife long partner  
CG: I AM NOT DEALING WITH YOUR SASS RIGHT NOW CAPTOR!!!!  
GG: He has been having a rough week.  
CG: WEEK, MONTH, SOLAR CYCLE, LIFE, WHICHEVER.  
TA: yeah ju2t iignore hiim when he get2 liike thii2  
TA: pretty 2ure he get2 off on 2elf-piity a2 much a2 2elf-loathiing  
TA: whiich ii2 actually kiinda uncomfortable  
CG: CAN YOU NOT FOR *ONE* STREAM CAPTOR?!  
TA: you ju2t make it two ea2y  
TT: Its true, he does.  
CG: I HATE THIS STREAM AND EVERYONE IN IT.

\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] joined memo--

GA: Is This Perhaps A Bad Time To Join  
CG: ONLY KINDA.  
GA: Wonderful  
GA: Then I Hope You Do Not Resent Me For Staying  
TA: hey KN  
GA: Hello Sollux  
GA: Jane Dirk I Trust You Have Been Well  
GG: Oh I have been marvelous.  
TT: Can’t complain.  
TA: daiiry robot not wiith2tandiing??  
TT: Everyone has their off days.  
GA: Try An Off Week  
GG: Dare I ask why?  
GA: Clown Hunting Continues To Prove A  
GA: Challenge  
GA: For Lack Of A Better Term  
GA: He Remains Notoriously Elusive  
CG: I AM SO GLAD AT LEAST ONE OF US HAS THEIR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT.  
GG: Did you not lock yourself in your hive all week?  
CG: DON’T PUSH ME CROCKER.  
GA: Jane  
GA: You Would Not Be Happening To Harbor A Fleeing Subjuggulator In Your Hive  
GA: Would You  
GG: Uhm…. I plead the fifth?  
GA: I Do Not Know What That Means.

\--golgothasTerror [GT] joined memo--

GT: Jolly good evening everyone.  
GT: How have your collective weeks fared?  
TA: mediiocre  
GA: Mildly Frustrating  
TT: Ditto  
CG: YOU TWO BARELY SCRATCHED THE SURFACE OF THE CONCEPT OF FRUSTRATION!!!!  
GG: Oh I have been great.  
GT: Marvelous. I am glad to hear so Jane.  
CG: DON’T YOU FUCKING IGNORE ME.  
TA: par for the cour2e  
CG: YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!  
GT: Goodness, what bees have gotten into your bonnet?  
TA: bee2 have very liittle two do wiith KK beiing a wriiggler  
TA: at lea2t ii hope they don’t  
TA: oh my god  
TA: you diidn’t actually 2hove bee2 up your wa2techute diid you?  
TT: And suddenly my robotic mishap no longer seems like the biggest issue.  
CG: WHERE THE FUCK IS THIS LINE OF QUESTIONING EVEN COMING FROM?!  
TA: 2omeone ha2 two look out for the bee2  
GT: It was more like a metaphor, actually.  
GT: No literal bees are involved.  
TA: that make2 no 2en2e  
GG: It makes perfect sense actually.  
CG: YEAH, WHEN YOU STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] joined memo--

GC: H3Y 3V3RYON3  
GC: WH4T 1S SH4K1NG  
GA: Terezi  
GA: Where Have You Been  
GC: 1 4M SORRY  
GC: DO 1 R3PORT B4CK TO YOU NOW?  
TT: Stingy.  
GA: I Do Not Mean To be Rude But I Rather Missed Your Hightened Olfactory Sense During The Clown Hunt  
GA: I Thought You Were Invested In This As Well  
GG: Can you maybe not hunt our clown friend?  
GA: Never  
GC: Y34H NO  
GC: 1 M34N  
GC: 1 K1ND4 W4NT3D TO H3LP YOU OUT TH3R3  
GC: 1T 1S JUST TH4T 1 H4V3 B33N 4 L1TTL3 BUSY  
GG: Oh, you mean that thing with John?  
CG: WHAT THING WITH JOHN?!  
GC: CROCK3R NO  
GT: Wait, what are we talking about now?  
CG: WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT TEREZI!?  
GC: SH3 1SN’T T4LK1NG 4BOUT 4NYTH1NG!  
GC: WHO 3V3N L1ST3NS TO CROCK3R!?  
GC: 1T MUST B3 ON3 OF H3R HUM4N PR4NKS >:[  
TA: you 2ure TZ  
TA: you 2eem a liittle flu2tered  
GC: 1 4M B31NG P3RF3CTLY R34SON4BL3

\--terminallyCapricious [TC] joined memo--

TC: hey everybody  
CG: OH GOD OH FUCK OH SHIT OH MAN…….  
TC: ARE YOU READY TO GET YOUR MOTHERFUCKING PARTY ON?!?!  
TC: because the party we will be having  
TC: WILL KICK YOUR WORTHLESS REAR-ENDS RIGHT INTO NEXT WEEK!  
TC: probably  
TC: MAYBE!  
TC: one way to find out…  
GG: Fingers crossed.  
TA: 2o on a 2cale from 1 two 2ubjuggulator  
TA: how nut2 are you riight now?  
TC: do i look motherfucking crazy to you bro?  
TC: MY EYES ARE OPEN WIDE AND I SEE THE WORLD FOR WHAT IT REALLY IS!!!!  
TA: yeah 2ound2 liike a 2olid 2even  
CG: WE ARE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN!  
GG: I apologize. Try as I might, I could not aid him in cleaning up his vocabulary a little.  
TC: but you tried sis and i fucking appreciate that.  
GG: Aaw shucks.  
CG: THAT IS NOT WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT AND YOU KNOW THAT!!  
GT: I am confused, what is this about?  
GC: 4BOUT G4MZ33 B31NG 4N UNTRUSTWORTHY M4N14C OF 4 TROLL  
GT: Well that doesn’t sound like him at all.  
TC: :o)

\--CentaursTesticle [CT] joined memo--

CG: UGH, OF ALL PEOPLE TODAY…..  
CT: D--> I am in a state of distress  
CT: D--> Dirk  
CT: D--> What is happening?!  
CT: D--> This situation is making me perspire most grievously  
TT: What’s wrong babe?  
CT: D--> An automaton has just barged through my ceiling and has since begun raiding my pantry  
TT: Oh.  
CT: D--> I believe it is soley after my dairy products  
CT: D--> This is cause for concern  
TT: I can imagine.  
TT: Who would build such a strange machine.  
GA: You  
GA: Obviously It Is You  
TT: Could have been anyone.  
CT: D--> It bears your likeness  
TT: Anyone could make his robot handsome, doesn’t mean it was me.  
CT: D--> Dirk cease attempting to manouvre away from your responsibility  
GG: He isn’t even doing a good job at it.  
GT: He is being coy.  
CG: CAN WE *PLEASE* RETURN TO ADDRESSING THE TRUNKBEAST IN THE BLOCK?!  
GT: You mean we are not talking about Dirk’s robot?  
CG: WE ARE TALKING ABOUT WATCHING A MOVIE WITH A HOMOCIDAL MANIAC!!!

\--absoluteCatastrophe [AC] joined memo--

GG: Well, I for one think that is no way of speaking about Meulin.  
CG: OH MY GOD, YOU INSUFFERABLE SHITSPONGE OF AN EGBERT-CLONE, I WAS NOT TALKING ABOUT LEIJON’S DANCESTOR AND YOU KNOW IT!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ OH MY GOSH HIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ ITS B33N LIKE FUREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ HOW IS EFURRYONE DOING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?  
TA: ii2 there a way to mute the louder leiijon??  
GA: Do Not Be Rude Sollux  
TA: do not be a nag KN  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ OH MY GOSH ARE YOU GUYS WATCHING A MEOWVIE?!?!?!?!?!  
CG: NO!  
GG: Yes.  
TC: FUCK YEAH  
CG: DAMNIT.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ I AM ALWAYS FUR S33ING CUTE HUMAN MEOWVIES!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ HUMANS ARE JUST!!!!!!!!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ KAWAII!!II!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
GG: I immediately regret this decision.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ THIS WILL BE SO MEOWCH FUN!!!!  
TA: why am ii even joiiniing the2e fuckiing 2tream2 anymore??  
CT: D--> Because lowb100ded trolls are more naturally inclined to show signs of masochism or even self-destructive behavior  
TA: eh heh heh  
TA: con2iider thii2 me laughiing derii2iively  
CT: D--> I was unaware that word was in your vocabulary  
TT: Baby, play nice.

\--ectoBiologist [EB] joined memo--

CG: GOOD, NOW EVERYONE IS HERE.  
CG: CHOO CHOO, ALL ABOARD THE IDIOT TRAIN!!!!  
CG: NEXT STOP, MASSACRE JUNCTION!  
EB: huh, did I miss something?  
CG: OH LOOK, EGBERT YET AGAIN FAILS TO GRASP THE CURRENT SITUATION. WHO EVER COULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING!?  
CG: THE CROWD APPLAUDS SARCASTICALLY BEFORE THE JUDGES HAND YOU YOUR FECES-TIARA AND CROWN YOU PRINCE OF MORONS!!!!  
TA: that2 unfaiir  
TA: ED ii2n’t even here two defend hii2 tiitle  
EB: karkat, you seem kinda stressed out.  
EB: you doing okay buddy?  
CG: DO *NOT* TRY TO PACIFY ME, YOU PRIMITIVE SHITSPONGE!!! YOU HAVE A MOIRAIL AND I AM NOT ABOUT TO PULL THE PIN ON THE GRENADE THAT IS CALLED VRISKA SERKET!!!  
GC: H3 1S 4 HUM4N THOUGH  
GC: MO1R41LL3G14NC3 1S MOR3 OF 4N OP3N R3L4T1ONSH1P TO TH3M  
GC: B3C4US3 TH3Y 4R3 W31RD >:]  
GC: 3XC3PT FOR JOHN WHO’S3 JUST STUP1D  
EB: oh come on!  
GC: DO3S TH4T OFF3ND YOU 3GB3RT?  
EB: we went over this!  
EB: i thought that would at least make you stop trying to get a rise out of me every time I have to talk to your dumb face.  
GC: NO YOUR F4C3 1S DUMB!  
GC: 4ND TH4T W4S TH3N  
GC: TH1S 1S NOW  
GC: 4ND TH3 GLOV3S 4R3 4LR34DY COM1NG OFF  
GA: I Am Sorry  
GA: Did We Miss Something  
EB: no.  
GC: NO  
CG: IDIOTS….  
TC: so if I can have all of ya’ll motherfucking attention.  
TC: I DO BELIEVE IT IS TIME TO MELT SOME SINFUL FUCKING FACES WITH OUR NEXT CINEMATIC VENTURE!!!  
TC: so prepare your sphincters….  
TC: FOR ATTACK OF THE KILLER CLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE!!!!  
EB: I’m sorry, what?  
GG: That sounds incredibly made up.  
GT: There is no way that this is a serious title.

GT: I stand corrected.  
GT: Turns out that I will have to eat crow in regards to my last remark.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO WATCH THE WEIRDEST MEOWVIES WITH YOU?!  
GA: It Would Seem You Merely Posses A Dreadful Sense Of Timing Dear  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ MOG!!!!!  
CT: D--> How  
CT: D--> How is this an actual movie  
CT: D--> How did they convince people to act for it  
TT: Using the word acting in the most liberal of ways.  
TC: you haven’t even seen the fucking movie yet.  
TT: Give it time.  
GC: 1 4M 4CTU4LLY K1ND OF W1TH 3QU1US ON TH1S ON3  
GC: HOW D1D SOM3ON3 CONV1NC3 TH3MS3LV3 TH4T TH1S W4S 4 GOOD 1D34 >:/  
GC: NO ON3 L1K3S CLOWNS  
TC: :o(  
TT: Have we explained the concept of irony to you yet.  
GC: D4V3 TOLD M3 4LL 4BOUT 1T  
TT: You poor soul.

EB: ah yes, ‘beer’.  
EB: love that brand. best to drink when watching ‘movie’.  
GC: TH1S MUST B3 TH3 MOV13’S ‘N3RD’  
GC: YOU C4N T3LL B3C4US3 H3 1S W34R1NG DORKY GL4SS3S L1K3 SOM3 OTH3R N3RD W3 KNOW  
GT: What is that supposed to mean?  
GC: 1 W4SN’T T4LK1NG 4BOUT YOU  
GG: Was it a dig aimed at me?  
GC: NO 1 W4SN’T T4LK1NG 4BOUT YOU 31TH3R  
TA: iim not even mad  
TA: ii wear that badge wiith priide  
GA: Terezi  
GA: Need I Remind You That You Are Wearing Glasses Yourself  
GC: N3V3R M1ND TH1S JOK3 CL34RLY DO3SN’T WORK R1GHT NOW

GC: SO W3 FOLLOW 4N 3NFORC3R OF TH3 HUM4N L4W DUR1NG TH1S MOV13?  
GC: CONS1D3R M3 ON BO4RD FOR WH3R3V3R TH1S TR41N 1S GO1NG  
TC: hehehehehehe oh sis  
TC: YOUR MOTHERFUCKING IGNORANCE IS SHOWING  
GA: With A Movie Titled Killer Klowns  
GA: I Dread To Think About The Depravity This Movie Will Sink To  
TT: Bro, this movie is going to be rad.  
GA: No  
GA: No It Wont Be  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ HOW BAD CAN IT BE?!?!?!?!  
GG: You had to say it….  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ SAY WHAT?!?!  
GG: You never ask how bad it can be…. Not out loud anyway.  
GG: It jinxes everything.  
AC: \\(=@..@=)/ I AM NOT SURE WHAT YOU ARE REFURRING TOO  
TC: COME ON SIS  
TC: don’t you trust my fucking taste in movies?  
GG: Gamzee, I like hanging out with you but your tastes are a little…. questionable at times.  
TC: HONK HONK!!!!  
CG: IF WE’RE GOING TO WATCH A BUNCH OF SUBJUGGULATORS HAVING THEIR WAY WITH THESE HAPLESS HUMANS, WE MIGHT AS WELL BE WATCHING A FUCKING SNUFF FILM!!!  
CT: D--> Vantas  
CT: D--> Are you maintaining a stable state of mind  
CG: NO!!!!!

TT: Was this an actual thing on your earth?  
TT: Horny teens just drove up a hill in the middle of nowhere to drink off brand beer and make out?  
GT: According to the movies, yes.  
GG: It’s a bit of an old-timey thing to be sure but I cannot deny that there is something romantic about it.  
TT: Absurd.  
GT: No, like every non-action 80s movie does it.  
TT: I will never understand the motivation behind it.  
EB: its mostly rural America I guess?  
EB: where dads own shotguns and can be a little trigger happy?  
TT: And so it all makes sense.  
TA: human2 may be a liittle more hardcore than previiou2ly giiven crediit for  
TA: e2peciially the2e dad2  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ WHAT IS A DAD?!??!?!  
CG: WE ARE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN, WE EXPLAINED THIS!!!  
CG: I MADE A HUMAN FAQ FOR YOU DUMB ALPHA TROLLS, WHY DON’T YOU READ THAT?!?!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ BECLAWS IT STARTED OUT BY CALLING US DUMB ALPHA TROLLS!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ I DIDN’T F33L LIKE BEING OFFENDED!!!!  
GA: Your Tone Of Voice Does Leave Something To Be Desired Karkat  
CG: NO, YOUR TONE OF VOICE DOES!!!!  
EB: oh geesh, is it this time already?  
CG: JUST WATCH THE GODDAMN CLOWN MOVIE EGBERT!!!

CT: D--> What kind of nincompoop decides to show up with frozen wares at this point  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ MOG I AGR33!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ IT TOTALLY RUINS THE MOOD!!!!  
CT: D--> I was actually questioning his business stratagem  
AC: \\(=o..o=)/ OH  
CT: D--> Surely people are not in the mood for frozen wares in the dead of night  
CT: D--> Even if they were it is a fast minority on account of most humans being diurnal in nature  
CT: D--> If this is the way these less intelligent humans function they c001d not earn back the investment they must have made purchasing that fourwheeled vehicle  
AC: /(= ಠ_ಠ=)\ I GET IT

TA: 2eem2 legiit  
EB: meanwhile, in the forest next to the teens..... we find our first victim.  
GT: Egads John, that is a spoiler.  
TA: iit doe2nt count a2 a 2poiiler iif iit2 obviiou2  
GT: It wasn’t obvious.  
GC: PL34S3  
GC: TH3 F1RST P3RSON TO F1ND TH3 MONST3R 1N 4 HORROR MOV13 4LW4YS D13S  
GG: But that didn’t happen in the Shining at all.  
TT: The shining had a human being possessed by an abstract concept as ultimate villain.  
TT: This movie has clowns.  
GG: That’s fair.

GA: Oh No  
GA: My Barkbeast Has Lost Its Scarf  
GA: Surely This Means He Has Happened Upon Some Terrible Fate Likely Brought About By This Inconspicuous Highblood Tent  
GT: I mean….. He wouldn’t be wrong?  
EB: there is a bit of a leap in logic there  
GC: HUM4NS  
GC: 4M 1 R1GHT?  
TT: I take offense to that.  
TA: you would thiink he’d look around iin the ma22iive fore2t around hiim fiir2t riight  
TA: doe2 he go dramatiic as ED whenever hiis barkbea2t forget2 hii2 biippy when takiing a 2hiit??  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS THAT HE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN A CAT!!!  
TC: sis that aint even remotely related to the motherfucking issue  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ GET A CAT!!!!

CG: AND THERE IS THE FACE OF MY NIGHTMARES FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF WEEKS!!!  
CG: GOOD GOD, WHAT ABOMINABLE TRAFFIC ACCIDENT OF PRACTICAL EFFECTS AM I LOOKING AT!??!?!  
CG: NOT EVEN THE LEWDEST HIGHBLOOD WOULD DREAM UP THIS FUCKPUPPET!!!!  
GA: Oh Heavens  
GA: Is This Really The Look We Are Using For The Titular Clowns  
TC: heck yeah sis  
TC: AINT THEY THE MOTHERFUCKING SHIT?!?!  
GT: they aren’t bad friend.  
GG: No…. No, they are pretty bad.  
TA: iif ii am goiing iidle  
TA: and ii wiill  
TA: iit2 probably becau2e ii remembered ii had better 2hiit two do then watch whatever ii2 goiing on riight now  
CG: YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I ENVY YOU RIGHT NOW.

GC: SO TH3 GOOD COP 1S 4SS1ST3D BY 4 L4M3 COP  
EB: i think you mean good cop and bad cop?  
GC: 1 KNOW WH4T 1 S41D  
TC: yeah the humans are kind of the b plot  
TC: THE MOTHERFUCKING CLOWNS TURNING THE TOWN INTO A DARK CARNIVAL IS WHERE ITS AT!!!!  
GA: It Seems To Serve As An Introduction To Cop Mooney And Cop Dave  
TT: Hah  
GC: OH 1 4M GO1NG TO H4V3 FUN W1TH TH4T  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ WHY? I DON’T GET IT??  
GC: 1 4M GO1NG TO DR4W SH4D3S ON D4V3 4T 4LL PO1NTS  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ ARE SHADES A JOKE NOW?  
GC: N3V3R M1ND

TC: oh no…. our car broke down.  
TC: HOW HILARIOUSLY TRAGIC!!!  
GG: Oh no, we’re lost in the woods now.  
GG: How inconvenient.  
TT: Oh no, we are barely characterized teen lovers in a monster movie.  
TT: This can only end well.  
GC: OH NO!  
GC: 1’V3 B33N SHOW3R1NG W1TH B4RB3QU3 FL4VOR3D SH4MPOO 4LL W33K  
GC: SUR3LY TH1S WONT B4CKF1R3

CG: OH MY GOD, YOU CORNER-CUTTING ASSHOLES!  
CG: THIS IS THE *EXACT* SAME SHOT THEY USED WHEN THE OTHER GUY FOUND THE HIGHBLOOD TENT!!!  
TT: I’m just surprised that everyone seems so fucking stoked to see a circustent in the middle of nowhere.  
TT: These are supposed to be teens. Shouldn’t at least one of them consider it lame?  
TT: How much better would the movie turn out if they just ignored the invading killer clowns.  
CG: IT PHYSICALLY TORMENTS ME TO SAY THESE WORDS BUT STRIDER HAS THE RIGHT IDEA.  
GT: But everyone loves the circus, right?  
GA: I Think Not  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ MOG I KNOW RIGHT!!!!  
CT: D--> I thought those were highb100d establishments and unsuited for one of a lower caste  
CT: D--> How have you survived that?  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ BEFURUS WAS NICER THAN THAT!!!!  
AC: \\(=>..<=)/ THOUGH I STILL HATE THE CIRCUS!!!!!  
CT: D--> But you just said  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ NYAN???  
CT: D--> Never mind

GA: You Know I Just Realized  
GA: Debbie Has The Exact Same Hideous Haircut As Sarah Connor  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ OH IT ISN’T THAT BAD  
GA: No  
GA: It Is  
GG: That was fashion in the 80s.  
GG: We do not exactly remember that period for its stellar fashion sense.  
EB: in actuality, we kind of mock it.  
GG: Quite.  
GT: Which is dumb because its awesome.  
TA: why complaiin about her haiir when you can complaiin about thii2 fuckiing ae2thetiic  
TC: you aint motherfucking fond of subjuggulator chique bro?  
TA: iim more a lowblood ca2ual fan my2elf  
TC: YOU TALK SHIT CAUSE IT’S THE ONLY FUCKING TASTE YOU GOT!!!!  
GA: I Was Unaware Gamzee Felt This Strongly About Interior Decorating

AC: \\(=^..^=)/ OH, OH, OH!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ IS THIS ROOM GOING TO BE IMPAWTANT LATER IN THE STORY?  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ WITH THE COOL ELECTRIC ORB THINGIE?!?!?!?  
TC: errrr…. no.  
TC: matter of fact, they aint never returning there.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ THEN WHY INCLUDE IT?!?!?!  
GT: Because it looked cool?  
CG: WE ARE WATCHING A GO DAWFUL MOVIE ABOUT A RACE OF SPACEFARING KILLER CLOWN SO I THINK WE HAVE BIGGER QUESTIONS TO ASK OURSELVES THEN ‘WHY DOESN’T THIS ROOM RETURN’!!!  
CG: MOST PROMINENTLY: WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????  
EB: I know  
EB: that’s why we are mocking it  
CG: THIS DUMB THING RAISES MY BLOOD PRESSURE TO SUCH EXTREMES THAT ALL MINERALS HAVE BEEN COMPRESSED TO THE POINT THAT I NOW HAVE SHARDS OF DIAMOND COURSING THROUGH MY VEINS!!!  
CG: IF I DIE OF INTERNAL BLEEDING TONIGHT, IT WILL BE THE FAULT OF THIS RECTAL DISCHARGE OF A MOVIE!!!  
GC: GOT 1T

GG: This certainly doesn’t look like any cotton candy I’ve ever seen.  
TC: this motherfucker is hilariously stupid.  
TC: LAUGH, PATHETIC SHEEPLE!!!!  
EB: seriously, he seems remarkably unphased by this.  
EB: like he doesn’t realize he is in a horrible horror movie.  
TC: THIS HORROR MOVIE AINT BAD HUMAN!!!  
GG: No, it is quite bad.  
TC: aaaw, come on sis.  
GG: It does not mean it can not be entertaining :B  
TT: It won’t be though.  
GG: Dirk!  
TT: Better to break it to him now.  
TA: 2eriiou2ly why are they even here at thii2 poiint  
GC: YOU 4R3 R1GHT SOLLUX  
GC: TH3Y 4R3 S3R1OUSLY TR3SP4SS1NG   
TA: not what ii wa2 goiing for  
GC: 1 C4NNOT SYMPATH1Z3 W1TH L4WBR34K3RS!!  
CG: LAWBREAKERS NOT NAMED SERKET  
GC: >:O

AC: \\(=^..^=)/ AAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!  
GA: Well  
GA: Darn  
CT: D--> This 100ks abso100tely disgusting  
CG: FUCK THIS NOISE!  
CG: I AM CLOSING MY EYES, PUTTING MY FINGERS IN MY EARS AND WILL NOW SING QUEEN SAVE ALTERNIA!!!  
GT: It really is not that scary.  
GT: Heck, it only pops up for a second.  
CG: WHERE THE MOOOOONS ARE BRIIIIIIGHT!!!!!  
GG: He does realize we can hear him, right?  
CT: D--> I think he does not care  
CG: HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION I HAVE ALWAYS HONORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
TA: ugh  
TA: thii2 ii2 pathetiic  
TA: can 2omeone take one for the team and ju2t paciify hiim already?  
TT: So Equius, what do you think?  
CT: D--> What do I think?  
TT: Are they keeping humans to fuel their ship, for sustenance or to make more clowns through gross and unnatural ways?  
GT: Are we seriously discussing this?  
CT: D--> Yes  
CT: D--> Judging by the way the cocoons are installed, suspended by hooks on metal bars i think we can rule out fuel  
CT: D--> That w001d require a direct connection  
TT: Fair enough. So, breeding stock or sustenance?  
CT: D--> Breeding stock  
TC: he is asking what you THINK bro  
TC: NOT WHAT YOU MOTHERFUCKING TOUCH YOURSELF TOO!!!

GA: And Now We Are Dealing With A Brightly Colored Plastic Fire Arm That Launces Sentient Popped Corn  
GA: What Are The Mechanics Here  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ AND WHY PAWPCORN?!?!?!?!?!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ IT ISN’T SCARY AT ALL!!!!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ IT IS DELICIOUS!!!!!  
GG: I am just surprised at how boring they made this chase scene. They are in a spaceship, piloted by alien clowns.  
GG: Surely they could have made something a little more creative?  
TT: Somewhere Scooby Doo is shaking his head in disgust.   
GT: I don’t see the problem. It looks fine, doesn’t it?  
TA: are you 2eriiou2 riight now??

TA: that2 iit  
TA: iim goiing home  
CG: YOU CAN’T FUCKING DO THAT!!!!  
TC: he’s just working his motherfucking miracle bro  
CG: I DON’T CARE, YOU STILL CAN’T FUCKING DO THAT!!!!  
CG: YOU *CAN’T* CREATE A BARKBEAST OUT OF AN INFLATION NOODLE AND PRETEND IT’S AN ACTUAL FUCKING BARKBEAST!!!  
GT: But they are aliens.  
GT: Perhaps their technology is so advanced that they can.  
CT: D--> No  
CT: D--> They still can not  
GT: Are you sure?  
GA: Positive  
CG: GODS THIS PISSES ME OFF!!!

EB: and so they drive of, knocking a few clowns over as they go.  
GC: 4ND 4L3RT1NG TH3 CLOWNS TO TH3 LOC4T1ON OF TH31R HUM4N TOWN  
GC: B3C4US3 TH3Y 4R3 1D1OTS  
EB: well how could they have known that they had a balloon dog?  
CG: AAAAAAARGH THAT FUCKING THING……  
GC: 1 4M JUST S4Y1NG  
GC: HUM4NS 4R3 K1ND4 STUP1D 4ROUND 4L13NS  
GA: Heh  
GA: I Am Not Going To Dispute That  
TT: Well, yeah. There is very little to dispute.  
GG: We were kind of awkward when we first met Mr Makara.  
GC: 4G41N NOT TH3 HUM4NS 1 4M TRY1NG TO 1NSULT H3R3 >:/  
GT: I wasn’t awkward though. I totally nailed my first meeting with Aranea.  
GG: Did you now?  
GT: Absolutely.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ WOW, REALLY?!?!??!?!??!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ CAUSE SHE TOLD ME YOU WERE, LIKE, THE MOST AWKWARD LITTLE CINNAMON BUN  
TC: and so the clowns begin approaching the city.  
TC: ABOUT TO SLAUGHTER WHATEVER MOTHERFUCKING NONBELIEVER THEY COME ACROSS!!!  
TA: no you are riight  
TA: all clown2 are goiing two the ciity  
TA: all 2iix of them  
GA: I Do Not Think This Is As Big A Threat As They Make It Out To Be

EB: oh, big shock. the local authorities don’t believe them.  
EB: just like in every other movie ever.  
GG: Untill it’s too late of course. Then they realize that our unlikely protagonists were telling the truth all along.  
EB: right? we know this song and dance.  
EB: the police are just acting like jerks right now.  
GC: 1T 1S C4LL3D DU3 PROC3SS MORON  
GC: YOU C4NNOT CL41M DUMB LOOK1NG 4L13N 1NV4D3RS 4R3 P4RTY1NG DOWN TOWN  
GC: 1 M34N W3 COULD BUT YOU NUMBNUTS N3V3R 4CH13V3D 1NT3RST3LL4R SP4C3FL1GHT  
TT: Pffft. How hard can it be?  
CT: D--> Dirk it wasn’t a challenge  
TT: I can still choose to take it as one right?  
CT: D--> Let us not

GA: Gamzee  
TC: sis?  
GA: Though I Dread The Answer Curiosity Compels Me To Ask  
GA: What Is The Point  
TC: I AM BEGGING YOUR GODDAMN PARDON?!?!  
GA: Why Bother With The Puppet Spiel Only To Turn His Audience In A Cocoon Afterwards  
GA: It Seems Like A Lot Of Wasted Effort  
TC: shit sis, why you gotta be disrespecting the fine arts?  
GA: I Do Not Care What The Highbloods Say  
GA: Sock Puppet Theatre Does Not Constitute Real Art  
TC: GASP!!!!  
TT: Don’t listen to her buddy, she doesn’t know what she’s saying.  
GA: Sigh

TA: awkward relatiion2hiip expo2iitiion  
GC: WH4T H4PP3N3D 1 WOND3R  
GC: WHY D1D D3BB13 DUMP H1S L4W 3NFORC1NG TUSH 4ND W3NT W1TH WH4TSH1SF4C3 1NST34D?  
EB: no one knows or cares.  
GC: 1 W4NT TO KNOW WHY D3BB13 TURN3D DOWN TH3 LONG 4PP3ND4G3 OF TH3 L4W TO H4NG W1TH TH4T SCRUFFY LOOK1NG BOY  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ I SHIP IT!!!!  
CG: CONSIDERING THIS MOVIE’S STORY IS ALREADY FLUSHED DOWN THE DRAIN AND THE HORROR IS SIGNIFICANTLY LACKING, DESPITE THEIR HIGHBLOOD PARAPHERNALIA, THE *ONLY* THING THAT CAN SAVE THIS TURD IS INTERESTING CHARACTERS AND RELATIONSHIPS.  
TA: boy do ii have 2ome bad new2 for you KK

TT: I think I’ve seen this porno.

AC: \\(=^..^=)/ SO HE DROPS DEBBIE OF WHILE HE GOES TO CHECK OUT THE SPACE SHIP AGAIN  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ WHAT A JERK!!!  
TT: Woah, watch the fucking language.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ I AM SORRY BUT THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TREAT YOUR MATESPURRIT!!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ YOU N33D TO GO ON ROMANTIC ADVENTURES TOGETHER!!!!!  
AC: \\(=@..@=)/ NOT WITH HER EX, THAT’S JUST WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ THIS HUMAN IS WEIRD!!!!!  
TT: Noted  
GC: TO B3 F41R  
GC: 1 DON’T TH1NK HUM4NS 4R3 GOOD 1N 4NY P4RT1CUL4R QU4DR4NT  
CT: D--> I can assure you that they make e%ellent matesprits  
GC: C4N’T 1 T4UNT JOHN W1THOUT SOM3ON3 3LS3 T4K1NG OFF3NS3 FOR ONC3?  
EB: i don’t know terezi. can you?  
CG: PLEASE SPARE US YOUR HORRIBLE ATTEMPTS AT BLACK FLIRTING! WE ALL KNOW EGBERT HAS THE KISMETIC POTENTIAL OF SLIGHTLY DAMP MOSS AND THAT PYROPE IS UNABLE TO MAINTAIN *ANY* FORM OF QUADRANT.  
GC: RUD3 >:(  
CG: I AM JUST SAYING. THE TWO OF YOU HAVE BEEN KINDA SNAPPING BACK AND FORTH AND WHILE I AM SURE IT IS KINDA CUTE, IF YOU ARE JUST GOING TO KEEP FLIRTING LIKE THIS DO IT IN A PRIVATE MEMO. WE DO NOT CARE FOR IT.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ I DO!!!!  
CG: YOU AREN’T INVOLVED IN THIS!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ I AM F33L1NG PRETTY INVOLVED!!!  
EB: i think we are kinda past just flirting.  
CG: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN---  
CG: ………………………………..   
CG: NO.  
EB: yes?  
CG: GODDAMNIT EGBERT!!!!  
EB: eheheheh?  
CG: I WILL *NEVER* BE ABLE TO GET THIS MENTAL IMAGE OUT OF MY THINKPAN YOU ABOMINABLE WASTES OF GENETIC MATERIAL!!!  
GT: I don’t get it, what’s going on?.

GT: so a gang of cruel no-good bikers is picking on one of the alien clowns.  
GT: The rapscallion even goes as far as to trash the clown’s tricycle. I almost feel bad for the little fellow.  
TA: you are talkiing about a murderou2 clown  
TC: what is your point bro?  
GG: Come to think of it…. A lot of the victims were killed an instant after they laughed.  
GG: Are these bizarre creatures reverse clowns and do they take offense to us laughing?  
TT: Pffft, no.  
TT: That would almost make sense and actually make for interesting scenarios.  
CT: D--> Plus we already established the humans are used for breeding  
GA: Which Again  
GA: Gross  
TT: Still saying its food.  
TT: Clown food is people.

GT: So the bully gets his comeuppance and….   
GT: Well, it goes about as well as could be expected.  
GC: H1S H34D GOT L1T3R4LLY PUNCH3D OF H1S SHOULD3RS 4ND DUNK3D 1N TH3 TR4SH  
GT: Yes.  
GT: His head got literally punched of his shoulders and dunked in the trash.  
EB: which would actually be kind of cool if it looked even a little bit realistic.  
GT: It doesn’t look thát bad.  
GG: It really kinda does….

CG: AND NOW THEY ARE TRYING TO SMASH A WRIGGLER’S HEAD IN WITH A MALLET?!  
CG: I CAN’T WATCH THIS!!!!  
TT: Well that makes no sense whatsoever.  
EB: i know right?  
EB: kids her age are supposed to be scared of clowns.  
TT: No, the whole: bashing her brains in like a birthday piñata filled with squishy grey matter candy.  
TT: That makes no sense.  
GA: We Are Talking About A Clown  
GA: Making Sense Is Not High On Their List Of Priorities  
CT: D--> Dirk is referring to their purpose on the human planet  
CT: D--> If they need humans for fuel or breeding it w001d be beneficial to keep them in tact  
CG: PLEASE DON’T TELL ME THEY ARE BREEDING CLOWNS WITH HUMANS…………  
TT: And if they keep humans for consumption, using a mallet would be….. messy.  
GG: Let us be grateful that the child is whisked away by her parent.  
CG: YES. YES, I AGREE WITH THE CROCKER.  
CG: I AM NOT PHYSICALLY CAPABLE OF WATCHING A WRIGGLER’S THINKPAN BEING SPILLED ON THE FLOOR.  
TA: weak

GG: Oh no! After seeing this strange sticky substance and these abandoned cars I suddenly believe this guy’s outlandish story about killer clowns from outer space.  
GG: Better call the station and tell them to be on the look-out for suspicious jesters.  
GT: Well when you say it like that it sounds kind of silly.

TC: so the town is feeling the motherfucking clown love already.  
TC: CALLING THE AUTORITIES WITH THEIR DYING BREATH ONLY TO BE IGNORED LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING JOKE!!!!!  
TC: aint it a thing of beauty?  
EB: ugh, mooney is a sceptic.  
GC: WOULDN’T YOU B3?  
GC: OR WOULD YOU TRUST TH3 F1RST P3RSON TO T4LK TO YOU 4BOUT K1LL3R CLOWNS  
GA: Judging Present Company  
GA: This Would Be Wise  
TC: hey  
EB: no, it isn’t that.  
EB: but the sceptic always dies first in horror movies.  
EB: it’s like a rule.  
GT: Oh you don’t know that.  
TT: Yeah, you’d be safe buddy.

AC: \\(=^..^=)/ OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ THIS LOOKS PAWSITIVELY HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!  
TA: thii2 miight ju2t be the wor2t u2e of cg ii have ever 2een  
TA: kudo2 moviie  
TA: you lowered the bar for all future moviie2 iill watch

GG: Obligatory shower scene.  
TC: how is this obligatory sis?  
TC: GIRLS JUST FEELIN NASTY AFTER THAT WHOLE MOTHERFUCKING SPACE SHIP VISIT!!!  
GG: because it is in every horror movie ever and means that she’ll be attacked soon.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ HOW DO YOU FIGURE?!?!?!?!  
GG: Because it ALWAYS happens.  
EB: she’s right, it does.  
GC: W3LL 1 DON’T M1ND  
GA: You Just Enjoy Human Nudity  
GC: TH3Y 4R3 SO FUNNY T4ST1NG!  
GT: Are those popcorn fragments going to be important at some point?  
TA: who care2??

TA: holy 2hiit that guy ii2 2alty  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ HE IS JUST REALLY THIRSTY FUR DEBBIE!!!  
GA: I Do Not Understand Why  
GA: She Is Fairly Plain Looking And Has Not Exactly Exhibited Interesting Character Traits  
TA: by whiich you mean 2he never attempted to 2ummon co2miic horror2 from beyond the furthe2t riing  
GA: Hush  
EB: seriously though, how awkward must it be to sit in that car right now?  
EB: come to think of it, why is mike still in the backseat? Isn’t it kind of normal to take shot gun when there are only two people in a car?  
GC: 1TS C4LL3D POL1C3 PROTOCOL JOHN  
GC: YOU C4NT L3T JUST 4NYON3 DR1V3 TH3 P4TROL C4R  
EB: you don’t exactly drive from the shot gun seat.   
EB: most you do is pick the radio station.  
GT: People underestimate just how much power that gives a person.

CG: KILLER CLOWN SHENANIGANS, HERE WE GO AGAIN.  
CG: WHO WANTS TO SEE MORE PEOPLE BEING TORN TO SHREDS BY MALICIOUS GRINNING MANIACS??! BECAUSE THIS SHOT LOST ITS CHARM AFTER THE FIRST BAJILION TIME!!!  
GC: QU1T B31NG 4 B4BY  
CG: I AM BEING PERFECTLY REASONABLE IN JUST HOW OFFENDED THIS MOVIE MAKES ME!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ MOG THE CLOWN IS MAKING SHADOW CREATURES!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ THAT IS SOOOO KAWAII!!!!!!!  
TT: Which from this angle is incredibly impossible to do with natural light.  
CT: D--> They had the presence of mind to place the giant spotlight just out of shot  
GG: What surprises me most is how enthuses the people seem to be. Surely it isn’t thát fascinating?  
GT: Ms Crocker, you are severely underestimating the appeal of shadow theatre.

GT: See? Art.  
TC: hahahahahaha yeah, preach it bro.  
GG: That is impressive…..   
GG: And impossible on so many levels.  
GG: I do not care how dexterous your fingers are, you are just not pulling this off.  
GT: That’s fair.  
CG: MORE TO THE FUCKING POINT!!!!  
TA: oh here we go  
TA: tiime to mute out for a biit  
CG: WHAT IS THIS IMAGE EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE?!?!  
GT: Oh, that one’s easy. It is based on a very famous painting of George Washington, crossing the Delaware.  
GT: Admittedly, the boat in the painting is a lot bigger, but what can you do with 10 fingers?  
CG: THEY WILL HAVE TO INVENT A WHOLE NEW LEVEL TO GRADE THIS BULLSHIT ON!!!  
GT: Pardon?  
CG: FORGET CROCKER’S COMPLAINT ON JUST HOW IMPOSSIBLE IT IS TO MANOEUVRE YOUR PRONG EXTENSIONS IN SUCH A WAY THAT IT CREATES A SHADOW OF THIS INTRICACY BUT HOW THE ASSFLAPPING FUCK ARE ALIENS SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT WHAT I ASSUME IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SIGNIFICANT EVENT IN HUMAN HISTORY?!?!?!?!?!  
CG: IF WE ARE DEALING WITH A MINDREADING SPECIES OF ALIENS, WELL GOOD GAME HUMANITY, YOU ARE FUCKED BEYOND THE MIGHT OF ANY CONTRACEPTIVE!   
CG: IF WE ARE *NOT* DEALING WITH A MINDREADING KIND OF CLOWNS THAN WHERE THE FUCK DID THEY PICK UP ON THIS?!?!  
TA: ii2 he 2tiill goiing?

CG: FURTHERMORE, THIS FUCKSPONGE OF LOGIC CAN BEND OVER AND KISS THE GREYEST PART OF MY ASS AS WELL!!!  
EB: yep, he’s still going.  
CG: WHATEVER DRUNK HIGH ON BATH SALTS THEY GOT TO WRITE THIS, *SOMEHOW* LET THIS MUPPET MONSTROSITY CREATE SHADOWS TO INTERACT WITH 3D-SPACE. THAT’S RIGHT, ABSENCE OF LIGHT CAN NOW BE A THREE-DIMENSIONAL THING!!! SUCK A FUCKING BULGE PHYSICS!!!!  
EB: and going….  
CG: WHAT REALLY FUCKING SEALS THE DAY, THE RIBBON AROUND THIS WHOLE PACKAGE OF CONGEALED SUCK, IS THAT THEY EVEN GAVE THE SHADOW EYES THAT LIGHT UP.  
CG: WHY?  
CG: WHY?!?!?!  
CG: FUCKING TELL ME WHY!!!!!!!  
EB: i think we broke him.  
CG: THE SHADOW DOESN’T EVEN CHANGE MASS, IT JUST FUCKING DISAPPEARS THE HUMANS THAT STOOD THERE A SECOND AGO!!!!  
CG: THIS IS NOT HOW ANYTHING WORKS, WAS THIS MESSIAHS DAMNED MOVIE WRITTEN BY A TOESUCKING WRIGGLER?!?!?!?  
TC: bro chill  
CG: I AM WAY BEYOND CHILL!!!!

TA: can ii ju2t 2ay that ii love dave2 expre22iion here  
TT: Completely stoic.  
TT: I am so proud of him.

GC: B4CK TO NOBODY’S F4VOR1T3 CH4R4CT3RS  
GT: I like them?  
GA: That Really Does Not Carry The Weight You Seem To Think It Does  
TA: ii liike to iimagiine the wriiter of thii2 piiece of crap fiinii2hiing the 2criipt thiinkiing he created 2 iiconiic character2 wiith the2e moron2  
EB: really, they are just 2 stooges.   
EB: they kind of ruin the mood.  
GC: B3C4US3 TH3 G3NR3 SO F4R W4S S3R1OUS HORROR?  
GC: OP3N YOUR 3Y3S JOHN  
GC: W3 4R3 W4TCH1NG 4 P4RODY  
GA: This Is The Only Explanation For This Movie I Can Stomach  
TC: this aint a parody sis  
TC: IT IS A MOTHERFUCKING PROPHECY!!!!  
GA: Gamzee  
GA: Kindly Put A Sock In It  
GG: Well, yeah.   
GG: Obviously. I mean, there are people who legitimately think clowns are terrifying but I doubt even the most clownophobic would be frightened by this film.  
TC: except maybe karkat  
GA: Except Maybe Karkat

CG: I’VE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING CLOWNS IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING MOVIE!!!!  
GC: OH Y34H  
GC: 1’V3 B33N W41T1NG TO S33 TH1S CONFRONT4T1ON  
GC: HOW W1LL TH3 B4TTL3-H4RD3N3D OFF1C3R D34L W1TH TH3S3 4L13N M4R4UD3RS?  
GT: Well…. If you’ve paid attention, he hasn’t exactly been taking the entertaining menace all that seriously.  
CT: D--> I do believe he authorized to use force in this regard  
CT: D--> Why isn’t he  
TT: Because he thinks that everyone is playing a prank on him.  
GG: And frankly, with a concept as ludicrous as this, it is hard to blame him.  
TC: WHAT IS SO MOTHERFUCKING WEIRD ABOUT KILLER CLOWNS?!?!  
TA: human2 man..

AC: \\(=^..^=)/ OH NO!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ MOONEY IS SPRAYED WITH SOME KIND OF ACID!!!!  
GT: Actually, he seems to be perfectly fine?  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ WELL, MAYBE IT’S POISONOUS?!?!?!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ LIKE, IF HE’D TRY TO LICK IT OFF OR SOMETHING IT WILL TURN HIM INTO A CLOWN!!!!!  
GT: There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with him.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ UHM…………..?!?!?!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ MAYBE IT JUST SMELLS REALLY REALLY BAD?!?!?!  
TA: yeah thii2 clown ii2 ju2t fuckiing wiith mooney now  
TA: who even know2 what goe2 on iin theiir fuckiing thiinkpan2

CG: HOLD MY SHAMEGLOBES, WHAT THE FUCK AM I LOOKING AT?!?!!?  
CT: D--> What are you talking about Vantas  
CG: EITHER THE BAR HAS BEEN SET SO LOW THAT WE NEED A TEAM OF DEEPSEA GEOLOGISTS TO FIND IT OR THIS HAS BEEN THE FIRST AND ONLY MOMENT OF LEGITIMATE COMEDY IN THIS ENTIRE SHITFEST OF A MOVIE!!!  
CG: THE FACT THAT HIS HANDS AND/OR GLOVES CAME OFF WHEN CUFFED, THE TIMING, THE AWKWARD SHUFFLE WHEN THE CLOWN WALKED AWAY AND MOONEY’S EXPRESSION ACTUALLY MAKE FOR AN ACCEPTABLE MOMENT OF SLAPSTICK.  
CG: IT DOESN’T REDEEM THE MOVIE IN THE SLIGHTEST BUT HOLY SHIT, ITHIS PROVES I STILL HAVE EMOTIONS OTHER THAN UNBRIDLED RAGE!!!  
GC: 4ND F34R  
GC: YOU FORGOT F34R  
CG: THERE IS NO EMOTION OF THE SORT PRESENT IN MY SYSTEM!!!  
TC: good to hear it buddy  
CG: *YOU* STAY OUT OF IT!!!

TT: How does one get killed by a party blowout?  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ WELL, LIKE THIS APPURENTLY?!?!?!?!  
GG: Not a question we needed answered.  
CG: AND JUST LIKE THAT, THE MOVIE UP AND KILLED THE BEST CHARACTER.

TT: What is the timeframe here?  
TT: How did the clowns decorate everything like a funhouse in the two minutes it must have taken Dave to drive back to the precinct?  
TC: man subjuggulators don’t fucking work with your laws of logic.  
TC: WE DO WHAT WE MOTHERFUCKING PLEASE!!!  
GG: Gamzee, hush.  
CT: D--> Why go through the effort of e%tensively decorating?  
CT: D--> How does this advance the clown agenda?  
TC: SHITS AND GIGGLES!!!!  
CT: D--> Of course

CT: D--> I imagine the earlier locked up punks have been thoroughly bred  
TT: Equius, no.  
GC: 4G41N WHY GO THROUGH TH3 3FFORT OF ST1CK1NG ON3 OF THOS3 CROOKS UP H1GH?  
GC: 1T WOULD H4V3 B33N SO MUCH 34S13R TO JUST NUDG3 1T 1NTO 4 CORN3R OR PL4C3 1T ON TH3 GROUND  
TC: but that would look significantly less terrifying sis.  
EB: the cocoons are hot pink. i think the ship kind of sailed on scary.

GG: Oh lovely. Here is my nightmare fuel for the week.  
GG: It looks like that infernal puppet.  
TT: Uncool Crocker.  
TT: Not every ventriloquist puppet looks the same, don’t be ignorant.  
GT: It does look like Cal though.  
EB: seriously, dave would have a fit.  
TT: Okay but Cal never sat on the lap of a murderclown that grins like a child molester.  
TA: do ii have 2ome new2 for you  
TC: honk  
TC: I TAKE SOME MOTHERFUCKING OFFENSE TO THAT!!!!  
GG: Language.  
TC: I take some strong offense to that.

AC: \\(=^..^=)/ OH MY GOSH HE KILLED A CLOWN!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ HE DID IT!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ YAY!!!!  
CG: MY ONLY WEAKNESS! MY NOSE! HOW DID YOU KNOW?!!?  
GC: 1T 1S L1T3R4LLY 4 B1G GLOW1NG W34KSPOT  
GA: This Raises More Questions Than It Answers  
CT: D--> And the clown evaporates in a atrocious special effect

CG: OF COURSE THEY COLLECT THE COCOONS IN A PARADE CAR.  
CG: I DON’T KNOW WHY I EXPECTED THEY WOULD COLLECT IT IN ANYTHING ELSE!!!  
GT: So where they keeping it in their ship?  
TT: I like to think they stole a human parade car for shits and giggles.  
TC: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BALLIN!!!  
TC: you’d make a great subjuggulator buddy.  
TT: I think I’ll decline that offer.

GC: HOT D4MN  
GC: LOOK WHO 1S F1N4LLY DON3 W1TH H3R SHOW3R  
TA: that only took a few hour2 iin moviie tiime  
TT: I don’t see how that’s an issue.  
CT: D--> Which is something we’ll have to talk about sooner or later

TT: Pretty sure I’ve seen this porn as well.  
GG: I dread to think what lurks in your computer.  
GA: How Did These Creatures Grow From The Popped Kernels  
GA: That Makes No Sense  
GA: I Just Can Not  
GA: My Thinkpan  
GA: There Is No Thing In Botany That I Am Aware Of To Justify This Clown Faced Abomination  
TC: well i think they look wicked cool  
GG: You might be a little biased.

GC: TH4TS WH4T YOU G3T FOR T4K1NG UNGODLY LONG SHOW3RS  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ OH NO!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ SHE GETS KIDNAPPED!!!!!  
EB: oh no, she gets kidnapped….

GT: Wait, why didn’t the clowns cocoon her?  
GT: Why do they put her in a rubber balloon?   
TA: clown2 man  
TA: they make no 2en2e  
TC: WE DON’T GIVE A FUCK!!!  
CT: D--> They take her along for their breeding stock  
CT: D--> This w001d make sense and also allow for Dirks theory of humans being used for sustenance  
CT: D--> The…… desirable humans get placed in bal100ns for later use  
GA: Can You Not

CG: THERE MUST HAVE BEEN A BETTER METHOD OF TRANSPORTATION TO CATCH UP WITH YOUR KIDNAPPED MATESPRIT!  
CG: THERE *MUST* HAVE BEEN ANOTHER OPTION THAN GETTING INTO THE TRUCK WITH THESE MORONS AGAIN!!!  
CG: YOU COULD GET ON A FUCKING BIKE AND BE BETTER OF THAN IN A TRUCK DRIVEN BY THESE FUCKSTICKS!!!  
CG: AND THEY JUST!!! DON’T!!!! KEEP!!! THEIR!!! SODDING!!! PROTEINECHUTE!!! SHUT!!!  
CG: IN A MOVIE ABOUT CLOWNISH MURDERPUPPETS, *THESE* GUYS ARE SOMEHOW THE ONES THAT WILL HAUNT MY DREAMS AND INSPIRE ME WITH A RAGE THAT WON’T SUBSIDE UNTIL THE FUCKING HEATH DEATH OF THE UNIVERSE!!!  
TT: That theory is pretty flawed to be honest. Might not actually happen.  
CG: WELL THEN I GUESS WE FUCKING KNOW HOW LONG I WILL HAVE TO HOLD ONTO THIS SEETHING FURY, NOW DON’T WE?!?!?!?!  
CG: HOLY SHIT, IT ARE GRUBFUCKERS LIKE THIS MIKE AND HIS COMPADRES THAT JUST SHOW HOW BADLY HUMANS NEEDED TO BE GUIDED BY TROLLKIND. WE WOULD *NEVER* HAVE ALLOWED FOR A MOVIE THIS INEPT AND ENRAGINGLY ANNOYING!!!  
GC: TROLL J4CK 4ND J1LL  
CG: THAT MOVIE NEVER HAPPENED!!!!!  
GA: Karkat You Are Making A Scene  
CG: FORGET IT!  
CG: I AM JUST GOING TO GNAW MY OWN ARM OF IN FRUSTRATION!  
TA: ju2t don’t make a me22 a22hole

EB: oh, so just because they are clowns they’re hanging out in the amusement park?  
EB: i’m pretty sure that’s racist somehow.  
GG: Clown isn’t a race.  
TT: It is if they are an entire alien species.  
EB: it’s still awfully generic.  
GA: I Am More Shocked By The Fact That Our Protagonists Are Suddenly Genre Savvy Enough To Immediately Link The Clowns To The Previously Unmentioned Amusement Park  
TA: that ii2 a 2iign that the 2criipt ii2 giiviing up a2 well  
CG: THAT MAKES TWO OF US!!!  
GC: DON’T B3 SUCH 4 B4BY

AC: \\(=^..^=)/ OH MY GOSH, THEY DO THE WHOLE CLOWNCAR TRICK!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ THAT’S SO ADORABLE!!!!!  
CT: D--> I thought you did not like clowns?  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ I DON’T!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ CLOWNS ARE THE WORST!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ GROSS!!!!!!  
CT: D--> Hmmmm okay then  
CT: D--> That sounds needlessly confusing but okay  
GT: So how does the balloon containing Debbie function?  
GG: Not.  
GT: Well very obviously it does.  
TT: Alright, for that sphere to remain levitating *while* containing an adult woman, it would need to be filled by a gas lighter than oxygen.  
GT: Oh, so like helium?  
TT: Indeed.   
GA: So Either She Sounds Like A Squeekbeast At This Point  
GA: Or She Has Left Her Mortal Coil  
GG: Pretty much.  
TT: No, I am pretty darn certain the trip from town to the amusement park in that balloon would indeed prove fatal for a human body.  
GT: Well maybe she is kept alive by alien technologies.  
TT: The worst part about that theory is that I cannot disprove it.

GG: Contrary to popular belief, getting hit in the face by pie is not, in fact, fatal.  
GG: Merely hilarious.  
TC: pull the other one sis.  
GG: No, I am serious.   
TC: THEN WHY IS THIS MOTHERFUCKER DYING LIKE A SINNING CHUMP!??!?!  
GG: Oh please, he isn’t dying.  
GG: Is he?

CG: WELL GODDAMNIT, WHAT ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO PUT IN HIS OBITUARY?!?!?!  
CG: ‘HE DIED AS HE LIVED, SURROUNDED BY MORE PIE THAN CONSIDERED HEALTHY’  
CG: HAHAHA FUCKING HAH!!!!!  
CT: D--> Are you feeling alright Vantas  
CG: NO!  
CG: NOTHING IS ALRIGHT!  
CG: LOOK AT THIS SHITFEST OF A MOVIE?!?!?!  
CG: HOW DO YOU EVEN JUSTIFY ABSOLUTE EXCREMENT LIKE THIS?!?!  
CG: EVEN *IF* I WERE TO SUSPEND MY DISBELIEF TO THE POINT THAT I’D BUY THESE MURDERMUPPETS PULLING FUCKING ACID PIES OUT OF THEIR POOPCHUTES, LOOK AT THIS MESS!!! EVEN THE FUCKING SKELETON LOOKS LIKE THEY STOLE IT FROM A FIRST GRADE BIOLOGY CLASS!!!!  
CG: I AM JUST GOING TO BASH MY THINKPAN AGAINST THE WALL UNTIL THE PAIN GOES AWAY OR TILL I CAN TASTE COLORS, WHICHEVER COMES FIRST!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ GOSH!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ YOU SURE SOUND LIKE YOU N33D A MOIRAIL!!!!  
CG: WE ARE *NOT* STARTING THIS SHIT AGAIN AND I AM DEFINITELY NOT ARGUING THIS WITH A SHIPPER SO DENSE SHE HAS HER OWN GRAVITATIONAL PULL!!!!  
AC: \\(=O..O=)/  
GG: Rude.  
TA: 2o have you recon2iidered your moiiraiil 2iituatiion??  
CG: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHH!!!!

CT: D--> This seems like a poor place to ponder about the motivations of the invading forces  
CG: YES BUT TO THIS MOVIE, PACING IS JUST SOMETHING OTHERS WORRY ABOUT!!!  
CT: D--> I remain STRONGly convinced their motivation if collecting breeding stock  
TT: Look, until we see clown schlong in this movie, we can assume that they reproduce asexually.  
TC: man that sounds like some right bs.  
TA: no but iit requiire2 a lot le22 miindbleach

GG: Themepark is closed but the dry ice fog machine is still working.  
GG: Seems legit.  
EB: really, that seems like the least of this movie’s flaws…  
GT: I don’t know.  
GT: I actually kind of like the pulpy nature of the whole enterprise.  
GG: I am glad your taste in movies remains as unique as always Jake….

GA: Clown Women With Boob Balloons  
GA: Balloobs If You Will  
CG: SO THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT WE’VE GOTTEN RID OF THE MORON TWINS.  
TT: The bad news is that I might have to retract my asexual reproduction comment.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ THOSE CLOWNS HAVE BOOBIES!!!!  
TA: nothiing e2cape2 you doe2 iit leiijon  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ I HAVE THE SENSES OF A PURREDATOR!!!!!  
CT: D--> they have taken the twins for reproduction  
CT: D--> as I assumed  
GG: Thankfully it is off screen….. I just wish I could get the image out of my head.  
TC: YOU DON’T KNOW MOTHERFUCKING JOY TILL YOU HONKED SOME BITCHIN CLOWN TITS SIS!!!!  
GG: I’m good. Thanks.

GC: LOOK 4T TH3S3 PROUD HUM4N HUNT3RS  
GC: B4R3LY CONC34L3D B3H1ND BR1GHT P1NK COCOONS  
GC: 4ND LOUDLY WH1SP3R1NG TH31R 3V3RY THOUGHT

GC: W3LL 1T LOOKS L1K3 TH3 COOL3R STR1D3R W4S R1GHT  
GC: HUM4NS 4R3 FOOD  
GC: MOR3 SP3C1F1C4LLY TH31R D3L3CT4BL3 C4NDY R3D L1F3 FLU1DS  
EB: look, i know you are sniffing in my direction right now and i am going to ignore it has hard as i can.  
GC: G4SP!!!!  
GC: YOU WOULDN’T!  
EB: i am going to ignore you so hard!  
TT: It still doesn’t make sense.  
CT: D--> You were the one to propose they took humans for consumption  
TT: Yes, I did but as a living bloodbank? It makes no sense.  
TT: There are more cows in the US than people, they are easier to kidnap ánd have more blood.  
TT: Kidnapping humans instead is just unnecessary busywork.   
GT: Yes but how are they going to fit a ranch worth of cows in their ship?  
TT: I don’t know. Deus ex alien tech?  
GT: That’s fair.

GA: I Am Glad To See Balloons Remain Weak To Bullets  
GA: But Surely A Writing Utensil Or A Lock Unlocker Would Have Done The Trick Without Endangering Debbie  
GG: We’ve just established that for all extends and purposes, she should have perished already.  
GG: I do not think trying to use logic is worth it anymore.

EB: oh look. There are actually more than 6 clowns.  
TA: more than anythiing ii am 2urprii2ed the diirector managed two conviince more people two joiin thii2 horriible project  
CG: BUT WHERE *WERE* ALL THESE OTHER GODDAMN CLOWNS?!?!?!  
CG: THEY COULD HAVE TAKEN THAT HICK TOWN IN A FEW MINUTES IF THESE ASSHOLES WOULD HAVE PULLED THEIR WEIGHT!!!  
CG: THESE ACTORS ARE SO OBVIOUSLY HIRED ON A SHOESTRING BUDGET TO GIVE A *LITTLE* MORE WEIGHT TO THIS FINAL SCENE THAT I WOULD RESPECT IT IF IT WASN’T SO HILARIOUSLY AWFUL!  
GA: Are You Alright Karkat  
CG: SOMEONE NEEDS TO PUT THIS FUCKING MOVIE OUT OF MY MISERY.  
CG: EVERY GODDAMN SECOND THIS IS ON DISPLAY, I FEEL MYSELF DIE A LITTLE BIT INSIDE. LIKE AN ESSENTIAL PART OF WHAT MAKES ME IS TORN AWAY AND CAN NEVER BE RECLAIMED!!  
GG: But is it as bad as the room?  
CG: ONE DAY CROCKER, I SHALL HAVE MY VENGEANCE!!!!  
GG: Hoohoohoohoohoo  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ SO MAYBE LOOK INTO THE WHOLE MOIRAIL THING  
CG: LEIJON, I SWEAR I WILL MURDER SOMETHING!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ WHAT IS SO BAD ABOUT SUGGESTING IT ANYWAY?!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ HAVING A MOIRAIL IS HEALTHY!!!!  
CG: BECAUSE I FUCKING *KNOW* HAVING A MOIRAIL IS HEALTHY AND I DON’T NEED TO BE REMINDED OF IT EVERY TIME WE WATCH A MOVIE!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ SO GET ONE!!!!!  
CG: YOU ARE NOT MY LUSUS!!!!!!

GG: Further evidence that the moron twins indeed….. well….  
TT: Made whoopee cushion?  
GG: Yes.  
GT: And the clowns let them go because of the giant clown mascot on the ice cream truck!  
GT: That is so clever!  
TA: that ii2 a lot of thiing2 but clever ii2 not one of them

CG: WHAT ENTIRELY NEW WAY TO TORMENT ME DID THIS MOVIE JUST INVENT?!?!?!  
TA: iit2 a giiant clown  
CT: D--> The overlord of this alien species  
GC: SO TH3 OV3RCLOWN 1F YOU W1LL  
EB: thank you terezi, we got it.  
GC: OH TH4T 1S GOLD3N 4ND YOU KNOW 1T!  
GC: YOU 4R3 JUST M4D YOU D1DN’T TH1NK OF 1T  
TC: the motherfucking overclown doesn’t take kindly to worshippers of the false idol  
TC: HE WILL MOTHERFUCKING SLAUGHTER THESE NONBELIEVERS!!!!  
GG: That is not a good reason to kill people Gamzee.  
TC: wait what?  
TC: YOU MEAN IT ISN’T?!?!?!!?!  
GG: No, it’s…. It’s actually kind of a horrible reason to kill people.  
TC: well then i feel like kind of a motherfucking cunt.  
CG: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!

CG: DING DONG THE DORKS ARE DEAD!!!!!  
CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
CG: I’VE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY TO SEE AN ICE CREAM TRUCK BURST INTO FLAMES!!!  
TA: iimplyiing that thii2 happened a lot on alterniia  
GT: Did it?  
TA: well  
TA: more often than you would thiink  
CT: D--> This seems like an unusual amount of fire coming from one vehicle  
CT: D--> The worst damage it took was from falling on its side  
CT: D--> It sh001d be damaged  
CT: D--> Yes  
CT: D--> But in all probability you c001d still drive away in it if turned back on its wheels  
CT: D--> What c001d probably cause an e%plosion like this?  
EB: lazy writing?  
GC: TH3 TW1NS B31NG FULL OF HOT 41R?  
CG: WHO GIVES A SHIT, THEY ARE DEAD!!!!  
CG: TWO DOWN, THREE TO GO!!!  
GA: Are You Rooting For The Clowns  
TA: let2 be hone2t KY  
TA: we are all kiind of rootiing agaiin2t the protagonii2t2

CT: D--> So Dave attempts to hold the overclown off while Mike and Debbie get away  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ WITH DEBBIE CHOOSING MIKE HE HAS NOTHING LEFT TO LIVE FUR!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ MOG THAT’S SO SAD!!!!!  
GC: E1TH3R TH4T OR H3 1S JUST DO1NG H1S JOB 4S PROT3CTOR OF TH3 P3OPL3  
TA: let2 not begiin pretendiing that thii2 moviie ha2 layer2  
GT: Might I ask why Dave has such difficulty shooting the clown in the nose?  
GT: He earlier shot smaller clown noses from a larger distance using a shotgun.  
GT: Should it not stand to reason that using a more accurate handgun allows him to shoot a far bigger nose from a closer range?  
TT: Jake.  
GT: Dirk?  
TT: Your mother and I are proud of you.  
GG: Oh shush.  
TT: Well, aren’t you?  
GG: I am but I am not about to claim paternity over Jake.  
TT: Come on Jane. You are team mom.  
GG: Dirk, no.  
GA: It Is A Burden Yes  
GC: WH4T 1S TH4T SUPPOS3D TO M34N  
GA: I Am Certain You Can Hazard A Guess

GC: SHIT TOWN PD, WE GOT A 23-96-B  
GC: 4 SH1TTY CG 3FF3CT?  
GC: OUR TR41N1NG H4SN’T PR3P4R3D US FOR TH1S!  
CT: D--> So why are the aliens fleeing  
CT: D--> They still have the upper hand  
CT: D--> The technological advantage  
CT: D--> Maybe they wont be able to conquer the entire planet with just one ship but they certainly c001d collect more breeding stock  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ DIDN’T YOU S33 THE YELLOW COCOON ROOM?!?!?!?!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ THEY DON’T HAVE ANY STORAGE SPACE LEFT!!!!  
GA: So Is This The Alien Ship Preparing To Take Off  
GA: Or Are They Merely Landing In A Different Area  
GA: Were Humans Are Not Aware Of Their Attackers Yet  
TC: it’s a mystery sis  
GA: It Is Asinine   
GA: That Is What It Is

GT: Oh, so he stabs the clown’s nose with his badge.  
GT: That makes sense.  
CG: THE HELL IT DOES!!!  
CG: WE COULD SIT HERE ALL WEEK TALKING ABOUT HOW THIS DOESN’T MAKE SENSE!!!  
CG: OH NO, MY HUMAN EX-MATESPRIT IS STUCK IN A SPHERICAL PRISON. LET’S FUCKING SHOOT AT IT!  
CG: OH NO, I AM GRABBED BY A MONSTROSITY AND ABOUT TO DIE. LET’S FUCKING STAB IT WITH A INCH OF PROTRUDING STEEL ON MY BADGE!!!!!  
CG: DO YOU NOT *SEE* HOW THESE THINGS DO NOT ADD UP?!?!?!?  
GT: Well maybe. But it is more dramatic this way.  
CG: DO NOT DEFEND THIS MOVIE ENGLISH!!!!  
CG: I WILL LITERALLY COME TO YOUR HIVE, PULL DOWN MY TROUSERS AND TAKE A DUMP ON YOUR ENTIRE MOVIE COLLECTION!!!  
GT: Gross.

CG: BUT DAVE SURVIVES THE RESULTING EXPLOSION BY HIDING IN THE ICE CREAM TRUCK OFF SCREEN?!?!?!  
CG: THE IDIOT TWINS TURN OUT TO HAVE SURVIVED THE *MASSIVE FUCK-OFF EXPLOSION* OF THEIR VEHICLE?!?!  
CG: EVEN *AFTER* BEING LAUNCHED ACROSS THE AMUSEMENT PARK?  
CG: AHAH.  
CG: AHAHAHAHA.  
CG: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
CG: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
EB: karkat, buddy? are you alright?  
CG: HAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!  
CG: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
CG: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!  
GA: Karkat You Are Frightening Me  
CG: FUCK THIS MOVIE!!!!!  
CG: FUCK THIS MOVIE!!!!!!!  
CG: FUCK THIS MOVIE RIGHT UP ITS OLFACTORY CAVERNS!   
CG: FUCK THIS MOVIE RIGHT UP ITS AUDIO RECEIVERS!!  
CG: FUCK THIS MOVIE IN WAYS I HAVEN’T EVEN CONCEIVED OF YET!!!!  
CG: THEN JUST KEEP FUCKING THIS MOVIE UNTIL THE AMOUNT OF GENETIC MATERIAL ROUGHLY TRANSLATES TO THE OVERAL QUALITY THIS MOVIE IS EXHIBITING!!!!!  
TC: bro that’s nasty.  
CG: AND FUCK YOU FOR FORCING ME TO WATCH THIS UNBELIEVABLE TRIPE!!!!  
CT: D--> Come on there is no need for that  
TA: two be faiir  
TA: you diidn’t have two watch iit  
TC: SO I TAKE IT YOU MOTHERFUCKING LIKED IT BRO?!?!  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! AC: \\(=^..^=)/ SO HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT GETTING YOURSELF A MOIRAIL?  
CG: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH…….  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ W333333LLL????????!!!!!!  
GA: Come On Now Meulin  
GA: We Have Been Confronting Him With This For Weeks Now  
TA: yeah and he ii2 a2 2tubborn a2 they get  
TA: hone2tly we could get hiim the perfect moiiraiil twomorrow and he’ll reject them out of 2piite  
TC: SO WHAT ABOUT THAT MOVIE THEN?!?!?!  
TC: pretty motherfucking amazing, am i right?!?!?!  
CG: WAIT, NO….  
TC: WHAT IS UP KARBRO?!?!  
CG: I….. *CAN’T* FUCKING BELIEVE I AM SAYING THIS BUT I HAVE, ALRIGHT?  
CG: I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT GETTING MYSELF A MOIRAIL.  
CG: THERE.  
CG: I AM PERFECTLY AWARE THAT MY NORMAL STATE STILL FEELS LIKE I AM TRAPPED IN A GLASS CAGE OF EMOTIONS AND THAT HAVING A MOIRAIL WOULD ACTUALLY HELP ME FEEL LIKE I AM WORTH A DAMN.  
CG: YOU HAPPY NOW, YOU HARPY?  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ OH MY GOSH!!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ KARCAT YOU HAVE TO TELL ME EFURRYTHING ABOUT IT!!!!!  
TA: or not  
TA: 2iince ii really don’t care  
GC: QU13T SOLLUX  
TA: bleh  
CG: I REALLY DON’T THINK I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT ANY FURTHER.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ THAT’S OKAY!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ IF YOU ARE UNCOMFURTABLE WITH IT YOU DON’T HAVE TO SHARE IT WITH ANYONE!!!!  
CG: THAT IS SURPRISINGLY KIND…..  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ OF COURSE!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ BUT IF YOU *NEED* TO TALK ABOUT IT YOU CAN ALWAYS COME TO US!!!  
TA: plea2e don’t make any promii2e2 for me that ii don’t iintend two keep  
EB: sollux, hush.  
TA: why ii2 everyone 2o determiined two keep me quiiet?  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ AND IF MAYBE YOU N33D SOME HELP TRYING TO GET YOUR SPECIAL PALE MATE, WE CAN HELP.  
AC: \\(=>..>=)/ OR MORE SPECIFICALLY, THOSE WHO WANT TO HELP OUT PURTAINLY WILL!!!!!  
TA: thank you  
CG: THANKS BUT….. IT’S JUST…. WEIRD TALKING ABOUT IT.  
CG: LIKE, I FEEL LIKE I’VE KNOWN HER FOR A LONG TIME ALREADY, WHICH IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT BECAUSE I HAVEN’T.  
CG: BUT THE PALE DYNAMIC FEELS NATURAL BETWEEN US, YOU KNOW?  
CG: IT’S LIKE…… SHE NEEDS SOMEONE TO GROUND HER BECAUSE HONESTLY, SHE ACTS LIKE NOTHING PHASES HER WHEN IT VERY OBVIOUSLY DOES. LIKE, SHE DOESN’T LET ANYONE GET CLOSE BY PLAYING LIKE SHE’S A TROLL THAT SHE REALLY ISN’T.  
CG: AND DESPITE THAT….. SHE EFFORTLESSLY CALLS ME ON MY BULLSHIT.  
GC: OH BUT 1 DO TH4T 4LL TH3 T1M3  
CG: THIS ISN’T ABOUT YOU, YOU HAG!!!  
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ SO WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
CG: ALRIGHT…… ALRIGHT…….  
CG: I AM GOING TO INVITE HER TO NEXT MOVIE NIGHT.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ OKAY!!!!  
CG: I AM GOING TO PICK SOMETHING ROMANTIC.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
CG: AND I AM GOING TO CONFESS.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ OH MY GOSH YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
CG: I AM NOT SAYING WHO IT IS.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ THAT’S OKAY KARCAT!!!  
AC: \\(=u..^=)/ I THINK IT’S PRETTY OBVIOUS WHO YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!!!!  
CG: WHAT?!?!?!?!  
CG: NO WAY. THERE IS NO WAY IN THIS LIFE OR THE NEXT THAT YOU ASSHOLES KNOW WHO I AM TALKING ABOUT.  
GA: Damara Megido  
GC: M3G1DO  
TA: AA2 dance2tor  
CT: D--> The other Megido  
TC: time fairy  
GG: Damara.  
EB: damara.  
GT: I honestly have no idea.  
TT: I aint shipping.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ WHAT?!?!?!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ ARE YOU GUYS CRAZY?!?!?!  
GA: Pardon  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ GUUUUUUUUUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ IT’S SO OBVIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ KARCAT IS PALE AS F*CK FOR M33NAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
CG: ………………………………………….  
CG: LEIJON.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ Y333333333S?  
CG: YOU ARE ALRIGHT.  
CG: I MEAN, YOU ARE KIND OF A NUT AND INCREDIBLY OBNOXIOUS WITH YOUR FUCKING SHIPPING.  
CG: BUT BASICALLY ALRIGHT.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ YAY!!!!!!  
TC: so like…. WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT THAT MOVIE?!?!?!  
TC: am i right?  
GT: Buddy, we were having a moment.  
TC: YES BUT AM I RIGHT?!?!  
GG: Gamzee…..  
TC: sis.  
GG: Manners.  
TC: YES BUT AM I MOTHERFUCKING RIGHT?!?!  
GG: Hahahaha, you are such a card.  
GG: Yes, I found the movie enjoyably bad.  
TC: what are you saying, bad?  
GG: I enjoyed the schlocky aspects of the film and the parody aspects throughout the enterprise.  
TC: PARODY?!?!?!  
GT: I don’t think its a bad movie.  
TT: Shocking.  
GT: In fact, I found the scene with Mooney being used as a puppet a very effective horror scene.  
TC: hahahaha word. I fucking like you english.  
GT: Hahahaha, well I like you too chum.  
TT: Yeah, if none of you are going to address the bad things about this movie, then I suppose I’ll be the killjoy again.  
TT: Because the only way this movie could be enjoyed would be as an intentional riffing.  
GC: WH1CH 1S PR3TTY MUCH WH4T W3 W3R3 DO1NG 4NYW4Y  
TT: Not the point.  
TT: The point is that I would not have enjoyed watching this movie without the rest of you.  
GT: Aaaaw Dirk. I think movies are best watched with friends as well.  
TT: Sure, let’s go with that.  
EB: yeah, this was just a bad movie.  
GC: YOU ONLY S4Y TH4T B3C4US3 YOU H4T3 FUN  
GC: WH1CH TH1S MOV13 W4S >:]  
EB: oh come on, were we even watching the same movie?  
GC: Y3S  
GC: 4ND 1T T4ST3D H1L4R1OUS  
EB: but it wasn’t supposed to be!  
GC: 1T’S 4 P4RODY POOR DUMB JOHN  
GC: SUR3LY YOU R34L1Z3D TH4T BY NOW  
GC: OR H4S YOUR TH1NKP4N V4C4T3D TH3 PR3M1S3S  
EB: well it wasn’t a very good parody then!  
EB: kind of like you.  
EB: being a bad parody of…. law enforcement?  
GC: OH MY GOD TH4T W4S SO POOR 1 4M 4CTU4LLY G3TT1NG K1ND OF 4NGRY  
GC: HOW DO YOU DO 1T?!  
CG: STOP BEING DISGUSTING!  
GC: M4K3 M3!  
CG: FOR FUCK SAKE, I’VE HAD BLACK FEELINGS FOR BOTH AT YOU AT SOME POINT. SEEING THIS IS SIMULTANEOUSLY AWKWARD AS HECK AND SOMEWHAT EROTIC.  
EB: ew  
GC: 3W  
CG: OH, SO IT’S JUST ME?!?!?!?!  
CG: FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING HYPOCRITES!!!  
GA: I Dread To Ask But How  
EB: how what?  
GC: HOW WH4T?  
GA: How Did The Two Of You Go Black For Each Other  
GA: I Mean  
GA: You Have Been Somewhat Contentious Lately But To Actually Go Black For Each Other  
EB: well…… to make a long story a lot shorter…..  
EB: nepeta is scary good at making romantic plots  
GC: 4ND VR1SK4 W4S H3LP1NG  
EB: right.  
GC: B4S1C4LLY W3 GOT TOG3TH3R B3C4US3 JOHN COULDN’T K33P H1S QU4DR4NTS 1N CH3CK  
GC: 4ND 1 3NJOY G1V1NG H1M GR13F FOR 1T  
EB: oh right. and how many quadrants have you filled right now?  
GC: 1 DON’T S33 HOW TH4T 1S R3L3V4NT  
EB: you don’t see.  
EB: that’s your thing.  
GC: TH4T’S WHY 1 S41D 1T  
EB: uuuuuuuuuugh.  
EB: and you called my attempts poor.  
TC: guys?  
TC: THE MOVIE?  
TA: iit 2ucked.  
TA: that2 all.  
AC: \\(=^..^=)/ SHORT BUT SW33T!!!  
CT: D--> I too found it lacking  
CT: D--> We never got visual comfirmation on the humans being breeding stock  
CG: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH…….  
GT: Now I do not want to assume I speak for everyone but I think most of us can agree that this is not a bad thing.  
CT: D--> Tr001y?  
CT: D--> How pec001iar  
GA: Like Equius I Found It Lacking  
GA: Unlike Equius However  
GA: I Did Not Mind The Lack Of Breeding  
GA: Instead I Minded The Lack Of Quality Control  
GA: Coherent Script  
GA: Proper Use Of CG  
GA: Actors Who Know What They Are Doing  
GA: I Could Go On  
GA: But I Wont  
TC: so like, only halve liked it?  
TC: THAT AINT TOO BAD!!!  
TC: i knew you motherfuckers would enjoy subjuggulating culture.  
GG: Not particularly but yes. The movie was somewhat enjoyable.  
CG: ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, EVERYONE OUT.  
CG: I HAVE A LOT OF PLANNING TO DO AND I CAN NOT HAVE YOU BOZO’S DISTRACTING ME!  
GC: K4RK4T YOU H4V3 4 WHOL3 W33K  
CG: I SAID OUT!!!

\--carcinogeneticist [CG] banned ectoBiologist [EB] from memo--  
\--carcinogeneticist [CG] banned gutsyGumshoe [GG] from memo--  
\--carcinogeneticist [CG] banned golgothasTerror [GT]  from memo--  
\--carcinogeneticist [CG] banned timeausTestified [TT]  from memo--  
\--carcinogeneticist [CG] banned gallowsCalibrator [GC] from memo--  
\--carcinogeneticist [CG] banned grimAuxiliatrix [GA] from memo--  
\--carcinogeneticist [CG] banned twinArmageddons [TA] from memo--  
\--carcinogeneticist [CG] banned centaursTesticle [CT] from memo--  
\--carcinogeneticist [CG] banned absoluteCatastrophe [AC] from memo--

CG: I ONLY GOT A WEEK MY ASS.  
CG: I NEED TO WATCH ALL MY MOVIES AT LEAST FOUR TIMES TO PICK THE PERFECT ONE.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -ominous latin chanting-Two more chapters. Two more chapters. Two more chapters-
> 
> So yeah, its been ages since Ive updated so probably lost a few readers along the way. I was going to do 'It' but honestly, that was beyond boring. Tim Curry isn't present for nearly enough of it to justify the milion of flashbacks. The only joke worth saving was the curious absense of the child orgy (look it up).  
> Despite that, I consider this fic a crucial part in my own training as a writer: the undisputable proof to myself that I can finish long stories. It is why I MUST finish this story before I can continue on writing the novel I really intend to write one day.
> 
> Next chapter is the penultimate chapter and will conclude the 'Karkat needs a moirail' subplot. To do this, he needs to pick the movie best suited to seduce Damara and he needs your help. He is torn between:
> 
> Titanic  
>  **The Princess Bride**  
>  Scott Pilgrim vs The World
> 
> Survey says, The Princess Bride! So look forward to that. Contact me on [my tumblr](anon--h.tumblr.com) if you want to fight me for this pick, want to have a friendly chat or feel like checking out what shit I reblog.


	25. The Princess Bride

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo: MOVIES FOR DIPSHITS--

CG: ALRIGHT, I’VE HEARD SOME RUMORS HAVE SPREAD ON OUR INFORMAL COMMUNICATIONS NETWORK. SOME REALLY *DUMB* FUCKING RUMORS THAT NEED TO BE DISPELLED AS SOON AS POSSIBLY, BEFORE YOU BLITHERING MOUTH BREATHING IMBECILS MAKE FURTHER COMPLETE FOOLS OF YOURSELVES!  
CG: CONTRARY TO WHAT SOME PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SPREADING AROUND LIKE A PERVERTED GOSSIPPY VIRUS, I HAVE NOT BEEN A NERVOUS WRECK ALL WEEK.  
CG: JUST BECAUSE I HAVE TAKEN DUE DILIGENCE IN PICKING THE IDEAL MOVIE FOR TONIGHT’S VIEWING DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE BEEN NIBBLING THE KERATIN OF MY TOUCH PRONGS!!  
CG: AND JUST BECAUSE DUE DILIGENCE HAS PROVEN TO BE A FULL TIME JOB THIS PAST WEEK DOES NOT MEAN I AM NEARING MY MENTAL BREAKING POINT FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR ASKING.  
CG: I JUST NEEDED TO MAKE SURE THE MOVIE I PICKED WAS APPROPRIATE AMOUNTS ROMANCE (FOR OBVIOUS REASONS) AND WHIMSY, TO ENSURE IT DOESN’T SEEM LIKE I AM COMING ON TOO STRONG. MY FINAL PICK IS OBVIOUSLY THE BEST MOVIE THIS STREAM HAS EVER SEEN AND ALL YOUR SHIT CHOICES PALE BY COMPARISON.  
CG: I AM SERIOUS. IT ISN’T EVEN FUNNY HOW MUCH BETTER THIS IS THAN EVEN THE LEAST HORRIBLE OF YOUR CHOICES. YOU FILTHY PHILISTINES WILL SOON LEARN TO APPRECIATE A LITTLE BIT OF FUCKING CULTURE IN YOUR LIVES, AFTER WHICH YOU MIGHT TAKE TO WATCHING MOVIES THAT AREN’T MADE OUT OF CONGEALED FAILURE.  
CG: I MADE A GRAPH AND EVERYTHING TO PROVE IT.  
CG: SPEAKING OF MAKING SURE EVERYTHING GOES RIGHT TONIGHT, I HAVE COMPILED A LIST OF PEOPLE I WILL ALLOW INTO THE STREAM. IT READS AS FOLLOWS:  
CG: NO ONE.  
CG: THAT IS WHO.  
CG: NO, NOT EVEN KANAYA. NO DISRESPECT MARYAM, BUT HAVING TO KEEP A SECRET MAKES YOU WAY TOO ANXIOUS. YOU DEAL WITH THE PRESSURE ABOUT AS WELL AS A FUCKING LANDMINE WOULD.  
CG: AND *DEFINITELY* NOT PYROPE. PARADOX SPACE KNOWS THAT SHE WILL DO ANYTHING IN HER POWER TO SABOTAGE MY CAREFULLY COÖRDINATED EFFORTS, JUST TO SPITE ME.  
CG: YES, I KNOW SHE HAS THAT THING WITH JOHN NOW BUT I AM NOT ABOUT TO TAKE THAT CHANCE. IT DOESN’T TAKE A SPACECRAFT SCIENTIST TO REALIZE SHE TAKES A PERVERTED KIND OF PLEASURE IN CAUSING ME ANY KIND OF EMOTIONAL GRIEF.  
CG: SO YEAH, THAT’S IT.  
CG: UNLESS YOU HAVE AN INVITATION, WHICH YOU.DO.NOT.HAVE, YOU ARE NOT WELCOME TONIGHT.  
CG: I WILL SEE YOU LOT NEXT WEEK.

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] joined memo--

GC: K4RK4T V4NT4S!  
CG: AND HERE COMES THE IDIOT CAVALRY.  
GC: 1 T4K3 SOM3 OFF3NS3 TO WH4T YOU S41D  
CG: BECAUSE OF COURSE YOU DO!  
GC: JUST B3C4US3 1 L1K3 TO C4US3 YOU 4 L1TTL3 GR13F H3R3 4ND TH3R3 DO3SN’T M34N 1 WOULD S4BOT4G3 YOUR ROM4NT1C PURSU1TS  
GC: 1 4M NOT TH4T K1ND OF 4SSHOL3 >:[  
CG: NO, YOU ARE JUST A REGULAR ASSHOLE.  
GC: ST1LL  
GC: 1T 1S 1NCR3D1BLY SH1TTY OF YOU TO TH1NK TH4T 1 WOULD PURPOS3FULLY S4BOT4G3 YOU L1K3 TH4T  
GC: 1 ONLY WOULD DO TH4T 1F 1T W4S 4 HORR1BLY S3LF-D3STRUCT1V3 P41R1NG L1K3 YOU D3C1D1NG TO D4T3 3QU1US?  
CG: IF YOU’VE HEARD A DECIDINGLY UNCOMFORTABLE SOUND JUST NOW, THAT WOULD BE ME THROWING UP IN MY MOUTH. FUCK YOU FOR THAT MENTAL IMAGE!  
GC: 1 TH1NK W3 C4N 4GR33 S4BOT4G1NG TH4T WOULD B3 FOR TH3 GR34T3R GOOD  
CG: LOOK, I STAND BY WHAT I SAID. YOU ARE A ROGUE ELEMENT IN MY *BRILIANT* PLANS AND I AM NOT ABOUT TO TAKE THAT CHANCE!  
CG: IF YOU REALLY WANT ME TO GET A MOIRAIL THEN LET ME DO IT MY WAY!  
GC: NO OFF3NS3 K4RK4T  
GC: BUT TH4T 1S TH3 WORST 1D34 1 3V3R H34RD  
CG: WHAT?!  
GC: Y34H YOU 4R3 R1GHT  
GC: TH4T’S HYP3RBOL3  
GC: BUT S4Y1NG 1T 1S TH3 WORST 1D34 1 H4V3 H34RD 1N SW33PS JUST DO3SN’T H4V3 TH3 S4M3 R1NG TO 1T  
CG: THAT IS NOT WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU INSUFFERABLE SHITMONGER!  
GC: JUST TRUST M3 ON TH1S 4LR1GHT?  
CG: LIKE HELL I WILL. HOW IS MY IDEA BAD AND YOUR 1D34 GR34T?! IS THIS SOME KIND OF SEER THING AGAIN?!  
CG: I SWEAR, YOU, LALONDE AND KANKRI ARE ALL EQUALLY DIFFICULT TO TALK WITH ABOUT THIS SHIT AND ALL IN INFURIATINGLY DIFFERENT WAYS!   
CG: YOU ARE ALL SPECIAL SNOWFLAKES, MADE OUT OF CONCENTRATED OBNOXIOUSNESS AND ORGANICALLY FARMED DOUCHE!!  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4  
GC: D3SP1T3 3V3RYTH1NG W3 4R3 ST1LL HORR1BLY 4FFL1CT3D BY TH1S HUM4N D1S34S3 C4LL3D FR13NDSH1P  
CG: STILL NOT A DISEASE BULGE-FOR-BRAINS.  
GC: 4ND 1 KNOW YOU B3TT3R TH4N 4NYON3  
CG: NO YOU DON’T.  
GC: 1 KNOW YOU B3TT3R TH4N 4NYON3 1N R3G4RDS TO HOW 1NCR3D1BLY HORR1BL3 YOU 4CTU4LLY 4R3 W1TH ROM4NC3  
CG: FUCK THAT SENTIMENT! I AM THE ROMANCE EXPERT! THE LOVE GURU! THE HITCH!  
GC: 3XC3PT WH3N YOU 4R3 NOT  
GC: WH1CH 1S 4LL TH3 T1M3  
GC: YOU W1LL PROB4BLY JUST G3T 1N 4NOTH3R D3B4T3 W1TH YOURS3LF 4BOUT YOURS3LF 4ND W1LL TURN H3R OFF 3NT1R3LY  
GC: YOU N33D 4 W1NG G1RL >:]  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS A WINGGIRL?  
GC: 4 TOT4L FOX ST4ND1NG 1N TH3 W1NGS 4ND H3LP1NG YOU G3T TH3 BOOTY  
GC: OR TH3 SHOOSHY >:?  
GC: IF TH4T’S WH4T YOU 4R3 GO1NG FOR  
CG: NO.  
CG: NO, I REFUSE.  
CG: THAT IS THE STUPIDEST SHIT I HAVE HEARD ALL WEEK.  
GC: COM3 ON  
GC: YOU KNOW TH4T 1 4M TH3 B3ST W1NGG1RL YOU’LL 3V3R H4V3  
CG: I WOULD LET EGBERT BE MY WINGGIRL BEFORE ALLOWING YOU TO TAKE THAT FUNCTION!  
GC: R34LLY?  
CG: REALLY!  
GC: 4LR1GHT  
GC: L3T’S 1NV1T3 TH3 V1LL4G3 1D1OT  
GC: S33 WH4T H3 TH1NKS  
CG: WHAT, NO!!!  
CG: I HAVEN’T INVITED HIM FOR THE STREAM EITHER!  
CG: HE IS ABOUT AS WELCOME AS A MALIGNANT GROWTH ON MY INTESTINES!  
GC: TOO L4T3!

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] invited ectoBiologist [EB] to memo--

EB: hey karkat!  
EB: terezi…..  
GC: 3GG  
EB: so, been hearing things about watching a karkat-approved movie.   
EB: sounds amazing, so count me in.  
CG: EGBERT, DID YOU READ A WORD OF WHAT I TYPED EARLIER?!  
EB: not really.  
GC: NO ON3 R34LLY R34DS THOS3  
CG: YOU DID!!!  
GC: 1 SK1MM3D 1T  
CG: YOU ARE SCUM!  
EB: i didn’t miss much did i?  
EB: i mean, i would have read it but it was a lot of grey text and i think the gist was something like; ‘blargh you are all idiots, blargh’.  
GC: SOUNDS 4BOUT R1GHT  
CG: YOU PEOPLE ARE THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE.   
EB: coming from you, that’s a term of endearance.  
CG: I LOATHE YOU.  
GC: NOW K4RK4T  
GC: YOU 4R3N’T TRY1NG TO 3NCRO4CH ON MY T3RR1TORY 4R3 YOU?  
EB: can you maybe not refer to me as ‘territory’?  
GC: 1’LL R3F3R TO YOU 4NY W4Y 1 PL34S3!  
EB: i think i have something to say about that.  
GC: WHY DON’T YOU M4KE M3?  
CG: CAN YOU PLEASE STOP MAKING SPADE-OCULARS AT EACH OTHER?  
CG: I AM TRYING TO DO IMPORTANT THINGS RIGHT NOW. I AM COMMANDING THIS IDIOT WAGON THE WAY A DECORATED GENERAL COMMANDS THE BATTLEFIELD AND I CAN NOT HAVE TWO HAREBRAINED JESTERS RUNNING AMOCK!  
CG: THIS STREAM IS *NOT* INTENDED FOR THE GENERAL PUBLIC!  
EB: ah, come on karkat.  
CG: DON’T YOU COME ON KARKAT ME!  
EB: we have this whole weekly thing going on now. you don’t want to stop doing that, right?  
CG: PUTTING IT ON HOLD FOR ONE WEEK IS A SACRIFICE I AM MORE THAN WILLING TO MAKE!  
GC: TH4T SOUNDS S3LF1SH K4RK4T  
GC: 4R3 YOU S3LF1SH?  
CG: BITE ME!

\--arsenicCatnip [AC] joined memo--

AC: :33< oh my gosh karkat!!!  
AC: :33< mewlin told me efurrything!!!  
CG: NO, NO, NO. NOT ANOTHER WORD OR I AM SWINGING MY MIGHTY BANHAMMER AROUND IN A WAY THAT CAN ONLY BE CONSIDERED HIGHLY FUCKING INAPPROPRIATE!  
AC: :33< there is nothing to be embarrassed about  
CG: THIS ISN’T ABOUT EMBARRASEMENT BUT ABOUT SOME GODDAMN DECENCY!  
CG: I AM NOT GOING TO HAVE THIS CHAT DESOLVE IN QUADRANT RELATED SHENANIGANS FOR THE ENTIRETY OF THIS STREAM!  
AC: :33< i think the ship kind of sailed on that one  
GC: H4H4H YOU S41D SH1P  
CG: LOOK….. JUST SCROLL UP TO THE BEGINNING OF TODAY’S MEMO ENTRY AND READ WHAT MY FEELINGS ARE ON THE MATTER. I AM NOT GOING TO EXPLAIN THE WHOLE THING.  
EB: i told you, no one really reads that…  
CG: AND I TOLD YOU TO SHOVE IT!  
AC: :33< but nopawdy wants to read through that  
AC: :33< its such a big block of angry grey text  
GC: L1K3 YOUR D4NC3STOR W4NT3D TO PR1NT H1S N3W M4N1F3ST 4ND R4N OUT OF R3D 1NK H4LFW4Y THROUGH  
GC: 4 FR1GHT1NGLY PL4US1BL3 R34L1TY 1ND33D  
CG: DO NOT COMPARE ME TO HIM!  
AC: :33< so what movie are we watching???  
CG: *WE* AREN’T WATCHING ANYTHING!!!!  
AC: :33< uuuuuuuuugh, you sound like equius when he isn’t getting his way!  
AC: :33< its so annoying!  
CG: WHY IS EVERYONE INSISTING ON COMPARING ME TO THE WORST TROLLS TONIGHT?!  
EB: maybe you bring it upon yourself?  
CG: SILENCE!

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] joined memo--

CA: kar  
CA: oh my vvarious non-existin gods  
CA: wwhy didn’t you fuckin tell me?  
CG: SERIOUSLY, IS NO ONE READING THE OPENING?!  
CG: YOU DENSITY-DEFYING DEAD ENDS OF EVOLUTION CAN NOT GRASP THE SIMPLE CONCEPT OF ‘INVITATIONS ONLY?’  
CA: wwell sure  
CA: wwe just kinda ignore it  
AC: :33< puretty much, yeah  
CA: point a the matter is that karkat didn’t evven inform me about his intentions tonight  
CA: forget wwatching a movvie together  
CA: tonight wwe are havvin an intervvention  
CG: I DON’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW.  
CA: kar look  
CA: you are my bro  
CA: an i get that havvin a moirail is one a the greater joys in life  
AC: :33< didn’t you hate the idea of having a moirail?  
CA: no one cares wwhat you think leijon  
CA: anywway  
CA: megido  
CA: do NOT fuckin do megido  
CA: bros don’t let bros climb in the pile wwith crazy  
CA: besides you can do a lot better  
AC: :33< careful ampurra  
AC: :33< jake might get jealous  
CA: jake understands i am doin this for purely platonic reasons  
EB: also, we don’t really get the concept of pale jealousy?  
EB: i think?  
GC: R34LLY?  
GC: SO 1F 1 W3R3 TO T4LK 1N GR34T L3NGTHS 4BOUT MY F33L1NGS W1TH VR1SK4 YOU WOULD B3 OK4Y W1TH 1T?  
EB: uhm….. yes?  
GC: YOU 4R3 SUCH 4 D3V14NT  
GC: 4BSOLUT3LY D1SGUST1NG >:]  
CA: so wwhat do you think kar?  
CG: I THINK SOLLUX HAS SABOTAGED THE CLIENT. EITHER THAT OR HE REMOVED ME FROM ADMIN STATUS.  
CG: HEY ASSHOLE! JUST BECAUSE YOU DO EVERYTHING IN TWO’S DOESN’T MAKE YOU SMARTER THAN ANYONE! MULTIPLYING ZERO BRAINCELLS STILL MEANS ZERO BRAINCELLS!

\--cuttlefishCuller [CC] joined memo--

CC: ----ERIDAN AMPORA!!!!!  
CC: I CLAM NOT BEREEF YOU!!!  
CA: oh no  
CG: OH NO.  
CC: )(OW DAR--E YOU JUDGE KARCRAB’S PRAWNTENTIAL NEW MOIRAYEEL?  
EB: news travels fast…  
CG: YEAH, NO SHIT.   
CA: i am not so much judgin as i am lookin out for my best bro  
CA: gotta make sure he isn’t about to pap the crazy  
CC: DON’T LISTEN TO )(IM CRABSNACK!!!!  
CC: YOU PAP T)(AT CRASEA GILL!!!  
CG: I FEEL LIKE I AM BEING PATRONIZED. I DO NOT APPRECIATE IT.  
CC: I WOULD NEVER!!!  
CA: except you wwould  
CC: ---ERIDAN SHUT UP!!  
CA: kar deservves a moirail that isn’t a dysfunctional case a batshit  
CC: RUDE!!!!  
AC: :33< rude!!!  
CG: CAN YOU OXYGEN-WASTING NIMRODS KEEP YOUR PROTEINE TRAPS SHUT FOR JUST A FEW SECONDS?!?!  
CG: BECAUSE FIRST OF ALL, BELIEVE IT OR NOT I AM A BIG BOY!   
GC: *SNORT*  
CG: I CAN MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS AND I DO NOT NEED AMPORA’S ILL-FOUNDED, MAGGOT INFESTED ADVICE ON HOW TO PICK A MOIRAIL!  
CA: prior experiences say otherwwise  
CG: YOU ARE DATING JAKE. YOU HAVE NO OPINION WORTH LISTENING TO!  
CG: SECOND OF ALL, I DO NOT NEED PEIXES DEFENDING MY HONOR AND I DO NOT FEEL FOR BEING USED AS A TOKEN IN YOUR DYSFUNCTIONAL BLACK DALLIANCE!!!  
CC: Very whale…..  
CC: But, just so you know, I was winning!  
CG: WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY THIRD POINT….  
CG: NONE OF YOU BULGE WASHING IMBECILS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE STREAM TONIGHT!!!  
CC: of course we are!  
CG: DID NOBODY READ MY OPENING STATEMENT?!?!  
CC: Whale, I would have…. But it was reelly long.  
CG: ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME?!  
EB: told you bro.

\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] joined memo--

GA: Karkat  
GA: I Take Some Offense To Your Earlier Assertion  
AC: :33< what apurrtion?  
GA: The One He Mentioned In His Opening Statement  
GC: M4RY4M *WOULD* B3 TH3 ONLY ON3 TO R34D 1T  
CG: I STAND BY WHAT I SAID.  
CG: KANAYA CAN NOT KEEP A SECRET.  
CA: its true she can’t  
GA: I Beg Your Pardon Eridan  
GA: Were We Not Confidants Before Sgrub  
GA: Was I Not Keeper Of Some Of Your Most Intimate Secrets  
CA: wwell yeah  
CA: at least i think you did  
GA: Perish The Thought Of Me Shaming Your Trust  
CC: Oooo)(, so T)(AT’S why he was a shit moirayeel.  
CC: )(e kelpt someone on the side )(MMMMMMM?!?!  
GA: Feferi  
GA: While I must Reiterate That I Mean No Grief  
GA: This Has Been Common Knowledge For Some Time Now  
CC: O)(, I know.  
CC: I just wanted to sea eridan squirm 38)  
GA: Good Grief

\--turntechGodhead [TG] joined memo--

TG: sup  
EB: hey dave!  
EB: hows it going?  
TG: shit egbert you know how it is  
TG: i had a week  
GA: We All Had A Week  
GA: I Fail To See The Issue  
TG: well tz was too busy being great hate bait for my best mate  
TG: harley was back in space for whatever reason  
TG: lalonde was probably hatefucking the spidertroll  
TG: and english was doing god knows what with the seatroll  
CA: none a your business  
EB: what about dirk?  
TG: what about him  
TG: come on egbert take a guess  
TG: the guy was off horsing around with his bf  
TG: these eyes have seen things no one should be forced to witness  
TG: going blind might have been the better option  
TG: but being forced to view that event via smell sounds like a whole new level of traumatizing  
GC: YOU POOR B4BY  
AC: :33< so what did you do???  
TG: oh i went chilling with crocker  
AC: :33< oh, that’s fun :))  
TG: incidentally  
TG: anyone interested in chocolate cookies  
CC: Sounds lovely!  
CC: Do you have any left?  
TG: what do you expect after a week of chilling with johns hot mom  
EB: my what?  
TG: lets see  
TG: i have somewhere between a lot and a metric fuckton of cookies  
TG: take whatever you need  
CG: YES. YES YOU SHOULD.  
CG: MAYBE ALL OF YOU MORONS SHOULD GO OFFLINE RIGHT THIS INSTANT TO HAVE SOME KIND OF COOKIE-SAMPLING FOR WRIGGLERS AT STRIDER’S HIVE!  
TG: or wait till after the stream  
TG: you know  
TG: whatever  
CG: ARE YOU ALL JUST CONSPIRING TO RUIN MY CHANCES AT A FUNCTIONAL MOIRAILLEGIANCE HERE?!?!  
TG: sorry what  
TG: when did this happen  
TG: wait  
TG: is this about that damara chick  
CG: HOW DOES EVERYONE ALREADY FUCKING KNOW ABOUT THAT?!?!?!  
CC: News travels fast  
AC: :33< you talked to meowlin  
AC: :33< purrobably shouldn’t have done that :PP  
CA: you aint exactly subtle kar  
CG: I AM SUBTLE!  
EB: good one karkat.  
CG: EGBERT, NOT FUCKING NOW!  
CG: PLEASE, JUST LEAVE THIS STREAM WHILE THERE IS STILL TIME. I NEED TO DO THIS ALONE AND YOU TAINTLICKING GRUBFUCKERS ARE PUTTING MY PLANS IN SERIOUS JEOPARDY!!!  
GC: COM3 ON K4RK4T, W3 4R3 4 T34M >:]  
GC: W3 BOTH KNOW YOU WONT GO THROUGH W1TH 1T W1THOUT OUR SUPPORT  
CA: yeah buddy  
CA: i mean your taste in moirails is shit but wwe got your back  
AC: :33< weren’t you dating jake?  
CA: wwhy?  
CA: wwhats your point?  
CG: I HATE ALL OF YOU.

\--tentacleTherapist [TT] joined memo--

CG: AND THE GOOD NEWS JUST KEEPS COMING!!!!  
CG: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY I BOTHER WRITING OPENING STATEMENTS ANYMORE. EVERY MOLECULE OF MY BEING SHOULD BE WHOLLY AWARE THAT YOU BULGESPONGES JUST DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOUR SOLITARY BRAINCELL TELLS YOU TO DO ANYWAY!!!  
TT: Is this about his thing with Damara?  
CG: HOW DOES EVERYONE KNOW THIS?!?!  
TT: Oh, apologies. Did you intend to keep it a secret?  
CG: HOW DID YOU—  
CG: WHO DID YOU TELL??!?!  
TT: Karkat you wound me. I haven’t told a soul.  
TT: I just assumed it to be common knowledge.  
CA: wwell it kinda is  
CG: BUT IT SHOULDN’T BE!!!  
AC: :33< so how did you figure it out???  
AC: :33< was it meowlin???  
TT: Karkat isn’t nearly as subtle as he believes himself to be.  
CG: YOU COME INTO MY HOUSE!!!!  
CG: ON THE DAY OF MY PALE PROPOSAL!!!  
EB: yikes, a proposal? didn’t know it was such a big deal.  
GC: OF COURS3 YOU D1DN’T KNOW JOHN  
GC: YOU 4R3 4 L1TTL3 SLOW ON TH3 UPT4K3  
EB: hey!  
TG: its true bro  
TG: you are  
CC: So rose, )(ow was your week?  
TT: Absolutely lovely. Thank you for asking.  
GC: MOR3 QU4DR4NT M1X1NG D3PR4V1TY >:]  
TT: I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.  
GC: OF COURS3 YOU DON’T  
GC: W1NK W1NK  
CG: UGH…… BETWEEN YOU AND EGBERT OUR QUADRANT SYSTEM IS BECOMING CORRUPTED BEYOND RECOGNITION.  
CC: O)( don’t be so dramatic Crabcatc)(.  
CC: Polymatespritships weren’t common but they were a thing, you know?  
CG: NOT A THING WE USED TO ACKNOWLEDGE!!!  
CC: Wave to be close minded.  
CC: T)(at’s my moirail you talking s)(it aboat.  
AC: :33< and me and john!!!  
CG: STILL DOESN’T EXCUSE THE ARRANGEMENT LALONDE FORCED UPON SERKET AND MARYAM.  
TT: Indeed. How corrupting my influence has been.  
TT: The frail and innocent Kanaya has turned into a tawdry floozy.  
CG: WELL I WOULDN’T HAVE PICKED THOSE WORDS….  
GA: Rose Please  
GA: If Nothing Else  
GA: I Was The Corrupting Influence In This  
GA: Arrangement  
TT: Truly our relation has devolved into a pit of depravity, the likes of which will churn the stomachs of all decent church-going parents and lusii.  
TT: Of course, this is all an elaborate ploy to piss off Vriska and Karkat.  
CG: I FUCKING KNEW IT.  
TG: you’ve done the full 50 shades of grey yet  
TT: Alas, I shall neither confirm nor deny this.  
TG: weak  
TT: Do you honestly want your sister to answer whether or not she has been involved in an unhealthy sadomasochistic relation?  
TT: Because if so, I would like to introduce you to my good old friend, Sigmund Freud.  
TG: freud was a nerd

\--ascendedTauros [AT] joined memo--

AT: hey folks…  
AT: how’s 1t hang1ng?  
CG: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!  
GC: YOU H4V3 TO FORG1V3 H1M  
GC: H3 DO3S TH4T  
AC: :33< hey rufioh!!!  
AC: :33< how are you doing?  
AT: oh you know…  
AT: got noth1ng on my hands for ton1ght so 1 k1nda f1gured, why not see what mov1e 1s on ton1ght?  
CG: GET SOMETHING ON YOUR HANDS THIS VERY INSTANCE AND LEAVE THE STREAM!  
AT: woah, l1ke, what 1s happen1ng???  
AT: am 1 1nterupt1ng someth1ng???  
CG: DOES *NO ONE* READ THE FUCKING OPENING STATEMENT?!?!  
GA: I Did  
CG: YOU DON’T EVEN COUNT!!!  
EB: don’t listen to him kanaya. You are a valued member of the team.  
GA: Thank You John  
GA: That Is Very Kind  
AT: 1 would have but 1t was really long… 1 k1nd of just wanted to jump 1n you know?  
AT: go w1th the flow?  
TG: i aint mad at that  
AT: so what 1s happen1ng? maybe 1 can help out.  
AT: l1ke, you do us a serv1ce w1th organ1z1ng mov1e n1ght so 1 would l1ke to help you out 1f 1 can  
CG: I…..   
CG: ………..  
CG: THANK YOU?!  
CG: I THINK?!  
CG: HOLD ON, I AM EXPERIENCING SOME WHIPLASH FROM THAT COMMENT.  
EB: take your time buddy.  
CG: DON’T TEST ME EGBERT!!!  
AT: so am 1 go1ng to be left hang1ng?  
CG: UUUUGH…. LOOK, I AM GOING TO BEGRUDGINGLY ADMIT THAT YOU ARE A COOL FELLOW.  
AT: nah buddy… 1 a1nt anyth1ng spec1al.  
CG: BUT YOU ARE *LITERALLY* THE LAST PERSON I NEED TO BE IN THE STREAM RIGHT NOW.  
CA: rude  
CG: YOU ARE ONLY SLIGHTLY LESS EXTRENUOUS!!!  
AT: oh, okay… that 1s cool, 1 guess.  
CG: NO HARD FEELINGS.  
AT: none taken.  
AT: so uhm... should 1 just… 1 don’t know…  
AT: leave?  
CC: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo  
CA: kar don’t be a dick

\--antisocialArbiter [AA] joined memo--

CG: HAHAHA….. HAHA. HAAAAAH…. GOOD ONE ERIDAN.  
CG: ME BEING A DICK? OF COURSE NOT.  
CG: THANK GOD EVERYONE *KNOWS* I AM NOT A DICK AND THAT YOU JUST MADE A COMPLETE FOOL OUT OF YOURSELF.  
CG: HAHA!!!!  
GC: 3V3N1NG M3G1DO  
GC: HOW H4V3 YOU B33N?  
AA: DAMARA HAS RECEIVE THE INVITATION  
AA: WE DOING MORE SEXY MOVIES YES?  
AT: 1 th1nk that was just you doll…  
AA: ここでの行ないにより あなたであるもの 少年は干渉される  
AT: あなたとしての平和同〈映画を見るために…私がちょうどここにある  
AA: 無セクシーな映画についてのi不好み  
AA:  もしかわいいトロールがここにないならば私があなたを吸引にすること 自身の膨らみ および栄養のための飲み物それ  
AA: どの米なしでチキンを注文してはならない  
AA: ゆでだんごを持つビール  
AA: 私はあなたを泣き 母怪物 させる  
AA: そう、私のためにこれを破滅させてはならない  
AT: それが取ってこられる  
TT: Some might consider it rude to converse in a language most participants do not understand.  
AA: DAMARA NO RUDE.  
AA: DAMARA SWEET GIRL YES?  
TG: course you are megido  
TG: you were like the least awful alpha troll  
AT: dude…  
AA: ARIGATO!!!!  
EB: is she making those words up?  
EB: it sounds like she is making those words up.  
AC: :33< don’t be rude john  
EB: I’m just saying.  
AA: WHAT ARE THE MOVIE WE WATCH?!?!  
CG: AH, RIGHT. I AM GLAD YOU ASKED.  
CG: THIS IS AN EPIC TALE OF ROMANCE AND VENGEANCE AND SWORDFIGHTS AND PIRATES AND TRUE LOVE.  
TG: of course he picks the sap movie  
CC: DON’T BE A JERK DAVE!!!  
TG: way past that  
AA: SOUND LIKE FUN  
AA: LET US DO THE MOVIE!!!  
CG: YES, YES. LET’S WATCH THE MOVIE ALREADY.  
CG: LETS DO THAT.  
CG: …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..  
CG: …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..  
AC: :33< uhm, karkat???  
CG: WHAT?!  
GA: Perhaps You Should Turn The Stream On  
GA: Allow Us To View The Movie As Well  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN, I DIDN’T DO THAT?!?!  
CG: I MEAN, HAHAHAHAHAHA, SORRY I CAN BE SUCH A CLUTZ SOMETIMES!!!!  
CG: LET’S JUST START THE MOVIE.

CA: wwhat is this horrible loww tech game  
CG: ERIDAN, FUCK OFF.  
CA: no seriously  
CA: this is wwhat they expect us to pay sixty bucks for  
CA: wwhat a rip  
CG: NO ONE CARES ERIDAN, SILENCE YOUR MOUTH HOLE!!!  
CC: Crabcatc)(, it is MY job to yell at )(im.  
CG: WELL YOU ARE DOING A LOUSY JOB!!!  
TT: The princess bride. It’s been a while.  
TT: I commend you Karkat. This indeed is a very solid pick.  
CG: SEE?! LALONDE GETS IT!!  
TG: the princess bride  
TG: I’m more a fan of the sequel  
CG: THERE IS MORE?!  
TG: the regent accountant  
TT: The epic saga to end all epic sagas.  
TG: part three  
TG: the marquis janitor  
AC: :33< we get it dave  
TG: wait i got another one  
TG: the duke ordained minister  
AC: :33< you done???  
TG: i’ll let you know

EB: oh look, it’s fred savage from little monsters fame.  
TG: someone shoot me  
EB: this is shaping up to be a great movie already.  
GA: A Grandfather Lusus And A Mother Lusus I See  
GA: What An Extensive Human Family  
GA: I May Require A Diagram To Keep Up  
AT: uhm… 1m sorry doll but what the d1ng are you talk1ng about?  
AA: DO NOT LISTEN TO HIM  
AA: HE IS BIG DUMB  
CA: like you knoww wwhat a grandfather lusus is supposed to be  
AA: I HAVE NOT THE IDEA  
AA: ALSO I HAVE NOT THE CARE  
CG: MAKES SENSE. HUMAN FAMILIAL BONDS ARE INCREDIBLY ARBITRARY AND CONFUSING.  
EB: no they aren’t.  
GC: TH3Y OBJ3CT1V3LY 4R3 3GB3RT  
EB: uuuuuuuugh, no they aren’t. you are just doing this to annoy me, damara just doesn’t care and karkat is only agreeing with her because---  
CC: B---ECAUSE )(E REELLY DOESN’T CARE ABOAT )(UMAN REELATIONS)(IPS?!  
CC: right karkat?  
CG: YES, THANK YOU PEIXES…..

GA: So This Is The Framing Device Of This Movie  
AC: :33< it’s a story within a story!  
CA: wwho came up wwith the idea to leavve the sick wwriggler wwith the creepy elderly person?  
TT: He honestly isn’t that creepy.  
CA: elderly people just havve this urge to read you stories wwhen you are sick wwithout ulterior motivves  
CA: because that is suspicious as fuck  
TT: In the worst case scenario you will have to cope with old-people smell, unrelated tangents about the past or copious amounts of Werther’s Originals.

AT: and so westley and buttercup fall 1n love…  
CA: because of a single sentence?  
CA: wweird  
AT: ‘as you w1sh’ has 1ts charm 1 suppose…  
CA: it turns wwestley entirely subservvient  
AA: GOOD LITTLE SUB YES  
TG: are we just going to ignore that the babe is called buttercup  
GC: W3’R3 R34LLY T34R1NG THROUGH TH3 MOV13 4R3N’T W3?  
EB: did we miss a scene? it seems to be going awfully fast.  
CG: NO, SHUT UP. IT’S GOING JUST AS FAST AS IT NEEDS TO GO.  
AC: :33< but we already had the scene of them falling in love  
CC: And them REELIZING they are in love.  
AC: :33< ind33d!!!  
TG: it seems we are ignoring that the chick is called buttercup  
AC: :33< i wanted to s33 more of that  
TG: carry on  
TT: I am certain we will in due time. After all, this is merely set-up.  
TT: Once Westley leaves, the story will commence in proper.  
GA: Rose  
GA: Could You Maybe Not Spoil The Movie  
TT: As you wish.

AA: AND THEN THEY FUCK!  
CG: YOU DON’T KNOW THAT.  
AA: BUT THEY DO THE FUCK YES!?  
CG: I….. POSSIBLY?  
AA: GOOD!!!  
CG: IS IT?  
AA: IT HEALTHY!!!  
TT: That’s true Karkat. Having sex is perfectly natural.  
CG: YES LALONDE, THANK YOU FOR YOUR INPUT.  
TT: They might even choose to invite additional participants, assuming all parties are consenting adults.  
CG: *THANK YOU*, LALONDE!!!

TG: rude little shit  
TG: don’t go interrupting the story  
TG: go back to california to watch the reveal of super mario bros 3 or something  
TG: maybe check to see if howie mandel is having a party under your bed again in one of the best worst nineties movies out there  
AC: :33< i have so many questions about what you just said  
TG: shoot  
AC: :33< no that’s alright  
AC: :33< i think getting them answered just might make things worse  
EB: yeah, even if he is totally right about little monsters being one of the best nineties movies.  
GC: DON’T L1ST3N TO H1M N3P3T4  
GC: JOHN’S T4ST3 H4S B33N PROV3N SH1T T1M3 4ND T1M3 4G41N  
EB: im dating you aren’t i?  
GC: BOLD MOV3 3GB3RT  
GC: 31TH3R YOU H4V3 SH1T T4ST3 WH1CH BY 3XT3NS1ON M34NS 1 4M SH1T OR YOU H4V3 NO SH1T T4ST3 WH1CH PR3V3NTS M3 FROM B31NG CL4SS1F13D 4S 3XCR3M3NT 4S W3LL   
GC: SO 1 4M OPT1NG FOR OPT1ON THR33  
EB: which is?  
GC: C4LL1NG YOU 4 DUMB N3RD 4ND K1CK1NG YOU 1N TH3 SH1NS N3XT T1M3 1 S33 YOU  
CA: damn ter  
CA: you romantic you  
EB: why is it always the shins?

CC: NOP----E  
CC: NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, NOPE  
AT: ser1ously that 1s k1nd of a bombshell to drop on an uhm... unexpect1ng aud1ence.  
AT: 1 was just beg1nn1ng to l1ke westley  
CC: T)(IS ISN’T CARPPENING!!!  
AA: HOW DO YOU MEAN?  
CA: seriously?  
CA: no one is gonna call fef on carppening?  
CC: S)(UT YOUR SP—EECH ORIFIS)( ERIDAN  
CC: W---ESLEY ISN’T DEAD!!  
AT: how do you reckon?  
CC: BECAUSE WE )(AVEN’T SEEN A BODY!  
AT: but the narrator just sa1d 1t…  
GC: K1LL3D BY P1R4T3S NO L3SS  
GC: WH4T 4 W4Y TO GO  
CC: WE SEA NO BODY SO )(E IS STILL ALIVE!!!  
TT: Ah yes…. The Game of Thrones school of thought, of determining ones ontological state of being.

GA: When And How Did Buttercup Become A Princess  
AA: HAVE SEXY FUN SEX TIMES WITH PRINCE  
GA: I Am Pretty Sure That Is Not How It Works  
AA: SHOULD WORK THAT HOW  
CC: S)(e mig)(t be a prawncess boat s)(e is ---EMOTIONALLY DEAD!!!  
CA: say wwhat you wwill about bein emotionally dead  
CA: if it makes you a princess in 5 years time wwe can at least say that it gets shit done  
CC: Only you would spin being emotionally dead into a good fin  
GC: 1 W4NT TO B3 4 PR1NC3SS?  
AC: :33< im pretty sure you are an outlier

GA: This Seems Like The Most Legit Of Circumstances

AT: th1s story 1s m1ldly confus1ng…  
AA: CAUSE YOU A DUMB  
AT: 1t 1sn’t ent1rely unpleasant but how 1s th1s related to the earl1er story?  
GC: COM3 ON 1TS 34SY  
GC: TH3 PR1NC3SS BR1D3 FOLLOWS TH3 3P1C OF PR1NC3SS BUTT3RCUP  
GC: WHO LOST H3R F1RST LOV3 TO P1R4T3S 4T 4 YOUNG 4G3 4ND GOT K1DN4PP3D 4S 4 POL1T1C4L PR1SON3R TO TH1S 1MP 4FT3R TH3 PR1NC3 3XPR3SS3D TH4T H3 F4NC13D H3R  
GC: NOW SH3 H4S TO F1GHT H3R W4Y FR33 4ND OV3RCOM3 4LL SORTS OF W4CKY OBST4CL3S  
GA: But How Did She Become A Princess Without Being Actually Married Into Royalty  
CG: THAT IS NOT IMPORTANT  
GA: I Disagree  
AA: DO THE SEXY FUN TIMES  
AA: YOU SAY DADDY  
AA: HE SAY PRINCESS  
TG: i cant believe we have to kinkshame damara

AC: :33< furgetting the impy looking guy these catnappers r33lly don’t s33m like bad people  
AC: :33< the giant guy catually s33ms furry furriendly!!!  
AC: :33< why is he even hanging out with that short shouty guy  
GC: 4 QU3ST1ON W3 H4V3 H4D TO 4SK OURS3LV3S ON MULT1PL3 OC4SS1ONS >:]  
CG: SAVE YOUR SICK BURNS FOR EGBERT PYROPE, I AM *SO* OVER YOU!  
GC: YOU KNOW 1 WOULD BUT 1 H4V3 4LL TH3S3 BURNS L4B3L3D 4ND 1T’D B3 4 W4ST3 TO L3T TH3M GO UNNUS3D  
CG: EGBERT, AREN’T YOU IN THE SLIGHTEST BIT OFFENDED?!  
EB: i don’t think she hates you like that buddy.  
CG: GODDAMNIT!!!  
AA: HAHAHAHAHAHA  
AA: YOU NO BLACK BOY  
AA: YOU SOFT  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?!  
AT: 本当   
AT: あなた 彼がかわいいものであるのを意味している ？  
AA: オフで私に干渉するか、または助けなさい   
AT: 私は、あなたがそれを理解すると確信している   
AA: 泡翼不成長後ろ 私がそれらを引き出す の外で  
CG: WHAT?!  
AT: sorry, just try1ng to f1gure out what meg1do was try1ng to say…  
CG: OH…… SO WHAT WAS IT?!  
AA: HEY LOOK ATTENTION!!  
AA: MOVIE IS HAPPENING!!!

CA: so buttercup wwhom I refuse to call a princess jumps ovverboard to try an get to the ship chasin them  
CA: wwhy  
CA: i thought she didn’t care about shit anymore  
CA: bein emotionally dead an all  
CC: BEING ---EELMOTIONALLY DEAD DOESN’T MEAN SUICIDAL!!!!  
TG: ok no offense  
TG: I know karkat loves the shit out of this movie  
TG: like  
TG: hed take it on a date and pay for dinner and everything  
TG: treat it like a gentleman would  
TG: but these eels are the worst effects ive seen since that one tentacle porn  
AA: DOKI!!!!!  
GA: But Then The Hulking Human Called Fizzik Punches One Of The Eels In The Face And Rescues Buttercup  
EB: yeah i am not calling him fezzik.  
EB: that guy is andre the giant and nothing can change that.

AC: :33< okay i know what this is  
GA: What Are You Referring To  
AC: :33< this is an rp gone bonkers  
GA: I Beg Your Pardon  
AC: :33< isn’t it pawbvious?  
CG: NO IT ISN’T FUCKING PAWBVIOUS!!! HOW THE HECK DO YOU TURN THIS ROMANTIC CLASSIC IN A ROLEPLAYING GAME FOR WRIGGLERS?!!?  
AC: :33< well there is a purrently princess catnapped traveling with an imp a giant and a swashbuckler bein chased by purrates and trying to climb something called the cliffs of insanity???  
AC: :33< it all sounds furry rp-ish  
CG: NO IT DOESN’T!!!!  
AA: IT LITTLE DOES  
AA: IMAGINE SOUND LIKE FUN GAME  
CG: MAYBE?!?! BUT THIS GEM OF A MOVIE SHOULD NOT BE ASSOCIATED WITH ANYTHING AS TRITE AS LEIJON’S RP’S  
AC: :33< i take offense to that!!!  
GC: C4N W3 4LL JUST S1T B4CK 4ND 4PPR3C14T3 TH4T F3ZZ1K 1S C4RRY1NG 4 P3OPL3 WH1L3 CL1MB1NG?  
GC: H1S M4NGR1T 1S TRULY SOM3TH1NG TO B3HOLD  
GC: UNL1K3 SOM3 P3OPL3  
EB: carrying a people?  
EB: that doesn’t make sense.  
GC: BL4GH, YOU KNOW WH4T 1 M34N!  
EB: hehe, yeah i do.

AT: 1t looks l1ke the1r very myster1ous pursuer 1s follow1ng su1t  
TT: Quite. He doesn’t seem to be bothered by the prospect of having to climb something they refer to as the cliffs of insanity.   
TT: Nor does he seem to have any qualms about abandoning his ship entirely.  
TT: He doesn’t even bother to secure it.  
TG: holy shit it is zorro  
CG: IT IS NOT WHATEVER A ZORRO IS  
TG: no just fucking look at him  
TG: antonia banderas is playing another pirate who happens to be playing zorro  
TG: banderasception  
TG: fuck that doesn’t work  
CA: no one evver knowws wwhat you are talkin about  
GC: G33 1 WOND3R WHO TH1S M4SK3D 1ND1V1DU4L 1S  
CG: SHUT UP TEREZI.  
GC: 1 M34N  
GC: 1T COULD B3 4NYBODY  
CG: I’M SERIOUS. DROP IT.  
GC: 1 GU3SS W3 W1LL N3V3R KNOW

TT: So then Vizzini decides to take the logical step of cutting the rope, only to have their pursuer perservere by climbing the cliff with his bare hands.  
GA: He Seems To Be Filled With Determination  
GA: For What Reason I Can Not Tell  
EB: that’s just kind of how humans roll.  
GC: SOM3ON3 N33DS TO PUT TH1S V1ZZ1N1 GUY OUT OF MY M1S3RY  
AC: :33< he k33ps on using that word  
AC: :33< but i am not sure if he is using it purrectly…  
AT: 1 l1ke how the swashbuckler sees h1s opponent cl1mb1ng the cl1ff and 1mmed1ately dec1des that he 1s go1ng to duel h1m  
CA: left handed cause itd be ovver to quickly if he uses his right  
CA: wwhat a pompous prick  
CC: S)(ORELY YOU CLAM REELATE!  
AA: SO NOW WE GET SEXY BLOOD SCENE YES  
CG: WELL IT CAN HARDLY BE CALLED SEXY….. OR BLOODY.  
CG: BESIDES, DESPITE APPEARANCES, THESE TWO HAVE NOTHING THAT COULD CONSTITUTE A HEALTHY BLACK ROMANCE. INSTEAD, I’D GO AS FAR AS SHIP THEM IN EVERY OTHER QUADRANT.  
TT: I am sure you have put a lot of thought into that….  
CG: DO NOT JUDGE ME LALONDE!!!

AC: :33< oh my gosh  
AC: :33< i s33 what you mean karkat  
AC: :33< this level of banter and chemistry  
AC: :33< what is it with these human puppies  
AC: :33< i ship them already!!!  
EB: human puppies?  
CC: NEPETA IS RIG)(T!!!  
TG: okay no  
TG: humans have very little in common with puppies  
TG: i didn’t think we’d have to explain this but wouldn’t you know it  
TG: here we are  
CC: NO SILLY!!!  
CC: BUT T)(ESE TWO )(AVE SUCH PERFECT BANTER TOGET)(ER!!!  
GC: 3V3N W3SL3Y’S TW1N BROTH3R B3SL3Y C4LLS WH4T TH3Y H4V3 4 R3L4T1ONSH1P  
EB: i swear, you guys would ship anything with a pulse.

AT: so the swashbuckler gets t1red of wa1t1ng and actually helps h1s would-be opponent up and allows h1m to catch h1s breath…  
AT: major props for sportsmansh1p  
CA: bloody oaf that he is  
CA: take the guy dowwn wwhile he is wwinded  
CC: T)(AT IS SO LOW –ERIDAN!!!  
CC: T)(E SWAS)(BUCKLER FIG)(TS FAIR!!  
CA: there is no fair play in battle  
CA: either by strength or by cunning one side wwill alwways havve the advvantage ovver their opponent  
AA: WHAT SO???  
CA: so you should do wwhatevver you can to either take the enemy advvantage awway or maintain your owwn  
CA: fair play is for chumps  
GC: 4ND 1T 1S TH1S R34SON WHY NO ON3 3LS3 W4NTS TO PL4Y BO4RDG4M3S W1TH YOU 4NYMOR3 3R1D4N  
AA: HE SMELLS LIKE PUSSY  
GA: So  
GA: The Swashbuckler Inigo Is On A Quest For Revenge On A Six Fingered Man  
GA: I Fail To See How This Is Relevant  
GA: This Story Has Many Disconnected Elements  
CG: NO IT DOESN’T. IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE.  
GA: Karkat  
GA: Normally You Would Be All Over These Blatant Disregards For Traditional Storytelling  
TT: Actually, this borrows heavily from a more antiquated form of storytelling. The way the Princess Bride is presented is more reminiscent of classic fables, which does not necessarily need to be a bad thing.  
TG: way to be a geek about it  
CG: I AM SO GLAD THAT *SOMEONE* GETS IT.  
TT: Regardless, Kanaya has a point. Normally you would have been tearing this movie apart like a particularly hungry honey badger and not give a proverbial shit about its merits.  
CG: NO I WOULDN’T!!!  
CG: SEE?!?!?! I CAN HAVE FUN!!!!  
EB: no one said that you couldn’t….  
CG: GOOD!!! BECAUSE I CAN!!!!  
AT: are you okay doll?  
CG: PEACHY!!!!!

AC: :33< MY SHIP IS SAILING!!!  
AC: :33< i can’t take this!!!  
AC: :33< they are too purrfect together!!!

GA: All Jesting And Shipping Aside  
GA: Their Banter Is Absolutely Delightful  
GA: I Could Watch A Show About These Two And Their Human Relationship  
GC: LOOK 4T TH3M B31NG FUCK1NG N3RDS 4BOUT TH31R SWORD SK1LLS  
GC: SURPR1S3  
GC: N31TH3R TH3 SW4SHBUCKLER NOR D3F1N1T3LY-NOT-W3SL3Y 4R3 L3FT H4ND3D  
AT: 1 can d1g the aesthet1c of th1s f1ght  
AA: I DIG LOOK OFF MY FOOT UP YOU CHUTE OF WASTE  
CA: a real fight wwould definitely not go like this  
TG: seriously  
TG: where is the flash stepping  
TG: where are the puppets  
CA: nothin you just said made sense  
TT: How I envy you for being able to think that Eridan.

TG: look montaya  
TG: dude  
TG: what are you doing  
TG: swining your fucking epee around like it’s a longsword  
TG: no wonder you lost  
GC: H3 W4S FRUSTR4T3D B3C4US3 H3 COULDN’T L4ND 4 BLOW ON TH3 SWORDSM4N FORM3RLY KNOWN 4S W3SL3Y  
GC: SO H3 T1LT3D  
AT: least the p1rate guy doesn’t k1ll h1s 1n1go montaya r1ght?  
AT: so maybe he comes back  
AT: that w1ll be 1nterest1ng…  
AA: HE SHOULD COME ALRIGHT YES  
AA: COME ALL OVER OTHER GUY  
CG: NO, NO, NO. THIS IS A PG MOVIE  
AA: MATTAKU  
CG: YES!  
AA: BUT I WANT IT TO BE THE SEXY TIME BETWEEN SEXY MEN YES  
CG: NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE ABOUT SEX ALRIGHT?  
CG: AND NO MATTER WHAT SOME ASS-BACKWARD SHIPPER MIGHT SAY, JUST BECAUSE TWO HUMANS FIGHT DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE DESTINED TO HAVE SEX!!!  
AC: :33< i have no idea what you are mewling about  
AA: MIGHT KEEP IN MIND

CC: Ocray, so one of these buoys is aboat the size of dave  
TG: sup  
CC: And the otter is the size of a freighter  
TT: That about sums up the current situation, yeah.  
CA: basically there is no wway the pirate guy is wwinnin this  
GA: But He Will  
GA: Because The Plot Demands It  
CG: INCORRECT!

CG: HE WINS THROUGH GUILE AND SKILL!  
CA: he wwins by demandin a piggyback ride  
CG: GUILE AND SKILL!!!

EB: boy, he goes right for the hug post combat doesn’t he?  
TG: lie down you beautiful man  
TG: dream of the biggest women your mind can conjur  
TT: Dave…..  
TG: what  
TG: i wasn’t saying shit  
TG: throw those freudian insinuations off the ship  
AC: :33< what  
TG: cause i aint on board with them  
TT: No, I merely wanted to comment on the fact that it is a bit disingenious to automatically assume that Fezzik would be smitten by women of his own size. Perhaps he too prefers them petite.  
GA: A Mildly Disconcerting Thought Occurs  
GA: One That I Shant Vocalize  
CA: he wwould tear this hypothetical wwoman apart  
GA: Thank You Eridan

GC: SO ONLY V1Z1NN1 4ND 1-C4N’T-B3L13V3-1TS-NOT-W3SL3Y R3M41N  
GC: W1TH BUTT3RCUP 4S H1S PR1SON3R  
AC: :33< but she is the main character right???  
AC: :33< so she can’t die yet  
EB: yeah, vizinni with his tiny little legs realizes he can’t outrun the black swordsmen.  
GA: Also  
GA: He Has An Hostage  
TT: That should hinder him more than his legs.  
GC: L34V3 1T TO JOHN TO B3 4BL31ST  
EB: what does that even mean terezi?  
EB: what does that even mean?  
TT: That you are prejudist against people with, typically physical, disabilities.  
EB: oh. well i don’t think that suits me at all.  
GC: TH4T 1S 3X4CTLY WH4T 4N 4BL31ST WOULD S4Y  
EB: terezi, no.  
AA: THEY TALK THE FUNNY!  
CG: I KNOW RIGHT?! THE BANTER IS ABSOLUTELY BRILIANT!  
AA: GUY IN BLACK IS VERY MUCH SEXY  
CG: HOLY FUCK, I KNOW!  
TT: And thus Karkat’s true motivation has been revealed.

CA: i see wwhat is happenin  
CA: the pirate is gettin in vvizinni’s head wwith this little trick  
CC: Yeah but he puts himshellf at risk as whale  
CC: Even if he knows which cup is poison, fishinni is the one calling the pikes.  
EB: ……………………..  
AT: …  
GA: Dot Dot Dot  
AC: :33< you know…  
AC: :33< vizinni is taking a pawfully long time to make his decision  
CA: i think wwe noticed  
TG: cause everyone is aching at the bits to try some of that delicious poison whine  
TG: who do you think he is  
TG: socrates  
CA: wwhat  
TG: seriously  
TG: no one  
CC: water you glubbin aboat?  
TG: read a book people

GA: So He Cheated  
CG: NO!  
CG: HE USED HIS WILES AND HIS CUNNING TO CONVINCE HIS OPPONENT TO DRINK POISON.  
GA: So He Cheated

GC: SO W3STL3Y’S 3V1L DOPP3LG4NG3R 1NS1STS ON K33P1NG BUTT3RCUP 1N TH3 D4RK B3C4US3 OF R34SONS  
AT: well yeah…  
AT: he 1s a l1ttle salty because she got engaged to pr1nce humperd1nk…  
AC: :33< that doesn’t sound like a real name  
CC: it would go SO MUC)( SMOOT)(ER if he’d just take his goofy mask off  
CC: W)(Y DOES HE K---ELP FIS)(ING FOR CONCHPLIMENTS?!  
TG: i heard westley had an eight pack  
TG: that he was shredded

GA: But Then  
GA: Because Of A Particular Choice Of Words  
GA: Buttercup Realizes Who The Person Behind The Mask Truly Is  
TT: After ordering him to throw himself of the mountain.  
GA: After Ordering Him To Throw Himself Of The Mountain Yes  
AC: :33< well i wouldn’t call that a mountain  
AC: :33< more like a st33p hill

CA: and then the doltz throwws herself dowwn after him  
AA: ROMANTIC  
CC: maybe a little?  
CC: but it looks prawnfully seally  
EB: romeo and juliet it is not.

AT: so they reun1te and suddenly buttercup agrees that they probably should get away from pr1nce humperd1nk and h1s men…  
AC: :33< it is almost as if engaging with someone you don’t catually love can backfire!!!  
CA: yeah but she got to be a princess because a it  
CA: gotta wweigh the pros and cons you knoww  
AC: :33< yuck  
EB: no offense buddy….  
CG: AND HERE COMES THE OFFENSE.  
EB: but these effects look positively ancient.  
EB: you can practically see the valves they use to create the fire in the fireswamp.  
TT: Gee John. It is almost as if a thirty year old movie might not perfectly hold up effects-wise.  
CA: so dread pirate Roberts wwas so fuckin successful that his name had just become a title to givve to wwhatevver gambligant wwas his second in command  
CA: wwhy do i feel like wwe havve missed a much more interestin movvie  
GC: WH4T 1 W4NT TO KNOW 1S WH4T TH3S3 ROD3NTS OF UNUSU4L S1Z3S 4R3  
GC: 4PP4R3NTLY TH3Y 4R3 SO COMMON TH4T R.O.U.S. H4S B3COM3 4 W1D3LY KNOWN 4CRONYM BUT NOT SO COMMON TH4T TH3 NOW WORLDLY W3SL3Y B3L13V3S TH3Y 3X1ST  
CA: turns out they do  
CA: surprisin absolutely no one

GA: So After A Dreadfully Arduous Fight Against A Single Rodent Of Unusual Size  
GA: Wherein Buttercup Was Little More Than Ocular Confectionery  
GA: Humperdinks Men Catch Up To Them  
AC: :33< and westley tries to sass his way out  
EB: it goes about as well as expected.  
AC: :33< but you have to give him props fur trying

TG: okay this pisses me off  
TG: why are albinos always the bad folks in movies  
TG: hell  
TG: why are they so often torturers  
TG: servants  
TG: or tortuous servants  
TG: pisses me off  
CG: DON’T BE A BABY STRIDER

EB: you know, I am pretty sure that his father’s last words were urrrk blegh..  
TG: i think it was hold my beer  
GC: W4TCH M3 DO TH1S B4CKFL1P  
AA: WATCH ME GO FOR ROUND 80 ON SEXY FAT MAN  
GA: How Profound

CC: But SOM---EON---E isn’t )(APPY with her new queen!!!  
CA: wwho is this?  
AT: how does she even know about her an westley???  
AT: you’d th1nk humperd1nk would have wanted to keep that under wraps…  
AC: :33< i still can’t believe that that is his catual name  
CA: seriously guys  
CA: wwho the fuck is this hag  
TT: Confronted by this woman, Buttercup realizes her mistake.  
AC: :33< and then she wakes up  
CA: boooooo

AA: UNIVERSE IS PUNISHING HER FOR BEING NAUGHTY AND NOT BEING WITH SEXY MATESPRIT  
CG: THE UNIVERSE ISN’T PUNISHING HER. IT IS HER OWN HEART THAT ACHES WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT SHE IS APART OF HER ONE TRUE LOVE.  
CG: SHE DESIRES TO BE WITH HIM   
AA: DESIRE I UNDERSTAND  
CG: UUUGH. NOT EVERY MOVIE IS A PORN  
AA: EVERY MOVIE GET BETTER WITH PORN  
CG: DON’T YOU THINK YOU HAVE A SLIGHTLY UNHEALTHY OBSESSION WITH THE SUBJECT?  
AA: WHAT  
CG: NOT ONLY THAT, YOU SEEM TO VERY CONSCIOUSLY SEPARATE SEX FROM ACTUAL MATESPRITSHIPS. IS THAT PERHAPS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD, I DON’T KNOW, TALK ABOUT WITH SOMEONE?!  
AA: WHAT?  
AT: what?  
GC: OH LOOK  
GC: TH1NGS 4R3 H4PP3N1NG 1N TH3 MOV13!  
AC: :33< lets pay attention to it!!!  
TT: Westley is indeed her one true love, which makes Buttercup incredibly existential, because this opens up all sorts of questions regarding fate and destiny. How much control and agency does she have over her own life if it can not be realized without the aid of her partner? Would she have been better off if she had never met Westley at all?  
TT: She begins resenting him for it, which results in an emotional climax between the torn would-be-queen and her pirate paramour.   
EB: that is not what happens.  
TT: Perhaps it should have.

AT: y1kes…  
AT: so th1s bozo 1s play1ng 1t cool and say1ng he 1s w1ll1ng to try and f1nd westley because why marry a w1fe that doesn’t love h1m, only to reveal that he was the one who wanted her k1dnapped and k1lled on fore1gn so1l…  
GA: Meanwhile  
GA: Buttercup Expects The Four Fastest Ships In The Kingdom Will Be Out On Sea Searching For Westley  
GA: How Tragic  
AC: :33< so now he isn’t just a silly name  
AC: :33< now he is an incredibly evil villain with a silly name  
CC: AND )(E STILL WANTS TO KRILL BUTTERCUP!!!  
CA: wwell duh  
CA: seems a little wweak to stop now  
CC: ERIDAN YOU ARE NOT )(ELPING!!!

AA: LOOK AT KINKY  
CG: WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!  
TG: no  
TG: you gotta give this one to megido  
TT: This is indeed rather kinky.  
CG: YOU ARE ALL THE WORST.  
CC: If this is a machine that sucks up life where is it stored?  
GC: 1 DON’T TH1NK 1T WORKS L1K3 TH4T  
CC: W)(ALE T)(AT’S JUST BEING WASTEFUL!!

EB: got to give humper dink credit, he really wants to keep up appearances.  
EB: emptying the forest of thieves to make it seem like he’s cracking down on people that might cause problems during the wedding.  
TT: Indeed John.  
TT: It would be a shame if this were too dramatically backfire.

CA: so the guy wwho lost a one on one against wwestley beat evvery soldier sent his wway wwhile bein soaked in sangria  
CA: that’s somewwhat impressivve  
CA: either humperdinks men hump dinks all day or he is really good  
AT: 1t must be that he 1s uhm… very sk1lled.  
AC: :33< its kinda sad really  
AC: :33< that he fell back into his drunken habit  
TT: Quite….  
AC: :33< but beclaws westley killed vizinni he has no idea what to do anymore  
AC: :33< he lost his lead to the six fingered man  
CA: you think that fraud vvizinni had any idea wwhere he wwas?  
AC: :33< so saaaaad

EB: but then andre the giant comes to nurse inigo back to sobriety  
CG: YOU WILL ADRESS HIM AS FEZZIK YOU CUR!!  
EB: i wouldn—wait, cur?  
CG: WHAT, IT’S A COMMON PHRASE!!!  
AA: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
GA: Wait  
GA: How Does Fezzik Know About Ruger Being The Six Fingered Man  
CG: IT DOESN’T MATTER.  
GA: I Beg To Differ  
GA: This Seems Like A Significant Development For Inigo Yet The Movie Never Adresses It  
CG: I JUST SAID IT DOESN’T MATTER!!!  
AA: GOOD FOR YOU  
AA: YOU LET SILLY MOVIE BE SILLY  
CG: WHAT?!  
CG: NO, THIS ISN’T A SILLY MOVIE. *THIS* IS A WORK OF ART.  
CG: FEZZIK PROBABLY LEARNED ABOUT IT WHEN HE WAS HIRED AS PART OF THE BRUTE SQUAD CLEARING OUT THE FOREST OR SOMETHING. YEAH, THAT MAKES SENSE.

GC: 4ND 1T W4S 4T TH4T MOM3NT HUMP3RD1NK R34L1Z3D H3 FUCK3D UP  
EB: ah, yes. math.   
EB: every ship in the armada – the four ships he should have sent out ≠ every ship in the armada.  
GC: W4Y TO 3XPL41N 1T 1N TH3 WORST W4Y POSS1BL3  
CG: AND YET, DESPITE KNOWING THAT THE ODDS ARE STACKED AGAINST HER, BUTTERCUP *KNOWS* THAT NOTHING WILL KEEP HER AND HER MATESPRIT APART.  
CG: IT IS SO FUCKING ROMANTIC!  
AT: k1nd of uhm… su1c1dal, 1 th1nk?  
TT: Buttercup has some very deep-seated emotional issues and currently has very little but Westley to keep her going.  
AA: SOMEONE HELP HER PLEASE

CA: so humpadick comes dowwn to the sex dungeon an turns the kink machine up to the max levvel  
GC: 3V3N TH3 TORTUR3R 1S LOOK1NG 4T H1M L1K3 DUD3 WTF  
TT: Indeed. A true Richard relocation if you ask me.  
AC: :33< what???  
TG: a dick move  
CC: BUT….. BUT!!!!  
CC: T)(IS MEANS WESTLEY JUST LOST 50 YEARS OF HIS LIFE!!!  
CA: howw much is that in normal spans?  
GA: That Certainly Ups The Tragedy  
GA: He Cant Have Much Longer To Live  
GA: How Old Do Humans Typically Get Again  
CC: KANAYA )(E DIED!!!!  
GA: Oh  
GA: That Is  
GA: A Little Unconventional  
AC: :33< oh noooooooooo!!!

GC: OK4Y NO  
GC: YOU C4NT STOP 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF TH3 WOODS 4ND 3XP3CT TH3 GHOST OF YOUR F4TH3R LUSUS TO GU1D3 YOUR STR1F3 SP3C1BUS L1K3 4 DOWS1NG ROD  
CG: IT’S HIS FATHER’S SPIRIT. HE *WANTS* INIGO TO AVENGE HIM.  
GC: YOU C4N’T JUST H4V3 M4G1C GHOST 1NT3RV3NT1ON WH3N 1T SU1TS TH3 PLOT  
TG: have you even seen star wars

TT: Do not fret Inigo. We have all seen much worse.  
AT: luck1ly, fezz1k and 1n1go know of a m1racle doctor who m1ght save westley  
CA: WWHAT?!  
AT: 1 sa1d that fezz1k and 1n1go know of a m1racle doctor who m1ght save westley?  
CA: I HEARD WWHAT YOU SAID  
CA: seriously kar  
CA: buddy  
CA: wwhat fuckery is this?  
CG: I DON’T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU.  
CA: you havve torn movvies wway better than this to shreds  
CG: NO, SCREW YOU. THIS MOVIE IS GODDAMN FLAWLESS!  
AA: IT SILLY  
CG: OH COME ON!!!  
CG: EVEN YOU DISAGREE?!?!  
AA: WHAT I SAY  
CG: LOOK, I PICKED THIS MOVIE BECAUSE IT IS A BRIGHT SHINING DIAMOND IN AN OCEAN OF MANURE. IT HAS ACTION, COMEDY AND HEARTFELT ROMANCE! WHAT IS THERE NOT TO LIKE?!?!  
GC: D34TH 4PP4R3NTLY H4V1NG V3RY L1TTL3 M34N1NG  
GA: Do You Not Take Issue With This Terezi  
GC: 4FT3R PSYCH1C GHOST SWORDS H4V3 B33N 3ST4BL1SH3D?  
GA: That Is Fair  
TG: i mean  
TG: what kind of shit story makes death little more than an inconvenience  
TG: instead of a legitimate threat  
EB: uhm, dave?  
TG: yeah i know  
TG: realized it the moment i said it  
CG: I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU UNCULTURED SLIMEPITS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT IT, I WILL DEFEND THIS MOVIE TILL MY DEMISE!!!  
AA: IT SO SILLY  
CG: GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!!!  
AA: WHY YOU NO UNDERSTAND  
AA: SILLY NOT BAD  
CG: WHAT?  
AA: WHO CARES IF HE GETS BETTER OF DEAD  
AA: OR IF ROGER RABBIT ACT SILLY WHEN SITUATION ASKS THE SERIOUS  
AA: OR HOW EVERYONE KNOW HOW TO STOP GOD IN MONONOKE EVEN IF GOD NEVER DIED BEFORE  
AA: FUN MOVIE IS FUN MOVIE  
AA: WHO CARES FOR DUMB LITTLE HOLES OF PLOT  
CG: I……… I CARE?  
AA: YOU CARE MORE ABOUT BEING MEAN TO MOVIE THAT NO UNDERSTAND YOU THAN HAVING THE FUN TIME?  
CG: I CAN CRITICIZE A MOVIE *AND* HAVE A FUN TIME, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!  
AA: YES  
AA: BUT YOU SO ANGRY SOMETIME YOU FORGET TO HAVE THE TIMES OF FUN  
AA: I SAY THIS MOVIE IS SILLY  
AA: BUT I REALLY DO HAVE VERY LOVE FOR IT  
AA: YOU CAN SAY MOVIE IS BAD OR MOVIE IS SILLY AND STILL HAVE A GOOD TIME  
CG: OH… OH, RIGHT, YEAH….  
CG: THAT’S GOOD?   
CG: TO HEAR. GOOD TO HEAR, I MEAN. BECAUSE OF COURSE I WOULD PICK AN ENJOYABLE MOVIE, EVEN IF IT HAS A SOMEWHAT SILLY TWIST AT THE END OF THE SECOND ACT.  
TG: that’s what i said  
CG: DON’T RUIN THIS FOR ME!  
AA: IT KINDA LIKE HAVING BAD SEXY TIME BUT STILL YOU CUM SO ALL GOOD YES  
CG: NEVER MIND, CONSIDER THE MOMENT RUINED.

CA: i like that it wwasn’t the admiration for true lovve that persuaded him to heal wwestley but pure unadulterated spite  
AC: :33< you would like that  
CC: )(OLD T)(E GLUBBING P)(ONE!!!!  
EB: yes?  
CC: ISN’T T)(AT WITC)( T)(E WOMAN FROM BUTTERCUP’S DREAM?!  
TG: gonna go out on a limb here and say yes  
CC: So does that mean she is like, super eelevant?  
GA: Pardon  
GA: What  
AC: :33< relevant  
GA: That Makes A Lot More Sense  
GC: 1 4M PR3TTY SUR3 TH1S 1S GO1NG TO B3 TH3 L4ST W3 S33 OF H3R  
CC: S)(IP!!!

AC: :33< so they carry westleys corpse all the way to the castle  
AC: :33< how were they not caught?  
GC: YOU S33 4 G14NT OF 4 M4N 4CCOMP4N13D BY 4N 4RM3D DRUNK C4RRY1NG 4 CORPS3  
GC: 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO STOP H1M?  
AC: :33< yes!!!  
CA: yeah but you are pretty stupid  
CC: OII S)(RIMPY!!!  
CC: SPADE EYES T)(IS WAVE!!!  
AT: so l1ke… the three of them b1cker a lot wh1le try1ng to come up w1th a plan…  
AT: westley does not seem grateful for h1s ressurect1on 1n the sl1ghtest…  
TT: He is a very single-minded man. Thoughtfulness towards anyone not named Buttercup is lost on him at present time I’m afraid. Also he is nearly entirely paralysed, so some frustration from his part is to be expected.  
EB: so they are planning something with a wheel barrow and a cloak.  
EB: im out of ideas.  
GC: B3C4US3 YOU H4V3 NO F4NT4SY  
AC: :33< oh i know that’s not true  
GC: N3P3T4 GROSS  
AC: :33< hey, you slept with him  
CG: *EVERYONE* GROSS  
AA: EVERYONE SHARE!!!  
CG: KEEP IT IN PRIVATE CONVO’S FOR FUCK’S SAKE!

CA: oh my god  
EB: pfffffth hahahahahahaha!!!  
GC: H3H3H3H3 H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4  
TT: …………. The subtitles truly do not do this masterful performance credit.  
CC: )(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A!!!!

TG: well westley mcguivered the shit out of that situation  
EB: what you can’t do with a wheel barrow, a cloak, fire and a wwe star.  
GA: Yes  
GA: But What If Humperdinks Men Had Not Fled Like Cowards  
GA: Would They Have Kept The Fire Lit Until Fezzik Turned To A Crisp  
GC: WH4T 1 W4NT TO KNOW 1S WHY 3V3RYON3 1NST4NTLY B3L13V3S 4 P1R4T3 WOULD SHOW H1MS3LF TH1S F4R L4ND 1NW4RDS  
AC: :33< when a burning giant begins threatening you, logic like that becomes kind of optional

GC: H4H4H4H4H4 WH4T TH3 THR34T OF D1SM3MB3RM3NT WONT DO TO JOG ON3’S M3MORY  
EB: yeah, you don’t need the added motivation to threaten my limbs.  
GC: 4LL 1 W4S S4Y1NG 1S TH4T YOU DON’T R34LLY N33D THOS3 TO3S  
EB: i like them where they are!  
CA: see fef  
CA: wwhy can’t you act a lil more like tz  
CC: because last time you tried to act tough you ended up with two broken ribs  
CC: its not my fault you’re S)(ELLA SOFT!!!  
CA: ok ouch  
AT: but l1ke… 1ts too late?  
AT: humperd1nk just f1nal1zed h1s marr1age w1th buttercup?  
AT: so yeah…  
TT: The devil is in the details.  
AT: beg your pardon, doll?  
TT: You’ll find out.

AA: SO AFTER DRAGGING WESTLEY USELESS INTO THE CASTLE THEY SEE MAN WITH SIX FINGER  
TG: and inigo takes out his guards before they know what the fuck  
TG: this moment was better in the anime  
CA: knoww wwhat forget it  
CA: i havve long since givven up tryin to figure out wwhat you are sayin  
AC: :33< took you long enough

GC: 4H LOOK!!  
GC: TH3R3 1T 1S!!  
GC: H3 G3TS TO S4Y TH3 TH1NG!!  
CC: IND---EED!!!  
CC: pity rugard flees  
AT: k1nd of ant1-cl1mact1c yes…

EB: so buttercup flat out says she is going to kill herself and the guy can’t get over the fact that she just kissed him….  
TT: Never ignore the signs of someone going through suicidal depression….

CG: SO RUGARD FUCKING CHEATS.  
CA: wwhat are you talking about?  
CG: OBVIOUSLY, WHAT KIND OF SQUEEKBEAST USES THROWING DAGGERS IN A DUEL?!  
CA: wwhat duel?  
CA: rugard wwas running awway from inigo  
CA: he nevver accepted the rules of a gentlemans duel  
CC: IT’S STILL FUCKING LOW!!!  
CA: oh great  
CA: here comes the moral outrage again  
CC: )(E S)(OWS NO RESPECT FOR HIS OPPRAWNENT!!  
CA: because he has none  
CC: )(e doesn’t even listen to Inigo’s grievances!!!  
CA: because he doesn’t wwant to  
CC: )(E DOESN’T EVEN FAC—E INIGO LIKE A PROUD TROLL!!!  
EB: human.  
CC: RIG)(T, T)(AT!!!!  
CA: because he doesn’t wwant to risk dying?!  
CC: AAAAAAAAARG)(!!!!

TG: damn  
TG: westley is such a smooth fucking operator  
TG: ignores the fact that he was dead two hours ago and fucking moonwalks into the honeymoon suite like a baller  
TG: whats that bae  
TG: you wanna commit suicide  
TG: calm your tits hot stuff cause they are perf  
CG: YOU KNOW, HAVING STRIDER NARRATE THIS SCENE MAKES IT SOUND A LOT LESS APPEALING THAN IT ACTUALLY IS……  
AC: :33< we know  
CA: howw did he get there by himself in the first place?  
AC: :33< the power of—  
CA: don’t say it  
CC: T)(E POWER OF---  
CA: im wwarning you if anyone is going to feed me that bullshit copout i wwill flip my shit  
AA: THE POWER OF LOVES!!!!

GA: That Was Very Cathartic  
GC: 1TS V3RY COOL TH4T 1N1GO CUT TH3 S1D3S OF RUG4RDS F4C3 F1RST WH1L3 FORC1NG H1M TO M4K3 4LL K1NDS OF PROM1S3S TH4T L3SS3R M3N WOULD L1K3 TO H34R  
GC: V3RY TH34TR1C4L 4ND COOL >:]  
CA: so noww he wwill bleed to death next to his foe?  
CA: because he got at least three gapin stab wwounds  
TG: nah  
TG: that would be sad and realistic

GA: So Wesley Bluffs In His Confrontation With Humperdink  
GC: B4TTL3 TO TH3 P41N  
GC: F1RST ON3 TO CH1CK3N OUT LOS3S  
GC: F1RST YOUR F33T TH3N YOUR H4NDS, YOUR 3Y3S, YOUR TONGU3  
GC: HOW V3RY 4LT3RN14N  
AT: yeah uhm… 1 wouldn’t be play1ng that game, thank you.  
GC: PUSSY  
CA: but wwhy is humperdink goin along wwith it  
CA: he could just say ‘eww no that’s nasty wwe fight to the death’ and poke wwestley full a holes

EB: instead, buttercup ties him up and the inigo reunites with them.  
TT: You would think there’d be more guards than just the ones Fezzik scared off.  
TG: to be fair   
TG: this is the honeymoon suite  
TG: they probably didn’t want to disturb the prince bumphisdick  
GA: He Makes A Valid Argument  
CG: HE DOES AND I HATE IT.

AC: :33< so inigo is going to get the title of the dread pirate ropurrts next?  
AC: :33< that’s so cool!!!  
AC: :33< i would watch that meowvie  
EB: ………….. he does kind of look like a pirate.  
AC: :33< right?!  
AT: but why does 1n1go act l1ke secur1ng the1r escape was the f1rst good th1ng fezz1k d1d 1n the mov1e?  
AT: 1 mean, he’s been look1ng out for h1m throughout the mov1e, helped h1m sober up when he was covered 1n p1ss and sangr1a…  
AT: a l1ttle grat1tude wouldn’t go am1ss bucko…

GC: SO NOW W3STL3Y 4ND BUTT3RCUP R3T1R3 TO TH3 COUNTRYS1D3 TO L1V3 OFF TH3 1LL GOTT3N G41NS FROM H1S L1F3 4S 4 P1R4T3  
GC: 4ND 3V3N 1F 1 C4NNOT CONDON3 SUCH L4WL3SS B3H4V1OR  
GC: 1T 1S K1ND OF ROM4NT1C  
EB: oh look, you have a heart.  
GC: W4TCH 1T 3GG13  
AA: NO IT IS YES ROMANTIC  
AA: I LIKE  
AA: NOW THEY CAN HAVE THE SEXXY TIMES OF FUN YES?  
CG: ….. I MEAN, YES? THEY COULD, IF THEY WANTED TO?  
CG: BECAUSE THEY ARE BOTH CONSENTING ADULTS WHOM ACTUALLY WANT TO FIND THIS KIND OF INTIMACY WITH EACH OTHER?  
AA: SUGOI!!!!!!!

CA: did this elderly gentleman just tell a wwriggler that he lovves him?  
CA: that is horrible  
CC: IT IS PLATONIC YOU DEEPSHIT!!!  
CC: IT IS A VERY FITTING AND APPROPRIATE ENDING THAT REINFORCES THE IDEA OF THE GRANDFAT)(ER LUSUS REALLY CANOEING ABOAT )(IS C)(ARGE  
TG: canoeing  
TG: thats it  
TG: its official  
TG: puns are dead  
AC: :33< noooo puns are still furry furry cool!!!  
CG: YEAH, SO……  
CG: WHILE I KNOW THAT *SOME* OF YOU TOOLS WEREN’T INVITED TO TONIGHT’S MOVIE AND REALLY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER THAN TO SHOW YOUR UGLY MUGS AROUND HERE……  
CG: THIS HAS BEEN THE PRINCESS BRIDE. EASILY THE BEST MOVIE TO EVER GRACE THIS STREAM.  
AA: I DON’T THINK  
AA: PIRATES WAS GREAT YES  
CG: NO, NO IT WASN’T.  
CG: ANYWAY, I HOPE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU UNBEARABLE PRICKS THOUGHT IT WAS WORTH RUINING MY CAREFULLY LAID OUT PLANS FOR.  
CC: ACTUALLY IT WAS!!!!  
CC: I R----EELLY THOUGHT T)(IS WAS A SUPER CUTE MOVIE CRABSNACK!!!!  
CC: T)(ANK YOU FOR S)(OWING IT!!!  
AA: I LOVE MOVIES TOO!!!  
CA: it wwas silly and kind of stupid  
CC: IT WAS PERCHFECT!!!!  
CA: look it wwas a charmin lil flick but your enthusiasm is really unwwarranted  
CC: YOUR FACE IS UNWATERANTED!!!  
CA: see wwhat kind a shit i havve to deal wwith havvin fef as a kismesis?  
CA: howw abouts wwe trade for the night jon?  
GC: MY MY 3R1D4N  
GC: HOW FORW4RD YOU 4R3  
CC: W)(O DO YOU T)(INK ABOAT TRADING AMPORA?!?!  
EB: no that is cool  
EB: i mean, feferi is lovely and all but seeing her go all black like is a little scary  
CC: 38)  
GC: 4R3 YOU 1MPLY1NG 1 4M NOT SC4RY 3NOUGH?  
CG: YES, NO SURE. THAT IS FINE. TURN EGBERT’S QUADRANTS IN EVEN MORE OF A TRAVESTY THAN THEY ALREADY ARE  
AC: :33< you are just jealous he has them all filled  
CG: THAT IS COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO THIS DEPRAVED CONCEPT!!!  
GA: To Get This Conversation Somewhat Back On Track  
GA: I Thought This Movie Was Very Charming As Well  
GA: And While There Appeared To Be Some Tiny Errors In Pacing And Plot  
GA: I Thought The Dialogue And The Memorable Characters Were Strong Enough To Render Those Criticisms Moot  
TT: My, Kanaya. How astute.  
GA: I Aim To Be The Most Astute  
TT: Well, you will find that when it comes to being astute, you will find that you are simply the best there is.  
GA: You Are Selling Yourself Short Darling  
TT: No, you are the star. It is you.  
CG: IS EVERYONE GOING TO BE COMPLETELY DISGUSTING WITH THEIR QUADRANTMATES TONIGHT?!  
AC: :33< well roxy isn’t here  
AC: :33< so john and i can only be a little disgusting :PP  
AT: and uhm… horrus a1nt here  
AT: so 1 couldn’t act d1sgust1ng 1f 1 wanted  
AA: NOT A ONE CARES  
TG: and i have no quadrants yet  
TG: aint that right tz  
CG: WHAT?!  
CG: WHY ARE YOU INVOLVING TEREZI?!  
CG: WHAT IS GOING ON?!  
CG: ARE YOU PLANNING SOMETHING?!  
GC: OH NOTH1NG DON’T B3 4 B4BY  
TG: just getting your shrill beared lifestock bro  
TG: you know you and i are my true otp  
CG: UUUUUUUGH.  
AT: but yeah 1 thought th1s was a really fun mov1e too…  
AT: 1 will def1ntely recommend 1t to the rest because 1 k1nd of th1nk that serket and meul1n w1ll get a k1ck out of th1s  
AA: AGAIN  
AA: NOT A SINGLE CARE COULD BE HEARD  
AT: so yeah…  
CC: SO DID T)(E )(UMANS LIKE IT?!?!?!  
TT: Oh absolutely.  
EB: yeah, i guess. it was fun seeing freddy savage again.  
TG: it was fun seeing andre the giant again  
TG: oh that and the memes  
CA: wwhat  
TG: so many memes bro  
CA: ok that sounds fake but  
CA: ok  
CG: GREAT, EXCELLENT. LOOK AT THAT, EVERYONE ENJOYED IT. THAT MEANS YOU CAN ALL PISS OFF NOW AND DO WHATEVER IT IS YOU PEOPLE DO.  
CG: JUST FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IF ERIDAN’S VILE PERVERSIONS HAVE THEIR WAY MAKE SURE THAT WORD OF IT DOES NOT REACH MY TENDER AUDIO RECEIVERS.  
EB: relax karkat  
EB:   
CC: Am I not good enough Johnny???  
EB: no, no, that isn’t it. it’s just that…..  
EB: errr…..  
EB: help me out?  
GC: OH NO, TH1S 1S W4Y TOO MUCH FUN  
GC: 1F 4MPOR4 1SN’T WORK1NG OUT PR1NC3SS YOU C4N JO1N US TON1GHT >;]  
EB: wait no!  
CC: I will conchider it  
CA: that is pretty much the opposite of wwhat i wanted!!  
CC: I knoooooow  
CC: T)(at is why I conchider it 38)

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned ectoBiologist [EB] from memo--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gallowsCalibrator [GC] from memo--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned caligulasAquarium [CA] from memo--  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned cuttlefishCuller [CC] from memo--

CG: IF I HAD TO WATCH THAT PILE OF WORK TURN INTO A BLACK ORGY I WOULD HAVE CLAWED MY OWN EYES OUT.  
TG: i would agree  
TG: but i am kind of proud on john  
TG: so yeah  
CG: YOU ARE THE WORST  
AC: :33< h33h33, i’ll make sure john wont do anything stupid tonight  
CG: GODDAMNIT, THANK YOU NEPETA.  
CG: AT LEAST THERE IS ONE SENSIBLE PERSON IN OUR MIDST.  
AC: :33< im gonna give roxy a call and he wont be able to do anything with fefurry  
TG: so much pride  
CG: I TAKE EVERYTHING BACK!!!!

\--arsenicCatnip [AC] left memo--

TT: Kanaya, if you wouldn’t mind coming over tonight I would really appreciate it.  
GA: Have You Any Specific Plans In Mind  
TT: I managed to salvage a few books you may find interesting.  
TT: Price of salt….   
TT: Kissing the witch….  
CG: WHAT?  
TT: Tipping the velvet…..  
TT: The fingersmith…  
TG: hah  
TG: gay  
TT: Dave, you are gay.  
TG: i know  
TG: doesn’t make it any less funny  
GA: Well Then  
GA: I Suppose I Can Make An Allowence For A Late Night Rendevous  
TT: Splendid.  
TT: I shall be waiting.  
CG: IS EVERYONE JUST GOING TO BE FUCKING EACH OTHER TONIGHT?!?!  
AA: GOOD!!  
CG: NO, NOT GOOD!!!!

\--tentacleTherapist [TT] left memo--  
\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] left memo--

TG: don’t worry buddy  
CG: I AM NOT WORRIED, I AM REVOLTED BY THESE INDESCENT INTERSPECIES SLOPPY BEDDING SESSIONS!!!  
TG: nah  
TG: lalonde wont get far  
TG: got a new mixtape she absolutely has to hear  
TG: even if it means blasting it outside of her window  
TG: gonna go say anything on my ectosibling  
TG: only with less romantic intent  
CG: ………  
CG: GODSPEED STRIDER.

\--turntechGodhead [TG] left memo--

AT: so uhm… thanks for host1ng aga1n karkat.  
AT: 1 had a lot of fun ton1ght…  
AA: DO YOU NOT HAVE TO BE WITH PONY BOY NOW  
AT: not really… 1n fact 1 am k1nd of avo1d1ng h1m r1ght now…  
AA: WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO THEN  
AT: uhm…  
AA: NOW  
AT: well…  
AA: それが取ってこられる  
AT: 取ってこら

\--ascendedTaurus [AT] left memo--

CG: UHM….. YOU STILL HERE?  
CG: THE MOVIE IS OVER, SO THERE REALLY ISN’T ANY REASON TO STICK AROUND?  
AA: MAYBE  
AA: BUT I WANTED TO GIVE YOU THE QUESTION  
AA: WHY ARE YOU SO MANY MAD?  
CG: SORRY, WHAT?!  
AA: YOU GIVE SO MANY MADS  
AA: I THINK THAT IS NO FUN  
AA: I THINK A GUY AS YOU SHOULD BE NO MAD LOT MORE  
CG: YEAH, BUT NO. HAVE YOU *SEEN* THE KIND OF SHENANIGANS I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH?!  
CG: HONESTLY, IT’S NOTHING SHORT OF A COSMIC MIRACLE THAT MY THINKPAN HASN’T COMPLETELY EVACUATED YET!!  
AA: I SAY YOU REACT THE OVER  
AA: YOU HAVE FRIENDS THAT YOU DO NOT MURDER  
AA: OR FRIENDS THAT NOT TRY TO HAVE YOUR MURDER  
CG: OH, YEAH. I GUESS YOU KIND OF DREW THE WORST TICKET POSSIBLE IN THE UNIVERSE’S FRIENDS LOTTERY.  
AA: YES  
AA: SO MAYBE CHILL  
CG: HOW ABOUT MAYBE YOU CHILL!?  
AA: NANI?  
CG: YES, HOW ABOUT YOU CHILL?!  
CG: YOU ARE CONSTANTLY TALKING ABOUT SEX LIKE YOU ARE SOME KIND OF PERVERTED SUCCUBUS AND TREAT IT LIKE IT’S JUST A GAME!!  
AA: I LIKE SEX  
AA: NO LARGE DEAL  
CG: BULLSHIT!  
CG: I AM WILLING TO BET GOOD MONEY ON THE FACT THAT YOU *HAVEN’T* HAD SEX SINCE LEAVING THE BUBBLES. HECK, IT MIGHT EVEN BE LONGER THAN THAT.  
CG: WHY ARE YOU PUTTING UP A FAÇADE?!  
CG: MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHY ARE YOU PUTTING UP THIS SHAMEFUL OF A FAÇADE?!  
AA: QUIET IT PLEASE  
AA: NO ONE NEED KNOW  
CG: NO, SCREW THAT. YOU WANT TO ACT LIKE A FUCKING FLOOZY, YOU BETTER HAVE A DAMN GOOD REASON.  
AA: I LIKE SEX OKAY  
AA: IT IS NOT THE LARGE DEAL  
CG: THE WAY YOU ARE TREATING SEX IS KIND OF A BIG DEAL. ITS LIKE YOU ARE ACTIVELY TRYING TO MAKE PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE.  
AA: NO IT HAS NOT  
AA: WE ARE SPEAKING ABOUT YOU NOW  
AA: YOU HAVE SO MUCH ANGER  
AA: IT IS DANGEROUS FOR YOU THINKPAN YES?  
CG: NO, NO, NO. WE ARE NOT DOING THIS.  
CG: NOT BEFORE WE’VE GOTTEN THROUGH YOUR BULLSHIT FIRST.  
AA: ME NOT IMPORTANT  
CG: LIKE HELL YOU AREN’T IMPORTANT!!!  
AA: YOU BEEN THROUGH MUCH  
AA: AND YOU ALWAYS DO FOR TROLLS  
AA: I WANT YOU TO MAKE FUN  
AA: CHILL THINKPAN  
AA: MAYBE FIND WAY TO STOP MAD  
CG: NO, FUCK THAT. THERE IS NO WAY FOR ME TO CHILL MY THINKPAN THAT DOESN’T INVOLVE AT LEAST SOME FORM OF PERMANENT DAMAGE.  
CG: WE HAVE TO WORK ON YOUR ATTITUDE FIRST. I MEAN, IT’S COOL IF YOU LIKE SEX AS LONG AS IT IS WITH A CONSENTING PARTNER BUT WITH THE WAY YOU ARE GOING ABOUT IT WE WILL NEVER LAND YOU A MATESPRIT.  
AA: CONSENT OPTIONAL  
CG: SEE?!  
CG: IT IS THAT KIND OF NONSENSE I AM TALKING ABOUT!  
CG: SO YOU’VE HAD ONE BAD RELATIONSHIP, TWO IF WE ARE COUNTING PEIXES. YOU’VE HAD *LITERAL FUCKING EONS* TO MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.  
AA: HAHAHAHA YOU SO FUNNY!  
AA: YOU HAVE ALL THE THINGS AND YOU STILL ANGER  
AA: YOU CAN’T EVEN HAVE THE FUN WHEN SEEING MOVIE YOU LIKE WITH FRIENDS WHO LIKE YOU  
AA: YOU WON!!!  
AA: WHEN YOU SIT BACK AND CHILL?  
CG: I WILL CHILL WHEN I AM DEAD!  
AA: NOT GOOD!!!  
CG: THERE IS A LOT MORE TO BE DONE AND WHENEVER I LET MY GUARD DOWN FOR LONG ENOUGH TO QUOTE UNQUOTE ‘CHILL’, SOMETHING HORRIBLE WILL FUCKING HAPPEN.  
CG: AND I CAN ALREADY HEAR YOU ASK: WHY?  
CG: BECAUSE IT ALWAYS FUCKING DOES IS WHY!  
CG: SO MAYBE FORGET ABOUT MY MANY, MANY, *MANY* HANG UPS FOR JUST A MOMENT AND LET ME FUCKING HELP YOU ALREADY!!!  
AA: …………………………………………………….  
CG: …………………………………………………….  
AA: MY HIVE  
AA: YOU AND ME  
AA: PILE  
AA: 30 MINUTES  
AA: BE THERE

\--antisocialArbiter [AA] left memo--

CG: INCOHERENT SCREECHING!!!!!!!! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, finally posted this beast. I could have kept editing this one forever but it would have taken.... well, forever I guess. Fun movie really. I am incredibly impressed by how many of its memes persist to this day, consideirng this movie was made pre-meme culture. Yes, I am now informing you of the cultural impact of memes, sue me.
> 
> There will be one more chapter but it will essentially be a 20000 word victory lap while watching one of my favorite movies. Probably no new ships but witnissing the after-effects of Karkat mellowing out a little. Might hold off writing that one till the new Captain America though.  
> In the mean time, I will write a new silly story for the RWBY fandom and add one or two chapters to Secret Hearts Club of Secrets, to see if there's still interest in that one.
> 
> Also, I got a tumblr where I post dumb shit. [Check it out.](http://anon--h.tumblr.com/)  
> You are a terrific audience. Now let us hold hands and pray for the Homestuck Finale.


End file.
